Cum Town | Regular | 04/13/2017
[00:00:09] I'm having sex so you better now. I was gonna go penis sucked off. Oh you better suck this fucking penis
[00:00:17] Like this what song is that I'm sucking off. I'm sucking pink because you said let's get this party started. Yes
[00:00:27] Before you do it. Oh, yeah, it should look like a child's dick
[00:00:33] Yeah, shows as you say it before every sentence so people think you have autism
[00:00:38] What just a little oh I was thinking we'd go to Jersey Mike's for lunch
[00:00:48] Um welcome to come town everyone come town where the come town west studios in which we found out is right next to the studios of the
[00:00:59] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun da the bill
[00:01:03] Mar real time with bill marsha and guess what pongles
[00:01:09] Guess what ladies and gentlemen your boy Adam Friedland is gonna be representing the comb boys
[00:01:13] Yeah, fuck. I'm so jealous. Go to see Bill Mar to Mar I'm gonna get so high and I'm gonna I'm gonna literally lose my shit
[00:01:28] I'll report back on it, but I'm so excited. I'm gonna go to the taping at 2 p.m. Tomorrow
[00:01:34] Fuck dude. Yeah, I'm so mad. I leave tomorrow at 7 a.m. I'm missing the goddamn Wow
[00:01:39] You live at 7 a.m. Or I leave it my place at 8 40 so I have to be there like 7 or whatever
[00:01:44] Fuck I'm tired. This is the last episode of come town
[00:01:56] that he's experienced in the last six months I'm killing myself because I
[00:02:04] That's my reason we do have an old friend and a guest that we've actually we've shouted him out a couple times on the pod
[00:02:14] And he's a good pal of ours, and we're really glad we could get him. He's lives out here
[00:02:33] Typically it's a lot of pressure being on this podcast
[00:02:38] No, it's gonna be a bad episode so don't okay. I can believe that don't worry about you know being funny
[00:02:44] Okay, that really takes the pressure on yeah
[00:02:47] Yeah, we just have to fill what 15 eight more minutes 57 not even dude. I'd be surprised if it's even past a minute yet
[00:03:05] But we yeah, we got the big big boy foodie out here. Thanks for coming lives in fucking Santa Monica, dude
[00:03:12] We fuck what says stand for Santa Monica it is it well we named after named after Santa and Monica from France
[00:03:25] I like to drive around and I do like a day laborer character
[00:03:29] Yeah, and then he's like saying asking the names of play
[00:03:32] But I think it's really funny to do like a like a like a guy that obviously speaks Spanish natively
[00:04:05] Probably yeah joke is that they can't you know say Spanish say Spanish stuff, right? It's a good joke. Yeah
[00:04:14] I like it. Yeah, I like funny voices. Yeah me too. That's a you're saying earlier
[00:04:31] Where is the bathroom I have to make a tware I
[00:04:42] How do you get to the bathroom because I have to I have to a situation
[00:04:49] Did I have to take is it where I have to take the weird oh a bumbleglot. I got so many twears in me ass. It sounds
[00:05:08] Yeah, it really works across the board I was laughing again today, too
[00:05:13] I had to look up again the history of outback steakhouse
[00:05:21] Yeah, he was doing this out back. It's since for south out out out out South fricka
[00:05:31] It's a South African outback. Hell yeah, it's not ever contained. I think it's actually Australia
[00:05:36] You'd be well you'd be wrong if you thought that well it's funny about outback steakhouse is like a
[00:05:42] I don't know some investing article that has like the history of the company and it's founded by like three guys in
[00:05:54] Cragged out Dundee's big. Well, that's what exactly what did it?
[00:05:58] They had none of them had ever been to Australia. They saw crocodile Dundee. I think they were like let's just make out an Australian
[00:06:06] And then they refused to go to Australia
[00:06:08] Australia beautiful. I don't know if they've ever been the guys that found anything. Yeah, what's food like in Australia?
[00:06:14] It's bold. It's awful. Well, they'd be dry a whole onion. Yeah, it's a vegemite and shit and boiled kangaroo tail
[00:06:24] You have a weird fucking yeah, I have a big mole on the top of my head. Stop is is
[00:06:30] Probably cancer. No, it's I've had it my whole life
[00:06:33] I've been to dermatologists and they said that insurance can't cover it because it's cosmetic
[00:06:40] But when I go to the camps and they give me a prison style haircut everyone will know
[00:06:46] But until then I have to keep you know the are you making a Trump concentration camp joke?
[00:06:52] No, just it doesn't have to be Trump that's doing the concentration camps, but you know
[00:06:57] So you casting an even wider net with that. Yeah, it could be like a phrenology
[00:07:01] Like people know you're an imbecile from the bumps. I mean it's gonna be great when Adam shows up to the concentration camp
[00:07:08] And on day one people are gonna be like oh my god. You must have been here for years
[00:07:15] People start killing themselves right away
[00:07:21] Or or Jewish are you here for the day part of the Jewish part
[00:07:28] He's what we like to call a two for around here
[00:07:33] We get the count of twice the high crime of ruining the podcast
[00:07:38] I'm actually I'd be my camp. I would probably have to go to the camps for my socialist activism
[00:07:45] And for being a proud member of the democratic
[00:07:49] Well when I sell the DSA to the American Nazi
[00:07:51] In 2020 I take a big fat check from the American Nazi party so they can buy the DSA
[00:08:06] 100% all the copyrights DSA your owner say socialism you owe me $20
[00:08:12] It's true that the Nazi party was the national socialists, right?
