Cum Town | Regular | 05/18/2017
[00:00:02] Less pleasant listen to you like this reddit. Yeah. Well, you know what's great about this is that like I'm always the one eating on the podcast
[00:00:09] But they all the people get mad and they're like tell stop
[00:00:16] Because of morbid Leo B's yo the fat shaming it's real son anytime. There's a smell
[00:00:23] But you know what is my like that what is true is that if anyone else is eating then stop is also eating
[00:00:29] For sure never every time every time we do the show
[00:00:33] I'm like hey, I'm gonna order food if you want to get food or whatever. He's like no
[00:00:37] I'm trying to be good. I'm like I drank some juice earlier
[00:00:41] You know in some blender bullshit and he's like no, I'm trying to be I'm trying to be like good about it
[00:00:46] First of all you can't be dieting if there is no diet. It's not just a general idea of I'm not gonna order food
[00:00:53] I'm gonna order food. He's like oh, let me get one of them dumplings. It's like
[00:00:58] Just to order just to order food. We know you're gonna do this every time
[00:01:02] I don't understand its addiction for you
[00:01:04] But like how fucking annoying would it be if you were like let's say you and all your friends were crack addicts, right?
[00:01:10] You're like yeah, man. We're gonna get some crack. Do you want to?
[00:01:20] Yeah, I worry about that as a girlfriend all the time because all I want all the time is just like two fries and I know
[00:01:28] Girl problems hashtag girl. I know I'm trying to represent and I know that it's terrible
[00:01:33] But like I don't want a whole thing of fries. I just want to fries
[00:01:36] Well, stop is the fat girl from that Chris Farley Kai have some sketch
[00:01:40] Which is the greatest sketch of all time
[00:01:49] This my most style shirt on the side notes a great shirt came through trans for y'all trans-iberian orchestra was good
[00:01:58] Just chewing directly to a come towns favorites trans and Siberia. Yeah
[00:02:05] But they're not the trans in the traditional sense. No, no, I think they just like why I guess a contemporary sense on the traditional sense
[00:02:11] They just rode together. Yeah, that's all it is. They just go across
[00:02:15] Siberia yeah together. Yeah like that fucking movie you've seen that shit. No, you know, you ever think it's how it's like kind of disappointing that like
[00:02:23] This is it. We've maxed out the genders
[00:02:26] There's not gonna be any new weird. Well, we just decided that other than fucking show that they can all be that's really the last frontier
[00:02:33] A thousand years from now people are gonna be having dicks off their ankles. Yeah, I'm like it'll be something else
[00:02:38] I think you know, I think probably at some point pedophilia is gonna it not in America. Yeah, there'll be another culture
[00:02:44] I mean it is normal in other cultures. Yeah, it is very
[00:02:56] No, you can be like in Afghanistan they all have like
[00:03:00] Slaves and stuff. Yeah story is it the army was like they were soldiers like I just stopped these tribal leaders from raping a boy
[00:03:08] And then the kernels are like oh, yeah, you gotta let them just gotta let that right. Yeah, I just let them fuck all those boys
[00:03:15] And you're not allowed to talk about it. Oh shit. Yeah, that way and that story came out like five years ago
[00:03:25] You know ready for little league some ones that weren't murdered. I guess yeah shit. Yes
[00:03:31] There's a lot of I wonder if pedophiles get defensive about that
[00:03:34] When somebody's like this guy's out there raping and murdering children. He's like I don't what I don't murder them
[00:03:41] Probably making me out to sound like a monster
[00:03:44] Which I am but like last of a monster right you're like if you're not the guy who's like trapping people in a hut behind your house
[00:03:52] Hmm. What's worse fucking rich kids are poor kids
[00:03:55] Poor you know how like pedophiles they pick on oh, it's okay. I shouldn't have answered that
[00:04:00] Yeah, you see you just got both bad you just got blocked trap, but it's it is sadder when it's poor children, right?
[00:04:09] Sorry, that's just a natural effect of money. Yeah, I mean like if Baron Trump was sexually assaulted would you care?
[00:04:16] Keep in mind. He's he's like 10, but he's also like six foot five
[00:04:21] People don't realize how very large boy. He's an enormous child
[00:04:26] Yeah, it's bizarre. He comes off the bench for the Milwaukee Bucks. Yeah, but people don't know that
[00:04:30] He's four and a half years old and he's probably like a size 15 shoe
[00:04:35] And he can dunk looks great. It looks the great in the suit. You can be in a touch glass. Yeah, for sure good haircuts
[00:04:41] I feel like what I feel bad. I don't know. I don't know that's
[00:04:49] Yeah, I would feel bad. I feel bad for Baron Trump. His dad sucks
[00:04:55] He seems like he's in a rough spot in a tower
[00:04:58] I feel bad for him in Tiffany and I don't feel bad for the other three
[00:05:02] Yeah, which is maybe unfair. Don't be the guy that
[00:05:06] exclusively goes after Baron in Tiffany
[00:05:08] Yeah, I want to call the other the older brothers Lenny and squeaky Lenny and squeaky
[00:05:19] And squeaky I hope that I feel like that gives them so much that makes me feel so much more sympathetic towards them
[00:05:26] Well, maybe I shouldn't because then it's like they're fun. They're jazzy. They're fun. Yeah
[00:05:30] I've said it in like private circles. I don't know if I should say it out loud
[00:05:34] I can't believe you're saying something that you haven't said on the podcast before it's just in. Oh, that's a
[00:05:39] Delicile lusive fucking rough. I'm just I'm joking. Yeah. Well, it fucking hurt
[00:05:45] Yeah, you're your fake joke hurt for real. Yeah, I feel like we're much nicer than
[00:05:57] Problem I have about myself creatively and like the direction the podcast is going. That's not
[00:06:03] Funnest off for being fat. I'm not like hurting his feelings about his real insecurities
[00:06:09] Being fed. Yeah, well, I'm sorry money maker
[00:06:18] Gabrielle or glazius's number was one through five. But number six is stop rose. I agree
[00:06:23] I'm not I'm not trying to say stuff shouldn't be fat. Well, I know I wouldn't say that trisik. There's a comedian
[00:06:33] But not like good friends with by any means nice guy. We've always had friendly interactions, but he looks exactly like
[00:06:43] Or maybe maybe Eric Trump whichever who on her one is I don't I think it's a specific
[00:06:48] Specific yeah, yeah, and he looks exactly like him and I pointed out to other people and he's a nice guy and people like him
