Ep. 46 - Vacations

[00:00:04] So we'll start. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We saw you all motherfucking come town West

[00:00:09] come town West, baby. We got the Cali vibes of the cool Cali breeze, baby. Gone through our cool Cali hair right now. I learned how to surf, dude. I did a 360 surf.

[00:00:19] We had a chip. We had a kickback earlier just a lot of people are they float more, right? Yeah, that's true. That's why the bizarre

[00:00:26] you're all lipids. Are we gonna talk about our favorite sublime songs? This is basically it.

[00:00:33] Oh, more. We're having a kicker right now, which is just four dudes in a room getting crossfaded, getting high, getting started. And then maybe if a couple girls come over, we could have a full chill.

[00:00:44] What's crossfaded? Is that the dad marine thing? Crossfaded is what you get. I like how you like make fun of this guy for being like a loser for smoking weed, but then you just sit at home and watch videos of this guy.

[00:00:55] Smoked weed smoking weed. I really want to go to Long Beach and meet Nick. We should go. I'm too afraid to DM him.

[00:01:01] This is all is me on Insta. No, my really it's a friend of mine from New York got me has this weird obsession with this guy who lives in Long Beach named Nick 420 CA on Instagram.

[00:01:15] And what he does is he just films himself doing dad Marines. Sometimes doing bingers, hidden bingers.

[00:01:22] He's been basically he was dormant. And then the night Trump won for some reason. He came back. It was time.

[00:01:29] And so basically he'll do like a he'll do a dab and then he'll chug like a 24 ounce to Kade. Oh, sick. And then and then he'll hit a binger and then he'll blow it all out and do some sort of yeah he's real serious about this.

[00:01:43] But the thing is is that on its own, it's not in terms of as a as a work of art. It's not that impressive on its own, but through repetition, which is literally maybe smoking weed on the internet.

[00:01:56] Maybe 5,000 times coughing for on aggregate, maybe like a day and a half just of just coughing on YouTube.

[00:02:07] Yeah, that should be a super cut. The unfortunate thing is is that his original YouTube channel is now done. It is offline. And the genesis of the entire project, which is chilling and dabbing down after chilling down at Pike is no longer on the internet.

[00:02:26] But that is the video that started it all and started the entire obsession. But basically I'm going to DM Nick weed.

[00:02:34] So yeah, so we're here. We got fucking heavy ass dick Andy. Heavy ass dick. Heavy dick Andy.

[00:02:43] It's got tumors in it. Weighted down by tumors. That's a good answer. No lipids in here. If you guys could support my go fund me.

[00:02:55] Yeah, just go fund. That's why he's here. Because I shoot in the HGH right into my fucking.

[00:03:00] I'm going to get Fallon for dick cancer. The answer is no, stop. Could you put the HGH in your.

[00:03:05] No, that would be awesome. I just saw stops. Of course. Yeah. You saw that. You saw the.

[00:03:14] I've been taking HGH. So time. You saw the hamster. I've been doing it. I've been pumping HGH directly into my frontal lobe so I can fucking read people's minds.

[00:03:23] Oh fuck. No, I think that's called chemistry. Fucking stem cells injected right into the spine in Israel. Yeah, dude. I've been kidnapping.

[00:03:33] All those like this missing girls in DC. This is crazy. I've been harvesting their stem cells. See, I just go to Planned Parenthood.

[00:03:42] Oh yeah, the abortion book. It's like when you go to Panera after hours.

[00:03:47] You got any extra fucking croissants. Yeah. You just do that with children. I just like that.

[00:03:54] I like that. I knew a guy that fucking was like like an anarchist or whatever.

[00:04:03] And like him and this girl I grew up with, they had a kid and then she died like two months later.

[00:04:12] It was tragic. She was actually like really cool. She had a fucking aneurysm. So it was like one of those. I don't know where sort of things.

[00:04:19] And then he was just living in her parents basement raising the kid. And like one day he came home with like a bag of bread that he had found in the trash.

[00:04:31] And it was like, please don't raise your baby on trash bread. You found behind Panera. You got to get that UBT card son.

[00:04:38] Yeah. He didn't believe in it. Did the fucking toss him? Did the parents just know?

[00:04:43] No, actually he's doing an all right job raising that kid. Yeah, he's trans now too. Oh, Jared. Yeah.

[00:04:49] Hell yeah dude. There's a lot of layers going on to this motherfucker.

[00:04:52] Wait, is he in Seattle? No. Okay. No. What, why does that sound like everyone in Seattle?

[00:04:58] No, because I didn't know that. Wait, hold on. Is he the mayor of Seattle? Is that the city control?

[00:05:04] No, there was a dude that, well, a trans woman came up to me in Seattle recently and was like, I used to do comedy in DC with you.

[00:05:13] Oh shit. But I was a guy back then. So I didn't, I didn't know who it was.

[00:05:17] Oh shit. I wonder who it was. Because I would probably know also. Yeah. It's my diesel. Yeah.

[00:05:22] Yeah, I used to be a fucking guy. Now I'm Mike Prius.

[00:05:28] Like girl version of it. He doesn't even, he has like a shitty name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:05:33] He's like hybrid homophobic against himself. Yeah.

[00:05:38] Yeah. My favorite faggot. My favorite. Yeah.

[00:05:43] I figured my switch. I don't want to confuse people. My favorite, my favorite, Mike Diesel story is like Twidey told the story about meeting Mike Diesel.

[00:05:54] And like he's like, yeah, I worked with this guy, Mike Diesel. I'm like, please go on. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:06:00] And Mike was like, yeah, I've been a road comic for, you know, 75 years or whatever.

[00:06:05] The number is now that he tells people. I'm like, I'm the number one comic in the West Virginia panhandle.

[00:06:11] Well, you know, I mean, you know, Mike, you know, he tells like all these stories or whatever.

[00:06:17] And some of them are just like so ridiculous that you just, you know, I mean, not all of them are ridiculous.

[00:06:22] Yeah. You know, stories. But Twidey said he met him and then he was like, yeah, I, uh, I've been a road dog 45 years.

[00:06:29] I only got four teeth left. And it's like he could just see his teeth. Yeah.

[00:06:35] So he's like literally lying through his teeth. Yeah.

[00:06:39] Incredible. Yeah. I never, I never met Diesel. How is that possible? Because I only went to, what was that club?

[00:06:45] I only went to Ysakers like twice. I felt, I fell into being a Ysakers guy pretty early on. It stand up, which is kind of like that's, that was like it for you, I guess, in DC.

[00:06:55] Like just became a Ysakers guy. It was a good room. It was a great room. It was like the probably the best room in a car.

[00:07:01] And I was, I wasn't going to catch like what I think that was like not as if you could get a train out there at that point. Yeah.

[00:07:07] Yeah. There is now is one that goes right there. You know something weird though? Yeah.

[00:07:10] That hotel that Ysakers was in. Yeah. I was staying at that hotel when Kurt Cobain died.

[00:07:18] Wow. That's weird. Yeah. But I never went. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways.

[00:07:23] The way Diesel would tell that story is, and I actually pulled the gun out of his mouth. Yeah.

[00:07:28] And he said, Mike, thank you for writing every one of Nirvana songs and teaching me how to play guitar.

[00:07:35] You guys got to get diesel on. Yeah.

[00:07:37] We love that. We've talked about that like diesel. We want these. We want Tom Myers.

[00:07:42] Dude, Tom will come on the show. Today I got a low exposure tweet. But one of them, one of them, low engagement, one of them was Tom Myers.

[00:07:50] Oh hell yeah. Usually I delete them if they get low engagement. Yeah. I was like fuck it. No, you got the, that's Tom Myers on there.

[00:07:56] Yeah. Yeah. Finn for our listeners. Heavy Dick Andy also is a DC boy.

[00:08:02] Started comedy DC, right? Are you starting? Kinda like started in Seattle, but I like eight months and moved right, right, right, right.

[00:08:08] So we all know from the damn scene. Yeah. Just given these motherfucking lives.

[00:08:13] And it was first bubble, first comedy bubble, first wave, and we were second wave. Yeah. Nick with both waves.

[00:08:20] I've never had a wave of no, I know. You're you started when like right when I got to DC. Yeah.

