Cum Town | Regular | 05/04/2017
[00:00:01] So we're going to just jump right into it.
[00:00:12] I had a coffee, but coffee for me after 8 p.m.
[00:00:19] Well, I just wanted aliens after work, the movie.
[00:00:50] think they're listening to the wrong podcast.
[00:00:57] Why does every, I feel like a lot of apartments out here
[00:01:08] They're for like, if you're an old woman dying.
[00:01:11] I thought they were for if you were a recently divorced man.
[00:01:14] Well, it's like kind of similar as that.
[00:01:25] Thanks for coming out to the Valley, y'all.
[00:01:27] You say come fucking with your name inside.
[00:01:33] I was in Burbank the other day for work.
[00:01:35] And it's funny because like, your impression
[00:01:38] of like, what the Valley is because of like Valley girls
[00:01:42] It's just like women shopping, I guess.
[00:01:46] Burbank is like, this is an old man neighborhood.
[00:01:52] There's like a diner every other block.
[00:01:57] The only person I ever met that is like a stereotypical Valley
[00:02:10] She just got just all disposable income.
[00:02:17] Like Valley girls was a nine-dose thing.
[00:02:29] Like, as I don't say it, I've never said it once.
[00:02:43] One time I was talking with my roommate and his friend.
[00:02:47] And they were both like laughing for whatever reason.
[00:02:53] And he had one of them had been keeping track of how often
[00:03:02] I don't know why the fuck I'm talking either one of you
[00:03:05] Fuck your mans for trying to red pen a conversation.
[00:03:09] Well, you know, I ended up that same guy.
[00:03:15] And the door to my apartment was wide open.
[00:03:19] And I was like loudly telling my roommate how shitty of a comic
[00:03:25] And he was like outside in the patio area.
[00:03:39] His ego was so much bigger than, you know, for like who he was.
[00:03:48] It was kind of, I guess he didn't realize it.
[00:03:50] He had no humility about where it was at.
[00:03:54] So for someone who would have been acceptable the time.
[00:03:56] It's just, you don't want to be like mean to someone like that.
[00:03:59] Because it's like every friend group, every friend group of comics,
[00:04:02] you have a friend who's like funny offstage,
[00:04:04] but he's just a really shitty comedian.
[00:04:10] You know, they might be like one of the funniest guys
[00:04:13] But then they go on stage and do the same material
[00:04:15] they've been doing for like seven years.
[00:04:20] Yeah, it's like almost like it's a mantra.
[00:04:22] Like this is like a penance they have to do.
[00:04:25] It's just like a thing that their social group does is comedy.
[00:04:31] That probably is like with groups of friends who are bowlers too.
[00:04:35] You know, there's just any type of hobby.
[00:04:38] Somebody's just like just hanging around, but not very good at it.
[00:04:42] But well, then it's always weird when like that guy is like,
[00:04:45] yeah, I'm like trying to get booked at the club or whatever.
[00:04:48] And you're like, yeah, you're not going to go.
[00:04:55] Just even the thought of telling somebody they suck at comedy, right?
[00:04:58] It's like your worst nightmare is just that somebody steps to you like,
[00:05:01] yeah, that happened to me one time back in the day.
[00:05:03] I actually started thinking about a different guy while telling
[00:05:07] The different guy who was like a better example of that.
[00:05:12] Do you ever do LA Bar and Grill back in the day?
[00:05:16] This is from Arlington, Virginia shit, like 2010, I guess 2011.
[00:05:25] And this dude who was my friend's barber came out to a couple of them.
[00:05:33] Second one, I got two sewned and it was like OK.
[00:05:37] But the dude came up to me and he was like, hey, whatever you did before this show.
[00:05:42] That was probably the closest I ever came to somebody telling me.
[00:05:50] Oh, I thought he was in my name, but you said damn.
[00:05:57] Maybe it was the second time I was hosting the Open Mic.
[00:05:59] And he was like, how do you think I did?
[00:06:02] And I was like, do you want to be honest?
[00:06:09] I'm like, there's nothing that like it's not even like you're going to be
[00:06:13] And I was like, you really just should not be doing stand up at all.
[00:06:19] No, he was like, yeah, he was like, ha, ha.
[00:06:22] And then I'm like, all right, I get it.
[00:06:26] You probably thought you were being sarcastic and we're being,
[00:06:35] I don't know why anyone like don't ever ask somebody, like, what do you
[00:06:45] It's like, like it's a creative endeavor.
[00:06:51] It's not like it's not like you just made a bunch of spreadsheets
[00:06:54] and then said, like, are these all right?
[00:07:01] Erwin, who's who's the other cat out there in Maryland
[00:07:06] I can't think of his name, not Shackleford.
[00:07:08] If they're the holy trinity of DMV Wack-bookers,
[00:07:23] He sent me the most thirstiest, saddest email.
[00:07:28] Because OK, so y'all know I didn't have a car for a while.
[00:07:40] And I'm like, I'd love to, but I don't drive.
[00:07:43] And so eventually I just stopped responding to the emails
[00:07:47] because he kept trying to get me to come two hours away
[00:07:52] And then one day he tweeted at me and was like,
[00:07:55] guess you don't want to perform then at like two in the morning
[00:08:00] And I was just like, no, I mean, I didn't respond to it.
[00:08:14] And so I sent an email like the morning of the show.
[00:08:19] I'm like, I'm really fucking sorry, man.
[00:08:22] I'm not going to be able to make it tonight.
[00:08:25] And he was like, you don't have a spare tire.
[00:08:31] But it's like, you know, it's like the tiny replacement tire.
[00:08:34] So he was like, well, you can drive up to 60 miles on those.
[00:08:39] And I was like, you're asking me to go 80.
[00:08:54] The one and only time I hollered at him in person,
[00:09:04] It said I worked for MTV because I was trying to just
[00:09:07] do one of those jokes, just blatantly lying.
[00:09:10] And the bit was that I was on undressed.
[00:09:22] Well, you know, they were like they were scantily clad.
[00:09:25] Because they now have a naked dating show.
[00:09:28] Yeah, this one was naked and afraid, right?
[00:09:37] The challenges on that show are like you have to look
[00:09:41] into each other's assholes and mongingly not far off.
[00:09:50] They've like given up on reality shows.
[00:09:53] It's two people that have to fuck, but they're nude.
[00:10:01] Yeah, they brought back fucking fear factor.
[00:10:03] They just need to make every reality show
[00:10:07] Do you remember what they're going to do?
[00:10:19] Because everyone would be like, OK, well,
[00:10:22] And then it's like 45 minutes of him like.
[00:10:28] They would have to edit it, but it was just like him
[00:10:33] where like Bear Grylls is like drinking his piss
[00:10:41] Y'all seen the one there was one on like,
[00:10:44] I don't know if it's oxygen or we TV, but it was like,
[00:10:57] I was like, I think it's called the box.
[00:10:59] And it's like two people fuck in a box.
[00:11:22] I also don't even really understand what's.
[00:11:32] To have the confidence of walking into, you know,
[00:11:36] some whatever network that was and you're like, yeah,
[00:11:43] Yeah, it's a panel that talks about it.
[00:11:46] Because the panel can they can the panel
[00:12:04] It's supposed to be the infant's head, right?
[00:12:07] What if it was just a couple of smartphones?
[00:12:23] Imagine if someone murdered Gwyneth Paltrow
[00:12:34] You just said they don't show you the box.
[00:12:42] Which I would fuck would have do it if he talked to me like that.
[00:13:01] That is, that's definitely a place of factor.
