Cum Town | Regular | 02/02/2017
[00:00:00] I love folks. I fuck I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I
[00:00:08] Wasn't a good idea dude coffee. We were gonna order chicken and waffles and then stop
[00:00:14] Fatly bullied everyone in the game. That's absolutely nice sushi is better for you than the fat move
[00:00:19] The fat move was your stance to get fucking fried chicken to get breakfast food for breakfast
[00:00:23] It's 1230 it was 1230. We're making that the breakfast just means the first meal you eat in a day
[00:00:30] Just because you're a bit jazz. We'll go. Yeah, it's technically breaking the fast right of not eating that's what it means
[00:00:47] How this is I was going for the health your choice while you're trying to get something healthier choice to 100%
[00:00:52] It definitely is no it's a matter of fucking calories
[00:00:56] You know, I mean I can eat a normal amount
[00:00:58] It's not a healthier choice when you have to have like six rolls of sushi into soup and a salad three my bitch
[00:01:05] Salad is good for you. Miso soup is basically just fucking water
[00:01:10] So healthier as far as I'm well, I want to throw up dude with all the coffee and the sushi
[00:01:15] It's because you're dying. Well, you also had two large coffees. Yeah
[00:01:19] Oh, I need them to wake up otherwise I get hit there's something about this apartment
[00:01:25] Yeah, no, there's I felt sick remember when I was sick of shit
[00:01:28] Yeah, and I would and we hung out here a couple days and I was like man
[00:01:31] My car my cold isn't going away. Yeah, I just stayed home for one day and I was fucking fine
[00:01:36] Yeah, I think there's these fucking cats dude. Yeah, no it is there's too much dander and shit kind of cat fever cat scratch fever
[00:01:44] That's probably what it is. We're watching the new Tim Allen sitcom not new
[00:01:48] It's been on since 2011 2011. It's just wicked. I bought most people don't know about it
[00:01:54] So that makes it new but it's crazy that it's been out for six years and we have never heard of it
[00:02:01] But then we get it dudes. I'm ragging now. I pay attention to television considering I work in this industry
[00:02:07] Yeah, I'm an artist dude. I'm a fucking I go right to the crowd man. You're an
[00:02:12] Incorporate fucking entities not me. No anybody know that like has a TV writing job. They watch every show
[00:02:20] Yeah, they like still like you know people are like god you watch SNL. I'm like no
[00:02:31] The Spartan Zane on there. Yeah, if Sherio Terry doing something weird with her eye. Yeah
[00:02:35] She's not making her left eye twitch. I'm not interested. Yeah, we were like oh man last night's monologue not the best
[00:02:42] Are you still watching that show? Yeah, someone sent us or sent me a DM's like can't wait to get it
[00:02:48] The come boys take on a Z's and sorry's monologue didn't I was like I'm pretty sure
[00:02:56] Zero interest in watching and also fuck SNL for the fucking I mean this the
[00:03:00] Of suspending that writer for the Baron Trump tweet that shit's fucking crazy. You don't even know her name, dude
[00:03:05] I don't need to know her name. Hey, what's your name?
[00:03:13] Is it Kate something yeah Katie rich. Yeah shots out Katie rich. Yeah. Yeah, we it's an official stance of our part
[00:03:21] We stand with Katie and with Katie. Yeah, I don't know who she is and I'm sure she'll have no problem
[00:03:26] For I looked at her background. It's like a you see improv person. I take that back
[00:03:36] But I just loved it fucking then fucking retard Cameron Esposito she tweeted
[00:03:41] She goes she goes mmm. This is gonna sound
[00:03:45] Extremely accurate, but a lot of male writers say a bunch of bonkers shit and they don't get fired and it's like yeah
[00:03:52] That's the takeaway from this that we're not firing enough comedy writers
[00:03:56] Okay, no don't get me wrong Katie rich should be fired for what she's for right right right political satire
[00:04:01] I'm that's a which is her job, but the problem is that we need to fire more men. Yeah Wow
[00:04:06] Thank you Cameron for such a genius fucking right the problem
[00:04:10] Isn't that we have just started going after people for the words they say now that the tables have turned we're also
[00:04:18] The amount of comics the amount of comics I saw on Twitter pretending like this is a fucking precedent being set and not a
[00:04:24] Direction that we were headed in for two years or anybody who is reasonable more than two years
[00:04:28] Well, no mostly the last two years 2014 is when this shit started. Yeah, you're a little crazy
[00:04:33] Yeah, and when I wait, you know anybody that fucking said like hey, you know
[00:04:38] One day it's not gonna be a bunch of fucking fat liberal women
[00:04:42] Controlling the dialogue right on this issue and it's gonna be conservatives that are gonna come back into power
[00:04:48] And they're gonna use all this bullshit about how well if your language offend somebody, you know
[00:04:54] It shouldn't we should question whether or not we're just good consequence. Yeah exactly
[00:04:59] I just want to be on the right side of history. Well, here you are
[00:05:02] You set this up you wanted this to happen you made your bed
[00:05:05] I know fucking lie in it, but also fuck every Republican who's like who was like good on them for learning from these people now
[00:05:12] Dude, come on. No, they did they said they looked at what people were doing with
[00:05:18] Daniel Tosh it wasn't the Republicans though. It was it was fucking Lauren Michaels
[00:05:23] It was it was a little bit more Michael's wasn't offended
[00:05:27] We tweeted it was yeah, it was people it was fucking like oh it was bikers for Trump
[00:05:31] The bikers for Trump there were that were scared because they got glitter blown on them you see that there are 900
[00:05:38] Thousand bikers for Trump at the women's rally. Yeah
[00:05:42] Man doing wheelies. Yeah, we're fucked. That's it's you know, it's it's totally this is the fucking I told you some moment for everyone
[00:05:50] That would said, you know, well if rape jokes are off limits
[00:05:52] Where do you draw the line right and then you're like just you draw the line directly in front of the things that I like?
[00:06:06] Yeah, and then we make those things off limits and that'll never backfire ever right whenever there's never gonna be any
[00:06:12] Consequences the next thing that's gonna happen is always believe rhetoric is gonna be used to throw LGBT
[00:06:18] What is that always believe always believe oh no?
[00:06:20] I always believe as part of like campus sex assault activists, but I mean I'm sure oh you always believe in
[00:06:27] Always believe women always believe rape accusations always because in some cases, it's you know
[00:06:34] But then they're gonna fucking appropriate that somehow how in what's that like?
[00:06:41] Believe probably children. Yeah, there'll be some new like, you know child
[00:06:46] Oh children are being exploited by trans people and then you know, why would a child lie about that?