[00:08:26] And Matt Kazam was like losing his mind. He was like, this is kid. And he's like great. Yeah.

[00:08:32] Yeah. But I mean, I quickly, I think it was like two months in, I made friends with Norman. Yeah.

[00:08:37] Norman's like, just come to wise acres. And then they quickly became like, oh, I'll just do wise acres.

[00:08:42] And I remember you also like were over it right away too. What stand up? Yeah. There was something weird.

[00:08:47] Like were you on pills or something? Yeah. But that was in, I did after like, after like maybe like it took long.

[00:08:54] Yeah. It took about the 13 months, but I got burned out. Yeah. Cause I remember like, I just didn't see you until maybe out here.

[00:09:00] Yeah. Well, I was just at wise acres. Yeah. And then, and then after like doing wise acres for maybe two years,

[00:09:08] it was like, I started dating a girl and then I would do stand up maybe once every two months. And then died.

[00:09:14] And then she died. And I was like, this is the funniest thing that's ever happened. I got to talk about this.

[00:09:20] But yeah, no, I then there was like a period where I didn't do comedy for like nine months, I think.

[00:09:25] And then I moved to Austin and when I moved to Austin, like I just wanted to move somewhere.

[00:09:31] And then Norman's like, no, you like have to do stand up. I don't know. And I think he was my only friend.

[00:09:36] So I would go out with him to mics and shit. So I kind of like started over basically when I got there.

[00:09:41] Did you win a funniest person? No, I was in the finals like two or three years.

[00:09:46] He did win gay as person. I did. I won gay as person in Austin.

[00:09:50] Who were you up against? We were we all like lost our mind. I wasn't in Bryson one and we were like,

[00:09:55] Bryson's going to be famous now. Yeah. I mean, he should have been like Bryson like at 24 was a better comic than like a lot of the comics.

[00:10:03] Yeah. You know, I know, you know, you know, he like figured it out six years in or whatever. But and I don't want to talk shit on Bryson

[00:10:10] because he was like a good friend, even though I don't like hear from him like maybe once every year and a half.

[00:10:15] Yeah, he's a good dude. I just remember we like were like, oh, Bryson's famous. Now we didn't know how anything worked.

[00:10:20] Yeah. Yeah. We were like, uh, he's fucking fine felling.

[00:10:24] Well, for a long time, it was like, if you won funniest person in Austin, you would get a TV credit out of it.

[00:10:30] You used to get Gotham and then you would get new faces back when it was like new faces, you know,

[00:10:35] it was like the masters and then the fucking new faces or whatever. But there was 10 slots. That was it.

[00:10:41] Oh, really? It was a big deal. Yeah. And then like, I think Bryson was like the first guy to not get either out of winning the festival.

[00:10:48] Damn. Because Lucas got it, right? Uh, you got at least Lucas.

[00:10:52] Lucas got Gotham years prior to that. I mean, it wasn't it wasn't for funniest person.

[00:10:57] Now Austin used to send two people to like, like two Austin guys would get Gotham and like one of them would get new faces like every year for a two or three year run leading up to me and Bryson moving to Austin.

[00:11:10] Uh, and then the year we got there, like that just sort of fell out.

[00:11:14] Uh, did you guys check this fucking scene?

[00:11:17] This is like, it's pretty tight. Super chill room. Yeah.

[00:11:22] These were Danny. It's got sort of an Asian slash New York Yankees theme. Is that like the is the memoirs of a gay show poster like to kind of like accompany the the Katana? Yeah.

[00:11:32] Yeah. Yeah. I think it's kind of what he put it up with the Katana.

[00:11:36] He's a giant hole wall. That's how he's going to stack destruction. Yeah.

[00:11:41] Memoirs of a guy. She's my favorite movie. Is it? Yeah.

[00:11:44] Did you dress up? When they fucked the guy show? Did you see your tits? I've never seen it. I don't know.

[00:11:52] Do you know the name of that Japanese movie that's like seven years of pleasure or something that's like? No.

[00:11:58] It's there's like an extended like penis licking scene. Oh, really? It's just yeah. It's just pornography.

[00:12:04] Hell yeah, dude. Which is weird because Japanese porn always has like this blurt. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:12:09] Why is that? They got weird pubes. Yeah. Straight straight pubes. No. Well, it's because they all want to fuck computers.

[00:12:16] So it's like their USB. It adds to it. It's all their pewds. It's like the Beatles kind of like a Beatles.

[00:12:26] You have to let them let them finishes whatever this stupid fucking thought is. That was just the thought.

[00:12:31] Like you mean like the bowl cuts? Yeah. Wait a second. They don't even look like the Beatles.

[00:12:35] They're like flat iron hair. Yeah, it looks like a but like a bottle like a Beatles. They look like young Einstein.

[00:12:42] You guys remember that movie? I never saw anything. It's bad. Guys, you've seen the most Asian young Einstein's.

[00:12:49] Sorry. I was thinking of young Frank and said that's a good one. That's a good young Einstein's.

[00:12:53] I'm going to wash my hands. Do you guys mind? No, no, please. I just I blasted a signal. Yeah.

[00:12:58] What's young Einstein? Let's guess. It's kind of like it's a program for kids to learn C++ and stuff.

[00:13:08] No, that's baby Einstein. Oh, young Einstein is I'm going to say it's like a prestige drama for a streaming service.

[00:13:18] And Einstein's hot and he's got a fucking and he was like an Australian movie where like this guy was supposed to be like.

[00:13:25] I don't know why it was called young Einstein because I don't think he was actually supposed to be Einstein because he was Australian.

[00:13:30] But it was like an action movie. They just like they're like, oh, he's Einstein's Austrian. They're like, oh, I know Austria.

[00:13:38] It was like the scope of like like Hudson Hawk, you know, like one of those like weird off brand kind of superhero.

[00:13:49] Done. Done. Yeah, like blank man. Yeah, like that was good. Hey, what was the thing this week where Alex Jones said that Australia wasn't real?

[00:13:58] I missed that. I don't know. I mean, I like there's so much Alex Jones content to fucking go through.

[00:14:05] I feel like he sold out. Yeah. He's like, did he apologize for the pizza gate shit, which is good.

[00:14:10] He just got to apologize for the new. What's the town with the shooting? New town?

[00:14:15] He didn't apologize for that. No, he's still hanging on to that one. Yeah, he is. False like. Yeah.

[00:14:20] You know, I'm born on the sea. He's born February 11th. That's my birthday shit.

[00:14:23] Me and Alex Jones, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Same guy. I wonder what he would have to say about that. He gets false.

[00:14:29] Probably. Yeah. Mm hmm. I think I wasn't born on false like you don't exist. Yeah.

[00:14:33] Dude, I'm not real. Oh, no one has the same birthday as me. I don't have a birthday.

[00:14:39] If you say I have a birthday, I will fight you. I heard that Alex Jones is actually comedian Richard Jenny.

[00:14:46] Yeah. But he, instead of he faked his death and they became Alex Jones. Richard Jenny and Paul Versey have like the same exact voice.

[00:14:53] It's so funny. I think he's a, I think it's Will Sasso. It's comedian.

[00:14:57] It's a little sasso. You're talking about sasso on the last rev. Yeah. I love when sasso comes up, dude.

[00:15:03] Let's see. He became a vine star. Yeah. He did. They got me down. He's good at the lemons. We're real funny.

[00:15:09] The lemons. I went back and watched all the old sasso, Stephen Seagal. Sketches. Yeah. They were fucking great.

[00:15:17] So good. Stephen Seagal's letterbox 2000. You remember that one?

[00:15:21] When are we going to start talking shit on Wardo?

[00:15:23] I'm just trying to appease the subreddit. I do like editing tricks where you play the podcast backwards.

[00:15:32] Okay. And it's his home address. Social security number and shit.

[00:15:37] I know it's home address. Yeah. I do too. It's pretty funny. Yeah. We did it. We did a little Brandon shit talking on the last one.

[00:15:45] Yeah. Yeah. I just heard your subreddit hate. So I'm so kind of. Yeah. But he blames us for it. But it's like a lot of people hate you.

[00:15:54] Yeah. Yeah. That's just the internet. I don't know what the fuck. He's got a lot of enemies. Yeah.

[00:15:59] Yeah. He's gay. Yeah. It's so funny to look at the comments on the episode of Chappo Trap House that he was on.

