Cum Town | Regular | 12/01/2021
[00:00:07] Well, to all our fans that were frustrated with us in all the cabin episodes, we are
[00:00:16] We drove back real quick because Adam had diarrhea in every one of the beds.
[00:00:20] We are recording now concurrent with the release of the episodes.
[00:00:27] This is being recorded on the day of the release of this episode, correct?
[00:00:42] Which, sorry, I feel like you had a burp but nothing's coming up.
[00:00:50] You want to just take a couple seconds?
[00:00:55] Well, yeah, we'll take a couple seconds.
[00:00:56] I feel like we've worked hard enough to...
[00:01:13] Maybe tried a different type of cuisine when outside of your comfort zone, no turkey and
[00:01:27] A bunch of garbage they put in the bird's ass.
[00:01:32] I wonder if anyone's done that bit a million times.
[00:01:49] Thanksgiving food kind of garbage is just a lot of it.
[00:01:59] And as we now find ourselves in sort of the top 1% of the 1%.
[00:02:07] It's nice knowing with the little run we had before we came out here how bad the show
[00:02:13] That it doesn't really, it goes from like a 2 to a 1.
[00:02:19] I think in general we can gauge that it's good or bad but I feel like beyond that we're
[00:02:29] Yeah, I can't really, I can't do that with anything.
[00:02:32] I'll look at a woman, I'll be like 250 pounds.
[00:02:46] I just said you look like you're 250 pounds.
[00:02:48] So if you take offense to that, that's on you.
[00:02:51] I saw a woman and I was like, that's a 14 year old.
[00:02:55] And she was like, I'm 28 and I'm like, that's disgusting.
[00:03:01] I was trying to play off of your quantifying thing.
[00:03:05] Stop is taking a shit right now for everyone this listening.
[00:03:08] You weren't, you know, I've never seen his shit.
[00:03:12] It's weird that we know so much about his body.
[00:03:14] Well, here's the thing is that you would expect his forts to be powerful, but they're
[00:03:21] Well, he's got his asshole to squeeze shut.
[00:03:30] We don't want him to hear that we think he's fat.
[00:03:31] Honestly, I never laugh harder than when he pretends he doesn't know that he's fat.
[00:03:39] It's kind of like Eric Cartman, you know?
[00:03:50] I was just telling the audience how we're back from the cabin now and we're doing the
[00:03:57] Yeah, it's December or it's we're in the Christmas spirit right now doing some holiday shopping.
[00:04:04] What do you get in your mom for Christmas?
[00:04:17] I'm getting her a couch and I'm getting her a stand mixer that we already discussed.
[00:04:24] I already bought her the stand mixer because my mom, you guys have had my mother's cookies.
[00:04:30] So I got her heavy duty fucking stand mixer so that she can get a nice batch going for
[00:04:36] So she can get those cookies out and then go back to mother and give back.
[00:04:40] Well, her and my grandma just fucking chill out.
[00:04:45] They put a couple, I bought them lazy boys two, two or three Christmases ago.
[00:04:51] They got a TV and a little and my grandma has a tablet that she plays to doku on.
[00:04:57] And they're just fucking in there watching fucking Greek TV.
[00:05:02] She's got a hot plate like their hot plate.
[00:05:05] I think they're living like fucking crackheads like in an abandoned cooking rocks on the
[00:05:12] My grandma just moved into a new house and she was looking for stuff to throw out.
[00:05:17] There's all these boxes of shit in her house.
[00:05:19] She's open a box and she looks at me and she goes, do you know anyone that does Sudoku?
[00:05:24] And she's like, she had a book of Sudoku.
[00:05:29] It's probably a probably like a $1.3 million house that they moved into.
[00:05:34] And she doesn't want to throw out the Sudoku.
[00:05:36] That's how rich people be acting though.
[00:05:51] Sounds like I'm talking about, but it's true.
[00:06:03] And I'm trying to get the guy who did my basement.
[00:06:08] I'm trying to get him to remodel the bitch cave.
[00:06:10] I want him to come and rip out the floor.
[00:06:12] They got, they put, when we were babies, they put wall to wall carpeting everywhere.
[00:06:18] I want them to, and God knows how many of my brother's teenage loads hit that carpet.
[00:06:29] You don't think that it's like going to do anything.
[00:06:34] It's like decomposing by a lot of people.
[00:06:35] Yeah, you think it's going to like disappear.
[00:06:38] I think I told this story already, but when I lived in Austin, the apartment complex had
[00:06:42] like a community room with like computers in it.
[00:06:45] And half the apartments in that complex would be like, it would be a one-bedroom apartment
[00:06:52] And anytime, because the gym was in the back, so you'd have to walk to the computer area.
[00:06:55] And anytime I walked in there, there was like two computers of dust and there'd be like
[00:06:58] a four foot seven Guatemalan guy that would just scoot the computer chair closer.
[00:07:02] And then he's looking at the desktop, you know, for whatever reason, like the start
[00:07:11] So he's like scoot all the way close to the wall.
[00:07:15] So you can't see it, but me, my roommate was the manager of the apartment complex.
[00:07:21] And he could like shine a light under the desk in the back wall under the computers.
[00:07:32] They didn't even bust in their own hands.
[00:07:33] Look at where like Tom Sawyer went missing.
[00:07:36] That's fucking remember that show an MTV room Raiders.
[00:07:47] I actually have a special kind of e-cigarette that you could use Nick.
[00:08:12] And you suck on it for like, it's got nicotine.
[00:08:22] Yeah, a certain kind of the thing is cloud starts as a liquid form.
[00:08:28] So this, you swallow a little bit of this juice, this cloud.
[00:08:39] He was like, yeah, my dad called me smoking cigarettes.
[00:08:44] And then he made me finish that pack in front of him.
[00:08:47] And then he made me jack him off with my mouth.
[00:08:53] I've never smoked a cigarette since then.
[00:09:01] It's weird because he's like, I guess he probably still does stand up.
[00:09:12] That's what the boy, you know, he was in an Amy Schumer movie, right?
[00:09:19] The one where Bo Burnham's trying to get famous or something.
[00:09:21] And then he's in a movie with that hot bitch Rose Burn or a show.
[00:09:48] Yeah, I was going to be mad, but that's a hot guy.
