Cum Town | Regular | 03/30/2022
[00:00:00] on mama on my hood I look fly I look good
[00:00:05] touch with you with you could touch my dick wish you could damn I wish I could
[00:00:15] better I was I could be putting the time machine and transport it back to the
[00:00:18] glorious year of 2009 yeah that's what it was good I was drunk out of my mind
[00:00:22] I had a dollar sign shaved into the back of my own nine yeah nine Nick had his
[00:00:27] Shepard fairy Obama hope t-shirt did I was a huge Obama who's a big Obama head I
[00:00:34] Literally was cool everyone or a dude. I remember the night he won when I was in college hard like running to the White House
[00:00:41] I actually didn't give a fuck no, I thought I thought it was cool that Bush wasn't the president anymore
[00:00:46] I was so hyped on I was I was I was a I was a polysia major yeah
[00:00:50] But I was in DC University of Maryland Baltimore County we ran to the White House now
[00:00:54] We're shouting at the building we're like fuck you Bush. Yeah, like fuck you you have to leave now
[00:01:00] And then girls were showing their tips. I'm sorry. Can we go back to what mine?
[00:01:09] Yeah, like you know you're in those shitty apartments, right? Yes
[00:01:14] Department H e B fucking door deal they have the coupons at the door
[00:01:19] Mmm the coupons would be a whole meal so you get you buy the fucking bread you get the baloney and the mustard the miracle whip for free
[00:01:26] Okay, so you were a smart shopper. I was shopped with smart even though miracle whip can suck my dick
[00:01:31] You know, I'm not a miracle whip guys too sweet back to me now wake blacking out waking up having fucked with no recollection of it
[00:01:40] That's all just smelling dick smell night. No, there's just some just some beast
[00:01:50] Crawling also lying in a pile of clothes
[00:01:54] Unbo which I slept right making up words left and right
[00:01:59] That's fucking sick back to me 2009 all black fraternity only white guy flip up sunglasses over my glasses
[00:02:22] God is that if I was the one hosting the Oscars instead of Chris rock
[00:02:26] I'd be like he's got a wrong. There's actually three types of black people. There's
[00:02:34] Damn Gina. Yeah, damn Gina. They're damn Genos
[00:02:44] Politics stomping the yard. Okay, finally he got it
[00:02:48] Um, what else was I doing 2009 stopped a lot you were applying to grads or to law school? No, I hadn't I
[00:02:56] Was getting gearing up for my second time taking the house at oh, where are you?
[00:03:01] Oh, that's right. I forget your five seven years older than me and Nick. We're not seven years longer
[00:03:05] You're like your senior citizen. I was born in 1987. You were born 1989
[00:03:11] Yep, Nick was born 1988. That's why we're the perfect trio
[00:03:14] That's why people call us the perfect for you. It's funny that you are the older one because it's like, you know
[00:03:20] You're my when you're younger you think you get older you get wisdom and people respect you more
[00:03:24] But it's like no the world is a young man you do respect me in your own way you do respect
[00:03:30] I have baseline respect for every human being I guarantee you don't lump me in with that if humanist
[00:03:38] I guarantee you and you can go plus or minus does not my humanity that inspires you
[00:03:45] No back in time you think I go but get back in time and give myself advice if I could meet 20 old me
[00:03:50] I'd be like listen. Here's what you got to do
[00:03:53] Immediately I passed me would make this version of me cry. Yeah. Just relentless again. Absolutely. Oh my god old you would have destroyed
[00:04:02] See that's this is a very you're so sought experience
[00:04:04] You're getting sad at jackass because if I found 19 year old me, he would love me. Oh, he would be like he would be your
[00:04:11] Hero he would yeah, I would yeah, he would he would start crying back what our
[00:04:21] Start crying. Oh, and he would listen to everything I say it with a note. Hold on. Let me sorry
[00:04:26] Let me let me make it clear though. You don't there's a separation between the two. It's not like oh
[00:04:31] You mean they're just guys. Yeah, I mean I've I went back and I told myself at 20. It's like yeah
[00:04:35] You know oh you mean because I know it's you it's just personality wise personality wise it would not you know
[00:04:42] I think little me would love me. Honestly. Well
[00:04:45] Just cuz little fat guys love me do little 19 year old fat guys fucking look up
[00:04:50] It wouldn't just be like you're just fucking all the time and yeah, you're this absurd look used to be like kind of clean cut
[00:04:54] No, he think I would look cool. You know what I always had this in my heart
[00:04:57] I just didn't have the self-esteem you were kind of clean cut you were you were kind of more bald like more Maryland
[00:05:03] Yeah, you were like a nice shirt. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean?
[00:05:07] You only you only let your hair grow out like two years
[00:05:11] Pandemic and that's not even I was toothless for years. Let's not go crazy. Yeah, but you that was only choice
[00:05:16] I don't really start it was absolutely was because of John what do you mean?