[00:08:17] You know, but then they might have been a DSA type. Yeah, well, I'm a capitalist socialist. So it's
[00:08:26] Interesting it's a new thing. It's cozy cozy that restaurant cozy
[00:08:30] That's capitalist social it's an ideology based off very shitty flatbreads
[00:08:34] Yeah, no the sandwiches are good, but they're expensive, but then there's free refills on drinks. Oh
[00:08:42] My dad discovered that restaurant a couple years ago and he was like obsessed with it
[00:08:46] Why I always like let's meet it to cozy
[00:08:50] Meet me at the cozy while meet you there. That's how my mom is in Panera. Yeah, it's my bad. They do you want to go to Panera
[00:09:02] It's like it's like you know pretend nice food right
[00:09:07] Idiot for people. Yeah, I like that they give you an apple
[00:09:13] Yeah, I never gotten the damn apple my dude. Yeah, he goes rice
[00:09:23] Section is what I go for you go bread. I go piece of even when you get a sandwich you get a bread on top
[00:09:28] I get more bread. Yeah, not be that's good bread. It's pretty good bread. It's baked on premises
[00:09:34] My brothers used to work a Panera bread
[00:09:36] So you know you're gonna use to fuck around with them sour sour cheese loafs
[00:09:39] We had a whole day we hung out at that that Panera bread didn't we? Yeah me you and Dana
[00:09:44] We were there for like a whole day. Why were we there?
[00:09:47] I can't remember that or why but we were at that Panera for like did you have a show in Baltimore?
[00:09:52] Maybe no, I don't remember. I think I was like I was living in New York at the time. I think I don't think so
[00:09:59] I think I was really yeah, I don't know yeah, I remember we got we got Panera and
[00:10:04] That's all I remember. Oh, I remember we made a joke about the Virgin Mary
[00:10:12] It was the joke I made was the immaculate conception was the the angel sucked off God and spit it in Mary's pussy
[00:10:20] Yeah, well that's it is how it works. Yeah, okay
[00:10:23] I guess it was more theology than a joke, but that's literally all I remember about that day
[00:10:27] I don't remember it's that's cool that you just remember things in the context of what jokes were said
[00:10:33] Yeah, did we also go to that antique store that day? I
[00:10:37] Don't fucking remember did we go fuck what happened that day? I don't know man. Are we molested our brains? Yeah, Dana raped us
[00:10:47] Maybe we were molested foodie. Were you ever molested? I don't think so
[00:10:52] But like could explain the nerves maybe yeah, no, I thought it's sort of because I cried a lot for no reason
[00:11:05] Rested in just a reminder the repress memory theory, which is like mostly bullshit is has enabled people to all like
[00:11:12] Steel molestation away from people who are molestation valor. Yeah
[00:11:17] Yeah, I was actually a topic on the last show. Okay. Well molly dumb molested some kids suck this thing
[00:11:23] No, I didn't he got molested and he didn't get molested. It was molestation
[00:11:28] It was like it was a it was a light molestation. It's like kid sometimes kids under the doctor
[00:11:39] This is the other playing suck your dick against your will yeah, that's actually that was the original concept of operation
[00:11:45] The good operation yeah, yeah, the sucked the guys dick without buzzing
[00:11:50] Was sucking people's dick like that's why they use leeches. Yeah
[00:11:56] Nation Rome. Yeah, the doctors were just guys that were gay. It was all about sucking 100%
[00:12:01] How about these doctors and like the forties and shit that when women came into them with anxiety or whatever
[00:12:08] They just fingered them until they felt better like that. Yes, I can eat the other hundreds
[00:12:13] That's how you have vibrators were invented. It's crazy that that's like
[00:12:19] Vibrators were invented by a doctor that had like hand pain. I was like tired of masturbating women. I
[00:12:26] Mean they must have gotten hard. I'm surprised that wasn't a Nick episode or at least not in as much of the Nick is I
[00:12:31] I've seen no it wasn't a Nick episode you seen them all I seen them all yeah, that shows great
[00:12:40] I don't know we should ask Danny Hertz is our host father who's an
[00:12:46] Graduate of Howard University Medical Center in Washington DC
[00:12:52] Yes, we should ask him. That's a great idea
[00:12:55] Let's involve people that aren't on Mike and are just passively in the fucking room. Yeah, they can't contribute to the fucking conversation
[00:13:01] You're fucking in the soul. Give me one of the folks that you want to fucking tell them
[00:13:04] I don't know you guys were talking about going to a Panera one time. Yeah, that was that was interesting
[00:13:15] This is I bet no one's ever done this joke before Pantera bread
[00:13:24] With some hell hell smell smells like bread. Yeah
[00:13:38] Yeah, what are other Pantera songs respect
[00:13:46] No, they'd respect are you sucking my dick? Yeah, wait that one. No, are you talking to me is really real lyric
[00:13:58] No, no, no, no, no, I never listened to Pantera. I was busy listening to good stuff man in the box Pantera
[00:14:06] No, that's how else and change. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was listening to up
[00:14:11] That's right dude. What do you do? I blew the whole podcast didn't that guy died didn't I didn't now some chains guy kill himself?
