Cum Town | Regular | 09/07/2017
[00:00:00] Well, good evening folks or good morning depending on I guess it's up to you to download the show and
[00:00:09] Listen to it at your own leisure at either the morning time nighttime good. What have you?
[00:00:17] It's another beautiful night here or morning, you know or afternoon or and it could be shitty out
[00:00:23] I don't know it's not live tonight. It's a little too hot. It was already starting to be fall. I was
[00:00:29] Ready for it to be fall. They got hot. It got a little you got a little too hot on me got a little color a little
[00:00:40] You know we got the boys back we're playing a little fast and loose this time went a little light on the notes
[00:00:46] There's only a few notes your precious notes Nick
[00:00:52] I won't say anything for five seconds and see how much dead air there is because I didn't write enough notes
[00:00:58] You can't do anything. I think there's one thing I
[00:01:02] Think I need you to say before we can proceed with the podcast and I think you know what that is
[00:01:09] You know what it is do it. I don't just do the line. You know why you're saying it for my adoring audience
[00:01:15] Yeah, do the the people want to hear it the people are like 5 a.m.
[00:01:19] Yeah, like classic bit he's opening at Madison Square Garden
[00:01:26] Oh, yeah, they're actually naming Madison Square Garden after me the more like 5 a.m. Yeah, they're even after the joke a
[00:01:33] Reen subtitle Nick Mullen. All right. Yeah, but those really though
[00:01:36] How dare you criticize the notes or pretend like the notes aren't absolutely fucking necessary
[00:01:42] What now they're necessary. It's funny that they exist. Huh?
[00:01:45] What it why is it funny that it exists isn't it's it's a podcast. I
[00:01:50] Appreciate it. Just want a lack of daisical kalee sit there and eat your fucking sushi. We did what did you get?
[00:01:57] What is that you got like tuna you got a little Sam California rolls. They're not California
[00:02:05] Sushi I got the mochi combo see you got it like a pizza made out of sushi rolls
[00:02:10] There's a big slab of like what it was in a California like tuna and like I think it's imitation
[00:02:20] You feel light his ass up tell them about that pizza. Yeah, bitch
[00:02:27] Ouch anyway, so congratulations Nick television and movie star movie star
[00:02:33] Sorry star the silver screen and stage. I think this counts as theater
[00:02:40] Yeah, I'm getting the Tony award for my my starring role as
[00:02:45] Myself I actually played myself. I actually break down the process a little bit for us
[00:02:47] So you got a knock on the door is an old Jewish man. Yeah, he said we need you you're needed
[00:02:52] And I said how did you get out of the basement?
[00:02:54] And then I realized it was a different old Jewish guy different one from the one that's currently in the basement
[00:02:59] There's a in this building it wasn't the one I keep down there to make phone calls to the bank for
[00:03:05] Like doing like a reverse Schindler's list. Yeah old Morty. What do you mean a reverse Schindler?
[00:03:10] Well, he was protecting Nazis like you mean just the Holocaust
[00:03:20] Yeah, there's list yeah Hitler's favorite list
[00:03:23] Yeah, so Nick so the old Jew came to the camp of the thing there was a limousine outside
[00:03:38] It's a bicycle it's just as good as a limousine to save a little bit of money
[00:03:44] Yeah, you know, I don't know I mean they said we need the greatest actor of our generation to play the more like 5 a.m.
