Cum Town | Regular | 06/08/2017
[00:00:06] If you're still a listener of the podcast we had a guy I indulged a little bit with
[00:00:13] You know reporting on Bill Mars transgression free species
[00:00:19] And I don't know I've said it before and I'll say it again
[00:00:23] It's okay if you're quoting a white guy that said it
[00:00:26] Uh-huh he fought to make fun of him for doing it wrong. It's satire or it's well. It's not satire. It's journal reporting
[00:00:34] Maybe if you're maybe should look up journalism sometimes if you got a problem with it
[00:00:39] Now does that mean that I don't enjoy saying it when I have
[00:00:43] These moments. Yes like a win-win situation
[00:00:47] I'm a prize in people to the egregious behavior of Bill Maher and I get a little something from me on the back
[00:00:53] Yeah, your journalism beat a little a little treat for myself
[00:00:58] There's just one word call it a little piece of Boston chocolate
[00:01:14] Yes, well, so you know you're offended fuck you this is podcast real ass podcast
[00:01:25] Okay, that's why I do comedy. Yeah to get not to make people laugh to my mad. Yeah
[00:01:34] That's why we're friends you actually my sort of I love describing my comedy as brutally honest
[00:01:41] Oh, yeah, dude. No holds barred my fucking head shots. I got caution tape. I got my mouth tape around my dick
[00:01:50] Police are like wow, this guy's jokes are criminal. They're weapons of mass distraction
[00:01:56] That was that was Tom Myers's album. No words of mass destruction words of mass destruction. Oh, yeah, baby
[00:02:03] How yeah, dude, oh the man in the brain
[00:02:08] Actually two of the tracks on the album. We're just a cybersill
[00:02:12] Hey the cybersill let him do that. Yeah, he's really good friends with them. He is. Oh, yeah
[00:02:19] Yeah, it's actually he is. It's fucking weird. That's really strange. Yeah, I guess I used to come into the 7-11
[00:02:25] He works at so yeah, when friends with cybersill, that's actually how we got on 98 rock
[00:02:33] Don't even remember how I all I remember from him and honey rock is them just trashing him well now
[00:02:39] How it started was Mickey would buy ice cream at the 7-11
[00:02:51] Did he yeah did not go well, that's hilarious
[00:02:55] This his brother still like own or book manage the factory. Yeah, I don't know maybe man
[00:03:01] It was so funny when I took a bus down there and you get off you get off that Chinatown bus and it's at that shitty like oh, yeah
[00:03:08] Motel the best western. Yeah, and then the motel like just says like comedy fact
[00:03:14] I'm there. I was like asking one of the ladies. I'm like oh is it
[00:03:17] You just sell tickets for the comedy factory here. She's like yeah, I was like and then is there like a shuttle to it?
[00:03:23] She's like, no, it's right here. Yeah, I'm like, oh they open the second one. She's like, no
[00:03:29] This is it now just in like the conference center. Yeah, yeah
[00:03:32] It's a shame cuz like the original club was like coolest shit. What was downtown is downtown Baltimore
[00:03:38] It was in fucking power plant. No the original one. Oh the one upstairs of over Burke's. Yeah. Yeah
[00:03:44] Yeah, that place was cool. That was like such a cool looking room. Yeah, I never went there
[00:03:48] Yeah, I only did the one in power plant. Um the audience is trash
[00:03:52] Yeah, but like that fight though like the vibe of that room was very cool
[00:03:56] To do you work with when you were in that you never I just did the contest all right, right?
[00:04:02] Right in funniest person in Baltimore contest. I think a homeless guy came in second that you
[00:04:09] And they were like you literally just wandered in off the street
[00:04:13] And that's cool. And then they were like, all right. We're never gonna do this
[00:04:19] Well, yeah, your random homeless person is so much better than a bringer open mic like contest
[00:04:25] comedian that shit fucking let's all it work is like yeah, there was a bringer yeah contest and
[00:04:32] But every audience member would choose three people
[00:04:34] So everyone would choose their friends and then second place. They're like let's put down the homeless guy
[00:04:44] Hell yeah, dude, we see you probably had some bits. Yeah
[00:04:50] Andress there that was the first show I ever got paid to do was I hosted for
[00:04:56] Norman and Andy andress. I don't know Andy Andrews
[00:05:01] He's funny he's from Baltimore. No, he's from
[00:05:05] Eugene or fucking Oregon. Yeah. Oh hell. Yeah
[00:05:14] Yeah, it's up. Yeah, it's from the Pacific Northwest. I guess but yeah, that was the first show
[00:05:18] I got I got paid like forty five dollars. Are you 17?
[00:05:23] Yeah, 16 or seven. I think it was like six months in the comedy. So it's probably 17
[00:05:28] Big boy boy was your first paid gig. It was I went to
[00:05:36] Ran he saw me at a bringer. I thought he thought I was the best to come I did a bringer and I crushed because it's all your friends
[00:05:42] You know where in Baltimore? No, it ej's landing with her the greater. We know you know
[00:05:50] Me and this other guy used to just go hang out at after because I used to run the college perk open mic
[00:05:55] Oh, that call I never made it out there. That was like my room. It was cool. Oh shit
[00:05:59] I took it over from this other guy who like
[00:06:01] Coincidentally lives two blocks from here. What's college?
[00:06:04] It's a coffee shop coffee shop with friends when Ross and Rachel went to college. Yeah, and
[00:06:20] Man, this is just turning into like an open mic history
[00:06:25] History with Dan Carly. Yeah, it's soft core. I think like the the people that listen to this
[00:06:31] Podcast that are like you know pursue comedy at the I mean, I guess I
[00:06:37] Did delineate between the open mic level and like a real comic is a sort of a bullshit distinction anyways, but yeah
[00:06:43] Yeah, you know, I don't know. I think like yeah, some people do I love care. You're not fucking talking
[00:06:51] That's the point of the podcast. Hell yeah, we feel a fat. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, never mind
[00:06:56] It doesn't go people aren't gonna connect with this. I guess we'll sit here in silence
[00:06:59] I wasn't criticizing this where you try to make a fight out of nothing
[00:07:10] Today I took a bunch of zinc. Yeah. Oh, you took zinc. Yeah, I always take zinc. It does nothing
[00:07:15] That's yeah, it's worth but it tastes kind of like orange
[00:07:18] But it yeah, it does but it's like kind of tasty like if there's any possibility of like a placebo effect or whatever
[00:07:26] You know, I don't know that's not like that. Yeah, that's what I do
[00:07:30] But I just fucking I do that shit with fucking methamphetamine's dude
[00:07:34] That's what I think the Adderall is I don't know if Adderall is actually helping me
[00:07:37] I think it might be the fuck cuz I'm fat as hell and I'm only taking like 10 milligrams or some shit
[00:07:42] Do you take a fat or all like yeah, what?
