Cum Town | Regular | 11/24/2016
[00:00:00] We're trying a new thing on this one where I don't check the levels before.
[00:00:09] Can't you see like the volume is there like a readout?
[00:00:27] Well, I guess after not so much after dark, but after work.
[00:00:33] We're all wearing smoking jackets and no pants.
[00:00:42] I mean, I don't even know if they take the NDA seriously, but there is some pretty fucking
[00:00:52] So, you know, it's like a hairspray three.
[00:00:57] So, it was John Travolta, Ricky Lake, Divine.
[00:01:09] Fire, fire, steam fires Harvey fire, steam.
[00:01:22] I just want to understand about the new Independence Day.
[00:01:25] It was a like red conda in a gay couple, but like it was implied that Harvey fire scene
[00:01:33] And then they came out with the new one and they just made Brett Spinner gay.
[00:01:36] And he's like, well, I think we already talked about it.
[00:01:43] He's basically just like, I'm gay, by the way.
[00:01:46] They like, sorry, I was just beating off the two boys, kidding me.
[00:01:52] No, he wakes up and he's in a coma for like 25.
[00:01:56] And he wakes up and his boyfriend scientists is there and he's like, baby, you're awake.
[00:01:59] And he's like, baby, I love you so much.
[00:02:01] And then they both look at the camera and they're like, wait, this is a gold bloom?
[00:02:08] No, gold bloom is not one of the scientists.
[00:02:10] He's a guy that- Wasn't he a scientist?
[00:02:26] You know, I've noticed that the, well, there is a signal.
[00:02:33] I wonder if the script was written that way.
[00:02:39] Probably every gold bloom vehicle has that.
[00:02:43] Do we talk about the independence day briefly?
[00:02:56] I was excited about it, but it's really not a good movie.
[00:03:00] When it came and went, I didn't hear anybody talking about it.
[00:03:03] That was the one summer movie I was excited about.
[00:03:17] It's never going to fucking get better.
[00:03:20] I thought people were like, oh, well, Trump's going to be good for comedy.
[00:03:26] Immediately they proved that it's fucking awful for comedy.
[00:03:30] Yeah, they had what's her name crying and playing piano.
[00:03:42] And then they had to get permission from Leonard Cohen.
[00:03:45] And then he was like, what the fuck are you doing?
[00:03:48] I'm just telling him to tell him that I'm sorry.
[00:03:54] I didn't watch the Chappelle monologue either, but I'm like-
[00:04:01] But anytime I've seen him since he quit, he's just been okay.
[00:04:07] I mean, there's funny moments here and there, but it's everyone pretending like it's Chappelle
[00:04:16] George Carla is the only guy that did it.
[00:04:18] And it's because he had to, otherwise he was going to go to prison.
[00:04:23] He owed like millions of dollars to the IRS.
[00:04:32] He owed all his money to the IRS and he couldn't pay.
[00:04:38] So everything from 1974 on was just so he could pay back taxes.
[00:04:43] He'll cause me, I hate to say it, he's monster, but pretty good into old age.
[00:04:55] I mean, he's probably like better at standup than he is entering and exiting a vehicle.
[00:05:03] Yeah, I watched SNO live this weekend, which I never do.
[00:05:12] I mean, it's Dave, like, a preface by saying, he's my favorite comic ever probably.
[00:05:24] I'm just sick of people telling me to give Donald Trump a chance.
[00:05:28] I don't need like a rich person to talk.
[00:05:30] Oprah to fucking tell me, oh yeah, calm down, give Donald Trump a chance.
[00:05:35] I know dude, look at his fucking cabinet.
[00:05:43] And then fucking the guy from Breitbart is just works in the White House now.
[00:05:51] Well, we already did a politics episode.
[00:05:56] I was fucking that chamber loaded ready to go on Independence Day.
[00:06:00] I got nothing but a detail to completely.
[00:06:08] Amber, did I talk about it on your podcast?
[00:06:21] I'm gonna get like all timers of like 36 from recording every conversation I've ever had.
[00:06:30] We should just stop talking, not recorded.
[00:06:34] That was actually me and Adam's original idea for a podcast.
[00:06:37] We're gonna do like the Nixon tape podcast and we're gonna be Nixon and Kissinger having
[00:06:43] Let's bring a guest on for five minutes and then talk shit about them for being like,
[00:06:48] you know, a crypto Jew or whatever after they left.
[00:06:52] The Jew is not a trustworthy individual.
[00:07:03] What are you talking about just finger fucking on some other recordings?
[00:07:09] How do they think that was gonna be a good.
[00:07:15] First he had a conversation with Billy Bush.
[00:07:21] The other Bush dynasty, the cousins of the political bushes were entertainment bushes.
[00:07:39] But Nick, how about that independence thing?
[00:07:41] There's a lot of bad shit going on in that movie.
[00:07:46] It opens up and Hillary Clinton is it's not Hillary, but it's basically Hillary Clinton.
[00:07:58] Oh, dude, space Hillary's giving a speech and she's like, as you all know, there's been
[00:08:07] And it's like, you would never say that in the context.
[00:08:12] Like nobody's fucking nobody talks like that.
[00:08:16] You know, it's all this bullshit exposition to catch you up, you know, with the starting
[00:08:21] point for the movie is, but it's like, that's where the last one left off.
[00:08:24] You can just assume that there hasn't been.
[00:08:27] Or unless you wrote it into this, you know, your perfect world scenario.
[00:08:32] And so I think there's been no war since the, we beat the aliens and we've used their technology
[00:08:39] But now that's why we have like space flight or something.
[00:08:43] And anyhow, just, you know, happy, happy fourth of July, America.
[00:08:50] And then it cuts to her in the office and she's like, great speech, Elizabeth.
[00:08:56] You're just using it to get to, you know, the beginning of the movie.
