Cum Town | Regular | 02/09/2017
[00:00:02] how much how much so treated you watch i watch a little bit growing it would
[00:00:08] before church was still church going boy i remember i would watch so train
[00:00:12] yet before i went to uh... racist school
[00:00:15] but i was actually raised in the racist religion
[00:00:19] that's why i am the way i am today you know i try to be woke but
[00:00:23] i'm sorry it's just my upbringing we were to fight with senior d and that we
[00:00:28] i said we would learn how to dress was because that's why i was so good at it
[00:00:34] that's what it feel like swash is because he was an artist in there so much
[00:00:37] fun today are pretty cool now that's where it started he was an artist and
[00:00:41] couldn't stop drawings was because that's the most of the teacher is our
[00:00:44] teacher like you gotta stop doing this aid off was between this was the super
[00:00:48] s the s with the three and three was pretty cool as i was laughing i was
[00:00:53] laughing in the primaries is that's what like uh... burning should have changed
[00:00:55] is uh... campaign logo to is that s he would have won
[00:01:02] as i'm not even that just a yes you just make it that s saying drawn on a piece
[00:01:11] feel like we got big dick feel it's a few weeks and yet again i'll then show
[00:01:15] the gas thank you i'll do whatever i want you feel it's just here everyone we
[00:01:18] got big dick feel it's here in this part out and uh... feel it's his official
[00:01:23] introduction i should actually understand your powerless on the one with
[00:01:27] figure out that making it to the server work
[00:01:30] i should introduce feeler in his his shoes and every time we have a jewish
[00:01:35] guest i should have had a repair parentheses brothers and i'm here for
[00:01:39] me you know me and adam we didn't go to races church but we went to races
[00:01:43] synagogue together growing up we both want to jared kushner's synagogue
[00:01:47] and we actually both uh... sucked the force in at the same time like in uh...
[00:02:01] what happens to the force kids i was a man's do a bit about putting putting
[00:02:05] them in like a book like a diary like a old flower
[00:02:08] and then you let it dry out in the diary
[00:02:10] like a scrapbook yeah that's what i imagine having
[00:02:13] that parents who did actually do is the box of jewish bernard comes get them
[00:02:17] or they can make them out of here you have a new skin from an or a tips over
[00:02:24] is that good stem cell shit right there there's a lot of stem cells is actually
[00:02:29] there's actually a lot of cells in there
[00:02:33] this is a funny but it's true there's like uh... they they can like uh... use
[00:02:37] stem cells to create like proto skin cells or whatever uh... like an atomized
[00:02:41] spray and just spray new skin on bern victims
[00:02:45] and instead of skin grafts is like a technology could you spray
[00:02:48] nanotech could you spray an asshole shut yeah
[00:02:52] that would be hilarious and you have funny and then and then somebody's like
[00:02:56] what good is a bathroom if you cannot shit mister anderson
[00:03:00] and then is asshole seals freaks out i said i want
[00:03:10] in one life you're a regular shooting man just like everybody else
[00:03:15] in the secret life here the online diaper wearing hacker nioh
[00:03:23] no neo i'm telling you that one day you won't even have to get
[00:03:33] totally yeah where did they shit in zion
[00:03:37] uh... shit parts uh... yeah there was a good latrine type situation they had
[00:03:43] uh... i think they had a like yeah like a latrine station set up you know they
[00:03:48] never explain those movies why the machines want to kill those people
[00:03:55] they got a harvest them for their techno they already have people that they
[00:03:55] they got a harvest them for their techno they already have people that they
[00:04:01] but they're trying to stop the people have them having people
[00:04:04] yet they're trying to wake everyone up trying to make everyone well yeah but if
[00:04:07] they just didn't do that then they could live in
[00:04:10] no they would but they would that was the middle of the world
[00:04:17] so how about that so it's really the people's the people are the bad guys
[00:04:22] oh no they want to try to look at people because the people were woke they were
[00:04:25] living in the matrix like everyone else
[00:04:31] because they're woke and they want to get them in the major one awake everyone
[00:04:34] else up but if they stop and they get back to my point that it's their fault
[00:04:41] then you have the chance for dissent do
[00:04:44] are all the people in the matrix like in some sort of file cabinet where they're all
[00:04:47] sleeping and like plugged into those things yeah the only character I really
[00:04:51] uh... you know felt any kind of connection to was the joey pants
[00:04:55] the biggest villain dickhead i want you to put me back in there
[00:05:01] but i have seasoned tickets to the game
[00:05:04] and so it's bullshit yeah you are the state that somebody face it
[00:05:10] that's actually what happened to me i want to be in the soprano
[00:05:21] uh... man janice really did fuck so every ralph sifertta everyone at all of his
[00:05:27] we have real richy appeal was such a piece of shit that i was the world is the
[00:05:33] the first time we see richy just paralyzed the guy for no reason
[00:05:41] he come in there that was the most realistic mob thing and the sopranis was
[00:05:45] a richy paralyzed the guy because he wouldn't like give him half his pizza
[00:05:50] business yes i'm like that it was you know my favorite thing about it
[00:05:53] something this pranis did so well is that every time someone got out of jail
[00:05:57] they still had nineteen eighty style yes like the clothes were all they all
[00:06:00] wore like members only jackets and stuff and rishi he had that jacket that
[00:06:05] leather jacket that he like he beat some guy up for
[00:06:08] and he's like he was the toughest guy in the game or any of the no i think it
[00:06:12] is a tonya that totally gave it to the guard
[00:06:19] is the king of shade he really is like a fucking he he's better than drag queen
[00:06:24] so i think i have to show is when him and bobbie in the fight over uh...
[00:06:30] uh... under the board wall jade is not gonna be
[00:06:36] so you got in trouble for we do basically all the time yeah
[00:06:39] yeah if he's the man if they want another season and they had another uh...
[00:06:44] you know dream sequence episode it would have just been tony hosting a
[00:06:58] uh... love it's so much of us be the sopranos episode now we get we're seen
[00:07:03] for that when you have seen the scenes gotta be the sopranos guy we're so
[00:07:06] because he's a because he's in the sopranos yeah he's a good lady i'd have
[00:07:11] a chance to make a sketch a couple years ago that was funny but you watch it
[00:07:14] and it's like this he just wanted where that tracks you
[00:07:22] respect to the scene though for actually being in waste management being
[00:07:25] a town oh yeah yeah he was a garbage modeling his own canning his own sauces
[00:07:34] the reason i went into media is because a job i had lined up in waste management
[00:07:42] after i graduated i knew this family an Italian family of course
[00:07:46] that is a waste management company at east and i was like well uh...
