Cum Town | Regular | 08/03/2017
[00:00:00] This will be an atom free episode no nice, please. Are we started now? We already started can I just take a quick?
[00:00:06] No, man, you're the one who wanted to start fuck you you said let's start you literally said that ten minutes ago
[00:00:14] I took this pill and I not need to poop whatever man if you leave your replace
[00:00:19] It's am now ampers on both hand the microphone that amber, please you want me to prairie dog
[00:00:25] Yes, this entire episode bro. You first of all you fucked it up me and they cut a cold open
[00:00:30] I'm gonna get a cold open and now we can't we will still do it
[00:00:34] But it cold open like a sitcom would but it a scripted TV show do it. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah?
[00:00:53] I think I came out last week or something. It's pretty recent. Yeah, Charlie bit my finger
[00:00:59] Charlie sucked my penis. You know, it's fucked up that video is from five years ago. No, yeah
[00:01:05] It's like longer. No, it's from five years ago Charlie
[00:01:08] Those kids were like grown-ups now. Yeah, they are they're the king and queen of England what that's
[00:01:14] Whoever starts being gay the earliest becomes the king of England. Oh
[00:01:19] With Charlie the king of England. Yeah, what are you talking about?
[00:01:22] Adams the princess Adam sucked off the doctor
[00:01:29] Oh, whole new world. Don't you dare suck my dick
[00:01:45] Just getting carpet head. Oh, yeah, I'm a magic carpet. Yeah, that's it. They do it carpet bombing
[00:01:51] That's where they ride the carpet around and then he takes a shit and her post
[00:02:02] Chappo trap house. I gotta get a little political
[00:02:07] That's a that's a that's an accurate amount of time. Yes, I'm sure yes 16 years
[00:02:13] No, when do we go fucking one two dollars one we went it right after
[00:02:18] 2002 yeah, we immediately invaded Afghanistan and then Iraq 2003. Yes. I
[00:02:23] Thought it was a good dude. Not only was it a good joke, but you also had it accurate
[00:02:28] Well, I meant that the carpet that's sitting in the pussy is only been 11 years. Okay
[00:02:34] It's a state that's one of those like sex things that like middle schoolers come up with right like the dirty Sanchez
[00:02:40] Yeah, yeah, I was a camp counselor and the kids. I was like let's do your name also known as a tattle tape
[00:02:47] Yeah, I was like let's let's do our names the city. We're from our elected me as the
[00:02:54] My particular bond because they knew I could be trusted to tell them who had been eating dried rats
[00:03:00] Outside of their normal prison rat and you better believe I taddled
[00:03:08] We're the oldest kids of camp so we're the leaders now so you can select the third fact and they were like let's do sex positions
[00:03:14] Nice these like 14 year old kids told me some of the most gruesome and hilarious
[00:03:19] Expositions the Tennessee pile driver. It's where you're fucking a girl through a wall
[00:03:23] And you like literally fuck her so hard you explode through the drywall
[00:03:27] Oh, yeah, a lot of people have done that the white dragon where you're getting head
[00:03:32] And then right before you bust you shove your dick right down her throat and she she coughs up the cum through
[00:03:38] Jesus yeah, I made one I've been high school about the little rascals. You know that one no
[00:03:45] That's when you fuck eight eight eight six year old boys
[00:03:56] And a people that's a really good whole tail team of them
[00:04:00] Yeah, and then your honor. I'm sorry. I'm just a little rascal. Yeah, your honor excuse me
[00:04:05] I was I was spending a lot of time on urban dictionary
[00:04:11] In college one of my friends put a sex move on urban dictionary called the backstage pass with it
[00:04:16] Which had two Z's yeah, the usage and ascendants was girls show me that poo-ze and that as is the backstage pass
[00:04:29] I don't know it wasn't mine. Yeah, do you guys know the Terry Shiva? Yeah, well no that's
[00:04:34] Okay, continue it's when you fuck Terry
[00:04:40] We used to call that getting drunk sick your dick down her her feeding tube
[00:04:45] We used to say we're getting fucking shy vote tonight like oh yeah
[00:04:51] Party Shiva joke. That's how long I've been doing stand up is that shit. I'm a dude while I was doing comedy Bush administration stand up
[00:04:57] Yeah, dude. Yeah, so I'm old school. Well was it I?
[00:05:00] I don't know something about how she died doing what she loved
[00:05:04] What was she was bulimic or whatever and then eventually starving they pulled her feeding tube out?
[00:05:10] That's how she got that way. She was believe me. That's an arrest. Wait really?
[00:05:16] There's a motor cycle accident. She was she was she had a stroke from being like bulimic or something
[00:05:21] I thought she had a motorcycle. That's Gary Busy
[00:05:24] Gary Busy is on life support right now. No Gary Busy had a motorcycle. We got to get them hearts going for Gary right now
[00:05:30] I don't want that tube pulled out hard for Gary. Yeah
[00:05:34] Picture your hard penis to Gary Busy the Darlin match every dick pic
[00:05:39] Do you know the Darlin what you put your limp dick in a girl's mouth and then it evolves into a boner
[00:05:45] It's pretty good and then it chokes and kills her and then you say survival if it is bitch nice. Yeah
[00:05:51] It's I hate these that's rude. Yeah, I hate all these you know this is the glory hole
[00:05:55] No, it's you capitalize glory, so it's like the movie glory and that's when you stick your dick through a hole in a bathroom
[00:06:02] And then you beat a black man with it on his back until a single tear rolls down his feet
[00:06:10] In the movie glory is that is that the one where there? No, that's obviously get a moustache
[00:06:14] No, it's about the black battalion in the Civil War. Yep, Matthew Broderick is
[00:06:22] Yeah, the black soldiers fought for the Confederacy. Yeah, so they loved it
[00:06:27] They loved it. We're good or no. Yeah, think about that
[00:06:34] Think about that. Oh, of course Gab Gavin makes that argument
[00:06:38] Did you see the Cernavitch video from today? No, what I'm sorry. I don't subscribe to our slash politics underscore cool
[00:06:46] I don't see every video that what happened some some kid some kid came up to me
[00:06:52] It's like I was watching heavy. I took your pills really no, but I love that
[00:06:57] Actually did nothing I thought it would be a funny thing to say that I was doing instead of literally anything
[00:07:03] And then it was wait, I was watching heavy weights was a funny way to say that I wasted the day
[00:07:08] Yeah, but I I literally just got high and looked at things at Home Depot. That's what cuz
[00:07:12] When I said let's do one and you're like not how about three
[00:07:16] That's what you wanted to push it back for no cuz I had already gotten high and I was like too high to do the show
[00:07:21] That would have been fun. Yes, so now I would welcome sooner Nick to the show. Yeah
[00:07:27] Nick Mullen. Oh, yeah, he's got a bunch of Doritos Nick what we're talking strains of weed today
[00:07:33] What's your favorite you like an indica you like a headie?
[00:07:36] Satina and I like that I like that neon robo cop
[00:07:47] That's my shit. Yeah blackface mombo number five. Let me get some of that FAG 69
[00:08:03] Juice style, you know oh, yeah girl with a body high
[00:08:09] Yeah girl with a stoma so wide you can stick your dick in it
[00:08:12] That's the whole name of the strain of weed all of that girl with a stone
[00:08:15] It's like girl cuz it started they had girl with a dragon tattoo was a type of weed and then they crossed that with
[00:08:25] Which was originally an offshoot of beetle juice
[00:08:28] Mmm-hmm. He's my beetle juice. Oh, yeah, and then it crossed beetle juice with just retard
[00:08:33] There was a weed that is just called really giving people down syndrome. Yeah. Yeah, it was made by the government, dude
[00:08:45] In the oval office dude. Yeah under the eagle if you tap the Eagles beak three times right it flips
[00:08:53] This is the weed that Bill Clinton used to make Monica Lewinsky pass out so you could fuck her in the mouth while she was asleep
[00:08:58] Yeah, it's the government. It was actually it was not a cigar. It was a fat ass blunt. Yeah, dude
[00:09:03] I love oh shit. That would have been pimped. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah put a put a blount in her
[00:09:10] Snatch it's great having not smoked weed in forever
[00:09:14] I can take like one pole and then I'm fucked up for dude
[00:09:17] I literally stopped for a month and I'm like that again. Yeah, like I can take one it doesn't feel good
[00:09:23] I don't particularly enjoy it. It's not fun. Yeah, I feel trapped. You know, I still have like anxiety and panic
[00:09:28] But it's like yeah, but it's because I'm high and then it just gives you an excuse to feel a shitty
[00:09:33] Exactly. That's true. I feel like it's what I use it for is to when I'm anxious and I'm freaking out
[00:09:38] I smoke weed and I'm like well, there's nothing I can do now. I might as well watch movies
[00:09:44] Yeah, fucking Chinese food. Hell yeah watch UFC. I just watched the UFC who won that thing Johnny bones Jones
[00:09:50] It was a great. It was a really good event. He kicked him in the head. I saw that that kick in the head
[00:09:55] Yeah, I'm a UFC head now, dude. Are you I used to be and now I'm back, dude
[00:10:00] What do you mean you used to be when I was a little well not a little you have seems like three years old
[00:10:05] I'm gonna start covering the rodeo for for the podcast for all the radio rodeo people who want to go
[00:10:14] I love that man. Yeah, just a redneck karma police
[00:10:23] Rest is man. He stole my truck and that bitch is now fucking somebody else
[00:10:32] My job sucks. Hey, if you're gonna cover the rodeo, maybe you an atom can just carpool there because he's a fucking rodeo clown
[00:10:44] That's a good burn, you know when it's good. It's good
[00:10:59] I love it when the kids getting bullied like by a group of friends and then he starts that he adopts the strategy where he's like
[00:11:08] That's my new strategy on the show. That's literally would just happen to you with those DMS
[00:11:14] Which ones you do the one you're describing. Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:11:17] I made fun of someone that he like DM me. It was like nice dude
[00:11:20] That's good. We don't want to be rude and say who it was but a guy made fun of chapel on Twitter
[00:11:29] Adderly will not have anyone make fun of his favorite show the show is fired to get on
[00:11:34] Yeah, dude. I'm the tenth member of chapter. Who are you gonna who are you trying to replace? I'm the Joe Jackson who who are you trying to amber?