[00:14:21] Yeah, no, sorry. I wasn't listening to any of that I was listening to Bach and like things like smart things
[00:14:27] Yeah, I was Johann Sebastian you you were listening classical music as a child. Yeah, my parents
[00:14:44] Nick's eyes are in the back rolled in the back of his head for the last 40 seconds coming up with that one
[00:14:49] It was incredible to watch him work. Yeah, he's like a computer
[00:14:58] Suffering covered in calm that a lot of people's people I'm sure the listeners will enjoy this. Let's do more of these
[00:15:46] Judas pressed yeah, there you go press bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:16:13] So during the Holocaust do you think that there are Holocaust deniers that
[00:16:17] Just think that oh some gauge there were some gauge you so there's some double counting going on
[00:16:34] Your Jews you got your gays, but what about your gay Jews? They're counting them twice. Yeah, exactly so three million
[00:16:40] Haulicos every every Jewish man was gay damn dude you cracked the fucking Da Vinci code there
[00:16:49] The dick I just need to get my children there the dick Vinci showed
[00:16:56] Thank you. I made a lady in a lift almost cry today. Why so cheese
[00:17:05] Black sandwich black Sabbath tell you story while we keep thinking of these and not listen to you at all. I
[00:17:25] Tell it it's not I mean I could have told you guys before the pod but soft said save it oh sure
[00:17:31] Blame it on me. It's not that funny story teller
[00:17:33] All right, so I was in the lift today and that you know they talk to you here not like in New York where they leave you alone
[00:17:40] And the guy said why you here and I said
[00:17:44] I'm here to do a podcast to record the podcast with my friends to the lady soon
[00:17:53] Sorry about the lead singer the lead singer of stone temple pilots Scott sub Wayland
[00:18:07] So this lady said oh podcast what's it called hoe gazborn is the lead singer okay?
[00:18:16] Okay, oh Kazio's born so anyway, so this lady said what's it called and I said I don't know it's a comedy podcast
[00:18:25] I didn't want to say come town because she was not the demo
[00:18:29] She said oh well the reason I asked is because I have a podcast. It's a politics podcast
[00:18:35] So I said oh that's cool. I have a couple friends that have a politics podcast
[00:18:42] And then she started so you name dropped choppo trap house in a lift in a lift to strangers
[00:18:52] I know she asked what was called. I said choppo. No, that's not how you told the story
[00:18:56] Well, I wanted to make the story quicker
[00:18:58] I didn't want to why the fuck would you ever try to make anything quicker on this podcast? Okay, so I'll
[00:19:02] I'll beat I'll beat by beat till you what part of the last 15 minutes of bread?
[00:19:23] Share share in Chebata, but that's like with metal. It's music
[00:19:27] You could have come up with better one that's fine. We'll come back to it. Yeah, anyway, so
[00:19:35] So she said to me that they are horrible people
[00:19:40] So I said, oh, I think they're pretty nice. They're you know friends of mine
[00:19:44] I don't think they're so they're so horrible. She bought a boy like the movie about
[00:19:58] You pull your cock at and you're like I know will medicare
[00:20:06] Anyway, I think stambers and she said they're horrible people and I said well
[00:20:10] I don't think they are and she said they have coordinated
[00:20:12] Harassment on people on the internet and they especially and they target with women and persons of color
[00:20:20] So I said, I don't think that's true. I think you know, you could disagree with someone without it being about you know
[00:20:32] and she proceeded to get really upset at me and
[00:20:36] And then at a certain point just started shouting this conversation
[00:20:51] It's just food bands so she was saying this conversation is causey cause born
[00:20:58] Like cosy that's but I already said cosy Osborne, but now I want to causey cosborn. How about a beat loaf?
[00:21:14] I'll put sandwich at the end of meatloaf. How about the the beat tools like the
[00:21:22] Grateful bread, that's good. I don't get it
[00:21:28] Anyway, so she got quite upset at me and
[00:21:30] The end of the story is that I well then I tried to apologize because she was upset. I was like, I'm sorry
[00:21:37] I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings
[00:21:41] And I said, I'm you know, I'm a pretty nice person
[00:21:44] I don't think I woke up today trying to make someone that I don't know upset and she said that's the problem
[00:21:51] That's the problem. You're a good guy, aren't you?
[00:21:54] And I said yeah, she's like that's the problem. You can't even understand and
[00:21:59] I was like I really don't understand what that your life is being made worse by a podcast
[00:22:06] You don't understand what it's like to be in a rational fucking retard
[00:22:13] In uber pools. So anyway, Jesus fucking Christ. I wish I had been in that I know it
[00:22:23] Yeah, well my podcast the daily show of I
[00:22:27] I totally forget the name so I forgot the name of her podcast and then I was like just as matter of interest
[00:22:34] What was the name of your podcast is she's like I'm not gonna tell you of course
[00:22:38] That's a good move, which is probably not a good move because I wanted to look it up. We would yeah
[00:22:44] I mean we wouldn't have ran the end of the story is that the lift driver kept throwing his hands up
[00:22:52] She's really crazy and it got really quiet night about five ten minutes left in the ride and
[00:23:00] Just the silence was very awkward. So I just started talking to the driver
[00:23:04] And I said you know uber is a lot cheaper here in LA than it is in New York
[00:23:09] And he said well, we're not in uber. We're in lift and so I said to him
[00:23:15] Well, I deleted uber because the CEO was sexist to women
[00:23:26] No, because I wanted her to feel like I was
[00:23:30] Feel bad to feel bad and I think I really got the last word in there
[00:23:35] And I think I won the conversation and that was her name
[00:23:40] Oh fuck I forget if she has a podcast. I really wanted no we can engage in targeted harassment
[00:23:49] Targeted harassment if you open your goddamn mouth, that's right. She was bringing it upon yourself by go through your lift history
[00:23:56] Can I know what her name was I don't think it has the people that no just have the driver, but not who you
[00:24:05] And nice thing about this podcast is because it has Adam on it. He's like just the target for harassment
[00:24:13] Yes, true. I get it from all sides folks
[00:24:20] Bitch is about targeted harassment online is usually the person behind targeted harassment campaigns
[00:24:26] It's the people that try to get people fired and they're like everybody go after this person
[00:24:31] I brought that up and I was like I think I said that this person that does that is
[00:24:36] Maybe a little unhinged and she's like you're saying that because she's a woman
[00:24:40] I was like no I'm saying that because she tweets at people for 12 hours on end
[00:24:44] Oh, who did she bring up Sadie? Oh, of course. Yeah, so did she bring she brought up Sadie?