[00:06:52] And that's where you go from there, but it's gonna happen that I've been in the 90s though
[00:06:56] It's like certain idea. Yeah, it did it happened in the late 80s and it was Christians. It did it
[00:07:01] But yeah, it's like you know, I don't understand why like this didn't know this didn't occur to anybody
[00:07:07] Right that this kind of shit would start happening that we have like an
[00:07:11] Understanding of certain things that are you know codified in the law and should be you know
[00:07:17] Express throughout our culture that you have freedom of speech you have freedom of expression
[00:07:22] Yeah, don't try to get people fired for saying something you don't like the jokes or jokes
[00:07:26] It's fucking hard and that no we need to rethink these things. Yeah. Well, this is we already did we thought about all these things
[00:07:33] Right, right, right hundreds of years and we got to this point. It's also fucking disappointing that it's like
[00:07:39] Come SNL as an institution is just like throwing a writer under the bus completely
[00:07:43] Yeah, where it's like oh now it's like what happened first of all you put Trump on TV
[00:07:48] So suck my dick one and now when someone's doing their job good joke. It was a solid joke
[00:07:54] You know, yeah, it wasn't fun fucking offensive. It wasn't about him
[00:07:57] They weren't me she wasn't making fun of him for being fucking you know
[00:08:00] But developmentally disabled well, here's what you do is you do a joke where you call Baron Trump trans and then no one knows
[00:08:11] Because to be trans is to be perfect if you ever insult if you ever insult you deserve to be fired for writing a joke that punches
[00:08:22] You know down like that whereas you should be punching up towards a mentally disabled boy
[00:08:28] Who is in no way at fault for anything Donald Trump says or does yeah, but you know, whatever it wasn't fucking
[00:08:36] You shouldn't be suspended for you should be suspended
[00:08:39] But I mean there is really no defense of the joke and say there's no punching up there
[00:08:43] This isn't an incident where you know, she there's anyway by by their there is a really a defensive Daniel Tosh
[00:08:50] What he said I know but the defense here is what here's what the defense is that he's a fucking comedian
[00:08:55] He's loud at jokes, but you already know that jokes to
[00:08:59] Out the window so there really is no defense. This is what you fucking wanted
[00:09:03] Yeah, you think this is again if you think this is a precedent being set
[00:09:07] Examine your own fucking, you know actions and opinions
[00:09:11] Examine that check your privilege. Yeah check that take a closer look
[00:09:16] Yeah, so that sucks dick get him here. We are watching good clean wholesome comedy right now as we speak. Yeah decidedly
[00:09:25] Like wing conservative. Yeah, Tim Allen shows was funny
[00:09:29] I was looking online and a lot of other people are trying to like compare it to all in the family
[00:09:33] And it's like do you not know Tim Allen right?
[00:09:35] I mean, it's not there. No social point what so if Archie Bunker was supposed to be the non ironic hero
[00:09:41] Yeah, then it sort of is like that except now they have two screw up liberal sons or like boy
[00:09:47] Boyfriends of daughters and one is just so liberal and obviously gay. Yeah. Yeah. Well. He's like a graduate of gay conversion therapy
[00:09:56] Yeah, he's like he he passed he passed the program. He got the certificate and the hard hat that they give you at the end of
[00:10:03] Whatever that is. Yeah, they like make fun of him for thinking that global warming is a problem
[00:10:09] They're like why's global why's the rising ocean a big deal? Isn't that mean there's more room for the fish?
[00:10:21] Unions I can't wait to see what happens and they mentioned church a bunch and vaping this episode is about vaping
[00:10:27] The show is it the take so far anti vaping anti union
[00:10:30] Pro gay son as long as I'm making fun of him. Yeah
[00:10:35] There's a crack cracking wise lesbian who is not allowed to wear skirts
[00:10:40] She's always been in pants in every situation
[00:10:43] Even oh the daughter supposed to be a lesbian. I think no the other one no the third daughter
[00:10:48] She a daughter. She just a girl. I don't know this show actually takes place in an alternate universe where everyone's gay
[00:10:54] And so these guys are all actually progressive because they've decided to have heterosexual relationships. Oh
[00:11:04] It's pretty good. It's not Denver, Colorado. It's Denver Mars
[00:11:09] It's in its colony. That was another nice riff on the show is
[00:11:14] Explaining you ever do that shit where it's like you get so depressed you start looking up terraforming
[00:11:19] No, those are my two go-tos user. I think about killing myself for it's like man. What if I just lived on fucking Mars, dude
[00:11:27] So how far away are we from that you would love a three o'clock in the morning looking up?
[00:11:31] How long it'll take before we can have a cloud city on Venus?
[00:11:34] Can you somewhere? I'll be like, you know, I can escape my own fucking mental state and just you know
[00:11:45] You would love to go to Mars. You should apply you can go. Yeah
[00:11:48] There's people that are gonna die on Mars. Yeah, you can apply right now. Maybe I will you could just build shit up there
[00:11:53] Yeah, it's gonna be you had a bunch of sad. We'll do the podcast over Skype
[00:11:57] I mean people used to do that shit you think about like the guys that were like, yeah, I'll go west
[00:12:01] Right, I'll go get fucked to death by a bear in the woods
[00:12:05] It was awesome that you could just if you got tired of your life
[00:12:10] You just keep riding until you found in you said you need them be like I'm a doctor. I'm a woman
[00:12:24] Well the telegraph changed all that because they could wire your wire your description in the next town over even that you grow my stash
[00:12:34] That's where I want to be dude. I'm a fucking road agent. That was a job for a long time. Yeah
[00:12:39] Yeah, you just people stay on the road you protect them and kill Indians and shit nice
[00:12:43] Yeah, that's mostly what I want to do is killing
[00:12:46] How could it be like to the cowboy the cowboy that's like, you know, like I'm a I'm an engine scalper or whatever
[00:12:53] But then you're like killing like Hindu people in New York City
[00:12:58] It's a nice immigrant family. They were his engines
[00:13:04] Oopsy Daisy I love a story of for that. There's so many different types of fucking if you put a racist an old-school race in a story
[00:13:12] They would go crazy. I feel like there are probably there was like a woman was not where it lit up and a fucking Santa
[00:13:18] That was like when you go to Eminem store and they have a bunch of Eminem collars. You've never seen before
[00:13:23] It's like a racist and queens. It's like a diabetic and that fucking the Eminem flagship store
[00:13:28] Wasn't all in the family literally in a certain Queens. Yeah, yeah, but I'm talking about now. No, it's like the most fucking diverse place on
[00:13:35] Yeah, there's a Muslims a lot of some Slavs using the N word South Americans
[00:13:41] So many Muslims you say it like that you say it like BBC style the work
[00:14:00] I want to sign up for the mojo. It sounds like a type of Cadillac, you know, yeah, yeah a fleet would mojo
[00:14:08] Yeah, what would a mojo had Dean Cadillac shooting break Seville
[00:14:13] Have you ever seen four lions was four lines
[00:14:17] Lions it's like a British movie. It's like a comedy about suicide bombers really yeah
[00:14:22] He's so what this show is and Tim Allen show. He's a vlogger
[00:14:26] I I oh the end of every episode is like his final Jerry's final thoughts or whatever and then they show his vlog
[00:14:33] That's where he makes all his money. He's so in the show out door man. Yeah in this show. He plays a like a millionaire vlogger
[00:14:41] Who works at a gun shop and so he really yeah, and so he's like culturally working class because he's racist
[00:14:49] But he's still like a rich man that's wearing like a you know a $200 denim button down shirt and just makes vlogs
[00:14:57] Yeah, that's the funny thing about the show is that like because it exists in 2017 they have to have like
[00:15:04] People of color, but they're all just like yeah security guards. Yeah a cop
[00:15:09] Lawyer who this show is for is like, you know, it's for like I like I've got an uncle that's like, you know
[00:15:14] He was a contractor his whole life, but he owns a contracting business. So he's like God money
[00:15:19] You just have like plenty of money. Yeah for being a construction worker, right?
[00:15:23] And they identify with this is like, you know, I'm I'm just a working man. It's like well. Yeah, you live a pretty comfortable life
[00:15:32] Your son is wasting all your money on in acting school. Right. I do love when fucking
[00:15:39] Just conservative people have the just most screw up
[00:15:42] It's waste all their money waste all their money as well on the NYU. Yeah
[00:15:48] Unlike me my son my son NYU is taking a lot of money from conservative parents. I'm sure
[00:15:53] How about this cool automatic and why word?
[00:16:01] Popped into my head I got the end I'm pretty sure I know like this weird dizziness is affecting my ability to come up with jokes
[00:16:09] When I start going I'm really weird direction. I like NY word. Yeah, what could the Y stand for?
[00:16:14] Young. Yeah, YMC. It would have to be YN word
[00:16:31] Yeah, that totally works. Yeah young blank Christian's of America. Yeah
[00:16:37] Never how everyone knew those guys were gay even where I remember being like second grade and it's like yeah
[00:16:41] You know the village people are gay. That was the best bit as a little kid. Why?
