Cum Town | Regular | 07/28/2021
[00:00:00] check check check check my dick is my own check my penis. Oh, we how we doing everybody
[00:00:06] welcome to come town pre vacation edition. Just making sure that works. Yeah, you got
[00:00:11] to check the check all the sisters and the out there listening. Yeah, I pods and radios.
[00:00:24] And by the way, folks, we're not saying anything. It's whatever is in your mind. That's what
[00:00:29] they call zoom. They call it the iPod. I've never heard that. Yeah. I've never heard
[00:00:34] that. But I'm not going to say that you're wrong necessarily. That's what Apple calls
[00:00:39] it. Really? Remember Steve Jobs doing that keynote? Mm hmm. When somebody asks and they're
[00:00:45] like, can you actually explain what the difference is between the zoom and the iPod. And Tim's
[00:00:51] like, you know, they're Steve Jobs. Steve Apple was Steve Apple. He was like, he just
[00:00:57] stared at this guy and he's like, all right, you want to zoom? Then go ahead and buy zoom.
[00:01:05] That's if you're a fucking oh, are you surprised? Oh, wow. You're surprised? Let's take a look.
[00:01:13] Let's go live to the fucking New York Stock Exchange right now. And Apple numbers going
[00:01:19] through the roof. Right. And he's like, everything I touch is gold. It's gold. You fucking.
[00:01:24] I had a zoom. I had a zoom when I was in middle school or high school. I don't think
[00:01:32] I've ever even seen a zoom. I was part of the zoom crew, brother. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I
[00:01:37] well, a lot of my life was spent getting the bootleg versions of everything. I've already
[00:01:42] we've already discussed the airwalks where you couldn't have real skates. You got the
[00:01:46] last version. Oh, yeah. Well, my life I was I was shopping at Burlington coat factory.
[00:01:50] I got made fun of for having airwalks for being a poser. Right. And it's like, well,
[00:01:55] I do skateboard. I'm just bad at it. Yeah. That's not a poser. In fact, I've got more
[00:02:00] the fact that I'm continuing to do something that I'm bad at. Makes me more authentic.
[00:02:05] Absolutely. You know what I mean? I'm not a fucking poser. A poser would not skate at
[00:02:09] all. Exactly. I'm the fuck I'm the loser. I'm the loser. I'm the loser. Excuse me. I'm
[00:02:13] not a poser. I may lose. I'm a faggot. It seems you have been mistaken again. You may
[00:02:23] kick my ass, but you will never take for me the fact that I'm a fact. Yeah. I had a lot
[00:02:32] of bootleg shit. I remember one here at Apple. We call be called the zoom the iPod for and
[00:02:37] we call the what's the other one iPod iPad. No, there's one. There was the zoom. Oh, you
[00:02:48] mean another mp3 player? Yeah. I don't do they have names win amp. Yeah, we call that
[00:02:58] iTunes for Apple. Win amp. Win amp. The fuck is that? It's iTunes that you'd use if you're
[00:03:07] a. Steve Jobs giving one of the most electric performers a keynote addresses for the state
[00:03:17] of the getting your dick sucked. It's the worldwide developer conference. And what does
[00:03:21] that stand for? Wide motherfucking dick. Swanging. And I'm Steve Jobs. And I'm Steve Jobs and
[00:03:35] I'm never getting cancer. I'm never going to get cancer. Why? Because my dick's too
[00:03:39] big. I pulled down my pants and I said, this guy is either a ******* or a *******. Who
[00:03:47] I like that? I said, neither. I'm a millionaire. Steve Jobs had that kind of you ever see those
[00:03:56] dicks and pornos where it was like, there would always be like some Brazilian guy. And it was
[00:04:00] like their dicks were like like the Austin Powers cock pumps and they would pump or maybe they
[00:04:08] would like inject like saline or something into them and they would just have these hysterically
[00:04:12] large cocks. That's what Steve Jobs had. That didn't get it. They never got hard. Yeah.
[00:04:18] I saw a couple of pornos in my youth when I was really just cranking through whatever
[00:04:22] to beat off. Last week at a conference, Bill Gates said that I'm a *******. But I want
[00:04:28] you guys to know that it's actually Bill Gates. That's a *******. And a *******. Welcome
[00:04:37] to the world wide development. And by the way, we got the *******. We got a *******.
[00:04:45] You can touch the screen now on your phone and it works. You can touch the screen just
[00:04:50] like you can touch your mom is *******. I went to Bill Gates's house and I touched his
[00:04:54] mom is ******* because I'm Steve Jobs. A *******. And a *******. You're both of those
[00:05:02] now. I'm a *******. I just said Bill Gates was those things. He's them separately. But
[00:05:08] in a bad way. In a bad way. You're what are you in a good way? I'm a *******. But the
[00:05:14] good guy. But the good guy. Steve Jobs. Yeah. Yeah. The beeper roles, dude. I'm a beep,
[00:05:24] beep, but the good way. It makes the show so much better. I agree with you 100%. Yeah.
[00:05:30] Who's got the keys to the gym? Yeah. Damn bro. Fuck. I'm out here in beautiful
[00:05:41] ******* Brooklyn, New York, gazing at it. I'll be I'll be away from here for almost
[00:05:46] a month. More than a month. Yeah. I'll be here the whole time. Did you got to go? Do
[00:05:51] you got to go somewhere? I'm going on a vacation by that. I mean, I'm going to start a new
[00:05:56] file on Red Dead Redemption 2. Play through the game again. Put on if I get Hawaiian shirt
[00:06:02] and starting you file. Give myself a second chance in life. I'm going to make sure to
[00:06:06] take the hair tonic in chapter one. Make sure that I get Arthur's beard exactly the way
[00:06:11] it should be. Is that by the end of the story, so I don't in my own personal life have to
[00:06:15] grow a giant beard for two years to prove that I could do it. You have to do it early
[00:06:22] to get his beard long. It's funny because it's like people like as this girl was like,
[00:06:26] yeah, when you grow the beard, it seems like you're hiding something or whatever. And it
[00:06:30] is true. My psychology works like everybody else's, but they make the mistake of not realizing
[00:06:35] how retarded I am. Right. Right. Literally the only reason I grew a beard is because I
[00:06:40] got to the end of Red Dead Redemption 2 and I did not take the hair tonic in chapter
[00:06:44] two and so Arthur's beard never reached a full level 10. Right. The mustache was like
[00:06:53] you know, I got Max mustache, but the beard itself. I had no idea. You could so no matter
[00:06:59] how much hair tonic you get towards the end, unless you unless you unless you tie your
[00:07:03] time at all right, you never have this beard right. Wow. That's fucked up. Yeah. What's
[00:07:07] the point of a tonic? I don't know, but I had to grow a two year beard myself and you
[00:07:11] showed the fucking developers. I did it. I did it. I literally destroyed my relationship.
[00:07:17] Yeah. You know, I was living with somebody they left me. Yes. And it was worth it. And
[00:07:22] you would think yeah, of course, without question, that was six months in. I was like, well,
[00:07:26] now I'm committed to this project. By the way, I'm growing a giant beard now. You are?
[00:07:30] No, no, no. That's when you said to her. Oh, yeah. I said, by the way, bitch, I'm
[00:07:34] noticed. I see that you're crying because I've been doing nothing but playing this cowboy
[00:07:39] game. I just want to let you know that I will be growing a beard to be more like my friend
[00:07:46] from the game. No, I do not want to go get drinks with your friends. I don't want to
[00:07:53] see your gay ass friends who I've actually been friends with longer than you, but then
[00:07:56] when you became friends with them, I know I know I know I think they're gay. Now I think
[00:07:59] they're gay. Kind of like it's kind of a Steve Jobs Bill Gates situation. Yeah. Where
[00:08:04] is you are a and I am the and she just couldn't understand that. She just couldn't understand
[00:08:17] that. It's just chapter, chapter three, the Obama stories, the Obama book, chapter three,
[00:08:24] getting pussy from Michelle, getting pussy from Michelle and becoming a true instead of
[00:08:31] just a. Steve Jobs instead of Bill Gates getting pushed from Michelle. I bet you thought I'm
[00:08:41] at my wife. I met Michelle Kwan. I'm a figure skater. I'm in Michelle. Well, Beck, the
[00:08:46] author. What is she right? He wrote. Oh, it's a guy. It's a guy. A French guy. A lot of
[00:08:54] people don't know French guys. They got pussy. They got a little pussy. You can put them in
[00:09:01] their balls. You lift up their little French balls and they got a pussy there. I fucked
[00:09:07] a four year old boy from Thailand. The ball was doing it. He turned around and he caught
[00:09:12] me a and I said, Hey, that's that's to you. Damn dude. Dreams of my father. Yeah. Chapter
[00:09:29] three flags of flags of our father getting pussy and he will Jima. The big thing this
[00:09:34] week is some woman found a book where another woman had annotated Charles Bukowski in the
[00:09:40] margins. Did she? Yeah, that's the big thing on Charles Bukowski. That's the guy. This is
[00:09:47] a force to reach Charles Bukowski. Or as I called him. But that's just kind of guy. I
[00:10:01] wasn't. That's kind of things I would say back in those days. Beep, but beep, beep,
[00:10:08] beep, beep, beep. And then also sometimes just beep. People say, What are you doing?
