Cum Town | Regular | 06/23/2016
[00:00:47] uh... yes so uh... we did this one backwards we already recorded the second
[00:00:52] half with our guest bony mccfarlane larius who was yeah i feel like it was
[00:01:00] yet it was good news alright and it's gonna be much better than the you know
[00:01:04] the bullshit we're about to do yeah so we did it backwards so we got to do the
[00:01:13] all every single one of these episodes is actually scripted
[00:01:18] we script a whole fucking thing except when we argued in seth and uh...
[00:01:25] yeah i don't know i wasn't there for that you were there i was only there for
[00:01:40] they he's around pretty often uh... so yes so uh...
[00:01:45] uh... how do you stop just spent the weekend in atlantic city that beautiful
[00:01:49] a c baby yeah i was there on it was a working trip uh...
[00:01:53] i'm gonna mention my iraq instagram again i took uh...
[00:01:57] a bunch of nude pictures on a public jersey beach i just had my dick
[00:02:00] wagging in the sea was it a new beach now just like i feel like all beaches in
[00:02:05] jersey or new they're all getting finger beaches for sure
[00:02:09] there are all new beaches you have to do steroids together
[00:02:12] i had to do a lot of the lifeguards when you in the water unless you did ten
[00:02:15] pull-ups on lifeguard solution what percentage of the male population of
[00:02:27] that's it's much harder than that you think so i think it's a percent is a
[00:02:31] good amount of people yeah but i think it's probably closer like
[00:02:34] seventy two percent yeah actually thinking about it now seventy two thousand
[00:02:40] seventy two percent just the men are just are you talking every man and women
[00:02:44] yeah babies yeah old ladies do it but that's what they had to hold down yeah
[00:02:49] test on italian's one hundred percent yet
[00:02:52] uh... italian's they can't live without uh... anabolic steroids
[00:03:04] the steroids they dilate their fucking shitty clogged arteries
[00:03:15] that's so fucking stupid uh... we've been meaning to have like an italian
[00:03:20] yeah while uh... there you know what and it's a maybe a little bit unfair to
[00:03:24] italian's but in an age where you're not really allowed to be racist anymore
[00:03:30] uh... you can still be racist towards italian's all
[00:03:34] returns like a will come on man a metallic and you know but get the fuck
[00:03:38] out of here the reason it's like they'll never be able to stop that
[00:03:42] is because you know with other minority groups you know like people i remember
[00:03:48] being racist towards black people is just never really been okay
[00:03:53] you could be really racist for the beginning of this
[00:03:56] country but after that no i mean in the last like since i've been alive
[00:04:00] oh that one's always been a lot of it in greek town bolts more maryland is
[00:04:06] uh... i think in most community in half of the communities in america it's been
[00:04:09] okay but i know you saying well i'm saying that i remember being uh... like
[00:04:16] uh... it's weird that you're like you know it's but really messed up if you
[00:04:20] said something like if you use the racial slur towards a black
[00:04:24] i can spend all day being like yeah chinese guys got tiny dick
[00:04:28] yeah it is just funny and they laugh at it and i say to their faces and they
[00:04:33] smile yeah right you know that's what i played but chopsticks what happened
[00:04:37] was is eventually asian people got angry
[00:04:40] and you know with sui park and all you know that was a little arthard shoe who
[00:04:44] that does you know to be fair have a very tiny day
[00:04:48] so i don't know that is true we don't want to uh... we don't want to stand to him he
[00:04:51] does have a really tiny is a extremely small dick suffer legal purposes we
[00:04:56] were not going to have to say that just disclaimer a weekly arthard shoe has a
[00:05:05] uh... it's just a little red match head dick
[00:05:09] the same color as i thought he strikes it
[00:05:24] you know and they but they got angry and that's why people don't make you
[00:05:27] know asian jokes anymore to cancel for their shit as misguided as it was that
[00:05:33] i think it did but why italian's will never be able to do that is because
[00:05:38] that is no yeah they can't get angry or they're like the whole
[00:05:43] promise that they're the whole in the sense that they like to wear shitty
[00:05:50] dude uh... talk about i have an anecdote about my
[00:05:54] not knowing that you can't be racist because i grew up around a bunch of
[00:05:57] fucking animal greek people who fucking
[00:06:03] like i remember a life lesson one of my friends
[00:06:10] right but but like a much we we've been really coasting on democracy for
[00:06:18] but like this fucking guy he's a piece of shit
[00:06:28] such a fucking stupid name he's a just one of the worst people i've ever met in my
[00:06:34] uh... like a lesson he gave his son was the worst thing
[00:06:37] the worst thing i'm on can be number one a gambler
[00:06:45] and is that's a good sense sixteenth birthday party lessons he's just telling
[00:06:48] all his male friends you know well that was okay again it'd like a homophobia
[00:06:54] honestly people think it's not three years ago yeah three years ago probably i
[00:06:58] remember i was thinking about i was driving behind
[00:07:03] like a scooter like a uh... piajio scooter
[00:07:08] which the grant at the auto vice-city right right now like two thousand two
[00:07:11] right right yeah middle school yet the name of that bike was the fact that the
[00:07:16] and the joke is i could say it's a fact that uh... here's a video game for
[00:07:23] well for children used to be doing your dicks are in the back seat all the
[00:07:26] shit yeah but but it's you know you can't see it
[00:07:28] yeah it's counts but no i know i'm going to be a bit but i'm just i'm just like
[00:07:32] i'm painting the picture of the kind of people i grew up around
[00:07:35] so when i got to middle school i i went i uh... i thought it would be a funny
[00:07:39] joke to tell my friends uh... who was wearing tami hill figure
[00:07:47] nice tami hill and word you know what i mean it's fine i'll be a bit later
[00:07:55] what you're going to do is isolated and just play the clip of the
[00:08:02] these fucking like jews from like northwest Baltimore were
[00:08:06] horrified immediately snitched on me immediately told all these black
[00:08:13] class like the one black and it was like uh...
[00:08:17] uh... was like very me can ship if you told them to hold
[00:08:21] like just any other kid and they were good luckily they didn't have any i had
[00:08:27] any non-nerd black friends i would have been fucked
[00:08:30] in that school but yeah that's what i thought was acceptable
[00:08:34] the greek community very well it's just a bad joke
[00:08:38] you know i mean it had been a better and i don't think it was i don't think
[00:08:42] that's what that's why that's why you offended those jose
[00:08:45] because you've ended their humor sensibilities yeah you're right they're
[00:08:48] all righting for fucking felon right now they're all uh...
