Cum Town | Regular | 04/20/2017
[00:00:04] Skated whoo let's get it going here fellas big news week this week. Yeah, they haven't been paying attention
[00:00:21] Code de voir. Yeah, coat the voir coat de voir
[00:00:28] Yeah, all the african countries hogging does
[00:00:37] All of these places we got there's big news going on I wait they should give me a Riley's slot
[00:00:44] You could you could do it. It's about to be big. I feel like I'm qualified from like a problematic standpoint 100%
[00:00:51] You know you easy a better troll than you is the real question
[00:00:55] Um no, he's a more successful troll for sure. I wouldn't say he's a troll
[00:01:00] Yeah, he's always no he's like he's not one of those guys. It's like he's just doing it to piss people off
[00:01:08] He's just a big fucking giant Irish piece of shit from Long Island. I'll give you the last word
[00:01:15] He's always claiming you the fucking last one you never get the fucking last word
[00:01:19] You do the last word after yells at you for fucking hours straight
[00:01:22] And then you're like well, Bill. I just don't see all right. Thank you very much
[00:01:26] That was the last word at the you had the last word and you blew it now for my last word
[00:01:39] Jesus I can't I can't figure out how to turn the TV. Oh, I'm trying to I'm trying to
[00:01:44] You know put it on mute in the background like a real newsroom. Oh, okay. I have the news going. Yeah
[00:01:52] Like where they shot Osama we're solemnly watching why's that room so damn tiny?
[00:02:00] Yeah, people like everybody crammed into the war room. It's like shouldn't they plan on those dudes needing chairs
[00:02:05] Yeah, yeah, I mean they have like it's like the
[00:02:10] The fanciest army guys that all the jewels. That's true. It's the most
[00:02:15] But you know the bro men need to be in that room. That's true. They should have a throne of some sort
[00:02:21] What if the other side of it is a bunch of fucking fancy shit. It's a huge room. That's all they show us
[00:02:27] That would be very funny. That'd be a very good physical bit
[00:02:30] White House and the camera turns around and just Hillary's like laying on a big fucking pile of gold coins and rubies and shit
[00:02:39] That's in the White House, right? I guess most of the rooms in the White House are just for tours. Oh, yeah
[00:02:45] Yeah, use them. There's like an office in the West wind didn't England like fuck this up in the war of 1812
[00:02:52] Yeah, yeah, the White House wasn't finished a rebing rebuilt until like 1978
[00:03:01] It was burned wait. No, that's the Hollywood sign. Yeah
[00:03:04] I think you which is the real Hollywood. I mean the real White House. Yes me
[00:03:11] That's where the power is in the Hollywood sign. Yeah, is that where does someone live in the naughty hangs out Mickey Mouse Walt Disney
[00:03:30] Show business burn. Yeah, you know we're talking
[00:03:40] Although those two guys in Walt Disney see like they wouldn't get along too well
[00:03:45] Yeah, I don't know everybody says Walt Disney hated Jews. Oh, yeah, he did. Yeah
[00:03:49] I thought there was no actual evidence of that. Then why would he why would he create the character Scrooge McDuck?
[00:03:54] I don't know it was in the newsletter. He hates Jews the band
[00:03:57] System of a down hates Jews. I'm tired. I'm no I'm tired we were taught that sir G or what?
[00:04:04] I don't know if I don't know if they actually I don't think you saw
[00:04:07] Walt Disney actually say or do you see actually say seem like a nice man that just wanted to fuck kids
[00:04:15] He what he hit Nazi scientists so did the United States go in the fact check your amber we hit them in the movie October sky
[00:04:23] Yeah, well, they're nervous on Braun. Yeah, yeah
[00:04:28] What do you do with your thigh there dude?
[00:04:31] Look at that shit. Look at the milky hairy thigh
[00:04:35] The gay guys that watch the listen to the show and just want to fuck you would go crazy for this view right now
[00:04:40] Yeah, oh a little boxer. What do you wear? What kind of box?
[00:04:45] Compression indeed is compression shit you hear that oh yeah, stay tight at all moments. Oh, he is you know
[00:04:52] I don't know you never know where you'd have to be an athlete
[00:04:55] Take that we can press your balls if would you sell your underwear?
[00:04:59] Some weird guy who wants to sniff and beat off. I mean I already sell my racism so
[00:05:05] I feel like if anyone wants to buy underwear first to sell on easy quid of us
[00:05:11] I sell them right now. Yeah, well, yeah, we said that first obvious Golden Angels is for the $100 level
[00:05:18] Oh, yeah, I would get a pair of game worn game one cast
[00:05:26] Summer undies from stop. I'm gonna go jogging after a long night. I'm gonna take a bike ride. Oh, yeah
[00:05:38] They found dead and I guarantee you this is a police cover up
[00:05:42] They shot they shot him when they just take credit for shooting him. No, they refuse to give him a fair trial
[00:05:50] And they're making it look like a suicide interesting
[00:05:59] This is like your info wars like to turn for that. Yeah, there are already people that are like Stevie Steve truthors
[00:06:11] Live you can't even like edit it. I sometimes crisis actor
[00:06:16] I sometimes look at a government put out a Craigslist ad that said we just want somebody to participate
[00:06:22] We're gonna stage a video and you know, it was supposed to be like a horror movie or something
[00:06:32] He's trying to get his acting career off the ground
[00:06:34] So you made the three videos and then the police department the Cleveland Police Department released the videos
[00:06:40] You know, and then they planted a car Wow, and it's to distract people from Russia
[00:06:57] I don't want to that's the guy that died
[00:06:59] Zuckerberg he kills Zuckerberg next yeah, well, they didn't show the whole video dude that sucked
[00:07:04] I don't want to know that that's the guy that's who he killed that old man old guy. Oh my god
[00:07:14] Dude, I used to click on every like death and execution video until I saw that Isis video
[00:07:19] Well, that's people said into it was a Stevie Steve is a distraction
[00:07:23] Attraction because World War three is about to start and it's like who's gonna be distracted
[00:07:32] It's like there's a guy during World War two that was like what the fuck is going on
[00:07:35] I'm still catching up on all this Walt Disney is an odd
[00:07:38] Yeah, I had no idea. We were the entire world was at war again
[00:07:45] Some Irish punch the old lady and I've been fucking reading that news article
[00:07:50] I believe there's some guy on the radio talk about it 30s Stevie Steve. Yeah, Danny O'Danielson
[00:07:57] What would that what are their names like back then Ebenezer?