[00:07:46] No, okay, I take Adderall. Yeah, they should make a fat or all to help that people concentrate on the foods
[00:07:58] If I could stop concentrating freight trains screeching to a halt behind you
[00:08:03] Just sucking each individual seed out of a strawberry
[00:08:09] Thank you, Fatterall no joke though at all is kind of help
[00:08:12] the one thing it has been doing for real is making like my appetite go away and
[00:08:17] It just feels like a norm. I feel normal, dude. I just walk past you look like you've lost a little bit away
[00:08:22] Yeah, you know, I'm trying to fucking tone it. You know, I mean I've been saying that to you for years
[00:08:29] Did you find that old picture of us at bed some ball? Yeah, you look you did you data sent it to yeah, dude
[00:08:34] I was I don't really have fucking fat. Yeah, you're like morbidly. Oh, yeah, you're like 315
[00:08:43] It's not as bad anymore. I think when I first became friends with you yet you had a little bit of dog
[00:08:48] I was going side to side. It was like that's barely moving forward. It was like that long that sketch that Beck did on
[00:08:54] That's the no with the ball. Yeah, I didn't see that
[00:08:57] But I had a and I still I had and I still have the most embarrassing thing about you look like you're like trying to stop on a snowboard
[00:09:13] Just on ice I'm on I'm on an ice rink with shoes on
[00:09:16] I'm just trying to fucking stay yeah stay put
[00:09:21] Fucking there's always marbles around me
[00:09:25] The most embarrassing part about being and especially I was that fat was that I and it still happens sometimes, but I have to use the same
[00:09:35] Medicine they do for babies that have diaper rash on my thighs
[00:09:39] Like my thighs are so fat in the same medicine. It's just baby powder. No, it's not baby powder. There's a paste
[00:09:44] There's a paste that you put on babies. Yeah, it's a medicine medicine
[00:09:48] It's a medicated fucking paste that you rub on your thighs. Just use baby powder
[00:09:53] Dude, why do you wait till it gets to like a medical intervention? It's more than that buddy. I shave everybody fucking no
[00:10:00] These these balls probably I don't shave dude. I got that thigh gap baby
[00:10:04] You do have a I'm an Instagram girl the guys you fucking put their cocks between your thigh gap
[00:10:09] They don't ask I mean they don't cons I don't consent to it, but they do it happens it happens
[00:10:16] Yeah, dude a indeed shout out to a indeed ointment dude. I love going into the medical
[00:10:22] It is medical. Why are you fighting me on this? Oh?
[00:10:31] But yeah, I yeah, I got I got those fucking thighs like a baby like rubber band. You know how babies have fucking fat
[00:10:42] They're little legs look like they're more like a stave puff marshmallow boy. Well, I was round
[00:10:47] Yeah, you're around my fucking my gullet the point is we're Nick and I we have
[00:10:55] We don't try to say it, but we're both proud of you
[00:10:57] You're looking thanks, man, and you're gonna keep looking better my man. I'm gonna keep except
[00:11:01] I found I have two fucking tears in my shoulder at my rotator
[00:11:04] Cuff is torn and my fucking there's some other weird tendon
[00:11:08] I went back to my fat doctor and this guy clearly just got my results the second I walked in doctor
[00:11:20] Old comedian medical who teaches comedy
[00:11:29] The fat doc yeah, he was this guy in DC that was like I actually tutored Mont Lawrence
[00:11:36] Dave Chappelle was under the tutelage of myself
[00:11:39] Yeah, fat doctor, and then he would go up and open Mike sit down on the stool and like just bomb
[00:11:45] Yeah, because DC's filled with a lot of like older comedians that happen to know Chappelle or whatever
[00:11:53] He goes can't let them just admit that like oh that was a guy that was better than me
[00:11:59] Who is one of the greatest comedians of all time? Yeah, and you're gonna fucking oh yeah, I tutored him
[00:12:05] Because he was younger than you you're fucking bitter about it. Oh
[00:12:12] That's cool. Yeah, that's if that would make you a cool guy that people would want to talk to us
[00:12:17] Yeah, I knew Dave Chappelle is yeah, I met friends with him still or anything
[00:12:20] But it was cool to tell him around tell a story about him. Yeah being there and be like you're good at comedy
[00:12:26] No, I won't respect you unless you had said say yeah, I think it's doctor. Should we teach a comedy course?
