Cum Town | Regular | 06/30/2016
[00:00:43] We were going to start this one in Spanish.
[00:01:02] So, but we're doing an emergency special session of the podcast in remembrance of the tragedy that happened today.
[00:01:13] Well, I guess it was last week already, but RIP Harambe, guys.
[00:01:18] The greatest tragedy, the greatest loss that we faced in the last week.
[00:01:22] I keep having to find more and more stories about Harambe, and all these damn shootings and celebrity deaths are taken away from my Harambe.
[00:01:30] Yeah, today's terrorist attack is so disrespectful to us.
[00:01:33] You know, we're not even going to talk about it.
[00:01:42] We got some negative comments on Twitter from people.
[00:01:46] Apparently, you know, they know it's ironic, but we say the R-1,
[00:01:51] we say the R-1 word a little bit too much.
[00:01:53] Well, no, but that's a deliberate political choice.
[00:02:01] Where's the lyrical is all about the plot?
[00:02:03] When I say retard, I don't mean actual retarded people.
[00:02:06] I mean fictional retarded people that I've made up to laugh at in my head.
[00:02:12] But you were really silly and goofy and are doing funny stuff.
[00:02:21] Like, remember how everyone thought Homestar Runner wasn't mean spirited
[00:02:23] because it was a cartoon with Down syndrome.
[00:02:25] Rather than it being a fucking actual boy with Down syndrome.
[00:02:31] And it's also like, you know, I mean, this is one of the most intelligent
[00:02:39] We got all out there to the intelligence.
[00:02:40] And it hurts me because, you know, there's a lot of young kids that listen to this.
[00:02:44] And this is actually, you know what, I have a letter.
[00:03:00] And I wanted to thank you guys for, you know, teaching me how to live my life as a trans five-year-old.
[00:03:09] And, you know, that warms my heart, guys.
[00:03:11] Fucking kids are out there and we're touching them.
[00:03:15] And by the end, by the end of this project, we're going to touch basically every single
[00:03:21] Every child, every race of child, every type, size and rate.
[00:03:27] Let me touch the biggest bitch five-year-old you can find.
[00:03:34] Because I respect children and I respect our listeners and to say that we're, you know,
[00:03:40] This bullshit and you're basically you're a faggot if you're saying that.
[00:03:44] This is a smart show like the gay fag for sure if you're saying that.
[00:03:48] This is a smart show like the Stephen Colbert, Colbert report.
[00:04:00] Well, in real life, they don't even know what we are in real life.
[00:04:05] I'm a French literature professor at Columbia.
[00:04:09] I'm that guy that got exonerated for rape at Columbia.
[00:04:17] Wasn't what if he was one of the, what if he was one of the bicycle guys from the Brock
[00:04:22] He went on to save to save another girl.
[00:04:27] And it's like the rest of his life still sex offender.
[00:04:31] Well, it's like, you know, the villain becomes the hero kind of story.
[00:04:38] Like out in trouble, brock out in trouble.
[00:04:43] This is a messed up question, but he said in his letter, like, Oh, yeah, no, I can't go
[00:04:49] Like was Brock good enough at swimming to go to the Olympics?
[00:04:57] Well, he was they said he was an all American swimmer, which that just means wide, right?
[00:05:04] I don't know what actually qualifies you to be all American.
[00:05:14] He earned stars and stripes and sports like doing chores.
[00:05:19] The the the the smaller your fucking swimming underwear is.
[00:05:25] Swimmers are like, yeah, I shave all my body here to be faster or whatever.
[00:05:28] It's like, yeah, an autistic person told you that there's no way that actually has any
[00:05:32] Also, Brock's dad has spent so much time around little kids and bikinis and stuff.
[00:05:42] That is the worst part about Brock's dad.
[00:05:45] It was kind of dumb that everyone was criticizing that letter as if like his dad was supposed
[00:05:54] Yeah, he's the person who raised the right foot long.
[00:05:56] He's going to be like a fucking a font of knowledge.
[00:06:00] His dad did have a tweet that was like, Brock is going to be enjoying a different kind of
[00:06:11] I did one today for the, I was like the, the, you know, the bright side of this whole shooting
[00:06:17] thing is that, you know, all the victims are up and having to enjoy a different kind of
[00:06:23] If I go to hell, will I be enjoying a different kind of.
[00:06:39] It's the new, the plane should be made out of the black box is the black box of Twitter.
[00:06:45] I really don't think there's been enough time with Brock Turner yet.
[00:06:48] That guy should have postponed that shooting until I guess he had to do it during Pride
[00:06:57] That's what they should do to get back at him.
[00:06:59] They should change the name of Pride Week to gay Ramadan.
[00:07:03] Just fucking pictures of Muhammad sucking other Mohammed's off.
[00:07:10] We didn't get enough time with that Brock story.
[00:07:13] I think it's still, yeah, you're right.
[00:07:17] Now it's going to be the shooting thing.
[00:07:18] And I don't know if you saw this about an hour ago, they arrested some white guy with
[00:07:21] like a gun in his car outside the Pride parade in LA.
[00:07:30] There was a line in the article where they're like talking, you know, it's like buried in
[00:07:34] there where they're talking about, you know, like a representative from the Anaheim Police
[00:07:38] Department stated that they take Disneyland very seriously.
[00:07:48] They're fucking real and we protect him.
[00:07:51] You know, if you're real, I'm friends with him and I keep them safe.
[00:07:59] I mean, I know his name is goofy, but there's nothing funny.
[00:08:03] There's nothing goofy about goofy is a dog.
[00:08:14] Frankly, I wouldn't let him listen to some of that music that he enjoys.
[00:08:19] I mean, he probably should be hanging out with Paulie Shaw either.
[00:08:32] Powerline like Max's favorite star was so cool.
[00:08:39] I think I was embarrassed of my own father and it struck a nerve with him as a kid.
[00:08:47] That movie too, because it's just like everyone's a goofy.
[00:09:01] Yeah, but where did fucking Donald fucking duck go?
[00:09:03] Well, isn't his Pete supposed to be a cat, the neighbor, Pete the cat?
[00:09:17] Steamboat Willie, the original Mickey cartoon.
[00:09:31] Right, they don't live in the same town.
[00:09:35] In the Disney world, there is segregation.
[00:09:43] Well, actually, as I said, you remember the show Dog?
[00:09:45] I don't know if I brought this up on the podcast or what.
[00:09:48] So you know how like in Doug, like Skeeter's Green and Frangest Blue.
[00:09:55] They'd be like, let's make it multiracial.
[00:09:57] Let's have like his best friend's Hispanic and like there's a blackhead and like Nickelodeon
[00:10:02] or whatever back in the 87 whenever that show is being pitched.
[00:10:05] They're like, ah, just make them purple and stuff.