[00:08:01] Yeah, yeah chip. They also either they went real nice and old shit like
[00:08:10] Chip that guy we've talked about crack stakes
[00:08:14] Yeah, chink stakes and Philly. They're probably guys named every there's probably Dego Jimmy. Yeah
[00:08:20] What's happening in Fresno? There's a shooting spree according to the oh man CBS news
[00:08:26] Shooting spree. It looks like we have a Stevie Stevens copycat killer
[00:08:32] We have fun. There's the fries. No police department have K's on their collars
[00:08:36] Uh it looked like the fuck that guy had K's well. Yeah for every strikeout. He gets a kid. Yeah
[00:08:44] Look like we have K gate like triple K's
[00:08:47] Corey, Ollie, Muhammad how African Americans became Christians. Oh, so he's a hot tub guy
[00:08:54] Is that a ring though? That's a tight ring
[00:08:57] Oh another stars. Yeah, they don't have K's
[00:09:00] We I feel like we should turn the television off. Yeah, oh that guy is very smooth for an old man
[00:09:21] The local guys this will sync up really well to the local news on April what is it 17?
[00:09:27] I like that this like one of the one of the local news places looks like it was named by like a Chinese immigrant
[00:09:33] They have like ads on the buses and it's like New York number one good morning
[00:09:40] And it's like yeah, you know, it's kind of shitty news, but they got good dumplings
[00:09:47] Fuck I do want some damn dumplings. Yeah, I haven't had well actually that's not true
[00:09:52] I've had dumplings twice in the last three days really yeah, where why I had gyoza, which is just those are dumps
[00:10:00] Yeah, and then I had dumplings dumped steam dumplings from that
[00:10:06] Caribbean place that also has Chinese food. Oh, yeah, it's the best Chinese food in the neighborhood. Yeah, but that's who cares I
[00:10:14] Mean me when I'm trying to order Chinese food
[00:10:16] There's like there's a place in DC that used to be like the fried chicken
[00:10:24] Subs that place yums. I love that shit, dude. Yeah, that would just be liquid out of your ass
[00:10:29] Oh 100% yeah, but Chinese food wings are some of the best wings the best
[00:10:35] Chicken up oil. Yeah, best Chinese restaurant is Chinese food in Baltimore. Yeah, remember
[00:10:44] Is it a this is fucking haunted ass building no it's the functional it's a bit really yeah
[00:10:50] I would drive past certain night and there would be like this eerie yellow glow coming out of the windows
[00:10:56] And it's just dilapidated piece of shit building that's got to be a hundred years old that they've never done any maintenance on
[00:11:03] I mean it looks like Danzig's house actually
[00:11:05] Yeah, and spooky yeah, that's where Danzig eats
[00:11:11] This is just some of the food I eat this is actually this is a meal the werewolves would eat
[00:11:20] 53 years old he's older than that now, dude. He's like he's gonna be in the 60s yet. Yeah, so I'm like that that Chinese joint
[00:11:27] It's literally just a piece of plywood. He's a plywood with painted white
[00:11:31] And red stencils it just says Chinese food no space in between
[00:11:35] Like they're parts of Baltimore that are just it's a third world kind it gets a step up like there's a restaurant in Syria
[00:11:41] That's like a right for example right now literally a block away from John's office. Yeah, which is where Chinese food is
[00:11:49] Oh, yeah, dude. Is the food good. It's great great. Yeah, the best moogoo guy pan
[00:11:56] Mm-hmm. I fuck with some good guy Pam. I only get Jenny so's I
[00:12:01] Only get fucking I like I like it when you order it and then they bring it to you and the waiter goes
[00:12:16] That's pretty good. I want the dick and balls
[00:12:18] Yeah, no, I do general south I do sesame. That's just general sounds
[00:12:25] It's just yeah very similar, but there's sesame seeds on top
[00:12:28] I want to some pieces you place on the lower east side and I got
[00:12:33] Sesame chicken and the guys like fucking packing it up the cashier and then like you know
[00:12:41] Everything's going fast and the guy like takes the the box of the prepared meal with the rice and then you know broccoli
[00:12:48] It opens it in front of me and the next the cash register is like like a change cup filled with sesame seeds
[00:13:04] That's how they make the sesame chicken
[00:13:08] Yeah, New York Chinese food like the takeout is some of the worst on fucking earth. Yeah, they're like some gems
[00:13:15] Yeah, but no, I mean of course. Yeah, it's New York's by and large that like takeout just it is really bad for the most part
[00:13:23] But the good authentic should I go in there dude?
[00:13:24] I guess some fucking some fucking flushing some soup dumpling the best place is suck those off like they're like a fucking steamy
[00:13:32] Little balls act those are delicious bite it and then just
[00:13:35] Through the top. Yeah, I love that. I love getting top you blow into it because it's so steamy and hot
[00:13:40] You know how they make that it's a gel the soup part is a gel and they warm it up and then when they steam it it
[00:13:48] Science you that guys science. Do you think frozen?
[00:13:52] And then you just wrap the frozen ball and oh and then you boil it now
[00:13:56] I think it's like a gelatin mmm that when they steam it whatever perhaps the best my favorite place is
[00:14:05] Wohop where they don't fuck around with chopsticks. You just get a fucking fork. Oh hell. Yeah, yeah
[00:14:12] Wohop 24 hours. I go to Wohop tonight a midnight. Yeah, it is 24 hours
[00:14:18] Do a late night, but you fuck around and go to the upstairs Wohop the downstairs will hop down stairs is better
[00:14:29] Telling the same exact downstairs Wohop is better than upset. It's fucking retarded
[00:14:36] That's the most bullshit hipster take it's not hipster. You think it's a different. What do you think is the difference?
