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Ep. 66 - Oopsadoozio

Cum Town | Regular | 08/24/2017

[00:00:00] I gotta set the timer for one hour nice that's out we get tactical military
[00:00:16] precision you do it on your tactical gear combat boots and knife attached to my
[00:00:22] knee the side of my knee oh yeah lower thigh yeah yeah not right and reach of
[00:00:27] your arm yeah that's cool I think if you just I'm gonna start getting a
[00:00:32] knife I go on any product I cut myself accidentally enough that I should be a
[00:00:37] knife like I yeah you've got the fingertips of a knife fighter yeah you
[00:00:42] clumsy motherfucker I'm not clumsy people interrupt me while I'm working I
[00:00:47] don't know dude I don't know my father carpenter of 47 years beautiful hands
[00:00:54] pristine really pristine hands but his friend Costa chopped his whole fucking
[00:00:59] thumb off my man's got just a round as little mass nub no no nail and he
[00:01:07] basically just got the nail officers got like a thin ass bulbous little thumb
[00:01:12] yeah it's about it's bound to happen if you like work with tools long enough
[00:01:18] eventually you're gonna cut your hands off you're gonna lose your hands your
[00:01:22] whole hands yeah which is 100% of everyone who's ever been a carpenter
[00:01:27] and some Jesus died with zero hands yeah we had holes in the middle of yeah
[00:01:32] I think corrected yeah you either either chopped off you get little
[00:01:37] stomata in the middle of it stigma sta sta sta sta sta sta sta sta sta sta
[00:01:42] stoma is mouth in Greek stoma is when there's like a hole in your fucking throat
[00:01:52] it's like retarded kids have it sometimes they got really yeah they got an extra
[00:01:56] fucking thing in their throat because of being retarded or as a punishment the
[00:02:01] doctors do it's like a breathing tube or something went in there at some point
[00:02:05] it's like it's like the input jack on a on a retarded kid when you plug the Nintendo 64
[00:02:13] and you put Slim Jim's directly into it yeah that's pretty good they should try
[00:02:19] the top of their brains feeding tubes you hook you put one tube one one end of
[00:02:24] the feeding tube goes into the stoma and then the other end goes into the packet
[00:02:28] of peanut M&M's that's how you know like the doctor says like man I'm sorry
[00:02:36] you're your kids gonna be retarded and there's nothing we can do about that but
[00:02:41] we can at least make him big so we're gonna force feed him candy to become the
[00:02:50] most retarded the world's greatest doctor instead of curing diseases why
[00:03:02] I make my patients the best at having them behold my maid's patient who is the
[00:03:10] gayest man in the world I've encouraged this man to be even gayer than he was
[00:03:18] when he came to me and said please can I have the prep pill and I gave him smarties
[00:03:25] instead I told him it was better handy related without condo based in my years
[00:03:33] of research into the mentally disabled you can save money by prescribing candy
[00:03:41] oh why I used to think like they're like yeah in medical tests that though I
[00:03:48] either give you the real drug or a sugar pill or a sugar pill I'm like well
[00:03:53] wouldn't you know it's a sugar pill based on the fact that it tastes like candy
[00:03:57] you know but it's I think it's a cap with sugar in it oh it's a cap with sugar
[00:04:01] I think so although Advil is pretty sweet sometimes I built a great deal
[00:04:06] sometimes I'll really suck on an advil like it's a lot they put something on
[00:04:10] that huh they put something on Advil I think they got a candy shell there's a
[00:04:14] little candy shell which is a strange waiting night with medicine it's like
[00:04:18] there are other medicine that tastes good I mean dime a tap the OG of tasting
[00:04:22] good I used to fucking guzzle dime a dream has a nice post nasal drip it's
[00:04:27] got kind of like a orangey oh yeah the cough syrup the coffee no no no it's
[00:04:32] no spray no a dexadrin it's like Adderall really it's like an orange Adderall
[00:04:37] I'm not I've my the Adderalls I have our orange like colored we have a couple
[00:04:45] little balls in them who's it kind of tastes like tang who they got a little
[00:04:50] zest in there a little orange zest one time my grandma was babysitting my
[00:04:54] cousins there was like metamucil above the fridge yeah that just makes you
[00:04:59] shit right and they thought it was tang so like grandma we want that
[00:05:03] tang and she gave them like that she was just letting them drink a bunch of
[00:05:08] metamucil oh no and then they yeah they just shit all over the house
[00:05:15] do people I feel like I haven't seen metamucil in years I guess I'm not
[00:05:20] around all not yet dude you're not watching daytime TV like you I should
[00:05:23] start taking metamucil I feel like metamucil at my high protein diet
[00:05:27] metamucil got replaced I feel like by the yogurt activity that's true Jamie
[00:05:33] Lee Curtis just wants to know everyone knows she's shit now she's
[00:05:37] getting good black tibia you know uh-huh yeah black tibia how do we get the
[00:05:42] brothers to eat yogurt we got to get into the brothers market that is the
[00:05:47] equivalent of Jamie Lee Curtis what do you mean the black guy equivalent of
[00:05:53] Jamie Lee Curtis like she's active around that eight you know if cuz who's
[00:05:57] gonna be the black tibia oh this folks be Steve Harvey smooth Steve Harvey of
[00:06:01] course yeah not JB Steve Harvey that's great of course yeah but bald Steve
[00:06:06] Harvey not in the hair days man Steve looking good dude that's such a good
[00:06:13] career you just get to fucking look at the camera when someone says something
[00:06:17] stupid oh Lord from the your type family is huge yeah and you guys
[00:06:24] Steve Harvey's big break that was a great show no is that people would come on
[00:06:28] and they would do with they would have to learn how to do a thing or something I
[00:06:31] just remember one where like a guy had to learn how to do that shit where you'd
[00:06:35] pull a table cloth whoa shit stays on the table that's cool yeah and so they'd
[00:06:40] like capital maybe with a professional he taught him how to do it and when we're
[00:06:44] a guy had to like memorize pie after a hundred digits holy fuck he did it
[00:06:48] what right on the show that like with the give you a couple weeks here you
[00:06:53] are the hard man's had an interesting career what is he just hosted yeah just
[00:06:56] so he hosted the Apollo he hosted the the Miss America miss was he has totally
[00:07:03] fucked it up yeah there was a Steve Harvey show you know family for you show is
[00:07:09] good me and Jamel talked about that on the episode bullet head where you guys
[00:07:13] were replaced well yeah yeah we're gonna let Cedric the entertainer was on Steve
[00:07:18] Harvey shows he was his friend yeah coach Cedric coach Cedric Cedric the
[00:07:23] teacher yeah it was the Prince all right students I know you may know me
[00:07:31] Cedric the entertainer but I want you to see me as Cedric the teacher tainer
