Cum Town | Regular | 11/17/2021
[00:00:00] Yeah. Yep. We agree Adam. Yeah. Come say it on the mic. Miss Miss Elmo. This is important.
[00:00:09] Okay. So this doesn't matter? It doesn't matter. The only reason I record the individual
[00:00:14] channels is if like if he says the N word or something again, right, right, right, then
[00:00:20] I can just cut that and then bleep it and it doesn't pick up on the other channels. Got
[00:00:25] you. So don't you don't say the end. I've never said it on camera. Yeah. I mean I could
[00:00:30] do it off this one but it just makes it easier to chop it. You know sometimes he's like oh
[00:00:34] college I drugged and raped this girl. Yeah. He does a 15 minute story and then he's like
[00:00:39] can you delete that? And he does it and I cut his section. He's he zero. Oh a different
[00:00:47] guy. Different guy. Oh the other guy? Yeah. The other guys. The other guys. I'm the
[00:00:53] guy who does his fucking job. Yeah. Who are you? You must be the other guy. You know
[00:00:57] what I'm saying about you know the movie dumb and dumber. Yeah. So if that's the title but
[00:01:01] it's in no. That's what I mean. No but imagine the characters. No that's we're going to keep
[00:01:15] we're not taking it deeper. We're going to let everyone think about what you what you
[00:01:20] made them think. You know what would be funny but we are not going to. We are not going to.
[00:01:28] You know I get it. You know who I get it. Is if it had that name but it was Jim Carrey
[00:01:37] and Jeff Daniels. I'd be funnier if it was like no. No no no no no no no. Jeff Daniels
[00:01:46] we are not we are not going into this one. We're going to keep it moving. The character's
[00:01:53] name is Lloyd Kwanza. Okay I'll give you that one. That's a good one. There are there.
[00:02:00] That was clever. We are moving on. George Floyd Christmas. No we are moving on. You
[00:02:07] couldn't you couldn't have just had Kwanza could you. Yeah had to have it one more. Hey.
[00:02:13] Yeah just sneak one more. It is late night. This is my Conan spot. It is late night.
[00:02:19] This is the latest episode we've done. And quite some time because we've been on the
[00:02:22] 10 a.m. Wow. New in schedule. 10 p.m. right now. People forget this start off as a late
[00:02:27] night show. Yeah. When you're you're young man we come back from getting pussy all night.
[00:02:31] Yeah. We do the podcast. I just smell I would wreak of pussy. Oh yeah. Yeah. I got so much
[00:02:37] pussy in my early 20s. Oh yeah. I mean we weren't doing the show in your early 20s.
[00:02:44] Yeah. You were drunk as shit at sidebar. Not even that was your mid 20s. Yeah. We're all
[00:02:49] 24 years old. No you're 37. What are you talking about? You're a grandma. We have our
[00:02:55] whole lives ahead of us. You got a grandma's body. Stop looking at my body. Why? I'm trying
[00:03:02] to feel better about myself. You do have grandma posture Adam. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what
[00:03:10] the good news is you'll be good. You'll basically look the same until you die. Yeah. You have
[00:03:15] an old man's body. No I won't look good. The best. Literally young and then I'll look
[00:03:20] horrific. No you'll be the best. You don't look young now. I look younger than you. You
[00:03:25] don't look terrible. You don't look younger than you are. You look like Anthony. I get
[00:03:29] hearted still. You got fucking Pac-Mark. I'm not saying that as a brad. Come on. It's not
[00:03:34] a brad. You don't look that young. I'm not like a fucking old woman. You do look like
[00:03:38] an old woman. Well I will look like an old woman. The best I can hope for personally is
[00:03:44] Mickey Goldmel from fucking Rocky. That's awesome. That'd be awesome though. But that's
[00:03:50] the best. That's the best. That's best case scenario. I end up like. Apparently he fucked
[00:03:54] a lot. The actor. Burgess Meredith. Burgess Meredith. Yeah famous actor Burgess Meredith.
[00:03:59] He got Mickey Goldmel. No. That's your mind. Does that trick where you're like you mean
[00:04:03] that fucking old. That boxing trainer. That boxing trainer for Burgess. I see what Burgess
[00:04:07] looks like actually not when he's making the face. I mean look Adam I also look like
[00:04:13] like I've looked like a 50 year old diner owner since I was 20. Yeah but that's your
[00:04:17] thing. And you look like an old Jewish woman. We don't have to have the same thing. We happen
[00:04:21] to have the same thing. We have different things. We don't we have we happen to have
[00:04:26] the same thing. Wow he looks kind of goofy. It's true. We do happen to have the same
[00:04:31] thing. For different reasons. We're both. Big old. We just look old. Big old cows. That's
[00:04:42] what we need to call a fat guy a cow. No I'm a bull. Yeah bull is a compliment. Yeah but
[00:04:47] Shane already has. I know we've been through this. Have we? You could be paid. No no we've
[00:04:52] been through this. I'm the boss hog. Bull is taken but pig is available. I'm the fucking
[00:05:02] boss hog. I'm playing a screen name. Yeah like cool guy is taken but you could be faggot
[00:05:08] seven. You gave motherfucker. You mean XX not cool faggot. Do you have an XX screen name
[00:05:18] Adam? No. Would you have? I tried different Jimmy Hendrix. Nice dude. And the one that
[00:05:27] wasn't taken was stone free and then my birthday. Nice. Nick what were you screen? A lot of races
[00:05:33] shit. Yeah I would make new ones all the time. Oh man that's hilarious. I had a little I think
[00:05:42] I said this I had a little Latin flair. I was Elle Stavrito. And I'm not trying to
[00:05:51] suck up to you because you just call me old looking but we both look old in different ways.
[00:05:55] Come up with good names. Thank you. Stavi baby enterprises of the great name. Thank you.