[00:14:41] It's the difference is I've seen it where there's a line for the downstairs and there's because people like no
[00:14:48] That's just fucking idiots like you because they're two different restaurants
[00:14:51] Smart name the gentleman like me and Nick would be going upstairs
[00:14:53] They got nicer seats upstairs the back downstairs one has the pictures of the celebrities all over the world
[00:14:59] Yeah, you claim that there's a ret there's two restaurants
[00:15:04] Table he wants to fucking sit next to the picture of Bruce Willis. I just would I want to eat the same place where he'll be in the
[00:15:15] Yeah, I mean what was I gonna say that guy gets fucking mad. He's like, oh, I'm not my name isn't hootie
[00:15:21] Dear struck her. Yeah, he gets mad at people call hootie. Yeah, I was like go. I'm not hootie. Well, don't call your band
[00:15:28] Yeah, that's entirely your fault. He's clear. He's the front some else I could call you
[00:15:41] Oh, I thought it's something else. Oh, did you what is it? What's the word? I used to
[00:15:48] Respect I was a Dominican black guy named Darius areas. Yes. Yeah, hell yeah
[00:15:54] Fuck good names wait on the truck. No when I was a teenager. Oh, I didn't even know
[00:16:01] Dominicans before I moved to New York really yeah, they were only like mex like Mexican people in the wet like West
[00:16:08] Right, right, right and then in DC was Salvadorians Salvadorians
[00:16:11] Yeah, Baltimore had a strange mix of all of everything but up here. It's like there are a ton of
[00:16:15] Dominicans yeah, there were these Dominican would like to her to be the yet to be on the jankis. Yeah, I
[00:16:24] Don't you say they all come they all be on a giant. They're birth certificate
[00:16:30] He leaves by the janky stadium in the Bronx
[00:16:33] Every yeah, they're all they all look like they're 47 years old, but they were born in 1996
[00:16:38] Yeah, what was the picture that kid that was in the little league team that was like there's like 19
[00:16:49] Like how to kid he was just like destroying all the babies Danny Almonte. That's right. Yeah
[00:16:58] Like this little world series feed up jerry
[00:17:04] Shit's awesome. He's also all the boss you're 10 years ago that guy thong maker
[00:17:10] They say he's 19 the guys clearly like 23 of the simalian guy. Yeah, he's dark as hell
[00:17:14] They have like is he simalian or he's from Sudan all over the place. Yeah, Sudan
[00:17:18] He grew up in Australia whatever whatever
[00:17:20] But there's like videos of him like when they were faking when they're pretending he was 16
[00:17:24] He's clearly 19 and he's just like playing high school basketball on like four-foot white children
[00:17:30] Yeah, but his body was fucked up weird. He was like seven two anyway like a hundred and fifty. Yeah, I love that shit
[00:17:36] Dude, I love just fucking fake children
[00:17:40] It's so fucking good. That's the best. Yeah, what's kind of the opposite they get they get adults that have like the Andy Millin
[00:17:46] Ockes disease. Oh, yeah, those guys blow up as child stars
[00:17:51] He's done anything hang out Brandon. He's got a really big steam was it not steam. What's the thing with twitch twitch?
[00:18:00] I think on that off on twitch no Brandon told me that he hung out with Andy Millin Ockes
[00:18:06] And he was like dude. He was like online the whole time like it was impossible to hang out with him
[00:18:11] I was like oh wow, you fucking kidding me
[00:18:15] It's like Brandon's never looked in a front-facing camera
[00:18:28] So so twitch you play video games you don't beat off but don't cam girls do twitch too. Yeah like hot girls
[00:18:34] I'll play cold dude. I don't think you're allowed to jack off on twitch Wow. I think they'll ban you that's fucking bullshit
[00:18:40] Dude, I know my next like civil rights project. You could have like almost ariola. Mm-hmm
[00:18:45] Have you seen that shit where women will get like their nipples
[00:18:49] surgically modified to look like I saw one point so they're like tattooed. Yeah hearts are what stars
[00:18:57] Yeah, it was crazy. I was into it. This is a beat off exercise. I love this
[00:19:01] But I don't know it smells like urine. I don't know it's probably cat pissed out. There's cat hair everywhere
[00:19:11] And I'm looking fresh. I'm I got a spot. I want to go get my dick sucked, you know, yeah, I probably won't I'm never probably like
[00:19:19] Send earnest is shit deloxilove or company that makes like sweaters for homeless people absolutely
[00:19:24] Yeah, there's so much hair on this fucking thing. It's unbelievable
[00:19:27] Looks like my father's pubes actually just a gray mound cuz your dad's pubes look like they I don't know
[00:19:33] They look like what they taste really good. Thank you
[00:19:41] Greek Christmas instead of Santa Claus, it's just a giant old crotch
[00:19:47] It's like you sit on a lap and there's a huge old penis covering great pubes. Mm-hmm, you know hug it
[00:19:53] Yeah, and then the presents come out all over your face of the dick
[00:19:58] Yeah, wouldn't that would that was there like a father Christmas in Greek? Yes ours is Saint
[00:20:10] No, no, I use my cities. It's Saint Basil
[00:20:14] And what's he what's his deal? He just similar shit, but he comes on New Year's. I don't know why
[00:20:20] Christmas ain't shit and for Greek people. It's always New Year's
[00:20:24] His deal was very similar. I don't know. There's no I
[00:20:27] Don't know why some people chose Nicholas and some chose fucking
[00:20:31] Saint Basil, I think other cultures all have the same version of that. We got Hanukkah Harry
[00:20:37] He's a that's that's a comes around and slides a check for
[00:20:44] Isn't that John Lovitz? Isn't that a John Lovitz sketch Hanukkah Harry maybe okay cuz it's a literative
[00:20:50] Yeah, how about Hanukkah Harry Reid that's a SNL here. I come
[00:20:58] Try to bald when we'll be stealing that impression from you soon
[00:21:02] I met Harry Reid a couple times growing up. I let you in that Harry Reid a couple times. Yeah, oh I grew up
[00:21:09] I went to his office to lobby for Israel to lobby for Israel
[00:21:17] He lit Adam litters. Yeah, they gave us like a series of talking points
[00:21:22] And he like obviously left a meeting to go meet the Jews the Jewish children
[00:21:27] Well, he's you're like his wife is was Jewish, but he got her to convert to Mormonism and my parents
[00:21:33] Whoa, he was Jewish and then he no he's lying about it. He's more of a story
[00:21:49] He was he grew up in this small middle of nowhere town called searchlight in Nevada and his mom like made beds or something
[00:21:58] Yeah, and he was a boxer who else is a golden gloves boxer
[00:22:03] Yours my yeah, you know why at home like if you know why why do you think they might have gotten messy?
