Cum Town | Regular | 05/11/2017
[00:00:00] You do the radio and you're a big radio
[00:00:03] Yeah, personally like on the on the radio. Yeah, no a sports 710. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's me doing traffic
[00:00:10] Yo, there's a lot of fucking cars out there. So four or five stay clear of it
[00:00:16] It's still sad. I really don't understand the point of traffic reports. I don't know
[00:00:23] I have a car you know I have a phone especially in Los Angeles where like they could be giving you traffic reports like
[00:00:29] 60 miles away from you. Mm-hmm. Why do you need to know about what's going on? Like this seven ten? Yeah, always
[00:00:36] I fucking I hate receipt. I've never heard a traffic report that was relevant to me. Yeah, I
[00:00:43] Think it's just to keep helicopters in business. Yeah, it is
[00:00:50] It's probably got to be the helicopter unions how many news channels are there like eight
[00:00:54] I was laughing about you guys know about the ALPA the pilots union
[00:00:59] No, I hate like they're in a dispute during like contract negotiations with spirit and all the like pilots have been like engaging in like an
[00:01:10] Yeah, there's like a restraining order from the court against like the pilots because they were just like not flying planes
[00:01:19] Which is like I'm pretty pro labor, but like just do your job
[00:01:27] fucking don't be a goon, you know and cause a fucking riot especially when you fly for spirit
[00:01:32] You know already all those passengers are to fucking murder somebody
[00:01:36] It's like you not doing your job causes someone to join Isis then like
[00:01:40] That's on you. I feel like that's not on the pilots. I feel like I'm so anti airline right now like whatever anybody does to just fuck with it
[00:01:52] They're like mad about their compensation package, which is like already huge
[00:01:56] I mean they should get whatever they're they're asking for but like it's not a strike
[00:02:00] They haven't reached the end of their contract right there's being I mean they're literally acting illegally to I know
[00:02:07] I just feel like if fuck up air travel. Yeah, I'm the most fresh airline. Yeah, right?
[00:02:12] No, I understand but I I sort of support them just because like when I've worked shitty jobs that I hated I
[00:02:19] Did a bad okay airline pilot isn't a shitty job
[00:02:23] This minimum compensation has got to be like fucking a hundred thousand dollars a year. I
[00:02:28] Don't know and I know that because I sold a car to a pilot one time and I saw his fucking how much money he makes
[00:02:33] So they all make that same amount is that
[00:02:47] Use to sell cell phones mmm. Well, that's that was my that was my it's how I went from cell phones to
[00:02:54] To working at a gas station and then I went into the car dealership. I'm like look I already got sales experience
[00:03:01] Yeah, wait, why do you need to know about gas?
[00:03:05] You don't really oh cool. They're like oh, so you know where the guys do they love me
[00:03:09] They were so excited to hire me at that dealership
[00:03:11] It was like a family dealership or whatever and then I was just like always showing up drunk and fucking looking like shit
[00:03:17] Mm-hmm just just a real disappointment to that poor family. I think they went out of business
[00:03:24] Oh, I remember one time when you were back in DC
[00:03:28] We like went to some pizza place and you're trying to get a job. I like probably the most depressing pizza place
[00:03:34] I've yeah, I'm like I'm a like a real pizza man. Yeah, yeah
[00:03:38] It was bleak and the guy was like I can't pay you minimum
[00:03:44] Like you minimum wage from the 90s okay, I'll think about it
[00:03:48] Yeah, dude. I got I worked at Papa John's
[00:03:52] Domino's okay someplace called Johnny's and
[00:03:59] I worked at Wegmans pizza. Yeah in Woodbridge. That's cool
[00:04:03] Yeah, what's the one that people respect though, right?
[00:04:06] The thing the thing about pizza is that like the guys that get in there and just stay there for the rest of their lives
[00:04:12] And it's like sort of depressing but it's also such an easy job
[00:04:17] And you just like eat pizza all day and get high and like the
[00:04:23] ones didn't really have to get high area, but you get high after you left you go to like one music festival a year that
[00:04:29] There's always somebody that's like going to Bonnaroo or something
[00:04:32] Mm-hmm. You know yeah, I remember being lectured at Domino's because I didn't smoke weed
[00:04:38] They were like oh by the way like everyone smokes weed here. So feel free to just get high
[00:04:42] It was that slice of pizza from the Pizza Hut early 90s commercials
[00:04:54] The gas station not not the gas at the I worked at a car dealership to I was in my head by the trip
[00:04:59] Lindsey Chevrolet. Mm-hmm. That was the sweetest gig. I used to steal gas. You remember Coons. Oh, yeah
[00:05:06] How did they get away with that? I have no idea. They're still rocking
[00:05:09] This is a place to call the blue knob automotive
[00:05:13] That was like a mid-Atlantic dealership. I used to see that whatever the little stamp is they put on cars
[00:05:24] I live down the street from the lube masters. Mm-hmm. It's a little yeah
[00:05:31] Jiffy pube now I want those quick pubes that you guys promise
[00:05:40] Or like a Chinese guy going to Jiffy lube. That's a fun character
[00:05:43] Oh imagine him trying to say the name of that place Dana. What was that hilarious story? You told the other day?
[00:05:49] You got to tell us no, I don't want to know. I know I should not have told you
[00:05:56] You're not in any jeopardy here. I know it's not even I mean it's very funny
[00:06:01] Well, basically there's a very nice lady from Taiwan that works in my office and we were talking about for the listeners out there
[00:06:10] Taiwan is so yeah, it's a part of China. Yeah, very similar to Japan or Korea
[00:06:22] When regular China decided to become even more Chinese. Yeah, like I'm not doing extra chopsticks. Yeah
[00:06:29] Get me out of here. Yeah. Yeah, so Taiwan you get there's
[00:06:37] Is the cultural difference between the two with every purchase try cleaners. Have you ever seen those racist businesses from Taiwan? Oh, yeah
[00:06:45] Oh, yeah, they're so like isolated I guess like culturally that they like don't understand
[00:06:53] Racism like American racism towards like black people so they just think it's like funny
[00:06:57] Oh, they have like a toothpaste called like darky toothpaste with like a blackface guy on the toothpaste
[00:07:05] Yeah, well, that's why that was like the point is because like you we can have your teeth as white as like a black guy
[00:07:12] And just a lot of like really offensive
[00:07:15] store names. Yeah, I can't you know the one I'm talking about I can't remember what it is
[00:07:20] It's just it's I can't remember a face. It's the anywhere. It's just that's just this is literally inward King. Yeah, and it's like I think it's a chicken
[00:07:29] And now it's a shoe store. Oh, it's like a culture store shoes and chicken. Yeah
[00:07:36] Well, then there would be no other name for that store. It's absolutely named if they choose and chicken and mixtapes
[00:07:41] What else you call that store? They got a combo pack. Yeah, maybe maybe the problem is King, you know, maybe it should be emperor
[00:07:51] It's right on point. You know, that's what I was wondering if either of you guys have ever been called the inward
[00:07:55] I know Nick. I'm pretty sure you have just somewhere in your travels. Yeah, but Dana that'd be interesting
[00:08:02] Maybe you're on a bus and some lady was like
[00:08:06] It's weird because for white people like being called the n-word is like that scene in the matrix or neo discovers you can dodge
[00:08:13] Bullet you like think it's gonna be a problem and then you're like trinity help
[00:08:23] People are saying the n-word you just stopped all the animals with your hand
[00:08:30] The one man born inside the n-word. Mm-hmm power to control it
[00:08:35] Yeah, and then lots of other people is because I'm pretty sure like the architect guy from the second matrix
[00:08:41] That's he probably looks exactly like the guy that invented the n-word. Absolutely. Yeah, that's weird to think that a guy came up with it
[00:08:48] That there was some like southern businessman that's like fellas. I got an idea for you
[00:09:01] I got uh, I almost got arrested because I called a cop the n-word one time really
[00:09:05] I was in a black cop. Yeah, it was like a older black dude, and they don't really play that
[00:09:08] Yeah, depending on who you talk to you know depending on which barbershop you went to right either you're down
[00:09:13] And you're not and I was working the doors soft a yet. Oh, I thought you were like went up to a black cop
[00:09:26] I got a little too riled up. Mm-hmm. I'm just
[00:09:30] Left the first parking enforcement dude. I saw I have it
[00:09:32] I probably said this already on the show
[00:09:34] But like I was laughing about like you go to the women's march and you're like, yeah, slut walk
[00:09:39] You're like what I thought you said that was the name. I thought you wanted to be called that
[00:09:45] It's not a fact you said it wasn't offensive anymore
[00:09:47] Jews told us to say slut walk in a pink sweater. Yeah, you have pussy hats on your head
[00:09:56] That's how it works. Well, what it was how like kid you remember when like kids were doing sex bracelets
[00:10:02] Yeah, what if it was pussy hats instead that would just be fun now
[00:10:06] Are you talking about when people would wear a bracelet?
