Cum Town | Regular | 09/29/2021
[00:00:24] Well, it's the closest to where I'm sitting.
[00:00:31] I just wanted to set it up so the chords had as much slack.
[00:00:36] This certainly looks like it worked out, where the chords are definitely not tangled.
[00:00:44] Sorry guys, this is not going to be a good episode because Adam said he was surprised
[00:00:51] Well, yeah, how about no more surprises?
[00:00:53] And I said, because, Stav, are you eating treats these days?
[00:01:00] The thing is, why did you feel the need to get it originally?
[00:01:07] I had thought to myself that the boys would like these don't.
[00:01:12] What's the reason you decided we should get a treat today?
[00:01:21] You understand people are going to hear what Adam's doing.
[00:01:25] Adam's tune is a little, the cartoon of, not the, you know when they go to the lobby in
[00:01:35] But imagine it's like, it's a bank and then there's like cartoon like, nickels and stuff
[00:01:45] Like, you know, if you got, you know, you're going to go to the movie theater and they play
[00:01:50] Imagine if you go to the bank and before you can, you know, you're waiting in line, they
[00:01:54] And it's all the money and it's like, we'll go to them soon.
[00:02:02] So do it on the, on the main episode at the beginning.
[00:02:15] Can we, can we not settle these things?
[00:02:21] We got to do a big fight like a gentleman.
[00:02:23] You tried to bury it at the end of the premium Sunday.
[00:02:26] We agreed we were, I was just trying to eat today so that I could watch a doll go.
[00:02:33] And I guess we could watch a doll go in your ass.
[00:02:43] Adam, the thing is I want you right now on prime time.
[00:02:50] I want you to say why you got us treats.
[00:02:52] Um, because I thought the boys would like these donuts when I got, had these donuts.
[00:03:06] What have you finally admitted was a mistake and you feel very bad about talking about
[00:03:13] And you said, I felt like, I felt like I was defiant and I was being a bad friend.
[00:03:25] The Adam comes, I'm more starving because we don't eat starving.
[00:03:28] We just, we fucking don't, I don't need for days before the show because I like the first
[00:03:35] I like to, I like to be fresh, you know, you get kind of in a, my senses are sharp.
[00:03:40] But then for the afternoon, the regular episode, it's Adam's job to go get lunch.
[00:03:46] And, and it's Adam's job to go get lunch.
[00:03:53] And then I, he comes back and he's got a box of donuts.
[00:04:01] And then I, you know, it's like, okay, well everyone's eating the donuts.
[00:04:05] I'm not going to say that they're great donuts.
[00:04:07] And I appreciate the thought and the gesture of atonement yet again.
[00:04:12] And they are very, but he's not thinking about the reason you go get lunch is so we have
[00:04:18] I do imagine, imagine you're the dietitian.
[00:04:20] And I will say, I don't view friendship as a balance sheet.
[00:04:23] I wasn't doing that because I had a negative two weeks ago.
[00:04:27] You first of all, and I said, the boys like you do.
[00:04:30] Imagine, you're the, you're the, you're the team nutritionist.
[00:04:34] I definitely don't for the, for the Denver Broncos.
[00:04:41] And you go and you're like, well, we got a fuel up.
[00:05:02] He's like a Terrell Davis, giving him a migraine.
[00:05:11] And by the way, Adam, here's the thing.
[00:05:21] I'm smiling because I'm thinking about how funny it would be if I did something like
[00:05:26] You know, you were smiling because it's so good to get the exact right.
[00:05:34] It's not gay if you're getting sucked off with an invader, Zim hoodie on because you're
[00:05:41] People will listen to the episode where you basically said this, these treats were a quid
[00:05:57] Don't come up here pretending like it wasn't for that, which is fine.
[00:06:01] You make a mistake, you come through, you br- you fucking, you have a little dick, you
[00:06:04] give your girlfriend flowers, which is something, you know, that kind of thing.
[00:06:16] He's got his retard girlfriend flowers.
[00:06:19] Because she's used to retarded guys with humongous retard flowers.
[00:06:23] You think, uh, you think a guy that somebody, uh, people may know who fucks retard.
[00:06:31] You've been with a lot of retarded guys.
[00:06:37] She's like, yeah, but I like your personality.
[00:06:49] Oh, you got a, you got a preempt to the, what are you Chinese?
[00:06:55] You want to be the one to be on the record.
[00:06:58] Tim, it's been the first one to say, what are you Chinese?
[00:07:02] I think that you were not involved with-
[00:07:11] And then you, you are coming in with YouTube first in the comments.
[00:07:20] I appreciate the gestures that donuts were delicious.
[00:07:23] However, given that it is lunchtime and given that you're making up for missing a meal.
[00:07:28] You could at least got a bunch of chicken nuggets from McDonald's.
[00:07:30] I think both me and Nick were expecting lunch.
[00:07:33] I said I wasn't going to get sandwiches.
[00:07:43] I think, and I think I speak for everybody here.
[00:07:46] You're talking about cornbread as part of a larger barbecue order.
[00:07:49] There's treats that were going to be involved.
[00:07:52] See, I thought it wasn't going to be a breakfast sandwich.
[00:07:57] I actually, in the back of my head, was kind of thinking.
[00:07:59] You remember how he was mentioning really good breakfast burritos?
[00:08:04] Part of me was thinking, well, this is the time Adam.
[00:08:05] I told you that place is closed on Mondays.
[00:08:08] What do I keep track of everything you've ever told?
[00:08:13] What about the fourth man, the audience?
[00:08:16] I think the fourth member of our cohort or whatever.
[00:08:26] I'm just saying, I don't think it would have been out of bounds for you to come back here
[00:08:32] And then you said, do you want an iced tea or a coffee or something?
[00:08:36] If I had known we're getting donuts, I would have said coffee.
