Cum Town | Regular | 02/23/2017
[00:00:13] You're not allowed to wear clothes on Valentine's Day.
[00:00:16] If you're not fucking on Valentine's Day, you're gay.
[00:00:21] Those are the least the same in my high school, dude.
[00:00:23] All the bros were really into Valentine's Day.
[00:00:25] They come in wearing, you know, like, Cupid outfits.
[00:00:31] And they would, you know, could you get out of a fight?
[00:00:33] They'd shoot arrows at you and beat you up.
[00:00:36] What happens when they're on the air issue?
[00:00:44] Did you have to have an emotional connection with the girl?
[00:00:50] That's what, like, gay to just fucking feel nothing.
[00:00:54] They're like, yo, I'm trying to fucking like hold hands
[00:01:08] No, I thought you just sort of sat in those cars
[00:01:11] Nah, you definitely get you did an OTPHJ.
[00:01:21] which is the definitive text on hooking up culture
[00:01:29] And it was mostly from what I could gauge
[00:01:31] is you would make vaguely anti-Semitic statements
[00:01:35] and then compliment a girl's poodle skirt.
[00:01:38] And you would go home and not come until you're 37 years old.
[00:01:46] You don't come out with it if you come.
[00:01:49] Didn't Bill O'Reilly, what was that thing he like?
[00:01:52] Called someone about a loofah, putting it in a pussy
[00:01:58] gets addicted to Vicodin at some point.
[00:02:06] Yeah, you have back surgery and then you become a heroin addict.
[00:02:08] I think the reason those guys are so prone to the pill
[00:02:14] addictions is because they've never done drugs in their life.
[00:02:18] And anything that's not a legal prescription or whatever,
[00:02:22] they see as like nefarious and for black people.
[00:02:27] So they hit fucking 50 years old, 55 years old.
[00:02:35] like on the fucking JV basketball team back in 1942.
[00:02:38] The old way of fucking basketball is out there back.
[00:02:42] Blow out their back fucking moving all their Nazi
[00:02:50] And then they need fucking, you know, Vicodin.
[00:02:54] and they eat the entire bottle within the first three weeks.
[00:02:56] And then that's how you get like a limp limb bar,
[00:03:01] And then they, you know, they can justify because it's like,
[00:03:06] And when I do, you know, Opie, it's all day long.
[00:03:09] It's a lot different from some Cadillac queen spending
[00:03:14] She doesn't deserve like Dunkaroos and soda.
[00:03:18] If you're not spending your UBT card on broccoli and mud,
[00:03:22] you have to have an eaten in the years.
[00:03:48] Yeah, dude, I can't even imagine never doing drugs and then
[00:03:50] just just getting your dick sucked by Oxycontin and Vicodin.
[00:03:57] What do you think he like watches to unwind the drugs?
[00:04:00] Just like, I think he watches probably just
[00:04:12] It's like you don't need to do anything.
[00:04:14] That's kind of why weed sucks because if you just smoke weed
[00:04:17] and sit in a room, you're like, ah, I got to kill myself.
[00:04:21] Whereas if you took two 80, 80 oxy's or whatever, you don't
[00:04:27] And sat in bed, you're like, this is perfect.
[00:04:30] I used to, I don't know if I told the story of the podcast.
[00:04:32] My college roommate got in like a car accident or something
[00:04:35] and he had like, he was a pussy and he wouldn't do the
[00:04:40] He wouldn't take like, it wasn't even like real serious.
[00:04:42] There's one that's like, tie on all with Viking and tie on with
[00:04:45] I thought you were saying he was a pussy and that's why he
[00:04:49] He was a pussy and he wouldn't do drugs.
[00:04:51] Even when he was like, I guess in pain or some shit and I just
[00:05:00] Over the course of a semester, I just, it started with like,
[00:05:03] there's like 30 pills in there and the last day we moved out.
[00:05:06] There was three and I never addressed it.
[00:05:08] I would just like periodically just take one and pop one and
[00:05:11] go eat college cafeteria dorm food and it was just made exactly.
[00:05:17] It just makes going to class like the, I was like, dude, I
[00:05:22] And then meanwhile you're not learning.
[00:05:25] I legitimately don't remember that semester.
[00:05:27] I remember trying to study drunk one time for like a nutrition
[00:05:30] class and I just sat there like reading every page in the
[00:05:32] nutrition book and then I'm like, yeah, I don't even remember.
[00:05:36] I have, I can't even, even what I read two sentences ago.
[00:05:40] Did I say that like, there are a bunch of great writers that like
[00:05:44] only wrote drunk writing drunk is easy.
[00:05:59] Maybe actually guess Adderall or I guess Coke in theory.
[00:06:07] I like to take Molly sometimes and just
[00:06:16] Yeah, they do like three, three times a week.
[00:06:24] That's like, what's really big, you know, in the, in the,
[00:06:29] well, that's, you know, it's a look that needs to come back as
[00:06:35] No, where they went like just full pedophile.
[00:06:37] Like you ever see pictures of Will Wright, the guy
[00:06:43] He just, they used to, I remember like, at, at like the day
[00:06:47] care center I went to and like the computers they had like SimCity
[00:06:51] or one of the Sim games, but it had like a picture of him
[00:06:54] He'd probably be like, this was created by Will Wright or
[00:07:00] I was like, that's just a short sleeve button up with the
[00:07:07] He's, I mean, he looks like a pedophile.
[00:07:10] Yeah, like the, the stapler guy from office space, but now
[00:07:25] What the fuck had, have you ever seen a pocket protector in
[00:07:29] That was like, that was like the go to joke.
[00:07:33] For a nerd, especially saved by the bell like screeching or
[00:07:36] actually the nerds that were, I guess there were these
[00:07:38] nerds that were even lamer than screech that didn't accept
[00:07:48] It looks like Martin Star for freakin geeks.
[00:07:50] I, oh man, I was reading some article about autism the
[00:07:53] other day and like the header image for the, the header
[00:07:57] image for the article was where was the article in New
[00:08:03] So he was on slate and the header for the article was
[00:08:06] a picture of the guy that plays Sheldon on Big Bang.
[00:08:14] I'll tell you that it's a show about people with autism.
[00:08:17] Every so I guess with that in the show.
[00:08:34] Oh, definitely, definitely too big of a bang.
[00:08:46] What doesn't one of them fuck like a hot one, the blonde one?
[00:08:49] Well, autistic is the top of the Indian caste system.
[00:08:53] If you're a good cow, if you, if a cow behaves well and makes
[00:08:56] lots of chocolate milk, they come back.
[00:09:00] So it's the cat, it's an autistic that beneath that is the guy
[00:09:09] And third is a guy doing a gyro, just a really sick choreographed
[00:09:15] There was a, there was a fucking, you know, I was wondering
[00:09:18] about the deities that are like, you know, it's got an elephant's
[00:09:22] It does that mean that it's a dog's brain.
[00:09:25] It has a human body and it's just pissing and shitting.
[00:09:30] Like the elephant head one, that's going to be way too heavy
[00:09:34] Yeah, but he's got a strong head on the ground and you got a
[00:09:37] strong ass looks for peanuts and you put your, you can put your
[00:09:47] Dick with the trunk standing completely straight up.
[00:09:52] If you could fact check this for us, let us know.
[00:09:54] Because the Indian elephant head guy suck his own deck with the trunk
[00:09:59] because if he doesn't, what's the point of being a god then?
[00:10:02] I mean, I would imagine that's why he is a god.
[00:10:05] That definitely is what I understand why I'm a dick sucking competition.
[00:10:08] And they put him on Indian Mount Olympus.
[00:10:11] Yeah, I wonder if that's in the Kamasutra.
[00:10:19] Bhagavad Gita, Kamasutra, Slum Dog Millionaire.