[00:12:33] Let's do it like let's do a comedy fucking
[00:12:36] graduation showcase have a patreon level where we
[00:12:43] Hell yeah, we'll punch your shit up. Yeah for $40 a month
[00:12:47] We do an intensive course. We'll cover all the we'll cover the hard R and word soft A and word props props
[00:12:55] Pulling your cock out of your clothes. I'm just gonna independently start saying that I tutored Rory Scoville
[00:13:01] And all the people I started with that are doing very well. You're too young bitch tutored Jermaine Fowler. That's good Jermaine works
[00:13:08] Yeah, although he's the same age. I think he's always a little yeah, and you're also doing good, but I don't do stand up anymore
[00:13:15] Well, yeah, Nick quit. He's trying to face the podcast
[00:13:24] I'm a gamer. I'm fucking love electronics
[00:13:28] I wear golds gym shirts to the gym and get compliments
[00:13:36] That was the most genuine smile I've seen in months
[00:13:41] Shape now. Yeah, and this dude like does a beeline across the gym to be like yeah
[00:13:48] So Hollywood Florida or Hollywood Los Angeles, you know, yeah conversation sure you can either be strong
[00:13:54] Or you can just wear the shirt where goals gym shirt. Yeah, I think that is a certain time of fact
[00:13:59] I too who rolls around with a fucking weight belt like the belt that you wear
[00:14:04] What are those pants called? No, that's not a type of guy. Yes, it is
[00:14:07] I never see a fat guy who has all the beer who has that like the lifting belt, but around town
[00:14:13] I mean at the gym like fucking too many gloves on he means at the gym
[00:14:18] But also what's one of those pants called those like they're like pajama pants. They're like sim bad kind of
[00:14:22] Not Zubas not the best that's what they are they don't like you're like us like had NFL sort of like yeah
[00:14:30] Branding yeah, you get like in New York Jets Zubas pants and you can clearly see your dick. Yeah, that's
[00:14:37] Clearly she there. No my favorite look at the gym is you want to suck them is the like bowling ball shaped guy
[00:14:44] The like aggressively balding you know, but he's got like hair under his ears
[00:14:55] Everywhere right beard up to his fucking like lower eyelids
[00:15:02] Just completely fucking bald veiny forehead
[00:15:07] 375 pounds. Yes, you can't really tell all those fucking any client at the funniest
[00:15:13] My diesel story one time is a diesel comes into wise acres and he tells Andy
[00:15:19] You have been working out. I'm actually a makshua down to point zero four percent body
[00:15:40] Just like that's a dead body exactly as a victim from Auschwitz
[00:15:48] Yeah, Ray Lewis and his prime was eight percent body fat
[00:15:53] Anyhow, yeah, no that look where the bowling ball kind of stocky guy
[00:15:59] maybe wife beaters sometimes a polo shirt and then like
[00:16:03] Cargo shorts and then the Tim's with no laces hundred percent and then tongues out
[00:16:09] Yeah, it's not doing squats and that or just doing a lot of rows with horrible form those guys
[00:16:15] Just pulling their whole body back and forth. Yeah
[00:16:20] I use perfect form do you make noise Nick when you lift no, I never make noise
[00:16:25] I'm a scream. I have no sense. I do it. No, no, what I do is I make the same lifter in a scream cover
[00:16:34] Because you stealth I'm stealthy. I got no I got no I don't make noise. Yeah, I have no discernible scent
[00:16:41] Yeah, you know you have no real loyalty. I have no real loyalty
[00:16:47] Yeah, yeah, your emotions won't get in the way in the wild. Yeah, speak Chinese
[00:16:51] Absolutely, which is the native language of the beast
[00:17:05] When I'm at the gym, I make the noises that female porn stars make so I was like yeah fuck yeah
[00:17:12] Yeah, that's my that's my shit. I'm like yeah, I like to go there and then in the squat rack
[00:17:19] Do like aerobic exercises where the tightest clothes possible
[00:17:24] The gay guy would absolutely and then you count reps, but you do it in Spanish with an American accent
[00:17:37] That's the best way to work out you got to sneak in some homophobia, you know, make it fun for yourself when you're working out
[00:17:55] Man I like getting the gallon waters, that's how people know I mean oh, yes go with a gallon water jug
[00:18:02] Mm-hmm, and just squat the bar, you know, yes, mm not me. No dose trace
[00:18:12] Good tour say for 14 14 in French. Yeah, there's that song. There's a song. Yeah, no no dose trace
[00:18:19] Could tour say you to you to that so from that fucking off. That was an album the iPod album. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh
[00:18:34] The yes, yes the Maddox had an article when that album came out that was like
[00:18:43] And then the first one's like something by you to and then the second one's by you to and then you just realize it's the
[00:18:55] Like published or promoted talker max. Oh, it's the same shit though. Yeah, yeah, no man. It's funny dude
[00:19:01] I don't know like highly influential in terms of like in 100% writing for sure
[00:19:05] There's guys that like you know people now would shit on of being like South Park in or sort of that like
[00:19:14] South Park is good, but there's still plenty of people like people come after me online sometimes and be like wow
[00:19:19] I bet this guy thinks South Park is funny. It is I'm like yeah, I do
[00:19:28] But yeah, I get like people the Mindy project people people people won't like say Maddox is funny now well really yeah
[00:19:36] That's what's annoying is like because like what you just said. Oh, it's all the kind of the same shit the Tucker max stop
[00:19:41] Which it's like not I just thought you're talking about such a man. Well, Tucker max is funny, dude
[00:19:45] What it what was this thing? I don't like I don't even women bad
[00:19:50] Stories about it terrible writer. Yeah, it wasn't good reading it in like 11th grade. Yeah, I remember reading it in high school
[00:19:57] And like I wasn't like offended by it, but it was like this is just bad writing. Yeah, not funny
[00:20:03] It's like this like I'm 13 and this doesn't impress me exactly like had set you
[00:20:09] Yeah, it's like for me too much sushi one time. Yeah, weird uncle that wants to convince you he fucked
[00:20:15] He told a story about how he fucked some girl in the ass and she shit on his dick and it's like yeah
[00:20:19] She's okay. Yeah, I'm just part of like fucking in the ass. Yeah, it's shit on your day
[00:20:24] Yeah, I'm really fucking in the shit place playing in the mud the hogs
[00:20:33] Let's have let that be on the record that you eat us. I'll eat ass. Oh, I'm fully on board these
[00:20:38] I'm taking swipes of ass. I'm eating pussy from the back. I'll tell you that much
[00:20:43] Yeah, but Tucker max is like a popular guy for people to be like oh, that's terrible. Yeah, there was a part of there was like
[00:20:49] I forget the name of the like back when they used to have web rings
[00:20:53] But it was like Maddox and Tucker max and then
[00:20:57] Some anonymous person that had a website called tar blog
[00:21:12] Jesus Christ holy shit those fucking porridge art
[00:21:17] It's been here's the thing and this is why this is what annoys me about people is like people be like that's fucking evil and it's like
[00:21:23] No, it's like a cathartic release for somebody that has this thankless shit job
[00:21:29] Yeah, and they do more of a retarded people than you ever will so just it's like me
[00:21:34] Reporting on Bill Mars. Yes, you're here. I'm doing a service for the community
[00:21:40] Yeah, I get a little something absolutely so if it's hard when a doctor saves a baby's line
[00:21:45] Yeah, it's hard, but you know what? You know what that being retarded. That's the real hard are I
[00:22:01] The doctor saves a baby. Yeah, he technically should be allowed to call that baby the n-word absolutely right a hundred percent
[00:22:11] God yeah, that's that's how Ben Carson got to start when he those those can join twins
[00:22:16] When he separated separated them and he called them both the n-word a bunch
[00:22:21] I was reading his book and there is one
[00:22:23] He told this one story about how he um it was like it was supposed to be
[00:22:30] To show what a good funny guy he was and it was like some guy tried to make fun of me
[00:22:35] But I got after him he told me that shirt so old
[00:22:39] It looks like it was from the Civil War and I said yeah, and your mama wore it
[00:22:46] And then he's just painted a picture everyone's high-fiving him and he's sorry about a retarded guy
[00:22:50] Sorry Ben Carson all I went to I went to blow my nose. Yeah. Yeah, we're talking about brain surgery now. Yeah
[00:23:02] When Trump went in on him in Iowa about Savagas Fred
[00:23:06] That was like that was one of my favorite Trump speeches and also what else did he also let me let me enter
[00:23:12] He might have been a pedophile or something. Yeah. Yeah, I called the child blesses
[00:23:18] I mean, I call you guys child molesters all the time well Adam does fuck children
[00:23:22] Yeah, you do have sex with children. I do and you have sex with Korean women, which is a type of children
[00:23:30] Present that as your opinion. That is not my opinion. It's the opinion of the court. So you're not
[00:23:40] That's just badass. I have to call the judge the court. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it's a court opinion
[00:23:46] Yeah, it's a courtroom. Hell yeah, dude. I'm the whole room
[00:23:53] The chair is the state. Yeah, does that mean you fuck him though?
