Cum Town | Regular | 09/01/2021
[00:00:00] Wait, no joke. Yeah, I saw that too. I was like, I don't know who the fuck this guy is dude
[00:00:05] You know, it's funny and we're recording by the way
[00:00:07] I'll say it again. No, but last kid did what I don't even know fully who he is
[00:00:12] But he does comms for a pedophile organization for like name blow something or not an emblem
[00:00:17] But some shit like that it's got a different name. I'll tell you and I don't know
[00:00:21] She probably doesn't even want me mentioning this on the show, but he
[00:00:26] Major like I don't know what you props respect props respect but like amber called that shit
[00:00:35] Years ago cuz amber's not the kind of person to be like that guy's a pedophile in fact
[00:00:39] She's like against like the whole like accusing somebody or like, you know
[00:00:44] Like like sexually pathologizing somebody based on their like politics or actions or whatever
[00:00:49] Right. No is the only person I can think of or she was ever like something's up with that guy
[00:00:53] She's like that guy's probably a pedophile. That's also and that was the only the only person
[00:00:57] I can even think of that amber's like called like shot from the hip-on
[00:01:00] I really Liz Bruning said it publicly like months ago respect called a shot to yeah
[00:01:06] That's that's that's that's that's that's up to her sheet turning around after you shot the three
[00:01:12] She puts some pretty nice pastries on the internet. Yeah. Yeah, dude
[00:01:16] The point of the funny is I don't know. I like Liz. So I don't like make the problem worse
[00:01:21] I'm supposed to picture her breastfeeding one time. Oh boy like one of the old oh brother
[00:01:27] All right guys responded with that picture of like the frog
[00:01:35] Looking at the crazy fucking Christ man. Yeah
[00:01:41] That's so fun. Yes, I don't know who this guy who is
[00:01:43] I don't really use some guy. Yeah, he's like but he seems to hate him. Yeah, they post a big gladi's a pedophile that next
[00:02:01] Welcome to the con welcome back to come town back to come town
[00:02:05] 2021 we're here. There's a lot to catch up on I was doing one with my boys
[00:02:09] We got we got to remember to actually do the reads on this one because the last one we're gonna remember the one we just did this morning
[00:02:17] Was supposed to be the regular one which you guys
[00:02:20] You guys can go to you can find by going to youtube.com
[00:02:35] Yeah, yeah, because he is a thing guys if you go to youtube you can steal the premium episodes of the show
[00:02:41] But you're gonna be have you're gonna be missing on all of the audio content cuss words the cuss words the the license to music
[00:02:48] That we go to patreon.com you can hear all of Don Henley's music in its entirety. Yeah
[00:02:54] He's entire catalog every thing every we I stole his private journal and I'm reading it and we're not afraid of dawn
[00:03:21] I know I'm not the songs patreon.com patreon.com slash com town
[00:03:29] The quality of the show will get better because you you don't subs you unsubscribe the exact
[00:03:36] This is a comic-cousing mission. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna drop the show
[00:03:44] Either we're free either the show tanks and we get to live regular lives again or we get rich
[00:03:50] Okay, but it's one of the other motherfuckers so the quality will continue to be worse until the money shoots back up
[00:03:57] It's like that pink Floyd song the the beatings will keep boys on your dick boys are back in
[00:04:07] I love dropping Sid and just watching the Wizard of Oz
[00:04:15] Comfortable comfortably numb. Yeah, it's like it reminds me of drugs. It reminds you of your asshole before a guy pounds it
[00:04:22] Yeah, once I've been taking poppers. Yeah, I see hot directly on my ass
[00:04:27] So speaking of petafol. No the who the who is there's a
[00:04:31] Town's in the guys in the petafot in the who towns and was well. He's not a pedophile. He was doing research for a book
[00:04:36] That's why yeah, that child this is the child. This is the looking at chocolate
[00:05:15] The fucking the buffary man the of each
[00:05:26] Suck my penis suck my penis suck my penis suck my penis please welcome back everybody. There was a month away
[00:05:34] From from the show not for you guys. No, you've had the show on time every week on time twice a week
[00:05:42] Uploaded with the exception of one day where I forgot
[00:05:45] Yeah, until probably 11 p.m. We're pretty good guys and I almost didn't upload it on time because I was watching
[00:05:54] The assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert pretty good movie. I'm gonna watch some of that movies come up so often
[00:06:01] It's really good over the last five years. I brought it up over and over again, okay
[00:06:05] I saw when I saw when it came out and I remember being like like it was like praised everyone said it was amazing
[00:06:13] And I watched it when it came out and they did nothing for me
[00:06:16] I like I didn't understand what the appeal was and then I watched it again in the last year
[00:06:22] And I think I've said this on the show before
[00:06:36] Is that so is that what you were you is that how you would categorize I had
[00:06:42] I love guys like that the like this like you be like stuck talking about time. They'd like deliver
[00:06:48] was banal statements with such gravitas
[00:06:53] And we went to lunch and I have to tell you listen to me right now. It was a terrific sandwich
[00:07:04] Were crispy it was really good. It was good
[00:07:10] Yeah, maybe I'll watch that fucking movie man. Yeah, it's nice to be back dude back
[00:07:15] I was in fucking Greece. I'm in fucking Portland. You guys like what I've done with the place. It looks great
[00:07:19] Dude clean it up. It honestly does look great. Yeah. Yeah, Nick cleaned his apartment while we were gone
[00:07:25] It's looking the lamp is in a right the right place. You got coffee table
[00:07:29] It is new coffee coffee tables been I know it never made any sense
[00:07:32] But I got a nice chair for over here in Ottoman. That's you know what it is your stuff
[00:07:37] You've always had this stuff, but it's in a place that makes sense now. Yeah, everything in your apartment made no sense
[00:07:42] Yeah, you had like fucking weights in your bedroom. You didn't have a bed. Yeah, you had the racing wheel just kind of around now
[00:07:49] You've got it now. It's got its own dedicated. No is a race car section. No, you've got a small atorium
[00:07:54] You got your little fucking that's awesome. Yeah get do fucking squats in that bitch. Yeah
[00:07:59] You fucking come up dude perfect timing for the show to fail and then I can't afford the department anymore
[00:08:06] No, no, no, it's good. Don't worry. No, I'll have to be outside sucking dick to afford switch games
[00:08:12] That would be funny. That's a dark thought brother. So you played breath of the wild. It's good
[00:08:20] Did you have you played n-word sword yet?