[00:10:22] The screenplay, the guidelines and rules to get your New York City tax in medallion.
[00:10:35] Or I feel like it's mostly other places.
[00:10:40] I feel like there are a lot of like Indian adjacent South Asian.
[00:10:45] There are a lot of like North Africans.
[00:10:54] Yeah, I thought they were all the new Germans.
[00:11:07] First of all, if I mean we should be happy like even like if you think that you know there's cultural erasure happening in Germany or that you know the Germans are being there's like a white genocide which is not happening.
[00:11:22] But if you feel like that is happening in Germany, good Germany sucks.
[00:11:29] If any country deserves it, it's Germany.
[00:11:31] I don't fucking have a BMW or Mercedes and those are the only two good things Germany.
[00:11:36] And honestly, Schnitzel is not that good.
[00:11:41] But there's so much better meat in the world.
[00:11:43] You know, I thought Wetzel's pretzels was German.
[00:12:06] Yeah, I would put provol on top and I would broil them open face.
[00:12:10] One thing I'm not I'm I'm with you on the broiling.
[00:12:12] One thing Germany does have is that Angela Merkel's she's a fucking piece of ass.
[00:12:30] I'm just like 10,000 refugees coming the country and rape a bunch of people.
[00:12:44] There should be like a German car that runs against her and is like
[00:13:02] Family matters if you translated that into German would probably sound really
[00:13:15] Yeah, it would sound it would sound like, you know, let's do the Holocaust again.
[00:13:21] Don't they have like a real gay ass clubs in Berlin like.
[00:13:32] No, I mean, like ultra gay as gay as a club can be.
[00:13:35] Well, I think this is you know, they might.
[00:13:39] There's not a single club that let's defer to gayness to Adam.
[00:13:43] So yeah, Germany does have a bunch of really gay ultra clubs, big big
[00:13:49] Berlin is like a techno center of the world.
[00:14:08] Actually, you tried to sell me, but I like both of those things.
[00:14:31] But yeah, if I if I fucking if I go to a restaurant and I'm like, let me get a soda.
[00:14:42] They wouldn't just bring you a Coke or Pepsi.
[00:14:45] You think Bernie Mac adds if you want a Pepsi, ask for a Pepsi.
[00:14:51] I was I was on a tone of the commercial was like, yeah, we understand
[00:14:54] Coke is superior, but yeah, I was on a plane a couple of months ago.
[00:14:57] I was sitting next to this gay guy and he was like, they were like taking drink orders.
[00:15:02] And he's like, yes, a Diet Pepsi, which I've never heard anyone ever order.
[00:15:06] She's like, we have Diet Coke and he's like, I love when people care one way or the other.
[00:15:13] But he fucking yeah, that guy is like a fucking diet.
[00:15:16] First of all, there's place that Coke, right?
[00:15:21] I like a I like a really loud tongue click and then he was like, I'll just have water.
[00:15:26] Really? Yeah, he didn't have Diet Coke.
[00:15:34] Honestly, I don't even fuck with so fresh.
[00:15:36] Showing to me is like, what the fuck is Coke zero?
[00:15:39] It's just diets, Diet Coke, but it's got no, they have.
[00:15:49] It's a different sweetener that gives you cancer.
[00:15:51] Yeah, you don't be weird as unsweetened Coke.
[00:16:05] Little kid you thought you were doing Coke.
[00:16:09] What are the ingredients in soda and Coke?
[00:16:16] It's either it was cocaine and, you know, they used to prescribe a piss to children when they were sick.
[00:16:25] Didn't they actually put whiskey and shit in a baby?
[00:16:28] Did you just get babies fucked up so they shut the fuck up?
[00:16:30] Well, heroin was originally like a children's cough medicine.
[00:16:36] Dude, imagine being a little ass kid and just having the time of your coughing and just having the best day ever.
[00:16:46] Oh, my son has a headache, so we got him a bunch of tattoos.
[00:16:49] We made him go ass to ass with his other friend.
[00:16:58] He's got, you know, he got mumps, so we made him join a gang.
[00:17:09] That's why people were like, you know, humans used to have like a litter of children.
[00:17:12] You'd have like 35 kids and 12 of them would die.
[00:17:19] My grandfather's parents used to give him a little shot of schnapps before he'd go to bed because
[00:17:26] it was cold and they were poor and stuff.
[00:17:29] And he drank every day the rest of his life.
[00:17:34] How many kids did, how many people were his little family?
[00:17:37] Actually, I think only three kids, but they were responsible Jews.
[00:17:43] They got them, they got them a little fucked up.
[00:17:44] I thought you were piggybacking on the idea of a lot of litter kids.
[00:17:58] I've literally just been waking up in pools in my own sweat.
[00:18:08] Dude, what if someone's fucking you in your sleep?
[00:18:14] If it's like outdoor ad or something or like summer camp.
[00:18:19] For whatever reason, there's a bunch of guys in the same room.
[00:18:22] The guy's waking up and I'm like, oh fuck, I had another wet dream.
[00:18:26] And it's like, no, you just pissed a bit.
[00:18:39] I had a sexy dream and now the beds wet.
[00:18:43] I had a sexy dream about having to go to the bathroom.
[00:18:48] It's always funny that that's how that happens if you piss your bed.
[00:18:55] You're like, I got a piss real bad and then the dream is like, oh, there's a toilet right here.
[00:18:58] And they just start pissing and you're like, why don't I hear the water?
[00:19:06] Elders, my fucking roommate, was like, yeah dude, I almost pissed.
[00:19:15] He was like, dude, you pissed yourself.
[00:19:18] You didn't piss your bed, but you pissed yourself.
[00:19:21] That's what I love when people are like, oh, I sharded.
[00:19:25] People sharded and it's like, what's sharding?
[00:19:26] It's like, although it's when you try to fart, but you shit yourself.
[00:19:28] And it's like, no, that's just shitting yourself.
[00:19:31] People aren't like shitting themselves on purpose.
[00:19:36] Stop trying to soften the blow of what happened.
[00:19:42] I will say that in the morning when you have to pee and you don't want to get out of bed,
[00:19:58] Well, then they got a vacuum that connects to your dick and just sucks all the piss out of
[00:20:10] No, they got like a sleeping bag like Velcro to the walls.
[00:20:14] And they put a strap, a headband on or some shit?
[00:20:21] Because your eyeballs, like the intraocular fluid was, you know, we evolved to have a certain
[00:20:25] like specific pressure inside your eye.
[00:20:28] You spend like a year in space and you come back and your vision's all fucked up.
[00:20:32] You're like, oh, I'm gonna go back and grab it.
[00:20:36] But you get your dick sucked by sexy Mars bitches.
[00:20:40] That's three tits because the gravity is different.
[00:20:42] If women on earth only have two tits because if they had three, it would break their spine.
[00:20:46] Are you basing that on that Arnold movie?
[00:20:58] Oh, you know what I watched that I did not like is Indiana Jones.
[00:21:04] I haven't watched him since I was a kid, but yeah.
[00:21:06] I mean, even when I was a kid, I was like, these are all right.
[00:21:10] And I didn't even understand what the fuck was going on.
[00:21:12] Like, he had like some lady that he fucked when she was a child or something.
[00:21:16] Like, then she was like, I was a child.
[00:21:18] He was like, you knew what you were doing.
[00:21:19] Wait, are you talking about the Crystal Skull?
[00:21:26] And then he just steals artifacts from poor ass countries.
[00:21:32] Well, the Nazis would take it otherwise.
[00:21:33] He's preventing the Nazis from getting.
[00:21:34] I guess, but he could, you know, help them out or something.
[00:21:36] Yeah, the Nazis could do magic with it and make it.
[00:21:43] I mean, like fucking that's what's so funny about the Nazis is that like some of the like,
[00:21:54] you know, Himmler, like guys that were behind the Holocaust were also really into the occult.