[00:09:00] all uh... uh... we should call this last week you said uh... national
[00:09:09] uh... national slampoons i haven't decided what to do that i'll probably
[00:09:12] just we had out eventually right now actually
[00:09:15] uh... do you want to talk about is we don't really have to fill that much
[00:09:17] time yet we got a decent chunk with bony and it's great yet second half is
[00:09:23] the part you know really just fucking don't
[00:09:26] send me criticism and say wall the last one someone keeps
[00:09:30] like dm in the like you gotta tell that other guy to stop laughing
[00:09:38] that's what i got to say uh... which no i don't know if we don't have to do just
[00:09:44] continue to subscribe to the podcast but don't listen to it
[00:09:48] rate is five stars subscribe and then don't listen to the podcast that's what
[00:09:53] i got for you thank you very much please
[00:09:56] give us money and by the t-shirts when they come out
[00:10:02] uh... yes so uh... haram bay the gorilla
[00:10:10] uh... around the sounds like a thing a racist calls a black person well pretty
[00:10:14] much every a bit to give it a name because that's the one place you're allowed to
[00:10:18] be a racist still is it the zoo the guy who names the animals of the zoo
[00:10:34] i just remembered my own sense of humor
[00:10:39] you had a very similar moment to me seven minutes ago yeah uh...
[00:10:43] this the name of this episode is just going to be the letter and with a bunch of
[00:10:49] and then another and with a bunch of asterisks
[00:10:53] uh... the and other rambi story was great because i love the people are like
[00:10:58] he was it looked like he was protecting that little boy
[00:11:01] it's like you're protecting him from what
[00:11:03] like you know the other gorillas it's like all okay so yeah that was the one
[00:11:12] if the ones who keep her had been loading the gun
[00:11:24] oh okay that little boy's dad so that's my fault my dad
[00:11:28] yeah that's fucking hilarious there was like
[00:11:34] yeah uh... and then you know what i was having so much fun making fun of rambi
[00:11:38] on twitter and then a piece of shit maha maddali had to die
[00:11:44] he believed it did it to take away selfish yeah that selfish piece of shit
[00:11:49] of you trolling i like how everyone i know now is suddenly an expert on maha
[00:11:53] i love that too it's like and and not the usual stuff words like just a link
[00:12:00] three paragraph face books that's like yeah he was fucking cool
[00:12:04] mama lee was tight i love like i liked him
[00:12:06] but he didn't fucking affect there's no way he affected you that way and also
[00:12:12] and maybe if you're like a black dude was growing up in that
[00:12:17] but like there was just a lot of white guys from like suburbs
[00:12:22] change race relations man's like i did not help your life at all he
[00:12:28] and i think about it i was surprised he was still alive actually
[00:12:31] he was one of those guys that i didn't i was soon to his death you know what
[00:12:41] yeah i thought she was here it's up and for a while yeah yeah i was like what do
[00:12:46] it was also funny because it's like yeah it's sad that he died anything but
[00:12:50] and it's like oh we should cancel boxing
[00:12:52] no one should box this is the greatest boxer ever any camp fucking
[00:12:57] raises hand like it looks like a well there's zero evidence that uh...
[00:13:05] uh... it's it all the times he got punched in the head repeatedly yeah probably
[00:13:09] had nothing to do with that totally i mean ct is a lie
[00:13:17] watch us uh... pay black people to hurt each other for her amusement i wonder
[00:13:21] though with parkinson's like it's a one of those things were like you know how
[00:13:30] right don't have eighty d and you take at all
[00:13:35] right so i'm thinking like with parkinson's you know if you're just a guy
[00:13:40] and you get parkinson's later in life if you're a guy like michael j fox who
[00:13:44] didn't ever box for a if we just beat the fuck out of him
[00:13:48] repeatedly probably smash him over the head with baseball bats
[00:13:51] you know if it's a big we're gonna save michael j
[00:13:54] i think so there's only one way to find out
[00:13:56] yeah we're doing a show called bat to the future
[00:14:01] they say hit him in the back of the head with a baseball bat
[00:14:04] to save michael jay fox did you see them on foul and
[00:14:08] i don't know if it's found you know what it might have been uh... kim will
[00:14:11] they had some lead show they had them on and they come out and fucking Christopher
[00:14:23] you know he's like uh... we're in the future he's like no literally where are we
[00:14:41] yeah it was like hard to watch because you thought you would feel bad for michael
[00:14:46] but it's christopher loyd who should have been dead like thirty years ago yet
[00:14:49] he was already remember how like all the look into the one who over the
[00:14:53] coop is not even yet that was seventy whatever seventy
[00:15:01] i'm usually pretty good with that movie years
[00:15:04] i want to see seventy six but that's on just because you said seventy five
[00:15:07] want to say different number but close to it you know so i'm
[00:15:19] that's probably that's good yet that's good so
[00:15:21] yeah uh... apologies to adam who we had to cut out of this one we're going to
[00:15:27] this one you know what i did it was my fault the last time that adam couldn't
[00:15:30] do the podcast i'd like it was a scheduling issue on my end
[00:15:33] but this time it was stops fault he said i don't want to
[00:15:36] you know what we're at the show up yet for adam is my stance and they said it
[00:15:47] uh... yeah yeah yeah fuck at them etc etc
[00:15:50] uh... yet stay tuned we got bony mccory's great it's great uh... and please don't ever unsubscribe to this podcast we needed to just that we have a list of the people that are subscribed already if i see your name drop off
[00:16:07] no little cinnamon gum freshens breath longer than big red
[00:16:10] so kids little longer stay close little longer
[00:16:25] while you two would say goodbye a little longer
[00:16:31] you don't press the lefty press there is
[00:16:38] so is that what we're doing yeah we're gonna do this so this one is the second half
[00:16:47] now we're starting with the time that i don't waste like really good thing
[00:16:52] always starting baby i think i was in real life like i have a really clever thing to say and i just want to it because there's no mic clever to go now
[00:17:03] didn't i mean it's gonna be added so back from break in yeah
[00:17:07] from we're recording the second half of the podcast first in a little non-linear trick
[00:17:12] we have a guest so you have to keep listening
[00:17:18] when you guys told me the name of the podcast was come down i said you can't keep me away
[00:17:26] uh... famous comedian great comedian yeah
[00:17:30] totally heart-go-goggling right now really
[00:17:34] she's got a movie a book so a comedian slash book maker slash
[00:17:54] i like that you are sitting there uh... bunnies far away from us she's on the other side of the room i know it
[00:18:00] well that's because this is uh... if this is sort of like a boy's centric podcast it's an alpha male podcast it's an alpha male we're live in the
[00:18:07] anthony kumia studios is still doing binary gender coding
[00:18:12] oh yeah for sure there's only two genders actually there's only one gender male and i don't pay attention to whatever else is going on
[00:18:22] yeah that's absolutely right uh... is that the science name for human beings
[00:18:27] homo social is when you're not gay but you and you only enjoy hanging out men
[00:18:33] isn't that i think my husband's almost social that's not a metrosexual what happened
[00:18:39] i think it's almost the opposite of the