[00:16:45] This guy this yeah, and the why is this guy in the fucking YMCA is he homosexual?
[00:16:51] I went to summer camp at the YMCA. You did so you were gay. Yeah. Yeah, I never got how that was
[00:16:57] What were you the construction work of the India? Yeah, I was no I was the road agent dude
[00:17:01] I got kicked out of YMCA campus. I was the
[00:17:04] In the game yeah, no, but you scalp this ball. I remember this yeah
[00:17:09] No, the YMCA summer camp. There's this kid Anton that found a condom on the ground thought it was a balloon
[00:17:15] They blew it up. Yeah, of course it was
[00:17:18] Who's just fucking using leaving unused condoms around I don't know like a Johnny Apple seed of fucking condoms
[00:17:25] Sometimes you got to go through condoms. Yeah, sometimes you gotta go through four condoms before you can stay here and Johnny Johnny
[00:17:35] Well he went around the country spreading HIV and that's the story of Johnny positive
[00:17:44] The village people stole a lot of valor there, you know, I'm sure that guy wasn't really in the army
[00:17:50] He was dude. There was a guy stealing cop valor. There was a guy stealing navy valor
[00:17:54] Construction worker the most important valor of them all yeah, well Tim Allen stealing construction worker valor with this fucking show
[00:18:00] Absolutely, you know and it's so funny that he is like a conservative considering like he's a
[00:18:06] convicted felon convicted coke dealer. Yeah, then was a stand-up comic and television star. Yeah
[00:18:12] That is the most fucking liberal career path there is honestly. Yeah, he's a he's a snitch
[00:18:18] He's an official snitch. He is a snitch. Oh really? Yeah, that's how he that's how he reduced his prison
[00:18:24] Yeah, he got caught with something like, you know, like pound thirteen pounds of cocaine nice like you
[00:18:31] Imagine how much cocaine that he dropped mad dimes. Yeah, I would snitch so quick
[00:18:37] Would you I would never snitch dude not each niche? You got to owe it to the guys that you're in in
[00:18:43] Well, it depends who am I snitching on is it you guys?
[00:18:46] I always imagined myself as like one of the characters in the movie heat. I've never seen heat. All right
[00:18:52] I want to really bad retard man. I told you how are you not seen
[00:19:00] I understand it when it's like an obscure reference or something like day shit Adam
[00:19:04] I tried to watch heat, but I couldn't get a little while. I don't know something gay
[00:19:08] Yeah, you're one of those gay movies that you like a movie you like okay, right now. Yeah
[00:19:13] Have you seen a laugh at the left at de Tem du qua? It's 1938 dude. It's so good
[00:19:20] Nobody speaks. It's just a woman looking at a feather for two and a half hours
[00:19:25] It gives you you get like a you go into an epileptic seizure because you know just the lights flickering the entire time
[00:19:33] It's it's so good. That does it's such a beautiful movie. I cry. I literally cried
[00:19:38] I didn't like excuse me. Have you seen fucking ready to rumble?
[00:19:42] Is that the one with the robot Johnny Knoxville playing in the special Olympics no, that's the ringer the ringer
[00:19:52] You know I watched jackass 3d recently for the third time so that's why I haven't seen movies like heat
[00:19:58] Shit's good dude. Jackass is so jackass is hilarious. This is the funniest movie. It's so well edited
[00:20:03] I don't think there's a funnier movie. I fucking love that shit dude
[00:20:06] They just dress up as ducks and then you just shoot them up in the air
[00:20:16] And then they just like fucking went into a Rams enclosure and played a tuba
[00:20:23] They just like funny costume so look stupid and get fucked up by something yeah, it's a beautiful for me
[00:20:29] I think jackass and Borrett are probably for laugh for laugh the two funniest or at the first time you see it might be the best
[00:20:36] Comedy I almost I thought I was gonna die. Yeah the first time I saw I was my dad
[00:20:45] Anything in a theater with my father the hardest
[00:20:48] Titanic all right me my dad were dying at that line
[00:20:51] When when he's at the zoo and there's that fucking giant turtle just eating it like a head of lettuce
[00:20:57] And he looks at it. He's like what kind of dog is this?
[00:21:06] It's tough because it doesn't the second the repeat viewings aren't as good. No, it's good dude
[00:21:11] I watched it recently. I watched it recently really it probably because I hadn't seen it in a couple years
[00:21:16] I forgot some jokes if you but watch it it held up if you watch every five years
[00:21:22] That's the sweet spot. I was I was howling man. That's how I am with band of brothers. I rewatch it like every year
[00:21:28] And I'm right in the middle of it right now. Also never seen that fuck. It's so good. I will see that it's so good
[00:21:34] I get like withdrawal after I watch it. I'm just like thinking about band of brothers for like a month afterwards
[00:21:39] We should go to war boys. Yeah, we should we should join piss big granddad
[00:21:44] Yeah, and and and guys we can go to war right now on Twitter against the pepper. No keep going
[00:21:50] What should we do stuff? We should go to actual war dude. Yeah, fuck up some hanging out with some cool curds
[00:21:57] Yeah, and just you fuck shit up. That's gonna be great
[00:22:00] When you go when you go help help people that are like but temporarily allied with the United States
[00:22:06] And then three years later. You're just not allowed to fly
[00:22:12] We would definitely choose the wrong one. Yeah, we would be guy. There's a guy that went to Libya to just like cover
[00:22:18] Like all the Arab Spring shit and at the time the US government had no problem with it
[00:22:23] You're like yeah, that's fine. And then like two years later. He was just not she had trouble getting back in the country
[00:22:30] Yeah, and it took like I think the ASL you helped him out and it took like a long time to get him off the no-fly list
[00:22:35] But yeah, you should never fuck around with that shit if you want to you know
[00:22:39] Live your life on in combat in the United States. We got to be brothers. Do we got to be a band of brothers?