[00:11:40] Obviously he's out of there. You gotta get that badge off. It's true. You are you are the whole of the show
[00:11:45] They do need a more feminine version. Yeah. Yeah, you need a real queer
[00:11:54] Chill that's cool you white knight for chapel. No, I mean come on you guys know that I'm a fraud
[00:11:59] I've lied my way into left Twitter. I don't know what praxis means or any of that shit
[00:12:03] I don't know what they're I don't know like I only take you know all the crossfits have like names
[00:12:07] I crossfit low reset or crossfit do it, you know or whatever
[00:12:12] Yeah, you know is that crossfit bowry the one in DC. I saw it was crossfit praxis
[00:12:17] There is praxis rules. That was the way you apply a theory. There's one there's one called in DC called humble beast
[00:12:28] I can't remember it was actually crossfit praxis or something equally stupid and praxis is the one I used to make fun of it
[00:12:35] But DC has like a very nerdy crossfit. Yeah, we see sucks dialectic. Yeah, it's something like that
[00:12:41] These is a bunch of fucking nerds. I went to a New York City nightclub folks on Friday night. Yeah
[00:12:46] Well, this is gonna turn into that Adam Friedland story
[00:12:52] Don't I don't want you already get the one thing about the guy the DMG you already said that you said the story
[00:12:58] I didn't say that first of all, I'm not gonna shoot I literally need to go to the fucking bathroom
[00:13:02] You're not gonna shit bitch. You're gonna kick me off the show and put amber on it. Yeah, we are
[00:13:07] Whether you shit or not. Oh, let's trade. Let's just make a trade. I'm supposed to trade the chap. When's the podcast trade that line?
[00:13:14] We want amber and we want feel like six times a year and then we want
[00:13:20] Consider we want producing considerations. Yeah, we want Britain to put a cut like some sound effects in
[00:13:25] You trade me to hell bent and we still call you gay
[00:13:29] We call you on the phone and you Skype in and we make you make fun of you. Oh, yeah, like a drive time radio. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool
[00:13:35] I'll take it. I just want to feel like included in my right thing is three team or with hell bent
[00:13:41] We don't send you to Chabot because that's what you want. No, obviously. Yeah, we put you're getting busted down to the the vager league
[00:13:50] W. Damn I'll be I'm doing a D. W. M. Be good the women's minor league
[00:14:04] That was my favorite when you would post something on Facebook and then some get a bunch of likes and then some girl would comment like
[00:14:12] I've seen it happen numerous times and so that means every bitch in the world that's who doesn't
[00:14:20] I've seen it happen literally three or four times
[00:14:26] Epidemic yeah, so I've had one of your donuts. They're not my donuts. I'm fucking trying to get clean
[00:14:32] I'm losing this bit where he buys stuff. Hey, it's not a lot of things suck. I put it on this plate. This is the
[00:14:46] For birthday boy. I want them so much. He keeps saying birthday. Oh, yeah, happy birthday
[00:14:52] Yeah birthday February 11th. What's your sign?
[00:14:55] Aries Aquarius Aquarius nice because you get wet dude. Oh, yeah, I get it wet
[00:14:59] I both do shurm and I get pussies wet I get both kinds of Nick with your son. I
[00:15:05] Don't know. I don't know the game the game. Oh, no. I don't those are for women
[00:15:09] I don't know I don't even know my birthday is I don't know what car they eyes are December something
[00:15:13] Yeah, I don't know my birthday the fans can figure out what your birthday was to the birthdays just listed on my Twitter is
[00:15:19] Yeah, why are you threatening to have people look into me? Yeah, dude, that's what that means little fucking weasel
[00:15:28] Oh, the why I'm sure the fans can you're implying you want people to stalk and harass them. I want that fucking crawler, dude
[00:15:36] Yeah, eat it. No, fuck you. I don't want I do want it those gonna be good
[00:15:41] Fuck dude. I'm hungry. Yeah. Well, you missed out the Simpsons donuts already been I know I know I
[00:15:46] Was so happy I was so happy amber took the Homer
[00:15:50] Your boy was about to fuck it home and Homer's head turns into that donut. Yeah
[00:15:54] That tree house a heart. Oh, yeah, is that when he goes into like the real world? Yeah, don't pick at it
[00:16:00] But I'm so delicious remember when he was 3d in the real world. Yeah, that was a cool one Homer squared
[00:16:05] That was a Homer cubed. I think cubed yeah his Homer cubed
[00:16:10] Yeah, that shit when I was a kid in Vegas. There was a house that they made into the Simpsons house
[00:16:14] Yeah, it was like a contest. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I remember that and I remember being cuz that was like at the height of my Simpsons fan
[00:16:20] Though it was in Vegas right when the show got started yet shitty and I remember being like
[00:16:24] He's been as a kid like why would you want that that house was so fucking butt ugly? Yeah?
[00:16:29] Yeah, it was my family friends neighborhood drawing. Yeah, I was there when I was there when I was at house the people
[00:16:35] You're going to the city and it wasn't a museum and it was literally the house from the Simpsons
[00:16:40] I thought it was a museum. No, you get the Simpsons house. There's anyone living in now
[00:16:45] It's probably a museum now because it was such an ugly house. I what isn't there one
[00:16:49] It isn't there something in Austin. That's the Flintstones house or something. I don't know that sounds like something you
[00:16:55] Came up with in a diabetic. No, I was it first of all a's that you're in I was in I've got too many sugars going home
[00:17:32] The bad candies I saw us off chopping up lines of sweet and low
[00:17:37] He's been sounding with Swedish fish making them swim upstream like salmon wood what's sounding up your dick hole?
[00:17:44] Yeah, you've been shoving Swedish fish up your deck hole. Would you suck a Swedish fish out of a guy's dick?
[00:17:59] I don't know what I want to think about it
[00:18:10] That would be a good super cut of our show if someone did every single one of us
[00:18:14] No, we should shoot a guess a game show that stopped
[00:18:22] I fuck all right anyway, I don't think anybody gets the money then
[00:18:33] Fuck boys I moved into a real motherfucking room
[00:18:44] I have tons of charisma zero charisma. That's not true at all black hole of charisma
[00:18:48] I am told constantly that I have a lot of your mom say charisma again. He's been saying tourism a lot
[00:18:54] Has he yeah, you just learned the right way to say it first. Well, it's patties ma. Yeah, okay
[00:19:01] I said it was a Greek word before you did so there's no reason for you to even say that it's a Greek word
[00:19:06] I'm sorry. I already told people I apologize. I already apologize anyone. I already said I'm sorry
[00:19:11] All right, you're suspended for two minutes. I'll say not you're suspended
[00:19:18] Satan it's four oh nine you can't use black girl magic
[00:19:34] Everybody touches their we all touches there at the same time
[00:19:37] It'll destroy his power that'd be so funny if stop like started using black girl magic was like slapping his weave
[00:19:43] I'm a kid in the apartment just that tap on the cornrows
[00:19:49] Was gonna say yeah, we got real rooms. I know I think the whole squads in real rooms now
[00:19:53] Yeah, I'm actually temporarily homeless or today. Yeah, you had that you were the only one with a cool apartment
[00:19:58] I'm about to have an apartment. Yeah, and now me and I see
[00:20:05] You're you moving out of my place today to displace more people from Brooklyn to make a to make a
[00:20:11] Yeah, tell the story about the place you're living and the family that was living there beforehand. It's not a family
[00:20:16] It's a cop actually that's a little black woman. No, it wasn't no, it's not a white cop
[00:20:21] It was a rent control department. She's been riding the bus
[00:20:25] Since the protest and no it's a cop in the struggle. No, she wrote a bus into Brooklyn directly from the plantation
[00:20:32] No, it's a no it's a police brutality plantation
[00:20:37] No relation. I mean there might be I don't know
[00:20:40] I did a black lives matters eminent domain and I took away that cops home. Oh, is that what happened?