[00:07:37] this is teacher tainment there was a sexy at and Cedric Cedric had like he
[00:07:45] was dating the the secretary at the school yeah she was kind of hot but the
[00:07:50] very hot one was the principal who was Steve's love interest Steve's apartment
[00:07:55] on that show was like the same unbelievable the same apartment from like
[00:07:59] another sitcom I mean it was like a lot of shows share the same set right I
[00:08:04] feel like it was like good times or like another one where it was the same layout
[00:08:07] but good time that good times that's all good times his apartment though it was
[00:08:11] like the same layout as I think Steve's apartment where you have the kitchen
[00:08:16] off to the right side yes entrance on the left big-ass living room yeah the big
[00:08:21] living room guy it goes deep to yeah like Martin's apartment is a very
[00:08:26] distinct apartment that's true that's true the bedroom was like off into the
[00:08:31] distance on the left side with that island kitchen and then the entrance was
[00:08:35] on the island kit yeah that's very strange yeah yeah Jerry's that filled out
[00:08:39] in Ireland the Seinfeld another very interesting thing where the bedroom sort
[00:08:44] of just the bedroom a lot of cereals on some on the bike yeah yeah you see how
[00:08:49] many see a cereals that motherfucker has yeah so loud bro and the computer to
[00:08:53] the left yeah does he ever jerk off is that ever part of Seinfeld we probably
[00:08:59] yeah there's a master in the contest of course but I mean using the this the
[00:09:04] computer do we ever see that might have been pre-internet yeah so wait you think
[00:09:10] that computer was just to play like Scrabble or like back then you use the
[00:09:14] computer to connect to government super computers mainframes oh and then
[00:09:20] Jay was a hacker yeah oh Jared impressed women by hacking into Defcon
[00:09:26] Defcon 5 Jay was getting it in all the time on that
[00:09:33] you smash like they just sort of wrote in they're like oh yeah he used to have sex
[00:09:38] with Elaine yeah yeah she just couldn't be a friend of theirs yeah yeah what what
[00:09:42] is this woman I was completely inconceivable that they could just have a
[00:09:46] botanic female friend I used to love her like I used to wish that of course
[00:09:49] Jerry got back with her I used to like pray like they're not good
[00:09:54] redeemable people though they're both terrible people but like you know she
[00:09:58] so they don't deserve happiness I want an Elaine dude I remember watching
[00:10:02] Seinfeld as a kid and being like how the fuck are these Jewish guys
[00:10:06] dating all these fucking tens there's like this is ridiculous Jerry's a
[00:10:11] millionaire in the show he's a millionaire yeah George is out of work he lives
[00:10:15] with his parents half the time is George he's a loser he's cuz stands I think he's
[00:10:20] supposed to be Greek he's a talent no he's a talent yeah anyway but then I moved
[00:10:28] to New York if you were I know Kramer's not Jewish but Michael Richards is and
[00:10:32] that came out when he screamed the N word was racist yeah we found out once and
[00:10:37] for all that Michael Richards is definitely you here he would get away
[00:10:41] with it what he's a new or a Jewish no Michael Richards isn't actually Jewish
[00:10:45] like when that thing happened probably there is all these like articles that
[00:10:49] were like Michael Richards is not Jewish oh yeah I wonder how much and how
[00:11:01] much hot water a Jew would get for dropping hella and bombs I think just as
[00:11:05] much as anyone else yeah I don't think we're a Chinese guy we only sort of
[00:11:11] pretend the Jewish people aren't white I don't like no they're white of course
[00:11:16] became white in America yeah I mean they were before they they moved here they
[00:11:23] weren't white but they're white here that's there they earned they are in their
[00:11:28] whiteness their whiteness you know I just around like I'm like oh like it's
[00:11:32] different but it's not different dude whatever what's not different what do you
[00:11:36] do you just are different what what if a Chinese guy did the Michael Richards
[00:11:41] would he be in as much trouble a Chinese guy saying the N word no if Bobby Lee
[00:11:46] did that people be like you're I don't know what Bobby Lee pulls his dick out
[00:11:49] and puts on people's shoulders like Bobby come on yeah some screaming racial
[00:11:55] slurs yeah fat fat Korean guy definitely gets away with it yeah Michael
[00:12:02] Richards didn't get away with it because he's not like really a comic right he's
[00:12:06] an actor that did comedy sometimes you're right he's like he's a dude Vince way
[00:12:11] would smoke cigarettes and lift weights on the tonight show really mm-hmm
[00:12:15] he's pretty good at it I didn't even know what his stand-up was but he's an
[00:12:19] amazing physical community yeah just a broken have you ever seen clips of like
[00:12:24] Seinfeld where there are like three or four takes in and Michael Richards just
[00:12:29] once you get through the scene and like someone to laugh or mess up a line and
[00:12:32] then he's just suddenly not Kramer anymore as soon as they call cut and he's
[00:12:38] like can we please just get this fucking done this is the most unprofessional
[00:12:42] shit I've ever seen and then they're like and actions like a jerry I got my
[00:12:48] ball was caught my zip whatever is happening that's a great episode of
[00:12:53] Seinfeld when he cooked himself on the roof yes wouldn't yeah and Newman looks
[00:13:00] like a fat ass turkey yeah that's pretty good how did Newman survive in New York
[00:13:05] City Manhattan he's a male on a male guy's salary you know how much mail carriers
[00:13:10] make dude they make a lot of money starting salary is like 85,000 a year
[00:13:13] yo starting starting yeah no yeah that's not true no you work you're all all the
[00:13:19] way up to the top they're making somewhere around like I don't know
[00:13:23] was the government employee salary is probably 1.2 million a year that's that's
[00:13:27] about it was that postmaster general no just regular mail carrier that's rude
[00:13:32] lady at the front I'm factoring in birthday card money oh yeah you get you
[00:13:36] what the beak off that yeah you open up every birthday card take 20% you go you
[00:13:41] go oh oopsie Daisy you pull an oops and the kids you hold it up the light it's
[00:13:48] Elmo saying you're five now and you run your keys across the envelope by
[00:13:53] accident and say oh well this is destroyed I can't deliver this is gonna
[00:13:58] ruin this kid's birthday if he sees this envelope sliced up like this mm-hmm
[00:14:02] I'm gonna have to just take the money out of the car
[00:14:06] continue on my postmasterly way down the block I would love to be a post office
[00:14:14] guy that there was a story about some guy here some mail carrier here and like
[00:14:22] some like his boss was in the parking lot and saw his fucking like shitty
[00:14:26] Nissan or whatever that was just filled with mail and they open an
[00:14:32] investigation and they go into his apartment and like oh you just not delivered a