[00:16:07] Where people are like, I cannot believe this. I'm seriously considering deleting my subscription and never listening.

[00:16:13] It's fantastic. I want to go. But those dudes love him. They're always excited. Yeah. Well, they're very nice guys.

[00:16:23] Yeah. They're good dudes. Yeah. They're really. Shuts out. Why Dick Willy? Big Dick Felix?

[00:16:28] Yeah. I miss the blue ones. Matt. Matt. They don't get actually they don't get their names till they come on.

[00:16:33] I'm a gray wolf. Are you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah dude. Heavy Dick Andy's a fucking gray wolf.

[00:16:38] I joined the Democratic socialist. I did all of it. Oh my god. These guys got the res.

[00:16:43] I didn't join. I'm like the honorary president. Yeah. Oh really? You don't have to join if you're the president.

[00:16:47] There's all these people like trying to shame the DSA for being like vaguely associated with me.

[00:16:52] That was like going on two weeks ago on Twitter. So stupid. Yeah. I know the president of like I think

[00:16:58] like that. Someone in the national office for the DSA had to like post on Facebook. I don't know who the fuck.

[00:17:04] I don't know who this is. I think it'd be tight if when the socialist government takes over you're just like

[00:17:12] affiliated with it. Like it's clearly corrupt and you're like a cautious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:17:18] You get a dog shout out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're the the czar of trolling dude. Yeah.

[00:17:22] I'm the DSA. That'd be pretty sweet. That is your fucking lot in life. That would be your fucking.

[00:17:28] That's the way you're the best that in the world is trolling. Yeah. But no. The alt right guys are better at trolling

[00:17:33] than anybody else. I think you're dude. Don't say yourself. Cause they just do offensive shit. It's not even like very.

[00:17:38] No they do. They like this. The shit for Chan polls is is pretty. I don't know that universe. But yeah.

[00:17:44] Like when uh when that that report came out the British intelligence report or whatever the peak the peak

[00:17:51] the people that they were telling people that they planted the story and that was like impressive. Yeah.

[00:18:01] The amount of people they got. The masters one. Yeah. I mean pizza gate is them. That's amazing. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:08] Yeah. It's a great 12. Yeah. Also they show a lot. They used to do a lot of child porn on that. Unfucking.

[00:18:13] Four Chan. Yeah. Yeah. They just they also love that also. I wasn't saying they were good. Yeah. I can't believe you're endorsing

[00:18:20] all right. No. I'm just the president of the DSA. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't be doing shit like this. Right. Well I'm trying to take the DSA in a new direction.

[00:18:30] This is an official stance of the DSA. You gotta. You gotta get a meme of. Pepe. Like Pepe with a rose. Oh I got a tattoo.

[00:18:38] I got you know in like American history x-rays. I got to send up a signal and he takes his shirt off and exposes this was. Not welcome. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:46] Well I'm just covered. Oh my god. Yeah. Cool. I see. You just you just. All different frogs are just pepper. Every kind of frog. WB frog.

[00:18:55] Yeah. I'm a maybe. I'm a dog. Is Blake Anderson. Cause didn't you like start a clothing line that was all peppers. Yeah. Yeah. Right before it became a big man.

[00:19:04] Brandon has like 25 shirts that are covered in peppers. Yeah. It was like a nice harmless fun. It was it's from a. A. Comic.

[00:19:11] Call boys club. Yeah. It's Matt. What's his name? I don't know. I forget the. Right. Yeah. I forget the the name of the guy that did the comics but like it was like there was one specific panel.

[00:19:25] That became like a 4chan meme right 10 years ago and it's one where like. He's crying. No. It's like there's. Shut up. Yeah.

[00:19:36] No that was me slapping at the Pepe character. They're all roommates. It's like a dog and a frog and a chicken or something. They're all roommates together.

[00:19:44] And like the dog goes into the bathroom and Pepe is like at the toilet and he's got his pants all the way down. Yeah. That's right.

[00:19:51] He's holding a shirt up and the dog's like what the fuck and then he like tells the other roommates and the other roommates are like.

[00:19:58] Yeah. I heard you pull your pants all the way down to pee when you go to the bathroom and then Pepe is like yeah it feels good man.

[00:20:04] That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I got the feels good man was like that. Does that make Pepe a cook?

[00:20:10] Uh what pulling his pants all the way down to pee? No. It makes it feels good if it's like an assertive thing and he's not you know he's.

[00:20:16] That's alpha actually. Yeah. Pull your pants all the way down. When's that? Have you guys ever done that in the bathroom?

[00:20:21] No one ever did that. It was for special education. I think I did that when I was a little kid. Like as a joke.

[00:20:26] No the LD kids would pull their pants all the way down to your own. Little dig kids. Yeah.

[00:20:30] Yeah. So people know and look at their. They look at their ass. They're separated from the school.

[00:20:36] All right. All the LD kids come to the auditorium. Yeah. We got to check out your wiener.

[00:20:41] I'm sorry but your son has a pissing disability. This LD. Yeah. No. Uh but uh no.

[00:20:49] There's somebody posted on Twitter a picture like some black eye to your pants all the way down his ankles and the caption was just is this legal.

[00:20:58] That does provide an interesting legal conundrum. Yeah. It must be. Yeah.

[00:21:06] Yeah. It's as your. Your ass unnecessarily. You're like a courtroom drama about it called the time to piss.

[00:21:14] Now I want you to imagine that your own was what? Let's get zooted and write that in the screen.

[00:21:21] Yeah. All right. Order some fucking. I cook. I ain't. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[00:21:28] We got to make the pilot over the time to piss. I'll go and yell. Are you feeding?

[00:21:32] For what? For uh you know a little bit of. Why? I don't know. You just kept mentioning that you were feeding for it earlier.

[00:21:43] You said earlier. You said you would suck a dick. You said you would suck a dick. I wouldn't suck a dick.

[00:21:50] I wouldn't suck a dick. I'm so bored right now. I could suck a dick. I wish I had cocaine to go with this dick that I'm sucking.

[00:21:59] I wouldn't suck a dick for cocaine. I'd suck it for the for DSA for socially. I'd suck a dick. I'd suck the DSA.

[00:22:06] Yeah exactly. I'd suck a dick for Bernie for a second. He's going to make the dick suck. Now imagine Bernie's not involved.

[00:22:12] Would you just suck a dick? No. No. I'm just wanted to suck a dick to make the world a better place.

[00:22:16] What if a hot ass guy with a beautiful brown dick comes out? He's in aero on right now. In aero on right now?

[00:22:22] Would you blow a guy in the kombucha aisle? I would blow a guy if I needed another $6 bulletproof coffee.

[00:22:30] Hell yeah. Yeah I'm addicted to them shits dude. I can't go back to drinking butter with coffee. I used to make them every morning.

[00:22:35] They're fucking... If you could set up a little sample station in there that's just high quality, some kind of animal semen.

[00:22:43] This even wouldn't be real. It would be fake. Totally. At the coffees station.

[00:22:47] They'd be like this antioxidant. At the coffee station they have these little vials and they're these two guys that bought them and they're sipping on them and I'm like what are those?

[00:22:56] And they're like it's minerals from the ocean and I'm like is it good? They're like no it's just we're just drinking seawater.

[00:23:03] They put like just seawater in vials and then sold them for ten dollars.

[00:23:07] Yeah those few words. Snake oil. You're not supposed to drink salt water.

[00:23:10] I know it's bad for you right? Yeah.

[00:23:12] Dude you should set that up though.

[00:23:14] The little comm station station. Yeah you ever see that video of Chris Chan drinking his own comm with the Fanta?

[00:23:19] Yeah of course. Yeah. No you haven't. You sent it to us. I did. I think it did send it to you.

[00:23:25] I have a look at it. He drinks it with Fanta. He drinks it with Fanta because he couldn't find chocolate syrup.

[00:23:30] So you should try it with different things. Yeah well he drinks it out of like one of those like tri-minic.

[00:23:36] I don't know it does. It's like Robituzz and Cuff. Yeah Robituzz.

[00:23:40] Yeah. Is that the name for those? Tri-minic is just another Cuff syrup.

[00:23:45] Oh okay. If you had to ingest semen somehow what would you mix it in with or would you just do it?

