Cum Town | Regular | 12/15/2016
[00:00:05] Stop said he had something prepared. I have a really good song for us here. Go for it
[00:00:09] My boyfriend's black and I'm gonna say the end word when he gets home. I'll say that word
[00:00:17] Pretty good, right? That's good. I thought it was gonna be like a gay thing or a sucking your dad's dick
[00:00:22] But I guess yeah, we'll just jump right into it and start with Edward stuff
[00:00:25] We're branching out. Yeah, you know, I worry that like the show gets repetitive and stuff
[00:00:30] But then I look at stuff that's like, you know, some of the most successful shows in television like Barney and friends or Teletubbies
[00:00:40] Yeah, in the same format it opens up. There's a puppet the puppet is like, you know
[00:00:44] This is what a square looks like this is what trying to looks like so I'm not really too worried
[00:00:49] I would find you know having any kind of
[00:00:54] You know, I don't know the fucking word. Yeah, I never actually finished ass. We don't need signs a lot of words
[00:01:00] I don't know sign filled is like the Barney of sitcoms, right? Why about nothing, you know, why is it?
[00:01:08] I you know, I was doing this I was trying to do this new thing where
[00:01:12] Maybe I have a list of things that happened bitch in the last couple days that way, you know
[00:01:19] That's some gay shit things making noise. Why you don't fucking keep the conversation going you'll do it
[00:01:25] Will you'll draw a blank and then be like who's fucked? Yeah, that's my that's my role here
[00:01:30] Yeah, the guy checking in on who's fucked Adam have you thanks? You know what? Thanks for reminding me Nick Adam
[00:01:36] Have you fucked recently? Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. No, you have to I don't want you have to talk about it. I
[00:01:42] Don't want to what happened. All right, I
[00:01:47] Her name was stops mom. What the fuck and her dick was bigger than nice. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my mom does have a nice fat
[00:02:03] Quick sex for me. It was about three came fast three and a half to four hours
[00:02:07] But my mom pounded your ass for how long do you do a bit?
[00:02:10] Do you already have a bit? This seems like a thing you would do where like the girl comes immediately and you're like gross
[00:02:16] No, but I I used to do a bit it never worked and never worked on stage
[00:02:21] But it's like what if you were like eating a girl's pussy and then you look up at her and you're like I'm about to bust
[00:02:40] Yeah, and that got a lot of silence and open mics for a couple months
[00:02:45] I got I got booed off the stage you didn't open mic this week. Yeah, no, right
[00:02:51] Right first of all I haven't done an open mic in like a year and a half. Yeah, probably because frankly
[00:02:56] I don't need to you know, I'm better than that. Yeah, well, but professional
[00:02:59] I wanted something to go do at night. So I was like, all right
[00:03:02] I'm gonna start doing mics again, and it's like you know that scene in the wire or like Marlow
[00:03:08] Like it wants to take the corner back over even though he has all the money
[00:03:12] But he's like wearing that suit he goes in and he stabs that guy
[00:03:14] Right back so that's kind of how I feel going into in mics
[00:03:19] Instead of stabbing somebody. It's just a fending and entire room
[00:03:26] No, I say I go up and for everyone's bombing every's doing terrible. Yeah, it's it said over the eight and like that happens
[00:03:33] It's just Brooklyn people so they were like I'm the weird one right now. They were just you know
[00:03:37] It's just people doing shitty open my comedy. I'm sure some of them are probably great a comedy
[00:03:41] But it's shitty of my comedy and unless people are like
[00:03:45] Fakely being into the fucking open mic. It's gonna be shitty. Of course. They're always always shitty
[00:03:51] Yeah, so I went up and I went up maybe like seventh and I was like wow hot mic
[00:04:00] I'm trying to get back into doing open mics and this is like the first shitty one I've done and
[00:04:12] Why that's not how you get better a comedy to fucking just say jokes to silence
[00:04:17] Yeah, but in an open mind, you know what I mean, you're in a no I don't know you're you mean no
[00:04:21] That's not how you fucking use an open mic
[00:04:23] You should try to you shine every situation to figure out how to do well in the room and not just say your joke
[00:04:28] Might as well fucking stay home. You're doing absolutely nothing for yourself
[00:04:32] Yeah, but going on stage and telling a fucking poorly written joke to silence
[00:04:37] Stayed up. It's like performance and half of it is done on stage if you're somebody that's just strictly writing unless you're doing fucking one
[00:04:44] Liners, that's a waste of fucking time, right? You're not developing any no you're wrong
[00:04:49] Trying a new joke it that there's a point to go to my just say it out loud. See how it goes
[00:04:56] Everyone's bombing right unless you break that unless you change the energy in the room no matter how fucking funny your joke is
[00:05:02] It's gonna tank no matter what that is a way to sometimes get the energy
[00:05:07] Absolutely. Yeah, it would normally work, but I guess they're all fucking
[00:05:12] Just there they would rather just delude themselves and their pure is going well. Yeah. Yeah, so they they were like boo
[00:05:20] Yeah, I was like all right. Well, I guess now there's energy in the room
[00:05:25] So you won dude you got the you got the sounds like that we're not
[00:05:28] I was like all right well, you know, I just got a wage cuz I was gonna do that set and then oh you just went off
[00:05:35] I'm not gonna fucking you got you self-appolo'd yourself yourself sandman yourself. Well, what's the point again?
[00:05:42] Like I've been doing comedy long enough to know that you're not getting anything out of fucking going on stage into saying a joke
[00:05:48] Right that does nothing for you. It would have been fun to just keep
[00:05:51] The what is the what is the functional difference between going on stage and saying a joke to silence in a room filled with other shitty
[00:06:00] Comedians than just saying to them. What do you think about this?
[00:06:04] It's actually better as a con. No, it's actually better as a comic to just say to another comic
[00:06:09] What do you think about this fucking joke if people are gonna sit there in silence? I
[00:06:13] Don't know. I'll but you're saying you're you're but by saying that you're saying it's guaranteed to be the silence
[00:06:19] If the jokes really good who knows man, maybe there's like a fucking chocolate or some shit
[00:06:23] I know I know enough about comedy to know that it's not gonna go anywhere
[00:06:27] The other thing is like the sort of the economy of laughing for your friends at mics
[00:06:32] Which is like you can't really gauge of a joke. I don't mind that that is supportive cuz at least like sort of you know
[00:06:38] Yeah, but no simulates what what like should be happening if the jokes going well
[00:06:41] No, you laugh your friends, then you look at your phone for
[00:06:44] Yeah, you're not friends with you know, yeah, they're very funny you ice out people
[00:06:49] Well, if they're funny if the jokes good enough you'll pay attention. That's how I feel about it
[00:06:53] That's not true. I guarantee you you can take look and then this is retarded idea
[00:06:57] This is retarded idea that like comedy isn't based on audience participation
[00:07:01] That you could take the best comic in the world and put them up in a shitty room and they'll crush no matter what and that's absolutely not true
[00:07:06] You can take any fucking comic and if you go up before them and say to the audience like don't laugh at his jokes
[00:07:12] No matter what they're totally capable of doing. Yeah, no one no one has control of it
[00:07:17] It's not fucking you know hypnotism. It's not magic tricks. They the audience absolutely has to be participating
[00:07:23] Dude when I crush do I just I go up there. I just fucking
[00:07:27] No matter what you put me in a fucking laundry man
[00:07:30] You put me in a fucking long John Silver's dude
[00:07:34] I'm gonna eat a couple shrimps and I'm gonna fucking crush that fucking room dude. That's the school of comedy I come from
[00:07:41] No, I mean, I know what you're saying, but it's like oh mike's are fucking gay shit, dude
[00:07:45] They're terrible horrible. They suck. Yeah, they suck
[00:07:49] I didn't have like an attitude like an ego about me
[00:07:53] Which I needed to get rid of when I moved here because we were in DC like we're doing the fun good
[00:07:57] We're doing the big hunt like a mic on a Wednesday night and there were like a hundred audience members there
[00:08:02] Right, right, right, you know, so I definitely had to get like shed that when I moved here. Yeah
[00:08:07] You had to learn I mean, but also yeah, that's the thing doing well in a shitty open mic is different than doing well
[00:08:12] It a good right, but it does it does help train you to like understand how to work as a room
[00:08:19] No, you should work on you should be trying to kill no matter what and there is another class of comics in New York that
[00:08:24] Crush at mics and that bomb it just suck dick. It sure. Yes, you know and I don't even think they're necessarily not that funny
[00:08:34] My heart helping yeah, they aren't helping them necessarily work with audiences, you know, so
[00:08:43] Well, I'm glad that you had to argue with me instead of just listening to fucking story. It's a good story
[00:08:49] No, you you had to side with those shit heads. Is there more? No, it was it was good story. Well, it's great to be back guys
[00:08:56] Yeah, now you know, because we got a fifty five hundred dollars. It's almost like I
[00:09:04] By this week based on all the financial software I used to
[00:09:14] Has a whole team at Goldman Sachs or you know, they can predict certain benchmarks
[00:09:19] You're funny about this podcast is like, you know, like I pretend to be like a dumb guy and stuff and nobody has like any idea that I'm like
[00:09:25] Extremely successful day trader. Oh, yeah, yeah, you are yeah, then I'm worth billions
[00:09:29] Mm-hmm when the Brexit happened Nick made three million dollars in 20 minutes. Mm-hmm. Yeah from computers
[00:09:36] Well, no, here's yeah, I actually had nothing to do with with Brexit really is I saw the word Brexit and I didn't know what it was
[00:09:44] Yeah, I thought how many guys like me are there out there that don't know what Brexit means and so I bet against the knowledge of Brexit
[00:09:53] You shorted it by investing in Trump hats
[00:09:55] I made I made 38 million dollars. Damn dude. I went on Sunday to watch my friends a Buffalo bills fan and I'm a
[00:10:05] Oakland Raiderson so I went to his friends apartment in the West Village like right next to Westforth like subway
[00:10:11] Fucking maybe three million dollar apartment two stories roof deck. Who is this person?