[00:09:03] Just have her just look over and be like, oh, okay.
[00:09:06] And then it cuts to the hallway outside and there's a picture or there's a poster hanging
[00:09:14] That was like, right, for whatever reason, just jammed into the corner.
[00:09:19] And it looks like just a still from the first movie.
[00:09:21] It looks like they just stripped all the tax down the first movie.
[00:09:27] No, you see a black guy come into the shot and you only see the back of his head and
[00:09:33] And then it shows the front of his head and it's not Will Smith, you know, and it's like,
[00:09:37] and then the president, Madam President greets that guy.
[00:09:41] And she's like, Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
[00:09:46] Sorry, your dad had to do suicide squad.
[00:09:59] And then, you know, and then the whole idea is like there's been no war or whatever, but
[00:10:02] then they have to go to like meet with these African warlords, the Kerry swords and Jeff
[00:10:06] Holbeom is all like scared when he meets him.
[00:10:08] It's like, you just said there's been no war.
[00:10:16] The aliens come back and they defeat them by doing literally the exact same thing.
[00:10:21] So it's been like Star Wars where they have like an alien, they have a secret alien ship
[00:10:27] and then they have to go inside the mothership to shoot a really small hole.
[00:10:31] There's like two mother ships or something.
[00:10:37] I mean, it was the same thing with force awakens how force awakens fucking sucked.
[00:10:41] And everyone was like, Oh, that was good.
[00:10:43] It's like, no, it just wasn't as bad as the fucking preacles.
[00:10:52] That's what they're doing with the independent.
[00:10:54] They're like, yeah, let's just make the same exact movie.
[00:11:01] Bring everyone back that we can except the one guy that made the movie a blockbuster
[00:11:11] I watched a dog awful really bad movie dog off God awful dog awful sucks.
[00:11:35] It's all white people with British accents and the gods are transformers basically.
[00:11:40] They turn into like a flying transformer.
[00:11:44] I want to watch the worst possible movie.
[00:11:46] I want to make a movie called 13 years of slave and it's about an Irish guy that comes
[00:11:57] But my favorite is Greek people are like, yeah, the Greeks were slaves because like the
[00:12:05] Like that's not the same fucking thing as slavery.
[00:12:07] They're just like some fucking fat Turkish guy.
[00:12:10] Yeah, I think from what I understand from what I've seen in movies and film like the
[00:12:14] Roman Roman term slave just means girlfriend.
[00:12:18] Like exotic girlfriend that speaks kind of broken English.
[00:12:23] Yeah, you met while you were away at war.
[00:12:29] Well, it's a Thomas Jefferson had that interpretation of the word as well.
[00:12:46] He wrote a really sick constitution for us.
[00:12:49] I mean, you're talking to a media black person with the last name, Jefferson.
[00:12:51] I'm like, baby, you know, wasn't it fields?
[00:13:09] My name Hemings is descended from American royalty.
[00:13:18] I never meet any black people with my last name, which makes me feel good.
[00:13:39] That's probably Scottish, but it's the same.
[00:13:56] He was like, I'd like to say, I'd like to apologize to absolutely nobody.
[00:14:03] Look at your hands, whatever the fucking ones.
[00:14:07] Because he's got, he's going to be a wrestler.
[00:14:14] I think I should get a combat background.
[00:14:17] I think he should have an hit level appointment.
[00:14:22] You don't have to be a citizen to be a cabinet to you?
[00:14:28] We learned that from the last eight years.
[00:14:32] I found this guy, I was like arguing with this guy online.
[00:14:34] I keep telling these conservative groups that apologize.
[00:14:37] Algerian, he's bringing Sharia law in the United States.
[00:14:45] Yeah, you're trolling for the good guys now.
[00:14:47] No, he's just doing the best trolling for, yeah.
[00:14:52] Well, that's what trolling's supposed to be.
[00:14:56] I mean, no, it's just, I think the alt-right's probably going to lose a lot of numbers now
[00:15:01] that Trump is actually in office because the people that are just there to be trolls,
[00:15:16] Yeah, but there's still journalists and stuff they can call Jews and stuff like that, right?
[00:15:22] There's some important works still to be done.
[00:15:23] Yeah, they still need to get rid of the maddie glaze.
[00:15:26] Well, there's going to be a holocaust of American Jews and APAC's going to pay for it.
[00:15:39] Israel's going to pay for the holocaust.
[00:15:46] Yeah, I hope we got a fucking wall, though, yo.
[00:15:50] That's already too many fucking burritos over here.
[00:15:58] We're going to have to break your room.
[00:15:59] Look how good I'm at good at it making copies.
[00:16:00] That would be, I'm going to put a bookshelf.
[00:16:03] You'll have your own little, yeah, I'll be like a five, like a movie.
[00:16:09] You have to have a daughter named Masha.
[00:16:10] Keeps trying to learn English from the humans.
[00:16:31] Well, five will was written by Saul Bello, right?
[00:16:39] When I was a kid, people told me it was Jewish, so I liked it.
[00:16:47] Oh, basically every kid in a radish Jewish.
[00:16:51] Chuck E. Cheese, Radigan, Mickey Mouse.
[00:17:11] You know, the Ed Roth cartoon, so it's like...
[00:17:24] We're doing cartoon rats, so they can think of it.
[00:17:27] Is that an exhaustive list of cartoon rats?
[00:17:52] What other fucking mouse mieces are there?
[00:18:00] Yeah, the lasagna was all mouse lasagna.
[00:18:15] John puts the menorah out and he's like, Garfield, don't eat my menorah.
[00:18:22] How did he come up with this fucking stuff, man?
[00:18:26] Yeah, every time I read Garfield, I'm like, is he gonna eat that fucking lasagna?
[00:18:30] Yeah, you better not eat that fucking lasagna.