[00:22:00] And I mean, that there's like guy, there were guys that were like, look, it's a, it's a
[00:22:08] We're going to play all these death camps and kill them.
[00:22:10] And it's like very, you know, cold, calculating guys are also like, but what if Santa is
[00:22:25] You got to give it to the Nazis in terms of them being just so evil.
[00:22:32] We're going to kill Jews, but we want to do it for the dark Lord.
[00:22:40] I was watching like some fucking, I mean, we talked about how cool and shit they look,
[00:22:46] And then also all that shit Mussolini had.
[00:22:48] That motherfucker had some weird like fucking artwork, dude, that looked evil.
[00:22:52] Like those guys really leaned into being evil.
[00:22:58] He thought he was reincarnated from like, like, you know, like, like, Hamble or fucking
[00:23:10] He was, he was like, he'd drive his men real hard, right?
[00:23:15] He had me made like a bunch of people die.
[00:23:19] He's like, I know what I'm fucking doing.
[00:23:23] He wanted to invade Russia immediately after the war.
[00:23:28] After Germany surrendered, he's like, we need to invade Russia right now.
[00:23:31] He's like, we need to kill all the Russia.
[00:23:40] No, it was, it was the guy in the dress.
[00:23:46] He's not trans, but he was like dressing like a woman so that they would send him home
[00:23:55] And then he just continued dressing like that.
[00:23:58] So he, he literally was trans probably.
[00:24:01] He's like, oh, I'm just trying to get sent home.
[00:24:07] I watched the show, but I recently watched the movie, Mash, the Robert Almond movie.
[00:24:15] That's called on a list of shows I need to do.
[00:24:17] You need to watch a future Ram episode with the robot Mash or the head like that.
[00:24:22] There was some Mash reference with robots or whatever.
[00:24:28] There was one, I should, we watched future Ram.
[00:24:41] Mathematician just means somebody that does math, right?
[00:24:47] I need to add numbers together sometimes.
[00:24:48] So I could technically call myself a mathematician.
[00:24:52] Anytime you Venmo, anyone, anything, that sort of math.
[00:24:56] I mean, I have to add numbers together a lot, dude.
[00:24:58] I had to take measurements for the window in my room.
[00:25:02] If you're doing real work though, if you're doing math to do hard work labor, then you're
[00:25:09] But if you just didn't work, I'm not going to pay for that shit.
[00:25:11] But if you're, no, but you're doing like with your hand shit.
[00:25:15] But if you're just sitting like a little bitch with a notebook doing math.
[00:25:22] Like this broke character, Scotty or whatever.
[00:25:25] And we used to just, Scotty hitting on girls or whatever.
[00:25:29] One of the things we would say is like, yeah, sometimes I just sit around and do crazy
[00:25:44] I mean, I've been working on that one in a while.
[00:25:52] Just all those guys that used to watch, I used to watch change of heart and blind date
[00:26:01] It was always like some, the game was on change of heart.
[00:26:04] Some dickhead that looked like a fucking Adams apple with just platinum blonde spikes above
[00:26:15] And basically I think my strongest strengths is I have like a really great sense of humor.
[00:26:21] You know, I'm like a fun guy, you know, or whatever.
[00:26:27] I'm 26 years old and working retail currently while I try to pursue a career in, you know,
[00:26:36] You know, my strong suits are that I got a really great sense of humor.
[00:26:40] It was always that they had a great sense of humor.
[00:26:43] And then I would watch these people go on terrible dates to like a sushi place.
[00:26:47] I remember there's one, they go get sushi and then they went to a place where they get
[00:26:56] There's like, you know, go to a fucking do like pottery or like fucking hot air balloon
[00:27:01] or some get, you know, some shit like that.
[00:27:04] Which nobody ever does on a normal fucking day.
[00:27:07] You go do something boring because if you're like that much of a fucking dumb, obnoxious
[00:27:13] person that like you can't just go to dinner with somebody.
[00:27:18] It's interesting that you're like, yeah, we need to go on a hot air balloon.
[00:27:26] There was one guy I remember it stuck with me.
[00:27:27] It was just like a nice woman and some guy was like just drunk and talking about how little
[00:27:32] He's just like, this wasn't a fever dream.
[00:27:36] This is actually was my first date ever.
[00:27:39] You wake up, you're like, ah, another wet dream.
[00:27:42] And now this is like, no, it's your turn.
[00:27:51] We were going on dates together on those shows.
[00:27:53] What was the deal with the jacuzzi, right?
[00:27:58] Sorry to interject this, but back on the, your turn to be the girl thing, I was laughing
[00:28:03] It's like two guys like, you know, they're like, we should practice making out.
[00:28:07] So like when we do it with girls, we'll be better at it.
[00:28:11] And then it's like, but we can't kiss each other.
[00:28:20] I always joke about with like close friends like with eldest or Ben or whoever the fuck
[00:28:25] George, like we're like, it's like a shame that we are not sexually attracted to each
[00:28:30] So like what I want to do is we'll get two hookers that blow us while under like a table or
[00:28:36] something while we like hold hands and look in each other's eyes.
[00:28:39] Like that seems like the closest way to sex with your straight bros.
[00:28:44] I love that people are like, man, it sucks.
[00:28:48] And it's like, no, you'd probably just grow to hate them.
[00:28:52] It's not in a relationship with your friends.
[00:28:55] You would introduce sex into the equation.
[00:28:57] You would fuck everything up and you would resent them and like, you know, a couple years
[00:29:02] And then you get sad about how awesome it used to be to hang out and you can't even have
[00:29:09] And then you'd find a shittier version of them who maybe let you be a little, doesn't
[00:29:12] it cold you as accountable for your problems and live a bad life.
[00:29:16] Is everybody gets older and they just don't have standards anymore.
[00:29:22] Like, like imagine like dating in your 60s, which people are doing now.
[00:29:34] It's like that just my, he has some of the best material on dating when you're fucking
[00:29:44] You can find his dating, dating when you're older material.
[00:29:47] Who's mom is being a dick, but I'm not being a.
[00:30:00] He's a Griffin son who's just some guy.
[00:30:06] He's probably a banker and that's what I mean.
[00:30:14] He did like 20 Letterman or some crazy shit.
[00:30:18] I remember somebody was like praising him once, but I've never met him.
[00:30:34] I think it probably exists already where you're just like, okay, today we're going to remember
[00:30:37] this episode of The Simpsons and just say all the jokes from it.
[00:30:43] I used to wish that I could just do that as stand up.
[00:30:51] He literally was doing that with family guy at Magoobee.
[00:30:54] He's just like on stage, not even a podcast.
[00:30:58] He's like 10 minutes left in a headlining set.
[00:31:02] He's just talking about a funny ass episode of Family Guy.
[00:31:14] That's the fucking worst format for comedy.
[00:31:18] And it's killing harder than any of his bits.
[00:31:26] I mean, that's become like a thing like do you hear this thing Trump said, right?
[00:31:32] No, seriously though, people do this a lot where it's like someone a homeless guy says
[00:31:36] something funny or they read a funny porn or they read a funny porn comment.
[00:31:42] And then they just say it and it gets a laugh and then they add nothing to it.
[00:31:48] That's fucking like, you know, that's not your bit.
[00:31:49] You did not write that awesome burn that some gay guy in line behind you said to you.
[00:31:57] Although speaking of a great burn, now I'm going to do that on this podcast.
[00:32:01] One of the funniest things I've ever in the last year on stage DC Benny.
[00:32:03] He's talking about, I love a little bit in Brooklyn because like you hear, he's like,
[00:32:07] you just hear the crazy issue in Brooklyn.
[00:32:08] And he's like, look, I was hanging out.
