Cum Town | Regular | 04/27/2022
[00:00:27] I was about to fall set on, but I felt like it was not.
[00:00:37] See, you know, Adam, however, he'd get his little piece.
[00:00:44] He'd involve himself in a way that he shouldn't have.
[00:00:50] Anyways, this is going to be, we just said we made the mistake.
[00:00:56] We had Nick Rochavert through for the last one.
[00:01:00] This Sunday, upcoming on patreon.com slash comtown.
[00:01:04] And it was so nice of him and his wife to come by that took him out for a big lunch.
[00:01:09] And now I feel like I'm having a stroke.
[00:01:16] Yeah, yeah, no, above my eye, it's just like there's a being stabbed in the fucking...
[00:01:22] It's like there's a, you know, what do you call it, a knife?
[00:01:28] Jamel, you haven't done the show in years, huh?
[00:01:31] It's been, it's been more than one week since you looked at me.
[00:01:35] Yeah, so it's, this thing has really just completed the theory.
[00:01:40] Adam's just, Adam's going to look at his phone the entire time.
[00:01:46] I didn't know you were starting with Sean.
[00:01:47] My mistake, I didn't realize Adam was trying to do something.
[00:01:49] He was the last nigga playing Candy Crush?
[00:01:52] I was the last N-word playing Candy Crush.
[00:01:55] They're making a movie about it, actually.
[00:01:57] He wasn't just looking at his phone, he was trying to do so.
[00:02:04] Are you saying I'm the last shit playing Candy Crush?
[00:02:08] He's not a single other shit on earth playing Candy Crush right now.
[00:02:19] Not only do I find out I'm a shit, but I'm also the only person playing Candy Crush.
[00:02:34] Dan Snyder, rebranding himself as Dan Sh-t.
[00:02:40] He's like, now no one can dance with me.
[00:02:54] Scientific American congratulated some German woman who won some award for her science.
[00:03:13] You're not going to really hack the system.
[00:03:15] My little brother, Lisa's, Nick didn't really say it.
[00:03:32] Scientific American is reporting on your success at Com's Fizz, to Vienna, time for ions.
[00:03:42] Hidden particle interactions exposed by Niggas, not a done setup.
[00:03:50] Well, the rest is who gets shit about that.
[00:03:52] But yeah, Niggas and Anna and answer last name.
[00:04:03] I can't even if it was like, you know, I, because I would say it if her name was like Anna,
[00:04:25] How did this family survive the Holocaust?
[00:04:28] How the fuck were they looking at the rolls and they're like, yeah, wait, wait.
[00:04:39] Oh, so I thought she was probably in Southeast Asia or something.
[00:04:45] You know, there's two types of Austrians.
[00:04:48] Those are in the Black Forest and ****.
[00:04:52] Yeah, they're always trying to mess with the other joke.
[00:05:04] It might be like lemon poppy, but it tastes like they put Fabulotho in it.
[00:05:08] After I already stressed eight half the **** thing.
[00:05:28] Is he wearing a white tuckman t-shirt in the video?
[00:05:42] That's you in doing crowd work with Anna.
[00:05:46] PhD student at TU Vienna researching the interaction of highly charged dionz and 2D materials.
[00:11:56] It's because they won't let people share passwords?
[00:11:59] They don't want you to steal your grandma's password anymore.
[00:12:09] And they thought that would be a bold move.
[00:12:18] You just get ready to when China wakes up.
[00:12:36] Yeah, Baskin and Robin is the shareholders.
[00:12:49] They just bought a bunch of content and it's all like...
[00:12:53] there's never been a single Netflix show that's actually good.
[00:12:55] It's just shit that you're supposed to watch
[00:12:57] so you can have conversations about it with other people.
[00:13:01] Nobody's emotionally engaging with Netflix content.
[00:13:04] They're thinking about talking about it later at work.
[00:13:09] I don't want to see 100 Koreans get bucked down.
[00:13:13] That's the... If I was the CEO of Netflix,
[00:13:24] We're taking Netflix in a new direction.
[00:13:32] These are sluts getting their fucking pussy fucked out.
[00:13:54] a pit bull wearing a vest and it's got an uncircumcised dick.
[00:13:58] And his heaven sex with a slutty woman.
[00:14:06] And the dog's name is Roscoe, the Netflix dick.
[00:14:14] Damn, you just reminded me of my boy Dickhamdowndula,
[00:14:24] No, his name was Abdullah, but he went by Dula.
[00:14:50] They stopped doing Roman or Greek letters.
[00:14:59] Because it was offensive to Greek people.
[00:15:10] They're doing, they should do hurricane names, honestly.
[00:15:28] there's going to be a hurricane, Herkle.
[00:15:29] It's a point because they run out of names.
[00:15:36] And local news are going to have to say,
[00:15:43] Is what people are asking in the aftermath of Hurricane Herkle?
[00:15:49] It leaves this family, homeless, asking,
[00:15:56] Your son was killed in the storm last night.
[00:16:01] Does it leave you asking, did I do that?
[00:16:08] Steven Erkel, the hurricane's namesake.
[00:16:13] You're only supposed to do it to the camera.
[00:16:19] First hurricane in Chicago in 112 years.
[00:16:32] Hurricane Herkle was chasing Hurricane Lara's path.
[00:16:47] You know, it should have been Steve Harvey instead of Steve Erkel.
[00:16:56] Harvey's incapable physically of Carole.
[00:17:00] Steve, you're three years older than I am.
[00:17:19] It's like Steve Harvey imparts wisdom for life.
[00:17:24] you need five different kinds of suit, a black suit, a brown suit, a tan suit, a blue suit,
[00:17:30] whatever he names, five suits, you need three different shirts.
[00:17:33] He's like a white shirt, a light blue shirt, and then some of the shirt.
[00:17:37] And he's like, that gives you 75 suit combinations.
