Cum Town | Regular | 05/27/2017
[00:00:00] Okay, the title of this episode is elephant in the room.
[00:00:14] Because we were all expecting it to be about me.
[00:00:17] So we had to add him lied on Twitter and said the recorder messed up.
[00:00:23] The truth is we had to just not upload the last episode.
[00:00:37] It's so much worse than just releasing it.
[00:00:39] He's going to get a razz now and call the bitch for censoring the episode.
[00:00:56] Well, it's the Friedland censorship corporation.
[00:01:01] Which is actually a bank owned by Adam's dad.
[00:01:05] And some things came up about Adam's grandfather and some of the stuff he did during the war.
[00:01:14] We don't have everyone's consent to talk about them.
[00:01:17] Basically, the problem was Adam's grandfather ran a little side business in Auschwitz where
[00:01:22] the women that survived the showers were basically up to the highest bidder.
[00:01:39] He was like the doll is all of Birkenau.
[00:01:50] But the about the crimes that you made up my grandfather doing.
[00:01:56] I mean, we do have to address the fact that the other episode had to, you know, we had
[00:02:01] Because people are going to find out, you know?
[00:02:10] Amherst is called Nicobad, Prison of Bad Friend, and she's actually pretty right about that.
[00:02:17] You decided to bring up the grandfather rape conversation.
[00:02:18] I didn't decide to bring that up, but continue.
[00:02:24] Keep both of these, because one day they'll be good bonus content.
[00:02:30] We're not doing two episodes scrapped in a row.
[00:02:41] It was that you were in a bad mood about it.
[00:02:50] Maybe you should listen to it and see if it's bad.
[00:02:55] We're not going to talk about us listening to our podcast on our podcast.
[00:03:00] You did a little cocaine yesterday and you feel bad?
[00:03:05] I've been taking Adderall recently and I feel a little on edge sometimes.
[00:03:09] I feel like I'm kind of on coke all the time.
[00:03:12] Adderall is way more powerful than coke.
[00:03:14] Really shouldn't mean cat or berry at all?
[00:03:26] I'm going to be using drugs to get slim for the winter summer.
[00:03:37] I can't feel my fingertips a lot of the time when I'm on Adderall.
[00:03:45] I did in college to literally stay up and play GameCube longer.
[00:03:48] I snorted Adderall to get high with all my boys.
[00:03:57] I was roommates with a rich kid and he had one of those therapists that would just write
[00:04:08] I was like, yo Danny, let me get an Adderall at your desk.
[00:04:12] And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, he's like, yeah, no problem.
[00:04:16] I had an economics class and I like get to class.
[00:04:21] I'm taking like these small little notes and I close my eyes and I open them.
[00:04:25] It feels like two seconds later and the classroom is completely empty.
[00:04:32] There's like small little gibberish notes and then just a pen line down the side.
[00:04:37] And then I like come back and I'm like, what the fuck was that dude?
[00:04:41] And I'm like the fucking Adderall on your desk.
[00:04:43] He's like, oh no, that was Xanax, dude.
[00:04:47] I passed out three minutes into the class.
[00:04:52] I mean, the whole, yeah, I must have looked awful.
[00:04:54] Yeah, yeah, I drooled all over my desk.
[00:05:04] I used to think the food pyramid was kind of stupid, but then I found out that the pyramids
[00:05:09] And now I support the idea of the food pyramid as a businessman.
[00:05:18] I'm really into pyramids, especially that one with an eyeball on top.
[00:05:28] I fucking, I wonder what masons were up to back in the day because I feel like masons
[00:05:31] now are just like, I don't know, Adam, what was your grandfather up to back then?
[00:05:47] Well, I think what the masons did was masonry.
[00:05:53] It has nothing to do with bricks though.
[00:05:55] They love the letter G and like pro-tracters.
[00:06:01] I feel like they're fucking running the world.
[00:06:04] They either had to be like a guy that fucked around with bricks or just a dude named Mason.
[00:06:10] You had to have like a single mom that was on alcohol.
[00:06:31] What I wanted, I want to ask you, Nick, it's been a while.
[00:06:34] We haven't gotten your thoughts on the NBA playoffs in some time.
[00:06:38] It's getting close to the finals, Nick.
[00:06:41] Let's do a little NBA game last, the last game.
[00:06:59] Do you really want to know my thoughts?
[00:07:05] We're talking about somebody taking it all, taking something from someone who didn't want
[00:07:15] I imagine your family being like South African, like one of those, uh, like, you know, like,
[00:07:22] you know, like cartoon mice that live in the wall and the dad's all scared about the daughter
[00:07:31] There's a lot of Jewish art where they like to dance.
[00:07:41] Um, and you know, that's kind of the best thing.
[00:07:45] Well, Disney ever did was take mice away from the Jews.
[00:07:49] Wait, you say that like my house and then he took, he came up with Chuck E. Cheese.
[00:07:58] The cheese, the raccoons that suck your dick and play the drums.
[00:08:03] Do you remember the, do you remember the animatronic shows that Chuck E. Cheese?
[00:08:08] That's, he literally just mentioned it.
[00:08:13] It's how you don't even like take others feelings and the consideration.
[00:08:19] You don't listen to things they say like yes or no.
[00:08:24] I wonder if that's like a familial trait.
[00:08:35] Um, do you remember birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese?
[00:08:40] Where was your dope age birthday childhood birthday party?
[00:08:44] Cause my sister and I had the same birthday.
[00:08:48] What, why do people say that shit about rape?
[00:08:55] Like you're supposed to be like, oh, oh, okay.
[00:09:04] Maybe it's just trying to deter like horny people from raping.
[00:09:10] You know what they would probably like.
[00:09:11] Because it's like, hey, it's, you didn't want to rape.
[00:09:13] You'd probably go to like a sex worker or something.
[00:09:18] Dude, I'm going to fuck that PlayStation.
[00:09:23] I'm going thousands of dollars on virtual reality.
[00:09:33] Shouts out to the Vitamix Corporation, but Sony can suck my dick dude.
[00:09:41] My next purchase is I'm getting a console and then I'm getting a seven channel receiver.
[00:09:46] I'm going to hook some surround sound up in this one.
[00:09:53] Yeah, put some egg creating up in here and make a man cave.
[00:10:15] There's a new fleshlight that's incapable of moving.
[00:10:24] What was your best birthday party as a child?
[00:10:28] I want to hear the why you have to have joint birthdays with my sister.
[00:10:31] Oh, so all her dumb friends and all her dumb friends will come and then like dude as an
[00:10:35] older brother, Irish twins or something.
[00:10:40] Is it the same exact Irish twins as I thought like 11 months right after.
[00:10:48] I took my dad used to tell my friends was like, oh, it's because my wife only lets me
[00:10:55] And then they'd be like, oh, your dad gets no pussy.
[00:11:00] You and your sister have the same birthday.
[00:11:05] No, I didn't know if it was the same exact birthday or not.
[00:11:12] So you have and that sucks as a fucking older brother after you share with your little sister
[00:11:17] And then I was like, I want to have a boy party.
[00:11:20] So I think like fifth grade, I had or fourth grade, I had my first own party.
[00:11:24] I remember the first party we rented Mars attacks.
[00:11:30] But we got to go there anyway as a fuck yeah.