[00:24:51] I think that maybe she's a little unhinged and she said obviously you would say that about a woman and I said no
[00:24:57] I think it's just weird that she tries to get yeah, okay. Let's name any woman. Let's see if I call her unhinged
[00:25:03] See how many how many women that applies to Dame Judy Dench? Oh, yeah, she's unhinged
[00:25:11] They're unhinged yeah, that's not one specific fucking person
[00:25:15] Apparently she thought that was gendered for me to use the term unhinged and then after I said that
[00:25:21] It's a door to a bathroom that anyone can use
[00:25:39] So so that was my eyes fly you really can't talk shit on Hillary out here in LA like you could and
[00:25:47] Yeah, like you can in New York. Everyone's a moron retarder like especially we go around the street
[00:25:52] I'm just using gendered slurs left and right people are yelling at me and screaming at me and hogging their horns in a very like
[00:25:59] You can't like you were saying earlier you can't say any movie is bad cuz like someone might have worked on it
[00:26:05] Yeah, you know, it's very similar people are very
[00:26:08] Strategic about yeah, a lot of people have fought the same children Hillary has over yeah, it's true. You know who knows
[00:26:15] What kind of pizza gate parties they're hanging out fuck. I wonder who that woman was I really want to know
[00:26:20] It was right Kehina, dude. Yeah, it wasn't fine. No, she wasn't coming from the left
[00:26:25] I think she was coming from the the lit the center lib she's a little bit
[00:26:31] Fucking hate libs fucking libtard. Yeah, she's a total libs Michael. How do you feel about libs?
[00:26:37] I'm not I'm not a lib but I think tactically it's immaterial whether there's the left or the web because
[00:26:46] Political ideology is so far to the right like the sort of infighting is
[00:27:17] Michael what you should do is when this episode drops you should put a rose emoji in your name on Twitter
[00:27:24] You'll get like more followers that way. I think probably
[00:27:27] What are you gonna put a damn rose? I'm never doing it. Yes, you will. No cuz it means that you're a virgin
[00:27:35] If you get rose means that you still have your never fucked your innocence
[00:27:40] I thought I thought I'd seriously thought the rose thing was like that's right. I watched the Bachelor
[00:27:56] Yeah, the frog on was sesame Street and
[00:28:01] You know before you find your prince you got to kiss a lot of frogs hey did you hear there's some pie gets called shit town
[00:28:16] There's crime town and shit town crime town that's not as bad as shit town shit town stole our essence
[00:28:21] Dude, that's a bad word and town. Let's fuck them up. That's a good
[00:28:26] 13 episodes of this show prominently featured copyright in French
[00:28:31] That like I don't fucking even if someone launched a podcast also called come town. I would not give a shit
[00:28:38] Dude, that's why I was really between you and me dude. I'm a shop for sure and I am I don't believe in intellectual property rights
[00:28:45] No Michael doesn't either. What does that mean? I'm a copy copy leftist
[00:28:50] Yeah, what does that mean you just use whatever the fuck you want?
[00:28:53] Yeah, I know I didn't even like coming in from like a critical standpoint
[00:28:57] It just doesn't make sense to me the idea that someone can own a fucking expression
[00:29:01] Mm-hmm like if you like I because I think freedom of expression is very important and like I would support the idea
[00:29:08] even though I think it's like wrong for you to be able to you know go to a
[00:29:13] Very crowded area and say you know all black people are subhuman or when I use racial slurs
[00:29:20] It's fine. That should all be protected speech. Yeah, so if that's okay
[00:29:23] I don't understand why you couldn't go to the same space and just draw Mickey Mouse
[00:29:28] You give me five dollars for this you'll get thrown in jail for that and it just doesn't like I don't understand
[00:29:34] Why one's okay, and that's not the other and I'm using that you know not to say that it did hate speech or whatever
[00:29:40] It should be illegal, but that intellectual property rights really just don't make sense to me. I agree
[00:29:45] Yeah, and I think we can just have norms like if you're doing totally unoriginal work. Yeah people can say oh that's not good
[00:29:52] I don't want to reward that yeah, it doesn't get
[00:29:54] And then it's also bullshit because even then that would be copyright infringement the mid-micky mouse example
[00:29:59] Because you say all will you're taking money away from Disney and it's like not really
[00:30:04] Like oh no, I don't need to consume anything Disney produces anymore because I have this drawing of Mickey
[00:30:10] I can look at it my home. I only paid five dollars for it to some insane man
[00:30:18] There's a Bodega in East Williams rig which isn't there anymore that used to have on it the sign for the Bodega
[00:30:25] It's had the Shrek donkey and we the poo
[00:30:35] Yeah, yeah, they love looney tunes. I'll be go to like Bushwick or any like Mexican neighborhood half the businesses are like Disney fawn
[00:30:45] There's a place and unlike the Lower East Side
[00:30:53] No, sorry, it's in like grammar C and it's
[00:30:57] Sorry somebody's texting me something who's texting you why are you texting?