[00:08:40] Well, I think I have, I'm thinking I need something to wash down my lunch with.
[00:08:43] So I said, do you want to come with me in the car?
[00:08:48] So if it was a surprise, I couldn't say that it was donuts.
[00:08:54] You know what's going to be great when we find out it was free donut.
[00:09:11] Adam, get the little wire so we could add them telling on wires.
[00:09:14] No, don't call another honest business.
[00:09:22] Get the wire out so you can plug the phone.
[00:10:23] I must have left it at the girls' night.
[00:10:32] Yeah, I will say you're pretty close to a KFC.
[00:10:36] Well, what I was gonna just Google a chicken place and call them out in the ass if they
[00:10:49] Just want to let everyone know if we run out of steam, it's because we crashed.
[00:10:57] Really, really poorly thought out by you.
[00:11:03] A piece of chicken would have been nice.
[00:11:06] A piece of fried chicken would have been nice.
[00:11:09] I did a bunch of rotisserie chicken before this started.
[00:11:12] So go have some nicks rotisserie chicken.
[00:11:15] It's a fucking three-day old rotisserie chicken.
[00:11:24] And now you're calling me disgusting, in my own...
[00:11:26] We were here kind of waiting for lunch, you know?
[00:11:30] You know, I had pretty low expectations.
[00:11:40] And I said, he's going to find a way to go to the even more pedophile sandwich restaurant.
[00:11:50] They got into a big lawsuit over there when they found out that Subway Jerby's raping children,
[00:11:58] That's sort of the Blimpy way, is going up into the clouds and fucking geese.
[00:12:02] Remember the Quiznows when they set the world on fire with those little...
[00:12:07] The Quiznows was really going to take over.
[00:12:09] They had a minute though, off the strength of that ad alone.
[00:12:12] I had a roommate in college who said he wanted to drop out of college and start a Quiznows franchise,
[00:12:19] I eat a Quiznows a couple times and I was like, it's good.
[00:12:25] So does Subway in that weird little half microwave half of other things.
[00:12:35] It's very good and you eat it and you're like, what the hell is it?
[00:12:41] Who's making these sandwiches back there?
[00:12:46] How was it trying to bait Adam and his...
[00:12:49] Into doing it first, trying to let him once again.
[00:12:54] Listen, I'm going to fucking try to eat my back there.
[00:13:19] I feel like there used to be a Quiznos on every corner.
[00:13:25] Yeah, I used to go to the one next to...
[00:13:38] Dude, there's nothing but Quiznos for the graveyard.
[00:13:46] It was crossing the Goodyear Auto Place.
[00:13:53] It shows you all the permanently closed Quiznos.
[00:14:16] Yeah, they got like Ching Chongs, like Asian...
[00:14:24] Yeah, they have like the Panera tier of Chinese bullshit.
[00:14:32] You know, it'll be like a chain of like places where you like just point at the meat and then some...
[00:14:47] Okay, so the closest... the quiz knows to us is...
[00:14:56] Well, they said get them out of the city.
[00:15:00] They also wanted Stewart International Airport.
[00:15:14] I think the new female governor is him.
[00:15:19] I don't believe that that's not Andrew Cuomo.
[00:15:23] Yeah, look at... watch a video and tell me that's not just him.
[00:15:28] There's one in you Baltimore Travel Plaza.
[00:15:50] Quiznet seems to really be holding down the airport market.
[00:16:00] To buy a fucking beside you at the airport.
[00:16:05] I felt like George Jetson going in there.
[00:16:07] Yeah, when I go in there and I'd be like,
[00:16:08] dude, some of them, and I have a fucking hammock,
[00:16:20] I used to get kicked out of the massage chairs with my friend.
[00:16:25] No, because they said we were kids and we weren't going to buy the massage chair.
[00:16:36] Maybe when I'm older, maybe when I'm older,
[00:16:38] I'll be a successful businessman and I'll buy this massage chair.
[00:16:41] My family owns the synagogue and we have lots and lots of money.
[00:16:47] How much money do you make owning a synagogue?
[00:16:57] I mean, it's a religious organization, so they don't pay tax.
[00:17:03] I was thinking about having a bar mitzvah for myself this year up at Bear Mountain.
[00:17:07] Just get the rent out, the reception hall,
[00:17:10] and then do the tour portion and everything.
[00:17:13] And the theme of my bar mitzvah is going to be the entertainment industry.
[00:17:18] So I invite managers and agents that don't talk to me anymore.
[00:17:23] I'm not going to tell any of them having a bar mitzvah.
[00:17:26] But then they show up and I'm doing the reading.
[00:17:30] And then I just say, oh, you didn't know I was Jewish?
[00:17:40] No, it's the theme of entertainment industry.
[00:17:43] I thought, of course, I had to invite you.
[00:17:45] Oh, the things I said, they were, you know, I mean offensive.
[00:17:48] Yeah, but it's part of, you know, it's satire.
[00:17:54] Listen, it would be awesome because that would definitely-
[00:18:04] If I invited a bunch of managers and agents to baremouth it.
[00:18:15] Maybe that, well, I really wanted to run out bareman.
[00:18:26] I would go first of all, I would rent the entire lodge for two nights.
[00:18:30] So, so that all the rooms and then, yeah, just get everybody from
[00:18:38] Then we have, you know, we have, you know, just like, we got a DJ wearing
[00:18:42] like a big, like a top, like a fuzzy top hat.
[00:18:55] The rich kids used to get hot chicks to like dance for the kids.
[00:19:03] Like, do you think anyone ever will motivate or motivational dancers?
[00:19:05] Do you think any, anyone ever got their son a prostitute for his bar,
[00:19:13] That's, that Adam's dad's still doing that to this day.
[00:19:17] Except now they're, now they're prostitute girlfriends.