[00:17:42] All those jackets go with all those pants.
[00:17:45] It's just like people in the audience clapping and nodding.
[00:17:51] But it's so clear he'd like given that lecture before.
[00:17:56] And like, but it was like, yeah, like wisdom for life.
[00:18:03] You got to get one of them dress shirts with the, um, with the funny collar.
[00:18:07] Yeah, with the one, the pins, the pin down, the one joint.
[00:18:12] Yeah, dude, I mean, he does raise a good point.
[00:18:17] Imagine he saw this podcast taking place.
[00:18:22] I'm going to start dressing like a like a merchant marine that's been, what's it called when they,
[00:18:28] when they turn you into the Navy, you just have to be a part of the Navy.
[00:18:36] It's like, it's yeah, it's a new buggered into the during the Napoleonic wars.
[00:18:46] Yeah, I'm going to try and dress like an 1800s British sailor and smell as bad as possible.
[00:18:56] Oh, we saw the very cool Japanese guy dressed like a hiscitic Jew one time on sale.
[00:19:03] It's clear that he was just like, this is cool New York style.
[00:19:10] The slickest Japanese guy you've ever seen.
[00:19:13] He's never been angry or depressed once in his life.
[00:19:24] And his friend that he was sitting with.
[00:19:25] And they pay for it because then they turn 31 and then they get hit with a literal tsunami
[00:19:30] of depression and they fucking have to go out in the woods and hang themselves.
[00:19:33] Yeah, they have to go to the suicide forest.
[00:19:37] That's their magic school bus over there.
[00:19:50] That's how I've always sowed to the suicide forest is the Japanese version of their,
[00:19:57] They had a little kid that everybody hated.
[00:20:05] He was just sort of the class clown kind of.
[00:20:07] Carlos was always trying to fuck Miss Frizzle.
[00:20:11] It was a sex scandal because she was like, she was fucking a 13 year old Carlos and
[00:20:19] Everyone was trying to dap up Carlos though, forgetting to post he off an adult woman.
[00:20:24] But you don't understand the mental toll that it took on him.
[00:20:27] While he was in a large intestine having sex with an adult woman.
[00:20:33] Yeah, I searched in Miss Frizzle nude and here's a video.
[00:20:36] Miss Frizzle from the magic school bus and it's just the fat lady
[00:20:43] You can't even see that she has red hair because it's under a table.
[00:20:53] Arnold was like the Jewish one I think.
[00:21:00] I just need to add some marker job and rocks.
[00:21:20] Does Miss Frizzle even wear that dress or is she?
[00:21:25] Actually, I'm looking at pictures of the cartoon.
[00:21:30] Yeah, she's a little wacky but she's kind of hot.
[00:21:35] She should have definitely given Carlos and I were in love.
[00:21:40] He touched me in a way that no man my age has ever touched me.
[00:21:45] They were like they did have like a BK kids club vibe.
[00:21:58] No, because it because it would have been impossible to get them on the bus.
[00:22:05] And yeah, and when you're in a large intestine, you don't got time for all that, man.
[00:22:10] We got to we got to run back to the bus and he's like, come on.
[00:22:28] They're getting their shit beaten up right now.
[00:22:32] Oh, I guess that is a Miss Friseled Dress.
[00:22:39] Why wouldn't you check that immediately?
[00:22:49] Why is there a Gizmodo article the kids of the Magic School Bus ranked?
[00:22:59] Apparently there's a lot of these Miss Friseled posts and it's always big women.
[00:23:05] I think she might but she wore a big ass dress.
[00:23:06] She might have been thick under the dress.
[00:23:09] I never really let my imagination run wild like that.
[00:23:13] Because they didn't you couldn't have a fat butt in the 90s like that.
[00:23:21] On this ranking they gave Carlos the last spot in Arnold the top spot.
[00:23:32] He was like Miss Friseled you're so stupid.
[00:23:35] Miss Friseled that's so fucking stupid.
[00:23:50] Yeah, it'll go a little something like that.
[00:24:06] I saw a year and a half before I watch any movie.
[00:24:08] That's I respect that because you don't want to you don't want to
[00:24:13] You want to have your own independent opinions.
[00:24:29] Why don't you tell them why don't you go to the website and tell them.
[00:24:32] Jamil have you ever enjoyed the substance known as cradum?
[00:24:41] It's like it's like um it's kind of like a muffin with like cream cheese frosting right?
[00:24:55] Um no this is a it's a natural powder from southeast Asia.
[00:25:03] And you can get it in three different formats on super Specciosa.com.
[00:25:07] You can get tablets, powders, capsules, and teabags.
[00:25:11] They had different strains and because it's V the means you got fuck the up names like
[00:25:17] No actually it's just called cradum powder.
[00:25:25] Red Bali, Delangatang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang.
[00:25:31] Delang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang.
[00:25:34] Band-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang.
[00:25:39] Why would you use it or buy Super Speccios?
[00:25:42] Band-bang-bang-bang-bang you know that's it.
[00:26:10] Okay, you- why would you buy Super Speccios?