[00:18:36] You know, it makes me want to get a cat and then I see the real ones and it's like, nah,
[00:18:51] You make it talk and he fucking Italian food.
[00:18:58] I'm sorry, we had to send all the parrots back to headquarters because they learned the
[00:19:22] We did a sample of the soon to be Adam-free episodes.
[00:19:25] Yeah, once we had 5K, Adam's gone to be replaced with a rotating cast of Jews.
[00:19:59] Well, you know, we have one episode without you.
[00:20:02] You're getting germs all over the microphone.
[00:20:03] I'm not sick because I wasn't on the podcast.
[00:20:08] I'm sick because of the trumpet bitistration.
[00:20:21] That's just me when I'm not around you guys.
[00:20:26] That's what every gym person can tell it up around you guys.
[00:20:32] Try this out just to perfect the voice.
[00:20:37] People have been sending me his statuses the last week.
[00:20:43] You know, I know I said that no more bullying.
[00:20:48] But, you know, who saw this election coming?
[00:20:54] And I feel like that's a message from America that it's time to bully again.
[00:21:05] Well, I think it's like because people were too afraid to bully people that suck.
[00:21:09] That's how that's how Donald Trump won.
[00:21:13] So, in the spirit of whatever loose point I can piece together.
[00:21:28] Like, oh, I was in a coffee shop the other day and I'm explaining to the white barista
[00:21:35] What do the other people in line thinking while he's doing this?
[00:21:41] And it's just how are you always in a coffee shop getting into arguments with people?
[00:21:50] Last month I spent $47,000 on croissants.
[00:22:08] He's about to fuck you in the ass, yeah.
[00:22:10] He's got a little menthol finish on it.
[00:22:20] He just, I'm doing a shot of cold medicine.
[00:22:23] Anytime I get the flu, I become addicted to night quill for like three and a half weeks
[00:22:37] I probably have holes in my fucking brain.
[00:22:42] I literally used to eat like a box of corsedons every single day after work.
[00:22:53] Yeah, for like a month and a half long period.
[00:22:59] You like, you're like, it's like ketamine.
[00:23:07] The last time I did it, I threw up a meat.
[00:23:09] I like forced myself to throw up because I started tripping and I'm like, why am I fucking
[00:23:14] I did it once in college and it was enough.
[00:23:18] I was just like, I don't think my penis is ever going to come back.
[00:23:24] Yeah, you just look at your face and your beard and it just doesn't make sense.
[00:23:29] For some reason, I felt like I had the smallest penis in the world.
[00:23:32] For some reason, I just said you need to talk easily.
[00:23:44] I'm wearing these big, big, just mood of fuca.
[00:23:51] Adam Friedland is a little dick ass boy who has never had sex.
[00:23:56] The only way to cure the issue of a smaller penis is you must find an albino child.
[00:24:07] Avegen a vegion to remove the ears and eyelids of the albino child
[00:24:18] Only then will you penetrate the child?
[00:24:26] We must have this in Africa I have never had
[00:24:29] Concentual sex in my life. You must never respect our woman
[00:24:42] It is always where Sandals and never respected the only time I take off my sandals is when I have to rape
[00:24:54] God damn I love this Gary. I literally almost crashed the car
[00:24:57] We're doing African rapers. I just African man, dude. Come on. Yeah, don't condemn his way of life
[00:25:05] G unit is like huge in Africa really just 50 as a solo
[00:25:10] I mean, he's pretty big there too is it just a group
[00:25:13] Lloyd Banks young buck really 50 cent is like huge news at number one sellout artists in all of Africa
[00:25:24] It's Christopher Cross. They love yacht rock
[00:25:28] They love sailing well they all dress like him
[00:25:38] Billowing khakis and sandals Chris Cross is actually
[00:25:43] Surprisingly boring dressing. I think he just wore like jeans and a t-shirt. Yeah
[00:25:50] When sailing dropped everyone's like this the next big yacht rock
[00:25:54] And then they saw him and he just made her they saw a picture of him in like a magazine because it was pre like
[00:26:00] MTV or whatever and they were like this guy. Yeah, cuz that album covers a flamingo. Yeah, it's awesome
[00:26:06] The great album the flamingo. Yeah, I forget that's the one with sailing on it. Yeah, but um, oh it's got a ride like the wind
[00:26:13] Ride like the winds on it too. Yeah, it's got Arthur's theme on there too Arthur's theme was from the movie movie
[00:26:19] But I think it's on that album. I don't think it's on the album, but yeah, Jamil put me on to that out
[00:26:23] But uh, but yeah, then they then it turned out. He was he was he looked like a pig so he could be famous. Yeah, how ugly was he?
[00:26:34] Damn not everybody. There's another guy
[00:26:40] Pentecliano, I want to say Joe Robinson, but that's not it. There's a song stepping out. There was another guy that was like hideous. I
[00:26:46] Forget that was yeah part of that genre yod rock not yacht rock
[00:26:52] But it just not whatever that like contemporary adult contemporary adult contemporary not, you know new waves zero cool
[00:27:02] Easy music to music to music to watch the euthanasia fucking drugs
[00:27:15] That's that good shit man. Yeah, Joe. What the fuck is his name? I don't know
[00:27:20] I don't know any fucking old white people music because all that shit that I listen to is just my family
[00:27:26] My family like listen to Greek music who's like what's like what kind of Greek music like Greek rock?