[00:11:35] Dude, I had a much gayer version of that where me and my friends went to see spice world
[00:11:45] No, you had to be younger than that dude.
[00:11:47] You're probably like, spice world was what?
[00:11:58] And then I remember I had a sleepover birthday party once that was cool.
[00:12:01] And then I went to my friend Phil's and we went on e-bombs world or maybe what was the one
[00:12:10] There was some home star runner, but there was like, I remember one picture of like a
[00:12:17] Uh, we went to the, uh, my parents took me and some friends to the Holocaust Museum
[00:12:23] and they, uh, they had a clown that we brought with us and they.
[00:12:29] I'm just remembering how funny that clown was.
[00:12:42] And then I went to the room and he was like, look how small the shoes are.
[00:12:44] And then he had like his big clown shoes.
[00:12:46] What is it about this shoe room that everyone, that's what I, that's the only place I remember
[00:12:54] You know, I don't, I don't want to spend my money to like a miss.
[00:12:58] I remember like, I remember the Antranque experience where they put you in that thing
[00:13:02] that simulates like a, like a spaceship.
[00:13:07] What do you mean, she was just an attic.
[00:13:11] I remember the Lost World video game where you sit in the Jeep.
[00:13:17] That was a cool part of the Holocaust museum.
[00:13:24] Well, in a way, I mean, it's train adjacent to Holocaust.
[00:13:29] Do you think there's spurts that are completely complete?
[00:13:34] You're like, I need to go to every museum.
[00:13:35] I'm a Nazi because I'm really into their train systems.
[00:13:38] You know, the fucking, the Auschwitz, if you ever see them, you're like, I'm a Nazi.
[00:13:41] I've never seen like the tracks in Auschwitz.
[00:13:44] I mean, they had like 20 tracks, like side-by-side.
[00:14:02] But you'd think they'd put them to work.
[00:14:10] They have like they do sleight of hand.
[00:14:12] Yeah, haven't you ever seen the movie thinner?
[00:14:25] Oh, yeah, where he keeps losing weight.
[00:14:27] Yeah, have you seen that scene thinner?
[00:14:34] And he like knocks a gypsy over something or he spits on her.
[00:14:40] And then he's like losing weight and everyone's like, you look great or whatever.
[00:14:50] Don't fuck unclean gypsies because you'll get AIDS in the waste away to nothing.
[00:14:54] That's a powerful message for our time.
[00:14:56] It's going to be cool when AIDS turns out to be the cure to everything.
[00:15:00] They have that like recombinant or whatever.
[00:15:03] You know, like super AIDS viruses that they use to just kill other
[00:15:11] You know, that was polio to kill brain cancer.
[00:15:16] Yeah, they have they like splice polio with a type of cold virus.
[00:15:21] And then they like injected into brain to know that's not because then
[00:15:30] And so it's still like a phase one, you know, study.
[00:15:34] I know that Botox is them inserting botulism.
[00:15:39] Yeah, like localized botulism into the face to make you look gorgeous.
[00:15:44] I want to smooth out my ass cheeks with Botox.
[00:15:51] The Botox is weird that you like if you're like one of the richest people in America,
[00:15:57] They all get like they all look like ducks.
[00:15:59] Well, they should fucking if they if they were real, if they were rich as hell
[00:16:03] and they wanted to go to the fucking Susan.
[00:16:06] Not Sarandon although she still I would still get a little bit.
[00:16:14] I feel like she's a guys are a I would love to fuck Susan Sarandon.
[00:16:18] I would fuck this just for her body of work.
[00:16:26] I hate the like self congratulatory announcement that people would fuck Helen Mirren.
[00:16:33] It's like you know who I would fuck actually is Helen Mirren.
[00:16:42] Yeah, to ramen place and she crushed that shit.
[00:16:53] But but you just mean because she's an old lady.
[00:16:56] Yeah, but they always like it's this announcement.
[00:17:01] Well, you think you're the only person that's like willing to say who wouldn't fuck you'd
[00:17:21] And then the word vagina, but like the Ghostbusters.
[00:17:24] I'm also always sounds like batteries to me.
[00:17:29] I think it's like Duracell and like vault.
[00:17:47] But you should your pants like once a year.
[00:18:18] Yeah, when you get nervous you get yourself.
[00:18:25] You know what they do to girls like me in jail?
[00:18:31] Wait, Nick, what is your real birthday party?
[00:18:35] Do you have any real birthday memories?
[00:18:43] I got a bowling alley one that was pretty fun.
[00:18:46] Yeah, I wish I didn't even, I mostly didn't bowl.
[00:18:53] And then there was like a kid that I had been friends with years prior who I had just never seen again.
[00:19:01] Who was just like happened to be at the bowling alley.
[00:19:12] And then we went to the Holocaust Museum.
[00:19:15] Why did you even make me tell it since your moment?
[00:19:23] Well, did you guys ever fuck around with Skateland or Skaterinks?
[00:19:30] They'd have that fucking horrible ass pizza.
[00:19:33] Wait, you're talking about rolling rank all the time.
[00:19:39] I went, she had a roller skating thing.
[00:19:44] We had one at this place, Crystal Palace.
[00:19:48] And I remember one year, they'd like announce all the birthdays and it was my friend David's
[00:19:53] And they're like, and you'd skate in the middle.
[00:19:56] For people who don't know, Crystal Palace was like this place in Las Vegas where you
[00:20:00] could trade methamphetamine to have sex with Adam's mom.
[00:20:04] Well, we're at Crystal Palace and then the Nazis came.
[00:20:15] So is your birthday and they call you into the middle of the-
[00:20:18] It was my stripper named Crystal Knocked.
[00:20:29] It puts a glass in her pussy and breaks it.
[00:20:35] It's just a woman to do Crystal Knocked with her pussy.
[00:20:39] Since a movie I'm starring in called Five O'Gose Down on a down-ass bitch.
[00:20:55] Five O'Siegel called Five O'Gose Tattoo on his forearm.
[00:21:00] So Mouse was technically Mouse prequel to Five O before they came over to America.
[00:21:06] Oh, I guess yeah, Five O they did escape.
[00:21:09] No, because it's all supposed to be about the Holocaust, right?
[00:21:12] Is Five O'Gose about the Holocaust, too?
[00:21:21] At the beginning of Five O'Gose West he has a newsboy cap from the first Five O and he puts
[00:21:29] Yeah, all American literature and fiction is about the Jewish American experience.
[00:21:52] And the guy that fucks her, that's Hitler.
[00:21:59] Wallace is supposed to be Jewish and then Gromit the dog is supposed to be another Jewish guy.
[00:22:04] Oh, the relationship they have is just a relationship between two Jewish men.
[00:22:13] It's like just a homo-friendly relationship.
[00:22:19] Man, you know what's the funniest shit in the world?
[00:22:21] The look at the rooms wanted page for the Los Angeles Craigslist.
[00:22:25] It's just nothing but predatory gay guys.
[00:22:39] Maybe we can suck at each other's dicks.
[00:22:49] Just post on the fucking fuck part of all this thin mustache gay is like the older.
[00:22:55] Well, anybody on Craigslist is a fucking predator anyways.
[00:22:59] Yeah, all those guys are just like, you know, what they get out of it is the idea of taking
[00:23:04] advantage of somebody that needs a place to stay.