[00:19:24] Adam has a woman that's paid to pretend to be...
[00:19:29] I don't know your dad had money like that, dude.
[00:19:32] It's the only way we can get him to do the show.
[00:19:38] That's what Adam gets his fucking salary in, his girlfriend.
[00:19:42] It's people don't know this, but there used to be a, the third guy on the show was a black
[00:19:46] And one time I was about to do a joke and he ripped and I, it crushed.
[00:19:53] And I pulled him, I pulled him aside after the show and I had to feed him to pigs.
[00:20:04] I had to, I had to death by pigs for that, man.
[00:20:10] So then he saw, then he thought, let's get Adam in the mix.
[00:20:16] We hang out with, we hang out with, cause he's my neighbor.
[00:20:19] And the only reason, is cause we're neighbors.
[00:20:40] Adam actually did really well on the, the Premium episode this week.
[00:20:53] And then he also used the N words, so if you're well...
[00:20:57] Which is going to be edited out in the YouTube version, obviously.
[00:21:01] Yeah, on the YouTube version that someone steals, you can monitor.
[00:21:04] If you go to patreon.com slash comtown, you can hear the uncensored Adam saying the N word,
[00:21:10] blackmail clip, that you can then download yourself.
[00:21:28] Like a commercial for like an exterminator.
[00:21:32] He just got so excited to go into a character.
[00:21:40] This weekend, then fucker being like, you gotta edit that.
[00:21:45] This weekend I'm in Nashville with Mike Racine October 1st and 2nd.
[00:21:51] And we are at the third coast comedy club that next week.
[00:21:58] Next week I'm in Cleveland at hilarities, the seventh to the ninth, then Phoenix the 14th
[00:22:07] Then later in December, we got Detroit Columbus, New Orleans, Tampa, Boston.
[00:22:12] Go to stave.biz slash motherfucking tour and come see me live.
[00:22:24] We've only been doing about, oh, never mind.
[00:22:27] Mybookie.com is a place where a kid can be a kid.
[00:22:33] Mybookie.com is where your kid can get sucked off by a couple of kids.
[00:22:37] I think I love about mybookie.com is actually mybookie.ag.
[00:22:41] Of course, standing for some kind of, I think it's a Swiss legal entity, which means you
[00:22:50] can't sue them if they, not that they would.
[00:22:55] They're really trustworthy ass motherfucking company.
[00:23:00] In case they have what we call in this business, pull a crucial Adam.
[00:23:08] Come on, you tell us a little bit about my bookie.ag.
[00:23:15] And by the way, shots out to the Baltimore Ravens, Justin Tucker, the greatest kicker
[00:23:19] of all time, Doynks in a 66 yarder to send the fucking Detroit Lions packing at their
[00:23:27] Suck this fucking purple and black cock with feathers on its nuts.
[00:23:32] You fucking Detroit pieces of shit, but please buy tickets to see me on the scene.
[00:23:38] Yeah, Nick, you have the proper coffee.
[00:23:48] No, because I got a forward at the Adam.
[00:23:56] But in the meantime, Adam, just guess what it is.
[00:24:21] I'm over here licking the fucking paper like an animal.
[00:24:57] It sounds like it's coming from, should I call you?
[00:25:26] You can probably hear his, I'm finding my phone noise.
[00:25:34] Any moment now, folks, we will be finding Nick's phone.
[00:25:50] I'm licking the knife we used to cut the donuts.
[00:25:55] We got a message here from Mr. Roy from Parlay Media.
[00:26:11] I think nine donuts would have actually been appropriate.
[00:26:14] Nine donuts seems like that's the number.
[00:26:23] And we probably eat the six at first, but right now,
[00:26:26] after the first six have worn off, one each more
[00:26:30] would have been just with the doctor order.
[00:26:51] I was in a show in Sunday night football.
[00:27:04] Oh, man, he's going to because he listens to the show.
[00:27:08] I forgot that Joey and Roy are two different guys.
[00:27:16] They're like, you know, hey, I'm fucking.
[00:27:20] I'm the fucking other guy, I'm the other guy.
[00:27:22] Me and the other guy are guys with each other.
[00:27:30] Adam, I'll hold my phone up and you can read it from there.
[00:28:00] What do you mean I'm reading like a girl?
[00:28:04] You like look like you're looking at a penis.
[00:28:20] You're going to fucking get your fingers are covered in donuts.
[00:28:25] You're going to get goo all over this gummy goo.
[00:28:29] It's going to be like what the hell was such as phones of Chinese guy.
[00:28:34] Had the my bookie.ag and get in on the UFC first blood promotion.
[00:28:39] When any fighter on the main card bleeds, you win.
[00:28:44] So it sounds like if you go on my bookie once a month in Adam's house.
[00:28:55] If you bet on Adam's crotch once a month at my bookie.ag, it sounds like you're going
[00:29:04] The second you see blood you get paid with this bet centered around five main card bouts,
[00:29:12] You know the octagon won't say drive for long.
[00:29:16] So take the advantage of this opportunity.
[00:29:20] Nick Diaz, his blood in three of his last four fights.
[00:29:30] So you know by the end of his five round rematch blood will be spilled.
[00:29:41] So this is actually a really good opportunity for you guys.
[00:29:44] How we ever get you already know who won.
[00:29:53] I bet the Diamondbacks one is a come down in world.
[00:30:04] Why the shut up because I'm trying to read.
[00:30:11] I'm doing I'm not like, you know, reading and also thinking about my fucking boy.
[00:30:16] They're posting pictures of the reading on Instagram or being like, Oh, I love literature.
[00:30:39] You can double your winnings with my book.
[00:30:51] It looks like he wanted to do something fucking wacky and different.
[00:31:24] I'm a manic, I'm a manic, clucksy clan girl.