[00:10:08] They're like, I think actually making them a different race might be too much.
[00:10:13] So let's just make them something that nobody can relate to.
[00:10:21] One of them to be their race to be booger because that's more pleasant than actual black
[00:10:35] Didn't you just have a man if you're full blooded white guy.
[00:10:40] Just my family came over on the Mayflower dude.
[00:10:49] Shit to do and then I postponed to the list one and I can't and that's where I saw there
[00:10:56] There's a guy there's some old black guy in line a jury duty last time.
[00:11:02] No, I like to believe that it was the box for the box for he was using as a brief.
[00:11:10] It's not funnier because it's it's so sad.
[00:11:12] He's like the guy from the pursuit of happiness except the child.
[00:11:28] It has like a handle on it and he was using that as a briefcase.
[00:11:33] Can you imagine be whatever whatever like court case that is to have to be the other
[00:11:38] side of that when you're like actually he should go to jail.
[00:11:42] I don't have to fucking walk that guy up.
[00:11:51] He's a lawyer for that that that retarded guy that accosted you outside of the Yankees
[00:11:59] Like I knew the whole schedule here of the young.
[00:12:06] Yeah, when we were when we were when we went to the Yankees game and I was wearing an Orioles
[00:12:12] shirt, you know, as just to be a dickhead.
[00:12:15] And some guy came out and fucked immediately at the end of the game.
[00:12:20] Some guy just comes up and he's like, what are you doing here?
[00:12:22] The Orioles are at home against the Texas Rangers right now.
[00:12:28] They're not here until July 30, whatever the he had like the exact like day down and he
[00:12:39] Yeah, he was just like an adult autistic man who loved the Yankees so much and he accosted
[00:12:46] Had the funniest voice I've ever heard in my life probably.
[00:12:48] Well, he also had he also had that like black eye mustache that you don't see them have very
[00:13:01] Alex Drew Bex got one of those Steve Harvey had one Steven Steven where they just have
[00:13:08] That's I wish I could grow my stash like that.
[00:13:15] I guess like a why can't grow my stash at all.
[00:13:19] Let me tell you guys something that news story that we didn't get enough time with.
[00:13:22] I'd like to go back to the Gary Condit Chandra Levy.
[00:13:33] That happened in September of it happens early in September.
[00:13:43] Are we going to go through all 90s news stories or yeah, or their own new.
[00:13:48] Because if you look on Netflix now, they like there's been a resurgence of like shitty,
[00:13:54] well, not shitty, but like 90s, I guess, summer thrillers and blockbusters.
[00:14:02] Fatal attraction the other night, which might be the funniest movie I've ever seen in my
[00:14:08] Glenn Close looks like absolute dog shit.
[00:14:15] She's the one he leaves like his white.
[00:14:20] I forget who the wife is played by, but she's like this hot like fucking some European
[00:14:27] And then he meets Glenn Close, who looks like a fucking like hair metal meth.
[00:14:39] You know, she's retains most of her masculine features.
[00:14:51] She sucked on a ball for like 30 minutes.
[00:15:01] He's like his wife goes out of town for like 45 minutes.
[00:15:08] Glenn Close is already not an attractive woman.
[00:15:12] And in this movie, she's like really particularly fucking bad.
[00:15:15] Like have you ever been to have you ever seen like the white trash in Florida?
[00:15:21] I said I said the other day she looks like when Uncle Fester gets electrocuted in the
[00:15:31] I think that was like an 80s style, but there was like the raccoon around.
[00:15:37] Like she had raccoon eyes and then her hairline starts in the middle of her head like fucking
[00:15:42] And she's got this shitty like frizzy mop of blonde hair.
[00:15:47] But and Michael Douglas just cannot stop fucking her.
[00:15:50] She's like cutting herself and threatening to ruin his life.
[00:15:55] I think it was a euphemism for like bad cocaine or something or the crack epidemic or something.
[00:16:10] But yeah, and Michael Douglas was in like a bunch of these like movies where he just has
[00:16:17] he has like weird bad sex with women like this weird like middle aged sex or it's like,
[00:16:24] Yeah, there's I watched the other one, which actually is Verhoeven, I think basic instinct.
[00:16:36] And he goes, Oh, you said that you saw fatal attraction.
[00:16:45] But then Michael Douglas fucking in those movies is like it's always the woman being like,
[00:16:53] And then he's like always about to bite them.
[00:16:56] And then whenever he sticks his dick in, they both have this like pain to express like,
[00:17:06] have you ever seen cats fuck like where it's just traumatic incident?
[00:17:10] Yeah, like two barnacles, two male barnacles that fuck each other to death.
[00:17:14] That's like the the, you know, vibe of Michael Douglas's sex scenes.
[00:17:35] Richard gear, durable rumor is it stays keeps being funny to me.
[00:17:43] You know what I need to do as soon as we're wrapped up with this to a series of tweets
[00:17:47] about Harambe living inside of the series.
[00:17:53] Folks, you're getting to see extremely online guys.
[00:18:04] Well, you and I remember when you and I and Jake were talking about the Rod Stewart
[00:18:10] So the rumor Rod Stewart, there's a rumor that he OD'd and like they'd say, at a party.
[00:18:20] He OD'd at a party and had to go to the hospital.
[00:18:29] There's a drug cocktail and two leaders of semen.
[00:18:32] We're just like, wow, that's like a tremendous amount of semen.
[00:18:36] So if you look at the medium, the median load of a guy, and then you divide that into the
[00:18:42] two leaders of semen, it's like he would have had this like how many was it?
[00:18:46] I think you know, I mean, I'm pulling it.
[00:18:55] Rod Stewart is just coming into a fucking.
[00:19:01] He had some sort of refrigerated jizz situation.
[00:19:09] I mean, first of all, the story is real.
[00:19:13] It's number one about Rod Stewart sucking 723.
[00:19:21] How long does it take to metabolize like six hours?
[00:19:23] You have to remember this is this is the 1980s too.
[00:19:28] Michael Douglas is fucking like a broom with tits drawn on it.
[00:19:32] He's high on the outside down the room with a rich round here.
[00:19:36] Richard Giro walks in and he's like, does anyone have a Jerbal?
[00:19:44] Oh, Prince Prince is getting his ribs removed so that he can suck an early Manson stick.
[00:19:52] I think those rumors do get like applied to multiple celebrities.
[00:19:58] Well, it's colloquial depending on where I when I was a kid, I remember as Marilyn Manson
[00:20:05] And then it wasn't until adulthood that I heard that it was Prince doing it.
[00:20:09] This is the first time I've heard that.
[00:20:10] Do you remember when Ciara came out and everyone's like, she's a jingle.
[00:20:20] I do remember little bow out got raped by his bodyguard.
[00:20:25] Is it because someone told me it wasn't?