[00:03:56] They had a whole wardrobe department. I mean this girl went to the Fashion Institute of Technology
[00:04:00] She knew what fuck she was doing. They actually said to me, and you brought you brother leather hat where the leather hat
[00:04:11] Just and what I please don't fuck with this cord. I'm sorry
[00:04:14] I that's the one thing I asked you it was under this so I moved it on top. Okay, so it wouldn't fight
[00:04:19] Yeah, for those of you who don't know Nick is the star is the
[00:04:28] Subway sandwiches more like five a.m. More like five different kinds of footlong more like five different kind of five
[00:04:37] $5 foot long I see where you're going. There you don't more more like five-year-olds Wow
[00:04:45] You like how sport you simply ironically bail on the joke as if you're not making it
[00:04:52] When it's like joke up. They're all bad jokes. It's a fucking podcast. That's the point of the show. Yeah
[00:04:58] What you been all so yeah, we only do this is we're creating Jonathan Swift
[00:05:07] It's called it's a podcast called come town. Yeah, just make the bad jokes and enjoy him
[00:05:12] I did enjoy the shit out of it back away from it
[00:05:16] I mean enjoyed diving backwards out of that joke like a last episode when Nick said who made the game Marco Polo up
[00:05:23] And I said how about the guy Marco Polo. Yeah, that's a good job. I deliver that with confidence
[00:05:28] Yeah, it's like you know I delivered it with confidence
[00:05:30] I've been you know I had that one at the barrel for that's kind of what we're missing without stop is when he ate it
[00:05:34] We all need to learn to appreciate the bad jokes more like stop true. Stop is a big supporter of the bad joke
[00:05:40] He is that's why I miss it Joe's guy. You know I missed him too. And so I did something about it
[00:05:45] What did you do in honor of Labor Day? I?
[00:05:48] I became a tech bro. Oh nice. I automated stavros. Do you call it the valley? No
[00:05:57] Yeah, sorry I said myself. You know what yeah, how about instead of you saying that I say what your ass
[00:06:02] Whoa see yeah now it's like stops back what I did was you made an entire you you programmed an entire iPod app
[00:06:15] I've had I've had I literally taught myself how to write iPad software to replace stavros. Nice dude. Thank you
[00:06:24] You know and I thought it would be a lot harder than it was but it was actually pretty easy
[00:06:31] And so he can go to Greece all he wants we're gonna fucking need him I got this this this iPad app here
[00:06:37] So guess who's not getting paid next month. This is really this is really perfect
[00:06:45] It's this is really perfect because I feel like this is the logical conclusion of Nick Mullen's life is that you're gonna
[00:06:50] Ultimately replace everyone in your life with an iPad app. Yeah friends. You're gonna die alone
[00:06:55] Turn into it because you you will have turned us all into iPad apps
[00:07:00] See I have these are all of his fake laughs so I can make him fake laugh at your stupid comment
[00:07:06] Can I get a little spin no you don't get to control the stop. Let me play with the stop. Let's redo this
[00:07:14] More like no, let me play like five year old son. How about this more like 5 a.m
[00:07:31] Love that the app stop is it a good app absolutely
[00:07:40] Oh my god, yeah, I want to play this like on a casio keyboard, you know
[00:07:44] Like we have a casio keyboard no, but you know this like where you can program all to sound like different pitches of farts and shit
[00:07:50] Yeah, you do for fun Jake. I'm you'd argue with people on Facebook drink whatever man. This shit's boring. Who cares
[00:08:05] Not nice you're not nice. I don't think so stuff
[00:08:09] So stop can I ask stop some questions no dude a cupcake and a candy bar
[00:08:15] So how's the food been in Greece? What even up eating five?
[00:08:24] Wow, it's like he's really here. I've missed him so much. Yeah, what else have you been eating stop 40 Jimmy Dean
[00:08:33] Dude, hell yeah, dude. Wow that's 40 Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches, huh? Oh, yeah
[00:08:39] Sounds pretty good. What did like how do you cook those peanut oil? Oh?
[00:08:43] That's interesting. You just you just put the sandwiches and peanut oil absolutely
[00:08:49] You know, that's probably pretty bad for you. Damn. Yeah, you're you're probably gonna like die early from just putting those breakfast sandwiches directly in the peanut oil
[00:08:58] Interesting. Yeah, it is interesting. It's a good point. You bring up. Yeah, yeah, but I mean you probably don't want to die
[00:09:04] Right, so you should like you know, maybe make healthier choices, you know
[00:09:09] So like for example tomorrow you could eat fried spam. No, we that's that's probably not you know something good
[00:09:16] Maybe something a little healthier lentils and fucking rice and shit. Yeah. Yeah, that's no
[00:09:22] Fuck no, dude. Oh, okay. All right. Well
[00:09:28] So what are you gonna eat tomorrow stop quadruple deck fucking burgers?