[00:07:49] guess that's what i'm gonna do and fell through
[00:07:52] and i was too retarded to figure out how to get any other job and uh... here i am
[00:07:56] hell yeah do you know i wish you were in the mob right now do that
[00:08:01] it would have been good this one i great-great uncle did he was he stole
[00:08:05] money from kapone in thirties and then i'll be self-armed
[00:08:08] i've been uncle that i have a super ten-decent mob
[00:08:11] oh yeah i'm like saying grozzy at restaurants and shit
[00:08:16] he's a jewish guy oh you're jewish remember that fucking horrible deep
[00:08:20] restaurant in uh... benny's wait wait yeah
[00:08:23] benny's the snatcher of the frogies hear that that bends or that that nix got
[00:08:31] yeah that's a good idea is riling up to people on reddit
[00:08:36] good call adam i've been to i'm not really anyone up
[00:08:39] wow what a shock the uh... one jewish member of the podcast
[00:08:47] uh... i believe the greatest story ever told jesus christ
[00:08:57] some of the other day you said i guess it is a joke and then i was like well
[00:09:03] night what it what is peter and i'm thinking of the velveteen rabbit that
[00:09:09] why did they call the circle teen rabbit huh
[00:09:22] we're talking about off mike that was wrong anyway
[00:09:27] the other t-rabbit's about a little boy that gets hiv
[00:09:31] and then they have to burn all his toys because he has each other and i
[00:09:36] and then the velveteen rabbit is a toy rabbit that becomes real
[00:09:40] which is made out of the retroviral yeah yeah
[00:09:43] that's how they came up with the idea for us
[00:09:52] because i was like really watching a bunch of fucking we got hb o go
[00:09:55] like all the swatch up we watch the pranos like let's watch all the classic
[00:10:04] it just rape right on up right off the fucking top they've got that horrible
[00:10:08] like narrator what's that got what's the justice justice
[00:10:12] the characters in the kind of will chair
[00:10:21] and it might be right i forget the actors in the characters name is like august
[00:10:27] let's just a stick yeah now it's fucking terrible so i'm from whiplash
[00:10:32] everyone jk simmons jk simmons in his first just kidding just kidding
[00:10:40] every day when i could would come home from school when i was sixteen i watched
[00:10:46] there's another jewish she was in the mafia of course went to the grocery
[00:10:50] store in my neighborhood was like i get some of gobble goal
[00:10:53] that i thought it looked good and they were
[00:10:57] and i realize it's not how you say it unless you're in one part of america
[00:11:02] but absolutely i was is one part of the although yeah yeah that's the visual
[00:11:07] balance if you get if you do get capico here capico here and they don't say
[00:11:17] we're talking about us before this but my favorite thing about it was that like
[00:11:22] one of the heroes the show is supposed to be like the lib who ran the
[00:11:26] and he was like you're supposed to feel bad for him
[00:11:31] we're shutting down like your weird daycare prison because there are five
[00:11:37] and eighty five kilos of heroin are consumed daily
[00:11:42] and it's entirely run by gangs he's like no give it a chance
[00:11:47] i just don't understand what the experiment was supposed to be
[00:11:51] yeah it's like right now as pretty as we have a worth doing an experiment in a
[00:11:54] separate part of the prison and the experiment is is like well we just have
[00:11:59] you know these people that are part of the cast and they're in this part of the
[00:12:04] you know that's really it is really going to put any thought into what
[00:12:09] happens with them or how it's an experiment we're not going to be with
[00:12:15] is going to tell you it's an experiment
[00:12:18] that's the that's the a's prequel it's that guy in front of a boardroom with a
[00:12:23] i promise you i can increase rates by five hundred percent
[00:12:27] but because to make a big man is like a drunk to write was not like that he
[00:12:32] was like secretly a drunk or something he was a do it was he a drunk or was he
[00:12:37] that had to be someone that was that willesley was a drunk
[00:12:40] i thought it was mcmanis it was the fucking drunk
[00:12:43] there's a secretly a drunk or something
[00:12:46] and that you know but i mean yeah i i don't understand what the experiment was
[00:12:50] as a gives me a job yeah and you can just make it leave just the gangs are just
[00:12:58] the middle of the day in front of other cops
[00:13:02] well the first episode they said what's his name on fire yes
[00:13:09] they said i'm on fire and then uh... yeah what it that's your discreet way of
[00:13:13] prison murder is like a fucking bonfire all right we secretly set up a cannon
[00:13:19] and we're gonna fire him into the prison walls and no one's gonna know who did it
[00:13:24] you'd be funny if like because you know beaters in there like the show opens
[00:13:27] with beacher and he's like a you know guided you got a d u i and fucking killed a kid
[00:13:32] or whatever so he ends up in there but and i i'm sure they do establish what everyone
[00:13:36] else did in the show but it'd be great if that was just like a
[00:13:39] minimum security white collar prison and so i gotta be seems in there for
[00:13:43] tax evasion or whatever but that experiment goes so badly that they're just raping and murdering
[00:13:50] that's all insider training you know it was like it was like perfect 90s
[00:13:56] 2000s liberalism because like the main villain of the show is the republican governor of the state
[00:14:01] yeah and he got reelected like five times in the course of the show
[00:14:05] but he only did campaign appearances at the prison
[00:14:09] right it only campaign platforms were like uh no more smoking in the prison
[00:14:15] we're gonna kill the retarded guy in the prison
[00:14:18] and it's like what how does this how do people keep electing this guy i know i'm not doing anything
[00:14:23] very popular prison yeah right over in the serial showed up and then like
[00:14:27] the one thing his brother wants to do is prevent him from being raped by the nazis
[00:14:31] and then the nazis rape his brother it's like this is such a dumb show
[00:14:37] they kill zero too because zero like kills a kind of fight and mcmannass who's supposed to be like
[00:14:41] the bleeding heart liberal as the warden of the daycare prison is like uh we're we're killing
[00:14:47] zero and they're like it's like you don't get to make that call no matter wait
[00:14:55] acts they just they just handed him a blister pack and let him strike
[00:15:01] do you are those white collar prisons like where they're like they get lobster and they play tennis
[00:15:06] and they have they have cable knit sweatshirts and stuff is that real yeah it's real yeah that's
[00:15:10] a real thing yeah and there's no like fences either right yeah well it's for everyone complaining
[00:15:15] about like oh wow how hard it was for Chelsea Manning in prison she was in one of those no she
[00:15:23] lobster every day yeah actually they make you betray she want to be trans is just that's
[00:15:29] that's why you have to do it when it's prisons to be cool not only not only woke prison right not
[00:15:34] only was it not bad that she was in prison but uh you know i'm not even gonna give credit to
[00:15:39] abama for letting her out we're gonna have a both ways where i'm saying he didn't do enough
[00:15:46] and it also she deserved to be in jail look you can't be a traitor to our boys in the fucking camo
[00:15:54] when uh when manning like like that shit i mean the most ghoulish shit that came out from that
[00:16:01] was probably the collateral murder video yeah yeah yeah and i loved it how uh the response on that
[00:16:07] from like the DC pundits were like she's probably caused hundreds of secret agents to die and it was
[00:16:15] and then like the take i saw after she got out was like well she didn't leak anything that we
[00:16:20] didn't know uh like we already knew that that the collateral murder thing that was an op gone wrong
[00:16:26] so uh you know she's actually not a hero yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like you're just
[00:16:31] arguing that she needs to be executed for the last six years yeah uh wait she's out now or she's
[00:16:38] getting out of me she's getting out of me in me yeah yeah moving to Bethesda according to a tweet
[00:16:42] i saw there's she yeah dude she should go to uh or she'll see she's she's but what's been in prison
[00:16:48] that long your life is ruined oh once you've been in solitary confinement that long your life is
[00:16:53] rude so it's like lost your mind you might as well just kill them i mean i'm serious your light there's
[00:16:58] no way you're gonna fix that person they're gonna be in therapy the rest of your life i mean i
[00:17:03] just i approach everything like it's a band-aid that needs to be with dar i think that's the case
[00:17:08] this is the gta mindset yeah yeah when you like when you scratch the car on the mission and then
