Cum Town | Regular | 08/10/2017
[00:00:07] Started a while. Yeah, oh really podcast. Mm-hmm. Did we get the thing where I called Adam a Jewish?
[00:00:13] I said, yeah, you're a jap. No, no, no, we're getting pussy. No, I was holding the microphone. So it's just a little bit of silence. Oh
[00:00:20] Well anyway guys. Well, I had that really good one. I like it
[00:00:24] I like it because like I don't know how to remove the noise floor
[00:00:27] Mm-hmm. So it's kind of like when you start the podcast and there's silence. It's like you get that warmth of a vinyl record
[00:00:33] Oh, yeah, yeah, people think about you know. Oh, yeah, you got a time. Mm-hmm. You got a vision that are happening
[00:00:41] Falls coming up the fall is coming. We are a year we are trying to get all of our pods on vinyl
[00:00:47] We're almost 30 now you gotta listen us on an analog stick back on all the relationships you've been through
[00:00:53] I think I fucked up. Oh, give a shit anymore. Yep. They don't care
[00:00:59] Take a nice train ride out to the aqueduct smoke a little cigarillo and get on some ponies
[00:01:05] Yeah, we should go to we should go to I have to go by myself
[00:01:09] Well, we had them ago. It's a personal thing. Are you gonna get into gambling?
[00:01:16] I did I used to gamble as a 13 year old nice gamble on
[00:01:22] Texas hold them when everyone was in like in to hold them. I have a friend. He's a degenerate gambler
[00:01:28] And he lives in Connecticut and he met his new girlfriend at Mohegan Sun
[00:01:32] Wow, and she's also degenerate gambler. So nice sounds like he's gambling. I love there was a heroin addict
[00:01:39] It was my boss. I was a teenager at what job had Jerry's subs in pizza
[00:01:44] Yeah, and he was a he was also in the really in a scratch off lottery and he was like no, dude
[00:01:51] There's a fucking way to you know, yeah
[00:01:59] Dog if you do with pennies instead of quarters you win 25% more. Yeah, that's really sad. Oh, yeah gambling is really sad
[00:02:09] Yep, yeah, my I mean I've talked about my crazy grandfather who lost all his
[00:02:13] What didn't go to birds went to the fucking Lotto and he never won he won
[00:02:17] I'm really everybody's father was a degenerate gambler. That's just what grandpas do
[00:02:22] My other one was an alcoholic. He wasn't a gambler though. Yeah, my grandpa was like
[00:02:28] I remember for my like eighth birthday. I think I can't remember which birthday was but he got me like a free
[00:02:38] It's like something we just gave him for coming
[00:02:40] Because he lost $400. They're like here's a $3 calculator. Yeah
[00:02:48] So one was a game. Yeah, I had a gambler an alcoholic. We know you have one rapist grandfather
[00:02:53] What about what else do you have who's on the other side my dad? That's good. That's a type of gambling, you know
[00:03:01] Okay, so gambler slash rapist who's the other one
[00:03:05] What are you talking about the other grandfather? Yeah, give us yeah, give us a little background
[00:03:09] I heard he was a very weak man, and he got bullied by his wife
[00:03:13] I just heard it. I just heard about his weakness
[00:03:16] So so you so we know what you inherited from my both of them my mom's
[00:03:22] Mom used to do this thing after her husband died when my parents were dating or like a young couple
[00:03:28] Where she'd like and she had a man's watch in the house and she would leave it on the bedside table. Oh my god next to
[00:03:36] You just a simulate there outside of the table to like make my parents think that she was getting dick
[00:03:45] Why she was weirdly is that the one she was notoriously divorced a bunch? No, no
[00:03:50] This is my mom's really she was also notoriously cheap, and she'd like she'd have us over for dinner
[00:03:56] She was she was the most cheap person in the family
[00:03:59] Dinner and she'd buy a piece of meat and like the running joke would be like she'd take it out of the oven as you know
[00:04:05] When you cook meat it shrinks. Yeah, she would always say oh you should have seen the size of it
[00:04:10] Before I put it in that's what I said about my dick. Yeah, it's hard. Well, it's like it's like a little pot roast
[00:04:16] It shrinks when it gets hard, but like it would be hilarious
[00:04:19] I'd have to go over to her house for dinner because she moved to Vegas before she died and
[00:04:23] She'd give us like you know three peas like a carrot Jesus
[00:04:27] Like it was like yeah, she really lived up to the Jewish high old country Jewish
[00:04:34] That's awesome. I mean even though she was out of Africa and it was like she was like that that generation which country the bank
[00:04:43] Is that where they look at the bank that's good. No, but like that whole generation is almost completely dead now
[00:04:50] There's a US mint where they make the pennies and then directly upwind is the Jewish American history
[00:05:02] We got it's great location right next to the bakery
[00:05:11] That's so funny just walking through that neighborhood
[00:05:14] Yeah, I was all drunk at like 11 o'clock in the morning when I made that discovery. That's beautiful in Philly. Yeah
[00:05:20] Yeah, I was like this is the funniest thing I've ever seen
[00:05:24] Hey, come here. I gotta tell you something
[00:05:28] I'm yeah, I'm the dumb part of the field show. I'm not part of the field trip. I could be I
[00:05:36] They'll be relive my childhood via your field trip. I promise I won't breathe in any of the kids mouths
[00:05:42] You're just alone in the back of the line
[00:05:48] I went in the minute. There was literally no one in there. I did I'd walk through it
[00:05:52] My that's a that's like a very shitty place to tourists that you as mint in Philadelphia
[00:05:58] No, you can't do any of that you fucking sorry. I was just asking your first go in you go up an escalator
[00:06:05] There's a single hallway filled with a couple of plaques and windows into like the you know where they stand
[00:06:10] The sheets and pennies and cut them or whatever and then
[00:06:14] And then you go down another escalator that exits through the gift shop and it's like that's pretty much it
[00:06:19] Nice, you know, you know, you buy like penny t-shirts. They have they have a gift shop and I went I went into the gift shop
[00:06:31] Shut up, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry went into a gift shop. Can we figure out how this ends, please?
[00:06:35] I know it's not even that good of a story, but you have to like keep making this t-shirt joke over and over again
[00:06:41] I just made a waltz no you said it two or three times to you said is there a penny t-shirt?
[00:06:47] That would be a good birthday present for me. I
[00:07:02] It's the different modes of Adam. Yeah, I am like they're pussy. I'm like that
[00:07:08] I got all different types of things inside of this good. Yeah, mostly man. We like that movie in and out
[00:07:14] We're we're Kevin Klein. He's gay. He's not he thinks he's gay and then he turns out. He's not gay. He just he likes drama
[00:07:20] Is that the plot of a movie the plot of the movie is is like there's some gay guy that becomes famous
[00:07:28] Mm-hmm, and he's like I just really want to thank my high school English teacher
[00:07:32] Who's the first gay person I knew you know back in my small town in Maine or whatever and Kevin Klein plays the teacher and he's like
[00:07:42] Really? Yeah, everyone's like yeah, we all thought you were gay and that's maybe I'm gay and he starts sucking cock
[00:07:47] Just to see yeah, he goes on like a little truck stop to rice get get no worry
[00:07:57] Bathrooms, you know hell yeah, then you know he does enough burning the candle on both ends gets diagnosed with HIV
[00:08:04] He gets fired from the job to school. He actually gets AIDS. No, I'm making I'm making a much better movie
[00:08:09] Yeah, so it's just a movie by the guy who sucks cock. I'm imagining a movie called the teacher nice directed by me
[00:08:20] Just gay porn yeah, but you know it's Oscar worthy. Oh, of course brother
[00:08:26] And fact the the name of the main character is Oscar winner
[00:08:37] It's it's in sepia tone right of course, but then there's neon highlighting so it's a it's a visual style
[00:08:44] We say what is this is the past is it the future? Yeah, it's a little bit of both guys. It's about the
[00:08:50] dichotomy of you know whatever mm-hmm. Yes, we see a bathroom. There's a
[00:08:57] Transperson just covered in fucking needles like a porcupine. Okay, okay
[00:09:02] Scott hypodermic needles sticking out of them. They're overdosing and then a
[00:09:08] Republican is having sex with the trans person's mouth
[00:09:12] They go don't tell anybody about this. I'm a Republican said and they leave and then
[00:09:17] Then a black guy comes in he says something racist about Chinese people
[00:09:22] And someone says you can't say that you're black and he's like yeah, it makes you think doesn't it?
[00:09:26] Whoa, they're not all friends. Yeah, what yeah
[00:09:33] And then a white girl moves to Bushwick and a Puerto Rican guy teaches her how to have sex wait until
[00:09:44] I'm creating the greatest crash. I guess last I'm creating the greatest movie of all time
[00:09:48] If you would just allow me to direct please
[00:09:51] I'm not fucking interrupt your job is to bring people bagels from wherever your secret little places
[00:09:58] That's your job on this product. Do you have a secret bagel place of course?
[00:10:02] I have a secret big and I know where it is you volunteered there with a little organization known as the IDF
[00:10:10] Paratroopers I love this idea for this movie. Yeah, anyhow. Yeah, and then Oscar winner is the gay guy in the middle of it beautiful
[00:10:22] I don't know. Let's say that dude from 12 years of slave
[00:10:36] Yeah, yeah, wait what my hara shah Ali is that the guy's name? No, that's moonlight the Maharaji yogi
[00:10:43] He was the guy that gave the Beatles LSD really
[00:10:48] No, I think that that's after the LSD they wanted to like learn how to trip you call on what do you call an Indian guy?
[00:10:55] It does acid what that's what it might be to micro dot head is that too bad?
[00:11:01] A little bit of acid that's good. Yeah, no that checks out
[00:11:04] Um, yeah, the mint does seem like a shitty ass place to take a field trip though. Do you know my favorite?
[00:11:10] She was in a field trip. This is me by myself as an adult man drunk at 11 o'clock in the morning
[00:11:17] Why were you in Philly? I was working helium. Oh nice. Yeah, hell yeah, bro
[00:11:22] That used to be one of my favorite clubs to go do I've never done it. I can't anymore why I'm banned from Philadelphia
[00:11:29] Of fraud for a reason. Yeah, they kicked me out for what?