[00:18:40] yet exactly cuz metrosexual is a peer gay
[00:18:44] uh... but i know but yeah but i know it will still will still fuck women
[00:18:50] that's a great way to get word i don't know exactly what it means but i feel like
[00:18:54] myself i just feel like i always feel like
[00:18:59] in this world where you can just use any word you want and and if you don't know exactly what it means it's probably like 90
[00:19:12] anti-intellectualism that's a topic today
[00:19:16] that's what we're actually so pro-antientialism we don't know anything on this podcast
[00:19:20] yeah i'm not wearing sleeves i'm going to sleep niggas wearing both very much look like
[00:19:25] and your you are the poster guys for anti-intellectualism and
[00:19:30] thank you so much i think i feel like everybody should be anti-intellectualism
[00:19:34] because how much of a piece of shit do you have to be to describe yourself as an intellectual
[00:19:41] yeah reading is reading is reading is you guys both wear glasses and yet cannot read
[00:19:48] fuck we got to lose these yeah i'm not reading that's for sure
[00:19:51] the glasses got to go i do like you're the style of your glasses
[00:19:54] which i tried to find and i couldn't here i'll give you a tip zenny dot com
[00:19:59] these are there are official sponsors zenny dot com
[00:20:05] steal your credit card information zen i zen i these glasses were seven dollars
[00:20:12] that's why i when i first i think about glass like the frames were seven
[00:20:17] dollars no it's still going to be hundreds of dollars i look legitimately with
[00:20:22] can i change test your glasses do you mind throw them over here i can't get a very durable
[00:20:28] this is light and durable oh and they do have a prescription and yeah i'm not one of these
[00:20:34] assholes that you know that's very popular now i remember the first time i saw somebody with
[00:20:39] just the frames and plastic lenses and they were a lot of those that could be nothing
[00:20:44] do she or she still does it she still does it cat Tim still wears fake glasses
[00:20:48] on to fox news so if you ever see cat on fox news she's wearing fake glasses
[00:20:53] why it's a style thing to look i guess yes i do sometimes uh roll around in a wheelchair
[00:21:00] that's a great that's a great style choice well you say that but people did they did have like
[00:21:08] you know canes because they look cool that was the pimp culture thank you for breaking
[00:21:13] down the joke well i'm sorry but nothing funnier than taking part of the joke
[00:21:21] i'm just trying to introduce some tidbits right now i like it well actually 1904 was the highest
[00:21:29] sale of canes in the country i uh when i was a teenager i knew this uh this big fat guy joustin
[00:21:35] that started walking with like a cane with a skull on it hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah oh my god
[00:21:40] is he still have it well but it was just about Jason or the why yeah it was it was just in and
[00:21:45] he had a secret compartment that he would keep cigarettes in the cane but people made fun of
[00:21:51] him for it obviously they didn't know but the cigarettes on yeah what they didn't know the
[00:21:55] new ports how cool it actually was yeah but uh but yeah so they made fun of him for it so then
[00:22:01] he was pretending like he actually needed the cane because he was so fat it's like well this is
[00:22:06] slippery like that's better like no no no i'm not a douche bag with terrible style i'm medically
[00:22:12] obese and i cannot walk i think you get a discount on those scooters yeah if you have like a medical
[00:22:21] so they just have to call up and be like well what's your problem it's like i'm fat and then they get
[00:22:26] shit really well that's who those are four you can't get a scooter i mean you killed you could
[00:22:29] but nobody's riding or no able-bodied people are riding around those scooters right it's all it's
[00:22:34] the scooter is for the able-bodied yeah fat person this is a non-ableist podcast yes we
[00:22:41] do every other time we have ever read the reviews about that movie me before you or you before me or
[00:22:46] whatever you know myself when i read no there's a movie that's come out which called you before me
[00:22:50] and it's about a guy who is um uh he's he's been in an accident now he's paralyzed i don't know from
[00:22:55] the waist down or the neck down i'm not sure but um some woman comes to take care of him and of course
[00:23:00] they fall in love but he's made a pact with himself or with his parents that he wants to kill himself
[00:23:05] and his parents said wait six months because that's what parents do you want to tell yourself they say
[00:23:10] you know what that's what parents do is like playstation i really want playstation wait six months
[00:23:18] and then in summer we'll get you plays how you feel why don't you wait until your brother kills
[00:23:23] himself and they still want to do it um and uh then of this woman they fall in love but then
[00:23:30] they still have to kind of check in on you know so they do something fun together i don't know what
[00:23:35] like she right rolls him rolls him through the sand that would be hard but yeah and uh
[00:23:40] like something was parkier she said she's fed on fire
[00:23:48] and then that he says now he's like we're in love yeah he's like well well i'm still gonna kill myself
[00:23:54] and then it's like that would be awesome what movie is that i don't know it's called you before
[00:23:58] me or me before you but it gets like it's been getting like really hilarious reviews and stuff
[00:24:03] because it's a terrible idea for a movie it'd be like well first of all if you're handicapped then
[00:24:09] yes what else are you gonna do right right kill yourself yeah that's great we should watch it
[00:24:16] we should have a sister review podcast we should have you seen the remake of rear window
[00:24:23] with christopher reeves no it's really funny really because it's right after his i think it's the first
[00:24:29] movie made after his accident they were like oh he's he's playing in a wheelchair and he really is
[00:24:34] in a wheelchair oh yeah yeah well he's like completely fucked up uh jesus you know because it was it was
[00:24:39] like i think it might have been oh my god it's kind of genius yeah how could it not have worked well
[00:24:44] they were like we need we need to we need to be able to put christopher in a movie and they're like
[00:24:48] oh perfect well remake rear window right they just go through like their list of movies with
[00:24:52] handicapped people and they're like well there's only been one yeah so i guess that's the one we'll do
[00:24:56] yeah now he could do the remake of you before me right yeah he could be in re-animated well at the
[00:25:02] end he's like you know the killer comes in and uh the struggle is well he just like disconnects his
[00:25:08] like brief youtube and then christopher reeves shows off they use the movie to show uh show off
[00:25:14] christopher ree's like newfound ability to swallow air into his lungs like a fish he was oh he does
[00:25:20] this like man it's not going to translate on the podcast but he does just weird like like
[00:25:26] like weird gross you know yeah like uh filthy disgust but there's like a guy on set that's like
[00:25:33] okay he's really dying yeah we're just blink at us if you're just dressed like an animal trainer
[00:25:39] yes it's the polo shirt tucked into the khaki shorts okay that's enough
[00:25:46] i shot a commercial and they had like a especially trained dog that was a little dog like a lunch box
[00:25:52] that had to like run in and then sit down or whatever and of course it was like a lesbian and a
[00:25:59] blockbuster employee outfit that like took care of it but really like sometimes they're very like