[00:05:19] You you were trying to get to three years once it was gone
[00:05:22] It just wouldn't take once I was gone. Oh, you lost your tip. I waited for a while you lost your temporary
[00:05:28] I lost my temper and replace it. Oh the walls the house of cards comes
[00:05:32] Don't even try because they didn't you lost your what is it?
[00:05:36] Do they come stumbling or tumbling to make your fucking mind up tumbling each said stumbling bitch?
[00:05:41] I said he's stumbled. He's a stumbler. You know I'm a stumbler. You don't have me on the hook bitch
[00:05:47] But he was not and then don't take this as criticism don't get defensive
[00:05:51] But at a certain point younger you if you continue this way you're gonna hit you're gonna hit you would hit younger you like Jeff Ross does
[00:05:59] You know sure if you still got this aesthetic you're pushing 45 years old. Yeah. Yeah for sure
[00:06:05] We've all discussed that and it's gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. I mean I'm not saying that you're gonna agent into yourself
[00:06:13] Absolutely. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I don't know life is a fucking highway. Yeah, I
[00:06:18] Just want to know what I just want to know with the more mature
[00:06:21] You know I become a an uncle a family man. Yeah, you know no, but aesthetically
[00:06:27] Aesthetics is a good idea. Well aesthetics. I probably will keep a traction to the rest of my life
[00:06:31] No, you need like a more grown-up. I don't think so annoy a charas art type of stuff. What is the charas art?
[00:06:40] I've been thinking about mine for a while more of a blast choice. I am blast
[00:06:46] You are I think blast was a school you are a you are a bubbasaur right now. It's funny his name is blast toys
[00:06:52] I'm squirtle. They're not squirtle turns into blast toys. No, no way
[00:07:02] But that's any one touched on the squirtle and blast definitely not this is virgin territory for
[00:07:09] Well folks if you're going to see Nick that he will be doing 17 minutes on squirtle versus blast
[00:07:14] I can only hope I got 17 minutes out of that. That would be a nice show
[00:07:18] We got I'm gonna have to I get in late I get in late so I got a quick
[00:07:22] I got to run around Austin real quick and take stock of what used to be a cheque cash place
[00:07:26] And now it's a whole food. There's now a whole box. You everything used to be old foods really was it started there?
[00:07:32] I don't know. I've been awesome a long now. It's a Joe Rogan experience. Yeah, oh ride
[00:07:37] Yeah, no, it's the Joe Rogan experience experience. Wow
[00:07:41] To strap in smoke weed why do you give away free ideas on the pause like that side the Joe Rogan experience you could have sold that to
[00:07:48] Rogues for two million what the text Ari and I'd be like I have something your friend is gonna want to hear
[00:07:52] Yeah, but I need to get him in a room. We need to get on we need to get on Rogan and
[00:07:57] Then just get the patreon up to 500 million dollars. Yes for one month, okay, and then
[00:08:03] And then we keep to we're not listen. We're gonna let the patreon keep going. Yeah, they're not gonna cancel their credit cards
[00:08:10] That's we're gonna have a list don't understand how we're gonna have two or three months of living good
[00:08:15] It's the planet fitness model, right? You pay five bucks the most exactly you have a member
[00:08:21] That's what you need you to do Nick is every once in a while go in there
[00:08:25] Put it like a five minute video up or something do something just keep them on the hook
[00:08:30] Something yeah, and we'll get six months easy. Yes a working on something big work on something big
[00:08:39] We got really excited for an animated series coming right right right we keep lying JavaScript fucking yeah
[00:08:47] Working with Dan Harmon. Yeah, it's gonna be like a hometown Rick and Morty
[00:08:52] Yeah, it's gonna be one of those like big mouth style made things first. It's a somebody with a raised eyebrow
[00:08:58] Right and every joke is I'm horny. Yeah, which is a good way to write comedy
[00:09:04] For my from my estimation that's about a good
[00:09:13] 33.3% of a nice stand-up act is that yeah?
[00:09:17] Being fat is another 33. Mine is instead of big mouth is big nose. That's good. Yeah, that's good, right?