[00:23:07] I told you guys when I was looking for that place in DC that Michael Jackson cult that I walked
[00:23:11] in on that like old gay guy with like the thin mustache and the fedora.
[00:23:16] I was like talking to my dad and I was like, yeah, I haven't found an apartment yet.
[00:23:27] And then there's this like old gay dude.
[00:23:29] And he's like, he's like, hey, like, we got some apartments for rent in this building.
[00:23:39] And then I like went in the building and like all the apartments were pretty small.
[00:23:42] He's like, yeah, so we have a community of all Salvadorian immigrants and gay men.
[00:23:47] And I was like, okay, that's chill, I guess.
[00:23:49] And then so we're like walking around the building and he's like, it's mainly studios.
[00:23:53] And then he's like, and at the end of the hall is my apartment.
[00:23:59] And I asked by the El Salvadorian immigrants and I please say.
[00:24:14] You know, you know, you know, you know, your thing.
[00:24:33] And then like I walk in and it's like the case place I've ever been.
[00:24:43] Like all the walls are painted black and there's like just the like Louis the 16th like fucking
[00:24:50] bus of like, you know, like statues and shit.
[00:24:54] And then there's these like two muscular like South American Brazilian dudes in their underwear
[00:25:00] like on the couch and like they're just waking up there like he's like, hey, this is Orlando.
[00:25:04] You know, like, and whatever the other guy's name is.
[00:25:13] Like, I just want you to he was on the phone outside to his father and he was so scared.
[00:25:18] And he was trying to find a place to live.
[00:25:20] I told him to come look in the building.
[00:25:21] They just thought you were some like Midwestern twink.
[00:25:30] We're going to have these El Salvadorian immigrants.
[00:25:32] By far, but the chamber made by far the weirdest part.
[00:25:50] I just want to go back to the JOM Depot.
[00:25:55] I can get drunk and drink monster energy from the table.
[00:26:06] on the truck. Anyway, by far the weirdest part of the whole thing right before I left, like
[00:26:13] turned around back towards the door. And then like next to the door, he had this shrine
[00:26:17] set up with like all these pictures of Michael Jackson, like like a feather boa. And it was
[00:26:23] like a shrine set to Michael Jackson. I was like, it was like right. He hadn't died like
[00:26:28] I think a year before that. Okay. And I was like, Oh shit, like RIP. And then he's like,
[00:26:33] yeah, actually, I happen to think that Michael is a deity. He's a heavenly creature that
[00:26:41] was sent here to earth. And the thing is, everyone said he did those horrible things.
[00:26:48] But if you know the truth, the truth is he did not actually have any genitalia. And
[00:26:54] so that's why he's completely innocent because he was actually, he was an angel. And he was
[00:26:59] all smooth down there. And I was like, he really thought he didn't have a dick. Yeah,
[00:27:04] you didn't think he had a dick or a pussy or what? Adam was asked, he was so scared.
[00:27:08] He was outside on the phone and just going to that guy's apartment. I don't know. I was
[00:27:13] looking for a apartment. So how did you get out? You're like, I was like, I gotta go.
[00:27:17] No, he didn't rape me. No, he was just like, he's just like a friendly old thin mustache
[00:27:21] gay guy. But if you grabbed his cock, you think you want to let you suck it? I think
[00:27:24] I would have got me Orlando, Florida. This is Orlando, Florida. That's Mickey Mouse.
[00:27:32] That's Poofy. That's Disney. That's Walt. I'm Cinderella. Yeah, it's what it's really
[00:27:40] that generation a fraud. Let's see if the glass dildo fits in my ass. Well, it's really like
[00:27:46] gay people are like accepted now pretty much right in society. Not my household. No, they
[00:27:53] are. Unfortunately, yes, they are. Every day I imagine having a son that comes out to
[00:27:58] me and I kick him out of that. I'm fantasy about cops. But that generation of gay dudes
[00:28:06] like the weirdos, the John Waters type dudes, those the dudes that like got the shit beat
[00:28:12] out of them really bad and really stonewalling like, yeah, good for him for getting sucked
[00:28:16] off by Orlando. Yeah, good for that guy. For you should have
[00:28:19] thinking Michael Jackson was all sweet. It's actually homophobic of you to not have sex
[00:28:24] with him. He didn't make a pass in me. He probably thought I was like some young street
[00:28:28] gay guy. Yeah, I had like a backpack on and stuff. Yeah, you were. But I was on the phone
[00:28:33] with trans youth. I wasn't Trent. No, he probably thought I was like just a. He's like, I'm
[00:28:37] at Adam outside. He is this dickless little trans girl. He's all smooth down there. Please
[00:28:46] miss his Adam. Can you smuggle us out of here in your burlap song with a dollar sign on
[00:28:57] Oh fuck. Yeah, I don't know. I've never really lived anywhere weird in my life except my stupid
[00:29:05] room right now. But it's not weird though. It's not weird. No, I've never been gay men.
[00:29:11] I think I'm about the I think I'm gonna fucking chart. I think I'm gonna get a nicer room,
[00:29:15] you know, get real walls. Come here dude. Come to a brook. I might. We'll see. To be
[00:29:23] roommates dude. Let's do it like fucking Darmon Greg. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, of
[00:29:30] course. Adam or Dharma. I'm spiritual. I'm Indian. Darmon Greg, we're married though.
[00:29:34] Yeah, you got you got dual seems limbs. We do it like no Darmon Greg. I fuck you. We be
[00:29:41] Joey and Chandler. I'm Joey. Did we get lazy boys? Yeah. Watch me watch. Yeah. Was that
[00:29:49] the implication with her? Absolutely. They got together to get hard at the very least
[00:29:55] to get hard together to get hard next to each other in their matching. Nurds. You'd like
[00:30:00] porn exists. They were like single men living in New York City. And we fucked all the time.
[00:30:06] Like that was part of his character and Chandler didn't fuck. I get that. But Joey fucked all
[00:30:10] the time. Chandler didn't fuck. He was sarcastic. He was that funny one. Could I be any more
[00:30:16] of a could I be any gay or I never really watched friends, but dude Courtney, little boy Chandler
[00:30:25] outside. So scared. Yeah, I'm just looking for a place to live. Please me sir. I
[00:30:32] think I'll do rules. Bring us to Rose. Who is the boss? Who to me? Rose. I never watched
[00:30:43] friends, but my cousins from Israel were really into friends. And anytime I'd say something
[00:30:48] they'd be like Adam, you are such a chandelier. That is so chandelier of there. There was a
[00:30:55] great there's a great fucking a part of friends where it was just like they were just they
[00:31:01] were going braless until the fuck was like a nine to never Phoebe Phoebe's titties you
[00:31:07] could never see Phoebe didn't have to the huh? You never had the titties, but well neither
[00:31:12] did really Courtney Cox. I mean, Jennifer Anderson, I think I don't know who had the biggest
[00:31:16] tits out of friends. I think it was Courtney Cox. What? What do you mean by that? So no
[00:31:22] one told you life was gonna be a young man. I already I literally just said that you fucked
[00:31:30] your ass and fucking cock. You said that? Yes. All right, I'm gonna start listening more.
[00:31:36] I'm gonna start listening better. It's like you don't listen to me dude. Done a podcast
[00:31:40] before you should be listening to Adam. You're a faggot. Please listen. And so we can have
[00:31:47] a better podcast. I'll try. We recorded this because of you. And now you're blowing it.