[00:26:12] says because why would you buy super special you deserve the highest quality
[00:26:16] products deserve some a little treat before you kill yourself so do they
[00:26:20] strive to give you that every step of the way you get a thirty day guarantee
[00:26:24] if you're not happy neither of the other than his it is a little bit more
[00:26:27] so that according to the fda this is not a claim made by the company or even
[00:26:33] but if you're trying to get off heroin this is the better option between this
[00:26:37] and like methadone or suboxone or whatever or
[00:26:40] because this is also it's highly addictive it's really bad for you and the
[00:26:44] withdrawals are just as bad if not worse yeah but the but it's legal for us
[00:26:49] just that's the point and you can buy it from your favorite come podcast and it's
[00:26:52] also legal that's all we need they have both they have the most trusted quality
[00:26:58] in the game they subject their products to the strictest quality control
[00:27:01] standards in the industry every batch is thoroughly inspected lab tested for
[00:27:05] impurities and contaminants they ship fast if you order by two p.m. eastern
[00:27:09] standard time they ship the same day every single day except on sunday's
[00:27:13] because they in church we also have several different expedited shipping
[00:27:17] methods their friendly customer service people fucking love this shit and this
[00:27:22] is the kind of shit that you need to to get pussy from super og x dot com
[00:27:28] or something like that but right no you go to super speciosa dot com it's either
[00:27:33] get super leave dot com or super og x dot i think super speciosa dot com also
[00:27:37] works okay because i'm looking at it right now look we started working with
[00:27:40] these guys before they even knew what they want to name the company that's
[00:27:43] how good they start off with a product that they knew was fire and then they
[00:27:46] didn't figure out any of the marketing or branding the product is so good that
[00:27:50] they've just given a million award times give a million dollars you a
[00:27:53] compile cast let us figure it out caught trial in front of a deli like hey this
[00:27:57] is it literally but if you go to their website truly literally literally literally
[00:28:03] if you go to their website literally they have a resource and information
[00:28:07] center where you can learn all about this magical leaf that can change your
[00:28:11] life and it's a resource magical you know it's because what I want to keep it
[00:28:16] illegal is because they're worried they're putting my open people's minds but you
[00:28:20] might think that it's illegal but it is and when I open people's rules to the
[00:28:24] queen that's not that's not somebody that she didn't work for yeah that's right
[00:28:28] they just decided that this is gonna be this bitch gets older Jews and that's
[00:28:35] why you need drugs to come upon ideas like that
[00:28:39] it made my fucking allergy pillier cast killing me right now yeah I think it's
[00:28:45] outside check if my shit's fucked up to I literally feel like I'm gonna have
[00:28:48] fucking stroke it's weird when you get like seasonal allergies as you get older
[00:28:52] registers in your body is like I'm about to die well my nose is like burning
[00:28:57] right now yeah I just get weighed I get way dizzy my ears start reading like
[00:29:01] shit anyway guys go to this fucking website and buy this shit by the tablets
[00:29:06] by the powders by the T's and use promo code come down or content 20 either one
[00:29:10] neither of them work for 20% off I think every order I think it's not even
[00:29:15] your first order one deep penis it's not even a introduction they're lapping off
[00:29:19] penises they're they're lapping off penis free I am and I you what if was
[00:29:23] a business I got off your penis yes and that we are opening a business that's
[00:29:29] a I got off for 15 dollar I got off your penis but for a $100 I do not have got
[00:29:37] off your penis no oh you're strong arm and so they go one way or the other but
[00:29:42] they have to pay uh-huh heads or tails the Indian business podcast yeah what do
[00:29:47] you buy get through Pahlif dot com listen guys you go to get superleaf
[00:29:53] dot com you learn about the products on the website you read their blogs okay
[00:29:57] uh... enhance your creative experience with these five put potentiators what
[00:30:02] the fuck does that mean I don't know I'm gonna click on it right now they're
[00:30:05] gonna tell me Kratum has many advantages where is the potentiators
[00:30:08] potentiators anything they can enhance the effects of effects of
[00:30:12] what is that like additional drugs I guess more drugs so you take it with
[00:30:17] crack yeah you can smoke you can be on the hunter Biden
[00:30:20] Kratum pipeline um anyway you could also for instance what's one
[00:30:26] potentiator grapefruit juice and other citrus is that makes your shit work
[00:30:30] better turmeric cayenne pepper herbal teas listen this this shit it makes your
[00:30:37] life better matcha I've heard of those you'd have an iced matcha nice oh that
[00:30:42] be nice little crayton anyway guys I've I've enjoyed crayton before in the
[00:30:48] past and it definitely made my life much better and in fact I have not been off
[00:30:53] of crayton for about two and a half years at this point
[00:30:56] but guess what I got all of it at get superleaf dot com promo code come
[00:31:02] town to come down twenty let's start the show
[00:31:11] and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and
[00:31:18] what do you watching this rizzle pornz yeah just a few votes I'm just looking
[00:31:22] for my phone and every third episode at this point we just start watching porn
[00:31:26] on our phones and so I started off with the Netflix saying I'm doing the
[00:31:31] Netflix guy and that was good I liked him
[00:31:36] this ain't your grandma's pussy yeah you guys up here in Raleigh Calif Raleigh
[00:31:44] Raleigh North Carolina in June something also a lot of people have been asking me
[00:31:50] about the merch merch should be out in the next week and a half check out you
[00:31:54] Twitter or Instagram you go to the bio and you can find tickets to see me live
[00:31:58] in Raleigh we're gonna get those tickets moving I'll be in Raleigh and then
[00:32:02] Portland I think those are the next dates and then Carol on Broadway and then
[00:32:06] who knows who we're gonna just but I think after that Chicago I will be doing
[00:32:11] a return to launch Lincoln Lodge okay that's where I started stand up the
[00:32:17] Lincoln Lodge yeah well I've been trying to get this bit off where I'm trying to
[00:32:21] convince niggas I'm from Chicago no really because if if you're from Chicago