[00:06:01] I've always been jealous of it. Thank you very much. What's your LLC's rich black women
[00:06:05] and black women black women? No download download brothers. My brother's inquiry. Mind
[00:06:14] of my black owned business LLC. That's a good one. I know it's worse than that but I won't
[00:06:21] say publicly. What your business name? Yeah. No well it's not something you have to keep
[00:06:28] people can people can look it up in this. Yeah look go to the Albany New York and look
[00:06:32] up the New York State. The New York Department of Commerce Secretary. Yeah go tell them where
[00:06:36] to find it. Secretary of State. You go you do a business search you put in Adam Friedland
[00:06:41] under the owner or manager. It's probably pretty easy to find. It'll give you it'll
[00:06:46] give you his address too because it's funny moms international. Oh yeah. Oh really? Esc
[00:06:50] corporation. It'll tell you where he lives too because they have to legally you have
[00:06:54] to provide an address. So epic dude. Yeah. Adam Friedland. Are you doing it right now?
[00:07:02] I was about to but it's hilarious the things that are that like auto like Adam Friedland
[00:07:09] age Adam Friedland sister Adam Friedland height Adam Friedland new girlfriend. He's fucking
[00:07:17] animals dude. You fucking pieces of shit. You girlfriend is the world. Leave the fucking
[00:07:22] Jesus. Leave the girls. That makes me mad. I know. On her behalf. Not on Adam. Here's
[00:07:27] the worst DM I get. Frequently. Yeah. I get DMs from strangers. Yeah. Chinless strangers.
[00:07:35] Of course. Let's say your sister is beautiful. As if I'm gonna be like oh you should get
[00:07:42] married to her. Yeah. You should. Oh interesting nicks is Nick Mullen Adam Friedland is the first
[00:07:51] thing. Yeah. More in love. Yeah. And then height and I'm the first extra. Not just because
[00:08:00] I just yeah. I got Star Wars, how kids age and tooth. Those are mine. Not too shabby.
[00:08:10] You're deliberately not reading the ones that cause I've searched as Star Wars, how
[00:08:15] Cauchya's pig. No. Not bull. No. It was bull crossed off. Hold on. I'll search Star Wars
[00:08:21] out his bull and it says did you mean Star Wars, how Cauchya's pig? No. Wikipedia. The
[00:08:29] Star Wars, how Cauchya's pig is a breed of pig from Greece. It exists. No it doesn't.
[00:08:37] It's real. It is a real. It's real. It's not real. Nick is gay. What if Santa was real
[00:08:43] but he was gay and he had a hard ass penis. Where Santa Claus came in your ass instead
[00:08:48] of Donald chimney. That's the question we're answering this Halloween. Get ready for gay
[00:08:56] Santa. Gay Santa. You watch bad Santa. Yeah. Well now he's gay. Are you calling me a fucking
[00:09:03] fag? And he's gonna fuck that black midget. There was an everything in like from 2004
[00:09:10] to 2012. My dad told me I'd have gay sex when I was eight years old. That's a pretty good
[00:09:15] only thing I could do is get a job of Santa Claus. We said they weren't hiring queers
[00:09:21] anywhere around here. Gay Santa. I forgot the little boy from Slingblades in Tokyo drift.
[00:09:29] Is that him? Yeah. Blue just black. Oh shit. And he's still playing the same little boy.
[00:09:34] I like to imagine it's the same character. I think it is. So what are you doing over here
[00:09:39] in Japan? I made friends with a retard and they sent me here. I made friends with a
[00:09:44] retard who killed my stepdad and they sent me to Japan. They should that should have
[00:09:49] been the sneak peek at the end of fast six as we find that sling blade killed on. Oh fuck.
[00:09:55] Yeah. That would be awesome. I thought he was blasting the boy. I've never seen sling
[00:10:01] blade. One of my favorite. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. I'm getting the band together. I'm calling
[00:10:07] the band. Fuck you. I'm friends with the sheriff. Yeah. Never seen it. You know. So it's about
[00:10:14] a retarded guy that that kills a pet. It's a great movie. It's like a it's a perfect
[00:10:19] little, you know, low budget. Fun movie. Little fun gem. Yeah. That's cool. Maybe I'll
[00:10:27] check it out. I got a TV. Bought us a little TV for the weekend. Yeah. Maybe watch sling
[00:10:32] blade. Sling blade. Sling blade Rivers Edge is my my double feature. My show a bitch a
[00:10:39] film or two double feature. I've never seen the other one. Rivers Edge is also what's
[00:10:44] that what happens. It's about a teenager group of teenagers movie opens. One of them
[00:10:51] is just murdered the female friends from multi gendered friend group. And this I kind
[00:10:58] of wasteoid. I presumably like Eastern or Northern California town. You know, lower
[00:11:05] middle class town. One of the teenagers. Yeah, he kills this girl. Damn. And then the rest
[00:11:10] of the teenagers like they're just telling their gossiping about it. And they're like,
[00:11:14] yeah, John killed Jamie. And we're gonna go see your body later. And I mean, it's kind
[00:11:19] of a slow burn because they don't they're not really reacting at all. But it is pretty
[00:11:24] accurate to. I mean, it's about a lot of things. Okay, it's a very yeah, they're they're
[00:11:30] dead, but I don't want to look at that. Well, they kind of look like a light skin Latina
[00:11:37] sort of thing. I feel like those women look dead to begin with. I don't think that's
[00:11:41] true. I think it's true. I think that's a beautiful skin. Just like an Argentinian.
[00:11:46] They all look like. Oh, I see what you mean. Like a very light skin. Yeah, when they're
[00:11:51] like blue lips, you're talking about like an ethnic German like Italian women that like
[00:11:57] they're there's like one generation. They just have like there's like the Italians that
[00:12:02] left from Mussolini and got a tan. Yeah. And now they call themselves Latinx. Yeah, but
[00:12:07] they're like 98% Italian. Yeah, I see what you're talking about. And they write on Ted
[00:12:12] Lasso. They do comedy about kindness. I hate that shit. It's so annoying, dude. I've never
[00:12:22] seen it. No, I put it. I watched one episode. And yeah, I watched the pilot too, because
[00:12:29] I was like, I was just curious. It's not good. It's bad television. Well, it was just it's
[00:12:34] it's just like the whole premise is this is a guy that can't get put who can't get pussy
[00:12:39] from his wife. So he goes to England. Yeah, that's what happens. That sounds good to me.