[00:08:22] The new one I have not I have a hard time believing. That's what it's called. I think that's what it's called called
[00:08:28] It's called thinking inner sword no n-word and n-word. I think is there skyward n-word. I think it's something
[00:08:36] It's something so you think you saying it's n
[00:08:38] It's w-o-r-d. I think it's called the legend the legend of Zelda
[00:08:52] Don't think it is man. I don't know. I haven't heard of that game, but sounds pretty fun
[00:08:57] Mm-hmm. I mean all the games are good. Yeah, I guess princess Zelda has been kidnapped by
[00:09:02] She hasn't been and they're raping her. No, they're good guys in the back of a cat
[00:09:08] They're good guys. It's not a Cadillac either
[00:09:13] Yeah, they have cars, but they're not necessarily catalax
[00:09:18] They've used black magic to kidnap princess Zelda, okay, and they're making her take that dick all the time. Okay, dude. That's
[00:09:29] Demons it looks like it's called skyward sword. Oh, okay, so it's not called
[00:09:43] Yeah, they were just saying the n-word every telegraph was just different length and words. Yeah, it was all
[00:09:52] watched the woodstock 99 documentary and they had this like faggot New York Times like music journalist critic guy
[00:10:00] and it was this it was the DMX performance and
[00:10:06] About that DMX last I imagine they did the MX died and local news guy being like
[00:10:20] Gives fire. Yeah, he gets fired. But imagine
[00:10:23] It was like it was a first second didn't somebody do that with Biggie's birthday
[00:10:28] Did they I want to say someone might someone I believe did something racist for Biggie's birthday a couple years
[00:10:35] Yeah, man acts like a journal or a new man like a fucking weather man. Oh god
[00:10:41] Anyway, so they were like DMX was doing like a big call-in response section of his
[00:10:45] Of his performance in the entire like hundred thousand people were just shouting that word
[00:10:52] What I heard is he gave them tacit permission to well and then so this this New York Times guys like and
[00:11:01] Like the feelings that DMX was having when he found out that his audience were inward sayers
[00:11:10] No, shut up to describe but like a to like
[00:11:19] First of all, he's a New York Times journalist and he said inward sayers second of all to claim that DMX went backstage to cry
[00:11:29] That sounds like one of those like do we be the end word sayer
[00:11:32] No, it sounds like a like a like a like a Midwestern author
[00:11:36] No, it sounds like a reply guy that listens to our show that's like Richard and word say yes
[00:11:41] No, but if you imagine is a proper name and not just somebody that yes, of course
[00:11:45] Yeah, of course it is a reply that it's funny that Twitter turned into that
[00:11:51] Yeah Twitter used to be you just postings and you get replies from people you were friends with
[00:11:55] Yeah, just you see people just trying to be friends. Yeah
[00:12:00] People are trying to be friends in one of the most pathetic ways possible
[00:12:07] Yeah, I had a good one that's where you tweet anything and there's like immediately 50 replies
[00:12:14] Yeah, but you just don't even have to read them half of them half of them. I don't even understand
[00:12:18] Mm-hmm. I honestly do not read shit dude. I'll post and go. Yeah, I just get notifications
[00:12:23] I'm someone I follow. Yeah, exactly here. Here's the one for you guys. Tell me if you like
[00:12:29] Lady Gaga as replied. Yeah, we're mutuals. I'm Mufus with
[00:12:45] She made of shit or does she shit herself
[00:12:55] Better maybe her pussy's filled with shit. What do you say lady Gaga songs? You're hot and you're cold
[00:13:13] And the bag is shit and I'm gonna stuff it in my country
[00:13:33] When September is the 9 11 at Green Day's right
[00:13:41] Really cool. I'm game. I'm gay name is Billy Joel Armstrong. That is pretty good. Yeah
[00:13:54] And an astronaut yeah, but if you guys like Billy Joel get a load of this whatever he was also fucking
[00:14:03] Billy hole when he was gay. Oh, well Neil Armstrong. Oh, okay. Yeah the first
[00:14:09] Astronaut the winner tour to France. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Look man. I'm not really I was a successful family
[00:14:16] They got a bike guy. They got a moon guy. They got a black guy. Yeah, the armstrong. Oh, yeah, they play the saxophone
[00:14:53] You guys have been pissed on if I asked you this before
[00:14:56] Will is squirt pee I think depending on how how hard the squirt comes out
[00:15:02] I think it's I've definitely gotten busted in my face before it's funny to be like I squirt
[00:15:07] Not by come and all you guys out there today about like you're fucking and then she squirts
[00:15:14] You're fucking girl and she squirts and then the girls like I just squirted and then you're like now
[00:15:19] That's just no I just I was pissing in your pussy
[00:15:27] She's like it's not just Pete. I don't know like no no no I just I just pissed no I've been holding it in for a while
[00:15:33] I'll just let it go. Yeah, I wanted to rush over
[00:15:43] And I just kind of took this you know how you did get sorry you're telling her you're like you know
[00:15:47] You dig gets home you have to piss sometimes. Yeah, so I decided fucking let's put the piss boner
[00:15:51] I thought I would you would be plugged to buy my dick and then the piss would just go into where your piss is store
[00:15:59] Later and be none the wiser. I know whatever no sort of a Danny Ocean's today, right?