[00:11:35] Believe it or not. I was somehow too racist
[00:11:40] Dude that was fake dude. That's not possible. It's real you were two races. I was I got two real an old Philadelphia damn
[00:11:48] You got kicked out of Genos for being said Ben Franklin's gay
[00:11:51] They'd you never talk about no Franklin like it. Don't you never talk about Benny Frank's like at Ben
[00:12:01] Spanklin Ben spank banklin. Oh nice. That's he it's him beating off. You invented remembering things to jack off
[00:12:08] No joke Franklin play at a pretty good spank bank for like back in the day. You keep trying to sell this Ben
[00:12:14] I love been frankly. I love you. He was horny. I'm sure he was a fat horny guy
[00:12:21] It you know with glasses bald which I have now claimed on this episode
[00:12:25] I'll claim that I'm bald but next episode. I'm going back to the bit where I say I'm never bald
[00:12:30] I have a lot in common with Ben Franklin dude glasses. I'm gonna have a bold ponytail
[00:12:35] Someone's a fucking idiot take it back postmaster general one of the shittiest first of all like stamps motherfucker
[00:12:45] Folks by sexual the idea to not just allow parcel service to be privatized immediately
[00:12:52] Set back now postage in the United States
[00:12:55] No, I get get that libertarian take out here nationalize service USPS you compare it to anyone of the other ones
[00:13:05] Yep, and now USPS is subsidized that all the the big carriers get their arms twisted into now
[00:13:13] Delight an argument against this but I don't know it. Yeah, you don't my college girlfriend loved the postal service and she had a lot of facts
[00:13:19] Mm-hmm, so I'm gonna text her and the next episode. I'm gonna come back at you
[00:13:23] She's gonna be like ah that fat fag it's trying to find another excuse to talk to me again this time
[00:13:31] I got into an argument with a libertarian tell me some reasons why the post office is good
[00:13:36] Yes, and then whatever much taller not bald not fat guy is currently
[00:13:41] He is fat currently reaching depths that you could only dream of absolutely not inside of that sweet little I fuck with beautiful finesse
[00:13:49] Artistry absolutely I do that's what I'm looking forward to with my new room
[00:13:53] Cuz my old room stick just like smooches the tip of the pussy first of all I of course my sake does much
[00:14:00] That's part of the that's part of it. Yeah Adam has seen my dick and he said it's bigger than he thought it was gonna
[00:14:06] Be I've said that doesn't mean anything it means something buddies. I'll take it
[00:14:11] Be like a car accident down there, but it was nice and smooth, you know a good skin tone
[00:14:17] Yeah, it's dark. It's dark. It's olive skinned you know
[00:14:23] Yeah, and I and listen I know my angles. I know what I'm doing in there
[00:14:29] You know really let it because before my old room the walls would shake because it was a fake room
[00:14:34] Yeah, and you know I'm getting it in so now I got a full wall
[00:14:37] Maybe I'll put my feet on the wall. Maybe I'll fuck like one foot up on the wall dude
[00:14:42] Acrobatics is Ryan have a lot of sex in your house
[00:14:44] He I have not heard him fuck once really I've heard eldest fuck. Yes quiet sex Ryan
[00:14:49] I wonder how he I wonder how shut fucks. I've lived with a couple last three years. I haven't heard them have sex really
[00:14:56] Yeah, I don't know about if it's an acoustics thing. It's probably a good there on the other side of the apartment. Yeah
[00:15:02] Yeah, I put a microphone in a room. Yeah
[00:15:06] Just to make sure they're okay. Yeah, it's it's dirt like Adam is this a baby monitor in our room?
[00:15:12] You're like yeah, they're like what the fuck is this doing in there? You're like it's for a baby
[00:15:18] Like we don't have a baby. I'm like yeah, but what do you do? So you're gonna want it at some point
[00:15:22] It's not like I have any ability to monitor now. There's no baby in there. Mm-hmm
[00:15:26] I lived with that guy John and DC who used to hear you know me and my ex girlfriend have sex
[00:15:31] We had no walls in that place. No walls while you hitting them back walls in my right brother
[00:15:36] Dude that guy yeah, so I mean my rent was you know
[00:15:43] $600 instead of a thousand dollars. That's tight
[00:15:45] So and you fucked loudly for a guy to beat off every time I have sex with my girlfriend. That's a good trade-off
[00:15:51] I think he was beating off to that. I think there was a chance. He was really he was the dude
[00:15:55] That was like when we were like waiting in line to get into a bar once
[00:15:59] He just like turned to me and he goes I love to wait
[00:16:08] How are that's your activity is killing time he likes wait yeah, he's like I like post offices. Oh my god
[00:16:15] I love waiting and I was like this. Yeah, it was really strange and then like he he was also the admin of the
[00:16:21] CELTSER fan page that guy I remember that guy he would definitely beat off to you fucking for sure
[00:16:26] I mean if it's a 400 you don't remember about that guy is there was one night
[00:16:31] we did some show like there was only like funny moms or something and
[00:16:37] Mottie had to wear a costume. Yeah, so he put the costume
[00:16:42] He's like mighty like changed shirts to put the costume on in some like hallway next to the stage and then fucking
[00:16:48] Hours later like six hours later. We're at your apartment hanging out smoking weed. I'm sitting there next to John
[00:16:56] And then body who's across for me and I'm not so I was pretty fucked up
[00:17:01] So I wasn't saying anything and John had not said anything and then he just says to Mottie like
[00:17:06] Hey, Mottie. You got pretty nice apps dude
[00:17:12] And it was like the only the Motties I got tistics. He's like
[00:17:20] What do you mean I have an ice app to respond to it and me and Sarah were the only people that saw it and we just started like crying
[00:17:26] Yeah, so what time I saw him in the living room like just looking at this piece of paper and I could tell
[00:17:32] After like a few minutes he was drawing and I was said, what are you drawing?
[00:17:36] And he said I'm I'm drawing a mattress, but very zoomed in and also we didn't talk about it enough
[00:17:45] But yeah, what the fuck is that I was just a block
[00:17:52] Also like he should be on this the fact that he was the admin of
[00:17:58] We got a fire we got a fire stop and bring on he just created he just created the he just made a page
[00:18:05] For seltzer. Yeah, and then linked all the information from the Wikipedia. Yeah, and he was just the admin
[00:18:11] Yeah, it's like when when Facebook started having like pages right
[00:18:17] And then I said John we don't have seltzer in the house like I've never even seen you drink seltzer. He's like no
[00:18:25] That's the best because you're that much into seltzer water, but he just felt inclined when he found out
[00:18:33] You can make a page to make the seltzer to make the seltzer. Yeah, what's Johnny up to these days?
[00:18:39] I don't know he lives in DC. I don't know what he's doing. He was like some sort of fed or oh is he in snitch
[00:18:45] No, no, he fed a rally. He was he was pretty woke, dude. He was like oh really? Yeah
[00:18:51] He was like kind of occupy woke nice, you know, but I
[00:18:56] Remember I was making fun of occupy and he was like actually you change my life
[00:19:03] Supporting occupy isn't woke. It's not like a woke thing. Well, that's like a drum circle
[00:19:08] Like I a lot of people fucking supported occupy that's not the what the woke that we're now letting woke me in too many things
[00:19:16] Because it's a specific shitty behavior. Well, can look as multiple applications, but I will say that was like a precursor a lot of people
[00:19:25] That were occupied bros became woke bro. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of it kind of splintered off
[00:19:30] Yeah, I wouldn't say so no no you don't think a big faction that were people that were kind of like SJ. No
[00:19:36] Yeah, I don't well a lot of SJ dubs are like people that just
[00:19:40] Take that terminology and language in order to call out people they don't like
[00:19:47] You know if you don't like Hillary you racist racist, you know, it's just people using
[00:19:53] terminology you're right came from academics you're right because I guess I guess the
[00:19:57] Occupied people were actually doing something well, they didn't even what they were doing, but they were doing yeah
[00:20:02] They were actually like actually the actually they don't know what they're doing. That's like Fox News bullshit
[00:20:08] No, because the Fox spent a lot of time
[00:20:11] Trying to get the message out it like the mainstream media as a whole that occupy was just a bunch of fucking dirty hippies
[00:20:18] That don't know what they want. They just don't want to work and they have a problem with the car
[00:20:22] No, that was the it was definitely there. Yeah. Yeah at the same exact time
[00:20:26] They were pretending like the tea party was this coherent right, you know, that's church movement that was happening
[00:20:36] Obama care in 2008 I went down to the capital when I was living in DC and there was literally 23 people
[00:20:44] Michelle Bachman was talking to them damn remember that fucking idiot like
[00:20:49] Gaze husband there was like 20 or 30 old people like fat old people
[00:20:54] They were protesting and then there were like I remember seeing on the news
[00:20:57] There was like gorilla cams going through yeah the crowd to make it look like like fucking a thousand people were there right right
[00:21:04] And that same day there was a march for illegal immigrants on the mall and there has been
[00:21:10] 20,000 illegal immigrants on the mall and not a single news network covered well
[00:21:14] Fuck it if illegal immigrants want coverage they can start their own news network. Thank you. I I know but actually an end
[00:21:21] But it's SI occupy occupy what we found was that they had a decentralized power structure
[00:21:28] Yeah, and they couldn't make any clear demands
[00:21:30] So it was it was that they couldn't figure out they wanted a lot of shit
[00:21:34] They wanted a lot of shit, and I mean I was every single I would think that's a ball shit
[00:21:39] Critic I was no no but about any kind of like social unrest and say oh
[00:21:44] Clear to me is this decentralized. Oh no hold on. That's the kind of bullshit
[00:21:47] They lob it like black lives matter or anything. That's not true. It's absolutely true
[00:21:53] That is true that was part of the problem
[00:21:55] The most productive thing to come out of occupy was the terminology 99% that is something that's still used and that came out of occupy
[00:22:03] Movement yeah, and that actually like putting context like wealth disparity and it was like a very like positive messaging
[00:22:09] Like I think they did release like some kind of 23 point. Yeah, and some eventually but it was it was late in the you know
[00:22:16] It was after months dude. I was sympathetic. I went up to New York
[00:22:19] I was living in DC. I went up to the Zukati Park and like I checked it out
[00:22:23] You know and then it was just like a ton of Chinese tourists like on the periphery taking pictures
[00:22:29] It was like cops in Chinese tourists and then you know fucking
[00:22:35] You know whatever people people either it I'm not saying that it was a bad thing
[00:22:41] Necessary saying it's a bad thing. You're saying. Well your anti-hocupide. Dude. That's fuck. I'm not anti-hocupide
[00:22:46] Dude, did you know Adam that kind of Bane?
[00:22:48] It's kind of like an occupy band. Did you ever have you ever considered I've seen the you ever considered dark night rises, but
[00:22:56] That analogy I don't like that movie because the implication is that people who are jacked are bad
[00:23:05] You know those like training what are those bane masks that people use for training? Oh, yeah
[00:23:10] Yeah, they cut off your oxygen the amount of oxygen you have available to you so it like helps your lungs grow or something
[00:23:16] Well, no if you have like a limited amount of oxygen being pumped into your bloodstream your body will create more red blood cells to adapt
[00:23:24] Whoa, so then when you take the mask off it's able to yeah, I mean it's like high altitude training. Yes similar like thinner. Yeah
[00:23:33] No, but I actually speak of chrysnol and I don't I haven't I'm like I
[00:23:38] What I do is I saw the new one a weightlifting belt around my neck. Yes, and then it does make me stronger, but yeah
[00:23:47] Which is the most important part of going into the gym
[00:23:50] I love I love those fat guys that just wear weight belts everywhere or like the back back the bris the prices everywhere
[00:23:57] What are those pants called? What do you mean with you mean?