[00:23:57] Because if you're inside if your dick is technically in the court
[00:24:01] Yeah, but the court is in the state are all judges gain getting fucked what?
[00:24:05] That's and which isn't a bad thing. I'm just saying is that is that how
[00:24:09] We should follow a lot on our initial plans of go to law school. You know, I
[00:24:15] Was a baby, I didn't know I was a motherfucking my wish I ever had aspirations
[00:24:21] Didn't have aspirations our parents forced us our parents were immigrants and they wanted us to be rich. Yeah
[00:24:30] Yeah, I have asked fuckerations. I had aspirations when I was very naive and young
[00:24:34] I after 18 I stopped having aspirations my true other than true love that I still aspire to that
[00:24:41] Yeah, well you're you have a girlfriend now. I can't talk about on the show. It's too important. Oh
[00:25:02] There was one that was so funny to me and I found out, you know, oh man, this is great
[00:25:06] I've I'll tell the story and I'll tell you what I did with it afterwards. Okay, great
[00:25:10] the so the story was like if somebody was in seventh grade and they like had
[00:25:16] They had like a police officer come in to like the class to talk about like
[00:25:21] Malestation or whatever they played like a video that was like, you know, like if somebody touches you and in appropriate way or whatever
[00:25:29] And they're all watching the video and everyone's just bored. Yeah, there's not enough break the video ends and they're like, okay
[00:25:35] Thanks guys if you have any questions and then there's a retarded kid in the class who's like older than everyone else
[00:25:41] Like it's just this bigger retarded kid. Yeah, you know, and he just blarts out next door Jimmy made me suck his dick. Oh
[00:25:59] And they had to like take him out of the classroom
[00:26:02] Holy shit dude to know the phrase suck his dick and then also get molested
[00:26:11] Well then the story turns out the story turns out that the next door Jimmy was another retarded kid
[00:26:19] Had been watching like unscrambled cable
[00:26:23] And like acted out the scenes on this other disabled kid
[00:26:26] Oh the stories bullshit, you know, somebody's made it up. Yeah, if it was just wait you read this already
[00:26:34] On tarred blog, which I assume is an acronym. Yeah
[00:26:39] Right for teaching and respecting the disabled
[00:26:53] But no, so I thought that was the funniest shit. That's
[00:26:59] Unbelievable. Oh my god when I was already kid sucking
[00:27:03] Are you fucking kidding me? I had I had Jim Gaffigan's AOL and some messenger screen name
[00:27:10] Like I don't know how I got it like found his personal email and then added him on a sign on sometimes
[00:27:15] And I sent it to Jim Gaffigan who was like my favorite comedian when I was 13
[00:27:27] Like he just like you know he responds. He's like I'm not offended, but I have to go
[00:27:38] Yeah, he responded. Yeah, he's like I'm not affected, but I have to go so you've had a conversation
[00:27:48] Have you ever met him since no this story, man. That's amazing. That's incredible
[00:27:51] That's incredible story. It is funny the very early days of the internet like you people were fucking available
[00:27:57] If you just got like the right I mean get their emails and wait easier. Yeah
[00:28:02] I wasn't like I didn't care enough, but I had a friend that could just hack really easily. Yeah used to be really easy to face websites
[00:28:10] Because everything was built on like shitty content management software that was like free
[00:28:16] Mm-hmm so and like most websites had like check out our forum right right like forum software was there was always a way to
[00:28:24] You know, yeah, like either a cross-site scripting vulnerability or do you guys remember?