[00:10:08] Yeah, it was like yes, no, yeah, it was like okay. I got a yellow bracelet that means I suck dick now
[00:10:17] Mm-hmm. Oh, I thought you had to break them and then whichever one you broke they had to do the thing
[00:10:22] I think different schools just had different rules. Yeah, really it was sex acts and colors
[00:10:26] I remember some drunk girl when I was 15
[00:10:29] She like came who is she was like always a bitch to me
[00:10:33] And then she was like drunk and like was hand like you have to break this it means you have to fuck me or whatever
[00:10:41] I remember being flattered. It's so gross that teens have sex and it's
[00:10:47] Basically like yeah, and in like a co-ed like jail or something sort of yeah, and they've got like different rules
[00:10:53] Yeah, there's a whole nother ecosystem right and every jail has different rules
[00:10:57] Exactly and then you get out and you're like oh you guys didn't do this and you're
[00:11:02] You ever do that you ever do that shit where you like open up your laptop in the more like I use
[00:11:08] So as it work and I open it up and then you forget what you were looking at like the night before
[00:11:12] Like as you were going to sleep. Why don't use my laptop at work. No, well, let me do it with your phone your old your last browser
[00:11:19] I went to sleep looking at like pictures of all the execution chambers in the United States
[00:11:24] I thought this is gonna be about I thought this is gonna be about porn or something
[00:11:29] Where it's like you like a weird no, I'm like, I wonder why I'm depressed
[00:11:35] Yeah, do a serious research. Did you learn anything? No, I have like a morbid fascination with the death penalty
[00:11:41] It's very creepy. I think it should I think it's barbaric and it should be illegal
[00:11:49] It's a pretty cool way to go out. Not a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like being strapped
[00:11:56] It's such a horrifying way to die. Yeah, it's being strapped especially the electric chair
[00:12:00] Yeah, well, I feel like I've read so many articles recently about the fucked up
[00:12:07] Injections with the like almost expired drugs that they don't even really know how it works
[00:12:12] Yeah, they're just trying to kill one of them. Did they shit? Yeah, and that to me is so much worse than the electric chair
[00:12:18] Because it's just like you can lethal injection has the highest failure rate out of any method of execution that has ever been
[00:12:25] So they had this like progression of of the death penalty being like, you know
[00:12:30] We were hanging people and then they stopped doing it because a couple of people got decapitated
[00:12:34] And it's like it's pretty gruesome when hanging the fuck's up. Oh, really the guillotine is like the best way to yeah
[00:12:40] Of the firing squad, right, but we can't yield any concessions to the french, you know
[00:12:45] Uh, they already feel like they invented every that's the thing I hate about the french
[00:12:49] I don't know if I brought that up before but what they're trying to french make anything that though
[00:12:54] This is the uh, it's the french computer
[00:12:56] Now it's a bunch is called the computer the french press, you know
[00:13:01] French fries. Yeah, they hold on to their shit for yeah, it has to be the french for a french toast
[00:13:06] That's why we call it the french guillotine. Yeah, every time you have to specify
[00:13:10] Because they well that was done during the revolution. So yeah, they didn't even know they were france anymore. They didn't have
[00:13:19] You know, they didn't have a king. You just killed them with this thing. So it occupies this weird historical period. Yeah
[00:13:26] My friend was just eating pirouettes with no vision. Mm-hmm. Well, anyways
[00:13:31] So then they they came up with the chair because somebody saw someone accidentally get killed
[00:13:36] By an electric or by like a fence or like some live wire and they're like that would be a great way to murder a prisoner
[00:13:44] That was like a first thought that guy had was that was that back in the time when they were like we want to make this
[00:13:49] Painful or was it guy where they like this will be better for the prisoners?
[00:13:56] No, I think like the because of the cruel and unusual punishment clauses like always it
[00:14:01] Oh, yeah, they have to pretend that it's yeah, they have to find a way to make it as not painful as possible
[00:14:06] So then shake your hand before you do it electric chair and then the electric chair yielded to the gas chamber, which is like
[00:14:14] Horrifying because they drop like a gas. It's a pellet that goes into I don't know
[00:14:20] It's like like a hydrogen chloride pellet or something or that's the gas that it makes
[00:14:25] And then people just they're like just breathe the gas just breathe in this kind of
[00:14:31] Long as you can like screaming and shit. I thought they just sprayed like a bunch of fabuloso. Yeah
[00:14:41] It's basically drowning people is what what the fucking gas chamber is but I think it's more
[00:14:53] Once you get to a certain point you just like drift off
[00:14:55] But if you're like breathing in a gas then it's painful. Yeah that burns your lungs
[00:14:59] Yeah, then it's also it can it's absorbed through your skin too. Oh, so even if you're not breathing in you're still being like subjected to like this
[00:15:09] Yeah, just being dipped like a fucking cone. Well, they've the first time they tried to do you make this sound delicious
[00:15:21] That's what they actually all the methods are they're trying to figure out a way to kill someone without them shitting when they die
[00:15:28] Ooh, because that's disrespectful to the executioner in the warden and the family everybody has to watch that. Yeah, everybody has to watch that
[00:15:35] Shit, I got a solution put a diaper on them. Yeah
[00:15:40] It's pretty bad the electric diaper. Yeah, that'd be a cool death penalty
[00:15:45] Very trendy. I always feel like one there's probably like one of those like southern closeted wardens
[00:15:50] It's like we've invented a new method of me sucking his dick to death
[00:16:03] To make sure this man dies without torture is I personally
[00:16:08] Have to suck his dick until he dies hard everybody close your house
[00:16:11] Okay, I'm not sure if this is really the right way
[00:16:20] No, everyone gather the family around to watch we got a gay man walking on the green mile
[00:16:41] Fucking angry tom hanks like you got you got a swallow to come
[00:16:46] Percy refuses one to swallow it. Yeah, oh yeah, I thought the sponge was wet. He's just giving it like a very toothy blowjob
[00:17:03] That's a hit baby. Are they queen mile maybe?
[00:17:05] I like my own. Yeah, that's kind of a little cross over appeal. Yeah, well anyways back to
[00:17:19] Death by gas. They just tried to like pump gas into the guy's cell
[00:17:24] Like that just didn't work. Oh, yeah, we're just gonna use a hose and try and kill them this way
[00:17:29] That's late. They just didn't want to take them to the execution chamber. They didn't have one yet then they had to make a
[00:17:35] Hermetically sealed chamber to gas people in
[00:17:41] Lethal injection lethal injection is like it has like a 7.8% failure rate or something
[00:17:47] So you have like a one in ten chance. I mean, I'm sure it works, but it just takes like an hour
[00:17:56] You miss the vein or whatever and they can't get like I feel I think that you can't get like medical professionals to participate because of the
[00:18:05] So it has to be like just jail shitheads
[00:18:09] And then they can't get now they can't get one of the
[00:18:12] The drug ingredient. That's why Arkansas has been like killing
[00:18:15] Yeah, they killed like 11 people or they're trying to kill like 11 people before the drugs expire
[00:18:23] I think it's over. Yeah, I think it was just last week. That's just a hustle man like
[00:18:27] You know like one guy died one time and they were like, okay, let's kill everybody with this
[00:18:33] Let's just keep doing it. What else we're gonna do with these. Yeah five things we bought Utah still has uh
[00:18:40] Yeah, that's what's up, which is actually believe it or not the only thing that has never had a botched execution
[00:18:47] That's yeah, that makes sense. Well, it's undefeated
[00:18:49] So easy to kill someone with a gun. Yeah, the only thing I don't like about that if you look at the chair
[00:18:53] They use it's terrifying. They make you sit in school chair
[00:18:57] No, it's like it looks like uh like Darth Vader's like
[00:19:01] Regeneration oh my capsule. Yeah, it's this scary
[00:19:05] Black chair with sandbags all around it to catch like these stray bullets
[00:19:10] Just tie a guy to a fucking post like the old days
[00:19:13] I feel like if you're gonna kill somebody by firing squad
[00:19:15] They should get to design their own military outfit. They wear in lieu of the final meal
[00:19:25] Yeah, they just stopped doing it because one guy's like I want two buckets of chicken
[00:19:28] I want an ice cream sunday. I want a full pizza Hawaiian pizza. I also want pepperoni on it
[00:19:34] I want a lasagna. I want uh chicken carbonara. He like ordered this enormous meal
[00:19:39] I couldn't just not give that guy. Well, they brought it to him and he's like, I'm not hungry
[00:19:49] And then their like final meals are canceled everybody
[00:19:56] The one guy who fucked around with the last meal. Yeah, that's terrible
[00:20:00] Why not man? I mean if they're gonna let you order anything. Yeah, right? Why can't we do that as
[00:20:05] Uh, not felons. You know how coupons have limits
[00:20:10] Yeah, if you if a last meal dude gets to buy a fucking eight buckets of chicken
[00:20:15] Let me get the same. Let me get the group prom rate
[00:20:20] Groupon. Yeah, I need last meal level group on what would your last meal be?