[00:09:24] That's really good. Well, I think a big mouth kind of is big nose already because I think those characters are pretty Jewish
[00:09:29] And big mouths are a Jewish trait. Yeah, you know, I got a big wet mouth
[00:09:35] Transition to having like a travel log show, but I'm the worst
[00:09:39] Worst fucking people no, it's just like I'd be like tell me about this restaurant now you guys
[00:09:47] The war tell you tell me about like where you got the idea for this where the meat comes from
[00:09:51] Yeah, and yeah about someone's the background of the restaurant and then it's like well me and my wife
[00:09:57] We moved to Cincinnati in 2004. She got a different job then we opened this place and then it's the wide shot again
[00:10:05] You're looking at your phone. Yeah. Oh my gosh. You got Jake Flores is fucking humiliating himself right now
[00:10:16] I know I send you over to koala lamp or Malaysian you'll ask people if they've been a checkers before somebody sounds awesome
[00:10:23] That would be cool. Have you guys been a pop and somebody subscribe me to sess Simon's fucking
[00:10:28] newsletter so like paid the money. Yeah, I think so
[00:10:33] I get the emails and emails now and here's here's his latest his comedians hate violence not he's reminding everybody that
[00:10:40] comedians love when when people are hurt and
[00:10:44] Now they're being hypocrites. I'm gonna skim through this real guys if you want to get our instant reaction to the Oscar thing
[00:10:49] Listen to the patreon the patreon episode this Sunday because as you know we record the patreon first because it's more work
[00:10:58] It's still funny to listen we got some good Oscar content
[00:11:02] We start riffing and I hit it with the eventually I get into it
[00:11:06] I'm like yeah, she called will Smith Oscar the grouch for Oscar grad the grouch of the yeah
[00:11:11] I remember that that was a great. Yeah. Yeah, and then I say hey you were Oscar lives. Yeah in his wife's pussy
[00:11:22] Mm-hmm, and then I had that good one that you guys were dying at where I was like he should win the
[00:11:28] No, yeah, that was wild when you said that no I didn't say I said he should get
[00:11:36] You should do what I said he should get to score for
[00:11:48] He should get the Oscar for most awkward mop
[00:11:56] That was very funny, yeah, I didn't think you needed to call him the N word seven times
[00:12:00] No, I thought the joke was funny, but if there was an Oscar for most awkward moment, right?
[00:12:05] Right, right, right, right. You know that would have gotten right to him. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna let you finish
[00:12:16] You know why this shit doesn't happen at the award show for like, you know the annual biplane convention
[00:12:23] Like famous award show well, I put my golf tournament sure the fucking me come auto shows
[00:12:29] the events that are still thoroughly like
[00:12:31] Low-T white men only right still civilized right yeah, no closeted
[00:12:37] Yeah, there was an absolute mass guys are all sexless. There is an absolute mess
[00:12:42] I'm saying the Oscars has a ton of clothes. Oh, yeah, what do you know what?
[00:12:46] In regular homosexual what it is? They're all just pure pervert their pedophiles and they don't
[00:12:51] They you know, they're not allowed to take it the island was taken away. Well, I know they got to take everything back to the island
[00:12:58] First of all, you know, they got other islands. Yeah, that's like when you you say one lie
[00:13:03] Yeah, you get caught in a lie. It's like when Eddie Murphy got pulled over the trans prostitute
[00:13:09] I said the only time ever understand there are other islands. Yeah rich people. They're very rich people and they love convenience
[00:13:16] You think that was was convenient imagine you know when a Starbucks opens up next near you imagine
[00:13:21] There's a coffee shop right by me now. It's awesome. I know exactly the best imagine
[00:13:25] I will buy my flip flops even in the cold imagine if that closed. Oh my god. That would actually suck
[00:13:30] That's what I'm talking about you know, there's another how to go next your block
[00:13:34] Hold on how where's where's where's girl little Saint James?
[00:13:36] It was in the US Virgin Islands. No no passports. No passport. Get your dick wet. No passports
[00:13:43] Well, isn't there there's got to be something by the west coast. Yeah closer. Oh, yeah
[00:13:48] See what I'm saying mm-hmm or they might have a subterranean
[00:13:51] Petify old fuck basement. I love it Epstein's Island is for sale and it's only a hundred twenty million
[00:13:57] Dollars we can almost the whole island the whole island we really can't I wish we could do comfist over there
[00:14:04] Comfort a little saint James if we asked Lewis we probably could yeah
[00:14:10] You get we could get the by guys podcast. We get my dad line two nights by guys headline two nights
[00:14:16] Yep, get the whole start out. We should start a podcasting out on the way that other pedophiles turn Puerto Rico into like a crypto currency
[00:14:23] Yeah, right paradise is that was that what Puerto Rico is now? Yeah, that guy Brock
[00:14:31] Tearner I think that's rock that's the rapist. That's the Stanford swimmer. Oh, that's a different kind of rapist
[00:14:39] Dude, yeah, that's that's still I'm loving that swimmer that story is still wild which one Brock
[00:14:44] Yeah, just like walking around there's some drunk bitch and he just fingers are behind the dumpster and things that's like
[00:14:50] No, not only does he think it's it's like it's chill. He thinks it's pip
[00:14:56] Yeah, it's something you should tell his friends. Yeah guys check it out
[00:15:00] But he didn't even go to jail right he did six months
[00:15:03] And they apparently he was like hard timeless guys in there everyone's like he's gonna have a bad time
[00:15:09] But then understand the hot this a high-rise sexy. Yeah, they respect swimmers
[00:15:15] More than anyone in the yeah, I haven't grown up in in
[00:15:20] Fellows country public school Phelps country. Yeah, there was no one we respected more
[00:15:28] He's doing commercials for therapy now Phelps. Yeah, yeah, cuz he has ADD and
[00:15:33] Something else and his mom wanted to slice his little fetus ass up
[00:15:37] Oh, she got fucking preggo like Kanye because they did the ultrasound. They saw his fucking skull
[00:15:43] Oh, how big his dick was. Yeah, she's like well. We can save him right
[00:15:47] They saw his cookie jar head and they said there's no way we can let this what is it tear that piece either?