[00:31:00] Come on, do you feel a little bit of fun way? Do you know business? Oh?
[00:31:04] I'll finish the story. There's a place on the Lower East side called the CBGB's and that's where all the rockers used to go
[00:31:11] You got the Ramones the stone temple pilots
[00:31:15] You got fun if you thought that was good now. It's a John Vervatos
[00:31:19] Yeah, it is John vervados and there's a CBGB's in Newark Airport now. Wow
[00:31:25] Wow, it's really the pumper has become the prince
[00:31:30] I remember my first time at CBGB's. I saw a yellow card. It's fucking awesome. Do you wait when it was still open?
[00:31:36] Oh, yeah, dude. I saw you went up there. You saw it. Oh dude. Speak of yellow card
[00:31:41] Sauvigner we're on today in Santa Monica and
[00:31:45] And Venice ocean Avenue. Oh, sorry. It's grammar. See there's a place. It's called
[00:31:51] Oh, yeah, the logo is just the paramount logo, but it's called Danny's two cleaners. I
[00:32:12] Like 90 raised pizzas right there's like famous original race. There's original race
[00:32:17] I don't know. I've just done by the way. They're like not raised. There's a raised pizza by mine. That's called not raised pizza
[00:32:23] That's funny now. Just me like there's shit like there's Olympic diner to
[00:32:27] Shit like that. It's like just name an Olympic diner gives a fuck. I like in DC how everyone's fighting about who had the original jumbo slice
[00:32:34] Yeah, like the idea of having a pizza and just like we're not gonna cut it
[00:32:44] We're not cutting it as often and this is the Tesla of pizza. Yeah, we're changing the pizza game up
[00:32:53] Thank you for putting the idea of copyright infringement and intellectual property in the terms I can understand
[00:33:01] You guys were talking about like Mickey Mouse when you talking about jumbo slice I'm right there with you and I agree I think you can't take intellectual property
[00:33:10] Right, you can't own ideas brother. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, I gave a caveman
[00:33:15] He figures out fire and then another caveman's like oh yeah, I'm gonna do that so that I don't freeze the sorry on mom
[00:33:21] That's my thing. That's mine. So it's basically the elevated version of what we've talked about before in the podcast is copying
[00:33:29] Like yeah, he's copying me. Yeah, it's like now corporations are literally eight year old boys
[00:33:34] So then what happens if so there's just no value in coming up with a good idea like a good idea first
[00:33:39] Well like if you look at the history of like books and stuff most of them were held in libraries the idea that like you
[00:33:47] individually own your books like it was a public or
[00:33:59] Giving a property right in order to have artists be compensated instead of just like oh well
[00:34:05] We'll have patrons of the art right right right right right yeah, exactly and
[00:34:10] Look into this all these years later in 2016 and 2017 a little plucky
[00:34:19] Would find a website called patreon.com. Yeah, we're the we're the future of ideas capitalism. Yeah, it's true
[00:34:27] Yeah, he's social professor Lawrence Lessing would be so proud
[00:34:33] So Nick yeah, how's it how's it going? I'm all right singing like toast something
[00:34:39] You know yeah, yeah, toast was trying to come with something fucking
[00:34:55] Rush, that's good. Yeah, all right. You take the be off. Yeah
[00:34:59] Foodie do you have any weird shit as a child? This seems like you might have been a strange child
[00:35:04] Of course weird stuff. I used to read Dungeons and Dragons, but I had never told to toast with George Norrie
[00:35:12] I don't know what that is it was coast to coast
[00:35:34] Opportunity won't know that rhymes with toast. Did you say you used to read the Dungeons and Dragons manual?
[00:35:41] Just never play using you the rules. Yeah, just memorize rules
[00:35:48] Hell yeah, dude, what about prank didn't you do prank calls isn't there a good-ass story? Oh, yeah, I think that was
[00:35:57] Yeah, I did prank calls and like it normally I would be like oh
[00:36:03] Do you want to get magazine subscriptions? I'm selling magazine?
[00:36:13] Like you know retarded voice I'm gonna kill you
[00:36:31] I'm gonna kill you in grade school. I started this rumor that my friend Tommy we were talking about how we all had like a friend that we bullied
[00:36:40] Name and yeah, I mean you have a Tommy Nick. No, I didn't have a Tommy. I'm sorry
[00:36:48] we would call it the local radio station and
[00:36:54] Because we started the rumor that like he took his teddy bear and cut a hole where the pussy would
[00:37:07] In elementary school this was middle school okay
[00:37:12] Waiting for like the bus the school bus yeah like when it was snowy we went into like the baseball field and
[00:37:19] Stamped out Tommy loves Teddy. He's no like across the whole field
[00:37:28] And I looked him up and he's a sexual predator
[00:37:39] Get on those lists for like do public urination or something so maybe maybe yeah
[00:37:45] You gotta leave an open mind do you think you drove him to fucking children?