[00:31:29] My dream is to date a manic, clucksy clan girl.
[00:31:33] And that's eternal sunshine of the spotless race, the truly spotless month.
[00:31:42] And if that's not all, if you deposit now, you'll get a free entry into my book is $50,000
[00:32:00] Can you imagine how great that would be life changing?
[00:32:06] You know how much money you need to open a quiz?
[00:32:08] You probably need probably a million dollars.
[00:32:11] Probably probably about two million dollars.
[00:32:18] Cause $100,000 to open a fucking red box.
[00:32:24] Yeah, everything is, everything is a fucking red box.
[00:32:27] All these like financial advice blogs are like, why don't you just open a McDonald's?
[00:32:39] Maybe you could just, oh, you could own Microsoft.
[00:32:48] A lot of black celebrities bought wing stops.
[00:32:51] Rick Ross, I think, is one of the main investors.
[00:33:03] That's what I call winning season baby.
[00:33:10] Bet anything anytime anywhere with my bookie, the penis set website.
[00:33:16] They got a lot of nice cock over there.
[00:33:18] The website designed to get your dick hard.
[00:33:22] So hard that you know, you fucking get, attain a perfect type of basic.
[00:33:28] You're going to say, what do you got back here?
[00:33:35] Is my dick too small to go to the bathroom?
[00:33:42] In my bookie, they'll have the answers.
[00:33:48] Georgia man, 25 undergoes double lung transplant due to COVID-19.
[00:34:18] Like when they do a kidney transplant, they don't give you two new kidneys.
[00:34:28] Yeah, maybe he needs to take the biggest ribs ever.
[00:34:33] That's a real fucking serious possibility.
[00:34:36] I'm getting sleepy off these fucking donuts.
[00:34:39] Sorry, a little protein might have been able to kick care in me better, but it's not a
[00:34:45] 24-year-old Blake Bargatsy went to this concert in Florida where he lived.
[00:34:55] Once I got in there, there's just way too many and I got really hot and I took it off.
[00:35:02] Just so you guys can, we're going to play it back so you can...
[00:35:08] You guys are going to take this all in.
[00:35:23] I'm sorry, Blake Bargatsy went to this concert in Florida.
[00:35:33] I've thought about that a lot and I think it's usually when guys play music for girls.
[00:35:38] I don't even know in this day and they ain't choose going to stuff anymore.
[00:35:41] You see, they just had this thing, they called it Lala Palooza in Chicago, California,
[00:35:56] You can see why many people would be confused between the two.
[00:36:08] I see people and I say it's been a while since I visited the two.
[00:36:12] I love going to Chicago popping over to Kalah for a little fucking burrito for dinner.
[00:36:21] I see you will be summering in the two.
[00:36:26] In Lake Michigan Beach or Laguna or Laguna Beach or Malibu.
[00:36:34] And so I guess this guy, he's from Chicago and he was at Lala Palooza and let's hear
[00:36:46] But the crowd at Lala Palooza would be small.
[00:36:50] This thing is basically, it's like the 1938 Nuremberg rally.
[00:36:56] You know, I mean, it's like that level of kind of event.
[00:37:03] That's the kind of the enthusiasm and vibe that we're feeling at Lala Palooza this year.
[00:37:08] We got all these people that are excited, not only see Billie Eilish, but also Mayor
[00:37:15] You're looking like a toddler who stole her dad's suits.
[00:37:21] They are dating and they have been linked.
[00:37:23] They're going to be having sex on stage.
[00:37:28] Once I got in there, there was just way too many and I got really hot and I took it
[00:37:35] Probably wasn't the wisest decision on my part.
[00:37:37] His mother, Cheryl Nuclow, was not happy with him.
[00:37:40] And when I found out he went to a concert, I was pretty upset about it.
[00:37:43] Two days later, Blake was diagnosed with COVID.
[00:37:47] I started getting body aches and then the day or two after that I started having a high
[00:37:52] I went from 102 to 103 and then up to 104.
[00:37:56] April 10th, he was admitted to the hospital where things went downhill quickly.
[00:38:01] He had to be intubated and COVID was damaging his lungs.
[00:38:04] His mother had him flown to his native Atlanta where she lived.
[00:38:10] I'm sorry, but it seems to me that the real problem here is being from Atlanta and not
[00:38:20] If there's always, because we see a lot of these stories now, but unvaccinated people
[00:38:24] and they just, they plug that in and they don't mention whether they're from Atlanta.
[00:38:29] From Atlanta, did you go to fucking Lollapalooza?
[00:38:33] You know, if you spent much time in the two, at the two, at the two, at the two, the
[00:38:40] dose, dose, you know, that's the kind of, that's, I'm the kind of guy that likes to
[00:38:50] I said, let me go ahead and not use a condom with this Asian, because I'm, because I don't
[00:38:57] My research says this feels way better.
[00:39:01] And I'm trying, I'm, that's the research I'm doing.
[00:39:05] Professor Emeritus, over all dog, raw, raw dog, you, raw dog university.
[00:39:13] And I'm emeritus now, but I made tenure the hard way, getting my dick sucked, fucking
[00:39:21] That's blue, blue collar style getting jacked off.
[00:39:24] And yeah, have I got my dick sucked with the condoms to do, to do a control group?
[00:39:34] That seems like a sex worker saying it's romantic.
[00:39:37] I mean, I was like, okay, I cannot imagine there's no, I could, there's no way I could
[00:39:44] Well, I was like, all right, I guess if you want to, and then I was like, all right, let's
[00:39:46] just fuck, because it's just ridiculous.
[00:39:48] So you took the condom off and fucked it.
[00:39:52] I know you're into safety, but we should just have, yeah, but the pussy's an ideal mechanism.
[00:40:02] Oh, oh, now the pussy's not self cleaning.