[00:22:43] Yeah, well then how are we gonna go to war when we take over a fucking post office now? We're talking
[00:22:48] Yeah, now we're fucking done we get we get camoed up. Yeah, we get the fucking with the best kind of camo
[00:22:55] Not that did you for a post office? Well, it's gonna be long fingernails and extra large Dunkin donuts chai cool
[00:23:05] Weave that's a good you need that you need giant hoop earrings
[00:23:10] You need to not know fucking shit about anything going on at the post office. You need to be very angry about the line check
[00:23:17] Yeah, we can do all that shit. That's what about having a generally pleasant attitude now that
[00:23:25] Yeah, should we be annoyed that someone's asking us to do our job for 30 seconds. Absolutely. All right
[00:23:32] Good post office excuse me, sir. That is not my job. No, it literally is
[00:23:36] You're sorry. I'm about to go on break. Yeah, I really that I respect so much
[00:23:41] Like I wish I could be as assertive as a middle-aged black woman two minutes from her break
[00:23:47] Yeah, you know if I have that in my life, you know, it's a good a good movie
[00:23:52] But it has such a retarded plot point literally retarded plot point is the score cheating Gilbert grape now
[00:24:03] Ed Norton we're at Norton plays the retarded guy. Oh shit
[00:24:06] You haven't seen it. No, so basically there's this customs office
[00:24:11] It like Robert's an arrow plays like you know, it's the usual plot like one last I'm doing one last job
[00:24:20] This customs office where they have this scepter this like scepter that inside the scepter
[00:24:25] There's like some million dollar fucking thing or something
[00:24:28] Something like that and it's just sitting in the bit in the lock up of this customs office
[00:24:33] I don't know how much it's worth so Ed Norton's like a younger thief and he approaches in our office in areas
[00:24:38] I got been case in this place for six months
[00:24:40] I got a job in there and so he's working at the customs office
[00:24:43] But his cover is that he's mentally retarded
[00:24:46] So half the movies Ed Norton going into work like
[00:24:53] Let's steal the thing and then sneak away
[00:24:56] It's like that is not how you keep a low profile
[00:24:59] Right, right, right, right, right, you know like that fucking the place is gonna get robbed and they're gonna be like, you know
[00:25:08] That is gonna forget that there's a guy all the need of someone to hold his dick to yeah
[00:25:15] Brando's in that movie right yeah, brando's in it for the first like yeah, yeah, I just love it
[00:25:20] There's a scene where he's he's so fucking fast
[00:25:22] He's seen a is on the couch and is like big fucking you know like satin suits and they say oh wait come here
[00:25:29] I tell you I got such a good idea for you and this one and he's like just morbidly obese
[00:25:34] He wears a white suit. Yeah, he just by he doesn't know how to sit in any way
[00:25:38] It's great. Somebody told me that he refused to be filmed from the waist down. He was always saying
[00:25:43] It was just never wearing pants. Yeah, I've heard that too
[00:25:46] We watched it we watched it and you can see his pants. I was very disappointed
[00:25:51] It's so amazing that probably one of the most handsome men of all time ended up looking like that
[00:25:56] Yeah, it's pretty insane the transformation. It makes sense to me
[00:26:00] You think you're gonna get real nasty looking when you're older. Well, I'm not one of the most handsome men in the world
[00:26:05] I'll probably I will probably get pretty nasty. Do you think I'm gonna I feel like I'm gonna be I'm gonna be nice
[00:26:11] I feel like I look better. I look better every year. Yeah, you're gonna look like no
[00:26:21] Pounds good gnome chumps. I'm gonna look like shit. I hope that's what's funny. What's funny is I'm always like yeah
[00:26:27] I mean, I've just been fat my whole level just stay fat. I'll be fine
[00:26:30] But then I realize like oh no my body's just gonna deteriorate
[00:26:33] It's gonna keep getting worse. You don't just get to be fattish at your whole life
[00:26:38] I'm not even 30 yet, and I'm like I'm I'm just the last three days. I just have these weird dizzy spells all the time
[00:26:44] My fault you're gonna. Yeah, I I think the years whatever black Chinese mold you were fucking inhaling for two straight years
[00:26:52] Has a terrible effect. Yeah, even that weird place in Baltimore. You lived no that place is fine. Was it yeah with the clown with the clown?
[00:27:07] That's that's the genesis story of a lot of I like that guy was like is that are you a joke?
[00:27:11] I wrote when I was 13 that really that does feel like you were in some weird movie where you're fucking
[00:27:20] Notebook from your first year of stand-up possessed by the devil. Yeah
[00:27:25] Now that guy was just like what if a fucking Spencer's gifts t-shirt was a human being's life story
[00:27:34] Aren't those t-shirts like kind of like slutty isn't that the Spencer's gifts point of view. I don't know
[00:27:40] Yeah, I guess everything it's Spencer's gift is like you know, you're 30 now you fucking old piece of shit
[00:27:46] Pussy titty and then also just yeah dildos for some reason. Yeah, yeah, I stole a shirt from Spencer's
[00:27:52] It was great. That's my shoplifting days, dude
[00:27:55] When I was a badass when I sold weed and shoplifted in
[00:27:59] 11th grade you were a shoplifter. Yeah, I stole what you still it's cockro a biggie t-shirt
[00:28:04] Mmm just to show him that was a bad boy
[00:28:06] I just literally and it wasn't even stealing it was like I waited in line for 20 minutes
[00:28:11] I was like I'm just gonna walk out. Yeah, I just did and
[00:28:14] I just did that shit all the time at grocery stores
[00:28:17] Grocery stores. I would just pick up food and then start eating it in the store and then walk out. Oh, yeah
[00:28:22] I'll do I would go to the rules. I had I had my giant buy in
[00:28:27] Baltimore where I live when I lived in Charles village that giant on fucking 33. Yeah, yeah
[00:28:31] I would every time I would pick up a to-go-hot container
[00:28:35] And just put three pieces of fried tilapia in there and eat them while shopping and then my dessert was a lar bar
[00:28:42] Yeah, and I stole probably over the the one year I lived there
[00:28:53] Lars bars like with like Luna bars those like women's here's the law a lot more than it's good
[00:28:58] Dude, no, no, that's a Luna bar is women's candy a lar bar is like candy for women a lar bars candy for like fucking
[00:29:06] Like low-carb mountain climbers. It's like there's no there's no fucking you know mountain clients just for women
[00:29:13] Dude, no dude. It's even for bad tricked by marketing. No, it's for bad as I people that like think the cliff bars are for like mountain climbers
[00:29:20] No mountain that's no I don't eat mountain cliff bars. I'm talking lar bars, bitch
[00:29:24] No added sugars, you know, it's fucking it's all natural
[00:29:30] It's just dates and cashews and chocolate and peanut butter and delicious stuff sounds good
[00:29:36] It's good as shit, but I also ate it with three feet pieces of fried tilapia every time which is also very good
[00:29:45] What do you boys wait you made a sandwich out of candy bars? No, I didn't do that. You literally just
[00:29:53] Nica lost consciousness for seven seconds. I saw this motherfuckers eyes light up and his pupils died
[00:30:06] Yo, what if Nick died during that discussion well, we wouldn't know how to upload the episode
[00:30:10] Yeah, that would be the end of the show. That's all probably the end of your career is also now. I'd be fine
[00:30:16] You'd be fine. I'd be done. Yeah Adam would be fucked
[00:30:19] I'd be at funny moms next month. There'd be three people there be three people
[00:30:25] Be like guys next coming back next week. Yeah, we will just weekend at Bernie's Nick
[00:30:37] Is it possible it's cocaine withdrawal did that be it you were a nice sure amount of code maybe that's it
[00:30:43] Maybe I should that also affects your fucking serotonin your mood and like I
[00:30:48] That could cause that you know, it's weird. I've been in a pretty good mood
[00:30:51] Mm-hmm, which makes me worried that it is like a brain tumor or something
[00:30:56] More pleasant the last four days, you know
[00:31:01] Relatively to Terry gland tumor where like you grow real tall right right and sweet would it be if I had like gigantic
[00:31:07] No, no if I got like a tumor that like made me happy made you happy and I get to die
[00:31:13] That's that actually is the best that's perfect. Oh my god
[00:31:16] We just like the nicest guy in the world for two and a half we have where I like violently shit myself to death on a train
[00:31:25] That would be nice we did we really enjoy our time together. Oh fuck. I'm sick
[00:31:28] We beat then we'd be sad when you died. Yeah, you know, I don't know also if coffee is gonna stop you from being dizzy
[00:31:35] No, no, I make a horrible choice. Yeah, why are you doing that? You should drink water. I drank water, dude
[00:31:41] Did you not see this big barely drink? He's a big thing. Yeah, I drank the whole thing. Okay good for you
[00:31:45] All right, how about a tumor that there else remember that guy you got a tumor and it made me want to fuck kids
[00:31:52] No, I don't know that happened to a guy. Are you sure he wasn't just like oh?