[00:13:06] Whenever he's talking to like one of the male characters,
[00:13:08] you're like, is he trying to fuck them?
[00:13:12] Well, it seems like there's always something
[00:13:15] under the surface that he's not telling you because it's like.
[00:13:19] in that closet. Yeah. Do you think it's weird for him that he keeps being cast as like evil guys?
[00:13:26] He's not always evil. Oh, he's I guess he's evil in K-packs, right?
[00:13:31] Alien, but he's just like kills people which is pretty evil. Yeah. Does he kill people?
[00:13:38] I haven't seen K-packs actually. I thought we just had like an adorable Alzheimer's sort of all gay packs.
[00:13:43] Ooh. Let's talk about it for a second. Yeah, usual suspects and he plays Kaiser So gay.
[00:13:53] That's so far. I didn't even see that coming. Yeah. All right. All the clues are the whole time
[00:14:00] I've just been hints that he's gay. What's his character's name on house of cards?
[00:14:04] Frank Underwood. Oh, it's hoping it would be like Frank Frank Magai.
[00:14:08] I'd be like, check this out. Frank gay guy. Still counted. I counted. Yeah.
[00:14:15] You get three famous points. We're gonna put that on the board. I got the rebound off being wrong and then slam dunk.
[00:14:21] Frank gay guy. Dennis Robin shit. Mm-hmm. Did you guys see those pictures of Brad Pitt and GQ this week?
[00:14:32] There's just really dumb. Maybe it's in... I don't know. He's in a bunch of national parks. He's in a lot of weird poses.
[00:14:39] He's pulling a short over his head for some reason. He's like having trouble, I think. He's struggling. His legs and shambles.
[00:14:48] Yeah. Tuff-tops. Well, that's why he had the divorce already. That's what was in the box.
[00:14:52] I god bless him for going so long in that relationship after it must have been literally a nightmare.
[00:14:59] I mean, that's the only reason to be with Angelina Jolie. Right. Exactly. Otherwise, it's like, what are you gonna look at?
[00:15:05] Perfect face. I don't know. As soon as she comes home, you know, I'm sure I can't imagine him mentally preparing himself for
[00:15:12] his breastless wife. He's basically a man at that point. Yeah.
[00:15:17] She just looks like her. Yeah, that's what I was gonna do.
[00:15:20] Yeah. It's like her fucking brother. I'm sure she's still into her brother. Yeah.
[00:15:23] It's not like we forgot all of the pain in his face. I did forget.
[00:15:27] And then I saw those photos again. That's not acting. His character in Fury is like a tank operator,
[00:15:33] but it's also a tank operator who's got a wife. His wife'slessly removed her breast.
[00:15:38] It is weird that she, I don't know what you're talking about, but it is weird that
[00:15:46] Angelina Jolie like made out with her brother and then we're all like, all right.
[00:15:51] And we just moved on. That's not made fun of it for like two months.
[00:15:54] And then that was it. Is that because she's so hot that everyone could just move on?
[00:15:58] Or is it just like good PR team, bro? She had the PR team shut that down.
[00:16:03] Well, they did a great job. In Austin, there was this, there was this girl,
[00:16:07] Yisla that would hang out and there's this other, this other weird dude,
[00:16:12] Matt Cordelsky, who was just like a guy that had been doing open mics for like 20 years in Austin.
[00:16:18] This like weird or older guy. And for whatever reason, he thought Yisla and Jake Flores were
[00:16:23] brother and sister. So like one night they just started making out in front of him to like fuck
[00:16:30] with him. And he just like barely reacted. He was just like, all right.
[00:16:37] Well, you don't think he was just like, oh, maybe they're not brother and sister?
[00:16:41] No, he was probably secretly recording it on his fucking glasses cam to beat off to it.
[00:16:46] For sure. Let me ask you who's weirder that dude or a jack of all trades. Remember that guy? Bruce
[00:16:54] Campbell. Jack of all trades was a he's a dude who used to come to the draft house. And he would
[00:17:00] do just like one liners, but he was like, I mean, I'm pretty sure it seemed like he escaped from a
[00:17:06] mental institution. You know what I mean? Like he was always wearing like rubber gloves. And he's
[00:17:12] very strange. And he had like hospital socks, like those like knee high, like circulation socks.
[00:17:19] Yeah, it would come every week and he would never get up. I never saw that guy. I don't know.
[00:17:23] Yeah, that was a weird ass dude. Yeah, do you either remember Tom Flood? Oh, no.
[00:17:29] I probably might have talked about him on the show already. Tom was like, this autistic guy
[00:17:33] that used to come to wise acres. But this was like before like, autism is cool. We can all have
[00:17:40] autism. Pre hip autism. Yeah, right. So when I say like autistic guy, I meant that he like
[00:17:45] bagged groceries and lived with his parents and was like 45 years old and couldn't have a conversation.
[00:17:51] You know, like, yeah, you would just like the first time he met you would be like, well,
[00:17:56] what's your birthday? And he would like get your birthday from you. And then he would rattle off
[00:18:00] list of celebrities. And then anytime he saw you, he would tell you your birthday and like,
[00:18:04] the celebrities that would that you shared your birthday with. And he would go on stage
[00:18:09] at wise acres. And everyone would be like, Oh, yeah, Tom's going up. And they would pretend like
[00:18:14] they weren't just like gawking at a retarded guy. And he would go on stage. And the only time,
[00:18:20] the only thing I really remember, as far as him performing was, so one time he goes up. And he
[00:18:26] spends like his entire three, three to five minutes just pulling tables out from like the audience and
[00:18:34] bring them on stage and chairs. And he sets up like a desk. And then he puts chairs behind it.
[00:18:39] And he's like, ah, the September 5th, 1987 NBC for afternoon news program, you know, and he's like
[00:18:49] news NBC for news at four, you know, broadcast. And he like names all the broad, the like local anchors
[00:18:57] and where they sat at by name. And he's like sits down. He's like, and Kelly Thompson was here.
[00:19:04] Oh, hold on. Kelly Thompson was here. And he like sits down. And then he just like does the
[00:19:08] broadcast from no bits, not even a semblance of a bit. Yeah, no, he just does the broadcast.
[00:19:14] Well, good for him. Yeah. Well, fucking Mike is doing something. Yeah.
[00:19:19] Like it's an interesting my diesel. Mike Diesel was like, if you brought that on the road,
[00:19:26] it would murder people would love this. And it's like, Mike, you don't know anything.
[00:19:32] Oh, why you just let them do this this one time? If you if you brought this guy on the throat,
[00:19:38] you're literally describing a freak show is what you're doing. You fucking want to put him in a
[00:19:43] cave now have you done have you read blood Meridian? No, man, this is a part of the story where there's
[00:19:49] just a guy that has a retarded guy and a nude retarded guy that he keeps in a cage that they
[00:19:55] meet on the road. And he's not join your convoy. Let me hitch my wagon. Yeah.
[00:20:05] There's a dude at Brittany's, who's kind of a similar thing every week, he would go up and
[00:20:12] his only joke was an explanation of what a blimpkin is. Oh, and it would culminate with him sitting
[00:20:19] on the top of a chair like his butt is on the back of a chair and just him and we would all be like,
[00:20:27] okay, this is the week where he falls. Yeah. And he never did. And I remember one time he drew
[00:20:34] a picture of my my friend Jeremy's girlfriend. And it was like an anime version.
[00:20:40] Oh, it's so it's a woman napkin. It was pretty good. How's it going?