[00:20:25] I I'm I'm gonna say pussy before anyone else makes that joke. That's all your warden's wife's pussy
[00:20:31] Well now mine is gonna sound stupid. Yeah, the warden's dick
[00:20:42] I'm sorry warden, but he asked he it's his right to completion boss. Yeah, he needs to have something to eat
[00:20:55] I don't know if that movie's good or not. I can't decide
[00:21:00] Green mile thoughts. I uh, it's one of those movies where like I try to watch it and I'll fall asleep
[00:21:05] I fall in the sleep at every point in the green mile. Is that a Stephen King movie?
[00:21:10] Uh, I don't know that seems very Stephen King-ish. Well, I was just gonna I think I already told you this but I tried I watched
[00:21:20] Fucking what is it called princess Mona? Okay this week and I did fall asleep in that of course. Yep. So you guys are right too strange very pretty
[00:21:30] Just put me to sleep. You gotta be on acid at a minimum. They even got to be Japanese or obsessed with Japanese culture
[00:21:37] I feel like you gotta be real into like animation because I did tell people I worked with and I wish I hadn't they were very
[00:21:43] They seemed really sad that I didn't love it. Yeah, I were I worked at the
[00:21:47] uh, the bso the Baltimore symphony orchestra doing like telefunding in the basement
[00:21:54] Everyone I worked with was it was all these old-ass women
[00:21:58] And did I tell you that story about that? There's that one old lady I worked with who was like very friendly
[00:22:03] And like one day I was just sort of chat chatting with her casually. That's what it's just stories. Oh my god, dude
[00:22:09] And uh, she's like well. Yeah, I recently moved back to the city. I was living in solesbury, maryland for a while and uh
[00:22:16] You know, I had to leave there because of some personal issues and uh, I was like, oh, that sucks
[00:22:21] I'm like solesbury's kind of boring though. She's like, yeah, well, you know
[00:22:24] I mean I left because uh my home was invaded and I was beaten and raped and left for dead
[00:22:33] Like jesus christ she's like, yeah, they broke in and they
[00:22:38] Crack my skull and they raped me and I'm pretty sure that the the mayor's office was involved
[00:22:48] So she's like so I couldn't go to the police department because of uh, you know being raped by the mayor, you know, whatever
[00:22:55] And then she's like yeah just turns over my shoulder. Oh, hey jannis. How are you doing that? I you know like completely
[00:23:08] Was coming to like the lyric opera house to I guess read memes or some bullshit
[00:23:17] Who was easily one of the least attractive people I've ever seen in my life this poor guy
[00:23:23] Uh, he's like looking at the brochure and I guess like as like the shittiest lowest level employees
[00:23:29] We got like some kind of discount or whatever
[00:23:31] They were describing to me. They were like, yeah, you can actually go see all of these programs and I immediately threw in the trash
[00:23:42] You know, where the fucking that's right. I don't do I go see movies action movies steven segol
[00:23:48] You know that kind of stuff heart. Especially not george tikai. I'm not gonna go. That's different than that
[00:23:53] I'm gonna defend the operand hard target than jc
[00:23:56] Oh, you're thinking excuse them. What hard to kill. Oh, he will make that mistake a lot at the time. Yeah
[00:24:03] Um, george tikai though. You can find a season the brochure and he says, oh george tikai
[00:24:10] I had to like go to the bathroom to laugh at
[00:24:17] Do you have to go to the me having to like leave a room to go laugh at somebody?
[00:24:21] That's nice of you to leave the rim though. Yeah, that's really shows your maturity
[00:24:25] Mm-hmm. I'm proud of you. Yeah, I told this story on the podcast
[00:24:29] I'm not gonna do it again. It'll piss off the people listening to the show
[00:24:32] They get real mad when I repeat a story and it's all I know how to do the religious
[00:24:36] That's true as having been your friend for
[00:24:39] Many years now. Yeah, I feel like I mean my main benefit is that I don't remember most of the stories that you tell
[00:24:45] No, that's good. Yeah, because eventually it's it's really like diminishing returns with the stories
[00:24:51] It'll be like man like nine years ago is it this burger king and I was looking at the manager
[00:25:04] Now this is a real story the manager of the burger king and just like he looked like a burger king man
[00:25:09] Look like Napoleon dynamite. I'm like man. This dude never gets laid and he turns around
[00:25:12] He's got a huge hickey on his neck. He was like I just learned a lesson
[00:25:16] Wow, don't judge a book by its cover. Yeah, then we see that way. I did
[00:25:20] I continued to judge the book by its cover. I just saw more of the cover
[00:25:25] That could have been a bruise inside cover of the forward. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a different part of the cover
[00:25:31] Yeah, hmm and the about the author was hey, is anyone done this observational bit you can totally judge a book by its
[00:25:40] Because it's a book. Yeah, so it's for it's for queers. That's who reads
[00:25:44] That's not where I thought you were gonna take that bit. Yeah, it's true. Uh all of my bits go to
[00:25:51] To homophobia town. That's true. Yeah, so I guess we should get into this James Comey thing
[00:25:56] Oh, yeah, as the leading political podcast on the west coast who we might be actually I mean
[00:26:06] We're not political. There's no npr in the west coast. We don't we're not gonna get it out of it. NPR here
[00:26:10] They just play like trance beats. Yeah, there's nothing real. No, no, no, no, no, no, no
[00:26:15] Right. It's like it's just a guy that you know fucking went to yoga one. It's all traffic reports
[00:26:27] Everything's pretty chill from over here. Yeah, something like that. I guess that's a good take on npr
[00:26:41] That's a hell of a joke right there. I'm sorry. No, it's mom. I also got nothing for that. Yeah, I think we're all sorry
[00:26:51] Not so gross right or extremely fresh air right because it's better here the air is
[00:26:56] Your ears worse here. Okay, not so fresh air. I'm better. It doesn't see you. What how about the fresh prince of belair? Hey?
[00:27:04] That's takes place here fresh air, but it's the french french press french press of belair
[00:27:14] Is it gay to dance with your father? We're talking about Luther van dross. That's a good one is that I feel that's a weird
[00:27:21] For men to dance with their father if your dad was dead and you could bring him back
[00:27:27] What dancing would be the last thing I would want to do with them. Yeah, take that Luther van dross
[00:27:35] If the van dross was in the closet for like all of his career
[00:27:39] And then like he was about to die and then he made a song about dancing with his dad
[00:27:43] And that was like technically him coming out. I guess yeah weird way to come out
[00:27:47] Yeah, really you'd think that if he'd spent his whole life thinking about it
[00:27:53] Don't bring up your dad. Look at ransos does he strikes me as a guy with no hobbies either
[00:27:57] Yeah, I know he did. I think he just did shows and just sat in one room alone in the dark
[00:28:02] Yeah, you know, I mean, I think a lot of people don't have hobbies. Yeah, and it's especially when you can't be gay outside
[00:28:08] So yeah, you just sort of like hang out
[00:28:11] Are you gonna go be rollerblading perfect example of being gay? Yeah, that's that is it. Yeah, yeah
[00:28:32] sip on fucking Francia with my father again
[00:28:36] And do a bunch of other gay shit. Come on guys. We're just some gay guy things
[00:28:39] We're in cool clothes. Yeah, we're cut off shorts francey
[00:28:47] Close redecorate the house boy. They love that crown molding. Yeah something of that
[00:28:54] You know, okay guys love those coping saws. They can't get enough of them
[00:29:03] Was fired by Donald Trump. I feel like I am the only person in uh, my my friend circle that does not give a shit about this
[00:29:13] Yeah, cuz what's I mean? He's just gonna keep firing people that say he's bad and that's just gonna happen for three more years
[00:29:20] I even think he's like say that it's that he's bad. I think it's like the issue is that
[00:29:25] They probably wanted to fire him a long time ago
[00:29:28] And then they didn't and then this was a way to do it where they get to look like they made some magnanimous gesture towards democrats by
[00:29:36] Defending Hillary Clinton. I mean, that's what is weird about it is the defense of Hillary Clinton
[00:29:45] Because like it's like a bullshit play to make it look like they have principles, but it's so
[00:29:49] It doesn't make it so clearly not a principled play. I know I don't think it's like that. I feel like he's just like a
[00:30:04] Angry man who does whatever he wants whenever he wants and he just hit a breaking point
[00:30:10] Good analysis. We'll be back on the McLaughlin group
[00:30:16] Tony blankly tries to suck his own deck. You sound you sound and look just like that dude right?