[00:16:04] We're instead of stealing I'm putting in so this is something desirable. I'm giving you something undesirable my piss
[00:16:11] Sort of an ocean is 11 kind of situation
[00:16:22] Because you're the guy in this hypothetical wrong. It's not me if it was me it would be oceans six in one quarter
[00:16:33] Yeah, yeah, I've never touched this I feel like yeah, I feel like we have the this exact same conversation I
[00:16:38] Suck the man's dick. I still want to do a puzzle
[00:16:45] He fucked my I've been talking about doing that puzzle. No, you don't for months
[00:16:50] You don't want to do it. I did what puzzles you have I don't know that was a somebody gave me that is like a joke
[00:16:56] A Disney puzzle. Yeah, I don't want to do that one. I want to do an adult one. No, I want to do something
[00:17:01] Yeah, I would do a puzzle if there's tits on it. Yeah, I did a nice one of a
[00:17:09] Cording for a dog a man in a raincoat playing according. That's nice
[00:17:13] But I want like a heraldic theme or some kind of like mid world over a river. It's a kind of feudal
[00:17:19] Big heraldic with nights and castles and stuff. That'd be cool. That's the kind of puzzle I want to do
[00:17:26] Yeah, the problem of puzzles and you never get to like you just got to destroy them at the end
[00:17:31] I put the finish what the fuck are you talking about? Well, you just leave them out forever
[00:17:36] You laminate them and hang them on the wall dude. You put them on the wall. Everybody knows that everyone really? Yeah, everybody does
[00:17:43] Fuck dude. I fuck for the listeners. I completely fucked my backup sleeping on this fucked up little Greek mattresses
[00:17:50] And then I was traveling so much. I haven't had time to heal
[00:17:54] So I'm playing through the pain it hurts when I laugh actually which literally is hard for me. Wow. That's sad
[00:18:00] You know, I love joy. I love laughter. I
[00:18:05] Do oh, can I do my song that I've been trying to tell you guys? Yeah, please okay, so I am a Santa
[00:18:12] I think I want to have gay sex. No forgive me. It's really good. Oh forgive me
[00:18:19] I think I'm about to have gay sex. Yeah, that was that was just want to suck a bone
[00:18:31] People say it's like one of the smartest people in America. I suck. Yeah, can dick I suck. Yeah
[00:18:37] Yeah, can be the answer is yes the answer to that query my friend is yes
[00:18:43] I'm a I'm a penis. I want to get sucked by a man. That's a good. That's a rich new vein the perspective of a gay penis
[00:19:00] Yeah, that'd be funny to like a one man stage two act stage play of like a gay man's penis
[00:19:06] You have like a dick outfit on you go out on stage and you're just chain smoking like kind of hunched over like
[00:19:11] Of all the fucking guys. I gotta be attached
[00:19:17] Nothing I want more in this world that would be shoved into a fucking pussy
[00:19:28] Brooklyn with your dirty streets and dirty people HIV coursing through my
[00:19:48] One day, but I'm saving up. I got a plan. I got a plan. All right
[00:19:52] It's just like you know hiding is like bits of money from like a
[00:19:58] Like a female pussy. This is wife or some reason or female penis
[00:20:03] Pina's like will you are you going to work? Of course. I'm going to work
[00:20:09] He's like when he gets like called out like the gay guy has to go to like the HIV doctor
[00:20:13] So he's not having sex that day. Mm-hmm. So he comes home and the wife's like she's not cheating on him
[00:20:18] but she's flirting with him with like a
[00:20:20] Dick that's like a police officer. Right, right. He's like you respect that guy, huh?
[00:20:26] I can see it in your eyes. You know, he's not just gathering shit all day long
[00:20:31] You know, he's not cleaning shit out of his foreskin. He's not he doesn't have a fucking white cuz he's got a real job
[00:20:39] Some of us have to do it and he gets pussy at work. Mm-hmm. What do you do all day?
[00:20:55] You get jacked off by nice smelling lotions all day on only fans while I'm over here in men's asses
[00:21:07] Putting food on the fucking table up to my knees
[00:21:10] I know I'm not a man. I need if I was like a multi billionaire. I'd be doing stuff like that
[00:21:17] I'm bullying good. I did New York the dude that was kinds of plays
[00:21:21] We can get a black box in the name of the play would be legend of Zelda the n-word sword
[00:21:28] And it would be branded exactly like all Nintendo's stuff
[00:21:32] Just get sued for your advertising campaign. Yeah, it's not the play closes before one
[00:21:39] Find like a very good actor. It's just have like he's got this like dickhead like flopping around
[00:21:47] He's like so what I just gotta be all on me
[00:21:54] Yeah, and it's brought to you by bluetooth.com and it's absolutely brought to you by bluetooth
[00:21:59] And you guys don't know this but part of the tension in the hypothetical dick
[00:22:06] We just described is that it could wife doesn't get hard his dad's retired as good to see his dad
[00:22:12] He used to fuck a lot right he stopped working
[00:22:16] And he's like dad you were one of the best. He's like you know, you know, I'm attached to guys 27 years old, right?
[00:22:23] Yeah, I worked hard, but I blew we got blown out with cocaine cocaine
[00:22:30] Tired at bluetooth.com blueshoe.com so I'm gonna talk about bluechutes for a second by directing Adam to talk about bluechute for a second
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[00:23:11] I I remember a time before you could get dick pills on the internet this easy
[00:23:16] I remember a time where you had to fucking Venmo a guy who worked at a research lab for
[00:23:24] Sea-a generic sea Alice you can't go and that it would make your head hurt really bad your eyes would bulge your dick would get hard
[00:23:31] But it would burn a little bit and you know
[00:23:34] Those were those were not the kind of days now we're talking
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[00:24:09] Beauty over a blue chew calm continue Adam. What are some other perks?