[00:06:54] And he's funny too. So they're like he doesn't look like that and then I'd show them look and then they have to be like that's
[00:07:03] Like that's good. I mean you're right, but it's me I
[00:07:07] Feel like Donald Trump and Eric Trump are a very they're like a type. There are a lot of people that look like them
[00:07:13] They're other people whose last name is Trump. Yeah
[00:07:17] That's a made-up last name right and we already you know
[00:07:20] It's funny to look at like pictures of the royal family and how they have the same facial features going back to like the
[00:07:27] 1200s Jesus. That's how fucking inbred they are. Oh, I'm like old paintings and they get the same nose
[00:07:34] They spent 200 years fucking each other just to get it set a thousand years. Oh straight the housing. Yeah
[00:07:41] Yeah, that's how long the house of of of Bimleybrook has been around damn the house house to tray you I
[00:07:49] Think that's the British family's name really
[00:07:53] Yeah, I think a tray is a metal band. Yeah, I was gonna say they're kind of like like trapped
[00:07:59] That's one of the guys from never ending story what house to tray you yeah a tray you oh maybe that's where the band gets its name
[00:08:10] King kingdom of England the King's house and the name of the house is going back thousands of years
[00:08:18] thousands of when I was growing up one of my friends was
[00:08:23] her family was like related I guess they're like
[00:08:27] You know they can't they're related to the Spencer's like to die at Princess Diana's family
[00:08:33] Which is related to Princess Diana to the Spencer's people don't know this. That's why they killed her
[00:08:40] She turned like hi when we came up and honked her tits. Mm-hmm and then
[00:08:46] The old the old broad all their gifts are like you're 50
[00:08:52] I remember Spencer's gifts being a lot of like the stuff that I bought was a lot of like
[00:08:58] fairies there were like they had these like fairy print shirts there were like goth fairies and that was the vibe
[00:09:04] Oh very specific you shop the Spencer's gifts. Yeah, it was like Spencer's gifts and hot topic
[00:09:10] They were like the same for like six months
[00:09:14] Anything at either one of those stores. Yeah, I definitely used to go to Spencer's every time I went to the mall
[00:09:19] Yeah, you go in there and look at some yeah
[00:09:20] Yeah, because it was like you're beating off related, but I would never buy anything in there
[00:09:25] Yeah, I would definitely I was looking for shit to jerk off to later. Yeah, oh source material to remember things
[00:09:31] Even worse you just went to spend you just give that's why we go to awny hands
[00:09:42] Who is like a pretzel I bet it's short for Annabelle
[00:09:48] The whole house smells like yeast you know from the pretzel
[00:09:52] That's why I always went to Wetzel's pretzels. Yeah, I would go there
[00:09:55] Check off someone puts these wetzels right now. Yeah, mm-hmm
[00:10:00] I'm a pitzy wetzel. It's called instead of pretzel time. It's pretzel dimes
[00:10:05] It's like hot women that serve you pretzels. Okay, I'd go there. That'd be sick. I'm turned on. Let's do it
[00:10:11] Get some get some Puerto Rican mommy's down there
[00:10:18] It's just butter and like little salt crystals
[00:10:23] It's a bitch named Lucinda. Yeah, is that a Puerto Rican name? I think so it might be
[00:10:32] It's a good name. Yes Puerto Rico mean port rich rich rich rich for it rich port
[00:10:38] Yeah, they changed it to that I guarantee you they let them in the US
[00:10:45] In Connecticut views a tell just tell Trump that it's rich port. Yeah, he would it's a beautiful country
[00:10:51] I found out recently most of them own even Spanish
[00:11:00] I mean I asked President Xi about it. I basically any country. I don't know about I go to China and I asked the president
[00:11:08] President China tells me about all the countries. We got a great relationship. He's a beautiful man
[00:11:23] You read that Atlantic article about the slave I did I did a little Trump slave no no
[00:11:29] No, just like a guy wrote this like fucking long read about how he grew up with the slave in Seattle
[00:11:37] Yeah, his Filipino immigrant family had a fucking slave slaveless in Seattle
[00:11:51] This Meg Ryan just complaining the whole time
[00:11:58] Yeah, it was a crazy article because he just keeps the slave is the more
[00:12:05] There's nothing to do with the slave except I kept her but now is nice to her
[00:12:09] Here's a picture of me giving her a hug I paid her $200 a week and told her she didn't have to cook but she still did
[00:12:16] It's like so he can be having a good race. Lave. He was just a better slave owner than his parents
[00:12:21] Yeah, and fucking uh and all the people responding to it and they're like wow this is so beautiful and nuanced
[00:12:28] And it's like people crying. No, this guy should be in jail. No
[00:12:33] He died he died he died but the thing today they found that he like lied to the
[00:12:37] Obituary they had an obituary for her in the Seattle
[00:12:42] Times or whatever the fuck newspaper they have up there not slavery magazine
[00:12:49] That they and they were like oh she was just
[00:12:53] She someone asked her to take care of the family and the Philippines which they didn't ask her they made her
[00:13:00] Yeah, and then she was so devoted to the family
[00:13:03] Pretty much or like you'll starve and then they took her to America
[00:13:10] And she had to stay with them because she like had was that for a while was there illegally any who?
[00:13:17] Delied to the oh he tried to justify it in the article to saying like oh well
[00:13:21] You know if we let her go back home, then we would get in trouble with immigration
[00:13:27] Yeah, she got in a lot more trouble than just immigration you
[00:13:33] Well, I just as a white dude. It was so great to read that story. I just like well, that's one you can't put in my column
[00:13:50] And I could do it just like Filipino culture where everyone just has a bunch of slight even the slaves have slaves
[00:13:58] And it's like okay, I don't know what's going on over there. It's like on Darman Greg where Dharma's dog has a dog
[00:14:13] The dog is a place for it is Dharma was like the fun one. Yeah, she had a dog. But yeah
[00:14:18] But like her dog also had a dog and the boy
[00:14:30] Interestingly enough the dogs were eaten by a Filipino
[00:14:38] Slaved yeah, look I take away from this was that all Chinese people grow up owning a slave
[00:14:47] Well, you know what I mean by Chinese is Chinese style Asian people yeah
[00:14:51] Because you gotta be careful when you say Asian now Indian guys get mad and they're saying what do you mean not me?