[00:31:58] Because I was a Kurt Eichenwald like tried to fuck a boy
[00:32:01] Oh, yeah, it's like yeah, it's because I have epilepsy or like Pete Townsend that was like I was doing research research
[00:32:08] That's the best. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, my hypothesis is the child porn doesn't make me come
[00:32:18] Let me go get I'm gonna get some multivitamins from my room. Okay, you guys chat for a second. Yeah, that'll make you feel good
[00:32:25] Hey, folks Nick here, and I've got some bad news for you. I'm dying
[00:32:30] That's right. I'm dying of shitty underwear. I just okay. It's a new disease. It's real
[00:32:36] You know doctors doctors know about it. Okay, so it's not it's not a gimmick it affects
[00:32:47] Luckily there is a cure and it doesn't require health insurance that you can't afford
[00:32:51] It's MacWeldon calm smart design done to wear that's exclusively for men who like premium fabrics and easy online shopping
[00:32:59] If you go to Mac weldon calm and use promo code COMTOWN you can receive 20% off your order and experience underwear
[00:33:07] Their silver line of products are naturally antimicrobial so you can easily whisk away the stench of your previous shameful underwear that was probably killing you
[00:33:16] So upgrade yourself with a refresh kit filled with underwear for every occasion folks working out going to the doctor
[00:33:21] You know working out at the doctor's office, you know, maybe the doctors a girl
[00:33:26] You should always try to impress your girl doctor, you know everyone fluffs before physical, but that's not enough
[00:33:31] You got to have nice underwear, you know, maybe you can maybe you can marry your doctor
[00:33:34] That'd be pretty sweet, huh? So go to MacWeldon calm check out their selection
[00:33:38] Maybe get some shirts or socks or underwear
[00:33:41] And if you don't like it just let them know and they'll let you keep the clothes and refund you the cost
[00:33:46] And you remember use promo code COMTOWN to receive 20% off. Thanks
[00:33:52] Yeah, so okay, so let's plan out this weekend or burning thing because next probably another couple weeks
[00:33:56] What we need so we take some glasses Hawaiian shirt, of course, clearly yes
[00:34:02] The the wardrobe's but what we really need to do is get episodes of the podcast
[00:34:06] Yeah, and record and isolate him saying every every word and sentence
[00:34:11] Yeah, so kind of like how they do Siri so then we could just write his dialogue exactly
[00:34:16] Say whatever you want and then we make a Nick algorithm and Nick algorithm. So he'd just be like heavy on trans anyway
[00:34:28] Trans is perfect. What else do we have?
[00:34:30] We'd have to we'd have to upload a huge knowledge of obscure upn
[00:34:36] Fucking TV shows. Oh, that's not hard, dude. You're right. You just copy paste the fucking Star Trek Voyager random IMDB
[00:34:46] Well, there's a lot more deep cuts and Voyager that was their flagship series
[00:34:51] Talk about upn yeah, folks, you know, let's go. You guys are watch stacked with Pamela Anderson pigsty
[00:34:57] Yeah VIP with Pam's a VIP. Yeah Pacific blue was that upn Pacific blue?
[00:35:03] Which one was that that was a cops on the beach bike cops?
[00:35:14] Did you watch I watched an episode of that with Dana like a couple months ago online and
[00:35:20] Man, what a great show never saw it sweet Valley high
[00:35:23] It's like their twins or something their twins one of them is the hot one one of them is a smart one
[00:35:29] But they're both incredibly fucking hot wait. How can they yeah, they're hot dude
[00:35:32] So when the one is the hot one it just means she's dumb. Yeah, they're identical to well. She's a bitch to she acts
[00:35:39] popular right right the other ones like you know because she can read yeah, she's not reading shit nobody likes her
[00:35:45] But there's they have one episode where there's a kid in the school who's like the greatest musician in the world
[00:35:50] And he's just some like dumb he's supposed to be like a famous rock star or painter
[00:35:55] That's what it is. He's a painter and he tricks the hot girl and the letting him paint her naked
[00:36:00] Yeah, and then the whole school sees the picture she's like once the school sees that they're all gonna think I'm a fucking whore
[00:36:06] Or whatever so then they trick him into being naked and then that's the episode. Oh
[00:36:12] That is smart. Yeah, how big is his dick? He actually doesn't have a dick. What's the moral story?
[00:36:19] That's the moral of the story. They know it's better than you in any way probably has a smaller dick than you
[00:36:24] That's who we learned, you know with Donald Trump, you know, he's got a small dick because because we don't like him
[00:36:29] He's got he's got money and stuff. He legit probably does have a small dick
[00:36:33] Have funny it be if he I always thought it'd be great to redo the emperor's new clothes
[00:36:39] But then like so it's the end and the emperor's walking through the town and everyone just sees that the emperor has the biggest dick
[00:36:45] And then they kind of just all go home sad and then the moral of the story is is that yeah, no life really is unfair
[00:36:56] Anything you want to accomplish. It's not gonna happen
[00:36:59] Some people are rich and you were born to die
[00:37:02] Yeah, dude, that would be a bummer if Donald Trump had a big ass dick. I would be mad. Yeah
[00:37:06] I hope he does just because it would be funny for people. I hope Baron Trump has a really big dick. He probably does
[00:37:13] He does definitely he's a pretty big-sized boy. I've imagined
[00:37:18] Because you see him around adults and he does look like a boy's like ten, but he's like it's huge
[00:37:22] He's like 511. Yeah, he's not 511 and he's a handsome kid is the funny thing the other two boys
[00:37:28] I feel like aren't that big I think Eric's may be bigger, but Don Jr. is shorter than well
[00:37:35] Yeah, when he was on WWE that was that's the only way he would take a stunners if he got to fuck that sweet China pussy
[00:37:50] Clip jerk off that little kid. Yeah, I have a little respect. Yeah, that's true. RIP. Yeah, we're gonna get fired from
[00:37:57] Come Town for you making that joke shit dude
[00:38:01] I can't I think really now we've crossed the line because of making fun of dead China because of that yeah
[00:38:06] I think I didn't appreciate how she hit men with the low blow. That was a sexist move
[00:38:11] You could do that to a girl and it still hurts, but it would hurt the way like, you know
[00:38:23] Pussy punching I was doing a lot I was punching with women in the pussy and I was like I
[00:38:28] Was like put I thought I was like pussy power punch. Yeah, and then they were like it hurts also even though we don't have balls
[00:38:35] Yeah, then yeah damn really so then I just apologize and they said it was okay
[00:38:40] So did you guys ever play that WWE WWE know WWE F no mercy on n64? Yeah when you did the low blow and it went
[00:38:50] Every time you hit someone in the balls
[00:38:52] Little bell went off. I made you want to hit it with the balls all the time. Do you want to play that shit? Yeah?
[00:38:58] Hell yeah, so I have like a flashcard for the n64. Oh, yeah
[00:39:04] Yeah, we could do that today actually if you just go but we buy an extra controller
[00:39:08] I'll plug that shit in here. Hell yeah, dude
[00:39:09] I gotta go Ben still here and I gotta hang out with him. Yeah, I gotta go to the gym
[00:39:13] We'll do it though. Yeah, um, yeah, I fucking love that game also
[00:39:17] It's so I was thinking about I watch you guys see have you guys see the Jake the snake documentary? No dude
[00:39:23] You know Jake the snake you memory the snake you mannery. He is one of the worst lives of all time
[00:39:30] You know addict. I think is I think his father raped his mother and that's how he was born. Oh, yeah
[00:39:36] This is a very bane backstory. Yeah, and his dad was a professional rest of the didn't love him
[00:39:40] Think anyway, the whole point it's a good documentary whatever
[00:39:43] I would not be your back story instead of like, you know, I'll use a snake. Yeah
[00:39:49] So much better it really the bastard. Yeah, Jake the rape product
[00:39:56] That's a much cooler also, I'm not sure if that's true. I think it is but
[00:40:01] Anyway, they just interview a bunch of wrestlers and they interviewed gold dust like out of his makeup
[00:40:07] It's just rules. He's just some white trash guy. Yeah, like loves res dusty roads. You remember no, it's dusty roads
[00:40:14] Yeah, that's gold us. What's this is a fucking oh, I'm just thing. It's totally different. Yeah. Yeah, what's his old name?