[00:20:27] I know that was like me finding out Santa isn't real.
[00:20:31] Is that the little bow out story wasn't real.
[00:20:36] See, I mean, check because I'm pretty sure it's someone from B2K got raped.
[00:20:40] I think also B2K is said for boys of the 21st century, just in case anyone.
[00:21:03] Because he, I remember that Roger was the fucking nerd and he did like a similar Stefan
[00:21:10] Well, he hit puberty in between seasons and like he went from being like little Roger
[00:21:15] to then he was like, oh, it wasn't Roger.
[00:21:23] Yo, this is the most 90s ass podcast we've ever had.
[00:21:30] Like, you know, we're joking about that show vinyl like fucking baby boomers love being
[00:21:36] Yeah, dude, I've fucked so many women who look like Glenn Close and they reminisce on the
[00:21:45] But we're going to be like 40 years old and be like, Doug.
[00:21:56] I remember and I would it did not deter me from beating off the Sierra and I think that's
[00:22:00] what opened up me thinking I would fuck a trans woman.
[00:22:08] You know what, you know, what was great is the Jamie Lee Curtis one.
[00:22:12] Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite and it was because she had like short hair.
[00:22:21] I would titty fuck the shit out of Jamie Lee.
[00:22:27] That was one of my first boners was true lies when she does the strip dance.
[00:22:30] Oh, how about fucking in a, yo, what's up with like every movie where Arnold has a kid,
[00:22:42] We have to get a present the table man.
[00:22:55] And then every movie he had like, like his name was like John Anderson.
[00:23:07] He's the big, yo, he's like, he's one of my.
[00:23:11] He's the biggest overachiever of all time.
[00:23:19] I mean, you know, people complain about their values in you.
[00:23:22] Well, imagine if your father's he was, wasn't he a Nazi police officer?
[00:23:28] He was an Austrian cop, but that was also a Nazi sympathizers.
[00:23:34] How are you not going to be the most jacked fucking dude in the entire world?
[00:23:37] And the whole country should be artists for us.
[00:23:50] This is like Mongoloid like, like, Gland case.
[00:23:54] That's like, I'm going to be the strongest guy in the world.
[00:23:56] And then he became the strongest guy in the world.
[00:23:58] And then he's like, I'm going to be the biggest movie star.
[00:24:01] Despite the fact that I cannot speak English.
[00:24:07] And then he became the biggest fucking movie star in America.
[00:24:10] It was right time, right place for him.
[00:24:14] Like after the Vietnam War and before the Gulf War, there was like this weird period
[00:24:20] in American cinema where the idea of like an American hero evaporated.
[00:24:24] Because they like lionized World War II in American cinema.
[00:24:28] So you have all these movies like glorifying the American GI and what a hero is.
[00:24:32] And then everybody hates the fucking military after Vietnam.
[00:24:36] And nobody gives a shit about like American values anymore after Nixon and stuff.
[00:24:40] And so all of like the American heroes in the 1980s are like, you know, Europeans on
[00:24:48] It's like John Fodbanteam and, you know, Arnold and shit.
[00:24:55] But yeah, but he sounds European because he has like Bell's Paul's ears and shit.
[00:24:58] Well, and also Rambo is like so into it.
[00:25:05] And he was living in the bus station at Times Square with session.
[00:25:32] The story of Rocky is pretty cool because he wrote that fucking piece of shit and then
[00:25:37] he sold it and he was like, I wanted the record and be in the movie.
[00:25:43] And then they fucking, you know, that he'd think we're like, no, we'll give you this
[00:25:47] amount of money and he fought for it and fought for it.
[00:25:50] And he took like a lower amount of pay to be in it.
[00:25:51] And now, you know, yeah, it's fucking you run best screen play at the Academy Awards.
[00:25:57] My friend Matt told me a story that like Sylvester Stallone, like he has a friend that's
[00:26:02] family friends with Sylvester Stallone.
[00:26:05] And you know, they've known them for years and they went horseback riding on their like
[00:26:08] with their horses in Maryland somewhere in like Western Maryland.
[00:26:12] And Sylvester Stallone fell off his horse and like stubbed his thumb and started crying.
[00:26:20] I love this fucking slander, this sliced lander we got going on.
[00:26:27] I heard from, yo, I heard from one guy told me that another guy that he knows said the
[00:26:40] Um, so what's going on in the world of monster trucks?
[00:26:47] The grave digger is always I feel like since we were kids, but he's always yeah.
[00:26:52] Well, that's that's like the number two truck after Bigfoot.
[00:26:56] I'm going to print out my own grave digger shirts with grave digger on them and like
[00:27:01] go to an event like a monster truck event and set up a little table and start selling
[00:27:05] them and see how long it takes before they notice and shut me down.
[00:27:10] Well, it's get grave digger on the picture grave digger and then it says digger lover.
[00:27:26] Yeah, I went to a monster jam at US Air Arena when I was like five.
[00:27:35] I remember being very loud and then I went to another monster truck event pretty recently.
[00:27:41] Me and Dana went to want it at like a fair and it was kind of sucked.
[00:27:50] My friend just went for his like birthday in Austin.
[00:27:52] He went to one and he said it was kind of underwhelming.
[00:27:55] I would want to go, but it's just anywhere.
[00:27:57] There's that many fucking people and the people that love monster truck rallies.
[00:28:02] You want to have your own private monster truck.
[00:28:06] I want to have a fucking I want an audience with fucking grave digger, dude.
[00:28:10] I want a private audience with a grave digger.
[00:28:16] I watch the like the modern marvels on monster trucks and they were like talking about how
[00:28:21] the drivers don't have fans and the drivers get like fucked up.
[00:28:25] They get like the spines broken and shit and just cycle them out.
[00:28:29] And it's like really people only care about the trucks.
[00:28:33] The trucks are like, yeah, how much do you fucking make to be a monster truck driver?
[00:28:53] The trucks just sit there all day long.
[00:29:09] Yeah, Brandon Wardell's being sent there by like Nickelodeon, Gack and fucking Gogre.
[00:29:12] He's got some great insights into the world of politics.
[00:29:15] Yeah, I don't understand what they're doing.
[00:29:18] They're sending me to the RNC and I'm going to be like, yo, yo, yo, yo.
[00:29:27] That's going to be the entirety of what they pay him a quarter million dollars to go there.
[00:29:32] I'm going to like get them to dab or something.
[00:29:35] He's going to be like, I just taught the soldier boy dance to the delegates.
[00:29:40] The Hillary campaign should seriously fucking poach Brandon.
[00:29:52] And then also we could relentlessly bully Brandon about doing that for the rest of his
[00:30:00] The more money he gets, he's going to overdose on sneakers or whatever the fuck.