[00:09:55] Salute the Bobby Cannaval if he's fucking Rose Burn.
[00:09:58] Is Bobby Cannaval the guy with the kind of the shovel face?
[00:10:04] Or I'm thinking, I'm thinking the actor that Italian, the guy that played Fredo, died of
[00:10:16] I thought that was Armand de Santi when I was a kid.
[00:10:21] I always confuse him with that guy that was that your old Jim, the Jewish Bobby Cannaval.
[00:10:31] They're a similar, I think they go out for the same roles.
[00:10:36] Yeah, you know, but Cannaval could have played, could have played.
[00:10:39] They have a similar Tony Sopranos dead.
[00:10:45] We're due for a fun John Bernthal movie.
[00:10:46] I feel like there hasn't been one this year.
[00:11:17] It's Christmas season back in New York City.
[00:11:19] We've missed each other since the cabin.
[00:11:43] You remember how they were like, this is what Jesus actually looked like?
[00:11:48] I don't want to be thin, but I do want to listen.
[00:12:05] Yeah, his Facebook was all like, he'd be like,
[00:12:18] I think that's one of those things where you kind of...
[00:12:24] I saw a couple of Sikh teenagers coming out of a...
[00:12:37] To be a Sikh teenager and get fucking high as shit.
[00:12:40] Then you go in the bathroom, you're like,
[00:12:46] Whatever you think they forget they're not genies?
[00:13:01] It's an unfunny, probably 1990s observational comedy.
[00:13:13] Okay, the first guy to do steak tartar had to have been an absolute fucking psycho.
[00:13:20] I'm going to put a raw egg in some ground beef.
[00:13:33] They were like, we need to make a new food.
[00:13:39] I want to be at the board meeting where the fucking guys,
[00:13:53] Well, it's just a crazy thing to invent.
[00:14:29] There's a lot of things I don't pay attention to.
[00:14:38] For those of you who want to know the picture we're looking at...
[00:14:41] It's from the local palate, Mediterranean beef tartar with pickled vedalia onions.
[00:15:06] I went to SeaWorld with my family as a child.
[00:15:09] Which I think was owned by the Bush people, Bush Gardens.
[00:15:17] I think it was when we went to SeaWorld.
[00:15:19] And there was a horse, a Clydesdale named Duke who had...
[00:15:28] Anyway, this horse had the most incredible penis I've ever seen in my entire life.
[00:15:37] It was the biggest cock I've ever seen in my life.
[00:15:41] Like horses let us ride them is because we're wearing pants.
[00:15:56] They think we're birds with like two big dicks.
[00:16:04] It's gonna be like, oh, I'll let this bird land on me.
[00:16:07] So because it respects us, things are dicks are bigger than it's.
[00:16:33] If, imagine you put your bear balls on a horse's back.
[00:16:36] You would think that they would get a noise.
[00:16:37] But here's the thing about a horse, right?
[00:16:40] You would want to have a smaller dick because they're racing animals.
[00:16:43] And so you want to cut as much weight as possible.
[00:16:49] Some, like, it's horses might be the only species where, like, the women's sports are as comparable.
[00:16:59] They have fillies that win, like, Kentucky derbies.
[00:17:15] You need a little tiny little Mexican guy.
[00:17:20] My dad went on vacation with his family.
[00:17:30] And my grandfather was, like, that boy is a natural equestrian.
[00:17:36] And he said, I think it's one of his greatest traumas.
[00:17:39] His dad took him to a stable to be measured as, like, a potential jockey.
[00:17:45] My grandfather took my dad to a stable to be, like, measured my boy.
[00:18:03] Yeah, he's that means he's smaller than that.
[00:18:15] I feel like you're supposed to do that.
[00:18:16] You're supposed to get taller than your dad?
[00:18:18] If you're not, you should kill yourself.
[00:18:21] My dad might be my guy at an inch on me.
[00:18:23] I'm shorter than my dad and I'm the same.
[00:18:26] My parents are shrunk, but my mom used to be the same.
[00:18:40] You have said, you said you wanted to fuck her, I think.
[00:18:43] I just said that when she hugs me with her giant tits, it feels comforting.
[00:18:49] I feel like no matter what, if I have kids, or if I have kids, or if I have kids, or if I have kids,
[00:18:53] or if I have kids, or if I have kids, or if I have kids, or if I have kids, or if I have kids,
[00:18:57] You know, they have decided that she wants to partner.
[00:18:59] But don't be tall up to me when they're like, ten.
[00:19:03] Is there already knocking on in the emotional body?
[00:19:13] That's how to make down both of Wikipedia.
[00:19:18] But it's really cool in that movie, Boyhood, where Ethan Hawk, doesn't have to be in
[00:19:18] his son's life because he has a cool enough car?
[00:19:22] Same thing I've never seen it. I don't like movies where angels don't get shot angels in the outfield. That's a good point
[00:19:28] No one gets shot and remember the Titans
[00:19:31] Yeah, but it's it's implied there's implied violence races
[00:19:38] And a guy gets his shit fucked up he gets paralyzed and dies or some shit he had a car accident
[00:19:44] And any people okay violence or someone calling making fun of a guy calling him gay
[00:19:49] Really they do that to sunshine. Mm-hmm. I just mean hazing or violence or something to
[00:19:56] Ethan for into the show to oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah
[00:19:59] Yeah, you could pull you could probably pull an Ethan move I could yeah once this show that guy's my fucking role model
[00:20:06] So ends you know I told you how I started talking once to put you on a program or yeah
[00:20:11] Good boys. I'll fuck how I started talking to him is IDM them. I think I was probably cooked. I'll cooked up
[00:20:19] Was like I don't know how to get through dude, you know what I was think something criticizing
[00:20:23] You know what I want I am doing one thing I would love to do is Ethan could help me
[00:20:27] I wish it could be a looper situation where Ethan could help me now
[00:20:31] Yeah, I go back in time and I help fat Ethan believe in himself and get pussy when he's like 500 pounds
[00:20:36] Maybe he was getting pussy wasn't we've talked about it. No, you probably hated himself. You're gonna
[00:20:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and so dude if they didn't get pussy off of being a Nazi in American
[00:20:46] Lustri yet, you know, you know how he could finally allow yourself to be in a relationship with someone that cares about you
[00:20:51] And then you'll lose the way that's probably true
[00:20:53] but then you're you will absolutely turn into one of those like
[00:20:57] Change your life guys. Yeah, well, I think I also think we all should change our lives. I'm barely
[00:21:03] I'm the only reason I'm not that guy now is because change nothing. I'm in the middle of the I'm in the middle of the battle
[00:21:08] No, no one wants no one wants a fixed clown
[00:21:18] Maybe they also want maybe one of the pills one of the best things for my career pills or do they want they do want dick pills
[00:21:24] Do they want something else also very good?