[00:17:13] yeah like oh fuck it you put a sticky bomb on the car that's what i do that's exactly what i do
[00:17:18] even if it's one where you don't have to keep the car nice if i fuck if you fucking cut me off
[00:17:23] in traffic and fuck it up then i'm entering cheat codes i'm just murdering police officer deleting my
[00:17:28] save file i mean they kept mandela in pretty awful conditions for 35 years yeah but i mean the man
[00:17:33] was a terrorist i don't know if he was a thredding south african way of life this is what i love he
[00:17:41] was a terror guys lose the nazi listeners yeah yeah jesus i don't know if he was a terrorist but i
[00:17:48] know that he was he was very annoying apparently he used to when he was at restaurants ask like how
[00:17:53] big the thing was that he was ordering he wouldn't tip he was very annoying he deserved it yeah
[00:17:58] what's wrong with asking how big the thing you're ordering i don't know i was told yesterday when i
[00:18:01] was at dinner that it was incredibly kikey of me it's a be like you did that yeah i there's no way
[00:18:08] wait you were asking really a story about you you're asking about the size of the waiters dick that
[00:18:13] you ordered because you're gay no i was asking how big the the bowl of pasta was that's a good
[00:18:19] question because you know at some places they have an endless bowl of pasta like an hour garden
[00:18:23] if you go in use promo code come town he gets 20% off the unlimited breadsticks bread uh bread
[00:18:29] and salad yeah adam is right like he should ask how big it is i would do that too my grandfather got
[00:18:34] into a screaming match at bob's big boy one time because he ordered something on the menu but was
[00:18:39] looking at the wrong picture hell yes and the picture had three sausage links and the thing
[00:18:44] you ordered clearly had two in his description and he's like i'm not paying for this
[00:18:49] like the whole meal because they and they had to like bring him an extra sausage link on a plate
[00:18:55] awesome with this tiny fucking piece of shit sausage link that he didn't want in the first
[00:19:00] place my grandfather on my mom's side lived till 90 and he spent probably half of the latter part
[00:19:06] of his life doing shit yeah that's favorite thing to do what prolongs life you know it's
[00:19:11] second to stem cells is just complaining and harassing customers or employees he and my
[00:19:16] dad were the same they would both order from this chinese restaurant in our neighborhood
[00:19:21] that because they knew they would fuck it up because they would get to go on the phone and yell
[00:19:25] at them it's their favorite thing to do hell yeah dude my friend tommy's uh grandfather used to bring
[00:19:31] his own bread and wine to restaurants just that weren't b-y-o-v-e just like any reason olive oil
[00:19:40] got to the point where he was bringing like most of the meat that's not even a thing that you could
[00:19:44] do in the 50s that's not like no it's not a guy he's just old school like that you know pulling his
[00:19:51] dick out at the dinner table i'm just an old school i love those guys man and they're all about
[00:19:57] to be what do you know guys i've this is the first time ever heard yeah the old lady said it's not a
[00:20:01] type of guy no it isn't type of guy no it's not bread and wine who else do you fucking know that
[00:20:06] brings our own bread those guys that don't get donuts when we were they did not bring their own
[00:20:10] bread and wine yeah but they would three old men having a conversation one of them happened to be
[00:20:14] stealing napkin it's completely different than bringing his own bread and wine to the restaurant
[00:20:19] i love those guys man i'm the old school guy i'm old school i bring my own fucking waiter yeah i
[00:20:28] wrote my own app to place my order and i installed it on the computers here by hacking into your
[00:20:32] Wi-Fi outside the restaurant i'll be just old school like that yeah most school i'm getting my
[00:20:37] own permits to open a restaurant hey i automated you entire fucking workforce on my own so now it's
[00:20:44] now i don't need anybody else here at this build a bay except me you can scram touch
[00:20:50] has anyone made a joke about uh nevermind yet do it no no no about build a bear in the build
[00:20:56] a bird group has probably happened that's sad you go ahead you do it though i was just asking
[00:21:02] if someone's made a joke about that do you mean anyone on earth yeah probably someone else probably
[00:21:07] you know i stop googling puns to see if they've been done already because for sure they have yeah
[00:21:11] they definitely i tweeted jason pore in the other day oh like jason board yeah except just so
[00:21:15] the only thing you remember is how to beat off and there's no way that that joke wasn't made 10
[00:21:21] years ago i don't know that maybe dude that's yours dude uh i'll say it's yours there's no way
[00:21:26] jason pore to google that's actually the joke that steven colbert told that the white house press
[00:21:31] correspondent center that made like caused a media blackout they're like this is too far how
[00:21:36] about this jason pore and they shut it all down did that happen did colbert was there did yeah
[00:21:44] with that's when he did the in front of bush he was like talking about uh judging with your guts
[00:21:49] or something yeah did a whole thing about wmds and shit yeah it was in 2006 so people were like
[00:21:56] this is our mandela yeah but yeah anyway then uh obama went on to do the same things in colbert
[00:22:03] right right right right and they were like obama like a boss oh yeah but he's talking about that
[00:22:07] should we talk about that hillary of hillary one campaign or is that going to step on are you
[00:22:11] guys going to discuss that on this now we're probably not yeah yeah i want to talk about it as soon as
[00:22:15] possible everyone found this fucking uh hillary uh oh yeah if if she won what was it i'm still with her
[00:22:22] yeah it was like alternative was it the list of her cabinet no you're not talking about the
[00:22:28] list of her cabinet that leaves like african-american like african-american pick that was fucking awesome
[00:22:34] yeah that was uh some kind of black guy a colored fala how is cholks from starbucks one of those
[00:22:42] guys it brings his own wine and bread to a restaurant you know everyone knows what i'm talking about
[00:22:47] that's one of those guys everybody knows that guy i may not be sir arthur cone and oil but for
[00:22:54] my cabinet i want an orient express no it's like an alt it's like it's you know because there is
[00:23:01] meaning those like you know alt fucking burn essay accounts but this one is like you know alt president
[00:23:08] it's like here's what would have happened if hillary was president it's like uh just had a lunch with
[00:23:13] tina fey and amy paul are sending bill to go get me kit cats like literally yes queening as bad
[00:23:20] it's like a parody of itself the reason i mean all the bill things are like bills you know doing
[00:23:26] my pinterest but really it should be like bill is raping again bill is on the lily to express
[00:23:33] well it was in tylen i mean i i would just love because first of all this
[00:23:38] radon yemen would have happened with hillary absolutely not not ground troops they would
[00:23:43] just drop off no this was planned before trump was present was it yeah this isn't it wasn't trump
[00:23:48] wrote it out of crayon and gave it to give it to the chair yeah he drew the troops killing
[00:23:54] the bill actually i love it first of all baby fine figure out wherever the white at the
[00:24:01] white house refrigerator is put this on there now i'm going to put barons name on it nobody
[00:24:06] criticizes me now look uh if you guys get a ten kill streak you get a drawn 30 you get a nuke okay
[00:24:13] we're putting treyok in charge of special forces uh man but yeah no it would be fun to see uh
[00:24:23] response to that had it been the other way had she won oh yeah yeah it would have sucked dude
[00:24:29] i would have been just as jaded i feel i feel great now it wouldn't it would be better for the world
[00:24:34] it would probably oh yeah i mean it's far preferable to have like a fucking evil but predictable and
[00:24:42] linear neoliberal man oh sure in a fucking psycho absolutely but i mean this the more that i think
[00:24:48] about it it's like this rot was gonna happen anyway yeah this is sort of the logical conclusion
[00:24:53] of our system like it's fucking awful he won and we're in fucking awful shape but also like if
[00:24:58] hillary won she it's she would have been a shitty president that everyone hated and we would have
[00:25:02] gotten probably the same thing or even worse someone more competent than trumpin four years
[00:25:07] right yeah she would have lost a fucking uh reverbia or someone in four years real bad and whatever