[00:14:57] I'm Asian too. I don't understand why that would be it
[00:15:00] But why I feel like that's excluding themselves. I don't know. Yeah talking about the type of Asian with the bangs on the sides
[00:15:07] You know how it's like little pincers. You know how they can't grow
[00:15:11] You never seen that look where it's like two like side bangs that like wrap around they frame your face
[00:15:19] So it looks like you got parentheses over your face. Yeah, I mean I can imagine what you're saying, but I don't mark echo sweatpants
[00:15:26] Like Skate shoes and yeah, yeah, but on your face. Yeah, and that's an Indian thing. No, no, no. Oh, yeah
[00:15:37] Like a Pacific Island or a Southeast Asian kind of okay, I just want to make sure that I'm like
[00:15:42] Stereotyping correctly. Yeah, yeah, no, you got it. We go
[00:15:45] Cool. Go go my steps. We did data Filipino guy who was really in the insane clown posse sick. Yeah, interesting. Oh, man
[00:15:53] Which definitely means he was breakdancing a few years before that and there was like I'm sick of dancing
[00:16:05] You guys ever think about juggle those like shit. You ever consider giving it a run
[00:16:10] No, by the time I was aware of it everyone like vice was already like
[00:16:15] Oh, we're we all went to the ICP gathering
[00:16:18] I mentioned it on the show already but like that guy that my steps are dated
[00:16:24] He brought over some like insane clown posse dvd
[00:16:27] And I was probably 15 at the time and I was like super susceptible to becoming an ICP guy
[00:16:36] Me at 15 could like it was like I was like a cunt hair away from being like
[00:16:44] Did you just say a cunt hair? Yeah, that's an expression. Yeah, one guy. You heard that? No. Yeah, a cunt hair away from
[00:16:51] I have not heard that. You ever heard someone call lips, uh, dick suckers?
[00:16:55] Yeah, I'm gonna punch you right in your dick suckers. Maybe not like that actually. Yeah
[00:17:00] That's a wood bridge thing interesting. No, I'm sorry. Just I wanted to I actually didn't know if I heard you correctly. Yeah
[00:17:06] Uh, but it's sort of like an older respectful term from the Annabelle himself
[00:17:11] It sounds old. It sounds like a very British thing to say. Yeah, like one of it. Well, that's me
[00:17:17] I use British slang. Yeah, come here the most pristine. Yeah, I like it better than I don't know
[00:17:23] I guess like pube. Yeah, it's a better word than that because pubes a little too general. Yeah, pube could even be armpit hair
[00:17:32] Yeah, I mean, it's definitely more like gender specific. Anyway, I'm sorry. You almost joined ICP
[00:17:38] Yeah, I almost joined ICP. You almost became a juggle him
[00:17:41] Well, he brought that DVD over and I remember watching it for 15 minutes and being like
[00:17:49] He took you a little too close. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:17:52] Nice safe distance. Mm-hmm. I remember like like he had like we had like a similar taste in movies and shit
[00:18:00] So he was like yeah, this is like insane clown posse. I see people guys get it sometimes
[00:18:04] Yeah, you know I'm saying not every day, but you could you could fuck with him a few times a week. Yeah
[00:18:09] Well, it is like it's it's it's music for like if you're
[00:18:13] A white dude wants to listen to rap, but you're probably like white trash and racist. Mm-hmm and you're too dumb for M&M
[00:18:21] Hmm. That's what yeah, that's a great way to put it. Yeah, where it's like you you understand the angst of M&M
[00:18:30] You need like a joker element you send it to curve like why doesn't M&M said he had work?
[00:18:36] He's so good at rap. He could why isn't he why isn't he twisted?
[00:18:40] Why doesn't he understand my darker elements that just desire a chaotic mind like K a like the transins
[00:18:50] That's uh it's like we came up with a new version of
[00:18:55] Of the Simpsons called the transins. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[00:19:09] I'm glad you guys took the lead with that one. Yeah, you
[00:19:12] Well, I wanted to give it to you because it was a lot of always doing the parody songs for sure
[00:19:17] You know, I feel like we all take Adam it took an Adam a long time to get comfortable doing them because he's very bad at them
[00:19:25] Honestly like the worst person in the entire world coming up with parodies on because they get listen to Paul Simon and shit all the time
[00:19:35] Fucking acoustics. He'd do his talk talk
[00:19:41] Right to ran to ran parodies don't worry. Yeah, I mean I got this roxy music
[00:19:53] Did think of a good time-time club one just now. Yeah, what's that? What you gonna do when you get out of jail? I'm gonna eat some cum
[00:20:04] All right, what do you consider cum? Yeah, you get you get the rest
[00:20:12] What's your favorite band my favorite, but I don't want to know. I don't know you have to say it. No, um
[00:20:22] Wow, I honestly don't know and I don't feel comfortable saying it
[00:20:26] Why I don't know. I'm just trying to think right now. I'm just thinking of trying to impress the cumheads is what it is
[00:20:32] No, no, no, that perfect. Yeah, you gotta just let it go. I like just embarrassed myself constantly on this show and
[00:20:39] This is like very little consequence for it. Oh sure. No, I mean who cares. I'm leaving
[00:20:45] I'm never just people telling you you're wrong. Oh, you just ignore them. No, no, no
[00:20:51] This is I wish that it was about the audience, but I feel like
[00:20:56] This is the panic that I get whenever someone asks me my favorite
[00:21:02] I'm just like I don't know. What was the thing I listened to last because I get like into
[00:21:08] What happens to me is I'll like get hooked on a song and then I listen to that song like over and over
[00:21:13] Yeah, no that thousands of times and then I can't listen to it again
[00:21:19] And also I feel like I can't remember things that I returned to my favorite band is the five oh goes west soundtrack
[00:21:27] The soundtrack was I trying to answer seriously
[00:21:30] What is wrong with me? I was like oh my god. What is my favorite song?