[00:21:29] I'm here for boys very observational ways that dick pills are literally and figuratively you carry a lot of weight
[00:21:36] Is it dick pills or is it maybe a fake drug of one or two?
[00:21:43] It's dick pills nice for dick pills from our friends at blue chew calm
[00:21:47] This episode is sponsored by K2 spies. No, it's not it's sponsored by blue chew episode is sponsored by fentanyl
[00:21:56] It's possible by blue chew say with us everyone blue chew
[00:22:01] Blue chew is making waves and bringing more confidence to the bedroom by offering chewable tablets that help men get stronger and
[00:22:11] Blue chew is a unique online. By the way longer lasting doesn't mean longer lasting
[00:22:18] Before you bust that's you although I have found means that your boner is there for I will say I don't know what it is
[00:22:24] Sometimes it's longer lasting than it's harder to bust which can be if you if you bust too fast that can be a positive
[00:22:31] Oh, no, I've popped a couple of blue chills and busts
[00:22:33] Oh, you know, I like to tell myself I don't need blue chew, but then if you think about it
[00:22:37] It's like I don't need any drugs exactly
[00:22:41] But this is the you bust it fast. Oh my god. I don't buzz that fast on the chew really
[00:22:47] I think it makes my dick too hard that sometimes like sometimes my dick will be very hard
[00:22:54] And I'll really I'll really do some damage pussy pound and wise. Yeah, but sometimes to switch it up
[00:23:00] I go own natural my dick ain't you know, we're though. It's it's it's huffing and puffing to the finish line
[00:23:06] I don't want a little engine that could but it does I feel like the you know
[00:23:10] I won't even say because we're the middle yeah
[00:23:12] I was about to say the same and I actually just remembered I was lying and my dick always feel better feels better in both
[00:23:19] Whether I'm in both categories. Here's the blue chew every time I've used it
[00:23:25] I've injured a woman with my penis because oh, yeah, and I've lasted about three and a half hours
[00:23:31] Yep, right under because they say it's a terrible for called doctor
[00:23:35] Right on right on the way time to doubt perfectly and he's fucking scientists over there
[00:23:40] Anyway, blue chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and C. Ellis
[00:23:46] But in chewable form and at a fraction of the cost I look that's a great
[00:23:51] And if you're on a but if you're trying to get your dick hard on a budget and I've looked listen
[00:23:55] I'll admit this I've looked at some of the competitors websites. Mm-hmm. Blue chew beat them all. Yeah, I swised
[00:24:01] Beat them all hundred percent and the customer service is second to none
[00:24:05] My honestly my favorite feature of blue chew is you only have to like go through the approval thing once yeah
[00:24:10] So what you do is you sign up for the fucking the ridiculous one like 90 pill? Yeah the 800 million
[00:24:18] Yeah, you pay you just pay upfront for the monster package. Yeah. Yeah, and then you realize you're like alright
[00:24:24] I have five thousand yeah, I've I've had sex three times just going on the website and you hit pause
[00:24:30] They don't have it. There's no can't I mean you can cancel your subscription. Yeah, but unlike literally anything else
[00:24:35] I mean yes, like this you know that flow
[00:24:38] I don't know if you can pause your subscription. It's impossible. Yeah with blue chew
[00:24:42] It's a click of a button you use all the dick pills and then you scramble and you scramble back crawling crawl back to daddy
[00:24:48] Blue chew yeah, you have to hit a button you can't even hit resume subscription
[00:24:51] It just says my dick it doesn't I think you're sad and pathetic message back and make it hard daddy
[00:24:57] Mm-hmm, and they say congrats on the sex
[00:25:03] It the tablets help men achieve harder and stronger erections to combat all forms of ED
[00:25:10] Blue chew is an online prescription service. No visits the doctor no awkward conversations
[00:25:16] No waiting in line at the pharmacy and it ships to your door in a discrete package
[00:25:21] Yeah, the process is simple sign up at blue chew calm consult with one of the licensed medical providers and once you're approved
[00:25:28] You'll receive your prescription within days the best part. It's all done online
[00:25:36] You don't like swallowing pills no problem here
[00:25:39] It's a candy and you can swallow this dick also you can swallow stavros. How he is his pain
[00:25:46] So Dan so Dan a fill I still can't say it
[00:25:50] I've done a filter into dalafil the tablets are chewable and they're made in the US and they prepare to ship direct
[00:25:57] So it's cheaper than the pharmacy. Here's the deal. You know what you know what they are. Oh
[00:26:02] What they should have I just want to close this wrong if blue chew is listening which they have to that poor woman has to listen all these
[00:26:08] Oh real men. Yeah. Oh, I would have used my sexy
[00:26:13] It's not yeah, they have to make sure that we do our job. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, but I don't care if it's a guy listening to make sure I
[00:26:19] Fuck guys, so you're saying it's a hot chick and she's touching her so the prevents you never get the you ever like
[00:26:32] Like going down on someone sure sure of course. Yeah, what do you want? Yeah on the down shore?