[00:24:00] Where a like a lifting belt everywhere? Yeah, yeah, I mean laborers that have to wear it or yes
[00:24:06] I love that look. Oh, yeah, all the all the fat contractors might be around home depot. Yeah, exactly
[00:24:12] All the fact great guys. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good look you keep the fat stomach up and you know
[00:24:18] It's like a bra for your fat shit. Yeah, I saw it done Kirk though, and that was sick
[00:24:23] I'm trying to see it. It was really good, and I I
[00:24:26] I don't like Christopher Nolan movies, but it was like
[00:24:30] my always my objection is like when when I saw inner stellar was like he was trying to like
[00:24:35] Should like display love, but he doesn't understand love because I think he's autistic and like the only love he understands is like I think
[00:24:44] She's no, I think it's like sibling love, but like it's it's or married
[00:24:49] I think he's I just don't think it's just like at the end of inner stellar like when the
[00:24:55] Lady when the daughter is like an old lady and then her dad comes back to visit and they see each other for like 20 seconds
[00:25:02] She's been like waiting her whole life to see fucking Matthew McConaughey again
[00:25:05] Damn, he's like traveling through time to see her and they're like oh, what's up?
[00:25:09] And then she like doc you know like it's like not that big a deal. It's like he doesn't understand I think being a human
[00:25:16] Yeah, but in her but Dunkirk was sick because it was minimal
[00:25:20] It was middle of that war and it was just really sick like
[00:25:24] Like dog fights dog fights in the air was like and he's technically a great director
[00:25:29] And he works with a great director of photography and like he's like it was I thought it was pretty dope dude
[00:25:35] I really enjoyed it Tom Hardy was sick. Oh, what does he play the like fighter pilot the dope fighter pilot?
[00:25:41] Yeah, yeah, I fuck with Tom Hardy, dude. Yeah, I like Tom Hardy a lot. I want to be who played Bane. You know he was Bane. What?
[00:25:50] Nick, how are you doing man? I feel like I'm alright. I didn't see done Kirk. Oh, oh, sorry dude
[00:25:55] It's alright. I just didn't see it. So you know what you would like to good report on you can't see movies anymore
[00:26:01] Because you have to see them on your TV to justify all the money you spent. Yeah, I mean you can't go to the theater
[00:26:07] I want remember I said let's go see Dunkirk and you're like wait till what comes out on Blu-ray. Yeah, I mean
[00:26:13] Because you'll be fun to worry about getting bed bugs and some bullshit in New York theater where it costs $17 and then you know
[00:26:20] I did everything's a fucking draft house now, which was cool in Austin when it wasn't super expensive and now it's
[00:26:28] $15 for admission of the draft house 20 dollars to do
[00:26:35] A movie now, it's like I'm just not doing it. I mean
[00:26:39] Let the theaters die. I don't give a shit. Yeah
[00:26:41] Yeah, that's why they have to do that it has to be draft house because like the concession stand is a fucking joke
[00:26:47] Yeah, no one's $8 popcorn which like you think is like oh this is just them ripping you off
[00:26:52] It's the only way the theater can make any fucking money right right right because the studios
[00:26:56] Keep it's a shitty money from the ticket sales the studios made it clear four years ago
[00:27:01] They were like we need to get it to $20 a person to take it
[00:27:05] When I was 15 it was $8 for an adult ticket. Yep, so it was $6. It was $5 for a matinee. Yeah, six time dude when I was
[00:27:13] 21 or 21 I went to a theater in Detroit and it was 75 cents for a fucking man
[00:27:22] Fuck that's like those are like dollar theaters though, right? Yeah
[00:27:26] There wasn't for like new stuff. I love a nice dollar theater dollar theaters or does it smells bad in there?
[00:27:30] Yeah, I love it. It's like there's no guy jacking off in the bag. Yeah. Yeah, I know Brian went to see Twilight
[00:27:36] Theater and it was like in fucking it like Beltway movie six shots out to Beltway movie six
[00:27:41] Oh, and it's just like all white trash girls and blankets
[00:27:49] What's that what was the guy's name the main character? Yeah, it was like they were ain't snuggies with his face on it
[00:27:54] That's how you got to go see one of those movies. I remember my mom took me to see
[00:27:58] Bird cage in a dollar movie. That's such a good movie
[00:28:02] Just because Nathan Lane. I didn't think I don't think she knew how gay it was really that movie is so fucking and Stuart little in that same
[00:28:09] In Beltway movie six. You were a little oh, yeah
[00:28:13] Yeah, I mean it was named after this last name is actually because of your penis dude
[00:28:18] I got fucking yelled at at the Alma though when I was seeing done Kirk because
[00:28:23] Ari and I selected seats in the front we thought they were in the back
[00:28:26] Oh, I hate and then we moved back to an empty seat like what once the trailer started not like once the you know
[00:28:33] The movie was starting and then they made me go down to the front desk and like switch our code
[00:28:39] On our tickets because it's all like reserved seating. That's fucking yeah, and I like almost missed the beginning of the movie
[00:28:46] It's like it's fucking stupid. Whatever. This is boring
[00:28:57] Think Captain America to or Iron Man to or something
[00:29:00] I'm with Norman for his birthday a couple years ago, and it was in Texas and it was at some light because the Alamo
[00:29:08] Draft house didn't have a sign seating at the time
[00:29:12] So this is the first place you went with a sign seating they had leather recliners hell
[00:29:15] Yeah, and then also like they bring food to you which is so fucking excessive. You shouldn't eat while reclined
[00:29:22] Yeah, I just you're eating on your fucking chest. I disagree
[00:29:26] Disgusting it's a just like the whole process is gross point of life and we went to yeah, we went to this fucking
[00:29:34] Some other kind of draft house and it's a sign seeing and we get there and there's a family with an autistic boy
[00:29:40] Next to us. It's like 12 year old autistic boy that has to quietly explain to himself everything that's happening in the room
[00:29:49] So you know he's like that's the bad guy
[00:29:55] Now they're gonna go over there now. He's upset
[00:29:59] He's upset now the girls upset too now. They're doing better. You know the entire fucking yeah
[00:30:05] Yeah, and at one point some guy like five rows in front
[00:30:10] And then hit the mom and the sister is with the mom just leans over and goes David let us know when you're done
[00:30:16] And they just leave him there halfway fucking walk out Jesus and leave there, you know
[00:30:22] I mean sweet slow boy you gotta get I mean just gotta you kind of see where they're coming from they get 40 minutes without
[00:30:28] Everything narrated. Yeah, I guess so they leave my mom sleeping
[00:30:33] Some guy four rows in front of him fucking sneezes and he goes bless you
[00:30:40] Like just halfway across the movie theater got bless you
[00:30:45] I mean that movie fucking sucked anyways, but which one was it? I don't know it's like either
[00:30:50] Ironman two or captain one of those awful fucking the one where Mickey work is the fucking villain
[00:30:56] I guess dude those movies fucking suck. I'm never gonna go see another superhero movie. They're all the fucking same
[00:31:01] It's all paint by numbers although dude the one with Thor fights Hulk. That's about to come out. That looks no
[00:31:06] That looks it's gonna be stupid. I haven't seen anything about it
[00:31:09] But just like the premise alone. Yeah, two per super strong peach people punching them each other across the city over and over again
[00:31:16] It's incredibly fucked. It's actually an alien fighting ring. So you sound pretty fucking stupid, right?
[00:31:22] Yeah, and it's a god versus a guy that gamma radiation
[00:31:27] And they got a little they got a little hat on the Hulk nobody gets a hat. What kind of it's cute
[00:31:37] These those movies suck well, they're all fucking terrible movies
[00:31:41] And that's the thing is like Logan came out and everyone's raving about Logan ruled Logan's amazing
[00:31:48] Logan's just not a piece of shit. I think kind of falls apart halfway through
[00:31:54] You can watch Hugh Jackman work his way through a fucking
[00:31:57] Dianta ball hangover and regret his dark past for the first 45 minutes and it's like yeah
[00:32:05] Okay, the girls of Wolverine, you know, there's no surprise there. You know, it's just gonna be a girl Wolverine
[00:32:10] They don't really ever have any kind of relationship really sure to do no, they've done each other
[00:32:15] That's that's the closest. Yeah, but there's nothing there's no relationship that really builds between the two of them
[00:32:21] It's like like you got to help me. I won't do it. Okay. I will which is the plot of every fucking movie
[00:32:27] No, no in any movie nobody ever says sure when somebody asked them something up
[00:32:32] They say no it for a lot to come they come back from yeah, and it's it's it's not like you know what
[00:32:38] I mean I'm nitpicking but like Logan was just fucking okay
[00:32:41] And those movies are so all those fucking movies suck so much now that all it takes is one okay movie and people are like
[00:32:51] Yeah, dude, but I would rather just watch you Jackman do fucking steroids and lift weights
[00:32:57] You know what just make that movie make that fucking movie
[00:33:01] Let's find out what Wolverine's real healing power is being able to recover in 24 hours
[00:33:07] From 700 pound deadlift because he's got so much HGH in his fucking forearm
[00:33:12] Yeah, come on actually, you know when we talked about last time you cried it might a legitimate leave Logan
[00:33:21] Finally you know kids are such good kid
[00:33:23] Little black kid. They're so cute like shot people a little fat black. Oh the fat. Oh my god. They were so
[00:33:31] And then the little the little fucking Mexican
[00:33:35] Wolverine girl she was great. Oh, she was cute. See you find family, dude
[00:33:39] Why are you mad why are you sad? I thought I thought it was good. What did that affect you most?
[00:33:43] You're was having like those yeah, his brain was fucked up brain fuck ups and then everything would go like
[00:33:49] And it's slow and he's fighting and there's slicing people up, you know, that's my rebuttal to all your well thought out
[00:34:00] Avengers movie what didn't make sense to me about that was like they had wildly different skill like one guy was a god
[00:34:08] Yeah, one guy's an iron man like meck. Yeah, the other one is bow and arrow
[00:34:13] Yeah, of course, that's like what the fuck Jeremy renters just good at going arrows
[00:34:18] Like what that's nowhere near as bullshit. Yeah, why is he gets to be in the crew? Yeah, Scarlett your hands
[00:34:24] It is is just like a spy, but no yeah, she's like she would both get their shit split immediately
[00:34:29] Yeah, her the regular guys Captain America's tight, you know, he's a good old American boy
[00:34:35] Yeah, he's a puncher and he is a shield hard. He's punch and his shield is magic is like hard as shit, dude
[00:34:40] Captain America doesn't have any weapons besides a shield right?