[00:22:14] What do you get visitors maybe two of your if you guys guess what your mom's job is?
[00:22:21] What's it job to make beds after two of your best friends visited her yeah for cash?
[00:22:42] In the prostitutes she's really trying to get south by
[00:22:47] South by four guys, I'm not one of those guys
[00:22:50] I'm my south suck by suck fuck zap zap by all four. I'm not one of those guys. I was like don't fuck my mom
[00:23:03] Fuck doesn't start with an S shut up. It's also you it's like sex
[00:23:09] Cross like breast. It's like and the woman in the world and then in 3% parentheses
[00:23:18] Sex with some listen. I'm not one of those guys. It's like don't fuck my mom like you guys are my friends
[00:23:23] I'd be happy we're just telling you anyway, I'm not friends with bad people. So we finish your story about Harry Reid's mom
[00:23:31] Oh, no, so we went to Harry Reid's office searchlight never like you're telling a different story
[00:23:35] Oh, no, he was a Golden Gloves boxer and then he like she would you say from nothing and then he got a law degree
[00:23:45] Mexican you know what else you know what gets beat up a lot what?
[00:23:56] Anyway, the right and then what else happened Harry Reid's life
[00:24:00] Well one time me and my friend Tommy and Alex your mom a pregnancy test after every day of work
[00:24:07] My mom can't get a pregnancy she's too old. Hey Harry part is your pussy
[00:24:23] I was search lighting for a punchline while you were telling that story
[00:24:28] Well, I wasn't I was trying to tell the story of going to his office. Whatever man sounds gay. You know what they need a search life for
[00:24:35] On your dick oh flipped it on him. He got a little as dick my man small that you know
[00:24:42] Hey, why would they use a search life like they're like
[00:24:57] There's like a butcher guys, please stay in your vehicle. We're looking for a very small dick
[00:25:06] Was a very small dick somewhere around here
[00:25:18] Freedom this is small dick we're looking for from the Zellot series of helicopters
[00:25:27] So funny those chopper pilots were in Vietnam. Oh, yeah talented. Yeah, that the trans one the trans one from OJ
[00:25:35] Yeah, I watched a black Hawk down again recently. Well good flick
[00:25:39] So you're you're good friend Tom Sizemore's and then yeah, he don't follow me though. What everyone is in that movie
[00:25:46] Eric, I know yeah, yeah William Fichner everyone. Yeah
[00:25:52] Jack Nicholson whoopi Goldberg. Yeah whoopi Goldberg
[00:25:56] Robert Williams Lawrence Olivier. Yeah, I'm in it. I'm in the movie. You were in it
[00:26:02] I'm a zine black Hawk down. Were you one of the Somalis? No, it's a deleted scene where I fuck your mom
[00:26:10] Helicopter where the black Hawk is looking for your dick. Oh
[00:26:12] Oh wow that really brought that whole thing
[00:26:17] Hey, sorry that some of us are trying to have a good fucking show here
[00:26:23] About your mom being a you know a whore or whatever and I'm doing good as helicopters
[00:26:29] We got we got stop on a Michael Winslow one to choose
[00:26:32] Michael Winslow is that's the beauty of black autism. Oh, yeah, he's my number one black artist
[00:26:48] Do the whole beginning of Star Wars yeah, yeah
[00:26:53] He can't do voices he can only do sound yeah
[00:26:56] It's crazy. He did the impression. Yes, that's incredible. Yeah. Wow Michael Winslow. He's probably still alive
[00:27:13] Reginald vell Johnson. Yeah, he's gay. Yeah, you can have vell in your name without the
[00:27:18] Yeah, he also looks so gay. Yeah, like when you think about Steve
[00:27:25] Much my cost to get your name legally changed to stavras vel hockey
[00:27:33] We should all can we should we all change our names legally to that would be good Adam
[00:27:38] $1,000 a month we will all legally change our name
[00:27:43] Wait, was it vell Johnson one word or hyphen it was like del but then Val yeah like of the oh hell is so fun
[00:27:51] Dude, it's like 20 G's a month. I am stavros vel how he's not promised
[00:27:57] At at 20 G's in the patreon. Yeah, that's chill. Hell yeah stavros vel how he's
[00:28:04] I've disappointed my parents enough. I might as well fuck up their last name. Oh, what's not the last name? It's a middle name
[00:28:10] Oh, give myself a new middle. I have a shitty what your middle name dean
[00:28:19] Good. It sounds like a bad porn star Adam dean free. Yeah, he's named after the guy that would uh
[00:28:26] Come visit his mom James dean James. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was the leader of the pack
[00:28:32] He used to come around from no dean the porn star the fucked uh, the rapist. Yes
[00:28:38] Or the he beat women or something. Yeah, he did there. That was he like beat. Uh, he raped uh
[00:28:44] Uh, oh damn Sasha. No, not Sasha gray. The other one starla
[00:28:53] He raped darla from little rascals. He did. Yeah, what about the dog with a little thing on his
[00:28:59] I got the thing on his my dog. That's my dog. He had mushroom stamp
[00:29:03] Actually the other kid uh alfalfa that's come he is
[00:29:10] Yeah, I'm sure no one's made that joke before no definitely we have we gotta stay in the safe zone of original content
[00:29:25] Is a big use who are we stealing it from?