[00:30:03] Oh, did you guys I forgot to add these water?
[00:30:06] Did you congratulate Trump for predicting the terrorists?
[00:30:13] Yeah, everyone's saying thank you to me.
[00:30:18] I want to say thank you for congratulating me.
[00:30:20] But let's give it a day or two before I graciously accept that I was right about Muslims.
[00:30:32] So now it's like basically we get a fascist versus an imperialist and we have to choose.
[00:30:38] Everyone's going to choose an imperialist.
[00:30:39] Stop with the hot takes over there, buddy.
[00:30:43] Actually, sorry, guys, you're not allowed to say hot takes anymore.
[00:30:53] It's lit fam entertainment incorporated.
[00:31:06] Fuck the inward I'm talking about is never because I'm never going to stop because I'm
[00:31:15] So I got to stretch out should we take a break?
[00:31:22] We'll take a quick fiber and then we'll be back.
[00:31:48] Here they shine quiet so there'll be two different yogi Day looks that same as in
[00:32:33] It's Puerto Rican, Ralph Snake, Adam Friedland.
[00:32:36] Puerto Rican, the Ralph Snake, Stav, Rotojakis.
[00:32:40] In the original Puerto Rican, Ralph Snake, me.
[00:32:49] No, it is Puerto Rico week, which I feel like they have too often here in New York.
[00:32:57] It's Lin-Manuel Miranda is the head of the parade.
[00:33:12] The crazier parade around here is the Caribbean one.
[00:33:24] I've never heard anyone say Caribbean until the Pirates of the Caribbean movies came out.
[00:33:30] I do a bit about that about how no one talks.
[00:33:34] It says it that way until those movies came out.
[00:33:36] Because I say, you know what my thing is, I say Reese's Pieces.
[00:33:52] They fucking say, that's how people say that shit in Baltimore.
[00:34:00] I used to say like reindeer zing, like when I saw those signs.
[00:34:16] Couldn't figure out zing until I was like 40.
[00:34:17] I thought it meant that there were Chinese children playing it.
[00:34:30] Or as Chinese anymore, I'm leaving China.
[00:34:44] I don't really consider myself one of the gentrifiers because it's like I'm not the one
[00:34:51] This is where they did do the right thing.
[00:34:56] I don't think they did the right thing.
[00:35:01] There was like a shooting a couple blocks from my house the other week.
[00:35:03] So it's still pretty lit in my neighborhood.
[00:35:15] Dude, I see the DMs I sent him right before you went to jail.
[00:35:20] You know who discovered him is Will from Chappo Traphouse.
[00:35:26] I have evangelized popcorn for a while.
[00:35:32] This little fat white kid is Eric Cartman.
[00:35:36] He looks like Eric Cartman with Glenn Close's hair for fatal traction.
[00:35:40] And yeah, he's like all of his videos are like me and my nigga is hanging out smoking
[00:35:56] And anyhow, he just got arrested and he's doing 10 years.
[00:36:04] So he like wrote on one of his Instagrams.
[00:36:09] It's like this little fat kid that just smokes weed and like make shitty rap videos and like
[00:36:14] post pictures of his like his like Kmart brand jeans.
[00:36:20] But yeah, he got arrested and Adam DM'd him to see.
[00:36:24] Are you really going to jail on Wednesday for 10 years?
[00:36:27] And he said, yeah, I have to do two years out of 10 to get parole, but I'll probably
[00:36:34] And I was like, damn dude, sorry to hear that.
[00:36:36] And he said, me and my dude did a home invasion with a handgun and went on a high speed chase
[00:36:42] with the police because we was in a stolen car.
[00:36:46] I love that he's just telling this fucking stranger on Instagram.
[00:37:00] Like, and then he didn't respond to that because that's a soft ass question.
[00:37:04] And then I was like, can you can you have instant in jail?
[00:37:09] He's like, he's like the white, he's like the white Laterian Milton.
[00:37:15] That kid's gotten his life around Turner's life around, dude.
[00:37:22] And he's like, yeah, he had a hot, like tall black girl that he was dating.
[00:37:27] And like there are pictures where he's just like holding her ass and he's like, you know,
[00:37:39] And he's like, yeah, about to celebrate our three month.
[00:37:44] Do you remember that when jewelry stores had like the little window where you could see
[00:37:51] And one at late forest mall, they had that.
[00:37:53] They had like a little window, like no, it was a Chinese guy that we were in the jewelry
[00:37:58] and you could go to pretzel time and get pretzels and just fucking stare at him and he would
[00:38:02] get mad at you if he's like stare at him, but like that's why they have a fucking window
[00:38:13] That's exactly what they fucking had in mind.
[00:38:20] My favorite Laterian Milton video is like, I think the third one where they're interviewing
[00:38:25] him and he's gotten so used to the news in his house that he's just going about his
[00:38:30] He's like, cause I like doing bad shit.
[00:38:33] I'm around the kitchen and while they're following him, he's making cool late ice cubes.
[00:38:50] He's writing a story about him recently where it's like, Oh, look, and he's like in a suit.
[00:38:55] He's like, oh, he's graduating eighth grade.
[00:39:00] He's like really, really into turning his life around.
[00:39:05] He's maybe he's probably a soft out of your pressure.
[00:39:09] I'm going to follow up peer pressure, man.
[00:39:13] That's what made Brock do those unspeakable things.
[00:39:19] It was party culture and peer pressure.
[00:39:24] If we could just if we could be serious for a moment, let Brock out of jail.
[00:39:31] And the guy from Pokemon with the with the stone.
[00:39:34] Well, Barack Obama actually said if I had a son, his name would sound like Brock.
[00:39:42] If I had a son, he would be Latarian Milton.
[00:39:50] Did you see that thing about that girl that like wrote a letter to the judge saying that
[00:40:00] And like, you know, if you write a letter to a judge in a trial, it's like public records.
[00:40:04] So someone found it and they put it online.
[00:40:08] And now that band is like been kicked out of all these music festivals and Brooklyn.
[00:40:14] And like all these fucking well bar match lists.
[00:40:16] They kicked him out and the owner of match list was like, she lives here.
[00:40:19] No, they did the bands in like Ohio or some shit, but bar match list kicked the band out.
[00:40:24] And they're like, we're not going to support anybody that apologizes or diminishes rape.
[00:40:30] And it's like, have you watched the show at your bar?
[00:40:35] Every fucking Michael chase like let me tell you about my new thought about Cosby.
[00:40:45] Well, bar match list will never stand by rape.
[00:40:51] Dude, my friend just bought me because he thought it'd be funny or something.
[00:40:56] He lives in the podcast now, but yeah, he just bought me bill bill Cosby shirt from like
[00:41:06] No one wants like Cosby show member, Bilia.
[00:41:11] I'm going to have a monster's shirt in my room.