[00:31:54] I didn't blow it. You have. You're not even talking to the mic. You know what I wish.
[00:32:00] There he is. You got that. You got that. I wish you could get into like classic cars
[00:32:06] that are looking like a dickhead. Anytime I see a classic car, I'm like that looks really
[00:32:10] cool. And then you see the guy driving it and you're like, Oh, and everybody. Did you see
[00:32:14] that? You know, like a block away from me that there's like a four car garage on green
[00:32:19] and St. John's. St. James by you at your address by me is whatever. There's a there's like
[00:32:26] a four car garage and there's this dude that has like he's like working on his cars all
[00:32:31] the time and he has a 57 Chevy. He's like out there. It's beautiful. It's like really
[00:32:36] fucking cool. I don't give a shit about 57. I looked in his but I looked in his garage.
[00:32:41] It's like the most common classic car. It's like it is. You see that everywhere. I don't
[00:32:46] know. But it looks cool. I mean, like if you're like just walk on walking the dog is that
[00:32:50] where people were getting fingered on makeout point and shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:32:53] A lot of a lot of a lot of cool cars around here. There's like an old like T bird around
[00:32:59] the corner. Yeah. There's like a big ass like a big old Buick and shit. I mean, there's
[00:33:05] cool stuff to look at. Yeah. When cars were all 4,000 pounds. Yeah. There's a lot of that
[00:33:10] sized. There was a lot of that in in LA too. That's chill. Yeah. But anyway, that guy
[00:33:16] in his garage, I was like walking the dog and I looked a little bit closer into the garage.
[00:33:20] He's got like posters and stuff. And one of the posters. Yes. The Ken Burns jazz documentary.
[00:33:26] He has a fresh documentary. It's a good documentary. But it's like funny that he has it up. It is
[00:33:31] like man. Is he a black guy? No, I think he's like he's like a he's like a kind of like
[00:33:36] a working class like he might be a cop or something. But he's like a like an Italian. So he's white.
[00:33:43] Yeah. But he's like he might be saying, is he a black guy? And you go, no, I think he's
[00:33:47] like he's a job working. Yeah. He's employed. He's like he pays his taxes. No, no, he's
[00:33:54] like a piece of shit. I didn't say that. You really you literally did say no, he's like
[00:33:58] a working class guy. You know what? Everyone thinks you're the most aggressive. You know,
[00:34:01] you just cut me off before I guess I'm not sure. You wear a crew neck T shirts and stupid
[00:34:05] dad has crew neck T shirts. What do you wear V neck T shirts? No, I wear hoodies and jeans.
[00:34:11] You don't wear T shirts? You're literally wearing a crew neck T shirt right. I meant
[00:34:16] sweatshirt. I'm not wearing sweatshirt or hoodie T shirts. You wear hoodie T shirts?
[00:34:22] Yeah. Yeah. With a hood, dude. I wear I wear tank tops with hoods. You see that look?
[00:34:27] Yeah, that's a good look. Good look, dude. I actually have I have a couple of sleeveless
[00:34:30] hoodies. Nice, man. Yeah. With the winners out guns out, but you got those out guns out
[00:34:37] snows out, goes out. Fuck, fuck some guys in there. I really got nothing here for snows
[00:34:46] out, hose out your jobs are joking broke. You love lives. I feed you your jobs are joking
[00:34:52] broke. You got a job off man. You know, money amigos on NBC. Did I tell you, listen, you
[00:35:01] don't know. It is me, Chandler. I am the funny one. I am such a such a funny guy. You know,
[00:35:13] sometimes my roommate, holy, he says something, but but it's a very dumb. Hey, I'm a holly.
[00:35:22] I want to eat tacos, man. Oh, could you be anymore? You're so stupid. What's up? Could
[00:35:31] you stay anymore? You are a tiny little bit. What's up, guys? We're done. We are. We're
[00:35:43] not doing this. We're doing this. We're doing this. We're doing this. We're doing this.
[00:35:50] Oh, guys, not actually knowledge. No, stop. Thanks. The friends in Spanish is funny anymore.
[00:35:57] So we're not doing that bit. Yeah, I kind of feel bad. It kind of is like a caricature
[00:36:02] of a proud people. Yeah, but see, we did it and then we learned from our mistakes and
[00:36:06] then you continue doing you piled on looked fun. Yeah, piling on. That's a hot topic this
[00:36:13] week. You know, I got I got some you pile on to. Yeah, piling on to people. Is it good
[00:36:19] or is it bad? It's time for the people that actively engaged in it for years to come to
[00:36:26] the conclusions that the people they hated came to four years ago. You know what? After
[00:36:33] like shaming people for years and years and years and like building a career off of it.
[00:36:39] Yeah. I decided that now I'm going to shame the people to do the shaming. Yeah. You know,
[00:36:45] I think that's my next move. Oh, that's after I got fired negativity. After I get
[00:36:49] fired from come town, I think my next screw is probably going to be vice-colman.
[00:36:54] Jappy like sort of a Jappy screenshot journalist girl. Nice man. Yeah. Is that when you finish
[00:37:01] your transition? You started in DC? What transition? What do you mean? You see your
[00:37:06] money? Yeah. When are you going to start hormones? In DC? I started that transition.
[00:37:11] Yeah. Trans woman for a long time. No, I'm not a trans woman. I got a nude. You do kind
[00:37:15] of look like Chelsea Manning. Right now? Yeah. Well, because I got a stick sort of like
[00:37:21] an army look about wearing red lipstick and you have blonde bleep bleep your hair blonde.
[00:37:25] You're just saying I look like a hero? Is that very? No. Adam looks like Chelsea woman
[00:37:29] and nice. Nice, bro. Nice. Dude. Nice, bro. You look more feminine than her. What do you
[00:37:40] mean by that? You look like a woman. Dude, I think it's you're sitting like a woman.
[00:37:46] So what? You're not denying it. It's not like a woman, dude. It's like yeah, like an
[00:37:51] intellectual kind of stuff. You're right. Intellectual or gay? Yeah. I sit like an
[00:37:58] intellectual. This is like an intellectual. This is like an intellectual. My daughter
[00:38:01] is to sit intellectual style so no one can see their pussy whenever I dress. I wish we
[00:38:10] could wear dresses man in the summertime. Yeah, just get into kilts. Kilts are so fucking
[00:38:15] I was at a wedding. Yeah, I did. Oh my God, Brett. I was at a wedding like two weeks ago.