[00:27:33] My family and listen to that shit either really yeah
[00:27:36] I got into like yacht rock stuff when I was like yeah, my parents
[00:27:39] Like what are your parents? I'm sorry. I'm in Nirvana really yeah, my parents. They're a little bit older
[00:27:51] Yeah Bob Dylan college rock like early 90s college rock. Yeah, that's strange
[00:27:55] My parents like Paul Simon and the Beatles and no my parents. I don't they like I just stayed you know
[00:28:03] Like on listen to like Pharrell and shit
[00:28:19] Natural album yeah the one with Rob Thomas all the hits my dad my dad made me download
[00:28:26] Shonda Paul yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just give me the light was on that does give it out
[00:28:40] Oh like blue is a fucking bang with the fucking banger. Yeah, my friend always does that at karaoke
[00:28:46] And it's it's kind of racist. Mmm. Why cuz he's doing it's really hard
[00:28:51] It's like at first you like a little bit racist, but there's white people doing karaoke at all is racist cuz it's it's Japanese
[00:28:57] It's a karaoke. It's it's kinda okay. God. Oh, okay. It's culturally appropriate unless you do a white man to use
[00:29:09] I got a Ford television runs on gasoline
[00:29:22] Damn dude, yeah, that's fucking hilarious to you
[00:29:29] There was a period where he had like 11 number one hits in a row yeah
[00:29:33] Yeah, yeah, and shaggy to shaggy was like a funny version of
[00:29:37] Sh of a chompal did a con give Africa like light bulbs or something. Yeah, I think so
[00:29:46] You know why he's ridges fuck is he signed Lady Gaga Lady Gaga. He got all that lady Gaga
[00:29:51] Yeah, he gets a little Lady Gaga who's leading the charge and and the petitioned to have the electors
[00:29:59] You know give Hillary the the presidency anyways, well, it's only right dude. Yeah, what the fuck is that like people think really?
[00:30:06] Do well, they don't have to vote for Donald Trump they could save America. They technically don't but that
[00:30:13] Somebody was isn't gonna do there would be domestic terrorism
[00:30:22] Like fucking McVay level bombings by right wing extremists if they did that
[00:30:29] Damn, that would be fucking cuz those are the guys that are just fucking waiting for an excuse, right?
[00:30:33] Right, you know, I mean what did what did the fucking the the Bundy shit happen over like a post office?
[00:30:39] I think that they wanted to like, you know, put calendar or something
[00:30:51] No, it was a land rights issue. Yeah, something. Yeah, there was like but they're not over I know what it was
[00:30:56] But it's I've been doing a beer job. I don't know how to fucking oh
[00:31:06] I just he's a bitch. I fucker. Vuda Fuka. This is why you are not allowed to come on the pirate nation
[00:31:17] Like we mon well what a good bit boys. Yeah, we were periscoping that guy in the car
[00:31:34] Yeah, I do pretty good one. Yeah. Oh, you're from Africa. Yeah, I always forget that you're African American
[00:31:41] Yeah, wait, so that's why I got into Harvard
[00:31:43] So you could join the national African American colored people
[00:31:58] That's the best thing anyone's ever said that my friend Eric. Yeah, that's the whole thing about the fucking
[00:32:05] Transracial Rachel dole is all good. Could you join the end of this batch?
[00:32:11] Okay, there's this batch and spout now. He's not a colored person
[00:32:15] It's only for people of color. It was smart that they named it that cuz I was a bit when I was growing up
[00:32:20] They're people like what colored and it's like, you know
[00:32:24] Smart now. There's just you know people like Adam can't game the system
[00:32:29] Yeah, like the United Negro College fund
[00:32:33] Again, okay, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, it's not Africa. Nothing was either the Africa right
[00:32:39] smart the only African American thing is the
[00:33:04] I know I'm just sick. It's fine. I'm sorry buddy
[00:33:08] Yeah, well we're tired because I've been in work since six o'clock in the morning
[00:33:12] Yeah, and I work for a living dude, and I made an omelet. I made a salad today. I'm trying to be healthy boys
[00:33:17] So I'm trying to get back on the health kick. I'm trying to you know summer 17. I'm out there
[00:33:23] I'm sucking. I'm fucking dude. That's what it is. Did you get laid in DC? I
[00:33:28] Did but it was why you exhale it like that good. That's right. It was a tough one, dude
[00:33:33] Yeah, he's what do you mean a tough one just for like three days?
[00:33:36] I haven't been complaining and brought it up just a girl that I wasn't for that interesting was talking to me
[00:33:41] And I was like I don't really want to you know, and then she's like hey
[00:33:45] Do you want to would she a cop a car on the scene or she just saw the show she was just at the show and
[00:33:51] She was just like hey, do you want to have sex with me? Yeah, so you say yes, and I was like ah
[00:33:56] Right and then I did and it wasn't that good and you know I didn't bring my a game
[00:34:01] You know it was taught she had a nicer she had a really nice apartment
[00:34:07] Well, that's like I couldn't fucking I feel like I didn't deserve to fucking that apartment
[00:34:12] Oh, cuz it was a nice apartment. It was too nice for me. Do you have a telescope, huh?
[00:34:16] Does you have a telescope? I love that. She had a skylight. No, it's not a place up with tell yeah
[00:34:21] I'm gonna be a big ass telescope for my room. Hell yeah, no
[00:34:34] Bill Bill Bill Bill Bill nine this science guy
[00:34:40] Didn't build chance like that when he Fox
[00:34:46] Just Bill Bill Bill inertia is property of matter bill bill bill
[00:34:55] Bill is not a good lover. Do you think my my fuck's good for you?