[00:41:15] The Hitler's underpants like I would wear Hitler underpants is Cosby going to jail.
[00:41:24] Some there's one statute of limitations that wasn't expired.
[00:41:28] Because that's what he kept getting away with it.
[00:41:30] What if all the race went like the 70s and what if that's the trial I'm on?
[00:41:36] I get selected for probably did and they're like, well, he's racist, but he is a comedian
[00:41:41] so he's got, you know, check marks on both sides.
[00:41:45] Yeah, he's completely neutral on this one.
[00:41:50] Are you worried about getting a fucking long ass trial?
[00:41:56] You know, my friend sort of lost his mind doing that.
[00:42:01] I sort of think that might have happened because he did like he sent a guy to jail for
[00:42:10] He was on this jury that they convicted and he said it was super intense.
[00:42:14] And there was like long jury deliberations and stuff.
[00:42:17] You know, I would want to do is like one of those ones where somebody left a baby in a
[00:42:23] And I would be the one guy where it's like, no, fuck that baby.
[00:42:25] I'll be the 12 angry men guy that's like, I personally fuck that baby.
[00:42:31] And then they all have to convince me and they can't do it.
[00:42:35] So guys, the Tonys are going on tonight.
[00:42:50] So it's like, why would anyone else watch Tonys that don't live in New York that aren't
[00:42:55] like gay men living in Chelsea, New York?
[00:42:58] I thought it was like, okay, which one's the best?
[00:43:16] We were looking at naked pictures of Tony the Tiger the other week.
[00:43:20] And there's a thing when people draw Tony the Tiger on like deviant art fucking Mario
[00:43:28] I mean, everybody has a huge dick in the cartoon fuck world.
[00:43:32] You know, what's great is is the way they draw Tony is.
[00:43:36] So the end of his dick is blue because his nose is all down.
[00:43:52] The Tiger dick pick online that is not blue headed.
[00:43:55] And that makes me think about like two can Sam Dick.
[00:43:57] They should draw it striped like his nose.
[00:44:01] And he's saying follow your dick to the smaller birds.
[00:44:04] You know, I was looking up to can Sam on Wikipedia the other day.
[00:44:08] And then of course, which I love Wikipedia because the two can Sam article is like 15,000
[00:44:20] But yeah, and then they have they have you know what it is actually the longest article
[00:44:29] The page for Wedge Antilles who's like a minor character in the movies.
[00:44:36] It's like the movie's only line in the movie and that article like you pull it up on your
[00:44:42] Look up look up Wedge Antilles on your fucking phone on the Star Wars Wikia like wedge like
[00:44:54] How much somebody fucking wrote about Wedge Antilles.
[00:44:57] But yeah, I was looking at the two can Sam page and it's like all these extra characters
[00:45:03] and storylines that happen in the commercial that nobody pays attention to that shit and
[00:45:08] somebody got paid like millions of dollars.
[00:45:11] It's like what if he's got a friend that's like a it's like a dog that's on safari and
[00:45:16] they got paid a shit ton of money for that.
[00:45:21] Didn't you know this is this is this is pretty long.
[00:45:24] No, a company paid me briefly to like they're like we want you to write tweets for us and
[00:45:28] that lasted two days and they were like never mind.
[00:45:37] We should just be writing those tweets.
[00:45:38] We wouldn't write as nerdy tweets as yeah.
[00:45:41] Everyone thought that was so fucking cool.
[00:45:43] No, first of all, I only found out about that because of people making fun of her for
[00:45:50] Yeah, all these people were like I'm dead.
[00:45:54] I'm fucking you slay drag him drag him Hillary and it's like what that's supposed to be
[00:46:01] Be the Khaleesi that we get American needs.
[00:46:10] You already go to choppa territory here.
[00:46:20] You have to emphasize the fact that you're like a freak.
[00:46:22] I read policy papers like all night long.
[00:46:31] That show has been on for like 27 seasons.
[00:46:35] The Golden State Warriors are a nerd team, right?
[00:46:43] And it's like Donald Trump is so inherently cool that like anytime he's you know what's
[00:46:48] so great about Trump is he should be so easy to make fun of.
[00:46:55] Anytime all the people that are like, Oh, a Trump, you sound like a fucking nerd.
[00:47:01] You're a nerd making fun of Donald Trump.
[00:47:03] Everyone made fun of the dangerous Donald thing.
[00:47:06] And guess what he calls Elizabeth Warren goofy Elizabeth, which should be so much worse
[00:47:11] than dangerous Donald, but it's perfect.
[00:47:16] Goofy Elizabeth's going to keep playing about being Pocahontas.
[00:47:22] I really just I cannot wait until the elections over and I'm going to buy that hat.
[00:47:28] When the elections over, it'll be nice.
[00:47:29] But I mean, as a social phenomenon, he's agent Smith, a Republican party.
[00:47:34] He's a virus that's just multiplying and we just don't know how far.
[00:47:38] Did I show you that comment someone sent me on.
[00:47:47] From some woman posting on Trump's page.
[00:47:53] Somebody sent me this kid who listens to the podcast.
[00:48:02] Some woman Terry Terry L. B. this scut.
[00:48:06] And I looked it's I'm pretty sure it's real.
[00:48:14] Mr. Trump, I don't know if you read these posts or not.
[00:48:17] However, my son Matthew who was born with Down syndrome would be honored to tell Obama
[00:48:24] He will be voting for you and you are his idol.
[00:48:27] He's been telling us since he saw the apprentice that Obama is fired.
[00:48:31] It would be the thrill of his life to be able to stand next to you and tell them both Obama
[00:48:41] That's the best shit I've ever heard in my entire life.
[00:48:45] Mr. Trump, my retarded son is a big fan of your policies.
[00:48:49] Mr. Trump, my son, down syndrome who sometimes thinks you are Donald Duck, who sometimes
[00:48:57] confuses you with Donald Duck to be fair.
[00:48:59] He would love to tell you Obama and Hillary.
[00:49:11] BB came out for Trump in a couple tweets and I was and yeah, he responded like, BB,
[00:49:20] No, I fully support BB being on the Trump train.
[00:49:23] Well, BB does support BB nets on Yahoo, but that's the least because they have the same
[00:49:48] First of all, Michael Bay is so right wing at this point.
[00:49:52] I don't know what has happened to this guy.
[00:49:58] This is a movie I can't even begin to explain to you.
[00:50:06] Jim looking hot as hell, by the way, murdering and Roy from the office is also really.
[00:50:14] Yeah, but he's like, it's an office spin off.
[00:50:19] So me and my friend were watching it and is Hillary supposed to be Michael Scott?
[00:50:29] Like at the beginning, we're like ironically high-fiving each other every time they said
[00:50:32] like Benghazi, like real serious, they're like, best we get.