[00:38:23] There was a kid. It's not even a fucking Irish thing. And so many people pointed them out
[00:38:26] that out. Yeah, yeah. Your name is the Irish comic. This is the breathy Irish comic. Go
[00:38:34] on stage and kill it with bagpipes. That's got it. God fucking rules. Holy shit. This
[00:38:40] whole time I didn't put that together. How's he didn't know, dude? Oh, yeah. No, it was
[00:38:45] like, shit. No, at the time, yeah, everyone would be like, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah,
[00:38:50] yeah, like more of a Scottish thing. And be like, no, technically, you know, yeah, but
[00:38:56] he wasn't he was like from Milwaukee. Yeah, yeah, he wasn't even not even I wasn't
[00:39:01] Scottish or I. Yeah, he had gone stage every time like that. I love comics. They're themed
[00:39:07] like that. Like I see the headshots for the coach. There's a guy who's just a co he wears
[00:39:12] a leather football helmet. And there's a well, that's not even the coach. That's the player,
[00:39:18] and he had a whistle and he wouldn't wear that helmet. Well, the coach used to wear a helmet
[00:39:22] in in American football. The coach actually used to play a part of you would be on the
[00:39:27] field during the game. And if you tackled the coach, you won. Like the king. Yeah. Like
[00:39:34] chess. Mm hmm. Cool. It was more intellectual. Oh, yes. Yes. I know about this as an intellectual
[00:39:40] myself. Is that where you're sitting like that? So you can just call yourself an intellectual
[00:39:44] public. Oh, yeah, of course. I'm an intellectual. It actually just means you live in Brooklyn,
[00:39:48] right? Stop the socialist. Yeah, socialist. It means you tuck in your shirt and you live
[00:39:52] in Brooklyn. That's what an intellectual is. You don't have an actual job. It means that
[00:39:57] you intellectual is how you pronounce those parentheses around someone's name. It means
[00:40:03] you read. You read what you call it infinite just on the train. So everyone knows how smart
[00:40:09] you are. I told you my favorite train moment was that fucking guy pulling catcher in the
[00:40:14] rye out of his head. So back. Hell, yes. What the fuck? How old was this guy? It's like
[00:40:20] 25. That's like a book for music. Super cool. Like street fashion, dude. Yeah, straddling
[00:40:26] the fucking doorway on the train. Oh, yes. Hell, yeah, dude. Yeah, I feel stupid because
[00:40:31] I love catcher in the rye. That's a good book. But I just that's what I stopped being smart
[00:40:36] is like when I was 16. Yeah. Well, you weren't smart then either. No, I was smart, bitch. Everyone
[00:40:41] thinks they're smart. That's that's like the that's the most beautiful thing to witness
[00:40:46] is people who are like 22 23 turning 24 realizing that their precociousness just maxes out and
[00:40:54] then they're going to get progressively dumber. Yeah. And then they have like this fucking
[00:40:58] downward spiral. Right. Well, I'm not saying I'm still smart. Yeah. Like I was tall in
[00:41:03] sixth grade. I'm not tall anymore. We've been the same height. I was the same smartness.
[00:41:08] But I've my brain is turned to mush because all I do is fucking comedy and like, you know,
[00:41:12] beat off and like play video. Well, I don't even play video games. I don't know what I
[00:41:15] do with my days really, if I'm being honest. But yeah, I used to be smart. You could be
[00:41:19] smart and then turn dumb, which is what I've done. I stopped reading. I don't really write
[00:41:24] anything anymore. I used to write all the time. I feel like Chinese people stay smart.
[00:41:29] Yeah, because they just, you know, they're about that work, you know, they're about that
[00:41:33] discipline. It seems like they're smart because you don't know what they're saying. Probably
[00:41:37] some smart shit, dude. Yeah, it's all math. It is math. They are now doing division. Two
[00:41:42] plus two eight before nine square root five, 500 million. Two two times divided by 15.
[00:41:51] Translate. Square root five geometry precoculus. The derivative nine nine hundred two hundred
[00:41:59] dollar three hundred. We said like, that even right? We're doing one time. Like, Hey, you
[00:42:07] come here. Maybe $5. Maybe $5. Maybe $3. Maybe you just always have a haggling. I give you
[00:42:19] good price. Yeah. You have lunch today. Pretty good. Five dollar. Maybe $2. Maybe more. Maybe
[00:42:27] one character. That was a good one. Yeah. Fuck dude. My tooth hurts. Does anybody know
[00:42:33] a good dentist? Wait, your shit didn't get fixed by that. It got fixed. I've, I don't
[00:42:39] think you've updated. I don't even told anyone. Yeah. Yeah. I went to L.A. for this. I went
[00:42:43] to my mom. I forgot my mom works at a dental lab. So she knows. She said you're a general
[00:42:48] contractor. Yeah. No, she knows a fucking dentist, dude. This guy rules. But I had to get there
[00:42:53] like, is your mom's job to test the fake teeth to see how they hold up when a dick is put
[00:42:58] in between them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She chomps down hard as hell. She gets new dentures and
[00:43:02] sucks a brand new dick every week. Really? You can drag your mom like that, dude. I think
[00:43:08] it's pretty disrespectful. I'm telling you what a job is. Fuck up, dude. I'm telling
[00:43:11] you to tell him how to interact with his own mother on this podcast. You're welcome. Thank
[00:43:17] you, man. That's so fucking rude to you. Talk about my mom. I'm about sticking up for my
[00:43:22] fans. Thank you, man. You know, what did you say about? Oh, you're there's a stigma about
[00:43:26] her job, man. She raised three beautiful boys in this country. You did. You're right. There's
[00:43:30] some respect of all. You don't know. You don't know the gender of his brothers. That's right.
[00:43:36] I know how my brother George identified. Nick and George. How does George identify? George
[00:43:40] identifies as cishet. No, he's trans. No, he's not. Yes, he is. That's not true, dude. He's
[00:43:47] trans curious. Actually, he told me the other day that he's been telling you that he's trans.
[00:43:52] He whispered into your hair from behind you. He fucked you in the ass. Because he's trans,
[00:43:57] but he's what I was implying, baby. That's not true. Yeah. Anyway, my brother fucked you
[00:44:03] and my mom has a cool job in a dental lab that she's proud of and I'm proud of her.
[00:44:07] And she got me to hook up at a dentist where I went there at 2 p.m. and I just sat there and
[00:44:12] this guy would work on my tooth. He would do like five minutes of work every hour. So I was just
[00:44:18] fucking sitting in the dentist chair with fucking Novocaine and my shit watching property, brothers.
[00:44:23] That's fucking rules. I like to imagine him leaning back in the chair and playing an electric
[00:44:28] guitar that's not plugged in. Besides, your tooth fucked up still? Oh, okay.
[00:44:33] Isn't Novocaine nitrous? You do a grateful neck concert? No, no. That's different.
[00:44:38] No, Novocaine. What are you talking about? People do nitrous at like in the parking
[00:44:42] laws. Yeah, no shit. It's a gas. What's Novocaine? It's the injector. Have you never gotten any
[00:44:48] kind of rules or? They inject your gums with that shit. Yeah, they do the gas, don't they? No,
[00:44:52] no, no, no. They don't get a gas to get a fucking cavity filled. That's what they do to me. I thought,
[00:44:58] right? No, they gas to the next one. I had a cavity when I was like young man, I don't really
[00:45:03] like that. The gas to you, you were unconscious and they fucked you. Okay. Well, anyway,
[00:45:08] stop. How's your mouth? Yeah, so this motherfucker, he shots out to the dock. He ruled,
[00:45:14] he didn't charge me. I just had to stay there for like seven hours. He like kind of worked on me
[00:45:19] in between, in between other patients. And oh, also though, shots out to this guy, he was like,
[00:45:26] he was like, you, uh, your comedian? He was like, your mom tells me your comedian. Do you like,
[00:45:30] do you do dirty jokes? And he was like, uh, he's a dirty joke. Can you tell me that joke about,
[00:45:35] uh, the nine inch pianist? You know, that joke, or it's like, no, you don't know that
[00:45:40] took last big figure out kind of. Yeah, what is the joke? He's like, uh, uh, you, you walk into,
[00:45:46] some guy asked for, he was like a genie at granted his wish, but the genie was hard of hearing. So
[00:45:53] he had, there was a nine inch pianist on the table. He was like, yeah, I asked for a nine inch
[00:45:59] pianist. You can put it together. I don't, I mean, I butchered joke, but he asked for a nine inch
[00:46:05] cock, but he gets like a nine inch piano playing piano. That sucks. I would punch that genie in the
[00:46:10] fucking face. Yeah. If you had a genie, what would you wish for? A ten inch cock. Do you want a bigger
[00:46:17] dick Adam? Are you not satisfied? I don't know. It really, like my dick isn't that good, but it's
[00:46:22] like really hasn't failed me so far. Sure. Yeah. I used to want it to be bigger when I'd see like
[00:46:28] porn as a kid. I thought that all dicks were that size. I'd like to plump it up around the edges.