[00:10:18] I said, I'm real little bit of a beep. Why does everybody always talk about that fucking
[00:10:25] guy? Wasn't he the guy who like get fucked up and get pussy? Yeah. Seems so okay to me
[00:10:30] as far as I'm concerned. Now, of course, I've never read a book by him. I will never read
[00:10:34] a book by him. But you know what I was reading? The book, Dune. Dune? Yeah, I always thought
[00:10:45] Bukowski was gay from the get go. I've never I don't really know anything about him. Like
[00:10:50] I said, I know that annoying girls. No, I remember when annoying girls did like
[00:10:55] Bukowski when I was a teenager. And the thing about Bukowski, I was always gay because they're
[00:11:00] like, Oh, he just, you know, he's like disgusting and he's an alcoholic or whatever. I'm like,
[00:11:04] yeah. And then he does gay ass poetry. Right. Real alcohol. You can just do the passing
[00:11:10] out behind their fucking Hyundai Elantras. Yeah. In a fucking school zone. That's what
[00:11:14] you're doing with the fuck with their foot on the brakes. Somehow they fell asleep like
[00:11:18] that. I don't need to I don't need to write a poem. No. Yeah. I can just I can just piss
[00:11:24] myself. That's right. In a public park. That's what a real disgusting alcoholic does. You
[00:11:32] go from the New Yorker, the post dirt bag left. Oh, for years, chap. I don't understand like
[00:11:39] who like imagine you're just some fucking like gold boomer. Right. And you're only like
[00:11:46] last year you learned that you shouldn't say you know, referring to black police office.
[00:11:52] All right. You're low. And you're like, you think they found that out last year. Oh, Donald,
[00:11:59] Donald, the New New Yorker has come. Aren't I just the happiest little in the world? Yeah.
[00:12:04] I can read my New Yorker magazine. I hope they have some nice pictures of fucking Fauci
[00:12:09] with my friends while we all talk about sucking Dr. Fauci's penis. That little fucking Dr. Fauci.
[00:12:16] This is the beep was going to be the MVP of this episode. Let's see what what articles
[00:12:26] do we have in the New Yorker today? The post dirt bag left. What does that mean? For years,
[00:12:32] chapo trap house. And what is this bullshit? Chapo trap house. Is this something one of
[00:12:41] my grandsons listens to? For years, I bought trap house. The one we got prep for his 14th
[00:12:50] birthday prep so he could have gay sex with his friends. Because one of them is a
[00:12:56] **** Oh my God. Oh my God. Social media is a new form emerging shut up. You fucking
[00:13:16] lose your readers. But it's like I'm a boring fag and I'm jealous that these guys are rich.
[00:13:28] Now it's my turn to be cool. Wait a second. These nerds found out how to get rich and
[00:13:31] pussy and I'm a **** gay ass magazine. I'm a **** **** on the evening of January 6
[00:13:40] while **** guard troops were still trying to remove an insurrectionist mob from the Capitol.
[00:13:46] The right wing activist L Brent Basel III. No, that's that guy's name. Yeah. How about
[00:13:52] you L right? Bob, my nuts in your mouth three times, **** appeared as a guest on Fox business.
[00:14:00] They believe this election was stolen. He said of the writers. I agree with them. They're
[00:14:04] furious about the deep state. I agree with them. He offered a limp concession or two.
[00:14:10] You can't countenance our national capital being breached. But spend most of the time
[00:14:14] zigzagging across the this is gay. Oh, yeah. I could have told you that. I know. I mean,
[00:14:19] I knew it. Oh, I could have told you that, chief. This is all about this. It starts off
[00:14:27] talking about Chappo and then it's five paragraphs about the insurrection at the Capitol. How
[00:14:32] about a little erection at the Capitol? What about that? Here he goes. In February, Zeke
[00:14:41] was charged with three federal crimes a week and a half later, the two hosts of Know Your
[00:14:44] Enemy podcast founded in 2019 that builds itself as a leftist guide to the conservative
[00:14:50] movement. So I, you know, we're going to cancel countdown. We're getting rid of it. Yep.
[00:14:55] And we're starting a new show called Murder She They Murder They Ro And it's Yeah, Murder
[00:15:02] She Her And It's an LGBTQ crime comedy podcast. Okay, I like that for but this time for leftists.
[00:15:12] Oh, that's good. Yeah. And what kind of people are they? Well, we cover a crime each week.
[00:15:18] What kind of perspective? From the LGBTQ leftist feminist perspective. And what, what,
[00:15:24] what would they call what would they call the most? The he sheet or whatever. And the first
[00:15:30] episode is about a couple of guys. I was trying to get you to trust me. I'm gone. I know.
[00:15:41] I know exactly what we have to do. Every which way, but loose. Oh, yeah. I don't know what
[00:15:50] that means. Every which way, but in my asshole. I sure love saying it. A leftist guide to the
[00:15:56] conservative, but like who are they like fucking like? I mean, I guess it's probably the same
[00:16:01] people listen to this. You have to understand something is neither of us have ever listened
[00:16:06] to a single episode of this show. Never or honestly any other part. I have listened to every basketball
[00:16:12] podcast that exists, but I'll never listen to a comedy or fucking I listen to serial. I listened
[00:16:19] to serial when podcasts were like, you know, yeah, it was like, all right, it was when I got a smart
[00:16:24] phone. I used to listen before before I moved to New York. I listened to when I had an office job,
[00:16:28] I listened to a ton of shit. I listened to comedy, bang, bang. I didn't listen to anything. I listened
[00:16:31] to Bobby's podcast. I listened to serial and then I used to listen to a lot of smoking tire when I
[00:16:37] had the when I would like drive trucks on commercials and I just had to sit in a truck all day long.
[00:16:44] And that's it. Literally only podcast at serialism. I didn't even really count that. No smoking
[00:16:49] tire is the only podcast I really listened to. You listen to smoking tire and you actually lived
[00:16:53] smoking pole. I didn't. That was your favorite thing. Well, they called me smoking pole Robinson.
[00:16:59] Yeah, because I would get my dick. No, they wouldn't. Yes, they did. They called you Nicky,
[00:17:04] Nicky, Smokey, Paulie. They called you. Yeah. So what? Who's an ironic name?
[00:17:12] Because I'm actually not that whatever your imagine. They used to call me Nick, Nick, Dick,
[00:17:17] suck in because I didn't get my dick. So I really don't think that's what I do.
[00:17:28] I never followed up with them. Yeah. But people would be like, there's a Cox. Yeah. There's that.
[00:17:36] I'd be like, yeah, they're probably called me that. Yeah, because girls suck.
[00:17:40] I don't but what they think. They think they're the way I carry myself.
[00:17:45] The way I carry my dick and suck and suck. The way I hold it with my tweezers, with my
[00:17:52] ex my small tweezers, my index finger and thumb out of, I hold the tip out of the zipper of my
[00:17:56] pants. And then people say, what are you doing? I'm like, it's in case I have to pee. So some
[00:18:02] of us don't want to pee in our pants. Yeah. Ever think of that. And then they beat the
[00:18:08] shit out. You suck their dicks. I'm like teacher, I want to go back to the even more retarded class.
[00:18:13] I don't think I'm ready for for for emotional retards. I need I need brain retards.
[00:18:22] I was the king of the brain retards class. I want to go back to the class with one of the
[00:18:28] students as a dog. Oh, baby. It's a fastball right down the middle for us. So Sam has
[00:18:43] a madler bell, one of the hosts. How about you? I would like them to profile my balls.