[00:20:45] No, my rich friend bought a murder your rich you friend steal a home from the blacks in Brooklyn
[00:20:52] I don't think that no that didn't happen what what so it's a cop the cop that my unit is occupied
[00:20:58] Well, it's like the building the rest of the units are empty the cop is the last I just shoot in a cop's apartment in
[00:21:05] For some in Manhattan that apartment is crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it was some like police sergeant and we went into this place
[00:21:11] I didn't know is a cop's place. So like, you know, we're I'm helping
[00:21:14] I don't know them pre-light the fucking yeah, whatever it is and you go in and there's all these taxidermy animals around the ceiling
[00:21:21] Like the fucking you know like that whatever that hunters Dan
[00:21:25] He's been sure to you know in Africa, but this is just an apartment. It's like a fucking
[00:21:31] Too bad where was it in Queens Queens? Yeah
[00:21:34] Wait, no, you know, maybe it was in like a thought a lap bush or something. I thought yeah
[00:21:38] I thought you said it was I don't either way, you know, maybe it was in Sunset Park. Oh, okay
[00:21:44] Oh, okay, cool. Now. I can't fucking remember where yeah, maybe it was in the way you're in the world
[00:21:48] Guinea Gulch. Yeah, it was in some fucking place where a cop would live and I and there's also in the living room
[00:21:54] Like those Renaissance or couches, you know
[00:22:07] Yeah, like you know when like what what would like one of like a man gave from when you were a kid like yeah
[00:22:13] Yeah, I was like a big screens projection TV no girls. Yeah. Yeah, just a good like a disgusting giant sectional
[00:22:21] Yeah, yeah, and nothing can be moved at all and then a signed copy of blue bloods poster TV show signed blue blood
[00:22:29] By Donor Wahlberg and then signed and then I think are you serious with us up? Yeah, yeah, oh my god
[00:22:33] It's good. Who's again. Selik sign that was that who signed it Selik
[00:22:38] Selik's is selling in blue bloods are yeah, I'm gonna be bloods
[00:22:41] It's funny cuz like blue bloods is a sort about like a cop family and it's like you know a cop dad and his sons of cop
[00:22:47] And now his grandson's a cop, but his dad was a cop and his granddad was a cop
[00:22:52] So the cast is like this 35 generations of cop family and there's you know
[00:22:58] It'll be the old like patriarch cop is like
[00:23:02] This isn't how it was in my day and then an even older man will come around from the corner be like what's that sunny?
[00:23:08] Because you don't know how it was in my day and then a literal corpse will come out behind him and be like who's ha ha
[00:23:17] Being some prehistoric cop language. It doesn't there's fucking like the cop family goes back to I think 1680
[00:23:28] No, I don't have a single cop in my you really yeah, wow my cousin was murdered by the police actually really
[00:23:34] Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's a credit. Well, he had a gun and I think he waved it out
[00:23:41] He was running away and they shot him in the back. Wow big Irish family. No cops
[00:23:46] Yeah, no, but you have like feds in your family though, right?
[00:23:49] I have an uncle that worked at the Pentagon after being in the army. Yeah, and he was probably the one that reported me
[00:23:55] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Philly uncle should we get him should we fucking yeah?
[00:24:00] We should get him dude. We should threaten
[00:24:04] Dude, yeah, we got the power of podcasting on our side. Yeah. Yeah, we got a combination stuff
[00:24:10] What come on do someone's gonna get pink eye one of these days?
[00:24:14] No, you shut up. You're gonna get pink eye to match your pink. Yeah, you're pussy
[00:24:19] Thank you. I remember I called you a row
[00:24:32] McDonald's because you're Ronald McDonald
[00:24:42] Yeah, dude you fucking yeah, I think I got some balloons
[00:24:49] Wait when he said he's moving earlier and he's got to bring his dog with him. It's like oh be careful because she's made out of balloons
[00:24:56] Yeah, and she might pop on the way over to your new place. That's good timing. Yeah, you got that in right at the right
[00:25:02] Hey, buddy. You want hey, I got some extra white face paint for what to that my
[00:25:08] Face hold your clown mom that I got a big tent for over here. Oh, it's as well. No, it's the Democratic Party. Sorry. Sorry guys
[00:25:16] Sorry, sorry guys sorry. Sorry wake up in the morning and your dick is making the sheets. Oh nice
[00:25:26] Good good. Yep. Yep. That's the circus your mom belongs to I love you guys, man. Yeah, dude. We're such good friends
[00:25:41] When you guys you guys uniforms come yet the clown uniforms. Oh, no not yet official Tuesday
[00:25:48] It was supposed to come yesterday. It's not there's not more clown related businesses. I know I thought oh, this is gonna
[00:25:53] Be a good one. I know what I got McDonald's
[00:25:56] Well, that's it. Oh, the only ones with a clown, but Jack in the box. That's not a clown
[00:26:02] It's literally a jack in the box fucking idiot
[00:26:25] Yeah, whoa, do you see that synergy did crazy synergy? Yeah, cuz you said why so serious
[00:26:32] I said the Joker that's the only other clown people can think of yeah, I guess so but you guys maybe technically besides you
[00:26:42] Nice, dude. That's hilarious. They should really they should really stop stop on chapel to just say the clouds. I would love
[00:26:54] Like second only to the brain down episode yeah, exactly you can't you that that's the baseline like you can't go lower
[00:27:00] Oh, I yeah, you can't be the worst. Absolutely not
[00:27:04] It's funny. It's funny that that's the worst one of course way with the brand know about anything nothing
[00:27:13] Oh, you guys see each other at clown school where you went to college is that why you and Brandon did not get
[00:27:19] Anyways, you can't get her the same tiny car. Yeah tiny car. That's good
[00:27:23] I was reading couldn't pass the literacy requirement for clown college
[00:27:28] Whoa, dude bring a fellow clown that's got to be against the clown code of ethics
[00:27:32] No, you got to be able to read an eighth grade level
[00:27:34] It was funny like in 9-11 when they brought in like all the firefighters all the way out from Ohio and like yeah
[00:27:39] And DC wanna help out if you like you know those clown firefighters that they have
[00:27:55] So well, yeah now that I have a room I'm looking forward I got an interior decorate it
[00:28:00] Yeah, I'm gonna help you out with that. I want my design. You're one of your Chinese girlfriends to do Feng Shui in there
[00:28:10] I think it's like ordering things the correct way for like the energy energy flow of the spirits. That's so good
[00:28:17] The ancestors not dude. Yeah, it is you're honestly at a certain point in your life gonna get really into it
[00:28:23] I can assure you I can assure you. No, it doesn't
[00:28:26] Yeah, it does. No more of the purchases. I know you're about purchases, but when you get your own apartment
[00:28:31] You're gonna get really I have my apartment
[00:28:33] When I was 21, I know I know but when you get one dollars a month for one bedroom apartment
[00:28:39] It's pretty nice and imagine that existing still. Yeah, damn dude all of his furniture was pizza boxes
[00:28:46] Yeah stacked high. No, I got a good deal on a
[00:28:54] Like 50 bucks. What pretty good. Yeah, I could do better. No, you can't yeah Craigslist
[00:28:59] Yeah, but especially stop you should be looking right now
[00:29:19] Big moving days today is the last day of the month you should look on craigslist seriously that actually is a good
[00:29:26] He knows deals your boy knows deals. What am I gonna do these prices?
[00:29:31] So crazy you're gonna think I'm mentally retarded folks
[00:29:40] Sale every time has a solo you think I'm retarded
[00:29:45] Yeah, there's like a coked up like fucking deal guy in every single town
[00:29:50] He's there so drool on on most of the furniture. Yes, but ignore that
[00:29:56] Retard your what on is there some drool drool drool. I thought you said drawer
[00:30:01] I thought you said she's drool the rush the she drew look at this fucking should rule over there
[00:30:06] That's that's a Italian. Yeah. No, it's Italian should rule. Yeah, they say in sopranos. Oh, she drew
[00:30:13] Yeah, I'm trying to get my shit. I'm ready to fuck luxuriously now that I have four walls
[00:30:16] Um you should I think do you what kind of mattress you fucking with I have a full I already have a full
[00:30:23] Yeah, you should go queen dude. You're an adult dude
[00:30:25] I wish I just bought the nice mattress that IKEA when I got my bed. What do you have?