[00:20:48] How else is girlfriend like a confidence level the like hit on somebody else's girlfriend to their
[00:20:54] face, but then he was there. The way he was doing it is through anime. It's like more threatening,
[00:21:01] but also less than right. Draw a picture of your girl holding two swords. Yeah, why not?
[00:21:06] Fuck it. This is a smaller version of what I have in my room. Mr. Steel Yo Girl with fucking
[00:21:12] Dungeons and Dragons. No, because not Dungeons and Dragons is like a hipster. Yeah, no, they're
[00:21:18] trying to make it cool. No one's like ironically into anime. It's like it's weird because have
[00:21:24] you ever tried to watch it? Anime. It's terrible. Oh, just any anime? Yeah, no, I mean like even
[00:21:29] the popular ones. I remember when like was it Princess Mona? Okay. Yeah, that came out.
[00:21:38] Whatever the first one was from what's his name? Missh, Missh Hockey.
[00:21:44] Dude, the dude who draws the cute ghosts. Was that Mirozaki? Mirozaki?
[00:21:49] Mirozaki. I should know. Mirozaki? Mirozaki? Yeah.
[00:21:53] Remember I call myself trying to watch Spirited Away? Didn't work. It's so fucking boring. Yeah,
[00:22:00] yeah, it's terrible. I feel like I should and I want to because it's like,
[00:22:07] you know, now that I like work in animation and stuff, it's like you gotta you have to watch it
[00:22:13] and you I mean, I feel like I have to love it. No, the only thing. It's beautiful. It's beautiful,
[00:22:18] but it don't really make no sense. Like even Akira doesn't make no fucking sense. It's just weird,
[00:22:22] like the niggas brain just explodes off. Oh, does it? I don't know. We have all the books
[00:22:28] in my house. My boyfriend's brothers gave it to him. So we so I could read them. I'm not going to.
[00:22:34] What books? They care of books. Oh, well, that's manga. That's like a level below anime. Well,
[00:22:40] it's anime animated. Anime's animation. And manga is your comments. Right, but there's like an
[00:22:48] anime version of the books. Yeah, the biggest thing possible to be into is Japanese literature,
[00:22:54] which is even further down true. Oh, I have I have read that Japanese sonnets.
[00:23:01] Yeah, pretty good. I've read some Japanese short stories and literature and like lapims
[00:23:07] quarterly. Oh, I can't it was quarterly. Look at you. I have a subscription. No, you don't. Yeah.
[00:23:14] What? Yeah, get out of here. Talk about anime and then you're like, I subscribed to lab. I'm
[00:23:19] squirtering. Classy as shit. Yeah, you're like, I'm like, I'm like, like, you're only in the
[00:23:24] four publications a year. It's not a lot. But that's the problem having the anime. If you could be
[00:23:30] into if being in the anime meant you watched four animes a year, wouldn't be a problem. The
[00:23:35] problem with anime is that you watch it all day long and then you fuck a pillow with anime.
[00:23:39] Yeah, you don't do that with lab and squirter. They don't send you a pillow to fuck.
[00:23:43] But it's only an hour and a half again. Oh, okay. Oh, so it's like as long as it's quarterly.
[00:23:48] Yeah. Okay. You do that every day. All right. All right. That's fine. Well, I'm excited to
[00:23:53] send you that essay from from lapims for the Teddy Roosevelt essay like a year and a half ago.
[00:23:58] Remember that? Fakely. No, just think about his wheelchair. You don't want to do wheelchair?
[00:24:04] It was like the. Oh, yeah. The one. Yes, this is the one by Teddy Roosevelt. Yeah.
[00:24:09] Yeah. Good boys are goodly good boys. They're good. They're good and strong and they they
[00:24:16] are going to the they get fresh air like good boys do. Yeah. It's it's delightful. Teddy was well.
[00:24:23] I don't know why that made me think of the ice cream truck. He was so honest. He was like such
[00:24:28] like a like an earnest guy with principles who like you didn't you have to kill another man.
[00:24:35] You understand your own virtues. It's a.
[00:24:38] and pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Well, and it's nice that he was able to like
[00:24:43] like the way that the national parks were built was that John Muir like took him out and like
[00:24:48] changed his mind about the wilderness. So that's like cool to me that John Muir was like just come
[00:24:53] out and I'll you know, I'll call you a big strong man for a week and then you know now we have
[00:24:58] national parks. Nice. John Muir was the dude from suicidal tendencies. Yeah.
[00:25:03] Does that mic mirror? I don't know. I think it is. Yeah. Yeah. I'll take. I don't know.
[00:25:08] They suck. Yeah. Who's suicidal tendencies? It's like a little metal band. Oh, well John Muir is a
[00:25:17] great guy. I never I never understood the appeal. That's like they're they're like that music
[00:25:21] sounds awful. Oh man. Looking back. No, suicidal tendencies. Oh, okay. I was ready to shit. I don't
[00:25:27] even know much. I just remember I watch a bunch of videos of that dude because he always wore a band
[00:25:32] anne over his eyes. Yeah. I thought that was pretty funny. That's a cool look. Yeah. The cholo look.
[00:25:37] Yeah. White guy. Fully cholo. Just blind also. Why I feel like cholo. The whole cholo look is like
[00:25:45] they're like, well, we got to look like something. So we'll button our shirts weird, I guess. It's
[00:25:51] fun to be uniform. Not no reason how to wear a bandana on our face. We're like, well, okay,
[00:25:56] we'll just what we can see when we drive. Yeah. Yeah. And then they drive every but then like
[00:26:03] a bit slowly, right? True. It would like two miles an hour. So very slow, right? Because
[00:26:08] holiness will Smith. You notice that? I'm sorry. I'm watching your cat. Yeah. I want your cat to
[00:26:15] do something funny. I don't think I've ever recorded this podcast and it was live animal cat. Yeah.
[00:26:20] Yes. Cats weird because it looks like a combination of both the amber's cats. Oh, yeah. It's got
[00:26:25] Ernest's size and markings and fill us his face and texture. Is she cuddling? Yeah, yeah, for sure.
[00:26:35] Billy's all pets. You know, saying he loves fucking pets. It's so great. Are we telling that
[00:26:39] story about the bus driver? Oh, yeah. I'm already laughing. I don't know. I'm like, this is going
[00:26:45] to be good because what time I was I was on a bus in DC. I don't remember where the fuck I was
[00:26:51] going. But is these two black ladies talking to each other? So one of them is the driver
[00:26:56] and the other lady is talking to the bus driver and the bus driver was explaining trail mix.
[00:27:05] Like she had never heard a trail mix. Like the lady was like, Hey, what you about to do tonight?
[00:27:10] Like, Oh, no, you're probably go home, watch my shows,
[00:27:12] and has some trail mix. What is she talking about? Like this little snack with like yogurt
[00:27:21] clusters and little dried fruit. She explained every ingredient. This was like for 10 stops.
[00:27:29] Different types of nuts. Yeah, little Brazil nuts. Because you hadn't heard of trail mix and
[00:27:35] someone told you they were going to watch TV and eat trail mix. You'd be like, that sounds wrong.
[00:27:39] Yeah, it's got trail in the name. Somebody told me that you're not supposed to have more than
[00:27:44] two Brazil nuts a day because they're poisonous. Oh shit. No, that's wrong. I've eaten more than that.
[00:27:50] They got a bunch of vitamin A in them or something. Hey, that's your ass. I heard a story today is
[00:27:58] a very Rothbard for in in Wolf of Wall. He was in Wolf of Wall Street. They had him in to like
[00:28:05] play some role on Wolf of Wall Street and they make you like snort fake like cocaine roll and
[00:28:13] they use like vitamin A or something. And apparently like they he snorted so much fake cocaine he had
[00:28:20] to go to the hospital. Oh no. And then they ended up like cutting. Probably would have been better.
