Cum Town | Regular | 01/19/2017
[00:00:15] damn I'm fucking flustered so you're listening to
[00:00:18] uh... come town no longer in the Anthony Kumiya studios
[00:00:24] we're now broadcasting live from the black lives matter
[00:00:27] studios the top of the the black pyre state building
[00:00:32] yeah we've changed all of our last names to Africa
[00:00:38] my name is my name is I was gonna do Nick X because you know
[00:00:42] Mullins my slave name right yeah but I decided that Nick is also my slave name
[00:00:50] you're the most interesting thing you know he's got a new doces a key guy he sucks dude
[00:00:55] who's the new guy he's having you ugly fuck better not be another old ass white man
[00:00:59] that's what I'm tired of it's yeah dude I'm as a as a POC
[00:01:04] yeah the Mediterranean America juries uh yeah you are one of the lower European
[00:01:08] yes I'm trying to get the Nazis back on board
[00:01:11] you know you're not like a Romani gypsy but the Greeks are like a couple
[00:01:16] rungs above yeah we fucked the Nazis up actually in the fucking world in World War II
[00:01:20] night in what you do you fuck really and slipped on feta fuck both you actually beat the Nazis
[00:01:27] were the Russians everyone else thinks they did now we've we held the Russians
[00:01:31] off them for months 20 million bodies that's out you guys can suck by dick
[00:01:35] the Russians beat the Nazis and and no one else helped or did and we helped
[00:01:39] be a day off the day was not not we held off both in France Italy couldn't fuck
[00:01:45] our ass and Germany had to come in they had to do a two front war on Greece
[00:01:49] we were throwing rocks and shit at them we fucked them up with superior big
[00:01:53] dickery that's how we did there you go baby also fuck both you piece of shit
[00:02:00] because I was right about means and averages shots out to the listeners oh
[00:02:04] yo shout out to my friend Hidas who played that part of come town for her
[00:02:10] middle school math class and they got us all laughed at by a group of affluent
[00:02:18] Brooklyn middle schoolers why you need to learn this one I wasn't really even
[00:02:25] listening if you're right you're wrong and you don't need to know the
[00:02:30] difference between means and look at this pivot dude this is fucking pivot
[00:02:35] I'm right I'm right I'm right about no social sciences like what things you
[00:02:42] need to know or what's gonna happen to 14 ajors who commit a hate crime I'm
[00:02:46] usually right and I'm fucking right in that instance and I'm right in this one
[00:02:51] you don't need first of all why do they have two words for a thing things have
[00:02:58] one name it's a kind who cares the point is I'm right we can move on now
[00:03:02] boys fun what were we talking about anyways what was the under oh income I
[00:03:07] don't remember who cares who cares but yes the Greeks the Greeks held off the
[00:03:13] Nazis I'm right but I'm a mathematician and you're both really it was the Jews
[00:03:17] who held off the Nazi yeah they were a little preoccupied the Russians threw
[00:03:23] a bunch of people at the Nazis but you should see what the fucking Jews now
[00:03:28] that is a war of attrition right there listen we played the long game yeah it's
[00:03:35] like how much different if there was like a Jewish army how much different
[00:03:38] would their participation be than what actually happened that they just can't
[00:03:43] hold the gun dropping them there was three years later there was a Jewish army
[00:03:50] that did well they called Arabs yeah but yeah Arabs are not like the
[00:03:57] Jews you know easily you know easily Arab style you just basically is on
[00:04:03] video game so easily I love how by the way the sinister ass Arab music on
[00:04:09] battlefields like yeah yeah yeah anytime that Arab music is playing you know
[00:04:15] something bad is about that well I think the way the Jews beat the Arabs is they
[00:04:20] did the they had a flute player go da da da da da da da da da da da da da
[00:04:24] that's that's never all hypnotized that's a theory I think that's what it was
[00:04:29] that's a theory yeah well their only weapon at the time was a snake that comes
[00:04:35] out of a basket right exactly exactly yeah yeah I think that's true probably
[00:04:41] yeah political effects us that's true and I know what was the like rhyme for
[00:04:48] that was there like a childhood rhyme there's a so yeah something where you and
[00:04:53] then there's a place yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what is that talking
[00:05:02] about has fun I don't know there's always it's always a song about killing your
[00:05:04] teacher right yeah so we something like that also the jingle bells Batman we
[00:05:09] never hit on that on the holidays jingle bells Batman version I think patty
[00:05:14] bow had a had a big did big numbers on the tweet about that yeah do you think
[00:05:21] DC Comics was the originator of that rhyme yeah yeah that was a viral mark
[00:05:27] I think it's like he was like I think people like an old Jewish ad man like
[00:05:32] yeah you know in a we're gonna do a song it's gonna be a song about Batman but
[00:05:38] look it's gonna make Batman seem bad so you get people to sing and we're gonna
[00:05:44] it's this look this is part of a long 50 year campaign that were Jewishly
[00:05:50] calling the war on Christmas and it starts with Batman that's where it all
[00:05:57] came from ladies and gentlemen that was the first viral marketing do you think
[00:06:01] can you believe that P like the fact that people thought Smirnoff ice wasn't
[00:06:06] behind I think people yeah that's so stupid and every fucking bro was doing
[00:06:10] like all dude it's so gay to drink Smirnoff ice it's like now you got to
[00:06:15] chug this drink and this free drink that's it was fucking dumb as hell do you
[00:06:20] where they were behind it absolutely I never thought you never thought I
[00:06:24] never like me and off ice thought too hard about it no yeah I think Blake
[00:06:28] midget is still like icing it's hilarious on on like Instagram or
[00:06:35] something pictures of him like drinking Smirnoff ice but splakes the kind of
[00:06:40] guy who drinks Smirnoff ice yeah but you drink any I love when people
[00:06:47] talk about how like oh like oh you know I was an alcoholic and I just I
[00:06:51] couldn't get enough Belvedere right it's like no real alcoholics just drink
[00:06:56] yeah like battery cooking wine yeah it doesn't fucking matter yeah fucking
[00:07:02] reference fuck boy I'm feeling sick dude I did the Creek in the cave high
[00:07:09] show the high five show we just get stoned as hell and I split like there was
[00:07:14] like 12 blunts going around this room with just people I don't know yeah I
[00:07:18] know I got some kind of weird yeah fucking what if you got AIDS from sharing
[00:07:22] blunt that's happened that can happen dude that's how that's how big L died
[00:07:27] because we're gonna very large joint I got a big L had AIDS but he died from
[00:07:32] being murdered Bill Big L got God he didn't have AIDS no he got God but he
[00:07:36] also had a we did not have AIDS we can look this up we want more people than
[00:07:40] you think had a big L did not have AIDS he was a goon and he got got in the
[00:07:43] streets easy he had a Walt Disney at AIDS Walt Disney definitely had a Walt
[00:07:48] Disney at AIDS Franklin Delano Roosevelt had a yeah just on the lower half of his
[00:07:54] body that he had stopped it he had like fuck so much back then back then you
[00:07:58] could isolate AIDS yeah dude you know FDR a pussy like a champion dude because
[00:08:04] he's dictating where his whole lower bat body no he just couldn't walk I don't
[00:08:07] think polio affects your dick I bet you it does it why no paraplegics can still
[00:08:11] use her dick it's two different systems but they don't get they don't get their
[00:08:15] dick doesn't feel good what no they come and shit yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:08:20] you think I was together yeah lieutenant I was doing that to show that he wasn't
[00:08:24] inadequate he didn't feel good how do you know I can I do I've I read the
[00:08:29] subject who's my hero is the first gun I love my favorite my favorite person in
[00:08:36] all the cinema is the principal from Forrest Gump we might have a spot
[00:08:44] to the target sound but it's gonna cost you the one that Sally Field sucks off
[00:08:50] yeah yeah yeah it's a fucking tramp dude you suck in a mall her retarded son
[00:08:55] she should just put him in the fields and then she fucking lies about why is
[00:09:00] he gonna Lord he's retarded let the man's name he's not actually retarded that's
[00:09:04] why Tropic Thunder is such a great movie they explain it perfectly because he's
[00:09:08] half retard because he's not full retard yeah like far as gone kind of slow
[00:09:12] but not retight he was retarded dude I think he was yeah I think he was like
[00:09:17] my my cousin he was a business doesn't he go to the Olympics in that movie that
[00:09:21] movie look Forrest Gump sucks dick dude yeah ping pong table tennis
[00:09:24] which is a retarded sport no it's just one that the retarded sports are like
[00:09:42] maybe be able to read it maybe that's sticking the landing fastening a seat belt
[00:09:55] you're pulling your pants all the way down to the
[00:10:00] that's how they put the metals on them and you have the class
[00:10:06] somehow it's a perfect 10 every time they do that
[00:10:13] fuck yeah no that is so great that he just fucks for retarded eating free
[00:10:17] samples at the mall yeah that's a that's a crossover of fat and retarded yeah
[00:10:23] well a lot of them they share well the powerlifting at the special Olympics
[00:10:28] has to be world-class it's it's it's four times the regular powerlifting why
[00:10:33] don't they just let it be the regular life they have to finish they have to
[00:10:37] finish strength it's they don't that's not a real thing that they have extra
[00:10:40] strength yeah really I I disagree they just have I you know what I think it is
[00:10:45] on the other than them that have beaten me up they have a limited pain response
[00:10:50] everything's diminished so it's not that they're stronger it's that they just
[00:10:53] don't feel pain like you know it's like being on meth rangel I just remember this
[00:10:57] kid in middle school when we're doing the president presidential fitness
[00:11:01] challenge doing like a hundred pull-ups and I'm like Jesus fucking Christ and
[00:11:06] then in the locker we used to make him pull down his pants and shots he's told
[00:11:09] this giant monster so you molested a retarded kid we didn't molest it we're
[00:11:14] just with your station Robert should anybody touch this dick and no one's
[00:11:18] it's it no way even as a he thought it was cool that we we all laughed I mean
[00:11:22] we all laughed that is so the precursor to molestation you understand
[00:11:28] that all station and I was not part of it I was wait 30 seconds ago to we used
[00:11:33] to get him to show us no I used to obviously always tattle to the to Mr.