[00:46:33] I don't know. I mean, yeah, I mean, obviously if it was bigger, it'd be hilarious. It'd be great.
[00:46:37] Yeah. But like, I would take a hundred million dollars, I think. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably
[00:46:42] going to be greedy, but I think I'd be happy with a hundred. What would you do? What would you do?
[00:46:47] A hundred with a hundred million? Yeah. Like half of it for just speculative investments to try and
[00:46:54] turn it into a billion. Nice. Just ask for a billion from the genie. You really only need to make it
[00:46:58] but that's not that's no figure. That's that's no fun. I would get the house. I would want to
[00:47:03] I would want to gamble a shit ton of it with 50 million. You could still do what the fuck
[00:47:08] ever you want forever. Well, I would ask for one million and get everything that kid in blank check
[00:47:12] got. The boxing thing. Remember the boxing thing? That was pretty cool. All that cost was a million.
[00:47:17] Mr. Mackintosh. No, yeah, dude. Well, he didn't get shit. He got like, he already had a nice house.
[00:47:23] Yeah, I got fucking cunt mom. Look there. Fuck that lady though, right? That's the implication.
[00:47:27] Yeah, he's he had sex a bunch. Let's read this to a gritty reboot of my check and it's just a
[00:47:33] kid spending all his money on who Earth's. No, I was saying I was going to say no, I would buy I
[00:47:38] was actually I was already looking at it a gold claim in Alaska that comes with its own barge.
[00:47:45] And I was going to just move to Alaska and look for. Yeah, Nick, look, he wants to be in Alaska,
[00:47:50] guys. Well, they don't have property tax. You also get paid for living there too, because of the oil,
[00:47:55] I think. I don't know about that. I think you get like a $20,000 check from the government every
[00:47:59] year. That's not sure. Maybe I made that up. But yeah, I think everyone gets a check from the government
[00:48:04] for living there. Well, they don't have property tax. So like, let's say if you bought a house,
[00:48:08] let's say you bought a house because I like, you know, theoretically could buy property in the
[00:48:13] next two, three years. Yeah. But if you bought a house and you bought it outright, you have like
[00:48:20] five years before the government will take it away from you if you don't pay property tax.
[00:48:24] They'll just still fucking just sell your house. And what as shitty as a bank would,
[00:48:30] they'll just fucking property taxes. Like you're in New York City, you're actually low in your house.
[00:48:35] What's that? Property taxes in New York City are surprisingly low. Yeah, but property price,
[00:48:41] probably the taxes are in the same through fucking roof. So like a low percentage doesn't
[00:48:45] mean shit if you're still paying $20,000 a year. Yeah. I've never gonna buy property, dude.
[00:48:53] Maybe it'll be a houseboat guy. That's what I said. After divorce to, I think,
[00:48:57] you get your parents house and they die. I guess. I guess. Yeah. I own that as the first born. Yeah.
[00:49:04] I think my parents, oh, a lot on theirs, but I think they own it. Yeah, they own that shit,
[00:49:09] baby. I want to buy some property in Baltimore, you know, go back to B more. The favorite son.
[00:49:14] If you had $100 million, you'd move back to Baltimore. Yeah, I'd buy a house just to go
[00:49:19] hang out with fucking Cal Ripkin and shit, dude. Go to the yard, go to Camden Yards.
[00:49:22] Yeah, you should get a house. You go to base.
[00:49:24] Small K. Do you can be yard rules? I mean, I'd go every once in a while.
[00:49:28] Right. Yeah. I mean, that's like, if you had a, I don't think you understand how much money 100
[00:49:33] million dollars is like, I mean, I probably like that. That's like, that's the shit that fucking
[00:49:40] the super rich go do stuff and you don't even know what kinds of forms you're getting into.
[00:49:45] Like going to like Bermuda, raping an entire native population, and then like going back to
[00:49:52] West Chefs or for dinner. You take a G6 down there, you pull an old Adam Friedland on the,
[00:50:01] you know that guy Scott Storch? Yes. I think he blew 100 mil. Really? Or maybe like, it was like
[00:50:08] maybe 10 million. He was a fucking hit maker, baby. He blew it like on yachts and just he spent
[00:50:14] way too much money. It's hard to blow that much money. It is hard. I guess it's work to blow that
[00:50:19] much money. I guess I would, I would open up a restaurant, you know, but you would open up a
[00:50:26] restaurant. I would open up a restaurant because I want to be a restaurant tour, dude. You know,
[00:50:29] it would be a fact. You know, it's actually a tough business. I know, but if I have 100 million,
[00:50:32] it's a pet project. So I'm putting money into it. You're like a patron of the food. I'm saying
[00:50:38] hello to everyone. It's like here in art. Hatred, but with the sandwich. The finest steaks and seafood
[00:50:45] right now, dude. Wow. A little surf and turf. It's a great concept. Fuck yeah, dude. Stakes and
[00:50:49] seafood. Stavi surf and turf. That's what I'd call it. And the wait, the waitresses are all mermaids
[00:50:57] with clam shells on their titties. Yeah. And they all got big of fucking juicy titties.
[00:51:03] And what else? I would give, I would give some to charity. You know,
[00:51:10] I would not give any money to charity. I learned that philanthropy is actually bad. Really? Yeah,
[00:51:17] it's not it's not good to rely on teaching them how to fish. No, yeah, and teach them how to fish.
[00:51:24] We just need wealth redistribution. It's not gonna be me that does it. I'll support the idea, but
[00:51:29] until that time, we can't rely on charity. So it's better to just not be charitable at all.
[00:51:34] Mm. You know, because you don't want to make people dependent on sure, sure, sure, sure.
[00:51:40] Yeah. Yeah. Respect on that, brother. So my hundred million dollars, G six down at Bermuda.
[00:51:46] You call it because the codename is see the chief. The codename is David Busters.
[00:51:51] We're going to take a little trip to the David Busters.
[00:51:55] Down there in Bermuda triangle where ships disappear. Oh, interesting. What do you think happened
[00:52:00] to those ships? Where's Bermuda snatched up by me and my hundred million? Bermuda's not in the
[00:52:05] Caribbean. It's in the Atlantic. I would probably also try and get away with tying a woman up and
[00:52:10] putting her on a train train. Oh, you become a villain. Yeah. I mean, well, that's what being
[00:52:15] rich is. That is true. Yeah. Yeah. Would you dress like that? We have the little Mustang?