[00:30:29] I spent the money on the bed and I'm like fuck I can't believe I'm buying a bed instead of just making it and
[00:30:34] Then you have to get the mattress and I was like I don't want to spend another four. I'm building a bed
[00:30:38] Yeah, so then I just fucking I I paid the money for the cheapest IQ. Oh dude. Oh, that's fucking stupid. Dude upgrade
[00:30:54] Okay back to Adam's Hill corner. Yeah, yeah
[00:30:56] Adam's advice order. Uh-huh guys you spend a third of your life of your as a human being. Yeah, yeah
[00:31:06] Mattress four hours a night. Okay. Fine. Are you one of those guys? Yeah, Nick is one of those John Gruden. I wake up at 4 a.m
[00:31:12] I go for a seven and a half mile run I come back I
[00:31:17] Do another 18 and a half mile. I do a 9k
[00:31:22] You know I case not easy. I write I write encrypted threatening emails to North Korea. Oh, you know
[00:31:29] I try to make that situation worse because I'm hedging I got a bunch of money wound up in Samsung's
[00:31:37] So I figure you create a war on the Korean Peninsula you destroy Samsung
[00:31:43] Suddenly all the Chinese LCD manufacturers. I'm investing in become great option
[00:31:49] I'm getting that Chinese TV because I told you because I've been spreading money into those
[00:31:54] No, cuz it was you don't realize how easy it was for me to because the reviews no I did it's entirely is that's entirely me manipulating the market
[00:32:01] No, it's consumer. How much you call smart money
[00:32:04] No, I just spent a lot of time. I mean that is my nickname that you are to refer to me as
[00:32:09] The rest of our mother fucking smart money over here
[00:32:13] All right, look at this brother a brother small money
[00:32:19] Investor I live right next door or two. There's an old black guy that wears these fuzzy white kangal hats. Hell. Yes
[00:32:25] Yeah, and I want them so bad. Yeah one dude
[00:32:28] Why can't look they're his wait sure imagine if that guy saw me walking out wearing the same
[00:32:36] Oh, yeah, oh no as a coincidence. That's even more
[00:32:41] Like gentrifying the neighbors one thing when you're gonna just like take
[00:32:46] You're ready to do that. I don't what the fuck you talk
[00:32:49] What do you think the track suits are about?
[00:32:51] What do you mean? What do you all would I think I've been wearing track suits for decades track suits are cool, dude
[00:32:56] How many literally decades how many to since that old black guy was like a middle-aged a slightly less old black
[00:33:05] Fuzzy kangals is it news boy or bucket? It's news boy. You should get fuzzy bucket kangals
[00:33:10] I don't want those are tight. I'm trying to go bucket
[00:33:12] I might go bucket, but then like long-sleeve ringer pukashell necklace
[00:33:21] That's a look that's a look 98 forever, baby. That's a look brother
[00:33:26] Yeah, only take pictures of myself in a fish eye lens
[00:33:37] Things a neon green background. Oh, yeah, you know damn dude. I remember I wanted a neon green son five
[00:33:43] Bonnie Pontiac Sunflower so bad dude. That was my shit. Yeah, I want a cool cavalier when I was 14
[00:33:51] Dude, that's what I wanted dude. That was in my dreams
[00:33:54] You know a car. I used to sweat a lot. I went when the when the RSX
[00:33:59] When the integrity whatever the integrity no no the integrity
[00:34:04] What's integrity like an accurate accurate?
[00:34:06] There's an RSX that was like the next I don't know I don't know in the fucking Japanese market with those cars
[00:34:13] The Asian kids in my high school were obsessed with the RSX
[00:34:16] Hmm the Asian kids in high school loved accuracy and break dancing. What about infinities?
[00:34:22] As are cool infinities are Japanese. I like those
[00:34:26] I won't you can't you can't race those you know, they're not race or as
[00:34:30] Accuraries are like more like zippy race cars totally race in me race any car jinx synergy
[00:34:39] I actually said it before nothing synced up about it
[00:34:43] We're on the same cycle, dude. Nice never never in my life would I be synced up with you shut the fuck up
[00:34:51] Beach eyes copying me. Oh, that's true. I said it before you didn't I said you could race any car before you thing and run the
[00:34:58] Disagree run the tape back. I'll run it back. Hold on. Hold on
[00:35:03] I'm just saying actors are more common street racing
[00:35:09] Adam it's me and and I here's me saying the thing a second after you
[00:35:14] The there it is. Whoa to hear that listen to it. Damn. Hold on. Let me write it back a little bit. I'll let me run it back before we
[00:35:28] We're about to record in five minutes. It's exactly
[00:35:37] 355 some 55 p.m. I don't care. I want everyone didn't know I'm gay. I take that as a compliment
[00:35:45] Calling me gay is a compliment Adam would have to record her accidentally said that somehow went into the past
[00:35:51] How did someone like that movie arrival?
[00:35:54] Pretty cool. We got like an inception thing going on
[00:35:57] Yeah, that makes that makes this cool, but I like to refer to as a high concept podcast
[00:36:03] Who is who said that about saying how do the gay or guy than me sneak in here?
[00:36:11] Alright, well there we go. It's back to normal
[00:36:15] We're back to the normal tape. Yeah, so Nick was right
[00:36:32] Way to call you gay and I forgot everything we were talking about it's a compliment guys
[00:36:37] Oh boy. Yeah, I'm thinking about getting into like bi planes, you know that could be my old guy thing
[00:36:44] By planes I'm thinking about some in a metric system an eccentric millionaire not I could see you getting into helicopters
[00:36:50] No, not helicopters by planes like I that's a lot of storage though, bro. Yeah, I'm gonna have like a facility where
[00:37:00] You guys off like I think it would piss you guys off a lot something you're going to do
[00:37:04] Yeah, if I only if I only use the metric system with that really piss you up. Yeah, yeah, what it what what is I'm already doing already?
[00:37:11] Do that yeah, that is dick even measurable in edges. That's a really funny like hipster thing like sorry the rest of the world
[00:37:17] Uses it we got a thing outside of our American
[00:37:19] Well, you that is what you do when you every time you mispronounce something on purpose. You're essentially doing that
[00:37:23] I don't do it on purpose. No, that's like a stupid like you don't even know if it's ironic or not sort of dad joke thing
[00:37:29] No, I don't do that you said lever earlier
[00:37:33] That's how a lot of people call call them. No, it's lever you fucking my parents are from another country
[00:37:38] So you know they pronounce words differently fuck you mine are more than you I was raised in another country
[00:37:43] And I had a different accent for a while when I was a child. I had an accent going into fucking pre-k bitch
[00:37:50] Okay, I had an accent going into kindergarten. I talked like a fucking South African. She has you freaking yeah
[00:37:56] I was like, yeah, this is my mommy and this is my DD
[00:37:59] And you're just pointing to other children
[00:38:01] Other boys did he we go to play house and I am the mummy he put a birthday hit in my ish
[00:38:11] The current and we know the way up to the rubber band
[00:38:17] So please put a cone in me stop eating stops food, please. Thank God finish that stop can't either dude
[00:38:24] He's gonna get him one of the you're those like water dispensers and a hamster cage, but it's just filled with icing
[00:38:29] That was high icing. I don't know so better crocker shit would it be it don't do cream cheese icing
[00:38:37] Please that's your weakness don't do that one or don't do anything with hazelnut
[00:38:42] Fuck dude. I'll just got ice cream and I've been just taking a little spoonful every night
[00:38:50] It's a fucking addiction. I can't help myself dude. We're traveling in all this is also fat. Yeah, yeah
[00:38:55] I'll just it's just tall so he could yeah, it's so annoying stretched out. Yeah, it's so annoying stretch out the fat is shit
[00:39:02] He's fat as shit. Yeah, it's annoying how much easier is to fuck when you're still wear like skinny jeans
[00:39:08] But he chooses it's so funny how much you're like just a fat woman and the way you complain about your interactions with like women
[00:39:14] You think the same exact complaints as a fat woman. Oh no, it's annoying. It's fight. It's these tall bitches
[00:39:20] It is a no much easier. It is to fuck when you're tall. Lindy's dog, dude, huh?
[00:39:25] Lindy stuff. Yeah, you and Lindy are very similar Lindy East over here. Oh damn Lindy eats
[00:39:31] Don't don't fucking burn me by calling me Lindy East. We're gonna roast you dude. We're gonna rotisserie you. Oh, that sounds delicious
[00:39:40] Amber Amber hop on the mic quick before he comes back. Yeah. Yes. All right
[00:39:48] Adam's off the show come our new it doesn't matter
[00:39:58] I am your defender right now. I said they're on a roll and Adam gets in trouble for no no he said Lindy East
[00:40:05] Yeah, which is oh you said Lindy which was the worst one. How about Lindy waste
[00:40:11] You know Easter oh, but then it's large waste like cock. Yeah, that's it's also that. Uh-huh. It's both of them. Okay
[00:40:19] Oh, no, I'm not gonna actually gotta work up the don't don't plug it in motherfucker
[00:40:25] No, they're really on a roll right now. I feel like Amber's contributing a lot to the show right now
[00:40:30] I agree. Why is he silencing women? Yeah, dude be a fucking team player
[00:40:36] Just kind of hang out, you know, you can play crash band the coo or someone
[00:40:39] For you look there's another donut you can eat. Yeah, just eat the donut
[00:40:46] No one can hear you man. You're off the mic. Yeah
[00:40:52] He said that this hurts his feelings guys in a gay way by the way in case you were wondering well
[00:40:57] I guess if I have to concede to male tears here. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead give them the mic back
[00:41:03] When's the last time you cried? I don't know
[00:41:06] Have you ever oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, they cried at the
[00:41:17] Poetry. Yeah. Yeah, seven. Yeah, seven was good dude. I cried at the end of passing through seven
[00:41:24] Hell yeah, dude. When did I cry not? I mean not a lot. It was just like
[00:41:28] You know, yeah the duration of the movie
[00:41:38] Was when I was a kid there was some other kid telling the story about his mom being like a bitch and crying at trailers
[00:41:43] At her crying at movies and she cried at the trailer to gladiator. Oh, no, it's like a brief you to gladiator. Yeah, dude
[00:41:51] Dude that should said they killed I just said that should piss me off when I look over at a movie and my mom was crying
[00:41:57] My mom my mom just falls asleep fucking hate that shit
[00:42:12] Hate that shit. I cannot wait damn the poor woman that marries you dude. Have you ever seen no mother crying?