[00:12:44] Well, nothing really happens on the show. There's all just like a sequence of events that don't
[00:12:48] there's no like tension. There's no drama or anything. It's just like, do you see the
[00:12:53] whole thing? No, I watched one episode and it was bad. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's better
[00:12:58] than the pilot, but it was not it was not my cup of tea. I'll put it that way. Is it
[00:13:01] true that it was like rewritten to not be mean? I don't know that originally it was supposed
[00:13:07] to be about a dumb ass that's coaching soccer. It doesn't know that's all college football.
[00:13:13] And they made it about like mental health and so I don't know. I don't know. I think
[00:13:19] that that all just sort of materialized around this. But you never know. Yeah, who knows?
[00:13:24] And I focus today because he's good. Maybe it was created by the CIA. Very good, very
[00:13:30] nice. Very serious. I would always like to put that option on the table with regards to
[00:13:36] anything to the CIA is on piker CIA. Yeah, yeah. For sure. We are definitely made by the CIA.
[00:13:44] Yeah, there's no way that many people listen to this shit. Yeah, like somebody is paying
[00:13:48] it does have to that. I feel like yeah, there's like dark State Department money that is just
[00:13:54] pushing us to the forefront. Right. Because otherwise I would probably like blow myself
[00:13:59] up in front of it. Yeah, I've actually got the census building something that doesn't even
[00:14:06] the department of the interior. I got a truck into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually have
[00:14:11] my Israeli asset contacts. I've been pumping our Patreon for about five years now. That's
[00:14:18] good. Yeah. Growing it steadily. It looks organic. So it looks organic. Checked out.
[00:14:24] It's awesome. Yeah, we're getting the minds of the youth and we're making them fucking
[00:14:29] stupid as shit. The pork rinds of the youth. Dangerous pork rinds starring Stavra Talkia.
[00:14:36] Dangerous pork rinds? It's like dangerous minds. What was that? Dangerous rinds. And Michelle
[00:14:41] Fyfer. Yeah. It teaches a bunch of Latin kids in the South Central. Mm hmm. And so it's
[00:14:47] you teaching home back. He's even had to make really good sandwiches. Yeah. It's like a
[00:14:53] rowdy classroom and you're just writing rigatoni on the board and underlining it. They're like,
[00:14:59] fuck rigatoni. I only know that that that hold on. Yeah. That Tony. I don't need baloney.
[00:15:10] And then they're just wrapping and maybe you can wrap a recipe. And then we go to the state
[00:15:15] finals of making fucking breakfast. Yep. But one of them gets arrested by falsely by
[00:15:22] cop. Yeah. And then you guys make the cop donut so good. He lets him off. And right before
[00:15:27] the big debate, your doctor tells you you're dying of if you're getting too much pussy
[00:15:32] itis. If you keep drinking, you're going to die. And you're like, well, I'm not going
[00:15:36] to quit drinking. And you're like, how do I tell the kids I'm dying? And we're like,
[00:15:41] I got bad news, guys. We can make it through, but I'm drinking myself to death. So we got
[00:15:47] maybe one month left to cooking together. Right. Also, I don't really even work at this school.
[00:15:52] I have to be honest with you. Cafeteria ain't got a teacher. That's just lunch. I kind of
[00:15:59] rolled in here. Yeah, I'm a hotter than teacher. Yeah. I just faked it. I've been collecting
[00:16:06] money in the form of strawberry shortcake, good, human rice cream bars. Oh man, those
[00:16:11] are fucking sick. Yeah. Fuck, dude. What were the best treats at your school cafeteria?
[00:16:16] We didn't have those. That was some fucking crazy shit. We never had ice cream. What's
[00:16:21] the what's the they had a contempt or like a partner in crime, the strawberry shortcake
[00:16:27] ones? The spongebog. No, no, cookie cream. No, it was like chocolate eclair, I think
[00:16:32] was the other flavor. Yes, yes, yes. Good humor. Yes. See, we didn't have ice cream. We
[00:16:37] had we had fucking Mrs. Fields cookies. We had like brand new crop fries. No, no, no,
[00:16:43] yes. Yeah, we had a brand of cookies. And then we had and then in high school, we had
[00:16:48] little pizzas you could buy. I think it's I think that made the dick very plump. I think
[00:16:52] that all the food in the country is all made by that Cisco company. Yeah, probably. Yeah.
[00:16:58] Yeah, definitely that you have schools. Schools have definitely they have fucking contracts.
[00:17:03] Yeah, because I feel like everybody ate the same kind of hamburger that had a very specific
[00:17:07] taste and that weird square pizza. Yeah, French bread pizza. Yeah, French, French bread,
[00:17:13] because it wasn't tombstone. I remember that confused me with the little sausages with
[00:17:17] a little square pepperoni. I didn't understand what tombstone pizza was. I didn't understand
[00:17:21] what it's called French bread. Yeah. Because to me, it looked more like a tombstone. Oh,
[00:17:26] you were thinking about death. Well, tombstone was a type of pizza, but I think that was a
[00:17:31] brand of a brand of a brand of French bread. Oh, it's just French bread. But big ones,
[00:17:37] big French breads. Yeah. Now we didn't fuck with those in my house. It was all circular.
[00:17:41] I never I don't think I've ever had an actual tombstone pizza in my life. We were definitely
[00:17:45] a Frasheta family. Red Baron. And that was no red Baron sucked my dick. I ate a lot
[00:17:50] of red Baron pizza. Frasheta was the Cadillac frozen pizzas. It was late in the game too.
[00:17:55] Yeah. It wasn't around at first. Go ahead Adam. Do the joke and I'll remind you that
[00:17:59] I did your nose suck dick. Go ahead Adam. Do my job. I don't even know what your joke
[00:18:04] go ahead. Do it. What the red Baron was a German pilot in World War one. Go ahead.
[00:18:11] You know, you know, you know, I don't remember. Go ahead. I'm not here for the joke. I'm here
[00:18:17] for the go ahead. Do you want to just do it? Oh, my old bets. Go ahead. Just do it. I'm
[00:18:22] here for the arresting tidbits and anecdotes. Everyone tunes in every week. So what happened
[00:18:28] to you? What about the red Baron? I don't even remember this bit. I'm going to have one of
[00:18:33] you. But then give us your walk it out. Why don't you give us your own sauce? If you had
[00:18:37] to. I don't know. I don't want to I don't want to bite right now. Why? I just tried.