[00:52:19] I already have the mustache. You need to get curlier. I could. I did until like three days ago.
[00:52:26] I guess that's true. I changed that. I never noticed when you changed your station there.
[00:52:29] To go tea. Yeah. Go. It's a go T season now, isn't it? Yeah. God, I wish I could grow nice.
[00:52:34] I think all I do probably the calf implants. Yeah. You're like just scrawny.
[00:52:39] Instead of just going to the gym and exercising. No, I get the implants probably. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:52:44] Yeah. I get I get I get liposuction. No, I would never get calf implants. You get lipos. Yeah.
[00:52:49] I get liposuction. I'd be sex. No, I just grow my hair out again. No. Okay.
[00:52:54] I would probably try to find a beautiful wife that doesn't love me for the money.
[00:52:58] Yeah, that doesn't exist. That's how you end up like Ed Sheeran. Yeah.
[00:53:08] The buzzer boy of toxic masculinity. That fucking tomato. Yeah. That singing tomato.
[00:53:14] Who got cucked, I think, by his friend Ed Sheeran, dude. He's like the Garfro. He's like the Garfield
[00:53:19] of Pussy instead of Mondays. He hates pussy. Girls. The Garfro. I kind of like that as a title.
[00:53:32] I doesn't make any fucking sense. I was like, oh, he's orange. He's round. Okay. Okay. Okay.
[00:53:39] You know, he doesn't like Mondays. I know. But the Garfro. He's a person. He's some reason.
[00:53:43] That's like so many fucks. I know it doesn't make sense. That's like,
[00:53:46] it's one of those weird British royal titles that's like down the list in a
[00:53:50] sentence. You got to the carfield or the cousin. Yeah.
[00:53:56] Winsley doosle door. The ninth Earl Garfield of Pussy.
[00:54:10] Fuck. I'm the Odie of Pussy. I'm the normal of Pussy. I'm actually normal.
[00:54:15] Adams the John R. Buckle of Pussy. You're John R. Buckle, especially the one where he drinks
[00:54:20] cum. That's the way he drinks. He drinks. He drinks.
[00:54:23] Dock cum. It's awesome. Yeah. It honestly is one of the funniest things ever.
[00:54:27] Do we ever tell the... This is wholesome ass bullshit. This guy just draws it out of nowhere.
[00:54:34] He drinks cum. Jim and Aaron is like, congratulations. You're going to father some puppy.
[00:54:40] Like, first of all, why don't you just drink a cup of the doctor's coffee? Yeah. Why is that
[00:54:47] out? Why do you have dog cum just out in that veterinarian? Also, John, Jim, whatever the fuck,
[00:54:53] John R. Buckle, you don't look at it and smell cum. Well, dog cum smells different.
[00:55:01] So it smells like coffee? Jim thinks he's drinking coffee.
[00:55:04] So cum and coffee have nothing. John thinks he's drinking. Your John who drinks cum.
[00:55:11] Nick, I guess you're Garfield and I'm normal because it's the cute cat.
[00:55:15] Nirmals a boy, by the way. There's another cat. I'm not Garfield. I'm Roy the rooster from
[00:55:21] the US Acres. Okay, you're Roy. I'm normal, the cute little cat. You're still good.
[00:55:27] And again, you're John who drinks cum. Yeah, you're John because you dress like John.
[00:55:31] You look like John, you know, because I have a job guys, I guess. Do you have a job? Aren't
[00:55:37] you getting fired? It's kind of a quit fire situation. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going full cum these days.
[00:55:44] You start beating off. Yeah, I'm going to jump all day.
[00:55:49] Um, no, I got guys. I got a couple of passion projects. I got to start focusing on and
[00:55:54] passion, like preparing your defense. I've given eight years to the paralegal profession.
[00:56:00] And it was, it was a, it was a passion of mine. It was probably the passion of my life.
[00:56:06] The passion of the Christ. It was the passion. You see that movie? Um,
[00:56:09] you should really, you should really look at it. I, I, I look at some hard truth. I went,
[00:56:14] I saw it in the theaters. You're, you're synagogue went and cheered.
[00:56:21] No, whoa, straight up. Uh, I think Phil said that him and his synagogue saw. That's awesome.
[00:56:28] Um, clapping like black people watching. No, I went, I went on one of those days, me and my
[00:56:33] friend used to like pay for one movie and see like three, four movies. Like when we were in like
[00:56:38] middle school. Yeah. Yeah. We saw, I'd rather just watch movies in my house. Oh man, that's awful.
[00:56:44] You, you stole, you stole your way into passion. Oh, that is pretty, that is pretty.
[00:56:50] Stop past of the Christ. But I did not give that man a dime of my money. And by doing so,
[00:56:55] proving everything he stands for, I'm still laughing at Adam printing his own coupons for the bank.
[00:57:01] These are two for one twenties. Uh, sir, that
[00:57:08] he can't get discount money. Well, he's a fine friend.
[00:57:17] Uh, fuck that's fine. Coupons at the bank is really good.
[00:57:20] I have this coupon for more money. Uh, fuck. I want to fucking.
[00:57:28] Damn, dude, I'm getting hungry. Maybe I should take more Adderall. Do you want to have,
[00:57:32] we're going to have, you want to have a late dinner here? No, I don't want to burn it up.
[00:57:35] I don't want to eat late at night, dude. I'm trying to lose weight. Are you sick? No.
[00:57:39] I have been sleeping all day and, you know, what did you do today? Nothing. Nice. Absolutely
[00:57:45] nothing. I scheduled an eye exam for tomorrow. Got a nice little $35 group on
[00:57:51] exam. Not bad. As I broke my glasses. Not bad, my friend. Yeah. You get new glasses? Yeah, I sat on
[00:57:58] my glasses and broke them. Really? Yeah. Nice. What kind of glass do you get? It's a powerful
[00:58:03] ass. Um, I don't know. I'm, but I'm doing the thing this time where I just get the prescription,
[00:58:07] and then I buy the frame, the frames online. Nice. You get it from China. Zany optical. Yeah, dude,
[00:58:12] that's my plug. Don't take my Zany plug. First of all, let's stop plugging shit because it might be,
[00:58:18] you're right, conflict with some of our real sponsors. Yeah, yeah. Actually, someone
[00:58:22] sent me a thing for a sponsor and tell you. But he said that only I could have the money.
[00:58:28] It's a joke. That's not how it works. Yeah. I'll tell you what it is. It's, uh, no.
[00:58:35] It's, uh, thank you. This is a bad idea if you have somebody like, no, he's getting free,
[00:58:40] free advertising. Fuck him. After listening to the most recent premium episode, we couldn't
[00:58:46] think of a better spokesperson for, I'm not going to say the name because we're living in many
[00:58:50] money. We would like to extend a generous offer to you. None of the funds are to be distributed to
[00:58:56] any other members of the podcast. Can refuse, uh, what industry are they in exchange? Um, I would say
[00:59:04] that I don't really know how to say it. I don't really know what the, it's fake. I mean, I think
[00:59:11] it's a joke. Oh yeah. This is a DM. This isn't a fucking, it's a DM. You guys keep talking
[00:59:21] while you're looking at them. Um, so grilled cheese. What do you think of it, Adam?