[00:40:08] Everybody, oh, the rest of my life, I'm hearing the pH balances the right thing.
[00:40:13] But now when my cock is inside, it doesn't, that's, it stops.
[00:40:17] I like to have a woman do an acid base test before I go into the pussy.
[00:40:22] Do you like your pussy acidic or basic?
[00:40:29] Well, the thing is, the guy's asshole is actually self cleaning.
[00:40:33] The pH balances, there's yeast in my ass.
[00:40:45] If a baby's pacifier falls in a dog's ass, you can put it right in your baby's mouth.
[00:40:53] It would be funny to just like a gay guy with like a little bonnet on walking around
[00:40:56] with a pacifier in his asshole and pride.
[00:41:08] He's fucking prolapsing his ass in and out.
[00:41:13] If you're gay and you're listening to the show, try that.
[00:42:06] Call every one of these numbers until...
[00:42:16] Yeah, do us a favor and open the drawer and find the piece of paper that contains the
[00:42:23] information so that we can get paid or by reading about fucking vapors.
[00:42:32] It gives your whole body energy, but for some people it's like coffee for your cock
[00:42:36] If you're tired from sex that you've been having, taking super aspaciosos that can
[00:42:46] Yeah, and then we could call them up and be like, so what are you up to?
[00:42:54] How do you feel about the new Israeli Prime Minister?
[00:42:56] Yeah, and more importantly, how big are your tits?
[00:42:59] At the UN, Naphtali benefits as Iran has crossed all the nuclear radon.
[00:43:06] It's a pretty cool name, even though he sounds like a bitch.
[00:43:10] Yeah, but Naphtali is pretty cool from the United Russians, I don't think.
[00:43:14] Yeah, well Israel's all just white people that moved there five years ago.
[00:43:19] But they have a historic claim to the...
[00:43:24] Yeah, not the people that have literally entire families.
[00:43:35] Are you an aging millennial, new aches and pains?
[00:43:39] And if you hurt your back, pull a muscle from all that fucking unwind with a glass of cratum
[00:43:46] But when I've pulled my back from fucking, which I have done, actually, I love cratum
[00:43:53] Damn, you ever get a Charlie horse in your ass, Wolf
[00:44:02] You mean when your boyfriend Charlie fucks your ass?
[00:44:09] Yeah, what's about that pain in your ass when you're having sex, Nick?
[00:44:25] If you're only jerking it and you develop a wrist injury and you need a little extra
[00:44:29] push to get to come town, super speciosas cratum will get you there.
[00:44:35] Cratum is the secret supplement that influencers don't want you to know about.
[00:44:41] Yeah, Addison Rae takes cratum and she's doing her little TikTok dances.
[00:44:46] Who's the big bitch who was in this week?
[00:44:58] Oh, one of the big bitches of Instagram.
[00:45:02] She was like, when fat acceptance was starting to take off, she was like one of the first
[00:45:14] And so people were like, okay, well, this is too far.
[00:45:32] I guess Adam could finish this little read and then we can go back to it.
[00:45:36] I imagine this is why you're so damn funny.
[00:45:41] It's a cousin of coffee, but it's just.
[00:46:11] She's a portrait of a person that's bigger than her.
[00:46:16] She's, she, that's, if you're a fucking tattoo artist, that's your canvas right there.
[00:46:24] Cratum can help improve your mood, deliver energy and reduce pain.
[00:46:30] It can relieve stress and take the edge off.
[00:46:33] The first-spessiosis wants you to come again with unlimited use of 20% of the amount of
[00:46:53] So the promo code is cometown and you get 20% off your entire, entire order.
[00:47:08] That's going to really do all those things that they said it was going to do.
[00:47:23] I was just daily mail story about her at Disney World.
[00:47:32] She's just eating a popsicle, but she's got Mickey Mouse ears on.
[00:47:36] Nick, Nick, you must have like a Googler for what a fat person does something embarrassing.
[00:47:45] I was literally in target, weighing my options as far as like, do I want the giant Tobler
[00:47:53] And then I thought to myself, it would be funny if a fat person was doing this.
[00:47:57] And then I just imagined a fat person doing exactly what I was doing.
[00:48:01] And I'm like, you dummy, you are a piece of shit.
[00:48:07] I'm balancing it out with cocaine so I can never gain weight because my heart's about
[00:48:23] Take that, you fuck a fatty fat piece of shit.
[00:48:29] I just think it's very funny to be very fat.
[00:48:40] I know, but that doesn't mean I hate fat people.
[00:48:49] There's an interesting relationship to fat people.
[00:48:51] Well, no, I've explained it before, but unless, because see, you've never not been fat.
[00:48:56] And then when you're not fat anymore, you do notice the difference in the way people treat
[00:49:06] So if you haven't crossed that barrier, you're really sort of blind to...
[00:49:11] You could be an ally to the plus size, though, instead of being a traitor.
[00:49:17] You should just imagine for a second, like how much your life would suck if you weren't
[00:49:27] I'm gonna start crying if I think of that.
[00:49:29] No, but now imagine you're not funny, but then also your six, three, you have forehead
[00:49:38] Suddenly, none of that other shit mattered.
[00:49:46] I probably would be an easier life, for sure.
[00:49:51] I've noticed plenty of six, three people.
[00:49:55] Being fat and laughing at being fat is a movement towards absurdist resignation, which
[00:50:02] is sort of the key essence to the visceral comedy that I guess I feel like everybody's
[00:50:12] There is a visceral comedy to a fat guy falling or something.
[00:50:16] Like a fat guy, like specifically, well, whatever.
[00:50:26] No matter where you go in the world, people laugh at that.
[00:50:31] I don't think no matter where you go in the world, people would laugh at Seinfeld, necessarily.
[00:50:37] There is a universal humor, that's true.