[00:23:51] Other comm. Like what the...

[00:23:54] Even more juice.

[00:23:58] Lots of juice. Yeah I would just you know just drink a quick shot.

[00:24:03] Yeah right. I'd probably put in some tapioca pudding.

[00:24:05] No that seems so much worse. That is more common. Then you have to eat it. Yeah but you don't know you know.

[00:24:12] You know I just saw it. Like do you eat mushrooms a lot probably Andy right?

[00:24:16] Well I don't do anything now but I used to. Yeah I'm not too sober now.

[00:24:20] Yeah I mean you can't. Me too. Me too.

[00:24:23] No I used to just eat. I didn't mind the flavor. I never understood people.

[00:24:29] People are like saying the worst thing in the world. So gross. It tastes like dirt. It's like vaguely sour taste.

[00:24:36] Yeah I put them shits in a little peanut butter sandwich. Yeah but you're probably obese first.

[00:24:40] I just kind of wanted. You put every peanut butter sandwiches in a little peanut butter sandwich.

[00:24:45] Yeah I never like the first time I did mushrooms somebody was like they're so gross and then I took a bite and I was like these don't taste like any.

[00:24:51] Yeah yeah. Just drugs. Tastes like a dryer. That's the main... that's the number one drug I miss.

[00:24:56] Mushrooms? Yeah. More than acid? I never did acid. Oh acid is way better. Yeah.

[00:25:01] Yeah I want to have it. It'd be cool to relapse on acid.

[00:25:04] I don't think that's relapse. Because actually psychedelics like acid have been used to treat.

[00:25:11] Well I did think about for a while getting off my antidepressants and just microdosing.

[00:25:16] Well I know that I know nobody who's successfully done it.

[00:25:19] I know a dude who works like on Wall Street and he microdoses three days a week and he's like he seems like he's doing great.

[00:25:25] That's what Wall Street 2 is about right? Do you guys know anybody who's ever done that one with like Eba game?

[00:25:31] Do you know that one? It's like a crazy acid. It's like a four day trip.

[00:25:35] You saw it with that grocery store. Probably. But no it's like you have to be like monitored and then you like you like it's like it gets people to kick heroin.

[00:25:44] Holy shit. Yeah. What do you think about that addict? Did that? No no. Oh look at...

[00:25:49] Oh Adam's pissing with this fucking... Adam I just saw the fucking ass fist. His balls his balls say.

[00:25:56] Yes you can dude. You gotta put your shirt up. There you go. Oh nice dude. He's got a cute butt.

[00:26:06] You do have a cute little butt. You literally do have a woman's ass. I could fuck you in the ass.

[00:26:12] Seriously like I'm kind of... There was a peanut butter sandwich involved. I fucked that.

[00:26:17] I eat your ass with a fucking peanut butter sandwich. I don't give whatever he says about eating ass.

[00:26:22] It just tastes like dirt. Yeah.

[00:26:25] Personally I like to fuck the fums in the ass. And then suck them out of the asshole.

[00:26:30] That would probably create a pretty weird trip I'd imagine. Yeah you would just put your head up.

[00:26:36] That's why I don't like mushrooms because every time I've been on mushrooms the best I feel is good for me.

[00:26:42] I'm not freaking out right now. Right right right. Honestly I'm so over mushrooms.

[00:26:46] Let's suck. Really? I like them dude. Yeah I'm a fan. Really they're not therapeutic.

[00:26:51] They're not therapeutic. As someone that doesn't drink is so chill.

[00:26:55] I did blow. I've only done blow twice but only once really and I was not drinking.

[00:27:01] Where in Vegas? It was in Vegas. It was like for the writers that I was in.

[00:27:07] We had like end of a season party. We had the hotel room from the hang of them.

[00:27:12] What was this? I thought you were sober when I met you. I just didn't drink.

[00:27:16] Oh yeah. And then I actually did drink a little bit but I just I never was great at drinking.

[00:27:21] Oh so you fell off the wagon. In DC yeah. Yeah. I like started like dabbling.

[00:27:25] It never got bad. Okay. That's the rare guy who dabbles and it doesn't get great.

[00:27:29] It got like sad. Like I couldn't do stand up at all with any amount of alcohol in me.

[00:27:34] Oh wow. Really? Yeah it was so weird. I can't do stand up remotely high.

[00:27:38] I did stand up. I did stand up. I actually I've been talking about this a lot lately.

[00:27:43] My career has taken a real dip since I quit smoking weed.

[00:27:48] Really? All I did was smoke weed. I did my comedy. My half hour was high.

[00:27:53] Really? Yeah my Conan I was high. Yeah you love Jesus.

[00:27:56] I was all the time high and then I quit and people were like this square.

[00:28:01] Get him out of here. Just pretend to smoke weed.

[00:28:04] Just be like oh my god dude. I'm so fucking dead. Yeah.

[00:28:08] You know Doug Benson's never smoked weed. Yeah. I heard. Really?

[00:28:11] They're Benson Truthers out there. I went on the three eleven pre-sull dude.

[00:28:14] Doug Benson. Yeah Doug Benson doesn't reveal. I went to the I went to Jamaica with three eleven

[00:28:21] and Doug Benson. That's amazing. I want to I want to go on tour with insane clown

[00:28:28] posse and then just pretend to drink the fago the whole time.

[00:28:31] Just push it back into the bottle and then they beat the shit out of me when they find out that I haven't actually been drinking the fago.

[00:28:37] You guys should see that you could do it live come town.

[00:28:40] That would actually help the numbers probably. Yeah.

[00:28:45] Yeah there's so much love in the juggle of every every comic.

[00:28:49] Every fucking comic I know has thought they independently discovered the gathering of the juggle loads and they're like I'm going to get booked for this.

[00:28:56] Wait they did they had comics I gather I know they can't almost be shannable. Yeah.

[00:29:01] I mean years ago I remember like like seven years ago like numerous people were trying to get booked for the.

[00:29:05] Oh right. All right. It was after the it was after like once SNL did a spoof of it.

[00:29:13] It's like obviously we all know it was people were still being like can you believe this right right right.

[00:29:19] Yeah I mean I my first exposure to insane clown posse was my step sisters boyfriend like came brought us insane clown posse DVD over to show.

[00:29:30] Yeah and you know it's 16 I was like very susceptible to like I probably could have been like wow this is cool and I remember like five minutes and I was like this is incredibly fucking stupid.

[00:29:43] Yeah. You really dodged the bullet. Yeah yeah I mean that would have been awful.

[00:29:47] I would have loved there's a juggle kid in my there's a juggle kid in my high school.

[00:29:51] There's just once. Yeah Vegas seems like a good home for some. Yeah yeah there's one his name is Phil and he used to come up to me and my friend Alex and he'd just go like see how bitch Hitler was right.

[00:30:01] I was friends with I was like well you learned German.

[00:30:06] Yeah it's pretty impressive. Yeah there was a lot of there was a lot of juggle loads of fucking Maryland and fucking shitty ass like kind of between Baltimore and Annapolis that kind of reached that corridor.

[00:30:16] There was just a ton of fucking Columbia Maryland. No not Columbia fuck what was that mall called. There's a whole I know you're talking about the one that has the hard rock out of now.

[00:30:25] The anorundal mills. Yeah no a rundal mills. Yeah there's another one there's even shit here what the fuck was it called.

[00:30:30] Anyway I went to just see a fucking they just had juggle of stands everywhere and it was like what are juggle of stands they would say they don't think machine.

[00:30:38] They just get a maul soda machine. Oh they'd sell you a shirt that would like way too long out of clown face. Exactly ready to smoke batteries.

[00:30:49] Today's I'm ready to go.

[00:30:51] So I saw a claw machine on Fairfax with a group of Asian teen children huddled around that was like a claw machine just for easy shoes and they were just putting their popping quarters into like when a easy shoes clearly a scam.

[00:31:08] I understand why people are so like you can get the nicest fake easy for like $30. Oh I have fake easy.

[00:31:14] How much you pay for them. My friend got them for $28. Yeah you know New Jersey. Oh really. Yeah.

[00:31:22] They don't look that good. Oh his suck. Plus also the other Adidas like the other just boost are just as cool if not cooler looking than the other.