[00:50:36] Guess we better go to Benghazi, you know, like we just like high-fiving each other.
[00:50:41] But at a certain point, like we realize that the word Benghazi is literally written on maybe
[00:50:48] They just, they are saying, oh, the movie is also two hours and 40 minutes long.
[00:50:56] There are titles, there are crayons on screen at the beginning of scenes where they say
[00:51:04] They like introduce the scene as like that.
[00:51:07] When they show you the location in that movie, is it always done in that like like dead like
[00:51:12] did leaders like the computer show up in the military movies?
[00:51:16] I would have to have like the day in military time.
[00:51:19] And they were being decoded in front of you.
[00:51:23] That's my favorite thing is in movies about the Muslim world.
[00:51:28] Like there's always at the beginning of a scene to establish you're in the Muslim world.
[00:51:38] You know, the best song from any one of those movies is that like Somali like prayer song
[00:51:55] Dude, your close personal friend is in that movie.
[00:52:00] Oh, by the way, if you're listening and you don't know, Tom Sizemore and me are actually
[00:52:05] You still follow each other on Twitter?
[00:52:07] Yeah, I checked to make sure he hasn't unfollowed me.
[00:52:10] But he, you know, Tom Sizemore is fucking insane.
[00:52:13] Imagine he like was in every great movie from 1996 until 2000.
[00:52:20] And then just did a bunch of math and beat the shit out of hiding flies.
[00:52:28] Yeah, he's still working, but he was in a movie with Paul Bursey.
[00:52:35] He's like, yeah, I just, I just finished working on a movie with Tom Sizemore.
[00:52:41] And, you know, we took pictures together and we had a great time.
[00:52:47] And I guess- He was on the celebrity rehab, Dr. Driesha.
[00:52:54] Sizemore needs those drugs to be as talented an actor as he is.
[00:53:00] That's what Kelsey needed to be, Frasier.
[00:53:05] Apparently Kelsey Grammer was on like a cocktail of intoxicants the entire time he was making
[00:53:12] Apparently the show, how much of the cocktail was semen?
[00:53:24] I don't understand why they have that accent.
[00:53:28] Because the dad, the dad who was a cop and he was like, you know, working vice.
[00:53:32] He was like, you don't understand the cut of day I've had.
[00:53:36] So they sent him to live with their gay British mother.
[00:53:41] Because there was a British wasn't the, the nanny or not.
[00:53:58] Dude, then she had like a show on the CW or some shit, like fucking 10 years after the
[00:54:04] nanny, which was like old and still hot.
[00:54:08] I don't know if I can have sex with the Jew ever again.
[00:54:21] I just, I just, I was seeing this girl who's like a New York City.
[00:54:33] This is a real bit, you know, a real, a real big deal of broad.
[00:54:36] And then every time she'd say, thank you for something.
[00:54:39] She was just, it sounded like she was being sarcastic.
[00:54:45] I'd be like, well, I just did like I cooked dinner.
[00:54:51] You're going to come back for the trial.
[00:54:54] Are your parents be sad if you didn't marry a Jew?
[00:54:58] They do say that, but that's just like absurd.
[00:55:04] You know, we are only 2% of the entire population of the entire country.
[00:55:09] I mean, I guess it's different in New York.
[00:55:18] It's mostly them, I think, in New York.
[00:55:50] I was shopping all day and I'm so exhausted that I just have to shop.
[00:55:54] I do my business shopping during the day.
[00:55:57] And then I work on these commercials and like the wardrobe assistant girls are always
[00:56:01] the worst fucking people in the entire world.
[00:56:02] They're like, I'm 20 and I kind of just, you know, find my way through life by positive
[00:56:12] I just fuck people to stay at their place.
[00:56:18] I saw this girl that I was dating a few months ago and she said to me, she said, yeah, after
[00:56:25] we stop seeing each other, I realized that I can fuck any guy that I want.
[00:56:32] So there was really no reason to go out with you because as a woman, I can have sex with
[00:56:40] And I feel like that's the Da Vinci code.
[00:56:43] I mean, if they all realize that, then it's over for us, right?
[00:56:49] This is getting into like shitty black comic territory.
[00:56:52] Of course, the pussy, you got a scholarship sitting underneath your legs.
[00:56:58] That was one of every spirit's bits where he's talking about how women are not going to go
[00:57:05] You sitting on a scholarship, girl, basically saying, fuck your way to college.
[00:57:28] Oh, guys, I just want to know what's going on with my come boys, dude.
[00:57:56] It's gone, you know, beaten off just to clear the pipes.
[00:58:00] I mean, like living with roommates is just, you know, you know, anytime you have like a
[00:58:11] Do you like to keep the show from the podcast?
[00:58:21] The feedback was, it was, they loved it, but it was also very retarded.
[00:58:27] Well, then that's, well, no, I think it was dumb.
[00:58:29] It was dumb how we took it to a dumb place, maybe.
[00:58:32] But people told me that, well, you know, we went in with a lot of tension and drama.
[00:58:36] And then I wasn't there for most of it.
[00:58:40] I left and then, yeah, I left also in the beginning.
[00:58:43] And then that apparently that Seth guy came in.
[00:58:47] Seth Dickfield, who's not based on another guy who's been posting a lot of dumb shit
[00:58:52] on the fucking internet since his shooting hit us.
[00:58:54] Dude, I'm trying to look at Twitter for like some.
[00:59:02] He's not, he has nothing to do with Seth Dickfield.
[00:59:05] But yeah, no, I'm trying to look at Twitter for like trending topics, but I guess like
[00:59:12] So all the shooting stuff has been drowned out by news about video games.
[00:59:23] I remember when I was like, when I was like in middle school, me and my friends were talking
[00:59:28] about like, imagine how sweet virtual reality is going to be.
[00:59:31] You can put on a helmet that'll plug into the Nintendo and then another machine will suck
[00:59:36] You can fuck fake women in virtual reality.
[00:59:40] Like it was just, we never even considered that you could fuck real women.
[00:59:47] When we're adults, we'll be able to fuck robots.
[00:59:57] Because the age immediately after that 13 is like when you become the most misogynistic
[01:00:07] That's when you like see another child like at school and you're like go to your boys.
[01:00:12] You're like, yeah, I would fuck that bitch in the ass.
[01:00:16] Some girl is wearing like a training bra.
[01:00:25] I remember when I was in first grade, I had a piece of paper with a mark and like a marker
[01:00:35] And then it was just a list of girls in my class.
[01:00:39] And I like folded up and hit it somewhere in my room.
[01:00:42] And I remember my parents ever found it.
[01:00:43] But I imagine if they did, they would just have to be like, yeah, I guess we just put
[01:00:49] I don't want to have this conversation.