[00:25:15] yeah i think i think i think it's no i mean i think it's it's cool now i think everyone's
[00:25:21] getting woke well he fucking sucks but like the normies are radicalized and that's pretty good
[00:25:27] yeah it's chill dude uh you guys watching young pope i saw the whole thing i haven't seen it i
[00:25:35] love it it's pretty good i only watched the first three did you see jude law uh there's a there's a
[00:25:40] dubstep king arthur i think it talks about a little bit and jude law just plays the gay king
[00:25:44] a dubstep king no it's like uh it's like a baz lerman thing no it's uh guy richy yeah like a guy richy
[00:25:52] the new king arthur's guy rich king arthur's got a mackelmore haircut and which is now a
[00:25:57] fashy haircut right it's they got taken away from mackelmore which is that's his biggest
[00:26:01] contribution to society is a haircut that repopularized fascism so take that white privilege part two
[00:26:08] well i actually mackelmore is a richard spencer that's a real name mackelmore got fat richard
[00:26:14] spencer featuring ryan lewis would i was in the third grade i thought i was an area
[00:26:20] ryan because of my blood clarity when i was in third grade i thought i couldn't say the word because
[00:26:25] i was white and then my mom said go ahead and say it when i was in the third grade i went to comic
[00:26:31] ping pong uh boy yeah i don't know it looks cool though jude law jude law being a gay villain is
[00:26:39] perfect dude just dude it's it's really well done because the show is so campy and and queer
[00:26:46] and because of the institution itself it's it's just like it's it's me and gay gossip guys wearing
[00:26:52] dresses that are like lords and have gold houses yeah it's like it's really well done um how the
[00:26:59] tone of it is really good they are flossed out dude catholic they're so flossed out they got
[00:27:04] fucking chains and shit they wear gold fucking robes i mean for i guarantee amigos has a lot of
[00:27:10] the same like clothing that like oh oh yeah how fucking a cardinal has well the slippers are versachi
[00:27:15] right or gucci yes gucci or versachi yeah yeah the red slippers i want gucci loafers dude
[00:27:21] to fucking the if you think about it the reformation was the first like culture war the modern
[00:27:27] european history era because you have the catholics who are the metrasexuals the coastal elites and
[00:27:34] then you have martin luther who is like a big fat guy with a ball cut and probably autism and he
[00:27:40] rebelled against them by shitposting that's why literally he's like hammering them on a wall
[00:27:46] you have to read this uh you will not ban me from comments just a beer in order
[00:27:59] i mean martin luther was such a piece of shit that like his wife had to remind him to like
[00:28:06] empty his shit and piss bot because if he didn't he would just stay in his room writing posts yeah
[00:28:13] the way phosphorus was invented um or like discovered and i forget who the scientist
[00:28:19] that did it no he was just collecting his piss and keeping it in the basement for like months on
[00:28:23] end to do experiments of the zone piss and that's how we discovered phosphorus and howard essentially
[00:28:28] glow sticks oh from piss yeah glow sticks are just piss well you create phosphorus by boiling
[00:28:35] urine that's been like left in a basement for like 40 days what yeah you ferment piss and then
[00:28:41] you boil it and then it boils down into phosphorus nice dude yeah hell yeah do you have to make
[00:28:47] my own glow sticks yeah you could that's like a fun bill nigh thing to do with your kids
[00:28:52] that's what's going on in common ping pong is the bill nigh uncensored instead of dry ice
[00:29:00] they're just making glow sticks out of piss instead of the little vacate the baking soda
[00:29:04] volcano do you guys ever make a baking soda yeah that was such a gimme in the fucking science
[00:29:09] fair everyone just make that volcano which by the way is not how volcanoes work no that's bad science
[00:29:15] to teach kids it just looks like it yeah yeah yeah not even really it doesn't have long yeah
[00:29:21] it's like well you gotta put food coloring in it yeah yeah it's right food color so true how
[00:29:26] about how about you do it but then it's instead of volcanoes it's the beauty of menstruation
[00:29:32] if i had a son i would i would help him make that project just a paper machey set of big
[00:29:37] pussy make a huge pussy just in a science fair with an exploding pussy
[00:29:46] and i'm like you know when they get mad be like i'm sorry is there something disgusting about
[00:29:50] women's bodies do you because i will call buzzfeed that's the that's the key that's always like uh you
[00:29:55] know what i'm gonna do when i'm older yeah become a breast implant doctor gynecologist look at
[00:30:00] pussies old day long like old ladies yeah like in ravvids bike hands pussies just kick my head
[00:30:06] right up in there yeah dude my ex-girlfriend was a receptionist at uh uh gynos you know whatever
[00:30:14] they're called at one of those uh whole clinics yeah oh no i had a jiffy lube you know i mean
[00:30:23] all right she worked at the gas repair the gas station
[00:30:29] she was a clam doctor she worked at clamico
[00:30:33] c l double a hock hock m c o at the paps boys double a good way boys
[00:30:47] so she's a fucking pat boys yeah um yeah so she worked there and she was telling me that old
[00:30:53] ladies would have to come in because i guess you get old enough and you know your shit loosens up
[00:30:59] and if you go over like a speed bump or maybe riding an elevator that goes a little too quickly
[00:31:04] your cervix will just fall completely out of your pussy holy shit and you have to go to the
[00:31:09] gynie college just to have them stuff it back in he's just punching it oh my god i know he's like
[00:31:17] hold still gets a broom handle we were we were like having a snapple cap reset we were really
[00:31:25] not meant to live as long as we do know oh yeah but especially women right thanks man
[00:31:32] boys boys chat podcast that's it you won't hear about any means going in it's falling out of his
[00:31:39] ass when he gets older well your balls do get really far i mean you know they go to the gym
[00:31:44] yeah you've seen those men i saw it today yeah yeah he's looking really nice man yeah
[00:31:49] this shit's we're low yeah low hangers i got low hanging balls just generally oh yeah i can't even
[00:31:54] imagine as an old man what'll happen yes i think i mentioned this before that two separate women
[00:32:00] have specifically called my balls cool and i don't know what to make of that cool and one layer yeah
[00:32:05] that means that your dick sucks so far now i know that they have to compliment your balls
[00:32:11] i have a bit that's going to like that they won't even lie to you about your fucking yeah all it
[00:32:15] means i have a little dick there's something so obvious about whose size you should be complimenting
[00:32:21] you just skipped right over yeah wow you have a yeah well your asshole is so normal yeah if i was
[00:32:28] like wow look at those big juicy pussy lips let me murder both those shit that is an immaculate
[00:32:35] taint yeah yeah that's just calling like a baby you're like well at least your baby's healthy i love how
[00:32:41] big the space in between your tits is yeah big space fuck we need to bring body shaming back folks
[00:32:53] no no okay no dude we got a body pause man that's the thing everybody's doing these what Steve Bannon
[00:33:02] looks like jokes and you look at him and he he might actually be objectively one of the ugliest
[00:33:08] people i've ever seen in my life oh yeah so it's like i can't even yeah i feel bad i think all
[00:33:15] i think all bodies are beautiful yeah i mean dc is also just filled with freak shows man's like
[00:33:22] laseous is a normal looking person oh yeah he's a normal looking like he looks like mad at laseous
[00:33:27] looks like that fucking hot air balloon massacre that happened last year when all those balloons
[00:33:33] ran into each other oh the fucking parade yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:33:37] yeah i wasn't a parade he's 90% food but there's a texas uh yeah there was a texas hot air balloon
[00:33:43] like uh fiasco really yeah it was a huge story like fucking like 30 people died what the fuck i
[00:33:50] never heard about this yeah it was like maybe maybe three or four months ago pile up yeah we're
[00:33:55] what we're doing hot air balloon race to protest sharia law we're gonna fly a balloon in the shape of
[00:34:02] the bible and balloon the shape of the karan to make a point where they drew mohammed on the balloon
[00:34:09] and then mohammed himself struck it down yeah no that definitely happened in texas let me see
[00:34:17] um i don't remember that shit at all dude i'm definitely looking it up right now i can't believe
[00:34:21] i haven't heard of this holy shit i just like i thought you were talking about when hot when they