[00:37:49] Or do you think he was getting molested while you were also bullying him and then he became a sexual predator
[00:37:56] I think the most likely thing is like we made fun of him for a reason because he was a strange fellow
[00:38:02] Right that's strangeness manifested later in life. Yeah, like it's not like my bullet. Maybe I mean
[00:38:08] I was very inconsiderate of this person
[00:38:15] Bullying is the best yeah, I do think that our bullying had some effect on my Tommy on Tommy
[00:38:20] Georgie and into becoming a street magician and a rabbi
[00:38:25] I'm like a failed rabbi like such a weird weird guy like and a very dorky guy
[00:38:35] Bullying did you not did you not bully or did you not get bullied I basically just picked up on the dynamics that I was like second weakest
[00:38:51] Hey, what did you you told me that when you were working that job after college as a paralegal you got everyone to bully someone
[00:38:59] Oh, there is this girl who always was like, oh, I'm out of work. Can you give me more work like
[00:39:18] And we were just refer to her as effin in the at symbol
[00:39:21] That's funny F at symbols that way you can work that into like a bread thing
[00:39:32] Hold on well, she she had too many carbs there. Yeah, yeah, she worked plenty of bread into her thing
[00:39:40] She had bread through her pussy is what I'm getting at
[00:39:52] We fuck you the next time you yawn and put my heart dick in your mouth again, I can't do it
[00:39:58] You can't suck my dick. I can't stay awake here. Sorry. It's all right, dude
[00:40:01] We got some nice bully tales foodie the surprising bully. Did she ever find out you called her fat?
[00:40:07] I I don't think so but like we did it just on the office email. Yeah, they're probably
[00:40:17] Love working at dumbass office, dude. It's it's amazing like when
[00:40:24] Relatively young like the sense of like the click-ishness, right? It's like school for sure like I was just amazed that I got to be in
[00:40:33] The cool group. I thought I thought I thought that was
[00:40:38] Amazing I didn't I work. They're just like hey you seem cool. Oh
[00:40:42] Yeah, oh man, that's such a rush standards are so much lower
[00:40:48] I was a paralegal for one year at a foreclosure law firm in Baltimore and fuck dude
[00:40:53] That was one of the most depressing jobs. I've ever had I remember there were no I think one of the partners killed himself
[00:41:00] Because they were like embezzling money
[00:41:03] But there was like no standard of fucking professionalism whatsoever everyone's getting sexually harassed like 24-7
[00:41:09] So I hear the lawyers. Yeah, but not even lawyers like yet lawyers and then like the bosses and there's this one guy
[00:41:17] Who just this one fucking ugly has like trash woman. He made her take pictures of her pussy
[00:41:32] We go to the parking lot and just take a picture of her pussy
[00:41:39] We all knew he was doing it and everyone was just like okay with it. I
[00:41:45] Don't find like just the picture of the pussy. No, that's the other thing. That's so weird
[00:41:51] Like you mean context. It's just like it's a power thing and then he would show everyone her put like everyone to see
[00:42:00] It was gross. I don't want to see your pussy
[00:42:03] It was fucking disgusting. You're just not uh that place fucking suck. What was this the foreclosure foreclosure law firm
[00:42:10] Yeah, it was called Morris Hardwick and Schneider. Did you get fired from there? Oh, I got fired big time
[00:42:19] Well, I stopped doing a survivor not looking at the pussy
[00:42:27] There's something uppity about that fat bald boy. I had I had longer hair
[00:42:39] Yeah, we're gonna need to see that taint or I
[00:42:43] Would flash taint no, I just stopped working there
[00:42:45] I just I basically I felt bags was a foreclosure for law firm
[00:42:49] so I got hired in July and I worked for a month and then like
[00:42:54] In August I started slowing down by September
[00:42:57] I wasn't doing anything and then I didn't get fired till March of that next year. It's surprising how long
[00:43:03] Arshill just carry it was incredible. I work my law firm was asbestos settlements
[00:43:14] Oh, no, oh, sorry. This is a X-ray not a CT scan
[00:43:22] Just looking for poor people to fuck up a comma on something so they don't get their money from a fucking sorry
[00:43:28] This is some lord. This is fast the time bar for oh, that's that's what I felt horrible working in a place like that
[00:43:35] Yeah, just stealing money from the poor. I just made a spreadsheet that did my job and then took four-hour lunches
[00:43:42] That's incredible. I'm glad I work at a good law firm right now
[00:43:46] We're that fights for women to get money from their husbands
[00:43:51] That's that's where that's where I'm working
[00:43:56] What do you think is legal but shouldn't be legal what is legal, but shouldn't be legal. Oh, yeah, I'm saying like
[00:44:07] But what's the other end like what's something that you could do not fucking not fucking me
[00:44:16] Every woman I want to fuck now. They're not you
[00:44:19] Yeah, we know me. You're entitled to sex out of it. Yeah. Thank you. It's about time someone
[00:44:23] I think societal beauty standards should be illegal. Everything should be much more body positive
[00:44:30] I think we're saying things that should be legal or should be illegal should be illegal trans fats
[00:44:38] Trans fats should be illegal. I don't know they're delicious
[00:44:43] Do you don't give a fuck about society like maybe getting a midget and having plastic surgery on the midget so that it looks like a child
[00:45:06] That's awesome that might be the perfect crime
[00:45:22] Michael you you in another life that's beautiful criminal mastermind
[00:45:32] Thanks, okay, oh man. I can't wait to do that with Adams children. What do you mean?