[00:24:13] Well, basically you get harder and stronger erections that combat all forms erectile dysfunction
[00:24:18] Mm-hmm a lot of people don't know that there are multiple forms of erectile dysfunction
[00:24:24] Fatly being the closet we all know it's three the three that we deal with three that the
[00:24:34] No awkward doctors visits no awkward conversation
[00:24:37] My problem is I often come before my dick even begins to get hard
[00:24:43] Right the start, but should we I like the joking refer to
[00:24:48] To the face of the disappointed woman is taking the shortcut at Wario Stadium
[00:24:58] Yeah, not many people are but if you play as Yoshi you can jump over the second half of the track Wow in Mario Kart six
[00:25:06] And that's what you would consider busting before your dick even gets sort of hard
[00:25:11] You would call that a sort of cheat code. I will tell you this right now. Yes
[00:25:17] I said I said I said I put a little game shark on you
[00:25:22] Well look blue chew calm can't help you take the shortcut at Wario Stadium
[00:25:26] But it can't help you have a hard-ass fucking dick to pound hole whether that's pussy
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[00:25:37] No, but don't be on your bralansky shit with this with these pills. Yeah, yeah
[00:25:42] Also, they there are two different types of chewable tablets they have still Denna fill and Tada
[00:25:51] Phil because I'm a but yeah, I'm a bit yeah
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[00:25:58] I like that. I have a bunch of it will actually my asshole
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[00:26:07] It is out of your ass. Yeah, um they're made in the USA. No Chinese fingers fucking bullshit
[00:26:17] Listen they leaked out of my back to show you a picture of my penis. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm
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[00:26:53] Specific coach. Let me tell you something. I'm a cocksucker folks. I suck. I've been sucking cack here at the car dealership
[00:27:01] It since before they told me it wasn't my job. I was I was doing it, but cuz I thought it was my job
[00:27:08] Listen, they hired me here. They hired me here
[00:27:13] Davis Toyota and fucking Fonda, like Wisconsin. They hired me here
[00:27:17] Yeah, actually you're from Fondel, Sac, Wisconsin
[00:27:22] 1987 and I get a little something for that. You're over here looking that was good
[00:27:26] No, I say you're from Fondel, Sac, Wisconsin
[00:27:29] Apparently the hole in my kitchen ceiling will not be being fixed this week
[00:27:33] So that's good. It's not gonna rain the sales manager. No way that there's a hurricane coming right?
[00:27:39] The sales manager at the time said we're looking for a huge coked out of his mind
[00:27:42] He said to me we're hiring salespeople. We're looking for real cocksuckers
[00:27:46] You know and you took it in a literal sense. I took it later. Yeah, they thought you mean like
[00:28:03] You already you had experience selling cars a different dealership that closed
[00:28:12] I sold a set Gt my first day. Well, good for you. I think I said that's great job
[00:28:17] But we need to all right you need to keep going. I said we're looking for real cocksuckers here
[00:28:23] when he said it the second time that's when I sealed deals
[00:28:29] You know I had my own cubicle so I had been blowing customers
[00:28:35] It was hard for you to it was hard, but
[00:28:42] They were just out now just out of curiosity the guy the guys you suck they were all down
[00:28:46] I I'll tell you what in 2003. Yeah, it was two years after the towers fell right
[00:28:59] The man general manager of the dealership. He's a family guy. Naturally. He was a little concerned
[00:29:05] Of course, so they knocked out all the walls and the cubicles and put in fucking glass
[00:29:11] So we could keep an eye on to make sure it wasn't doing terrorism to make sure it was two years after the towers
[00:29:17] Of course, you want to be sure you can't be too sure. Well, you know, I had been salesman of the month going on, you know
[00:29:26] This point because I was basically an impermanent state of trauma, right?
[00:29:31] You know, my wife had left me because she didn't even know about the cocksucking but she'd look into my eyes and see nothing
[00:29:37] Something was missing there. She broke. She saw a broken man where once there was a strong
[00:29:44] See the boiling gelatinous massive memories that refused to form themselves permanently in my head
[00:29:50] Mm-hmm as I thought about all the manners cocks. I was forced to suck just to sell a couple of Toyotas
[00:29:56] I guess what I'm confused about is not your well
[00:30:01] They put the glass in and then everybody saw me blowing some guy and they you know, they said look, but you know
[00:30:08] We've been here with this the whole time back in 87. We could tell you we don't hire fags at this place
[00:30:14] But this is a new age. We don't have the towers anymore
[00:30:17] Two thousand hours are gone. We can still call people fags, but we can't fire them for it
[00:30:22] Now what the hell are you doing? I said remember Mike. They're like yeah, they got it had a heart attack back in 1991
[00:30:30] I said yeah, he said we were looking for real cocksuckers and they were like that's an expression
[00:30:35] Right and then we slowly panned to my face and zoomed in
[00:30:43] You were filming a kind of document office
[00:30:46] They went off a style dr. Comedy and then we took a look at Jim and then
[00:30:54] Jim was was puffing out his cheeks and raising his eyebrows at the camera
[00:31:03] Somebody's been sucking cock when they didn't have to face
[00:31:11] 12 years of sex slave so when that movie came out it was so triggering
[00:31:15] I had a manic episode and tore off all my clothes and they found me in Appleton
[00:31:21] Drinking my own piss in a Chinese buffet get out of town, but luckily workers come covered the whole thing
[00:31:27] There's luck that is really lucky. So I've been in therapy now. I go three times a day. It's about
[00:31:36] covered you having a mental breakdown off the clock the 12 years
[00:31:47] Because I signed the waivers saying that it's it's
[00:31:50] We're gonna say it's nobody's friends. I know they call it a no fault no fault sure where yes
[00:31:56] I was been sexually abused by customers for years, but they realize it did seem like you were kind of doing it though
[00:32:03] They went back and they looked at all of the customer reviews and there's been people that go in there
[00:32:07] I said do we want to go back to Jim that guy's a real cocksucker
[00:32:11] If I am what are my name is Jim I think I can't remember Jim your name's also Jim
[00:32:17] Also works there Jim from the office works there. Yeah different
[00:32:24] James Jim also I guess what I find most confusing about this is that you found I guess hundreds if not thousands of willing
[00:32:38] Car buyers that wanted to get their dick sucked because I'm looking at you're not a very good-looking man
[00:32:42] Who the hell do you think drives Toyota's?