[00:21:34] I don't know if I should just say like the sound of my own farts. It's not a five oh grows breasts
[00:21:46] Fiveral what are you doing? You can't grow breasts and become a girl
[00:21:55] You can be a girl Bible. Please swaddle you doing do your father
[00:22:03] Kats are like all right guys or something. Yeah
[00:22:06] Richard Spencer the little side cut. Yeah, you're also saying we I want to write
[00:22:11] I want to do I'm gonna I'm actually gonna script it and then just do all the voices for the podcast at some point
[00:22:16] But my spec script for the Simpsons where Homer gets red-pilled
[00:22:22] And march has to tolerate him like finding out about like the all right and stuff
[00:22:26] He's like march did you know that the Jews are using cultural Marxism did
[00:22:41] March I've got great news. I'm teaching millhouse out of fuck Lisa
[00:22:48] Homer stopped at no it'll be good for millhouse and Lisa's to uppity
[00:22:56] Worry she's gonna accuse somebody of rape. She goes to her smart girl college
[00:23:04] So that's the idea for the you know, I pitch him, but I can't do any impressions. Yeah, there's no
[00:23:13] Corumba for the whole news. Have you heard about this new website?
[00:23:24] It's called storm front I can't do burns really. Oh smithers man. Yeah, so ahead of his time. Uh, mr. Burns
[00:23:35] Good news they finally fired that queer
[00:23:43] Not much. Who did they queer I've been complaining about for 30 seasons they finally
[00:23:53] What I just learned that word I they use it they like being called that
[00:23:57] Oh my you're still using it in a derogatory way they put the queue in the lg thing. I don't
[00:24:06] It's not my fault. You get me fucking mad at me because
[00:24:27] Rent always reminds me how homophobic would bridge Virginia is
[00:24:32] I was telling you before we started this shit. I used to work at AMC when rent was out
[00:24:37] And after a movie's done they used to give us like the billboard you could call dibs on the display shit
[00:24:45] Rents the hottest shit at the theater right now. I'm calling rent. I'm a flip that shit on eBay. Yeah, this money
[00:24:53] Before I could even take the shit out of the lobby these two gay dudes wrote upon me was like what's up with that?
[00:24:58] What you better do with that? And I was like it's yours
[00:25:02] 50 bucks you gotta take it out of here yourself
[00:25:04] And I was like hell yeah, and then like some dudes that I worked with like saw me like oh, what were you what were you doing with them?
[00:25:10] I was like dude. I just sold these guys. They were like trying to give me shit for like doing business with gay people
[00:25:17] Like legit that's even worse than just it's not even about the movie. It's like a bad understanding
[00:25:29] I don't know me. You know I'm a libertarian. Sorry
[00:25:32] I was like damn. I can't I can't take no money from him for real. That's yeah crazy. Yeah, it was pretty weird
[00:25:39] I wonder I wonder where those dudes are hoping I'm listening. Hope you still got that rent piece
[00:25:44] I hope they've learned. Yeah, god damn it if I'm lucky. Yeah, I hope I'm maybe they were hoping that you'd be like oh
[00:25:50] I'm like setting something up for later. You just turn around and they're like burning it and they're like yeah
[00:25:58] That would be not tying tying Matthew Shepard to the
[00:26:06] That would be really funny if they had tied Matthew Shepard to a rent bill more instead of offense
[00:26:12] That would be a good sketch comedy bit. I feel
[00:26:17] Saturday nightlife, right? Yeah, especially today. I feel like it's topical
[00:26:22] You want to see it. Melissa McCarthy of the guy that beat Matthew Shepard to death
[00:26:34] Yeah, that's Sean Spicer. What a card, huh?
[00:26:37] Hiding in the bushes. I can't get enough of these republicans
[00:26:43] Dude, I found this I found this thing this shitty ass website. That's like the best Donald Trump jokes
[00:26:50] And tweets and burns about Donald Trump and it's all like it's some fucking like limp dick 50 year old poet
[00:26:59] His own website and he like put together like you know, it's like quotes from like, you know
[00:27:05] uh john steward and like steven cold bear like just the fucking like
[00:27:10] liberal hit squad all the hits maybe all the fucking trump
[00:27:14] I don't think so, you know like those guys and then like garrison keeler
[00:27:18] Well, then it's like he makes up his own and it just goes off
[00:27:22] It like goes off the rails. He's there like just peppered in there and they're like the worst jokes you've ever read in your entire life
[00:27:32] Uh can't wait to fly on his new plane air force one years old
[00:27:39] Yeah, they'll be like one of them was like one of them was like a traitor
[00:27:46] And a bad guy walk into a bar. Yeah, it's all Donald Trump
[00:27:54] Uh, how does Donald trump repudiate martin luther king's uh theory that all men are created equal answer
[00:28:01] Uh, he's not equal to dr. king or any any human being capable of displaying compassion. It's like an angel fire site
[00:28:09] It is that's how it would have custom cursor. Yeah
[00:28:12] Yeah, it's like older. It's like fucking older like
[00:28:17] Just dumbass fucking liberals that like I just imagined them at home like scrolling through the wikipedia page for humor and they're like
[00:28:27] Yeah, oh it dates back to the ancient Egyptians does it. Oh, I'm familiar with human you mean
[00:28:40] Literary device. I've employed in many of my conversational endeavors
[00:28:45] For example, the other day I called the the president quite an embarrassing buffoon
[00:28:52] If you want to had a good chuckle. Yeah, if you want any idea of
[00:28:56] Of my ability one one time I intimated that these
[00:29:07] Catch my drift. I happen to notice perhaps you all have he seems to be rather attracted to his
[00:29:20] Intelligent form of fuck the internet. You feel bad for old people man. Yeah, it really
[00:29:25] It reminds me of I just my friend growing up is like parents were like I think his dad was like a scientist and his mom