[00:59:26] I think it's nice dunking a little tomato soup, but it's got to be a bisque. You know,
[00:59:30] it's got to be a little cream here. It's just like that. I fuck with the bisque. You know,
[00:59:35] I have to leave my friend. You know what I'm saying. A seafood joke. A look, but like tomato
[00:59:39] bisque, tomato bisque, basil. Yes, my bitch. And then you dunk, uh, grilled cheese. That's kind of
[00:59:45] cheese. Do you want to put in your grilled cheese? Uh, mix them? You could, yeah, you go different.
[00:59:51] My own. You get to get American Swiss and cheddar. It's fake, dude. It's fake. You fucking idiot.
[00:59:58] Well, listen, I didn't think it was funded by the Koch brothers. Well, I didn't think it was real.
[01:00:05] You fucking idiot. God damn. I liked it. You know what? I'd like to do a plug for how
[01:00:10] his custom would work. That's my dad's actual business. I'm serious. So they have to pay the
[01:00:15] show. If you need some woodworking done, uh, you know, go to how his custom would, and you want to
[01:00:21] ignore it. All right. All right. We got it. We got to end this one on some kind of bit.
[01:00:24] Okay. This guy, this has been so unfunny. Yeah. Ever since Adam decided to make this episode about
[01:00:30] money, I've just become incredibly grating and boring and it ruins the tone and the spirit of
[01:00:37] what we still have to do. Guys, if you need to destroy the like, I mean, my grandfather's not
[01:00:42] alive. So I don't really know. I'd stop making everything about you. All right. We're going to
[01:00:46] talk. We're going to end this. We're going to talk about our favorite TV dinners. Okay. I like
[01:00:50] Hungry Man. Me too. Well, good episode guys. We're kind of hungry man would eat a TV dinner.
[01:00:59] That's good. He would get a sandwich. That's really good. From the deli.
[01:01:06] Oh, yes. Uh huh. A big bistra. What kind of hungry man? Who's, why do they call them TV
[01:01:14] dinners? You don't eat the tea. Yes. I'll have mashed potatoes with some matlock. You know, when
[01:01:26] you, you know, when you like fucking, you're like falling asleep and you have some bullshit fake
[01:01:30] idea for a joke and you're like, Oh, I got to write that down. You're like, I dream. Shut the
[01:01:35] fuck up. Let me tell you. So this is the one I had the other night. I was like asleep and I was,
[01:01:41] you know, where you like imagine you're doing a bit and I was like, what are that song about the,
[01:01:47] Hey, Mr. Tally Man, Tally Me bananas. That's like song is actually about the how shitty the job is.
[01:01:54] And there's this like dangerous spider, whatever, that the Brazilian wandering spider that lives
[01:02:01] in the banana bushels. And then it's like the most deadly spider in the world. And for banana,
[01:02:06] the guys that cut down the banana, like bunches or whatever they call, they get bit by these spiders
[01:02:12] and they just die. Holy shit. Yeah, it's like a, what is that real? Yeah, there's a line in the
[01:02:17] song that's like something something the scary tarantula or whatever daylight calming me want
[01:02:21] to go home. I was ruffled by getting bit by these like, by sarantulas who live in the bananas or
[01:02:26] whatever. And then I was like, in my head, like doing a bit about like, yeah, but maybe if they
[01:02:32] wanted people that feel bad for them, they wouldn't made the song so fun.
[01:02:38] I'm like, well, that's a really good job. Yeah, it should be a somber tune. Yeah. And I remember
[01:02:44] waking up in the morning being like, Oh, what was that good idea for a joke I had? I'm like,
[01:02:49] Oh God, damn it. Because in fact, I had not having written a joke for a year.
[01:02:55] If you're telling you, man, I had like, it was subway Jared was good bit. That was the last good
[01:03:00] news for you. He didn't break me. He broke your ability. He never broke me. All right,
[01:03:06] you bitch. I'll fucking break the two break you. And I'll fuck you. You do well as a POW, Nick,
[01:03:11] a prisoner of war. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I sort of adopt that indomitable spirit. No,
[01:03:17] because I'm all right. You know, it's like the Hulk. My secret is that I'm always angry.
[01:03:25] No, I don't know how I would do as a POW. I would probably just do the living
[01:03:30] conditions. You would definitely be the best out of all three of us. I'd fold immediately.
[01:03:35] I'd read the idea of not having freedom though is like, that's something that affects me deeply,
[01:03:39] but living in like a cage, I would probably have no issue with eating bugs and shit.
[01:03:47] Even the physical to be far away from my loved ones.
[01:03:51] I think all of that would not be a problem. The idea of not being able to leave whenever I
[01:03:55] wanted to fuck with me. Yeah. If you were a part of a free range prison, you'd be okay.
[01:04:02] No, any kind of prison would not. Well, you know, like where like all the guys in the unit are,
[01:04:07] I mean, you guys are treated terribly by the Japanese or whatever, but like your commanders
[01:04:11] there, you make up songs to like, to like, I want to go survive and pass with pass the time away.
[01:04:17] You know what I mean? Yeah, that seems fun. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
[01:04:21] No, it's funny. I can be like cool to be in like a like a Cambodian POW camp.
[01:04:27] And they just still let you do your podcast.
[01:04:30] If they let us be good morning Cambodia. Oh, it's me. Oh, oh, oh, shut up only. I'm allowed to do
[01:04:41] the impression. If you do it too, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. There's only one guy.
[01:04:46] Good. Yeah. Most of you shut the fuck up. Bad motherfucker. You're listening to the Robin Williams.
[01:04:51] Hey, oh, it's me. And it's me also Robin Williams. Don't tell me what to do.
[01:04:56] See you. Now I'm Ringo. He's the Ringo and Robin.
[01:05:01] Oh, I'm Ringo Williams. Hey, basically his career. This is that kind of shit.
[01:05:09] Oh, no, I'm prune Tracy. I'm Ringo Williams.
[01:05:12] All right. Then Ringo Williams is pretty good. Yeah, I guess that's it. I want to go to mob prison.
[01:05:19] Let's talk about that in another rap. Yeah, mobs have prisons. Our five minutes, 23 seconds.
[01:05:24] That's a long that's a free five minutes for the games.
[01:05:27] And why don't you apologize everybody for making us delete the other one.
[01:05:32] I didn't. I did. It was. Yeah, it was technical difficulties.
[01:05:44] I apologize to no one and to the to the individuals that called me the K word for us being laid on
[01:05:51] the episode. I'm not afraid and you can keep calling me that the rest of my life. I'm not going
[01:05:59] anywhere, folks. Oh, actually you're dumb. Oh, fuck you. Adam. Oh, we got a special
[01:06:11] Heinrich Adams. He was in a Holocaust. Oh, you know what I love is twins.
[01:06:18] Twins bring him into experiments on them. Just patch Adams, man.
[01:06:21] Golly. Yes. The ugly with a rubber red nose. Oh, what do we got here?
[01:06:26] Twins. Let's inject some hot water into the brain.
[01:06:29] This one's dead. Oh, look, it's a zombie. Let's do an improv bit for this dead body.
[01:06:36] Let's make him talk black. Oh, yeah. I'm going to put my arms through his and pretend I'm driving.