[00:45:37] I'm gonna find me do you remember that what your children story about the guy that got arrested for bringing Simpson's porn into Canada?
[00:45:57] I need specifically my Simpson's poor doctor my suitcase is full of Mars off land. I don't bring enough socks
[00:46:06] When I go somewhere, yeah, you're gonna. I always fuck up and bring the wrong size toothpaste
[00:46:12] It's where bring the wrong you brought it you have specifically you have your Simpsons porn
[00:46:18] I'm surprised it's illegal. It's no one's hurt. I guess the copyright. No, it's illegal in Canada
[00:46:26] Oh, okay, because I'm upset of the thing yeah
[00:46:28] Yeah, because if it depicts the in the way works on the US I guess like you know
[00:46:35] Lisa Simpson is far enough away from being an actual child that it's not okay, but in Canada it would be oh
[00:46:42] Oh, it's a child I say I guess yeah, I said the Simpsons that means all of them
[00:46:48] I just thought it was March with like big ass. Yeah, I love that's the prey of definitely
[00:46:55] Margin big ass fucking I was crossing the clown and each the beach point from his hair is going into a different one of the
[00:47:02] Simpsons thing I think it's funny that on the free sites like
[00:47:11] You can get anything but they have the ads for like the cartoon porn like that'll cost you
[00:47:22] Everything and then it's like but if you want to see Brian Griffin have sex with Lois finally
[00:47:33] Why I think that's really where the last of the money is in porn is in really specific fetish
[00:47:39] Because like if you're really into like one specific thing I'm sure you can get it
[00:47:43] But you actually because there's scarcity right you can you can you roll a scarcity? Yeah?
[00:47:52] Oakland who were like all living in a punk house and
[00:47:55] We're all doing hair fetish porn because they all had really big bushes
[00:48:00] Okay, and they were like making a ton of money and their primary demo was dads in the Midwest
[00:48:07] Because hey dads in the Midwest don't know how to get free porn and be right that's a very specific fetish
[00:48:13] They like that fucking hair reporter. Yeah, nice. I like a woman all natural
[00:48:21] Want to fucking I've talked about before but I'll be a camp boy if anybody if anybody's interested
[00:48:27] Sell me your prices. I want to be a cam well
[00:48:29] I did get Nick and soft lucidormasks in Mexico
[00:48:32] That was always my backup plan in life is a camp boy with a lucidormask on well now that I've seen your penis
[00:48:38] That would be something. Oh, yeah, what you think I don't understand how your foreskin does that I know it's really we're lying
[00:48:44] I'm not lying my force can completely envelop you so you have some Moses is that what yeah?
[00:48:49] A.F. Emosis bro, you should legit just get a certain
[00:48:53] Serk dude. Why I've been a trader to my people dude. You should get a circumcision
[00:48:57] I can't get sir. She's got an acrobat or a clown
[00:49:04] Wait, so but your your orgasms don't they say that orgasms with a circumcision are more powerful
[00:49:11] Because there's nerve endings that are no no it's better to be uncircumcised
[00:49:15] No, that's what I'm saying yeah orgasms without a circumcision are more powerful
[00:49:20] Yeah, cuz they're more nerve and yeah, but I don't think that counts for me because my dick is wrapped up in
[00:49:26] So you could do you like come inside your skin? No, I pop the top of my head pops out a little bit
[00:49:34] The top of my dick head will pop out just enough pissing has to be such an adventure for you
[00:49:39] No, no pissing's fine. This is just a nice even it's keeping a clean challenge. You know shockingly. No, I don't know smegma
[00:49:48] All thinking you know sometimes I really want to be ridiculous
[00:49:51] I'll get in there, but usually I just sit in a warm Epsom salt bath for 45 minutes a day
[00:50:00] Absom salt versus regular salt it's a different chemical that's a salt so it's not sodium
[00:50:06] Which is chloride I think it's potassium chloride potassium chloride, but I'm don't call me on that come down fans
[00:50:13] Is that what when people see you smoke salt bath salts?
[00:50:18] Now we different you're not smoking Epsom salts now like from the
[00:50:23] Crazy would be if like somebody was just like
[00:50:26] Holy shit, you can get fucked up off this
[00:50:29] No, no, no for years whole time. I had a friend in high school used to eat morning glory seeds
[00:50:35] He would chop the packets of morning glory seeds you can get those offline
[00:50:39] You can just get them at the grocery store. Oh, you can it's all yeah, or like a gardening center
[00:50:44] Oh, wow, and then he would see he would eat them and he's like yeah, they got put like pesticides on them
[00:50:49] No, you know like throw up and then you trip what the fuck is morning?