[00:32:10] I feel bad doing his bit, but then the bit is about a thing he heard.
[00:32:13] But he's like, uh, he's like, yeah, I just heard outside my apartment the other day.
[00:32:17] I go, man, you know what the real landlord is?
[00:32:31] I like people who just literally just fucking present it as like, I don't know.
[00:32:39] Well, that's part of a bit is I'll tell a story sometimes this like a comment and be
[00:32:42] like, you got to do that on stage and be like, what?
[00:32:50] If you add something to it, how many works is you find something like club soda, for
[00:32:53] Now we've all had club soda and you never noticed it's not really soda.
[00:32:58] And that's the essence of the standard.
[00:33:00] Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
[00:33:07] Speaking of a mean thing, someone said to me once, I just remember this.
[00:33:11] I was when I was fucking, I was just fat as hell, like even fatter than this.
[00:33:16] It was like one of my worst times, and I actually ended up losing a bunch of weight, and I
[00:33:22] But there was this, it was like a nicer gym in Baltimore with the swimming pool.
[00:33:29] And I was like, you know, I didn't feel great about myself, but I was like, I'm at least I'm in the gym
[00:33:35] I'm turning my life around and this guy was there with his son and he was just like a toddler that was like going
[00:33:40] You know swimming with his dad and he just walks in and it's me and like three Jack dudes
[00:33:46] And the kid goes hey dad. What's that little fat guy doing here?
[00:33:50] Hey dad, why is there a little fat guy here?
[00:33:58] He wasn't being a dick because he's a child and he was just like yeah, there's no a little fat guy shouldn't be here
[00:34:08] But it's also annoying because he was like he was a fat child. Yeah, there's like come on
[00:34:11] Do you know even a fucking sexy ass kid saying that shit? I remember I was like
[00:34:16] I went like hiking or something with my parents and some like
[00:34:20] somewhere and you know we're on like the trail in the woods and I was probably like five or six and
[00:34:28] Some fat guy walked past us on the trail and I didn't know any better. So I was like wow look how fat that guy is
[00:34:36] You know we're right in front of them. I was like look look
[00:34:39] How fat this guy is and like, you know, my mom started hitting me or whatever my parents were like
[00:34:46] They're like you can't fucking say that about people. I'm like what and they're like it's bad to be fat
[00:34:53] It's not they're not less. It's mean to that. It's well. It's the bro. I don't know why you can't say but yeah
[00:35:05] So much hold on so then we're still walking and then you know the paths like loop around through the woods or whatever
[00:35:10] So we like passed by the guy again, and I was like look there's that guy again
[00:35:15] And then he looks all upset and are like you know they get mad at me again
[00:35:18] I'm like I didn't say he was fat. I said it was a guy from before
[00:35:23] I got trouble again. Yeah, dude who knew that would be a large portion of your career later on
[00:35:34] Let's do explain it to them like while it's a spectrum
[00:35:41] I got a piss, but he might for sexual reasons at some point, you know, it'll be by choice
[00:35:48] When I was a kid we moved back to South Africa like after apartheid ended
[00:35:53] Mm-hmm for two years, and I was on the beach walking with my grandma and there's this like homeless guy walking towards us
[00:36:00] It's like African dude. Yeah, and I just remember turning to my grandma being like
[00:36:13] She just turned to be she's like you can't say that about them anymore
[00:36:18] Yeah, and it was like I thought well what did she mean did she mean homeless people or she mean I thought she meant African people
[00:36:26] I think she meant black people do South Africans consider themselves POCs
[00:36:31] There were like some fucking Jewish South African kids that I know put African American on their college applications
[00:36:38] Yeah, she was fucked. Yeah, why not dude. I didn't do it. I'm why I'm Caucasian
[00:36:47] Yeah, you're not Caucasian. I'm not from the caucuses. What is that like the urals the urals?
[00:36:53] I'm not like a man. Yeah, I'm not from the cut
[00:36:57] Whatever I'm white. Yeah, how did the Caucasians get to it took over the whole thing to take like Aryan too
[00:37:03] That's not like the Germans weren't even using that word right. Yeah, like Arians are like
[00:37:07] They're like Persians really yeah, the original Arians and Persians have like the same like ethnic roots
[00:37:16] Damn, I didn't know that shit. Well, it's a braces weird
[00:37:19] I remember there was some like propaganda chart. I saw where they it was like produced by the the English or whatever
[00:37:26] Explaining like did you know that the Irish and are actually they're black people
[00:37:30] They're mother they have this cartoon. They have like an English guy that looks normal and then like a cartoon of an Irish guy
[00:37:37] With like this big fucked up nose and they're like yeah, they have to be in
[00:37:46] Yeah, yeah, I love that shit dude. How just like well, that's what makes you think like oh, yeah
[00:37:51] Even when people are like well, you know, there's some truth to stereotypes
[00:37:54] We even when you start believing that then you realize like no every stereotypes are real, but they're cultural
[00:38:02] It's not like based on your fucking genes
[00:38:04] Yeah, I know but what I'm saying is like fucking exactly what you're talking about
[00:38:09] Whatever English people were saying like look at these dumb Irish talking loud and movie theaters or whatever the fuck they were saying
[00:38:15] You know what I mean? Like it all just it's all completely yeah
[00:38:18] Society like the the black people movie theater thing comes from like black southern Baptist churches where like they have more of a call and response
[00:38:26] You know interaction format in the church rather than like, you know and churches to be the thing you would just go do
[00:38:33] Yeah, that's so culturally it makes more sense and it's cool
[00:38:36] they got fucked over that way too because like
[00:38:39] They would like get bad like citizenship
[00:38:42] Yeah, also, you know, like even going all the way back to slavery like like field hollers were calling response based and that
[00:38:52] Everything going forward, but that's where the talking the oral and oral narrative. Yeah
[00:38:57] An oral narrative for you pal. What is that okay? It's a little story about something I do to your mouth
[00:39:09] Adams mouth and then it ends with something inside of it. Mm-hmm and
[00:39:15] That something also puts something else
[00:39:18] Inside of it this sounds confusing. Yeah, I don't get it
[00:39:22] It'll just let me show you just don't we can't talk
[00:39:26] You have trouble following Disney movies. No, I didn't say follow have trouble. No, Indiana Jones was confusing. Yeah
[00:39:33] So it's just sucked it wasn't usually it was just like what you said that you said you said you
[00:39:40] I didn't know whether to make fun of you for that or not because I don't remember the original
[00:39:45] I would have I would have helped you make fun of stuff that shut up bitch. I'm also sick
[00:39:50] I got I got heartburn real bad, which is a type of sick. That's not sick. What'd you eat?
[00:39:55] Not that I just had Chinese food last night and I mean I've got like a heartburn props now
[00:39:59] I think it's from all the Indian food I was eating like six months ago. I think it's just catching up to you
[00:40:06] Chronically fucking up my stomach cuz I go get Indian food and then I got really in the hot sauce
[00:40:11] Like for a while so I would go to Chipotle and then every bite I would like douse and fucking I love
[00:40:16] I love fucking Chipotle. Yeah, it's smokey shit on it. I used to have you know how like I never understood when people are like
[00:40:23] You know you eat spicy food that's just gonna be tearing up your ass the next day and I never experienced that
[00:40:28] I would like eat hot sauce and shit normally it wasn't a problem in the last year like I'm like oh now
[00:40:34] I guess oh no it fucks my ass cheeks all the way up. Yeah, no the first time that ever happened to me was like probably a year ago
[00:40:40] I know just shit normally. How about you Adam? Do you shit bad after?
[00:40:44] Yeah, I have a I have a Bernie. I don't know if it's spicy food
[00:40:47] But you know you get a little you got a Bernie shit that ruins the next 48 hours for sure
[00:40:52] Yeah, you gotta fucking very carefully wipe your ass. Oh, that's a real one
[00:40:57] Yeah, and then you get a little streak of blood why is it there like a dice in bidet?