[00:34:43] But he punches which is just that's like America like we're like we don't we don't you know, yeah, we're just never
[00:34:52] Anywhere yeah, we've never just preemptively defend ourselves in like
[00:34:59] Iraq what I like about Captain America is that's like not the highest rank in the military
[00:35:07] Yeah, he's not a lieutenant or a general lieutenant is lower than cap. Oh, I don't know it
[00:35:13] Yeah, so be quiet and let me do the bit rather than trying to take it away from me
[00:35:19] Hey, here's the premise. Oh, I'm sorry. Let's Adam's turn to do the joke
[00:35:24] No, go for it. Yeah, he's not a lieutenant. You're right. All right
[00:35:34] As I'm gonna I'm gonna be the I'm like the Greek chorus and I'm gonna take the part of the listener
[00:35:39] Oh, and I'm mad you ruin that big I feel bad. I do feel bad. I'm excited to feel bad Nick. Yeah
[00:35:44] I had to go on a little role there. Do you bit? No, it's over the fucking momentum's gone. It was gonna be good
[00:35:49] I'm sorry. I shouldn't I shouldn't have said lieutenant
[00:35:52] I know I know that you know all the jobs in the army and I don't know sorry jobs
[00:35:57] Corporal cook there you go. Stop's got it. There's none of those are the officer ranks, okay
[00:36:03] Sergeant so private is the lowest private is the lowest then
[00:36:08] What then it depends on whether you're talking about what about left-handed the army what about left-handed
[00:36:14] It's just how the British say lieutenant. Well, that's all I say at the British
[00:36:21] Damn just like you said lever you fucking cock. I'm still mad about that. Yeah lever you piece of shit
[00:36:27] Oh sergeant grand grand wizard. Yeah dragon
[00:36:39] Grand Poobah grand Poobah. We got a poobah's back who was there ever a poobah? Of course. There's a grand Poobah from where where was he
[00:36:48] Palestine he came up with the Holocaust
[00:36:51] Nice no, that's real history really meant and met with the grand Poobah
[00:36:56] Palestine and he said here's our like we got some ideas
[00:36:59] We got to do the Holocaust to trick Jews into coming here so that we can kill all of them
[00:37:03] I don't know. I think he was a grand moofty. No grand Poobah. No, it's a grand Poobah the grand Muffie
[00:37:14] Huh? Yeah, he's a nice a moofie doesn't eat pussy. Yeah, probably some boys
[00:37:19] What about what are other jobs in the army though?
[00:37:21] It's captain and then the biggest one is a gen five-star general, right? Yeah, it goes captain major and then
[00:37:30] General major's good. That's the captain's third from top major America captain major colonel
[00:37:36] Captain major lieutenant colonel colonel general is at the top nice
[00:37:40] Oh tenant one star general two star generals. How do you get more stars once you're at the general?
[00:37:45] Just move up and then they have like if there's subdivisions in that so it's like you have brigadier general
[00:37:51] I think that's a big years ago. That's like a one-star general
[00:37:54] I think damn and then I don't want to stop at brigadier
[00:37:57] Yeah, brigadier general then like lieutenant general then general and then general of the army and I think general of the army is four stars
[00:38:05] Mm-hmm, and then there's five star generals that in the joint chiefs
[00:38:09] There's five star generals, which are only George Washington and Pershing
[00:38:13] I think and that's that their title is general of the armies of the united states. Hell yeah, dude
[00:38:18] I think wait so like patent was never up there. Patton was a four star general. He was for yeah
[00:38:24] They don't does not in during world the world war two era. There was a shit ton of four star generals
[00:38:30] Yeah, and so they went back and created I think the five star general rank for Washington
[00:38:36] And then I think pershing who's pershing pershing was the general around the turn of the century in world war one
[00:38:41] Oh, I think he was the the head of the allied forces land forces in like world war one in the europe
[00:38:48] Hard was world war one. You just dig a trench you shoot fucking
[00:38:52] Crouch until they're dead you can get to see use the get trench foot
[00:38:56] Yeah, but you could also go to the giant too big to fight in world war one the british. They have marshals. They have field marshals
[00:39:03] That's cool. Yeah, I love their stores great deals. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not I'm a four star Ross
[00:39:15] General max TJ max is like the robot soldier from the future
[00:39:20] Kind of fucking laser eye. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. Oh fuck. Yeah. All right. What about in the name rolls the bed the bath and the beyond
[00:39:28] Yeah, the Navy's got funny ones. It's like this is almost as good as the alphabet. Yeah, no, it's worse
[00:39:40] Dude, I had fucking like military nerds hit me up with the alphabet one. They're like pissing me off
[00:39:45] You don't remember the fuck you know, yeah, dude. You don't remember from from secret green buret training dude
[00:39:52] Uh, no, they failed the alphabet didn't fail alphabet
[00:39:56] They specifically trained you to forget all that shit. So when you're captured you're plausible like Jason born
[00:40:02] Smart first of all look I work for the cia special activities division. So i'm not even technically military. Oh
[00:40:12] It's you got it. You got to fucking destabilize a concert podcast to create and inspire the all right to
[00:40:18] Subvert, you know the black muslim president. Yeah state actually hates
[00:40:23] Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, trump who's a distraction
[00:40:26] Interesting from the real president who's black and muslim. Yeah. Oh fuck. There's a secret president
[00:40:31] Of course a bomb is still the secret president
[00:40:32] I didn't know that expanded all this executive power and then we let some moron get in that you'll get more mad about than obama
[00:40:41] Pasta law last year in plain sight of everyone that says he's president forever. I didn't know no it was signed with christian children's blood
[00:40:48] Oh, fuck. Mm-hmm. This is all real. I didn't know that the most
[00:40:54] The globalists all like made him they like sat him down. They were like we need you to be president faux light smart
[00:41:01] Smart and so and so he hired you or the cia hired you to stay higher. I don't work for anybody
[00:41:10] Mullen we need one last thing if you're doing one last job cia calls you they say we need you to do one last job
[00:41:16] Right first thing you got to do assemble the team right? So who your boys you know?
[00:41:20] We're the team first of all. There's no team
[00:41:23] This is some bullshit you gotta go around the movies dude
[00:41:25] I'm gonna talk to me about the reality of being a tier one operator
[00:41:29] You have to understand that like once you get through an elite enough level
[00:41:32] You know it's not about the guy next to you because you can't trust anybody
[00:41:36] Oh, they might be double agents. You have to be a superior operator
[00:41:40] Which means i'm well-trained in every type of combat snitching
[00:41:48] You have to snitch that level you have to understand that being honorable. It's like in ancient japan, you know
[00:41:57] Once the samurai were outlawed they became ronin and they had nowhere to go and a couple of them odd jobs here and there
[00:42:03] But most of them were murdered by villagers because they had this code
[00:42:07] But the ones that decided to become shinobi and embrace the dishonorable dark art of ninjitsu
[00:42:14] Those are the ones who survived that was some of them even becoming turtles. Oh
[00:42:24] Mike shinota shinote from the dj from link apart. He's shinobi. He's actually shinobi. I didn't know that
[00:42:32] This is a lot. We're learning a lot guys. Yeah, anyway, so wait, so you you're saying that you don't have a team
[00:42:36] You never said we're the team of course you never go to like some guys workshop
[00:42:40] And he's welding and you're like stopper right there and then he like lifts up the welding mask and he lives at you
[00:42:46] And he's like come on. I know how well why would I go to that guy because he's in your team?
[00:42:50] I don't need a team. I know how to weld Nick found me. I was getting my dick sucked on a hammock
[00:42:55] Drinking a drink with a little umbrella on it. Yeah, you don't have to go see like no
[00:43:00] He's like they're to weigh down the sub and he was like vacations over. We need the submarine to see
[00:43:05] Everyone's got their part i'm a team player. I got nothing really nothing wrong with that
[00:43:09] Well, I mean I 15 degrees down bubbles stop get that sandwich in your mouth
[00:43:16] Lieutenant's left tenant stop get that sandwich in your mouth
[00:43:24] I just fart. It's like it's like a hot air balloon reverse
[00:43:29] I should a little bit into the ocean every time
[00:43:32] What are the the IDF ranks so number one is tattle tale. Yes number two is ranked two is liar
[00:43:39] Well, it's elite tattle tale. Yeah, this tattle tale tale first class. Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby sniper
[00:43:53] It's just goes by different flavors of sapphrah hunters. You don't know what there's lieutenant pine nut
[00:43:59] Uh, yeah, there's a yeah. There's a fucking uh, seltzer brigadier brigadier brigadier deal finder
[00:44:04] Yeah, there's a penny saver. Yeah. Yeah. There is a lawyer
[00:44:16] Orthodontist is the four star general. Yeah producers guild
[00:44:24] And then the highest rank the highest rank in the IDF somebody's nephew
[00:44:36] Don't forget jap, which adam is a jewish american pussy call back
[00:44:42] Call back to the first joke of the call back
[00:44:51] Since you work alone, right? Yeah, he does. I'm on the team. You're a tier one operator stops. I'm established that
[00:44:56] No, he's not. I'm the weight submarine guy and also the pussy eater and fucker. There is no team dude
[00:45:02] There's a team who's task force bro by the end of this question by the end of this movie
[00:45:06] You'll learn the you'll gonna be logan at the end teams are a lot of you're gonna give your life for me and adam
[00:45:10] You have to assume that no matter what you're gonna get captured. That's why you'll never have a kid
[00:45:14] I've been captured. I've been captured on every mission of them
[00:45:21] And then the way you ever completed well in the 1980s they realized the best method of like ex filtration or whatever
[00:45:28] Is to just make your your super soldiers so incompetent
[00:45:32] That the enemy intelligence eventually has to admit that they're not actually intelligence operatives
[00:45:39] That's starting to change because auto warm beer who we sent over to spy on north korea. Yeah. Yeah, steal that
[00:45:44] Oh, you know that that choking hazard poster
[00:45:47] Public bathroom because we wanted to know what their version of the heimlich maneuver was
[00:45:52] They put him in a labor camp and he went into a coma and eventually died of botulism here
[00:45:59] And that means that they never really picked up on the fact that he was actually
[00:46:04] Well, we got back a man in a vegetative state which is in the eyes of the us army
[00:46:12] He had a lot of other partners rolled up into his asshole. That's what you don't know
[00:46:17] So we got his body back and there was the choking hazard
[00:46:21] There was a poster of kim jongoon pla dunking on michael george
[00:46:24] That was all the fucking dumb takes when that story happened people are like, you know, that's what happens to a white boy
[00:46:31] That's why a white boy wants to go over there or mess with another culture. It's like stop appropriating their culture
[00:46:42] Well, he was from like uva right now. He's from uh looking Ohio. I think I think it's from uva
[00:46:49] But yeah, everyone's like yeah, he's some sort of frat douchebag. We got crack arrest man. We're last white boy
[00:46:54] Yeah, I mean why would you steal a fucking thing from person?