[00:28:30] This isn't hacking at all, but do you guys remember white house calm? Yeah? I do when it was just going to school. Yeah
[00:28:39] That's it ruled man. Yeah, that's an early one. I beat off to white house calm
[00:28:43] Yeah, it was like a fucking some kind of middle-eastern lady with big titties and like brown nips
[00:28:48] I still remember the image. I still remember trying to download this
[00:28:52] Picture of a naked girl off cuz ah dude. I would download and I would download the still from swordfish. Yes
[00:29:00] Yeah, and I would download it and then delete it and then download it again every day
[00:29:05] And a dial-up so beautiful that would sit there like six hours
[00:29:09] Yeah, yeah, that's like a month well it's in sure so it's like 20 minutes, but I remember it took forever to download this picture
[00:29:16] And then I clicked on it and it was a transsexual woman and she had a penis
[00:29:23] I threw it in the recycle bin my dad found the next day
[00:29:33] I think that what that started about four years of him thing. Yeah for sure my mom. I think I told this story my mom
[00:29:47] Wasn't my favorite site, but there was one video where one of the crack horse had baked titties
[00:29:54] Although most of them were horrible, but I didn't know my mom had never used the computer before people of crack
[00:30:08] Actually like crack addicted street people yes, yes
[00:30:12] That's and I gave it a it was you'd be a coolest that they were not good point of crack a dilly crack a dilly
[00:30:19] Crack a Billy yeah, it's like rock a Billy, but you're addicted to crack cocaine. That's good. Yeah, it's just yeah
[00:30:25] All those people just look more gaunt. Yeah, I'll just have suck your dick for some fucking creepers
[00:30:33] Our creepers the shoes this weird shoes. Yeah, they look like orthopedic shoes. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like they drink Shirley temples
[00:30:40] But they call him red Rangers. She's from the 50s. Yeah. Yeah, maybe yeah, I mean
[00:30:50] You gotta be a complete fucking asshole to be like yeah, I'm a
[00:30:57] Latinos were kind of into that aesthetic and kind of still might be a little bit
[00:31:02] I don't know you haven't been to the west coast for all of south Austin was like rock a Billy guys
[00:31:07] Yeah, yeah, that's a very awesome look too. Yeah, but it's specifically south Austin
[00:31:12] Like south Austin is really good Mexican
[00:31:15] No, it's just white people no south Austin was like the cool part of Austin 15 years ago
[00:31:21] Yeah, and now East Austin is and has been for the last like 10 years
[00:31:26] So who knows you'd maybe lost touch though. What's that maybe lost touch maybe now west Austin
[00:31:32] No, I think it's just moving further east west Austin is like
[00:31:35] Expensive oh got you it's like an apartment in certain parts of west Austin will cost you like five million dollars
[00:31:42] To buy to buy yeah five million in Austin
[00:31:49] If you're being if you're being like hyperbolic
[00:31:52] No, you mean it literally would use a lot of
[00:31:55] Like yeah, because I mean that's like a tech industry like West books down there now. Yeah, West West
[00:32:01] Yeah, what's the next like B caves and shit? There's a lot of money. Yeah, I delivered pizza over in those neighborhoods
[00:32:09] And it fucking sucked because it was like a huge delivery area because like you know, it's like giant houses so
[00:32:16] Our delivery area was like nine miles right right right right right right right right right right right right right right?
[00:32:20] I'm gonna have a 45 minute round trip for a three dollar tip. Yeah, fuck that's fuck the rich, huh?
[00:32:27] But no fuck Papa John's for zoning its fucking restaurants like that
[00:32:32] That's true, but they could have hit you up a little more couple more in fact
[00:32:35] The rich would probably just stop ordering for Papa John's if it takes that long to get their fucking pizza
[00:32:41] I read um an article giving you another dollar. I was I've been talking about pussy posse a lot recently
[00:32:47] Yeah, I read an article on you pussy posse my favorite is up
[00:32:51] uh women on Twitter mad about the pussy posse and something from 1996
[00:32:57] I know but I've thought you it's the people mad about it are like the ones that had like an Orlando bloom poster in their fat bedroom
[00:33:07] Like how dare they have sex with attractive women
[00:33:12] It's basically it's like slut-shaming is the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:33:16] It's the same it's the same thing that like that fucking nice guys do and they're like, but this nature that bitch just dates
[00:33:22] Assholes right right right right right there that man fuck hot young women
[00:33:29] Well, I was incredibly it goes to the library
[00:33:39] I'm so I'm so much more rewarding emotionally because I fucking I watch firefly
[00:33:50] What is that that's like a 90s like some sci-fi thing oh, yeah, everyone says it's good, but I've never seen it
[00:33:58] Very good. Oh, so I the Puerto Rican slayer there we go. It's it's uh the the buffet molester
[00:34:09] The buffet I love that. Yeah, it's boss calls for people buffing molesters
[00:34:25] But then he can't become a vampire because his teeth are all fake
[00:34:27] Yeah, yeah, so it's him trying to bite people yes cake, but his list gets in the is weird list gets in the way there we go
[00:34:39] There we go done and done that's not you know so many people have like a perfect boss. I know
[00:34:45] I guys, you know, he's always a rice been he's on radio so much. Yeah, but doesn't matter
[00:34:51] It doesn't mean a lot a lot of people people can look approximate, but there's a lot of people that have like a flawless rich Voss
[00:34:59] You know like everybody can kind of do like everybody has like a Joe Mackey. That's just like oh, yeah
[00:35:04] That's just Mickey Mouse. Yeah, it's not actually good. Who Mateo's Mackey is good Mateo's a very great impressionist
[00:35:11] He also speaks like six languages. Yeah, so yeah, and he's in great shape
[00:35:16] Physically he's a very credible very cute boy. Yeah, he's like doing an impression of a more attractive person
[00:35:28] But yeah, the Voss I feel like there's it's it's either, you know, you nail it or are you just do this
[00:35:35] Yeah, that sounds terrible. Yeah, I know I'm just
[00:35:37] You know a lot of people have shitty normans too. Yeah, they just do this. Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah
[00:35:46] No, but I'm making fun of them. It's like you saying the N word
[00:35:50] Yeah, I'm not doing it really you're right. Thank you. That's fair
[00:35:54] Thank you Nicholas man. Uh, I want to play twisted metal again
[00:35:59] Yeah, yeah, my favorite part of that game is the clown
[00:36:02] Uh, he like uh stream truck clown. I stream truck clown. We got raped in the army
[00:36:09] He his his story is that like he has to do a mission to like uh stop
[00:36:16] being his head being on fire because it's on fire for for for eternity
[00:36:21] Yeah, half of them were like like I I remember the backstories
[00:36:24] I remember the more from twisted metal black which sucked that game was terrible. I know I don't know
[00:36:29] I don't know but they had like that was like
[00:36:31] Uh, that was like the first game I remember with like
[00:36:34] Well done like cutscenes or yeah, yeah, I think that's the one I'm thinking of too like dvd quality
[00:36:41] Yeah, and it was like goth and like fucking like it wasn't like fun and it wasn't that good. Yeah, like oh, it's a crazy clown
[00:36:48] It was like that that rolling stone song playing. Uh, yes, this is exactly what I'm thinking of
[00:36:55] His story is he asked like do some crazy shit so he can stop having his head be on fire for eternity and he could be free
[00:37:02] But and then the lady who tell finally he gets free and the lady's like, okay
[00:37:07] Oh, there's only one stipulation. You can't kill anyone ever again
[00:37:11] And then he's like fuck that and he kills her and then his head goes back on fire immediately
[00:37:16] Yeah, that's what a fucking badass that's like
[00:37:18] They're all in it insane as I remember rending that game and like playing it and just being like
[00:37:24] I'm this is just depressing. Yeah, it was weird fucked up. It was like it was like a story mode
[00:37:31] No, I remember twisting metal as like just being you just fight other cars
[00:37:35] You would but they would have in the original one they would just have like a bla bla bla
[00:37:39] You know like on the screen it would tell you the story of like oh, I'd never play the story mode
[00:37:43] I guess uh, so what you're saying is you don't know how to read
[00:37:46] I can read dude. I've read what does this say?