[01:00:57] I mean, it wasn't like you didn't know the concept.
[01:01:00] I mean, I guess until like, you know, like a child said, the first thing I did was like
[01:01:05] first of all, like the vagina is like where your dick is.
[01:01:09] So you very confusing the first time you you try and touch the vagina.
[01:01:13] It's so much lower than you think it's going to be.
[01:01:19] And then also you think you just put the dick in and then that's it.
[01:01:24] There's like a thrusting element there.
[01:01:28] He's like, you ever like like in a relationship with a girl you're close with like just like
[01:01:40] It's called like hot soaking or something.
[01:01:49] Also, this is fucking weird friend of yours asking you this question.
[01:02:01] You can't don't just either say it or don't say it.
[01:02:16] There was some comments section where maybe it was like Yahoo answers or something where
[01:02:21] like a woman was like, is it normal for like like her boyfriend kept a cup of water next
[01:02:26] to the bed to dip his dick in after they fuck?
[01:02:31] To give a pen is just your cock off of the fucking bathroom.
[01:02:40] He should have like a bird bath in his room for tipping his dick.
[01:02:45] Now he should keep he should keep fucking the stuff.
[01:02:54] Well, I don't know what you're talking about.
[01:03:01] For the combs they put the foams in the blue shit.
[01:03:09] I was like, you know how they have the barbershop holes with the blue and they do that because
[01:03:15] But like Barbara's like before I think surgery was like, you know, standardized like you
[01:03:19] could just go to a barber and you're like, Hey, can you cut this tumor out of me and
[01:03:29] I feel like we need to end this one with a bang.
[01:03:30] There's got to be something we can fucking talk about.
[01:03:33] Where we're not just ramped because to be honest, the worst one yet.
[01:03:37] For sure, I'd say this has got to be the worst.
[01:03:44] I'm glad we ran out of shitty comedians to talk about.
[01:03:47] There's really, you know, there's like three of those guys.
[01:03:56] I don't even know if you, I wouldn't really classify him as a shitty comedian.
[01:04:03] How have we not talked about old Mike Diesel?
[01:04:11] So Mike Diesel is this little fucking, he looks like, he looks like, you remember that
[01:04:20] It was the, it was part of Garfield and friends.
[01:04:23] I remember Garfield and friends at TV show.
[01:04:27] And then it would cut to the farm scenes where there is like, you know, the Roy, the
[01:04:37] And Orson had three older brothers that were like bully pigs.
[01:04:40] So Mike Diesel looks like the bully pig older brother.
[01:04:43] He's this like stout fucking like, I think his real last name is Kukorini.
[01:04:54] I think image search for Mike Diesel, the first like three pictures of him, the next
[01:04:58] one's something like guy deadlifting 600 pounds.
[01:05:00] And then the one underneath that is like three dudes sucking each other's days.
[01:05:05] So yeah, diesel was fucking, did you not, you don't know diesel?
[01:05:10] No, you meant I barely met, but I only, I barely came.
[01:05:15] I only came kind of once in an open mic.
[01:05:19] He was like a pathological liar and, and he, but he would tell these stories where they
[01:05:26] We never had to worry about the stories.
[01:05:27] But he's telling, you know, his act was fucking, he was so happy when the Iraq war started because
[01:05:33] like, you know, he, he'd go on stage and he would start doing his Iraq war bit about
[01:05:37] like, yeah, George Bush is what I'm saying, blah, blah, blah.
[01:05:40] Then halfway through the bit, it would some, at some point he would be like, and you know,
[01:05:44] Ross peroes over there are like, hey, and he'd do his Ross, bro.
[01:05:48] Oh, you wrote these jokes 10 years ago.
[01:05:54] You were doing comedy like at the beginning of the Iraq.
[01:06:04] But yeah, so diesel, he would tell all these fucking lies.
[01:06:08] And one time he tells this story about he's like, so I'm gonna bar, right?
[01:06:12] I'm gonna bar and say anything you want to me, you know, say whatever you want to me.
[01:06:18] You know, I'm not gonna have a problem with it.
[01:06:22] The thing that guys do where they do the tough guy thing, it's like, you say whatever you
[01:06:25] want to me, but if you come after my friends, I'll fucking kill you.
[01:06:30] He's like, say whatever you want to me.
[01:06:32] There's this guy at the bar and he's talking about your shit.
[01:06:35] You know, he's like a shit talker, causing a, you know, a ruckus or whatever.
[01:06:39] But then he steps on my wife's foot and, and you know, that's just a line you don't cross.
[01:06:46] So, so I say, I say, you better fucking apologize.
[01:06:52] I get him a headlock and I take him down to the ground and I get him down to the ground
[01:06:56] and I, I have him there and I can, you know, I can feel his life slip out of my hands.
[01:07:06] He gets, he gets, and so like, you know, people are just listening to Mike tell them,
[01:07:13] You know, and he's like, yeah, and you know, the wait staff, they said, Mike, we saw what
[01:07:20] And so he told the story about how he murdered somebody at a bar and the way.
[01:07:26] And the bar was like, Hey, that's Mike diesel famous comedian.
[01:07:31] Doesn't he have that other thing about the advice?
[01:07:34] He told another story about the story about being in a fucking bar one time.
[01:07:39] He's always got these like bar stories that he tells.
[01:07:41] Was it this was a headline he was wearing?
[01:07:44] He's working with a young comic, comic named William.
[01:07:50] Everyone knew this guy was going to be big.
[01:07:52] And you know, he says to me, he says, Mike, if you just took the impressions out of your
[01:07:58] act, you would be the greatest comedian I've ever seen.
[01:08:04] And the best part is he still has impressions.
[01:08:17] I was a former LAPD vice cop and a pathological liar.
[01:08:20] He made up stories like we would fact check a bunch of them.
[01:08:25] One of them actually we thought was a lie ended up to be almost true.
[01:08:31] He basically he was saying that during his time in the LAPD, he worked security detail
[01:08:37] And he's like, yeah, you know, you know, I was a big fan of Cosby.
[01:08:43] You know, we spoke scars together on set, you know, and I was like, whoa, you worked
[01:08:50] He's like, yeah, I was in a couple movies.
[01:08:52] And we're like, what was the name of the movies that you're in?
[01:08:55] And he's like, disco, something or something or other.
[01:09:05] And I was like, do you have the movies?
[01:09:09] She's she has the movie, you know, but yeah, I used to have it on tape.
[01:09:13] And then it was the first time I'd ever used IMDB.
[01:09:19] There was a black exploitation movie directed by this guy, Fast Black.
[01:09:25] And he was a vice cop number two Richard Warren.
[01:09:30] It's like this is this is pathological.
[01:09:32] Iers will have one or two stories that are real, but then they're you they sound like
[01:09:37] Well, he used to tell us stories that were like he was like, oh, and then she died in
[01:09:41] my arms after after dropping charges from the scumbag beating and raping her.