[00:30:23] Oh, that was good. You've done your home or Simpson impression. Yeah, I have I did it two weeks ago on the podcast when I was talking about
[00:30:31] Adam's mom fucking dogs. I don't know how we got into that, but
[00:30:35] I don't remember that merge. Did you know that Adam's mom fucks dogs doesn't take much. Yeah
[00:30:41] Yeah, that's all right. Cool. Great. The man is that close. I can't in my head. It sounds perfect
[00:30:45] Yeah, that was great. Yeah, that was really good. Yeah, all right. Give it to you know, what's your take on the commas?
[00:30:50] Maybe I should just call this the Homer Simpson podcast. I
[00:30:54] Rambled for a while. Yes, you turn. We gotta talk about this James Comey thing. Call me. That's like what like a comb for your hair
[00:31:06] It's me. Hey everybody. It's me family guy
[00:31:09] A perfect cross in between. Yeah, the family guy Simpson's hybrid
[00:31:15] We are doing like like a Dundalk Homer. That's fun. Yeah, it's me Dundalk Homer
[00:31:22] Is that a fun character? Yeah, that's solid. Yeah, that don't calmer is
[00:31:27] Keep that one going. I my only take on the thing is I I enjoy watching white people argue with each other
[00:31:33] It feels like it's never been at this level in America. Yeah, just whites versus whites for sure
[00:31:40] That's pretty good. That's good. Yeah, I like that
[00:31:43] Uh, I want to check out dude. I want to make enough money to get this my new my new thing is getting into uh, I want a teak plantation
[00:31:52] Uh like basically I have a teak forest. Yeah, and I just grow teak trees somewhere down down in the south
[00:31:59] A few hundred acres, maybe a little less. Yeah a couple hundred acres a couple hundred acres
[00:32:04] Like it down get a teak farm didn't get the manner
[00:32:07] No, of course you need an estate out there. Yeah, basically. It's like I was thinking about Django
[00:32:14] And that plantation and how like terrifying that scene is when they're going up to the plantation
[00:32:18] But like not if you identify with lien order to capriose character
[00:32:23] Then that's a movie about like the coolest life you could possibly have yeah, you know, it's like going to cribs
[00:32:31] Yeah, right slavery cribs. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[00:32:36] So I want I I feel like I kind of but you can't own that I was looking at plantations
[00:32:40] You can they can there's one you could buy for like 52 million dollars
[00:32:45] Uh in south carolina. It's just like 11,000 acre plantation because it listed on red pad. Uh, yeah
[00:32:57] But it's like first of all if you have 52 million dollars people already hate you, you know
[00:33:03] Yeah, and you're already kind of you're already bad. You can't buy a plantation
[00:33:07] Yeah, I imagine being a fucking billionaire and they're like, yeah, I'm just gonna buy this
[00:33:14] I'm gonna get this plantation and nobody's gonna find out or criticize me
[00:33:17] When I buy a 52 million dollar plantation, but they I mean people do that all that I don't know who buys plantations
[00:33:27] Great point. Yeah, you can all it the only way you can buy a plantation now is for the most wokest of activity
[00:33:36] They list them on there and it tells you when they're from right and some of those like built in 1910 and you're like, all right
[00:33:41] Some of them are like built in 1809. You're like, you don't admit that
[00:33:45] Yeah, but I'm gonna say if it's after 1865 just say like, oh, yeah, we don't have the paperwork
[00:33:51] So I think it's from like the 80s. I think this is like one of the newer
[00:33:55] It's like a tech plantation that somebody made it back in like the 70s. So it's definitely not like a
[00:34:03] I get ronty. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, this house filled with hooks. That's also on the property
[00:34:09] I don't know. Don't look over there. Don't get it. Yeah, it'll be a sunroom right by the time you buy it. Yeah, you get it
[00:34:16] This uh, this like uh sand box looking thing on the front yard with that's door on top
[00:34:21] But yeah, I don't know what that is. I think maybe a dog lived in there
[00:34:27] But a very happy dog definitely happy dog
[00:34:30] Grass head. Oh, no, those are owls. Yeah, those are you're just hearing owls coming to the screams and stuff
[00:34:36] That uh, it'll never go away. Yeah, it's a
[00:34:41] Out of bun would you take a deal on a crib if you knew it had ghosts? Absolutely. Yeah, we'd love to live in a ghost house
[00:34:47] Yeah, why not? Yeah, I'm in fact I googled the haunted houses to buy it was like fantasizing about buying a hounded house
[00:34:54] Yeah, what can ghost even fucking do to you? Well, first of all, they're not real. Yeah, that's but number one
[00:34:59] Go to that hospital that like abandoned hospital in like uh
[00:35:03] Glendale, Maryland. Nah. Is it gonna abandon?
[00:35:07] Tuberculosis sanitarium that like friends of mine would go to
[00:35:12] And they were like we're gonna eat mushrooms and go to that abandoned insane asylum
[00:35:15] Why do people always want to eat mushrooms and do?
[00:35:20] Yeah, it's like just worst idea so terrible being around more than 12 people on mushrooms
[00:35:27] Being in like a sane asylum being in like a poorly decorated house on mushrooms is bad. Yeah any of it
[00:35:33] If it's not like a beautiful day outside, right? Don't do it. Yeah. Well, they've uh
[00:35:39] So people go to it in the middle of the night
[00:35:42] And they wander around they're like oh who's fucking haunted or whatever, but you're just hearing other people and like breaking into this
[00:35:50] Hospital and like running around it like it's fog. It's ghosts or whatever
[00:35:54] Just one of your friends getting mugged. Yeah, right exactly being being raped
[00:36:00] Somebody getting raped in that hospital. So it was like I was raped and they're like oh by a ghost
[00:36:08] I would have to stop hanging out with all of those people
[00:36:10] I would love to be the svu detective that's like gonna have to chalk this one up to ghost
[00:36:16] He's not doing his job. Yeah, he's a really good detective, but he believes a ghost so
[00:36:20] So sometimes he prematurely writes off these cases
[00:36:27] Uh north korea guys feelings good bad north korea go to bad
[00:36:32] Tony blankly stop sucking your own dick
[00:36:35] I think i'm on board the fact that I figured that the administration would have heard
[00:36:41] The last episode and cranked up the heat like oh, okay. Yeah, next at his time. Let's get him
[00:36:47] Mm-hmm, but since we didn't bomb him yet. I think we're good. Yeah, I think we'll make it. Yeah, I think they'll make it
[00:36:52] Yeah, I think eventually I think by the end of the trump administration
[00:36:56] Everyone in north korea is gonna have a laptop
[00:36:58] It would be great if trump just keeps saying like dumb threatening shit until there's like a coup or something and then
[00:37:09] That'd be the funniest outcome the best
[00:37:11] I mean everyone was saying that back when the election happened is like the funniest outcome is that if trump is like an amazing
[00:37:17] Presidential the economy and shit right well because every so often i'll say something where you're like
[00:37:22] Do you want universal are you gonna put universal health care on the table because like maybe he could because he's so easily persuaded
[00:37:29] Yeah, you just have to get the right people in there
[00:37:33] Just send some famous person in there to try and convince him flat or him a little bit
[00:37:37] I would trade health care for the plantation to be honest with you
[00:37:40] I feel like I would I would become one of those people that pretends it's the 1800s
[00:37:49] See you I would have some immigrant I hired a shave my face with a straight razor on the porch all day long
[00:37:57] I fungus or would you know in a wooden chair? Yeah wrapped in some blankets. Mm-hmm. Yeah, right. I get one of those hearing trumpets
[00:38:14] I mean if we could all get that instead of health care that would be one yeah hearing trumpets
[00:38:18] Yeah, seersuck or suit. Yeah, just awful dental hygiene from dipping all day long
[00:38:24] To back you right off the right off the ground
[00:38:26] It's just now it's like we don't we don't have good health care and we don't have we don't
[00:38:32] We are old white men on plantations and it's like I want one or the other yeah
[00:38:36] Would you what would you rather have a gun or universal health care gone gone?
[00:38:41] Copy the gun because it was a 20 any any fucking gun you want dude any gun I want yeah
[00:38:47] I get the 40 cow what gun would you get if you could go only get one gun?