[00:46:58] Why would you go to north exactly just don't go to north korea go to south korea? It's tight dude
[00:47:03] They got fucking great korean barbecue great internet. They got the fastest internet very fast internet
[00:47:09] You can come to the wild millionaire down there in south korea and they had they had your car some lg ole dt
[00:47:15] V's the next purchase for come town coming soon
[00:47:18] Ole dt you got you got a kia optimus. They got oh, yeah
[00:47:24] When I was daywoos when I was over there lana soju soju tastes good soju dope
[00:47:29] You know and they had something called juicy bars when I went over there to uh when I was I was doing like show millip
[00:47:38] And uh, they had juicy bars, which is just a bar where
[00:47:43] Those guys asking about me. There's sort of prosthetants. Yeah, they're they recognized me for being on the team officially
[00:47:49] um, and uh, you work nick works alone. Well, he says that but by the like I said by the end of this mission
[00:47:55] He will that's a lot of people a lot of people just listen to the show and they haven't seen me in real life
[00:47:59] And they don't realize that one of my eyes is actually a sniper scope. Yep
[00:48:04] Comes out of my head. I have it jammed in my face
[00:48:06] So you see like a crosshair every time you look at any one eye is one eye is just a regular eye that sees everything in matrix
[00:48:15] Sniper scope that's tight and actually his dick is a sniper. Yeah, and his balls are the the trigger
[00:48:21] Uh, he clanks them together. Mm-hmm. I also have like a cool scar that goes down my face like over your eye over my eye
[00:48:34] The scars on uh, which one that guy not will him uh tom baringer tom baringer. Yeah
[00:48:41] I don't remember what he looked like they modeled that guy after me
[00:48:45] Tom baringer. Yeah. What was your first war that you were like in was a korean-american war. I mean, that's all
[00:48:52] Yeah, that's all classified. Yeah, I know that as a member of the team
[00:48:54] But I'm not gonna say it either and when I say it's classified. I don't mean my participation in one of the wars
[00:48:59] You've listed. I mean these there are secret wars that are going on that people don't know about. Oh, yeah
[00:49:04] We've been um remember the Dutch war we were in. Oh, oops. Yeah
[00:49:09] Whoopsie. I've actually killed more Basque children
[00:49:14] Than cuckoo clock accidents, which seems like a arbitrary. That's the number one thing. Absolutely
[00:49:20] Cuckoo clock accident. Well most cuckoo clocks there are just a knife from Switzerland
[00:49:24] You know how we think it's also the best the Swiss Basque that's who is best
[00:49:28] That's who fucking who loves they just I tell you they love those damn cuckoo clocks
[00:49:35] Um, it's my impression of a cuckoo clock. Okay, so
[00:49:42] If you ever like I'll tell you I'll take this for you. So a couple years ago
[00:49:50] Yeah, I remember when we uh there was this old soviet
[00:49:55] Um general. Yeah, actually well an ex-soviet general that was in the russian military
[00:50:01] And he stole this like uh satellite that basically fires like a giant electromagnetic laser
[00:50:07] Whoa, I was gonna fire it at london. So I had to
[00:50:11] I had to go meet up with one of the women that worked at the satellite installation
[00:50:14] Is that like an emp like where it like shuts off? Yeah, yeah all the electronics
[00:50:18] And I had to go I had to go muscular pussy
[00:50:21] Yeah, I had to meet up with this woman that worked at the satellite
[00:50:23] Space station where they controlled it and then what she looked like she was hot
[00:50:27] And I had sex with her we had sex. Yeah, I had sex. She got kidnapped by turns out
[00:50:32] Yeah, it turns out that that that that that general was actually working for an ex
[00:50:38] British intelligence guy who had who had turned
[00:50:41] Oh, yeah, oh, so he's a bad guy. No, he became a bad guy. Yeah, but me and him had worked together years earlier when we blew up a
[00:50:48] Chemical weapons facility when he was a good guy
[00:50:50] Uh, well, we thought he's a good guy. I guess he was always in a double agent because
[00:50:56] That russian general recruited him at that time
[00:50:59] But he yelled at grudge against me because I changed the the timers on the bombs at the chemical plant from six minutes to three minutes
[00:51:07] Yeah, classic molta. Well, I thought he was dead. So I you know, I was trying to save my ass
[00:51:11] So I was having sex with his russian women woman and then we drove around in my bmw for a while
[00:51:17] That was a big part of it. Yeah, I remember that
[00:51:19] Yeah, and then I fucked the bmw dealer's wife. There was another hot woman even hotter than the first woman actually
[00:51:25] What did the first lady turn out to be a bad guy? No, no, no
[00:51:29] I thought it the first lady on a mission obviously ends up being a bad guy. You haven't seen it. Yeah, that's all movies man
[00:51:37] Sorry, sorry, I continue continuing. Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. Yeah, then you know, there's another hot lady who I had sex with off camera
[00:51:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah off camera. I mean in a different part of my life off camera
[00:51:51] Different part of the story. Yeah. Yeah, this story that happened. I well I I was videotaping everything right wait
[00:51:57] So you were trying to pitch this off. We were trying to pitch this on to true tv
[00:52:01] So you guys have this whole thing. He was there I wasn't aware of it. I don't know
[00:52:04] See, that's how I was too busy having sex and putting on my fucking oh, that is true. Stop is a master of disguises
[00:52:10] Yeah, you put on like a burka dude. You look like a mother lady. You know that first lady that first super hot lady
[00:52:19] Yeah, they're just a panda and Russia everywhere
[00:52:35] And then uh, and then you know, I have sex with that girl one more time and then by the way
[00:52:39] The second girl or the first girl? Well, we we go to the first girl. I didn't have sex with the second girl
[00:52:45] I kill her in a in a fight where she has a grenade launcher and uh
[00:52:49] And a machine gun of some sort and then she gets the helicopter
[00:52:54] She's attached she strangles her in the tree. Yeah, and what's the what was the line that you said after she died? Oh, uh
[00:53:02] A good I always enjoyed a good squeeze. That's what I said. Yeah
[00:53:08] Continue uh, no, it's not from movie gold and I am that really happened. Yeah, that I mean I just happened
[00:53:14] Yeah, anyhow, so we go into the base and we turn off the gold and I
[00:53:27] You're a cuba. Yeah. Yeah. Are you driving an Aston Martin in this one? I keep forgetting
[00:53:31] What's that did you do any gambling or anything that was a different?
[00:53:37] No installment. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about never. Yeah, I killed the guy
[00:53:45] And you know I threw him his back brakes and the British guy or the Russian and I met up with my obese friend from Texas who works for the CIA
[00:53:52] Who wasn't me? Yeah, different guy. No, in fact, I think that was stop
[00:53:57] No, it was a different guy. I was the panda his portrayed by fucking uh, what's that guy's billy wane davis
[00:54:04] No, that's a comic. No billy guy from varsity blues. No the guy
[00:54:13] Jo don baker is who play stop joe bob. No, that wasn't me
[00:54:18] I remember I did a mission. He was this guy. Let's just break it down. I remember I did a mission where um
[00:54:22] I played cards and then they whipped my balls with something at one point and then I fucked two women's your balls
[00:54:31] I think yeah, I think they they took like a seat. They cut the seat out here. He is here. Stop my balls
[00:54:37] Oh, no, that's not me. Yo, don baker. I know that guy. No
[00:54:43] He always calls he calls James Bond's Jimmy. Yeah, yeah, well, I'll tell you Jimmy
[00:54:50] What I would do he's always giving him fucking advice. Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:54:55] Well, uh, that wasn't me. I was someone else. I was also James. So you killed you killed the British guy
[00:55:00] I was a different James Bond with a bigger day. We're the movies over there move
[00:55:03] What that's the end of the movie. What do you mean movie?
[00:55:06] I mean, I have to that's what we call our mission. That's what I call the story
[00:55:09] That's what my mission is called. And part of my training is I sort of live my life vicariously through my own life
[00:55:16] I have to I have to delude myself into thinking that I'm confusing my own life
[00:55:21] With movies that I've seen that way. That's the only way I could accept the danger inherent to the missions
[00:55:27] And all the murder all the killing you've done
[00:55:30] It would keep you up at night otherwise. Really?
[00:55:32] How could you dream because you have so much trauma?
[00:55:36] And as it stands, I sleep probably 17 hours a day. So
[00:55:39] You do we woke you we woke you up to just do this podcast. You're going right back to sleep. Right. Yeah, I'm being asleep
[00:55:49] But I'm not on missions of course he sleeps in one of those astronaut sleeping bags like on the wall
[00:55:54] I want to sleep in a fucking chamber like a
[00:55:56] Hyperbaric chamber like Michael I decided when I die no cremation. No, no, uh, I don't want to be buried. I want to fucking
[00:56:06] Like a bill I want every atom alive. I want I want I want all of them. Yeah
[00:56:12] You would add him in a cat costume. That's not fair. He's gonna be sealed in the room with me. You can interrupt his bits for eternity
[00:56:21] With all my precious jewels and rubies I want all of my slaves sealed in my team
[00:56:26] I want to be gonna pre-record Nick about to tell a story and then you saying some dumb ass interjection and him yelling at you
[00:56:32] I want to be thrown in the ocean just like my hero Osama bin Laden
[00:56:37] Um, I well, how do I want to fucking be buried? That's not actually what we did by the way
[00:56:42] What happened we fucked his corpse till it disappeared. What do you mean? What do we do with the corpse of Osama bin Laden? He got away
[00:56:48] Yeah, he got away. He got away on them. I was first of all I was on that boat where he's back at torah bora
[00:56:52] I was I was on the boat. They said I was about to go kill Osama bin Laden myself and they were like
[00:56:58] Look this one looks pretty open in shot. Why don't we let the fucking why don't we let the kids handle this one?