[00:32:25] in LA you just instantly make 15 more grand that's how we move here that's
[00:32:30] out there now they all move to LA and we got we're sick and tired of that we
[00:32:35] we crushed those guys we edged them out we edged them out smart we got the
[00:32:39] Chicago crew out of it out of here we put catch up on all their hot dogs and
[00:32:43] they were like what the hell is the S me well you know what it's kind of we
[00:32:47] were like the Rudy Joe we cleaned up New York yeah run by the Chicago we just
[00:32:50] got really we got rid of Clark we got really Clark and Kenny and we fucking
[00:32:55] during jail now yeah and they're doing a hard time and it's not like we were
[00:32:58] placing with our crew I I've rained those guys out of town and then I
[00:33:03] quick comedy myself yeah smart I put no one gets to put an end to it it's like
[00:33:08] how Harry Potter ended there's no good no yeah I mean that I I single-handedly
[00:33:12] did that I moved to New York and now there's not a single good show in the
[00:33:14] kitchen the curb well I can think except for funny mom's that come on
[00:33:19] everybody every Monday what was it for the first Monday of the month they've
[00:33:22] been great recently we'll face Larry's what was that place when we moved here
[00:33:27] no there was a place in the East Village that was the big oil face Larry's is a
[00:33:31] big show fucking knitting factory no there was a revision not revision I was
[00:33:36] thinking open mike I'm talking about the big shows camera no the place on
[00:33:40] second hot soup was a big show whiplash was a big show I've been cabin cabin
[00:33:44] I was trying to get another cabin moved here that was the show you were
[00:33:49] yeah oil face oil can oil can Harry that was a was called on our that was a
[00:33:55] big show and I came here and I said we're gonna clean this town up and I do all
[00:33:59] of the shows are gone that's the thing about but by Chicago's is corrupt place
[00:34:02] and they're corrupt comedy game yeah now it's a run by the daily crime machine
[00:34:07] now you can do you can do one of 87 shows at two boots pizza yeah you can
[00:34:12] figure out how to be a club comic yeah I came here and I destroyed the old scene
[00:34:15] once and for all well played sir yeah yeah yeah you know how he did it he
[00:34:21] started gossiping and then he got in there and he started gossiping immediately I
[00:34:25] said Kenny raped Clark oh I started the rumor we've talked about Clark and
[00:34:30] Kenny in two straight episodes I started the good guys and I play basketball
[00:34:37] with Kenny like a month ago well you know he raped Clark judge I just found out I
[00:34:42] don't know what to do I'm surprised it's a Chicago guy you never had man you know
[00:34:47] because I just stayed to myself when I was out where you from your north side yeah
[00:34:50] yeah I was about a lake west side east side yeah east side I was on the side of
[00:34:56] the lake on the side mm-hmm west side of the lake east side of the city exactly
[00:35:01] the whole crew the whole like those three guys are all out now I know yeah
[00:35:05] will Clark and I actually I don't know what I think Clark is in Chicago yeah
[00:35:08] car but then there was like Megan and Lisa they were also Chicago what's
[00:35:13] Lisa up to last time I noticed yeah she was being canceled for something I
[00:35:18] can't remember she she was on MSNBC saying Bernie was it's Bernie but then
[00:35:22] immediately after that somebody dug up her tweets from like literally like six
[00:35:26] weeks prior that was like if you're Chinese get the hell out of the pet
[00:35:30] store I know what you're in the it was like fucking just it was like Kurt
[00:35:35] Matt's girl been writing her tweets for like years it was like oh look out here
[00:35:41] comes a Chinese lady trying to navigate the parking lot something happened beep
[00:35:45] beep Magellan well you she should know she shouldn't have come for burn yeah
[00:35:49] and then she was like I've grown a lot since April I've changed but she
[00:35:57] whether that pretty well I think I think you can't get canceled ever that's what
[00:36:01] I'm saying yeah I mean cancellation doesn't really exist it's like are you
[00:36:05] in this this work group or you not yeah if you like if you're writing for a
[00:36:10] three different fucking sitcoms you're not gonna get canceled for anything you
[00:36:15] say for sure you have to rape I think those people have to write me while if
[00:36:20] you're like you know a guy that's like friends with anyone that works at you
[00:36:25] know the stand or whatever if you've like this Scott Chaplin got fucking
[00:36:29] canceled for having gone on a compound media show oh you went on Gavin
[00:36:34] again is because the book or the guy who books the stand like was just asking
[00:36:38] people to go on there because he was booking gavit show no one can no one
[00:36:41] knew and I suppose you do like you do whatever you can you know yeah you're
[00:36:45] a comic you're like making zero dollars yeah yeah I'll do the Nazi hour hour
[00:36:50] comedy central took like the roast away from it because of that they were like
[00:36:53] oh we can in good conscience very funny comedian which it's like I wish I could
[00:36:57] know the names of the people that made the decision that decision a comedy
[00:37:00] central and then figure out a way to hurt those people not physically but make
[00:37:07] sure that like just what kind of two-faced spinelessness it takes fucking
[00:37:11] like a guy that's worked for 10 years on something to take that away from him
[00:37:15] because it's the one year in your entire life where you're pretending you have
[00:37:19] some kind of professional morality yeah oh when we came in good time not if you
[00:37:23] went on not if you went on Gavin show yeah yeah who he was just like the guy that
[00:37:30] sold vice it was like before he became a Nazi right yeah I mean he was like a
[00:37:36] misogynist or whatever like who the fuck cares I did I did eat a means podcast
[00:37:40] did you yeah yeah what was it called his is a cooking podcast he's eating eating
[00:37:46] army eating army eating not me not me eating not me I was gonna say what's the
[00:37:53] only cooking podcast I know is Carl has his day he's like a oh yeah yeah now he
[00:37:57] does was it called yelling about Pat I think I haven't seen that guy forever
[00:38:02] yeah he's on LA too I think yeah well he's always been in LA he's always been in
[00:38:05] LA yeah that's a that they did that last King of Scotland that was like a that
[00:38:11] was a makeup for the last samurai probably mm-hmm they're like we gave
[00:38:15] the last samurai to my cast we're gonna give a skull into a black guy yeah last
[00:38:19] same which originally was titled the last king of chocolate that's what they had
