Cum Town | Regular | 01/27/2022
[00:00:12] People have been disparaging the professionalism
[00:00:20] I thought everybody was friends with each other.
[00:00:24] And they're definitely happy with the amount of money
[00:00:26] we make for the amount of effort we put in.
[00:00:36] It's very good that the old guys couldn't contain it.
[00:00:41] And Rich Voss is like, fuck those fucking faggots.
[00:00:53] Welcome to the motherfucking dojo, Matt.
[00:00:57] This is the most successful comedy podcast.
[00:01:06] The first one was the first year I was the first year.
[00:01:11] Mayor Giuliani gave you a key to the city.
[00:01:14] Can you not throw the first pitch at the Metz fan?
[00:01:28] It's just him, all the hot seeds, just hanging out.
[00:01:36] My friend has friends of the NYPD bumper
[00:01:56] You just get pulled over by the drunk guy.
[00:02:06] We should drive pulling over cops with our own lights.
[00:02:11] You haven't did a checkup on his or that podcast lady
[00:02:14] who did the Fuck the Police podcast two summers ago.
[00:02:18] If you was drinking and doing, did you hear this story?
[00:02:22] Oh, this is one of the most tragic stories
[00:02:25] There's a lady who lives in Long Island
[00:02:27] but drives into fucking East New York every Wednesday
[00:02:32] So she has to pay overhead on a podcast studio
[00:02:36] where they're like, do your own podcast.
[00:02:38] And it's basically just a Facebook live.
[00:02:44] Money intelligence productions incorporated
[00:02:51] So she goes there and then her podcast,
[00:02:53] so it's like the riots or the protests and stuff.
[00:02:55] So she's like, fuck the police, fuck their families
[00:02:58] This is the episode where she's saying all that
[00:03:00] and just drinking on camera on Facebook live.
[00:03:05] And then driving home to Long Island after doing,
[00:03:08] after getting scammed into doing a podcast
[00:03:13] She runs over a cop, but then it's like a cop that's like.
[00:03:24] He's like, he just helps people get out of parking tickets.
[00:03:27] It's like the one cop you don't want to run over.
[00:03:29] She runs over and then goes on a high speed chase or whatever.
[00:03:35] And there's just a video, the local news or whatever,
[00:03:38] for being reigned and then coming out of the jail.
[00:03:41] And being put in a cop car and she's crying.
[00:03:44] And then the reporter is like, what are you sorry for?
[00:03:51] And then I'm going to always swing a shot.
[00:04:03] But just one of the you said you you followed up with her.
[00:04:12] She's getting a different type of foot long.
[00:04:17] What kind of lesbian rape happens in jail?
[00:04:19] It's like a bus driver type Latina that you know.
[00:04:22] She just told you down and licked your blizzard.
[00:04:25] I thought you complimented my haircut 30 minutes.
[00:04:28] No, he said you look like Rachel Maddow.
[00:04:33] And you have her energy too, by the way.
[00:04:49] Yeah, I guess I've never thought about what kind of prison
[00:04:53] What happened in Orange is the New Black, right?
[00:04:59] There's not a lot to beat off to, but you can catch a couple.
[00:05:07] Who I beat off to quite a bit on that 70s show.
[00:05:11] I did a lot of beating off to like whatever was on like WB.
[00:05:18] Well, there was an arrow back in the day on friends.
[00:05:22] They didn't wear bras for like four seasons.
[00:05:25] And I jacked off to plenty of those episodes.
[00:05:42] I had a VHS tape that I said before, but I recorded like all
[00:05:52] And half of it is just like static and blue.
[00:05:57] There's this show of love after lock up.
[00:06:00] It's about people on the outside falling in love
[00:06:02] with people on the inside like writing letters
[00:06:06] This guy is like waiting for this chick to get out.
[00:06:10] And he's like, he's like, what the one problem is,
[00:06:22] She's then still obviously in love with the girlfriend.
[00:06:26] So she's trying to like orchestrate threesomes.
[00:06:29] And it's still like hurting his feelings because
[00:06:32] Because they're having a much better time.
[00:06:47] There's a line where he says, oh, she's nothing but a thug.
[00:07:01] She's falling in love with this other girl.
[00:07:03] I like how that was the one problem with that.
[00:07:33] Don't get me wrong, but they should be in jail.
[00:07:37] Now those should just be on a list of gay.
[00:07:42] You just go ahead and cross the top off.
[00:07:49] Anyway, what kind of network TV were you guys beating off to?
[00:07:59] How are you dragging off to Adam's apple?
[00:08:04] They would have like, they would just get out like porn stars.
[00:08:11] The Sibian, the Blurred Out Sibian, definitely jacked off to that.
[00:08:15] I tried really hard to jack off to the L word.
[00:08:18] The story about the lesbian Los Angeles community.
[00:08:23] And there's a lot of just drama and gossip and about 30 seconds per episode of...
[00:08:32] I watched a couple of these HBO shows now.
[00:08:34] And it's making me feel like puritanical almost.
[00:08:37] No, they're bringing back shows you could beat off to.
[00:08:41] It's just like they're high schoolers and it's a pregnant woman getting her pussy eaten
[00:08:54] I don't understand what the trans girl is.
[00:09:08] This season they are showing them maybe every episode.
[00:09:13] Well, it's just kind of like the Lakers with LeBron.
[00:09:19] Sydney Sweeney's tits are the reason that people are tuning in.
[00:09:21] No, I watched the entire episode of that show you for you and I have no idea.
[00:09:26] I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened.
[00:09:33] And then people like texting their ex boyfriend and then fucking the ex boyfriend's friend.
[00:09:44] I watched an incredible interview with one of the actors on the show.