[00:11:37] Pryor our British gym teacher who we found out throughout the year had
[00:11:42] testicular cancer and we made so many ball jokes to this poor gentleman is he
[00:11:49] dead I don't know I think he's alive testicular cancer is pretty treatable
[00:11:54] right you just get your yeah not of your British because most of their
[00:11:58] proud yeah they only have one ball anyways yeah that's very small yeah
[00:12:02] testicular cancer for the part of that's part of like their circumcision
[00:12:07] process they have the other ball removed the other one shrunk with tea yeah
[00:12:12] and make sense testicular cancer for the British they're very proud so it's like
[00:12:16] a it's like a British naval captain going down with his shit yeah yeah yeah
[00:12:21] the the if my bollocks are inflamed I'm going to die from it I will not elect for
[00:12:28] for surgery yeah this is my one bollock I've been given
[00:12:33] they just a small ex they just are dying for testicular cancer the number
[00:12:40] the number two disease in Britain is of course bad posture yeah and
[00:12:45] gingivitis number three yeah jid and jivitis scoliosis is basically it's
[00:12:50] terminal over there you just loop over till your yeah if you can't stand up
[00:12:56] straight you know yeah they put you to death oh so that's an execution type
[00:13:01] situation sort of yeah and if you stand up really straight is that how you get
[00:13:06] to be the guy who guards the Queen with those hats yeah the marks in hats
[00:13:11] yeah yeah I always thought that is there really can you really because in
[00:13:15] every like in so many pieces of media it's like oh they can't move at all they
[00:13:20] can't do anything like I'm sure so many people get arrested thinking that oh
[00:13:24] yeah of course for sure yeah like you can like suck their kicks in the Simpsons
[00:13:29] Homer's like they go to England Homer's like fucking with one of them you just
[00:13:32] get punched in the face yeah what do they do they guard Buckingham Palace
[00:13:39] yeah what a what a trash name for Palace yeah let's go fucking hey wow
[00:13:45] the swash bucket palace to put the Queen when's that bitch can it die though
[00:13:52] when's that Queen let's talk they only have more queens dude who's the next
[00:13:56] Queen Charles Charles yes the yes he could be trans King
[00:14:01] King Reggman is that what it is I'm not calling him King I'm calling Queen
[00:14:05] between Charlie there's Queen Chuck Queen baby yeah I've always been team Chuck
[00:14:09] he got cucked by that by that tramp Diana with some like Muslim guy right I
[00:14:16] was and then they killed them in that tunnel we don't know what happened that
[00:14:19] Tony Alfie ad Dodie al-Fayed is that isn't yeah that's a good pull yeah well
[00:14:24] it's a I'm a huge princess Diana expert actually I had the princess Diana
[00:14:29] Beanie baby the purple one which came out the day before she died yeah either
[00:14:34] way that's really interesting that is true oh yeah they knew I think that T why
[00:14:39] the Beanie baby company was behind it to to go sales yeah they were going down
[00:14:45] seems like the plot of like one of the shittier later Pierce Brosnan James
[00:14:49] like it with did you see tomorrow never done yeah where they get my movie
[00:14:56] yeah pretty bad the only good news Mr Bond his bad news I don't think I've seen
[00:15:02] well basically the plot of tomorrow never dies is James Bond has to stop
[00:15:06] Gawker essentially that's who the bad guy in that movie is just Nick Denton
[00:15:11] he's like a weird gay British guy it just loves bad news and so he's like
[00:15:18] starting some war with that guy Malcolm McDowell no not Malcolm McDowell Andy
[00:15:26] daily dick and he remember that actor's name now fuck whatever it doesn't
[00:15:31] matter doesn't matter Andy circus he was in a he was doing a knock you off course
[00:15:35] he was a CGI gorilla first of all fuck Andy circus what are you talking about
[00:15:39] his best actor in Hollywood sucks dick dude anyone can do that shit oh the
[00:15:44] fucking walk around all fours and look sad Jonathan price Jonathan price yeah
[00:15:49] how do you feel about Andy circus he sucks dick I think he's the best actor in
[00:15:52] Hollywood they put small little bubbles that shit sucks they put the small
[00:15:56] motion bubbles on his face so they get all his facial acting that shit is like
[00:16:00] PlayStation level facial acting I don't know dude I think that I could do that
[00:16:04] so easily go I'm sad there you go dude that's a hundred million dollars did you
[00:16:11] do the AIP's he just scowled he's a fucking monkey that shit is not hard to
[00:16:16] do you know I got Anthony the best actor is the guy inside R2 D2 yeah that that is
[00:16:25] way more impressive than jumping around in a fucking scuba shoes really sweating
[00:16:29] and frowning and yes because it's hot that's harder that's way harder than
[00:16:33] fucking just being what was he doing inside R2 D2 in the new Star Wars
[00:16:39] movie no no but they have a fucking that they haven't seen three P.O. yeah he's
[00:16:43] just like jacked he's an autistic see three wait wait there's a jacked see
[00:16:47] three just a big ass fucking black yeah but he talks the same way yeah no he's
[00:16:54] not so he's like I the plays Elmo no see three people like a big black guy
[00:16:58] that says some weird gay boys no no no this guy wasn't like a gay British guy
[00:17:03] he was just more of like an emotionless no he was a gay British guy was he yeah
[00:17:08] he talked exactly see three P.O. see three P.O. talked like someone was
[00:17:12] always pulling his pants down a little yeah he's not right now see three P.O.