[00:34:27] uh do balloons for a parade and they're deflating them and they just look like they're eating each
[00:34:31] other's asses because it's like spider-man eating spicamans yeah yeah hold on texas good shit texas
[00:34:38] balloon massacre you know that's some good shit oh fuck all right let's see what we got yeah i don't
[00:34:46] i was trying to look at all the pilot that the worst is the pilot deadly texas balloon crash
[00:34:52] had drugs in his system uh oh yeah oh man do you know what that guy sounds cool as shit
[00:34:57] that holy shit he should be played by Matthew McConaughey in a movie about that tragedy that
[00:35:02] should be the real story i just i just love balloons and i love katamine
[00:35:09] there's if there's two things i love in life it's katamine and driving my fucking balloon
[00:35:14] he killed it says he killed 15 people and himself oh yeah which is a long way of saying he killed 16
[00:35:23] but yeah yeah holy shit that's got to be the deadliest hot air balloon incident of all time
[00:35:29] well i guess with the hidden bird i would just i would love the i would love to see a hot air balloon
[00:35:33] like fly into the freedom tower just like oh my god he's pressing it he's falling down
[00:35:41] just bounce off he presses in the window and plays he bounces off and actually crashed into the
[00:35:49] mosque i feel the ground zero bad terrorism is the funniest thing so good that's like four
[00:36:01] lines was so good man that is a great fucking movie oh it's so good yeah it's chris morris right
[00:36:08] yes yeah is that the guy from uh what's it called he's a guy with a fucked up skin that was uh the
[00:36:14] day today yes yeah have you ever watched clip to that oh he's incredible it's like the it was like
[00:36:20] a much better i think i've already gone through everything i've seen and read on the podcast already
[00:36:26] i'm out of cultural references um what about um let's see here uh what about a lee a league of their
[00:36:33] own i've actually never seen a league of their own really yeah i don't think they deserve it
[00:36:38] you know i i confuse it always with major leagues so i assume they'll see it major league's good
[00:36:43] also it's okay i'm not a huge fan it isn't that like the the biggest alt right guy on twitter
[00:36:50] uses uh what's his name he's gone they kicked him off they did they yeah yeah yeah the dude they used
[00:36:55] uh charlie sheen from the charlie sheen's major league character as that guy would be all right that guy
[00:37:00] that guy the guy who's that the alt right guy he was the biggest fucking carl digler fan in the
[00:37:05] world really i'm not kidding yeah he loved every and like sometimes like in the primary you'd be
[00:37:10] like all right these guys also shit on the media so like maybe they would find this funny too
[00:37:15] but even the stuff that was like kind of apolitical like the dumb jokes we would write about like
[00:37:19] carl going to like family and like who are you like this is hilarious and we were like we were
[00:37:24] like this is ros s we're gonna make all the noxies autistic yeah i just found out that the prison
[00:37:31] planet guy is british ball joseph watson yeah isn't that weird when you first actually watch one
[00:37:36] of his videos yeah yeah yeah and you know because you see his face avatar is hilarious it's so funny
[00:37:41] yeah it doesn't look like him at all no not at all and you assume he's an american because like
[00:37:46] he doesn't talk about british shit yeah he's never yeah yeah yeah i know i don't know i don't know
[00:37:50] you watch his videos and he's like the problem with these foul has his life political correctors
[00:37:57] scored bad he's gone completely coo coo coo yeah he looks like a g squat member yeah he's like the
[00:38:05] biggest instagram thought type dude with that fucking avi he looks like he's in a tom clancy
[00:38:11] movie with that shit i don't know this guy at all uh paul what's his name something prison planet
[00:38:17] blarzen planet paul paul blar in prison cop yeah fuck yeah i i mean he sucks this this stephon guy
[00:38:27] also sucks really bad too oh dude have you ever read the bio on his website step on you looks like
[00:38:33] he looks like a shitty like a like a skinny lucy k sort of right he is this bio on his website where
[00:38:39] it's like oh that he got raped no it was not even that he got raped he was like in 1963 in innocent
[00:38:45] and beautiful boy was born about himself right and he was subjected to systematic torture
[00:38:51] humiliation and imprisonment but that's what it took to birth one of the world's greatest geniuses
[00:38:57] oh and later you find out it's he's talking about son he's talking about that boy grew up
[00:39:03] to be marinaud but later you find out he's talking about getting circumcised no that's entirely
[00:39:10] what he's a way he's a anti-circumcision course yes course i ran into those guys once in d.c on the
[00:39:15] way to capital lounge that that show on capital hill and uh they were they were uh protesting male
[00:39:22] general mutilation and i walked up to them and i was like um well you know jish i i didn't have a
[00:39:28] say in it so like i i never knew what i was like and it was the weirdest cross-section of society
[00:39:34] it was like uh it was like a like a really angry old queenie guy really like they're taking the
[00:39:40] four skins off the bi-base he's met he's met there's some dick he can't suck yeah yeah and then like
[00:39:45] some like and then like a like a small like korean dude and like it was just like the strangest
[00:39:51] conglomeration that is a fun yeah and then group and then so i asked them i was like what do i do
[00:39:56] so they're they're like yeah you have an objectively worse dick there's no there's a i was like is
[00:40:01] there anything i could do they're like yeah they're reattachment options really yeah but they'll
[00:40:05] i'll never regain the full sensitivity of a foreskin but i could get cosmetic surgery a cosmetic
[00:40:12] foreskin really attached yeah yeah i do i want that like i'm sort of a circumcision extremist
[00:40:19] where i think boys should have their entire penis got off and he plays into my mouth dude that's
[00:40:24] what i get i went off but in your mouth is the best thing i'm actually sucking them off yeah you
[00:40:30] just want to open your mouth you get under it like a baby bird and i have them snippets
[00:40:36] snip i remember middle so that's like your mouth and kid told me that after my
[00:40:40] bird feeding the worm he just swallowed whole yeah like a key that i'm trying to keep from
[00:40:48] something like there's this juggle of kid in my p-class and after 9 11 in like ninth grade he goes up
[00:40:56] to me he's like he's like you're jewish right and i'm like yeah he's like well does that mean you
[00:41:00] don't you don't have a dick and i'm like oh yeah i was like no i have a dick i love what they're
[00:41:06] teaching him a juggle us that's why they fucking bombed the Twin Towers sing holland i was like all
[00:41:10] right dude i'll talk to you later yeah i mean yeah the jewish that's why muslims bomb the Twin
[00:41:16] Towers is because adam doesn't have a dick no israel bomb the Twin Towers because they're mad
[00:41:21] that they don't have and they made it look like it was it was such a bad dick it's so little of it
[00:41:27] you know actually in the hollandic period of uh the Hebrew hollandic period where
[00:41:33] Alexander the great the Macedonians uh had possession of ancient israel they golden years the best years
[00:41:41] yeah yeah yeah uh there was a Hellenization period where they would sort of like you know
[00:41:46] cultural erasure of Judaism yeah they would like for jews to become full citizens they would
[00:41:51] have to re-circumcised they would have to like attach foreskin back on their decks yes like
[00:41:56] imagine the fucking kind of surgery methods they had back then oh my gosh that was literally i
[00:42:01] mean how would you even do it they had pretty good surgery back then oh yeah it's great skin
[00:42:05] yeah no i mean the greek said uh uh trappening you know they could peel your fucking scout back
[00:42:11] and cut a hole in your skull that reduced like brain swelling that's pretty complicated that must
[00:42:16] have fucked your shit up right no we still do that now really yeah if the brain is swelling to
[00:42:21] reduce like pressure on the brain you move part of the skull and pull a good metal cap over it
[00:42:25] damn yeah they did that in deadwood too oh yeah the greek's new about that shit oh yeah dude yeah
[00:42:30] we knew about all type of shit well that's the shit you come up with when your dick so small that
[00:42:34] you have to be smart no that's a different reason that's like that's the greek national anthem no dude
[00:42:40] if your dick is small you have to be smart because that is our situation by the way
[00:42:49] our dicks are very small no dude this is propaganda we showed everyone our small dicks in the statues