[00:18:48] The other hosts, Matthew Sitman. We're like Matthew sits down to pee. Oh shit. Or since
[00:18:54] it says on sure, that's good. It's the math sits on my dickman.
[00:18:58] How about math girl sits down to pee woman? I like it because of the density.
[00:19:07] Sit on my dickman. I'm still going to go with, but that's I like your route to
[00:19:11] moments more vicious. It is it's more of a vicious takedown. I'm but that's why I'm the vicious
[00:19:17] one on the show. Yeah, you're Vishnu and Vishnu, the Indian God of burns deep burns.
[00:19:25] And sucking dick and retarkeling being held down by kids with cigarette burn on their arms
[00:19:31] from this article is so gay. Yeah, of course it is. This is a really great opportunity for
[00:19:37] us to dive into some deep cut conservative lore. It was us in two minutes into the episode and
[00:19:42] already he had made a self consciously area died joke about Leo Strauss and another about the
[00:19:48] Carlis movement in post war Spain. Wow, that sounds fucking hilarious, dude. I don't want to learn
[00:19:55] anything I have to say. How about the hot Carlis movement? After I hit a fucking Chipotle burrito,
[00:20:03] double meat extra guacamole and hot sauce and I had a fucking cold brew. I'm taking a big
[00:20:08] fetch of pulley hot Carl right in your mouth. I got some homework for you right here. Yeah,
[00:20:14] to do suck stops, Dick. Yeah, it's a new era podcast where we try to out chappo the chappo guys.
[00:20:21] And it's certainly because, you know, we bring something new to the table.
[00:20:26] It's definitely not a bunch of bandwagon bullshit from hipsters.
[00:20:29] It's not a bunch of a trend chasing dickheads. I don't know. These guys are probably nice.
[00:20:35] I don't know. Yeah, they probably live. I don't even know who those guys are. I have no idea.
[00:20:39] The New Yorker guy can suck my dick. The New Yorker guy can. Let's not forget who the real
[00:20:44] target here is. The New Yorker guy who can suck my dick. Yeah. And look, I'm not even saying that
[00:20:50] that guy's podcast is bad. I just don't want to listen to podcasts to learn. My dick is too big
[00:20:56] to do that. I listen to podcasts to hear about whether Buddy healed is going to be traded
[00:21:02] to the Lakers or not. I don't want to learn about hot Carl.
[00:21:06] Unless it's the rapper who actually actually no wait, hot Carl's that guy who did the shrimp
[00:21:11] tails thing for cinnamon toast crunch. So I take that back. I don't even want to learn about hot
[00:21:17] Carl. Personally, I don't even like doing podcasts. I know. Yeah, we know. We know.
[00:21:22] None of us want to do these podcasts. The complaint here is that's the thing. I have a
[00:21:26] problem with anyone who wants to do a podcast. Yeah. Speaking of which, it's time to get fucking
[00:21:32] paid folks. And if you like, but what I don't have a problem with if you like when you guys get
[00:21:38] paid or whatever your jobs are, you go to your CBD. Yeah, it is CBD.
[00:21:46] Because your dreams and you buy you spend your money on cushion. You got to balance it because
[00:21:50] you got a budget. You got to figure out. Of course. You let's say you guys, you're working,
[00:21:54] you're getting your stimmys money and you're working at the food court at the mall. I'm just
[00:22:00] going to tell you, I'm going to make myself seem as out of touch from regular fucking pasta.
[00:22:05] You're working your ass off at Blockbuster. Yeah. You're not the five at Radio Share.
[00:22:11] You're ready to buy a gateway computer from fucking your city and you're buying a VCR.
[00:22:21] Your day job where you buy a VCR at Circuit City with a, you take, you put your subway token in
[00:22:27] to take the, the, what's the trade? They've discontinued. S. Now the S is just the shuttle
[00:22:36] from Times Square to Grand Central. Oh, it used to be like the V, but I think they brought that back.
[00:22:40] I don't think there is a V. Then in Mogo with the V. The V.
[00:22:44] Because the W they brought back. W runs it through Queens. I see it very often.
[00:22:49] Yeah. Because I think there are, we're supposed to be done by now and it wasn't. So they brought
[00:22:54] the W. B. Ours. They are running. Yeah, but the R used to go like through the, the river.
[00:23:00] I believe it still does. It does now. I know. You can take the R, the, there R is separate from the
[00:23:06] N. W. The R runs with the M. But they're both queens. They're both on the yellow line in Queens
[00:23:13] and they run through different parts of Queens, but they meet up in Manhattan.
[00:23:16] I've never really lived off either one of any of the, the, what are the yellow trains called?
[00:23:20] I'm all, I'm Mr. Yellow. Yeah. Never in my life. I'm Mr. fucking yellow.
[00:23:24] I'm a G train and L train guy. No, I'm Chinatown days. I'm R and M. B. D. F. M. B. D. S. M. Yeah.
[00:23:32] Oh, I love our B. D. F. M. I have to call that in Chinatown. I love going on the train and have
[00:23:39] the cushy dreams I come and I have to have to have a vicious guess. A vicious guess.
[00:23:43] Ex on Christian. You know how those Chinese guys numb their assholes. When you go to cushy
[00:23:48] dreams by smoking high quality CBD for more friends at cushy dreams. You're, you're
[00:23:53] at fucking you're on the, the, the Q train on your job to circuit city where you sell VCR.
[00:23:58] Right. Right. To, to, in exchange for Pokemon cards or yes. I don't know, whatever the fuck
[00:24:05] you're going to balance your budget where you got to spend half the money on cushy dreams
[00:24:10] with promo code, come town. We never have the money. 20% off the money at patreon.com.
[00:24:15] That's right. That's right. Yeah. And whatever is left over, make sure to go to
[00:24:19] stobby.biz slash tour by tickets to my tour and coming to a town near you or buy a t-shirt.
[00:24:26] And then make sure you wear a t-shirt from come dot town to stop shows. Well, no, no,
[00:24:30] we're a teacher from stobby dot biz slash shop. Well, then don't buy the tickets.
[00:24:35] Well, buy the tickets and wear the shirt. Listen, buy the shirt from come dot town,
[00:24:39] but don't wear it to stop show and thinking he's going to be happy to see it because he didn't
[00:24:44] see a cent from that. He's going to be happy to. He's going to be pissed off. He won't even take
[00:24:48] a picture with him when you're wearing one of those shirts. When he sees that shirt and he's mad,
[00:24:52] you can calm him down with some cushy dreams. You could buy with promo code come tap. You could
[00:24:57] do that on all orders over 70. So only come only wear Nick shirts if you bring me at least $40
[00:25:05] of cushy dreams. And that part is censored. You use from stop just said he doesn't want to say any
[00:25:10] perfect shirts if you're a they can hear me talk through the beep that they can hear.
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[00:25:46] Yeah. I have no idea. Damn. I wish I could get my sperm lab or lab tested. So I stopped producing
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[00:26:45] and then rewatch Andrei Rublev kind of move. Nothing wrong with that brother. Yeah. Ain't nothing
[00:26:50] wrong with that. Smokeable CBD hemp flour in three and three point five grams. That's one at the
[00:26:56] one eighth of an ounce for you math nurse. They got it. They got eighth tens. They got the full gram
[00:27:00] joints if you want to be like Nick or they got the half gram joints if you want to be like me with
[00:27:04] a little ass prickadill. So go what you're gonna want to do is right now go to cushy dreams.com
[00:27:10] that's kush y dreams dot com use promo code COMTOWN. We got yeah we got some customer reviews here
[00:27:15] from Daniel K. I wonder that that stands for. You want to guess a little. You know. Absolutely
[00:27:21] fantastic product. I sleep like a baby the whole night through with no stress dreams and I wake
[00:27:26] up with zero fog ready to get after it. That's all. Sure. Daniel K. a pedophile is what that's
[00:27:32] right. I remember this guy. I guess they probably delete that part of the website. Just reading
[00:27:37] customer reviews from their website. I'm sure I don't know if they like that or not. I think
[00:27:42] they love it. Because she dreams provides. And if they don't Nick can I tell you so if they don't
[00:27:46] they can suck my they can suck his penis. They can make with the check and suck my dick
[00:27:52] out this far as I'm their flowers are slow cured hand trimmed always organic like my cock or
[00:27:58] experienced grows never rush each small batch each harvest is method the methodological
[00:28:07] and artisanal and our packaging nitrogen seal cans and glass to its locker before the freshness.