[00:09:54] Yeah, I don't he doesn't do that that often, but I felt like it was worth it to have the
[00:10:08] Nice nice nice nice nice me too interesting. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. Oh, yeah
[00:10:18] Think I should just stop playing with this. I mean I guess
[00:10:22] I guess for the fans out there. You should just keep an eye out on the iTunes store Android
[00:10:26] Store we're gonna be selling the stop app for well
[00:10:30] I was thinking I might as well just go ahead and make like a huge app a full come down out
[00:10:34] Right, so was that he does I don't know I try to figure out the right level of having him laugh
[00:10:45] And then maybe that one look you in this one you can hear Adam saying some bitch thing in the background
[00:10:50] Yeah, what did I say I don't know who cares yeah, whatever man. She's boring who cares see so we'll move on
[00:10:59] I'm trying to watch that what do you guys do for Labor Day?
[00:11:02] Do you guys have any big Labor Day plans? I feel like I didn't deserve it because I'm not really in the labor force these days damn
[00:11:12] Did you do anything or no? I do anything I took my dog for a walk. I'm painted
[00:11:19] Argued with people on the internet and then went to sleep would you argue?
[00:11:23] Yeah, would you are what did these yet hold on let's get into that?
[00:11:25] I'm paying too much attention to the app here the fruits of my labor enough here
[00:11:30] That's what I did on Labor Day is I is a I
[00:11:33] Worked stuff to take stuff away from it meanwhile. What was stop doing a cupcake and a candy boy?
[00:11:56] You know what I had like a million more that I just I got so tired of fucking adding them all into the app
[00:12:01] Yeah, cuz I sat through and I pulled like I have like 50 more of these that he can say
[00:12:12] Like I was hoping I would have it done in time. I might add some more tomorrow and then bring this with me
[00:12:20] So soft could be a guest. Yeah, I'm gonna bring down bring the iPad every of prep stuff
[00:12:27] You I got one where he's saying he's fucking kids and then
[00:12:30] Yeah, that's what you should have been there was a bunch of all the good ones because the thing was I was trying to get them all
[00:12:37] Shit all the yaz and I got all the basic stuff and then the food stuff was the only likes a primo selects that I had time to do
[00:12:45] Yeah, like the what's that again quadruple deck fucking burgers nice
[00:12:54] It's like hello Nick you are quite good at turning me on and then it's a picture of him already
[00:13:02] I don't like how much he's laughing at that one. Yeah, he's loving too much. Yeah, I gave it too much credit. Yes
[00:13:09] Well, anyhow, okay, I knew I really need to stop playing with the yeah, that's gonna be the next
[00:13:20] Didn't do anything what what I did was I wrote down happy Labor Day folks
[00:13:24] What did the boys get into and then in parentheses five minutes?
[00:13:27] So that meant that that conversation was supposed to take five minutes and according to the timer it took
[00:13:33] 17 seconds, okay, so Jake what were you? Yeah, what do you argument people about on the internet?
[00:13:37] Uh, you know, just bullshit like like the main thing is tell me the specific argument you got into with who name names
[00:13:44] And we'll tell you how to win. Yeah, well friends with Norm again, but I he's an idiot
[00:13:49] I I decide from Norm. I mean I was just talking about how like Labor Day is this holiday. That's a you know
[00:13:54] Created by like socialists and communists and shit all these people that have been screaming about Bernie Bros. Oh, okay
[00:14:13] Well, you know, I mean it's very hypocritical that people you know screaming about Bernie Bros. And shit for a year straight
[00:14:19] And they're like happy Labor Day. I'm having a barbecue. It's kind of silly. I don't know why
[00:14:24] I'm arguing with comedians that I haven't seen in so your problem with Norman is that he's culturally
[00:14:29] Appropriating hot dogs from hard-working socialists like yourself. I'm slaving away at a pizza restaurant
[00:14:39] I mean, I don't usually agree with Norm about that kind of shit, but that is a stupid fucking argument
[00:14:45] Well, I wasn't talking to Norm about that one me and Norm's beef is over Antifa
[00:14:49] Which he thinks are like reckless out of control the teens are calling it Antifa like he's an old-ass man
[00:14:56] Yeah, what's more dangerous some fucking like limp dick nerd that wants to put on a ski mask and knock over in dumpster or
[00:15:08] Every single night of his life. Well, that just means since
[00:15:11] 1961 just means he's good at driving back when you used to be able to get your license at eight years old
[00:15:18] I'm at this flag Texas was that back when Texas only had three flags when you guys license
[00:15:24] Yeah, the roller coasters went up and it was a different time tear him down bitch
[00:15:28] Yeah, you used to be able to drive and drink like you're only you only have one beer open in the car
[00:15:33] Like up until like 1980, but you can just get pulled over by one beer open. Yeah, you just have a road
[00:15:38] So in Texas. Yeah, yeah, we got to move there. Yeah, well, we got to move to the past
[00:15:43] That's why they went back in time. Yeah, well, I mean in Louisiana
[00:15:47] They still want a future they don't have open carries so you can drive around drinking if you want. Oh
[00:15:52] Yeah, yeah, there's no wait hoping container open
[00:15:55] I always confuse open container and open carry which interestingly enough is how I lost my license scary fire
[00:16:05] By by open container ring and open carrying at the same time. Yeah, you can't you can't mix those
[00:16:10] Yeah, pulling a slits out and yelling the N word. It's somebody threatening. Are you cop?