[00:28:26] Probably would have been better if it was real cocaine. Yeah, he would have been fine. Yeah, he would
[00:28:30] have had a blast to you know, I mean, the waiver was too risky. That's too bad. Well, why does it
[00:28:37] have to be any why can't it be like an inert, I don't know, biodegradable thing that you snort.
[00:28:43] Yeah, what happens if you snort a baby powder? Why does it have to be like a
[00:28:46] fat soluble vitamin? I don't know. I'm just learning about this now. I know nothing about it.
[00:28:51] That's making any sense to me. I don't know if the science hasn't caught up to
[00:28:55] folks cinematic cocaine use. Yeah, that's the problem. Yeah, I feel like the herbal cigarettes too.
[00:29:03] Like whenever I see someone smoking those on screen, I feel like I don't know. I feel like
[00:29:06] that can't be good for you either. I smoked one of them. I was as an extra one time.
[00:29:12] It was like pretty awful. Yeah, it seems like it would be more unpleasant to smell. Well,
[00:29:17] you're still in hair hailing smoke. Right. So. And you have to do it. I mean,
[00:29:22] because they have to take so many takes. So you're just like smoking a fake cigarette for so long.
[00:29:28] A pack of fake six. Yeah. I was thinking about trail mix the other day about
[00:29:32] like, I was thinking about like the guy at M&Ms that was like, I'm going to get us in in there.
[00:29:39] I'm going to get us in the head of the M&M do. Yeah, yeah. Because now fucking,
[00:29:44] yeah, now every type of trail mix has M&Ms in there. And to standard, who the fuck is going to eat
[00:29:49] raisins and fucking seeds and all that bullshit. You mostly just biting your time until you can
[00:29:56] get to them. Yeah, totally. I wonder if it was like Ari from entourage, like he was like following
[00:30:03] around the head of trail mix for three days. Yeah. A guy like that. I think it was the yellow
[00:30:10] M&M who did it, which, you know, we found out the big dumbass fucking remember they were trying
[00:30:22] to get us all to fuck the green one. Yeah. And the brown one. The brown one was like,
[00:30:28] explaining that she's not naked all the time. The resin's like, I want to fucking jack off.
[00:30:34] And she's like, I'm not, I'm just black. I'm a black woman. I'm not a nude M&M. It's so much
[00:30:42] worse that they don't enjoy it. You made them sexy, but then you also gave them like sentience
[00:30:49] so that they know they don't want to be fucked by people or M&Ms. True. Yeah, I never got the,
[00:30:55] like the M&M, like the brown one is like the smart one too. Like she's glasses. There's a blue
[00:31:01] one that you don't hear about that often. Oh, I went to the M&M store in Times Square.
[00:31:07] Why have every color? I've been there numerous times. Did they have the M&M's racing jacket?
[00:31:13] Probably. I think so. The most coveted item in the hood. In 1999, that M&M's racing jacket.
[00:31:20] Yeah. The official bro. Everybody wanted that shit, man.
[00:31:24] What car is who drives the M&M scar? I mean, because this is back in the day. I don't know who
[00:31:28] diabetes. Oh shit. Have you ever seen that? Have you ever seen Days of Thunder?
[00:31:37] Yeah. Dude, that movie. The movie is ridiculous. Yeah. I love the scene where, in the beginning,
[00:31:43] where fucking Robert Devalle is like, you gotta take the turn. Real smooth, you know, or whatever.
[00:31:50] And fucking, like he says something basic shit is like you're gonna let off the gas
[00:31:55] going into the turn. And when you come around, you're gonna, you're gonna, that's when you've
[00:32:00] gone it. And he's like describing like the basic physics of driving. So like if you turn the wheel
[00:32:05] to the right, the car goes to the right. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. And then fucking Tom Cruise
[00:32:09] is like, look, I'll be honest with you. I don't know what any of this means. I just drive.
[00:32:18] I'm just really good at driving. You put your key in the ignition and you turn it shut up. I don't
[00:32:24] understand those words. Yeah. Now that movie's stupid as shit. The ride was probably better.
[00:32:29] You remember the ride of King's Dominion? That was my shit when I was like six.
[00:32:33] Because you grew up right next to King's Dominion. Yeah. Yeah. It was, you know,
[00:32:36] right relative. It was like probably what like 52 an hour. Oh, because it was over by Richmond.
[00:32:42] Yeah. King's Dominion. Are you thinking of Six Flags? No, I'm thinking King's Dominion. Yeah.
[00:32:46] Six Flags is in Laurel. Yeah. That's just when we went though. We were like,
[00:32:49] fuck Maryland anyway. That was the move every summer. King's Dominion was a million times.
[00:32:54] Yeah. That was like the fan. So good. Because it wasn't Six Flags back then. It was great adventure.
[00:33:00] I thought it was part of six. No, it was adventure world. Sorry. No, it became, but it became Six Flags.
[00:33:05] It became Six Flags, but it's not for sure. Adventure world. And Cal Ripken was the official
[00:33:11] spokesperson. Remember that? Oh, shit. I forgot. I'm just thinking about Six Flags and how like
[00:33:17] just kind of hood Six Flags is. Yeah. Because it's just always lined with like little weed bags
[00:33:22] and walk back to the parking lot. I still remember like when I went this one time and there was this
[00:33:28] we there were no lines because it was kind of raining and we rode Superman like I don't know 10
[00:33:35] times and I still remember the mustache on the guy that worked there was like this thin must like
[00:33:41] just one line of hairs above his lip. John Waters. John Waters. He's just taking a... I wish I could
[00:33:48] grow that. I don't know how to do that. I think it's like yeah. It's a sh- it's a shaving thing. Yeah.
[00:33:53] No, it's just the mind shit wouldn't do that. I hate too much testosterone. Yeah. No. In fact,
[00:34:00] it's just not that kind of like density. It's like, oh, I don't think this is not dense. No, no. You
[00:34:06] don't need to worry about it being dense. Yeah. At least the one I'm thinking of. What? This guy?
[00:34:11] Yeah. The guy that I'm remembering that you have never seen. Like a John. I can't do the John
[00:34:15] Waters thing. You wouldn't be able to see it on my face. It's like, he's just like thinner than a
[00:34:19] John Waters. Oh yeah, of course. I tried to do every kind of mustache. Yeah. Yeah. Gave him all the look.
[00:34:23] It seems like the best part of being a guy is just messing around with your facial hair. Dude,
[00:34:27] I when I didn't I didn't shave my face for like six months and I grew a beard out and it's awesome
[00:34:32] that you can just make your head like three times. Yeah. It's like, you know, that's lizards that
[00:34:38] not the ability to the lizards that can umbrella gills. Yeah. They can fight. Yeah. Like, why wouldn't
[00:34:43] you just go around like that always if you were a lizard? Yeah. Right. Why would you reserve it
[00:34:48] for just scaring people? Right. Exactly. Just be scary. Mm hmm. Generally. Well, I don't know. Maybe
[00:34:55] there's a lesson we can learn there is that you don't always want to be scary. You know? No, I
[00:35:01] disagree. That's sometimes you got to save it so that now, man, you got to let it loose, man.
[00:35:08] Pull no punches. Yeah. All right. I think I only went to Kingsley,
[00:35:11] menu one. I went to Six Flags here. The magic mountain. Oh yeah. You lost your wallet immediately.