[00:26:38] Like they did whatever the like the bottom you that webbing you shut it. Yeah, I guess I would ship tooth
[00:26:44] So that contributes and or you can be you can be eating pussy too feraciously and it happens
[00:26:50] Yeah, it doesn't happen to me. Yeah, I get all kinds of mouths in your fat lips my tongue fucking gets fucked up
[00:27:01] You know what I need help with is my shoulder. I'll help you sometimes and I have to go get
[00:27:07] I think I might have to go get surgery because I have a torn labrum
[00:27:10] So you can finger pop better you used to never affect me, but your hand no my shoulder
[00:27:15] Oh, you're sure and it's you know, I like you got a slap hair fucking I do a slap there
[00:27:20] Yeah, and I you got to eat put you got it mouth on the cliff finger pop the pussy hole
[00:27:25] That's why I'm bad at it cuz that's for me that is like totally the pat on the head rubbing the it's not a rhythm
[00:27:31] It's a I can't yeah, I just literally can't do it. I'm talking about it right now and I feel it
[00:27:36] hurting just I got a good on the show you're like, yeah, this
[00:27:42] Like I never in my life someone squirted for me going down on oh, that's I just don't know how to do it
[00:27:47] I love it pretty much every time I get busted in my face like a little slut. Yeah, and I love it
[00:27:55] The girls like you want to have sex now. I said it doesn't matter if I bust doesn't matter
[00:27:59] I can make my self pleasure so easy, okay, but you know what gives women pleasure is blue true
[00:28:07] So if you can benefit from a little bit of extra confidence when it comes time to perform visit blue chew calm for more details
[00:28:16] And here's the special deal for our listeners try blue chew when you use our promo code come down and check out
[00:28:23] And you just pay five dollars for shipping that's blue chew calm
[00:28:26] promo code come down to receive your first month free and we thank blue chew
[00:28:31] Thank you for sponsoring this podcast and we think that hot girl from blue chew that's listening right now
[00:28:37] I'm single. I'm oh great up is December now because you broke up in November. We all know well
[00:28:44] You let me you look at you. Let me practice
[00:28:47] And I'm trying to get over the car accident and
[00:28:50] And we've just see I need an ad a boner pill ad bitch to get me through you were giving me like
[00:28:57] Lessons on your girlfriend, then I killed her. That's what happened. Yeah. Yes, because I use too much force
[00:29:03] Trying to learn to learn. Yeah, and I want to say real quickly before we go on here and we have a lot of talk about I
[00:29:10] It's December as we all know I've probably already announced
[00:29:14] I've already announced the next leg of the Prince of pleasure toward the pleasure continues
[00:29:18] I think I've already recorded my special and if I hadn't if I haven't comes come see the warm-up shows on December 5th
[00:29:27] Or come see me in Boston December 9th and 11th, but also I have a pantheon coming up on the 15th of December and
[00:29:35] Go to stabby.biz very exciting. We are announcing the West Coast swing. We got San Diego. We got Vegas nice
[00:29:45] Sacramento, I think Austin. I think I'm doing a Texas run Austin Houston Dallas
[00:29:51] So and it's not big is my whole family will be there. Yep, stop it up is slash tour
[00:29:58] More announcements coming soon, but yes nice at this point
[00:30:02] I believe I have already announced this on the internet as we all know it's already
[00:30:06] And for the Boston show you were saying everyone named Kevin gets in for free. Mm-hmm. Everyone named Kevin
[00:30:12] It's a pretty common name. Yeah. Well, that's monks the Irish
[00:30:16] That's what the club feels I need to do have tickets
[00:30:20] All the power to you and I and I gave yourself a slap tear fingering. That's insane. No, no
[00:30:27] But it was a magnet. It was a magnet. Oh, okay. I'm like is that the kind of effort people
[00:30:36] I was swimming over this kid. Yeah, cuz I was tearing his ass up. I was in those tackling, you know what I'm saying
[00:30:41] And we're playing and we're playing a Morgan State University
[00:30:44] We got the big lights. They got the high school team under the at the college stadium the dick is hard
[00:30:49] I'm feeling amped up the cuties are fucking watching me and I'm getting I'm getting pressure on the quarterback
[00:30:56] Now he was a scrambler. So I got I didn't I only got one sack
[00:31:00] I believe but I was beating my man consistently. You know what you mean by scrambler
[00:31:05] He did happen to be an African American gentleman pop stop
[00:31:08] We are quarterback at the time Laquan Williams went on to play a special team for the
[00:31:14] Baltimore Ravens. Oh very nice. So anyway, but yeah, this little cocksucker of jammed his helmet up into my foot as I was
[00:31:22] Swimming over your arm under my arm jammed it up
[00:31:26] That was my move. Do you feel I felt a pop it felt horrible
[00:31:30] I was benching once and I was done and I was reracking the weight and something yeah like like it felt like you know more
[00:31:37] I forget the name of it, but like the tip of where your collarbone his shoulder
[00:31:44] Yeah, there's yeah to that bump something popped there
[00:31:48] Yeah, and it like you know like went down my arm
[00:31:51] I don't know what it was and then I forgot about it and this was I had like a writing job at the time
[00:31:56] Yeah, and I went to work and sitting there was my arm is on fire. Yeah, that's something similar happened to me
[00:32:01] Yeah, yeah, where it was like I was there was like I was a backup
[00:32:05] Quarterback for the Miami Sharks and the the coach was a alpacheno
[00:32:12] And the quarterback gets injured they were like
[00:32:16] Listen, you're a flashy young black man. He said that to you. Yeah, but we think you can carry the team and
[00:32:27] Basically, I was with you until you just bailed on the
[00:32:32] I hate you you got you were I was in I was in I was ready to yes
[00:32:37] This is this is because I'm at this level now
[00:32:40] I've to bail that often, but don't say that about yourself
[00:32:43] You had you would never feel like me if you just had don't do that don't all you had to do was describe
[00:32:49] Well, I was gonna I was gonna say it was you describe the movie, but then I'm like you just go into an alpacheno
[00:32:54] Yes, which is the easiest in person. Yeah, that would require an impression. It's so easy. Just try it. Go ahead
[00:32:59] That's good. That's a good start. You missed it. We're outside
[00:33:03] He's telling me about something Steven said and he tries to make Steven sound more Jewish
[00:33:07] Right, right, right when in reality. He's doing way more than yes. Yeah
[00:33:12] It would require you gentiling up your voice not doing it up alpacheno's Jewish
[00:33:24] De Niro all those great not only not only that but they're all like
[00:33:28] I'll put you know five one. Yeah. Yeah, they're all so tiny. He's she four foot three
[00:33:34] Yep, dude, Peshie that picture Peshie was just a hot-ass tall bitch. Yeah, that's what I need to get on
[00:33:39] Mm-hmm. I need a six to girlfriend. Yeah, a hundred percent and our and our kids are gonna make the league by the way
[00:33:45] Yeah, you're gonna get married to a chick that looks like
[00:33:49] The girl from third rock of this from no no no no no
[00:33:53] She's gonna have kind of a she's gonna be very hot sexy girl on a little bit