[00:09:58] And then they ask him, they're like, do you take your work home with you?
[00:10:02] And he's like, what do you mean by that?
[00:10:06] And the question, like, do I actually, and they're like, you know, do you stay in character
[00:10:19] The interview goes, this is like good morning America.
[00:10:21] It was one of those like internet, I don't know who the interviewer was.
[00:10:29] That's crazy that that's so successful.
[00:10:31] That's like the kind of idea person with Down syndrome.
[00:10:34] They're like, we eat wings and then I ask, has Billy Eilish, what type of shoes she likes.
[00:10:42] And we look at it's like 80 million fucking views.
[00:10:45] And then a bunch, I presumably other people with Down syndrome, they're like, I also like
[00:10:52] Everyone's like, he's such a good interviewer.
[00:10:54] He asks questions that I'm like, I think that guy thinks he's just got really lucky with
[00:11:00] The hot ones guy, they guys boring as shit.
[00:11:09] If you're listening, suck our fucking dicks, whatever his name is.
[00:11:12] And don't order his hot sauces because they're not good.
[00:11:18] I think my girlfriend ordered the hot sauces because she really likes that.
[00:11:26] How mad would you be if she fucked the guy from Hot Ones?
[00:11:32] I thought you said you should be like a hot sauce guy.
[00:11:38] He's like, this is a really good pussy.
[00:11:39] He's pouring different hot sauce on her pussy while he's eating.
[00:11:59] You're the first bitch I've eaten hot sauce off a pussy
[00:12:07] Tell me a story about a girl talking about fucking Drake, right?
[00:12:19] Spread she just I hadn't heard oh my god
[00:12:22] The line you're friend told you that story
[00:12:35] He put hot sauce in a condom again another another another story
[00:12:41] Concocted by the Down syndrome community
[00:12:46] That's so awesome that you said your friend
[00:12:56] My friend told me the story this guy from a
[00:13:06] Sydney Sweeney's speaking of sitting on changing the song interesting speaking of Sydney's Sweeney's we weren't we were speaking about
[00:13:13] Stories your friend told us a mango. Yeah, she's got the best pair, right sure but maybe top top two pair
[00:13:21] The other one is the true detective. I was in her to Dario
[00:13:24] Okay, but HBO pulled a wild one and they made the show the white lotus and they put the fourth the four best titties on
[00:13:32] You don't see them at all before the four the four bags of the apocalypse
[00:13:37] It's just a lot of power on one screen. That is I haven't seen white lotus. Do you see any other tips?
[00:13:45] No, wow ridiculous, but it is very good show
[00:13:48] I did this is a very good. It's just another one of these things during high school and they fuck each other
[00:13:52] No, no, it's a matter of resort and they already did that it's called the grassy the next generation
[00:13:58] It's much better you are the grassy. He's for is the grassy like 824 is to grass. I hate it
[00:14:04] Yeah, I want to shot on a camcorder and it's act they cast actual eight year olds
[00:14:09] They're like I got raped at the chess club
[00:14:12] Like well, there's nothing we can do about that Teddy. I'm sorry
[00:14:17] Just going to have to bury it somewhere deep inside yourself. I got raped outside of
[00:14:30] You're watching the grass the next generation man. No shows. It's a fucking is amazing. I know I know I'll be Drake
[00:14:37] Graham was in it. Yeah, everyone knows that that's a meme. We all know he didn't claim his friend told him
[00:14:43] He just says he knows that your friend told you about if you had just said I saw it on the Internet
[00:14:49] I didn't see it on the Internet. I missed it shut up, dude
[00:14:54] You're fucking I shan't I shan't you're lying right now. I literally not lying
[00:15:00] Jonah, where did you think Jonah got this information? You thought Jonah knew the girl Drake fucked?
[00:15:05] I don't know. He heard it from someone else
[00:15:08] They entered that he doesn't know Drake. I know that I'm not implied that Jonah is best resident
[00:15:13] Drake well, then he almost certainly found about about it's called Jonah right now
[00:15:17] Let's call him right now. We don't have to call Jonah's not on trial here
[00:15:20] You are he can attest to the fact that we were on the phone and I was like oh I did not know that
[00:15:26] Still I guess that does really nothing really this absolutely nothing for your stance, but he would love to be on the show
[00:15:33] Okay, well maybe no, so we're not calling him
[00:15:37] He'll never be on the show anyway, sorry to be rude Matt. We never got to what you beat off to on network television
[00:15:43] So my mom was super religious. Oh wow really
[00:15:49] So the Virgin Mary there's the only one picture of a woman you had
[00:16:13] No, and we were also like poor so my mom used to like make up that she didn't want us to watch
[00:16:18] Tell like she didn't have a cause money because it'll cost money, but you would say I was like forgot right
[00:16:24] Oh, I actually have like a whole black hole of no information on like pop culture
[00:16:31] I'm like from like the mid 90s. Yeah, and like my whole life people be like you remember that and I'm just like yeah
[00:16:38] You're the kid that lied about watching South Park. Yeah, no, I did that too, and then you show up
[00:16:42] You're like did anyone watch a new episode of Viper
[00:16:44] So what so beating off Pickens were slim it sounds like
[00:16:52] Very very slim did you find a porn in the woods or something no you grew up here though, too, right? Yeah, I
[00:16:58] I found porn in my dad used to rent the upstairs houses like apartments in his house and there was some porn in the bathroom there
[00:17:14] Was it like from the tenant or was it like your dad put it out as a good landlord like
[00:17:24] You got bathroom porn. I love that he had it in the bathroom
[00:17:28] I was just shitting and beating off as I was just playing
[00:17:32] Like look as a youth did I have to beat off in the bathroom? Of course. Yeah, you take I took a lot of Greek magazines
[00:17:41] Yeah, I would pretend I was reading love the bathroom and I was jacking off while shooting in there
[00:17:46] I had to run up in England. You just get to ease in the newspaper every day. Yeah, yeah pretty cool
[00:17:51] Did you guys jerk off before you had come? Yes, of course a hundred percent. Yes. Yeah, and it was a much more powerful
[00:18:01] And then that first time you come you're just like what the fuck I was so stoked
[00:18:06] I was pissed. I knew that that's all my friends could do that and now I was one of the guys
[00:18:10] Yeah, this Adam was had didn't have come until he was 24
[00:18:19] No, it's in law school. No puke comes out like a like a puff from a glade plug
[00:18:30] No, it's no, you're definitely not heavy shooter don't even pretend you're what I call do you want to call?