[00:40:20] Gold us. Yeah, I don't know but anyway, but it's just so funny
[00:40:24] You think you're just some white trash guy who loves wrestling all you want to do is be a wrestler
[00:40:28] And he just gets the gay trans character
[00:40:31] Like there's no way that's how you saw yourself. You didn't get that dude. I feel like he he kind of like created that
[00:40:37] Yeah, but you just find it's like it's like you just finding a niche
[00:40:40] You'll do anything gold does was insanely like progressive for its time
[00:40:45] I know and especially in a time where every other wrestling character was like the black the black guy
[00:40:51] Is that progressive? I thought he was just like a hair metal guy. No, he was gay. Yeah
[00:40:56] He would like be gay to the other guys. It's finishing move was being very gay. Yeah, it would really like
[00:41:03] antagonize the audience it would antagonize the other wrestlers people would just be losing their minds about yeah
[00:41:09] They were so mad. I mean, I was a bad guy. He was a bad guy for being gay, but he was a he was a high heel
[00:41:16] He looks like a gold violent J. Yeah, Dustin Reynolds Dustin Reynolds not Dustin
[00:41:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:41:28] Yeah, he rules man. Yeah, Dusty Rose Jr. Was one of his ring names. Oh, okay, okay. It's the same dude
[00:41:34] But that's a thing. No, no Dusty Rose. It's not the same. It was an older guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:41:39] But that's the thing you'll try any gimmick and the one that stuck was just being gay and wearing face. Oh, he's Dusty
[00:41:45] Rose's son. Oh, he is yeah. Yeah, he actually is a son. Yeah. Oh damn. That makes sense. Dusty Rose is just like
[00:41:51] You're telling him to be a gay guy. He's cool. Dude. He was like an outer space not gay trans woman
[00:41:58] I know he's like a IRL. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. No, he had a woman that would like come out to like he had a
[00:42:09] Was afraid of the ring name Gold us re teams with our truth. What's our truth? It's a reddit. Yeah
[00:42:16] Yeah, sounds like I think that must be a new development
[00:42:20] I don't know. I just remember Gold us being gay and it being funny that he was gay to me as a child
[00:42:24] Which probably sends the wrong message. Well, yeah, but I guess maybe it was trying to say that gay is bad
[00:42:30] But it was still definitely saying that he was one of the most visible sort of queer
[00:42:36] Characters of the 90s. It's true that gold. This is a trailblazer. He was stole some Bowie shit, too
[00:42:43] I mean, that's totally still bowie. Oh, it does is steal shit from other things
[00:42:47] It's a I've never I never interpreted him as gay really what gold dust. Yeah, you would like kiss guys
[00:42:56] It's so mad. I thought it was just weird and his finishing move was like
[00:43:00] Putting your legs spread your legs open and kicking you in the dick or touching your dick or something
[00:43:05] I don't remember what it was, but it was like move
[00:43:07] It's effective it's a good move, but anyway, that's that's my that's my wrestling take yeah, I remember his his
[00:43:18] For a while who I think was a former male porn star and he used to come out
[00:43:24] Ladies he seems to come out with a fucking towel round his
[00:43:30] He would sexually take it off. Yeah, he's sick
[00:43:33] Yeah, the gold us the person is not a homosexual
[00:43:38] Roads was married to W. Do F star Terry Ronald's during the 90s and in a child area
[00:43:43] Yeah, hell yeah, gold does the character just plays mind games with wrestlers
[00:43:47] Yeah, right dude as told on WWE television of no the gold
[00:43:53] That's what they're saying, but he was clearly gay. Yeah, he would use gay
[00:43:57] He was being the mind games were pretending he was gonna fuck them. Yeah, he was gay dusty
[00:44:05] Rudges you just doesn't want to admit he could only stick on to the
[00:44:12] But Terry that's a good that's a good pull. She was hot. She was on she was like his ring girl
[00:44:16] She would like she would accompany him. Yeah damn tip. I beat off to so many WWE
[00:44:22] Girls there's that one pick of Stephanie McMahon where you can kind of see your tits through
[00:44:26] Did you ever did you ever hear Michael read that fanfic that he wrote about?
[00:44:34] What's that dudes name? That didn't know the dude that did UFC with like the tattoo on his oh, oh
[00:44:41] Proklesner Proklester. Yeah, that's awesome. He wrote like this erotic story about them fucking really. That's so funny
[00:44:48] Damn, we should ask what we could read it. Oh, yeah
[00:44:50] Yeah, I've oh man the wrestling girls were so there was pre when I was still AOL calm when you still have to log in through
[00:44:59] AOL and the dial-up days I got in trouble for
[00:45:06] Trish Stratus when you could see your nipples
[00:45:10] And Pete is my fucking friend. He read it on me. I emailed it to him. He printed it out
[00:45:16] Folded it and put it under his pillow and my dad was friends with his dad and they just found it one day
[00:45:22] And then he immediately ratted on me then my father fucking humiliated me for being a normal boy
[00:45:27] Who beats off the big titty wrestling women?
[00:45:32] Dude, yeah, I remember is sable in fifth grade. It was the hottest that was big and then I looked at a picture of it recently
[00:45:40] That's what we're all in on that one paper. I'm kind of hands off on this conversation
[00:45:45] I didn't give this much of a shit about wrestling really never you never any any no I jacked off
[00:45:51] We've established this I fucking have just beaten off the porn. I didn't need to be you never beat off the wrestling girls
[00:45:56] I never did either never what I would go on a fucking specific site and find stills before videos
[00:46:02] This is pre video. I would find stills of them all being naked and whatever weird soft core porn should they were exploited into before they got into wrestling
[00:46:10] Yeah, we're arguably porn or wrestling is a form of softball sure sure sure sure
[00:46:16] Yep, well anyway, you guys missed out on beating off the wrestling girls. That's all say about that our comics still into
[00:46:24] WWE like there's some comics who are yeah that are still into it. Yeah
[00:46:29] Yeah, no, and I think a lot for the most part it's a good put on there was a when the comic book thing got big
[00:46:34] I think it's like the new comic book. Yeah when comic book shit got big a couple years ago when everyone's like well
[00:46:38] You know, I'm really into comic books like zombies are bacon right?
[00:46:43] Yeah, I like I remember talking to one or two people. They're like yeah
[00:46:46] I just you know I bought my first comics recently. It's like no don't don't do that. You're starting
[00:46:51] Don't do that. You know what when I was growing up
[00:46:53] I don't know a single fucking person that read comic books
[00:46:55] I read this single not a single fucking one of my friends read comic books and we were in the market for we played video games
[00:47:02] We were fucking losers, you know, we would have we would have been the people that read comic books and none of us read comic
[00:47:10] Elders would buy the Simpsons comic books. Yeah, and I read two of those and that stopped
[00:47:15] And the only reason we did that is because we love the Simpsons right exactly and then but yeah
[00:47:19] I don't know anyone that fucking read comic books and now suddenly everyone I'm friends with in comedy was grew up like well
[00:47:26] I'm a huge huge comic bookhead, you know, I can't get enough of comic books, right?