[00:10:17] So his friend from high school guy you fuck boy. Anyway, you suck them off. Yeah, but like that dude
[00:10:26] Guys we're watching football. It was straight and there's we were in a collar. Did he have the leash in I was wearing a jock strap
[00:10:35] White gloves I was wearing a sporty delivering Adam's asshole to his day
[00:10:40] Anyway, dude, is it one of those things where he watches you fuck other men?
[00:10:44] He gives other men permission to fuck you against your will and that's your relationship
[00:10:47] Well, I don't want to like be in an argument the whole time. Yeah, you know, I just want things to be smooth
[00:10:54] Daddy so his friends fuck you. Yeah, I mean, okay anyway, I found this get a pulp fiction
[00:11:01] Poster it is three million dollar apartment. I was just like Jesus fucking Christ. Give me the money
[00:11:08] My favorite is like though like from the 80s like luxury apartments from the 80s and have the giant telescope. Oh, yeah
[00:11:14] Yeah, that's the best I did every rich person that was good for the 80s. Yeah, they all love the star
[00:11:20] Perfs. Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to tell us go when I was a little kid probably from seeing that shit my whole like in every movie
[00:11:25] Yeah, well stars suck space is fucking stupid
[00:11:29] Anybody likes nasses and idiot. Yeah, looking up at stars is good. No, why I just in the finna park looking up looks cool
[00:11:37] Yeah, it's cool. Dude. What do you look at for what's what's your favorite view?
[00:11:45] Yeah, Nick has lived in the miter saw a window this room since moving to New York
[00:11:50] Yeah, you had a window in the one with the family I did face a brick wall. Yeah
[00:12:06] I don't know if I could handle a like an apartment that had like remember that remember when we had to shoot that gay sketch for that company
[00:12:12] You work for yeah, yeah, that apartment. Oh my god. Yeah, that had a gorgeous view. It was incredible
[00:12:16] I don't think I would like living in that apartment. Why I don't know you don't like the beautiful view
[00:12:22] No, you don't want an objectively good thing in your life
[00:12:27] It would be too distracting or you just wouldn't like I just think it would feel like not enough that apartment, you know
[00:12:33] But this feels like enough. Yeah, this is fine because there's no luxury here and you know
[00:12:39] I mean Nick is an aesthetic. It's utilitarian
[00:12:41] So you don't want it serves a purpose and why why have something halfway good?
[00:12:46] Like why did you eat the regular Reese's if you can have the tree or the Easter egg?
[00:12:52] Yeah, I do find the tree is has more peanut butter Adam. Do they make Hanukkah?
[00:12:58] Did they make a Hanukkah candle? What's it called?
[00:13:00] Monora the menorah what he's talking about the menorah. Yeah, they make a Reese's the Condalabra. Yeah, the Jewish
[00:13:10] Condalabra. Yeah, they make a Reese's one. No, they make any any candy any Jew candy. Yeah, go
[00:13:24] So mean anyhow we make our children eat coins
[00:13:27] We get we get them we started young on a taste for coins listen
[00:13:32] It taught me fiscal response, but no major like no like no hurt. There's no Hershey's Jew coin candy, right?
[00:13:40] It's like made by a specific. Oh, yeah, you know what's gotta be kosher
[00:13:45] Hershey's isn't gonna fuck around true true true. She's is kosher. You know many children die today the Hershey's factory
[00:13:53] Mm-hmm. Yep, you fall into the river of chocolate. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you eat one of those things and you become you blow up like a blueberry
[00:14:01] What's what's that what's the moral of Charlie and the chocolate?
[00:14:06] It's scary, but it's not said rich children should die in the factories
[00:14:10] Yeah, not the one who's I remember like it's a working-class story
[00:14:14] It was such a powerful image when I was a kid the fact that his two sets of grandparents slept in the same bed
[00:14:20] I remember thinking like wow, that's fucking crazy. Well, that's so weird
[00:14:25] Separated by like two generations and then they like I guess we have to fucking all share a bed
[00:14:34] That is some old school poverty shit. Yeah, didn't they just do that didn't want bed for four old
[00:14:41] Yeah, according to a chocolate factory and that bill Cosby bit. Yeah, yeah
[00:14:48] Where you all they'll sleep that river part used to scare the fucking shit out think about Bill Cosby's bed is
[00:14:55] People don't even give him permission before they have to sleep in his bed. So not just the family
[00:15:04] Nice little sloppy, but I'll give it to you
[00:15:08] Ordering the pizza before we started the podcast. No, you don't have your opposites. You like to do comedy on an empty stomach, right?
[00:15:15] Do you see I bought you though? This is having a conversation. Well, it's some people I kind of resent. We're doing comedy
[00:15:21] Yeah, that's fine though, but I have to have a nice meal. Yeah. Yeah, I can if I'm on an empty stomach
[00:15:27] I know I'm you know you would actually be great for me a nice glass of red wine
[00:15:33] And a bubble bath how close do you do a relapse do you think two years?
[00:15:37] That's why I told myself I'd start drinking it when it turned 30
[00:15:40] Why was that the whole I don't know it seemed like a far away it seemed like it would take over to get to 30 when I was 24
[00:15:48] Yeah, and now I'm like, you know getting closer and I'm like, I guess not you're 27 28 20 Bobby 28 next week next week
[00:15:54] Yeah, what do we do? Oh shit, bro? Yeah, we got to get buck-ass wild. Yeah, I can't what part of not until I'm 30
[00:16:02] What about cool? Here's a good sober guy birthday thing. Let's go to batting cages. Yeah, you like that. Don't you? Yeah, actually that would be pretty bad
[00:16:14] That's not a birthday thing I would go to a batting cage whenever no we're doing it for your birthday doing it for your birthday
[00:16:19] We're making we're gonna make you wear a little birthday hat. We're gonna have fun
[00:16:23] Cool you do have to a little and then we're gonna do a
[00:16:25] Then we're gonna do come boys karaoke is gonna be a three of us in a private room
[00:16:37] One time I did karaoke with my ex girlfriend all her like friends growing up. They're all Korean
[00:16:42] Yeah, you cannot imagine how many n-words were like screamed. Yeah Koreans. Yeah, I was in shock
[00:16:48] They love it is true about they love the n-word
[00:16:51] Did I say about the first public a time I I said the n-word where was I love that you remember not in a song
[00:17:01] Sort of okay. Here's this was just I've never done it not in a song. I think it
[00:17:07] Well, let me explain here. No one heard me do it
[00:17:11] But but it was so I was at a Wu-Tang Clan concert, right?