[00:29:31] Did lu did tignetaro already do a sketch about
[00:29:34] But did you see that story that she hates luie luie luie stole my clown birthday sketch
[00:29:53] What's that he's an EP on her show and she hired all her friends to write for it. Yeah, I know I know the story
[00:30:00] Is my point it gives you shit. What niggas saying is that clown sketches are gay. Yeah, is that your stance
[00:30:06] What is it about a cla- how did he see the
[00:30:09] The joke is like what if an adult got a clown for themselves because they were depressed? Okay, and uh, and it's like the same sketch
[00:30:16] He did it stand up. No, he did it. I did it on s&l
[00:30:25] She do is he fucking put out her album that made her like super famous. Yeah, nice. Yeah, this is a good
[00:30:36] In in a lot of ways she did order a clown for herself and that clown's name was lucy kati wow and he changed her life
[00:30:43] Hmm. He said you know what you might have breast cancer, but
[00:30:48] Uh, there's still a life to live out there. Mm-hmm. He changed everything for she's very funny
[00:30:53] And then and then he like to he stole her clown birthday sketch
[00:30:59] I mean, yeah, I don't know what happened if you stole it. It's fucked up. It's my you watch the new lucy
[00:31:03] I watched it. I liked it a lot. I liked it a lot too. Yeah, it was really good. It was pretty dark. It's pretty cool. Yeah
[00:31:09] Yeah, big fan. That's our review guys. That's our review also, um, we're taking shots at the top comedians other media to review
[00:31:17] What else what else we should do a segment where we recommend great media?
[00:31:20] There's no time when we like have to gang record all these episodes. There's no time to do anything in the in-between
[00:31:26] That's true. I watched it literally since the last time we recorded I watched four and a half minutes of indiana jones
[00:31:32] And i ate an entire box of cereal and that's it. That's what i'm doing. What kind of cereal special k
[00:31:38] Oh, fuck that dude. I like it actually. It's good. The kind of no strawberries. No, the strawberry one. Okay, i'm gonna come with the freeze dried strawberries
[00:31:45] Astronauts strawberries. Yeah, they never they never had that. You know what astronauts do is a
[00:31:52] What do they fly to the Hubble telescope?
[00:31:55] I can't find your dick. I do it. They dig a plane
[00:32:01] Oh, fuck. Oh god. I love this. I love that we're all in on this. You hear me. Here's what else. Okay. Um, hmm
[00:32:16] Here's what I was thinking guys. Yeah, uh, we should start pandering more to our british and australian fan
[00:32:22] They're a lot of my australians. They like come town. So what's what's the most popular australian shit?
[00:32:28] Uh, saying good day, Vegemite Vegemite. Yeah, vegemite
[00:32:33] Australian shit. I love to look up. Hey vegemite. How about vegemate like that's where you're wearing a very small shorts. They love that. Yeah, yeah
[00:32:41] Um, the cowboy hat that's fucked up on one side. We did one of their policies accidentally say come town on tv recently
[00:32:49] I don't know. I think so. Yeah, someone tweeted that at us or something. I'm googling things australians like right now. This is a good
[00:32:56] Yeah, yeah, uh, keep that let's let's do this. So and then we're gonna pander to them
[00:33:01] Things, all she's like a list a list of the things
[00:33:05] Okay, there's some bitch named Amy who's australian. Uh-huh. Oh fuck there's so much text there their grandparents were
[00:33:13] Criminals and whores. You know the story about back steakhouse. Yeah, they're tampa. You've said
[00:33:19] Maybe ten times on the podcast. They've got a picture of George eating a Snickers bar with the fork from that episode of Seinfeld
[00:33:26] But that's something that they like it australians like but do they like sign fell down there? Yeah, it's fucking hilarious. Yeah, but yeah, yeah
[00:33:36] Every australian I really like to Kramer every every australian. I know like always comes to american. They're like we call them abos
[00:33:44] Isn't that their n word? Yeah. Oh, I guess yeah, that's where they like Kramer. Oh, okay
[00:33:56] Stop. I gotta say listen. I don't like the farting but your farts have gotten better. I'm spia
[00:34:02] They're healthier farts. Well his ass. Oh, it's much looser than I've been eating well a lot of spin
[00:34:06] He's been having sex with man australians always always uh ask for for kek
[00:34:12] Can I have a cake? Uh, we can't find any kind of how about how about a character?
[00:34:17] Uh, it's it's bugs bony, but his middle name is uh chasing
[00:34:28] So it's bugs bunny, but he's like yeah, what's up doc? Can I do you have HIV?
[00:34:35] That's the job. That's really good. That's pretty funny
[00:34:38] Not the six flags when they when they lose their deal with Warner Brothers and they need to rebrand all those characters
[00:34:49] That um daffy cock daffy dick daffy cock jesus christ
[00:35:14] We're really we've reached the peak podcast
[00:35:23] No, no, this is a real thing I saw it six times the trans manian devil
[00:35:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I posted a picture on yeah, I saw this is cool
[00:35:35] Okay, here's a list of things. I'll show you things don't like okay. Let's go. He wheez
[00:35:39] Oh fuck them. They don't like oh no guess we don't like him either
[00:35:50] You're like yeah fuck fruits and vegetables
[00:35:56] Stay good steak and blue and a rooster. Yeah, they don't have cows over there. It's our gang of
[00:36:02] Monsters over there someone straight in for be apparently they have heaps of molly though. They have a lot of molly
[00:36:09] Yeah, because we're close to tie land. We get all the molly coming over from tie land. They make it anywhere
[00:36:15] It's like apparently you get great molly in tie land. Here's another thing. They don't like you can't find cake
[00:36:20] Here's another one. We're in New York was I is you have any cake? They don't have coconut shillie
[00:36:25] You can't find cane. You gotta call like seven eight guys. This is like one. I'm a guy you met. It's a drug addict
[00:36:31] No, what I do you mean cocaine? I know I know what they love a bunch of australians. What isn't that where they're from?