[00:28:14] Yes sir. Yazir premium private. You know I just got a hankering for checks rice checks are good
[00:28:24] dude. Yeah. Chexor I'm a more of a corn check. Talk to the rest of this read actually. Let's talk
[00:28:28] about checks for a second. I love that. Um checks. Yeah the corn. Well we said the promo code right.
[00:28:33] We did. Yeah promo code come down. The read is over. Read is over 20% off a million dollars
[00:28:38] something like that. We had yeah listen back to old episodes. A million dollars worth of the
[00:28:42] fake weed. It's it's actually is very nice. We do use it. We actually do use this product. There's
[00:28:47] some shit on the I'll tell you the smokey dreams I smoke. I use the Ridge Wallet. I fucking uh
[00:28:54] gamble. I gamble for sure. I lose a lot of money but that's me. That has nothing to do with the
[00:29:00] product. That's just Nick the website. It's kind of hard for Nick to lose money actually. Well I
[00:29:04] feel like we'll talk about that a little later actually. We'll talk about that in exactly 17
[00:29:08] minutes. Um I do want to say before we talk checks. I am about to go on tour the August
[00:29:18] shows. I just want to highlight these Portland. We added a second show. We sold out the 18th on
[00:29:22] a Wednesday. We added a Tuesday show the 17th. Then I'm in Seattle on the 20th and 21st. Tickets
[00:29:28] to those are going fast. And then I'm in Utah Salt Lake City the 26th through the 28th. And then
[00:29:34] of course Denver those tickets are going fast as well. That's September 12th. So buy tickets
[00:29:39] to those and also ACME. We got more coming up. But those are the ones coming up right now. Buy
[00:29:44] those tickets you little fuckers Portland Seattle Salt Lake City Denver and ACME Minneapolis.
[00:29:51] Stavi.biz. Tour. I'm excited to see you little fucking slats there. Anyway, checks. Yeah. So you
[00:30:00] go you go rice checks, huh? Yeah. Listening to know your enemy can feel like visiting a semi-reclusive
[00:30:06] friend whose apartment is crammed without a print books but who always keeps a stash of good bourbon
[00:30:12] on hand. Kill yourself. Whoever wrote this can really suck my dick and all. Yeah. Can truly slurp
[00:30:20] on my little ass. Yeah. Some guy in Tiva's writing his bicycle around uh uh uh uh park slope. Yeah.
[00:30:27] With his messenger bag drinking in this podcast life. This is who sips bourbon and coughs.
[00:30:34] This yeah this is a simple Birmingham special podcast life that he lives. New York sucks.
[00:30:42] These people ruined it. That's why I like Queens dude. Yeah. Nobody knows what the fuck
[00:30:46] pod. No one knows what chapel is in Queens. We need more retards to move the Brooklyn.
[00:30:51] I hate I hate coming here because people know who we are here in Queens. No one knows who the
[00:30:56] fuck I am. It's all these fucking it's all Eastern European guys. It's all guys that have my body type
[00:31:02] my hairstyle. They got chains on. They're where they they operate uh a restaurant that I've only
[00:31:09] seen three people ever go into. Mm hmm. It's funny. You know they have food I don't know about.
[00:31:15] It's good shit. Mm hmm. Or you get a lot of fucking young Arabs with expensive cars.
[00:31:19] Mm hmm. It's just a lot a lot of hookah going on there. Nobody knows what a fucking podcast is over
[00:31:25] there. Mm hmm. And if they do it's like uh you know I don't know. I don't know what kind of
[00:31:31] podcast they would even fucking listen to. Maybe like uh if if if uh while and out made a podcast.
[00:31:38] That's what they would listen to. Yeah I want to I the only podcast I'd listen to at this point
[00:31:44] is like um like a guy with Down syndrome trying to put together IKEA furniture. You just want to
[00:31:50] hear the sounds of that. Well him walking us through the process. Oh okay so it's more it's him trying
[00:31:56] his best to tell you how to do it. Alright we got a thing here. It looks like uh they're calling it a
[00:32:02] dowel. Mm hmm. Boy I feel like I got dowel syndrome. So he's pretty witty. He's got you. Yeah I would
[00:32:11] write this. I would write it for me. They had writer on the show. Okay. Okay. All right.
[00:32:16] And that is conceptually I think you could do that. It's called talking IKEA with Chris Hart.
[00:32:21] Chris Hart. Oh you know what I take it back. I do I used to listen to talking sopranos during the
[00:32:25] pandemic. Really? Yeah. Mm hmm. I love Michael Imperial and Steve Sharipo. Yeah this is all just a
[00:32:31] glowing profile of this guy's friend's podcast. And you know what I again I have I don't know
[00:32:39] those guys their podcast. Mm hmm. But the other the writer I can say can suck my dick. Mm hmm.
[00:32:45] That's my issue with it. Is how little this guy's dick is. Yeah podcast suck. What's
[00:32:52] scroll down what else you got. I don't know. Let's see how he wraps it up at the very end. I have
[00:32:56] not this was just sent to me. So I haven't really dug into this. Uh I'm trying to find something
[00:33:03] that's not just more of the same. Oh you know what I also listen to the fact that was pretty good.
[00:33:07] What I can tell from this is that I mean now we've moved on completely from the fucking the lead.
[00:33:15] It's no longer about some post dirt bag left thing. It's listened to this show instead of Chappo.
[00:33:21] And then they're just talking about these guys. Right. Oh what they maybe they have a lot of
[00:33:25] books and they drink bourbon and what's the author's name. What's the author's name. I don't
[00:33:29] know. I already forgot. Maybe he wants to suck their cocks. Uh Aaron Aaron Marantz. Oh yeah.
[00:33:36] I think that says something like that or Andrew Marisio. Andrew Marisio wants to suck these guys
[00:33:42] cocks. Yeah. Maybe that's what's happening here. Um I do have to hand up again admit I actually did
[00:33:50] learn. I listened to the blowback podcast. It's very good and I did learn while walking. So
[00:33:56] hand up that's on me. I accidentally learned because our friends do blowback and I clicked
[00:34:02] the link I saw on Twitter. I was blowback. I don't know what any of these shows are. It's about the
[00:34:06] one I listened to is the one about how we got into the fucking rock war. I don't care. I didn't
[00:34:13] care but I was all my basketball podcasts were over and it's really well you know it was well done.
[00:34:19] So but that's the one exception. No we gotta have it. We got it. I'm sorry. I admit it. I fucked
[00:34:23] up. I learned. We're gonna call up the New Yorker. I'm sorry. We're calling up the New Yorker.
[00:34:27] We're doing an article. We're gonna find the guy with Down syndrome. Okay. Get a little
[00:34:33] little field trip Reno to IKEA. Let's get him. Let's get his fucking Reese's covered mitts on
[00:34:38] us a mow boxes. And then we got then we got the next big hit of the summer. Yeah. I still don't
[00:34:46] know what this is about. Who cares dude. Alright here we go. Now that now here's where they're
[00:34:51] talking about how do you why you shouldn't listen to Chappo anymore. When podcast Chappo
[00:34:57] began in March it served a real need. The need to suck my dick scanning for the word butt.
[00:35:11] The bearded white guys. Felix and that. It's a Chris Minh. The one host with any red state cred.
[00:35:21] This guy can suck my dick. Whoever wrote this article can suck my heart as little penis.
[00:35:32] Yeah. This is what I hate. Chappo came to exemplify an online subculture that called itself the dirt bag left.
[00:35:39] Although it's flagship products for podcasts Chappo Street, Fright Radio and Come Town. What?
[00:35:45] What? Literally never. Fucking losers. Never. We just did a podcast that we didn't think was
[00:35:58] going to be successful and people are stupid enough to give us money and we're trapped at doing it.
[00:36:03] Okay. They're stuck. That's it. That's all that's happening. They call it the dilemma.
[00:36:09] They call it the **** dilemma. Once you put that in your article. Yeah. Quote me on that,
[00:36:19] chief. Yeah. I remember I remember at the planning meeting when we launched Come Town when me,
[00:36:28] you, Will, the guys from the other podcast sat around the table and we said, well, guys, we really
[00:36:36] would like to be the smart ones. But if we have to be the **** morons that talk about sucking our
[00:36:40] dad's cock, we played, we played rock, we played rock, paper, scissors with Will over who got to do
[00:36:46] the **** your dad's cock podcast and who got to do the one that knows about politics. I don't
[00:36:50] remember that. I don't remember anything. That's right. You're hoping you were huffing glue in the
[00:36:55] corner. I still understand what the point of this article is. Who is this for? Who reads this?