[00:34:58] What you know what show is so much better than Bill nice science guy show what beakmans world the Brooklyn Bill nice
[00:35:04] I remember that. I don't remember the holy shit did there was another show that was basically Bill not a science guy
[00:35:09] But it was beakmans world in the sky. He was like a scientist like yeah, it's me beakman
[00:35:14] You can learn something you fucking faggot. It was low budget is fuck. Yeah. Was it PBS. Yeah, I think so
[00:35:21] Yeah, I came on like right before Bill night of science guy
[00:35:25] Yeah, yeah, it was off brand-in like a hot assistant
[00:35:28] Yeah, Jack's he definitely fucked her. Yeah, Jack's the hot assistant who is beakman
[00:35:33] He was just some guy just some like Brooklyn scientists
[00:35:37] Just a guy. Yeah from Bay Ridge. I do experiments mostly
[00:35:41] Frinology about a different race shit like that, but I got calipers a minute you
[00:35:49] The thing is their heads they got a big enough brain though, you know if they are too big all cave the goddamn
[00:36:00] Yeah, beakman was tight dude, I remember that shit. Yeah, I preferred beakman beakman definitely fucks better than bill night for sure
[00:36:06] Bill night like on the news all the time now. They're like oh, yeah now for a science expert bill night
[00:36:14] And I was like I thought he was for babies. I think he's just a fucking he's got a mix
[00:36:20] You know, he's like the older grass Tyson or who's a Japanese guy who always sits in that white
[00:36:25] Hayasaki who wrote with the hot who rohimo. Yes, it's cura cura. Masaki Toyota
[00:36:36] Kamakaki moho mato hero hero hito ochomoto
[00:36:42] He doesn't even fuck with the kamoto. What's the guys real? I don't know what his name is
[00:37:27] There's absolutely no way that kuya hasn't already done Andrew rice clay
[00:37:33] Rice clay. Yeah, there's no way he hasn't done it already. He's done every iterate
[00:37:37] I've ever seen it. Have you ever seen kuya do Andrew dice game? Oh, it's one of the funniest
[00:37:43] It's really good fuck we should look that up watch that people forget that he's funny. He's funny shit
[00:37:53] I know because he's racist no kuya kuya. Oh, it's really nice. This is a very funny
[00:37:59] That's whatever. I don't know man. Do they laugh to die is like my favorite comedy album of all time. I mean
[00:38:05] Well, yeah, but that's like yeah, but it's iron. Yeah, that's I know I know I know but there's just and yes
[00:38:12] Dice sucks his and it's like a piece of art. It's incredibly fascinating
[00:38:16] I'm like I'm listening to that more than listen any comedy album for sure. Well, there's another one the Neil hamburger one the one
[00:38:24] Amazing that's the best things of ever that's incredible. Yeah, he's opening for tenacious D at Madison Square Garden
[00:38:30] Uh-huh and they said all right like you do like you do like 30 and
[00:38:34] And today's just these fans are just like rabid and they don't give a fuck right he's bombing from the first no
[00:38:46] Did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas people are like boo, he raped her
[00:39:04] Yeah, and then he just so he's getting booed by I'd say 90% of the stadium 10% of the stadium is maybe behind it
[00:39:12] Awesome slash confused right and but like bombing for a sports stadium
[00:39:18] That's that's real bombing. That's real bombing
[00:39:21] Yeah, and the fact that he could just stay out there and then he kept faking out the audience. He's like
[00:39:25] Give it up for the reason you're all here tonight
[00:39:28] And then he like build it up and you'd be like
[00:39:33] Just a test is current, you know people are just like like we want to do yeah, yeah, yeah throwing things at it
[00:39:40] I got I got I got booed of carolons a week and a half ago really New York's buddy is no no another show is just doing a carolons
[00:39:49] There's some like you know I was asking people I just looked at the audience there's a woman there
[00:39:54] I'm like who you voting for and I was like Hillary probably right and
[00:39:58] She was like no and they were like why would you assume that I'm like I don't know she's a woman right and then people are like boo
[00:40:03] Really yeah, and I'm like what the fuck do you mean boo? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get the boo me
[00:40:10] She's voting for Trump. I mean that's a surprise. Why would you assume she was right for Trump?
[00:40:14] Well, York was it a Trump? I mean it's probably fucking tourists. Yeah, I guess it was a Trump carolons
[00:40:18] So fuck that here's the other thing though if it's a Trump crowd. They're not allowed to be offended right?
[00:40:23] I hate that shit. Yeah, that's the same shit that happened at comics come home
[00:40:27] Did that uh dude that funny. That was so funny like people were tweeting at Nick the Paul
[00:40:33] So comics come home last week one the Sykes went off. It's his big
[00:40:37] She started going off about how much she hates Donald Trump and the crowd starts to pause the Republican
[00:40:41] The Apollo goes up after her and then starts going the other direction. He's like I voted for Trump
[00:40:47] He's like I voted for Trump all these facts
[00:40:49] You know any called dude he called some woman a Jew
[00:40:52] He just pointed her out and called her a fucking Jew. Yeah, you can imagine what what Nick the Paul said
[00:41:02] And then so on Twitter people are like tweeting at Nick like you did great one to fucking sucked or whatever
[00:41:15] At a certain point someone was like you fucking suck dude. You're not welcome in Boston
[00:41:20] This is like a liberal city and he's like you fucking bombed and Nick the Paul responds to it
[00:41:25] And this this tweet that said that to him had like one face
[00:41:29] No one saw it and then Nick the Paul responds to he was like yeah, and how to fucking wander do
[00:41:39] Not just responding but I think he quote tweeted it too
[00:41:45] But that's so it's so funny real funny did he's funny shit
[00:41:48] But the idea that you would have one to Sykes followed by Nick DiPolo the weak
[00:41:55] The funniest comedy show that yeah, whoa just a black lesbian a black
[00:42:01] The most outspoken does not give a fuck
[00:42:05] Republican asshole not even libertarian Republican conservative Republicans he's not like Christian conservative is he no
[00:42:12] No, no one to Sykes was from Boston. She is I thought she's from DC. She's from DC
[00:42:17] Yeah, I don't know she's like DC scene. I don't know man. Everyone claims everybody. I don't know where she's from
[00:42:24] That's true. Yeah DC tries to claim Lewis black sometimes when you had more than there. Yeah. Yeah, he went to high school in Silver Spring
[00:42:32] Yeah, so at the same time is Goldie Hawn
[00:42:35] Sylvester Stallone and Ben Stein. That's true. That's a power quad quadruple it. Yeah
[00:42:40] They all they all think Ben Stein ever fucked Goldie Hawn
[00:42:43] Uh, yeah, probably what about Sly you know, I didn't know that Sly the reason he talks like that because he's paralyzed
[00:42:52] Empower's yeah, we're trying to measure
[00:42:58] Because his family was Italian you could never be sure with them right how much more blood is in this
[00:43:03] Yeah, I thought of the momma's line. Yeah, I
[00:43:05] Yeah, I seen too many fucking molyons coming out of here. I don't know about this Deborah
[00:43:24] Oh fuck damn we did talk about Sly in high school already
[00:43:28] I think we did we came up Sly in high school. I think so when I
[00:43:34] Feel like we did I want it. I mean I wanted to what do you think Sly still almost like in high school beautiful, right?