[00:31:31] I don't think easy to look. I like the ultra boost. The ultra boost are kind of weird looking.

[00:31:35] But there are some of the ones I just got sick. Yeah the nikis they're like they look like zombies at the top and and boost on the bottom. Is that something in Greek. Yes the N word. Is it? No it doesn't mean anything.

[00:31:48] What's the N word in Greek. There's no real N word. We just say it's the honest on to the people. How dare you. What do you say to like like what do you call refugees.

[00:32:00] Just the regular N word. Oh really. Greek people learn the N word to call. I guess in China the N word is like a real like common word. Yeah.

[00:32:13] It means like yeah it's a fire away. Yeah when Mandarin. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah my friend. Oh we'll show you. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:32:21] And my friend went there. It's like yada yada yada yada. Yeah. Yeah. Oh boy. We all want to. Real bad. That's what that. That's what they do it. You're speaking Mandarin. It's actually cultural and good. Yeah that's a cultural.

[00:32:37] The Trinidad James song. Oh gold everything. Yeah Mandarin. Yeah. Oh gold everything refers to like the cat that waves at you. Also that song. Bruno Mars straight up just stole that from him and everyone. Don't believe me just watch.

[00:32:54] Who cares. Fuck. I care. That's all. All right. What in that what popular music is. Is somebody stealing a hook and feeding it over? No. He just stole like. Yeah. Like what's the. What was the.

[00:33:05] Robin Thicke song. Yeah. Oh yeah. That was just like. Slurred lines. Five different songs and we all forgave it because we saw. Because Emily.

[00:33:12] And Jessica's cities. Yeah. I beat off that video so many times. It was like changing. You could. It's the most beat offable video of all time. You got to the little Wayne parts. Yeah. Well it was tough because you didn't want to come. You beat off to the icon.

[00:33:27] Yeah. Yeah. You didn't want to. Yeah. I don't think. That was the controversy surrounding that video was when I was like I don't want to live in this world anymore. Yeah. What was the controversy? That it was like. The song was like rapey. That was I think that was the first time I heard the term rapey. Mm hmm.

[00:33:43] And I was like. What was it? Because like the lyrics are like. The lyrics are like. I want to fuck you. Yeah. It's like. Oh no. It's actually huge. Even though. Well no. It's like. I can kind of tell you want to fuck. That's what blurred lines are. It's like.

[00:33:56] It's because you're drunk. It's like a consent. I've never. I've never. I've never. I've never. Consent. For that world. That's probably how things go out there. Like there's no feminists running around like.

[00:34:07] Butacon in fucking Vegas. I don't think. In Vegas. Which. Butacon. Or is it. Hakazan. Hakazan. Which. Hakazan. Yeah. It's like.

[00:34:15] Club. Ultra club. Ultra lounge. You know like Diplo. I'm fucking. Tiesto. And all those. Have you been to a Vegas club before? I love times. I. I will go to Vegas. And I will pay for bottle service. Even though I don't drink. Yeah. It is the fun. It. You can smoke. It's. You can smoke right there and you get a private area that nobody else is allowed in. But you can invite girls in and it's like. It's just fun. You put on fucking. I mean people don't wear suits anymore. Yeah you. Stripy.

[00:34:44] Everybody dresses now like they're on like Melrose or Fairfax. Yeah, it's all like Xamro pants. Yeah, it's all like be sure

[00:34:51] Stu C shirts. Yeah, you gotta put on suits boys. You know, that's why you gotta go to gao

[00:34:57] No, no, I'm gonna go to prim Nevada. Oh, yeah, state line. Yeah, yeah

[00:35:04] Yeah, oh hell yeah, right that roller coaster fuck. Yeah, you guys want to go to the bunny ranch together

[00:35:09] I don't know dude. That's how far away. That's not extremely sexist

[00:35:14] Prostitution is legal. It's not legal. Excuse me. I don't want to go

[00:35:18] Exploit women. It's the only only but you can call girl, right? Yeah. Yeah, but it's not legal. Oh really

[00:35:25] What prostitution is legal to every county in Nevada except Clark County, which is where Vegas is

[00:35:31] So have you ever fucked the prostitute in Vegas?

[00:35:33] I remember I was driving through Nevada one time

[00:35:35] I was in the middle fucking head aware and there was a sign is just the desert

[00:35:39] Yeah, it's a sign on the side of the road just spray painted brothel and it's pointing down the road to two trailers at the end of a dirt road

[00:35:47] And it was like it's like in McCabe and Mrs. Miller

[00:35:51] Yeah, what?

[00:35:52] Chippies what do they call them? Chippies just bought a couple. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:35:56] I want to buy four Chippies

[00:35:59] What's that movie?

[00:36:00] McKay, Mrs. Miller the Robert Altman movie is it good? It's one of the best. It's really I got a one of the best

[00:36:07] I love it when I find out about a movie like that. That's really good. I've never seen many men go into

[00:36:15] MIB 3 yeah, it's pretty cool. What if I was only saw MIB 3 and I was like man, I wish they would have made more

[00:36:21] Yeah, I want to know the prequels. What happened before? They should have been done prequels. It's like you got your memory erased

[00:36:34] That's just an allegory for ice though. That's that all that movie is the immigration shit

[00:36:40] Yeah, it's it's propaganda, but they're like cool. Yeah, they're not they're not like super well

[00:36:45] That's what I'm saying and they just want to keep out the bad ombre except yeah

[00:36:48] This isn't an off rio. Yeah, meaning the Italians

[00:36:52] Bugs first we let them in and then we let everyone else

[00:36:55] There was like at men in black 4 and it's just clearly the Trump administration's propaganda

[00:37:01] That was a bunch of an amazing performance by the nothrio by the disgusting when he's like the bug guy in the car

[00:37:08] I have a glass of water. He was really not free. I was a really weird guy. He got the Oscar for that

[00:37:14] That you yeah, he did best actor bug guy bug actor. They made a special category

[00:37:20] Best guy in men in black

[00:37:23] You know he was good in apocalypse now or full metal jacket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

[00:37:28] Good actor see a fucking law and order criminal intent

[00:37:32] Hell yeah, carried that bitch for like six years. The law and order you can watch. I was in law and order

[00:37:37] I was on an episode. I played criminal in takari. Yeah, I played a juror in a

[00:37:41] Like a gay

[00:37:43] Are you background or yeah background?

[00:37:46] I there was a homophobic hate crime nice. He got prosecuted or what did you vote knock guilty?

[00:37:52] Yeah, I was the I was like the the juror that would like like the I was like hanging on oh

[00:37:57] Like I didn't do it like it was like a speaking rule. No, no, no, I just I didn't do it

[00:38:04] I was multiple times just stop saying I was a

[00:38:07] No, I'll take it was background on blue bloods. Oh really and uh, yeah

[00:38:13] I've told the story on the show before but I meant donnie walberg and there was a guy

[00:38:18] There's this old black guy who was like just in everybody's ear the whole day like a career background

[00:38:23] Those are the worst yeah, you're background people might be yeah the status, you know

[00:38:26] I'm a professional actor you know, he's like tell me some poor girl that he like cornered you know

[00:38:30] And he's like, you know, I mean there was you know something people say and I was just in and out hearing him

[00:38:35] But you know stuff like uh, you know

[00:38:37] And I told her, you know, okay, that's fine. Say whatever you want. But next time you're gonna be working for me

[00:38:41] You know like this stuff any 62

[00:38:44] Yeah, that's like that that's like all those people that Tim and Eric would get to kind of be like those of those people

[00:38:50] Yeah, just like

[00:38:52] Desperate I'll tell you a story after we finish with this in that regard remind me. Okay. I don't want to fucking

[00:38:59] No, I'm not doing it. It's fucking cool. Yeah, yeah, but

[00:39:02] Yeah, this guy was going off saying about how him and Donnie wall burger like friends or whatever and then Donnie wallboard walks by

[00:39:11] a good morning Donnie

[00:39:13] Donnie wallberg just looks at me like I've been seeing too much year around here Lawrence

[00:39:18] Walberg man, I hate he said a rough one. Yeah, has he? Well, he was

[00:39:25] Right after he saw Lawrence. No Donnie was the normal one, but he was NKOTB

[00:39:30] I think then he got into drugs because he's only had like he had blue bloods and then he had what saving private Ryan rants

[00:39:37] 6 sence. Oh, yeah, I guess he said

[00:39:41] Yeah, he's been all burgers. They won the Emmy for that. Yeah

[00:39:45] No, Donnie's a great actor. Donnie's a better actor than Mark Wahlberg. Really? Oh, yeah, absolutely

[00:39:51] All right, it's just mark Wahlberg has better star quality and it's like I mean, you know, we talked about it like the Mark Wahlberg of the podcast

[00:39:59] Yeah, what am I technically better podcasters, but I'm just fucking a leading man what I'm

[00:40:05] Kramer he says the N word on the Kramer of the ur lane. I'm a land

[00:40:09] Yeah, you're the fucking girl, but we but in this in this version of sign filled they all fuck a lane every time

[00:40:18] You get to be Jerry hell. Yeah

[00:40:23] Are you guys really ramped this up when we have a guest?