[00:17:17] just talk like he's just like you're 30 seconds too quick into gay sex
[00:17:21] like they had a black see three P.O. no that's so funny I mean he just he
[00:17:27] does not like it all he just knew that would have been cool if he talked about
[00:17:30] that gamer gay shit is fucking real I'd like I'm back into gaming now and like
[00:17:34] literally every game it's like yeah you play play a gay trans black woman yeah
[00:17:42] no it is true if he was like that I haven't played the FIFA FIFA you have to
[00:17:45] play an interracial whose white father abusive white father has left his
[00:17:50] abandon him well he has to be raised by his black mom but that is that's probably
[00:17:55] one battle for every part of British or short short every poor British
[00:17:58] battlefield one all you play is a black guy it's a World War one and that's when
[00:18:02] the army was still segregated yeah yeah but they like they have it as which you
[00:18:06] know I don't give a shit do they whitewash the the segregation World War
[00:18:10] one no there's just no white people you can what was the first war that was
[00:18:14] desegregated Vietnam no World War two no World War two was still segregated
[00:18:20] that's when it happened in the I thought it happened like in the middle of
[00:18:23] world or after I think it was Vietnam I think everyone was gay it would have
[00:18:26] been Korea because it was it definitely happened after World War two everyone
[00:18:30] was blazing up in Vietnam and they're like you know you're black I'm white
[00:18:34] we're not so different yeah it was the unifying war yeah everyone fucked
[00:18:37] horse together shit sucks dude well there were like all getting sucky sucky
[00:18:41] sucky sucky sucky long time I love you long there were there were like
[00:18:46] operation sucky sucky fucky fucky there were like integrated regiments and shit
[00:18:52] like as I know like Pershing didn't he have didn't like Pershing control like
[00:18:57] black regiments or something while he was prior to him being a general yeah I
[00:19:02] think so I think World War two is what it's no no that would be that would be
[00:19:05] like like the Spanish American war Spanish American because yeah wave like
[00:19:09] purse like like the turn of the century mm-hmm well I'm sure yeah obviously
[00:19:14] they always used fucking black people to fight like they just yeah whenever they
[00:19:18] could they would use black yeah of course on yeah uncool shit that's what
[00:19:22] America's history is yeah yeah should we don't want to do shit white people
[00:19:26] don't want to do they just made black people do so I'm sure black people fought
[00:19:29] in every war and we're back that's the same way that's the same way fuck well
[00:19:33] they actually wouldn't they wouldn't let them they would have to have like
[00:19:35] supply rolls and shit and be like cooks yeah I mean but they would make them do
[00:19:39] shit in every war yeah right where they were there black combat but oh yeah
[00:19:46] glory nevermind I was gonna ask the Civil War but then obviously oh yeah
[00:19:51] yeah by watching a brilliant movie with Denzel Washington Matthew
[00:19:55] Broderick well you know what that doesn't show is that a lot of a lot of
[00:19:59] black people are actually happy and fought fought for the south it's kind of
[00:20:03] like yeah yeah and fair you know yeah they really wanted simpler life they're
[00:20:06] trying to sign up yeah and we're back on that
[00:20:11] Dinesh D'Souza he's doing a fucking a fucking a goddamn documentary about that
[00:20:17] shit that racist Indian guy right is he about how the blacks wanted to fight
[00:20:21] I don't know it seems her in the Civil War oh no here's a movie a CSA the
[00:20:28] Spike Lee the suck and I was we're about like if the south had won oh that's
[00:20:34] that's a cool idea well I've never seen it I remember seeing from Spike Lee
[00:20:38] I remember seeing the fucking trailers for it and it didn't look cool because it
[00:20:42] was like everything's the same except there's slaves and it's like yeah I don't
[00:20:48] I don't think everything else would be the fucking same well there wouldn't be any
[00:20:51] peanut butter we know that yeah whoa fuck that shit I would love it if he
[00:20:57] made that movie and fucked up and he's like oh yes I guess white people invented
[00:21:01] rap music just utopian flying cars right I mean technology would probably be
[00:21:10] further along yeah more opportunity to exploit labor yeah I mean think about it
[00:21:15] I think like incorporate I mean I guess is in their arguments that like the
[00:21:21] Industrial Revolution kind of did away with a need for slavery anyways there
[00:21:25] is that argument yeah yeah but I mean it attack needs it for like the precision
[00:21:31] manufacturing imagine if you could have slaves making the iPhones you keep the
[00:21:37] jobs in America we could all save like probably like 20 bucks a pop on the
[00:21:40] well yeah well yeah you know sign up for slavery you know you keep them in cotton
[00:21:48] but you get slaves really into screen print and then you get on-demand custom
[00:21:53] t-shirts whenever you want literally any idea you think you have a big
[00:21:56] plantation and you know you get a t-shirt so it's vertical it's a great shirt and
[00:22:01] it's got Tony Danzen is says who's the boss on it I have a specific idea of
[00:22:05] how about sure and I say closer to me Danza oh I like that yeah but yeah
[00:22:10] yes that's great wait you get rid of so you get rid of all copy copyright
[00:22:14] laws to for the for these no it's not copyright infringement if the slaves
[00:22:18] do it okay okay the slave will be sued and actually they're not making any money
[00:22:25] that's how you do it they get they get all the well I think that this is a very
[00:22:30] decent concept we should actually try to pitch it to the new attorney general
[00:22:35] Jefferson Beauregard session yeah PG did he get the confirmation happening today
[00:22:44] right I saw I saw there was a tweet that people were making fun of today that
[00:22:48] said calling him Jefferson Beauregard sessions is is exactly the same as
[00:22:54] calling him Barack Hussein oh my god it's a reference like a contour general
[00:22:59] I'm not making fun of him for having an ethnic name so fucking retarded I hate
[00:23:05] dude like listen he's bad but using his full name liberals are fucking pussy
[00:23:09] ass motherwurst is the worst go after these pieces she ain't never gonna win
[00:23:14] the argument against calling a beauregard is that it's like literally will do
[00:23:18] nothing did you learn nothing from the drum thing right it's because it's weak
[00:23:23] you sound like a fucking retard exactly that's the art you know a beauregard
[00:23:27] check out this bumper sticker slogan I'm gonna run with for the next fucking
[00:23:30] four right it's not some kind of idea of decorum yeah probably is give a fuck
[00:23:34] they're trying to take everyone's health care away don't give a fuck about you
[00:23:39] fuck man beauregard but hopefully that motherfucker doesn't get in I don't
[00:23:44] fucking know he is he's actually like Satan incarnate you heard that you heard
[00:23:48] the KKK quote right no it does my favorite what about weed
[00:23:52] he's big beef of the KKK with a smoke weed yeah well he's like well it's not
[00:23:58] like they're smoking weed no you said he thought he thought they were like
[00:24:01] decent he he knew some KKK people he thought they were decent until he found
[00:24:05] out they spoke to me like that was the fucking deal breaker for this hate
[00:24:09] crime oh man he's actually like that's the definition of the worst person in
[00:24:13] the world yes it's scary dude but whatever dude yeah we're gonna we're gonna
[00:24:18] podcast through this we're gonna we're gonna be here for the we're part of the
[00:24:22] resistance right yeah we're gonna help Hillary yeah so you're gonna be mayor or
[00:24:27] is she gonna be like oh Hillary's better be great Hillary they just they dug
[00:24:31] into that on the last chap oh so I feel like oh did they miss the boat on that
[00:24:35] one damn I would start taking shits on the subway yeah cool with Tom I was saying
[00:24:40] that's who she's gonna lose that's who she's gonna lose the election to is the
[00:24:44] guy that takes shit on the subway some homeless guy in dangerous Eddie she
[00:24:52] lit up got two teeth and I got a shit to take and there is damn bitch thing she's
[00:24:59] gonna keep me out of the mansion she can suck my cock listen everyone's like he
[00:25:04] can't talk about women that way he's like you're goddamn right I can you're
[00:25:09] fucking cunt I like dangerous Eddie cuz he says what's on his mind absolutely
[00:25:14] you know you know I want to see back when he used that knife to threaten that
[00:25:17] Starbucks Parisa a man of squirrel bones
[00:25:23] yeah I brought that pen knife into that Starbucks and threatened people it made
[00:25:28] me feel like you know this is a New Yorker that I can relate to it's true
[00:25:32] not dude I want the rent is too damn high guy back yeah that guy fucking ruled
[00:25:36] what's he up to dude I don't know cuz you know what the rent is not paying rent
[00:25:40] huh that was really rents are dropping that was off in New York yeah it was
[00:25:45] no longer it's no longer a salaries market I was told that but yeah I think
[00:25:51] that there was a rent freeze like two years ago where they like I think de
[00:25:56] Blasio said you you're not allowed to raise you yeah that would be true that
[00:26:01] was just if you just say to shit the Blasio 420 blaze it up mmm that's why I