[00:18:35] Yeah, I do my parents. We're gonna call
[00:18:44] Tell them I come a lot tell Regis I bust fast and a much
[00:18:57] I'm with Regis Phil is your son who comes all comes buckets does we just look cute
[00:19:07] I walked into that one ask him if he wants to do a show called who wants to be my boyfriend the answer
[00:19:22] Regis I said hello. I'm wearing his tie right now. I'm wearing a very shiny tie
[00:19:29] I love them shit, dude. I was just like walking around fat is shit 11 years old at church
[00:19:41] Full Windsor. Yeah, that was awesome. Dude. I love the shiny. Ty era. I had a Jerry Garcia tie and
[00:19:49] Donald Trump collection tie I had the Donald Trump collection as well. Yeah
[00:19:54] Damn, dude. What kind of religion we talking Catholic?
[00:19:56] I grew up regore to the docks, but Greek people don't really give a fuck about church. Yeah, I my mom
[00:20:02] She switched it up. Yeah. Wow. She joined a cult kind of
[00:20:10] So this is we're talking that sounds like a nice mix of religion and mental illness
[00:20:14] I don't want to say that about my mom sure sure sure she's a lovely lady
[00:20:21] You know, yeah, she she susceptible to right
[00:20:25] So you were going to different different churches all different types of churches
[00:20:40] All of our Harry Potter first edition really that's fucking great Britain to my aunt
[00:20:48] With the burn them in a fire. That's like it sucks. That's good because she hates trans people. Yes, that's true
[00:20:55] It's flipped around now. It was good church was right
[00:21:05] Catholic Church, which we loved because we called it like fast food church. It's only like 15 minutes long
[00:21:11] Oh, really compared to like these and veg evangelical churches that were like three and a half hours
[00:21:19] Church so much church and then there's a potluck and you have the youth group before that
[00:21:24] After that's a pot. You know, I still know the potluck everyone brings food. Yeah, but then do you gamble for?
[00:21:29] Love you're right the luck aspect is miss Lee's I've always imagined like a casserole cakewalk
[00:21:35] Yeah, no like bingo with beans and cheese everybody's a winner baby. It's a potluck everyone's a winner at the Pollock
[00:21:41] Especially the fact oh, yeah, so people would be like what did Martha make this we know you have to learn that none outfit
[00:21:50] I brought you by don't tell her about this one
[00:22:01] She's just in the kitchen with her tinnies out like
[00:22:05] What are they saying about me just on the bottom is just chilly just chilly drying
[00:22:16] Why did you tell them about the truth the true story true outfit? I used to wear all the time
[00:22:24] Then I love wearing that you would masturbate
[00:22:33] And that story folks is brought to you by diet smoke
[00:22:37] I'd smoke code come town feel free to riff the introduction the message
[00:22:42] We're trying to convey is that sometimes you can't or don't always want to get super high
[00:22:47] Yep, died smoke delivers a balanced medium high our product is highly functional THC that comes in the form of a delicious
[00:22:55] Yep now the first question you're gonna ask is what the fuck what the ever-loving fuck what in God's ass is
[00:23:09] Nobody even really knows we don't know it's basically they say it's not weed, but let's be honest here
[00:23:15] It's pretty much weed. Yeah, it's the weed that the Delta force uses. Yeah
[00:23:21] Operators have yeah for years a Delta force and these regular weed has Delta nine THC
[00:23:28] This is Delta eight THC. So it's just one less THC. Yeah, which is almost basically the same amount
[00:23:34] Right exactly. It's 87% of the THC that you would be getting and yes apparently it's it's from hemp not we I really don't
[00:23:44] There's you know, it's a hundred percent legal THC
[00:23:48] For now per section 297 a from the 2016 2018 farm bill
[00:23:56] You know something is really motherfucking legal when you have to say the exact little fucking if it's no
[00:24:02] Line and letters if you get pulled over the shit do not roll your windows down
[00:24:08] Hand your sovereign citizen card over the police
[00:24:11] Say you have no you have no no power over me sir and start filming
[00:24:19] It's non-prescription skip the doctor visit no prescriptions and medical marijuana card required
[00:24:24] temp derived and hemp is a dip it's some other shit. It's technically not regular ass weed and there we go
[00:24:32] We were current currently experiencing high demand no pun intended. Please allow three to five days for your order
[00:24:39] Wow, they're mad a high absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yeah, so I don't know. That's especially true drug addiction
[00:24:47] I don't know about you, but I love waiting longer for some bullshit that I bought off my car
[00:24:54] Already answered that was hemp and Owen cares no one gives a fuck with a THC legal who gives the fuck
[00:25:00] Yeah, do you really fucking care if it's legal the person listening?