[00:57:06] Who are honestly like the most unprofessional
[00:57:12] In my experience as a professional mercenary
[00:57:23] Uh seal was the first member seal stands for sucking an eating ass lesbian
[00:57:35] I gotta say they let's be probably eat ass good. No, they don't dude
[00:57:39] The two focuses on the pussy. Yeah, but I feel like they're eating a lot
[00:57:43] The the ass has no appeal to them. It's a whole I don't think they can't they don't appreciate penetration
[00:57:48] So the ass is literally meaningless to them. I think they appreciate plenty of pussy is is something they sort of associate with pleasure
[00:57:54] I guess but the asshole is meaningless to them. No
[00:57:58] No, it's real lesbian come boys pound off in the in the comments
[00:58:01] Is it true that lesbians bodies turn into ash pillars if their skin touches sunlight? Yeah, absolutely
[00:58:08] All right, I wasn't sure that's actually how I defeated one of my enemies
[00:58:12] It was a lesbian enemy. Yeah, but it's Hillary Clinton
[00:58:19] And they can't see their reflections in mirrors. That's right in garlic skin
[00:58:26] And then once a month when their lover is going through menstruation
[00:58:30] Oh, then they feast snack time. They feast on the pussy. They just put a straw in their pussy and suck
[00:58:38] Isn't that yep, these are all facts about lesbians that we all know these are real true facts
[00:58:44] Well, yeah, I mean that's that's the nice thing about public school sex ed
[00:58:47] You learn stuff about this and trump is trying to get that out of the fucking curriculum once to get that out
[00:58:52] Frankly, I'm not I will not stand for it. I want my son
[00:58:57] I want my son to know educated about sex
[00:59:00] Stop never a mad kid. His balls are overheated from his thigh
[00:59:04] His fat thighs. I have beautiful. He's completely sterile. No, no
[00:59:10] So I've got that I'm very up comes air. I got I'm very stale air like somebody punctured a tennis ball
[00:59:17] That's who comes out of there. I have a nice juicy load. Thank you very much. Yeah, it's healthy
[00:59:23] You know I doubt it. It's pretty good. That's not what I read in your dossier
[00:59:28] Dude, did you wait? I wrote you broke into my dossier. I didn't break into it. It's a it's a manila folder. That's fuck
[00:59:35] You're right. I'm pretty not secure. It's got it doesn't not only does have your name it has your picture on the front
[00:59:40] So in case I well who's dossier is this who's classified? Oh, it has the name in his picture
[00:59:46] My dossier is sealed because I thought I thought that's what you would be a computer file. Yeah, some sort of encrypted
[00:59:53] No, yeah, it's just in a filing cabinet. It's a
[00:59:56] Like the way you would store an old expense report and it just it's a it's a piece of paper
[01:00:01] And I just a black and white picture of you wearing a turtleneck as as all dossier is
[01:00:16] Yeah, you could be fat Steve Jobs for Halloween this year. That's not bad. Yeah, um, we should be fat Trayvon
[01:00:28] You don't be so funny is like a fat guy getting in trouble for
[01:00:31] Doing like a blackface Halloween costume and then all these like woke media outlets are like wow
[01:00:37] This guy thought it'd be funny to do fat Trayvon and then the guy's like I was just doing Trayvon
[01:00:44] And then the the BuzzFeed guy gets fired also for fat shaming
[01:00:48] That's good. That's two birds one. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that fat guy would teach everyone an important lesson
[01:00:54] Just like stop teaches me important lessons
[01:00:57] Yeah, I suck this dick till I come. That's your number one lesson and right now you're failing
[01:01:03] What are these what's are gonna be our team Halloween costume guys? I think let's be TLC. Let's be TLC
[01:01:09] I don't I don't celebrate all the time. That's a sober person. I don't celebrate holidays anymore
[01:01:14] Dude, we'll all dress in costume. The real religion is booze
[01:01:18] You know, yeah, that's you know all these all these people don't care about syncod. Amaya. They just want to get drunk
[01:01:24] Listen, we'll just do a fucking bunch of shit about Hanukkah. No one cares about that's just an excuse to you know, lil candle up
[01:01:33] Perpetuate anti greek's I can't wait to get back get revenge on the Jews for what they did to my people during well
[01:01:42] 3,000 years and you guys still haven't had a comeback. We're gonna
[01:01:49] I thought Hanukkah was when the pharaoh fucking said you're not
[01:01:52] Can't you're not allowed to have lamps anymore and Antioch is the greek governor. Yep had pillaged the temple in Jerusalem
[01:02:06] Nobody is a she abut the answer young boy's peeing in
[01:02:12] In brothe tell you what it actually is all the greek idols that you guys were hooked. My name is Joshua tidbit
[01:02:25] Is tidbit nowhere. Yeah, that's intelligence. This is just tidbits actually
[01:02:33] Yeah, fuck yeah, fuck juice for Hanukkah dude
[01:02:36] And you just rub it in our face by giving each other socks and other dumb ass presents
[01:02:40] What's the best Hanukkah present you ever gotten my parents never did Hanukkah?
[01:02:44] What we'd like like candles and then they'd write me a check. So you did Hanukkah. Yeah, it's got money
[01:02:51] You fucking American kids. Yeah, you just had a shitty Hanukkah. I didn't do Hanukkah
[01:02:55] No, we just lit the candles and then they gave me money
[01:03:03] It was kind of a rub we didn't really do Christmas growing up
[01:03:05] We just sort of had the tree and then I would get five hundred dollars my way to big ham dinner
[01:03:09] My parents never gave me five hundred dollars. They gave me like twenty five dollars and American kids
[01:03:14] All my friends would get fucking eight presents over eight days. All right. I'll just get a fucking cold check
[01:03:20] This is funny. You say American kids. Mm-hmm trying to give yourself a different cool ethnic identity
[01:03:25] My parents are in American. You're American bitch. Yeah. All you have to do to be American is be fucking born here
[01:03:32] I'm American, but I'm saying people with american. This would be an American is our family is
[01:03:36] Is is Jewish? I'm trying to weasel your way out of it. That's the thing you can't do basically
[01:03:43] American there's no American wrist accuracy
[01:03:46] So if you hate rich people and you suddenly start making money guess what that's you motherfucker
[01:03:50] You can't dial it back and say I do say American
[01:03:59] I saw a Spanish guy doing it on the bus. Yeah, and it's fucking
[01:04:07] What do you get away with it is an older piece of fruit the other that's true and then nobody nobody then
[01:04:13] And kind of my cute little pieces of that. Let me let me tell you some puppy
[01:04:19] Just playing doing butter fly knife tricks. You're rich American. You're American, but I'm not I'm not rich
[01:04:27] We're all rich and we're all pieces of shit. It's true. We're bad people. We are bad people. I never said we're not yeah
[01:04:35] Maybe that's the attitude. That's the fucking attitude that makes it a problem. What? Oh, I'm not rich. I have money now, but I'm not rich
[01:04:44] Well, we're I mean by the standards of what wealth what constitutes wealth. No, we're not rich
[01:04:49] There you are. I mean the make your rich this year. You're rich. Yeah, you're doing great
[01:04:54] But you're making you're making like a base salary off the show of like 60,000 a year probably less than that. Yeah, no, it's that much
[01:05:03] I mean, it's it's it's great. I'm not complaining about it skip boss man
[01:05:09] But yeah, no, I mean it's it doesn't put me in the one percent
[01:05:13] No for personal incomes first of all you have other money coming in you had another job. Mm-hmm
[01:05:18] So for a single person making well, I mean the
[01:05:21] The average the average not household income, but personal income is somewhere around 30,000
[01:05:27] So you are you are a rich person. So I'm still negative
[01:05:32] $60,000 so like in terms of in terms of wealth in terms of wealth
[01:05:36] So I could so I could do beer bongs with kids from Long Island
[01:05:41] For three years in college. I uh, yeah, well, I've been making thousand debt
[01:05:46] I'm rich because I've been making thousands off my personal club appearances
[01:05:49] I'll just show up at the club, you know, like I'm Cardi B. That's a good. That's a good people
[01:05:54] I've no idea how much money I've made in cryptocurrency. Oh, yeah, you're a fucking mirror
[01:05:58] You just follow the numbers on yourself
[01:06:03] No, you know, you said you're rich dude. I've made like
[01:06:07] Well, I mean, I don't want to say on the podcast but something like $40 million
[01:06:11] Yeah, we'll edit this out later. It's on paper. You know, I mean, yeah, it's in the calculator. But after taxes
[01:06:17] That's what like 38 who cares, you know, it's actually like 20. No, I know
[01:06:21] I know as a rich the government takes way more than that dude. It's a fucked up system
[01:06:26] I know the taxation is theft now that I have money
[01:06:29] So I'm I'm happy to pay taxes to live in a good society. Did you make an s have you been making estimated?
[01:06:34] Corral tennis. Okay. All right, but it's it's yeah, actually fuck. Did I this you didn't the 16th of july was your last
[01:06:41] You fucking piece of shit. I did I planned to I did
[01:06:47] Fuck my I got to I got I'm fucking on my shit. I pay my taxes
[01:06:52] I gotta try to cheat anybody out of them either you sort of you write off pencils
[01:06:57] Yeah, those are fucking office supplies. I need to get you to help me write my right shit off this year, dude
[01:07:02] You should probably shouldn't I'm gonna get fucking audited
[01:07:04] Yeah, actually right off everything but I mean the thing is is writing stuff off is different than like
[01:07:11] That's the kind of cheating on your taxes. I don't think is a fucking problem
[01:07:14] Yeah, I the shit that rich people do is though like buy a piece of art for like 200 bucks
[01:07:19] And then donate it to they'll get it appraised by some asshole for like 20,000
[01:07:24] Donate it to a place and then write off the 20,000 or appraisal price
[01:07:29] So you you make an invisible profit and then you write that there's all these shitty ways
[01:07:33] Yeah, they know you turn yourself into a corporation
[01:07:35] Invest all your personal income in it and then when the corporation grows you take your money out as capital gains
[01:07:42] Yeah, there's all these ways you can just be a fucking piece of shit
[01:07:49] It's really the people that are are the fucking worst or are people that have personal incomes of like six figures and up
[01:07:57] And somewhere like if you're making like a hundred thousand to two hundred thousand a year
[01:08:00] Uh, like people that are would be qualified as like mass affluent or whatever
[01:08:05] They're the showiest they're the most bitter because most of the time they like
[01:08:10] You know did work their way right to that point so they're like fuck poor people
[01:08:16] And they're like not capable of seeing like a lot of that is just luck and so
[01:08:20] Right. Of course. It doesn't I mean fucking privilege doesn't mean that your dad was rich privilege means
[01:08:26] You you fucking knew a guy at the place you work dad
[01:08:30] You're the one person that got that you know promotion. It's fucking you really don't do as much as you think you thought
[01:08:37] But those people get fucking slammed on like the marginal tax rate
[01:08:41] Meanwhile the people that make like a million a year have like wealth advisors that are like oh, yeah, we'll figure it out
[01:08:46] So you only pay 10 percent, you know in taxes. That's fucked dude. Yeah, I say yeah
[01:08:52] I think the fun of all the fucking tax code. I think the new vorishes are
[01:08:56] Disgusting but there are studded diamond-studded watches
[01:09:00] I think the way to be a classy rich person is to make it from your grandfather's dad
[01:09:05] Um, you know for him to pass it down and for you to be a professional philanthropist. Well, I mean I make
[01:09:16] Profits I make about eight hundred and fifty million dollars you
[01:09:19] Yeah, and 90 percent of that is comes from the federal government. It's contract killing that I do for the federal
[01:09:27] So I mean of course I'm gonna pay my fair share of taxes because that money just comes back to me when I go murder
[01:09:34] Some Chinese guy that threatened a railroad company. Mm-hmm. You know for reparations
[01:09:43] You killed it Chinese guys just obstructing Amtrak
[01:09:49] You can kill them with the train look who do you think the government's gonna try and kill some high profile political figure?