[00:37:01] Nobody who's reading a 5,000. I guess me to get angry. Yeah, that's true. You're getting
[00:37:06] you're getting gone by this guy to just like, but I don't like who wants like, what's go I want to
[00:37:11] know more about **** faggots in Brooklyn recording things with their friends. I need to know more
[00:37:19] about not only the dirt bag left, which was already I'm sorry. It's gay. That was a gay thing to
[00:37:25] ever call anybody doing anything. Yep. And now a post version of it. What about the ball bag
[00:37:31] left? I like that. And that's where girls suck my nuts. And I'm like, yeah, I'm a socialist.
[00:37:37] Because that seems pretty cool to me. Yeah. The ball bag left. But after Sanders lost,
[00:37:42] Chappo seemed to have nothing left to say. Who gives a **** this guy? What is the point? Yeah,
[00:37:49] what is the title of this article? I'm a jealous little **** it's like maybe there's a new thing.
[00:37:55] If only I got a little bit of pussy, I wouldn't write an article this **** annoying. I forgot.
[00:38:00] But let me tell you this. It is a godsend. Yeah. Because we've got two minutes left until the
[00:38:08] next time. Until we make a little bit more. We do the ad read. And then from the ad read,
[00:38:12] it's smooth. Say really this podcast, the free podcast have begun. Can we do 20 minutes up top?
[00:38:19] I'll tell you this, guys. If you maybe you're maybe we do then it's first. Maybe you're the
[00:38:24] guy that wrote this article. Yeah. And you're listening. You're like, Hey, what the hell?
[00:38:29] Maybe you're the other guys. Maybe they get the know your enemy guys or whatever. And we've met
[00:38:35] numerous times. And we're friends. And we're nice. I'm a friend to the job. And just say,
[00:38:41] what? Why? Why? Yeah. The answer is you're going to patreon.com slash com. Give us more money.
[00:38:49] So I can kill myself with drugs. Eventually, Nick will kill himself. Eventually,
[00:38:53] I will close like a month ago. He's he it ebbs and flows. The next peak, if you give us money,
[00:38:59] might be higher. The real might be dangerously high enough that he does finally do. The real
[00:39:04] post left thinking is that the only way to destroy capitalism is by doing capitalism so much.
[00:39:11] That it's like when Nio steps, right? They put him in the machine. Yeah.
[00:39:15] And he fights all the fucking kung fu. And he knows all the so I'm it's the end of the matrix.
[00:39:21] And instead of putting me into the machine, you need to put fentanyl into my arm. That's right.
[00:39:27] And that he'll see everything very clearly. Yeah. The show's 500 episode record this February.
[00:39:33] On the anniversary of the same as victory and the caucus.
[00:39:36] And they've done 500. How many episodes are we done?
[00:39:39] Have we got 500 episodes? I have no idea. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. This is the 270th episode.
[00:39:45] Yeah, but we also do bonus episodes. Oh, that's right. Then you know what?
[00:39:49] I don't know. I don't know. 500. Yeah, literally this Sunday will be the 500th episode.
[00:39:54] Are you serious? Yeah, because this is 270 and the premium is 230. So that's 500.
[00:39:58] Oh my God. I know. Makes you want to kill yourself.
[00:40:00] This sucks. Makes you want to kill yourself even more. Either kill myself or maybe go on to a website
[00:40:08] and play some wagers. Right? Place. Oh, yeah. That my bookie.aj.
[00:40:14] Yeah, I was going to kill myself because I realized when I was 19, I wanted to stand up comedy more
[00:40:20] than anything in the world. And somehow I'm trapped on this gay ass podcast 500 episodes later.
[00:40:27] But then I decided, no, I'm going to bet money on the Olympics using my bookie.aj
[00:40:34] gets so rich that all my podcast money on a sure thing, double it and then gets so rich,
[00:40:42] I can get a fucking BBL and have a luscious fat ass and all my problems will go away.
[00:40:46] Yeah, I'm just trying to have a fleet would brom that I raise a family in.
[00:40:50] Yes, sir. That's it. I want to open my fucking surf and turf restaurant every four years,
[00:40:55] trade out the wife for a younger, bigger titty bitch. That would be awesome. We all just like a
[00:40:59] lease. We live in that Cadillac. And I'm snorting lines off the dashboard. Yep.
[00:41:05] Allegedly parked. Absolutely. In some city Trenton, maybe Trenton. Yeah, beautiful.
[00:41:10] Trenton makes the world takes. Trenton makes my dick hard.
[00:41:17] Trenton, man, I'm going to get that tattoo, dude. That would be awesome.
[00:41:20] Whatever that bridge is. Yeah. And then written on it, Trenton makes my dick hard.
[00:41:24] That would be great. If you're listening to the show, get that tattoo, show it to stop at the show.
[00:41:29] Do not show me a tattoo of Nick or me or anyone.
[00:41:34] Good. If you're the guy that wrote this New Yorker article, get a tattoo on your forehead of the
[00:41:40] Trenton bridge. And it says Trenton makes my dick hard. That's true. If you're that guy,
[00:41:44] do it. And then if you really want to be post dirt bag left, prove it.
[00:41:48] By getting that tattoo. Checkmate, Mr. Anthony Maurizio, whatever the fuck.
[00:41:55] Maurizio de Pussy suck you. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. The penis. Yeah.
[00:42:00] I'm Maurizio de Pussy. This is here we go. We're now 37,000 words into this essay.
[00:42:07] I found the episode hard to finish. Oh my God. The humor was too vulgar.
[00:42:11] Oh fuck up. Not because the observations were unfounded, but because none of it seemed a matter.
[00:42:16] It was like what? What do you think this is? The lack of self-awareness to write. What do you
[00:42:21] think this doesn't seem to matter? My long read in the New Yorker about it.
[00:42:26] Don't listen to Chappo. Listen to Chappo too with some guy with who had bourbon with.
[00:42:31] What we pretended we were we were revolution. They probably don't even like these guys. They
[00:42:37] just needed a way. They needed to like suck something off so they could immediately get into
[00:42:41] they couldn't just trash Chappo, right? They had to fucking ease into it by complimenting somebody
[00:42:47] else. Let's let's look and get our Dick's suck by Maurizio at my bookie.
[00:42:53] My bookie. Which I tell you are a good friend. Roy over at my bookie.
[00:42:57] I love that guy. If you're ever if you ever find yourself in the my bookie.ag offices you say
[00:43:03] take me to your media buying department. I want to meet that cock. That cock sucking
[00:43:09] Roy. I want to suck that fucking cock right here right now. Because of the incredible deals
[00:43:23] he's given me through compound. Because he's he's shown me he's given me a piece of the ear pussy
[00:43:29] that I can't even you know something. Definitely something.
[00:43:34] Well he said he emailed me shit from this week but I don't see the email here. Here's what you
[00:43:40] can bet on. Sporting events to go on the Olympics going on Dimension River Olympic basketball.
[00:43:46] The Olympics gymnastics boxing etc. Yeah folks. There's a lot of good shit you can bet on.
[00:43:54] Listen football is coming up. It says MLB baseball. I love that. Don't don't bet on the
[00:44:00] fucking Japanese league. Don't bet on the nip and easily. Yeah. It's super nip on the MLB baseball.
[00:44:07] UFC we got Derek the black beast versus Cyril Gain. The black beast is such an awesome
[00:44:13] nip that is a pretty good one. And you know all the other black eyes in the UFC are like damn.
[00:44:18] Yeah. I could have been that instead of the black beauty. Damn I'd love to be the black. If I was a
[00:44:24] black fighter I would be the black beauty. The black beauty. Stop for us the black beauty. How
[00:44:28] cute. I would be Darth Vader. That would be awesome. Yeah just the old license shit.
[00:44:34] Yeah Darth Vader Mullen the black UFC guy. We got a big fight tonight. This week bet on
[00:44:45] Derek the black UFC guy. Stop Ross Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hellkius versus Cyril Gain.
[00:44:51] Which sounds like a fucking like Cormac McCarthy name. Cyril Gain. Yeah like a like a guy who
[00:44:58] owns like a fucking. But ethnicity is that even. Probably white trash. Yeah if I had to guess. Let's
[00:45:04] look up Cyril Gain. Let's see if he's hot. Wait hold on I don't want to lose my place in this.