[00:26:05] like that that's their power in life and so they're very like uh oh i've got to get this dog out
[00:26:11] totally yeah we've stung in yeah excuse me don't pet the dog thank you yeah that is all they have
[00:26:18] that's everyone though everyone who's any any middle any manager of anything is always i feel like
[00:26:23] really flexes their power whatever they have do you guys think seerold's gonna come back from
[00:26:28] from all the blackfish controversy you think we're gonna forget about that oh i don't think so
[00:26:32] actually well my my daughter wanted to go to see world and of course i try not to do anything with
[00:26:37] my daughter and so i just showed her the movie and then she was like i don't want to what are you
[00:26:44] gonna do when there's like when she wants to do something wholesome um well she wanted to go camp
[00:26:49] this year my daughter's aid or some and uh she um she never went to camp before because i'm
[00:26:56] virtually unemployed right i mean i'm a famous comedian but that means nothing um so so i signed
[00:27:09] her up for camp this year she wanted to go to robotics camp oh whoa you got a nerd on your hands
[00:27:14] she's so dumb and it's like how is that gonna help you like you know but that's so you want to get
[00:27:20] good at like frisbee or something robotics camp that's for boys though you can't you can't send
[00:27:25] a girl there well here's the thing is that all the pictures show boys oh really they have a class
[00:27:31] that's specifically for girls which normally i wouldn't be into this but then i started worried
[00:27:36] that she wasn't gonna have friends so i said i'll just sign you up for the girls but the girls is
[00:27:40] only ten and up so she has to go to uh go in the boys club break that glass ceiling i said is it
[00:27:45] gonna be okay if there's all boys and she was like yeah we'll talk about minecraft she's pretty cool
[00:27:50] in mine minecraft is uh was it's virtual legos right that's essentially and you can like make them do
[00:27:57] shit they like do you didn't think like legos were nerdy enough they're like how come we get computers
[00:28:02] involved well because they go into each other's worlds they're friends and then they like uh huh
[00:28:08] she's got like the her phone on FaceTime but they never see each other they don't care
[00:28:14] yeah they're seeing each other and then uh they just sit sit the FaceTime phone there and then they're
[00:28:20] yelling at each other while they're doing oh i just say they're in their other worlds um i have a
[00:28:26] grown man friend that plays minecraft do you know Blake midget also uh oh hell yeah one of the
[00:28:31] real last name Blake midget i think you should change it to little person
[00:28:38] uh he's so lucky that he gets the same midget just like well you can say it i mean let's we're not
[00:28:43] gonna pretend like that's a slur anyone probably you really do anything about you're not supposed
[00:28:48] to you're supposed to say little person and then whisper midget right now everyone knows uh
[00:28:54] joke for my act professional professional queen you just uh you say you whisper like this with
[00:29:01] your hand under your mouth yeah right right as i said to decide and go to the bottom i stepped
[00:29:06] over i stepped over a midget one time when i was leaving a classroom in community college she was
[00:29:12] like he was sitting by the door he was not he was not um bent over anything you he was he was squatting
[00:29:18] so he only had a clearance of like two feet this is i think like a teachable moment i didn't know
[00:29:23] they could squat look yeah i stepped over him completely and i didn't realize how insulting
[00:29:29] that was until afterwards to completely just walk over top of another human being right but you had
[00:29:36] to get somewhere you're like oh i got another class you didn't mean it you weren't intentionally
[00:29:40] being a dick well maybe partially yeah you definitely it was there was a clear and afterwards i thought
[00:29:46] i got it well that's part of walking over somebody just once you realize you can do that you got a
[00:29:53] fucking tea bag um so true okay well uh what do you got what do i got um i we're really good at
[00:30:06] podcasting it's like it's really we don't plan anything and then oh come on i find that hard to
[00:30:11] believe this has been a couple of things oh here we're coming along at quite a pace did you did you
[00:30:18] did you add some but go ahead no i want it because i was thinking i wanted to talk about did you see
[00:30:22] the the story about the the swimmer kid at stanford yes i can't i try not to see that story did you see
[00:30:30] the letters yes of course it's like every woman i know posted it yeah read this powerful letter
[00:30:37] this is a mastery isn't well no it's great the letter the girl road is probably the best thing
[00:30:44] that's ever been written on buzzfeed unfortunately someone had to get raped for them to produce anything
[00:30:49] it's energy out of pain comes great art what kind of gifts did they use for that when i didn't see
[00:30:57] the bad was kind of crazy oh my god the dad the dad's hilarious did i love any describes one moment
[00:31:04] of uh 20 minutes of action just crying it was just at calling like fucking action
[00:31:10] is already worse than right that's i feel like action is something you do in the back of like a
[00:31:16] panel van with like a mural on the side you know you have to have like fucking like this got to be
[00:31:21] like a wizard on top of a mountain airbrush on the side of the van and then you fucking that van
[00:31:25] and that's what action action yeah that was fucking horrendous what did he post that on too like what
[00:31:30] was he expecting to happen like the people to read that and be like oh he's so right one minor
[00:31:37] mistake in life how did i don't i didn't follow the case until the letters um but so how did how did
[00:31:46] it come out well the girl went she knew she was passed out she was passed out she was caught like
[00:31:54] he was like fucking her underneath or fingering her uh behind a dumpster
[00:31:59] uh which like how did you go find a dumpster even you know he dragged her out to the dump she was
[00:32:06] out behind a dumpster like yeah and he was fingering her behind a dumpster is two swedish guys uh
[00:32:13] who they said were biking uh they said they're writing i don't know if they said they were writing
[00:32:18] bicycles but obviously it was like a heroin or something well i'm hoping it was two swedish guys
[00:32:23] on on like one of those double bicycles yeah yeah i don't know you know the segues act
[00:32:34] bicycling yeah cons come on it's uh yeah two swedish guys on the just out for a double bicycle ride
[00:32:42] at three o'clock in the morning okay so they caught him yeah they caught him like you know dry
[00:32:46] humping they were like hello are you okay and then he ran off that's crazy because i don't know that
[00:32:52] i would have stopped to see if the girl was okay like it would be hard in the dark i think
[00:32:57] didn't wow come on we're new yorkers we don't stop we don't stop for people if i stepped over a
[00:33:02] midget i mean that's the kind of guy i am that's what you do in new york you see somebody being
[00:33:07] hurt you say it's none of my business only in new york well i did call the cops once did you
[00:33:12] talk um i saw these two guys dragging a girl into a taxi cab jeez yeah like literally like her
[00:33:18] like her shoe fell off that's how and they had to go back and get it like you do something and i
[00:33:23] yelled and i was running down the street but they got in the cab and took off so i just called the
[00:33:27] cops but i don't i have no idea what happened after that yeah she is uh mrs. sippy right now human traffic