[00:14:37] single letter for like eight years yeah he just wasn't doing the job at all
[00:14:45] oh she's just keeping all the burn any fucking asshole at least go through it
[00:14:53] rummage through it for some good shit yeah well that's a more serious crime
[00:14:57] because like they do charge you with that shit because it's like super legal
[00:15:01] they're not just gonna fire you right considering like if you don't go
[00:15:05] through the mail and you're just like yeah I'm fucking lazy I don't want to do
[00:15:08] the job anymore I'm a horrible I gotta pay my rent yeah then you could probably
[00:15:12] get off let's try it it's the perfect crime you get it we set up a fall guy
[00:15:19] the perfect crime is stealing candy from a baby remember that one you ever hear
[00:15:24] that expression yeah it'll be like stealing candy from a baby yeah here's
[00:15:30] why don't you try this one out folks why don't you go try to steal candy from
[00:15:34] a baby and see what happens how hard it would try yeah yeah I probably isn't
[00:15:39] that easy at all that's so true the easiest crime is downloading child
[00:15:43] pornography through the door that's that's what people should say it's like oh
[00:15:55] yeah making making uh yeah well you were gonna sneak into a different movie
[00:16:00] yeah that'll be easy that'll be like downloading child
[00:16:04] browser like what the fuck are you talking about like you know like when you like
[00:16:11] the thing with a baby the candy thing with a baby the new way to say candy from
[00:16:17] a baby got the expression the candy baby expression they changed it I changed it
[00:16:22] yeah that's a easy it'll be like a piece of cake like downloading videos of
[00:16:27] children being raped through a PGP encrypted that whole expression yeah
[00:16:34] sure that thing that's so easy to do that we all know about
[00:16:40] that's just two steps well boys this is my farewell this is my friend oh dude
[00:16:49] we're all sad because stops gonna grease tomorrow we're sad well we're not sad
[00:16:55] Adam aren't you said I said I'm sad I said I'm sad Nick's not always sad we're
[00:17:00] also really sad because our favorite sad boy our favorite comedian Jerry Lewis
[00:17:06] is dead Jerry Lee Lewis Jerry Lee Lewis great balls of fire
[00:17:10] great balls of fire speaking of child porn that guy will be he fucked his
[00:17:16] married cousin yes eight year old cousin she was an eight what yeah she's nine
[00:17:22] years old dude it's not even married his like 14 year old cousin yeah but they
[00:17:28] started fucking when she was eight yeah that's when they started dating
[00:17:31] right I'm gonna marry someone after dating her what a year the courtship
[00:17:37] started after the time they got married they've been dating for years yeah oh
[00:17:41] yeah that's right you're not allowed to get away to know your multiplication
[00:17:45] you know what he got to a point where he's like wow I guess she's gonna hit
[00:17:49] puberty after all so put the knot on this boy I really hated fucking this
[00:17:56] titless midget thank God she's did he die in that plane crash the big bopper
[00:18:04] one is big bopper Richie Valens and Elvis yep Elvis died yep Elvis died
[00:18:12] and then they replaced him no I was the third guy you're right big bopper
[00:18:16] Richie Valens oh it was a buddy Holly Holly yes holly Holly that's it the most
[00:18:20] famous that's crazy that I know that you can go but that's when I think of that
[00:18:26] I think of is the buddy Holly playing
[00:18:28] yeah she valance dude I was a big bomb out buddy Holly was like 22 when that
[00:18:34] plane crash oh yeah yeah he was one of those prodigy guys Wow I'm calling
[00:18:38] proggies music socks he came look like a nerd come on dude his music's good
[00:18:42] is a nerdy no he made looking like a nerd cool like you have the same hair
[00:18:47] and you're literally dressed like him right now you're wearing you just got an
[00:18:51] haircut and you look exactly wearing buddy Holly but cosplay but for that
[00:18:55] stupid must have a fat and a fat stomach buddy Holly I would have must
[00:19:00] of all he was rail thin so I'm not fat I'm normal no you look like buddy Holly
[00:19:05] with an Alex Jones body yeah dude Alex Jones is in great shape he is for real
[00:19:11] my fitness goals dude I'm trying to have that body I'll fuck you up did you see
[00:19:15] the video in Seattle chate chasing that guy down the street no I didn't see it
[00:19:21] get away are you son of a bitch I'll fuck you up dude he just some Facebook
[00:19:30] live raping that guy people even the mainstream media keep believing to
[00:19:33] fake news up in this ring dick me down how about you step up what you come
[00:19:41] on down here dick me off how about you down this ring dick me down it's summer
[00:19:47] slam today yeah if you're my age is shit dude fuck wrestling if you like
[00:19:51] wrestling I fucking retard well there goes half our fucking shit dude I really
[00:19:58] fucking can't stand it you hate stuff everyone so I was fun to throw it on
[00:20:02] shot up I go to a party and just on the background adult me adults it's if
[00:20:07] you're too into a sure what what wrestling party would you go to if it
[00:20:11] weren't like other comics you're trying to network with no it's you never go to
[00:20:15] fun you it's not having fun yes it is going out and hang out with your friend
[00:20:20] I just think that if you're an adult and you like wrestling you should be in
[00:20:23] the closet about it I think this whole pride in liking wrestling it's gone a
[00:20:27] bit too far I will agree with you there that's that's all I feel but it can be
[00:20:31] enjoyable every once in a while I think they need to go I can show you where
[00:20:35] it's like a fight party or even a red a pay-per-view party those are fun
[00:20:38] parties uh-huh you thought get some wings even I don't care about I got stuck at
[00:20:43] a WrestleMania party this year and it was just this year let me tell you the
[00:20:47] clientele at that arena where was it some some guy's house in Los Angeles
[00:20:53] oh you're a guy was a fucking amazing cook though you made great food but
[00:20:58] everyone there was just an abject nerd yeah I mean I wouldn't go for straight
[00:21:03] I listen I'm not going to strain a strange it's like not it's not it's not
[00:21:06] it's not I should never fuck oh god damn it situation where oh like uh
[00:21:11] Ernest just threw up okay it's gross it happens that's all they'd have I'm the
[00:21:18] asshole for being like it's gross yeah we're talking about something and you're
[00:21:22] I'm I'm distracted by the oh he's doing it again fuck my ass that's gross just
[00:21:30] it would just turn him to eat the throw up after he throws it up like a dog fuck
[00:21:37] that's why I'm a sufficient creature they're like the Teslas of nature no waste
[00:21:42] yeah they eat their shit they eat their vomit right it's true I was like any
[00:21:46] time somebody says perpetual motion machines don't work I say exhibit a
[00:21:51] dog eating shit coming directly out of its ass explain that mr.