[00:45:10] I'll look him up. This article. No you can dude. No because we're gonna we're just gonna go
[00:45:17] through this whole thing. Okay. And then not pay attention when the guy who wrote it spends a
[00:45:25] week complaining on Twitter about it. Oh yeah absolutely not. Cyril Gain is a he also appears to
[00:45:31] be black and he is kind of hot. I mean he's jacked. Oh well I guess he has to earn a title of the
[00:45:37] black beast. What's what's the guy he's fighting? Derek the black beast gains. Derek the entertainment.
[00:45:50] Derek the black beast Lewis. Yeah. Oh yeah this guy's not as hot as Cyril. But he does appear to be
[00:45:59] a black beast if you ask me. That's a good nickname for him. Oh fuck my ass cheeks. Yeah. Yeah so you
[00:46:10] want to bet there's a ton of she can bet on listen the NFL is coming up. Bet. Do you think Tom Brady's
[00:46:15] bitch ass is going to win another ring. You can fucking bet that at the beginning of the year.
[00:46:19] Is Aaron Rogers gonna fucking retire and go host Jeopardy and suck cock on the sneak behind this.
[00:46:25] You can bet that news promo code behind his fiance's back.
[00:46:28] Come town or come town 20. One of those ought to do it. Yeah. Is America gonna win the world
[00:46:35] the gold gold medal. The Golden Penis. The Golden shlong. The giving out of Golden Penis.
[00:46:42] They should do that dude. Give out gold cock. Yeah Golden Penis statue. I'd go to the
[00:46:47] Olympics if they did that. That's the only reason I have the Olympics. Huh? Yeah. Everybody
[00:46:52] doesn't fight it. For what? Flying. What do you mean?
[00:47:06] They tried to have an I'll tell you this. You think I'm lying? 1987 they invited me to the Olympics
[00:47:11] for fucking. I was because that you know old neighborhood. Everybody knew everybody knew I was
[00:47:19] throwing dick better than anybody. Then the whole anybody on the whole day. They used to
[00:47:22] out they tried to put fucking in the Olympics back then. But the South Koreans said they
[00:47:27] they were going to do it. 87 Olympics South Korea. Look it up. Next time you with the library.
[00:47:32] Look it up on the computer. Look it up on the motherfucking computer. Hey, go ahead
[00:47:40] and ask the librarian. Put my put my name in there. Derek cereal. The black beast cereal.
[00:47:46] Derek the black captain cross cereal. Olympics fucking type it in.
[00:47:55] Yeah, there's a lot of beautiful wages you can put in and I feel like our friends over at my
[00:47:59] bookie they got a deal for us. Don't they Nick of some kind? Where my bookie. Yeah. Oh yeah.
[00:48:05] If you they do you got to check the super spreader event super spreader. And they do it now they
[00:48:10] match your deposit up to a thousand dollars. Wow. For free Republic credits. For some type of
[00:48:16] gambling credit. I don't really know how it works. They meant I have too much money to worry about.
[00:48:22] I don't like free money. You guys like free money. I like earning money. You broke motherfuckers.
[00:48:27] I like that shit. Yeah. Go leverage dude. Mm hmm. Margin. I'm always gambling on margin. I love
[00:48:35] margin. I put twenty five dollars down. Multiply at times fifty. I said let me get. I want I want
[00:48:43] fifty thousand. I love leveraging my position. Yeah. I want fifty thousand dollars on the diamond
[00:48:48] backs. Yeah. Yeah. And now I owe eight point two million dollars to my bookie dot a.g. But your but
[00:48:55] leverage is now I tell them I tell them. Mullen lobby or however you can. Mullen la.
[00:48:59] Whatever you would have however you say. Come and get it motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah. I got that
[00:49:03] tattooed right underneath the Trenton bridge. That's right. Then Trenton makes my dick hard.
[00:49:09] Mullen la. Come and get it. Yeah. That actually makes sense because what you're saying is my dick
[00:49:16] is hard because of Trenton. Why don't you come and suck my dick. And then you come. Yeah. That's
[00:49:21] good. That's a lot of you guys thought this was a stupid show for guys that didn't understand things
[00:49:26] like time to say goodbye left anchor death panel and the dig. Mm hmm. Which are other which other
[00:49:35] shows you can listen to instead of Chappa. According to the other. Motherfuckers really are jealous
[00:49:41] man. Yeah. Sorry dude it wasn't gonna be it was never gonna be you. You never had the sauce.
[00:49:47] Mauricio didn't have the sauce. You couldn't do it. You weren't working in the year. Your balls
[00:49:52] weren't as heavy as Billy Big Balls Billy Menaker. Mm hmm. All right. Keep fucking crying about it.
[00:49:58] My man's over here. He's getting paid. He's watching good movies. He's making an incredible.
[00:50:04] What do you make us that one time in the cabin? That beautiful pasta. Who? Big Balls Billy
[00:50:10] Menaker. Oh I don't know what is delicious. He's a very good. Oh my god. Yeah. I've never.
[00:50:15] Motherfuckers will never be our boy. Everything. So stop writing articles. Everything that fucking
[00:50:21] Will has ever made that I've eaten is delicious. Mm hmm. Including his asshole. Yeah.
[00:50:27] What you think loves the munch on. All right. Yes. All right. You ate Will's ass. You know what?
[00:50:33] And he made you by the way. You know what dude. You didn't want to. And we were all laughing at
[00:50:37] the podcast or party. We had a common enemy and Andrew Morance. Fuck that guy too. But you did
[00:50:43] eat Will's ass. I did not eat. And everybody loved it. No. Except for you. No. We were all.
[00:50:50] It was a really good time. Everybody loved eating Will's ass except for me. No we all loved watching
[00:50:54] you do. Because I didn't want to and you wanted your like it's my turn to eat ass. No we just loved
[00:50:58] seeing you do that. It's my I'm because you know what? Because it's nice to see your friends
[00:51:03] doing what they're good at. Yeah. And you finally admitted what you're good at is eating a man's
[00:51:07] ass. And if anyone can judge eating it's you. That's true. Thank you. And I can and I was
[00:51:14] I was right. And you're good at it. Mm hmm. Oh fuck. My fucking platinum chips lunch is coming back
[00:51:22] up. Yeah. I had a very I had a gentleman's lunch of plantain garlic chips. Well anyways fuck this guy.
[00:51:28] Yeah. For taking shots at uh. And Will who got his ass eaten by you. But don't try and fucking
[00:51:35] spin this part. This is the part that's the most important. The only spin you know about is
[00:51:40] watching a cotton candy machine go around. It's been city waiting for it. It's been city with
[00:51:45] Michael J. Fox and later Charlie. You like whatever you like. You hand the can of whipped cream to
[00:51:52] him. Yeah. And shakes it up. Not ready for me. Yeah. I like it all over the place. I wanted
[00:51:57] to insert it into my mouth. I don't. Yeah. What's wrong with that? A hamster's feeder. Oh you're
[00:52:01] telling me you wouldn't let fucking Michael J. Fox a screen legend. No. Back to the future. Feed
[00:52:07] you whipped cream. I would say let me meet the DeLorean. Well he would say maybe I will if you
[00:52:12] fucking were a good guy. Let me put a little whip in your mouth. How about that show the the man
[00:52:16] DeLorean. And it's a DeLorean. But it's got a big pair of tits on the front. I thought that's
[00:52:21] what the DeLorean. Yeah. That's the it's a good DeLorean for guys. That's what I thought that show
[00:52:27] was. And it turns out to be a bunch of gay Star Wars. That's true. That would be an awesome car.
[00:52:33] Would the tits be on the windshield? Or would they be where would they be on the where would you
[00:52:37] put the tits? I'm asking on the car. Where would you put the hood on the hood? Awesome.
[00:52:44] That's awesome. Yep. That would be fucking awesome. Would it have a pussy you could fuck?
[00:52:53] Nah. No. No I don't want to fuck the car. I just wanted I don't want to be like oh look at his tits
[00:52:59] don't you want to fuck it? No it's just you know it's like putting a porn in the in the
[00:53:03] wall. You know like mechanics. I love that movie. It'd be funny if there's a guy that was just like
[00:53:08] a like a like a like a physician. Yeah yeah yeah yeah your doctor. It's just like yeah just like
[00:53:15] some 1980s. Leading over a car. The biggest fake is hardest to get you ever seen in your life.