[00:17:19] It was just like it was one of those situations where there's like everyone make as much noise
[00:17:29] And I just thought it was too good a joke not to scream the
[00:17:34] Top of my lungs because no one can hear me because it was just like I was being completely
[00:17:40] Overshadow by the rest of the shouting. Yeah, so yeah, I had a Wu-Tang Clan concert
[00:17:45] Shout at the end where the top of my lungs. Well, he was part of the and it was a pretty good bit
[00:17:49] I still stand by that. Oh the best bits are bits that are just for you
[00:17:53] If there's a hundred percent just for me one time I had my friend redo my
[00:17:58] Okay, Cupid profile like this a couple years ago
[00:18:00] And he saw that I was like messaging girls with like huge fake tits like girls that would never date me like rut
[00:18:06] The girls that came from Russia to like for guys with money. Why were you doing that? I?
[00:18:10] Just thought it was really funny. Okay, yeah, he's like if he saw all these messages and I'd be like
[00:18:17] Yeah, we should probably date and they'd be like no
[00:18:20] He's be and he was just like you psycho. I was like, but it's funny
[00:18:23] He's like yeah, but you're not doing it for anyone
[00:18:25] You're doing under your private dating profile if they said yes
[00:18:29] Would you have dated those big fake dated women? No, I wouldn't have been able to please them at all
[00:18:37] They're here for one reason you just you just women that would never date me
[00:18:41] I thought it'd be funny if I was like, yeah, we should probably do you know women are taller than me whatever
[00:18:46] I'm a creep. I wish you still do that all the time to every single woman you meet
[00:18:50] I know I thought that was your move. No, my move is called the stop and frisk. That's what I do stop them
[00:18:59] Pull the gun I do broken windows and I lean too hard on the glass outside
[00:19:12] It's not illegal so you broke from the outside
[00:19:16] Technically it is your fault. I'm suing you. Goodbye
[00:19:33] List your the trial of that guy that shot that dude miss trial. Yeah, but they're gonna try them again
[00:19:41] Right, they're gonna try them again. Yeah, how do you fuck that one up?
[00:19:52] Yeah, I've been paying attention that one was like clear that's
[00:19:59] Why just thought it was I don't think it was a hung jury. I think it was like a procedural thing right?
[00:20:03] No, it was a hung jury. There was like one guy that couldn't they couldn't reach a consensus
[00:20:07] I just like that it's like 12 angry men, but instead of like the one guy. That's not a piece of shit
[00:20:13] The damn it is just like I don't care. This is my year. It's my year now. Yeah, like come on guilty
[00:20:26] Yeah, that guy there's no way there's no way that guy didn't just feel like nope. No Trump hat
[00:20:34] Definitely just like yes, sir. Can you take your hat off in the courtroom?
[00:20:38] I like when they interviewed juries after those things and like it's usually people that are like no
[00:20:44] You know, I still work at Blockbuster somehow in 2000 if I want to use the internet I have to go to my friend's house
[00:20:55] I love in that OJ documentary how the jurors were just like, yeah, I just wanted to go home
[00:21:00] I knew he's guilty, but I just wanted to go home. Yeah, I was on that fucking jury for like two years
[00:21:05] They were kept in that hotel for so it was torture. Yeah, yeah, whatever they just they were sequestered for like 18 months
[00:21:13] Yeah, it was like over a year was it eight months
[00:21:16] Right, dude. They couldn't watch TV. You know, have you ever they couldn't watch TV? No TV movies in 90s
[00:21:22] That's when TV was good. Yeah, you know, Frazier
[00:21:26] Maybe the fucker Niles and Daphne up to you
[00:21:28] Well, they know they speaking of TV. We got this on the list here
[00:21:32] Lindy West has a TV show someone optioned her
[00:21:35] Wars, yeah, no, so any optioned or memoirs to become a TV show so they're gonna get like
[00:21:40] Is it the she's like acting it? Yeah, it's a food network. It's called West world. Thank you
[00:21:49] Exeggar produced by Guy Fieri. Yeah, Lili was yeah
[00:21:53] They just they put together the meals by the specs of food on the manuscript that you turn
[00:21:58] Well, I kind of want to beat him to the punch
[00:21:59] I want to read her book and then write my own speculative script
[00:22:04] You know, we're just option it myself and then put my version of what that show would be indeed that could get big
[00:22:09] Yeah, I think that's a great idea like a lot of work fat so
[00:22:15] Who stopped yeah, no, what the fuck no, I mean we'll be stopped first met
[00:22:19] We were gonna it was right around right when they did that that rape joke debate on W. Come out Bell show
[00:22:25] Between we're in Jim Norton. Yeah, and we were gonna do a rape joke debate at one airline ballroom
[00:22:30] Yeah, I had funny mom between yeah between Lindy West and a rapist
[00:22:34] Yeah, and I was gonna wear like a mask and gloves. Why didn't we're gonna stop?
[00:22:39] Gonna eat a sandwich right now bag of cheeseburgers and fries
[00:22:43] Oh bag full of cheeseburgers and wear dumb wig and then that was the plan. Why didn't we do that?
[00:22:49] I was just still time. We're supposed to do that funny. Same reason that nothing else happens
[00:22:58] Until I go buy the gear it always requires some sort of gear purchase someone
[00:23:02] Yeah, someone has to go to cheese burgers. No, you wouldn't know. I would have eat it. I'm do yeah
[00:23:08] Well, the only thought I had written down for the Lindy West TV show is that they were gonna have Pixar animated but
[00:23:28] That bitches fat they're like drawing her and then like the fucking there's just a noise on like the desk and the hard drive had dropped out of the
[00:23:43] The fuck the lights are flickering in all the rooms
[00:23:47] Her book is called shrill. Oh man. She's taking it back. What I would like to think trill shrill
[00:23:53] Oh, I thought you're like trill like I was I was like these different writers were like well
[00:24:02] It's like okay. Well, it's 17 chapters about how you're fat and how you're better than everyone because you're fat
[00:24:10] Do you see they someone put a list together mashable or something
[00:24:14] 23 comedians and accounts you have to follow during the Trump era. Yeah, and it was like Lindy West
[00:24:21] Paul Krugman it was like like none of them were there were like this is hilarious. Yeah people that you need to laugh at
[00:24:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah, no like people that'll help you laugh. Yeah. Yeah, it was really bad
[00:24:33] But uh by laughing at not not with maybe if that was the objective of the article then I think it achieved its purpose people only laugh with
[00:24:43] It's a w I on fire today get a rest cook a rass
[00:24:51] Cook that bitch. You'll come on the podcast Lindy seriously though. I love you girl. Yeah, but please don't break or eat the microphone
[00:25:02] Like so many problems with Lindy, but like it's just so much fun to only go after
[00:25:06] In fact to do the mean middle school. Yeah, they're perfectly legitimate critiques. Oh, yeah, no
[00:25:14] Narcissist as you get to just talk about herself and then relate everything to oh totally yeah, and
[00:25:20] But no, it's just so much more fun to do people still read her shit. I guess they do yeah
[00:25:24] She wrote that awful thing about that Mona movie. Oh, yeah
[00:25:27] She's like this is how we're gonna fight racism is by taking up nine seats at a children's movie
[00:25:32] We're gonna we're gonna end race yeah the tagline was just take that Donald Trump
[00:25:42] How is it goes to a Disney movie what is Mona? It's Native American or Hawaii?