[00:41:01] You know like a thing that just blows air over your asshole so hard that it cleans it. Yeah, James
[00:41:07] Step up the eye energy that uses eye on energy to suck the shit completely out of your ass
[00:41:14] Because a big problem with wiping is buffeting and that's where
[00:41:18] This diagram me explain that the shit to get smeared. I want a damn bidet dude. Yeah, how much do bidet's cost?
[00:41:25] Uh, David Feldman's where they do his podcast they do it is like agent's apartment
[00:41:31] And he has some like Japanese like it sits over the toilet. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like standard in Japan
[00:41:40] Yeah, it was like a like a super like a damn on top of the toilet. Oh shit
[00:41:45] Ambers pulling it up right here. There's one for like a hundred bucks, dude
[00:41:48] But yeah, it's not that expensive. I'm a get one dude. Yeah, I want a robot to lick my ass. Yeah
[00:41:53] That's how we show fucking dominance over there. I was just talking about that. I actually have it down on the notes for the show here
[00:42:00] No, I'm serious what yeah, I just I don't forget which heading it was under right it's health and wellness, but
[00:42:08] They're literally is by the way notes guys. He's not joking. Oh
[00:42:13] I was saying I want a feeding tube that connects to an Amazon drone that makes all my decisions for me and the drone
[00:42:20] I think the reason that sex robots haven't caught on is because they just make sex robots
[00:42:28] And all it does is fuck and what you need is the sex to be like an added bonus, you know like
[00:42:35] Coupleters, you know who the fuck would just buy a cup holder, but you put it in a car. Everybody needs a cup holder
[00:42:42] That's what I'm saying so people do buy just pocket pussies
[00:42:45] They do but if you had if you had a way to fuck other types of robots like they specifically when they made the Roomba
[00:42:53] They were worried about people fucking it. So really possible to fuck. I'm assuming
[00:42:58] Because there's no way to fuck a Roomba, but yeah, you could figure it out
[00:43:01] Fuck every other kind of vacuum, but you can't fuck that is
[00:43:06] You know because it raises this is ethical because you know it wants to fuck to right the room was sad
[00:43:11] It does never fucking put too many regular vacuums, so they made up the Roomba
[00:43:15] So the you know less people so less people would be trying to you can actually get I remember a dog
[00:43:20] When a boy attached to that guy sticking is he stuck his dick into the vacuum like body
[00:43:26] Assembly instead of the hose at the end and his dick just got chopped off by one of the blades
[00:43:35] Yeah, he killed himself. That was half the Darwin awards was people like getting a dick
[00:43:41] Speaking of which what a fucking bizarre you know you could not make the Darwin awards now now. We've talked about this and have we yeah
[00:43:49] I don't think we have well, let's talk about it
[00:43:58] Why couldn't you because it would be making fun of people that died yeah, and you know how offended people would be they definitely would be yeah
[00:44:06] But it was imagine if fucking David Carradine died this week the same way and people were trying to people would still go off
[00:44:12] It was just auto-arroticous fixation right yeah, that's it right in Malaysia. That's it in Bangkok in Bangkok
[00:44:19] I thought it was a koala lompur. Yeah, which is a weird thing to do to go to Southeast Asia to jack off
[00:44:25] Yeah, you don't get a boy to do it. Are you like oh yeah? We're going to fucking uh?
[00:44:30] We're going to Shake Shack and I'm just gonna get the salad you know
[00:44:36] It's not even that I'm gonna make my own burger
[00:44:40] Right I'm bringing loose hamburger meat
[00:44:50] Fucking one of the shakes they're very creamy yeah
[00:44:54] No, they got boys there those actually a bit
[00:44:56] I used to do but I had to stop doing it because Nate Barghatsy also has a bit about the rocket launchers in Cambodia
[00:45:02] Oh, what is it weird do it my take on it was it like you know
[00:45:06] I want me and my friend Eric Kruge actually trying to go to Cambodia because he used to get these like cheap companion flights
[00:45:12] But the thing with going to Cambodia is like people just assume that you're gonna fuck
[00:45:19] But why I wanted to go is specifically because of that rocket launcher thing they have like a place where you can blow up a cow with a
[00:45:25] Rocket launcher, you know you fire like fully automatic a k-47s and they got granny's you guys and she yeah
[00:45:30] You got grenades you can throw in like a lake and shit and it's like that seems like the most fun
[00:45:37] But it's like after after you blow up a fucking cow with an RPG
[00:45:43] You expect me to just like fuck a normal prostitute
[00:45:47] No, you have to fuck a boy that's the only thing to possibly do
[00:45:55] After you know blowing up that cow is fuck a boy
[00:45:57] It's kind of rude to blow up a cow can't you just blow up a rock or something?
[00:46:01] I mean you could if you're a pussy dude the cow didn't do nothing to you dude
[00:46:10] Well, can you pick up is it barbecue and tasty afterwards? Yeah, they're just like a fuck
[00:46:15] It's like a video game is it a gun that shoots it and becomes beautiful stakes. Yeah, the grenades filled with Casey Masterpiece, dude
[00:46:24] What happened to Casey Masterpiece chips? I think we've also talked about that I was lays lays did like a
[00:46:30] Collabo with them, right? No back in the day Casey masterpiece had their own chips
[00:46:34] I thought they were with ruffles. Maybe they were but I remember loving those as a kid
[00:46:38] I love barbecue chips barbecue chips going to the fucking pool. You go to the pool. You get to Casey barbecue
[00:46:44] I like the us I like the us barbecue you get tough your hands are still wet from the pool
[00:46:48] So you get all that fucking dust stuck to them. Yeah orange hands. Yeah. Yeah now dude late the us are better than the Casey barbecue
[00:46:57] That's my stance. Do you remember kids that were like naturally about
[00:47:01] Casey Anthony Masterpiece? It's barbecue tastes like a dead child nicely done my friend that's
[00:47:19] Nance Grace here and I'm making my own barbecue sauce now. It's called Casey Anthony masterpiece and it's made out of dead babies
[00:47:26] If you would like to smother your child in barbecue sauce, we will send you a paint mixing bucket
[00:47:39] Fuck I'm fuck my stuff. You knew I probably couldn't tell the difference between who if I had to Nancy Grace and Paula Dean
[00:47:49] Paul Dean's got gray hair. Look up. Let's say the lights are very dim. You're having sex with Paul Dean and Nancy Grace
[00:47:55] Yeah, Paula Dean's older fatter. I mean there's a fuck one. Maybe you do pick Paula. I would pick Paula because yeah
[00:48:08] She's no, I mean she is a slut dude if you watch the show she's always like a next is coming out as my
[00:48:15] Beautiful 12-foot long chocolatey clairs. Oh my shirtless men bring them out. She's sucking on the tip
[00:48:21] Dude, you know Paula Dean sucks good dick. Oh, yeah, no, she does say indeed
[00:48:26] She's just fucking oh she probably puts oh tea. It's like a little melted butter brush
[00:48:30] She puts on your dick and reapply periodically
[00:48:34] 21-year-old Brazilian dudes, right? Yeah, she yeah
[00:48:39] The n-word, you know that's how it started
[00:48:48] And then that's why they retracted all the details
[00:48:52] You know the rest of it is you know only when she comes
[00:48:58] Man, all right. I just loved I loved her response
[00:49:00] I said you used it one time but like in 1983 when she was working at a bank that was robbed
[00:49:11] So far cuz like that's that's still not even a good excuse if you're like yeah all the time at home is a joke
[00:49:18] You know, yeah, of course like okay. She's normal. She's like a normal person
[00:49:24] Yeah, my podcast every once in a while. Yeah, right in terms of a good bit
[00:49:28] But like you know imagine you're working at a bank in the bank outrobs and you're like well, I guess it's time to say it
[00:49:43] Break that's literally like the stand-up comic
[00:49:47] Defense like how many people I think Voss had a joke or some or maybe DiPaula was like
[00:49:51] Really you say african-american when one cuts you off in traffic
[00:50:02] Yeah PD indeed yeah Nancy Grace probably doesn't fuck good black people don't really they're not they're not dicks when they drive
[00:50:10] Usually I don't think well, I think I've never been cut off by a black person. What never yeah
[00:50:17] Even when you're like Baltimore DC. Yeah, I don't I mean maybe I maybe you know what it is
[00:50:22] I just can't see who's driving the cars, but you're always drunk when you die
[00:50:25] Yeah, so you know what the ethnicity is ball nobody cuts me
[00:50:29] What's that my guy in a fucking shouting match for this fucking old black dude that cut me off and his son was in the car
[00:50:36] And he's like you better watch me. It's like what are you gonna beat me up?