[00:53:21] Asian one with a snake around her shoulder and her pussy out. Yeah yeah yeah. He's like what's a
[00:53:25] guy's a I'm a guy. The guy's doctor's office. Yeah. Yeah. Or cashier. Just a park it has in
[00:53:32] his stall. A public a public notary. Yeah like a title sign over.
[00:53:43] This guy. Yeah. Hell yeah. He just got fucking yeah. Just a big Polish paratid. He's just a
[00:53:49] bitch holding a wrench. Holding a wrench on the hood of like a yeah a barracuda. Yeah that would
[00:53:55] be awesome. You know that's true man. Why does that why do only mechanics get that? That's got to go
[00:54:00] that's got to spread. Yeah well that's the only thing they're union demanded. That's no health
[00:54:04] care. They just get porn and watch pussy. Yeah. Good to see pussy. Nice. Just filling your lungs
[00:54:10] with break dust and getting fucking me so the ileoma. But at least you get to see whole. Yeah.
[00:54:19] All day. I definitely might die. I've said this before. My dad had some of that going on as a
[00:54:22] carpenter and I definitely. Jack though. I stole I would just take the calendar into the bathroom
[00:54:29] with me. Jack off and put it back. Yeah. All right well I guess now we're looking at Andrew
[00:54:34] Marantz's Twitter. Fuck this guy. I want to talk about vacation dude. I well I just want to get
[00:54:46] through the show. We guess this was presented to me. Sure. At the right time by the way. Somebody
[00:54:52] texted you as we started recording and I'm shooting. We haven't done that. We haven't done a nice little
[00:54:56] like shoot from the hip in a while. That's true. You know that's true. Just to say fuck these guys.
[00:55:02] And I'm with listen I'm with that. I love to say fuck these guys. Yeah.
[00:55:08] Fucking losers. I hope this guy doesn't have a sister with big tits. Oh that was. Now you fucking
[00:55:13] tragic. Now you can't titty fuck me. Can I say it? Hold on. Hold on. If you have a sister. If
[00:55:19] man if you exist and you have big tits. If you have big tits. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't
[00:55:24] sorry. The brother was a retard. I apologize. Everything I was saying was a joke. Will is gay.
[00:55:30] I don't like him. Felix can suck my dick and eat his ass to be on Nick. Did unless you don't exist.
[00:55:37] In which case Nick did eat his ass. He's cool. I fuck with Felix. Yeah. I fuck with the whole goddamn
[00:55:44] team. That's a good joke. But if you're real. Fuck Matt. Fuck his little cloth shorts that he wears
[00:55:50] everywhere. Please let me titty fuck me. I promise I'm a good guy. I'm me and Andrew can get along.
[00:55:59] I'm going to hang out. We'll play. We'll listen to the podcast. We'll drink bourbon. We're gonna
[00:56:05] fucking have a super bourbon at your parents house and we'll play cornhole and I'll sit around the
[00:56:10] fire pit. I'll charm the whole family. Then we'll get back to eight nine p.m. I'll titty fuck you when
[00:56:15] I'm full of hush pups. That would be awesome. I'm when I'm fucked my guts hanging over here. Yeah.
[00:56:21] I'm on my guts when we both barely breathe. I get rug burn on the bottom of my gut from your
[00:56:25] fucking bloated tits and Andrew is in his own bedroom. Yep. Fucking his probably Chinese
[00:56:33] girlfriend. You think so? Probably I get those kind of vibes. Okay. And but let me say this if you
[00:56:39] don't exist. Fuck that guy. But if you're real, what's up? What if you're real? What's up? If you're
[00:56:46] real, let's let us let's talk titty fuck. Let's talk. Let's talk. Let's talk. Let's talk in titties.
[00:56:52] One of my favorite post dirt bag left. What a what a what a cool thing to be. Again, I'm part of
[00:57:01] the ball bag left where I like to get my balls sucked. That's the part that's the left I'm on.
[00:57:07] So put that in your little fucking articles. The ball bag left. And the titty fucking left.
[00:57:17] The two types of left is my support ball bag getting your balls sucked and titty fucking left.
[00:57:23] Okay, that's the kind of shit we're on.
[00:57:29] I guess we should just we should find the hobby so we can transition this into being about something
[00:57:34] that's can be untouched by all of this. We might have to get into Warhammer 3000.
[00:57:40] We should make it a movie podcast. We should. The movies are too close. It can't be anything
[00:57:45] that has any kind of culture or anything you can look into. Okay. It's got to be. We should
[00:57:50] become a deep Lord of the Rings lore podcast. That's too gay. Well, okay, man. It's also
[00:57:57] too throwing shit out there. It's also too. I just said it can't be a movie podcast. You
[00:58:01] immediately just picked up. It's a book. How about that, chief? All right. There's books of it.
[00:58:06] It's a book who read those books. I did. Literally nobody. Everyone saw the movies.
[00:58:10] A lot of fucking guys. That's one of those books everybody pretends to have read. Yeah, like,
[00:58:16] I don't fucking know enough books. I don't know. Not one. Not one. Not even topic of books that
[00:58:24] you've read. It's books that you pretend to have read. And the answer is there's no possible answer.
[00:58:29] I don't know. The old man in the sea. Moby Dick. How about that? Yeah.
[00:58:36] I don't know why I'm only thinking in an article books.
[00:58:45] I'm looking at your bookshelf. They're all out of. None of them are bad.
[00:58:50] How did they. For guys who are straight. For guys who are actually straight.
[00:58:54] So you can understand. So you can understand your friends.
[00:59:03] It's not with the books. It's not what it says. I'm looking at it right now.
[00:59:10] And I, yes, I remember. I remember reading it.
[00:59:15] That is not what it says. It's just says the first part. It has nothing to do with
[00:59:21] who you're having a friend or being straight. Yeah, I got it. The thing is, is that you can't
[00:59:29] leave New York and move like the guys like me moved from New York. They're like, I'm going to
[00:59:34] move the Stone Mountain, Georgia to be in the clan and buy a bunch of guns. Yeah. And now I've
[00:59:39] moved here. I spent the first month building a podcasting studio. And you can't. I don't want
[00:59:45] to be that guy. Yeah, Nick the Apollo. Yeah. That's not to move. I want to move to like that.
[00:59:50] Nah, not for me because it moved it has to be and then you quit podcasting. Right.
[00:59:54] What I'm going to do is going to buy the rights to Blockbuster. Awesome. And move to a time when I'm
[00:59:59] going to have my money guy find the place where Blockbuster is viable. Okay. And move the town
[01:00:04] ReSAR Blockbuster and become just employing myself as the Blockbuster checkout guy. That's awesome.
[01:00:11] And you hire the rest of the staff. I'm the only one that's allowed to smoke weed. Perfect.
[01:00:15] And if I don't, if I'm not incredibly high, the point where I can't function, then I'm fired.
[01:00:22] Yes. That's awesome. And it's the, it's you turn that into a prison. That's really good, dude.
[01:00:29] I would love to just live that live your adolescence forever.
[01:00:33] Shouts out to Blockbuster, my Alma mater. I quit by just not showing up and my boss kept calling me
[01:00:39] and I had to pretend I pretended I got evicted or something. Yeah. Because I'm too much of a
[01:00:43] coward to admit I was quitting. But you know, I had a nice six months there.
[01:00:51] Watched a lot of movies for the first time. That was the only time I ever watched movies in my life.
[01:00:57] Until like recently. If I didn't watch it during freshman year of college, while
[01:01:02] the break when I was at Blockbuster, I never watched it. But yeah, I'm just still thinking about
[01:01:11] should I buy Martin on DVD? Yeah, of course, dude. That's not even a fucking question.
[01:01:19] That's not even a fucking question, chief. Yeah.
[01:01:23] Damn, I want to write a little gay ass article for the New Yorker. You could.
[01:01:31] It's time to admit it. We're having sex with children.
[01:01:33] A lot of people have shied away from this and tried to cover it up by talking about books.
[01:01:45] And I know these books mean more to me because my dad was in the union.
[01:01:50] And that's what that's why when I tell you how to
[01:01:54] be a condescending dickhead at bourbon bars, it really means something. We're leaving past that.
[01:02:00] And we're coming out of the open as guys that have sex with mentally disabled children.