[00:38:50] I would get like a magnum like you know like a straight-up dirty hairy fucking 44 magnum
[00:38:56] Yeah, yeah with the with the barrel. That's like a long yeah
[00:38:59] Yeah, have you ever seen like a desert eagle in person?
[00:39:02] No, they're like one of those big-ass gun. They're enormous. They look it looks like a fucking joke
[00:39:08] Like I don't know no no good than your forearm. Oh, yeah
[00:39:13] Do they have gun ranges in New York City?
[00:39:18] But they basically made it like impossible to get a gun in or like carry a gun around in New York City
[00:39:23] Yeah, I bet there's just a town in New Jersey. That's all gun ranges
[00:39:27] You can't even carry a knife in New York City like any kind of knife. Oh, they're all
[00:39:30] But are knife did yeah well they use this antiquated law that made gravity knives legal
[00:39:37] Which gravity knives are like a thing that existed like the 50s
[00:39:41] Which is this big-ass knife that like unfold. It's like a huge switchblade basically. Okay
[00:39:47] But because they don't exist anymore gravity knife is now this just vague
[00:39:52] Umbrella term for any knife that a police officer can flick open with like the force of gravity
[00:39:58] So even if you have like a Swiss army knife on you
[00:40:00] They'll like open it a little bit and then like you know if they want to charge you and it has nothing to
[00:40:05] It's like knives that you can buy it like REI or whatever
[00:40:09] Uh, and like they've like fuck up people's lives with this bullshit legislation
[00:40:15] What if I want to cut the plastic things off my soda, man? Yeah, no, yeah
[00:40:19] I mean if you have like priors or whatever, it'll destroy your fucking life
[00:40:23] Yeah, when I was doing that truck job, he used to carry a knife on me and I was always worried about it
[00:40:27] Yeah, you know, you're like, you know, you're fucking to do something wrong on a subway platform
[00:40:32] Then they you know search you or whatever
[00:40:35] And that's crazy because it's killing cops
[00:40:40] It's a goddamn shame, man. You want to let a white guy carry a knife no more. Yeah, I know what is happening
[00:40:45] That's why you gotta come to Los Angeles. Well, no, that's why I gotta get my plantation
[00:40:49] For sure, dude. I've walked around covered in knives two hundred acres
[00:40:56] Mm. Yeah, they've got a bunch of gun ranges in Burbank
[00:40:59] Yeah, I was looking at the the plantations for sale and one of them was called uh cuckold crossing
[00:41:05] No, it wasn't it was absolutely I fucking it was what's your internet? Uh, it is
[00:41:15] Oh, what will I love a dub dub? Okay in the password
[00:41:22] Fresh coffee everyone's gonna hack your Wi-Fi. Let's go. That's okay. We should change it anyway
[00:41:30] You're almost not even working. Yeah on my computer
[00:41:34] How many people in this building? I don't know
[00:41:39] Every individual has their own Wi-Fi. It's
[00:41:44] I feel yeah, we're all gonna die soon. Yeah from cancer
[00:41:47] This is just internet waves pulsing through. Yeah, you're crotch right now
[00:41:53] Every part of your body if you're listening to this yeah, yeah, yeah, you're covered in fucking pulsars
[00:41:58] That's cool. At least we're all gonna die in like the same way. That's fair
[00:42:02] Maybe we don't need healthcare. Yeah, maybe we'll all just maybe they'll find a cure because everybody's dying of it
[00:42:07] Yeah, well, it was funniest because they were like uh, no
[00:42:11] Cell phones don't cause brain cancer whatever and then like last year they were like, okay
[00:42:15] Cell phones cause a little bit of brain cancer
[00:42:23] But the way they did the study is they like blasted
[00:42:26] Cell phone radiation at mice until they got cancer. Oh, so they were but the but theoretically it shouldn't be able to cause cancer because of the wavelength of
[00:42:37] Of the cell phone radiation. Uh-huh. I feel like phones update so fast. They never got to finish the research
[00:42:43] Yeah, of course not like they're scientists that are still working with like a cuckold straw sec motorolus colton county, south carolina
[00:42:53] Somebody spent millions of dollars on cuckold's
[00:43:00] It'd be great if that guy like immediately that guy's wife fucked somebody
[00:43:07] I this is the last thing I thought would happen cuckold's crossing. How you gonna do me like this?
[00:43:13] You're just sully the name of cuckold's crossing
[00:43:18] Yeah, look at this. It's gorgeous. Yeah
[00:43:23] Is there a painting? Do they have art of people fucking get rid of all the art? Yeah, it's all the artwork there is just uh
[00:43:30] Just fingernails embedded into the walls
[00:43:33] The cat man it's it's they why is why do those places still exist?
[00:43:40] They serve that like well, we have to preserve it for historical purposes
[00:43:46] Uh, you know, I mean it there's a conservation effort. We have to keep these
[00:43:52] beautiful old plantations around it's like just
[00:43:55] The fucking district it has not you there's no mention of slavery. It's not like they're keeping Auschwitz around. They're like it's a beautiful house
[00:44:03] What if someone wants to live in beautiful?
[00:44:07] Some million ale can spin fit the two million dollars. Yeah, the certain turn Auschwitz is a cuckold
[00:44:17] They cut the vulk Vulcan cuck or whatever the German. I don't fucking god damn. I wish I knew German
[00:44:23] It's gotta be next. I feel like you got you know a little mandarin a little bit of mandarin no little french
[00:44:32] Spanish and I'm like I'm like if I'm like if if fucking uh
[00:44:37] If Jason born went to like one day of training and he was like, yeah, this isn't really for me
[00:44:43] They just taught you all the verbs. Mm-hmm. You just yeah, I'm not really in like conjugating or
[00:44:51] Social security numbers or I'm trying to let it siting people some Icelandic should like some
[00:44:57] Nordic do you want to go to Iceland? Yeah, that'll be cool. I was looking at moving to uh, barrow, Alaska
[00:45:04] The northernmost point in the United States. Oh shit. I think that would suck. It only has two days a year
[00:45:15] Or something like that. So the sun's just up. Oh, I see and then there's polar midnight months. Yeah
[00:45:22] Mm-hmm. That would get old so fast. Yeah, everyone there is on meth. I presume it's like the average temperature year round is like
[00:45:33] Who even lives up there guys like me, you know, sure people who couldn't get a plantation
[00:45:38] Really? So they went to go live with Inuits at the top of the world outcasted brutes. Mm-hmm. I
[00:45:49] Yeah, literally immediately I would probably freeze to death
[00:45:54] I think you could like I I mean, I don't know. I feel like you could just use the same bits
[00:46:00] Makes new friends. You know what I mean? I think you could like dominate the the the best comic. Yeah
[00:46:08] Be the best comic in Barrow, Alaska. Yeah, I I agree. I think you could do this. I worked
[00:46:16] the guy that was like opening uh was like
[00:46:21] You know, he lived in some bullshit town in like the middle of Wisconsin and uh, you know, I was like asking him like
[00:46:28] Like what is it? What do you just do comedy by yourself in this town?
[00:46:34] Because I can't imagine he was like, yeah, you know, I figure I just stay in wasow and
[00:46:38] You know, get good and wasow and I was like, no man. You should get got a move
[00:46:43] Somewhere where there's other people to do comedy. He's like, yeah, but you know, I figure I'd stay in wasow and
[00:46:53] And uh, he's like, you know, make the big move and I was like, I wear like
[00:46:57] New York, LA, you know, he's like, mini-appolas
[00:47:01] Madison. Yeah, that was the big move. He's go there now. I'm right. Yeah
[00:47:06] He was he was waiting until he was good. He and good enough for mini-appolas
[00:47:12] If it's so great folks, why does it have mini in the name?
[00:47:21] Fargo the movie pieces of shit or TV show both they're both good. Put the eye on the screen easily. You could reference either
[00:47:37] Barely original ideas and then someone said out there like yeah, I'm just gonna copy that movie
[00:47:42] You know, I'm just gonna call it the same thing and they're
[00:47:45] I'm gonna talk the same and the character is gonna be
[00:47:47] You just derivatives of characters in the movie and it's like the best show that's been on TV in like 10 years
[00:47:54] Some shit just works man. Yeah, not enough people talking about that midwest rage. Yeah. Yeah, how about a show called Fago?