[00:33:33] maybe they were helping her but they held it it's totally possible that they were friends of hers
[00:33:38] they did say were her friends when i was yelling oh well then so careful i definitely were not
[00:33:44] good i let it go to the cops show up and shoot the cab driver but i believe one was saying her first
[00:33:50] name and one was saying her middle name we had that happen i was at my apartment complex and there
[00:33:54] was some guy like beating his girlfriend and like the parking lot like across like she was in her car
[00:33:59] and he's like punching the window and kicking the car we had to like yell at him and run over and
[00:34:03] call the cops and shit so i guess like i you know like a minimal level of you know doing doing the
[00:34:10] right thing i think you do something i think i do something i don't know i mean yeah if you saw that
[00:34:15] maybe yeah you would just check to say like hey or are you look guys you should ask what her name
[00:34:20] is if they say it's her friend you know she and then say well they did that or something yeah they did
[00:34:24] that they asked uh the swedish guys are like do you do you know her name i think that something like
[00:34:29] that and then he didn't know or well he couldn't make something up at that point like what you know
[00:34:34] you're terrible at improv his story history changed like three times in the like i guess the
[00:34:41] testimony from the Swedes because their like identity is in public right you know um although
[00:34:47] they could have their own show right now they played their cards right yeah fucking heroes it's
[00:34:52] actually it was it was the property brothers that's why that's why no one knows right because the
[00:35:01] property brothers stopped at right well there's a speakers that stopped uh i'm i'm Jason property
[00:35:06] and this is my brother michael property we stopped right and we've never kissed i was saying i like
[00:35:12] to imagine that the property brothers they have no genitals but they share a bed with each other
[00:35:18] you do a lot of imagining i do about the property well whatever it is what he says imagine he means
[00:35:24] i like to beat off to the property how is how is it what is it how is that even a beating off thing
[00:35:28] that's not even slightly sexual everybody has a different thing you know everybody
[00:35:31] no this and by the way you're jumping to a defense and you're you're twitching your leg is twinging
[00:35:36] right now yes bright red if he storms out we caught up yeah i already did a storming out bit on the
[00:35:43] last podcast so i can't storm out i wish you would storm out um yeah that would be pretty funny that
[00:35:49] would be an awkward podcast for the rest of this i think we could fill you know i had i had to leave i
[00:35:54] had to leave on the last one uh because like uh adam just started making dinner while we were
[00:36:00] hoarding and i got to know yeah we'll probably trash adam at the beginning of this seeing yeah
[00:36:04] we'll get well adam's gonna be on the beginning of this podcast who's adam adam's the third guy on
[00:36:09] the podcast oh i don't see him yeah we don't we don't he's been talking this whole time oh i
[00:36:16] thought he did yeah we were confused or you're talking about lulls adam was giving a beautiful
[00:36:22] soliloquy well i thought we were just going to do it right now afterwards then yeah we're going to
[00:36:25] do it after me we're going to go record the first half of this podcast after this one this is that
[00:36:31] way we get this part done with right get me out of the way right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah get our friend
[00:36:36] our name our friend adam with no credits yeah our other the other we fuck up a lot so it's like easy
[00:36:42] if we have more wiggle room to you know yell at him i think we're doing great though we're doing
[00:36:47] fine this is going fine class all the dead spots we add in Tim Allen's grunt noise
[00:36:54] yeah that's something like that yeah that's how it works so what projects do you know he's still alive
[00:36:59] yeah like i i didn't see one of the christmas movies last year out and i was like i was so worried
[00:37:04] about him but i guess he just thought do it well if you know if he dies he wasn't like sanidog
[00:37:10] yeah if he dies whoever kills him becomes Tim Allen oh shit that's the Tim Allen class yeah
[00:37:16] yeah um it's been four people since we've been since i've been alive yeah i mean he's only like
[00:37:22] he's only like 63 years old he's not he's older than that no he's not i we're never gonna look it up
[00:37:29] but i bet you he is he was 27 in 1970 how do you know that's because he went to prison because he
[00:37:34] went to prison when he was 27 or some shit for by the law yeah did you know that story the Tim Allen
[00:37:40] story yeah i met Tim Allen okay oh yeah i forgot i've been in the same room with him i believe i
[00:37:46] made a man out of jail with him i don't remember yeah you're a token spiriter and his fucking when
[00:37:51] he was selling uh selling what was it coke it was coke Tim Allen age we're about the motherfucking find
[00:37:58] down well that's i don't think i'm gonna can i guess yeah i'm gonna say 58 58 you think he's younger than
[00:38:05] that i think he's probably like 63 yeah well guess what you idiot he's 62 you're wrong as shit
[00:38:10] oh my god but i didn't go over so i feel like i wanted prices right rules you get to fuck Tim Allen
[00:38:15] now you want to know maybe i already did she did say she met him oh well i'll stop talking shit on
[00:38:21] Tim Allen but i'm sorry where did you meet Tim Allen well i'm his uh we had the same managers we were at
[00:38:27] a party as met at our managers once and then um he was at the improv once does did he ever describe
[00:38:35] wilson's body to you yes i always am he did police drawing for me so i was one of the first
[00:38:41] who's an old actually it's actually underneath the fence it's just it's a severed head being held up
[00:38:45] by the property brothers that's what i like to imagine and they're working in the mouth
[00:38:50] that's nice that a property brother's deep cuts uh well my girlfriend watches that show all the time so
[00:38:57] yeah fuck your friend yeah uh it's me it's just me i said you know when i watch your property brothers
[00:39:03] all the whole thing oh i thought she watched the Tim Allen show i was like that's so weird
[00:39:07] well we actually can't yeah we can acknowledge the property brother now makes more she seems like a
[00:39:11] real person now before i was like i think he's making her a whole thing yeah uh for a very real
[00:39:17] very disappointed person yeah for for legal reasons we can't acknowledge that Tim Allen has like a tv
[00:39:21] show on his podcast oh yeah yeah uh it's like a copyright issue yeah we're in we're embroiled in
[00:39:29] some litigation uh unfortunately so what do you have coming out project wise anything big rude
[00:39:35] is it what do you mean is a rude oh well when does this air tomorrow yeah yeah well tomorrow night i'm
[00:39:41] doing a big show at the village underground now taping it live for serious it's a lot of really good
[00:39:49] people on it i'm not actually supposed to say what the show's about but i feel like not enough
[00:39:52] people will hear this yeah totally yeah but uh we're doing a game show called uh would you bang him
[00:39:59] oh no we're gonna call it would you fuck him but then i just felt like it was a little too harsh
[00:40:03] yeah you know we agree you should always name things like you shouldn't be you shouldn't be
[00:40:07] harsh you shouldn't be explicit in your name yeah right i mean it's it's going on serious you can
[00:40:12] say it but just because you can doesn't mean you should that's right that's right yeah it's gonna be