[00:38:24] to put that was entitled that wasn't they wrote it he didn't write that wasn't
[00:38:28] the last the last string of chonaland and then they had to make last King of
[00:38:32] Scotland the makeup for it Adams gone yeah what happened Adams Adams calling
[00:38:38] up all of his Asian ex-girlfriends to apologize you're gonna hear something
[00:38:43] in two weeks yeah what do you meet Adam what what what happened just don't turn
[00:38:49] on your phone I don't want to come on the pods gonna get a little rough the
[00:38:54] next couple weeks yeah the last chain of trauma oh my god yeah this cat is killing
[00:39:00] me right now Nicolas I think maybe I will learn karate I wish it wasn't funny
[00:39:05] what but it is the last thing at wrong it's very funny yeah this is
[00:39:09] unfortunately that's just funny man yeah I can't I can't believe what's his
[00:39:16] name wrote that movie who changed my room that fan Joel Joel can Joel can
[00:39:21] oh yeah hey man you gotta get it back man you gotta get on my heart comedy's
[00:39:26] hard the opportunities are so few and far between yeah we really demean
[00:39:31] ourselves why'd you do I just do I just say Joel can boost your I don't know
[00:39:36] I was just trying to think of an Asian community won't like that he's not good
[00:39:39] enough friend of ours that you can say yeah he's gonna hear that he's gonna be
[00:39:42] like fuck Adam for writing the last King of Scotland you're for saying he wrote
[00:39:45] the last string of cholera oh I mean I wasn't fast you just burned a bridge that
[00:39:50] fan that fan you just burned a call out you just burned the bridge over the
[00:39:54] river quiet I'm saying come on man you know it's I you know I'm I work in this
[00:40:01] business we barely I barely know the Chicago guys enough to say that
[00:40:05] clock yeah he just he was just there when it happened that's why he's allowed
[00:40:11] to say I bear I'm a very casual guys with those guys I'd like barely know that
[00:40:16] that other guys gonna be like the president of Hollywood at a certain
[00:40:19] point Joel Joel yeah he's gonna run the entertainment industry for a lot of
[00:40:23] you say that now you're kissing his ass I'm kissing his ass because he's gonna
[00:40:26] find out he's gonna hear to the grapevine that Adam Friedland said that he wrote
[00:40:30] stop saying my name like that I'm the one who's gonna see him I've never said
[00:40:33] my last name on the pod before you're doxing me right yeah it's fucked up
[00:40:37] everybody already hates me I don't have to worry about shit no one hates you
[00:40:41] everybody hates me that's not sure you know who I heard listen to the show I
[00:40:45] listen to one of these stories Ellen DeGeneres now on listen to the show
[00:40:49] big fan yeah after she she Elle got canceled Ellen got canceled for just
[00:40:55] being a bitch I love that shit dude to be a man in the entertainment industry
[00:40:59] you have to rape like 50 people before you lose your job for a year and get an
[00:41:03] 18 million dollar severance package yeah I've got a lot of the generous Ellen
[00:41:06] DeGeneres raised her voice during lunch at a PA they're like she's done fuck this
[00:41:12] bitch get her out of here son the toxic work environment mm-hmm what did they
[00:41:20] say though what would she do and she was like being mean to interns yeah she's
[00:41:23] just a fucking like a like a she's just like an asshole a Hollywood person yeah
[00:41:27] she's drives people yeah she's just doing what Scott Rudin does she does she's
[00:41:31] doing probably what John Stewart had a reputation for the Daily Show was he
[00:41:35] doing that just being a guy that cares a lot about his product and like you know
[00:41:39] he's got people that work for him and he's like demanding demanding yeah yeah
[00:41:43] which like honestly defy you know it's like I said creative thing that's the
[00:41:47] thing there needs to be like because the reason like Hollywood protected a
[00:41:50] bunch of rapists is because it is this weird intersection between like art and
[00:41:54] business and for art it's like you do have to make some kind of like exceptions
[00:41:59] for people's idiosyncrasies you know if somebody is like an artist to an extent
[00:42:03] if this was like you know a factory and there was a boss like abusing employees
[00:42:08] because it's like we got to make X amount of you know cardboard boxes by 3 p.m. then
[00:42:13] that would be fucked up but if it's somebody that makes something that's
[00:42:16] like unique and a creative project if you choose to go work with some fucking
[00:42:20] artists and if you got a DJ if you dance in your intro come on man it's not it's
[00:42:25] not it's not it's not like a normal employee she's an institution yeah she's
[00:42:31] I Ellen I would I would let you hit me I'd say I'd say somebody being yelled at to
[00:42:36] get what the Daily Show used to be is worth it you know what I mean not as
[00:42:41] fair you want to workplace everybody's paid fair and no one gets yelled at and
[00:42:45] they clock out at five and they follow the union rules and you can watch it like
[00:42:48] current Daily Show yeah the current Daily Show or the Amber Ruffin show
[00:42:52] people show up they write their three jokes they go have lunch they collect
[00:42:56] their fucking three grand a week and that's it for them honestly yeah fuck it I
[00:42:59] mean whatever if you got a job you got a job that's a job yeah but you want to you
[00:43:05] want to really be the only only thing in the media holding fucking you know
[00:43:12] these Iraq war mongers to the fire holding their feet to the fire yeah then it
[00:43:18] takes John Stewart yelling at you yeah he's got a yell at a couple interns I
[00:43:23] don't really have to keep Dick Cheney I honestly do not care a fucking thing
[00:43:27] about anything I just said I'm just trying to kill Tom until next time it
[00:43:29] sounded good honestly he was on a roll I don't care I don't care yeah that's it
[00:43:34] this that's what I mean I gotta abuse Adam so I can come up with sort of
[00:43:37] opinions like that that I don't feel that doesn't wreck reflect anything so we
[00:43:41] can just get right to talking about what was it again the Netflix stock price
[00:43:48] oh I'll slouch you there it is blue chew calm is a website if you love sex you'll
[00:43:55] love blue chew doc hey Steve here with blue chew what's that blue your dick
[00:44:00] doesn't work roof roof it's like blues clue yeah yeah I was a blue chew I'm
[00:44:05] surprised we haven't gotten there before yeah yeah guys here hey I got a clue
[00:44:11] blue your dick doesn't work they have two different types what the fuck what
[00:44:16] the fuck was blues clues anyways just some deck had been like yeah what a