[00:15:52] Yeah, either he's gonna be a like the great swimmer or a freak right and either way
[00:16:00] Yeah, and it's is really the off chance that he might be a great swimmer worth wrecking that little fucking
[00:16:06] It's not worth it. It's not worth it. And you know mama Phelps had a nice tight little fucking box
[00:16:11] And she was like, you know what? I'm not gonna board him
[00:16:17] And then and then here we are now the most gold medals of since whatever the fuck
[00:16:24] And rewatch the sting dude. Here's the thing you can
[00:16:28] You're literally rich and famous. There's nothing better than canceling a spot. It feels so awesome. It does feel good
[00:16:36] It really feels good. I had spots canceled on me and I was like
[00:16:47] I'm gonna take an app and then step my phone was seven hours
[00:17:01] Big bump my penis and fuck my ass and let me start on your tits and on your pussy
[00:17:14] Is that song also called the gambler? No, what's that?
[00:17:17] I'm gambling on some pussy down down entertainer that's the entertainer not
[00:17:34] I was laughing to myself about and then he got death acquired a penis old me is penis. Oh, yeah
[00:17:42] Go ahead no I interrupted good. It's all right. I'm gonna fuck god damn
[00:17:47] I think I give a fuck about your instincts never will get better about that. Oh, that's all me. Did you get older people don't change stuff?
[00:18:00] When you're out of town he did he did he did a long gambler. That's why I felt like a
[00:18:06] Disposable, but but I haven't heard it. I still should I haven't heard it your virgin years deserved. I haven't heard it
[00:18:13] Yeah, it's final words. I found a nasty you can fuck. That's awesome. Yeah. No, but the people don't change
[00:18:20] It's right. You're gonna be 45 even dressed like this. You'll get you will get get hair plugs at some point
[00:18:24] That'd be yeah, what's the technologies there then though won't you know? Yeah, then you continue to bald even after
[00:18:31] No, I'm gonna get them for a while feel what it's like you're gonna have the job
[00:18:34] I'm gonna cut them off. Why you just get a very obvious rug?
[00:18:37] I'm thinking about it. Just like go down to the bodega where this is listen. No matter what happens
[00:18:43] I know now that I can grow a giant beard, right? And that's it. I'm good. I'm good true no matter what happens
[00:18:49] Even if I'm homeless you never see a homeless guy with a shitty beer
[00:18:52] You see that's a good point if you see homeless guy with a shitty beard that's a cosplaying teenager
[00:18:59] For hair which sounds pretty bad a red boy. I'll tell you what that is. That's a low
[00:19:06] Woman yeah, right that is a toilet sure that is a sexual toilet
[00:19:14] Sounds bad though still yeah, cuz you kind of said it like cuz if I could imply where you were going with that
[00:19:19] It's like hey, you might be homeless, but at least you got a fucking cool beard
[00:19:23] We got a cool beer so now we're talking about the guys you don't have cool beers. Yeah, that's right. They're getting their assholes turned out
[00:19:30] Just destroyed yeah to oblivion there see I'm gonna be I'm gonna be homeless
[00:19:39] Six pairs of sweatpants somehow the shit on the outside of every single one
[00:19:50] On the outside this wet pants whose feces yeah, I've just had I've had diarrhea osmosis go through them
[00:19:58] North face north face or South Pole denim fucking mmm-hmm big bubble coat yep post it up
[00:20:05] You know yes, sir post it up in the in Bryant Park right fashion week Bryant Park. Yeah
[00:20:13] At the library. Yeah, he got good pussy over there Brian Park. Oh, yeah, they got good pussy
[00:20:18] Yeah, not as good as a Madison Square Park got the good. Let's get over the good during the lunch lunch break pussy
[00:20:26] Don't let's be people you say have a women in the world signs used to have reasons they were homeless on it
[00:20:31] And now the signs just say I'm homeless
[00:20:33] True notice them and it's like hey guys. We got that yeah, you're trying to make it identity
[00:20:38] You know that you're you're homeless. I want to know the story. I'll be like hey. It's unhoused. Yeah. Yeah
[00:20:48] No, I don't have any money. I need this well. I'm gonna go get chicken in a casual place. Oh
[00:20:55] No, it's I don't have enough for do you feel I feel like some I'm like the exact amount of money I need
[00:21:05] Yeah, the machines down I called earlier to just happen a couple times anyway, I can't help you now
[00:21:11] Sometimes I feel like the head of my dick is unhoused true. Yeah, you got a little home for you
[00:21:16] I'm circumcised. Yeah, I always thought of more like a nose
[00:21:20] What do you mean like a nose like the tip of your penis? No, like if you got a hood it's a helmet
[00:21:30] Force can as a nose the force is no so every on circumcised persons like the red skull like snake like no Voldemort idiot
[00:21:37] I've felt the more yeah squirt in this name. Sorry dude, dude. You know, I'm a big fucking Harry Potter head
[00:21:43] You know, I'm a HP fan too. I've recently been getting into Jake. Yeah, she's awesome
[00:21:48] I like the I didn't like the books, but once her ideas on she's got good ass
[00:21:52] I know gender and sexuality start trickling. Why is she so obsessed like how I got into CS Lewis after I found out
[00:21:58] I'm Christian. Yep, and I only I only started liking you always know it's the best. I love crafts after I heard
[00:22:05] I was cat's name. They always got names the best authors names like that
[00:22:11] We're the best authors HR McGonickle. Yeah, yeah, WC fields. Yeah, HT puffin stuff. All right. Yeah, Brad Hudson T Brad Hudson
[00:22:26] That's an I think she's an awesome name. Who's that he writes like like urban erotic fiction
[00:22:34] JT motherfucking Lorenzo. Oh and you know what the time it is is talking about what I say my bookie
[00:22:40] Blue chew my bookie blue chew and my bookie one at a time
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[00:22:52] Dot AG my bookie dot AG and I know what you're thinking a gift that sounds my bookie dot a gift
[00:22:58] That sounds bad. Hey, G. You're saying what the fuck is that all good?