[00:32:46] Guys that are trying to get their cocks by guys I think so
[00:32:51] I mean I try to tell you I'm not explain. I don't really want to get my dick sucked by jet guys
[00:32:56] And yeah, guess what you know, but here's the problem here's the real answer. Okay turns out
[00:33:02] Mm-hmm that I had a secret benefactor that had been paying people
[00:33:07] To come by Toyota's for me so I could keep my job
[00:33:11] Really yes like a billionaire something that must have been really expensive a patron of the arts
[00:33:17] Yes, because I had written some poetry in college
[00:33:23] Made its way to a couple of zines in New York City
[00:33:34] Wow Mitt Romney sure didn't he work there. I think so yeah, I actually worked at braincattle
[00:33:41] Mitt Romney was paying me and run me takes that fight. Well, I just thought you love this guy's boat
[00:33:47] Oh, he's got really the poacher. I don't approve of you suckin cock. Yeah. I mean if he wants to suck
[00:34:01] Or jit Romney it mits like a glove. That's what they say
[00:34:10] I think he doesn't admit Romney before he fucks his one of his wives he puts the counter money goes on
[00:34:17] Oh, who let all right who loved who let them come out about came who let the dogs out is the best video ever
[00:34:23] And who know the dogs out who let the dogs out who just around black people
[00:34:27] Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I came out song they come in years prior
[00:34:34] Shout out to mitt and shout out. Let me just say so like say thank you for everyone who came out to see me
[00:34:39] Thank you everyone at coming to the fucking Prince of pleasure tour
[00:34:42] It's been going fucking swimmingly and I'm coming to fucking Denver next I'm coming to Omaha, Nebraska
[00:34:48] I'm coming to fucking Minneapolis. That's all next in two weeks Denver's the 12th Omaha's the 14th mini apples 16th
[00:34:56] The 18th then I'm in San Antonio the next week and then I'm in Cleveland
[00:35:03] Detroit New Orleans Tampa Boston all the good shit
[00:35:07] But yeah go buy some tickets to Denver Omaha Minneapolis San Antonio for now grand slam Tony
[00:35:13] Grand Slam Tony. I'm trying to get some fucking
[00:35:16] Some plus-size pussy over in San Antonio. I hear it's the fattest city in America
[00:35:20] I hope it's got the fattest pussies in America. Oh my god. I'm not going towards right
[00:35:25] Just to have sex and not do show that's not a bad way to do it put it up on my website
[00:35:29] I just go on a pussy tour like just name like a like a prostitute. Yeah, I'll be the best
[00:35:35] Yeah, the way the way fucking prostitutes go to strip clubs. Yeah, you're just like hey
[00:35:39] I don't feel like doing stand-up, but yeah, if you're a girl who lives here wants to suck my
[00:35:45] DM me, you know in fact that goes for me too
[00:35:48] I am doing stand-up, but if you just want to suck me off
[00:35:51] With Salem North. I got my own I got my own six-foot expandable table that I'll just be setting up outside the best Western
[00:35:59] We can you know both form a line and I can meet you and sign something
[00:36:04] Right, and I'll put a stamp on your hand if I'm if you if you vote you're if you're get put get cock approved
[00:36:09] Yeah, and then I have a big air horn that novelty air horn that says moo
[00:36:26] Go to stop it dot biz slash tour for those tickets. I'll also be selling Nick's sexual tour tickets on that website. I
[00:36:33] Will be so I'm getting a piece of every little fucking I'm pimping Nick out. I'll set it up
[00:36:39] Dude, I'll set up the logistics, but I get 10% okay of every
[00:36:44] Have to bring back a little jar of pussy juice and I get to drink it when you come home
[00:36:48] This is making me feel like a real industrialist. Yeah from the golden age of course
[00:36:55] My back is fucking kill me do it. It's any is anybody listening a masseuse
[00:36:59] I got I got a lacrosse ball sitting on that table right there. I'm gonna have my my cooking massage right after this actually
[00:37:06] Yeah, how about instead of lacrosse and playing lacrosse? It's playing bridge boss playing rich boss
[00:37:11] And you're like kind of suck in his ass
[00:37:32] Like what's the hell what's the fucking guy's killing back there?
[00:37:34] Like a fucking trombone Jim Jim from fucking
[00:37:59] Fond du Lac Fondal sack Wisconsin. I'm also going to Wisconsin at some point too. I think I said that Madison
[00:38:09] Yeah, Jim will be opening for me when I have been Madison Wisconsin featuring the openers Jim from Fond du Lac and Jeff Foxx
[00:38:19] Really you guys okay, that's a little fucking a preview for Sunday's episode. I love doing that
[00:38:26] I love we know we record Sunday and then we reference something coming Jeff Fox Jeff Foxx barely
[00:38:32] That's pretty good. Oh my god. Oh my mother fucking God. I really watch tell her high water. Yeah, great flick
[00:38:39] I love them great great. I bought it. I have it on DVD has been I watched it like three times when I got it
[00:38:44] It's awesome. I'm gonna redo that and Sicario
[00:38:47] Mm-hmm. It's a dick you yeah, it's choreo rocks. The second one was not as good the day of this old ada, which is a great name
[00:38:54] It should have been it is a really good name. I feel like the pinnacle of my life was when
[00:39:02] Frankie sucked your dick and you fucked his ass. No, he fucked your ass. No
[00:39:07] Don't you remember that Adam when he was like bragging about Frankie finally getting oh, yeah
[00:39:10] Yeah, Frankie and the rest of the Jersey boys rolling was it the stand one that's right? I remember that he said he said
[00:39:18] Very funny great job to me and I that will be a feather in my ass
[00:39:25] A regular Yankee that is true. You were smiling big as shit when he's stuck a feather up his dick and
[00:39:31] Then came from doing that and he turns out he loves a dog
[00:39:36] I remember it's a child trying to picture Yankee doodle in my head and it was always some kind of like fucked up rooster man
[00:39:42] Yeah, well cuz doodle well Yankee doodle is a dumb name and I mean you know what I would I imagine like a
[00:39:49] Kook the cocoa puffs bird in colonial garb
[00:39:53] There's eyeballs. They're like macaroni or whatever because the whole song is just
[00:39:57] Yeah, I didn't understand the back of a was a stuck a feather in his ass and called it macaroni literally cap every part of a quote unquote
[00:40:05] American culture from like the colonial period was just I mean just like
[00:40:11] Fully deranged mm-hmm. Yeah, you know well they were raping
[00:40:16] Slave like mentally disabled like a down syndrome person came up with most yeah