[00:43:40] I don't know. I only knows that he slept in the porn Authority bus station and then did a soft-core porn
[00:43:46] Yeah, yeah, then he wrote Rocky and what he says 12 hours
[00:43:51] No, I think he says like he wrote it in three days. No sleep
[00:43:58] Rocky wants to get movies a good movie. I mean, I don't know how good it is as a screenplay
[00:44:02] Right. Yeah, well it did win best screenplay that yeah, so he's gonna fall over with the retarded girl
[00:44:09] I mean, I probably mentioned it on the podcast before but one of my favorite things about Rocky in the beginning of the movie
[00:44:15] When he's like dealing with the mob guys that he's an enforcer for they're trying to get him to hand the money
[00:44:20] He owes you know from this collection run over and like the two other enforcers
[00:44:25] They're in a car and they're like hey, rock
[00:44:28] Why don't you bring that girl or that you like to the zoo and he's like yeah was that and he goes
[00:44:39] He starts chasing after car they speed off
[00:44:42] Rocky 3 rocky gets brain damage, you know, yeah Adrian brings him to the zoo
[00:44:50] Yeah, and the end of the movie is like you know, I always love the zoo and I don't know if they knew that
[00:44:54] That's awesome. Yeah, you also did a good slide with the L the love that the way
[00:45:03] Well, he was a little baby. He's a fit of my hand
[00:45:08] That's the speech from mom. Yeah, I was totally tell this little baby gonna grow up in the heat
[00:45:22] So goddamn, it's so good, but he's not playing rocky in that fucking movie. That's a different character
[00:45:35] Since at that point he's been working in a poly and restaurant and learning lessons. Yeah, dude
[00:45:40] Yeah, he's wise you know after Tommy gun he learned a lot of see what the community
[00:45:44] We're just straight up flexed for like 48 hours. I was just ready to do it
[00:45:48] I wanted a fucking just Jordan sweat suit. I was gonna start jogging
[00:45:53] Yeah, I remember when you saw that movie immediately texted me and told me you're getting a Jordan sweat
[00:45:57] This is the first step in losing weight
[00:46:07] No, that's a dance you need the Jordan's West. You need the 12 o'clock boys. I need the 12 o'clock riding around right doing
[00:46:15] You can't work out if you don't have absolutely
[00:46:18] Fuck I literally for three days after I watched that movie just making eight nothing but vegetables like
[00:46:25] Fucking didn't really shit this thing around and then I don't know what happened
[00:46:28] But you know I got a little derailed, but I'm getting back in there. Yeah. Yeah, there's really no point in trying to better your life
[00:46:34] You don't think so now okay, I'll stop now
[00:46:37] I mean I saw the celebrities today on that on that job. How they don't you vulte?
[00:46:42] I mean I I don't know if I can say I guess I guess whatever fucking yeah, Emma Watson was there Emma Watson
[00:46:48] Yeah, I mean what was a beauty in the beast, but yeah, I guess Harry Potter. Oh there goes that India I
[00:46:55] Mean the worst case scenario. They just don't ever fucking hire me again
[00:46:58] I don't know you didn't say it. Yeah, but they didn't hire me knowing that I'm a host of like the world's most successful podcast
[00:47:05] Yeah, they wouldn't have they would let you do that
[00:47:07] How we get juicy bits dude cuz you know that I like the level of fame
[00:47:11] We're at because we do have the world's most successful podcast. It's true, but no one knows what we look like
[00:47:16] You know I could just walk around my point as I'm not envious of those people you know of what?
[00:47:22] Celebrities yeah, their life is just a little bit more comfortable
[00:47:27] They get their own green room and you know a special meal or whatever their fucking days offer so much better like them
[00:47:33] Just blowing off a day. Why how's it better than mine people shit? My day off is a fucking maybe I do some cocaine
[00:47:39] I think it's better cocaine. They have couch nice couches instead of floors. I don't know
[00:47:45] I don't think I don't think their lives are really all that much better. They get to go and pedophile fuck
[00:47:50] I think I think it's it's you know you make enough money right comfortable
[00:47:53] Yeah, make enough money to be comfortable and then there's like a huge gap and then there is pedophile
[00:47:59] You know secret fuck planes right and the guys that like make their own space program
[00:48:04] You have enough money and they're like yeah, I'm gonna go to the moon and I'm gonna build a house there and like maybe you know
[00:48:10] But if you're just like a mid-lullig what's her net worth it's gonna be what I'm a Watson dude fucking are you kidding shit?