[00:42:57] and dude then we didn't realize that that wasn't a normal size okay look listen it's a laughter
[00:43:02] absolutely i cannot defend the size of dicks on our statues the rest of the world
[00:43:07] is an error there was one guy who was gonna making statues read a really little dick yeah the rest
[00:43:13] of us had the roman size they're roman so they're so our culture except for the teddy dick part
[00:43:18] so the nachis so rude so they gave all their statues bigger dicks
[00:43:23] that's why they won yeah the nachis like fancy themselves like neoclassical like a like a neoclassical
[00:43:29] like the new roman empire so they built a lot of these or they constructed a lot of these like uh
[00:43:34] roman style architecture buildings and then they a lot of these statues and halo was obsessed with
[00:43:39] having proportional penises on the uh on the statues like smaller penis on the statue because he
[00:43:46] wanted to promote the the uh lah cycle that the jus had a disproportionate penis uh larger penis
[00:43:54] what yeah dude that used to be the thing that jus had big dicks no dude in the night what
[00:43:58] dude like a hundred years ago ill iller believe that oh hittler just owned himself so hard because
[00:44:04] he with the micro pain uh dude a hundred years ago well that's where like the the black guy thing
[00:44:09] comes from like you know racers doing the same thing here right well but and also yeah it's not
[00:44:14] true they have little dicks uh no but yeah actually an ancient greece that's right now i'm remembering
[00:44:19] it there was like you were made fun of for having a big dick like there was like they said you're
[00:44:23] like a monkey or something yeah prypus yeah prypus was the god of having a dick that was too large
[00:44:28] oh he hell yeah how do you fuck and well there's a dizzy prypism his name after him
[00:44:33] after he just looks like stav with like a huge yeah so he just looks like well no there's drawings
[00:44:38] of him and he's got like uh he has like a fucking wheelbarrow that carries his dick around he's got
[00:44:42] this uh he hit areas he hit a thing in his back walls this is uh this is the real hardcore history
[00:44:49] yeah that's our core right anyhow so this is how they would fuck
[00:44:55] there's a guy who listened to our last premium who is very upset about our
[00:45:00] misrepresentation of rommel and then i said how did we do it and then he wouldn't tell me
[00:45:05] how but he said that he got so fucking pissed off why would you fucking let him get
[00:45:11] rommel was respected pat and loved rommel no he said that rommel wasn't respected by who
[00:45:16] i don't know he wouldn't tell me he'd get hit him because he was like he wasn't not seen enough
[00:45:22] prypus i don't know i think he might be a chopper guy actually but uh who carries it what
[00:45:26] yeah what does it matter our guys aren't really like the world war two pettent guys they're not
[00:45:31] maybe it's uh we got a lot of like you know civil war kids you know matt was a civil war kid uh
[00:45:36] and you got guys like me most of our fans are guys like me who know about one thing and it makes
[00:45:41] everyone think they're smart but they're actually i actually don't know that yeah my thing is i
[00:45:45] know i know i know i know we're zero knowing right i know a handful of things about uh you know
[00:45:52] power tools yeah and then uh yeah but and then where shit is at home depot and then that's it
[00:45:59] i don't even have any expertise anymore i feel stupid as shit i used to know like a few things
[00:46:04] but now i don't know shit dude i literally and i don't even like yeah like i like 30 rock
[00:46:10] yeah like that's i don't know what to talk about like what my interests are i don't have i don't
[00:46:17] fucking care about it yeah no i mean 90 percent of my life now as i watch something that everyone
[00:46:22] else is watching and i go ah this fucking sucks yeah that's it that's my entire personality
[00:46:29] that's how i navigate i don't even watch it i sit through conversation about strange things
[00:46:34] people like us fucking stupid and then it tricks a couple of people and they're like oh this is
[00:46:39] insightful you know and that's really all you do what i do is now you know i play GTA 5 hell yeah
[00:46:46] me too pain uh momentarily pause it to answer dms where people are like have you read this
[00:46:53] and then me just because i'm seeing the question have you read no you know i have what i'm going to
[00:46:59] never have never read anything you just told me to yeah i don't think i've read a non-fiction book
[00:47:05] in the last 10 years all i read was that hanar rent book that you guys were snoring when i was
[00:47:12] trying to tell you about it in the pocket yeah i'm sure you're fucking doing it yeah mention it again
[00:47:17] bitch you wait did you see that uh piers borgon uh owned tried to own someone on twitter um for like
[00:47:24] that was insulting him and he was like yo incredibly ugly and her abbot the person's avatar was a
[00:47:29] picture of hanar rent that was my friend emmett emmett renson that was your car yeah i don't know
[00:47:32] emmett renson yeah who does he will admit this he himself does kind of look like a rant as a
[00:47:40] guy but it's pretty fucking funny yeah he like made fun of uh of a dead woman what uh what's up with
[00:47:48] piers what why does he have a crumb he's trump and he's anti-gun what why does he why did he get to
[00:47:54] have didn't he have larry king show after he get what went yeah we retired yeah yeah why they gave
[00:47:59] it to him he's just some british guy he's a tabloid uh you who needs to come back they should reboot
[00:48:04] max headroom yeah that was that american needs max headroom right now who is that it was a show
[00:48:09] that we're in the 1980s it was uh fuck what's that actor's name he's a character actor but it was
[00:48:14] like a computer generated it was like the world's first computer generated tv host but that would be
[00:48:20] a thing that you could reboot naryon beyond board with it you know yeah but you got it now max head
[00:48:25] you mess that show off his titties you gotta have spanned down and then you see he's got a big old
[00:48:34] juicy bear fucking fat titties i don't know man i never watched fucking max headroom i am
[00:48:43] i'm just trying to keep this one going if you're talking about the pass out i've got a brain
[00:48:47] parasite yeah what's wrong with you dude i don't know man i'm just i got a cold or something i've
[00:48:51] had a bad you know it's just a fun it's just a kind of cold today the 31st you have no i haven't
[00:48:57] because i got to call them and he's not getting hella church yeah i'm not getting hella church
[00:49:01] come on man the fans are depending on it's really easy to get it through like oscar that's what i
[00:49:05] have i've catastrophic okay yeah what is catastrophic it's like that means if you're like fucking yeah
[00:49:11] if you're fucking heart blow if you need like a triple bypass you only have to pay 80 million
[00:49:16] dollars for it instead of 90 million dollars wow is that an also 150 a million no way more than
[00:49:22] that dude it's like 350 dollar catastrophic no no mine's only 160 okay but what's your deductible
[00:49:28] seven million dollars yeah it's probably yeah it's it's bullshit look i'm gonna be honest i mostly
[00:49:34] did it because so like my family would stop yelling at me about not having a challenge yeah
[00:49:39] my parents i really i really now that i think about it this is stupid i really should have just
[00:49:42] lied yeah absolutely yeah you can get groupons for dentists apparently it's like cheaper than
[00:49:49] health insurance yeah no what's gonna happen is they're gonna fucking nobody's gonna have health
[00:49:53] coverage and the markets will adjust because of libertarianism and eventually going to the doctor
[00:49:59] to get a heart transplant will cost 50 dollars and you'll need a group on you know because the
[00:50:04] markets are perfect the markets will never let anyone die no it's never happened yeah think about
[00:50:11] all the wars in history they all happen because of regulation regulation one more one regulation
[00:50:18] i would actually be red tape to fuck harder women if it weren't for regulation that's actually my
[00:50:23] podcast because they made rape illegal regulation that's regulation my dick is my business it's
[00:50:30] my dick llc jesus as long as you register it as a business entity it should be allowed to rape
[00:50:36] my dick is an escort so that's right my dick is passed through yes nice i have a c-shaped dick
[00:50:47] uh i love business dude i like uh i saw one of those and cap guys like the libertarian super
[00:50:53] libertarian guys the other day he was like giving his theory he was doing one of these
[00:50:57] tweet storms that everyone fucking does because of the game theory guy now but he was like you know