[00:35:16] Yeah. I think I told that story already. Oh, cool. I don't know. I don't know if I mentioned they had
[00:35:21] a Tasmanian devil there that I'd like make up on. I saw the picture. Yeah.
[00:35:27] That's a trans manian. Very good. I remember one time. A lot of Looney Tunes shit was very trans.
[00:35:36] Oh yeah. Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny is always trans. Yeah. We got to know a conversation on the podcast
[00:35:43] a couple weeks ago about which cartoon characters are black and it's like, you know,
[00:35:48] Sylvester certainly. Sylvester the cat. Yeah. But he has like a speech impediment.
[00:35:53] That's the best. You know, which I know it's not a race. Bombs are smoking new ports.
[00:35:58] I am fucking I was not. Sylvester is retarded, which I know is not a race. But yeah,
[00:36:05] you get as far as cartoons. Right. As you are black and retarded.
[00:36:09] I'm both. Yeah. They get an identity. You only get one. Yeah.
[00:36:14] Like Tweety Bird, obviously a Latina. Mm-hmm. You know, okay.
[00:36:18] Yeah. But you know, it started with goofy is black. Yeah. But we were having a conversation
[00:36:24] about which cartoon characters are black and then it became like a thing on vice like last month.
[00:36:29] So. Wait, what do you mean became a thing? Like there was a bunch of articles about it.
[00:36:35] What? Yeah. I could see Vice Jock and you guys. They did. Vice is definitely listening.
[00:36:39] They fucking stole our shit, dude. You know what I'm saying? No, it's just Brandon was going around
[00:36:44] the office. Just run over and I was like, guys, I just came up with this goofy is black.
[00:36:48] Like that's brilliant, Brandon. Put somebody on this now. They gave him 10 minutes.
[00:36:53] Doing research for that one. Here's a fellowship. Why did I mention that?
[00:36:59] Um, I don't know. Cartoon character. You remember the hood? The Looney Tunes t-shirts?
[00:37:05] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The big, the big airbrush. That's okay.
[00:37:10] Looney Tunes t-shirt. That's why I said Sylvester was black because he was the coolest looking one.
[00:37:14] Yeah. Remember the Sylvester hoodie that zipped all the way up? Oh shit. Like through the face.
[00:37:19] Through the face and then had Sylvester's face on it. That was like a thing people would wear.
[00:37:23] Oh shit. I don't remember that. I just remember that style.
[00:37:25] 12 years ago. Yeah. At up against the wall. Yeah. That's door.
[00:37:31] Sylvester. Well, there was a, I worked in Lake Forest Mall and there was like a bunch of like
[00:37:36] airbrush t-shirt shops. There's like this Korean owned place that just sold like,
[00:37:42] they have like every snap back ever. Oh yes. And then they sold mixtapes and then big ass like,
[00:37:48] you know, like Stewie Griffin, like as the Scarface, yeah. He's got like a gun and then it's just a
[00:37:54] quote in Spanish. No idea what's going on in this t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had a bunch of shit
[00:38:01] like that back in the day. It was a store. Well, see, so there was a black version of that store
[00:38:06] that was called M&G's. And then there was the white version that was called Fads. And that was in
[00:38:11] the mall. Yeah. And they had the same shit and like the little toys like the raccoon. Wait, what's
[00:38:15] the difference between the black and the white version? Well, okay. So the black version is like
[00:38:19] all the snapbacks, five pack of tall teas, you know what I'm saying, Scarface, Stewie Griffin.
[00:38:25] Sure. The white one is like, you can make your own t-shirts, but it's like corny ass
[00:38:32] sayings about golf and shit. Like, you know, my woman better not be on the course. You know,
[00:38:37] they wanted any joints. You know what I mean? Just like pure massage. Yeah. Yeah. One of the
[00:38:41] yeah, just like racks and racks of different massage and issues you could put on teas.
[00:38:45] It sounds like. Lake Forest is like probably the most bizarre fucking mall. What town is that?
[00:38:49] The country. St. Gaithersburg. Okay. It's like Montgomery Village. Is that when you were
[00:38:53] selling next to us? Yeah. Oh my god. As a teenager, I just worked in that mall. I worked at I worked
[00:38:59] at the Orange Julius for a while in the mall and then I worked at uh, uh, uh, yeah, two different
[00:39:08] cell phone kiosks, please. I'm sort of mad I never worked at a mall. Just because like,
[00:39:14] I know I want to understand mall dynamic. Yeah. I feel like I don't. Well, that was, it was still
[00:39:19] kind of like a functional mall 10 years ago. Right. But the last time I was there, probably like
[00:39:26] four years ago, it's just a JCPenney now. Uh, no, it's, it's weird. It's all those. I mean,
[00:39:32] there's a lot of shit that's like clothes. They're just empty stalls, but it's like closing,
[00:39:36] clothing stuff. And then like, Indian got like real cool looking Indian guys that sell like
[00:39:41] cell phone accessories and sneakers. And then like, uh, a couple of stores that are like
[00:39:48] ancient Chinese art. Like Chinese guys selling like weird Chinese furniture,
[00:39:54] which all malls always had, but like those stores, though even back in the heyday of malls, like
[00:40:00] in the mid nineties, when they had like the pen and sword stores, it was like, who's buying this
[00:40:05] Chinese bullshit? And they all have that like a, like a concubines bed. You remember the, they
[00:40:11] would have that? No, what's a concrete bed? It was like a weird wooden bed. Like I don't,
[00:40:16] there was no business that would come through there. They were, I mean, I guess people would like
[00:40:20] buy maybe like decorative tea sets and shit. And this is different from the framing store.
[00:40:25] Is it like the ones where they have like the cats that's arms go up? Yeah, yeah, that kind of
[00:40:30] like sit out front, but then they would have like one thing it would be like a whole, it would be
[00:40:33] like a bit like a wooden platform bed. Yeah, with like a pagoda around it. And it would be like,
[00:40:39] uh, these use $9,000. It was just, but I don't understand how most, I don't understand how most
[00:40:46] stores stay in business, frankly, like even fancy places where it's like that, you know,
[00:40:51] they're in a nice part of town and you're like, no one goes in them. You have to sell, you know,
[00:40:56] they have like four shirts that are $200, but that still doesn't seem like, it just never seems
[00:41:01] like the math would work. Like how do they, I don't know. How do they do it? Yeah, I don't know.
[00:41:07] There was a Spencer's gifts near like the NYU campus until like a year ago that I would see,
[00:41:15] and it's like, I don't understand who the fuck is going to Spencer's gifts and how are they like
[00:41:20] affording like Manhattan rent? Right. And then they finally went out of business and I was like,
[00:41:26] that makes sense. Yes. Somebody up there want a titty mug? Yeah, one guy. I guess like if you're,
[00:41:34] I don't know, you're visiting your kids and you forget a gift and you're like, oh, I know,
[00:41:38] I'll get them this shirt with a fairy on it. Yeah, respect to the bros, man. Yeah, for sure.
[00:41:44] That's how you do it. The bros, man. Yep. Old six flags. That's, uh, have you been in the one,
[00:41:53] I think I mentioned it before, but have you been in the one in New Orleans? No, I've never
[00:41:58] been in New Orleans. Actually, I just want to, this has been distracting me this whole time,
[00:42:01] but the Louisiana on that map is crazy. What is going on with it is just like a shrimp tail.
[00:42:08] Yeah, there's like some weird like appendage coming out of it. It's very bizarre. This map
[00:42:14] was drawn by children. Oh, okay. I mean, I assume. Yeah, I would hope so. Yeah, wait,
[00:42:20] don't break like that. I have an adult in draw this map. Are we going to nuke North Korea?