[00:50:40] Like his poor son is just like yelling at me for no reason. I don't remember
[00:50:44] I was probably a dick also. I have some anger issues sometimes. Yeah, you road rage you do it's a no
[00:50:50] Yeah, that's why I love driving those trucks when I do that job. Oh my god. You're the king of the road
[00:50:55] Yeah, no, I'll fucking I'll just kill you. It's not even my truck. I could not care
[00:51:02] If you want to play a chicken with me. Yeah, dude on 6th Avenue
[00:51:06] Do you ever win? Yeah, I killed some I've killed two or four families
[00:51:15] So it stops birthday this week. Yeah, I missed both my boys, dude
[00:51:19] Yeah, I know sick and I need to go buy shit a target
[00:51:22] Yeah, you had to go run errands during my birthday party. Well, it's
[00:51:28] Didn't realize how long it was gonna look your boy got gone up those tequila sodas, dude
[00:51:33] Well, let's go to Dave and Buster's we went to Dave and Buster's for my birthday and yeah, I thought I would be down
[00:51:39] I don't want to go to Dave and Buster's for my birthday for my 30th birthday. We'll go. I'm not 30 sucks now
[00:51:48] Because it's you know, the market is like four adults, but it's actually for kids. Yeah, yeah
[00:51:52] It really is just Chuck E Cheese. That's what like all marketing towards children is either like
[00:51:59] This is really for adults or like hey your parents are fucking retards. They don't understand why this cereal is good
[00:52:07] Your parents will never understand why you want to eat this cereal. Yeah, it's just because there's candy in it. Yeah
[00:52:16] Like fucking like cinnamon toast crunch was like it's a taste you can see but adults can't see right
[00:52:22] Right, which sounds something a pedophile would say like you have to keep this just between us
[00:52:28] Everybody how much you like I see your mom
[00:52:30] Cinnamon toast crunch if I was a pedophile, you know, they're like, oh, we've got a van filled with candy. It's like no fill the van material
[00:52:36] Absolutely, dude, you know shit tricks. What was your favorite shit? I love tricks, dude. Oh, fruity pebbles
[00:52:43] Yeah, oh Korean cocoa pebbles holy motherfucking
[00:52:47] You mix you mix cocoa and fruity pebble. No, I get out of here with that shit, dude
[00:52:51] Why sometimes I would cut them with rice crispy treats. Yeah, you know just to kind of make it last make the stash
[00:52:57] Step on it a little bit. I was step on the package
[00:52:59] Well, they for a while they were selling just the marshmallows for lucky charms that even to me is insane
[00:53:05] Yeah, and I love fucking deck. They're bad marshmallows. I'm gonna fucking right after this
[00:53:09] I'm gonna go get a box of lucky charms and some milk and a couple of oxycottons, dude
[00:53:15] That sounds awesome. I'm gonna relive my childhood
[00:53:22] That's not that Simpson's line with Otto when they're watching the fucking meteor and he's like, oh, I don't need drugs to enjoy this
[00:53:34] I have been getting stoned as hell and just running through movies, dude
[00:53:37] Yeah, I saw point break that shit is awesome
[00:53:39] That's the way to watch movies just get high shit and watch like 30 of them at a time
[00:53:43] That's the only way to become a guy that's seen everything
[00:53:46] Absolutely, which if you you haven't done by age 30, you're just not gonna be that guy
[00:53:50] Absolutely, I don't think I've ever wanted to be is that or actually we could be those guys our lives are so stupid if we just like
[00:53:56] I watched I don't think you have the requisite, you know a catalog yet to even yeah
[00:54:06] Yeah, you can't do it. I saw Mulan sister act point break
[00:54:17] He's yeah, he's in it soon fleas not in it. I was expecting to see flea. It's just key to this isn't it
[00:54:23] He does who by the way, it sounds like he really fucked a lot. Yeah back in the day one time did one time
[00:54:30] My brother told me an anecdote. He heard use the song someone else who read
[00:54:36] autobiography and apparently Kate is fucked fleas sister when he was like
[00:54:41] 13 or some shit not fuck this like adult sister. Yeah, that's pretty cool man. It must be awesome to be a fucking
[00:54:48] To be a rock star just have that rock star weird charisma that also gets you addicted to drugs
[00:54:54] Yeah, that's what uh, but then you don't die from the drugs
[00:54:56] So it's like the only downside to drugs is that they fuck up your life and they can kill you
[00:55:01] But if you live forever and you're rich no matter what why not yeah, that's the best life
[00:55:07] Why not like you can't say oh wow a heroin really destroyed their lives. It could have been a
[00:55:15] Fine. Yeah, but there's a ton of just people shitty bands
[00:55:19] Get a lot of drugs. Yeah, they're just the they're the weird
[00:55:24] You know fucking yeah exception of the rule and also right I see from your your your my butterfly sugar baby
[00:55:32] Did a lot of heroin did he well that's good
[00:55:40] Shifty shell shock. Yeah, shifty shell shock from a crazy town crazy town that guy looks a lot like Andrew bucket
[00:55:47] Yeah, she had to bucket got molested or whatever we talked about that one time
[00:56:05] He was like dude. I can't believe you talked about that
[00:56:08] I had a lot of explaining to you how to talk to all my friends about how I got molested they found out about it on
[00:56:13] Come town. I was like do you feel so bad and Nick's like yeah, I did a bit dude
[00:56:23] No, dude, I just got an Instagram message. I think my or a Twitter message
[00:56:26] I think my instance done for good dude. They deleted. I think so
[00:56:31] RIP fuck dude. I'm off all social media now except Instagram. That's cool. You're like a thought I'm a teen
[00:56:38] You're a slutty girl, dude. Mm-hmm. That's cool. I'm just gonna do a bunch of puppy filter pictures. You should do ass
[00:56:45] Selfies in the mirror. Yeah, really like I need a full-length mirror that I sit in the install in front of and do puppy filter pictures
[00:56:55] String about my idea my hair straightener
[00:56:58] You know my shit is like little like like nine-year-old gay gay white boys that think they're like black hot girls
[00:57:06] They're like all these accounts that always pop up with like boys. They're just like fucking perking their ass out
[00:57:11] I'm like taking with put puppy filter like mere cell gas would pops up on your
[00:57:19] I feel like I miss this and I would love to make fun of Adam
[00:57:22] But Adam saying that this suggested I'm so sad about my grand a pop-up or nine-year-old gay boys
[00:57:28] No, I never said I was the suggested follows dude. They said my shit got taken down because of bullying and harassment
[00:57:38] Yeah, because you're harassing who the fat reindeer no, no, it's because it's because you're making fun of body positivity
[00:57:46] No, I'm not I'm a body positive warrior. No, dude. If you're a woman
[00:57:49] This would be such a big story. This is crazy. So the alt-right guys here about this
[00:57:54] Dude what the it would be one thing if they said it was fucking nudity or whatever
[00:58:03] You could be on a bowling and who the fuck did I rap happens when you satirize, you know, I didn't it's not satire
[00:58:10] It's come on dude. I'm 100% people feel better dude because of me and my work and I will not stop
[00:58:16] I will be back. Yeah, I just started a new account
[00:58:18] Fuck man bowling and fucking I didn't even bully anyone on Instagram
[00:58:24] All my bullying is usually through the podcast or Twitter or whatever. Yeah
[00:58:28] This is false is this I don't know some snitch someone snitch and I will find you who doesn't like you
[00:58:35] I feel like I have a ton of enemies. I feel like you don't have any money event