[00:23:02] It's some a German word that I think it means it's a company that's registered in Switzerland
[00:23:08] Nice and AG also that's gold because they have very lax financial laws
[00:23:17] Move the Switzerland get a little turtleneck be like a big banker in Switzerland. Yeah. I'll be like
[00:23:23] Are you safe deposit boxes right this way mr. Hitler
[00:23:27] Mr. Hitler mr. Hitler mr. Hitler mr. Hitler
[00:23:35] That's where we're going next mr. Hitler
[00:23:50] Oh these I hate this mouth all of my documents gone for the wall
[00:23:54] I cleaned them up for you and I put them in your desk
[00:24:06] I don't know where the plans are cuz Fran
[00:24:17] Yeah, British man finds out he's not gay by by getting horny for
[00:24:25] For a loud mouth. Yeah, flushing. Why does Hitler have a nanny if he didn't have kids?
[00:24:30] That was confusing about that show. Well his his wife wasn't she sort of a child?
[00:24:35] Averbron. It was an Aver like much younger than her. Oh, sorry my bookie. My bookie got an AG
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[00:26:43] You play and you're you fucking get money you play you fuck you win you play you fuck you win
[00:26:48] And you know here's how good my bookie is actually that I am actually gonna go back to vegas for something
[00:26:54] Later this month I believe and i'm just gonna pull up my bookie on my phone
[00:26:58] I'm gonna go to the you're gonna sit at the sports book
[00:27:01] Enjoy the comfortable chairs watch the big screens but play on my phone
[00:27:09] You know people that don't like gambling or drinking what are you talking about would it be a place for me to go
[00:27:15] You know place for you to go. What do you fucking like the gay bathhouse cash cash
[00:27:23] Drugs and drinking there. I mean like a sober fun place
[00:27:26] Right the bathhouse exactly for the steam room at equinoc. Yeah the steam room at the mormon temple
[00:27:33] I went to equinocs not for me. Really? Why not for me? Yeah, you're more of a David Barton's man. I got pissed off
[00:27:40] Too much eucalyptus. It's outrageous that they charge the amount of money they do
[00:27:43] I'm loving my new i was gonna go the other day and it was like hurry up closes soon the closes 7 p.m
[00:27:49] What that's ridiculous. That's not true. It is true. Yo, I did hear this gym
[00:27:54] I did hear the fucking 25. I don't know which i don't know which equinocs it is
[00:27:58] But there is an equinocs in the city that has an IV drip room so you can get fucked up the night before
[00:28:04] It's a regular equinocs regular equinocs
[00:28:06] An IV drip and then just be yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We already we get it. We heard it. We heard you
[00:28:11] We know what an IV drip get it. We understand
[00:28:14] Maybe nich was a little extreme, but you were being long-winded and we've heard this before from you and I by the way
[00:28:21] Have you ever asked me about my experience?