[00:42:26] I don't know. Maybe. It's, I think it seems like I think it'll be pretty funny if that happens.
[00:42:31] It would be hilarious. I mean, I like imagine we like if Donald Trump,
[00:42:35] Trump dropped a nuclear fucking bomb. Oh my god.
[00:42:42] One half a country. Yeah, there's half a country. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:42:46] Island. And then you know, he would just be like, okay, well, that's it. Yeah. And then, you know,
[00:42:52] I did it with Doug. It probably wouldn't escalate. That would be the end of it.
[00:42:56] Because it'd be because it's so fucking small. Where would they know? They'd be nobody.
[00:43:01] Well, they would retaliate against South Korea, I guess. Yeah, that's what
[00:43:05] happened. Donald Trump doesn't give a shit about that. Yeah. I mean, he,
[00:43:09] what did you see that? He said, he said the other day that he would be honored to meet with Kim Jung.
[00:43:15] Yeah. Not only honored, but it would be, it would be his pleasure. He said something along those lines.
[00:43:25] Which is hilarious. Yeah. I mean, of course he would. And if he met with him, he would be like,
[00:43:30] you know, I see where he's coming from. And it's hard. Yeah. I'm glad he poisoned his brother,
[00:43:34] actually. That was great. It would be, I would rather they become best friends. Yeah.
[00:43:40] That's how I feel. That would be equally as funny. But I guess the bomb, damn. I think the idea of
[00:43:45] like Donald Trump, new king, a country is so funny. Because that's the most Donald Trump thing you
[00:43:53] could do. Yeah. I feel like he has to do it. He will. Because that's like it bored. That's the
[00:43:58] everything that's before like, he's going to, he's going to start a nuclear war. And then he just does.
[00:44:05] And then we're like, I, well, I guess that's it. I mean, that's the, as much as we can complain about
[00:44:10] her. We tried. He said he was going to. He said he was going to. And then eventually, it's kind of
[00:44:16] nice. I mean, there is something nice about him being president where you're sort of like, well,
[00:44:20] I don't know what to do anymore. Like, I'm not a control. We all voted for Hillary. Like, America
[00:44:25] voted for Hillary. You know, she did win the popular vote. We tried. We did our, I mean, she
[00:44:32] didn't do her best. I didn't fucking vote for Hillary. We did our best. Well, that's okay. I voted.
[00:44:36] I voted for three times. I still think she should be in jail. I don't, I mean, put it in jail for
[00:44:42] them. Wack ass pantsuits. Yeah. I like her pantsuits. I think they're fun. I got real today,
[00:44:49] really into like Twitter accounts that are like, you know, saying, well, obviously this, I mean,
[00:44:57] they're still on the Matt out thing about this being like the Russians fucking office or whatever.
[00:45:04] And they're like, avoided election and illegal election does not mean that it passes to Ryan.
[00:45:10] It means that it goes to the runner up in the, in the election itself, Hillary Clinton.
[00:45:24] We think people would just be cool with their like, guess what? We're making Hillary president
[00:45:30] because we found a fucking check from Putin.
[00:45:33] Yeah, it says here's the election for you.
[00:45:37] There could be the biggest like smoking gun in the world. And it would not result in Hillary
[00:45:44] Clinton then becoming. Once you lost, you lost. Yeah, it's real.
[00:45:50] And we'll be tight. I'd be down. I work on that campaign. Yeah.
[00:45:54] She came back and I tell her be whiter. Yeah.
[00:46:00] No, black people was we was voting for her regardless.
[00:46:02] I think it's I think it's Chelsea's turn to start losing elections.
[00:46:07] I support that. She's she's like, I would love to see her lose some stuff.
[00:46:12] Yeah, she's she's like, I want to I want to just as out of touch as Hillary.
[00:46:17] I want to GoPro on her as she fucking like loses McDonald's monopoly.
[00:46:22] You know, every kind of every way she could possibly lose.
[00:46:26] Happening people just mentioned in their day got head one time.
[00:46:33] Yeah, you're dead. Your dad sucked a dick in the
[00:46:36] wall. That's not what I shut up, bitch. Oh shit. I'm trying to scratch off.
[00:46:44] One thing that has annoyed me that like is how it's like misogynist to shit on
[00:46:51] Chelsea Clinton when it's like, no, she just sucks.
[00:46:55] And like, don't make this. I want to be able to shit on her.
[00:46:58] Don't tell me I can't shit on her. That's fucked up. That's actually.
[00:47:01] Here's a goal for the listeners. Let's get her her Wikipedia changed permanently so
[00:47:08] that her middle name reads as pubes. Ooh, Chelsea pubes.
[00:47:14] It flows. I love it. I mean, if she went with that, hey, maybe she could win some elections.
[00:47:20] Yeah. I mean, the real all the other. I never really wanted any kind of audience is just the
[00:47:24] demand that they do certain Wikipedia of vandalism for me.
[00:47:28] You Wikipedia. Are you banned from Wikipedia? I don't know if you can get banned.
[00:47:33] No, I don't think so. They can IP ban you, but I mean, your IP changes.
[00:47:36] All right. I don't know how computers work. Come on. Yeah.
[00:47:39] Yeah, you got to go in cognitive. Go, bro. Okay. Cool.
[00:47:42] Easy. All right. Wonderful. I was just seeing if it was like, because you couldn't do it or
[00:47:46] because you wanted other people to do it. Yeah. No, I used to get banned from Wikipedia repeatedly.
[00:47:53] Yeah. Okay. So, yeah. And then just right now, I'm right back.
[00:47:55] It's so funny that they let anyone change it. You know, it's weird to fuck up my ability to,
[00:47:59] like, go to a museum after being on Wikipedia long enough.
[00:48:03] You go to a museum and I now even like reading placards in museum, I have like the impulse to
[00:48:08] be like, no, yeah, right. Exactly. General Custer was a gay man who slipped those in.
[00:48:19] The best kind of vandalism is where you make some minor fucking Robert Van Gay.
[00:48:23] Yeah. Some small change. And you know, all you're doing is like hurting some fifth graders.
[00:48:30] Book report. Yeah. But if you're, if it's such a small change, I mean, the teacher wouldn't even
[00:48:38] notice probably. Yeah. Do you remember, like, when you had to start doing research on the internet
[00:48:44] before Wikipedia and like the types of websites that you had to go to that was just like,
[00:48:50] you know, hot pink with like bright purple writing. Oh, this sounds like it was written by a teacher,
[00:48:57] maybe, but it's like, well, I remember them being like, you're not allowed to use the internet.
[00:49:02] Oh, good. You're not allowed to use it because everything on the internet is a lie.
[00:49:06] Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. No, I've given it for a while. Yeah. But then I started checking fools for
[00:49:12] plagiarism. I can't imagine what what school is now is like, yeah, so basically, just paraphrase
[00:49:20] Wikipedia. Yeah. This is welcome to history class. It's all online. So you don't really need to know
[00:49:26] any of this shit because you can access it immediately. Yeah. You all get A's. I'm going to be killing
[00:49:31] myself. Yeah, I think that's pretty much what school is now. Yeah, we should kill all the teachers.
[00:49:37] A guy I work with was talking to me about his daughter and apparently his daughter is in sixth
[00:49:43] grade and everyone in her school gets iPads, but they still have textbooks, but they're
[00:49:48] in the retarded kids. I didn't ask a question. Yeah. I'll follow up tomorrow. I feel like they
[00:49:55] started as a second language. They got them too. It's always a real honor to make money in
[00:50:11] Latvia. Yeah, that one got me good. Nice. Hell yeah, basically, we just have to make a retarded joke.