[00:26:06] voted for him he already did that's not his name his name isn't de Blasio what
[00:26:12] is it it's like Walter fucking McLean or something yeah yeah some yeah no no he
[00:26:19] adopted like an IRA or an Italian name because it sounds more New York or
[00:26:23] some fuck yeah his real name isn't fucking de Blasio what yeah hold on let me
[00:26:28] look it up his real name is Taleb Quelley yeah yeah what if he's just like
[00:26:33] the atom I can't have you going to the phone while next going to the phone
[00:26:37] I'm sorry sorry what's in there nothing you tell me no I want to know what was
[00:26:43] that notification did my buzzed I looked at it was it yeah build a Blasio
[00:26:48] born Warren Wilheim Junior will yeah so he's a German yeah he's like a
[00:26:54] German yeah yeah yeah yeah oh my god I don't have a cool deniro style Italian
[00:27:00] fucks black ladies is my mayor yeah yeah it's some bullshit trick to get people
[00:27:04] to think he's like you know like a kuomo oh that's I'm changing my name then yeah
[00:27:10] to Vito Gaba Google I want to change my name to Richard dick penis next
[00:27:16] yeah quotations around both it's a forward all hyphenated name yeah fuck man I
[00:27:25] got changed my name dude for show business dude we are real New Yorkers
[00:27:29] now we've been here for over a year each all of us oh I guess his mom's name is
[00:27:34] the Blasio oh father was of German ancestry and his maternal grandparents
[00:27:40] were Italian immigrants did he grow up with them his grandfather Giovanni was
[00:27:45] from the city of Santa de Blasio is a tie is sent haga the god fucking Italy
[00:27:52] man sent all the how many fucking apostrophe's are in the name of this
[00:27:57] fucking for four how many vowels one two three four five six seven they love
[00:28:05] vowels Santa Gotta to God even a vento wappolemia
[00:28:15] what's that a little pepperon hey it's me wouldn't it be awesome to go need to
[00:28:21] be to go no fucking store pizza place and be like yeah can I have one slice of
[00:28:30] newscasters are always like tonight in Miami there was a yeah yeah I do it with
[00:28:36] that problems facing that Latino community but they never do it when it's
[00:28:41] like earlier this morning an illegal immigrant from Mexico ran over an
[00:28:46] entire field trip of children while drunk off deck you know they don't do it in
[00:28:53] those situations it's always when they open a foundation for battered women
[00:28:57] why not do it across the board when they're embracing the other parts of
[00:29:02] their culture they don't obey you know speed limits or I think that have
[00:29:17] was a drunk driving the other newscasters like what the fuck are you doing
[00:29:22] I got drunk with the weather girl trying to fuck her again that dude on me that
[00:29:31] dude on CNN Rick Sanchez do you remember him yeah yeah yeah he killed someone
[00:29:37] he just cried about it like a fucking 15 year old girl and they're like it's
[00:29:40] okay yeah he was broke at a dolphins game yeah and then like he hit someone
[00:29:47] slammed his truck in this somebody pin them killed him killed him drove home
[00:29:51] drove home yeah yeah and then like ten years later he's on CNN and then it
[00:29:56] comes out later that oh yeah ten years ago he killed someone yeah wait so this
[00:30:00] was post yeah yeah yeah a whole career he worked his way up to to major cable
[00:30:05] news did he get fire anything or no I'm at least on around anymore I mean if
[00:30:09] you're rich you can do whatever the fuck you want even rich I mean he's on TV
[00:30:12] which which it complements being rich right it helps you really can you know I
[00:30:18] mean look at Casey Affleck who's which by the way if you didn't hear the story
[00:30:22] he tried to have sex with a woman he was working with on the set of I don't
[00:30:28] know some fucking stupid oh yeah yeah yeah and as you know hitting on a woman
[00:30:31] is basically the same as I saw a meme that was like what happened that's all
[00:30:35] that happened he invited himself into her hotel room and she was like leave and
[00:30:39] then he did but that's really that's it's rape to do that I saw a meme that
[00:30:42] was like yeah accusations of rape really destroy a career and it's like Casey
[00:30:47] Affleck holding a Golden Globe Woody Allen holding an Oscar and it's like all
[00:30:52] right but yeah he just he just tried to fuck a girl like I didn't know the
[00:30:56] case it's absolute horseshit the case in our Affleck one is horseshit Casey
[00:31:00] Anthony also also yeah yeah that little girl deserved to die I agree and you know
[00:31:06] what she was a mom but she's a lot that fun dude hi I'm Nancy Grace and if you
[00:31:11] think your child should be murdered next please call in send us the details
[00:31:16] we will find a killer to come and murder your child and to write it for seven
[00:31:21] baby yeah things are not going well here at the Nancy Grace studios and we've
[00:31:26] got a new man we're actually we're gonna be proactive about it we are going to
[00:31:32] murder your toddler in an effort to boost ratings she well she loves to say
[00:31:38] baby baby yeah she doesn't say a child or you know in finish she goes baby they
[00:31:44] fucked that baby what happened she never had kids or anything did she get a
[00:31:48] prosecutor or something right no she was a prostitute oh no no she was a
[00:31:52] prostitute for 15 years her husband or fiance got murdered and then she turned
[00:31:57] into like a the fucking Hulk she like this yeah this what happens though like
[00:32:01] fucking John Walsh John Walsh the best thing to ever happen to him was having
[00:32:05] a son kidnapped and she had a scary I'm serious he headed he made a whole
[00:32:10] career I wait this like American style beheading American this is most wanted
[00:32:14] yeah like terrorist shit yeah yeah that's because it a non-terrorism beheading
[00:32:20] did he get this hilarious yeah they found his head in like the some body of
[00:32:25] water well maybe it was like it was like a it was like a it was like a give
[00:32:31] maybe the kids got a loose head you know no yeah you don't know sometimes these
[00:32:35] kids they got loose heads like a Lego man the bodies are so small and the
[00:32:40] heads are so big on some of these kids yeah but my wife she was drinking the
[00:32:46] entire pregnancy now he's got a huge ass famous off off you know a son being
[00:32:51] murdered now I can't imagine the pain of what it that's like to go through but
[00:32:54] I think I would like to be famous if I maybe I should have a kid and what if
[00:32:59] we can hire someone to what if we kill at it wait hold on this is the plot you
[00:33:02] guys kill me the pie castle probably do great yeah this is the plot to the
[00:33:06] come town movie let's hear it we all adopt a son and then pay someone to murder
[00:33:10] so we can become the three fathers that are famous for having a murdered son
[00:33:15] and it's like the producers except we kill a boy we're in a polyamorous gay
[00:33:21] relationship three men it's perfectly normal 2017 do we get away with it how
[00:33:27] does it end of course we get away with it famous yeah we get we fuck so many
[00:33:31] girls after the kid is just like it's like the first 15 minutes we had to
[00:33:36] get a re-kill it and then the rest is us just fucking and sucking in Hollywood
[00:33:40] buying PlayStation's I love it let's fucking get a treatment going what
[00:33:46] happens in act three they find out we murdered the kid so what do we have to
[00:33:52] do we get a MacArthur we have genius grant so we lose everything and then
[00:33:56] yeah we win the Millennium Prize figure out some math problem we get a
[00:34:03] million dollars for doing it yep and if we didn't kill that kid we would never
[00:34:06] figured out that tough math thing yeah and then we have it we do a boat we get
[00:34:11] a boat on international waters we get and then we can murder all the kids
[00:34:14] more kids because at that point we're addicted to it and then really it's an
[00:34:19] allegory for fame and cocaine hmm hmm children represent cocaine in this I
[00:34:26] love it I still have that coke we should do I mean I'm feeling sick now but yeah
[00:34:31] sometimes soon this weekend I gotta take it easy I don't know yeah it's been
[00:34:35] making it's I don't like it yeah I just want to get a coke fees dude I just
[00:34:41] do it that's a fucking problem like I sat and just did like a bag by myself
[00:34:46] when a couple weeks ago and it's like all right I got it I cannot do this for
[00:34:51] another six months I've never done that yeah he's Lewis well I mean that's why
[00:34:55] I can't do anything yeah you're the only reason I was doing blow at all is
[00:35:00] because I don't particularly like it and then it was like you know I can do
[00:35:04] this thing that I don't really enjoy because it's too fucking expensive but
[00:35:07] it's just been like all over the place lately right yeah I mean I'll abuse
[00:35:11] anything of course literally fucking anything I'll turn it into a fucking
[00:35:15] addiction what's the dumbest addiction you ever had except PlayStation power
[00:35:19] tools right I guess that's yeah that was definitely really fucking stupid
[00:35:23] no it's cool it's buying shit with that make shit out of coke shut up don't
[00:35:29] tell them it's cool power tools is cool if you're like stupid to just keep buying
[00:35:33] fucking tools just in general just to have like well yeah if he doesn't have
[00:35:37] like a shop and he's not working on this one if I can only four by six