[00:29:31] Is a lawyer, but they were like just you know old like Jewish liberals and they used to like just love bill clinton jucks
[00:29:40] They would like to all like uh what what does a
[00:29:45] Evending machine and monocle linsky have in common. Uh, they both have a slot that says insert bill here
[00:29:52] Just cackling ever being like eight and me like yeah, it's not fucking fun
[00:30:03] Like my dad and stepmom like just reading the
[00:30:08] Like I guess the impeachment proceedings
[00:30:11] About the oral sex and like cracking up at it which like
[00:30:15] My parents are dems and stuff and they are you know, they're fucking they were dancy clinton people whatever
[00:30:21] but just like laughing hysterically because they just got to read all this like
[00:30:25] It's just them being like nt. It took his
[00:30:30] His penis and inserted it into her mouth and she then uh, you know, I didn't know it
[00:30:36] I was like 12 so I know it was going on. Yeah, we I remember like that friend
[00:30:41] Me and my other friends who would laugh about the idea of his parents having sex because they were like
[00:30:46] Just those non-sexual kind of like grossborn people they were never within an arm
[00:30:51] Like we make fun of him by like talking about his parents having sex all
[00:31:02] We know that's why it's funny. They definitely don't have sex
[00:31:05] Man shout out to my parents for not giving a fuck about politics
[00:31:08] My mom was just like you better vote democrat and I don't give a shit. Why and then when any story would come out
[00:31:13] She would just be like mmm. Yeah, my mom doesn't vote. I don't think I don't think she votes at all
[00:31:19] I don't know if my dad voted my dad was like, uh, I kind of like uh jab, I guess
[00:31:27] He's like jab seems all right. Oh bless his heart. It's so many questions
[00:31:30] Yeah, I think he he was like a fan of jab and then voted for a larry clinton
[00:31:35] I was with jab for a second. I was rooting for a fistfight
[00:31:38] I thought jab was gonna of like freak out and literally swing on this nigga because he was just like he's a bitch
[00:31:44] Yeah, trump was just calling him a bitch for months and I figured by the hundred time
[00:31:48] Well, I jumped into all of them like knuckle up fucking dude. He was so great. That was the only good part of all
[00:31:54] He has just watching them all that's what I couldn't understand. It's like you guys are clearly losing like just stop trying to
[00:32:00] I know just call him a bitch back and everybody will go nuts
[00:32:03] Yeah, all you have to do is like fight on his level, but they can't if every call trump a bitch wants
[00:32:09] She would have won the whole midwest dog. Kansas would have flipped
[00:32:12] You mean because the votes are so close. Yeah
[00:32:15] Yeah, just hearing her say bitch once. Yeah, dude. He was so good. He should just I feel like the reason he's doing so poorly
[00:32:22] Because he doesn't have the opportunity to debate people. Yeah. Yeah. No, he needs that like like uh freestyle battle
[00:32:28] He should just be debating people constantly
[00:32:30] There should never be any kind of every daily debate. Yeah, right
[00:32:35] You know what? There should be an executive order saying rosyodontal has to debate him
[00:32:39] Every day I would pay for that shit on paper. You bring look. She's a vile hog
[00:32:46] You bring her you bring her here. We're debating her in the rose garden
[00:32:51] That way we don't have to smell how much of a cake she is
[00:32:55] You can be surrounded by the roses. Just not look. Hey look. I'm not trying to be mean
[00:33:05] One of them fools. Oh, it must be the apple in her mouth
[00:33:07] One of them fools in 1800s did that to somebody for sure because you're saying they don't have like all the press from
[00:33:15] Exactly. Yeah, they just had to like go around debating people. Yeah, you had to be like hey everybody
[00:33:19] We're going to be in this square for a while. Yeah
[00:33:23] And then you just became through I like riding a train around waiting to people from the back of it
[00:33:28] That's how jimmy carter became president. He just shook a bunch of people's hands
[00:33:32] That's the reason that the prat like the whole election season is so long is because jimmy carter
[00:33:38] I thought he sucked the ayatollah off. I thought that's how I got it. Oh, maybe I haven't heard that
[00:33:43] He would he's a very generous man. True
[00:33:46] He would do it. He sucked the ayatollah. Yeah, ayatollah komani was that the 70s one
[00:33:55] Right that sounds right. I'm gonna go with you on that. Did you see that when when he tweeted uh
[00:34:02] Uh, fuck. What was it? It was the funniest tweet. It's like uh
[00:34:08] The ayatollah being on twitter is already fun. Yeah, yeah, it was something about like you mentioned jimmy carter
[00:34:17] It was like iran isn't as retarded as the united states. That's why we don't need things like free speech or whatever
[00:34:24] It's like he called because he goes. Yeah, so much going on
[00:34:34] I just want to believe it was those words
[00:34:37] But it was phrased in a way where he's criticizing the united states for embracing free speech
[00:34:42] And by saying like negative things about islam or ron or whatever and it's like, you know
[00:34:49] Retarded states like the united states, you know think they can have free speech and then the response to it was a bunch of like woke americans
[00:34:59] Like proofed and they get right y'all are right. It was so funny
[00:35:04] It's perfect like the balance of oh all these people were terrible
[00:35:09] It's nice when everybody's job ayatollah. Thanks bro. Yeah
[00:35:12] I told you so that's what I would change my name to
[00:35:21] Ayatollahs, I don't know the next line, but yeah, yeah
[00:35:26] Ayatollah Khomeini. Ayatollah Khome, just Khome. Yeah, just have Homer become the next Ayatollah
[00:35:32] I know about these Muslims. They're trying to sneak into the country
[00:35:39] But marjy so cool. I'm gonna become a proud boy
[00:35:46] Homer, what is that? Homer, why are you spending so much money on the Anthony Khomean network?