[00:50:19] I mean, I just kind of have a little spiking. So I'm taking irresponsible to give them an iPad.
[00:50:24] Well, I didn't say that they did first of all. But you just be in an otter box. It's a otter box.
[00:50:31] Yeah. Yeah, you can have an iPad. I mean, give them an iPad. Minis. Also, I don't know that they do.
[00:50:37] Give them an Etch a sketch or something. Even just, I mean, I think it's irresponsible to give
[00:50:42] regular sixth graders. Just the thing to change facial hair, the magnet shit, where it's just like
[00:50:48] it's a dude's face and then a pen and then you just draw a beard on them. Just give them those.
[00:50:54] Yes, and that's just good. They wouldn't know. No, no, no. You're talking about it. Yeah, this is
[00:50:59] literally just a beard on a guy's face. Yeah, that's it. All you can do is give a guy a high top fade.
[00:51:04] Yeah, or nothing else. What were those called? Some shitty because they were like, that's like
[00:51:10] a dollar store thing. Yeah. Anyway, we should steal those kids iPads. Yeah. Well, what do they need
[00:51:19] the iPad for? I don't know. Well, apparently all she does is watch YouTube videos. So
[00:51:26] like she got to figure it out. The computer lab was so fucking that was my favorite shit.
[00:51:30] Yeah, the computer lab used to be turned up, man. Yeah, it was a trail.
[00:51:33] Oregon Trail. Did you guys have that game that was like where the like
[00:51:38] spaceship game where you had to like build? No, it wasn't math blaster. It was like, you just,
[00:51:43] it was the shittiest game in the world. No, you have to like you assemble a spaceship
[00:51:48] and it's in three sections. So like engine, like the rocket, and then the middle section,
[00:51:53] you pick the payload and then the tip and the tip is meaningless that has no impact on anything.
[00:51:59] Lesson right there. Which is does not carry over in real life. Yeah, the tip is very important.
[00:52:05] I'd say. Yeah, payload and then the engine and then you just like hit the payload.
[00:52:12] What's that? I don't know. That seems like a weird charge term too. I've been watching.
[00:52:18] How about the game starting Kevin Spacey? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, no, that one. And then
[00:52:27] we're in the world is Carmen San Diego. Yes. Gumshoes. Yeah. Oh, that show ruled. Yeah,
[00:52:34] that show was sick. Liz Thigpen is the as the chief. Yes, almost got me into do about
[00:52:42] do about whatever. Do the little jazz shit at the beginning. Yeah, it was like a glee club.
[00:52:47] What the fuck is Carmen San Diego supposed to be? Just some woman that dresses weird. Yeah,
[00:52:52] yeah, right. No, she's the criminal. She's wearing a. Oh, she's a criminal in the red trench coat.
[00:52:58] I thought she had a regular. Oh, I think I just associated trench coat with detective, but I
[00:53:03] guess everybody and she's doing real fucked up shit because she's got to like go across like
[00:53:08] international waters and shit. That's crazy. Cause I thought she was the hero and I. She's running
[00:53:13] like human trafficking shit like the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, she was like stealing shit and then she would
[00:53:19] go somewhere else with it. Yeah, that or human trafficking. Yeah. That would be great. She was
[00:53:25] like really terrible. Yeah. She's just like Carmen San Diego. She just deals with child
[00:53:30] slaves. Yeah, straight up African slaves. Yeah. Just like that one SVU. But she's got a real fun theme
[00:53:36] song. Yeah. Yeah. From here to Carolina. I think that's not very far. Is that was that how it starts
[00:53:46] from here to Carolina? Something like that. Yeah. Not even a specific Carolina. Just wanted that.
[00:53:51] That is some lazy fucking song. Right. It'd be great if it was just from Phoenix, Arizona,
[00:53:59] the way that it come. Oh, Philadelphia. Yeah. San Diego,
[00:54:08] Carmen San Diego, Carmen San Diego, Carmen San Diego. I've been everywhere man. They're like,
[00:54:18] yeah, we can't accept this. You're fired. Oh shit. Um, I remember, uh, in high school, like kids,
[00:54:28] we weren't allowed to go to the computer lab. Cause, uh, fools were like bullying people on Black
[00:54:34] Planet. Like there was a list. There was like a Potomac like, like Horace list. Oh, and it was
[00:54:42] on Black Planet. And like people were like always adding names to this Black Planet. Black Planet
[00:54:47] was an early social networking site. Yeah. Yeah. It was Black Myspace. Black Asian
[00:54:52] Avenue. Well, blacker Myspace. Yeah, for sure. Cause Myspace pretty black. Myspace got black.
[00:54:57] Do you remember that? Yeah, man. Once they started doing top eight, that was like the moment it was
[00:55:02] black for some reason. I don't know if the top eight had anything to do with them. Yeah. It was
[00:55:06] just thing. Yeah. And then fucking and fools used to all it was like, yeah, which, uh, which baby
[00:55:12] mom are you? Remember those, those quizzes? You know, I had a, my, my quiz was which girlfriend's
[00:55:18] character are you from the TV show, girlfriend? Oh my God. Damn. My mom used to watch that shoot,
[00:55:25] bro. Yeah. You can't introduce by Kelsey grammar. You peeing. Yeah. You peeing really fell off.
[00:55:31] Yeah. That wasn't black anymore. Or maybe girlfriends was like their last stand. Well,
[00:55:36] they had a couple of like, I mean, it was always sort of black, but then the show's just got shittier.
[00:55:41] Yeah. That better shows. Back in the day. Yeah. I mean,
[00:55:46] when did I know I had homeboys in outer space? Did it turn into something else? Or did it just
[00:55:51] go away? That was like the very beginning of you. Yeah. Early. Yeah. I talk show. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
[00:55:58] I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I used to watch vibe. Yeah. Dude. Me too. Yeah. On an old-ass TV,
[00:56:04] one of those TVs with the knobs, yeah. Yeah. I remember, I remember him doing a bit one time about
[00:56:09] like, about how like sat like sat, sad people, they just got their dog. And it's like, you know,
[00:56:15] me and my, I was like, just just me and my dog. And I was like hanging out with my dog at the time.
[00:56:19] I was like, get out of here. I don't know. I was being owned by Sinbad.
[00:56:27] This is what a Sinbad cruise. Remember he used to do the HBO? It was like a special,
[00:56:33] but it was like a, it was like a cruise? No, I don't remember that. Yeah. I've watched,
[00:56:39] I've watched a lot of his comedy specials. Yeah. It was like, it was like the Sinbad like Caribbean
[00:56:44] comedy jam or some shit. His pants get higher and his earrings get longer with every fucking
[00:56:50] comedy show. Because he has more money. Yeah, right. He's walking out. He's fucking waving and his
[00:56:56] fucking giant earrings bashing underneath his fucking gin. That's, at least it's like he had
[00:57:02] to pick a look. You know, I feel like people these days, it's just sort of like, oh, now I'm
[00:57:05] going to wear a suit. He also does not get to respect. He deserves as a stand up comic. He's
[00:57:09] like, he's great. He was great. Yeah. Although he has like one special where the whole thing is about
[00:57:14] like the 70s. Oh, no, like shit was different in the 70s. He's like, I tell you in the 70s,
[00:57:20] remember, you used to be able to just get hit by a car. I don't think that was ever the case.