[00:42:18] I'm not gonna fucking marry anybody. You're right. I'm so glad I've never seen my father cry
[00:42:22] You know, she's my dad cry apparently you cried when the dog died
[00:42:26] But I was a therefore oh my dad would cry every time we'd leave Greece
[00:42:40] Crying though you cried when when Eldis cut off access to that ice cream. No, I would though yesterday
[00:42:45] You've been taking tiny tiny tablespoons of my a screen
[00:43:05] He's gonna be legitimately mad from your one
[00:43:10] Um, so I was your last cry hmm. I was recent, but I can't remember why
[00:43:26] Bobby didn't return your phone call no no
[00:43:34] He's a audience isn't familiar. Stop is on a first-name basis with a baby. What's wrong with having baby friends
[00:43:41] I like babies man. Yeah, let's think let's list off all the babies your friends with the one that's the son of the guy
[00:43:47] You're trying to get one from Sophia. That's it. That's the end. No. Yeah Sophia. That's not my brother's god
[00:43:55] Daughter. Yeah, right. What's Sophia's last name?
[00:43:57] Copeland tell the right. Yeah, I want the people look it up. You don't even know that they can't look up a baby
[00:44:05] You live up the fuck it you can look up their fucking get that baby fired
[00:44:12] From the strip club where the baby works
[00:44:14] Fuck you guys. I cried for a really gay reason you guys are welcome to make fun of me. Let's hear it
[00:44:19] No, let's how about let's not so his story just bombs. That's funny. All right. Go ahead tell it
[00:44:24] I was like on the train and one of those single like like string Chinese violin guys
[00:44:29] Was playing all playing zine like around New Year's and I don't know why but I just started crying
[00:44:35] It was really emotional. Yeah, that's a really funny story. It's not funny. Dude. I just I was being open with my friends
[00:44:41] You're being open. Yeah, like your asshole with men
[00:44:46] Guys, I'm just stopping up stops ignoring the show to look at historic photos
[00:44:56] How's it feel boys it feels really bad actually I'm always a dr
[00:44:59] I'm looking at stuff that's important for the show. No, you're not almost never me. You did it first
[00:45:05] You always you are I'm not even on social media anymore. You're on Instagram somehow you're DMing
[00:45:10] I'm DMing with the fans. I'm DMing with that guy with PTSD that has to message me all the time
[00:45:15] Shut up. He's a good guy. Yeah, he's a good guy of DSPTSD. Whatever dude. He's happy that makes that means
[00:45:22] He's disabled and therefore an enemy of our
[00:45:28] Dude, I will be clear to everyone who listens to this I fucking walk motherfucker
[00:45:35] Everywhere I go. I'm an able-bodied individual and I'm proud of it
[00:45:39] You're proud of it. What the fuck we have a body pride handicap pride parades
[00:45:45] I see him wheeling these motherfuckers down the street. I have one seat
[00:45:50] Once here we got to have the fucking handicap pride parade. Where's the parade for people who you can use their legs?
[00:45:58] Yeah, don't say that's every other parade because it's not
[00:46:01] Yeah, there are typically a lot of amputees of the quarter isn't a per haven people who can walk entertainment television
[00:46:10] Channel with just oh we got because people would say it's fucked up if you had a show where people are just walking around all the time
[00:46:16] Just close up shots you ease bending the right way literally go to jail
[00:46:23] Channel so you know what is annoying the the just the footage of fat people walking whenever there's
[00:46:41] Having diarrhea in their pants probably right now
[00:46:44] Super parade see they're incapable of properly wiping my poor people dude. I'm a fat. I'm a fat fucking activist
[00:46:51] I'm proud. It's funny to think that like there's like that is beautiful. There's like a little there's 11
[00:46:56] Inches in between the end of Stav's ass and his actual asshole and so the cross section
[00:47:03] I would say closer to six now where he has to like wipe that he misses all the time
[00:47:08] I'm a very clean asshole. You can't get all the sides. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean
[00:47:18] I kind of want to stop a lesson here and be like you know what Nick
[00:47:21] That's not nice, you know and stick up for my friend stop. Oh Nick is making fun of him. Shut up bitch
[00:47:27] Yeah, that would be a fucking bitch ass thing to do
[00:47:38] Hey, what the hell you long ass crack motherfucker you have a long ass bitch just you got a tiny little ass
[00:47:45] You know you got a small you got a small little crack of my I was looking at I was looking at Randall in his pictures the other day
[00:47:55] Oh, yeah, I love Randall and there's a comment from some guy that I got her. It's the funniest fucking shit
[00:48:07] Yeah, what is it with the come from Johnny Morris Beckton white 252 my wet dream came true
[00:48:17] I'm a bust a nut all over that fat white perfect voluptuous gigantic thick bazooka bubble bubble goddess ass god damn
[00:48:37] That wasn't enough for him he had another comment after that I love you baby
[00:48:41] I don't give a fuck what anybody says 220% keep it up do your thing baby mama hell
[00:48:49] Everyone right pretty ass love your body and blah blah blah and not just imagine how to fuck you could be able to fuck this woman
[00:49:02] I was wondering you know when like porn stars like put them like a clip of them sucking dick on their Twitter
[00:49:07] Sure, and then they have like like 2,000 retweets. Mm-hmm. Like who's retweeting that on their page?
[00:49:13] Like people that are really about that life. I mean horny like
[00:49:18] Retarded guys it's retarded guys. There's a lot of yeah
[00:49:21] There's a lot of retard dudes are big fans of uh, they just want like Lisa Anne sucking a dick on their page
[00:49:26] Yeah, they're fit you know, and it's like it's like an innocent thing
[00:49:30] You know they're interacting their favorite stars my favorite is the ones that are like I would be good to you guys
[00:49:37] Yeah, yeah your body is unreal. That's definitely not a bad thing if I was your man
[00:49:42] I would keep a smile on my face every time I slept behind you. I can only hope that you're in is just as beautiful as your
[00:49:51] Besides your butt you are very beautiful
[00:49:53] I love these guys shot in fat ass Instagram models
[00:50:00] This is gonna work dude. It's gonna work. Whose ass is manically huge. Yeah
[00:50:05] How many followers is she have I don't know like a million that's awesome. Yeah, if she's she doing like uh if she doing like fucking ads and shit
[00:50:13] No, she's gonna blow she's tonight. It's not gonna do anything with this. You know
[00:50:18] Did you try to start a music career? No, she was on tosh
[00:50:33] Yeah, I did you not I don't understand how you could not it's all poses, dude
[00:50:38] If you saw her just wearing sweats at Target, she would not look hot
[00:50:41] It's like she's like naked and like making her ass like good
[00:50:44] But she's just like looks like any lady in suburban America. No, are you?
[00:50:47] What are you talking about her ass like I think it would be like a geometry issue to get your ass your dick get your dick in
[00:50:55] Yeah, you couldn't butt fucker easily dude those fat ass cheeks will do that did the doctors figure out what's wrong yet
[00:51:11] I'm gambling I'm gambling I might get herpes. Yeah
[00:51:28] When's the last time you like this guy old the dice your friend dank Lord? Can we fuck please Wilson dick pick
[00:51:35] I fuck you from behind as I fuck your ass crack
[00:51:44] The hot dog in the gun go on come down and fuck Nick Mullen
[00:51:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah, who said in the emojis are the wrench the train the eggplant squirting and then the wink
[00:51:57] I love it. That's right. I hit HM LM 2020 shout out to shout out to HM LM 69 420
[00:52:05] Yeah, dude if you guys if you could also get my beautiful wife Julia Vins to come on the podcast. Yes
[00:52:12] Ignored my English. Yeah, she speaks English pretty well unless I'm she lives in Russia in Russia. Yeah, we'll get her over
[00:52:19] Well, no, we can't see her now because of sorry guys. I want Julia to be
[00:52:27] Strangled me to death. Have you ever seen like muscle girl?