[00:40:18] um Dan Soder uh Mike Vecchione big J uh Dave Smith um Pete Lee somebody out I'm missing somebody so
[00:40:30] they're gonna compete and then we have uh four female judges Carmen Lynch um Annie Letterman uh
[00:40:39] Emily Tarver and uh Marina Franklin are the judges and so then the guys come out and they do five
[00:40:44] minutes to stand up and then the judges decide if they would fuck them or not so it's shouldn't
[00:40:48] that kind of be called have you already fucked them do you think because I feel like yeah
[00:40:55] shouldn't that be the name that could uh we could work that in so Rich is gonna host it and I'm
[00:41:01] gonna be the that's great that's cool a nice little commentary on it yeah it it it does a lot to
[00:41:07] speak to uh the patriarchy which I just learned about this week you did from a shirt yeah so somebody
[00:41:13] wearing a shirt right um I know all about flipping the patriarchy uh i have an erotic instagram account
[00:41:20] that we he does he plugs his he plugs his instagram account enough on the podcast I feel like that's
[00:41:26] a better name for it what's that flipping the patriarchy we should change all we wanted to do
[00:41:31] we wanted you know that got the guys we fucked podcast yes so we wanted to do uh guys they fucked
[00:41:37] yeah so we're the guys yeah oh but I don't right I haven't fucked either of them I haven't either
[00:41:43] yeah but it would be rude I fucked them both did you oh nice they should judge they should you should
[00:41:48] have them as guest judges well I mean we could I wanted to be a regular thing but cool we'll see if
[00:41:55] it happens the last one we did was a huge success and those are all those are all fuckable those
[00:42:00] are all pretty fuckable guys though on that lineup yeah no blacks yes so I think that's what you're
[00:42:06] getting at well you should throw one in there where it's just me well we were Michael Chay was
[00:42:11] gonna come without it what happened to who who would be now we had no diversity who's the guy
[00:42:16] that's just completely unfuckable that you could but like besides stop well I'm pretty fuckable
[00:42:21] I could show well you'd have to see what your stand you know the premise is that supposedly you
[00:42:28] know a funny guy that's what women want a good sense of humor so we're gonna put it to the test
[00:42:34] okay I like that's you know what it's funny it's like it's the male version of the naked show
[00:42:38] where you have to the showcase the thing that makes you fuckable I don't know that it's your
[00:42:43] personality that any women would say yes to it I mean I guess there's some women that would would
[00:42:48] you do the naked show have you heard about it of course never I don't think I'm gonna make
[00:42:51] a show when I'm sex I don't do the naked show ever no I'm not yeah I've seen it once it's like
[00:43:00] incredible the turnout that that show gets because people are just that's at the end of the day
[00:43:05] people just want to like look at you are you into the comedy of it at all no that's not a thing
[00:43:10] that's like a nine percent I think it's ninety one even if you have funny comics on there they're
[00:43:15] not going to be able to like really do their material while completely naked well this is a
[00:43:20] girl's like well I just like I gotta get stage time I'm like really yeah that is there's another
[00:43:27] level there pretty sure that's great imagine sex trafficking yourself into the world is stand up
[00:43:34] comedy just low level sex work you kidnap yourself like Liam Neeson's daughter
[00:43:39] well I always ask this question and I don't I really don't know the answer and I it's why you
[00:43:47] know women who do stand up still really like try to be sexy and like you know so many of them on
[00:43:55] their album covers they're so weird yeah naked and then they're like pay attention to me as a
[00:44:02] a funny person and I have like this clever mind and then they're doing it to themselves they're
[00:44:08] what what's what are word they're objectifying themselves right yeah and then it's like feminism
[00:44:14] but I don't understand right is it feminism or is it just like trying to get fucking money
[00:44:20] yeah I guess it probably is like well we're the experts I know I know I feel like I've come to the
[00:44:26] right place I'm asking this question of many times many people I don't know I guess you could
[00:44:32] say that it's in power because like at this point it's like what isn't feminism really you know in
[00:44:36] terms of I mean it's like as an ideology it's like so thoroughly diluted through you know
[00:44:44] culture at large everyone's pretty much a feminist you have to like make a decision to say I'm not
[00:44:49] a feminist now right if you're anybody that's having a conversation with anybody at least online
[00:44:53] right so well I was involved in um some you know human trafficking for a while as a feminist I
[00:45:01] was I felt like I was taking them to a better place well actually these are feminist swastika's
[00:45:08] that it's a different it goes in a different direction so it actually means it's a little
[00:45:11] different than what you're thinking yeah it's an ancient indian symbol that means uh you know but
[00:45:16] I end the wage gap I know you're saying though because it's there is like a difference between like
[00:45:23] uh in in theory yes like you should be able to just however you want and still and still be
[00:45:28] taken seriously but there is like a period I don't know it seems like it's a little bit of a well
[00:45:35] my husband put it this way he was like you know if you're dentist if you showed up in your dentist
[00:45:40] was like you know wearing like a low cut shirt and her like belly was showing and even if she was
[00:45:45] super hot and you were like oh my god this is amazing this is my dentist you still wouldn't think you
[00:45:49] you had the best dentist you'd never be like I'm pretty sure right right right like if you really
[00:45:54] had some dental work to get done you'd go to a better dentist yeah if you go to someone else like
[00:46:00] a very very kind Jewish guy yes like you're not going to go to the hot like that's the same thing
[00:46:05] about stand-up it's like hotness really doesn't have anything it doesn't really help you yeah but it
[00:46:10] is still the entertainment industry so there's like if you if you have your whole thing is about
[00:46:16] bucking the system and getting into a business where it's male dominated and fuck them i'm
[00:46:21] gonna succeed and and then you're like okay and then now just let me play the game exactly as it's
[00:46:27] already been written for thousands of years like that's no absolutely yeah i think you're right
[00:46:31] that you could it's like uh especially when it's like you're choosing the thing that you want to
[00:46:36] represent you the most like a special cover or like you know the material for like you know you
[00:46:43] you you do set a tone with that and i agree with what you're saying it's because it because i get on
[00:46:49] one level like it works it gets eyeballs on you or whatever right but on the other level it's like
[00:46:54] well so does marrying a rich guy and not working like so many things that are like sort of anti-feminism
[00:47:04] yeah work right right right right right right right right right right right right right right
[00:47:06] it's like what is that like helpful to the cause then don't then at the very least don't present
[00:47:11] yourself i think it's like some fucking like warrior for justice or whatever yes
[00:47:18] do you think male comedian should have to be jacked i first of all i don't like comedians
[00:47:25] that look normal at all like it's not my thing like even dad so ordered to me i feel like he's