[00:57:27] He's like a lot of people's bodies different.
[00:57:30] Wait, like you used to be able to be like to survive. Yeah, play outside. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:57:36] Play outside car and you get up. You get up.
[00:57:38] Maybe worse in the 70s. Steve Harvey, like it is similar. Yeah, he had like that same kind of like
[00:57:44] fucking, here's one special where he's talking about fellas. Remember when you was younger,
[00:57:48] you just took a piss and now you're older and you germinate.
[00:57:52] And it's like, fuck you. I feel like that's, this is like weird language distinction and it's like
[00:58:00] how comedy works. Yeah, just like if you talk about memory, it's so malleable. You can just do
[00:58:05] whatever you want with it. You can just be like, Hey, remember back in the day when you used to
[00:58:10] love your parents and now it's sort of like, I don't know. Yeah. And everyone's like, yeah.
[00:58:13] Now you only affectionate. Yeah. Right. No, that's, that's, that's exactly how it works.
[00:58:19] First of all, no one urinates. No one says, excuse me. I have to go. You're an urinate real quick.
[00:58:25] Well, fellas, remember you, you just took a piss. He stumbles on that joke too. I love that Steve
[00:58:32] Harvey bit. You ever see that one where he's talking about, uh, about like a rack or whatever?
[00:58:38] I don't know. It wasn't King's comedy. No, it was much later.
[00:58:42] It's like a newer especially he's talking about a rack and he's like, uh, send me over there.
[00:58:48] Shit. You know, you don't want to do that. I get there immediately. You know, he's, I'm sure
[00:58:54] remember the big goes, but it's something like, hello, my mother. You know, he's like doing like
[00:58:57] a Arab boy. And he's like, cack, cack, cack, cack. You know, he's like, I don't care.
[00:59:01] Men, women, children, oh shit. No. And he's like, he's like, what? He's like, yeah, sneak up on me.
[00:59:10] I'm too scared. You can't fucking. He's like, and it's like immediately I hear and he's like,
[00:59:16] cack, all Lord Steve done shot the baby. And he's like talking about murdering babies in Afghanistan.
[00:59:25] Oh shit. Damn. No, yes. He had some fire fucking.
[00:59:32] That's straight up hot fries right there. That's maybe Michael Vic bit.
[00:59:36] His Michael Vic bit. Let a man kill some dogs.
[00:59:39] Just let him. I feel like it's okay when he says you know, yeah, my mom used to try to get me
[00:59:49] to dress like Steve Harvey. Like when I first, when I first beat up, when I first told him I was
[00:59:55] doing stand up, I was just, you know, I was like going out and whatever. It's like a basketball
[01:00:00] shorts. Just, you know, whatever. You discover the backpack. Yeah. Yeah. You know, this backpack era
[01:00:05] and yeah, one day she was like, you going out and that? And I was like, yeah. And then she was like,
[01:00:12] and then I don't know how it came up. But she was like, you know what? You should dress more like
[01:00:17] him. Like we were just looking at Steve Harvey and she was like, yeah, look at the picture of Steve
[01:00:21] Harvey on the kitchen table. Yeah. Wow. And I was like, fuck man. No. And then, but recently,
[01:00:29] I talked to my mom. She's not a Steve Harvey fan anymore. So, oh, what you mean? What you
[01:00:34] came full circle found out he has a t-shirt. Yeah. So, picture him. We're in sandals. It was like,
[01:00:43] yeah. No, I guess, you know, just old bald Steve Harvey's a sucker. Basically, that's just the
[01:00:47] yeah, that's the Johnson family stance fake Lego snap on. Yeah.
[01:00:54] Literally, nothing made me sadder than finding out that that high top was fake. Yeah, for any
[01:01:01] amount of time, that's like, dude, that's like the standard of black haircuts. Yeah. We like dog
[01:01:06] that hit you know, Steve Harvey's lineup is it's got to be laser-dowing. I used to think of a plastic
[01:01:11] surgery. I used to watch a sitcom all the time. Dog, I guess it was funny. Yeah. Dude, it was funny
[01:01:16] because Cedric was on it. Yo, Cedric is the bet once again. Me and my mom said the same
[01:01:20] shit the other day you should have been in the car with us. Yeah. She was like, yeah, I've watched
[01:01:23] it for Cedric. Yeah. Cedric was great on it. Oh, he was so good. I love the white character on the
[01:01:30] show. A bullet head. He's out of bullet in his head. Yeah. He's like a mentally retarded white guy
[01:01:37] who had a bullet in his brain. And the big was that he was in high school for six years. That was
[01:01:43] the whole thing. Damn, Mr. Hot towel. Fucking moron. This is very funny. It's like to cast like a
[01:01:52] black that's the thing that's missing in all these like conversations about representation on TV
[01:01:57] or whatever. It's like we got to have more minority representation. It's like, okay, but would you
[01:02:02] settle for just having like a humiliating white character on the show? Because it's funnier that
[01:02:07] way. It is pretty good. Yeah. I got a hand to him. Right. Bullet head was that was a Emmy. That was
[01:02:13] a worthy shit. Yeah. Right there. It's very funny to me. My favorite character was Cedric's wife,
[01:02:19] Lavita, Alize Jenkins. Yeah. She was the best just because that was like that was their vehicle for
[01:02:24] like just like hood names. Yeah. Like she always had a relative. She had a cousin named Nokia.
[01:02:32] Like that was always a bit. Yeah. Pretty good. She had a half black half Hawaiian cousin named
[01:02:37] Kinko. He's like a gay hairdresser. That's funny that they would mock those names on their own show.
[01:02:48] I guess Steve Harvey is a normal name. I could see him. That's his like pull up your pants is
[01:02:56] don't Steve Harvey pretty hope he named Nokia. I don't think it's like don't. I don't know. I
[01:03:01] mean, I haven't seen this, but maybe it's just like that's funny. Yeah, but when you was talking
[01:03:05] about the fucking that Afghanistan shit, it made me think of. I feel like this is the only time I
[01:03:12] ever talked to a veteran. I don't even know if this fool was in the military for real, but I got like,
[01:03:19] I guess I got a proposition I got hit on by a guy. I would nad him's Morgan one time. I was wearing a
[01:03:27] like a National Guard backpack and sometimes like drunk military dudes would like check me
[01:03:33] when they saw me. So I was in this was one of those times like, oh, you in the, you know, like,
[01:03:37] oh, did you did you earn that? And the dude sees me with the backpack and he's like in my shoes,
[01:03:44] like, yeah, I was in the army. What's up? And it was like he was about to fight me. He's like in
[01:03:48] my face yelling at me like, what's good? And I was like, Amen, chill. You know, eventually I
[01:03:54] calm him down. And he was like, he apologized. He's like, Hey, my bad man. Hey, but like, where
[01:04:00] the bitches that? And then he got real close and he was like, where the niggas at too? He's like,
[01:04:05] whispered it at me. And I was like, like, I need to go. That's weird. Yeah, a lot of
[01:04:14] the poor gay veterans really don't know. Yeah, man. I feel bad that that was the only way. That
[01:04:19] was his only option. Right. Try to fight me first. He couldn't even be nice. Fighting.
[01:04:28] Where did you earn that? That mid drift that camouflage mid drift. You better earn it, honey.
[01:04:34] Hey, cut off. Well, we're almost out of time on this SD card. So that's going to be thank you
[01:04:41] for joining. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Come down West. Yeah. Come down West. We better at it. I guess we're
[01:04:46] going to do, well, like two more. Yeah. It's still around New York. Sounds pretty good. Yeah. All