[00:35:41] piece of plywood he sleeps on a piece of wood but you should come make a
[00:35:47] fucking little shelf in my kitchen do yeah I'll do that I had no problem making
[00:35:50] a shelf yeah I'm trying to get I'm trying to get a state a juicing a
[00:35:53] blending station in my kitchen so I'm just DM me and ask them to retweet them
[00:35:58] oh don't don't do that that's like the one thing that's poor acidic it yeah yeah
[00:36:06] yeah and it's not like it's not like oh I'm worried about my fucking brand or
[00:36:10] whatever but people are gonna be like why are you fucking retweeting this
[00:36:14] person right what is it good is it funny I don't know he didn't even show me a
[00:36:20] specific tweet you just asked me to retweet them is he cute do you want to
[00:36:23] fuck him no well they're gonna trade retweets for head yes I would of course
[00:36:28] course so I'm open for being mad about them any fun I'm worried about the
[00:36:32] integrity of my yeah that is that is your maggable this dude yeah the the
[00:36:37] Mullen like thing that that a fuck yeah it's good just sneezed directly on the
[00:36:42] microphones that aren't fixed any one of us we all share that he's not sick he's
[00:36:47] not sick though I'm not that sick I'm a little sick you really I mean you just
[00:36:52] couldn't move the mic away to I did I went like he did on his hand you sneezed
[00:36:56] mostly on his fucking microphone I did on my hand yeah all right well yeah but
[00:37:01] anyway we will trade retweets for head mean Adam we don't have that many followers
[00:37:05] well I'll trade less for head I mean more actually I don't know I don't know
[00:37:09] how that works what's the most you would trade for head the most I'd trade for
[00:37:13] head yeah a jewel a ruby yeah yeah for one was just cool yeah yeah I do I do
[00:37:23] like a like a one of those one of those fancy nickels from Buffalo nickel
[00:37:31] Buffalo nickels what's that called when you're into a institution when you're
[00:37:37] into coins being gay or stamps they have like weird names being autistic whatever
[00:37:44] I don't know I brought that up stampers no there's like a stupid fancy name for
[00:37:49] people to collect coins and stamps collectors no American pickers no you
[00:37:55] guys ever watch American pickers no what is that it's like storage wars it's two
[00:38:00] guys going around doing storage wars doing storage wars they do storage war
[00:38:05] yeah they just go to base was a chintry get fucking like poor hoarders to give
[00:38:10] them the most prized possession for less money than they know it's worth
[00:38:13] mmm it's pretty cool I'm looking up a thumb a diamond encrusted menorah's how
[00:38:20] much this one's a twenty three hundred dollars I can get you that's not bad I
[00:38:25] can get better yeah me better I get for you I can get you better dude let's buy
[00:38:30] a diamond encrusted you know what I want I want a menorah that's diamond
[00:38:33] encrusted but all the diamonds are all in the shape of like dollar signs all over
[00:38:38] the menorah is there a Jewish rapper with a menorah chain now that's there's
[00:38:42] Jewish rapper there was there was a modest Yahoo there's modest Yahoo modest
[00:38:48] Yahoo to me is like and I just yahoo and Bill Mar the two most embarrassing
[00:38:52] people who stinks yeah yeah he stinks but I'm gonna put it on but it wanted it
[00:38:57] boy I remember my parents like came to me with a CD one day I was like in
[00:39:01] high school they're like all right Adam bear with me don't interrupt me bear
[00:39:04] with me it's a it's a reggae guy okay he's also a rabbi and I was like get the
[00:39:11] fuck out of my room right now you know and then I go to school and like kids
[00:39:17] are listening to it like he did have a school he did have a lot just regular
[00:39:21] kids were listening to not one song that was just like kind of okay but yeah that
[00:39:26] I was thrown for a fucking loop I was like I had no idea how my mom got that
[00:39:30] one right he's also yeah no they just lucked into it Jews will claim
[00:39:35] everything Jewish is cool that's like that's that's a fucking that's their go
[00:39:40] to move claiming anything Jewish is anytime a Jew is in anything my friends
[00:39:45] I'm sure it's pretty cool years ago my friends have me this picture it was
[00:39:49] some where some Israeli like tourism board promotional poster oh my god
[00:39:54] from like 1991 and so like anything from 1991 isn't gonna look cool right but it's
[00:40:01] these like like really just sort of crossy looking Jewish girls like at the
[00:40:06] Dead Sea right Dead Sea floating in the Dead Sea and they got Tiva's on you showed
[00:40:10] me they got Tiva's on and they're floating in the Dead Sea and then on the
[00:40:13] bottom it just says being Jewish is cool oh yes can we get our hands on I wish I
[00:40:19] can even find the picture anymore there's like these new damn I want that
[00:40:25] this is this is super fucking embarrassing but they're these new like
[00:40:29] husband raw Facebook pages that like try to do fight the Israeli anti you know
[00:40:36] the Israeli propaganda war through like memes yeah and they're like that
[00:40:41] feeling when the Palestinians want to say that you occupy they are it's it's
[00:40:48] probably there were some one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen in
[00:40:51] my life yeah that shit so I loved people just trying to get on there were some
[00:40:55] super bizarre Russian like memes going around last week you see that shit well
[00:40:59] then yeah the Russian embassy when they kicked out the diplomats tweeted a picture
[00:41:04] of was it a duck or something duck and it was like it's like and then Wendy's
[00:41:11] also tweeted a Pepe Wendy do you remember that no yeah Wendy's tweeted
[00:41:16] Pepe Wendy just fuck it and then apologize because it's racist yeah this
[00:41:21] is like the word like the DNC fired their entire like video production staff
[00:41:26] like on congressional like video production staff and they're like we
[00:41:30] need to refocus on memes oh god they like people thinking that like that that's
[00:41:34] the future I mean I can't wait to go fucking deal as a political consultant
[00:41:38] probably is dude probably all the word all gets killed by the Russians that would
[00:41:48] be such a fight to work with them oh he would switch sides so quick yeah if the
[00:41:56] Russians are having a side yeah devoid of any kind of allegiance to anything
[00:42:00] that's what I mean though there's no sides he would be like a worry about
[00:42:03] being like two-faced or whatever he doesn't even have one face right he's
[00:42:07] like a ball of putty yeah he has constantly tweeting things yeah yeah you
[00:42:12] can't really be mad at Brandon because it's like being mad at a fucking GIF he
[00:42:18] has no personality is this repeating loop of something that was stolen from
[00:42:22] some other thing like people you don't even understand the underlying
[00:42:25] reference anymore yeah cuz it's Friday and you ain't got no job yeah fuck man
[00:42:34] and do you do go coming put ever we love Brandon he's our friend stop harassing
[00:42:41] him guys no please continue harassing see that's the day I don't give a shit
[00:42:45] about harassing him for what Brandon because Brandon doesn't care he's also
[00:42:48] a public figure yeah he's a public figure now and he's got plenty of money so
[00:42:52] let's rob Brandon dude I think he does care though he cares yeah we should rob
[00:42:57] him oh yeah we should definitely oh we should do ski mask make him think it's
[00:43:01] somebody else to set him up and rob him hey Brandon you got booked for this DJ
[00:43:07] said about nine blocks away from the train station it's in an industrial
[00:43:14] area it's like a warehouse kind of party it's real underground it's like very
[00:43:19] industrial warehouse don't bring your phone though cuz it'll fuck up the DJ
[00:43:24] equipment that is how he DJs yeah he bugs his phone into an ox fuck so what
[00:43:29] else is going on with you boys huh nothing I've been getting a little bit of
[00:43:34] that seasonal effective disorder yeah you said
[00:43:39] getting sad boy I feel you sound my couch this weekend watched a good 14
[00:43:46] hours of some quality NFL football entertainment I watched a lot of
[00:43:51] RuPaul's Drag Race which is an incredible that's probably better than what I was
[00:43:54] doing it was four terrible games this weekend yeah the wildcard round was
[00:43:57] terrible although that you guys watch the National College football I was
[00:44:04] that last night yeah and I'm gonna give a fuck about you know what I found out
[00:44:07] last night the coach of Clemson is this guy Dabo Sweeney Dabo Sweeney okay so I
[00:44:14] looked up on his Wikipedia page how the fuck his name got to be Dabo when he
[00:44:18] was born it was a baby his older brother was 18 months and he was trying to say
[00:44:23] that boy which is which is already not how the way you say those words yeah
[00:44:30] yeah so his name is he was trying he was attempting to say something incorrect
[00:44:34] yeah and then made it at another level further so his name is literally Dabo
[00:44:39] swing Dabo Sweeney that boy swing it's not even Sweeney it's Sweeney that's
[00:44:44] awesome yeah it's a demo yeah that's a great name also oh shit what up dude
[00:44:49] yeah he's just a guy from the south right where's Dabo from some shit hole yeah
[00:44:54] north Florida or something I don't know just a piece of shit I want to be named
[00:44:58] Dabo Dabo yeah it's a sick name Dabo sounds like a rapper's name it sounds a