[00:58:39] Maybe just someone who hates Nick. Yeah, that's what I figured it was, but I don't think so really yeah
[00:58:46] Yeah, who knows maybe someone who hates my laugh my discover page just as an aside my discover page is just
[00:58:55] Sneakers and rap video when you say dunks you mean people putting their balls in a young nose boy's mouth
[00:59:01] No, very cool slam dunking their testicles in our age boys mouths. It's just butts and dunks
[00:59:08] Our dunkaroos, Australia, that's what I was about to ask earlier, but I'm sick and slow
[00:59:12] Why did Ernest lick me dude? You got butter all over your forms. Yeah, but I'm baking so that's for me for later Ernest
[00:59:21] Dunkaroos are not Australian. They're stolen for they're like cultural appropriation. Dude, that's fucked
[00:59:28] Those successful animal the kangaroo because it's stupid. It's their Nash. It's not
[00:59:34] They're the only people that had on like why because they're the only people that have it
[00:59:38] It's just another cool shit though who wall is but they're not as fucking badass
[00:59:42] No, I think that Tasmanian devils that's Tasmania bitch. Tasmania is a part of Australia
[00:59:47] Dude, I don't think that's true, and I will never look it up
[00:59:56] Words to live by dude, I fucking hate the internet used to be able to be dumb as shit
[01:00:00] You could just be confident. I know you know used to be able to bully people that were lesser than you
[01:00:06] Now you have to bully like the president and stuff
[01:00:08] Hmm you know it used to be a place where you just make people cry
[01:00:15] By Instagram four to eight years just quote tweeting the president. It's like actually dumb ass in chief
[01:00:26] You're now just the guys you spent eight years making fun of like all those fucking teacot guys you the same thing I
[01:00:32] Mean I just mean I understand being angry, but like it doesn't do
[01:00:38] Anything you just fucking embarrass yourself if you're doing a quote tweet the president of course
[01:00:44] But it's also I mean you are gonna bear yourself. It doesn't do anything, but it's also like it's crazy to think that this is how people used to feel about
[01:00:50] Obama Obama and not even because of his pot like most of it because he was black. Yeah, that's what's insane
[01:00:58] Like yeah, yeah, it's I get the urge to be like fucking idiot Trump because he's like tweeting about
[01:01:08] It's like you know based in fact or not, but there's plenty of people that fucking were
[01:01:13] Drinking the cool late about always gonna take all of her guns and like right
[01:01:18] You know all the extra judicial like I'm not really that didn't care about that, but definitely second amendment bullshit
[01:01:25] you know, so it's not entirely racist even though it was mostly and
[01:01:31] You know, I don't know I think it was I mean I mean it was just it was it was all fucking
[01:01:37] It just fueled it. They would have these fears about whoever
[01:01:42] Like yeah like 2009 just keep thinking about my Instagram
[01:01:44] I'm thinking I was like 2009 when I first started to see those and like a lot of it was that he was the anti-Christ
[01:01:50] Yeah, exactly. Yeah for a gay prostitute, but all of that is just eat just
[01:01:56] Slight code for like we don't want to black. I mean why is he the anti-Christ because he's fucking black
[01:02:02] You know what I mean? Like but that's what's insane is that like for all those reasons people felt this badly
[01:02:06] Yeah, Trump actually is so crazy weird and fucking dangerous like how unstable that fucking he's the most unstable
[01:02:17] He also deported millions of people he or people he got he also
[01:02:22] Tatted a lot of children children. Yeah, yeah
[01:02:25] But like at least he was like fucking put together
[01:02:28] Dude Trump is is unraveling we are one we are 1.6% of the way through his four-year term today
[01:02:35] It's so he's been to mark a long ago every weekend
[01:02:40] Crazy dude, why wouldn't he he just keeps going?
[01:02:43] Vacation I'm gonna make it. I don't think the vacations are that big of a deal. It's people do that with every president
[01:02:48] I'm like well Bush played golf, you know, but they went the time he's on they would go to fuck they would stay in the White House
[01:02:54] I don't know man. It's weird. He's taking calls at Mar-a-Lago. Yeah people just there hanging out
[01:03:00] Like it's like he shuts down Mar-a-Lago and does business. It's just like people are fucking eating. What is Mar-a-Lago's beautiful it was built by
[01:03:07] Amber do you know who was built by what's your name the real estate developer that was like also? Oh
[01:03:25] What's that? Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah Emily post Mary weather Emily posts. Yeah
[01:03:31] Oh, Mary weather post pavilion. Yeah, they're the same people nice. Yeah, Mary weather post
[01:03:35] Is this a slightly stupid party there also or a house? Yeah
[01:03:41] It's a club. Yeah, it's like it's it's it's a big resort. It's a big resort with a big fucking house
[01:03:46] Yeah, that's fucking nuts. Yeah, he's over there fucking taking calls in the dining room. It's beautiful. It's beautiful
[01:03:51] Yeah, it's tight. Where's the college people shit. I'll go. Let's all go
[01:03:56] Let's go and like over here some fucking cool
[01:03:59] If he also owned the Winchester house that haunted a house made by the gun family
[01:04:04] Oh shit all his vacations there. I don't know about that or universal studios. That would be the funniest
[01:04:16] That would be awesome dude, and he was on like Space Mountain taking calls
[01:04:20] It says his own private excuse me. Yeah, we have to shut down all the Wayne's World shit
[01:04:26] Trump's dress like Garth and his phone calls his Garth
[01:04:29] I want the dog that also looks like Garth
[01:04:42] It's like we're working on the technology to bring the dog back to life
[01:04:48] Mexico's gonna pay for it. Oh, yeah, good. I'll send that joke to Bill Maher. That's not bad, dude
[01:04:55] Yeah, Bill Maher Trump's meeting with Putin
[01:04:58] Yeah, this will be interesting to see if they meet anywhere outside of a bathroom with a hole in the stall
[01:05:08] Yeah, it's a bill I'd laugh at any joke with the glory hole though to be fair
[01:05:14] Yeah, I feel like it's just it's gonna be four years of Bill Maher calling the president gay in
[01:05:19] Different ways I you know, it's just like I don't think he does that I think he's like more like
[01:05:26] Jokes about weed and stuff about how he's and also and God really doubles down on Muslim all Muslims being
[01:05:35] So fucking funny. It's like that just stands you fucking piece of shit
[01:05:40] He's just such a smug atheist. He thinks he's better than all religions, but he's so shitty about Muslims. Yeah
[01:05:46] He's a devout atheist. Oh the worst kind of person. That's the best kind of Twitter bio to have devout atheist
[01:05:54] I'm automatic follow all right. Well, we got to wrap this up, but there's I just want to touch on something funny. Maybe
[01:06:01] We could I was saying Valentine's Day. It's weird that there's candy given out on Valentine's Day
[01:06:07] You know because the people enjoy candy the most fat people
[01:06:12] Don't usually have Valentine's Day. Oh, I don't know that that's true
[01:06:15] You know and it feels mean that a lot of people have
[01:06:19] Plenty of options for hot people Valentine's. Well, it's not no it's for everyone vegetables or vitamins all bodies
[01:06:26] All bodies deserve what we make little kids do Valentine's so they could like fuck each other. Yeah
[01:06:32] That's weird. They have to give out you have to give out Valentine's Day. Did you guys get my Valentine's?