[00:47:31] I guess it started with the watchman or something
[00:47:33] But yeah, I read the watchman in college. No, I think it's all the movies all the comic movies coming out
[00:47:39] Yeah, no there was something before the movies though
[00:47:41] There definitely was that movement where everyone trying to be where being a nerd was cool again. Yeah being like a sexy guy
[00:47:47] Who read comic books was what being a nerd was, you know, yeah, and I don't know it was one of like name one
[00:47:54] There is sexy guy that reads comic books
[00:47:57] I don't fucking know, dude. I don't know whatever. I don't even know I asked that question
[00:48:02] But yeah, I don't so I guess that's the thing that people are into now
[00:48:06] I would I it's weird because I I used to feel alienated hanging out with comics when they're all talking about comic books
[00:48:12] And then then it became WW like two years ago. Yes
[00:48:16] So I mean, that's just a small group though and some people I think that just means you grew up white trash honestly
[00:48:23] I like WCW no, it's but the wrestling is different because I know a lot of people who like wrestling
[00:48:29] I liked it as a child. Yeah, and I didn't because there was no network television wrestling show. It's back down, dude
[00:48:36] Yeah, SmackDown came later. That's true. It came in the day viewed
[00:48:39] Yeah, like in like 1998 or something right and the wall was all on cable. Yeah wrestling was real popular
[00:48:45] The height of that stone cold shit was probably what like 96 97. I don't know. Yes. Yeah, and whenever SmackDown came out
[00:48:53] It was after that there was I would watch it just so I could have the conversations with people
[00:48:57] But at that point nobody really gave a shit about wrestling right it was on the way out for sure
[00:49:00] I got into it with my dad because during the Goldberg era because he was a Jew who got a hold it down for our boy, dude
[00:49:09] This guy with the tribal tattoo the words black underpants
[00:49:14] That has no he didn't really have much of a personality
[00:49:17] Yeah, his whole personality was he didn't lose and there's no reason why he didn't he wasn't that good at wrestling
[00:49:22] And his move was the spear which is just tackling someone. Yeah, it's like an NFL
[00:49:26] He sucked ww was tight though the wolf pack
[00:49:30] That was wc. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. I was in the wolf pack
[00:49:34] Fucking love that shit. Uh the red one though number ECW that was on tv. That was cool
[00:49:40] That was like just guys running shoes graders across each other's faces
[00:49:44] I saw a funny clip someone sent me the other day of bread the hitman heart fighting yoko zuna
[00:49:49] Yo, zuna was a samoan guy from hawaii playing a japanese character. Yeah, you know the hitman
[00:49:54] I didn't realize that yoko zuna just meant like heavyweight right?
[00:49:57] I didn't realize it. I thought it was one there was one guy who was the best at summa wrestling and his name was yoko
[00:50:03] That's what I thought too. Yeah, and uh
[00:50:08] That yoko zuna wasn't also a summa wrestler
[00:50:12] In you know it's crazy about summa wrestling. There was a um a check guy
[00:50:16] I think he was check a couple years back who was like 190 pounds, you know very like sick
[00:50:23] I mean, you know, he's a strong guy but compared to that and he became like one of the best summa wrestlers because he would just move out of the way
[00:50:30] Wow, he was just super fucking fast and japanese people were probably so mad at that. Yeah, they're like no you push
[00:50:35] Yeah, no, he would like he would just dominated damn yeah
[00:50:39] So the the moral of that story is that fat people aren't good at anything. No come on
[00:50:44] It's even they're one thing that they're supposed to be good at summa wrestling. They're bad
[00:50:48] I'll sumo wrestle you and beat you bitch. No, you won't you don't even know the rules. You don't either you would eat all the sand
[00:50:58] If I don't eat anything it has to be delicious
[00:51:02] And then I'll eat a lot of it. Yeah, i'm just eating sand
[00:51:04] Yeah, unless there's a little maybe somebody dropped a chocolate a clear in the sand
[00:51:08] Yeah, and there's a little bit of icing left. I just I love that they wear diapers
[00:51:12] And that like or that rope like the yoga is gonna get sick a big rope he has to wear
[00:51:19] Instead of the diaper remember a kishi his move was just sitting on people's faces with his ass out
[00:51:30] He doesn't worth following you fucking you definitely got that guy's big fat ass
[00:51:37] Goddamn gold us are just coming in his pants
[00:51:42] Yeah, dude the reason I was banned from watching wrestling when I stopped being a fan
[00:51:46] Because right at the height of that era I gave my brother a stone cold stunner
[00:51:51] And but I followed through and pulled his eye onto my knee
[00:51:57] And then I remember I was like just play it cool dude if mom and dad asked just chill out
[00:52:01] And he's like should I go in my room? I was like no no no if you're going to room and look like you're hiding
[00:52:04] So our plan was he was just gonna sit on the couch with a pillow over his eye
[00:52:09] My mom was just like immediately walks. He's like why is there a pillow on your eye? And he's like
[00:52:16] She pulls it off. He's got this giant black eye. It's like no more wrestling
[00:52:22] And then did you slam your arm sat through the table. Yeah, then I rock bottom that fucking bitch
[00:52:29] Of 20 foot ladder. One of my favorite movie-going experiences me and my friend Jordan went to see the wrestler
[00:52:36] Or not the wrestler the marine the opening night. Yeah john cena
[00:52:40] Yeah, and me and him were just high as shit
[00:52:42] Outside the theater and there was like a 27 year old mom with her like, you know son there
[00:52:46] Yeah, she's like just some hot like trashy single mom right and she was like whoo
[00:52:51] Yeah, y'all gonna see my boy cena like we're gonna go see cena and we're like uh
[00:52:59] Zappion just bringing her son to a midnight shell
[00:53:02] Jesus Christ the marine that kid probably has a very good life right now
[00:53:06] I mean she seemed like a good mom. It actually touched me in a way
[00:53:10] Wasn't john cena's character that he was like hip-hop
[00:53:13] At first it was but then he became so popular that he just gave video that video
[00:53:17] That video of john cena announcing to the crowd that uh, son bin london's been killed
[00:53:23] Yeah, it's so fucking fun. It's awesome. Yeah
[00:53:27] Uh, what an american hero. Yeah, oh fuck. I just I just remember the funny wrestling memory
[00:53:32] I went me and my brothers went to a uh autograph signing of the hardy brothers and tristratus at east point mall in dondong
[00:53:41] Just like so much white trash waiting to just fucking I was so miserable. I met uh, I meant I went to like uh
[00:53:48] Like the dc like auto expo or something like a car show when I was like five or six or something like that
[00:53:57] Like turbo and laser from american gladiators. Hell yeah
[00:54:03] I had signed pictures of them and I kept them underneath my bicycle seat
[00:54:07] Oh, like folded up all shitty because I thought they were worth like millions of dollars
[00:54:13] Don't want anyone to steal my autograph pictures of turbo from american gladiators
[00:54:20] People that go to that shit is so like people cherish that shit
[00:54:24] There were guys who legitimately just thought they could fuck tristratus at that fucking signing
[00:54:28] Yeah, I just thought there was like I've ever seen a louis throw documentary on bodybuilders
[00:54:33] No, it's great. They like cover female bodybuilders and there's the most like dick fieldy and guy
[00:54:39] Yeah, it's obsessed with the female bodybuilders and he's like, I just love the bodies
[00:54:50] I feel like all bodybuilding competitions have those people in the crowd that are fans of the
[00:54:55] That's the only you know the weirdest people in the world people look at like, you know
[00:54:59] Bodybuilding competitions and the guys on stage and we're like how could you do that to yourself?
[00:55:03] Like what possesses somebody to be that weird and it's like who you should be looking at other people
[00:55:12] Someone says like yeah, good muscles. Well, I just love it. It's a muscle shape. All it is is who can flex better
[00:55:19] It's not even like it's not even who picks up the most weight, which is like a competition
[00:55:24] It's who looks better just flexing and oiled up
[00:55:28] Who's good at dehydrating themselves to the point where you can see like the individual muscle fibers
[00:55:33] Yeah, dude. It's like you know and they get so bronzed up too. Mm-hmm. Can we get that whatever oil that shit is and just look that way?