[00:18:46] Dude. It's fine. What are we at time stamp? We are at 1850. All right. So you have a minute
[00:18:51] left before it's done. Don't don't even you're not going to go to the answer. We'll do the
[00:18:59] just riff on the idea that the red Baron also made pizza. Yeah. Just figure it out. Yeah.
[00:19:07] Well, what explore this place space? Well, why do the Nazis make pizza? Okay. Yeah. I
[00:19:15] mean, there's there's more. Doesn't make much sense to me. Should be an Italian. That was
[00:19:23] a fucking rough fart. It smelled like rotisserie chicken. Oh, nice. We just had some that's
[00:19:29] too fast for my farce to be smelling like the thing I ate 17 minutes ago. Did I eat up the
[00:19:33] clock on that? So what's your bit? What's the read, Nick? Just tell us what the bit is.
[00:19:39] Yeah, I don't remember what the bit is. I don't remember what the bit is. The red. What would
[00:19:43] your job? I wish I'd want to figure out right now to blow the smoke in your face. Like all
[00:19:47] the lights off in here. Like your Kristoff Waltz. Listen, we're not having it's it's not that
[00:19:53] difficult. What's the read? Your professional comedian. Wait, what is the prompt is this?
[00:19:57] Yeah. Red Baron pizza. Yeah. Obviously German pilot. Yeah.
[00:20:04] What's the joke? Where do you go from there? It's Nazi pizza. Is it Nazi pizza?
[00:20:09] I don't know. It's World War one. Oh, it's World War one. Yeah, they weren't really against the
[00:20:14] Jews so much that time around. Keep going. I don't know. It's an Italian food, but a German name for
[00:20:25] it. I'm off track now. What's going on? I'm gonna come back. We're gonna give you 15 minutes.
[00:20:32] We're gonna stop. You know, I don't know. I want to see what you're. No, stop doesn't know either.
[00:20:36] There's you're making it seem like I'm some sort of defunct. There was a light in your eye that
[00:20:42] seemed like you were gonna I remember Nick had a bit about a bad pizza. I don't remember what it was.
[00:20:49] What was it? Just humor. We'll come back in 15 minutes. We'll come back at for a while. Talk to
[00:20:58] your attorney. 15 minutes of a read. Yeah, try it. No, I'm joking. We're not gonna.
[00:21:04] Yeah. What was the bit? Just say no. Why? Because I'll wait until you do it.
[00:21:13] But he was a famous pilot from World War one. Mac Walden. Mac Walden. This is the most
[00:21:19] delicious underwear that Adam can eat. Almost like a red Baron pizza. Yeah, you're a busy guy. So
[00:21:24] stop thinking about what to wear and just embrace the radically efficient Mac Walden daily wear system.
[00:21:30] Stop. Would you ever have bread Baron pizza? Sure. Yeah. Like garlic bread? Yeah, sure.
[00:21:35] Stop doesn't know what it is. I was the bit dude. It was bread Baron pizza. No, that's just a pun.
[00:21:42] I'm going stage and I say why is it called bread Baron? Why is it called bread Baron?
[00:21:46] Bread. That would be pretty good. Bread Baron pizza with the book, but it's just bread. Yeah,
[00:21:54] I used to be really good at stand up. Yeah, I don't remember the. Yeah, no, it was stupid. The
[00:21:59] daily wear system is a selection. It was a dumb bit. It wasn't good at all. I don't even think
[00:22:06] he even saw it. I didn't even I didn't feel like one week in Austin. Yeah, I was there. It sounds
[00:22:11] familiar though. I do feel like I might have just say it. It was just, you know, for the audience,
[00:22:17] not for us. Yeah, for our loyal fans. No, don't worry about it. No, I shouldn't have said that.
[00:22:23] No, you don't want to do it. Yeah, I don't want to do it. That's why I don't do it. The daily
[00:22:26] wear system is a selection of clothes. Yeah, but listen, we got fucking we're only a minute 22.
[00:22:30] We got Mac wealth on the way that you put on. We'll get to in the 50s when we're when we're
[00:22:36] struggling to get to that hour and then we'll revisit. Yeah, as a treat. It's going to be sweet
[00:22:43] when there's new episodes of this show dropping that we record maybe two months from now. Yeah,
[00:22:49] and we're all 47 years old. Yeah. What are they here? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
[00:22:56] I'm not that much older. Adam's going one year. Adam is being ravished by menopause.
[00:23:02] Yeah, it's difficult to get a hysterectomy. Your breasts start saying what happens. Your pussy
[00:23:07] just runs out of eggs. It dries up. Yeah. And they take me and it's like, well, look,
[00:23:11] it's your room. We're out of eggs. So you don't get any fucking sauce and you get really hot.
[00:23:16] Yeah. Yeah, but then they take your womb out and then you just start raw. They don't give you a
[00:23:22] hysterectomy when you go to your manager. I don't know. You think every woman gets a hysterectomy?
[00:23:28] I thought that's what you have to do at menopause. You think every single one gets their pussy hollowed
[00:23:32] out? I'm sorry, soft. My mother didn't live long enough. Okay. All right. There we go. You don't
[00:23:37] know basics about pussy. So you got a fucking I don't know pussy facts. The daily. You don't know
[00:23:44] but the facts you're you're but you are a pussy that knows facts. A different kind. The daily
[00:23:49] wear system is a selection of clothes rooted in smart design made with performance fabrics
[00:23:55] and built to work together from breathable t-shirts and polos to stylish button-ups and shorts underwear
[00:24:02] and beyond Mac Weldon makes it easy for you to dress for work leisure and play wherever your
[00:24:08] summer takes you right in time. December? Yeah. I guess we should say that so this is probably
[00:24:18] November. There's probably some kind of Thanksgiving bullshit. Is this Thanksgiving? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:24:23] There's probably you're right. I didn't hear back from them but I get I guarantee that they're
[00:24:27] going to be they better pay. Amen brother. They're going to they're going to want to they they always
[00:24:34] do some kind of fucking fall. They have like a fall underwear. Yeah. Maybe your cock and balls are
[00:24:40] a little chilly because it's a summer no more. Yeah. It's maybe your pussy. Spicy. Maybe you're
[00:24:46] one of these old bitches that got a pussy drilled out like Adam said. They got a no juice in that
[00:24:51] bitch. They got a thing that that the underwear pulls your cock up and then the skin in between
[00:24:56] your balls and your dick. The form of turkey neck. Oh, nice. You know, and it's turkey style.