[00:33:58] No, she was a big emirious big tall caught like maybe a little bit like a butch
[00:34:04] Yeah, but not in an unfuckable way. I'm I'll fuck a girl like that no issue
[00:34:09] But I'm not in a way that you you you would watch the big game with her and she she wouldn't be I would love
[00:34:15] I would love that but I don't see that in my future. I would love I would love a girl that wants to watch the big game with me
[00:34:22] Don't know you'll probably get married to a chick like a Kathy Ireland
[00:34:27] It's so funny because that's such a low
[00:34:30] Standard to set what like I want to call me to a woman that will watch the Super Bowl
[00:34:35] Oh, I don't mean the Super Bowl. Actually, you know, you know what big game
[00:34:38] I'm just in in general. You're using the euphemism. Yeah, we don't want to get sued for the copyrighted day
[00:34:44] Yeah, I have no idea what you said you that I'm using the words you said
[00:34:49] Yeah, I didn't mean the Super Bowl. He just means like a little bit of a butch. Oh
[00:34:57] That's she's fun. Yeah, I could see that she could she could chill with just the boys and hold her own sure
[00:35:04] I would be nice. These aren't bad things. No, but I just I guess
[00:35:09] What the fuck did that bitch look like Kristen Stewart is that her name? Yes, and Davis
[00:35:13] For instance the reality is you should take apart or based on their genetic profile
[00:35:19] Okay, cuz what yeah, I mean, I know you think I mean in a racist way
[00:35:26] But you know fuck the high you don't want somebody is gonna like die
[00:35:29] That's the word. That's the biggest bomber. Yeah, don't get married somebody five years later to get breast cancer
[00:35:35] I think it was an out embarrassing. I think it back. I would absolutely
[00:35:39] Yeah, no, I'm saying she has like a vibe. Yeah attractive with you. I
[00:35:45] Didn't mean it in a way that you look at no, I'm married to a lesbian. I wasn't trying to say that
[00:35:50] I was trying to begin you up as your friend. I'm in there. I'm in there in a major way actually now that I think about it
[00:35:57] Gadda-ka style arrangement Indian Gadda-ka
[00:36:00] Indeed no, I don't know you should do that you gotta do for love dude. I love the game
[00:36:07] Have you ever been attempts him as pussy? Have you ever attempted doggy?
[00:36:12] With a girl that's taller than you hundred percent and that your femurs aren't long enough to actually get it in I
[00:36:25] A woman is that perfect dick height. Oh, you do a standing doggy Wow because I I don't have the mobility in my lower back or the height
[00:36:36] To fuck doggy with my knees on the mattress standing doggy. That's like that's like how Napoleon. I love standing though
[00:36:43] You feel so noble. We have no idea how powerful you feel and when I'm on my knees. I'm feeling like it's
[00:36:48] Which one I just don't have a nice base. That's why you gotta go one leg up. You do the cap one leg up is nice
[00:36:55] Yeah, but that that also again. That's lower back mobility. Yeah, and I got to work on that
[00:37:01] But yeah, absolutely and even standing sometimes if I'm on if the bed is wrong if it's too high
[00:37:06] I fucked on my baby toes in a mate a lot of times. Yeah, I fucked on my tippy toes quite a bit
[00:37:12] Yeah, and that that may and you know what that's where the calf's coming
[00:37:15] You're trying to see what mom's cooking on the camera
[00:37:23] From sex well, no, it's just an added bonus. Yeah
[00:37:27] As I have fucked I fucked a prolonged amount both tippy toes
[00:37:31] So I fucked playing a girl's taller than me. Oh, you've pumped for multiple moments on your
[00:37:35] Tippies on my tippies damn. I'm terrible at fucking you're run out of breath on the bottom
[00:37:43] Have to be like I need to take a break. I need to be from your cow girl. Yeah. Yeah
[00:37:51] I've run out of dick hardness on the bottom
[00:37:58] Honestly, I have a real goal in my life
[00:38:00] Or I've run out of I'll say this track because I like to grab and
[00:38:07] Or be a top from the bottom grab a girl by the hips and move her around. Yeah my trot
[00:38:12] That's that's when the gym when I'm working out. I feel that's awesome. This is probably gonna be the most hated episode
[00:38:17] No, this is who cares. He's talk. This is like this is like sex in the city for the fellas. Yeah
[00:38:24] I have an actual goal and this is not a bit in my life. It made it at a certain point
[00:38:32] To commit to exclusive missionary for the rest of my life. Yes. Why?
[00:38:40] I think it is the most intimate and loving position. Great. There's no reason
[00:38:46] Everything else is show boating and flashy. I never want to eat ass from the back. No, I'm not a hip-hop. I'm not a hip-hop style quarterback
[00:38:54] Just an old fashion missionary you can have a 90% missionary diet, but you got to keep what about vacation
[00:39:00] You're not gonna fuck on the on the chair on having sex with a woman from the back
[00:39:06] Is it because you want to be having sex with a homosexual man?
[00:39:12] Or another straight guy. Yeah, that's your special. She's short. It's simulated gay sex. Okay. All right, that's fair. That's a fair point
[00:39:22] Mm-hmm. Oh the HBO HBO AIDS movie. Yeah, Mark Ruffalo. Yeah, and only because it's like I was like
[00:39:30] I'm in the mood to watch an 80s period drama. Did he get AIDS for the first thing that came into my mind? Yeah, he did
[00:39:36] But there's a scene where he's having missionary style sex with the man
[00:39:41] Yeah, with the man which like you know, I mean it's pretty graphic there because it's basically like softcore pornography. This is awesome
[00:39:48] Do you see his cock? Uh, no, you don't this by me. It's softcore but like but not even soft
[00:39:53] The the implication like two guys fucking on camera and but like one of them is behind the other one
[00:39:58] My mind's not doing any work. There's no like get scald there where it's filling in the rest of it
[00:40:03] But two of the missionary you gotta like you have to figure out the physics of it. You have to do the man
[00:40:08] Well, how did building seven come down? Yeah? Yeah. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah, and you're seeing his queen's group
[00:40:13] Mm-hmm the guys the bottoms cock is drooping. Yeah, it's just fucking like snooping on the dog house
[00:40:21] Honestly, I think I think that's romantic. Yeah, of course you do
[00:40:24] I think two fellas having heterosexual sex with each other is incredibly romantic. So you approve of gay guys going missionary
[00:40:30] Adam just approve of the ridge wallet. Oh, right do. Mm-hmm. No. Wow. This is fun. All right
[00:40:42] What the hell? What I was about to get up and get a beer. Well now you're about to do your job. Okay
[00:40:48] What you know, you didn't see anything. It's not that I'm against getting you a beer
[00:40:53] But you did it silently as if it's my job as if I forgot to get you
[00:40:57] No, I didn't want to order you around in public
[00:41:00] Well now now guess who's getting his own beer. Okay. Okay. I'll do it after the ridge war
[00:41:06] So ridge wallet isn't exciting and by the way, you're drinking it
[00:41:12] You're you're you're drinking at 10 a.m. On this December day
[00:41:17] Listen, that's crazy. As we all know the death of my girlfriend was hard
[00:41:22] Well, while I tried to lenny my way into learning how to
[00:41:26] Because I feel like I'm gonna have to learn at some point because eventually the pills are gonna stop working, right?