[00:52:29] I want to accidentally look at Julia on the train and then have her you know
[00:52:34] So I must crush you and then break my just ring the my neck
[00:52:39] Just murder me in front of everyone I saw like a female my face off with her
[00:52:44] Rippling deltoids. I saw a female bodybuilder porn once and emotionless the entire time the way that we're fucking dull face
[00:52:54] Not a single twitch and she does have like a
[00:52:58] Little girls are back to the rest of the train where her eyes move first and then her head
[00:53:07] Would you fuck her like bicep like between like if she like folded her arm down first of all it's not what I wouldn't there would be
[00:53:14] No consent on my part. Mmm. You you're having rape fantasies. Yeah. Yeah. Is that what it is? But the good kind
[00:53:20] I mean you can fantasize and not want to that's a fetish. That's an accepted fetish sure you wouldn't know
[00:53:27] Yeah, I don't know she doesn't pretty face though. She has like she looks like a 16 year old like
[00:53:33] She looks like she's 20 and she is is she 20? Yeah, it's like 2021 how much can she so you find 16 year old?
[00:53:40] Very like 600 pounds five 600 pounds 600 pounds. Yeah, she is like huge numbers
[00:53:45] 600 dude. She's jacked if you see I've seen the pictures like fun leith eyes
[00:53:52] She is she looks like a fucking a good Photoshop. Yeah, I think Russian teens though get put on like HGH and shit
[00:53:58] Oh, yeah, there's just like Russian teen bodybuilders that look like they're fucking did almost 30 years old, right?
[00:54:04] Yeah, you know speaking of that age your face hard. Well, you get if you're on HGH you can get a what is it?
[00:54:11] Acromegaly which is the growth. It's like it usually happens if you have a pituitary tumor
[00:54:17] Which you know like all the super tall people have it like yowling has yeah, Tony Robbins probably was on his teeth
[00:54:24] Yeah, but she wasn't we had a pituitary deficiency
[00:54:28] Yeah, you know the story that causes it like the amount of HGH
[00:54:33] They give you if you have a growth deficiency doesn't match the amount of GH
[00:54:37] It would be in your body if you had like some fucked up thing happen here, but to it yeah
[00:54:41] So acromegaly makes your hands enormous in your jaw real big like Tony Robbins. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's gigantic system, right?
[00:54:48] Just your hands in your own. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what about your hard cock. No, sorry stop
[00:54:53] There's never gonna be a cure. There's never gonna be a way to fix your disease
[00:54:57] It's first of all my penis is fine, but I'd like to you know his lump it up around
[00:55:02] It's just ugly it is first vote is not if anything. It's just looking it's aesthetically beautiful
[00:55:08] It's pretty fucking terrible. It's it's almost worth it July a couple years ago. Oh, yeah
[00:55:13] That's right Nick came and help me do it. Help me do a fucking boomerang
[00:55:17] I think out. I like to imagine this guy's British sexy big bottom you have my dear
[00:55:28] You know dick is is like red right there all yeah women really like a red color pal. It's not red
[00:55:35] It's darker though. It's olive baby. Yes is olive. Yeah, if anyone's a little Mediterranean dick
[00:55:46] Pinkie I started calling my dick my pinkie
[00:56:02] And it was a mistake Adam. What do you mean? It was mistake like it was a fly. What it be a mistake because you're caught up in the moment
[00:56:10] Oh, cuz you get a STD is that we know you know pregnant you rolled the dice
[00:56:15] I've gotten someone pregnant before and I know that yeah, you got to go play and be a dude how many?
[00:56:27] You know but the first part of pregnancy what are you talking about you know the first part?
[00:56:32] Is that what you guys call certain don't they call if you baked don't gay guys called bear-backing breeding?
[00:56:41] Cream pie what is cream pie technically is when you come in the pussy and see it goes out
[00:56:47] Yeah, it comes out. I mean just coming in the in it is cream pieing yeah
[00:56:51] This is what Adam says that would look like any other woman in the mall. Oh my god
[00:56:56] You're out of your fucking mind. Let me see your ass is so weird. No, it's not weird. Yeah, his weird weird
[00:57:03] Dude, it's not weird. It's like you put two different people together
[00:57:06] You guys just don't understand extremes. This is why you never had it in you to be real alcoholics
[00:57:12] That's true. I don't know food addiction and whatever at amber's eating looks delicious. Whatever cheese that is fuck
[00:57:20] Oh, it looks delicious. Oh, there's some kind of good cheese. I can tell thank you. It looks nice a soft cheese bitch
[00:57:28] I would love first. Well, I love she do that's not hot. It is
[00:57:32] It looks like her ass is melting into the floor
[00:57:37] Disgusting all right, that's your rules. You know what I do find hot that good defense dude good god
[00:57:42] I mean crazy. I like a nice watermelon herb butter bean bag, you know
[00:57:52] You see those vids in the in the like buff girl porn videos. They fuck the biceps
[00:57:57] They like the guys that I don't want to fuck up
[00:57:59] They make the girl they make a nice bend her arm back and then they fuck her between her forearm and her bicep
[00:58:05] What is that's crazy? That's like the what the fetishes is that dudes are in that are into that
[00:58:10] I just want to fuck like power. Yeah. Yeah, they just want to fucking arms. They want to fuck a powerful arm
[00:58:16] Yeah, I mean it I'm not into that and no I want I want to fuck soft I clicked on the vid though
[00:58:21] I don't want to fuck hard things. I like soft. Would you fuck to these three-tint woman from yes from total recall
[00:58:29] That's that's what randalin is no more ass. No
[00:58:33] It'd be like if she had three ass cheeks. That's the comp would know that would I would not be into three ass
[00:58:39] I'm really big. I'm saying that there are so many fucking suburban ass moms at fucking
[00:58:48] Like that is why I want to focus my you're wrong about this theory. No people look like that
[00:58:53] People have huge asses dude, but we just live in New York where people are like don't have that big
[00:58:59] I'm just mad because I'm actually being bossy body positive and not just being horny
[00:59:04] I'm I think you're being horny. I'm sure I'm being worried, but I'm reserving my horniness for a special case when it's based on principle
[00:59:12] No, it's called a very principle type of absolutely
[00:59:16] Strange you fucking know this is what this is it's called prex book weird horniness
[00:59:22] Yeah, we're like you just want to fuck something so strange and you can't help it. It's just yeah
[00:59:26] You want to fuck a tumor literally no not it okay first of all Julia not a tumor Julie is very strong
[00:59:32] Yeah, exactly that makes sense. You want to fuck something strong or disgusting
[00:59:40] So you admit it he admits it I mean it's disgusting. I don't admit that it's not attractive
[00:59:45] There's sure the two are mutually yeah, I like a nice trashy gal if you once in a while
[00:59:50] What's like have you ever felt yeah tits before kind of like a nice hot bellies woman looks like she got kids
[00:59:56] Navy that's mine sort of have you felt like a belly, but not a pot belly. Yeah kicked out of the Navy for drinking
[01:00:05] You know one of the women that was fighting in the UFC yesterday straight up look like Bobby Kennedy it was awesome
[01:00:10] She just had a candidate. Yeah, she had like a fucking shot to uh to the gettin shot to death crew. Yeah
[01:00:17] Killed Robert Kennedy both Robert and jet Jeff Kennedy
[01:00:30] Kennedy the libertarian lady mm-hmm. Oh she libertarian or she just goes on Fox News
[01:00:36] I think it's a libertarian should know she has a show on Fox News. She has a show she'd be on MTV show
[01:00:41] Kennedy I don't know I don't know cable. Yeah, you only watch Rachel Maddow
[01:00:47] You're you're sourced. I want you to be in your cloned from I watch that from personal for personal reasons
[01:00:54] She was like I have a faxes. What is dumb and it was like a page from this tax and I said the smoking gun is
[01:01:01] Fucking tax return that was clearly planted by someone from
[01:01:05] She keeps catching else like it's it's the last like six months the Russia shit
[01:01:12] She like keeps fucking up. Yeah, and and now it is the most highly rated crime time
[01:01:19] New show on cable news is it's probably gonna get taken down for being like sexually aggressive towards some other woman
[01:01:25] I think she's interrelation. Oh, there we go. No, she's she's too powerful powerful people can't help it be fucking horny
[01:01:34] Stop trying to eat cheese. That looks good. Dude. She's looks good. You're like a big you like a big rat
[01:01:40] I'd accept that like a big fat overweight rat
[01:01:44] We got it when you said big you have to explain you're always late for something. That's not what rats do
[01:01:49] I just want another insult that cracker. I'm late for my appointment. What kind of appointment with the
[01:02:11] Damn, we're really we're this thing you era dude. We're back to basics. Not none of these funny
[01:02:17] Smart jokes. I'm a good one on the last one. I feel yeah, I'll be somewhere in there. I said something clever
[01:02:23] Yeah, yeah, I'm back to sorry, but I got high last night and then this morning
[01:02:30] I can't stop laughing about the idea of a bunch of old black women sitting around watching local news
[01:02:35] And there's a story about a little boy that's missing and then one of them says
[01:02:52] That little boy done got fucked that poor child that
[01:02:56] That baby that baby got his little penis that baby somebody does suck that boy dick
[01:03:05] Why that's funny to me. I love it. It's an image immediately in my head
[01:03:09] Yeah, I've been saying it over and over again for like two days now. I can't get it's in one of those like churches in
[01:03:16] Baltimore that was just an abandoned building
[01:03:25] It's the it's the black it's in that church that junior wanders into remember in the sopranos where
[01:03:31] Junior has that fucking oh, yeah when he's going mental. Yeah, and he goes to the old fucking building and it's a black church now
[01:03:40] Yeah, good old June good old uncle June, which by the way you want to see fucking sing twice we can go
[01:03:47] We can go man. It's every Friday morning. You know, it's so funny
[01:03:50] As you got that picture of you being an asshole to him. Oh, yeah
[01:03:53] He's a little bit of a talkin. He's like yeah, no, no asshole. You've yeah, that's I'm not a NASA guy
[01:04:00] That's something for content ass is gonna go laugh at no
[01:04:03] I asked him if I could post aging old man. I showed it to him and I asked him if I could post it
[01:04:08] He said yeah, he says funny doesn't mean it's not rude. He didn't say it was funny
[01:04:11] No, he told me he has tremendous respect for my work. He did not say you didn't ask him and I quote
[01:04:19] Miss Maddow. I have tremendous respect for your work. No, no, he was chill
[01:04:24] I told him I came from Brooklyn to see the show and he was like you appreciated it. No, I didn't I
[01:04:29] Want to go man. What the fuck we talked about this three years ago. Do you remember?