[00:25:02] Oh shit. The fucking bulls are about to come back. Let me ask you this. Fuck. They went on a 10
[00:25:07] 0 run in the last fucking minute. What's the sport? It's a 101 104 101. Okay, folks. So this is the
[00:25:13] bull's next game brought to you by Mac. Well, October, October 28. Kemba Walker at the top of the
[00:25:21] keys got Alex Caruso. Caruso smothered him. No foul. They lose the fucking ball. Fuck the bulls get it.
[00:25:28] Time out 14.8 seconds. One possession game. The nicks are blowing this. I'm about to kill myself.
[00:25:33] This is like Jack Nicholson doing the world series. It's one fat. So the coo coo is.
[00:25:40] What's the time out? So go ahead Adam. Yeah, keep going. Fuck that cock sucker. Vusovich. That
[00:25:46] fucking Serbian cock sucker. Vusovich by sometime this summer with Mac. Well, this fucking thing's
[00:25:53] giving Thanksgiving winter with Mac Weldon daily wear system for 20% off your first order.
[00:26:00] Visit Mac Weldon dot com slash come town 20 and enter promo code come town 20. That's Mac Weldon
[00:26:06] dot com slash come town 20 promo code come town 20. And you remember 20% off Mac Weldon radically
[00:26:17] efficient wardrobeing. And you're going to look ever have we ever said that radically efficient
[00:26:23] wardrobe. Maybe it's you. The last line. No, this is from July 21. Yeah.
[00:26:31] I told I told these motherfuckers I'm I'm one of these paperwork that you know, you could just be
[00:26:39] emailing on emailing on me bitch. I hate that. I hate that.
[00:26:52] Also have an invoice him since January. They should be. Why are we doing there in their heads?
[00:26:58] We should be doing ads for local restaurants. I like to say I like to save it up. And you hit
[00:27:02] them with the like, wow, I guess you're right. Also, also the just make sure we're in solvent.
[00:27:07] I'm like, plow. Give me a couple cares underwear. Damn. Can I at least get a mug?
[00:27:15] I would love an underwear mug. I would love that. Well, then mug. Then you can put your penis
[00:27:20] and your cock and balls in there. Put your penis in it. I got my last office job. I got fired from
[00:27:25] that. It would warm my penis up in my coffee. That's really cool. Yeah. They hate it when you
[00:27:30] do that. Hey, hey, hey, 14.8 seconds left. Lonzo ball inbound. Tell us about it. When you tell us
[00:27:35] about the promo code, Julius Randall, I literally said it six times. They got a switch somehow.
[00:27:41] He's got Taj Gibson on him. How the fuck did that happen? And Zach Levine dunked it. One point
[00:27:45] game though. They got a foul. Yeah. Okay. One point game. 9.5 seconds. How the fuck did they get
[00:27:52] that switch? What the fuck? RJ was on Levine and they picked him and they fucking ran off. That's
[00:28:00] a great play by the Bulls. Cox suckers. Cox suckers RJ. You got to fight through that screen. That
[00:28:06] fucking piece of shit. Zach Levine with the dunk. So anyway, it's up timeout. And listen, folks,
[00:28:12] you're going to want to look good at the Thanksgiving table. You want your cock to look good. You don't
[00:28:16] want to smell bad. You got to talk to your uncle about socialism. You've been you've got to get
[00:28:22] your heating your penis up with with the Mac welding mug with the Mac welding mug.
[00:28:28] The penis warming mug. I've been Mike about ultra soft. You're trying to switch over to decaf
[00:28:33] penis warming. Yes. You can do it at Mac weld.com promo code penis cup. Don't even talk to me
[00:28:40] until I've had my penis warm. Go to the go to the secretary of state website and look up Mac
[00:28:46] weldens business and then find their address contact their lawyer and thread the killer. Yeah,
[00:29:01] you should do that promo code. Come down. Come down. That was parody. That was parody.
[00:29:13] Okay, next ball. Okay, here we go. Let's just let's hear what happens at the end of that game.
[00:29:20] Okay, so Alec breaks inbounding. He's got Lonzo on him, but his Lonzo's not looking.
[00:29:25] Fuck. Oh, he's got to get it in. Fuck. The next need to use another timeout. You got to get it in
[00:29:30] at Mac weld. And you got to get into Mac welding.com. Goddamn it. Why the fuck did he do that?
[00:29:35] Alec Burke, you piece of shit. Well, I wouldn't say that to him. He is, man. They should have
[00:29:40] fucking kept Reggie Bullock. I'd like to see you try Reggie Bullshit.
[00:29:46] I'm going to kill myself for the next lose this game. I want the book. And here at Madison Square
[00:29:53] Garden, it's kill yourself. Night. You're welcome to kill yourself. This is fucking bullshit.
[00:29:59] Fuck the bulls. Anyway, I guess we did the promo code, right? And you said, did we say the promo
[00:30:05] code? Come down 20 and we put that part where they asked us to put a threat in. Yeah, that was
[00:30:11] in the copy. They said, I forgot I said that already. I hope nothing ever comes back to bite me.
[00:30:22] There's zero chance. I'll tell you, there's one thing I would not like. What's that?
[00:30:27] It's consequences? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That is one of the gayest things in the world is
[00:30:32] consequences. Who came up with that? Oh, fucking bitch. That's true. You're rape. What?
[00:30:39] Fuck. I had a fucking Italian sub from Big Y. Yeah, we had two dinners tonight.
[00:30:45] Well, you know, I think the pierogi and salad was more of an appetizer. Yeah, it was a snack
[00:30:50] because we didn't eat. I'm tired from driving. I'd say, yeah, I was in a car. I was in a car for
[00:30:56] two and a half hours. Okay, they filed the inbound. They filed. They sent Kemba to the line.