[00:35:57] Marge if there's this guy, Lewis j go-mebs that I've been idolizing
[00:36:01] I'm gonna start taking adult karate lessons before I do it
[00:36:11] Like how much time you're spending on podcasts
[00:36:17] What's that I can't hear you I was listening to a podcast
[00:36:22] Y'all fuck with that Khomey Khomey shit. Yeah, I told you James Khomey
[00:36:26] Ooh, maybe that's the next step. I tried to do a bit. I took it down immediately, but uh, I just wrote
[00:36:35] It was like a picture on Twitter like Khomey's other memo and it just said black lives don't matter
[00:36:42] And I got that yeah. Yeah, I bet he did. That's why I thought it would hit
[00:36:46] A funny about FBI memos is like the FBI doesn't take notes when they fucking actually question a subject
[00:36:53] What yeah, they just talked they just feel it they just talked to them and then afterwards they go and then they they jot down notes about what what happened
[00:37:02] That's uh, yeah terrible. It's weird. Yeah, that's straight up. That's probably not good
[00:37:07] Well, I guess like from a psychological perspective
[00:37:09] It's probably better to not be taking notes when you're talking to someone
[00:37:13] Yeah, only remember the greatest hits. I don't want to hear your album cuz you can just make stuff up
[00:37:18] But what's what's also fucked up is like you can make stuff up, but it's like it's pretty serious crime to lie to a federal agent
[00:37:25] So like if and depending and they've like hung people up on like the way they word something or if you say I don't recall
[00:37:34] Or if you say no rather than I don't recall like even if you legitimately don't remember like that's you
[00:37:38] You want to get trouble there. What if you say like I don't even know young. Yeah, so if an agent just says like
[00:37:45] Like oh, well, he told me this or that or whatever. Yeah, you know, my heart is very fucked up
[00:37:52] All I know about the FBI is from what I watch on cop shows like and the police
[00:37:59] Like it always seems like the FBI is like fucking shit up. They never want the
[00:38:03] Come in. Yeah, they think that they're taking all the credit. Yeah, they always right in charge here. Yeah
[00:38:13] jurisdiction. I need the files right now. Mm-hmm
[00:38:17] I've never seen a file in my life. That'll be cool show about like an FBI agent. That's illiterate
[00:38:34] Just a five-year-old. I don't know. It'd be cool to be is a Texas Ranger. Oh, that's it
[00:38:40] Is the difference between a Ranger and a police officer? Well, if you're a Ranger
[00:38:46] Yeah, oh great. It just sounds cooler. The Texas Rangers are like Texas is like main investigative
[00:38:51] But they're like the FBI of Texas. Yeah, cuz you know Texas
[00:38:57] Yeah names for stuff. They gotta feel better. Yeah, they basically like serve the purpose of the
[00:39:04] They're the Texas state police essentially, but they did investigate, you know
[00:39:08] Yeah, and they're legally allowed to kick niggas through play glass windows. Mm-hmm. That's in the Texas Constitution
[00:39:14] I assume they can just with the n-word. It's
[00:39:20] I wonder how many times the n-word appears in the Texas Constitution gotta be six
[00:39:24] My money's on six. Yeah six. Yeah six. Six N words six N words over Texas
[00:39:32] I think that's the change the park's name
[00:39:42] Yeah, Texas pride is like a thing. I've never been to Texas. So I feel like it's just something I don't fully understand
[00:39:49] I feel like it's mostly for people who move to Texas. Yeah, yeah
[00:39:53] There's a lot of those like I wasn't born here, but I got here as soon as I could
[00:39:57] So I could affect the accent become a fucking obnoxious piece of shit
[00:40:01] It's Texas forever. Yeah, Austin was filled with that just clicking around in the blue
[00:40:09] Oh, yeah, they have a south congress. It's all like fucking Los Angeles assholes. Mm-hmm. They're like, yeah, I gotta get some boots
[00:40:17] The number one thing I have to do is go to Alan boots and get like a fucking
[00:40:22] Real like real Texan boot situation going on
[00:40:26] I remember I have like an aunt in Montana and I was visiting her and she was over there for a while
[00:40:33] Was telling me about this like Swedish guy who moved to Montana because he wanted to be a cowboy
[00:40:38] Which was like just the cutest thing and she was like, you know, he was so nice
[00:40:42] And he was just walking around but like he had the boots on and he had the pants
[00:40:45] But everyone knew he wasn't a cowboy because he didn't have a snap button shirt
[00:40:50] Like you didn't have the pearl like the little pearl snap buttons. Yeah, and that's what you need
[00:40:54] There's a new last time. So I'm sure he's just like, oh, where's the couch?
[00:40:58] Wrong kind of blonde my man. Mm-hmm. How's that dude always eating meatballs?
[00:41:03] Why is he always assembling these little meatball dude over here?
[00:41:06] Pickled hair in getting fucking lemon berry juice all over the goddamn taxidermy
[00:41:15] A stuffed muskrat with little juice dripping off the sauce. He's got damn juice all over the
[00:41:20] I tell you who the fuck there's a lego in my bear cape
[00:41:34] Yeah, and on the goddamn range some other Swedish things I guess
[00:41:45] What intarnation he's very blonde. Why is he so blonde?