[01:04:33] It wasn't three years ago. No, no before I moved motherfucker. It was about a year ago
[01:04:37] I remember it was for you were 30 years old before you were 30
[01:04:40] I can't remember anything from before they go a 30 year old man that goes around doing goof him up
[01:04:45] So on Instagram with aging sopranos actors. You're gonna go harass some senior citizen. Oh, yeah
[01:04:56] Really Twitter. Yeah, yeah, he loves Trump. So is a Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank
[01:05:02] I yeah, I follow him on Instagram. The point is you betrayed me by going twice, dude. That's fucked up. Yeah, okay
[01:05:07] Let's talk about it years ago. I was so excited. Yeah, not not an invite anywhere. Well, uh, we can go
[01:05:17] It looks fine. It came up off the top of my lip and now it looks weird looks fine. Yeah, you look fine, dude
[01:05:23] Just shave it off, dude. Do something new do something new dude. I did I gotta have the moustache grow your hair all the way out
[01:05:29] It is all the way out. No, I get get shoulder length
[01:05:32] That would be cool. That would be cool. Yeah, I did get a little I had a French girl bombs
[01:05:37] I got a but that's that picture that I post all the time is when I got a Bob
[01:05:42] Yeah, but do it better didn't get a Bob your hair just grew out for no
[01:05:46] I got a pop you went to a haircut place and said cut my hair in a Bob
[01:05:49] No, I said that oh no you didn't get a Bob
[01:05:52] I had long hair and I said can I can you cut it off my shoulders?
[01:05:56] So we cut the back part and the front part was still long so you didn't get a Bob
[01:06:00] That's a different it was a Bob so you got a haircut look at a picture. That's not a boat that haircut
[01:06:06] It was a Bob a hundred percent. It was a Bob Bob's more symmetrical than that
[01:06:10] You don't know what the fuck you're doing with you motherfucker. Oh, okay. Oh, all right
[01:06:14] I've since been home googling hair. Yeah, if anything if anyone thinks about hair
[01:06:18] It's me motherfuckers. I think about what I would look like with every haircut there ever was
[01:06:23] Every day of my life. I wish I could have you could have hair back
[01:06:26] But the only type of area you could have is a jerry girl hundred percent. Are you out of your fucking mind?
[01:06:31] Forever yes, you can never end the G. You can't shave your head. Dude. It's stuck permanently
[01:06:36] Absolutely. Why wouldn't he do that anything's better than this you would look you
[01:06:42] I mean you already look like a rapist, but you would really look like a rapist
[01:06:46] You would not be getting late if you had a jerry girl
[01:06:48] I would interpret it as a funny bit if you had a
[01:06:53] Jerry curl come on who who among us could pull up a job?
[01:06:57] What if what if just for fashion you wore judges wigs I would do that would be pretty cool
[01:07:03] And then you have like a big-ass lollipop. Yeah
[01:07:11] And you tied a bow around your neck yeah, that's you would look so bad. I would look incredible
[01:07:17] You look like a labrador I would get I would get fucking gold chains like a bulldog
[01:07:24] Like oh that fucked up dog is having trouble breathing well that sounds adorable a fucking labrador bulldog
[01:07:31] Thank you. Yeah, thank you for that compliment and I don't like because that was a call. Hey, do you bowl bowl of do go?
[01:07:38] Blue Google blue go go go go go go go yeah well, you know, she's a beluga
[01:07:43] That's the thing that's specific to their breed dog
[01:07:47] I'm getting a fucking jerry curl a fucking gold bigger hoop earring better than Adams a gold tooth and chains
[01:07:53] And I'll look like just Euro trash once this heels. I'm gonna get gold rose gold a stud hoop
[01:08:00] I'm having my entire body removed and replaced with PlayStation VR
[01:08:05] I'm gonna get fucking uploaded Nick is only gonna fucking exist in the cloud
[01:08:10] That is your fucking destiny. I would love that shit dude. If I could just become a virus
[01:08:19] Fuck dude, I hope that happens by the time you happen to Nick dude
[01:08:23] He's fucking malware now. Yeah, no, we're dude. He's the human the human fucking I don't have a dick anymore
[01:08:29] But the trade-off is I can speak Russian
[01:08:36] Another one of my hypothetical boys. It's good Tommy Pope posted the the lineup of our unwrapped showcase when we were in Montreal
[01:08:43] Fucking five years ago or whatever and look at this headshot like it didn't even look at like me at the time. Oh
[01:08:50] My god, you know weird gay you look like a fucking a college wrestler. Yeah
[01:08:56] You look like you were sucked off. Oh, I've seen that box job before
[01:08:59] Yeah, your neck looks weirdly strong in it. Who else I used to be pretty Jack back down who else was already? Yeah
[01:09:07] I want to see was on that lineup. Yeah, it doesn't look like you. I didn't look bad
[01:09:12] That was my old headshot. Yeah, you look like a like a high school wrestler
[01:09:17] That's I just I know I know yeah Adam Adam is in one year out the mouth. I know is with this guy
[01:09:27] I know is that your new your new strategy just saying that you know that you did it
[01:09:31] That's not true dude. Nick does the Gary Shandling bit once every episode which one did it full credit for it
[01:09:38] To the I've never even seen I don't even know who Gary Shandling is shut the fuck up. I literally don't know who you're talking
[01:09:44] So you're making some shit up and it's not really watching Gary Shandling a Ricky Gervais interview watching Charlie
[01:09:53] Put my finger when you shut the fuck up walk in you go. Oh, is this Charlie bit my finger?
[01:09:58] Yeah, he bites his finger and completely we didn't know what the fuck was gonna happen
[01:10:06] By having some film reference. Oh, yeah, I already saw this you should have you seen it with the commentary by Ang Lee
[01:10:12] It's great. Oh, it's one of the best movies ever that is movie opinion
[01:10:18] Mention anything in the Criterion collection. Oh, it's great. It's the greatest movie ever. I've ever seen that's not true
[01:10:26] Armageddon it's in the criteria collection it is
[01:10:30] It actually yes. Yes. It is it's by number 40. I think no
[01:10:34] Yeah, why is there the criteria in collection because it is like it's a good movie because the Criterion collection is about
[01:10:40] Like movies that define a genre. Mm-hmm. And that's like disaster moving
[01:10:46] Well, Armageddon is the peak Michael Bay big budget
[01:10:51] United which really defines the 90s in terms of those blockbuster movies is movies where they say fuck you to the idea of hiring
[01:10:58] Like a consultant part of the reason and Amber's gonna roll her eyes because I was just bitching about arrival last night
[01:11:04] I a while dude. I was pretty fucking mad because I thought arrival was fucking terrible and I was passengers last night
[01:11:11] Which critics hated which passage the little Jody Foster? No, no stop
[01:11:18] What's the one where Jody Foster does a fucking that's pain. I mean you're thinking of
[01:11:25] Wait, so untacked wait, what what is that movie? I haven't seen it so passengers is Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence
[01:11:30] But there was buzz about it two years ago because that was the movie that came or it was a greenlit right after Jennifer Lawrence is like
[01:11:37] Women don't get paid enough in Hollywood thing
[01:11:40] Yeah, so she got 20 million for that movie as opposed to Chris Pratt's 13 million or whatever it was
[01:11:45] Yeah for a sci-fi romance movie, which is is it Dennis Villeneuve the same guy. No, no, no
[01:11:53] Dennis did arrival and he's doing the new fucking
[01:11:57] The blade running yeah, yeah, um, I think he's good though
[01:12:02] I don't he didn't write a rival did I think he's good too, but the problems I had with the rival is the cario too
[01:12:08] It problems I have with the rival the same problems I had with inception is that it's not actually a smart movie
[01:12:13] I never saw there's plenty of plot holes if you want to fucking nitpick the way people will nitpick about other movies
[01:12:18] That don't try to be smart. They're just trying to fucking entertain you like Armageddon you're saying like like
[01:12:27] But Armageddon was a different kind like arrival. They're like, okay
[01:12:30] We're gonna make this like what if a linguist actually did interact with these fucking aliens like the 90s
[01:12:36] The thought process was like well, yeah, we're not gonna hire consultants because they're not good storytellers
[01:12:41] So we don't give a shit how this actually works. What would be a badass movie? Oh, yeah, we're gonna take oil rig guys
[01:12:47] Yeah, teach them how to become astronauts
[01:12:49] And it's like it's still required. It's such a fuck you to reality just for this dumb setup
[01:12:56] Yeah, but it still ends up being like a pretty entertaining movie if Armageddon game one now
[01:13:01] I would sit down and watch it just because I know it's a big loud piece of shit and it costs a lot of money
[01:13:06] Yeah, it costs a lot of money. I fuck with that. Yeah, I agree with you
[01:13:10] Um, I think that the 90s were also a time for like a lot of disaster movies, right?