[00:41:31] Dick pills? Yeah. Yeah, I mean they got it. All medicine stops working
[00:41:36] Well, you got to go on a break and then you got a cycle on the different one. Yeah
[00:41:43] It's a real crisis, you know, like some people were like oh, I'm 30
[00:41:47] I don't know how to build a deck or whatever. Right. Yeah, I don't have a fucking shoulder
[00:41:52] I have a shoulder injury. I've never aggravated right. I don't even know the shoulder were supposed to be involved
[00:42:00] With that, but you know what I do I close my eyes. That's what I do with the shoulder locks up and I'm risk
[00:42:04] I imagine I'm reorganizing files on my desk
[00:42:14] Yeah, you can go so when the shoulder goes I go wrist
[00:42:16] But then and then you if you really need to you can go finger and then sometimes I go yeah the whole body
[00:42:21] Yeah, I mean I barely have room for my fucking peanut head and my hand stuff
[00:42:26] You have a you like a full-size huge head ag-fair competition pumpkin size here. Yeah, I got fat titty
[00:42:34] I got titties and farm fat that gets in the way and a fucked up shoulder and still I rot and you never know less fucking like a
[00:42:41] Chan nevertheless, he persisted very impressive. Thank you. Yeah
[00:42:45] That's more impressive than and I think about Elizabeth Warren when I'm doing anything that or whoever it was. Yeah
[00:42:53] Hillary yeah, because she lost like a like a brilliant really about her
[00:43:00] Anyway father and son team Daniel and Paul Kane launched the ridge wall at on kickstarter in 2013
[00:43:06] And now it sits in the front pockets of men
[00:43:10] Of over a million men and women worldwide. That's that's obviously really impressive front pocket
[00:43:15] That's kind of a million. Yeah, the two have since recruited a small close-knit team to execute on their vision
[00:43:22] Of creating quality and functional products at Ridge we
[00:43:27] And we're part of the ridge the three of our are on the payroll stockholders
[00:43:32] We prefer to do more with less. It's not just a remark on resourcefulness
[00:43:36] It's a call to maximize your life by minimizing what you bring along because you don't need everything to be prepared for anything
[00:43:44] We're streamlining daily life through quality products redefining the everyday essentials like wallets backpacks and chargers
[00:43:51] With minimal designs that don't sacrifice function by eliminating access and building a performance grade
[00:43:58] We turn the items you carry every day into tools for better living. Oh, yeah, carry less live moss
[00:44:06] Suck more carry less suck anyway with the promo code come down come down. I think it's calm down
[00:44:12] Why don't you go put some in the cart find you find pretend you're shopping on the website and walk us through yeah by the ridge
[00:44:18] I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go to the best sellers because I I don't like uh, I don't like leaving the crowd
[00:44:25] You know, I like being a just a just a face sure
[00:44:29] Another I'm gonna buy the 18 carat gold plated
[00:44:34] 225 dollar ridge wallet. Please do I'm gonna add that to the cart
[00:44:39] Yup, and by the way, well items to check out folks remember to get your stobby baby
[00:44:43] 2022 calendars that are now for sale. Yes
[00:44:52] Subtown do you want to integrate stores? I could probably because I have to switch over to a bigger company and that saved me
[00:44:59] Yeah, that saved me up. I have to read you my actually
[00:45:05] So it's the promo code is come town and I got a big discount
[00:45:10] I won't say what it is you guys can find that out when you're buying them what it is
[00:45:16] How much money did you do 23 dollars? That's a lot of money. That's real. That's real money. That's real money
[00:45:21] Got all that's that's a that's a romantic evening with your lover
[00:45:27] Anyway, so go to ridge wall calm put in promo code come town. Tell them about the bags
[00:45:33] The bags are fantastic. Yeah, I'd love to know more about the bags. I can only of course
[00:45:40] I've taken it in the rain because they're waterproof. I can only speak to the small bag
[00:45:45] I can't I'd love to speak to the larger backpack or even
[00:45:51] But unfortunately my expertise is only with the little bag and it's very good
[00:45:55] The backpack is waterproof. I had used it in the rain several times
[00:46:00] And I was like this thing is great. It's waterproof got home a book. I had was soaking wet
[00:46:08] User error though, but that you got it. Oh good. I left it open. Yeah, I left it over but I was pissed
[00:46:15] For a moment there you were like fuck Daniel and Paul Kane and then when I realized it was my fault
[00:46:24] I'm gonna go to the HQ and kill them and then kill me. Yep, which was a
[00:46:34] Anyway, so check out Ridge wall the bags the products are fantastic
[00:46:38] They have a slot for a charger and you can slide the cord through the backpack
[00:46:43] Walk it on walk around like you have a corded phone. Isn't that cool?
[00:46:48] We walk around with these cell phones and and who and it's like who's in charge of who's
[00:46:54] In charge of what yeah who's controlling who who's yeah exactly is a recontrure on the phone
[00:46:59] Well, it's just nice phone controlling us. That's a good question
[00:47:03] But when you have it courted it feels like the old phone the old phone when we were the masters the old phones
[00:47:09] Right when guys were guys and her days were a chance you their fucking place right?