[00:41:57] Like the sea there's a German company that makes screws
[00:42:02] These like go on self-drilling screws. It's called company called SPACS
[00:42:10] Their spokesman is this weird German guy that's like obsessed with being a cowboy
[00:42:16] And he's like a celebrity in Germany what for being like like that cool. I'm the cowboy
[00:42:24] And they produce these promotional videos for their like line of screws with him his name's uh
[00:42:31] Connie, I think or ronnie something ronnie
[00:42:35] his name ron commie. Yeah, it's like ronnie ronnie konar or something and
[00:42:41] That it's the most bizarre shit in the world where it's him dressed up as a cowboy
[00:42:47] And then they have to like dub over it with an actual cowboy. So like nothing matches
[00:42:54] It's very here. Let me pull it up. You know, I was just thinking because so we got some like
[00:43:01] Uh, which I don't know where the little magazine thing you went
[00:43:05] But it's like it's so weird to me because I guess
[00:43:09] Sometimes we buy cigarettes and like it's weird to me that they've stuck with the cowboy
[00:43:15] Thing for so long and that's what's supposed to like appeal to us as like two
[00:43:24] City it's like yeah, that's not why we smoke cigarettes like
[00:43:27] That's not why a lot of people like just figure out another get into it find your demographic
[00:43:35] Give it a night to switch the packaging up a wooden box figure it out like just
[00:43:40] Maybe some I don't know what it would be people just smoking on the street. That's all I need
[00:43:45] Somebody just standing outside of a restaurant smoking. That's all right. That would trick
[00:43:50] You know, that would be enough for me to smoke a cigarette. I'm gonna play this. All right
[00:44:00] Did you know that SPACS is actually made in germany
[00:44:03] More than 50 million SPACS are produced in ennibetol each day
[00:44:14] Tight ass shirt, you'll notice that to the way you're so old believe me
[00:44:20] And I've used around 200,000 SPACS in my house
[00:44:25] To me, it's obvious that SPACS is the best
[00:44:31] Some can't decide what he's wearing overalls and a black cowboy hat and then they're all the same ain't they just some
[00:44:38] Spaxes with different sizes that you always get the best results without any stress
[00:44:44] And you know that you should never save our materials
[00:44:47] You know straight up wrap around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll show you my holy shrine
[00:44:53] And I'll show you what you can use all the different types for you. You can tell you can you can hear that german on him
[00:45:08] Why is it different than know how let's put into it
[00:45:14] The head has a breaking and cutting grip for example. I'll take hold of these taking the SPACS out
[00:45:20] Yeah, how long is this it's long because it's a promotional video made by the company, but oh, okay
[00:45:25] Uh, that's not gonna translate well at all the podcast. It just sounds like a thing
[00:45:28] But go look up the information on SPACS videos. I still feel like it's very silly
[00:45:33] Just hearing yeah, yeah, like you're not a german with them leather overalls on
[00:45:37] Yeah, right. You're just walking around like clearly just a nice german countryside
[00:45:42] Yeah, get out of here. That's not the american west german cowboy shnetzle in the face ass
[00:45:52] I decided to move to germany to help fight the muslims that are taking over the country
[00:46:03] It's me you're good friend christopher walkin. Yes. You got to stop being racist towards muslims
[00:46:13] It's not good right to be honest with you. It's makes me uncomfortable
[00:46:32] So I just typed in german cowboy and I'm uh and non-dated with pornography
[00:46:39] German cowboy ronnie. He's not turning something and she's even more even more now
[00:46:44] Is one of them me fucking worse? Yeah, I think my safe search is on paying for that extra honey
[00:46:50] It was something like that like con it connie or german cowboy. Yeah, i'm not gonna older man movies free point
[00:46:57] I'm going to be the cowboy novels that inspired hittler. I cannot be less interested in watching old dudes fuck
[00:47:06] That's probably my least touch genre of pornography. Oh dude. Oh dude. Oh dude. Sorry the first
[00:47:11] One of the first like weird videos I saw online
[00:47:15] It's these two older japanese businessmen sitting next to each other on the couch and they're like rubbing each other's crotches
[00:47:21] Through this kind of business. Yeah, and then they just start passionately making out. Yes, it sounds great
[00:47:28] It was very disturbing it was like so much worse than if it was just two guys fucking each other in the ass or is this weird
[00:47:35] It's too erotic too central. It's like too something like that real make out and then they do a
[00:47:41] PowerPoint presentation about whether or not getting yeah, well my theory is that they were both
[00:47:47] Slaves owned by Filipino americans who all own slaves by the way. Yeah, that's now that what can you do?
[00:47:56] Can't do nothing a field day finding like
[00:48:01] woke twitter accounts justifying slave ownership
[00:48:11] It was like this is for Filipino americans to discuss amongst themselves
[00:48:15] And I was like well, I mean I can I feel very comfortable being like no, I don't like slavery. I have maybe feel really good
[00:48:23] I'm not involved, but I am going to judge every Filipino many pakios trainer white slave many pakio slave slave
[00:48:32] That's it's it's uh cyclical circular. Yeah, it's sort of like a ponzi scheme of slavery. It's a circle of slaves
[00:48:40] Yeah, this is the best street I found on it from hannah welch
[00:48:44] So white name names big ups white woman the atlantic's uh, my family's slave piece keeps reminding me of s town
[00:48:53] A beautifully told story that we probably don't have the right to read
[00:49:00] Great brother than the atlantic. Yeah, it don't get no wider man. We did it's vets
[00:49:06] Oh, I found this in my notes also next to that tweet I had saved wrote this to myself
[00:49:11] A sketch show where the property brothers rape lights camera jaxon
[00:49:17] It's not one of the sketches. It's the whole show. It's every sketch
[00:49:22] Saw sketches, but the sketch is the same I typed that into my phone before going to bed last night
[00:49:35] Yourself a bedtime story. All right, nik and uh, it's the property brothers, but
[00:49:43] You're just like your eyes are all fluttering. You're like, will you tell me the same story tomorrow?
[00:49:47] I don't understand lights camera jaxon's deal, but I I feel like I'm concerned to be violated by the property brothers
[00:49:56] He's like on no, he's like on he's a twitter guy, right? He's a boy that reviews movies. Oh, oh
[00:50:02] Okay sounds like I was like this some child boy. Yeah, it's definitely
[00:50:07] Hopefully a child and not an adult with 45-year-old man
[00:50:12] Lights camera jaxon. Marj. I've been getting really into the property brothers. That's good. Homer. I want them to rape lights camera jaxon
[00:50:24] Exasperated marge. Marj becoming irony, bro
[00:50:28] What would it take for marj daleve on some real shit? Um, you know, homa almost killed her a few times
[00:50:35] I thought they they got divorced and the worst dating lina donum like two seasons ago. Oh, jesus christ
[00:50:41] I missed that donut makes sense. Yeah, I mean, I bet it of course lina
[00:50:45] We're headed next release ass to get a dick
[00:50:47] Out of the dsa because homa had used to use the n-word on twitter
[00:50:56] These is trying to get me kicked out of the dsa because I she found out about my pre woke period
[00:51:04] Homer everyone's happy for you that you're woke now, but you can demand to be in black spaces
[00:51:11] But I want to be in black spaces carl gave me permission. I wasn't carl. That was lenny
[00:51:20] He's really i wish i could do a carl. He's right. I know i feel it's hard
[00:51:26] Because I feel like your impressions are so good that I feel bad chiming in with like a shitty impression
[00:51:32] I was gonna give it the old college try there only black Simpson. Yeah
[00:51:44] There's one of their friends that I don't know his name when wendell. Yes. Yeah
[00:51:49] Oh, yeah, mendell they just let him cross his arms like a b-boy
[00:52:01] Because he's listening to gucci man. Yeah, they found out I called somebody a faggot on tumblr
[00:52:09] Now i'm not allowed to be in the dsa anymore march
[00:52:13] You know how important socialism has been to me for the last four months
[00:52:17] I can't take this away from me home with the rose emoji
[00:52:31] We're glad that you're woke well fuck it. I guess I might as well just be racist now
[00:52:38] So not gonna let me join the dsa. I'm gonna start my own ds. It's just a stone cutters episode
[00:52:47] He's got a birthmark that looks like a race. Shut up
[00:52:55] It's a secret how much I wish I could do lanny
[00:52:58] Give you a week after like that's a secret. That's a pretty good lanny in my office. Shut up
[00:53:22] You have to be that trans version of bernie from the episode where he quit drinking
[00:53:32] That's the bernie that's allowed in the dsa
[00:53:35] That's the march bernie. Yeah, why was he why was he sober because he like got a girlfriend?