[01:09:54] No, it's the little guys that are just sort of annoying
[01:09:57] Because nobody's gonna suspect that it was a highly trained mercenary interesting, you know that pushed that homeless
[01:10:05] How do you correspond with the government?
[01:10:08] Yeah, dude the government hates homeless people. I didn't know I think that's fucking obvious
[01:10:12] Yeah, they smell they got me around to clean up the streets take over, you know get up the scraps that father winner couldn't take
[01:10:23] My New York is homeless vagrants at union square begging for change. Yes makes on average
[01:10:30] Five thousand dollars an hour. Those are my favorite local news stories
[01:10:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah, this man pretending to be disabled when he's only kind of disabled
[01:10:39] Right. He's still living in the streets after pretending to be homeless. He leaves in his brand new
[01:10:51] 45 minutes away in a lower middle class suburb where he lives off food stamps and thinks about killing himself
[01:11:00] It's bad enough that this man tugs at your heartstrings for pocket change in 95 degree heat
[01:11:06] But we can't let him get away with it. So we're gonna bully him into killing himself tonight at five o'clock
[01:11:14] On eyewitness news. Yeah, and then a commercial for fucking Monsanto comes on
[01:11:23] Create a new type of bumblebee that already has the cancer in the honey
[01:11:28] You don't have to wait until it gives you cancer. You can just eat the cancer
[01:11:41] Yeah, I was reading about there was so in 2012 when the chick fillet thing happened
[01:11:46] The gay thing the gay thing. Yeah, chick fillet said
[01:11:50] If he's a faggot, you ain't getting sandwiches
[01:11:56] Well, it was a cow on a billboard that wrote I hate faggots, but the gees were backwards
[01:12:02] Well faggots is when cows called chickens. Yeah, these faggot chickens are these fucking queer chickens
[01:12:10] Yeah, so beautiful metaphor. Well, the ceo the ceo fucking, you know did the whole
[01:12:16] You know same said I support the institution marriage always be where boy counting chick fillet
[01:12:20] Of course it backfired, you know, whatever. That's neither here nor there. There was this guy
[01:12:25] Uh, ironically named adam smith that made a video of it
[01:12:29] Going through a drive-through and he's the cfo of some fucking biotech firm
[01:12:36] And he goes uh, he goes through this drive through and he's like
[01:12:40] I'm gonna. I'm gonna give it to him. I'm about to do it
[01:12:42] And then he's going there. There's this stupid diculous protest where people go into the chick fillet asking for free water
[01:12:53] And uh, oh my god, the lady at the drive-through nice lady, you know
[01:12:57] She goes he's like is this my free water? She goes yes, it is and he goes okay. You know i'm getting this for free today
[01:13:04] No, you know and he's like uh because chick fillet is an awful evil company and she's like well, you know
[01:13:11] I I disagree. I think it's an okay place to work, you know, and he's like how do you live with yourself?
[01:13:16] You know the woman who fucking works in the middle of that wage. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[01:13:19] That's obvious obviously this guy's in the fucking wrong and he's a retard and she handles it pretty well
[01:13:24] He drives off poses a video on facebook within 24 hours. He's fired
[01:13:30] He's lost his job like completely backfires good fuck him
[01:13:34] Um, well good fuck him to a certain extent this was in
[01:13:39] Conservatives hopped on it and then people like you like vindictive liberals
[01:13:44] You know who just want an opportunity to shame somebody. I mean, I also jumped on it. This man's life is ruined now
[01:13:51] He got he moved apart portland got another job immediately was fired. I mean why go to portland though
[01:13:56] You know you're he's still what do you mean? Why go to portland? He's like a guy that's like if he's protesting the homophobic statements
[01:14:04] He's not he's he's just some fucking pro same sex marriage liberal it has the portland's not the fucking problem
[01:14:11] You know, it's not it's this is this is a guy that's being hounded by conservatives and then also
[01:14:17] Just this online fucking mob that likes you know any opportunity they have to oh I can hurt someone and feel like a good person
[01:14:27] It's a way to it's a way to fuck up somebody's life
[01:14:30] But also feel like i'm doing the right thing
[01:14:32] Right, right, right, right, right, which is all that's happening in the case
[01:14:35] Nobody gives a shit about that fucking woman. I mean they did they wouldn't be continuing to fuck up this guy's life
[01:14:40] Mm-hmm, and so they did and then he eventually you had to write a book because he's like living in a fucking rv
[01:14:45] He's about shurries shame about being shamed and you know the guy's a moron
[01:14:50] So he doesn't really take any personal responsibility in that situation
[01:14:54] So I don't know if the book's bad or not but all the reviews for it are on amazon are like one star
[01:14:58] I don't even read this shit. I'm not giving this guy any money. It's like what what is the what is the fucking point?
[01:15:05] Anymore no, I don't know if the book is good or bad at him, but the it might be good
[01:15:11] Because they want to continue to fucking like shame right rass man for a two-minute video
[01:15:17] He made yeah where he's kind of an asshole. He's kind of an asshole
[01:15:21] He's also just trying to be you I don't get what he's there
[01:15:24] Those people are the same as man. Don't fucking unplug the wires for my speaker stop fucking touching those
[01:15:30] Get your fucking hands off those speaker terminals. Are you serious dude? Don't fucking touch those
[01:15:35] Don't don't do that. Keep your fucking hand off anything
[01:15:40] I wasn't even touching it. You couldn't even see it moving how your hands behind it
[01:15:45] It was don't touch it. You were touching it. Just don't fucking touch it. I didn't touch it. I'll point that fucking knife right in your goddamn eye
[01:15:53] God, I hope I hope you fucking slit his throat on what grounds he fired from his job
[01:15:57] Like what grounds do they give him to fire him first of all a couple years ago if you used publicly shamed someone online
[01:16:03] They would fire you for any reason that it's just we don't want this negative publicity. It does not matter
[01:16:08] I feel like maybe returning a corner with that his employment was like at will or something
[01:16:13] They could just like go of him for most places or yeah, dude
[01:16:16] If you're if you're at the executive level of a company, you're represented of that company no matter fucking what
[01:16:21] I mean imagine the CEO any yeah anybody that's that high up the shit that you do outside of work reflects on the company
[01:16:28] No matter no matter fucking what so if for him to go be an asshole regardless of how he's being an asshole or
[01:16:37] Whatever nuance look you want to take at that situation if it makes the company look bad because people are having a negative reaction to it
[01:16:43] You're gonna get fucking fired. Yeah, it seems like he should have maybe explored
[01:16:54] I think that that's probably kind of flimsy rounds for dismissal. No, it isn't it's not
[01:17:01] I mean that he made a video on Facebook. Look, what does that have to do? What did Nick just said?
[01:17:07] Yeah, if you're an executive you don't fucking have that kind of it's a biotech company
[01:17:11] Yeah, they can fucking they sexually harass people and stuff you can do whatever you want to make people not be gay anymore
[01:17:18] Yeah, he's like I'm trying to actually find a solution. What are you doing chick-fil-a?
[01:17:22] Well, my favorite part of the video at the drive-through is he's about to pull away
[01:17:26] But you know he's taping it so you see the wall he's driving you see the car stop
[01:17:29] He's like I'm not even gay by the way. I'm completely heterosexual
[01:17:33] Areas he's like there's nothing homosexual about me, but I just think is wrong what your company's doing. Oh, that's a stupid
[01:17:38] That guy does suck. So it's also like you don't really like gay people. Yeah, like you're clarifying that's why I'm not one of them
[01:17:45] The thing is it's like a lot of people are fucking shitty
[01:17:48] Yeah, people shouldn't be homeless and unable to feed their families because they're shitty
[01:17:53] Yeah, every every CEO of every company is probably I mean they don't probably make public statements about being homophobic
[01:18:01] But they're probably shitty people, you know, yeah most CEOs sure but that's the thing is most
[01:18:06] Actual rich like super fucking rich people they shut the fuck off. Nobody knows who the fuck they are right?
[01:18:12] They drive a Prius they're not like a you know a bigger, you know, whatever house
[01:18:16] But then they have tens of millions of dollars in the bank and you have no idea. Well, that's not true
[01:18:22] They don't live in normal houses. They live in fucking just separated from the rest of society
[01:18:26] Yeah, but I mean you're not in New York. They do. Yeah in New York. They live in normal
[01:18:30] Maybe in your apartments and shit, but it's not like, you know, it's not like the houses that fucking you know, uh,
[01:18:36] Mark Wahlberg lives in right right? Yeah, yeah, they're just like nice big houses
[01:18:41] There are a lot of very wealthy people that are not like flashing money people. Yeah, you're right
[01:18:45] I mean like it's kind of that's a sign of someone that's not yet. Well. Oh, yeah, baby
[01:18:49] That's why I'm gonna get a gold tooth like us with our vitamin mixes
[01:18:56] I have to buy one for my new part. Oh, there you go. It's my roommate. Welcome. I'm getting into knives now
[01:19:03] Someone was saying you can't order butterfly knives in New York City
[01:19:06] You can't have any knife in New York City every fucking night
[01:19:09] I mean I here's how it works if you get caught with a knife any kind of fucking knife
[01:19:15] A cop's gonna take it and they're gonna they're gonna do this thing where they open it a little bit with their fucking hand
[01:19:21] And then they're gonna keep doing this with the wrist over and over and over again until the blade
[01:19:26] He's flippin his flicking his room and then they're gonna say oh, this is a gravity knife
[01:19:30] So you're gonna go to jail gravity knife is a thing that hasn't existed since like the 1950s
[01:19:35] This is giant like fucking eight eight inch knife. Hell yeah, did you swing and it comes out?