[00:48:01] And it's about juggalos. Oh my god, bro. You and McGregor has like three different types of juggalos
[00:48:08] He gains 300 pounds. Mm-hmm. Yo that actor got so fat for no reason in season two of Fargo
[00:48:14] Do you see that no, which is a guy that played like Todd on Breaking Bad
[00:48:18] He was like the main guy on Fargo season two
[00:48:22] And he gained like a hundred pounds for the role and it's like just cast someone David
[00:48:31] Like actors gaining and losing weight, but I think they just do it because it makes them feel good about their craft
[00:48:42] like finally they have an excuse to eat a bunch of food and then people you know make them feel good about it because
[00:48:53] Game way, but it's like hard to lose it. It's a good bit. That's a great bit on Instagram just losing weight
[00:48:57] Yeah, until I'm a famous actor. I'm gonna go fat movie thin movie fat movie thin
[00:49:02] Movie yeah until they you know throw me in jail
[00:49:07] Yeah, because you're gonna be too good of an actor if you do that
[00:49:10] I it is it does feel like an excuse sometimes. Yeah, or people can just like be like I did it
[00:49:16] I got fat as shit and then they're like oh, it was my line again
[00:49:20] You guys be like the shittiest performance in the world, but you get like 400 pounds
[00:49:25] You're like you don't understand. I'm not just a patient. I'm an English patient
[00:49:32] Yes, I was a lot of weight. All right. Who's a shindler guy. Where's what's this list? Everyone keeps talking about
[00:49:40] Schindler's grocery list. Yes. Can you please memorize your lines? No, I'm busy eating
[00:49:49] Literally you're supposed to be an Auschwitz. We don't know why he gained so much weight
[00:49:55] I'm an actor. Yeah, an assistant bringing you cheeseburgers. Yeah, you're in those like
[00:50:08] Adrian Brody gained over 700 pounds for the pianist
[00:50:21] Yeah, Eddie Redmayne gaining 400 pounds to play Stephen Hawking
[00:50:31] I liked you know who Stephen are they yes, better the Cumberbatch just gets super fat for the
[00:50:39] Wasn't the imitation game. Yeah, Alan Turing. Yeah, the end to men's game
[00:50:47] I'm already making the t-shirt. Yeah, and the end to men's game starring better the cover batch
[00:50:55] Um, Alan Turing. Mm-hmm. That guy like custard, huh? Oh hey, did he who knows? I don't even know that was a gay thing
[00:51:04] Oh, what could be you're telling me about gay comms got their own music playlist. Oh, yeah, they every year they drop a playlist every season
[00:51:14] 2000 winner playlist and the cover is just it's like a cartoon cover, but it's like
[00:51:20] Just a dude in a ski suit. That's like half open and he's got some hot cocoa. Mm-hmm. And he's got skis on
[00:51:28] Yeah, what about yeah, I'm gonna take this please
[00:51:31] Or is he just sort of walking around with skis on it?
[00:51:34] I think it's just walking around with skis on yeah, just showing them off showing off the games
[00:51:38] Skish it that means ski suits are fantastic and I wish that you could wear them all the time feels like I'm wearing nothing at all
[00:51:48] He was right. Yeah, that was like the way. I mean pantsuits are just great. I wish I could wear all black
[00:51:55] Like light gray shit. Yeah, I mean, I want to I just want to
[00:52:00] You go black crew neck sweatshirt right gray sweats
[00:52:05] For the pants right orthopedic black Reebox. Yeah, scully right and then you just mick from uh rocky
[00:52:15] Forever and ever. That's yeah, that's a great look right. Can you wear the new balances?
[00:52:20] Does the Klan still have new balances? Oh, yeah, that's theirs. That's not the Klan. It's the the Proud Boys. It's the Gavin guys
[00:52:27] They wear uh Fred Perry polos and new balances
[00:52:30] I'm keeping mine. Fuck that your new balances. Yeah. Yeah, don't let them take it because I was from DC shit
[00:52:36] I saw I got I was in DC a couple weeks ago and I saw a black dude and new balances. Yeah, okay. We still got them. Yeah
[00:52:41] Yeah, I don't think I think that that's they're the best made shoe for sure they last forever
[00:52:46] You can get by a pair of 504s and wear those shoes for nine years. Yeah. Yeah, I got these 992s to be black Steve Jobs
[00:52:53] I was doing a bit. Oh, yeah black Steve Jobs
[00:52:55] So I got the same shoes he wore and all the fucking press conferences
[00:53:00] He has great style. What would black Steve Jobs invent? I think he the I the I ABD's
[00:53:07] I don't know he's still using a next L for sure. Yeah. Yeah, he's bringing back cherub
[00:53:13] He's putting Steve Jobs. You can scream at people anywhere and he's gonna check this out
[00:53:18] You're you're all you know blowing off work that day
[00:53:21] You know that you want to talk to your friend is also blowing off work
[00:53:29] Damn I did that shit like a few years. I forgot what black Steve Jobs even oh you did that's a bit
[00:53:33] Yeah, yeah, okay. I think I was just like it's just Steve Herkel. Yeah, I see jobs. Yeah. Okay. I think I was just doing dance moves
[00:53:40] With this newfound you can fuck Lara finally
[00:53:46] Remember when they actually let him fuck Laura that was like the last year of the show. Yeah, it was
[00:53:52] That works. I never like fuck it. He's not I mean he was an astronaut like save the world
[00:53:58] Didn't he says you got to let him fuck after that?
[00:54:01] That's that's a powerful message for kids that if you just continually harass and pursue a woman that's told you know a million times
[00:54:08] Yeah, eventually she'll run out of options
[00:54:13] You have to be a scientist though. Yeah, it only works for scientists. Yeah, you gotta be a scientist
[00:54:18] You can't just like science to be hi. Laughing you Lara
[00:54:22] That happened on sister sister too, right? One of them dates Roger Roger, but he got hot
[00:54:27] So yeah, yeah, he just we started wearing cool shades over like one summer. No, he like grew
[00:54:35] Wasn't a batman that was just like art of musical
[00:54:39] Yeah, it was immature was the name of the group
[00:54:45] Their manager was like, who's that white dude that was running in sinking shit?
[00:54:51] We're creepy guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:54:54] There was like a black version that guy Chris Tokes
[00:54:57] Okay, he was like, I don't know if he was fucking any of them
[00:55:00] But then there was another boy group that he managed
[00:55:03] Like uh later because that was like the 90s. She had another group called B2K. Oh, yeah. Yeah
[00:55:10] B2K and they can't it. Yeah, so he was like fucking one of the dudes from B2K
[00:55:15] Really? Was he like came out? I forgot who it was. Was it razz B?
[00:55:19] Razz B might have been razz B. Marquez Houston better know my sage name batman
[00:55:24] Yeah, I was just a little bit mad. I thought that he because I remember when he came out with the song
[00:55:29] But it's weird that they let you do that
[00:55:31] Just be Batman. Just be Batman. Yeah, that seems like I come Batman too
[00:55:36] I feel it. Yeah, I feel like he must have been able to and then the real Batman's in court
[00:55:44] I'm not a black guy. I was never nerd. I was always cool
[00:55:53] Uh man what it must be easy to have a twin
[00:55:56] You know, just guaranteed a guaranteed a career in hollywood. It's not a single group of twins
[00:56:03] It isn't as a previous thing that I saw when I came to LA was I was like working
[00:56:09] um running a photo booth at this club and the guy who like I guess he
[00:56:15] Was a manager or something for the photo booth company
[00:56:19] And these two girls came by who were twins and very scantily clothed or whatever
[00:56:23] And he just turns to me and he's like twins nice
[00:56:28] And I thought he was joking and he wasn't joking and then he like why would he say that to a girl?
[00:56:34] I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand what like other dudes do that to me
[00:56:38] It's like some like it's always some sexless fucking nerd that will be like oh
[00:56:46] You know, I'm like who the fuck are you? Why?