[01:13:23] Yeah, what are the other ones? There's fucking
[01:13:30] So that's why I was in the criteria on collection
[01:13:33] Probably something like that. I guess what I'm saying is they should put passengers in the pre you liked passengers
[01:13:39] I thought it was much better than people gave it credit for it's not good by any means, but it's made it
[01:13:44] I don't know you keep fucking asking me out. I don't know. I forgot that I asked you
[01:13:55] He's the bitch I'm not the bitch. It's you I am not
[01:14:00] Oh, I'm not the bitch. No, it's you absolutely the bitch. Why am I the bitch?
[01:14:04] I will fucking cut your mike. So goddamn fast and never turn over again
[01:14:09] Why we're gonna give your mike to Phyllis the shittiest of the cats
[01:14:14] Why would you the one with no personality that's who's getting the mic
[01:14:19] You know, it's out of use the bathroom doesn't throw up, but she doesn't have a personality. She's a feminazi earnest is personality
[01:14:26] Just being a fat guy though. Ernest is just old and disabled. Yep
[01:14:30] What a good cat and his ears scapped up. Yes, you're fucked up. Did he was he getting fights?
[01:14:37] No, you like choose on his ears or some shit. I can't fit his fucking
[01:14:43] He gets sunburned on his ears. He just sleeps at that window
[01:14:49] Hey, that's the shit I put on my balls. Yeah, stop guys. Stop literally gets diaper rash
[01:14:55] I know I brought that up. I got in front of the story
[01:14:59] Mm-hmm like Scaramucci, right guys. Did he get the mood story?
[01:15:03] Did he look before he was he missed his child. He would told everybody listen
[01:15:08] I'm Italian by the way before he tries to reveal that negative a secret about me. Oh
[01:15:17] So now you got to move at him. What are you gonna do? I have to move dude. I gotta go
[01:15:24] I'm not moving furniture. I'm moving. I'm just emptying my bedroom out to give to my sister
[01:15:28] I'm leaving all the furniture in my bedroom. Oh, you got that's the yeah, you just got to pack like three dresses
[01:15:34] I'm trying to like organize my life get rid of clothes that I don't wear. That's what I did yesterday
[01:15:37] Yeah, all of your mail presenting clothes
[01:15:42] Yeah, I've weird like more of just you to say stuff
[01:15:45] Three months all your Thomas the tank engine dress
[01:15:48] How would you guys feel if I only use the metric system and exclusively wore karate geese?
[01:15:56] hilarious the magic system thing is actually realistic
[01:16:00] When was that thing we were talking about about the guys on the varsity karate team? Yeah varsity karate
[01:16:04] Yeah, I'm varsity karate four years is where I walk around with like letterman jackets, but then like no shoes on
[01:16:10] classes I call yeah, everybody wanted to be like the varsity karate guys
[01:16:22] T. We just better than any sketch you've ever come up with no dude. What about the one we're Ben Franklin Fox?
[01:16:27] Yeah, that's hilarious. Thank you. It's what if he did that in real life. I just pick yeah, right?
[01:16:32] Let's pick a guy and then make him horny. Yep. Thank you. You're not making him horny. He already was one. Yeah, it's called heightening
[01:16:40] All right heightening you're heightening to the reality
[01:16:43] Maybe you're familiar with should I do those teeth whitening strips? Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I want to do that soon
[01:16:49] That's a brain and wall spit. Isn't it? Yeah, you just stole that from Brennan. Well fuck. I'm sitting too close to Adam
[01:16:54] I don't think that he stole Adam quietly whispering other people's
[01:17:12] Oh, yeah, the oval teen is a classic bit
[01:17:17] Well, this one pretty good at what was a really good app?
[01:17:21] I love one more slamming bit. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's riff one out. I don't care if we need to sit here in silence for the next 15 minutes
[01:17:29] Okay, one until I think of it. I made a promise to myself. Let me look through my phone and and to uphold and defend
[01:17:38] the rights and the privileges and the freedoms of
[01:17:44] From the uniformed men and women of the combat proud services who have the United States uniform tactical combat units
[01:17:53] Who let John Cena in here? I don't know that that is the best video that's ever just a yeah, I
[01:17:59] Went back and watch that video. You got it pretty much spot on when you get on the podcast. I thought you were just riffing
[01:18:05] Exactly what he said that is a credo that I have adopted from the men and women of the US Armed Forces
[01:18:11] And I'm proud to say that we have compromised
[01:18:21] Yeah, and then it cuts those people that are like confused
[01:18:31] No shoes no Osama mmm. I think the next great American bit. Let's all right here. We give it up
[01:18:38] How about like a mucin X months it's like a mucin X commercial yeah
[01:18:42] And so it's like a bright like a white maybe white or brown version of the mucin X monster and he's like hey
[01:18:50] And then you know is like the wife mucus is there and she's like you know
[01:18:55] You're making too much noise already and then he's like you know now this is where I live
[01:19:00] He's like getting comfortable and like scratching at the walls and then it's like
[01:19:04] You know you think it's a music X guy be like yeah, I'm John McCain's brain tumor. Oh
[01:19:13] Political it's a political bit. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I like that brain tumor. I think that's I think we got it
[01:19:19] See that's like a little brain tumors like I hate poor
[01:19:25] Hey, quesadiche yes quesadiche that should do it boys
[01:19:41] Oh, it's an Italian time brain tumor. Oh, cuz we're like the music you never see a mucin X
[01:19:46] Yeah, it's an it's an ex booger something piece of mucus
[01:19:49] How about Wallace and Gromit, but they're both John McCain's brain. Oh
[01:19:54] And they go to the moon. Yeah, yes. Oh cool
[01:19:57] All right, John McCain went to the moon
[01:20:01] Did he yeah, he's one Vietnam. He went to the moon
[01:20:05] Yeah, that's how bad he was a flying. Yeah, he was supposed to be
[01:20:12] What a fucking that does rule it is fucking hilarious. Well, I don't know why zero cuz he got captured personally
[01:20:22] Fucking date raping people on the yachts during the dad. No, that's like you there's some Donald Trump quote where he's like
[01:20:30] He's like he's like my version of like PTSD is all the pussy. I got it
[01:20:35] He's like I should get yeah, like VA benefits for like the SES up. Oh, we got more pussy
[01:20:41] Is some quote like that a camera? Oh man that fucking rocks dude. He was right on a rack
[01:20:46] He was right on the Vietnam War. Yeah, he keeps getting it right. He's right about this trans in the military thing
[01:20:51] You know when he's right. Let's when he's right is right
[01:20:54] You know, yeah, I don't know about that. It's too distracting. Oh, you don't know about that
[01:20:58] I had a I disagree. I'm tired of this idea that being a draft Dodger is a bad thing. Why are you dangin?
[01:21:03] Why are you dangin Trump on that? I agree, dude?
[01:21:05] Why should we why should we attack him for not fighting in the stupid war and right now exactly? I agree
[01:21:11] Oh, that's what I was just saying. That's what I was saying before that. No actually I
[01:21:29] This is our 25th episode by the way, it's the 25th episode
[01:21:37] We've had way more than I'm talking about on the podcast app on the on the I'd count
[01:21:43] Yeah, but I lost count at one point so it dropped off like 15 numbers
[01:21:47] No, it's numbered next to you. I messed up and I did it wrong. No, it's the the iTunes numbers
[01:21:53] I don't think it does. No, you didn't. Yes. I really don't think it does
[01:21:56] To put it in the titles, but it actually numbers in it. I'm gonna look right now look it up now
[01:22:01] My name is not in the show description by the way. Yeah, doesn't case your name will never be attached to the show
[01:22:13] It looks like we're on 62 we're on 62 because it's numbered. Thank you
[01:22:17] So we've already done more than a big surprise Adam loves counting a new type of homework for him to do
[01:22:22] Show everyone how smart he is. I have to my account
[01:22:27] All right, fine. I have to be out of my eyes. We're see moving to the circus. Oh
[01:22:40] You're gonna fucking move into a goddamn. Don't forget what a circle on it. That's on fire
[01:22:45] Yeah, it's on fire. Don't forget your to your pies. It was shaving cream. Yeah with a stupid flower on your head
[01:22:52] No forget that shit because I really have to move