[00:48:15] I do those Harry Potter Harry Potter million dollars
[00:48:18] She's fucking rich as hell dude. She can buy a little island. Yeah, well
[00:48:24] Her life is so much better than yours. It's not even I disagree
[00:48:29] You're wearing a Tony horse with holes under both arm pits. I've had this shirt for literally
[00:48:37] Exactly, dude. She doesn't have anything for over like six months. Yeah, does she look good? Yeah, she looks good
[00:48:43] Yeah, of course that's the other thing too when you meet celebrities is like
[00:48:46] You see them you're like, oh, that's what you're famous. Yeah, you just see there's nothing like fucked up about you and up close
[00:48:53] Yeah, you think like you know, oh, well, that's all makeup or whatever, but no they're like faces are symmetrically perfect
[00:48:59] Yeah, I don't have any weird ticks really don't speak weird or fucking you know and on top of that
[00:49:05] They have to like not have fucked up personal lives. You know what like Emma Watson couldn't have a podcast called come down
[00:49:12] No, you know, you know, yeah, you are better than Emma Watson. Yeah, you're better
[00:49:17] No, you're right. I am Watson also couldn't have a 22 year old shirt and like just not bathed for a week or change your clothes
[00:49:27] These are better things that you get to do. That's the way I see it
[00:49:34] I care what some fucking British piece of shit has to say about it
[00:49:38] apparently she had to drop out of college because
[00:49:41] Every time she like shoes that brown and every time she like answer a question people would be like
[00:49:47] Five points of Gryffindor. That's a good bit. Yeah, I respect that
[00:49:52] Apparently is really annoying and she had to drop out of school. Did you see that so they're like that was like the thing this week is
[00:50:03] Yeah, there was plenty of people doing that but there was one girl that everybody found there was like one girl that like exemplified those
[00:50:08] This tweets where she's like Hufflepuff. We need you to be
[00:50:21] But then somebody found another three that that lady did that was like
[00:50:25] This reminds me of in the care bears movie when the cousins call and say we can all help
[00:50:31] It's like that is literally a movie for babies. That's like baby young. They don't know how to speak
[00:50:43] As soon as Donald was elected I had to get my teething ring
[00:50:48] My books that are made so that they float in the bathtub
[00:50:56] I sat down in my play school desk with the little wheels on the bottom and I piddled around
[00:51:03] I would love one of those honestly. Yeah, those bouncy shits with a baby's fucking go. They can't walk it
[00:51:08] Yeah, boy. You have the physics of a baby. That's what I'm saying. Do you get big ass baby proportions the bouncy thing looks fun
[00:51:15] Like a big sexy baby. That's kind of my brand
[00:51:18] Sexy ass baby. Yeah, you have the circumference of your head is probably like 36 inches. Yeah, probably
[00:51:25] Yeah, six do you wear fitteds? Can you wear fitteds? I can wear the upper limit of fitteds
[00:51:31] Yeah, I tried to put my hat on one time and he looked like a you know like a pop-eye character
[00:51:38] Yeah, I got I got it my snap backs got to go all the way the fuck up
[00:51:41] You gotta go to the one snap the one snap maybe two of I'm feeling fucking
[00:51:45] How much of that is fat though? I don't think much dude. I have a big ass head. Just have a big head
[00:51:50] Yeah, like my fucking I'm feeling it. I think that's the reason you're fat
[00:51:54] Yeah, I mean I would like to lose weight, but I can't because my head would look weird
[00:52:01] I don't want to have fried chicken for breakfast three days in a row, but your body was like, oh, we got to do something about this head
[00:52:09] Proportions I do got a big ass head though. I lost a little weight in college in my head looked hilarious
[00:52:15] Okay, so we have to have like some kind of bit this week. So let's say that there are famous celebrity executions
[00:52:22] Okay, would you like see killed how and and how would I go down?
[00:52:26] Did I like to see killed yeah, so you know I'm saying like you know
[00:52:30] We're gonna ease into it America's gonna have to get to this point, but probably in like five six months
[00:52:35] We're gonna see you know Trevor Noah shot, you know executed
[00:52:40] Leena Dunham for sure. Oh, yeah, they're gonna save that one, you know, that's like the main event. Yeah, yeah, of course
[00:52:52] How would they how would they die would Leena?
[00:52:54] I'm dying just like in a I was saying fed fed to rats
[00:52:57] I think I'll be cool if they have a big rat pit in the White House and then he's very hungry
[00:53:04] Well he tricks he's like Lena I would love it if you would come over for we're gonna have a great dinner
[00:53:09] It's gonna be a fantastic dinner, and then he faddens her up
[00:53:12] He's she's he's he's handling Gretel sir. Yeah
[00:53:16] What's it's a long dinner table and she's on one end
[00:53:20] But there's a hole at least of the rat pit underneath her chair and the chairs placed on Saran wrap
[00:53:28] Chair tears smart down to the rat pit. Yeah, that's really broadcast on Fox is a primetime special
[00:53:34] Yeah, and guess who's watching that's right John Glenn American hero
[00:53:42] He's in the audience today. Let's go to John John. It's been
[00:53:48] 60 years since you were the first man to use the N word in orbit
[00:53:55] How do you feel about watching this woman be eaten by rats or like you know how the
[00:54:01] The celestials and dead and dead wood. Yeah feed people the pigs. Yeah, yeah, you know like that kind of thing. I
[00:54:13] Early slur they made it up for dead wood half the shit that wood is made up. They don't really yeah
[00:54:18] Because the way the language in dead wood. I'm watching it right now. Oh
[00:54:27] Yeah, but I've never seen the way they talk in dead wood. That's not historically accurate
[00:54:32] No, no, it's not they made it up for the show and that's why the show is so good. It's so well
[00:54:36] So cool, but you know, it's not a particularly good show. I disagree
[00:54:41] I think I think the dialogues great. Have you gotten to the episode yet the two episodes or swear engines not in it? I just got
[00:54:47] I just passed that. Yeah. Yeah, those are the beginning of season two those episodes
[00:54:52] Immediately preceding those are incredible is that where Dan gets into the fight with Silas?