[00:47:15] Do you want a duffel bag for real? I'll take it don't fold on that. It's been long. It's become more
[00:47:20] I had a use for it. I don't give it become more of a meme. You want to know what the use was?
[00:47:24] Was that remember we got all those baseballs do home run derby. Did you bring the baseballs? I didn't
[00:47:30] Come on. But that's I brought my glove that was was holding all of the baseballs
[00:47:36] And then what'd you do with the baseball? I'm gonna get rid of them because we're gonna get rid of them
[00:47:39] Yeah, we're not going back out there battered limb and shelter. Yeah. Yeah. What you guys are going to do home run derby?
[00:47:45] We went last fall with Matt and Will nice and then most of it was fishing balls out of uh the mud puddle
[00:47:53] Yeah, prospect bar. Yeah, which ended up nice afternoon more fun than hidden dingers
[00:47:58] Yeah, cuz I had to figure out a system. I do get logs
[00:48:06] Destroyed a pair of shoes. Who had the best who hit the most thingers? Oh, I was just going yard long dogs
[00:48:11] It was you you were the best one back flips Korean style. Who was it you met who?
[00:48:16] No, Matt was just who's hanging head and shoulders above it. Really? No, I would that would have been shocking
[00:48:26] Was it no, it's probably pretty even between me. No one did well. No, yeah, we're not
[00:48:31] I don't know. I don't expect any of the four people listed to be good
[00:48:35] Yeah, and then I like fucked up my elbow just throwing the ball. Yeah, it's tough
[00:48:39] Dude, it's wild how your joints, uh, they're gone. They're yeah, they're immediately gone
[00:48:44] They learn how to do like the five things you do. Yep
[00:48:47] And then even still with that you're gonna feel hillop. You're here a pop out of nowhere
[00:48:51] A day you're feeling good. Yeah, it'll just pop. I feel like if I reversed the hinges on my refrigerator
[00:49:01] Just an open on the left side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, would break my you know my entire uh, oh, yeah
[00:49:07] My body's garbage and being on the road every weekend is not helping
[00:49:11] But once I'm once the prince of pleasure tour the pleasure continues once that's over and about june
[00:49:16] Mm-hmm. And by the way, we're coming to a lot of places if uh, just keep your eyes peeled folks
[00:49:21] I'm trying to go everywhere once that's over. I think I'm going to do another health retreat where I just
[00:49:27] Disappear for like three months. You know where you should do a show
[00:49:30] At um a maximum security penitentiary. I'll roast them
[00:49:35] You'll do crowd work. I'll do crowd work with hardened criminals. I want to do stuff raw stuff
[00:49:41] You know what I want to do is I want to I want to take a stab
[00:49:43] At the shapelle stuff. Yes, because I think I can be
[00:49:48] I'm going to be the guy. Well, you need a jacket that says maulin on it. Mm-hmm. That has the m you need him m logo
[00:49:55] Oh, he does wear a lot of shit. He'll brand it
[00:49:59] Yeah, that's a tough look. Yeah, did you watch the special? I didn't actually know I didn't watch it now if you guys want
[00:50:06] Yeah, let's watch it tonight. I don't know what to say though. Well, we'll watch it until we turn it'll barely be standard
[00:50:12] That was really for me, but I'll be interested. Yeah, well, let's watch
[00:50:15] Fine. And then when I got back into the other night. It's Pablo Francisco. Hell yeah, that's common dude
[00:50:21] It's just so good. I do it the first time in the in a world bit dropped
[00:50:28] That was my favorite Santa when I was like 12. Oh, how many used to be so much better? Absolutely
[00:50:32] It's really it's fun like even you know like the guys who that are
[00:50:37] Like you know, I guess our age, but yeah, you know
[00:50:40] There's they're like sharp during their time or whatever. Yeah, very funny guys your sodas your yeah, so to Shane
[00:50:46] Yeah, even like to him. Yeah, yeah, uh, it's still it feels like
[00:50:52] There where they are because there's a vacuum because
[00:50:55] Public Francis goes not doing work. Well, I feel like in total
[00:51:00] Comedy was better fucking 20 years ago. Well, I think those guys are I think there would just be
[00:51:04] more and varied acts with them. Well, that's what I mean. They're the like god
[00:51:09] They're the because that's the style of stand-up was around in that generation. Yeah, we're missing
[00:51:14] We're missing like guys who just are yet do voices. Yeah, like
[00:51:18] Atrical yeah, dumb cat Williams. You know what I'm saying like and you got to think is it because I'm like old could be with somebody
[00:51:26] That's like 18 watch the Pablo Francisco
[00:51:30] Tortilla boy thing and say this is the worst shit I've ever seen
[00:51:33] I don't know. I feel like that might translate even more than like yeah, honestly really really good stand-up of its age
[00:51:38] I feel yeah as much as I love stand-up. I think it doesn't hold up for the most part
[00:51:43] I'm way more down to watch his presents than the shapala thing after this
[00:51:52] I watched it so many times. Okay. Well, I don't know how we're gonna watch it youtube dude. Yeah, it's only you too sure. Yeah, nice
[00:51:59] What are you doing? You're done? No, I'm not
[00:52:01] You getting a beer? No, I got my beer. Oh, you did get your beer
[00:52:05] Drinking beer. That's another thing that used to be great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, man
[00:52:12] It might be I was thinking you know what we do a europe to a final European. Yeah. Yeah, or we just go to vacation in europe
[00:52:20] That's our swan song. Well, what I wanted to do is there's that uh, you know those like
[00:52:27] Like monk beers the trapez beers. Yes. Yeah, there's one there's a brewery you have to like ride a bicycle to
[00:52:34] Because they only sell the beer the fat tire brewery. No because they have the bike on the
[00:52:39] Do have a bike. So it's like getting exercise. Yeah, yeah
[00:52:43] But there's one you have to indulge in me you have to ride a
[00:52:46] Relapse there. Yes, you know what I support that because that that took a lot of effort to get there
[00:52:52] Mm-hmm. That's you had a hundred times to change your mind, but here's the best part. You have to drive when you leave
[00:53:06] We have to drive it through very narrow roads. That's awesome to be a monk to be a guy in just like a fransiskin robe
[00:53:13] Yeah, and you're just making beer all day. They're still doing that. Yeah, that's pretty chill. You can see why like, you know, whatever this uh
[00:53:21] I guess like atavistic trend of wanting to be like a
[00:53:26] clergy member from 600 years ago. I don't know what that word is
[00:53:31] What clergy member atavistic like something that's like, uh, gay. Well, like, uh
[00:53:37] Gay and fuck. Oh, I know with knowing people want to do it. No, I know with that word. You know like a like a super throwback
[00:53:46] Like yeah, retro. Yeah, that I can get into if you were like, oh, it's my
[00:53:51] Racial duty to make beer in a church. Yeah. Yeah, I get that. That's that's the one
[00:53:55] Like all these kids pretending to be catholic is fucking so annoying
[00:54:02] We're just hanging out with the fellas. We're gonna cut the middle of our hair off. I love that
[00:54:08] And we're just gonna say fuck getting pussy. It's just the fellas and we're gonna chant
[00:54:12] It gets fucked up all day. Just showing all my clothes on with a robe. That sounds that is the first religion that
[00:54:19] But they're not getting pussy ever stuff. Yeah. Also. Didn't the guy who did um
[00:54:25] Didn't the guy who did genetics wasn't he a monk?