[00:37:56] Read between the lines if you can read what are we saying to you? You're putting your middle finger up
[00:38:00] Ah, bitch. That's not a word. That's you can't stop god is earth
[00:38:05] Yeah, you fucking you walked right into that one
[00:38:08] I wanted to talk about pussy posse. Let's talk right into that one
[00:38:14] Let's talk about the personal fingers up on it
[00:38:16] Well, I just thought it basically we're the new pussy posse basically. Yeah, that's our goal now is that
[00:38:21] Nick and I got these really expensive hats in Williamsburg and we're planning on becoming pussy posse type
[00:38:27] I'm also in the pussy posse and stops definitely you're definitely in the pussy posse bro. Thank you. Um, who else is in our new pussy posse?
[00:38:35] The thing is the lineup of the pussy original pussy posse is very funny to me because I didn't know I just thought
[00:38:42] I just knew that it was Leonardo DiCaprio Leo and his friend starting off hot Leo of course
[00:38:47] Leo hot star in the world Titanic. Yes. Yes, New York City about this about Leonardo DiCaprias de Liano
[00:38:57] Imagine how fucking good an acting he will be
[00:39:02] Leaking under the camera. We put a little little little two at the top of the other's name. You pride your heritage
[00:39:23] Number two heritazu. No, what's number two at him? He's just gonna talk
[00:39:32] All right, go ahead definitely won't number two. What is number two number two is Toby Maguire
[00:39:37] Makes sense. Uh-huh. He was a star, but yeah, about Tony de guiros of
[00:39:42] Oh, yeah, you said it's Tony de guarino Tony de gui. Yeah, Justin green
[00:39:52] I don't know. I don't like his skin tone
[00:39:54] Who is this guy? I don't like these black
[00:40:16] Yeah, I used to I was told me where I thought it was tote for grace tote me wire
[00:40:20] Okay, it was tote for grace's character and traffic. Oh, hell yeah, that was a
[00:40:26] The rich kid the rich kid that like red air would all day. Oh, yeah, that's right
[00:40:30] I never saw traffic. I always confuse it with crash to the worst movie on earth. Yeah, I
[00:40:35] Sucks it shouldn't have gotten off everyone. I thought it was gonna be good as hell because you know
[00:40:40] I've rented from blockbuster times is really good. I thought that Persian lady was so hot
[00:40:46] That's the only thing I remember about that. I don't remember her which Persian lady
[00:40:49] Isn't the fuck Andrew Bullock? No, no the dog the jungle in that doctor one
[00:40:56] I just remember Matt Dillon was a cop who like fingered ladies and beat up black people
[00:41:01] But it was okay because his dad had a tough time peeing. He was like taking care of his dad who couldn't pee good
[00:41:10] Which is very similar movie to crash. That's how you that like
[00:41:13] Even if you're a racist you might be doing something nice for your dad who can't pee good. Yeah, he figured win
[00:41:21] Actually that I remember part about the green mile is you're supposed to feel bad that they're killing john coffee because he's magical
[00:41:29] Like well, we know he's magic, but we gotta kill him anyway. What kind of magic can he do?
[00:41:34] He blows flies into people's mouths. Oh, what the fuck did you not see the green mile?
[00:41:44] I haven't dude. Would you like you just seen toy story like a hundred? I've seen toy story three times
[00:41:51] The doctor's office. Do you cry at all them at the third one?
[00:41:55] I almost I haven't played with the with Andy one last time is that when you cry?
[00:41:59] I was sad dude. Why did everyone cry at that?
[00:42:02] I almost cried when they were about to get down. Yeah. No, I by the third one. It was weird. It's like why is this
[00:42:07] Every 19 year old kid like playing with the dog
[00:42:13] Yeah, everyone. I know I remember the night
[00:42:15] This the seeple is gonna be like the toys go to college and they meet Andy's new friend
[00:42:24] They're like we don't and he doesn't need you anymore. He's got us
[00:42:31] About these meat CDs built with child pornography that Andy Jack's also
[00:42:40] He's just got him on the end of a fishing line and he's fucking bringing little children back into his dorm
[00:42:48] They're only used as bait or to literally go into his ass
[00:42:52] Anyway, what else have I seen? I don't know man. My parents didn't like this culture
[00:42:58] I never saw movies like fucked up greek sesame Street
[00:43:02] Actually, I guess it's all mob movies with my mom. She like mob movies. What? Yeah, she fucked with a godfather and shit
[00:43:09] But my dad I would just watch like dubbed over
[00:43:16] Disney movies but in greek in greek and there was also a dubbed over french cartoon called lucky luke
[00:43:22] And they called luke luke and that she was racist as hell. Have you guys ever have you ever fucking seen that?
[00:43:28] You know of course. I've seen it dude. You have I've seen every racist cartoon
[00:43:33] Dude the chinese characters in that shit rule. No, I actually have no idea what you're talking dude
[00:43:38] Look up lucky luke the chinese characters a french thing. It's french. It's about but it's about the old west
[00:43:44] So all the chinese characters like oh look at all
[00:43:48] And they just fucking have big-ass buck teeth. They have those fucking weird little triangle hats
[00:43:57] Madeline aesthetics in of eliques with that. That shit was cool. It's about like some fucking semi magical motherfuckers
[00:44:04] Uh, there's a fat guy who's strong as shit and a little guy who I think has some kind of super strength as well
[00:44:10] You know you and uh you two guys together kind of remind me of uh
[00:44:14] The bullies from power rangers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, were their names like bulk and bulk
[00:44:21] Skull or something. They were bullies. Yeah, rangers. Well, yeah, well there was a fat guy and a small guy
[00:44:27] And they're the bullies. They were the bully. They were like they were the bullies of the school, but they were like
[00:44:33] Power Rangers were high schoolers. I remember that. Yeah
[00:44:37] Um, and I remember Rita Rita repulsa or whatever the fuck her name is
[00:44:44] Told me yeah, you're realize how like the fucking main dude's like a bong dude
[00:44:49] He's like a fucking these a bong with a face in it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sort on that sick
[00:44:56] That's so funny. How about I use so many guys who isn't shitty like house parties
[00:45:02] It would tell people stuff like that. Hell yeah, dude. What is it with people that think that kind of thing is?