[00:25:46] It's like it's probably the same exact movie Disney's been making for the last 60 years. They're just choosing like different
[00:25:53] ethnicities yeah, this was whatever the rock is that's what this is some Owen
[00:25:56] So they're gonna go through all of the what are those Pacific Islands? Yeah
[00:26:04] I'm sorry, but Tallulah is Tongan so it's a completely different movie from Mona
[00:26:10] It's has nothing to do with Lulu and Stitch. That was a different island. So that was Hawaii. Yeah, there's Hawaii
[00:26:16] And the next one is Capri Sun is a country
[00:26:21] They got one of those yeah, you know, that's a drink really yeah
[00:26:25] No, I didn't know that them little silver pouches. Yeah, dude. You know what I do. I put that shit upside down
[00:26:30] That's the cool way I would sell like so well is fucking wine coolers. Oh, I've been saying this for years
[00:26:37] No, I just said it right now. No, yeah, of course. I've ever heard his Nick saying it right now. All right
[00:26:42] Francia in Capri Sun pouches. Yeah, you know how many fucking college freshmen you'd kill with that
[00:26:48] Yeah, I would think that's a layer, you know how you know how like first of all we would completely undo all the work
[00:26:54] We made with our work. We got done with mattress girl and all of the campus sexual assault act of this
[00:27:06] Would you give a cool name assaults will skyrocket one and four more like nine and four
[00:27:14] And you won't either because you're gonna miss all your classes so everyone gets raped two and a half times
[00:27:19] Yeah, that one nine and four is statistics. I think so
[00:27:25] Yeah, I would love that or alcohol gushers eat a little gusher. Oh, that'd be some fucking booze in your mouth. Yeah
[00:27:33] Did you see that fire in Oakland? Yeah, what how did people die? I thought it was like a warehouse
[00:27:39] They were living on the warehouse. Yeah, it was like all any one of these bushwick, you know
[00:27:44] We're Jake lives basically. Yeah. Yeah, it's one of those but so the landlord
[00:27:50] They first the media went after the landlord and the landlord's like I've been there in a fucking year and a half
[00:27:55] There's squatters. Yeah, it was some Vietnamese woman. She's like I don't know it wasn't squatters
[00:27:59] She's like I like trusted that the guy who had the least was using it as like a art studio or some shit
[00:28:05] Mmm, it's like I didn't say anybody could live there and then the guy who was the least the property who was like offering sub leases out
[00:28:12] The artists or whatever. Mm-hmm. We're starting a profit off of it. I'm sure
[00:28:16] He went on the news and he went on like to today show and he's like
[00:28:21] I've lost everything. I've tried to build a community here and like fucking Matt Lauer is like
[00:28:27] Do you think you should be held responsible for this for violating all those codes?
[00:28:30] He's like I'm not even gonna answer a ridiculous question like that and he's like
[00:28:39] Never I just want to say that I've lost something here. You're alive
[00:28:50] He's like I had some sweet-ass records in there and then this asshole went on the today show wearing a fedora
[00:28:56] No, sorry he is about all this so he just completely was a fucking slum Lord
[00:29:02] Yeah, everything was out of code. Yeah, I got on fire
[00:29:05] And he thinks he's not a slum Lord because he was you know exploiting artists
[00:29:11] Other people that with the same, you know stupid outfits as him right?
[00:29:15] Yeah, no possible way he could be a guy that's a shit man. How can we talk about this?
[00:29:20] And we've lost so much experimental dance poetry because of this incident. Yeah, he's like what a loss
[00:29:27] Yeah, and then he you can tell he was like obviously trying to
[00:29:31] Position himself and do PR but he's a fucking moron right right understand how badly it would play right right and he goes on TV
[00:29:37] And he's like, you know, how could this happen?
[00:29:39] He's like what do you think that I like move my family into a hotel right before this happened so that this wouldn't happen to them
[00:29:46] Which he did he did move them into a hotel right before it happens like no
[00:29:51] I did that so they get a nice nice quiet night's sleep while they had this you know concert at the you know at the venue or whatever
[00:29:59] Which wasn't it wasn't permitted for that Jesus Christ. Yeah, so like he's I hope he goes to jail for murder
[00:30:06] I hope there's like you know multiple God damn no dude ice be DIY guy and
[00:30:11] And DIY slide down. No, you're fine dude buy your own fucking shitty, you know space
[00:30:17] You're giving it but don't offer leases to people if you're not gonna like those laws exist for a fucking reason
[00:30:23] Yeah, it's real shitty. You were but your DIY space was nice
[00:30:26] The base yeah, and also we weren't like making money off of it
[00:30:30] We gave all the money you also had a you also had you were like allowed to live there. Yeah, it was a it was a residential
[00:30:35] Spad right exactly this was a fucking shitty old warehouse and this guy was like converted into living spaces right
[00:30:42] Letting people put up, you know, I mean again like drywall shit
[00:30:45] Yeah went to Jake's one time and the stairwell was missing
[00:30:49] He's like oh yeah, they took that stairwell out
[00:30:53] She had to like go to the roof and then go back down on the other side. It's like a toilet
[00:31:01] Baltimore that place fucking sucked dude. Yeah, Petey used to live in like a warehouse kind of space who
[00:31:08] Pete Muth. Yeah. Yeah, he lived in a fucking tight one though the mansion in Hampton that place. Yeah. Yeah
[00:31:14] It was just like some old fucking it was like a converted factory, but it was really nice
[00:31:18] Yeah, it was not the IY at all it was like a fucking it was nice fucking spot
[00:31:21] But the head good shows there yeah copycat though was just fucking terrible
[00:31:25] It was just like I don't know what it was some printing company
[00:31:27] I don't know what it was and it was just like
[00:31:29] Infested with bed bugs there was like one fucking bathroom for these huge fucking floors
[00:31:34] My friends that live there just pissed in deer part like huge deer park gallon. It was disgusting. They were brand loyal. Yeah, they were brand
[00:31:41] This is deer park. Mm-hmm. I lived next to a Vietnam vet when I was like a little kid
[00:31:46] And he kept all this piss and jars in the garage
[00:31:50] Just indefinitely you just like you never know when you need it
[00:31:54] Um, no, I don't know. I mean, I don't remember him being a garage. Yeah, I just remember seeing those jars of piss
[00:32:05] And Gatorade bottles just leave him laying around my mom found one and she's fucking I just had it
[00:32:11] Uh from years and I just wrapped it up and I was like, oh, just that's like mental illness dude
[00:32:16] I never never fucking just go to the fucking I know it's not as well as being a lazy piece. Yeah, but it's a being a lazy
[00:32:34] Yeah, but there is this row here mine is much closer
[00:32:39] I do it for different reasons. I do it. It's cool though when I did it like a couple times and uh,
[00:32:44] Yeah, sometimes I'll piss in a big Yankee cup or I pissed on the way up
[00:32:48] To not to stop the rest of that's fine in the not to stop at rest stops. I pissed while driving on the way up
[00:32:54] I can't do that dude. I always get messy. I've done that I need a wide mouth. You need a wide mouth cup
[00:33:00] I tried to do Gatorade not me actually, but yeah
[00:33:04] Yeah, I have a really big-ass fucking dick. So when I piss and stuff you gotta have a wide lip
[00:33:09] I've never I've never pissed. I've never needed to piss in a bottle
[00:33:11] I've always been able to not piss myself for long enough to make it through a restaurant
[00:33:18] Yeah, I don't know why I qualify for the astronaut program
[00:33:24] Wait, they have diapers in there. Yeah astronauts. Dipe up. They type it up. Yeah. That's why a lot of guys become astronauts
[00:33:33] Excuse to wear well, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a guy that had a diaper fetish and he was real embarrassed about it
[00:33:39] So he went to school to become an astronaut so he could wear the diaper
[00:33:41] Yeah, so he became like a doctor and an engineer and like think about the other gee
[00:33:47] That's the guys that are fucking pedophiles where they have like who becomes I know the star of seventh heaven
[00:33:57] Now my secret is safe. No one will find me out
[00:34:00] I guarantee you like half of all astronauts are people with diaper fetishes
[00:34:04] And they just they went through all the schooling and stuff that cover up the fact that they can only come if they wear diapers
[00:34:08] Dude those were no one can hear you come
[00:34:12] That's like a pizza gate for the space space industry. Do you see some guy went to the pizza gate?