[00:51:02] what and relationships work a lot like uh business if you do twice what your employer
[00:51:09] uh expects of you they'll fear you and wonder how to keep you and it's like no they won yeah i
[00:51:15] what the fuck i suddenly have a strong memory of bill at game stop i talked about him yeah yeah
[00:51:21] it was fucking he was working so just getting taken advantage of by that corporation i'm
[00:51:27] there with him and it's fucking you know seven o'clock in the morning and he's on a fucking ladder
[00:51:32] doing some shit and i'm like bill why do you work all these hours he's like well i'm only a
[00:51:37] blotch 45 hours a week but when my employers see me working 73 hours they tell me you know you're
[00:51:44] doing a great job and i'm like that doesn't translate to more money yeah we're a fucking race and he
[00:51:50] was like well when they tell me you know this you know there's gonna be good things in store for
[00:51:54] you i'm like bill they don't promote from store manager right you have to have a fucking degree
[00:51:59] to become a district manager it's just never you there's literally no reason for you to do this at
[00:52:04] all yeah it's like a guy getting a job as a janitor in the senate and he's like i'm gonna work my way
[00:52:10] up to you basically he wants to be like the lieutenant winters of game stop yeah i mean that
[00:52:17] like that's libertarian is being a libertarian is just being a cock for business absolutely dude
[00:52:23] it's trusting business like business will fuck your ass the nestly guy wants to make water
[00:52:30] says it's not a human right to have water well it's also too is like you know it doesn't even
[00:52:36] need to be big business if you look at like you know all this emphasis on small businesses or
[00:52:41] whatever and how small businesses get fucked over as if small businesses and as much or not more so
[00:52:47] devoid of fucking empathy is big businesses there's some of the shittiest people i've ever worked for
[00:52:52] we're like a guy that owned like one franchise right of a restaurant you figure out any fucking
[00:52:58] way to cheat you on your paycheck hundred percent do it with a smile on his face because you know
[00:53:02] we're all in this together it's like really because like i you're not paying for my health
[00:53:06] insurance i'm making five fifty an hour yeah you know it's they they'll fuck you over they would pay
[00:53:12] you that's why a minimum wage exists those motherfuckers would pay you nothing they would make you
[00:53:17] make you a business owner and then you're a fucking servant if they could hundred percent the worst job i ever had was working for a small business yeah just as far as treating me the shittiest and
[00:53:27] i look like every fucking four years every asshole democrat that wears the same car heart hunting jacket and i will
[00:53:34] understand that he does anything but fucks kids in pizza restaurants and every republican does the same thing to print and like he's in fly amelie lily to express they
[00:53:44] stumble around iowa and talk about how heroic small businesses are like they're not just all things that happened because someone did cocaine and had a plan to exploit people you know one of the best jobs i ever had working for the government man federal government yeah yeah dude i thought you show up late they don't fucking care they don't never get fired
[00:54:02] you know use the scam of the republican party though sorry but the scam is is that they believe in small government so they say they want to get rid of like civil service but what they do is they just farm it out to print it out to pay you a
[00:54:01] private contractors that they pay like three times more dude you know how much yeah like fucking deloitte and fucking companies like that oh they just rip off the government
[00:54:08] they're not the tax they're fucking hilarious my friend worked there and he was like hey you want to come to this happy company happy and i was like oh no i can't he's like yeah it's totally
[00:54:18] free there's food and all the fucking booze free and i was like oh bummer i can't uh once i was like what is it like a holiday thing or something like no that's every friday
[00:54:25] just like free booze and free fucking food just because it's all in the government's diamond shit oh 100% awesome he works for the i want to say NSA
[00:54:39] or some shit like that we were the contractor for the nsm i worked for the peace corps in college when i was at GW i worked in the office of medical services and it was sick i was just i would go through i was basically filing for them but i would go through all the workers comp claims in the peace corps i was just reading about all the ways that people get fucked up on the peace corps it was it was fucking about the peace corps and it was just
[00:54:56] like the best thing about federal jobs is that they like understand that if there's not something to do you don't have to do anything no you just keep getting your money until there's something to do and fucking there's no jobs like that every fucking bullshit job you work with
[00:55:13] that like you know you work retail you work in fast food they you know you say well when there's nothing to do just find something to make yourself look busy it's like why why the fuck what the fuck what the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck was the point of that yeah no you scheduled me for these hours i did my job i was like
[00:55:36] what the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck was the point of that yeah yeah no you scheduled me for these hours i did my job already you should be praising me on my fucking efficiency right just continue to pay me until five o'clock and they just they can't do that i mean i was working a temp job one time at the lower Colorado
[00:55:53] river authority which is some fucking bloated organization it's a government organization maybe partially i think it's like half private owned or whatever and yeah yeah and uh yeah it's just fucking sat there all day doing absolutely nothing and it was totally
[00:56:11] oh no the piece for people that i would while it game stop when i worked at game stop i would have to alphabetize the fucking ds games just so they would be ruined by children in like twenty seconds what time there's no reason why do they need to be an alphabetical
[00:56:26] order what's there is just look at them none of them are behind each other just fucking look at them and find the one you want well the customers can't use their eyes i don't have to have everything in alphabetical my my boss right now my job
[00:56:40] is the only boss i've ever respected she rules i mean she's just a partner at a law firm that likes most of the kind of tree i remember my fucking when i worked for at umbc i worked in the filing i worked in the office of the graduate school and my boss was just this fucking awesome fat lady named Kathy
[00:56:57] and she just had like uh diabetes yeah absolutely 100% had diabetes but she just did you know what it was getting HIV from sharing diabetes needles that kind of needle sharing insulin with your other like cookie junkies yeah dude she was awesome she had like uh she had she had Kathy fucking her name's Kathy she had Kathy
[00:57:21] she had like her best bit was she had oh yeah just filing in the inbox and she had a sign said inbox and it pointed to the trash yeah that's which is literally a Michael Scott joke yeah whatever dude she was awesome yeah
[00:57:35] that's the office sorry but the office nailed that shit absolutely those kind of guys one hundred the one thing that bothered me about the office is that no corporate HR would ever allow that individual to be a boss of any individual
[00:57:50] when i worked with the car dealership my fucking the manager of the used car sales was this guy Chuck and Chuck all we all worked in like a double wide trailer with all these cubicles in it and Chuck called every psycho alright team meeting everybody out here you know when we go out into the common area and he's like sorry i just i gotta read you all this email that i got this is
[00:58:11] uh uh wood woman says in what she means they're all standing there and he's like you know we all got work to do you know and it's like uh you know so it's like uh when she says yes she means no uh you know she says uh i'm tired it means like uh you're not getting any tonight it's like the most
[00:58:32] trite bullshit jokes that were hacked like 70 years prior to the invention of email but he loved chain emails and he would print them out he wouldn't just send them to the rest of us he would print them out and then read it was
[00:58:44] yes i remember i was sitting there and one time and he's like uh so you know he's like oh i gotta tell you this one i heard the other day he's like so there's uh uh they find a bomb and said well it's not a bomb it's like a box with a bunch of wires coming out of it or something right
[00:58:58] and there's a muslim guy there and uh so they sent one police officer in and he's like all right well you know hands up you can't have like a bomb in here or whatever but wow i'm messing up because it's not