[00:28:24] Because you got fucked up the night. I got fucked up. How'd you do it? It was awesome. They got a nurse come over
[00:28:30] Sometimes it's a nurse sometimes wait it's a place you can go
[00:28:34] Yeah, you go this one Denver. I tried it for the first time because there was an IV place
[00:28:37] What do they do they put we eat it or something? No, they put fucking
[00:28:41] Towering and shit like that and fucking beat 12 and shit in your shit anyways. I'm what now you're just leaving
[00:28:49] We knew he has to go fucking. Oh, he's got his purse up. He's got his purse on
[00:28:59] Anyways, because he he went on prep for Adam
[00:29:01] So Adam can fuck him in the ass or all without worrying about getting aids giving it to his girlfriend
[00:29:06] So he's paying the guy $4,000. That's all true
[00:29:13] Now the regular equinox is like 225 and that only gives you like one of them
[00:29:21] Except the good equinoxes get the fuck out of here
[00:29:24] Yeah, if you want to go to the ones the ones that like kind of sell the brand
[00:29:28] I guess they're like printing house and there's another one that's like
[00:29:31] Excelsior right right right fucking midtown right those are like $500 a month get the fuck out of here
[00:29:37] Yeah, so those are the only real real right ones
[00:29:42] And everything else is like you know, they're dumbass poor people thinking right they might
[00:29:48] Work out with Kathy Griffin. Well, it's for people with like rich parents who's like well, we'll get you a gym membership right
[00:29:54] Right when you work on your instagram account
[00:29:57] You build up your instagram account your shoes pursuing being an influencer right
[00:30:05] Yeah, because I would love her fucking I would love a nice fucking a gym that you get a drip
[00:30:11] You get sucked off. I gotta do this cardio bullshit now for my gay ass heart. So what what's going on with your heart, man?
[00:30:21] Yeah, I mean, you know being sedentary and then vaping of course
[00:30:25] Not sleeping and drinking a bunch of red bull
[00:30:30] You know that kind of that's a problem that kind of stuff sort of
[00:30:36] And no, I'm just trying because I've never really done cardio, but you know you are supposed to get your heart rate up over like
[00:30:42] And what is it the target zone? Yes like three times a week, man the fuck having a fit pit on
[00:30:49] Um and then like going a little walks, but then fucking yeah, I'm going to die if I don't do something soon
[00:30:55] My shit skyrockets when I when I what skyrocketing for you
[00:31:06] Because I mean I get my shit like if I'm working out hard like the thing is like apparently you're like
[00:31:11] I don't know it's 30. I'm 33. Mm-hmm. So you subtract that the target heart rate zone is like 145 for me
[00:31:18] But that's like pretty low effort. That's pretty low. Yeah. Yeah 145 is not that high
[00:31:22] So when I get on the bike I try to hit like 165
[00:31:26] Mm-hmm, and that's a good workout. That's a nice one
[00:31:28] I can maintain that for like 20 minutes
[00:31:30] And if I really push it it gets up to like 150 185 and then I can get over 190
[00:31:35] But that's for like a brief second or you know something like yeah
[00:31:37] Yeah, if I do like a hundred burpees in a row you did get really for time. Yeah, then my heart rate will get up that high
[00:31:43] But I'm trying to I'm trying to see the last that's fucking hard 100 burpees in a row. Yeah
[00:31:51] Yeah, it's a good workout and it's quick
[00:31:53] Dude, I got this like six and a half minutes. I got this new app that I've been using fit bod
[00:31:59] Yeah, it's been kicking my kicking my ass. Yeah, that's pretty good. It looks it looks cute outside the sunset
[00:32:06] Yeah, it looks like it today is like the last yeah, but it feels the last blast of winter is pussy
[00:32:12] It feels like a nice fall evening. It's not well. It's very cold. It's very cold. It's snowing
[00:32:17] I don't like how cold it is honestly. I don't know either
[00:32:24] I'm going to have some hot temperatures at hot Atlanta this weekend where I am performing at the Earl
[00:32:30] I think most of the shows are sold out and I'm trying to add a couple
[00:32:33] But if you're hearing this and they're not sold out go get your tickets now
[00:32:36] I'm also in Toronto on the 16th and then Providence the 28th through the 30th
[00:32:43] DC and San Diego after that. I'm making up San Diego the 19th through the 21st
[00:32:51] So yeah, come get your dick sucked everyone
[00:32:54] Sign on my so you suck everyone's dick. Well, I'm just saying and kind of theoretically come get your dick sucked
[00:33:01] May make me for this a chance you'll suck someone may fit through seventh. I'll be a laughs laugh Boston
[00:33:07] Yeah, um, I don't know if they have to take a link up yet, but if you pay attention to
[00:33:12] My social sinko demayo. I'll be a laugh boss. I go demayo weekend. Everybody who gets the keelish i gets him
[00:33:19] Louis at helium may 11th through the 13th and in july, I think I said june last episode
[00:33:24] I'll be in los angeles. I'll get the dates up and
[00:33:28] Uh in the next couple of weeks. I will be I will be having you will be having I will be having merch
[00:33:36] I'm making how about i'll have merch in a few weeks. I'm doing a guy. I will be having
[00:33:41] My merch is only available at shows. Okay, so if you want the t-shirts that were available to buy for years
[00:33:47] That they didn't want. Yeah now the leftover stop. Well, I'm moving
[00:33:52] I'm moving into the apparel game and um, I think this is an exciting. Yeah, we have a word for that
[00:33:59] Don't we stop rose? It's called the schmata trade
[00:34:04] It's a word for when somebody does something and then another person hears it is. Yeah, and does it also what is that?