[00:34:22] No, he's perfect straight straight out of central cast first of all he's right
[00:34:27] He's right he's self-investigating guys. Yeah. No, I mean he's absolutely right that sealed the deal for me
[00:34:32] I mean because I was kind of on the fence about whether or not pizza gate was real
[00:34:35] But when I found out someone brought a gun there and shot at the store was like it's real
[00:34:41] That's a real in my head what percentage of them you think really believe it the alt right
[00:34:47] Look at me head by frog guys. I don't think any of those people actually believe yeah, they think it's funny. I did
[00:34:52] He fucking went in there with a saying so there's like has to be a percentage of them that actually thinks it's real 15
[00:34:58] Yeah, you think 15 it's a fat well. I'll tell you what percentage of me which is a lot thinks it's real which is which is something like 15 percent
[00:35:04] Yeah, I think it's kind I think I think there's something fucked up going on there after the British parliament thing in the catholic church
[00:35:12] Yeah, probably the amount of times it like you know, there's some suspicious thing going on in like in a in a powerful group
[00:35:20] Why you know why wouldn't there's got to be the same amount of pedophiles in any you know population any you know sample
[00:35:28] I don't I don't think Hillary is pedophile. I think Hillary is trans
[00:35:39] Oh, man, there was so many didn't somebody say that a bomb was gay and like yeah, he's a gay
[00:35:48] He was in a limousine sucking some man's deck
[00:35:52] Will will was saying to me that you think so awesome
[00:35:57] Well, you know, I tell you it would be awesome and very funny if it wasn't true, but it is it's
[00:36:02] Yeah, I think will was like on his last day in office
[00:36:05] He's gonna like be standing in front of the chopper and he's gonna be like all right. Well, that's that's it for me as the president
[00:36:10] Uh now I'm gonna go back to being a gay prostitute. That would be like a monopoly man sitting in the fucking window
[00:36:16] I go back to sucking him off immediately. Yeah, dude. If you were a gay
[00:36:21] Like collector of the finest prostitutes the president of the United States would be the best prostitute
[00:36:26] I mean, that's that you could probably charge like that's the holy really five million dollars
[00:36:38] The one the pope probably rape. Oh no Benedict
[00:36:42] You make it up that far in that organization
[00:36:45] It's like it's like, you know cops. They have to be racist
[00:36:48] Yeah, you can't be you can't be an anti-racist cop and and and make it up to like the the white shirt level
[00:36:53] Benedict yeah, there's a gay underground
[00:37:01] Wasn't there like a hot like he can it hot boyfriend that was like helping him or whatever
[00:37:06] And there's like a gay prostitution scandal in like the room archdiocese all right
[00:37:12] Which like came up it basically he had to go and that's why they got this like nice
[00:37:16] Argentinian socialist guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, this guy. This guy. Everyone loves this guy, right?
[00:37:21] This guy if he if he wasn't in the in the fucking
[00:37:25] Priesthood, he would like be a very gentle lover to women for sure
[00:37:29] Yeah, I mean, I think everyone says he's the good one
[00:37:31] But like still like the baseline of his beliefs are stupid as shit, right?
[00:37:37] He believes in like the mama and that you know, yeah, I mean he believes in the he's a catholic. Yeah
[00:37:44] But i think it's dumb you think it's cool the holy trinity. I think it's way cool
[00:37:53] Look at him. Amber's producing for us. Yeah
[00:37:57] He is sexy. I'd fuck rat singer that old nazi that old gay nazi's boyfriend
[00:38:03] Is he still the pope the nazi? No, but he's alive. He's like just some fucking like scary
[00:38:08] Wait, did he claim literally he's with rat quit? Why do you quit? What do you quit?
[00:38:13] Because he gay. That's what we're talking about. He has a sexy ass boyfriend. He sucks off in germany. Oh, this is like open
[00:38:18] He's openly gay. No, no, no, but this is no
[00:38:21] I think he lives in the in the vatican. Yeah, but you could figure out a way to do it
[00:38:25] You know, no, no, no, there was like there was a gay prostitution scandal where a bunch of the cardinals were like getting gay prostitutes in rome and stuff
[00:38:34] And like the Arizona Cardinals are st. Louis
[00:38:36] Yeah, Arizona pauler fuck the budget gave rise. The thing him and layer Fitzgerald fucking double team to twink
[00:38:42] St. Louis Cardinals straight as fuck they stood up when that
[00:38:46] When that mic brown shit happened. Yeah, dude. They stood up for uh for the blue lives
[00:38:50] Never for your daren walsen. I got into it. Yeah, I got into it with some like uh some
[00:38:56] Back when there were still t-cots on twitter or whatever
[00:38:58] Yeah, let the mic brown thing. I think why would tweet at them and I'd be like no mike brown was the officer daren walsen was
[00:39:06] And like two or three of them were like I stand corrected have a good day
[00:39:14] Like my apologies. I messed up. There's a so quick you're right daren is sort of a black name
[00:39:20] He could have been mike brown could be yeah, I was laughing there was uh there was like a murder in uh
[00:39:25] Aurora, Colorado like last year and uh in a movie theater
[00:39:31] No, um where there's show. No, no these two
[00:39:34] These two black guys like killed somebody in Aurora and they like came up on some newsfeed of mine or whatever
[00:39:40] And uh, it was like two black eyes there were cousins with each other and it's like Aurora cousins uh
[00:39:46] And then there was a picture of the two black eyes
[00:39:49] But I scrolled past it instead of Aurora cousins indicted and murder and there's a picture of the two black eyes
[00:39:53] But I just thought they were the same black eye and I thought it was one black guy named Aurora cousin
[00:40:08] Cousins east should tell tennessee university. Yeah, dude. He's got a he runs a four four forty
[00:40:14] The common he runs a great ball skills right ball skills right hands
[00:40:18] Yeah, he'd be a first round talent if it wasn't for smoking weed one time
[00:40:22] I was laughing at the night. We were talking about the Vitamix again, which stop got by the way
[00:40:27] He copied me bitch. I got a Vitamix bitch. I think I have it. So if you get it now you copy
[00:40:31] You didn't even know it wasn't so I said I'm gonna. I uh, I own it. I'm the owner of a
[00:40:36] First of all, I think so I was probably an expert on blending technology
[00:40:43] Yeah, first of all we discussed this I have blenders solely from mayonnaise and dips and shit
[00:40:49] Yeah, but I wanted to cut a man. I said I was gonna get the Vitamix
[00:40:53] Guess what bitch you dragged your feet on it. I have it now if you get it you're copying me
[00:40:57] That's how the rules of copying were your pitch X cut off
[00:41:01] I'm going on strike. I'm calling your fucking credit card company. Just speeding that. Yeah
[00:41:05] No, I'm just putting on his behalf. No, he copied me. Do not hang up on me again
[00:41:10] I will kill you. I will come to that office with an AR 15
[00:41:14] A fully fully automatic AR 15 on November 18th next year at 5 50 p.m
[00:41:22] This is a specific direct threat over international over state lines
[00:41:27] This is a 100 real not satire threat to kill you if you hang up on me
[00:41:37] No way shape or form to be interpreted as parody or joke
[00:41:40] God damn them just playing the audio at your trial
[00:41:48] Again, I would like to reiterate this is not a joke in the event that they played as a betrayal and I claim I was kidding
[00:41:56] Tell the fucking judge look at my defense attorney's face right now
[00:42:00] You see how fucking best he is because he knows this is real
[00:42:06] Do not let him get that Vitamix you cancel shipping now
[00:42:12] I don't mind purchases list. It's my wish list for a year and a half
[00:42:16] That you you was next on on that list your fucking head
[00:42:21] That's gonna be a fun sketch don't fuck with me. I am an Isis. I support Isis. I'm a member of Isis
[00:42:29] That's that's a good bit we could do on the show just call people up and tell them we're gonna murder that
[00:42:36] Whoa, you're listening to Danny dick at the morning
[00:42:44] Please be funny like do like a morning radio bit where they like they go through the obituaries and they're like and we found a family
[00:43:07] I went to school with your son and I was wondering if I could have his toys because he's dead
[00:43:14] Excuse me. I want his I want your dead son's toys. I'm four
[00:43:18] I'm like what they're like, I'm just kidding you want two free tickets to see rush
[00:43:30] That's great. Yeah, unfortunately all those all those local radio prank phone calls all fake
[00:43:37] Yeah, because it's illegal to record. Yeah. Yeah unless you're in Vegas dude. Really? Yeah, Las Vegas has different laws
[00:43:43] We're only best where I grew up to the wild place shut the fuck up
[00:43:45] Uh Vegas is the only place Vegas and then there's one other state where
[00:43:50] Only one party to know where yeah, we're yeah only one party dude
[00:43:54] But the thing about prank calls is uh anytime you call customer service because it says this call may be monitored recorded
[00:44:00] That's implied consent on their behalf. Oh, yeah, so you can you can prank all those companies all day long
[00:44:05] Now they probably would be able to sue you if you like make their company look shitty, right?