[00:30:59] Kemba's a good free throw shooter. We're looking good, folks. We're looking good, folks.
[00:31:05] Anyway, oh, I didn't say on the future Sunday episode about what happened to me on the way over
[00:31:11] here. It's really not that big of a deal, but I ran away from a security guard at a nursing home.
[00:31:19] Oh, really? Because I was because I thought you're one of the. No,
[00:31:21] are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is unbelievable, dude.
[00:31:29] They fucking they they follow them again. They stole the inbound pass. Oh my God,
[00:31:34] this fucking embarrassing. I guess it's what? Jockey and he's in bounds to fuck. No, he's out.
[00:31:43] The Mart de Rosen's out. It's going to maintain Nick's ball.
[00:31:46] So here we go. 5.7 seconds. They found this is the most exercise you've got.
[00:31:53] They you've held Julius Randall sweat. There's been three rounds of standing up and sitting back.
[00:31:58] He's sweating to the oldies right now. Okay, sweating the oldies, which is Adam's story about
[00:32:02] getting confused at the nursing home. It happened earlier today. I seen your
[00:32:07] family got Tony Kukoch in attendance. He's a fucking hot guy now. Kukoch is at age. Well,
[00:32:13] 50 he's a fucking silver Fox Croatian Croatian. Here we go. Julius.
[00:32:19] 5 seconds left. One point game. Two free throws. He misses the first one. He fucking beats the
[00:32:26] first one. This cocksucker. You've got to be fucking kidding me. This would be a huge win for
[00:32:33] the Bulls. Second free throw coming up. Oh my God. Watch this going to overtime. If you want to
[00:32:44] do kind of like a dark side of the moon, what do you call it? Wizard of Oz. You can find the
[00:32:50] you can find this game on 126 Nick's balls game. Okay, here we go. Here we go. You got to make
[00:32:56] this one. He's got to fucking make this one. All right. Second free throw. No, no good in the
[00:33:02] Bulls have a timeout and he missed it. Embarrassing an embarrassing and embarrassing display from
[00:33:08] Julius. This is not good. This is fucking dog shit. He folded. No, you cocksucker Julius. No,
[00:33:18] he's not ready for the moment, man. This has happened to the playoffs last year.
[00:33:24] Fuck. All right. Well, listen, I also have a basketball podcast called pod. Don't lie.
[00:33:28] We'll be getting into this probably three weeks ago. All right. I'm done, man. The Bulls are about
[00:33:36] to fucking win. I'm going to kill myself. Look, I'd say I'd say stay on this while you feel alive
[00:33:41] until we hit. I don't know. Just off top of my head, maybe the 40 minute line.
[00:33:47] All right. Well, look, we got one more possession. The Bulls are probably going to win it here.
[00:33:51] It's theirs to win. Honestly, the Karma gods should should repay the Bulls here because they
[00:33:59] they are playing to earn it to win it. And so if there's justice, they'll win because the
[00:34:05] Knicks are playing scared in the fourth quarter. They folded. They went they let their fucking
[00:34:09] opponent come back to a double digit. It was a double digit deficit. So, you know, if there's
[00:34:16] any justice, the fucking Bulls will win this one, but I don't want them to. Oh fuck.
[00:34:23] Athletic athleticism. There's nothing like it. Yeah, I agree.
[00:34:28] Was I getting your dick sucked? No, I'd rather watch men at their peaks.
[00:34:34] Honestly, I'm really good watching a really good game versus a run of the mill blowjob at
[00:34:39] this point in my life, man. I agree. I take the game. But I love.
[00:34:43] I'd say the the Super Bowl where they the helmet catch. That was probably better than
[00:34:49] Oh, yeah. And the Patriots lost. Here we go.
[00:34:54] Long's on an inbound. The Mars got it. Air balls it.
[00:35:03] Fuck the Bulls. Nick's number one, baby.
[00:35:07] Air balls that you cocksucker from Southern California. RJ was all over him draped on
[00:35:12] him that fuck. Oh, actually was a fucking it wasn't even. Yeah, it was RJ on the switch.
[00:35:17] This time the switch didn't do so good. Did it? De Mar you fucking prick.
[00:35:22] Nick's win. The Bulls suck my dick. Let's keep the episode going fellas.
[00:35:27] God damn. That's awesome. Hold on. Let me text Sam. I wouldn't say that about.
[00:35:32] Yeah, go ahead and text Sam for a minute. Yeah. Text Sam. Let us know when you're done.
[00:35:36] Oh God. I wouldn't say that about any of these guys because they're friends of the show.
[00:35:41] Who the Bulls. Yeah, De Mar de Rosen listens to almost every episode of
[00:35:45] comptown. He said Adam is his favorite character. He did. He said the grandma is with my favorite
[00:35:49] character. Yeah. Oh, man. Listen, he thinks I'm a grandma. That's a little annoying, but he likes
[00:35:55] me. And that's what's most important. Oh fuck. Well, I know people probably enjoyed that. I did
[00:36:01] that. But I want to take the opportunity here to let you know that I'm also on tour.
[00:36:05] That I'll be in Tampa this weekend. Please buy your tickets. I'm in Los Angeles filming a special
[00:36:14] on the sixth. I have a warm up show on the fifth at the Irvine improv. And I might add a show after
[00:36:22] the special taping where I just do new stuff and crowd work. And then I'm going to be in Boston
[00:36:27] from the ninth to the 11th. And by this point, I think I'm going to have
[00:36:31] 22 calendars for sale on Black Friday. So get ready for that. Black Friday. Why do they call it?
[00:36:41] Yeah, why I call it African American. Oh, that's good. That's fun. That's a good angle.
[00:36:46] I came up with a good angle. Yeah. What date is this show? I call it something different. It's
[00:36:51] close to that, but it's offensive. Okay, I'll be in Atlanta on November 19th with microscene.
[00:36:58] Let me know when you need me. You call it something you call something close to that?
[00:37:01] I call it a little plug hot hot Atlanta hot Atlanta. H H brother. H H brother.
[00:37:07] Whoo. God damn the fucking Nick survive. That's that's good. That's good stuff.