[00:34:15] So if you want any of my t-shirts and say what's the word?
[00:34:19] I have some t-shirts that say savi in the greek yogurt font
[00:34:23] I gotta show you how to show it says the new york ask times
[00:34:29] I gotta show you the adams face on it says if you need me, I'll be in the break room using the copier
[00:34:35] That's good using the Xerox machine to make copies. Well, that's because i'm other people's behavior
[00:34:42] But uh, I'm copying people's behavior to my own find though
[00:34:45] That's I well, yes, because that's my job because I do a lot of administrative work because I don't have a read the back
[00:34:51] I don't have a big chip on my shoulder. I'm happy to do administrative work
[00:34:55] I like keeping the team together one day. I will have a big chip on my shoulder copy
[00:34:58] Yep, because now the big chip look is in the big
[00:35:02] Here comes me. I'm gonna say that's a lot of words on a shirt
[00:35:05] But and they'll be like shut up show my shirts will have no words on them
[00:35:09] They will be some of the paintings that I've done hand painting h1
[00:35:13] More more more importantly screen screen printed more poorly than copy will be in very high quality t-shirts there. I'm doing
[00:35:22] Something I forgot the name. I'm gonna have these no, I'm not doing guilds heavy
[00:35:26] I'm not doing I'm not doing guilding with the numbers
[00:35:29] $1 for no, I'm doing I'm doing a I'm doing a
[00:35:33] Something colors or something comfort colors comfort colors
[00:35:35] That's the no one gives a fuck about your gay ass t-shirts at him everyone please go
[00:35:42] Subscribe to youtube.com slash stop me baby. No and it's no and my special will be coming out there
[00:35:50] But it'll probably be in about a month and I would never attack your business and say no one gives a fuck about it because I give a fuck
[00:35:56] About you actually make sure a lot of people I give a fuck about it
[00:35:59] You think you so if you want to take that back real quick and say the shirts look cool
[00:36:03] And okay, you know what I am happy for you, but please be less long winded about it be more brief
[00:36:08] I thought the objective is to eat up time on the show until we're done not with your plugs
[00:36:13] Okay, not with my plugs. No because you don't want those brief. You don't want to see anyone eat
[00:36:17] I love to see you don't want to see anyone eats the thing is I'm worried about you
[00:36:21] I'm worried about you more busy when the fat man sees the skinny man eat he thinks why can't that food by the way
[00:36:28] By the way the long winded that's true. Yes. He's like a gay Chinese guy
[00:36:34] Slow leaky and by the way by the way Adam you're fucking falling right into Nick's plan here
[00:36:40] What is this because he wants us at each other's throat the writ the boss
[00:36:45] Saying that to you for years and you have walked
[00:36:49] Everybody go time. I said nothing to either of you boss wants us against each other sure, but not in this way first of all
[00:36:59] There's not the boss anymore. I agree with you. Yes. The goal is to eat up time sure guess what also eats up time
[00:37:05] You criticizing him for being long with you. That's true
[00:37:08] And this is one of our classic me eating up time you criticizing me bits, okay, and this is why people tune in every week
[00:37:15] Okay, that is fucking true, and you know what I said early on the show
[00:37:19] And I think this is kind of a case study in human nature
[00:37:22] After six years of this crap people have been listening to it
[00:37:26] You know whether or not they've listened from the beginning or if they've listened to the entirety of the whole show
[00:37:30] People don't really change. I think that that is the point of this show, right?
[00:37:35] The point of the show is that it's a smoke them if you got them smoke them if you got them suck them if you thank you
[00:37:41] Welcome if you suck me if if I'm very nice
[00:37:47] They don't look me very nice, baby girl. You didn't over till the fat lady snake. What do you think about this one?
[00:37:58] It's fine a party rock. Yeah, but it's penis rock is in my ass to do and you're gonna say this is a hater statement
[00:38:05] You're being a hater. You're gonna be a hater. You've never been good at the songs. No come on dude. He's not wrong unfortunately Adam
[00:38:11] You've now every time you brought me one. It's like when a cat is like murdered something right
[00:38:16] But you know when it's not even a bird. It's like a little fucking piece of garbage. Yeah, it's not even you're not proud of you
[00:38:21] Not a vermin right it's not a vermin. It's okay. We all have our own fucking what do you think stuff?
[00:38:27] What do you think about penis rock? I think it's fine. It's fine, but you know like but it's all kind of about to buy
[00:38:33] I'm like hold up first of all the art and I'm like my coke zero back. I already had a
[00:38:37] No yours is there I bought you back to you when there's zero coke left
[00:38:42] It's Diet Coke for men anyways back to criticizing. Yeah, yeah, yeah the form has evolved so much now with the work
[00:38:51] Me and stop it's true. We've advanced it is as you don't
[00:38:55] My land it's not my land. It's now like I saw my land. It's offensive
[00:38:59] The I see what you should be going for is sucking on the midnight train to Georgia something along. So yeah sucking on the midnight train to penis
[00:39:06] Something exactly doesn't really make sense. It's a good one when you're out of town
[00:39:11] I've been laughing to myself about that Nick. What about Judge Steve Harvey at the Nuremberg trials
[00:39:17] That's I wasn't a song. No, but you were saying
[00:39:22] He said the Judge Steve Arby. Yeah, he's a judge at the Nuremberg trials. Yeah, and he's like oh they took them on trains
[00:39:31] Wasn't the they they put them on trains to where to do what?