[00:21:56] Thermo dynamics that's so true mmm that's so fucking true and from now on my name
[00:22:02] is mr. Thermo dynamics my new DJ I'm gonna get colored contacts dreads ooh
[00:22:09] some fucking gazelles and cargo shorts oh yes mr. Thermo dynamic I used to do
[00:22:15] I used to do these I stand up shows at this bar and like Fairfax or somewhere
[00:22:21] I can't remember where it was yeah front Royal almost oh damn is that still
[00:22:26] Fairfax County I was way the fuck out there yeah I think it was front Royal
[00:22:30] anyway blue iguana that was the name of the bar mm-hmm so wherever the fuck
[00:22:34] blue iguana is I would go do shows there and the manager of the club was this
[00:22:41] guy who had his head shaved except for like the Chinese Q yeah hell yeah yeah he
[00:22:49] was like a busy Chinese no he's a white guy he was like a matrix white guy yeah
[00:22:53] he made a human is like a goth girlfriend made industrial music oh yeah
[00:23:01] he showed me he was like I turned my basement into an enchanted forest and he
[00:23:06] done all this like set design work to turn his basement like literally into an
[00:23:10] inch like a little there's all these big trees around like the walls and a fog
[00:23:14] machine and all these like weird like you know this bio luminescent like it
[00:23:20] looked like avatar basically damn you need to put a loin cloth on and fuck his
[00:23:24] girlfriend and I'm sure they did all sorts of weird shit and then he like
[00:23:27] gave me the CD for his like industrial band with him and his girlfriend I'm
[00:23:31] like oh yeah thanks dude I'll totally listen to it and I used to listen to it
[00:23:34] all the time it was actually pretty good yeah like any other industrial music
[00:23:41] you've ever heard I only know nine inch nails there's a lot who else Km FDM
[00:23:47] that's a big one I don't know that I never heard that sounds fake sounds like a
[00:23:52] bunch of letters just the ramstein psych industrial okay yeah I'm stein yeah
[00:23:57] I only know do host yeah do that's a slapper yeah do hoste micked yeah that's
[00:24:04] song rule we just do host you host is Rams team how does it go do do last do
[00:24:11] host me do host me oh yeah take a take a take a take a take a take a take a
[00:24:17] listen that song do you guys have a catch it song dance with the devil was
[00:24:21] like that bad bad bad bad it was like fight fight fight and dance with the devil
[00:24:30] It was like it was going on a good start like third grade and like priests would like hold
[00:24:38] prayer rallies against it like they would like
[00:24:41] Show up and like hold up big ass cross. It's like a couple of cocks being triggered to me
[00:24:48] Snowflake priest no flake
[00:24:50] priest
[00:24:51] Bitch mother power of Rams. Yeah, that song is something that was rammed is definite. You're a trash like summer
[00:24:57] Dance is never yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh wait
[00:25:00] Well, there's another song dance with the devil which is that guy immortal technique
[00:25:05] Who has a song about raping your mother's where yeah? He's trying to get into a gang and then they like funny that
[00:25:13] that bullied
[00:25:15] And Lee
[00:25:17] He was his bully because immortal technique is the second lamest rapper in the world
[00:25:21] Yeah, it was slightly in front of he would fuck how about we redo Hamilton and the only song and the whole thing
[00:25:28] They keep singing it over and over again as despasito
[00:25:33] The Puerto Rican Hamilton
[00:25:37] I loved it. I like that song who's anti despasito
[00:25:41] I'd whatever come on throw that on get a couple margaritas in the
[00:25:46] Mark
[00:25:48] You were in a white linen shirt with your it's unbuttoned and it's fucking flowing
[00:25:53] You got a beautiful
[00:25:56] I love the stuff
[00:26:02] The first reference is the food around it
[00:26:05] basically it's a drink
[00:26:07] Of course there's roasting
[00:26:12] Roasted pork fucking kubano sandwich
[00:26:16] Maybe a little rose couldn't pull you yeah, absolutely you get that corn that corn with the fucking that's despasito
[00:26:30] That's how we lunch down in Puerto Chico
[00:26:34] I love that line so much. I don't know why it sounds damn. I want you
[00:26:41] Because we're done in Puerto Rico making the name of your country spicier, you know
[00:26:47] But I say it the way we say Wow mayor
[00:26:51] Whatever whenever I hear a Spanish person say like yeah, my cousin from me. I'm either yeah, that's stupid
[00:26:57] I just want to say like come on I'm from LA LA
[00:27:00] I'm from LA. I'm from LA. Um
[00:27:05] Anyway, that's despasito boys
[00:27:08] Little fucking German people say Deutschland
[00:27:17] Absolutely it's not Deutschland what?
[00:27:20] Germany wait wait it's not Deutschland. What do you mean they need to say Germany to you if a German person is calling back home in Germany
[00:27:30] Right, okay. Yeah. I agree. Yeah, do each land. They lost the war. They don't get the name the country
[00:27:37] Oh, we should change the name for that what I'm saying
[00:27:40] Damn, I am gonna get pork rinds now that you say also how they change their name to Dutch land when there's already a Dutch
[00:27:46] So true. Yeah, well it's heads because they smoke duchess. Well, then you do that here to the Penn's land
[00:27:52] That's my apartment name. Yeah, cuz the Dutch don't live there the Pennsylvanian Dutch the Pennsylvanian Dutch are German
[00:27:59] Yeah, that's true. They're not even Dutch
[00:28:01] Don't they call regular people English?
[00:28:04] See this is why World War two happened boys because they were so confused about where they were from how about we start calling
[00:28:10] Impressions again. Oh, I like Prussians were Germans. Yeah. Yeah, wait Prussians and Russians
[00:28:16] No, I always thought they were I thought they were Polish Russians forever. No, that would seem to be like
[00:28:21] I'm so did cool. The Germans were Prussians Austrians. Yeah, what about Visigoths?
[00:28:28] Those were French
[00:28:30] Got yeah, it's pretty cool sounding Visigoth. Yeah, dude. They were like hot topic. Yes, but they have spears and shit my new name is
[00:28:38] Visigoth thermodynamics
[00:28:41] That's mr. Thurgermo dynamics first name is Visigoth
[00:28:44] I
[00:28:45] Make electronic music
[00:28:48] Visigoth thermodynamics is like a fucking
[00:28:53] Today about a woman named John Ross scenario
[00:28:57] That's really good. Have you been here rave before Nick? I went to Starscape one time in Baltimore. Yeah
[00:29:05] Was there like a light show and shit? Yeah, there was shit, dude
[00:29:08] Yeah, that's where fucking sucked and we would go do actually for the first time at Starscape
[00:29:12] Yeah, just like with a lot of bracelets and stuff. Yeah, do you remember when rave culture?
[00:29:17] It was like there were always girls that like would have butterfly wings or like angel wings sure
[00:29:24] I remember that
[00:29:26] Man, I didn't go to any fuckers. I think that was pretty close furry boots
[00:29:30] That's like the late. That's the lamestyle. What's it? What is that? Yeah, explain it to me
[00:29:35] That Adidas tracksuit Indian headdress furry boots
[00:29:40] Yeah
[00:29:42] I'm gonna I'm gonna make my Instagram me doing the like follow me thing. Oh, yeah
[00:29:47] Yeah, that's good. You're not cute enough though. You're ugly. I'm gonna be there
[00:29:51] I'm gonna be there gonna be the girl no yeah, I'm gonna be the girl and then I'm trying to decide what the hand will be
[00:29:57] Probably a hook of some sort
[00:30:00] Just a little midget hand
[00:30:02] And it's a dark basement
[00:30:09] There's something better than that I'm trying to think what would be a good parody of the follow me just a penis maybe yeah, just a penis
[00:30:23] Just a penis. Yeah, just a penis. Yeah, just holding a day. Don't have to reinvent the wheel here
[00:30:29] What do you mean reinvent the wheel who's done that huh nobody's done that but what I'm saying is when in doubt
[00:30:37] The answer is a thing that reinvent the wheel thing. That means what do something that's already been done
[00:30:43] No, it means that like you don't go to the fucking
[00:30:48] original
[00:30:50] It's like
[00:30:56] It's not film a child pornography we could just download it
[00:31:19] Yeah, well, it's what I might desire this should be easier. This should be as easy as me downloading
[00:31:27] We don't have to oh
[00:31:29] God we don't have to find producers and craft services and a DP and film child pornography when it's readily available
[00:31:38] the dark web
[00:31:40] Fuck yeah, we'll do both he is kill two children with one dick
[00:31:49] But do you know that expression to write kill two and kill two kids one dick
[00:31:57] Fuck that is a weird expression now kill two birds with one stone you see how easy you stand up comedy is yeah
[00:32:05] You just oh yeah, this would be killing you see how fucking simple of a stupid bullshit. I don't know if it's easy
[00:32:12] But it's definitely dumb. It's very easy
[00:32:16] Sometimes if you get you can plug into the Matrix certain people kill with shit and you're like what am I doing here?