[00:25:03] No, this section go fucking care. You just know you get edibles off the fucking internet
[00:25:07] So do it is delta a THC legal short answer. Yes, and then there's another paragraph after that
[00:25:13] We won't bore you we won't bore you with the bullshit details the point is here's some fucking edibles
[00:25:22] You can buy off the fucking internet that they claim get you a little less high than regular weed
[00:25:27] But as a guy who takes them all the time, it's basically the same shit. It tastes good. They come in blue raspberry or watermelon
[00:25:33] That's right. You can tell they're targeting a very specific. Oh, you can't tell that necessarily okay
[00:25:39] What do you mean how many gummy should I take if this is your first time using THC start with half a gummy ha ha ha ha ha
[00:25:49] Unless you're a bitch. Yeah, if you're a bitch do what they say and take half a gummy
[00:25:53] Yeah, but if you've got big fat nuts or a nice wet pussy you eat that whole fucking thing
[00:25:58] This isn't your first rodeo you should be fine starting with a whole gummy can take up to an hour to experience the full effects of diet
[00:26:06] Start slow and slow. That's right. You know and so what's that promo code Nick? I said it already
[00:26:13] It's come down. We said we said you are you a weed guy at all matter? You totally sobs? What are we doing?
[00:26:22] Completely sober. I still smoke cigarettes, which is probably the worst one. Yeah, but it's cool. She's switched to vaping
[00:26:28] This is where in my life. I went to vaping and I was vaping so much that my girlfriend said go back to sick
[00:26:36] This is like yeah, it's like feels like smoking a whole cart in a cigarette
[00:26:40] It was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did before. Yeah. Yeah, no, I bring it in the bed
[00:26:44] Yeah, I wake up which is rip it. Yeah, I used to be a little bit nice
[00:26:48] You used to not be able to do that because you'd burn down an entire city block exactly
[00:26:52] But you can do that with a baby. We all saw this and you could do with diet smoke
[00:26:55] You can do it with Delta 8. Yeah, here's a great question
[00:26:58] Well Delta 8 show up on a drug test and the answer is absolutely yeah a hundred percent
[00:27:02] It definitely is motherfuckers. So that's what we're saying. You're basically buying we threw a loophole
[00:27:08] There's very Lionel us. There's no way for drug tests to tell the difference
[00:27:14] It says so yeah, it's the fault of the drug test. Yeah, anyway look fuck diet smoke regularly drug tested
[00:27:22] We recommend against the all day. How old do you have to be to purchase diet smoke?
[00:27:30] But diet smoke is only available those that are 21 years
[00:27:35] They're really good really hard win. They're really gonna. Let's just see. Let's just see how hard
[00:27:45] The $34 dollars on prescription that have been illegal and we're gonna go three jars three jars
[00:27:50] They gotta subscribe and save options. Wow 10% off. We're gonna one time say we're doing a one-time first added the cart
[00:27:56] We'll go to the cart and view cart. So total 81 dollars. We're gonna apply coupon code come down
[00:28:04] Let's see what it does. Let's see what that gets you apply
[00:28:11] $69 oh nice love that there we go. It's and it thinks we're shipping to Florida. So we're gonna say
[00:28:20] New York. Yes. I can go down to Florida pick it up
[00:28:23] Yeah, take a trip. Yeah, I love Miami. I do love Miami. Best city
[00:28:31] Okay proceed to check out proceed to check out
[00:28:35] Building a dress. Yeah, no, it's like they're not even asking at any point. It doesn't even ask you
[00:28:44] But don't do that even though even though technically there is no
[00:28:57] There stand up guys. They want a they want 21 year old mature people. They got a lot of great stuff in there
[00:29:07] That's the content I want. What's his name? This guy that clearly
[00:29:15] Yeah, that motherfucking smoke but anyway, whatever promo code come down more importantly come see me in Las Vegas this weekend
[00:29:28] Dallas San Francisco Vancouver through March St. Louis Chicago
[00:29:34] Charlotte Nashville Atlanta your boy is all over the place through April the Prince of pleasure tour the
[00:29:40] Pleasure continues folks brought to you by Stavi. Big brought to you by diet smoke brought to you
[00:29:46] I'm sponsored by the ice boog that guy and so what exactly is Delta you can do it is simply a
[00:29:57] Thc that you're probably most familiar with is Delta nine
[00:30:02] And while boats are natural to the cannabis plant died smoking strikes a Delta eight from him
[00:30:07] You're impacted some may call this a real I call it the secret
[00:30:20] Folks you can see me Adam Friedland on the Prince of pleasure tour. That's my to keep doing this bit Nick
[00:30:26] Okay, you fucking want to say you're doing my fucking thing come see me on you can come see me on the Adam Xerox tour on the king of
[00:30:34] Pleasure tour you wish bitch in at the you don't even know what pleasure is me. You've never felt pleasure
[00:30:40] I am a man strictly devoted to pleasure. No you wish
[00:30:44] Yes, that's why you fucking eat like four little fucking whole grain coos cooses and I smile
[00:30:49] You need a neutral grain bar with a fork and knife. Okay. All right, but three quarters
[00:30:56] Refrigerator, you don't know gluttony. You don't like getting random pussy. That's not your life is not about pleasure
[00:31:02] Don't even you've never ballooned up to close to 325 pounds
[00:31:05] You know what stuff random pussy is not as pleasurable as pussy from a girl you love. Okay, so enjoy that
[00:31:12] Enjoy that and enjoy your fucking enjoy your fucking
[00:31:14] You can see me on the bigger what is that chick and blacker tour?