[00:45:02] lot like Quavo Dabo and Quavo could be friends raindrop drop drop top yeah
[00:45:11] so you getting sad but you guys watch that a Golden Globes I didn't know I did
[00:45:16] until come come down gets nominated I'm not gonna watch okay so I've never
[00:45:21] watched any awards show I don't understand the point of watching award
[00:45:24] show I'm watching my parents I've watched only when it's I've never sat down and
[00:45:29] put it on right I don't go to like a you know I got bry bry I got brought
[00:45:32] the one Golden Globes party ever what is the Golden Globes it's TV or is
[00:45:37] everything it's the Hollywood Foreign Press I don't understand I don't understand
[00:45:41] like music like why I would sit there and watch actors do the one thing that
[00:45:48] makes me fucking like completely hate actors like the part of their
[00:45:51] personality that I'm trying to ignore like not the acting part not the
[00:45:55] acting part the thing that they're the absolute worst at which is fucking
[00:45:59] humility humility why would you do that yeah no it's crazy yeah well we'll
[00:46:05] see some titties and ball gowns yes Queen Meryl Streep came horde at
[00:46:11] our president the the P e o t u s the president elect P otus the P otus
[00:46:20] yeah it's like the Latin spelling of the
[00:46:22] yeah I don't give a shit I don't even know what we're talking about it do you
[00:46:29] guys care I don't care Meryl care my grandma looks a little bit like Meryl
[00:46:33] Streep oh yeah yo did I tell you guys you know my grandma that fucks no my yeah
[00:46:37] my grandma that fucks and they just got a divorce yeah all right this is what you
[00:46:42] hold on just up jumping around what did Meryl Streep say she said that Trump
[00:46:47] Trump is like abused that abuse that's handicapped guy and then she made some
[00:46:56] I didn't really even see it she she made some fucking comment about if if we we
[00:47:01] don't watch movies anymore then all this left is gonna be MMA and football which
[00:47:05] is like oh sounds alright yeah I like those things are tight yeah I like movies
[00:47:10] how funny would be if someone rushed to stage and beat the shit out of the
[00:47:12] street his arm bar snapped or armed fucking choked her out fish hooker
[00:47:19] ripped her eyelids off yeah I don't know man it was like one of those
[00:47:25] everyone's going but if we don't watch me shut the fuck up like that's what I
[00:47:29] mean it's I don't give a shit about the Donald Trump thing but even that so for
[00:47:34] some reason movies are so much fucking better as if as if the entertainment
[00:47:38] industry isn't equally responsible for raping people and exploiting and
[00:47:42] protecting predators Roman Roman innocent
[00:47:47] Pulaski Roman innocent free free for free while you know what Roman yeah free
[00:47:53] my dear free my Holocaust survivor but you know absolutely what's going to happen
[00:47:59] well you know that was Hillary Clinton in the fucking horrible oh is that why
[00:48:03] she's already I get acting by being unlikable saying the wrong thing in
[00:48:07] public well no I mean she's preparing for the role by being at the testable
[00:48:11] fucking piece of shit no she's an incredible actor like right she is she's
[00:48:16] like one of the best actors in the world I wouldn't go that far you don't
[00:48:20] think so no she's incredibly bad but did you see doubt that she's she's
[00:48:25] dope dude she always kills it I mean I'm not gonna say I'm not saying she's a
[00:48:28] bad actress but one of the most incredible actors I think she's one of
[00:48:32] the best actors in Hollywood yeah first of all I don't like that you're calling
[00:48:36] her an actor and not an actress I don't I don't like the underlying politics
[00:48:40] here all right fine she's one of the best stewardesses in Hollywood she was a
[00:48:44] nurse the term is nurse anything is called the nurse yeah but like you know
[00:48:55] obviously that's lame of shit but you know the hot the movie that won
[00:49:00] apparently is this movie La La Land yeah it's a musical it seems horrible
[00:49:05] which is one of the make these movies in moonlight win anything it was yeah I
[00:49:09] guess I don't want to see that but I'm worried it's gonna be like I'm not gonna
[00:49:12] turn you gay no that's not gonna turn me gay but that I won't get anything out
[00:49:15] of it it's really I was saying I kind of want to shoot a movie that's just two
[00:49:18] hours of like it like an interracial trans couple literally just fucking but
[00:49:23] you you know shoot it with like well like on like DSLRs or whatever yeah make
[00:49:29] it look a little on it's now like on like yeah like color correction and shit and
[00:49:33] maybe there's like some subplot about them getting fired from a coffee shop
[00:49:37] but they live in Bushwick they're trans they fuck each other and then just make
[00:49:41] make sure it's just pornography and see if you can win any war I would like no
[00:49:46] movie there's just moonlight is looking like that move like that actually I went
[00:49:50] into it not knowing what it was at all and it made it way better like I didn't
[00:49:55] I tried there was some movie I tried to watch it was like like white girls or
[00:49:59] something that wasn't white girls I forget what the fuck it was but it's like yeah
[00:50:02] just white chicks with the Wayans brothers no that's an excellent film
[00:50:05] I do think this movie that came out this movie that came out like this year where
[00:50:10] it's like it's white girls in the title something like that yeah they just do
[00:50:13] drugs and it's empty 17 yeah they just do drugs and there's like a Latino
[00:50:17] boyfriend and it's like I'm not annoyed with like the representation but it's
[00:50:21] like this is such a boring fucking movie it's young people sitting around doing
[00:50:26] fucking drug that doesn't impress me I'm not like oh wow yeah yeah sex yeah I
[00:50:33] don't know I don't know that's that's pretty cool to be yeah I watch the MTV
[00:50:37] network there's got to be a spy there's got to be a bridge you know so it
[00:50:41] spies meat on that's what that's that's the recipe for a good movie yeah you need
[00:50:47] a bridge in there spy maybe some disguises maybe got it's a master of
[00:50:52] disguises you know maybe maybe that's not theater incredible that is one of
[00:50:59] the most movies I've ever seen him I guess it is so fucking bad you know you
[00:51:04] know you know my thought he was purge like poise for a comeback right you
[00:51:11] starting Dana carpet and he's an Aryan but he can play any race he can play
[00:51:18] any race release a special yeah straight white male a 60 no way it's good yeah I
[00:51:23] saw the title this week you know this is gonna be the most tone deaf
[00:51:27] absolutely there's no way I mean like I'm I'm like not even 30 and it's like I
[00:51:32] already feel out of touch right you know mm-hmm I don't think that I could say
[00:51:36] anything that's like really culturally relevant or get my finger on the pulse
[00:51:40] of what people are thinking no way do you know that's probably exactly what
[00:51:44] happened he just came up with a new hour and it probably was not that good or
[00:51:47] not that like in touch and he was like I'm gonna lean into it and just call it
[00:51:51] straight so it looks like I'm aware that this is bad dude did you hear that
[00:51:55] story about fucking what's his name there's a ticket what's what's his name the
[00:52:02] actor John Lovitz John my parents just saw a data card and John Lovitz this week
[00:52:07] John Lovitz had fucking draft house yeah something when I think it was
[00:52:12] Milner closer well that Milner was when they were saying he was like yeah we had to
[00:52:17] I had to have a car pulled around to the back of the venue to take him out because
[00:52:21] he was worried people were going to beat him up he's like saying that because
[00:52:24] he's a Republican no because he was on stage and he's like what what the fuck
[00:52:28] are Tranny's back when I was young it was just called being a fake I tell you
[00:52:33] to John Lovitz was saying this day when he's like booing him yeah he's closer
[00:52:38] for a long time I think he did a bit about the N word which is just Louie bit by the
[00:52:42] way but he's like when you say the N word everyone's thinking the words are
[00:52:46] you just saying the word yeah I know the Louvre he's got he's closer for a
[00:52:51] long time was just a song and it was like it was just like Bob my friend Bob
[00:52:56] Saggot is good is a faggot it was like that's like that was the big musical
[00:53:02] number he told yeah my my folks saw saw him in Dana Carvey this weekend and my
[00:53:06] dad called me to tell me the bit and I was like I don't really think that's
[00:53:11] that funny well nor I love anytime Norm talks about him on a podcast about doing
[00:53:16] comedy just shit on him because it's like Lovitz was never a stand-up he's just
[00:53:19] like a guy who's like famous now and he's a wavy guy yeah like like like I was
[00:53:23] like I want that dude I want I want I just I once came and then just to go
[00:53:28] around just being terrible a comedy I know yeah just the same thing I do now
[00:53:32] David I'll agree but with a lot more money I bet you David I'm going to be
[00:53:35] least interesting to watch I saw my draft house he's Steve oh yeah Steve oh and
[00:53:40] and what's the same mankind's Greek Tom green is a mick Foley yeah it's
[00:53:46] Tom green a good Santa no I don't know but I don't know it's weird he's good I
[00:53:53] mean he's a funny it's weird that like people comedy is so hot right now Mike