[00:39:39] When I was young there was one train it was a midnight train and it went to Georgia
[00:39:47] That was fun, and I said I thought to myself stuff
[00:39:51] What a like anyway, you're not gonna get out of this
[00:39:55] There's some instructive criticism directed at you
[00:39:59] Okay, you know keep going tell me so give us give us a song and it's got to have a verb in it
[00:40:04] It's got to have a verb and an actionable noun. It can't be penis rock is in my ass tonight
[00:40:09] No, you have to be doing it has to be something doing something
[00:40:13] Mm-hmm. Um, so wait, but this is a parody song
[00:40:19] Right or is it an original song that has a verb in it original song?
[00:40:24] It's just the way we do it. Come on man. No, but you guys do parrot pick any song fucking world, okay?
[00:40:42] You remind me of what just what's the song? Oh, okay?
[00:40:46] It's Maria Maria by Carlos, Antana, okay? Yeah, okay, and you wanted to go my piece my pieces of the bed
[00:40:54] You suck me. Yeah, you would say Maria Maria. You suck me on the West Side penis. That's awesome. Yeah
[00:41:01] That's how you are really good at this but that that's how we are really got my yeah or even you could just sound like
[00:41:06] Maria's hard penis. Yeah, it sucked me on the West Side penis
[00:41:13] Overly technical so you're getting sure I'm in my yin whey zone. It's too
[00:41:23] It's not as accessible even though the other masters right can see it and say well that's a nice piece of work
[00:41:29] It is nice. It's broke right there's no modality to sure sure whatever that means
[00:41:34] Mm-hmm. There's no inner. What was it Adam?
[00:41:38] Interiority fucking loser. Okay. Why don't you read how to write a screenplay?
[00:41:43] I'm not gonna do this. My dick is too fat to do shit like that. You can't even write a screenplay
[00:41:47] You won't even read that. That's part of my body is my dick part of my body or is it not?
[00:41:52] No, but that doesn't mean you could you have a very is it part of my body or not?
[00:41:56] You have it you have a very thin penis very fat body
[00:41:58] It's not that thin it's then it's not that thing in fact
[00:42:03] It looks quite long because of the thinness which is a nice which is a nice optical illusion. Yeah, okay
[00:42:10] Yeah, okay. Yeah, I a crop to cool a crop
[00:42:17] Son of him, okay, how about I'll give you another song. Yes try it again
[00:42:25] What song is that everyone can see the road?
[00:42:30] The wall flower then no, it's from that same era
[00:42:35] Who is that it's by this band fastball. It's a great song. Oh, that is a good song. That's crazy
[00:42:41] I don't know that one. Yeah, that's think I'd work on a music that it actually is right up your every next music
[00:42:47] That's why I try actually tried to find one that was tailored for you
[00:42:50] No, you doesn't need to be tailored for me
[00:42:52] What no, but it's like doing with anything. No, but it would make you happy
[00:43:10] And I want to take a chewable tablet to make my dick
[00:44:26] I pulled this out of my ass in my phone
[00:44:48] It's a perfect song, it's honestly one of the best songs
[00:44:52] Damn, she's pretty, he gives a girlfriend, she's not
[00:45:02] Anyway, you know what that song's about, it's very sad
[00:45:08] So, bluechoo.com, if you love sex, you'll love bluechoo.com
[00:45:15] If you love sex, you'll love bluechoo.com for years now
[00:45:35] Listen, who amongst us hasn't been there?
[00:45:42] They've moved up, puckered, ready to go
[00:45:50] They say that to you, whether they be a woman, a man, or an envy
[00:46:01] In that case, it would be the puckered asshole we were talking about
[00:46:08] Whether it be that's a dream, whether it be a
[00:46:17] Whether it be a stone cold looking motherfucker with a pussy
[00:46:26] Your dick comes out like a wilted fucking tulip
[00:46:36] This is a stress factory selling ticket to a show I did
[00:46:39] Specifically said no, I don't want to do that weekend
[00:46:44] If you're a do not buy tickets to this stress factory show
[00:46:55] Do not buy tickets to the stress factory show
[00:53:24] I can't believe the fucking stress factory put those dead sun
[00:53:32] They probably won't even be up when this comes out
[00:54:05] And think of us every time your dick gets hard
[00:54:28] So you know what you want to know with that songs about stuff?
[00:54:52] And they left before the sun came up that day
[00:58:04] The ticket links have already been removed