[00:50:39] And I'll say, I wouldn't mind if my dick was that popsicle, but that fat lady was sucking
[00:50:49] These 18 celebrities have openly discussed having an abortion, and here are their stories.
[00:50:58] Hope you got a picture from that 70 show, which one?
[00:51:14] I've been nodding inside her for years.
[00:51:16] I found out I was pregnant when I was 14.
[00:51:25] I drank these strange, she didn't get an abortion.
[00:51:28] She's trying to boil the fucking embryo in.
[00:51:31] I drank these strange concoctions girls told me about something like Johnny Walker read
[00:51:38] Jesus Christ, this picture is freaking bleached.
[00:51:43] Fuck that little ass clump of getting boarded out, dude.
[00:51:55] Chelsea Handler told Playboy, she had two abortions at 16 years old.
[00:51:59] I'm sure like at a facility at the White Ladies abortion clinic for it's very funny to follow
[00:52:04] up whoopi Goldberg saying I drank battery acid.
[00:52:08] I secretly poured hot bacon, Chelsea and my pussy.
[00:52:14] My family, we had a, I was the abortion debut taunt that year.
[00:52:22] I accidentally became pregnant twice with a mixed race baby.
[00:52:39] I just want a job that you're opposed to in head loss.
[00:52:54] I was doing that other way because they would take the, you know, cause with the Gabby
[00:53:00] Petito thing they're like, why are we talking about the, about the Indian, the Indian van
[00:53:09] And I said, uh, we're in the world is Jackie Chandiego.
[00:53:32] We're in the world is Jackie Chandiego.
[00:53:41] Where are the world is Jackie Chandiego?
[00:53:47] So you could probably even get closer to the same, the Carmen Sandiego with Lauren Cho.
[00:53:52] But it's just, you know, I considered it.
[00:53:55] And I think it's funnier to go Jackie Chandiego.
[00:54:02] And in San rhyming really just doing most of the heavy lifting there.
[00:54:09] That's the thing because see a lesser mind.
[00:54:13] Would come at me and say Lauren Cho already sounds like Carmen Sandiego.
[00:54:17] You just need to figure out a way to get Sandy Sandy in there.
[00:54:23] We're in the world is Lauren Sandy, Sandy A. Cho.
[00:54:30] Sometimes it's not about what works technically both with what's with.
[00:54:33] It's a much an emotional style and tonally.
[00:54:38] And that's where you get we're in the world is Jackie Chandiego.
[00:54:43] Which you know, oh look all I'm saying near post.
[00:55:05] I think they, that's, I don't know, it's pretty sad actually, but like a couple of,
[00:55:13] They just fucking like got some girl and brought her back to this family's house and she's
[00:55:18] in tears and they're just holding her down in the, you know, the squad car and they bring
[00:55:22] her to the family and they're like, yeah, that's not her.
[00:55:30] I think they just had to like a couple of good Samaritans.
[00:55:34] But hey, yeah, they had to just accept that one sort of case.
[00:55:49] She also went missing in the desert and the sand is, you know, kind of the same color.
[00:56:00] There's so much sun out there, everyone's squinting and.
[00:56:06] So there's, so we're saying is a Chinese woman went missing and because of the sand,
[00:56:20] Let's go to, let's hit the news for the day.
[00:56:24] IRS would track all bank transactions over $600 under Biden plan.
[00:56:44] How am I supposed to buy pussy with my chase account?
[00:57:07] So Biden's books, the budget ledger ledger by.
[00:57:15] Yeah, big daddy Biden tracks the money.
[00:57:29] Sleepy Joe, Mo sexual's budget buffoonery.
[00:57:38] Sleepy, Joe, Mo sexual's budget buffoonery.
[00:57:48] The 25 year old, you get the double lung transplant due to the COVID-19.
[00:58:03] Well, not necessarily have the rhyme with lungs.
[00:58:07] It's just moving in New York Post headline.
[00:58:23] Well, I have to say we later found out he wasn't an Instagram star.
[00:58:31] As Congress delays legislative action, some communities take police reform into their
[00:58:40] So what kind of communities are we talking about here?
[00:58:45] I'm thinking about maybe they're Chinese.
[00:58:55] But as Chris Van Cleve reports, some communities aren't waiting for Congress to act.
[00:59:03] Police respond to a suicidal man in June.
[00:59:05] He's got a knife outside the train station in Aurora, Illinois.
[00:59:09] The officers call for backup from a social worker.
[00:59:14] And after about an hour, what could have been deadly and did peacefully?
[00:59:20] Keith Cross is Aurora's chief of police.
[00:59:22] The 27-year veteran runs the second largest city police department.
[01:00:11] And she's having a real rough time with it and she's saying that proves that she's black.
[01:00:24] Reagan shooter John Hinckley wins unconditional release.
[01:00:35] Why do you do it to impress Nancy Reagan?
[01:00:56] I guess I'll get to the same thing now.
[01:00:59] Clarice, you're going to have to give pussy.
[01:01:01] You're going to have to sack off John Hinckley.
[01:01:04] What if I told you you'll happen to give pussy to John Hinckley?
[01:02:14] It's funny when you, it's funny as a concept.
[01:02:18] And then you start thinking about Mr. Feeney pull his cock out and he's fucking Corey.
[01:02:23] Corey, but he's wearing a sweater up top.