[00:31:23] Chicago I'm going to Chicago somebody's copying well, you're going after me. So that's that's I've already been there two times
[00:31:30] That's a guy why I've been March 11th and 12th. Don't go February 11th
[00:32:01] You can die it's most website to see if they ship they're delicious gummies to your state
[00:32:09] I tried to get you to do your plugs, but you had to mock the Prince of pleasure tour
[00:32:14] Okay, and now this is what you get this is what you get it's not the name of the I just thought it was a cool name
[00:32:31] Fine you're correct you have 30 seconds and then we're gonna talk about match project
[00:32:35] You can see me on the original queens of comedy tour with Mooney and stop it
[00:32:40] Just get the plugs go just do it you gotta get this out of my blood. No, I'm not we're trying to consolidate
[00:32:50] It's better a better experience for the listener. I guarantee you
[00:32:55] Isolate the tracks you isolate the tracks, but one on one channel
[00:32:58] Well, now you have to snitch if you want to you have to try get my plugs
[00:33:04] If you're respected your plug if you're listening at home and you want to hear Adams plugs switch your headphones
[00:33:12] And if you'd like to hear about what diet does diet smoke really get you high
[00:33:31] If you are high you get just power through did with diet
[00:33:35] You're not gonna give me your fucking plugs. I'll do your plugs. I'll show you how to do it
[00:33:39] I'll show you how professional does I want to do my plugs it makes me feel nice. All right, I'll do them
[00:33:45] Okay, if you are in Chicago or between oh my god
[00:33:49] Just do it classic stuff remember when you say when you said tell people my tickets were free and he would sing the phrase your theme
[00:33:55] Did that yes after your plug after you have to do you have to power through he's fucked up plenty money shows call me
[00:34:09] You are in Chicago Illinois the 11th or 12th of February mental Lincoln Lodge and the ticket
[00:34:14] 17th the 17th of February I will be a Carolina good night everybody. Oh, let's do the fucking talk
[00:34:28] You got to find the pockets you got you
[00:34:37] Listen I've earned the respect through my plugs after years of getting them interrupted you're new to the game all right
[00:34:43] You're the fucking you guy at the plugs game. Okay, so do get him in it
[00:34:50] If you are in Chicago Illinois on the 11th and 12th you can you're looking for
[00:34:59] If you are in Chicago Illinois and you are I will be at the Lincoln line
[00:35:04] I still to worry up Chicago February 11th and 12th fucking Caroline's the next weekend go lines February 17th
[00:35:13] And then the next day I am at hideout comedy embossing the 18th and 19th
[00:35:25] March January 2nd. It's funny mom's funny moms will be returning the 21st and 28th of February as well
[00:35:33] If you're in New York, I will not be here
[00:35:36] Stop stop will be zooming in the West Coast I'll be in well the West Coast I've will it's okay
[00:35:43] But but Nick and Adam will be there Nick and Adam be honest. You probably just Adam. No, don't say that either
[00:35:51] It will be me and Mo Nick at funny moms on the 21st and 28
[00:35:59] Apostrophe so I started to stand up once I said more like groanique. Yeah
[00:36:03] She grew from being fat no groan groan. Oh, sorry
[00:36:13] The cheese faggot the cheese faggot the 11th groanings he rocks the cheese faggots ladies and gentlemen the faggot
[00:36:40] Anyway, go see Adam go see Adam in Chicago February 11th 12 next week
[00:36:46] And he's in carolines then Boston you want to buy tickets and then after that end of February
[00:36:51] Funny mom's is back folks. That's how it's done Adam. That was a good stop. Okay, you're a professional
[00:36:57] And I admire you as a colleague. I still look up to you. Thank you and you should
[00:37:02] Particularly have my nuts. I'm nude and you're you're someone who inspires me every day. Yeah. Thank you
[00:37:12] Matt what you got a fun. Let's talk about you what you got going on. You just released a fucking album. I did it's my first one
[00:37:17] That rocks brother is good. It's called Wednesdays at Bellevue. Hell yeah, it was very fun to do
[00:37:23] Were you in Bellevue? Yeah a couple times for the brain or for mental
[00:37:28] Non-mentally ill. Yes. Yeah bipolar one. Oh, yeah
[00:37:33] The electro one they didn't do electro to me, but there was a couple people in there that were doing electro and I was curious
[00:37:40] And I was like what about that ketamine therapy don't you guys do really electro works better than ketamine?
[00:37:45] Yeah, but it's not as fun. Yeah, but the lecture once fun, dude. They turn you in the frank and stuff
[00:37:50] That might that would be pretty cool. Yeah, your hair is just your hair is awful
[00:37:54] You look like so Vessia the cat pudding is being tricked into putting his finger in the
[00:38:00] White ball in your mouth like uncle faster
[00:38:04] I used to come back from electro therapy were in wheelchairs and did not look like it was very
[00:38:08] Oh shit, that's right. I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't work. Did they shit themselves? I have no idea. I didn't ask him any questions
[00:38:15] It does work. That's why they still do it. Yeah, so that you literally just zap a motherfucker's brain and hope that some shit happens
[00:38:21] Yeah, I don't know the science behind it
[00:38:23] But they looked like they had been through a war damn back. That's wild. Yeah, and what they put you on with a lot of them
[00:38:31] Have actually been through a war. That's sure
[00:38:38] Damn, so did you get ketamine? I didn't get the ketamine drip
[00:38:43] That's imagine you go to Iraq, right? You avoid all the PTSD you're there for four years and you get home and your wife's gained
[00:38:53] What happened all that good pussy? Ah, he's fucking boys in Afghanistan for four years when I come home to this
[00:39:03] Everyone said just stick to ghosts. I should have listened. This is my this is God's comeuppance for me for becoming an
[00:39:11] Afghani pedophile. I just closed my eyes and pretend I'm in a moon bounce molesting children
[00:39:21] Damn dude, what kind of shit they have you on they just gave me a bunch of meds. I tried to calm me down
[00:39:27] I've only been in there for manic episodes. Okay, so I'm pretty I'm buzzing nice pretty high
[00:39:33] Yeah, so they're just trying to get me back down you ever like paint a whole house while that shit happens or anything wild like that
[00:39:43] I made a whole rap album and almost hell yeah
[00:39:46] Okay, can we play that on the show, but that's the kind of shit you don't want to medicate away the rap album stays
[00:39:53] No cutting your cutting your you know, it was just a it was just an n-word over and over
[00:40:01] I know what it is. That's literally Kanye's process is that he's bipolar. He goes off the meds
[00:40:07] He makes an album in a week and a half and he goes back on the med. Yeah, I know I've literally screamed
[00:40:11] I have superpowers you heard the Rogan interview with
[00:40:17] Because they say language is words, but what if it was ideas
[00:40:25] What do you mean by that? He's like, I don't know I
[00:40:29] Don't know Joe. I don't have to that's the thing is there's an expectation to answer questions
[00:40:33] But what if there's just quite what if questions are answers?