[00:40:22] Yeah, that was like a banger that was what they have what did someone came up with the Yankee doodle everyone's like
[00:40:26] I love that mm-hmm. You love that track. They came up with that at my bookie. I didn't know that yeah
[00:40:33] Which Adam why don't you tell us a little bit about how they came
[00:40:40] The world of sports the off season is time to relax and regroup after a hard fought season
[00:40:46] That's true my bookie gives you the choice to decide when your season begins and ends that's it. I love agency
[00:40:53] Yeah, I love my season is all you're long. Well, I'm trying to season a man's penis
[00:41:07] Venus de la almost exiles almost ex while
[00:41:11] You can bet on hundreds of games and leagues from around the world whether it's a game day parlay or a long shot
[00:41:17] When are my bookies got you covered that's so fun. You three game props or bet the live game to shift the odds in your favor
[00:41:26] Yep, and that's that's I always come out on top too when you're your stop-roading
[00:41:32] I have sex you wish to you know I would top you anyway, you know, I would top you don't have first of all
[00:41:39] You don't have the strength. I'll be honest with you. I can't imagine you guys having sex
[00:41:42] I would fuck Adam. It's not even a question
[00:41:44] No, you'd be you just like hold the hands. No way. I would be like I would ravage his whole let's stay friends
[00:41:52] He's not hot enough, but if he was I would fucking yeah, Adam's telling you about the other guys
[00:41:56] He's having sex with you're like, I'm just so glad you're happy
[00:41:59] No, I'm not getting friends on by I don't I'm getting power. I'm power fucking is
[00:42:04] The idea of that happening that'll never happens like I just respect you as a friend more and you're like totally totally
[00:42:10] Don't you even you're like a brother never Adam's like I've been getting raped in my ass by will from Chappa
[00:42:18] You're like oh, I'm getting bushels a really good guy. No, dude
[00:42:22] I'm getting will style bus. He didn't will would respect me for it too. Yeah, he rocks
[00:42:26] He does rock he rocks and me and him both fuck Adam. Yeah
[00:42:30] It's a will zone because the bull is outside and his Mustang honking the horn like Adam. Come give me some pussy
[00:42:38] You can't stop just at the windows kind of like okay frosty. He just backs the receipts into the darkness
[00:42:46] Okay, see ya. I don't see you come back come by later. Yeah the drapes. Yeah. Yeah, cuz you're in a wheelchair
[00:42:53] You broke your leg. Mmm. This was when you heard your foot. Yeah, I was fucking oh, you know what?
[00:42:57] I'll admit when I heard my foot I was more vulnerable. Yeah, and you're looking at the window and across the street you see
[00:43:04] Somebody doing murder a murder happens. Oh, it's rear window now. Yeah, but I also want to get pussy from Adam
[00:43:11] It's but here's what happens. It's stop like he's sitting. I'm gonna use my phone as an example
[00:43:15] He's looking out the window and it's he's like oh my god that woman looks like she's in trouble and then they see the murder
[00:43:22] Happens like oh my god. He's murdering her
[00:43:24] Yes, can I get a large piece? Yes, can I get a large piece?
[00:43:39] What was I doing anyway? All right, jacking on
[00:43:50] The end of that that's true, but I would fuck at him for the record now finish the read Adam
[00:43:54] I would fuck you, but um no chance. I was a fuck you dude finish the read you would never fuck me
[00:44:01] I'm too powerful to get fucked by you. I would I would twist you up like a fat little pretzel
[00:44:06] You would not you wish you would you and dip your mustard I would fucking dominate you sexually, bro
[00:44:16] You couldn't even get hard I would you know what you're right
[00:44:21] And yeah, I'm like give me a second someone needs to fuck in this scenario
[00:44:24] So I would be like Adam suck my balls. We ain't capable. I would be like Adam suck my balls while Jack off to get hard enough to fuck you
[00:44:31] That would be pretty funny, and you'd be like yes daddy you're dick on and you would say yes daddy
[00:44:37] I would not call you come on. That is beyond the pair you would now you've really stepped over a line
[00:44:43] That is insulting to my father. He's my one and only I'm a better role model than your dad
[00:44:49] Okay, if you sign up today with my bookie and use our yeah
[00:44:51] Yeah, you had to move on because of the truth it's either come time to come time to money you'll receive an up to a
[00:44:56] Thousand dollars in bonus money when you make your first folks bonus money. Yeah bonus money
[00:45:01] And that's what I like much better than regular money
[00:45:04] Yeah, that's a thousand bucks extra cash when you make your first deposit my bookie comm using promo code
[00:45:17] It's either come down or come down twenty folks bet anything anytime anywhere with my bookie calm you could bet anything
[00:45:25] That's awesome. They literally take any form of currency currency that you've made up Bitcoin
[00:45:32] Stop going stop risk on stop your coin you should make stop coin. I should I
[00:45:41] Stop sucking my penis you think I said you guys can't you make a coin for me? Yeah, I listen
[00:45:48] I just wanted my own currency and I had so much to eat
[00:45:52] I wanted to come up with I came up with something called Toyota coin
[00:45:55] I thought it was gonna revolutionize a dearest dealership
[00:45:58] Started talking to a couple guys online. We meet up in person long story short. I got raped
[00:46:05] I got tricked in the sucking cock and that's why I'm here
[00:46:10] Grayfield elementary talking the you kids today to warn you about the dangers of crypto curse
[00:46:15] Yeah, a lot of you have been hearing cool stories about Bitcoin being used to buy downloadable content video games
[00:46:23] It's not happening kids. There's not a single game where that works instead. I'm now HIV positive
[00:46:30] School oh Jim so this is separate from you getting raped in I've had a hard life
[00:46:35] Yeah, it's been a long road people they go through life and they learn a lot of different lessons
[00:46:47] Do you think at a certain point it becomes part of your identity and you think of yourself as a guy who gets raped you know
[00:46:55] That the only way to find the true soul of a man
[00:47:00] Is to put a cock in his mouth and see how he reacts
[00:47:05] And I was told to me by a very wise man a man
[00:47:08] I respected who I found out years later was also a sex criminal right?
[00:47:13] His name was Robert. I met him at a bus stop that I would find out that he was living at
[00:47:19] And by any chance did you suck Roberts cock I did because he said the thing about Nietzsche who?