[00:40:28] Big this how it always is or like when you guys do it in New York is there like a more formal studio?

[00:40:33] No, no, it's all really hang on my side. I listen to come down and so I was always you know, yeah

[00:40:38] We just just wonder what we usually do the Anthony Kumi students at the top of the Empire State Building

[00:40:43] Why were they didn't anecdote about background guys? Oh, there was this insane guy in Austin

[00:40:48] This guy they would do open mics and the first time I saw him this guy David

[00:40:51] I thought he was doing a character and I was like dying laughing because it was so fucking funny

[00:40:56] He like gets on stage and he kind of looks like

[00:40:59] What's uh, David our cat?

[00:41:02] He's got like sort of like it resembles him a little bit

[00:41:05] But he's got this like thousand yard stare and he's got his like notes on the stool and he's like um

[00:41:14] Read a news story about a high school basketball game where

[00:41:18] uh one team beat the other team 100 to nothing and

[00:41:26] They fired the coach of the team that won because he wouldn't apologize to the coach of the other team and I

[00:41:34] Mean I just I think they should have fired the coach had lost

[00:41:40] Traxxas notes

[00:41:42] Just moves on

[00:41:44] Exped when I when I started comedy there was this crack in and Mickey Wales that would come to the open mics

[00:41:51] It's a great underground. Was it was it Christian bales character from the fight?

[00:41:55] Yeah, basically like a Puerto Rican version that and he would bring

[00:41:58] His his girlfriend

[00:42:00] She I think she probably was a pro and like also probably had some brain

[00:42:06] Issues, but I'll make like she knows like a prostitute

[00:42:09] Oh, they were they were like on the streets probably there was a lot of riffraff that showed up at that open

[00:42:16] Kind of part of town where a lot of homeless drug addicts hung out where was this Seattle in Pioneer Square and

[00:42:22] He would come on stage and she would videotape every single one of his sets and he would always run the light

[00:42:27] They would always have to play the music and cut the mic

[00:42:29] But oh my god at one point

[00:42:31] He fucking he had a bag and everybody was like what the fuck is in the bag and they cut the mic

[00:42:36] They turned on the music he pulled out a bullhorn and just kept on going. Oh, yeah

[00:42:41] That's incredible. That's how occupy started. Yeah, I was occupied. Yeah Mickey Wales. Yeah

[00:42:51] The nut job he moved in New York presumably to pursue pursue comedy or something, but

[00:42:57] Yeah, eventually he got into like background acting central casting

[00:43:00] Yeah, and then you'll just be watching long order and then there's just this cop

[00:43:05] Standing there clearly in the shot

[00:43:09] That's just an insane man

[00:43:13] Just completely takes you out of it and when I was working on comedy knockout

[00:43:17] I was like just hanging out like behind the set or whatever while the show was going on and I look up in the stands

[00:43:24] And David's just in there

[00:43:28] The audience yeah, that's another

[00:43:30] There's people that because you get paid to go sit in audiences and yeah on enough if you go to enough sitcoms

[00:43:35] You'll see people that it's their job. Yeah, just go and sit and they also participate like cuz there's like yeah

[00:43:41] Like people to dance and do like dumb tricks

[00:43:44] And there's people that can like do a funny dance and they'll go to like nine sitcoms in a day

[00:43:48] Yeah, they're there. I mean they can't go nine because they take like four hours

[00:43:52] I love that people don't realize about TV shows

[00:43:55] He's like the thing people like to point out is like all that laughter you're hearing those are dead people and it's like well

[00:43:59] It's worse when it's like people that are still here, but just dead on the inside

[00:44:04] They're scamming the fucking disability. Yeah, they have a fentanyl

[00:44:11] Is anybody ever said come shot hurt around the world

[00:44:14] That seems tight. No, that's yours. Go for it. Cool. You do I gotta go to a mic

[00:44:18] The original shot heard around the world. It's a revolutionary war. Oh, yes. No, no

[00:44:26] Lexingtoning

[00:44:29] That the assassination of the Archduke

[00:44:33] French Ferdinand. Yeah, yeah, but that's not after I think it is a

[00:44:37] And then it was the Giants Homer against the Dodgers and the brookal Dodgers. Yeah, no one gives a fuck about this

[00:44:43] Are Reggie Miller? Yeah, it was it was a little wrong. Yeah

[00:44:50] Yeah, it was like in the 40s. What are you doing? I get my hands real itchy. I get like a sheep and palms. Yeah, what are you fiending?

[00:44:57] Little bit. Yeah, you know what?

[00:45:00] Jacking off

[00:45:06] I think it's just like humidity or something

[00:45:08] Yeah, fuck I want to do a fucking intervention, but it's you and beating off

[00:45:16] And you're jerking off while we're

[00:45:19] Stop it. We have to just strap you in that little cross there

[00:45:22] It's funny. We were talking about like sobriety earlier and like, you know, like people that like the

[00:45:29] Point of entry for being like a sober person is just that you stopped drinking

[00:45:34] Mm-hmm, but like, you know when we talked to Ian and shit and to say I'm an alcoholic and compare the things

[00:45:41] I've done. Oh, yeah, and it's to be with his buddy Ian and I'd like the first time I was like hung out with him

[00:45:46] He was like, you know, we started talking about being sober and he's like, yeah, I'm sorry

[00:45:50] I don't do I'm not like a mom like a so yeah, I just happen to come up, you know, and he's like yeah

[00:45:54] I'm sober too. I got like like a month and a half, you know

[00:45:58] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, when he's from Delaware, okay. Just total trash. Yeah

[00:46:04] horrible dumb

[00:46:09] He looked at your cracked out paul gimon

[00:46:15] I'm sober now, you know, and he's like I was like, he was like, but you know

[00:46:20] I was sober for a while before that, and I was like what happened and he's like

[00:46:23] Like, you know, I was just in an airport bar and I was bored and I like had a beer and

[00:46:30] then, you know, and then like two weeks later, I was trying to buy crack in a nightclub and

[00:46:35] I got robbed and I was drinking like fucking, yeah, he like, and he's in a bus station.

[00:46:40] He's drinking a bus station.

[00:46:42] And I was like, what the fuck?

[00:46:44] Like that was, it wasn't two weeks.

[00:46:45] It was at, it was that same trip.

[00:46:48] He started.

[00:46:49] I wish like, cause when I was a real drinker in college, like I would blackout and wake

[00:46:55] up in jail or just like, yeah, like one time I woke up at a house party in Lake Tahoe and

[00:46:59] I had broken the toilet like like with karate, like, I don't know, but I was sitting in water

[00:47:05] and I woke up and the toilet, like the ceramic bowl was broken in half and I was like, and

[00:47:11] I just left.

[00:47:13] And it was like six, it was snowing outside.

[00:47:14] I was like in a t-shirt, but I was like, it's better than dealing with whatever I did.

[00:47:19] Like, that's how I used to drink, but I never did like that crazy.

[00:47:23] Like I had some crazy shit happen in like Central America, but it was never like, oh

[00:47:28] I did smoke crack.

[00:47:29] So you're in the sea.

[00:47:30] Oh, nice.

[00:47:31] That's what you're saying.

[00:47:33] I killed the guy.

[00:47:34] You ran the school of America.

[00:47:35] The guy who invented Norton software.

[00:47:40] I killed John McAfee.