[00:55:44] It's like you look at some of them and like they have so much fake tanner and real tanner on their bodies that they
[00:55:49] Look like a fucking slim gym. Yeah, and it's like how is blackface wrong, but that's okay
[00:55:56] It's wrong when you do that to your face, but if you do it to your body, it's what art and a sport. It's sport
[00:56:02] Yeah, if you're jacked as hell I just I just want to go to a bodybuilding competition just in blackface
[00:56:14] Start wearing black was like I want you to see how jacked my cheeks are
[00:56:21] That's why I drew this red circle around
[00:56:30] Fuck I love that episode of mad men where fucking
[00:56:34] Jack slatter he should oh, sorry. I'm much boiling this. No, it's fine. He just I give a shit. It's like his wedding is like
[00:56:41] Uh engagement or his daughters or something. I don't even know which character that is
[00:56:44] It's uh the fucking silver fox the sexy silver fox guy who fucks the roger the boss. Yeah, not the owner the boss
[00:56:52] Dodger boss. Yeah. Yeah, okay. His name roger. Mm-hmm. Anyway to celebrate something
[00:56:57] As the entertainment it's him in blackface singing
[00:57:03] That's like and it was like it was clapping and laughing well
[00:57:06] That's really all you could do at a party in the 60s
[00:57:09] Either put it you get way too drunk and put a lamp shade on your head and you're the comic relief or you do blackface
[00:57:15] Or guys wearing a tie on their head. Yeah, I'll tie your heads a big bit. That's a good high mandel built a career off that
[00:57:21] Oh, yeah, how so how did howie mandel do stand up? Yeah, yeah, really? Yeah, wasn't this big for closer?
[00:57:30] Like puts a glove over his head and yeah blows it up. I mean he was like
[00:57:37] And he was also a germaphobe to yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why I shaved his head
[00:57:41] It's weird about but I actually hate yeah, I'm actually I have a full beautiful head of hair
[00:57:47] He was a germaphobe who lived in New York City. I must have been a nightmare. Maybe we're to be like a spermaphobe
[00:57:52] Like you have to wash your hands constantly because you think there's calm everywhere
[00:57:55] It's a different kind of germaphobe. They brought this up on the podcast before mark summers from from nickelodeon like the game show host
[00:58:03] Yeah, he uh was a germaphobe. Oh really? Are we talking about this before? Really? Yeah. Yeah. He was a germaphobe
[00:58:09] He did all the old that shit. Yeah, his job just involved children like working with children
[00:58:14] Who are getting gak poured on their heads like the point of all those shows was to be messy
[00:58:19] He must have just been in a prison of of head like his his own personal health dude like on show business
[00:58:26] Yeah, I love gacking was just like facials
[00:58:30] She's just like pouring green jizz on children's faces. This is like that's that's it
[00:58:35] Yeah, it's gonna be great when we find out that that's our generation's age in orange
[00:58:42] As everybody get that's why I'm dizzy right now from nickelodeon gak. You got gak
[00:58:47] I guys never have the gak that you buy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, I remember they like there was nice
[00:58:54] I remember that that there was like a they sold it too though
[00:58:57] Yeah, and like the daycare I went to they were like we're gonna show you how to make it because it's simple
[00:59:01] It's like flour and water. Yeah, it's like dish soap and flour or something. Yeah, it's a real simple process
[00:59:07] But it's good dude. Yeah, that was the first pocket pussy was gak. That was so crazy
[00:59:12] That that's what they wanted kids to do. They wanted you to beg your I mean this is what I wanted
[00:59:16] I wanted to beg my parents to go to Orlando, Florida
[00:59:20] So I can get green jizz poured on my head. That was like a dream
[00:59:25] They had it at king's dominion though. Did they there was like some kind of nickelodeon thing a king's dominion? I don't remember
[00:59:33] Yeah, king's dominion kind of sucked sucked dick dude. Where's in Virginia?
[00:59:36] Yeah, I don't really like but I'm not I'm not a theme park. I'm not an amusement park guy
[00:59:40] Oh really? They all suck the first one I ever went to was Hershey park. I kind of like I'm not fucking love that shit
[00:59:45] When I was a kid, I was like who this is such a good idea when you're a little ass kid
[00:59:49] It's the best shit on earth. Yeah, especially a chocolate themed one
[00:59:52] I remember I remember like trying to describe Hershey parked in my friend after he went there and I got so excited
[01:00:00] That was the last genuine emotion you had
[01:00:05] Dude, I would love to see just baby Nick fucking happy about something
[01:00:16] Goddamn, that's a precious ass memory. Yeah, damn, you know, you know what we should fuck it
[01:00:21] I want to see some baby pics, dude. Yeah, you know, baby. They're all burned. It was funny
[01:00:25] My fucking uh my mom was like, you know, I don't know where she got it was in my grandparents house
[01:00:30] It was like a photo album and shit. There's all these pictures from like, you know, me and my cousin's growing up
[01:00:36] And then there's like a two-year period where every picture of me. I just have this like scowl in my face
[01:00:41] They'll call depressed and I was like, what it why am I like this and every picture? She was like my mom's like, uh, it's just how you were I guess
[01:00:49] Holy shit, that is the answer to who you are
[01:00:53] That two-year period is who this that's how you fuck it furious. God. What do you think it was dude?
[01:01:01] I don't know. You knew you were getting molested and you blacked it out. No, I would remember that
[01:01:05] You never know considering like I remember every minute detail over every tv show I ever watched
[01:01:10] No, I think I would black out maybe that's why you do it. Yeah to yeah
[01:01:15] To stop yourself enough from remembering getting your dick. Yeah, you're trying to stuff your brain
[01:01:20] I don't believe I don't believe in repressed memories. I don't care if you believe it. I think that's that's like just bullshit
[01:01:28] Nah, it's real. What if it wasn't you and that's why your mom now is a holocaust denier
[01:01:32] Uh, wouldn't that make me that I don't think no no no because you've repressed it. Mm-hmm. So now she thinks all Jews are bad
[01:01:40] Mm-hmm. I think I'm on to something here. I think it's funny that your mom's a holocaust denier and then you went a holocaust denier
[01:01:47] She's all gothar vision is what does that mean? She's just means she's bad at math
[01:01:53] Your mom's a holocaust denier and she's a come on not six man
[01:01:57] You and into you and into stand up comedy. She's like the most Jewish
[01:02:03] Thing you could have done with it. Yeah, you could have like Jewish family and I grew up around
[01:02:08] All of the all of the jewish uncle fucked all of the people I bullied were Jews growing up
[01:02:12] So it's like, you know, I I feel connected to them. Maybe the dad still today. Yeah
[01:02:24] Adam and someone who is essentially Jewish. He's not Jewish at all. Yeah, he's not that's the only reason
[01:02:30] It's fucking funny. Yeah, he got so upset one time and he was like, let me ask you something
[01:02:35] What if I actually is a different guy? We didn't say the name is a different guy. Yeah. Yeah, he was like what if I actually was Jewish
[01:02:40] I'm like then it wouldn't be funny. Yeah
[01:02:47] It's literally like if you were a guy going around in blackface and everyone was making fun of you for being in blackface
[01:02:52] You're like what if I actually was a black person
[01:02:56] And I can be like what if I actually was a black
[01:03:06] What a beautiful fucking Tuesday morning. It's been boys. Yeah, it's so dreary outside
[01:03:10] But uh, we also want to say thank you to everyone that came out last night. That was a killer show. Thank you guys so much
[01:03:16] Yeah, um, you guys are great and we got some good shows this next month. We're gonna do two so maybe one
[01:03:26] Nevermind. Fuck me. Yeah. Well, we got carolines going on and airlines for sure. I'm sorry. I've been so dizzy this
[01:03:31] This one's all right table to pay attention. You I am a little worried about your health. Yeah, I don't know
[01:03:36] It's probably just allergies or something
[01:03:38] I guess but yeah, I hope you don't die dude. Yeah, that would suck right?
[01:03:44] Movies to watch actually we might yeah, okay. Nevermind. Sorry. What uh, thank you for listening to the show
[01:03:51] What's the care line state? Uh the 21st of 21st as always if you enjoy the show you want to there's better episodes
[01:04:01] Uh, apparently you can't search for the show on patreon. You can't yeah
[01:04:05] I think they remove this or no listings or something because if we say come in the name, yeah, probably
[01:04:09] But if you just go backslash come town you're yeah, you can find it. Yeah. All right. Thanks. Bye