[00:32:21] Yeah
[00:32:22] And then you're like I it almost feels like when when you get a good bit that you're proud of it feels like an accident
[00:32:28] Yeah, it's like it's like so many things have aligned where it's like oh people are
[00:32:32] Happened to be laughing at this because I've figured out some other dumb tricks to make them laugh
[00:32:37] Mmm something I actually well I love is the comics you see where?
[00:32:41] 90% of the laughter and their said is well that didn't work
[00:32:45] And then they like just get they bail on all the jokes
[00:32:48] And that's more like open my culture though. No, I do it a clubs really yeah
[00:32:54] I've seen like I guess that didn't work. Oh, I would love to do 45 minute to go book a club headline
[00:33:00] Right 45 minutes of bad jokes to purposefully bail on them and only have recovery and do
[00:33:08] Do a recovery set just to see if you can sustain it for 45
[00:33:14] Absolutely not you could not you get like three or four of those I've watched you do it
[00:33:19] For how dare you that's rude. I know it's rude. How dare you I'm a master of stage of
[00:33:25] Lestage yeah stage four diabetes
[00:33:35] Your body as pebble
[00:33:44] I just secrete marshmallow
[00:33:46] Oh
[00:33:52] That would be that would come in handy you just get a fat guy to sweat when you wanted some fucking toppings
[00:33:58] Something to think about guys topping I was laughing
[00:34:02] I was laughing thinking about you going back to Greece and it's like funny to think about like all your family is just
[00:34:09] Clones of you, but it's even funnier to think about all your cousins are like John Stamos Greek guys
[00:34:14] Yes, like fucking all of you know what you mean like into rocket or wearing leather Jack rocket roll beach boys
[00:34:23] Jesse's like the gayest television
[00:34:29] Yeah, he's real cool. He's like a four-year-old's idea of what a cool guy. Yeah, he impressed a baby
[00:34:35] Yeah, that is who I thought was the coolest guy on earth when I was little kid
[00:34:39] That's who I did thought I was like remember
[00:34:41] I said I like imagine myself be much cooler than I was yeah, I basically thought I was Uncle Jesse
[00:34:47] So when you're a rocker billy you're going
[00:34:50] You're going famous, but I was channeling Stamos in my head. I thought I wanted to be rockabilly
[00:34:56] I agree our Greek moms like oh when you're older you'll be like
[00:35:03] I the children about that kind of shit. Oh, yeah, you're going to be so handsome when you're older
[00:35:09] I just turned into some fat game gate shithead with eyebrow acne friends
[00:35:15] Yeah, you will be such a beautiful
[00:35:19] You're going to make all the girls go crazy
[00:35:24] You're gonna be a hard breaker, why do we say that is a positive thing? Yeah, our breaker our breaker
[00:35:30] You know what they should as an anus breaker
[00:35:33] Sphinx job
[00:35:35] Yeah
[00:35:37] Yeah, what was I saying about John Stamos or whatever? Oh, yeah, I thought it was cool as shit
[00:35:42] But yeah, you're right. It's what a baby thinks is tight apparently he's still touring with the Beach Boys
[00:35:47] John Stamos. Yeah, my man Tony Danza works a booth at the San Genaro Festival every year in New York
[00:35:54] Yeah, I want to go down what other San Genaro festival is there all over other than the one in little Italy
[00:36:01] Yeah, the two block area that is known as little it'll be taken over by the Chinese
[00:36:08] That's revenge. You want to talk about everything Marco Polo stole
[00:36:13] Yeah, it was low-main before it was spaghetti you fucking box spaghetti and they stole little Italy
[00:36:20] All right, money
[00:36:21] Gunpowder the Chinese invented fucking everything. Yo, what if Chinese people made pizza? They did would be scandal. They did dude
[00:36:28] Is that yes pizza was it was Chinese and then fucking Marco Polo brought that shit back
[00:36:35] What a fucking hack. Yeah, dude the Italians have zero culture. They stole it all from the Chinese
[00:36:40] It's true. They've stolen everything. They stole our shit the Romans just took live basically
[00:36:45] They just renamed our gods. You couldn't even keep the same names you fucking pricks the Chinese the Chinese had the best
[00:36:51] Culture or like a thousand years ago and then they reached the pinnacle and they were like
[00:36:56] You know, we don't need culture anymore. We're just gonna smoke cigarettes and spit
[00:37:04] You know we're like minions we're gonna work really really hard. Yeah
[00:37:10] Placeable yeah interchangeable
[00:37:12] One's named Bob
[00:37:14] That's all my minion knowledge. Oh, I thought you meant there's a Chinese guy named Bob. I'm sure there is
[00:37:20] You ever go to that restaurant. He's Chinese. Yeah, it's a Chinese guy
[00:37:26] Isn't that Canadian what's the Canadian place that they all talk oh hoorn's Tim horns?