[00:47:42] Dude, when you smoke crack and Belize these guys, we're on this island called the economy.

[00:47:46] Belize that.

[00:47:48] Belize it.

[00:47:49] Belize streak.

[00:47:50] Belize is super fucked up.

[00:47:52] Belize it?

[00:47:54] It's like a war like like, Belize city, like is where you fly in and then you go to a cruise

[00:47:57] ship or one of these islands that are just basically like barrier islands, like really

[00:48:01] thin strips of sand that are built on the coral bed.

[00:48:04] Well, they're natural, but like, Belize city is like, they all they got cable in Belize

[00:48:12] and everybody just saw gangster rap and it's like, it's like Jamaica.

[00:48:16] It's like everybody's like.

[00:48:18] People kill each other all the time.

[00:48:19] Oh, goddamn.

[00:48:20] And like, there's guns everywhere.

[00:48:21] Why were you in Belize?

[00:48:22] Just because it's right next to Guatemala and I was doing like a language program in

[00:48:26] Guatemala.

[00:48:27] And basically that's what we want to create with the DSA.

[00:48:30] The situation like that just but with only white people.

[00:48:32] But Belize is super weird because it's got, it's an English colony.

[00:48:36] So they got like Indian people, Chinese people, people that like descended from African slaves

[00:48:42] that literally escaped off the boat.

[00:48:43] They like jumped off slave ships and then like hid in the jungle, the car started soon.

[00:48:47] And then lion people, which are like the people who live there and then Amish people randomly.

[00:48:53] There's hella Amish people.

[00:48:55] Yeah, that came from like Canada.

[00:48:56] Well, please, so it's like an experiment in diversity and it's completely failed.

[00:49:01] It's what Breitbart makes is there.

[00:49:05] It's very interesting.

[00:49:07] Every asterisk in a Breitbart article just leads to.

[00:49:12] No, but it's like it's bizarre because like if you got to believe city like you can't

[00:49:16] walk around at night.

[00:49:18] El Salvador.

[00:49:19] Yeah, but you can go parts of Los Angeles.

[00:49:21] You can't walk around.

[00:49:22] No, but this is different.

[00:49:23] Like you just get killed like in Los Angeles, you get robbed.

[00:49:26] You might get beat up, but they would just kill like life is cheap.

[00:49:29] It's like Rio, you know, like where like people.

[00:49:31] The fellas.

[00:49:32] Yeah, it's that kind of shit.

[00:49:33] But anyways, we were we bought some weed from these rosters on keycalker and then the

[00:49:39] second time they sold us.

[00:49:40] What's keycalker and app?

[00:49:41] It's an island.

[00:49:42] Oh, okay.

[00:49:44] And then the second time they.

[00:49:46] I would imagine it sounds like an app.

[00:49:49] I mean, it's like it where you like you buy Coke, but also meet other gay guys.

[00:49:57] Well, we met on keycalker.

[00:49:58] No, it's a it's just like a little like it's like a three mile long, maybe like 200 yards

[00:50:05] wide island.

[00:50:07] It's beautiful.

[00:50:08] But so we bought weed the second time and the sack was like really short.

[00:50:11] And we were like, come on, man.

[00:50:12] Like, and the guy was like, shut up, boy.

[00:50:15] And you know, like just telling us to fuck off and we kept on persisting like, no, come

[00:50:18] on, we've been cool.

[00:50:20] And he goes, okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna roll up the expensive smoke.

[00:50:23] We're like, okay, cool.

[00:50:25] And then we're in this bar and he like rolled a joint across the room and then he was like,

[00:50:28] come over here.

[00:50:29] And we like hit it.

[00:50:31] And I was like, this, this isn't like we did all there's no weed in this.

[00:50:35] It's just like tobacco and something that tastes like marshmallows.

[00:50:38] And I took it one more and then I was like, what the fuck is this?

[00:50:40] And he's like, it's when you cooked a cocaine up in a rock.

[00:50:43] All right.

[00:50:45] And I stopped and my friends kept smoking it.

[00:50:48] And I was like, what are you doing?

[00:50:50] And they're like, well, we already smoked a little crack.

[00:50:52] Like, why?

[00:50:53] But the problem was like crack it like the like it's a bullshit.

[00:50:58] It's not like worse than cocaine.

[00:51:00] It's just that poor people do it.

[00:51:01] So it ruined cocaine.

[00:51:02] Yeah, it's like the Rockefeller laws made it seem like this like horrible thing where

[00:51:08] like if you were like literally like a banker that got caught with a kilo, you went like

[00:51:11] to 30 days and like counseling.

[00:51:14] But if you got caught with like one crack rock, they're like, you have to go to jail and

[00:51:17] your mom, you know, because you tried saving money.

[00:51:21] It really does.

[00:51:22] Stretch on drugs.

[00:51:24] That's terrible.

[00:51:26] Do you want to play the speech from traffic that Tofur Grace said real quick?

[00:51:29] Is that the, uh, yeah, hold on.

[00:51:32] I am Tofur Grace and I is it, uh, was the worst spider man.

[00:51:38] It's the one he gets to Michael Douglas.

[00:51:39] Uh, uh, Tofur.

[00:51:40] I'm trying to remember lines from that 70s show and I can't remember if anyone, I can't

[00:51:45] trace Laura, you fucking redheaded bitch.

[00:51:48] Did I do that?

[00:51:52] Herkal should have been on every show and Danny Masterson was just like beaten up chicks.

[00:51:57] Is that a tall G?

[00:51:59] But he also is like in trouble because he like beat up some women.

[00:52:04] Danny Masterson.

[00:52:05] The white, white fro.

[00:52:06] Who did they beat up?

[00:52:07] They beat up some brads that were asking for it.

[00:52:10] I don't know.

[00:52:11] You already told it twice.

[00:52:13] That classic.

[00:52:15] Um, all right.

[00:52:19] We can riff for eight more minutes on that 70s show now.

[00:52:21] All right.

[00:52:22] Um, Fez, you know how like they were all talking weed?

[00:52:24] Fresh off or foreign exchange student.

[00:52:26] That's what that stood for.

[00:52:27] Oh, really?

[00:52:28] They named him that at Elissile.

[00:52:30] Fez fucked.

[00:52:32] Who's his girlfriend?

[00:52:35] Some like big toothy bitch.

[00:52:38] I don't know.

[00:52:39] Didn't everybody fuck the sister?

[00:52:40] The hot sister?

[00:52:42] No, Kelso fucked her.

[00:52:43] Uh, didn't Danny Masterson fuck her?

[00:52:47] No, Donna was an Eric's asshole.

[00:52:50] Is Donna the one from Orange is in her black pocket?

[00:52:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:52:53] Laura Prepon.

[00:52:55] She's looking good.

[00:52:57] I wanted to fuck her.

[00:52:58] I think she looked better.

[00:52:59] Based on her.

[00:53:00] She's kind of masculine.

[00:53:01] Yeah, she's, is she gay now?

[00:53:02] She's not, well she's not very attractive to me.

[00:53:04] She's got a manly.

[00:53:05] Is that your shit?

[00:53:06] Does it stuff like a girl that can take it?

[00:53:07] He likes a broad shoulder.

[00:53:08] Stop, stop's in the trans women.

[00:53:11] No shame.

[00:53:12] If you're one of those guys out there, I'm not shaming you at all.

[00:53:14] I've talked about being open to the idea.

[00:53:18] But I have not sucked any trans.

[00:53:20] He's trans curious.

[00:53:21] I'm trans curious.

[00:53:22] Yeah, yeah.

[00:53:23] There's definitely a bit of the town.

[00:53:24] I don't like this.

[00:53:25] To be honest with you, he makes me a little uncomfortable wrestling with you.

[00:53:27] I'm sure that's a little dick.

[00:53:29] Like, why?

[00:53:30] Like, we do.

[00:53:31] But you're not trans.

[00:53:32] Because the loser he has to kiss.

[00:53:33] Yeah, that's why.

[00:53:34] The loser puts a wig on all these rules.

[00:53:35] He puts a wig on and make up on it.

[00:53:37] And I keep waiting.

[00:53:38] I keep having to take hormones.

[00:53:40] It's a fucking up my emotions.

[00:53:43] I got PMS all the time.

[00:53:45] You're lactating.