[00:47:27] I thought it was probably that was smart. It seemed like a smart thing. Yeah
[00:47:32] You know I thought maybe later he'd buy a Toyota
[00:47:35] He was saying you say talk about all I hate taking the bus
[00:47:39] He said I overheard you you talking about you're the guy that sells Toyota's right and I said yeah, that's me and he said boy
[00:47:46] I really I'm really tired of taking the bus site. I would love a Toyota if somebody would just you know
[00:47:53] But I have too much coming my balls to buy one give me the
[00:47:57] What they slow me down slow me down these heavy-ass balls are making it impossible for me to reach for my wallet
[00:48:03] Yeah, give me the sweet Jimmy treatment
[00:48:20] Wow get sued by the DeLorean company no because John DeLorean actually
[00:48:36] Jim from fun to like a lot of getting right. It doesn't love it. It just happened John DeLorean
[00:48:41] We had a whirlwind romance when he took me to Northern Ireland with him when he was planning on building the factories and I thought it was an interesting life
[00:48:50] I thought you said you were married to a woman and my mind
[00:48:53] I thought he was was head-hunting me for a position as the vice president of sales at DeLorean right turns out
[00:49:01] He thought I was cute and wanted my boy pussy
[00:49:04] But he didn't fly you out that says something he flew me out
[00:49:08] I knew something was up when I got there and there were roses and a dress
[00:49:19] Any kind of job position and when I asked him about it, he said what position?
[00:49:25] I I sent you a letter in the mail that said I would love to blow a load in your mouth
[00:49:31] That's a romantic letter me and I thought he meant to give me a job
[00:49:48] I guess you're right. I don't know all the I don't know all the slang from back then people talked in a very
[00:49:53] Particular manner in the 1980s. It was the first decade. You weren't allowed to openly use the N word and white people were still figuring out
[00:50:00] Right, right. You're saying new sayings
[00:50:02] We couldn't say the N word, but we hadn't yet stolen cuss words black people stop right so you go around you'd be like hey
[00:50:09] Shit ass right get your dick ass car off my yeah, I'm gonna blow low to your mouth
[00:50:15] I'm gonna blow a load of my mouth fly you out to Northern Ireland
[00:50:18] Your mouth hey shit fuck hey, I'm gonna blow your mouth in Northern Ireland
[00:50:25] So you're in a pretty red dress you've seen the letter
[00:50:30] Oh, you're familiar with so obviously it's a mistake is a mistake anyone could have made down here bottom the lipstick kiss
[00:50:46] And I said a letter back and I said I'm very open to be put in any position by you
[00:50:53] Because I thought that was perhaps some sort of Northern Irish
[00:50:58] So John the laurians from Northern Ireland. I think he's also from Wisconsin. Okay, okay
[00:51:04] All letters are sealed now are we sure this was a man named so so you fuck
[00:51:12] Northern Ireland and then the decade or so later he hires you and
[00:51:17] And tell you he's a real sucker no that your confusing with a man just a sales manager
[00:51:41] And then you work in a different you were already a car salesman
[00:51:44] Yeah, so you work in a different dealership and I guess also on that time you get married keep in mind that the DeLorean could travel in time
[00:52:00] Which I met him and he brought me back to the past with
[00:52:08] 1987 because any good luck proving that in a quarter long
[00:52:19] Everybody thinks I'm insane right like Eugene Carroll
[00:52:28] That's what they call you, huh? Yeah, and what have you been doing since because that I mean all the stories you told us the latest time was
[00:52:38] 2003 so what have you been doing in the I started a podcast about the Westminster dogs?
[00:52:48] Well, I tell you I it's kind of the funk now because the first the first couple episodes
[00:52:54] I had some friends on it was nice. We just talked about the dogs
[00:52:57] Mm-hmm third episode. We had a big get oh, yeah, Lawrence Lawrence fishmeister. Does his name ring a bell?
[00:53:12] You're thinking of the black guy from the fucking from Morpheus from the king in New York
[00:53:17] I am yeah, Larry Larry fish burn. Yeah, the but this guy is was the premier judge of
[00:53:24] The Westminster dog show. Oh wow. That is a big get from 1973 until
[00:53:30] 1993 what kind of relationship did you guys have? Well, we were just gonna interview him for the podcast
[00:53:38] I'm at my hotel and then we have a couple of hours before we do the show
[00:53:56] I said I don't really want to talk about toy owners. I had kind of a traumatic
[00:54:03] No problem we can just and so we got those with I got through his hotel
[00:54:09] I want it pictures to him with presidents right different different characters
[00:54:16] Reagan and Margaret Thatcher he had a picture him and Osama bin lot. Oh
[00:54:21] So he was a popular guy back in the 1980s and he
[00:54:28] Do you want me to give you a sample and I said well of what and he said of how I judge the dogs
[00:54:33] And I said sure and he said well get get down like a puppy don all fours and he had a collar in the leash
[00:54:40] Put it on me, uh-huh, and I said, okay, and then you have little dogs now
[00:54:48] You know, he's like well go around the room and I thought it was weird at first
[00:54:51] But then I kind of got into it. I'm like oh
[00:54:56] He's like okay come over here come over here Jim and we're going around the room and he said well, you know
[00:55:01] It's it's not really working because the dog, you know, it doesn't work close. This is really tripping me up
[00:55:07] And that's where it you know, I said okay something seems like something's up
[00:55:12] That at that point your spidey senses start tingling
[00:55:19] He did have a point dogs don't wear they don't they wear a collar
[00:55:23] So I took my clothes off and I'm going around the
[00:55:26] The apartment and he said okay, well get up on here in the bed boy
[00:55:31] And I'm up on that on horse and he reached under my legs and grabbed my scrotum and started massaging my test
[00:55:38] Wow, that was a felt kind of good at first and you know, I thought it was weird
[00:55:42] But he's like this is the most important part of the dog
[00:55:46] And he's and I said what are you checking for testicular cancer?