[00:45:09] It's a great observation. What did I tell the story?
[00:45:16] That guy john one time we were drinking in front of me my friends when I was like maybe
[00:45:21] 17 we were hanging out in front of this girl maria's parents house and maria was like 15 nice
[00:45:27] She was dating and maria sucked but I was hanging out with another friend but 15 though
[00:45:32] She was 15 and she was dating this guy john. It was like 23 at the time
[00:45:36] And living in like his like ponniak sunfire and her driveway hell and yes
[00:45:46] I wouldn't they wouldn't let this fucking scum back, but they let him in the driveway. I don't know. Yeah anyway
[00:45:52] Yeah, so yeah, so he's getting fucking trashed and
[00:45:56] And he just says the dumbest shit and I mean like I get trashed and say dumb shit
[00:46:00] That's what you do you get drunk and you say stupid things. Yeah, you used to be very nice when you're drunk
[00:46:05] Yeah, but I you know I would say dumb shit. I'm not saying it would be mean. It's he wasn't like talking
[00:46:13] She'll have the girl the girl goes uh tell him about the midget baby. Oh
[00:46:22] You know, he's like all right. Here's the story. He's got this bottle of wild irish rose
[00:46:25] So it's clearly a signature anochtotaphist. Yeah
[00:46:30] It's like a midget and he's trying to get on the bus and you step over him and then you just start pissing all over his head
[00:46:36] And then we're like this is something you
[00:46:40] You did that to somebody he's like no, I was just saying i'll be like a funny thing if that happened
[00:46:46] What you're like do you not understand what oh my
[00:46:51] She's just a fictional thing you came up with he's a comedy writer
[00:46:55] He's pitching that you just say a thing that you thought what if this happened
[00:47:05] That was it tell him that well, I just love that she said it up tell him about it, baby
[00:47:10] Yeah, the fucking midget tell him about the midget famous midget
[00:47:16] Yeah, he was giving my friend matt or i'd home that night and matt hated him
[00:47:21] And matt was in the passenger seat and john was like
[00:47:24] Like checking him or whatever because they were both trashed and john's driving drunk
[00:47:28] And I don't know the exact details but john said something to the effect of like
[00:47:32] You realize your life is in my hands right now or whatever because he was driving, you know
[00:47:39] Takes the steering wheel and fucking jerks it down and crashes the totals john's car
[00:47:48] He's like whose life is who's it destroyed totals the kids car
[00:47:51] And then it has to just like fucking walk home with glass in his eye
[00:47:57] I had to go pick him up in the morning. Yeah, he was just that guy was crazy insane, right?
[00:48:01] Must be insane. He was you know, it's funny. He was like the nicest guy in the world
[00:48:04] But like had no problem like he was just always in jail for breaking an entering
[00:48:08] Oh, yes. Yeah, he was just like he was like probably like honestly one of like the most like giving
[00:48:14] Carrying people that i've ever known, but he just loved stealing nice and had no regard for the law whatsoever
[00:48:20] That's cool. Yeah, he sounds like a complicated anti-hero
[00:48:23] Uh, yeah, sort of nice. I guess he lives by his own code. Yeah kind of his own showed
[00:48:29] And uh, but no, that was just it was so funny knowing that that happened to john
[00:48:33] That's awesome. And then like six months later, uh, fucking we were all hanging out at matt's house and matt ordered a pizza
[00:48:42] John showed up to deliver the pizza. Incredible. Yeah, and then he just like didn't tip him
[00:48:47] And awesome. Yeah, she fucking rules fuck that guy. What's he up to now? I don't know dead probably dead or in jail
[00:48:55] I mean, I wouldn't be fucking surprised
[00:49:00] That fucking rules I hate that I love when villains from childhood get their comeuppance. He wasn't even a villain
[00:49:07] He was fucking a 15 year old as a 23 year old. Yeah, but pretty bad
[00:49:12] What are you gonna do? Yeah, you're right game recognize game. Yeah, he could be in the pussy posse
[00:49:18] Then you pussy posse we need more people for the pussy posse
[00:49:23] He was in it right was in the pussy posse
[00:49:26] And then the one that really threw me for a loop was the guy who plays e from entourage
[00:49:33] Oh man, I'm gonna start getting I'm gonna just get into magic and then become like one of the dude magicians that does comedy clubs
[00:49:41] Oh, you should go a bit higher than that dude patrick. We're gonna be spots at the stand if I'm like this card
[00:49:50] Harrison greenbound the magic if you're the magic comic
[00:49:57] I don't want to do pharris is doing it. I'm not doing it
[00:50:03] Yeah, no, that makes sense that guy. What's his name? Jonathan amazing Jonathan. He's dead dude. Is he dead? Don't mock the dead
[00:50:09] Yeah, he's dead. That's fucked up. Never mind. You know, it was so funny was uh, he's a big
[00:50:15] It was was Jamie kill stein one time fucking uh
[00:50:19] He was talking about like what's good comedy and what's bad comedy and he like as an example of shitty comedy
[00:50:26] it's like going to see the amazing fucking Jonathan or whatever and literally like seven hours later like
[00:50:32] The amazing Jonathan announced that he had terminal cancer and he was dying. There was this like outpouring
[00:50:39] Like he's so great. Oh, so talented and fucking kill steam. That's a shiny timing. That's so good. Yeah
[00:50:51] You know, you know what's funny is I tell that story and then we find out tomorrow Jamie kill steams cancer
[00:50:56] Just an outpouring of love. Yeah, Jamie was the best rapist comedian
[00:51:01] The work is red bill Cosby. Are you what I love is that he didn't do anything?