[01:06:38] I mailed them to you. No, did they make you do that?
[01:06:40] Yeah, they made you that box and then sometimes you wouldn't give you'd have to do it to guys ugly girls stuff this bullshit
[01:06:52] These one get the hot through it third. I'm just trying to give it to there's no holiday for my bad people 11 year old
[01:06:58] You're always that yes, there is no thanksgiving bitch
[01:07:01] No, that's for Americans. No, I did that's for which who are fat people
[01:07:07] Americans Americans were the fattest also
[01:07:09] Holograby at Greek Easter you want to see a holiday for fat people dude?
[01:07:16] Lamb chops on the grill. I can't wait is there a patron saint of obesity
[01:07:22] It is Paula Dean actually yeah, same Paula
[01:07:26] It's it's fucking Dom de Louise. He's the patron saint of obesity
[01:07:31] Is that real st. Charles of Borneo apparently saying diabetes
[01:07:39] Die a nice is the Greek god. He would go off and boys are wine guys. Yeah, he is wine
[01:07:44] But he was gluttonous also. Yeah, yeah, yeah wine
[01:07:47] No, I think he's and turn it into wine and it's not he would eat he would go crazy
[01:07:52] Dude, he would have like big-ass fucking bakanals dude. Yeah, I mean, I know it's a Roman word
[01:07:57] They stole they stole so much of our shit dude. Yeah, the room dude
[01:08:02] Dine I see guys dick sock. Yeah, those satyrs those guys with horns. Yeah, they were horny as hell. That's true, you know
[01:08:09] What was there's always a culture prior to?
[01:08:16] Part anything everyone's basically just farmers. Yeah, right. Yo check this out
[01:08:23] But I mean like why did they just steal the culture because it could everything probably didn't think that was real
[01:08:28] I mean, I'm sure they had some sort of like origin myth or whatever
[01:08:31] I mean probably our shit just spread to there because it's like yeah, ancient Greece probably just was
[01:08:36] I got it was like probably clear answers on all this
[01:08:41] I don't know. There's like a boat or something. We probably own that shit and then we got our shit fucked up
[01:08:46] There's always a thing always always a crazy story is the story that's the status stuff
[01:08:50] Yeah, how they just like didn't know any like ancient language and then they were like fucking
[01:08:57] And somebody was blowing up a town and they were like, oh check this out. It's like
[01:09:04] Who knows how much shit is just gotten fucking destroyed? Yeah, well, you know about the Alexandria library, right?
[01:09:13] Yeah, because that library burned down like the human humanity went into the dark edges crazy
[01:09:19] Because we just lost so much knowledge. Yep. I hope we go into another dark ages who burns that shit down
[01:09:25] I remember I want nothing I started watching hero the other night again
[01:09:31] Jet Li and I just want nothing but to be a Chinese warlord
[01:09:35] That shit would fucking rule whatever that stick is like a the pole arm
[01:09:40] Stick with a sword at the end. Oh, which is genius. It's pretty good dumb ass comes at you with a sword
[01:09:46] You're like, all right. Well, I've a sword plus ten feet. So isn't that just a spear. No
[01:09:53] Basically no a spear has just got like a spear head on it. Yeah, but it's a whole arms at the end
[01:09:57] There's a sword. It's basically a spear. Well, uh kind of a ho hum in
[01:10:06] Dating tips for you guys. Should we plug the show? Yes, please the two said that it's top. Yeah, I know
[01:10:12] Uh the 21st. We're at carolines the 28th. We're at come on everybody
[01:10:19] Please come out to carolines. It's our big show. It's we're on Broadway. That's there's a lot of you know songs New York on
[01:10:26] Brought, you know, that's this is our big night guys and if it doesn't go well
[01:10:31] Maybe we'll cancel it'll be embarrassing as hell. It'll be very embarrassing and we've got some big acts that are gonna be coming out
[01:10:40] And I just we Anderson I would think my co-hosts Nick and stop for
[01:10:45] Carrying this one. I'm fucking dying of illness. Oh, that's all right. Oh, by the way guys
[01:10:53] Three months away the video stuff is coming real soon
[01:10:58] That was the problem is I couldn't edit it. Yeah, I already had a career on my
[01:11:02] I have two different pieces of ed. Well, and we're all gonna take like six month screenwriting classes also
[01:11:13] Screenwriting and we're doing actually my snare I did last night. I did last night sit down and log an entire episode of
[01:11:23] Sweet Valley high and did it up shot by shot nice
[01:11:27] I might do something that you know, maybe put myself in an episode of sweet Valley high sweet Valley high is cool
[01:11:32] It's where it's like jughead and Archie suck each other's dicks or whatever
[01:11:38] But there's a new Archie out where they get their dick sucked. Yeah, that's the one I'm thinking of yeah
[01:11:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what is that? That's how sweet Valley high that's Archie. It's called something that sounds a lot like sweet
[01:11:51] Some like that, but it's Archie Ridgefield getting our chief
[01:11:57] Riverdale high school. We're in the Bronx
[01:12:01] No, it's never actually explained where Archie is specifically art. You get said jughead gets head more evidence that Archie is
[01:12:08] From New York than anything else, but it's never made clear
[01:12:12] Interesting. Yeah. Well, these are the questions to ponder everyone
[01:12:16] We got any Archie fans out there any fans a ham radio child pornography
[01:12:24] Take a break from for beating off the CP. Mm-hmm. Let us know the backstory with Archie
[01:12:31] Yes, yeah, no Archie's Archie's had a weird he had a black girlfriend in the 70s for the first time that was big
[01:12:37] Dude, that was big for civil rights Archie should be gay now. I think I think he's easy. Yeah, he's a huge
[01:12:43] Jughead gay one of the main guys had gay now. They're still making those comics
[01:12:49] No in the show or something the show maybe in the comic
[01:12:51] I thought you had was a monarchist. I thought that was just an original idea was what?
[01:12:56] Jughead was a monarchist. Yeah, that's why I swear you're a crown. Yeah, that was like his that's his minor
[01:13:03] You know, I do you know it's funny. No, you know, he's a basque. He's a basque monarch
[01:13:08] Yeah, what's funny is shit is they still do make every comic and they just like have gone through every idea like Jughead
[01:13:16] I think it is in the comics like Batman is like I don't know good or something. Yeah, I like how like Marvel is cashing in on all
[01:13:22] This is what I fucking love is there's a lot of those Marvel movies those Marvel movies got popular with like fucking the big ones
[01:13:28] Like spider-man of Batman and it took like four years before they're like, yeah
[01:13:32] We really have only produced a couple of good ideas. So here's a
[01:13:35] Was a shitty Seth Rogam of the green hornet
[01:13:41] Did it suck? Yeah, it was Michelle Gondry who made it but yeah, but I never saw it
[01:13:48] Well, that's how quickly they ran out of fucking comic book shit to draw from well now
[01:13:53] They've they got black panther that that actually is probably gonna be tight
[01:13:58] Which show the black panther show I never saw yeah, there was an animated black really I would peep that shit
[01:14:04] I might be on Netflix. Dr. Strange suck dick. We talked about that
[01:14:08] Ant-man apparently was good. I don't know okay, they should make Ant-man, but it's Anthony Kumia
[01:14:14] And his power is the end word. I was power is a gun. He just sealed carripper
[01:14:21] It's a gun and a very a detailed knowledge of stand your ground laws state by state
[01:14:27] But you guys stand your ground good or bad. That's where we're leaving