[00:40:38] Interview setback mental health advocacy 20
[00:40:44] It's the opposite because it's like yeah, not only is it visibility, but he's like but he's saying he's not mentally ill
[00:40:49] I mean, he is Joe Rogan Joe Rogan's like yeah, I would just told you to do some kettlebell swings
[00:41:06] This podcast or like that rap album but over five years in a lot of ways your top top bar
[00:41:14] You say that I'm wack at rap on the antithesis. I'm a son for life
[00:41:19] Oh very lyrical photosynthesis there we go. That's why polar disorder
[00:41:30] Sun you for life the Sun S O and yes, yeah
[00:41:37] You say your main influences were cool mo D
[00:41:40] Nice real quick though. We want to talk about already. Yeah, the whole show is ads
[00:41:51] No, we don't no for 20 minutes 40 minutes. All right, okay. Let's do it
[00:42:07] Let's see if he does it if you are at the George Washington Bridge
[00:42:12] Yeah, oh no, dude. Don't fuck up traffic. Yeah, that's a funny
[00:42:18] I'll be in the river. No, that would fuck up. Yeah kill yourself on the on the the Pulaski bridge
[00:42:23] Oh, yeah, the one on the one and gone green point. That's barely a bridge. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:42:33] Yeah, you wouldn't even die if you jumped off that we got a new sponsor
[00:42:36] So embarrassing for the show first time ever bird dogs and we're fucking pumped
[00:42:42] Personally pumped because I've had bird dogs wrapped around my little nut sack for years
[00:42:47] Now we picked them up as a sponsor and the first to say well
[00:42:50] We don't we don't want you doing the reason till we send you the stuff and it's like you think we take any of the fucking shit
[00:42:55] You think we give it for the other reads are for like like probably lithium
[00:43:00] Yeah, yeah, I'm sure gambling fucking lie almost all the time
[00:43:07] It's less you like hide your child pornography in your wallet
[00:43:12] Give us money. We'll say it's good. Say it's good
[00:43:15] But they want to the rare time like yeah, we don't want to do it if you guys think the product is whack
[00:43:19] We love the pro I love the product, but I told them stop already where the client now
[00:43:24] I was skeptical because there I thought it was just shorts and it's fucking winter, right?
[00:43:30] I've already pared down my I get throw out all my shorts every winter because I'm like there's no way I make it another six
[00:43:38] And if God forbid I do what are you gonna do hang yourself in shorts?
[00:43:43] Right I did it because it's adults swim short your living man's
[00:43:51] But but they sent this stuff and they got these pants and I feel like I'm on Star Trek. Yeah, they look awesome
[00:43:57] Never dabble with the pants. I've always been a short man the pants fucking rule. Those are joggers, right?
[00:44:02] If I'm correct. I don't know what they are. I think they're just like mixed race
[00:44:08] They say that's what they're called on the website. Yeah, mixed race frizzy
[00:44:14] Zuma pants, but I look I feel like I feel like Luke Skywalker you do feel like you're in the future when you wear those
[00:44:21] Yeah, I'm like are you guys wait are you and you're fucking are you and Ben harassing sand people today?
[00:44:28] That's the look I love the shorts personally. I've gotten I have lost and gained
[00:44:36] 60 pounds three times over in these shorts
[00:44:39] So and they've they've adapted to my body at every at every stage. Yeah, I
[00:44:45] I've done I have game all day. I've done squats. I've gone on runs. I've gone on very
[00:44:51] Very short walks that put me justice out his breath at a different point in my life
[00:44:58] They're very versatile. You don't need underwear to wear them. I like that. You know I'm saying keep my underwear
[00:45:03] I don't have to be doing fucking laundry all the time. Yeah, yeah, you go to the website
[00:45:08] And it's a bunch of guys wearing the shorts doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with each other
[00:45:12] But it doesn't look like they know what they're doing this guy staring at the other guys ass
[00:45:16] Star Wars feels like he's horny for his ass
[00:45:19] So I think it's their their it's shorts for gay nerds
[00:45:27] From the copy that's that podcasters or gay
[00:45:34] Sounds disparaging but when you consider who listens to the
[00:45:41] We have to say the podcast was successful her dogs that sounds like cool guys to take over the mountain and steal every steel does
[00:45:48] Snowboarders girlfriends with their expensive skis no not at all these are gay nerd
[00:45:55] For people who are lying to themselves about their waysize
[00:45:59] Yeah, it's not it's not that you don't need to wear underwear with them. It's that we already know you don't wear underwear
[00:46:06] Because you either have just given up and have accepted that there's gonna be shit stains on your pants, right?