[00:37:33] That's you I like that. She's have like a vague general contractor name
[00:37:39] A restaurant and name it after my entire name
[00:37:43] Yeah, what makes yeah, it's a special place. Yeah, fuck horse fuck Tim Horton and his bullshit donuts
[00:37:49] It's a doughnut store. Yeah, it's like a coffee donut joint Tim Hortons isn't bad. I've never been a little ham and cheese
[00:37:56] Sandwich I've never been a candidate. Oh, that's right. I forgot that I'm the only one that's done JFL new faces. Oh, yeah
[00:38:05] It feels so great to be in my week up in up in Chana da
[00:38:11] That's how they say it there. Oh, really that's how they say Montreal go chao. Welcome to Chana da
[00:38:17] To chana da. Yeah, why would it's the French? Oh, you know, there's an Italian
[00:38:24] Oh, so Quebec is the French Quebec is the French one Alberto is
[00:38:29] The Berta, oh that's the Italian part of Canada never Alberto Canada whoa mama me a
[00:38:44] Hey, we did this already we literally did about Pofon. Yeah
[00:38:49] Yeah, hey, oh I got maple syrup on my canola fuck we should go back and go back to Pofon episode and say it's from
[00:38:59] Alberto Canada. Yeah, yeah, that would have been a great from Chana da just just I love Chana da
[00:39:06] Well on our weekly relisten of every single episode which we do every week. We'll just
[00:39:11] We back go in there and edit it from now on. I thought like this on Israel. Okay, thank you for listening to John
[00:39:18] Tom tell us about like your ideal like date you
[00:39:26] No, this is this is just a like a space. Oh, like oh, you're from Italy
[00:39:36] Before anyone of the the spicier you European countries
[00:39:42] any one of them the
[00:39:44] The countries they love dancing and raping in Europe
[00:39:49] They want of the rapier
[00:39:52] They'd be like silk shirt countries
[00:39:57] Disgusting countries
[00:40:00] From the south of Europe. Yeah, sir of the good northern ones that embrace it
[00:40:05] like
[00:40:06] car bombing each other and
[00:40:08] And way too many children and modern furniture. Yeah. Yeah. Oh the Danes
[00:40:14] Love them, dude. I tell you those Danes tremendous respect for the day that that's I
[00:40:20] If I could have been born into a credenza family
[00:40:24] Oh, yeah, Danish
[00:40:26] credenza-making family. Oh, I would be born happy. Oh, I would have lived a better life
[00:40:31] You have cutting damn board doors all day long
[00:40:33] Just just a smiling name apartment full of mid-century modern furniture
[00:40:39] Yeah, and a loving family and just going waking up every morning to a cuckoo clock putting on my clogs
[00:40:47] And uncomfortably to the bathroom where I remove the clogs and pull millions of splinters out of my
[00:40:56] And I take a nice long hot bath and a claw foot presumably
[00:41:01] Yeah scrub myself with a piece of cinder block
[00:41:06] They do that they drink like nine cups of coffee a day. Yeah, I already do that
[00:41:11] You ready to be back on the coffee for a week and then I ended up doing cocaine at the end of the week
[00:41:18] So I thought why don't I just drink the coffee
[00:41:23] Not do not not have a cocaine blowout
[00:41:26] You did it you did good dollar cocaine party
[00:41:33] Damn, I wanted I wanted I wanted to get gated out of that wedding. We can't we've been keeping the cocaine from you
[00:41:40] What we're worried about you. That's not fair. Yeah, you and your coke habit. Yeah
[00:41:45] Guys, I don't have a problem. I'll be honest for years. I've been trying to fatten you up because I thought we were gonna start a Bob
[00:41:51] Sled team
[00:41:53] It's true why are Bob's led guys fatter they are my arms then go
[00:41:59] I've never watched professional Bob's letting are they fat guys? You're tainted by cool running so all morbidly obese
[00:42:05] Yeah, they're not actually morbidly obese. They're all they're like insanely jacked. Yeah, they're like Bob's like guys are huge
[00:42:13] Yeah, well most athletes are that's weird. Isn't it that people?
[00:42:17] Oh, he's a limbic athletes are in great shape. Yeah, not like you know shot put guys are fat
[00:42:25] Yes, it's a fat sport. Yeah, very fat sport. It is why isn't Bob's led fat
[00:42:32] Yeah, I got the top
[00:42:34] The way you down and skiing should be fat. I feel like being fat. No cuz you go faster
[00:42:39] Why don't they have a
[00:42:41] Gravity oh, I would love a fat Olympics. I would be I would be great at it. I'm surprised Lindy hasn't already called for fat Olympics
[00:42:50] Lindy Vaughn. Yeah, Lindy Vaughn
[00:42:53] That's who I meant
[00:42:56] There's a place in New York called Lindy's cheesecakes
[00:43:03] It's very funny to me for no reason in particular guys just something we find funny
[00:43:09] I
[00:43:11] Didn't do an app because we said people's names. That's why I'm just yeah, I don't even I'm never famous
[00:43:16] She's covering it. She writes for the New York Times op-ed pitch. They fired a bunch of people to make room for
[00:43:26] Did you read that thing she wrote in the New York Times op-ed pitch her first one that was about how we'd need to get rid of freedom of speech so yeah
[00:43:33] Yeah, her order louder. Yeah
[00:43:35] Whatever I
[00:43:38] Should be allowed to use the microphones and Wendy's I
[00:43:42] Mean Trump is like whatever about the media, but if there's anything like the New York Times op-ed pages
[00:43:50] Has just gone up. It's mentally retarded. It's just the dumbest people I told you that there was a thing about
[00:43:57] Despacito being a song for Trump's America
[00:44:00] It's beautiful multicultural song what a beautiful example of integration and culture. Yeah, it's like
[00:44:10] Dumb song about horny and Spanish. Yeah, it's it. That's about being let's I'm gonna fuck you slowly on the beach
[00:44:19] This song about people getting cream-pied. Yeah, it's a song about drugging women's tricks
[00:44:25] Yeah, yeah, how many people have gotten herpes to that song that's the song that's that's song about this kind of uno
[00:44:33] dose trace
[00:44:35] Momo number five now there that's a great multicultural song. Mm-hmm. It's a German guy doing the mamba
[00:44:42] Which is Italian. Yeah, it's a black German guy black German
[00:44:47] Rita that's that sounds like a trans woman for sure
[00:44:51] For sure the names in the beginning. Those are all trans women every single woman. That's what you don't know about Lou Lou Vega
[00:44:58] Lou Vega
[00:44:59] Come on, man. Don't disrespect Vega
[00:45:02] I'll disrespect him. Please I had that whole CD
[00:45:07] Wow, you had the whole CD. Yeah instead of the single bitch
[00:45:11] It would be worse if you had the single people got singers that we were children
[00:45:16] Children don't like you were a bumping on CD is kind of a waste of memory
[00:45:22] That would be yeah, but you had fucking mambo number five on on 45
[00:45:26] You didn't have a fucking single no you never bought a singular or how about this?
[00:45:31] Singles on CD no, they didn't yes, they did you fucking asked like rate like 45
[00:45:36] I had the boy is mine
[00:45:38] Single as a single the Maya and yes, no shit. Yes. I did I had what else did I have and you know what?
[00:45:45] They put a lot of remixes on there so you get like it's a single but there's like six tracks
[00:45:51] Other singles
[00:45:53] Yeah, we were on a fixed income
[00:45:56] You know I only had so much money to buy CDs
[00:46:00] So my mom's like get anything under like five bucks the singles you'd only afford the two singles were cheaper than the full
[00:46:06] Of course, of course he's thinking of the music that would come in the soda cups at McDonald's
[00:46:12] Those that's what he had what?
[00:46:15] Would come into it. Yeah, they said those like soda caps that had the like mini mp3 discs in them like Burger King or something
[00:46:23] No, I don't remember that that was a promotion for a while. That's cool. Yeah, they had like it was only talking about the lids
[00:46:30] Dad, yeah, they would have a McDonald. I never got that shit. I would never go to McDonald's, but they had whoa
[00:46:36] Mr. Fancy. Yeah, dude. I fucking ate right. I was doing lean gains when I was
[00:46:45] What do I wish it I'm going to Amsterdam tomorrow and then Greece for two weeks wait you're gonna Amsterdam on the way there
[00:46:51] I'm going to Amsterdam for a couple days just to legalize it for a couple days. What are you gonna do?