[01:09:53] April 31st, 1968, you know, and then we're like the my friend was like, yo, there's
[01:10:04] Now Mike told it Mike's I forget who told me this story, but Mike had said this said
[01:10:11] He was like, you know, he's like, Hey, Mike, I've been a Mike goes, uh, pretty good.
[01:10:15] Uh, went fishing with the Clintons on the weekend.
[01:10:17] So he said he had the hate, you know, even his wife went, me patients went fishing with
[01:10:24] And so I guess you have Bill and Hillary Clinton friends with Mike Diesel, the Booker of wise
[01:10:35] And at the party later, he sees Mike's wife and he's like, ah, I was hanging out with
[01:10:45] And she, you know, his wife looks at Rob and she's like, what are you talking about?
[01:10:48] And Mike just like, you know, in the Simpsons, when Homer like is talking to Flanders and
[01:10:57] Mike just fucking the stone walls and then it didn't happen.
[01:11:00] Mike one time he invited me to, uh, he goes, uh, he's like, I want you to, I want you
[01:11:06] It's only time I do cocaine with my wife.
[01:11:08] So this party is called the East Coast Comics convention.
[01:11:11] And basically every comedian on the East Coast is going to be there.
[01:11:14] It's just like Mike, that's like 45,000.
[01:11:25] He has sent my house out and he lived out in West Virginia somewhere.
[01:11:29] And I did, I did a show at a fish head cantina.
[01:11:37] The fish head was in the fucking, uh, our beautist really in Catonsville.
[01:11:43] And, uh, I'd, so the party was at Mike's house, but after that, and I drove out there, I followed
[01:11:49] Mike Stork and cap Malone out to this fucking party, the East Coast Comics convention.
[01:11:55] And, uh, you know, but I know Mike's a liar.
[01:11:58] So when he says every comedian on the East Coast would be there, I'm like, okay, like
[01:12:02] It'll be a party, you know, hang out and have fun.
[01:12:12] It's better said that's like on the couch.
[01:12:16] We's he's got his in his lazy boy with his fucking legs up and he's got a fucking Afghan
[01:12:22] He's petting a shitty old dog and his wife's like, Oh, come on in, you know, and Basil
[01:12:30] And there's a fucking cat eating like part of like one of those long catered subs.
[01:12:37] And I, you know, I mean, I had driven from like Baltimore, basically to West Virginia.
[01:12:41] Yeah, it was like an hour and a half and drove out there.
[01:12:46] So we're all like getting high and shit.
[01:12:48] And it was me and Mike diesel and Stork.
[01:12:52] And then I think Basil woke up and we're like, you know, uh, you know, how Stork is,
[01:12:57] like, you know, like just go off and he's talking about like neuro transmitter or whatever.
[01:13:02] And talking about like therapy and shit.
[01:13:05] And Mike, uh, Mike says at one point, he's like, yeah, you know, it took me a long time
[01:13:11] And I, you know, I had a lot of people who tried to be nice to me and it really took
[01:13:14] someone who just sent me down and say, no, Mike, this is what happened to you.
[01:13:21] And you know, immediately I'm like, fuck you.
[01:13:28] You know, because that's why, because fuck you is why, you know, but eventually I just
[01:13:40] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, he was doing a
[01:13:45] Like he's always like all of his read, cause he's a liar.
[01:13:48] So all of his reactions to things are like shit.
[01:13:51] He saw in movies, you know, he's like, and then they tried to say, my, my, my, my, my, my,
[01:13:56] And I said, you can't handle the truth.
[01:13:58] You know, it's like always this dramatic interaction with people where he's like, you
[01:14:04] But yeah, that was the best part of this.
[01:14:06] Oh, and I went down to his basement to get like a soda or something.
[01:14:09] And so he's this big fat fucking piece of shit, but he's one of those fat guys.
[01:14:13] It's like, he told Andy Klein one time somebody was talking about working out and he tells
[01:14:19] Andy, he's like, yeah, I'm working out a lot.
[01:14:26] I'm actually down to a point four percent body.
[01:14:31] Like Ray Lewis, his prime at six percent.
[01:14:40] He was like twice as size as Star Wars.
[01:14:52] Yeah, like peak athletes are at eight percent.
[01:15:00] Yeah, I'm down to point four percent body fat.
[01:15:03] So yeah, I go down to his basement and he's got his little workout area, which is like
[01:15:06] a bench, like an adjustable bench and then just two fifty pound dumbbells.
[01:15:11] Just doing like one fucking swinging curl with his fucking pigly arms.
[01:15:28] I was trying to like pick my brain trying to think of like a shitty comic I haven't shit
[01:15:33] Yeah, I'd love to maybe next episode we'll get into really deep into Dave chauffeur.
[01:15:39] But apparently people fucking hate him.
[01:15:44] Uh, Uncle Dave comedy, Dave comedy, dude.
[01:15:46] Well, Tom Tom Flood, why were I a Tom flood is because Tom Flood and it sort of ties into
[01:15:51] Tom Flood was this guy with like, who's severely autistic?
[01:15:56] He could like barely communicate with you and he pushed cards at like the safe way down
[01:16:00] Route seven or some and he would come to wise acres for the open mic and you know, he
[01:16:07] would go on stage and do his time, but it wasn't jokes or anything and everyone would
[01:16:11] laugh at him and like, but half of it was people being like, we're being supportive or
[01:16:18] this is avant-garde and it's like, no, you're laughing at an autistic man's exploitation.
[01:16:25] And like one time he went on stage and he fucking like dragged, he spent the first two
[01:16:29] minutes of a set dragging tables onto the from like the audience onto the stage and he
[01:16:34] lines them up and puts four chairs behind them and he's like, oh, the 1984 NBC for afternoon
[01:16:42] news broadcast from September, you know, 13th and he like, he's like, and like Mitch Douglas
[01:16:49] said here and Kate and he reenacts some afternoon news broadcast from like 1984 that he remembers
[01:17:00] Like diesel, like he was like, I'm telling you, if you brought that act on the road,
[01:17:10] And it's like, no, like if you brought that act on Jesus, he crazy.
[01:17:21] He's like, no, you're, you're just fucking laughing.
[01:17:33] And he was like, do you know this, Mike D's old guy?
[01:17:39] And he's like, yeah, I just worked with him.
[01:17:41] He's like, saying he's been a comic for 30 years.
[01:17:43] And like, he's like, I only got four teeth left, but like you could see all of Mike's
[01:17:49] So Mike was literally lying through his teeth.
[01:18:01] Yeah, because you really should be paying for this.
[01:18:12] We're all women when it comes to being paid to fucking say, woke shit on the damn internet.