[01:02:10] That would be good. You could probably get published.
[01:02:12] Yeah. Yeah, I could. I could be a New Yorker writer if I wanted to make a
[01:02:17] magazine called the new Porca. And it's both about it's about three things. Porca
[01:02:24] is about getting pussy. Yeah. And it's about being it's about fat men style tips.
[01:02:29] I want to write a memoir about my time in the Olympics for flying.
[01:02:35] Let me just jump off a building. You're suck dickress. No, that's what your book's called suck
[01:02:41] dickress lick the man who flew too close to the sun liquorous and fell onto a man's
[01:02:47] plow. Lickress. No, you're Lord licorice. Thank you for admitting that, by the way,
[01:02:51] liquorous, by the way, thank you for admitting that you're Lord licorice because you were fighting
[01:02:55] it. You're Lord fat. No, I'm not. I am not that. Yes. I'm cool guys gets puss a risk.
[01:03:03] And you are actually suck dickress. I can't wait until they too close to the sun.
[01:03:07] They find your fossil fell down into a man's cock. They find your fossil in a million years.
[01:03:14] And they're like, wow, half man, half manatee. No, they wouldn't say man. I have all the
[01:03:20] fucking skeletal functions of a man a sea porpoise. Nothing about me that's porpoise.
[01:03:25] Missing link when humans devolved into being obese.
[01:03:31] Sea animals killed by boats. You know what I wish I was a man. You know what you're right.
[01:03:35] They're going to find you at the bottom of the chest of a bay. They're going to be like,
[01:03:38] there's a man half man. Half man. Half man. Filled with Greek whale people. Half man.
[01:03:43] They're all killed by boats. You've seen that video with a manatee sex zone.
[01:03:47] Think he's got a big day. Can that's me? And that's the episode folks might think is big.
[01:03:51] And next take a small he sucked a grix. And we'll see you fucking
[01:03:55] this Sunday. Go to comtown.com. Remember, you got to support the post dirt bag left by
[01:04:02] subscribing to this renegade this truth. We're the renegades of funk. We're the ones that are
[01:04:07] building a cohesive left movement that will finally that's right. We'll find the ball bag left.
[01:04:12] It will finally change things. The titty fucking left slash the ball bag. Make all the time you'd
[01:04:19] spent at those DSA meetings worth something because you certainly didn't get any pussy.
[01:04:27] Did not even get a spit or hold that pussy. You told you.
[01:04:30] Not a stitcher. You know, I'm not doing it for the pussy, but I'm going to be.
[01:04:34] I mean, you know, I'm certainly not going to turn a piece of pussy down.
[01:04:38] Oh, no, I'll certainly, you know, I'll be down. Yes, ma'am. You can give me a piece of your
[01:04:45] pussy, but I just want you to know I'm doing this because I have principles that I learned from my
[01:04:49] homework that I can't stop doing. I'm 37 years old and I can't stop doing homework.
[01:04:59] Yeah, go to patreon.com this Sunday. You're going to love our most experimental episode yet.
[01:05:04] Oh, this is trending on Twitter. Chappo. Many discuss an article in the New Yorker titled
[01:05:09] the post dirt bag left written by Andrew Moran's, which examines the podcast trapo trap.
[01:05:16] Oh, well, if it's trending, now I feel now it sucks.
[01:05:20] Fuck this guy. He got exactly what he wanted.
[01:05:30] We're like Andrew. I hope this isn't rude to say, but it would be kind of funny if that guy got
[01:05:38] prostate cancer. No, no, what? That's not a threat. You could.
[01:05:45] I know it's not. All right, I'll take it back. But the only reason I'm taking it back is so I
[01:05:49] don't get prostate. Okay. And I'm thinking back because I might be eating this sister has big
[01:05:53] tips. It might be Indian people listening to this trying to do that karma shit.
[01:05:57] Right. And I got mine. I know what you guys are up to. Oh, yeah. You folks. Oh, yeah.
[01:06:04] I was like wondering the other day, like if an Indian woman does right, you know, she's like a
[01:06:10] mother Teresa sort of type when she dies. Does she come back as an Indian woman with an even bigger
[01:06:15] tits? I think so. Is that the rule? That's how it goes. Is that the rule? When you max out on
[01:06:19] tits, then you get to be a guy. Call up 1 898 Rock and ask them. Yeah, find the number again.
[01:06:25] And ask them. The Indian women come back with bigger tits, you think? They do right. 98
[01:06:33] rocks. Yeah, there's the untouchables and there's a cup, you know, ABCD all the way up. Yeah. And
[01:06:42] then once you get to H, yes, you do if you're ever an H T T T woman, you happen to be sisters
[01:06:49] with Andrew Morantz. Yes. And you let us Tity fuck you despite our feud with your mentally disabled
[01:06:54] brother or because of it, whichever way it works for you, however, works, you do that.
[01:06:59] Guess what you get to come back as a homeless man. You get to come back as Andrew. Yeah. So call
[01:07:09] 80737 0 0 98. Yeah. And ask them. Wow. This woman has something common use stuff.
[01:07:17] Race. She went viral. It's she doesn't whatever it is. No, she doesn't. For skateboarding in a
[01:07:23] fairy costume. I never did that. Yeah, you did. But that's cool. I like that. From Brazil. She
[01:07:31] went to the Olympics. Oh, yeah. She got the silver medal. I saw that the silver medal. Respect.
[01:07:35] Shouts out to her. She's trying to eat it in this picture. She's our she's our cool guy of the week
[01:07:42] and Andrew Morantz is our little dick bitch of the week. Yeah. That we're doing new segments here.
[01:07:47] I'm going off. We have a new Durant segment where we Andrew Morantz about some guy that's got
[01:07:53] ants in his pants. Who's got an ant sized penis? Where's it yet? Where was it? Was that where
[01:07:58] we talking about that? What's it? I dream that the an penis thing. I don't know. Somebody having
[01:08:05] an an penis. Fuck. What was that? I couldn't tell you brother. I couldn't tell you little
[01:08:13] she. Ant penis. Damn. Well, it's like it's weird because you know, it's you know, it's kind of
[01:08:23] pathetic. Because I'm like, what I have to have been on the show because I don't socialize or talk
[01:08:28] to anybody outside of this podcast. I don't think it was on the show because I at this point in my
[01:08:33] life literally have no social outlet other than this fucking podcast that I fucking hate. I have
[01:08:45] nothing. I don't have a family bar. No, it wasn't at the bar. It could have been doing cocaine.
[01:08:53] I mean, no, actually, you know what? I don't even want to say it. Yeah. I think the problem is
[01:08:58] being a cocaine addict is that like, once you're a cocaine addict, anytime you say like, actually,
[01:09:04] I haven't been doing cocaine. It just meant people are like, okay, pal, right? Right. Right. Right.
[01:09:09] It's been three days. Yeah. You're like, I haven't been doing it. It makes you more of a cocaine
[01:09:14] addict. It's not, you know, yeah, I get it. Yeah. So that girl from Brazil, cool guy of the week,
[01:09:22] the guy from the New York or Little Dick motherfucker, the smallest fucking dick of the week.
[01:09:29] And you know, don't forget to buy those tickets to see the tour, buy my shirts at the shows,
[01:09:35] buy Nick's shirts, but don't bring them to my show or you will be escorted out.
[01:09:40] As a matter of principle, I will not be taking pics with anyone and merch that does not,
[01:09:45] that I didn't see any money from. Because fundamentally, folks, this is a business.
[01:09:50] And I forgot I was going to say because I'm thinking about getting Korean food later.
[01:09:59] What's Korean food? You know, bean bop fucking. Oh, right. Korean food. Yeah. What do you think I
[01:10:06] said? I don't know. Just for whatever reason, there was like a division in my mind between like,
[01:10:10] Korean and food and it just didn't populate like, like it didn't materialize in my head. There was
[01:10:17] just like a whole sure. It was like Korean food. You ever have that? Yeah, absolutely. Your
[01:10:26] brain just doesn't work. It just, yeah. That would be with like a school bus. Like, somewhat
[01:10:32] recently, you're like, wait, they teach on the bus. Not literally. I was like a school bus.
[01:10:41] What the hell? Where did the chalkboard go?
[01:10:49] Well, folks, I'm going to go get tan. I got to go pack my bags for gree Athens, Greece.
[01:10:56] Yeah. And, you know, I guess, keep on keeping on soul brothers.