[00:46:56] Just smoke weed. I don't know I haven't figured out
[00:46:58] I feel like going somewhere and then smoking a lot of weed ruins the trip
[00:47:02] Well, don't buy a prostitute because then you'll be a hypocrite for all the shit you talk to Adam
[00:47:07] I'm not gonna buy a prostitute probably although if you know if someone why wouldn't you buy a process if someone has their own if there
[00:47:13] are sex trafficked from Russia
[00:47:17] Sex trafficked from Belarus if they're having a nice time
[00:47:21] You know are they protected by the government be having a nice time having sex?
[00:47:25] You know how dare you do it's a very sensual experience to have sex
[00:47:29] Can you pay a prostitute just to eat their pussy? Yeah, do you want to eat a process? Yeah?
[00:47:35] I like that scene in theory in a bad cowboy. Yes, I mean like cowboy eldest used to play that over and over again
[00:47:42] It's so weird to me that the guy was paying yes paying him to be the first his dick to suck his dick at that point
[00:47:51] What are you even mad about although? He did short him he didn't pay him he didn't pay him and he should have beat him up
[00:47:55] But he still got the blood job. Yeah, but from that little rick marinas looking motherfucker
[00:48:01] From my doppelganger Rick Moranis he's a thing in a vacuum. I would pay to eat a prostitute's pussy
[00:48:07] But I feel like that's a you know, that's a high risk pussy to eat. How about dick Horanis
[00:48:15] Yeah, that's his name. Wait you say Greg Lou gayness honey. I fucked the kids there. We go dick Horanis very
[00:48:22] Very nice
[00:48:25] National Lampoon's honey. I fucked the kid. Hey National slampoons
[00:48:30] Did Rick Moranis retire from acting yeah, I think you're tired. Yeah his wife died and he bitched out
[00:48:36] Yeah, it's like I'm too much of a pussy
[00:48:41] You didn't give her as that real talk
[00:48:44] Yeah, oh yeah, I'm a bitch
[00:48:49] I'm Rick. God damn it. We need to see tiny kids
[00:48:52] Yeah, make them fight bugs and stuff
[00:48:55] That's what America needs right now in Donald Trump's I'm surprised they haven't fucking tried to reboot those movies those were
[00:49:03] Kids yeah, yeah, they're really fucking everything they should make an all-female version of honey
[00:49:08] I sure two moms les two Leslie Jones you super
[00:49:12] Mom
[00:49:14] And she's like I know you're asked didn't make the kids small
[00:49:18] Make the kids
[00:49:21] And then the other Leslie Jones like I'm a nerd
[00:49:25] I'm doing damn experiments on the children
[00:49:29] Go down to the
[00:49:31] Small level and they're all living in Melissa McCarthy's ass
[00:49:34] Ah giant ass and they're all there's a bunch of little Leslie Jones's hmm like we're my juice box, you know
[00:49:43] five
[00:49:44] Where my lunchables at?
[00:49:46] That's good, man. Yeah, write that up. I will dude and everyone's gonna get mad
[00:49:51] You can't do an all-girl reboot of honey. I shrunk the kids
[00:49:56] I said just you watch
[00:49:59] Hell yeah, bro
[00:50:00] Well, I won't buy a prostitute, but I'm gonna I think I'm gonna ride a bike and you know on some beautiful flower fields
[00:50:07] Is there a type of Amsterdam cuisine I should have
[00:50:11] falafel oh
[00:50:12] Amsterdam falafel DC DC very nice
[00:50:16] Yeah, there's I mean I don't know the Dutch aren't known I'm gonna go protest. I'm gonna go pro
[00:50:21] I'm gonna go protest the propaganda museum they have there
[00:50:25] And Frank yeah, yeah perpetrating a lie
[00:50:29] I think that she was actually in the attic or what's the lie she never existed, bro
[00:50:35] Apparently didn't they say that she she didn't get radish like dude false flag
[00:50:40] Huh, I don't fucking know whatever
[00:50:43] Are you gonna go to the Heineken factor hell yeah, that's what the whole point of the trip
[00:50:48] You could drink a high nigga a high knee dude remember those awesome powers don't touch my high knee commercials
[00:50:53] Yeah, that's why I'm taking this trip
[00:50:55] The whole I love those so much I was two Asian girls and awesome powers to fuck me and fuck you
[00:51:02] Yeah, Mike Myers, baby
[00:51:12] But that was the parody of like the James Bond shit
[00:51:15] Yeah, it's not like fucking Mike Myers being like you'd be funny is if the girls name sounded like pussy
[00:51:22] Yeah, right right right right fuck me is there's really nothing there. There's no other level there
[00:51:29] That shit's hilarious. Mm-hmm. I love the joke about his penis pump. It's a good joke. I remember that
[00:51:34] Oh that they that when he gets
[00:51:37] Unfrozen they try to give it to me and he's like that's not mine and he's like here. How about this this book?
[00:51:42] I thought it was funny that he had to pee like he had a really long pee. I thought that was funny. Yeah, that's funny
[00:51:48] Yeah, yeah, I want to rewatch those movies. They're bad
[00:51:51] They're really bad. Yeah, but if you get I
[00:51:54] Adam no, I don't know if you do enough drugs actually Nick. Didn't we watch that at George's house. I
[00:52:01] Know we watched
[00:52:04] Bullshit I don't know what we watched two straight buds
[00:52:09] Where's the two guys and fuck a blow up all together?
[00:52:14] I just remember that like divorced guy coming in that
[00:52:17] That was fucking funny this Greek and George's dad was running basically a halfway home for fucking divorced Greek men
[00:52:25] There's some guy just barged in it like it was like 1 a.m. We've been eating pizza in high all night
[00:52:31] And he's reading like the terms of his like divorce subpoena to his friend over the phone
[00:52:38] I don't know. He's a yelling in Greek. Yeah, I have no idea what it's all Greek to me. Yeah
[00:52:43] He got what's that expression
[00:52:48] This is all regular porn to me
[00:52:50] Dog you don't happen to this guy don't get it his wife went on vacation and a retired Greek basketball player
[00:52:57] Who would just went to that island to fish and live out the rest of his days cucked his wife
[00:53:03] Her fucked him him. Yeah, fuck his wife and then she was just like I'm gonna stay here and keep fucking this guy
[00:53:08] I did his wife look good. I never saw her, but the guy was you know
[00:53:13] I don't know it sounds like a Billy bad guy to me. Yeah, if you ask me that's not a way a guy should be talking
[00:53:23] Thank you for the Rico your welcome
[00:53:28] How are you doing today? I'm your job do this for the next
[00:53:33] 15 podcast episodes
[00:53:35] And see how long it takes before people
[00:53:39] You said that to get new listeners
[00:53:43] And then they think that there is just a guided dog like this on the show wow that'll be a good trick. Yeah
[00:53:52] That's my plan
[00:53:55] Smart smart trick a John Depot, so yeah, so then Amsterdam and then I'm going to
[00:54:01] To Greece a couple weeks it turns out my family invented child porn and
[00:54:07] That expression mean
[00:54:12] Turns out my family
[00:54:19] You got bad turns out my family been a child porn
[00:54:24] Takes one to no one
[00:54:26] Yeah, so I don't fucking I'm a good go to science. I'm gonna get tan that would have been a fun tweet during the Jared thing
[00:54:33] Yeah, everyone calling subway Jared a pedophile takes one to no one
[00:54:41] That even mean takes one to no one that is legitimately a stupid that's like a smelted delta
[00:54:46] Yeah, that is very dumb, but it's kind of hard to actually shut up the phrase
[00:54:50] I'm gonna put that in my SNL packet is it?