[00:47:30] still got to overcome that he's like that giant head he looks too normal you know he's like okay
[00:47:36] or um and i i don't i when i see pretty people doing stand up it takes me so long to get behind
[00:47:44] it i can't take it of both genders too it's like both genders you can't be too hot and do you stand
[00:47:49] up if you work out all the time and then you're like uh what's his name i for a long time i just
[00:47:54] didn't like i'm no errand uh oh err and i'm just completely based on the fact that i i'm like okay
[00:47:59] well you're so into working out well is he is he still because he used to be like a competitive
[00:48:06] body bill he's stills like i mean he's wearing like a sleeveless shirt the other day and i've never
[00:48:10] seen him with sleeves i don't know yeah he loves showing up who wear who wear vests like vests
[00:48:16] so like the one thing he's got going for him is that he he's odd looking like even though he works
[00:48:21] out all the time like he wears weird like suit coats yeah yeah he wears like ed hardy suits yes
[00:48:28] yes it's so true oh my god so it's like he's still like a little you know what i mean it's still like
[00:48:36] yeah yeah like i think you should be a little off but yeah anyone who's like just it's yeah anyone's
[00:48:42] like beautiful in in every category what about rogan because rogan's huge um
[00:48:50] rogan to me fits his right it makes sense like his his personality fits so well like rich to
[00:48:58] my husband he his personality is like this new jersey guy like it fits so well with how he looks
[00:49:03] that you know it's it's almost like it's a flaw you know whose body right right right right
[00:49:09] whose body is perfect for their act chan rouse i don't know what he looks like anymore he has
[00:49:14] crippling arthritis yes okay i can barely stand up i mean it's any like a fall down drunk or
[00:49:20] you saw uh chan rouse is like my favorite i used to love him and then i had too many encounters
[00:49:25] with him where it was just like a mean horrible person yeah no he's like i can't i don't know who
[00:49:30] you're gonna who i'm gonna meet up with uh he uh i like my friend norman got him
[00:49:35] book now we're just gossiping about people that know that's what that's what we have a terrible
[00:49:39] podcast we told you it's bad yeah yeah don't worry whatever the rule of podcast you just do
[00:49:44] them you get people to subscribe and then if it's boring in the first you know 10 minutes they don't
[00:49:49] listen to it but they don't they forget the delete or the episode or unsubscribe and that's how you
[00:49:53] gain the system and get up you know oh so that's what we're doing i get it yeah this is all just a
[00:49:58] skin this is springtime for him or i hear you and the front for i don't know what it is a career move
[00:50:03] so we so we named it come town well again i think that's smart i think you know everybody's like
[00:50:09] does a dumb name you're gonna want to change it and so i do why every everyone will remember
[00:50:13] come town forever true yeah they'll remember not to hit play if you had a if you had a like a name
[00:50:20] like brookview or something if you're like is that again and they might that sounds like a shitty
[00:50:25] apartment yeah that's my that's my apartment that's my townhouse yeah i thought it just i thought
[00:50:33] it's like gated community yeah it's a fence it's just a parking fancier it's like everything about it is
[00:50:41] it's it's like out of it's like if you're gonna make a tv show about like the friendliest town in
[00:50:45] the world everything is named exactly like there's a suburban street it's called a suburban street
[00:50:52] it's named suburban street yes like there's it's just it's just it's just it's too it's so
[00:50:57] cliche it's crazy who gets to name the streets in just like a fake suburban prisoners whoever's in
[00:51:03] the jail oh that's they make license plates and they name all the streets oh it's true i actually i
[00:51:10] had that's why there's so many Valdez Eddie Guerrero Memorial Drive
[00:51:23] so where you live in central Jersey right i live i do i live right in the very middle very uh suburban
[00:51:31] in fact our town is almost just houses like there's hardly anything like you know there's obviously
[00:51:37] like supermarkets and post office and stuff but there's it's not like a destination place like
[00:51:41] there's no mall nobody comes is it what so it's like a Philly suburb i don't know what that means
[00:51:47] like a suburb of philadelphia it's not it's not no it's like an hour from Philly oh okay yeah it's
[00:51:53] an hour from New York an hour from Philly it's like 10 15 minutes from Princeton oh oh that's
[00:51:59] where my daughter's taking her robotics uh-huh it makes sense to where you guys friends with John
[00:52:04] Nash before he died yeah we were like always hanging out um did you have you ever seen the uh
[00:52:11] not a beautiful mind but there's like a uh maybe it wasn't even a documentary it was just like a
[00:52:14] short interview with so you know john Nash beautiful minds yes his son was also crazy but like way
[00:52:21] worse oh really yeah but not like a crazy guy he stopped yeah he jumped out of windows and
[00:52:27] stuff but yeah the sun was also uh like uh like a very good advance yeah but like very
[00:52:33] fucking crazy there's like a video of i saw like an interview and they're interviewing john and
[00:52:37] john's like you know keeping it together barely in the living room and then the sun's in the other
[00:52:41] room with these like ridiculous giant like cowboy boots on oh that is some good crazy shit
[00:52:51] well this is a documentary what it was like a short yeah i don't know if it was a doc i mean
[00:52:54] it was like an extended interview with john Nash and his family that i saw maybe it was from the
[00:52:59] part of it though is that your kids and this is just part of the experiment i'm talking with my
[00:53:04] own child is that they just they picked they you know when you you know when you went to school
[00:53:10] and you'd be like oh my god these this kid is nuts then you meet the parents and they're the exact
[00:53:14] same kind of nuts it's like they're growing up in that yeah but i mean he has like skits of frenia
[00:53:20] the sun he like hears voices and yeah yeah yeah yeah it's both things it's like it's the the
[00:53:25] the what the parents create and it's also that kid just got really unlucky and got all his dad
[00:53:30] nature versus nurture yeah yeah what is it that's the second hour of this we're gonna open up
[00:53:36] nature versus nature yeah um so now we can get into the drill because my daughter's like really
[00:53:41] good at joke writing like she's a very very good joke oh really do you want to hear one of the
[00:53:44] jokes that she wrote she wrote this joke when she was maybe six years old let's hear it she said
[00:53:48] is that because you just don't know how old she is i know i was like is it five um she said you go
[00:53:55] on stage and you're in a wheelchair and you've got like a neck brace on and your arms in a cast and
[00:54:00] you go to the mic and you go to the audience you should feel sorry for me i'm married that is a great
[00:54:05] joke that's a great joke so you're teaching your daughter to hate men at a young age that's what
[00:54:11] happens in the family that's cool there is some like nine-year-old girl that's like oh i hate
[00:54:16] kids i just really hate kid entertainers of almost across the board because it's so they almost
[00:54:23] definitely don't want to do it like themselves yeah like no every father's behind it yeah really
[00:54:28] kid in dc it's like you're what you're watching is their stupid parent exactly like that you
[00:54:33] you really think they're sitting down and writing their dumb jokes every day we have a we have a child