[00:44:15] I guess but then it's also, you know, I I don't know who knows
[00:44:19] I don't know if it does a bit well now it's probably fake but
[00:44:23] Um, it's called uh rider rider die. Mm-hmm. So they like they're like yeah
[00:44:27] I'm I want I want to prank my boyfriend today and I like I want to be like yeah
[00:44:31] I'm cheating on you and then like if they like don't hang up on the phone
[00:44:36] Like in 60 seconds or something then they like win tickets to summer jam or whatever
[00:44:40] Uh-huh one time this guy calls he's like, yeah, I'm trying to I'm trying to prank my girl
[00:44:46] Uh, I'm trying to tell her that like I would put like peanut butter on my balls
[00:44:51] I'll be getting a dog to lick it. So it's like we haven't been like really like connecting the bedroom recently
[00:44:58] And like yeah, like this is my thing now like I put peanut butter on my balls
[00:45:02] And like this and they're like saying they're like what do you want her to say and like the point is to have them say oh, that's all right
[00:45:08] Um, and then they're like oh ding ding ding. That's your ride your rider not a right
[00:45:15] Would not a whatever die not a die or whatever. So uh
[00:45:20] He calls his girl. It's clearly just a guy who just likes fucking dogs
[00:45:26] Keep in mind again as I just said it's probably fake. No, they're 100% fake. So go ahead and continue telling this story
[00:45:33] Despite that disclaimer at the beginning
[00:45:35] And you're repeating the bit that they wrote that you thought was real after I just told you it was fake
[00:45:43] This is like me beating off the nude. This is you're beating off the nudes. You loving these fake
[00:45:51] People said that you know nix says david blaine isn't real. I say david blaine israel so
[00:45:57] That means real they say it's not illusions. I think it's real mad some of it's real that that skewer through the bias
[00:46:03] How the fuck does he do that he created a fistula by over over the last like five years in secret
[00:46:09] He just kept stabbing himself in the arm a little bit and through his hand too
[00:46:12] Yeah, but he just kept doing it slightly putting it like, you know
[00:46:15] Maybe a millimeter in every time and created scar tissue all the way through his fucking. Oh my god
[00:46:20] Yeah, so then he just pushes it through all that scar. Yeah, they x-rayed him and it was like, you know, yeah
[00:46:25] Yeah, you see what he threw at them frogs. Oh, yeah, she was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, steffinaries Drake
[00:46:31] Drake, steff curry connye. Oh, dave shi pelt conny was dave shi pelt. That's right. Yeah, yeah, um, brock obama
[00:46:42] Calrissian yeah, I watched the last david blaine special and like so he does like magic for celebrities and one of the celebrities was steven hawking
[00:46:50] No, yeah, really it's so funny. He's just sitting there like
[00:46:57] Even awking is like, can you please make me walk? I've given up on science. Please help me magic
[00:47:05] My dick doesn't run cry please magic help me
[00:47:11] And i'm like that's you like dick listen steven. It's not real and he's like, I got you bitch
[00:47:15] I got you to admit it. I am the smartest man in the world. You fucking retard how dare you do? Yo, that guy just I love it
[00:47:31] Stephen Hawking just cheated on his wife. Yeah in the chair, dude
[00:47:34] He got his fucking the nurse that bathed him and shit. I guess he just like he couldn't even speak and he was cheating
[00:47:39] But so sick imagine being with a ledge. What an absolute legend. You just got a fat hog. You think his dick works in a way, right?
[00:47:46] Stephen Hawking. Yeah, of course not actually you know what?
[00:47:50] He does it's an independent system. Yeah, really. Yeah, the dick is separate like paraplegics can still get hard and fuck
[00:47:57] What? Yeah, lieutenant Dan dude. Yeah, it's true. He's fucking all them whores
[00:48:01] Yeah, it doesn't it's not like uh, but does it feel good when he gets his dick sucked?
[00:48:04] No, I can't feel it at all. Oh wait. No, it's Stephen Hawking. Yeah, he could probably feel his dick. Hell yeah, dude
[00:48:08] Well, he cheated on his wife. That's what I was just yeah, we're just on the podcast talking. Sorry
[00:48:12] I was going through your text. No, I was doing something important. Yeah show. Yeah, look up these show notes that I keep
[00:48:19] Yeah, so I wasn't doing what you do on your text message pitch when I do I don't have my phone when I run the show
[00:48:25] Think you're a fucking a fucking we've worked for you. Oh, stop. Do you want to talk to the neck about what we were talking about before?
[00:48:31] Come on, dude. We're about it. We're about to try putting out of the union
[00:48:35] We've you call me union. I would fully support you guys for me. We're union now. We're right. We're uh local
[00:48:42] 69 for 20. Yeah, we're trying no, what we do we is that what you were doing? Yeah, I didn't sign anything with your union
[00:48:52] You can't start a bit wise. No, you can't put the onus on me to create a bit. No, no, that was literally what the I
[00:49:00] You literally guessed a bit. No, I swear to god
[00:49:07] I'm just like, what are you talking about Adam? You know, I mean like you're in their context clues nick was talking about how he's
[00:49:16] Um, well, we I want to talk about Stephen Hawking fucking though. Yeah, so he fucked his maid or some shit right didn't he fuck?
[00:49:21] Yeah, no, he's nurse. Yeah, he's like she was like speech therapist. Damn. Did she see anyone?
[00:49:26] I bet his wife walked in like nine. Yeah, she's redhead while she's sucking his dick and he's like this is part of the therapy
[00:49:35] She's like, yeah, the fucking out of here
[00:49:42] Went to science school with you according to what I remember from that movie
[00:49:46] We watched that together. Yeah, dude. Fuck that movie. That movie
[00:49:50] I love that all those like scenes where he's like dragging himself up the stairs and it took like, you know, because it's all montage
[00:49:56] So you took this family seven years before they're like, maybe we should just put the bed downstairs
[00:50:01] I've made him drag this fucking shitty body at the stairs every night for years
[00:50:08] Before they put the fucking bed downstairs that movie was garbage. Yeah, movie
[00:50:13] That's that's how fucking stupid the academy awards are you can win an academy award for just wearing your glasses stupid
[00:50:20] Yeah, that was the other thing too. That should have disqualified him from
[00:50:24] Uh, uh, uh, you know any kind of award for his performance is that to sell
[00:50:28] Being Stephen Hawking his glasses had to be you know cock-eyed on his face and it's like bitch his glasses aren't retarded. Yeah
[00:50:36] Yeah, it's just the rest of him is retarded
[00:50:41] Someone would put those they would fix his glasses and not have him on his face. No, they're trying to be like look at look at this retard
[00:50:46] He's such a slob. Yeah. Yeah, he can't even put his glasses on again. They made that that Turing movie
[00:50:51] Oh, yeah, didn't they like I didn't see it but didn't they take out the part that he's gay they did what that's like the whole
[00:50:57] That's the whole point of it is that England well the whole point chemically castrated him for being gay
[00:51:03] That happened later that happened after he cracked the code the oh, I thought that's what the
[00:51:07] Enigma code. I thought they were doing like some kind of like the movie. She's really no no
[00:51:12] It's not like crack the Enigma machine. Oh, yeah, yeah, um the code word, you know why they call it the Enigma machine
[00:51:21] Every way they just made it like the Germans are like we will encode everything with a word that they cannot say
[00:51:27] But we can say it as racist. Well, they were saying well, yeah
[00:51:31] That's the bit dude. Of course. I know that the Nazis didn't use the n-word
[00:51:35] No, what the n-words were I don't know people are like I wasn't just Jews
[00:51:40] They also killed handicapped people in Roma. It's like maybe a couple
[00:51:46] No, they killed in gays they killed five million other people really yeah, yeah, but you have to combine all of them together
[00:51:53] Yeah, the gays political enemies Roma romanies
[00:52:01] Gay was a big umbrella term. Yeah, I was like an artist
[00:52:04] Yeah, intellectuals if you talk guys who crossed their legs that way where like I'm like I'm literally the way you
[00:52:13] Smashing my dick right is a woman's like
[00:52:18] Tips on power mannerisms look at the way me and stav or seated. Yes, you know my are you doing at you
[00:52:25] You look more powerful than both of you guys stop shirt is halfway up his torso look at his sweatpants
[00:52:33] I'm aired out. She's a picture and put it up on the on the website. Yeah, the web's currently getting bed
[00:52:40] Sores from a brand new pair of pants. That's a powerful move
[00:52:47] Come away with what looks like her posty sarcoma
[00:52:52] Like somebody glued a bunch of pepperoni to your ass. That's the kind of guy I am dude. I got that type of skin
[00:53:03] Man how funny is it that you can get hurt from being in bed like if you if you're enough of a slob you could actually get injuries from it
[00:53:11] Yeah, that runs counter to what I believe about longevity, which is if you just game forever
[00:53:18] Eventually they'll invent a new medicine
[00:53:21] Secure whatever problem you have just stay in bed gaming and then you don't have to worry about anything. I'm by the start gaming
[00:53:29] Shouts out so a listener told me that mafia 3 was bad. So now I don't want to get it
[00:53:34] I'm thinking about buying that ps4 pro you should get it. What's the pro? What's the benefit?