[00:36:41] Oh, they love you know what they like my dad don't they love abba?
[00:36:45] That's not from australia. Yeah, no, but that movie is abos dude
[00:36:53] All the here we go again. It's all the mama mia is the Broadway play
[00:37:06] You know, he's he's just trying to sing and dance and then wario shows up
[00:37:10] And he's like rapping about what it's like to be a a banker
[00:37:17] What else is australia dink the bg's are australian? I know I tried I tried to like I can't
[00:37:23] Can I tell you more than one? I have no idea what happens in any musical?
[00:37:28] Okay, yeah, you do you like musicals low-key
[00:37:31] No, I don't oak lehoham. Yeah, dude sound of music you riffed on about the birthday party
[00:37:46] No, but the character's name. I don't know man sound maria maria. Yes. How do you solve?
[00:37:54] The other is a maria maria maria. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. Now that's a good jam
[00:38:01] Uh the car the santana. Yeah. Yeah, well who are those two black guys? No one remembers in santana. Yeah
[00:38:11] Because he had robbed Thomas on a track smooth number one song of all times that that for real
[00:38:17] That's the that's the song. We should have sent to space
[00:38:19] Smooth smooth. What song did we send to space something fucking gay probably?
[00:38:26] Something from the 60s probably right isn't that when they said shit the Beatles or some gay shit like that Frank Sinatra
[00:38:32] Maybe she actually maybe snot. We shouldn't have let the Italians control that satellite
[00:38:36] Um, let you know what I'm the producer. I'm I'm fact checking this one record. We sent into space
[00:38:42] We sound like a vinyl. Yeah, anytime we have to google stuff on this show really comes to a screeching halt
[00:38:48] No keep it going you boys. Well, okay. Uh, so what other what are some other ones? Maybe that we could have sent
[00:38:55] Um, we could have sent the song do you host romstein?
[00:38:59] What the fuck did that? Do you remember do host no do
[00:39:10] Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Yeah, it's like that was two
[00:39:16] Industrial like popped up out of obscurity for like two hot years. Yeah. Yeah, when orgy was was hot or marlin manson came out of that
[00:39:24] Nine is male km fdm. Listen km fdm. No shitty and doc talk fuck mother's dick. Yeah. Thanks. Uh, listen
[00:39:35] Because my mom's a new band called adam a m f dms
[00:39:44] Adams cousin ac dc stands for adam's adam's cocked to sucking kmam
[00:39:54] Slam dunk. He's from downtown. Oh, he's gay. He's heating up. He's heating up. He's trans. He's trans
[00:40:19] Super Nintendo. Mm-hmm. You play as bill clinton for real. Yeah, you're not there. There's that like code if you beat it
[00:40:28] Al Gore. Yeah, if you put your initials in a certain way, you could play as bill clinton al gore. Wow dude. Yeah, it's so good
[00:40:36] You see anything up that was a good s game
[00:40:39] Yeah, I used to fuck with that. Sonics were good. Yeah, fucking camp on that camp in the pain
[00:40:44] Um, here's the space by the way, bock suck me off. Oh, Mozart
[00:40:51] I just have the idea of aliens being like, what the fuck is this?
[00:41:01] That should be the background. That should be like the the origin story for every like for independence day
[00:41:06] They should make a good independent state three. That's a prequel and the aliens are like this is the this is the lamest shit
[00:41:11] I've ever heard. Yeah, this music and the aliens are like steaming towards earth when it's like too hot
[00:41:21] Industrial fans also someone named blind willy johnson guan pingu. I don't know the fuck that is guan pingu
[00:41:28] Yeah, jonnie folk music by albo player. No one on earth knows what the fuck that is
[00:41:34] But they also have confused aliens. They should have sent fucking smooth. Did you're right?
[00:41:38] They had but they did have I will give them that they had some Bulgarian folk music, but they also had uh, uh johnny be good
[00:41:52] Yeah, who learned everything he knows from michael jfox. Hmm. Wow. No fucking Italians
[00:42:04] You know azure by jonnie's the fuck is that shit? It's like an eronian russians. Yes, sir
[00:42:11] It's like a weird weird country but some flute player from i yeah, this shit sucks. Yeah, they're like
[00:42:21] Like who the fuck knows what that is. Why would you you say this is like the best example of like what's going on on earth
[00:42:29] You just make a bunch of biggest juiciest titties like it's fine
[00:42:37] Matter this is our shit. You think aliens are gonna have any understanding of culture or fucking yeah
[00:42:42] Dude, they should just set lisa and up there dude. Sure. They even know what to do like if they saw titties
[00:42:47] Would they get hard what would aliens get hard? Of course they would do the given that they have this
[00:42:54] Of course they would whatever, you know
[00:42:56] Would their alien pussies get wet or their whatever holes or you know, they're fucking
[00:43:02] Alien mouth and then a small alien mouth that comes out
[00:43:06] You know they're like like a special mouth for eating pussy. Well, that's have you seen the film alien? I just have it
[00:43:16] Coming out with danny mcbride. Do you see that looks horrible that room is where we got the fucked up ripplies
[00:43:24] And that's why she got that's from aliens three. Oh, yeah, you remember that one. I think so
[00:43:31] Batch Ripley clones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, actually that might be reser now resurrection is the prison one, right?
[00:43:38] I don't remember. I mix up all the sequels. Isn't that one where there's like a jack dalian? Is that what prometheus is?