[00:46:11] Then you're gonna shit through the underwear right think of these as a way to real pain. They've already
[00:46:16] These are the methadone you can get off the crack of your shitted-in sweatpants
[00:46:25] 33 years old still being potty train for the second time in life
[00:46:35] Least statements, I let me find these pants and I guess these are the pants I'm wearing again
[00:46:40] It's two men on a mini bike and one of them's
[00:46:46] They are joggers you're right. They're very nice
[00:46:54] Regretsky's like that you think I get away with that gay Bruce
[00:47:02] LDS so those are pants that you could fuck a waffle house waitress in yeah, and they come with or without the liner
[00:47:08] Oh, how about the ones you're wearing now liner? I think they don't I don't know
[00:47:14] I didn't check well check you see your penis should be pulling them out. I just I just
[00:47:18] There's a liner. I guess that's nice navy blue liner in here khaki pants
[00:47:23] You know what I need pants with built-in underwear said nobody ever
[00:47:27] That they say that wasn't that's what it says. Oh, yeah, isn't that kind of their business?
[00:47:32] Well, I guess they also offer pants when I see I see yeah, yeah
[00:47:40] Jeff P so's Ernie must the Bruce Wayne's well, that's okay. He's stopping puns
[00:47:46] It's just now that now it's just a guy doesn't know how to spell
[00:47:55] Pants, but they are kind of telling you they look awesome. I mean I never fucked the pants
[00:47:59] I'm ready to fuck with them now bird dogs if you're listening. Why don't you send this over?
[00:48:04] These guys look like they're wearing the pants to work a child 16 as well. Yeah
[00:48:09] Yeah, you make pants for little girls they do this they to show you the dog
[00:48:13] Oh, these are these guys wearing them to work
[00:48:15] But I think these more if you're unemployed these seem like a much better right sort of fit because I'm feeling
[00:48:22] Never work again vibes. Yeah, they look comfy. We should give these the homeless people. Absolutely in fact
[00:48:28] I think I'm gonna have a little email a little Microsoft
[00:48:32] Zoom session with the head of advertising there and so you know
[00:48:36] We need to swap out all the aver X for bird dogs on New York City's homeless population
[00:48:43] Think about it. What do people want to look like?
[00:48:45] Bums they want to look like homeless like a cool relaxed bum. Yeah like a one that's that definitely is it
[00:48:53] I feel like that is what fucking fashion is now
[00:48:56] It's like oh big everyone's wearing a bunch of fucking layers. Mm-hmm. I'm sick of that. I'm tired of it
[00:49:01] I'm gonna wait. I should is khakis is khakis shorts from our friends bird dogs, and it's a fucking Hawaiian sure and the promo code is come by the way
[00:49:11] Good on that we can check out their their Instagram or you can just go to their stories. It's a lot easier than what do you get with the promo code?
[00:49:25] We'll just go we'll add the pants that I'm wearing it's twice as expensive and with liner and liner of course and then check out
[00:49:32] This is the way this is the way to do it. This is where to check where you get
[00:49:37] CUM see you em. Let's see it. So it goes from 109. I don't think they added the promo code. Okay, it's not added yet
[00:49:44] Let's say 20% let's say 20% who gives a time to find the share this year's promo code literally in two days
[00:49:59] Get these motherfucker we call that buyer right now on the show
[00:50:04] What's up you fucking piece of shit? Yo, where the fuck is our promo code?
[00:50:08] Yeah, fucker. Yeah, these are fun. Huh? These are for stopping for sure. I have those I have those exact that exact fair
[00:50:14] Yeah, into two XL. Yeah, we're calling you from the white excellence podcast
[00:50:22] Absolutely not and we are about to get pissed off. All right from bird dog. Here we go. Here we go. Here's the
[00:50:40] So it looks like it is come it is come come as a promo code. So, you know folks
[00:50:44] You probably get a nice amount off or something free or free shipping or some bullshit just fucking buy the
[00:50:52] I'm telling you try one if you don't like it Adam will refund you personally. He will he will Venmo you folks
[00:51:04] Send an invoice to his home address which is
[00:51:16] Say something funny it's better be funny
[00:51:22] Better be funny I live in a home for battered women, okay
[00:51:35] I live in let's just go don't try just don't try to just go to a man's ass just go to bird dogs and buy the pants
[00:51:56] Doesn't have a bathroom or I guess the whole thing is the whole thing's a bathroom you shit on the floor
[00:52:02] I was once at a party with the orthodox Jewish man who was living a double life. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, it was fucking cool
[00:52:08] That's sick. So he was just at the party hanging out like yeah
[00:52:11] He's like I met these girls at this Russian bath house and they invited you that they I see a ton of them at the bats
[00:52:17] Yeah, yeah, and that's where they get pussy. Yeah, like staring at girls tits
[00:52:20] It didn't seem like oh really are you allowed to do that you're not a lot of good
[00:52:24] I mean you aren't a lot of go and girls are in bikinis and stuff. Oh, they're beginning these I see yeah
[00:52:29] And he was like yeah, I have nine children and I didn't even meet my wife until the day of our marriage
[00:52:34] And I'm very unhappy. So now I smoke weed and do as many drugs get pussy on the sneak
[00:52:44] Oh, what's so funny about that? What's the fuck do you mean he was so funny about that? He was a jeweler slash landlord. Yeah, it does you know that I'll look into it and let you know
[00:53:05] That's so awesome. I'll look into it with my car. What was the party? What was the part where were you like it was like a small house party?