[00:37:11] Okay. Anyway, so. So what else is up boys? What are we going to do this fucking weekend? This
[00:37:18] is a fucking extended week, you know, where we're back in the cabin for those of you who
[00:37:22] could haven't been able to tell what's going on. We're back in the cabin. This Sunday will
[00:37:27] actually be the first episode we recorded. But you know, we like to flip them. Oh, I just realized
[00:37:32] that you know, we'd like to flip them by now Kyle Rittenhouse will have been exonerated.
[00:37:38] And Gabby Petino will come back and say she just made it. She was she killed him. She killed him.
[00:37:44] Actually, they found his I think dog the bounty hunter killed both of them just to have a little
[00:37:48] for the juice. Yeah, for the he was like, he's like, I'm going to get back into the,
[00:37:52] uh, whatever the fucking bullshit I do is people forgot about him. Yeah, he got in canceled,
[00:37:58] which is the harshest canceling secret and tape. I mean, did anybody think that guy doesn't say
[00:38:03] the N word? That was the whole premise. I was wrong. Is that he was secret? He was taped being
[00:38:08] like, sometimes we joke around and say the N word. And I don't want that getting out.
[00:38:13] Really? Yeah. I never heard it. Yeah. I think that's what it was. I can't. I saw like one
[00:38:17] second of the whole cog and fuck tape, but I had never. I didn't see I didn't hear him say racist
[00:38:21] stuff. One second was all I needed. Yeah, to bust to bust. Bubba loves bunches wife, right? Yeah.
[00:38:30] If you were big enough friends, why is there a guy that you're big enough fan of that you would
[00:38:35] let him fuck your wife? I don't know. Oh fuck. Bob Dylan or drop the top Dylan Todd run grinder
[00:38:47] Barack Obama Thomas Dolby. Geez, who would it be? Steve Harwell. Steve Harvey.
[00:38:58] Well, who's that the guy from Smash Mouth? Nice man. That is. I think so. Nice. Good.
[00:39:05] Good pool, brother. I think guys would be fun. And I actually have something that really
[00:39:09] not anybody. Mark McGrath, maybe I have something that would be really good for you to pull at him.
[00:39:15] Yeah. What's that? The tip of my cock. I really walked into that one. Yeah, dude. So we were
[00:39:22] clinic. Yeah. Like a clinic and you're getting your pussy checks out. My boy is running a clinic
[00:39:28] disgusting. I'm the doctor and your test results came back and disgusting.
[00:39:35] Your pussy is gross, bitch. Yep. That's how you run a clinic.
[00:39:40] Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I'm sorry to say your daughter's pussy is disgusting. It's terrible. Yeah.
[00:39:46] Medically. Medically it's gross. Well, good news and bad news. The good news is your
[00:39:50] daughter's not fucking the bad news is because her pussy is dog sheep. As we say in the biz,
[00:39:57] the biz, it is dog sheep. I can't wait to. You think a gynecologist can tell when a pussy's
[00:40:05] really awesome for fucking. That's awesome. I can't wait to like all be hanging out when we're
[00:40:10] like in our 50s and that will be for me to for me to brag to you guys about about how much
[00:40:19] much penis my daughter gets. I'll be having friends who also work at the grocery store.
[00:40:26] You're going to be deli counter. I'm going to be back in Greek town.
[00:40:30] No, not in Greek town, but in a nice part of Baltimore. Yeah.
[00:40:33] Hopefully Greek town will have a renaissance by then.
[00:40:36] A renaissance fair. No, we don't want that case. You should agree. But the turkey leg.
[00:40:41] I'm not a turkey leg guy, bro. You will be once you start the renaissance festival.
[00:40:46] You think I'll run the renaissance festival? I think you will. I think you'll be surprised
[00:40:50] in which way his life goes. That's true. I guess never say never. Yeah. I'm going to become a
[00:40:54] psychic. That's going to be my thing. That'll be awesome. It'll be pretty easy. It's just like
[00:40:59] somebody's like, does my husband love me? And I'm looking at their problem. Like the Jews are
[00:41:03] going to do another 911. And they believe you. You can make my own tarot cards. It says the
[00:41:20] Yeah. Every reading is the same. Every reading is just like looks like the Jews did 911.
[00:41:36] That's the Catholic president, the magic bullet.
[00:41:42] You're going to be happy your girl, your daughter gets dicked down. Yeah. I'll be happy for her.
[00:41:47] Yeah. She's having a great sex life. You'll single-handedly turn her against sex though. Yeah,
[00:41:54] probably not. She's probably going to be like the daughter in an American pastoral. Well, at least
[00:42:02] I'll have a daughter. Yeah. She'll be like a gender freak. Probably. It turns into like an
[00:42:10] eco-terrorist or something. Maybe. That's pretty cool. Yeah. She'll despise you. She'll be proud of her.
[00:42:15] Yeah. She'll hate you. Oh, for a fact, she will.
[00:42:20] If any women in your life respected you. Yeah, plenty. Name. Three.
[00:42:32] Scarlett Johnson. Time's up. That's how you know.
[00:42:38] Why? Any straight man can name five women almost immediately.
[00:42:45] You didn't give me enough time. Yeah. Well, you had fun.
[00:43:00] The chicken from the Chuck E. Cheese band.
[00:43:28] How you how you doing? My name is Intendra GameCube.
[00:43:57] I'm z snapping, but I'm also doing that.
[00:43:59] Yeah. He's doing kind of like the we moat thing, but it no more.
[00:44:04] Some of them are just the snap of the wrist.
[00:44:28] And maybe she's brought to you by Ridgewall.
[00:44:39] We saw by talking about Red Baron Pizza for a second.
[00:44:46] I don't know what you're talking about.
[00:44:48] You said I was stealing a bit of it I never heard.
[00:44:52] Is Red Baron Pizza something about you get Tombstone
[00:45:08] See, Adam, see what I did is I just let my ego aside
[00:45:12] and I gave it a shot for the good of the show.
[00:45:14] If I leave my ego aside, I wouldn't know what to do.
[00:45:21] I said why is a German pilot making it?
[00:45:37] team Daniel and Paul Kane launch Ridge Wallet on Kickstarter in 2013.