[00:54:38] comedian friend this kid Brandon Ward L he's like he's like 13 or 14 and his parents have to write
[00:54:44] all of his math to write all his tweets his parents have to eat his parents have to eat his
[00:54:46] parents have to wear a card and his tweets from black twitter and fucking there was this girl and
[00:54:50] i think she's still around but obviously she's probably like 10 years older now but maybe she was
[00:54:55] like 16 at the time and um her she would come to the improv and do stand up and she was like kind of
[00:55:02] cute and uh but tons of makeup short skirt high heels like people i i don't get it i don't get
[00:55:10] why you would send your daughter up on stage like and then and then the people people at home i'm
[00:55:14] using the word people because that's like giving you guys the benefit of the doubt that those are the
[00:55:19] list that's how many listeners and um so you can't see what i'm doing but he was like crouched by the
[00:55:24] side of the stage like he's super gay her dad her like stage dad and he'd be like no like you know
[00:55:31] conducting her but also all her jokes were like you know like so like the guy was writing for like
[00:55:38] a lysomonelli special or something they were like these and she didn't flex like a gay guy it was
[00:55:43] like you're just hearing her dad like every 90s and then you say this yeah there you go that's always
[00:55:49] what happens there was another kid that kid leo whatever the fuck his name was oh yeah it was like
[00:55:54] two divorced like asthmatic little boy yeah then his parents would make him go do open mics and his
[00:55:59] jokes were all about like not fucking good like it was clear his dad broke though that's a pretty
[00:56:05] sketch though like just like how much he hates his mom oh yeah they were divorced like i think
[00:56:11] he died you know you had this like hot mom who was like hit on every comic it was so
[00:56:15] fucking you'd be funny you have like a child comedian but then you force him to do like
[00:56:19] you know where's the birth certificate they looked like a muslim to me that's actually really funny
[00:56:27] right when you're lunch money tomorrow you'll fucking do a bit but that's the only way that a
[00:56:30] kid comedian is going to be funny as if it's like oh it's like crazy because a kid shouldn't be
[00:56:35] saying that but then yeah then then we know that the kid isn't saying it's like hey everyone my
[00:56:39] name is Andrew five clay i'm five years old so anyway whores who wars luckily my girlfriends
[00:56:48] don't even have pubes yeah hey my daughter would go home but she was still just a baby we would take
[00:56:58] her on stage when we do that we had this one joke we would do where we go where's your spleen she
[00:57:02] going it's a good bit kids are great huh can't wait to have them um so do you have anything that you
[00:57:13] want to plug because they're like we're so tomorrow night i think there's still a few tickets left
[00:57:17] village underground eight o'clock the come town bump right now yes i'm gonna feel it so i'm gonna
[00:57:23] see it in the light when i walk up there's a huge line i'll be like oh come down he did it um it's
[00:57:29] a you just checked the sex offender registry run it by the guest list the manifest and it's whoever
[00:57:36] overlaps those are uh those are our guys that's that that's what's happening um and then uh you can
[00:57:42] always just get my book you're better than me if you're into people my life your listeners might
[00:57:49] like it because it's reader book your pieces of shit it's about it's about getting started in comedy
[00:57:54] and whatever uh it's called you're better than me it's on amazon or audible cool i have a movie
[00:58:07] that's a good movie women aren't funny on uh Netflix or iTunes uh yes correct and then the book uh
[00:58:15] amazon or audible you're better than me audible's uh audiobook right yeah did you do it i did it cool
[00:58:22] i would hire somebody well then i i well this is um they they they pay you very very well to do the
[00:58:29] audiobook but so then they i got a hotel they said it's gonna take a week five days so i got a
[00:58:35] hotel for five days and i told my husband like okay you know you gotta just watch the kid i gotta
[00:58:40] do it you know it's the thing i gotta do and then i finished in like a day and a half and so then i
[00:58:45] just like walked around the city like like you know those men they get fired from their jobs and don't
[00:58:50] tell their wives they just like go out and steal it or whatever yeah as if he had like feeding the birds
[00:58:55] it's a briefcase with the sound going back to the room taking the call from my husband like oh i
[00:59:01] gotta run back in there i'm on a very short break my friend's mom disappeared in high school she's
[00:59:07] like she's wound up she was spent three days at a bar i remember him having like a crisis about
[00:59:12] he's like yeah my mom she doesn't come home in like two days and we don't know where she is and then
[00:59:17] yeah it turned out she was just drinking just went on just went on a bender yeah i think i i kind of
[00:59:24] get it i mean it is i think it's an important oh i would be a mom if i just to just go on a three
[00:59:32] day bender just like not all the time every two years especially if you can't drink during the
[00:59:37] pregnancy you should get the bender in the media you don't need to you don't want to drink during
[00:59:41] your pregnancy because you're getting oxytocin like a motherfucker i mean it is the best drug and
[00:59:46] if you could just have that all the time see i don't i don't if you're an alcohol like you want
[00:59:51] to drink no i don't think you do the tons of alcoholics drug addicts they don't drink or
[00:59:57] news while they're pregnant i mean obviously some do but a lot of them don't they so why don't we just
[01:00:02] impregnate all of the women with drug problems yes i agree i think i just started my own charity
[01:00:07] little action uh come coming for coming or just let them breastfeed that does this trick also angels who come
[01:00:17] the come angel the come angels breastfeeding is like a weird a weird thing because like obviously
[01:00:23] my kids ate so this i quit like three years ago i don't see you say that but i don't know how long
[01:00:30] you're supposed to breastfeed probably too well not much they say you're supposed to breastfeed
[01:00:35] for two years but two years is too long like oh okay it's weird it gets weird a two-year-old is a
[01:00:40] little person they can talk yeah oh okay and they can walk i wrote an article a couple years ago
[01:00:46] about breastfeeding my 12-year-old and i got a lot of people that were mad at me and then i got
[01:00:51] a bunch of people that were like i actually find this to be very sexy
[01:00:56] i gotta send me like email about like wanting to well you can get addicted to breastfeeding
[01:01:00] you because you get addicted to the oxytocin and that's why women the crazy women that breastfeed
[01:01:06] until their kids are five or whatever they say they're doing it for their kids but really
[01:01:11] i i i had their drug addicts the deck felt cool they really are
[01:01:16] then when those women we should put back on heroin that's how i'm going to fix that
[01:01:21] uh well it's thank you for doing our stupid fucking podcast appreciate it yeah um
[01:01:27] uh if you if well it's like you're on you're on kennedy yesterday
[01:01:33] check her out yesterday on kennedy uh some youtube yeah all the other things i gotta get over to my
[01:01:38] show at the village underground yeah uh yeah come town fucking come down every five five yeah we're done bye
[01:02:54] What do you think could be for the kids?
[01:02:58] What do you think could be for the kids?