[00:53:10] It was he was he in the whole get up or no. Yeah, he was in the whole get up
[00:53:15] We're the girls that he met hot girls. They were pretty attractive. Yeah. Hell yeah
[00:53:24] Yeah, I mean he wasn't like hideous. Yeah
[00:53:27] And I feel like if you're not hideous you're good looking as a guy that is true or sometimes if you're hideous and yeah
[00:53:33] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah interesting good for him. Wow in the full he didn't even do a costume change
[00:53:49] They they tuck the imagine getting your shit getting your getting your dick sucked and the girl just reaches up and pulls on your curlies
[00:53:56] That's how incredible or you're getting your ass eating and she's tugging the curlies from the back a lot of those guys
[00:54:09] Ladies that have penises interesting. Yeah, cuz once you break the taboo who gives a fuck
[00:54:14] That's that's the thing when you make just any pussy
[00:54:17] Bad well, I'm not saying girls with pieces are bad
[00:54:21] But you once you break the law. Yes, you are but once you break the fucking once you break the fucking like
[00:54:26] If you make it so strict and it's like yeah, these motherfuckers will do any wild shit
[00:54:30] They don't give a fuck cuz even like looking at a woman's like thighs
[00:54:35] You might as well be getting fucked in the ass by like a guy. It's the rum spring of lodges the rum spring of logic. Yeah, yeah
[00:54:42] That's sick. I'm glad those guys are getting I mean but
[00:54:45] Fucking one of those guys must be brutal. I feel like they have some of the worst smelling asses probably. Oh hi
[00:54:51] She's not a big thing. Okay, right. I don't know stuff. I'm serious. Don't you fucking what do you now?
[00:54:57] You're a hossy now. You're fucking I don't know. I just smell their asses
[00:55:02] You know what I'm saying. I know that they're human beings and well the height, you know, you know, it's not fair to judge an entire group
[00:55:10] You know what I'm saying. I feel like they you've you've never hit a train with a with a ripossead
[00:55:24] A different kind of shower it is funny to imagine that the reason they smell bad is he was like I don't know about the shower
[00:55:32] Yeah, that's really I don't know. I don't know, you know, right sure fool me once sure sure well. They didn't really fool them fool me once
[00:55:42] I think you think there's maybe maybe just fool me one and a half
[00:55:50] Maybe maybe you'll fool me once I fool you
[00:56:08] That's awesome. I've never met anybody living double life. I don't think really I think you're sitting next to one right now
[00:56:15] Nick yeah, yeah, but we that's sure I am a secret agent. That's barely. Yeah
[00:56:20] I work for the government. Yeah, that's what you meant by testing out flavors of cock. Yeah, you're a government cock
[00:56:32] Anything for America you're a Gitmo testing out the cock
[00:56:36] Mm-hmm cuz you can they've you can there's a pheromone of a guilty man. You can sneak a dirty bomb in a cock
[00:56:43] Mm-hmm. He's like the the zero dark or not zero dark 30 hurt locker
[00:56:50] Bomb diffuser of the dick diffuser of dangerous cock. He's got a suck it off. Yeah, make sure it doesn't go off
[00:56:56] Yeah, he's like explosive ordinance disposal nice. You gotta get rid of all that explosive ordinance
[00:57:05] Hurt locker was said I've never been a fan of Jeremy Renner's face. Just never liked it
[00:57:10] He was kind of looks like Greta Thunberg a little bit. He looks like a pug, too
[00:57:15] Mm-hmm. It's got a they both have that like kind of pin cushion face. Yeah, I know what you mean
[00:57:19] Yeah, in cushion like a big like a like a little like
[00:57:23] It's very round. It's very round and it looks like it's you know, you could put needles in it
[00:57:27] It's fuck it's fucked up that they tried to make him Jason Bourne
[00:57:31] He can't he's he doesn't have the fucking sauce. Oh, he's got he does not have the mad Damon swag
[00:57:37] They also made him the Oracle in the Matrix, which was weird. Yeah after the first lady died. They just had Jeremy Renner's
[00:58:03] Really because I saw that movie and I thought it was just a different black lady, but you're telling me that was a great
[00:58:14] So Matt where could we find your album?
[00:58:16] It's on iTunes and Spotify go get that shit. It's on which one do you get the most for streaming Napster probably?
[00:58:26] We're buying it would be the probably by that
[00:58:32] A very reasonable price. Yeah, and what's called cruising Bellevue?
[00:58:36] Yes, I can think of Bellevue the math average story
[00:58:45] What I would do is I'd pin him down and just convince him that the rape was a fever dream from the electro shop therapy
[00:58:54] I would come in full clown makeup. I'd be like this is
[00:59:06] They give everything about popping it over at Bellevue man
[00:59:09] No, isn't it still fun which Bellevue is the one which is the one that's like all like looks like a haunted house?
[00:59:15] I don't know. It's like a part of Bellevue. I think there's an old building on like third Avenue. That was like maybe it's if you're not
[00:59:21] He's a ten-year-old it's decommissioned, but they just left there and it's like covered in weeds and it's like an old
[00:59:26] That's the if you're insane and goth. Yeah, they send you there
[00:59:42] I didn't but there was a couple in there that was definitely
[00:59:46] Oh, wow, really yeah, she's the guy told me you did
[00:59:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah, but can you trust him?
[00:59:55] But she also said it oh interesting. Yeah, she was she had like postpartum
[01:00:01] And she came into the room and we were doing a rap cipher
[01:00:14] I need medicine I don't get the attention I got a rapper
[01:00:28] Well that concludes this week and check out cruising Bellevue
[01:00:33] On that purchase it wherever thank you for your records. Thanks for coming Matt. Oh, he's a pleasure