[00:53:57] diesel one time that Mike diesel yeah explain him on the podcast before this
[00:54:03] guy that booked the fucking open Mike yeah he booked yeah he booked booked
[00:54:09] wise acres in northern Virginia but he was like a pathological liar whatever
[00:54:14] and so he would anytime any comic was brought up he'd be like yeah we're gonna
[00:54:18] actually we're gonna have him to the club you know and it's like we see the
[00:54:23] headshots on the wall no fucking comes through here it's the drum comic the
[00:54:28] coach and then like the magic I 45 fat guys at all had their like fucking a
[00:54:33] order exploded H37 and they you know from cocaine sandwiches yeah pretty much
[00:54:40] yeah from free comedy club bar food from from fried pickles and King Kong nachos
[00:54:45] yeah and all that shit fuck with KCD is with fried chicken in the chili burger
[00:54:50] yeah but yeah so but one time comics we're just talking about emerald
[00:54:57] agassi and this is like 10 years ago so it was when like emmural show is real
[00:55:01] big or whatever he was huge yeah and was a big joke everywhere yeah yeah so it's
[00:55:06] like two comics are talking about emerald I think it was Andy Klein and
[00:55:09] somebody else and fucking diesel comes up and he's like yeah we're actually
[00:55:13] gonna have him through the club because he thought they were just talking about
[00:55:17] a comic so he decided to just lie about it they were like to do what and he's
[00:55:22] like yeah I'm here you want Mike just cook on stage the worst part is I could
[00:55:32] see emerald would could get booked to headline a club so much better for the
[00:55:37] good comedy yeah yeah credits like everyone was like I want to do comedy
[00:55:40] oh yeah every club would headline that's the thing that's about stand up is it
[00:55:43] like audiences are fucking retarded no like the people they and they don't
[00:55:48] mean maybe in their personal lives they aren't but something happens to people
[00:55:52] when they enter a comedy club that they just become the abject fucking retard
[00:55:56] it's shocking get drunk they want something to just go fucking do but it
[00:55:59] does a shocking how many people don't even like comedy in their perfect yeah
[00:56:04] go to comedy clubs yeah all they want is to be shit on all they want is hack
[00:56:08] shit how fucking funny is it that like the thing that we've chosen to pursue is
[00:56:13] on par with like let's just go bowling tonight right right right right right
[00:56:17] then it would be like if you were really trying to be the best guy it's setting
[00:56:20] up the pins it's not even being is that even bowling yeah yeah working at a
[00:56:25] bowling alley it's working at a bowling out is is what being a comedian well
[00:56:30] the other thing is but but the with I saw a guy I saw a guy crush in Detroit and
[00:56:34] I forget who he was I was trash I was really fucking drunk and I was there for
[00:56:38] a festival and there was a guy that just went on stage and as far as my memory
[00:56:42] goes he was the red shirt guy he dressed in all red and he handed out red shirts
[00:56:47] and he just played music and it was like this isn't even calm he's not even
[00:56:52] attempting comedy and people love because it was just a guy handing out
[00:56:57] shirts Jesus they didn't say anything free shirts I don't think yeah I fuck
[00:57:02] with free shirts yeah no it sucks comedy sucks but well how many people do you
[00:57:07] stand up up into they go to even good clubs are like this is my first comedy
[00:57:11] show it's like what how is your first comedy but I guess people real comedy
[00:57:15] fans anywhere because the people that are were comedy fans are now just doing
[00:57:19] comedy they do mics they also you know I mean that's not true dude podcast people
[00:57:24] at work love listening to fuck yeah people love podcast that's not staying
[00:57:28] up comedy I'm talking about some people it is some people that's what comedy is
[00:57:32] but yeah but it's fucking not dude I mean this is not edited or honed no show
[00:57:36] is I mean I mean maybe there are shit podcasts out there where they write all
[00:57:39] this stuff in advance you know and that's not staying up comedy no same yeah yeah
[00:57:43] well another thing is like going back to the love its thing is like there are a
[00:57:47] ton of comedic actors who do comedy shit and then try to go and stand up that
[00:57:53] because stand up is hot right now so they so what they do is they work like the
[00:57:57] meltdown room in LA they work like kind of all two rooms where everyone knows
[00:58:02] them from you know children's hospital or whatever and then they they crush and
[00:58:07] then they get their 30 minutes which sucks because they've been like because
[00:58:12] people give them laughs just because they were from the TV right right and then
[00:58:15] they sell it to Netflix and make a ton of money you know that that that's become
[00:58:18] like a fucking business model for a ton of like comedic actors who fucking
[00:58:24] suck who think that Santa is on a skill we're gonna make this podcast number one
[00:58:28] and then we're gonna produce the world's shittiest web series and we're gonna get
[00:58:32] created and then we're gonna sell this sell it and then we're gonna be you know
[00:58:36] terrible like everybody else I can't wait dude I would love to be I remember
[00:58:40] when what's his name Cordray was hosting was hosting at Bancable
[00:58:44] Jamel was on that show I was not that show dude it was like insane it was he
[00:58:48] was doing Brody Brody Stevens did my show and he's good yeah he's he's hilarious
[00:58:52] yeah I'm not gonna get into the habit of shooting on people specifically yeah
[00:58:58] you guys are super funny yeah he's super funny Adam Friedlands said it right here
[00:59:03] right now crazy rock Cordray is a terrible bad
[00:59:05] comedian no I've both we all love we're both looking at you like why would you
[00:59:10] fucking say like Adam please I was holding up a sign said Adam please stop I told
[00:59:14] the story about I told a story about how emerald agassi shouldn't do comedy
[00:59:18] yeah which is fair I didn't say he was a bad cook I didn't come on the podcast
[00:59:23] and publicly announcing rock Cordray is a fucking bad well let me go through my
[00:59:27] list right now bad comments go ahead okay we see K Lewisy K Jerry Sun fell you
[00:59:34] got your McDonald's Norm McDonald's dog I haven't read his book I have it I
[00:59:39] have it you can have it I want to read a book I think it would be cool to
[00:59:43] read I still haven't finished at norm I've never seen a book I've never you know
[00:59:46] looked at a book so all the listeners norms book is incredible and you should
[00:59:50] read it it's like a work of fuck he's he's like a great novel I was so not like
[00:59:55] to do like a sky seven is like bookshelf with like four books on it and I always
[00:59:59] want to do like a sketch where it's like a girl bringing like a guy back to her
[01:00:03] apartment and there's like a bookshelf with like maybe seven books on it and he
[01:00:06] just looks at it and he's like have you read all these books it's just it's
[01:00:13] just the dictionary yeah I wow that's amazing
[01:00:16] don't listen wow wow wow you read all these books wow wow maybe I want to try and
[01:00:26] kill myself who made him try to kill himself I think he did it he just did
[01:00:31] knows Andy Dick got him on no no it wasn't Andy no Andy Dick I feel
[01:00:35] Andy they got Phil Hartman's wife on coke yeah really yeah apparently yeah
[01:00:41] that's why she cut it she killed him that's why she killed him so we should
[01:00:44] kill Andy Dick it's Andy Dick's fault well do a fat wagens no we should get
[01:00:48] Andy Dick's husband on cocaine so they have a fuck brain oh no no Steve
[01:00:54] Coogan didn't people say Steve Coogan got own Wilson on smack and that's why he
[01:00:59] was about to kill himself yeah he was like addicted to heroin yeah I love
[01:01:03] Steve Coogan oh man I saw I saw an advertisement because Ricky Gervais
[01:01:08] stole his life yeah yeah you're really so is so much better than we stole his
[01:01:12] world I saw I saw an advertisement for the AARP on like Network television
[01:01:17] where it's like you know it's like a woman and she's like scrolling through
[01:01:20] the AARP website and her friend is a man is like what are you doing on AARP
[01:01:24] she's like well you qualify for yourself too mr. 50 you know and he's like I
[01:01:29] don't know about that you know he's apprehensive about admitting that he's
[01:01:32] old enough to join the AARP but none of those people will ever be able to
[01:01:36] retire right right right and then she's like yeah well check out all you're
[01:01:40] missing out on and then she's just like looking at pictures of Ted Nugent
[01:01:46] it's like one of the benefits of being the AARP is that you get to see pictures
[01:01:50] you get Ted Nugent's Twitter account yeah Ted Nugent with a cat scratch fever
[01:01:57] yeah which is sexual that underage Polynesian woman all right well we're
[01:02:02] out of time great so I just want to say I love you Rob yeah no you're gonna you
[01:02:07] you're gonna fuck up but eating crow once Rob Cordray here did you know that he
[01:02:12] asked us to reboot children's hospital I'll let you're out I'm a fan dude you're
[01:02:18] out wait he just wanted the come boys yeah but he said as long as no one
[01:02:21] trashed me on the podcast that was just one we're fucked that was his one
[01:02:25] condition yeah I'm out with I'm out with the ants which by the way is not a big