[01:03:28] We've mentioned it before but shut us out to the lady that was in boy meets world
[01:03:37] Somebody needs to use the dark web to send Kamala Harris a picture of their penis
[01:03:45] And then I can get a job in the air post pitching who tube
[01:03:48] As a headline. Oh, they're trying to figure out whose dick it is right who to who to Kamala Jackie Chan Harris
[01:04:07] She's in a rush for an hour to not look at that cock
[01:04:15] No, no, no, no sublime. This is story. No, no
[01:04:24] He said mr. Magoo everyone then he coughed a little bit. I have COVID
[01:04:35] Maxine waters does something and they call a vaccine vaccine vaccine that's good. That's really good. Just got a pussy blown out
[01:04:47] Now that's some kind of pornography. I'd love to watch
[01:04:51] Yeah, well in the old bitch in a fat bitch meet porn pop Joe Biden caught with gay porn on his phone in the middle of
[01:04:59] Press conference or hunting for gay porn. Yeah, what else was on. Yeah hunters laptop. Yeah
[01:05:06] Yeah, gay porn on there. No, I think you're just just right about
[01:05:16] meet a hunter Biden's shocking 300 pound weight gain
[01:05:29] These pictures show us what it might look like if Hunter Biden were to gain 300
[01:05:34] Yeah, it's just the face should that's honestly how all their news shoes you should start with the head
[01:05:39] Yeah, and then reverse engineer the news from there. I think there was it was the I'm gonna buy the new your post and
[01:05:46] The TV show is boy meets world where he gets all
[01:05:55] Miss about I'm going to sock the Joker's penis
[01:06:04] Show me you're gonna save them. You're gonna save them. I suppose I've done mrs. Mrs. Police, but I fucked up person
[01:06:19] Here's in the graduate. Oh, yeah, he was I
[01:06:22] Also remember there was like a actor strike and he was the head of sag
[01:06:27] He was like giving a speech. What's it more police to the film actors guilt? Yeah, the fact
[01:06:35] You say good job fag young mr. Feeney kind of looks like Adam. What do you mean?
[01:06:41] Look at this TMZ video. Remember mr. Feeney, and it's just them harassing him
[01:06:54] Damn my man's iconic role was mr. Feeney. I'm gonna try to put this as kindly as possible
[01:07:02] The show has turned into a circus and you three are driving the tiny car
[01:07:11] I'm proud that I knew that crusty the clown was the son of a rabbi
[01:07:34] Looks like a guy's got anything good buddy
[01:07:47] Some girls that are doing porn that vaguely look like her
[01:07:52] Some girls should make her porn and Panga. I think there's I would click on that everyone's still playing the Sims
[01:08:00] That's gotta be a weird thing to do these days. I feel like they're doing like yeah, I see my people
[01:08:05] My apartment minecraft. Yeah, you don't say I feel like that took over the system. It's pretty fun
[01:08:13] Yeah, well I don't play anymore, but I didn't know she younger. Yeah, I liked
[01:08:18] The roller coaster tycoon about the sim city. That's good the sims and there's a whole relation
[01:08:24] Yeah, they just did they're horny for their horn for bits only fine only fans
[01:08:35] Missing that's awesome missing Chinese sex worker goes missing again
[01:08:40] Only chance only chance to we're in the world is Jackie Chan Diego. Yeah
[01:08:47] We're in Jackie Chan's Diego is mr. Diego
[01:08:52] That could be another words mr. Diego where's mr. Diego's opus
[01:08:56] That could be a movie that could be a movie mr. Diego's opus mr. Diego's Jackie Chan opus
[01:09:07] The character played by Jackie mr. Holland's Diego penis
[01:09:20] Brombie in the teach teach violence unruly Hispanic kids. Yeah, we could show like we're not listening to you
[01:09:28] And then he pulls out his dick and it's got a little some braero on the top
[01:09:34] He's like what's up now make my day? That's a penis homes. Yeah, we're gonna play fucking moonlight sonata
[01:09:40] I'm so fucking cool penis home. Yeah, let's get this those streams going
[01:09:44] Do do do do is the ego penis written by the New York Post
[01:09:53] That's awesome you don't even want credit screenwriting credit. Yeah, you're a company man. Mm-hmm. You love the New York Post
[01:10:09] The upiness times. Yeah, I like that type to mr. Hollins Diego penis in the Google and said do you mean mr. Hollins Diego penis?
[01:10:22] That's awesome, how they oh damn look at this the first was all this mr. Hollins bogus by the time of eight times
[01:10:31] It's a bad review. Yeah, they didn't like it
[01:10:35] And Crippen Dorff's tribe is a smudgy little so-called family comedy
[01:10:41] For anything except it's constantly fallak humor and how to bright new actors robo rosebovit a pair of old pros
[01:10:49] unfortunate mr. Hollins opus it's it's also with Richard Dreyfus, but he plays like a
[01:10:54] Like an anthropologist remember these names if you haven't already picked up on them Jenna Elfman and Natasha
[01:11:06] You're listening to the reading movie reviews from 20 years ago
[01:11:20] Richard Dreyfus and Lily Tom and should know better when they read Charlie Peter's screenplay
[01:11:25] Did they sense that the only three big laughs in the first 35 minutes or two penis jokes sounds good?