[00:56:49] I know it kind of relate to me. That's why I thought it was a joke for a sec
[00:56:55] And then he was like all over them and he was like and he kept like making eye contact with me and like
[00:57:01] being like I work with this Puerto Rican guy sometimes it cat calls women and uh, it's so funny
[00:57:08] Because like I can't do it, but he can and you can't really tell him he can't because that's like his culture
[00:57:13] And then yeah and like spanish dudes always say mom basically it was a mommy mommy mommy
[00:57:18] Momma Sita. What's momma Sita little mommy? Okay
[00:57:25] Mom, but you're mom. Momma. Excuse me. Mom, that
[00:57:30] This is gonna happen on the bus. Maybe sometimes just dudes
[00:57:33] I think damn one of like the first times I took the bus in LA there was this dude
[00:57:38] It's I don't know what age any of these fools were but it seemed like it was like an older guy
[00:57:44] and he was with like two younger kids and he was like
[00:57:51] He was like letting everybody know he wasn't gay
[00:57:54] Like when he got on the bus he was like hey, I ain't down with that gay shit straight up
[00:58:05] There's so many good bus stories. I remember I was on the bus one time and there was this like
[00:58:10] Daylabor looking dude and this was back in the next cell days
[00:58:16] He's sitting on the bus and like I'm all across from him and the bus is packed and his phone starts ringing
[00:58:22] And you know, he's like a fucking five foot two go out of mauling guy covered in plaster
[00:58:26] You know like and his phone starts raining hands. Yeah, and his with fucking ringtone goes off and it's like
[00:58:36] Yeah, like toxic as his fucking ringtone and he's like hey love
[00:58:52] He had to buy a visa gift card. Yeah, I mean that's a great song. That song is so good and it does
[00:58:57] Yeah, I remember it's so good on the bus with my friend briano one time and briano was like
[00:59:03] Of like very fat black woman. We were like talking the whole time and there's like other people were talking
[00:59:09] There's like these other like black dudes in porta recon dudes or you know, whatever else have adorion dudes on like the bus
[00:59:14] And then she got off the bus and I was like all right. See you later
[00:59:18] And then she leaves and they're all like at the window staring at her. They're like damn
[00:59:22] They're like are you are you fucking that or whatever?
[00:59:30] Why not you know they're like blown away. I wasn't fucking this like like this is my 350
[00:59:46] Like I don't care that much about like cat calls or anything because it's like you can just feel like the loneliness and the sadness of people
[00:59:59] Excuse me, ma'am. I'm dying man with the legs. I'm so lonely. Oh, you've got nice hair
[01:00:04] I'm so alone keeping me through today. If you don't respond to me. I'll have to become gay
[01:00:11] They're making me become gay. That's what I hear when I get cackles
[01:00:15] That's exactly what has anybody ever done a bit where it's like a old like
[01:00:19] Just middle-aged white guy cat calling on the street like you know like white white guy like uh like proudest and like
[01:00:26] Yeah, like mostly plus we did that bit as like an informational video
[01:00:40] When that girl walked down the street or whatever. No because they didn't have any white guys in the video and that was a complaint
[01:00:47] Busy comedy did like what guys are really saying when they cack all and it's like a bunch of white guys being like hey girl
[01:00:53] I have to yell at you because I'm like full insecurities and it's like why is that white guy talking like that?
[01:01:00] Oh, it's because you know exactly who's actually
[01:01:03] Calling is that the problem why is that white guy got a dew rag on? Yeah
[01:01:17] What's offensive? It's like if you're gonna like make it just make them what regular white guys
[01:01:21] I don't understand. Yeah, here's a bus feed video about not paying child support. It's like I'm paying that shit
[01:01:30] It's like a white guy. Yeah, they could know they should have done it like
[01:01:35] Hey ladies white guys talk about your butt behind your back. Yeah. Yeah, they should have just did it like that
[01:01:41] Yeah, it's so much creepier white guys like talking about it afterwards. Yeah, oh, it's much worse
[01:01:45] I don't know that whole conversation gets like it's so easily gets into like fucked up territory, which is why I think people stop talking about it
[01:01:53] Because they were like oh well the reason there's no white guys is because they're you know, it work
[01:02:05] And I got well of course there's no white guys in it. They're all the jobs
[01:02:10] They're all working jobs that hang out outside all day every white guy's with it. Yeah
[01:02:17] I feel like it should be more acceptable to just like
[01:02:21] Scream at people on the street like whatever you're thinking about them. Of course, you know, like first of all, it's legal
[01:02:27] You can do that. Oh, of course it's legal, but like so many screams. Happy Cinco De Mayo bitch at me yesterday, and I was like
[01:02:36] That was the end of it, you know, I'm not like all right. Well, I need to start a non-profit
[01:02:42] To deal with the issue of Cinco De Mayo harassment
[01:02:46] Well, maybe you should yeah, that would be a good way to funnel more money into my pockets
[01:02:52] Somebody yelled at me one time. You only got to put a stop to this
[01:02:56] First of all, it's cultural appropriation to say Cinco De Mayo. Do you see Mike Huckabee's tweet?
[01:03:01] Oh, you're about eating a whole yeah, tub of salsa. My
[01:03:10] I'm gonna drink an entire jar of salsa watch speedy Gonzalez cartoons. Oh my god, right and take like a nap on a cactus
[01:03:16] Whatever the last one was is I think I can't watch a woman fuck a donkey because a nap on a cat is too
[01:03:29] Get knife down. That's another good quadler take from me. Yeah, I could be as terrible. Yeah, I didn't even know he stinks
[01:03:37] P you. Yeah, that's what I say about him
[01:03:39] I thought he was like kind of a regular dude and now you tell me he's
[01:03:44] Oh man, he's a regular dude in terms of personality in fact. He might be you might be personality wise. Yeah, just on TV issues
[01:03:53] My favorite politician. He seems pretty
[01:03:55] He's what a funniest guy in the world. Well, he's definitely like I appreciate his creativity
[01:04:01] Yeah, and he's so bad. He's so bad at writing jokes. He brings speedy cons. I was back
[01:04:06] Yeah, I thought about it in a while. Yeah, the not everyone could think of that
[01:04:10] I wouldn't have thought of it. Yeah, if I was thinking of my congressman when I thought it was just
[01:04:15] Yeah, I mean my aldermen. Do you don't got no
[01:04:18] Oh, yeah, comedic timing. I don't have any funny congresspeople. Hey can't do improv games with the fucking no none of them fools
[01:04:25] Yeah, none of them. Yeah, that's the problem with congress is it's not funny. Yeah, they need to do more improv
[01:04:29] I'm not sure clowns. They're not very funny
[01:04:33] That's why we got to get more more comedians
[01:04:36] Yeah, well, I feel like the entire government's just gonna be celebrities in the next
[01:04:47] It's the whole government is gonna be every celebrity so like every single president will be the rock
[01:04:54] Yeah, congress will still be like it'll just be john Cena the entire
[01:05:00] Just doing the fucking whatever that thing where he shakes his hand in front of his face
[01:05:03] Yeah, that's every hearing right everyone's dying because they don't have medicine
[01:05:11] Everything's a turnbuckle. So he's getting on top of it and doing the fucking hand over the facing
[01:05:16] Have you seen the video of him announcing the death of Osama bin Laden? No, well such a good video
[01:05:27] Usama bin Laden and then everyone's like USA USA
[01:05:32] Which you know to be honest with you is the only way any news should be delivered like in a wrestling event
[01:05:37] Yeah, I think it's honestly it's kind of fucked up that trump didn't let
[01:05:43] Cena fire combi. Yeah, we have compromised to a permanent end the career of James Comey
[01:05:50] Then the undertaker puts him in a casket right he's fuck you's James. Go me through
[01:05:59] James got me. It's just like is this a joke. Yeah, is it a joke?
[01:06:03] I saw a wrestling thing when I was a kid at like USA arena where uh, it was the undertaker versus yolkazoona
[01:06:09] Remember yolkazoona. Yeah, just like this like sumo. You know, I thought there was only I thought that yolkazoona was like
[01:06:14] The yolkazoona. I didn't realize that yolkazoona was like a weight class in sumo. Oh shit. Yeah
[01:06:20] I thought I thought he was like that was like Japan does the sumo thing. This is the guy
[01:06:27] And he wasn't just some fat piece of shit like he was like Mexican right probably
[01:06:32] Yeah, there's no way he was actually Japanese. Yeah, but I just saw the undertaker like choke slam him into a casket
[01:06:37] They made like a special casket. I was never into wrestling, but the one thing I do remember is when uh
[01:06:43] Uh like was it the undertaker dragged big shows dead dad like for behind his car or maybe it wasn't the undertaker
[01:06:50] It was somebody something they're always doing something. I remember that's where I learned the term terminal in relation to disease
[01:06:59] Was from wrestling nice. This is dad had terminal cancer
[01:07:02] That's the time where you die for anyone that says that wrestling is dumb. Okay. I learned a word from the whole way
[01:07:12] You ever get in trouble for doing suck it. Oh, yeah. Yeah me and Adam talked about that. Oh, sure
[01:07:19] X-Pac two years ago for real. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah, how's he doing?
[01:07:24] Uh, well, it was weird because I went on
[01:07:26] Kurt's podcast and I was doing a character and x-Pac was there and like to everyone else
[01:07:33] I was clearly a character, but I was I was
[01:07:36] Fox thought this it was real didn't I thought it was real. I said I was a trans racial student from the granola college of the mountains
[01:07:42] That's great. Yeah, and then I identified as many different races other than white and you can't tell me
[01:07:48] I think this is like right around when the dull is all thing happened
[01:07:50] But afterwards x-Pac's like hey, are you really like a trans racial guy?