[00:45:42] And now it sits in the pocket of over a million men and women.
[00:45:56] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[00:46:02] Do have since recruited a small close to the team to execute on their version.
[00:46:08] Just if we had just three bottles of fabulous.
[00:46:11] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[00:46:17] At the Ridge, we prefer to do more with less.
[00:46:21] It's not just a remark on resourcefulness.
[00:46:23] It's a call to maximize your life by minimizing
[00:46:28] Because you don't need everything to be prepared for anything.
[00:46:31] We're streamlining daily life through quality products
[00:46:34] and redefining the everyday essentials.
[00:46:39] So I was just going to jump in and help out.
[00:47:00] We had to get you an oatmeal raisin cookie.
[00:47:09] It was made of list designs that don't sacrifice.
[00:47:11] It said the oatmeal raisin faggot requires cookies.
[00:47:15] If I eliminate excess and build a performance grade,
[00:47:19] we turn the item to carry every day into tools for better living.
[00:47:23] Carry less, live more, discover the rig.
[00:47:37] If they have one, thanksgiving bottle or.
[00:47:44] All these companies, most people do like it,
[00:48:05] And look, it's about time to be getting people Christmas presents.
[00:48:12] Yeah, like wallets, phone cases, bags, and accessories.
[00:48:16] Get your autistic friend the same wallet Nick Mullen has.
[00:48:31] He's probably wearing his I'm not racist anymore t-shirt.
[00:48:40] And if you're, if I just described you to a T.
[00:48:43] If you're the loser I just described, you owe it to us.
[00:48:49] maybe you can buy them a Ridge wallet for Christmas.
[00:48:51] And also slip a little Annie Freeze into their hot coke.
[00:49:13] So, but by Ridge wallet though, that might stop it.
[00:49:17] Also gay people need to stop making songs about politicians.
[00:49:21] I think, I think they're getting dangerously close to blowing all the good will that they've.
[00:49:42] Get as the gayest possible man you can be.
[00:49:47] Yeah, if you're completely gender conforming as a Puerto Rican, that's the gayest.
[00:50:24] Or a calendar that's never going to come out.
[00:50:27] Or a guy that used to be a fisherman, but now he sucks dick for a living.
[00:50:31] Yeah, basically be Bruce Springsteen, be gay.
[00:50:34] Be one of the five songs I can think of.
[00:50:39] This is right songs about red fish, blue fish, one fish, two fish.
[00:50:47] And he fucks up a house and kids get in trouble.
[00:51:10] If for all you may have your gay and you're going to write songs.
[00:51:16] You got to write songs about Allentown.
[00:51:29] Well, we're holding heads in Allentown.
[00:51:33] And everyone is fucking something else.
[00:51:40] And then everybody's wearing a knee ring.
[00:51:46] And now we're coming out of the bathroom.
[00:51:53] If you would have been better off fucking in my car.
[00:51:58] We thought there'd be privacy in the bathroom.
[00:52:10] He's like, yeah, what the hell is this?
[00:52:28] Dude, Felix tweeted that Wonka movie into existence.
[00:52:37] but Felix tweeted exactly that years ago.
[00:52:39] He's like, you could just have like a laughing Willy Wonka.
[00:52:45] It's the gritty origin story of Willy Wonka.
[00:52:49] It's the guy that the toy is based off of.
[00:52:56] It's a cartoon movie about a guy that existed
[00:53:02] And they made the action figure about him.
[00:53:11] It's just like, what the fuck is even the point of having a movie anymore?
[00:53:15] It's like that just sucks my dick so hard.
[00:53:19] It's just a new way for them to sell even more
[00:53:38] He does look like a little political cartoon, a little pig.
[00:54:06] Yeah, I thought I just didn't know how to riff anymore.
[00:54:38] Well, we're kissing each other in Ellen.
[00:54:50] Dude, that video of Donald Trump watching the Capitol riot while listening to Gloria is amazing.
[00:54:56] He's just like listening to Laura Branigan watching the-
[00:55:02] And when he was like, everybody go fuck up Mike Pence.
[00:55:14] And we wake up and all of this bullshit happens.
[00:55:21] The best is with the Elton John finding out Ruth Bader Ginsburg died.
[00:55:43] She did a lot to agree with her or not.
[00:55:51] I'm hearing it for the first time right now.
[00:56:14] He really should be, he should be king of the United States.
[00:56:20] There should be a castle that takes up all of Manhattan Island.
[00:56:24] The fucking East River and the Hudson are remote.
[00:56:29] And reading, you should aim for basically majority population literacy by the next 10 years.
[00:56:41] We listened to him say he's shit like that.
[00:56:45] React to Alec Baldwin fucking up in any way.
[00:56:49] Alec Baldwin is force fed alcohol every morning and then set out.
[00:56:57] Alec Baldwin kills somebody behind the wheel.
[00:57:04] He ran over a mentally retarded field trip.
[00:57:18] He loves getting, he loves taking a drink, going for a drive, killing a bunch of Rito's.
[00:57:26] Well, I'm sucking dick in that in town.
[00:57:30] Well, I'm sucking a man's dick in a fucking game.
[00:57:50] So what happened to security guard then?
[00:57:56] And I pulled into a parking lot and it was some security guard walked out of the building.
[00:58:08] Do you think he was coming out to laugh at how little your dick was?
[00:58:10] He saw my stream and he was like, that's a very masculine stream.
[00:58:25] Sounds like somebody opened the fire hydrant.
[00:58:30] They're hitting every part of the toilet.
[00:58:35] It's coming out of a small mound underneath my belly button.
[00:58:47] You have to try and compliment yourself.
[00:58:52] You're stealing my classic red-baron pizza.
[00:58:56] Why don't they make the whole plane out of it?
[00:59:35] met by shots of vote him out and honor her wish.
[00:59:46] The Ruth Bader gave her wanted him to quit.
[01:00:01] Oh, would it mean give you credit for stealing the bit?
[01:00:13] I'm going to drag this out the entire trip.
[01:00:16] The entire time we're getting the part.
[01:00:17] That nothing would make me happier than to do 15 episodes.
[01:00:31] Okay, we're not recording anymore, Nick.