[00:51:06] Yeah, he probably just like mildly hit on so I read the story
[00:51:09] It was like, you know, it's like yeah, whenever I was in New York, Jamie would be like you should come over to my apartment
[00:51:18] Did he rape you? It's like no, he asked me to come to his apartment
[00:51:23] In like a sexual way. Oh, it says like a casey-athlete thing
[00:51:26] It's like people just not even a casey afflict thing. He's casey. I was like went to the girls room or something
[00:51:32] Yeah, well, yeah, it's so you use like a little bit more aggressive, but well pro kill
[00:51:36] I mean, but obviously kill steams like that's what you that's your fault also
[00:51:42] But I mean now that now that it's you know that I've stopped laughing
[00:51:55] Laughing at Jamie kill scene who most certainly deserved
[00:52:03] Disappeared it seemed credible. What was he doing before he was on radio or something?
[00:52:08] Yeah, he well well he was mark maren for a couple of years. He played maren. Yeah, mark maren retired and Jamie took over
[00:52:17] You know about that Andrew wk conspiracy
[00:52:24] No, it's that there's like been multiple Andrew wk
[00:52:28] Really? I've heard of that they replace him and like the the guy who's Andrew wk now like gets uncomfortable when people bring it up
[00:52:35] Really? Yeah, he's like yeah, don't he's like the dolly llama
[00:52:41] Dolly llama partying. Yeah, well when you party that hard dude, you can only live like two years at a time at a clip
[00:52:47] Yeah, there's also that theory about ever laveen
[00:52:50] That she that she died and that it's i'm not even kidding
[00:53:05] That's the one we have to keep a real of being going that's so far
[00:53:11] Yeah, the thing is basically that she died like well after her prime to it wasn't like scater boy
[00:53:16] The whole thing with Andrew wk was that he was like cooked up by radio or like recording executives that were like
[00:53:24] We need something for this segment. This is the type of music we want for like this generation
[00:53:29] It's gonna be part of your music and like we need it
[00:53:32] And then they cast Andrew wk in that role and created a backstory for him
[00:53:37] And then after like I guess a couple years he was like, I don't want to do this anymore interesting
[00:53:41] And then you know he got out of it and they got another Andrew wk huh
[00:53:50] It's like your own trip rock. Okay. It's like 2003 rock. I don't what's an angi wk song party hard party hard
[00:54:13] Andrew dubs can yeah, I think he's like a classically trained pianist. I don't think he actually is
[00:54:19] Yeah, what's a conspiracy theory you do you actually bang with?
[00:54:23] Do you have one that you think is like?
[00:54:32] Uh, push knock down the towers. I mean, I hope we went to the moon
[00:54:37] That would be such a fucking bummer if we if that's funny
[00:54:40] No, that's like probably the coolest thing humans have ever done go to the moon
[00:54:46] That's the coolest shit ever that we've ever done
[00:54:48] And if that's if that was cooked faked then if it was fake wouldn't the chinese or the russians blow up our spot?
[00:54:55] No, I don't I don't know maybe yeah, probably they tried aren't indians going to space now
[00:55:01] I think they are yeah, we're gonna we got to get Andrew wk on the podcast
[00:55:06] Oh, we're getting scarlet jay harris podcast. She told me that well
[00:55:10] Let's get him but she said he showed up and he just wore sunglasses. So she didn't know if it was the real one
[00:55:16] He owns a nightclub in china town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah santa's party house or something really yeah, but I think it shut down actually
[00:55:25] Someone died or something for partying too hard partying. Yeah
[00:55:30] Oh, I don't know man smells like a conspiracy to me
[00:55:33] He owns something and something happened there
[00:55:36] Oh, that's if anything that proves that the russians
[00:55:45] Actually, there was a thing that came out today. I didn't read what I actually you know
[00:55:51] smoking gun rachael matt out tonight. She's gonna she has
[00:55:56] video evidence of Donald Trump eating borscht in 1987
[00:56:02] Gonna talk about it for 40 minutes. There's a thing that came out
[00:56:05] Uh, but I think we should replace Rachel Maddow Rachel Dola's law. We should replace Rachel Maddow with Andrew wk smart
[00:56:13] She's the next she's gonna be the next one. She's the next
[00:56:19] Should guys shouldn't honestly shouldn't we get into
[00:56:22] The elections coming up guys the british one
[00:56:28] British politics. You think they're gonna go black James Bond. I think so. Yeah, they're finally gonna happen
[00:56:33] Absolutely. That's on the referendum people off a muslim James bond. Oh
[00:56:38] Fuck yeah, we couldn't drink make him fucking uh making the guy riz. I'm a drink. Yeah, you can drink the blood of of christian chadels
[00:56:48] Oh, is it out of oh, we did it Nick finally?
[00:56:51] All right. Well, there's a party. This is all been a roof. We bake it in carton. Mom
[00:57:01] No, it's baked into the mazas. I we don't drink it out of goblets. We're not fucking blade dude
[00:57:10] I mean gothic. We're not having gothic vampire parties at night
[00:57:14] Uh, yeah, there's no white in the steven dorffs. Yes, absolutely
[00:57:26] That there was a rushing hacking attempt
[00:57:34] There's is a secret and I say whatever we don't have to fucking talk. Yeah. That sounds sounds real
[00:57:39] Uh, uh, I got a spot soon. Well, it sounds like bullshit to me
[00:57:45] I don't know it in my professional opinion as first of all
[00:57:49] If we're gonna be honest the only one of the three of us that knows anything about cyber security
[00:57:54] That's probably that's actually true. No, I know
[00:57:58] I know a lot about the mainframe. I've hacked it before. I've has been I hacked the mainframe
[00:58:04] I remember every line from the movie hackers
[00:58:06] Mm-hmm. You know I love that movie. I love the like it's the world's most secure computer
[00:58:22] letter password. Oh, yeah, that's Angela and jolly and billy
[00:58:26] Uh, what's his name? Zane. Yeah, no, it was our dinner. It's her husband. Yeah, billy ray syrus
[00:58:33] Davies. No, it's johnny. It's johnny johnny something johnny quest
[00:58:47] Johnny ray Lewis. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh man. We were laughing. I forget. Yeah, we were watching con air
[00:58:54] We're guys you guys like uh they call him johnny 23, you know because you rape 23 women
[00:58:59] But then I was laughing about the robot from short circuit johnny five
[00:59:14] That's really good. Yeah, are we done or well not nine that's not that's done. We went along and last time. Okay. All right