[00:50:53] You trip it's yeah, it makes you like yeah, it's just good salve any guys that guy used to take a drama mean also
[00:51:01] We take too much drama mean in these like yeah, dude
[00:51:04] You got to take a like with an Adderall so you don't pass out and then and then you start seeing dead people
[00:51:09] And I'm like that doesn't sound like a good
[00:51:14] 70s just to try smoking like the inside of banana pills. Oh, yeah, that was a big and stuff there are all these like
[00:51:20] Fads to like do drugs without doing drugs would not make fuck you up. I think it's very poisonous in quantity
[00:51:31] What this is delicious though, dude. Yeah if you you like I still shit a little oatmeal you smoke some Christmas
[00:51:42] Got your holiday cheer in a bottle. I just put eggnog directly into my veins, dude
[00:51:47] I fucking tell that yeah, yeah, what what do you mean the fuck is eggnog? That's just gross. That shit does
[00:52:00] Think spices egg yolk whiskey and fucking
[00:52:04] That's not a little disgusting. Oh, mom. We've been watching the great bit of baking show. Have you seen that shit?
[00:52:10] I've watched it before but I'm not into it like fucking rules. People are into it. It seems like a positive nice show
[00:52:17] Fucking rules. I don't understand how they're really into any other fucking cooking show
[00:52:21] Yeah, because it's not they don't do the gimmicks. They don't do the reality show gimmick is that it's British. No, no
[00:52:28] Listen, it's all it's all about so gimmick country
[00:52:36] Fucking Brexit dude, right. Oh, yeah, that's you guys want to rap about Brexit real quick
[00:52:41] Let's get into some real I get a piece on continental politics shit
[00:52:55] Looks like they did it. You know what I think is interesting
[00:52:57] He's everybody's talking about Brexit and have you ever thought about how Brexit kind of sounds like British exit
[00:53:03] What like breakfast like yeah, it sounds like crumpet
[00:53:10] Sounds like a like something they would do it high or low tea
[00:53:15] They have different they have high tea. We already did this joke. Oh, we did you fucking imbecile. I saw your eyes
[00:53:22] Get wide and I knew you were gonna fucking do a joke
[00:53:28] You know, we talk about bullying a lot and
[00:53:31] Bullying is so funny. I really think it's funny when it's just the guy is not in on it and out
[00:53:38] I just slapped Adam. You didn't slap me the guy is not
[00:53:42] Yeah, Adam did get slapped with the guys in on it and he becomes a Pilkington esque character
[00:53:53] Carl Pilkington the idiot from the Ricky's like the you was the Ricky Drava's sure the Adam. No you
[00:54:01] He's sexy and has a big ass thing. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah
[00:54:05] What makes something a bitch like I said, I was just normal slap. Yeah, I think it's a bitch lap
[00:54:12] Backhand is bitch. I think if like the person you slap is a bitch
[00:54:16] Oh, so I just like it's like it's the ad act of the slap
[00:54:20] I remember when I was a kid my parents are obviously foreign, but the first time my mom heard
[00:54:28] She thought it was the funniest thing she thought the term upside was like the funniest thing she'd ever heard
[00:54:35] She's like keep calling back to it. I didn't get it at all
[00:54:38] She's like laughing. Did she strap the upside the head she heard it on the Chris Rock Show and HBO
[00:54:43] She's like no, so she was laughing at a joke. No, she she was laughing at the word upside
[00:54:49] And she was like she was like last last night your father and I were watching the Chris Rock Show
[00:54:54] And he said slap upside the head and she like could not get it up. Wait. What should it be instead like
[00:55:03] Upside just slap the no, I mean it makes sense to me. I'm God damn with the book
[00:55:09] I'm sorry upside. I have no the expression, but it just means I'm gonna knock up the side of your head up the side of your head
[00:55:17] I don't think the direction actually matters. I think it's just yeah slap the side of the head doesn't flow as well
[00:55:24] Yeah upside the head. Yes, it sounds way better. I'm sure I was dead
[00:55:30] You will be soon dude. Yeah, what do you think three months?
[00:55:33] No much longer. Yeah, that'd be sweet foodie. What do you think you really?
[00:55:36] What do you think you really is gonna die if I had to guess like probably?
[00:55:44] Yeah, I'm the early side, but like nothing ridiculous. What about me from what? What do you think?
[00:55:51] Okay, suicide. I think no side, but it's like he'll never care
[00:55:57] He'll do it on hunter as Thompson way. Oh wow, that's high regard. Yeah
[00:56:01] No, you will you'll have breakfast one day and you'll just aspire to have the same suicide
[00:56:13] No untreated herpes. I think you just gonna eat breakfast one day and then just say well
[00:56:17] I'm gonna do it and then do it and then we're gonna do it. I think yeah, I think it's just like that's it you think
[00:56:23] How do you kill himself? You know, it's in my opinion
[00:56:26] You just decided that's what you call a Brexit
[00:56:36] That's a real very nice. Did we ever do one with sourdough? Did we ever do? No, I was thinking about that the whole show
[00:56:47] Let's think when stop Rosa sits on a chair. That's a Brexit because he sits in the chair breaks. Hey wait, what the fuck yeah
[00:56:57] Break break break fast is when stops it's down to you break really fast
[00:57:14] No, that's not a movie. What rhymes with dough? Oh
[00:57:19] Let's just this thing. Well, that's you know what? Well, let's a good place to end the episode
[00:57:24] I mean it is we've done enough time here
[00:57:27] Yeah, you guys it's been great Michael for having
[00:57:30] So much for doing honestly though that midget making a big child shit
[00:57:37] That's some of the funny that's one of the funniest that's one of the funniest shows we had on this part
[00:57:42] Sorry, I got the inception real quiet, but yeah, that's life. I guess so you get thanks back. Yeah, yeah, all right