[00:54:59] No, it's where is swear engine gets in the fight with the fucking Bullock. Yeah. Yeah, and
[00:55:05] But it's like they get if you're not familiar with the show Sandra Bullock is
[00:55:10] She plays so dead wood is a bit of show about a wagon that can't go less than five miles per hour
[00:55:24] What about these executions, I think Lin-Manuel's got to go. Yeah, Lin-Manuel's going for sure
[00:55:29] Yeah, but those are gonna be thrown into a burning dumpster by a mortal technique
[00:55:38] I don't think a mortal techniques cool, but it's cooler than
[00:55:42] Yeah, you're right. He's corny. He's like the more than version of Lin-Manuel right right there
[00:55:49] Right there. You know what I mean? You different sides of the same right right right right right of woke rap
[00:55:54] Lin-Manuel's got to go. I think Chris Collins worth the football announcer
[00:56:00] Not only former host of the Guinness World Records TV. No, yeah, they Chris Collins worth hosted
[00:56:10] I would love to see him on sports thing. Yeah, that's awesome. I love to see rats just eat Chris Collins worth
[00:56:17] Alive. Yeah, now we he can't go you can't go all rats. Oh, no, I thought it was rats was the format
[00:56:24] No rat is reserved for Lena. He gets his head kicked off like a football
[00:56:28] We should have kickers kick him in the head. I just want to feel like a fucking idiot before he dies to know that he's
[00:56:34] Everyone thinks he's such a fucking idiot
[00:56:39] What do you what do you do wait? What did he say something? Did I miss anything Chris Collins?
[00:56:42] It just sucks dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just people we think suck. Yeah, yeah, hmm
[00:56:49] Terry Bradshaw catches they said Chris Collins worth up. Let's go
[00:56:53] Chris Collins worth Fox Terry Bradshaw's daughter
[00:56:56] Oh, Terry Bradshaw comes in and it's mad. Yeah, it gets mad and kills him. I like that. That'd be fun
[00:57:11] She's a client. She's Rosie down is gonna start the resistance. She's like she is an underground bunker
[00:57:16] Here's what we're gonna do Rosie. Here's what we're gonna do Rosie came up like we're gonna put you in a bathtub
[00:57:21] And we're gonna hold you face down in a bunch of Nickelodeon gak until this bubble is coming up
[00:57:26] We're gonna hear nothing but queefing noises until you're completely exhausted from this world, okay?
[00:57:33] Rosie that's your choice. I think really returned to prominence like she was I didn't think about it for 20 years
[00:57:40] Until this election cycle this election. Yeah, she hasn't done shit soon. How about they do this? They sow Rosie O'Donnell's mouth onto
[00:57:52] So she can only breathe through her nose and as Michael Moore gets fatter eventually the pathway or nose is sealed by his weight
[00:58:01] It's like it's like human centipede except Michael Moore has complete control
[00:58:07] And could save her life but chooses not to because he's addicted to two zeros
[00:58:26] Tomorrow I'm from I'm pro double-m dude. I'm from my mic or my game. He's right. He got the election
[00:58:33] Right and you know what I like really does a lot of his documentaries talking decomposing Jackal
[00:58:45] Hangs out of his hat and they look like dog ears
[00:58:48] He looks like an extra hair of all dogs go to heaven
[00:58:51] Yeah, like some dog that's down on its luck. That's like Charlie. Please stop
[00:58:55] There's a mom. There's a mom on my baseball dog
[00:58:59] One of the moms on my baseball team when you're looked exactly like on your baseball team
[00:59:06] It was a league of their own is me rosy the Michael Moore mom
[00:59:11] League of their own is a good-ass movie. Yeah, it's a league of getting owned and it's Adam and Seth Caulfield Seth dickfield
[00:59:18] Who's that guy? Who's that other guy? Yeah, I don't know. I'm thinking about doing a new character named barf Seth touch that way
[00:59:27] Barf yeah, you can't barf Seth touch. Okay, you just shifted enough that you know, you can't
[00:59:33] You know, you can't reasonably say I'm making fun of Seth. I'm not a character. You're talking about a new guy
[00:59:39] You just met yeah, I'm well, I forget about it and we'll bring back later
[00:59:47] I still can't believe that barista thing and I'm telling this white lady
[00:59:52] It's gonna be fascism and she's just rolling her eyes and I'm there and I've got crumbs all over my shirt
[00:59:58] My pants have fallen down everyone can see my ass
[01:00:01] And then I look over at the Indian woman who also works there who I know is Indian somehow by the way
[01:00:10] She's got to be Indian and me and her we're looking at each other and we just know you know
[01:00:15] That's what I love is that all these stories always involve him like sharing a look with someone that he thinks he's relating to
[01:00:22] But he's the least self-aware person in the world so he does no idea that people fucking hate him
[01:00:27] Yeah, so the story is never involve anyone agreeing with them. There's a black
[01:00:32] I was it yeah, there was a black eye in the corner, and I'm sure he felt the same way I do
[01:00:36] There's a black woman sighing loudly clearly at the barista. Yeah, she yeah
[01:00:41] She was she was eating hot fire Cheetos in my ear. That's a sign of respect in our community
[01:00:48] Had a she was probably thinking mm-hmm. You go boy
[01:01:04] Well the food's here, so that's gonna be the end of the episode and you guys wait wait wait
[01:01:09] Don't we have a live show the 28th of this month November the Monday after Thanksgiving I come on everybody
[01:01:15] We're having a live show name in the bar come on everybody
[01:01:18] It's on Franklin and Brooklyn and I'm in shows sells out every time so I don't even think we need to plug it
[01:01:24] But we should plug it get more people out doesn't matter
[01:01:27] You know, it's gonna sell out anything please come Adam's friends by tickets six weeks in advance
[01:01:32] He is a very short friend group that Nick is making this out. It's not true. Please come to this show guys
[01:01:37] Thank you. Thank you. Just don't bother coming
[01:01:39] You know shut up you bitch. All right. See you later. All right, but