[00:44:20] Clifford was blue what would they blah how about we do blue Clifford they do
[00:44:25] Clifford from us yeah made them blue added a pink one they don't even fuck
[00:44:31] yeah ridiculous I always hated the blues blues clue the the dog was a girl you
[00:44:38] know blues a girl who's a girl so what's the red one is also a girl that's
[00:44:43] fucking bullshit is that for real yeah that's why there's a bigger crisis
[00:44:48] I'm pissed damn yeah look the first question is blue boy or girl what's cat
[00:44:53] dog and girl no obviously it's neither doesn't know genitals this is another
[00:44:57] is to taste on the other hand the star blues clues blue is a girl puppy who
[00:45:01] communicates to Stephen Joe through barks which they understand a girl how dare
[00:45:07] they I'm outraged I'm piss bro anyway at blue chew calm they have two different
[00:45:13] types of chewable tablets they have still Dennifil and to Dalla fill which are
[00:45:19] the active ingredients behind by a graze see Alice do you have a hard time
[00:45:22] taking pills I know I do and 40% of Americans agree so these are not pills
[00:45:27] they're chewable tablets and they taste like candy and they give you a fucking
[00:45:32] erection oh like runs so what you do is you go to blue chew calm you talk to
[00:45:37] one of their licensed medical providers no awkward visits to the doctor and they
[00:45:41] send you your medication in discreet packaging so you don't have to go the
[00:45:45] you don't have to go to the pharmacy and have them laugh at you when you're
[00:45:49] trying to get hard for your wife anyway so they have a hundred percent
[00:45:53] crazy blues clues became the highest rated show for preschoolers on American
[00:45:58] commercial television which is very funny to imagine preschoolers being like
[00:46:01] well I have to tune in the blues clue I'm a kid Sumer they're turning on the
[00:46:05] making their own decisions instead of just having media shoved down their
[00:46:09] throats yeah so oh my preschooler loves blues clues like your preschooler
[00:46:15] shits itself yeah what do you mean it loves like we mean it has opinions what
[00:46:20] the fuck are you talking about you put something in front of it and then it
[00:46:24] shit itself yeah make them watch squawk box yeah listen guys yeah my my my my
[00:46:31] kindergartener loves me the press so here's the deal folks they have a hundred
[00:46:41] percent licensed medical providers the prescription consultation for said
[00:46:45] down in fill until out of fill the professional ED focus medical support no
[00:46:50] waiting rooms no appointments you can get a 35 or 30 or 45 milligrams so
[00:46:55] dentifil prescription or a six or nine milligrams to dalaphil prescription and
[00:47:00] you can choose the amount of times that you get pills every month I like to go
[00:47:05] for 34 pills a month at 45 milligrams I'm popping these shits every single day
[00:47:11] and what's that cost and what is that what is that cost that's right it's only
[00:47:17] that much it's that little a month is just here's the deal dollars a month
[00:47:23] here's the deal folks you put in promo code come out the joke that it's a huge
[00:47:27] amount of money okay not that it's the end world is not the way okay because I
[00:47:31] was like a good no no it's a 800 milli of 500 oh I'm having chest pain so I
[00:47:37] can't really yeah Nick had too big of a lunch so we got to bear with them guys
[00:47:43] you go to blue tree calm you put in promo code come town you talked to one of
[00:47:47] their licensed medical providers what what do you get you get for only five
[00:47:51] dollars but just the shipping you get your first month free this ain't your
[00:47:55] grandma's pussy blue chew blue chew calm this ain't your grandma's pussy what's
[00:48:00] the story wishbone did you read that in a book mm-hmm did I do that is what
[00:48:05] people are saying after Hurricane wishbone Erkel devastated the Florida
[00:48:12] panhandle I was gonna go with gavels gavels gavelston gavelston gavelston
[00:48:20] yeah you remember it is there's a gal wearing a vest she's got a vest on
[00:48:27] yeah she's like how you doing I'm a slut yeah I was about to say she's a
[00:48:31] I'm a truck stop whore he's a trash meth sluts muddy fuck
[00:48:38] disgustingly fuck in a porta potty yeah and that's how you remember the name of
[00:48:42] the galaxy guys huge news that we have yet to discuss Adams gay I'm gay real well
[00:48:52] we've discussed it but I mean 34 dick pills a month yes my girlfriend is makes
[00:48:57] me physically ill the side of her is repulsive now let's be fair she is a
[00:49:03] dog yeah she's an absolutely worth straight that she is a burning trash
[00:49:08] fire that is a disgusting woman whoa she's just she's my best friend so um my
[00:49:16] best friends wedding my best wedding great movie yeah great movie
[00:49:25] Robert what happened to her she's not a movie is anymore she got great okay
[00:49:33] okay all right sorry that's what I heard guys huge news Kenny strikes again
[00:49:39] and does stop it Kenny Kenny doesn't deserve the shit it's hard to talk with
[00:49:45] that the ladies a great guy sorry sorry Ken sorry sorry Kenny any dude they were
[00:49:51] like an when we moved here I don't like the echo I long my voice still invited
[00:49:58] to the basket basketball I don't care thank you thank you Kenny folks stop I
[00:50:05] don't want to hear I don't want to hear it back is this is this what they're
[00:50:08] listening to I apologize the audience has blew true ever hit y'all and been like
[00:50:13] a stop fucking around instead sell the pills no they ask to go harder wait stop
[00:50:19] it just just turn this off fucking around we got get these fucking dick
[00:50:23] pills off everybody dicks off in Brooklyn they they may have asked that at some
[00:50:28] point but I don't really check the email yeah now smart mmm I don't know if they
[00:50:32] I don't know if they paid us or anything can you turn my voice back normal why
[00:50:38] he's too far away for like this he can't that's what people want is they want
[00:50:43] more Adam yeah they do they got a lot of people who have been asked for that we
[00:50:48] got more Adam today I can see myself why do niggas be like like people who
[00:50:57] listen to y'all show or like everyone thinks they're the producer of the show
[00:51:00] yeah yeah and fan is like all right they're all there all the comedy experts
[00:51:06] EQ is off and as a guy they got fired from a grocery store six years ago yeah he's
[00:51:10] like if Adam said to less than the show would be an optimum performance well I
[00:51:14] got I used to get people that would like fucking yeah they would give me like
[00:51:20] people that would give me advice some guy would be like drunk at like 3 a.m.