[00:54:52] Defense attorney ladies and gentlemen of the jury before you convict my client of being a pedophile
[00:54:59] I remind you that it takes one to no one
[00:55:06] Well, I was right order order the courtroom. I actually don't know what a pedophile is I myself as a judge
[00:55:14] I've never even heard a such thing so case dismissed
[00:55:22] Hell yeah, bro. That's a good sketch. That's you get you on back again. You on SNL
[00:55:28] I think we should all get prepared some of my characters for Lauren. Oh, yeah
[00:55:35] You're too ugly for Lauren, dude. He likes cute boys. Yeah, does he John Bellaney's cute
[00:55:40] John Mulaney was never on camera. Yeah, but he liked him and they tried to do a whole sitcom like them
[00:55:46] Tried to a whole sitcom with him. What about you all those handsome guys? You know
[00:55:56] Whoa some shots of John
[00:56:01] John Mulaney John Baloney
[00:56:04] Hmm, I haven't seen John Mulaney's stand up in a long time. I call him John below
[00:56:08] Shh blue shit
[00:56:11] Yeah, John blue shit
[00:56:16] That guy's coming
[00:56:20] Well, blue she was out. Oh, yeah, I'm a manion. Yes, unfortunately he was a baby was
[00:56:26] How he was fat he was considered fat and he's just a regular guy by today's yeah, no, he's fat
[00:56:30] You're fucking morbid. Look at no, dude. I am not clearly a fat. He's not a fat
[00:56:36] He was a fat drug addict which is not that which is always a very cool. I'm gonna pull up a picture
[00:56:41] I bet she's not that fat. Hey, man, Farley were both fat. I know I know what John
[00:56:44] Blue she looks like fucking fat guy. Yeah, he's not that fat compared to what we got going on today
[00:56:50] He's got to be at least 30% body fat. That's fat. This guy's not that fat, bro. It's fucking fat. No, look at me
[00:56:57] I'm a human's it
[00:56:58] It's got you can see his whole neck
[00:57:00] I always think it's cool if you could be fat and I think that yeah
[00:57:05] I can fat guys they got a big fat neck and it's like how do you do you just shave?
[00:57:10] That you just continue shaving it like a face
[00:57:14] Fat under yeah, we don't flip the razor. Yeah, you just get old and stretch out your right
[00:57:21] You do I think so
[00:57:24] No, I don't have that situation
[00:57:26] You don't have to have a big fat neck. Thank you an enormous neck. It's not that big you can't grow hair on your face
[00:57:31] I have hair I shave today. Do you guys ever?
[00:57:34] Fuck with the leg trick razor
[00:57:36] Sometimes no I do all three it you do all thing with the little holes in it where you just rub your face
[00:57:42] Yeah, yeah, that shit hurts dude. I don't know. I mean I'll go literally like years without actually shaving my face all the way
[00:57:50] I just use clippers and I keep like stubble on my face. I
[00:57:53] Like a nice clean shave for a formal occasion
[00:57:57] I don't know what time my friends my phone actually if you don't shave your face all the way all the time
[00:58:02] It feels fucking weird when you start doing it again laughing at one time my friends mom
[00:58:05] I was over at my friend's house and his mom said
[00:58:08] Matt I got you I got you clippers for your fashion stubble
[00:58:18] You punch him in the nose it was one of the most embarrassing things ever
[00:58:21] Fashion stubble for your fashion stubble would it would a gay? Yeah thing to have your yeah
[00:58:27] Yeah, no, we definitely we made a lot of fun of them
[00:58:31] I got you penis cream for your small penis
[00:58:39] That was hell yeah
[00:58:42] Oh
[00:58:43] You're embarrassing me in front of the fashion boys your fashion stubble
[00:58:56] We're silly after dark. I'm tired dude. I am too tired from doing drywall all day
[00:59:03] Yeah, I gotta say from
[00:59:05] Being construction boys. Yeah, I've been construction like stairs this whole week basically hats off to the people in the
[00:59:15] construction
[00:59:17] Industry you mean me?
[00:59:19] It's not your job. Yes, it is. No, it's like you're a podcaster and you live in Brooklyn. Yes. It is my job
[00:59:26] What it's my job your construction? I'm sorry. That's my job. Yes. Oh really? We should all get new jobs
[00:59:32] I oh man. I try to there's a story about somebody. I know where they were saying
[00:59:38] That's my job. I mean was something fuck. I can't remember the context. It was so funny. This is the strangest memory to have
[00:59:45] Not their job. Oh, yeah, this my old roommate used to be the manager of our apartment complex and our friend who lived there
[00:59:51] She was dating some guy like who like yelled at her or something or whatever and he's like yeah
[00:59:57] He's not allowed at this apartment complex anymore. So I see him around here
[01:00:01] I'm gonna kick his ass and you know
[01:00:03] She was like yeah, don't do that or whatever. He's like it's my job
[01:00:11] That's my job that is literally my job
[01:00:16] Yeah, I'm at will calls to beat up whoever they choose
[01:00:20] The sign leases and the threatened people who come on to the apartment complex property
[01:00:31] That guy's hilarious last time I was down there
[01:00:33] He was always like fucking just stealing money from the apartment complex for dumb bullshit like he would like expense
[01:00:40] You buy all these tools on the company credit card
[01:00:42] But for himself and he wasn't the maintenance guy like we had a maintenance guy
[01:00:46] He's just like want tools for himself. So you buy him and I was last time I was there. He had a fucking uh
[01:00:54] He had like a like a power rack mounted
[01:00:58] Outside with bumper plates like fucking at least
[01:01:03] $1500 worth of exercise equipment, but it was mounted into the fucking concrete in like the mailbox area the exterior of the bill
[01:01:12] And so not in like the answer to him. Yeah, not in the exercise area, and it's like no one's using that but him right
[01:01:21] Department
[01:01:28] That rules man what a lunatic I love just
[01:01:33] Anyone who could just abuse the system like that. Yeah, well, that's the end of the episode
[01:01:38] Um you guys plug the show. I'm not gonna be here