[01:02:30] deal I think and ants gonna do the show did you talk to them yeah I talked to
[01:02:35] Ann about he's fine I saw the clip from his podcast he wasn't really that mad
[01:02:39] yeah well because it's like again he was wrong about the fucking thing I'm like
[01:02:45] I feel like I'm entitled to just say yeah he's fucking wrong about it also you
[01:02:49] notice no one put in the fucking part where we sucked him off and said it was
[01:02:52] the funniest dude yeah they edited out the fact that we were all
[01:02:55] who is this is it's these like shithead fucking you know yeah they literally
[01:03:00] tattle tales you're like oh that's a bitch move time to bust out Adobe audition
[01:03:05] yeah I make my little tattle tale play it'll retweet me exactly fucking
[01:03:10] losers right so yeah just fucking guys that tattle tale to Mike Francesca all
[01:03:15] there long the dog is a faggot Mike yeah so if you were if you were a question
[01:03:23] I got a lot of opinions of the Jets yeah no there's no bad blood between
[01:03:27] come town and and ants and if there was we would just fucking talk about it
[01:03:33] it's like not yeah I don't understand why people think that that would be like
[01:03:36] an issue to fuck yeah well we said there was this is the podcast you just heard
[01:03:40] Adam say out loud he hates Rob Cordray so the most powerful man in show business
[01:03:45] probably like if you look at Adam's career track he's gonna be a Rob
[01:03:49] Cordray type and so he's going after you know the one guy that can help him
[01:03:54] so we're yeah we're not afraid to confront anybody yeah that's on the show
[01:03:59] and this is the show where again where Adam says fuck Rob Cordray fuck
[01:04:04] Louis C.K. Adam hates all these people he doesn't give a shit about how
[01:04:09] Ting the Taras of fraud I don't think she had cancer yeah it's true and I think
[01:04:14] she's heterosexual I think she's trying to get that LGBT money and that cancer
[01:04:21] money I want to get a tattoo this says LGBT but that like every letter has the
[01:04:25] two stripe dollar sign like symbol true with LGBT let's get big titties yeah
[01:04:32] you just don't know that it's oh my god that'd be such a good like Ocean City
[01:04:36] Maryland boardwalk t-shirt let's get a giant big titties like whoa LGBT baby
[01:04:42] you have no idea it's not I love it I love it I just think it'd be funny if the
[01:04:48] T and LGBT stuff are trains not trans mm-hmm and on that note everyone
[01:04:54] Wow so come to our live show yeah a couple weeks it's actually coming up I
[01:05:11] always forget that it's coming up the 23rd I think I'll look it up right now
[01:05:15] yeah you got a live show the fourth Monday of this month they come on
[01:05:19] everybody we're also we're at Carolines next month and hopefully we'll talk
[01:05:24] after this but I want we should we hopefully come out and see some people
[01:05:28] in your cities so we're doing North Texas what when's the fucking live show
[01:05:36] dude the line I'm finding where's my calendar up it's February 21st 23rd
[01:05:41] no no that's the cameras when we also do January 23rd I come on everybody which
[01:05:46] is about two weeks we yeah we can have two weeks cool yeah and then otherwise
[01:05:53] we'll be we'll be around also add me on PlayStation I don't have any friends on
[01:05:57] PlayStation yeah I got a bi PlayStation and yeah do Patreon too if you don't
[01:06:03] already I was I was asking the other day is is Xbox live more racist than
[01:06:09] PSN yeah because it's free yeah because it's free no it's not they're neither
[01:06:15] of them are free I thought Xbox was free no no in fact that that's the fact
[01:06:19] that cost money makes it more racist because it means that minorities don't
[01:06:22] have access to it oh yeah it's like a poll tax yeah dude I like honestly you
[01:06:28] go and play like you play there is so funny I remember like like 10 years ago
[01:06:33] whenever like you said like online games with like headsets and shit you
[01:06:37] would play a game for a while and then the price would drop and as soon as the
[01:06:40] price dropped it you would like you know you'd be playing when it came out and
[01:06:43] be like yeah like we got to go over here like capture this objective this guy's
[01:06:48] a faggot or you know like fuck this guy you know this guy's fucking camping or
[01:06:53] whatever and then the price would drop and it's like yokie it always like
[01:07:03] Texas wiggers would show up yeah which is always a weird like yeah me my
[01:07:07] partners Paul wall to all walls and my pot funny I love it I love that guy yeah
[01:07:15] it's also the gay term for my boyfriend yeah me and my life partner
[01:07:21] honest with my life partners that we dedicate not sit and to trade me each
[01:07:26] other me and my partner yeah I'm all right well yeah so yeah I guess those
[01:07:33] are the shows coming up I will figure it out I do want to have an on because
[01:07:36] again is is great to you know fucking Chad with so funny and then that's the
[01:07:43] the one the one hesitation is like I think that's the last big guest that we
[01:07:49] could do I've kind of exhausted my well there's the one guy man we gotta talk
[01:07:53] about it vampire weekend oh right well he doesn't agree to do the show well he
[01:07:58] agreed to do the show fans vampire weekend Ezra Klein from box as we're
[01:08:05] going to said that he wanted to do come town so you whatever yeah oh and he
[01:08:11] probably will never do it and Ashton Kucher also in Danny Masters fucking
[01:08:15] asshole name by the way I should hear it all the time so you stop thinking about
[01:08:19] it but Jesus that in McCauley Culkin would have fucking shitty name yeah
[01:08:24] Ashton's worst in McCauley mmm McCauley Culkin is like is like the best child
[01:08:29] actor it's like Kutcher is just than Culkin I think Kutcher's a little I'll
[01:08:35] get your McCauley but I think Kutcher is worst in how about this McCauley
[01:08:39] Kutcher that sounds like an ad agency it does yeah all right well that's the
[01:08:46] episode you know hey if you don't like the show yeah that's suck our fat
[01:08:52] cock I understand you know I say something I'm on board I don't think I just hate
[01:08:57] the show yeah I hated to but fuck you you don't show me disrespect I'm one I'm
[01:09:01] one of the guys that thinks the show's not racist enough now yeah I just want
[01:09:05] to say to all those guys that black lives matter if you do black lives matter
[01:09:12] if you're a racist I don't put it out there was one guy that was like it was
[01:09:16] like oh these stores ever recovered dude there was some girl that was
[01:09:22] raped and fed to alligators it's like yeah in Florida dude fuck you talking
[01:09:26] yeah these these dudes that are like so fucking paranoid about a genocide against
[01:09:31] white people one of them was like replying to Nick's tweets and he's like
[01:09:34] dude they raped a girl and they fed her to gators that's like one of his that's
[01:09:40] his evidence the black lives matters is feeding girls to gators
[01:09:44] definitely not bitch moves to live in fear about the knockout game yeah that's
[01:09:49] a way to prove that you're not a fucking cowardice that's the thing has been all
[01:09:52] your time worried about the fucking knockout game and being fed to alligators
[01:09:56] they're fucking snowflakes they're they're they're you heard you heard
[01:10:01] racist animal flake I mean snowflakes are white dude it's better for whatever
[01:10:08] snowflakes are white they're cold you know they're icy they're beautiful I
[01:10:13] don't understand what the problem is there what the fuck are we talking about
[01:10:18] we've been ending this for 20 minutes I have it's literally been two minutes
[01:10:24] really yeah all right delirious dude I'm well thank you as always for all the
[01:10:28] sweeties that listen to the show yeah how or at us you guys are sweeties
[01:10:32] seriously I'm single and I'm ready to mingle yeah thanks for listening show you
[01:10:36] know steal it do whatever tell people to it even if you do hate it you want
[01:10:40] everyone even if you do hate it and you want you know and you say hey look at
[01:10:43] these fucking assholes so we don't like you know to be honest with you like I
[01:10:46] you know I say all that shit but like that's what fans are there people that
[01:10:51] fucking like you know they listen every show and like oh you're a fucking
[01:10:54] faggot or whatever yeah so I don't really mind it I mean it's fucking I'm
[01:10:59] I like kind of cool yeah right exactly it's that's all fans are sitting in the
[01:11:04] standsang yeah I'm a faggot I appreciate it yeah I threw three interceptions
[01:11:08] this you are I'm the Eli man you all agree of the pot in this game that's what
[01:11:13] you know build on people that hate the show build a community I'm going to
[01:11:18] Adam being gay yeah that's the thing man we need unity in this country and I
[01:11:22] think the ticket is specific anti-semitant directed at actual individuals
[01:11:28] not this sort of generic nebulous there's no plot divisive you pick a Jew and go
[01:11:34] after one absolutely it's me together I'm the problem you know how you know if
[01:11:39] if Hitler picked one Jew but he really didn't like would people have thought he
[01:11:45] was such a bad guy they would have given him that one guy it was the one guy you
[01:11:49] could have taken over the world and wouldn't have been a problem that's true
[01:11:52] yeah you should have only killed one Jew well sure I don't think there's a way
[01:11:57] to fix any of what I said so yeah all right you guys are fun thanks