[00:51:23] they would DM me and be like dude what you got to do is you got and they were
[00:51:29] like tell me which direction my career should go yeah and it's like you're you
[00:51:34] like a skateboarder yeah dog you already like the show you're a guy that just
[00:51:39] skateboards what do you mean this is what I need to do you listen to the show on
[00:51:44] the computers at the library man enjoy just have fun it's so a homeless guy
[00:51:49] watching Miss Frizzle porn yeah which is that guy is doing like a more honorable
[00:51:56] thing promo code come town or come town yes for all you pay is five dollar
[00:52:00] shipping for your first month get a free consultation with some woman yeah
[00:52:06] sexy and all of their license medical providers are sexy women good afternoon
[00:52:12] sexy that's what I say to my doctor every time I say good afternoon sexy hey and
[00:52:19] they took my health insurance away you got can't got canceled out of health
[00:52:26] insurance for saying hello nurse bugs bunny style but doing a bug bunny style
[00:52:34] bit to my to the moment it's city MD I know they could take the health insurance
[00:52:40] from you yeah cancel for anything and it's so funny that just the fervor and I
[00:52:45] have to I look at Twitter sometimes and it's like this has to be 95% just bots
[00:52:50] there's no way that like I refused to believe that that many like Americans
[00:52:56] are like we should get this guy all this bank accounts closed and his wife should
[00:53:00] leave just people that just so viciously want to see somebody's life ruined over
[00:53:04] like a video of them drunkenly like cutting in line at McDonald's at 3 a.m.
[00:53:10] and then getting into like a fight where they already humiliate themselves
[00:53:13] yeah and then yeah just it just happening to say the last Ching of Chonglin yeah
[00:53:18] right I just can't believe Joel would do that there are people really that vicious
[00:53:23] is just waiting for an opportunity there it's like it's like what they what
[00:53:27] everyone who hates police it's like the same it's what you think a police officer
[00:53:31] is the guy that's just just begging to use his gun you know I mean I guess I
[00:53:37] guess yeah the answer is yes yeah most of the time everybody is just a cop yeah
[00:53:42] not me though not me not me I'm a victim of brutality all right that's that's
[00:53:48] blue true dot net a blue-tality yeah that's what every time after you bust
[00:53:54] inside of a girl after taking a blue-t you say
[00:53:59] blue-tality was actually a butcher is like a cop it was originally it's it's
[00:54:04] it was a blue lives yeah yeah it was a bunch of cops who retired and then
[00:54:09] started their own boner pill company so to our guys over in the fourth precinct
[00:54:13] respecting cops is the gayest type of subculture though yeah great yeah you
[00:54:18] know troops is fine if you want to support the military it's fine but the
[00:54:21] guys that are like just you know the cop got caught cop family we back the cops
[00:54:26] mm-hmm I really love comedy yeah yeah that's fucking that's weak yeah it is
[00:54:34] funny yeah to be that kind of guy yeah but you're just doing it to be
[00:54:39] contrarian are you I think so it's because it's just like well black lives
[00:54:44] don't matter it's it's actually cops literally never cops litter like never
[00:54:49] they never actually they never do it you never like the big ball of their shit
[00:54:54] and you know that because all of their like PR after like you know people
[00:54:58] really hit the cops it's like well meet the one cop that's doing the fucking the
[00:55:02] nay-nay with a four-year-old back in crossing up a kid yeah he's good at basketball
[00:55:07] like well okay his gun is holes there and maybe he should be in his job
[00:55:11] solving a crime yeah maybe you can do that and clues right at least be a
[00:55:16] crossing guard yeah why aren't they all just crossing guards crossing guards
[00:55:19] is great are those cops though that's what I like about those are like old
[00:55:23] blazer you're racially segregated to the good cops and the bad cops oh that's not
[00:55:28] that they're like good cops but like but actually you know like the bangled
[00:55:31] dash you guys with the clothes that don't fit those guys are all parking
[00:55:34] like parking enforcement or crossing guards or whatever it's like a
[00:55:38] difference a whole different type of cop yeah like and then they have their
[00:55:41] dickheads in their own right but they're not a evil they are dickheads when
[00:55:45] you're right there about to move your car and they're tax they're they're
[00:55:48] tax men they're random tax yeah New York has all of these randomly assigned taxes
[00:55:53] that everybody has to pay through parking tickets or you know fucking
[00:55:57] during covid they stopped doing alternate side parking it was a
[00:56:00] banana it was really the coolest six months of living in the city yeah you
[00:56:06] park anywhere yeah yeah it was like you're a diplomat or something
[00:56:10] bananas and pajamas mmm-hmm bananas and pajamas how about that yeah that's what
[00:56:14] they should call blue shoes bananas and pajamas mmm-hmm and after blue school
[00:56:18] which would be named after bananas and pajamas now we're talking Adam Scott
[00:56:22] Adam has to do something on his family I'm looking up a headline that we need to
[00:56:26] discuss one headline oh it looks like um charismatic billionaire Elon Musk is
[00:56:33] buying a Twitter dot com honestly that would be good because it's like to feel
[00:56:38] like you know you got all these like these people who were like if he just
[00:56:43] went on there and just started banning fucking or if he just ruined have Twitter
[00:56:47] needs to be shut down Twitter should just be shut down he should spend 50