[01:11:52] Gae Tampa gay biens now. I'm looking up Jenna Elfman. Hey, okay guys nothing too good
[01:12:01] Because we moved on already wait those ones second chances say some
[01:12:07] When I could check off the obvious fakes what I didn't know any better. Yeah back in my free left the Garden of Eden
[01:12:14] Before you tasted the apple before you touched God's copy of Photoshop before that snake
[01:12:22] Nice to check out so many fake Britney Spears dudes
[01:12:30] Love when they're just really smiling and they're just getting plowed in the ass. Yeah, I like when a girl's happy during sex
[01:12:38] Not me you like it when there's that yeah
[01:12:41] Yeah, Jenna Elfman is Danny Elfman's like when they look worried
[01:12:50] Yes, that's his daughter, huh? Yeah, that's how names work in China
[01:12:56] Mm-hmm like if your dad's name is Eric, you're just girl Eric
[01:13:00] That's how you go around that's awesome. Yeah, that's a good system and then your husband becomes girl Eric's husband. Oh shit
[01:13:17] If his dad's name is there a lot of Chinese guys are named Eric in Brazil. They'll just have a bad names
[01:13:23] Right yeah, Latin countries. They have like you have like a hundred names. Yeah, that's the to honor your
[01:13:28] Your heart gestures. What the hell's Jenna Elfman doing these days? I think she got married to Greg Greg
[01:13:36] Elfman real life from Darman Greg for real. I don't know I think so
[01:13:44] Yeah, Jenna Elfman husband Bodie Elfman
[01:13:52] She's taller than him too. This is rules
[01:13:54] Wow actually, you know what I'd love to fucking take the name of my old wife
[01:13:59] Yeah, they're doing like more of a Chinese style. Yeah kind of family. That's awesome. Look at her high ass pregnancy
[01:14:05] He's holding his wife's belly and he looks like he's trying to dunk a basketball
[01:14:10] So probably his chest respect to that guy. Yeah, no respect to Adam. Of course. Why I don't know
[01:14:17] Why not that's fine. Never works now, you should start wearing overalls. Why you should start dressing like
[01:14:25] Like Oshkosh Piggosh like Janie from she's all that before they do her up
[01:14:34] Kind of art girl vibe. Yeah, but you're not fuckable like them. Yeah, just wait till I get to I'm gonna start good dressing
[01:14:42] I'm fucking air walks and big pants and like a property of bum equipment hood
[01:14:50] Dude, I wanted a bum bum equipment so bad
[01:14:57] Cool guy we got the same same tech as the homeless butt cheeks equipment
[01:15:03] Yeah, all those company all those 90s companies just turned into clothes for homeless people. Yeah, yeah fucking averax
[01:15:09] Well cuz slacker was an aesthetic in the 90s
[01:15:13] Homeless people used to dress professionally. That's true. Yeah, and then they
[01:15:18] Yeah, I did used to have like kind of like a teacher look
[01:15:24] As a guy that it's a star in gender swap the remake of she's all that who
[01:15:30] As a bitch from tick-tock as the lead role in that gender swap. Oh damn. I wish I could be the guy in that movie
[01:15:36] Where they're like, oh why she's got a date of loser and it's like how about that guy is 32 years old?
[01:15:42] Yeah, it is hanging out on the high school campus
[01:15:49] Into a cool guy. Yeah, he's fucking racist
[01:15:52] And he's a pet of five doesn't work it doesn't work
[01:16:00] That would be interesting movie I can change them I'm like
[01:16:03] Fuck you bitch give me some child pussy
[01:16:11] He's all that like nobody says all that anymore, yeah, yeah, yeah, no part of it is like
[01:16:18] It's all bullshit. Yeah all that in a bag of chips
[01:16:25] Her being for being like am I supposed to say that?
[01:16:28] Yeah, they're supposed to say that shit. I'm supposed to fucking call things all that in bag of chips. Oh
[01:16:36] Boy, well, I'm getting tired. It's been already we've already corny
[01:16:43] Hard our dash in that's good. Yeah, she's dating Travis
[01:16:54] Sarker Sarkisian he's Armenian. Yeah, that's the only reason it works because they're both yeah
[01:17:05] A hard Armenian Travis Barker's been lying about big Armenian this whole time. Yeah, I feel like I can't listen to blink when I see the same way
[01:17:16] Wish you were more donuts or at least a buddy buddy checks mix or a sandwich or something chicken
[01:17:21] Yeah, I'm gonna go home and eat some chicken. I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna have a sunny day or an arginah
[01:17:32] Maybe a little bit of oh, you know what I really want what's that?
[01:17:36] Chicken liver patty respect. That's a nice move. Yeah, you know custom gherkin. That's an aristocrats fucking lunch
[01:17:43] Yeah, well, you know you're the upper crust. I am dude. You know I was thinking the other day
[01:17:49] Think about me home like this. I'm gonna say a pop punk
[01:17:54] Stole get new my cold. Oh fucking gay. I'm gonna start going to New York over mics and a whole
[01:18:01] Yeah, I want like an old show. I was out there
[01:18:10] This is the best New York of my guys is like the Italian guys that like
[01:18:14] Have so much confidence in their day-to-day life, but they get on stage and they're like yeah, so this guy I'm like
[01:18:20] Yes, fidgeting so fucking uncomfortable doing comedy and I'm like so when I
[01:18:25] You're gonna give me pussy in here. Where are we gonna go?
[01:18:33] Yes, I live in Staten Island and it's like
[01:18:36] It's fucking weird that they even bother calling it an island because it's like fucking this play it feels more like a fuck you guys
[01:18:43] I'm leaving I'm fucking you're fucking fucking hipsters. You're like this shit
[01:18:47] You just had a fucking Chinese bitch up here. What is he fucking Chinese?
[01:18:50] You're all about you laughing the fucking Chinese bitch saying all white people bad white people bad
[01:19:01] Unless she gets lost in the fucking foyer of her own family's house
[01:19:05] And they're like what the fuck is that?
[01:19:10] If we put a mirror in the middle of the fucking boy, I'm confused and then they're like slowly like just me at the open mic for some reason
[01:19:28] Italian stock comedy the way it's always meant to be
[01:19:31] Well, thank you for listening folks and come see Adam this weekend in Nashville. Yes and come see me in Cleveland
[01:19:39] I also have a patreon.com go to patreon.com. I also have a pantheon show
[01:19:45] October 17th or I'm sorry October 13th, and I think we're adding a New York date to the Prince of pleasure tour
[01:19:51] Wow Gotham comic as part of the New York comedy festival. Wow. I believe the 10th of November, but
[01:20:03] Fucking Cleveland fucking Madison fucking Phoenix all the good shit, and we will talk to you guys next week. Bye
[01:20:12] Yeah, hit the button if you're going to show you guys