[00:43:44] Yeah, prometheus. Well, that's how jacked
[00:43:47] Predators like a dude that has dread sort of but it's an alien. Yeah, predator is just a Caribbean guy
[00:43:55] Uh, no that that kind of ruled actually
[00:43:59] Yeah, I haven't seen predator. I mean the only good one is the uh is the fuck is aliens the first one
[00:44:04] No, the fucking the second James Cameron one aliens
[00:44:12] Guys we can watch we can watch it tonight once we're done with our job
[00:44:44] What yeah, I straight think my parents stole my bar mitzvah
[00:44:50] I feel like every jewish person I know says their parents stole their bar mitzvah money
[00:44:54] They stole that shit. I've heard I hear that a lot people gave me those gifts and I haven't seen the shit
[00:45:01] For me as have you ever considered there always like will it be a cost money to do your bar mitzvah?
[00:45:06] You ungrateful piece of shit. They didn't even do a cool one dude. They didn't have a themed one
[00:45:10] No, I didn't have like a tight like theme dancing everyone had like different everyone had like I think I went to one that was like
[00:45:17] Dude my friend had the best theme ever you want to know the theme was w we hot sauce Jewish
[00:45:28] Are are these theme was hot sauce. I was are you yeah?
[00:45:31] Yeah, that's a cool bar is a cool guy. Yeah, he's the cool guy
[00:45:34] Your parents also steal are his bar mitzvah money
[00:45:36] Maybe your mom's like Adam. I have to have sex with your friends
[00:45:41] I need all this money. Yeah, you won't meet for like 10 years
[00:45:45] Well, she made she makes us hang out with you. Yeah, actually that's that's how we met you
[00:45:49] You feel bad. That's what gets me. I'm like, please are my son sucks a lot of people were wondering what's keeping me on the pot
[00:45:56] I guess it's my mom. You know, she has to wear diapers now because we blew her ass out
[00:46:01] And we were like, I you know, I'm sorry
[00:46:03] Is there any way we can make it up to you and she's like you can hang out with my son. He's being harassed by helicopters
[00:46:13] So we killed the helicopter pilots and then we started doing comedy because that's what you were doing. Hell. Yeah, I would love to kill a helicopter
[00:46:19] We do on time dude, we're doing good. We need one we need one good 15 minute riff
[00:46:37] That is like a fucking just throwing a life preserver
[00:46:47] The boat thank god we almost lost this one not on my just for free dude just for one for the email done
[00:46:54] It's gonna be so funny when you get like colon cancer
[00:46:57] It's the fucking mic elements for whom the ass tolls for whom the dick sucks
[00:47:05] Fuck yeah, dude, don't ever disrespect Metallica
[00:47:08] My favorite album of all time some kind of monster dude my favorite movie of all time some kind of monster
[00:47:14] That shit rules this on net wait. I'm sorry st. Anger. I meant st. Anger. Oh, yeah
[00:47:18] Yeah, the documentary is called some kind of monster. Yeah, yo, that shit is so funny. We probably talked about it
[00:47:25] I haven't seen it but I saw I told you I saw it in a bar with the sound. Oh, that's right
[00:47:30] That's right. I just saw the scene where he's like
[00:47:33] Describing something and he's looking inspired and then it's him just performing for white supremacists. Oh in a prison
[00:47:40] Yeah, they do in San Quentin or something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:47:42] They can't like Kirk Hammett though. He's gay and some kind of Mexican no Kurt is like
[00:47:48] Kirk is like the most zen doubt of out of all that he's very talented too
[00:47:53] He just has a ranch like in northern california and just ride horses with beautiful flowers and Lars is the one that really sucks
[00:48:02] Yeah, you know got fucked Dave Mustaine dude. He was in that band or dude. Yeah
[00:48:10] It's not the same there's a part of some kind of monster where Dave Mustaine so they were doing group therapy the whole time
[00:48:16] They're making this album and then this like therapist guy that they probably made millions of dollars
[00:48:20] Yeah off of just like being paid like imagine being like a fucking stupid
[00:48:25] Like a day rate therapist mega death in metallica specifically is like everyone just pretends to be into them
[00:48:31] Like everyone wears the shirts now. I feel like oh, that's an LA thing. That's a LA thing. No, it's here too
[00:48:36] No, no, I constantly see mega death in LA like it's like you're wearing all these boots
[00:48:44] Trusty like Harley Davidson or mega death t-shirts that like definitely like a fucking crank head used that happened a lot
[00:48:52] And they sell for like $300. Yeah, that's start happening in high school like in Baltimore a lot of like but mega death sucks
[00:49:01] So they brought Dave but saying back to dude group therapy with them and the dude is so fucked up over the fact that he got kicked out of metallica
[00:49:09] They said that he sold 16 million records. Yeah since getting kicked out of metallica and he feels like an absolute failure
[00:49:16] He's like dude. I was gonna kill myself imagine the gay ass podcast you would start if we kicked you off come town
[00:49:21] Well, it would be I would just be on top of two
[00:49:23] Just a much shittier gay or you would be on the podcast
[00:49:31] You would text your girl Sarah again, you'd be like sorry
[00:49:34] I read I read some of the like the episode descriptions of that show someone and it's like yeah on this one
[00:49:40] We call Paul Ryan a total dick-munching trash bag
[00:49:44] Guess what we say that Mitch McConnell is a fuck literal human garbage
[00:49:50] Yeah, and then to top it off. It's like there's listing like your thing that gives them edge in their in their
[00:49:56] Description of their podcast is that they have they use bad words. Yeah, they think that that makes
[00:50:07] We like actually listen to that podcast and the girl is like yeah, I sucked Sarah's dad's dick
[00:50:22] There's buzzies oh fucking big that they had to spend their permits for money on pussy smallening surgery
[00:50:42] Yo, yeah, apparently someone so after I did choppos someone DM me that they listened to it
[00:50:47] And then they said the podcast is they read the front page of huff po
[00:50:51] Online do we literally started this podcast by watching the local news and we didn't even comment on it
[00:51:07] Fresno that's a weird name for place for a press, but then no like yeah, it's like fresh sticks itself
[00:51:14] Yeah, yeah fresh. No fresh fresh is a is this place fresh? No, no, it's not
[00:51:18] Oh, I'm gonna take that bit on the fucking road Fresno baby. Who's ready for some road-ass comedy tweet that
[00:51:24] The boy or my arms tired from beating my wife
[00:51:35] Miss direction, that's my wife's name folks last name's direction her name's miss
[00:51:40] Yes, of course now and account of me beating her so much
[00:51:43] Yeah, our family invented directing whoa a couple of
[00:51:50] Hey, yeah, I do suck your wife's fucking pussy you piece of shit
[00:51:54] Come up here and say that to my fucking face and just be so yeah
[00:51:58] With the mic stand what's that useless you think I won't you know much this fucking mic stand base ways
[00:52:04] I'll cave your fucking skull and with it. No, I only have to stand up here for 45 minutes
[00:52:09] I can say whatever the fuck I want they still have to pay me have you seen that awesome video the guy with the guitar that just smashed?