[00:55:49] And he says no a lot of people don't understand what's going on when the judge I was the guy that invented this
[00:55:55] Oh, you know back in the day they none of they they looked at me like I was crazy when I started feeling the dog's balls
[00:56:00] Right, but what really sets a dog apart at the dog show. Yeah, yeah is the level of
[00:56:13] And it's indicative of the breed. Yeah, good boy when you play with the dogs balls, right a regular dog
[00:56:19] I'll probably bite you a show dog knows not to bite you but there still might be an underlying level of tension that the dog is
[00:56:27] Experiencing right so when you're playing with the dogs balls
[00:56:31] What you want to look for is the tightness of the dog's asshole
[00:56:36] Because that indicates how stressed out the dog and how do you check for that?
[00:56:41] And so he's massaging my balls and I noticed my asshole is a bit tight
[00:56:47] Right, and he said so this would be a fail
[00:56:50] This would be if this would be a not a pass because you're not relaxed worse than show and
[00:56:56] You know I said why I want to I want to succeed
[00:56:59] I don't want to be up show stage by a dog and yeah, I think you all did I think I got Lou got his bag
[00:57:07] And I said how much more we got three minutes
[00:57:09] So he said as he slid the agent to my ass right
[00:57:19] And when that's happening, what are you thinking? Just I'm saying I'm a Dalmatian
[00:57:29] And then he said he pulled my hair back and he said if you're a good enough boy
[00:57:35] And that sent me into a spiral right that was like you sensory recall and much like a dog
[00:57:42] I sort of snapped around and I ripped his trachea out with my teeth. Oh wow
[00:57:50] You would think that murdering a man with your bare hands, you know your your
[00:57:56] Dretching through his his neck veins bleeding him out in the hotel room
[00:58:00] We give you enough street credit that when you're in very early sentence to ten years in prison for manslaughter
[00:58:11] Yeah, they found out about the dog thing and I don't even know where they got a kennel to put
[00:58:19] But they won they already had toys for me and little princess dog outfits that I had to wear Wow
[00:58:27] They said there was a guy named Tyrone that called me his little be John freeze. I see that's me and boy
[00:58:35] You know I thought I knew what being rape
[00:58:46] But these guys in there, it's like it's like the NBA right right you're playing street ball out the speed of the game is so
[00:58:54] Much faster the speed in the power when you get into a Midwestern state prison
[00:59:00] the frigid land locked hell filled with just the raw unbridled rage of
[00:59:08] Maladjusted racial tensions over the last hundred years
[00:59:12] A place that's too fake to deal with racism, right?
[00:59:17] They really let you they let a dog have it
[00:59:20] They let a white dog named Jim really lettuce lettuce they really put a pound it on his asshole and the worst part about it was
[00:59:32] We were getting a lot of we were seeing a huge uptick in traffic
[00:59:38] Metrics were averaging maybe about 750 a thousand downloads per episode
[00:59:43] I was getting really I was I was getting emails from people from all over two or three guys one of them was in California
[00:59:53] He's lived with his mom his whole life and really it really brightened his day to listen to me talk about dogs and
[01:00:01] And you know to know that I was making a difference in someone's life really felt good
[01:00:06] That was so worth it and he he I saw he mailed him back and I said no, thank you. I appreciate it
[01:00:12] And he said listen, I'm actually gonna be in fondle actually
[01:00:19] Really and I was out on parole and you know
[01:00:23] I didn't have anything to do and he was like both you want to meet me and the drive-through of
[01:00:31] Whatever the Midwestern version of Waterburger is right right and that guy raped me also
[01:00:37] Culver's and that at Culver's you had a nice custard in your system. Yeah, you had a your cheese curds
[01:00:43] Jim I got a same pound so now you're out of jail. Yeah, when's the last time you were raped?
[01:00:50] How long is it bit do you have one of those boards at your house that says days zero days since getting raped
[01:00:56] You know, I feel like that's a very personal question. Okay, you've shared a lot. I don't think I
[01:01:03] Think it's outside of my Midwestern good great values
[01:01:07] Western value system well listen Jim we're all having a good time hanging out
[01:01:11] Do you maybe want to come back to my place after this?
[01:01:14] You know I would love to but I'm meeting with a potential investor down at the Akano lodge around 40
[01:01:21] Okay, well you're meeting at the Ralph 40 and Pulaski highway in Rosedale, Maryland sure
[01:01:31] You're gonna get the pod back up and running I'm going there's a guy who might buy podcasting equipment for me
[01:01:37] But he says I got a suck his dick to get and I think that's just an expression
[01:01:46] Well, maybe another time Jim maybe another time
[01:01:54] I love you the guy you can't stop getting raped from fondlec
[01:02:01] Salesman well folks. We hope you enjoyed this one as much as we did. It's great to be back
[01:02:06] It's great to be beak a plug come to town to buy shirts, but those teas they've stopped paying me
[01:02:12] Just decided to not give me any the money and wow
[01:02:18] But you know buy the shirts anyways cuz I like him buy the shirts go to stop it up is I got enough money
[01:02:25] Yes, sir. There's cocks suckers. What's up? No nothing. No, you're gonna plug something
[01:02:30] I'll just say go to stop it up bitch slash tour get tickets to the tour get tickets to the or buy some fucking
[01:02:35] Sure, it's I'm listen. I want all you guys know. I'm cooking up something real nice for the stavey stavey baby 2022 calendar
[01:02:42] You know, it's coming out took some pictures already for soul cock
[01:02:46] It's crazy. It's full frontal nudity. It's we're entering the last quarter of this year already. It's wild. I know it's flown
[01:02:53] I might show balls. I gotta I gotta have a family
[01:03:02] The back is tasteful they call that the Westminster the Westminster. Yep balls from the back
[01:03:08] I might show balls from the back this year only one way to find out stay tuned for that, but yeah
[01:03:13] Adam anything to plug I'm gonna be I'm gonna be starting a family. Oh, wow. I gotta do that
[01:03:19] But mine will be bad mine's gonna be just a nightmare. No, we're gonna all respect and then my child will be jealous of yours
[01:03:36] Yeah, it'd be the most hated family in America and said of the Westminster Westboro Baptist Church is gonna be a
[01:03:42] Family that's just trying to go viral. Okay. All right. Bye