[00:53:39] Now because it was that video of him at the party where he's like, that's what I look like when i'm drunk
[00:53:44] Oh, yeah, and he finally was like, no, that's just a fuck once I do Barney. I can't go back
[00:53:49] That's the switch that's the kill switch. No, that's uh, yeah. No, it's gone. Oh, damn it is gone
[00:53:55] Well, it was fun. Well, that's the stage we call professor bernie
[00:54:02] This is what you look like when you're drunk
[00:54:10] Marjor embarrassing us. Oh, it's just Barney
[00:54:15] And then there you go. I've recapped that
[00:54:18] Thank you, this vague approximations nailed it though. That is a fun riff though dsa homer
[00:54:32] Filipino slave home also a banger march i'm Filipino now i'm allowed to have a slave
[00:54:47] You're yellow too that's Filipino, right? What if like what if macraing was like
[00:54:55] What if i was supposed to be chinese archery i mean
[00:54:58] There are characters that are right on the show
[00:55:03] If macraing was like jk rallying and he just kept like revising the simpsons
[00:55:08] He was like actually they're they're all asian
[00:55:12] Uh, poo is like a rachel dole's all character and that's why hankas area is playing her
[00:55:25] The simpsons was all Filipino right now the philippines would shit
[00:55:30] They'd be so happy it would be nice as much as i'm sure most of it is drawn in the philippines
[00:55:34] I had a philippino home in high school and
[00:55:38] All I know about philippino people is they are aware of every philippino celebrity
[00:55:42] Yeah, like we were like juniors in high school. He was telling me that all six of all six
[00:55:49] The the woman on the raisins box. Yeah, I would just remember him telling me
[00:55:53] The new lead singer of journey is philippino. I'm like dog. We're 16
[00:56:06] March did you know then the new lead singer of journies philippino like us
[00:56:14] Well if i'm not philippino, then why do I have a sleigh
[00:56:23] Answer me that genius got over to millhouse
[00:56:26] Can I go home? He loves it. I want to go home
[00:56:41] Yeah, if you want to marry lisa you'll make a stainer
[00:56:49] Oh, man, the Simpsons are going to send a lawyer like to all our cribs
[00:57:07] That would be like my proudest i'm gonna do is
[00:57:09] Yourself served i'm gonna do a spin-off that's just called the Homer simpson podcast. I listen
[00:57:15] And i'm gonna be you wouldn't even need you wouldn't even need guests
[00:57:20] We got enough money coming in now off the premium episodes that like i was thinking about bankrolling a podcast network
[00:57:25] And I had an idea to just pay two women to just talk about their feet and like putting on shoes
[00:57:32] Hey, which would crush i hello. Yeah, no if you want it. Yeah, if you just want to be the woman
[00:57:38] The two women that just talked about i'll be to it i'll be the two women i don't want to speak
[00:57:45] My feet smell what my feet smell worse you can't keep a conversation going for a fucking hour with just one person
[00:57:59] Copy right i'll split it with someone else. I'll steal my idea of of hiring basically prostitutes
[00:58:12] Right about your right but it's not not yet just i'm apparently okay. I know the boundaries you go
[00:58:22] I'm a pair of legals. Mm-hmm. I think i still have an also me 100 real official Homer simpson body
[00:58:28] Hello everyone dane castle in edder here a voice of Homer simpson and you're listening to the fox presents
[00:58:40] simpson's 100 copyright real trademark podcast
[00:58:45] 100 legally allowed to be used all this content belongs to us
[00:58:50] And is endorsed by both fox network and tied in mabel and tied and if i come
[00:58:56] And everyone in the entertainment industry
[00:59:07] Oh on a side note i still tell people about when you sent me uh
[00:59:16] This is crazy youtube video. Yeah, man. It was like random as fuck like we hadn't talked on like two weeks
[00:59:28] Yeah, I like found this mom's feet on youtube is like a great search
[00:59:33] And I saw this one video where this guy's like oh
[00:59:36] She's pulling off his mom's sock while she's asleep
[00:59:39] I remember those cameras me around and then you just see his dick come up in the frame and he comes on her feet
[00:59:43] Like four seconds ago. I don't know that she primed
[00:59:50] Somebody got upset that someone was filming her feet. I feel like that was a thing must have been that's got at least only one
[01:00:01] Where he's like filming and she's like, what are you doing? That's half of him. Yeah, marge and really
[01:00:08] Yeah, how hard did you put a video of Lisa's feet on the internet?
[01:00:23] Oh my lock this door. What are you doing?
[01:00:27] Well, I'm not uploading videos of Lisa's feet to the internet
[01:00:43] All right, well, that was a fun episode you guys were good and uh, yeah, it's come time west. Thanks for having us
[01:00:52] Yeah, all that there whatever. Yeah, I'm on the internet. Fuck with me
[01:00:55] Yeah, guys if you enjoyed Dana and Jamelle Jamelle's got his own podcast called airbuds. Yeah, and Dana's
[01:01:06] Follow me on Twitter and stuff. Yeah, non-profit on the cometer. What's your Twitter G? Dana C Bell. There you go
[01:01:14] starting next week. I'll be back in New York with uh
[01:01:20] Yeah, oh that's what he calls them. He calls them his two slices. My two favorite slices
[01:01:26] My two large sons. Yeah, my two big my two big baby boys
[01:01:32] Can you get that done legally? Can you just make them like you're, you know, executors to your will and your kids? Yeah, probably