[00:54:28] I don't know Darwin. No, what the fuck was his name? He did like x he did alleles. He figured out alleles. Oh shit
[00:54:37] Mank no man gala alleal Mendel it was Mendel. Oh, Mendel. I remember that
[00:54:44] Yeah, I think he was a monk so you can even do a little science projects basically is what I'm saying. Yeah
[00:54:50] If you could just get pussy like every three weeks
[00:54:54] Then I'm in just to clear your look just to clear your head. Yeah, you're not like you're not allowed to jacket either
[00:55:00] You can jacket come on in your chambers in your fucking chamber. She's gonna stop on your wooden bed
[00:55:07] Yeah, I'm gonna need you know what I'm gonna need
[00:55:12] Do they sleep on like if we just say it's static glass a little bit of modernity?
[00:55:19] Yeah, do this yeah, and I basically mean just I'm gonna need the the helix
[00:55:24] mattress plus size what it sounds like what you want is just a robe
[00:55:45] I just I just I just want a robe. Yeah, your life is better. My life is so yeah, it's pretty sick. Honestly. Yeah
[00:55:51] That's great if I didn't have to if I wasn't on the fucking road so much, but that's my dumbass choice. Mm-hmm. I'm just gonna stop doing comedy
[00:55:59] Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's it. That's all I meant. It's quit my job and fucking hang out. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not gonna play fucking make beer
[00:56:05] Fuck that dude. I'm gonna live my part. I'm gonna play the word station those those monks are probably like IPA monks
[00:56:12] Yeah, I'm gonna probably like go you want to I want fuck my I just decided home brew. Yeah, that's actually a stupid thing to
[00:56:23] Yeah, so we're gonna watch Pablo Francisco. Mm-hmm. Yeah, cat William make some popcorn. Yeah, I do want to I guess watch that some of that
[00:56:30] She'll be I want to watch it too. So we can just actually tell Adam to suck our costs after I'm done a while
[00:56:35] I don't care. I'm a team player. I said this already who's angry in the right way, you know
[00:56:40] Yeah, did anyone like it was anyone like this is good. I think some people do comics though. I haven't asked. Yeah, I
[00:56:49] Wonder if people said it was good. I think I think most of it is just
[00:56:57] Chappelle gets a pass because he's a legend more than the special was good. Yeah, I agree
[00:57:02] Is what I think but I wasn't even really paying that much attention
[00:57:05] And what's the story at the end? There's a trans person who knows they killed themselves
[00:57:10] I don't know if that was the last you see that's the other thing even if this was a good special
[00:57:14] He's been talking about trans people for like three in a row maybe a little fixation to be fair though everyone
[00:57:24] Eddie Murphy who sucked no, I mean loves to give them a ride
[00:57:27] I mean you would get if you went on if you were only on social media, which is probably what the problem is
[00:57:32] He probably just looks at social media all day you
[00:57:35] You would get you would get the impression that that's the only conversation
[00:57:41] But I mean for one of them plenty of standard specials don't fucking have to talk about that and name one special in the last year
[00:57:48] That has an entirely been about trans people cat Williams to the folk and trans people special. Yeah, yeah
[00:57:58] Monument I would love to see that actually yeah
[00:58:00] So he would really knock that out of the that would be awesome. Mm-hmm. I feel like he still hasn't found out about them
[00:58:12] Yeah, how would he not know? He's from Atlanta, dude. He's fighting kids
[00:58:21] It's a pretty game place Atlanta. It's pretty LGBTQ plays. Oh
[00:58:31] Pot Atlanta. Yeah, they got good fucking restaurants, bro
[00:58:36] Don't know. I think I'm actually gonna be there as well
[00:58:40] In March maybe I don't know stick stay tuned folks to these podcasts that are recording live
[00:58:48] Good to be back. It's so good. Yeah, and we apologize for the 9-11-2 has already happened
[00:58:57] Clutch our pearls about it and this time the Jews admitted it was them. Yeah. Yeah this time we kept it real
[00:59:11] What's going on with the there's like new JFK stuff
[00:59:15] Is there declassified or what they say that Oswald I think some guy said that he a guy that was in like part of the CIA's
[00:59:29] Cubans like rich Cubans that yeah, yeah to fight a get to for the Bay of Pigs shit
[00:59:33] He said I think a guy like that claimed that
[00:59:39] And what is that what does that mean because the CIA did oh the CIA yeah, yeah, I thought we knew that
[00:59:48] Yeah, they're never gonna it's never gonna be cares they got away with it
[00:59:52] It would be funny if if eventually like five years. They're like, okay, we did it. That would be awesome. Yeah
[00:59:58] Everyone's there. Here's why I think they did it for sure
[01:00:00] Have you seen a video of LBJ when he's old and he grew his hair out? Mm-hmm. No, that's the that's the kind of man like went insane from guilt
[01:00:08] Mm-hmm and just grew his shit out. You think so I think so maybe he was transgender maybe
[01:00:14] Early he had a big cock. He probably could have made him a nice clip with that thing. Yeah, but the webcamming didn't exist
[01:00:22] Nothing yeah, you better wait until chatter bait existed. Yep. Well, sorry again folks