[01:19:41] That's like huge fucking yeah, it doesn't exist anymore
[01:19:49] Just loosely redefine gravity knives which are like
[01:19:53] Uh outlined in the law as being illegal as anything that they can fucking flick their wrist and open
[01:20:00] So you're really not safe carrying any kind of knife whatsoever in New York
[01:20:03] Don't worry about like, you know people say oh if it's less than three and a half inches
[01:20:07] You're fine. It's not if they add him stick if they want to find the way to fucking or yes
[01:20:12] Three interests if they want to find a way to arrest you for it. They will yeah. Yeah, so um I should put away this machete
[01:20:19] That's what I love about that fucking piece of shit first of all every instagram ad is fucking the most obnoxious shit in the entire war
[01:20:26] Yeah, it's always like a subscription services for like fucking bow ties. Yeah, it's all like it's all like
[01:20:33] You know, it's the bespoke post one somebody had a comment on one of those. It was like the funniest shit
[01:20:39] Yeah, this is great if you've never had a friend with bad taste you got married you had to be part of the wedding party
[01:20:46] Because there's all that it's like fucking you know premium leather suspenders
[01:20:53] Just all his bullshit. You don't fuck any maintenance tools. Yeah. Yeah, that kind of shit. Uh
[01:21:00] I hate that bespoke bespoke post company spoke. I don't it's that kind of shit, dude
[01:21:06] It's just like it's like a little you get a cigarette holder and fucking yeah steam punk shit
[01:21:11] That yeah, exactly. Yeah, like bro steam punk. Yeah. Yeah, I know the vibe. You know very like 2010 hipster
[01:21:18] Yeah, I guess which is now it's been like dispersed to the culture at large
[01:21:24] Yeah, and now people are like yeah, I really like you know like red-winged boots and fucking yeah
[01:21:29] Yeah, that kind of dumb shit like a mumford and sons. They're not good boots. No man. It's sombas
[01:21:36] You were only sombas the only shoe I want boots for the winner
[01:21:41] Uh, you know I get a nice boots boots. I have that I schemed out of the garbage
[01:21:45] I think the only boots should be allowed to wear like whale skin covered infer and then a
[01:21:50] String wrapped around the entire thing like a like an Inuit
[01:21:54] Those seem warm. You should have like a very eglooie look. I wouldn't be opposed. I just do they you know what do they what's the traction like?
[01:22:02] No, not yet. Really? I think it arrives today
[01:22:05] Goddamn yours yours arrived. I'm jealous. I'm so happy. I want boots man. Both Adam and stuff got pocket pussies
[01:22:12] We're gonna tape together and we promise they don't make they don't make child dick size pocket
[01:22:18] Because what's in America because they're it's a way would that be a problem?
[01:22:21] What do you mean you could a child could have sex with a woman?
[01:22:27] Fill that hit the back wall. No, they needed to buy child vagina pocket pussy
[01:22:31] So they've been waiting for him to clear customs
[01:22:34] Because you gotta get a island. You gotta get him from Japan. That's a good idea to dress where they invented pedophilia
[01:22:40] Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's on right in front of me dude. I land you're gonna claim a different culture and when did pedophilia
[01:22:46] Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, that's it. That's democracy in pedophilia. That's our two those are two big ones
[01:22:52] How are you gonna do that? You know why is it pedophilia greek word? It is closed motherfucker case closed. No, it's Japanese
[01:23:04] Like Japanese like video game like American video games in Japan but like games that are made by Japanese people
[01:23:10] They like just fuck up their own language to make like uh
[01:23:15] Like super Mario brothers is like a super immortal bruzado
[01:23:26] Like that's a Japanese name of it. It's like whatever the Japanese word for hedgehog is yeah
[01:23:31] I love that dude. They just talk like a racist version of themselves tight. Yeah, I wish more countries did that dude
[01:23:36] They they submit dude. That's right. Japan is has bent to the knee ever since
[01:23:42] Dude, they ever since that fucking ever since that ever since that
[01:23:51] We can't take credit. They know what the fuck we're in americans. I know I didn't do anything. Yeah, it was nix family nix irish family
[01:23:57] They're all responsible. Did you have relatives of fun world war two? No, of course not what your grand your grandpa was in world war two
[01:24:07] What was he a deserter? No, one of my grandfathers was born in like 1931
[01:24:12] The other one was so you didn't go to korea the other one just like sort of fucked around. I don't
[01:24:17] Really? Yeah, actually, you know what he was born in like 1920. So he would have been like 15 in the war ended. No 25
[01:24:24] So that's prying. No, he just didn't do what he didn't do what he didn't do
[01:24:30] He was in the navy. He just I don't think he did any
[01:24:34] Oh, so yeah, he fought but he didn't nix. I just thought about yellow billied. Yeah, you got coward in your blower
[01:24:40] No, both of my grandfathers were in the military. Oh, he just didn't do anything
[01:24:44] Yeah, well one of them is like a weird guy. He was like kind of a con man
[01:24:47] So I don't know anything about him. He'll never drank his entire life. He had a secret family in Louisiana
[01:24:58] My other grandfather was like a navy pilot. Oh, so he but he didn't fight not in world war two. No, he like what about korea
[01:25:07] Uh, no, he was deployed in like the Baltic tracking submarines. Uh, yeah, my grandfather was in italy
[01:25:15] Doing a cartography like maps. Yeah, so drawing pictures
[01:25:18] Like he's like doodling. Yeah, doodling and raping but he didn't rape
[01:25:23] Said he did it earlier. I'll try and call me yellow. I'll fucking cut your ass up. Dude. Come over here
[01:25:29] Don't put the knife down my grandmother's not funny. I'm gonna turn your socks red
[01:25:37] That's my kille's tendons from greek mythology stop witch ass up with my swiss army knife
[01:25:43] My grandfather got caught in the what's it do in a war with bulgaria? Don't do it. Don't say it
[01:25:48] Don't say some stupid bit about this army at him. I know that's where you're gonna go
[01:25:53] What's up with the swiss army? They just have like gadgets is that what you're gonna say?
[01:25:56] So long as long as well. No the popes guards are called this this
[01:26:08] That's that's an interesting question and one that that we need to look into but there's no
[01:26:14] There's no swiss army, but that the popes guards are
[01:26:17] Mm-hmm. Call this swiss. I bet there's a very
[01:26:21] There's a barely interesting reason that's not a good joke for that
[01:26:26] So you should look that up and then tell us we'll get back to you on the next. Thanks, man
[01:26:33] Put the knife away. I just know dude. I've been a weird episode with a lot of people love the jane
[01:26:39] Good thing about a knife that's good is that you know
[01:26:42] It gives you not the same amount of power that a gun has right but enough power that you can wave it around the room
[01:26:49] Sure sure and people aren't allowed to say anything about
[01:26:53] I think like you when I was sitting abroad there were like British kids and I think that their street violence is
[01:26:59] Is better than American street violence. They have a lot more stabbings and like I'm gonna take your loaves off bruv
[01:27:05] Yeah, yeah, because because they don't know me because in America we have guns and they don't know that fish boy up
[01:27:11] Yeah, I'm gonna get in here and pop his drums. Come here boy off your bell end. Give him a Chelsea smile
[01:27:35] And cut it off. We're gonna slice up your bullets mate
[01:27:39] We think of that Adam. Yeah, what do you think of that? We're gonna slice off your balls cut your fucking dick off and then your balls
[01:27:47] Slice up your balls so they look like a tiger got to him. I would love the idea of just doing this to like a stranger waiting
[01:27:54] Who's had that power? I just think that if you guys motherfucker, I'm gonna cut you dick off
[01:28:01] And the police show up and they're just there every week. I'm always at that chick-fil-a doing the same thing
[01:28:06] You're doing it for gay rights though. Put the knife down Nick. Come on
[01:28:18] Is in california gay man on the loose in california the cops are allowed to just take you directly to the mental hospital
[01:28:25] Whoa, you're allowed to be a loco for being crazy. Yeah, you can just go to the you get instead of jailing people
[01:28:30] You can get fucking and then are you there indefinitely?
[01:28:32] Um, I don't know, but the cops can commit people. That's a refifty one fifty. That's too much
[01:28:37] That's too much power to answer your question if you guys cut off my dick and balls
[01:28:42] We'll cut off your dick slice up your balls
[01:28:45] Slice up my balls. I think that it would just I would be pretty pissed and maybe need to take a week or two off the podcast
[01:28:55] I would be ticked dude finally I have a trans member on the show and nobody would be it
[01:29:00] Be allowed to say that we're fucking racist anymore
[01:29:05] Sobs trans in a way that his body produces a bunch of estrogen
[01:29:18] I didn't know you even need to take it that far. I did it was just you're
[01:29:22] Weight pressing on your small testes your small they got big fat balls
[01:29:26] But I did usually my mom's my mom's chocolate women's vitamins your mom's pussy. No
[01:29:36] I ate her when salva's born. He ate his mom's I ate her chonzo. He got so fat. What?
[01:29:42] Well, how would that make me? Yeah, they're like I think this is the umbilical cord, but it might just be a twizzler
[01:29:49] I don't know. I've never seen this before
[01:29:55] Is pre he's premature. No, he's he's pre diabetic
[01:30:01] That premature he's actually was in there a little too long
[01:30:06] I was just eating candies. Uh, ma'am. I'm sorry. You have a rare disease. That's known commonly as intaminous pussy
[01:30:18] I know the door code my wife gave birth two weeks ago. So they come in here. I'm trying to get on s&l
[01:30:24] Is so I'm doing more of like a man on the street
[01:30:28] I like the idea of a baby. Oh, yeah, I'll leave. Yeah, no problem
[01:30:32] You actually can't call the cops because it's not illegal to say things people so
[01:30:37] It's first. Yeah. Enjoy your fat baby. You dumb bitch
[01:30:41] Yeah, I would oh, you know lorn well then uh, my name is uh, erin glazer
[01:30:46] Hey, I'm a triple threat. Yeah, I'm a triple threat. I do improv. I do stand up and I rape girls
[01:30:58] I took that one from you you took a bit from me. I took it from you. How's it feel?
[01:31:03] Take a pack right at the same time is cute. No, I thought that's what synergy
[01:31:08] Oh, you do slice the energy and I think that's business solutions
[01:31:12] Dude, I love slicing slicing feels good. I can't wait to just go to go to fucking time square on new years
[01:31:19] I get people a couple of nicks. Can we call this the the knife episode
[01:31:24] Nick just confessed. That's premeditated knife crime, dude. Yeah. Yeah, you confess to a fucking crime on first of all
[01:31:30] I would never time square is for torus, you know the real murderers go to fucking yeah, yeah the low re side
[01:31:36] Mm. He's run up to the new world trade center and start giving a couple slices on wall
[01:31:42] That's a good place. It's not as bad as what they did on nine level
[01:31:48] Made a couple of slices on the new world trade center today. Yeah, we had you looking at me
[01:31:54] Uh, we want to establish a global califate, bro
[01:31:58] So we gonna we trying to like stab everyone that's like not down with our jihap
[01:32:03] You know what I'm saying? That's not bad. Yeah, I'm bad care
[01:32:08] Puerto Rican Isis. Yeah, bro. Like I'm saying like ever since I've been mucha hadim bro
[01:32:12] Like I've been like, you know, you getting a lot of pussy, you know from virgin girls
[01:32:17] They just want to join Isis and be brides and show. Yeah, dude
[01:32:21] Yeah, pushy. It's like uh, it's like uh, they put like it's like playing gta
[01:32:26] They put like a gay guy and like uh in like a low rider
[01:32:29] Right and then the water is already up to his neck and then they just lower the hydraul
[01:32:52] All right, that was pretty good. This is a long one. Oh shit. How long do we do an hour and a half? I think yeah, we're done