[00:56:50] billion dollars and end it yeah yeah I mean honestly yes that's what he should
[00:56:55] do that would rule yeah I mean people should shadow ban literally everyone
[00:57:00] so that nobody real is your tweets are just like they're getting randomly
[00:57:04] deleted or fucking yeah people there certain people would absolutely lose
[00:57:10] their minds if that happened yeah certain socialist certain the
[00:57:16] socialismo commit comedia tons oh yeah I mean that's such a oh god people
[00:57:22] people make it into such a big deal you know it's just it does not matter
[00:57:26] what Twitter yeah yeah really doesn't I mean once you get off like social
[00:57:30] media it's like oh yeah there's this there's a real life underneath all of
[00:57:35] this that I've just been blind to that I had access to the
[00:57:39] old time that I lived for the majority of my life
[00:57:42] mm-hmm dead like I like willingly imprisoned
[00:57:46] myself yeah you go to the movies you see whatever piece of shit they made
[00:57:50] yeah you know you know and then it doesn't affect your life at all and it
[00:57:54] means nothing you don't have to get mad about it right you can just go see a
[00:57:57] bad movie yeah I think that's what's in the theater you go to McDonald's with
[00:58:01] your friends you go to McDonald's afterwards maybe smoke some weed in the
[00:58:03] park you know yeah play checkers but then where do I where do I put my memes
[00:58:08] where will my memes go well it doesn't matter dude what about my me what about
[00:58:12] doesn't matter what about my what about my video
[00:58:15] where I put uh I may I put my head on the the bitch from
[00:58:20] fried green tomatoes you know what I'm saying where do I put that from my
[00:58:24] lady little green football see yeah well who's in that movie I don't know
[00:58:28] what's it about the south probably fried green tomatoes taste really good
[00:58:33] I like them Stella Marcus I think it's the one whose name was that our name
[00:58:37] Stella Marcus oh yeah she was good lady yeah Janice Sabalba
[00:58:48] uh I think her name was Janice Sabalba yeah I believe that was it
[00:58:53] hmm it's nice could you get to a certain point where joke writing is just
[00:58:57] the Star Wars episode one reference just turning your brain off
[00:59:02] that's how bad comedy has been then you can just be like uh
[00:59:06] what's this guy's name Hank the Lonzo what's this Hank yeah I think this guy's
[00:59:13] name is Domino's pizza that's good dude thanks
[00:59:17] good like you think is bad but it'd be really good
[00:59:20] something good that is good hey Raleigh mid-May I think
[00:59:24] sometime yeah go see Nick mid-May or June or something
[00:59:29] buy my shirts you're doing that thing that we got
[00:59:32] emailed about huh what thing yeah the yeah yeah yeah
[00:59:36] I'm not doing why are you doing it I don't want to
[00:59:38] come on before I don't know it's just one day yeah exactly
[00:59:42] uh but I'll be busy actually I have to go to a funeral
[00:59:46] how do you know the person is gonna be dead
[00:59:48] we need three weeks time who stopped no the funeral no
[00:59:53] it stops your real stops you know is that we get I'm missing stops you
[00:59:56] know so I can say one line in a movie wow
[01:00:00] shameful it's pretty fucked up with me um well
[01:00:03] as a jamael thanks for joining us that is an hour which is all you are promised
[01:00:07] and all you should expect out of the com town shout out to
[01:00:11] Saboba uh i'd buy a hundred to be quite honest with you
[01:00:14] this weekend's episode a lot of fun we had a lot of fun Nick
[01:00:18] Nick rosherford's on the show you can go to patreon's call him
[01:00:27] the shandra levi i always thought that would be a good name for a plantation
[01:00:31] like a like in the southern like welcome to
[01:00:35] shanjalay v that's pretty good and he's just slazed everywhere i was kind of
[01:00:39] you know like like a jango sort of vibe uh-huh
[01:00:43] they're really well german welcome to shanjalay v
[01:00:46] oh that's pretty good yeah and it's a plantation
[01:00:50] all right well thanks for joining us you know you got anything you want to
[01:00:53] plug uh yeah i got all the shit it's it's broccoli house on instagram
[01:00:58] uh air buds i got a little basketball show it's called air buds and i got a
[01:01:01] football show too go sorry we love football yeah no i'm
[01:01:04] gonna say it if you don't know that premium episodes patreon.com slash
[01:01:08] comtown there's no probably close to 300 episodes on there
[01:01:12] and for whatever reason you're one of like these
[01:01:16] people that are like i just started listening to the show
[01:01:18] i yeah that i i really don't understand i think uh it keeps you know going up so
[01:01:25] but we assume that new people are getting into it all the time back in the day
[01:01:29] when we were young man this was uh you know it was like more fun to do
[01:01:32] passion yeah you know we'd like to be that characters and things you want to
[01:01:36] talk about now it's like now we just have a family
[01:01:39] is to feed you know i just want to go to bridge i just want to i
[01:01:42] yeah in belgian yeah i thought i thought by now i'd be i thought it just
[01:01:47] put in my life i'd be living in the fucking eiffel tower making cheese with
[01:01:50] an orphan boy you know a couple more years of Dominican
[01:01:54] Garfield and you're gonna get there now what's Dominican Garfield oh my
[01:01:57] thing go a little something like this be like i
[01:02:01] hey howdy howdy you coming my lasagna assault
[01:02:06] you went on the lasagna assault all day you know right
[01:02:11] garland yes oh here mondess i fucking hate my
[01:02:16] husband's wife i do not like anything it's mondess i don't know like that
[01:02:21] there's something that yeah Dominican Garfield pretty good thanks german for