[01:08:06] Yeah, I wish I'd seen that sex tape he did. I'm really I've seen it. Yeah, you can see it's so online. I gotta get that
[01:08:12] Yeah, I hope it's on porno. Yeah, it's weird. I've never watched any celebrity sex tape
[01:08:17] Like I've just accidentally seen parts of them. Yeah, that's why I can never do it because it's like, okay
[01:08:25] I want to laugh separate from my pants being off
[01:08:29] It's like it's just not celebrities don't fuck good. Yeah, they're just celebrities
[01:08:33] I saw dog the bounty. I was it I was at a birthday party and dog the bounty hunter was there too
[01:08:37] And why every dude with a sex tape got a mullet?
[01:08:42] A lot of wrestlers old 80s rock boots. Yeah, we were talking about JCVD earlier. Do you know, uh, you seen time cop?
[01:08:50] And I probably said this on the podcast too before but I love in time cop where they
[01:08:55] um, you know the beginning of the movie, it's like
[01:09:01] Right and then they jumped to 2004. That's the time frame. Yeah, so in 94
[01:09:11] Uh, JCVD no mullet, right? No mullet at all, but then they cut forward to 2004 and he's got a mullet
[01:09:17] They'd love it. They were like, oh, it'll come back
[01:09:20] It's gonna come it'll be back by then for sure
[01:09:25] It they tried to do a little comeback probably around like 2007. There were people had like euro mullets. Yeah, I think it
[01:09:36] Yeah going on. Yeah, well, they went so crazy like if you look at old pictures like stamos
[01:09:40] Or like you work any shitty comedy club. Oh, yeah
[01:09:43] And all the headshots on the wall where like everyone is like it's all men wearing eyeliner with like
[01:09:52] Uh most like it's got to be that's got to be like a $900 mullet
[01:09:57] Yeah, that you paid the layers. Yeah, yeah
[01:10:00] Uh, and then it's like, uh, you know, Dirk Dirk Rogers
[01:10:05] That's comic in Alabama. The guy died of like testicular cancer in 1998
[01:10:13] Doing this fucking I mean it's the fucking headshot wall is a comedy club's is a sad story
[01:10:19] It is the most fun part. This is looking at this. Do you ever get a wise acres? No, no, I wasn't around
[01:10:25] Dude that wise acres wall the fallen soldiers. Yeah, all right
[01:10:29] My favorite one was just it was a guy in front of a drum set
[01:10:39] How many how bad of a fucking show that was to see
[01:10:42] Oh, shit. It's just not a comma is a different thing
[01:10:47] It's a good chef is I owe the chef comedian
[01:10:51] Nope, it's a chef. I mean that sounds great
[01:10:54] Going in uh, you know drumming funny like you start out with one rhythm you end up with a different one
[01:10:59] It's crazy. I want to be the steel drum comedian. There you go. Do it. Yeah, there is someone now
[01:11:05] Yeah, there used to be a dude who used to play the steel drum in front of the giant
[01:11:09] Columbia Heights. Yeah 14th street. They had uh they had like a
[01:11:13] An rip to some road dog that whose like heart exploded
[01:11:17] They had like the article about it. Just buffalo wing soakers. Yeah, pretty much
[01:11:22] Like a beloved member of this community
[01:11:24] I gotta get old. I used to look at uh, Richard Belzer's headshot at the improv all the time
[01:11:30] Yeah, like I want to copy like 1981. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like him just buy the fucking they got some fucking old headshots
[01:11:41] I gotta redo some of those shot for shot. Mm-hmm. That's got my plan black and white
[01:11:46] With a vest on. Yeah, you know, I mean, it's like a very elaborate piercardin. Yeah
[01:11:52] It's cool. Some of them have like uh, uh, uh, bill burr's old headshot when he was billy burr
[01:11:58] little billy burr. Yeah, yeah, those are always weird to see
[01:12:02] Um, I guess we should end this one on a banger. So, uh, I got a sketch
[01:12:08] Not prepared, but where we're gonna go to wikipedia and then hit random page. Okay, and then we're gonna riff on it
[01:12:15] Sounds good. This is throw up the lab. This is uh
[01:12:17] uh, my uh, nithaniel tarn. So nithaniel tarn is american poet essayist, uh anthropologist so
[01:12:30] Here's mine nithaniel tarn what in tarnation?
[01:12:44] We'll be back next week, uh for the final come town west. Yeah before I return to
[01:12:51] Saudi Arabia where I do come town far east
[01:13:04] We're gonna make stop become chinese. Yo dude. We gotta tell the serving of get back with stop lost his front tooth
[01:13:09] What yeah, he's got some weird disease just eating pussy. Well, he I guess I mean he already looked like a baby
[01:13:16] Right. Yeah bald and now he's got like a missing tooth
[01:13:21] It's so funny. I mean he's fucked dude. I mean I hate myself, but I can't imagine
[01:13:26] You know, he should just wear a bonnet now. Yeah, he should lean in. Mm-hmm. The gurper grown up
[01:13:31] He's gonna have to convince women to breastfeed him. That's gonna be
[01:13:35] How he handles his horniness, you know, he's willing to so that's a start
[01:13:38] I feel like it's unfair to talk about him without him being able to sit here and just go no
[01:13:47] I'm not refuting any of these things because he's the
[01:13:51] He'll leave all you comments. Oh, yeah, true Adam and stop on listen to this show. Oh good. I don't listen
[01:13:58] I'm not gonna listen to the last few minutes. Yeah, jamael you can kiss my ass. I'm not gonna hear myself say that. Yeah to me
[01:14:03] Right. Yeah, why would I I what what kind of psycho path do you have to be to listen to yourself on a recording to like relive a
[01:14:12] Conversation that you had already. Yeah, right. Honestly, bro
[01:14:15] I do I listen to everything line for line and I have a dry erase board
[01:14:18] Do you and then I take notes and then I take pictures of the notes then I wipe the board off
[01:14:25] That's it, you know, I've done I've tried to do dry erase boards multiple times in my life
[01:14:29] I was really trying to really trying to gauge
[01:14:34] Series you are my bad. No, no, because sometimes I mean if it's for like, you know
[01:14:38] People take comedy stuff very seriously if you're like doing that for your jokes
[01:14:42] I wouldn't be like that's stupid. I've listened to every content I've been on and did a hundred push-ups. How about Nathaniel Tard?
[01:14:52] Yeah, let's go ahead and we're gonna vandalize this Wikipedia page right now for Nathaniel Tarn and change it to Nathaniel Tard
[01:15:01] Yeah, and I I'm gonna get here's what you guys can do Nathaniel Tarna the inventor of the chicken Tarna
[01:15:18] Uh, I'm gonna edit this and then they're gonna change it back and then you guys the listeners are gonna go on Wikipedia and continue to change
[01:15:25] It back to Nathaniel Tard and so they have to lock this article
[01:15:29] I'll ruin some nerds day. There'll also be a poll text 875 with the word
[01:15:34] Yes, if you think Nathaniel Tarn should be gay and retarded. Yeah
[01:15:39] No, you think you should just be joke either or FAGGOT if you would like to hear more
[01:15:45] Um, let me do a find the replace on this new note
[01:16:08] This is nice this feels like a Bob Ross how to vandalize Wikipedia
[01:16:21] What like a drill instructor? I did none of that. Yeah, that's why he went into painting because
[01:16:28] He got tired of yelling at people and he wanted to do something calm
[01:16:35] I feel like after podcasting I'm gonna go into uh
[01:16:39] Yeah, there we go. This is perfect. Nathaniel Tard born 1928 in Paris
[01:16:45] Is it American poet essayist anthropologist and translator?
[01:16:50] Perfect. Well, that's that yeah, that's an evening. I guess uh guys. Thanks for hanging out. Yeah, thanks
[01:16:57] You know if you guys want any more of this uh
[01:17:04] uh brief recaps of Wikipedia articles I've read on the death penalty and uh you know the sprinkling of uh
[01:17:14] Plantation talk yeah, plantation talk that kind of stuff if you want to subscribe to the podcast tell your family about it
[01:17:23] You know older folks and your family. Yeah, this is for vets. This is for war vets
[01:17:27] Yeah, yeah, actually we're gonna start a new spinoff for for veterans to help them get over PTSD where we talk very calmly and then
[01:17:36] We'll be yelps all of a sudden and then we'll condition them to no longer be afraid of loud noises
[01:17:44] Great plan. Yeah sign off for it. We are already getting tax breaks. Okay. Do this song. Well. Yeah, perfect. You guys are great. Thank you