[00:52:18] Somebody says they say something like oh
[00:52:23] Two drinks, but it looks like we were charged for three. I'm like what the fuck are you talking about out there?
[00:52:34] I'm the bill Hicks of 2017 fucking idiot now anyway, what would bigfoot's cum taste like?
[00:52:43] It's so good. He's dead dude. Can you imagine how annoying Dale Hicks would be for Trump?
[00:52:48] I was just saying that the other day. Yeah, because he started getting to some dumb shit towards the end starting like
[00:52:57] Last like year and a half of bullets like this stage and like like wrestling intros and shit really yeah
[00:53:05] Yeah, but the fuck you know like I said gonna silhouette and he's got the trench coat on I give a pass
[00:53:10] He was dying dude. He's probably going crazy. I
[00:53:13] Think he got fashion cans. Can you imagine how annoying he would have been for Trump? I?
[00:53:19] Would say probably pretty annoying. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if he would have been in the Trump
[00:53:23] I would imagine he would just he would have been like against Trump, but it would have been pretty annoying. Yeah, yeah
[00:53:28] You know you think I'd be still have Bill Moore. Yeah, I don't think he would just build maybe become a relevant
[00:53:34] He probably would have killed himself probably you know
[00:53:38] Did who knows well? Yeah, you know that's my take I wonder how much of his like you know his whole thing is kind of
[00:53:45] Contingent on him dying you know like Martin Luther King you're saying
[00:53:55] James Dean no like people not the one that fucked your mom. James Dean's good. Yeah people can't like die
[00:54:04] But believe she was hilarious right, but he died
[00:54:08] Isn't like it's not like he's a shitty comic
[00:54:12] Been carlin dude like how carlin just released specials that were just like okay
[00:54:17] You know it's crazy is that Carlin wasn't Carlin until he was older than Hicks was when he died
[00:54:22] Oh, that's wild. Yeah, didn't he have like a regular job. He's like 33 damn
[00:54:29] Didn't Carlin working like advertising or something?
[00:54:33] Carlin's like carlin's deals comic. Yeah, carlin. He was just like a suit and tie clean cuts
[00:54:37] That's right like jokey comic and then he owed a bunch of money to the IRS
[00:54:42] I guess so you had to continue releasing specials to like make the money to put him but I think there was some kind of switch
[00:54:49] That I mean he's talked about it. We're saying naughty words
[00:54:52] Yeah, yeah, but I mean something happened. I think he smoked weed or something. There's like whoa
[00:54:56] His hair grew real long immediately. Yeah, and he started smoking raw talking
[00:55:02] Instead of using condoms. Yeah that from imagine like living pre-aids pre-aids. Oh
[00:55:08] Six these yeah, yeah everyone was fucking and sucking the worst thing that could happen
[00:55:13] He's like your dick itches and you take some fucking antibiotics. Yeah
[00:55:20] That's that's kind of the worst thing I'm heading straight to fucking grease if that shit happens dude draft. Oh, yeah, you're too old
[00:55:27] What is it draft a draft is like up to do the 28 or something? Yeah, you're not gonna get drafted. I'm 28 right now morbidly obese
[00:55:35] Before have to look at it. Just don't I marble eyesight I have a military mine
[00:55:53] the flight in this hill. We have some fat guy jump up and down on it for a while.
[00:56:00] No, they probably maybe back saw Ridge as the name of the movie.
[00:56:05] He's the fat guy whose fingers are too large to fit through the trigger.
[00:56:09] They're like, was he Mormon or something?
[00:56:12] No, they probably made you addicted to candy.
[00:56:14] They're too slippery from various sauces to fucking pull the trigger.
[00:56:19] They make you do like what you're Instagram.
[00:56:41] I'm going to put a pocket pussy on a robot and I'm going to do it up and down.
[00:56:45] I'm going to call it getting dome strike.
[00:56:53] What are you going to do with the drone?
[00:56:55] How about like a homo app instead of a moab?
[00:57:18] That's your boat, shot spice, or everything come out.
[00:57:30] That's the only time I've like, earnestly laughed at something on the fire.
[00:57:36] And it might be the stupid joke we've ever made.
[00:57:42] Oh, President Trump has authorized to show a force in Syria and he has launched today the
[00:58:08] Oh, that's the funniest shit I've heard of.
[00:58:17] No, no one, everyone right now is just mad and confused.
[00:58:44] Yeah, I don't even have any other ones.
[00:58:48] The gay's bomb of all time is also what happens when Adam does stand up.
[00:58:53] Dude, there's no reason to try and add to it.
[00:58:56] That's one of those things you just have to let be.
[00:59:01] When you try to make it smart or pick it apart and ruin it.
[00:59:05] Yeah, I was trying to figure out what it would look like in Syria.
[00:59:10] Yeah, me is the mental image of fucking Smoshmouth.
[00:59:18] They went to the Holocaust centers and I don't want to distract from the issue at hand.
[00:59:25] Trump, today the president has authorized the use of the gay's bomb of all time.
[00:59:31] Somebody comes up and whispers in his ear.