[00:59:12] wow i don't know man i'm telling you it was great
[00:59:17] because there's no more information that was it he didn't have anything on that fucking joke the worst place i ever worked was i can't say the name of the company because uh part of the severance package after getting fired because my girlfriend
[00:59:31] uh girlfriend cucked me for my best friend anyway um but Adam worked in black water i worked at a company god damn i worked at a media company what's black water called now is so z academic oh yeah they changed your name like nine times yeah yeah because they want to trick people
[00:59:48] i think it's not black water yeah dip in dots this is the new black water yeah i hope that uh Betsy DeVos just lets black water take over the department of education that'd be cool you are a permanent tension i have commander teacher you little cocksucker
[01:00:05] no they should give the fucking uh department of education in black water and then your class gets you'll be period one gym period two gym three gyms just paintball class dude dude anyway awesome you get a better education if you they just taught children tactical
[01:00:20] combat which they kind of start doing in kindergarten i don't understand why any four year old needs to know what stop drop and roll is kindergarten like fucking jungle gym shit that's everything i've ever seen in an LK
[01:00:32] yeah exactly bars like kindergarten is like yeah you learn the basics here's like you know the alphabet here's what you do if you're on fire you know here's the proper way to hold scissors if you're running with them you know you're running to the cockpit
[01:00:47] yeah i remember during bush they were showing us those alcada videos and they were just playing fucking duck duck goose and we're supposed to be afraid of them why do they do monkey bars how useful is that is it just a very well the infidel can never catch you they don't know
[01:01:01] it's have fun that's the first rule of alcada have fun there's like an improv team in the old house number one rule is be nice number two is respect the bar but anyway the worst the worst job i ever had was when i worked for those one of those new media companies that had like FIFA and like video game consoles and snacks and all that shit because like i was the new guy in the office
[01:01:30] and everyone at five o'clock would start be start drinking IPAs and stuff from the fridge and playing FIFA and I was like oh this is cool and then I'd like go up to them meekly because I was new and I'd be like can I can I have a turn playing and they'd be like there's not enough controllers I was like oh god I'm back in fucking third grade
[01:01:48] yeah because probably everyone that worked at this media company was is a motion I'm not from no one liking them at that time oh 100% now now I have this big media company and I can exclude the other kids people never grow out of that shit it's not people in media
[01:02:07] oh there are kids who sat in front of class and reminded everybody of homework they're that for their entire fucking life they're just snitches yes dude those fucking companies that's what that's
[01:02:20] what the place I used to work for is we're a fun kind of company everyone stays till nine because this is where they have fun it's like well I have real friends right right right right right
[01:02:27] tight shit with like drugs and stuff yeah yeah like I don't drink IPAs you fucking losers yeah that's just it's just a trick to get you to work for exactly what was the
[01:02:36] Remember in the like early 2000s late 90s like the office of the future always included people doing razor scooters down the hallway
[01:02:44] Oh my god, yeah, razor scooters and then sitting on the fucking yoga balls
[01:02:50] Everyone has those balls my uh my friend like my friend who's a reporter
[01:02:55] He got invited to go to BuzzFeed's main office and he comes in there in Ben Smith
[01:03:01] Is the EIC at the time just gave him a tour around the office while riding a segue
[01:03:08] And he wasn't even like trying to recruit him or anything. He was just trying to show him like
[01:03:12] He's cool now or something is again. That is, you know all these media people
[01:03:17] Did you read that thing I think it was in the New York Times that like the story about Mike the Mike offices
[01:03:23] Oh, yeah, yeah, where there was like, you know, they're like they're all millennials or whatever
[01:03:27] It's like one girl was complaining to the CEO because something was cultural appropriation in the office or something along those lines
[01:03:34] I'm woke complaint. They're like month later. She was fired
[01:03:42] Yeah, I love that shit it's still just bros, but they just have fucking yeah more tech and shit around
[01:03:49] They're like yeah, they're like with Felix that they're fucking losers that get to finally be the bros like the the cock of the walk
[01:03:56] Right, right, right and then they're there like yeah, they're fucking dorks there in time
[01:04:00] I'll get mixed in there. I feel like bros are insidious, dude
[01:04:04] Brose the best salesman the best salesman of the dealership was his bro who just gotten out of jail for attempted murder. Yes
[01:04:11] Which the story was that some party and like and this was he was one of those guys that like he goes to parties to get into a fight
[01:04:18] Hell yeah, you know, I love that like yeah
[01:04:21] We're gonna this fucking this, you know this banging party later and the student Mike's gonna be there
[01:04:29] Every night you have to have somebody me my boys are gonna get super pissed
[01:04:36] Just goes to a stand-up show just the heckle I guess so him and this other guy
[01:04:40] Yeah, the story was something like with a sock with like a master locks in it
[01:04:44] And he bashed some fucking dudes at him
[01:04:48] No, well, that's why they got him with like attempted murder and I guess he did two years for for that
[01:04:53] He was like such a nice guy, you know, he just loved to fight
[01:04:57] He was the best salesman at the dealership and he didn't know shit about the fucking cars either. I love that
[01:05:02] He crushed it. Yeah, cuz people will be like yeah, look at the cards like whatever you need, bro
[01:05:08] Like what kind of S.U.V.s you have he's like, I don't know the answer to that, but I'll get back to you
[01:05:14] Just that positivity just that fucking oh
[01:05:16] I'm yeah, that place is great. We sold we sold navigators Lincoln navigators back when those were hot. Yeah, yeah
[01:05:22] Yeah, I remember yeah over and there'd be lots of guys that would come in it would be like, you know, a 17 year old
[01:05:48] Like a robbery you I'll lay down and I won't look at you
[01:05:52] Grant yeah, dude. I love that dealership. There's this there's this pack of stany guy that worked there
[01:05:57] It was like the fucking funniest dude in the world and there's just one time or this woman wanted we had on the lot this like
[01:06:07] Black woman came in that she wanted to buy and she was clearly trans like clearly trans and fucking
[01:06:14] I forget the fucking dude's name. I'll just call him Vikram because I can't
[01:06:19] But he was like man look how far she's so fucking hot man
[01:06:22] I was like, you know, that's a man, right? I mean, that's not yeah, you know, this like a I mean this is before you know
[01:06:30] People are sensitive about what I'm just
[01:06:32] She remember me. He's a female female. He was like that's a fucking she male. It's still she male in porn
[01:06:39] That's the last like yeah, it's still like on the tabs. It's still labeled she male well
[01:06:44] Yeah, so you keep saying he's like he's saying like oh, yeah
[01:06:48] I want to fuck she is such a fat ass. You saw like a man would not have an ass like that
[01:06:55] It's like saying all this shit and then they get her, you know
[01:06:57] Her idea fucking running for the the test driver whatever of course that sex M
[01:07:02] Yeah, you know the idea and fucking the finance guy this guy wants laughing at him
[01:07:07] He's like you wanted to have sex with a man
[01:07:11] And then the guy just gets pissed and like he just looks at him. He's like motherfucker look at you
[01:07:26] Burn him so hard like you fat piece of shit look at you
[01:07:32] Good for fucking Vikram dude. Yeah, I think it was fucking hilarious getting down with some us a trans woman
[01:07:38] I wish I kept that job longer just for the culture. Oh, yeah, do it for the culture
[01:07:43] Yeah, and then retrospect to feel like I got enough out of it. So you know probably well that's gonna be it folks
[01:07:50] Thank you for joining us folks. Yeah, and thank you Felix. This was yeah. Thank you for having me. I guess for being on this was
[01:08:01] All right, well you want to hit that button over there? I got you home boy
[01:08:05] Come to our shows. Yeah, we on the 21st at Carolines in the 28th at or 27th at come on everybody
[01:08:13] We'll plug it again. All right. Say you guys