[00:53:44] Is like add but it's common. It's like DVDs. What is 4k 4k is like 4k?
[00:53:52] It's a thousand lines of like vertical resolution
[00:53:58] 1080p looks like your mother's asshole. Yeah, it's it's it's it's a thousand lines of like horizontal resolution whereas 4k is like
[00:54:06] 2000 by 3000 something so it's like 4000 lines of resolution
[00:54:10] It's like four times the resolution at 1080p
[00:54:13] So the little pixels on the screen they're a quarter of the sizes. They would be on a 1080p television. Okay. Yeah, dude
[00:54:19] That bugs me so much pixels. Yeah, I can't say them. Well, I don't know the nipples will be smooth
[00:54:25] It looks like I mean nothing looks as good as film does like film is still like 70 millimeter
[00:54:30] Looks better than 4k. I think it I think it has a higher resolution. Yeah, but it's retarded to use film
[00:54:37] Just you know, I'm talking about home video like yeah
[00:54:40] Like I mean like on home media sure, you know if you want to watch something and have it look good
[00:54:44] You want that resolution that high you can get close to the original?
[00:54:51] But yeah, no if you get if you get that that that
[00:54:54] That $400 ps4 you can get off. I got that 250. Yeah. Yeah, this which isn't even 250 anymore. There's a black friday deal
[00:55:01] Oh, really? Yeah, it's back up to 300. Oh nice. Oh, yeah, fuck you. So for a hundred dollars more you get the 4k one
[00:55:08] True. Yeah. Yeah, you can do they make 4k points?
[00:55:11] Do the podcast over ps ps4. I want to play FIFA. Yeah, dude. This is we're sponsored by gizmodo
[00:55:22] The lack of self-respect you have to have to type in kotaku.com
[00:55:30] That and and then even be able to get an erection in a master beta. Is it doc? That's gocker
[00:55:35] Yeah, gocker bought it. That sounds like us doing like
[00:55:40] Sounds like my news from unfocable faggot
[00:55:51] Yeah, dude, so right now i'm fucking playing FIFA and I don't know what else what are the games to get so I don't know
[00:56:01] FIFA mission literally is why you can't start playing video games because then all you can talk about is video games
[00:56:06] Yeah, that's the thing is they really are the pinnacle pinnacle of like entertainment entertainment
[00:56:11] Yeah, like it really like it's immersive and and you know fucking uh
[00:56:15] You're making decisions. Uh, ebert was right there. It's not art and like people fucking get like oh fuck
[00:56:24] This isn't fucking art and it's like no, it's literally you wasting your entire life
[00:56:28] Right. Yeah, like nobody there's nobody out there that like smells bad because and it can't flop because they watch too many movies
[00:56:36] Right, you know you argue with me about that. I'm right. You know, there's pro. I mean, yeah, that's true. Yeah. I know people that's
[00:56:43] Like people are moving. Yeah, they don't bad their shit together. Yeah
[00:56:48] Um, but no, my friend had to repeat a year of college because of call of duty
[00:56:52] Right that shit doesn't fucking happen with people that like you're I got way too into music
[00:56:56] I got started listening to too much music. This is the white album for 48 hours straight and I missed my final
[00:57:04] Yeah, my parents are pissed because I looked at too many paintings
[00:57:09] I had a fucking repeat a semester of college. You have the bug though. If you get going he doesn't well with literally everything
[00:57:16] HIV. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, I can't do cocaine. I can't drink
[00:57:21] Yeah eating like if I buy a box of oreos, I'll eat the entire fucking thing
[00:57:24] But if I if you're in a room with call of duty you just like sit down
[00:57:28] Yeah, I wish six months of my life on call of duty modern warfare too
[00:57:31] That's why I had to stop playing video games. Damn
[00:57:33] Yeah, I made enough money to quit my day job and just focus on comedy and I did nothing of the story
[00:57:39] I fucking wake up at 3 p.m. I'll go to the beer store
[00:57:42] I would get three tacos and a 12 pack and I would sit there and I would drink and play call of duty until like 4 o'clock in the
[00:57:48] Morning and then pass out and do it again. That sounds pretty awesome though. It fucking sounds that is the best thing you could do it fucking rule
[00:57:56] God, it was so awesome. That's like does you fucking nerd? Yeah, sounds like like falling in love
[00:58:05] Holding your lover's hand in a sunset. Yeah the touch of a woman. I'd love to slap you this end of it
[00:58:14] Alright, dude. Look at my power stance. Dude. Are you gonna? Are you gonna not let me slap you? You can literally see the outline of your penis when you're
[00:58:25] Everything yeah, I see your testicle your take
[00:58:33] I'm not not today, but I do in these sometimes
[00:58:37] I bought some great reebox sweatpants are those J's
[00:58:43] Interesting body. Yeah, it is really have the proportions of a baby
[00:58:48] But like a jack you know, it's funny. You read you're reading blood meridian right when they describe the judge and how he has like a baby's features
[00:58:58] Yeah, but it's agros, but I'm like but I got the judge is cool. You're not cool like the job. No, I'm cool
[00:59:02] I could squat a lot so what's the last time you hit a squat rack?
[00:59:06] I mean, it's been a while, but like if I did it would be a lot. What was it like? Yeah, a Ford F 150 like 6000
[00:59:13] Ooh, yeah, I put a good through some fucking when I was in community college
[00:59:17] I was taking it like automotive technology and there's this kid that like, you know, um, I guess I
[00:59:22] The way to classify him would be skateboard shoes fat
[00:59:25] Oh, yeah, you know those guys who are like at knees, but they're like 400 pounds like somehow sagging their pants over their giant ass
[00:59:36] Yeah, like all the pants are too big for me. It's like where did you even find size 96 ways?
[00:59:45] Whatever, but it was one of those guys and we're talking about the gym and he was like
[00:59:49] He's like, I'm actually like surprisingly strong like a lot of people don't think that I'm like in good shape or whatever
[00:59:54] But I went to the gym and like, you know, my legs are really strong and I lifted I swear to god
[01:00:02] Which he could have he could have very well, what's what does he mean?