[00:53:46] Yeah, I don't know how to drive anymore.

[00:53:49] It turns you into an Asian person.

[00:53:51] Oh, our Lyft driver.

[00:53:53] Our Lyft driver is just like, you, a career tower, you could set up a lawn chair in front

[00:53:59] of the Ralphs with a glass of wine and just watch them drive.

[00:54:03] And then you go.

[00:54:06] She's like, was this an old black lady?

[00:54:08] Yeah, yeah.

[00:54:09] It was like on her way to church.

[00:54:11] She was like, she ruled.

[00:54:12] We were talking about Michael Jackson.

[00:54:13] She was awesome.

[00:54:15] She literally was like, be careful in Koreatown.

[00:54:17] We were like, oh fuck.

[00:54:18] Is it dangerous?

[00:54:19] Like, we had no idea what she was talking about.

[00:54:20] She was like, nah, they can't drive.

[00:54:22] I was just like, Jesus Christ.

[00:54:24] I just look beautiful.

[00:54:25] I throw her driver, take me back to Koreatown.

[00:54:29] And he was like, yeah, you know, you come down here at night.

[00:54:32] He's like, sometimes I like to avoid this area because, you know, the Chinese people,

[00:54:37] they can't drink.

[00:54:38] They don't know how to drink.

[00:54:40] So I get way too drunk because, you know, it's not their culture or whatever, but they

[00:54:45] have one, two drink and they pee themselves and fights and stuff.

[00:54:49] I was like, all right, man.

[00:54:53] Keep going.

[00:54:54] It is actually like, you can get like, there's a lot of like robberies in Koreatown.

[00:55:00] Yeah, like, because I think there's hella MS-13 and shit like that.

[00:55:02] Yeah, yeah.

[00:55:03] The Chinese go alcohol mad too.

[00:55:05] They come from the house.

[00:55:06] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:55:07] And that's what keeps it just the karate.

[00:55:08] The Chinese, like that we're still on it for Chinese.

[00:55:12] All the Chinese are living Koreatown.

[00:55:16] It unleashes their karate skills.

[00:55:17] Which ones?

[00:55:18] If you have an...

[00:55:19] You know, in Koreatown, there's little Bangladesh too.

[00:55:21] Oh, really?

[00:55:22] That's true.

[00:55:23] They have like a little every type of age.

[00:55:24] It's so cool.

[00:55:25] I mean, I think it is.

[00:55:26] I think it's weird though because they're already tiny countries.

[00:55:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:55:31] They got a little Armenia.

[00:55:32] Like, that's already a tiny country.

[00:55:34] Well, it doesn't even exist.

[00:55:35] Like, Chinatown in New York is enormous and it's like, that's enough.

[00:55:39] You know?

[00:55:40] We don't like Koreatown is like mostly just like four restaurants in a bubble tea place.

[00:55:44] In Midtown.

[00:55:47] But no, it's just one street.

[00:55:48] But in Queens, there's a huge...

[00:55:51] That's the real Koreatown.

[00:55:52] Yeah, but there's a China town.

[00:55:54] Yeah, there's a China town.

[00:55:55] That's China, Chinese, right?

[00:55:56] And Chinese and Korean.

[00:55:57] And then Brooklyn has a China town that nobody goes to.

[00:56:01] Yeah, no.

[00:56:02] It's on the park.

[00:56:03] I go there all the time.

[00:56:05] Oh, that's where you get those bullshit dumplings.

[00:56:06] Sometimes I fuck up.

[00:56:07] Those are really good.

[00:56:08] One time I fell asleep on like the Chinatown.

[00:56:09] It was an adventure.

[00:56:10] I survived off of that fucking...

[00:56:15] Vanessa's dumpling.

[00:56:16] It's closed.

[00:56:17] It's closed.

[00:56:20] The Vanessa's is open.

[00:56:21] Sunshine dumpling is closed.

[00:56:22] No, the best place is on the best dumpling, like cheap dumpling place.

[00:56:24] You just gotta take the metro and go all the way to China.

[00:56:28] That's authentic.

[00:56:29] No, it's...

[00:56:30] You're gonna find the eastern Chinese air.

[00:56:32] It's this place, and I forget the name.

[00:56:34] It's just called like fried dumpling or whatever, but it's on Moscow and between Monten, Malberry.

[00:56:38] No, I know.

[00:56:39] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:56:40] And it was featured in that show The Night Of.

[00:56:42] Oh, yeah.

[00:56:43] And the crazy old lady that runs the place, they just let her be in the show.

[00:56:47] Yeah, that's cool.

[00:56:48] So, yeah, it's a torosa.

[00:56:49] They probably didn't even...

[00:56:50] Before dumplings.

[00:56:51] They didn't even pay for it.

[00:56:52] Yeah, five minutes.

[00:56:53] That's right.

[00:56:54] Yo, no joke.

[00:56:56] There were some good ass dumplings in Vermont.

[00:56:59] Some of the best dumplings I've ever had in my life, just some lady was selling...

[00:57:02] They just had like squash in them.

[00:57:03] Nah, dude.

[00:57:04] It was straight Chinese shit.

[00:57:05] She was like, just one random Chinese lady in a little fucking kiosk outside of...

[00:57:10] It was like by Vermont Comic Club.

[00:57:11] If you were to do that, look for the dumpling lady.

[00:57:14] Yeah, if you listen in Vermont, Comedy Club.

[00:57:16] Actually, we're in the shirt.

[00:57:17] Yeah, you're wearing the shirt.

[00:57:19] What is it?

[00:57:20] There's a goat.

[00:57:21] There's like a satanic...

[00:57:22] It's a cow in a unicorn.

[00:57:23] I don't know what it is, but it looks bad on that.

[00:57:26] Did you have a Ben and Jerry's when you were up there?

[00:57:29] I wanted to go to the factory so bad.

[00:57:30] I went with my dad one time.

[00:57:31] We took our faces and cut out.

[00:57:34] Yeah, yeah.

[00:57:35] We got pictures.

[00:57:36] Hell yeah, dude.

[00:57:37] I wanted to go so bad.

[00:57:38] You know, they take you to a blip.

[00:57:39] Who's the top and who's the bottom?

[00:57:42] And what?

[00:57:43] Ben and Jerry.

[00:57:44] They're 69.

[00:57:45] They're 69.

[00:57:46] What are they doing?

[00:57:49] They're egalitarian.

[00:57:50] They actually make that...

[00:57:52] They churn the ice cream in each other's assholes.

[00:57:54] They're sweating sweat.

[00:57:55] A lot of people don't know that.

[00:57:56] It's like two girls one cup.

[00:58:00] Like they...

[00:58:01] That's one of the flavors.

[00:58:02] They have a secret freezer in their house filled with flavors that only they know about.

[00:58:06] They're two of the most successful boyfriends, I think, in history, probably.

[00:58:10] But besides Zickfried and Roy.

[00:58:12] No, Zickfried and Roy, Ben and Jerry.

[00:58:14] They're Mario and Luigi.

[00:58:16] They're deadheads.

[00:58:17] Do you think Mario and Luigi fuck?

[00:58:20] For sure.

[00:58:22] The cover story is that they're brothers, but you know, Mario is not fucking that princess.

[00:58:26] He's had so many opportunities.

[00:58:27] He's fucking that mushroom.

[00:58:29] He's getting from Toad.

[00:58:30] He's pegging that mushroom up the day.

[00:58:33] He has a dick, but he puts on his job on him to fuck the mushrooms.

[00:58:37] That's how I fucked, dude.

[00:58:38] You put on a little virgin.

[00:58:40] You know what I mean?

[00:58:41] No, I can't give away my penis until marriage, so I just strap on.

[00:58:47] I'm a virgin, but I eat hella ass.

[00:58:50] There's got to be a dude out there doing that.

[00:58:51] A fun cartoon would be Toad from Mario Brothers dead and suffocated inside of a condom, stretched

[00:58:58] over his entire body, but just with the indentation over his mouth where he's trying to suck in

[00:59:03] for air and he can't.

[00:59:05] When you come down heads, that would be a funny question.

[00:59:08] Yeah, that would be funny because people will send fan art and it's like absolute shit.

[00:59:14] Like I drew that thing you asked me to and I'm like, I'm going to put this on the fridge.