[01:00:05] But he probably means like the fucking like press. Yeah, which literally anyone can do it's not hard
[01:00:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah, especially using the wrong form. Yeah, we were just like using all your weight like well
[01:00:16] You know who you know who like presses 2000 pounds pat Robertson
[01:00:24] Why well, that's why the show is called the 700 club
[01:00:27] Is because 30 years ago he fucking squatted 700 pounds
[01:00:35] But then he lost one of his testicles to steroids and he found god
[01:00:39] And then it became about shaming minorities
[01:00:46] No, he like leg presses like 2000 pounds really leg press machine in his basement
[01:00:50] What is like videos him leg press so does it just not do anything for you then?
[01:00:54] No, not really. I mean it does something, you know like a lot of this if you read gym blogs like they're all fucking you know
[01:01:01] Everything's like black and white with a right or any kind of gym blogging where they're like if you don't squat
[01:01:05] You're a fucking pussy. You're a faggot. You deserve to get AIDS
[01:01:10] You know if it's if you have some kind of condition where you have to use the leg press machine
[01:01:13] Or if that's the only thing available to you. They work fine. Yeah. Yeah
[01:01:17] Yeah, I remember I used to do that shit for that exact reason in high school. I couldn't lift anything
[01:01:22] Like my lower my upper body is just fucking terrible
[01:01:25] But I was just like oh, yeah, I'll just do the leg press to feel cool. Yeah, I'm like put another plate on it's like yeah
[01:01:31] Yeah, I'm strong. I mean they didn't I was fucking weak. Yeah, boy. You're still weak. No, I'm strong now. Look it's on that
[01:01:37] That's how I'm strong now. I almost did 10. I did 10 pushups today boys
[01:01:41] 10 I'm on the 100 100 pushups 100 pushup plan. Yeah, you're never gonna get there
[01:01:48] Maybe I'm the most I've ever been able to do in one set is 65
[01:01:51] Okay. Well, I will get to the how about this. I'll get to 69. It's it's the it's fucking really hard
[01:01:58] It's really after 50. It's really hard to add reps
[01:02:02] Okay. Well, I'll get to 69. Yeah, you know, and I'm pushing up like 10 pounds. Yeah, what the
[01:02:06] You weigh how much do we add them? The holocaust
[01:02:12] Nine pounds like a burgundy belson. Why the fuck are pounds? You know what you my dumbass roommate one time
[01:02:18] Said out loud. He goes like oh, that guy probably weighs like 300 L B's
[01:02:24] It was like kind of like an Eric you yeah
[01:02:26] Yeah, and why are they called that? Why well then that was confusing to me is that the pound?
[01:02:30] The pound symbol looks like a curse of L right? Yeah, and then the dollar symbol is an s with lines through it
[01:02:39] So I thought the L B's was because of the pound
[01:02:42] Symbol, but then obviously it was just a connection. I made in my child brain. Yeah, then I probably what the fuck is the s stand for?
[01:02:49] I thought it said for scrooge is in scrooge mcdoc. Yep
[01:02:57] I have no idea. It's stupid. It's fucked up. I want to know why the trumps to change trumps should really change
[01:03:03] That's that's something you should look into
[01:03:06] Um, okay. Well, we're we're out of time. I guess there's nothing else I really wanted to bring up other than these
[01:03:12] New these new macbooks. Oh, yeah, how's it going buddy? Oh, yeah, I got one actually
[01:03:18] Do you know get the touchpad though? No, no, I got like the the the lower tier whatever the macbook is now
[01:03:23] Do you see they got a new star wars movie that they came out? Yeah, I wrote one. They're just what the fuck is that?
[01:03:28] Stealing it's between it's between new hope and then episode three
[01:03:32] Oh, that's where they get the plans for the death star. Well, I saw the I saw the trailer for it
[01:03:36] I thought it was the next one and there's like shots of the death star. I'm like come on
[01:03:42] Darns made it again. It's like you're like remember the death star. Well, this time they check this out. They get a super death
[01:03:48] Yeah, see we got a lot of do a lot of changes for you this time r2 d2. He's now he's a cone
[01:03:55] Instead of a fucking ball. We got girl Chewbacca
[01:04:03] It's that thing zina used to throw that's a change of light. Yeah. Yeah, it makes somebody a girl or a black guy
[01:04:09] Mace windy. Mace windy only purple lightsaber for jedi. Yeah purple lightsaber for jedi. Oh, yeah, because he just asked why
[01:04:16] I heard that he demanded. He wanted a purple lightsaber. Yeah
[01:04:19] Um, he actually thought it was grape juice flavored. That's why he wanted to be purple. I want the purple one
[01:04:25] Grape drink. I you know, I was at the comedy store in LA one time and I was doing this
[01:04:32] So I was like trying to work out a thing about how like people get as mad about sexism as they do racism
[01:04:38] Which is like kind of unfair because I mean not that like sexism is okay
[01:04:41] But if you're a heterosexual you're have this like biological impulse to interact with people of the opposite sex
[01:04:48] And it puts you into fucked up situations, right?
[01:04:51] You know, it's not like I have an organ that tells me to fucking like live with a black guy I fight with
[01:04:58] You know where I'm having to deal with his bullshit
[01:05:02] Nick, I'm like, what is it? He goes, we'll call him
[01:05:12] But this black guy goes up after me and he was like well that was some racist bullshit, huh?
[01:05:17] All black people talk like that and he's like talking like that
[01:05:21] Also wearing a shirt for grape soda as he's saying this
[01:05:27] You can't you got to be kidding. That's awesome. Yeah. God damn. Well, he just didn't follow the logic
[01:05:34] Well, they had problems with that. Well, you know, they did
[01:05:37] And then he goes he's like anyways, you know, wait, how many y'all like said
[01:05:46] I just shouts out the come boys that came out to magoobies joke house. Oh, yeah
[01:05:51] Coming out bros. Thank you for come town fans
[01:05:54] Yeah, and actually we you know we are doing well enough now that we could put together a tour
[01:05:58] Well, three of us are professional comics. I have enough
[01:06:01] connections actually do I would yeah, we're gonna do like a like a small east coast thing but
[01:06:07] You hear this up if you know about venues on the
[01:06:10] Do like rock clubs. Yeah, there's a couple I know already but
[01:06:15] That would be fine. So I have a gum on issue. Yeah
[01:06:20] So I was actually filled with gum. He's not I'm not fat
[01:06:24] He's a gumball machine. I'm the bubble boy. He didn't know you couldn't swallow gum
[01:06:37] Let's eat nothing but gum and see what our shits look like that's what happened. That's how the myth busters died
[01:06:45] They're like james says that I can't live off of his cum
[01:06:48] Do you that episode that guy's asshole or that picture that guy's asshole?
[01:06:51] Is that a fake what are you talking about like the myth busters got home his asshole open the goat see
[01:07:00] Adam from myth bust Jamie has the most interesting look that fucking like beret
[01:07:06] Musash. Oh no, it was a guy with a mustache. Yeah, the man's guy Jamie's asshole
[01:07:10] Yeah, I think that that pictures out there
[01:07:12] They're like those guys are like they're like the kind of guys that would be friends with Walter white in real life
[01:07:19] That's who they would hang out with is the cool guys of the hobby store
[01:07:22] Right, right like if you just get old enough people will forget that you were a nerd your entire life
[01:07:27] Like I have a mustache now. I've got to be cool
[01:07:32] Things that are horrible. Yeah old men with like fresh earrings. Yeah, well
[01:07:37] Uh, we've already be filled the time. I feel like we're but this is like we're having fun now
[01:07:41] So I don't know if you cut it off or we're not gonna have fun once you hit
[01:07:45] Unrecord because in real life we hate each other's guts. We're not even best friends with each other
[01:07:50] Yeah, it's actually important to say that that's why everyone was so mad at opine Anthony when they split up is because they
[01:07:56] Pretended like they were friends. That's what Jim explained us. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[01:08:00] Which is and that's it's smart for Jim to do that because I went on Jim and Sam and he made it very clear that he had no interest in anything
[01:08:14] Um, I fucked you. I've had this fucking investment thing that I put a bunch of money into it
[01:08:20] It was a it was a ponzi scheme and he fucking fucked me over
[01:08:24] But now we just sit with when the microphones go on then we're friends. Yeah, that's called show business folks
[01:08:30] Yeah, we're professionals. All right. Well, I'm gonna cut it off. Yeah. Thanks guys