[00:16:15] You have to tell me if you're a cop do what about an all black lady and Tifa and it's called latifa hell yeah
[00:16:23] Yeah, thanks. Don't you're welcome. Yeah, I mean stops as you're welcome
[00:16:29] How about this they do that we're ninja shit and Tifa, but it stands for
[00:16:33] I don't know what that means what is that?
[00:16:40] Is he doing silence the lambs? I guess what is though?
[00:16:43] When did he bring up five of I don't know he said it twice and he said it like this
[00:16:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, whoo, whoo
[00:16:57] But the breakfast but the breakfast I won't put the breakfast
[00:17:06] I gotta pull I gotta pull the audio from one of the live shows from his mic during his set and get but the breakfast
[00:17:14] Stop's classic but the break the break again. I want a soundboard that just says but the breakfast and more like five a.m
[00:17:21] I think that's a nice little preview of your guys arguments from henceforth
[00:17:28] It's gonna be you you making fun of but the breakfast and him doing five a.m. Yeah, okay
[00:17:34] Oh, no, but well hold on I want to get back to this Facebook argument
[00:17:37] So who you were arguing with where you were saying that you're not allowed to celebrate Labor Day if you're not a communist
[00:17:45] You like every rich by the way, I didn't know a single communist until three months ago suddenly half the people I know are
[00:17:55] Communists. Oh, yeah, well most people weren't anything because there was there wasn't like a
[00:18:01] Actual reason to really like you were just you know
[00:18:03] They were just under the boot of the whole fucking system most people were just nihilists, which is fine
[00:18:07] It was probably a reasonable thing to be but there's like a different set of circumstances
[00:18:21] I don't know no, I mean let's not podcast about Facebook that seems like
[00:18:27] redundant that sounds fun actually no, that's what you're supposed to podcast
[00:18:32] But here's the thing is I don't care about Norm Adam back and then he he
[00:18:36] He suggested candy crushed to me after like this weird cake and a candy boy
[00:18:43] This whole fucking like falling out and then you know heard me talking about on the podcast and then we're like
[00:18:48] All right, let's be friends again and the first thing you to start sending me candy crush saga like that's a good bit
[00:18:54] I don't know if it was a bit though because he did it to everybody. I think he was just playing candy crush
[00:18:59] Mm-hmm. I like to ask all my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, stop
[00:19:03] Norm plays candy crush a lot. I remember like mentioning it to him. So do you get me a screenshot?
[00:19:08] I used to I stopped playing candy crush cut it out. It got boring, you know
[00:19:12] Yeah, I'd be on the train trying to have a conversation and they would just
[00:19:16] Slowly pull candy crush out. You know, I'm starting to think that candy crush was actually pretty good
[00:19:22] Now that I'm remembering what I was using candy crush or you know your friend, right?
[00:19:26] Yeah, absolutely the people are yeah, absolutely
[00:19:28] You would agree with that stuff. Yeah, why why don't you stop talking to an iPad as if it's a person?
[00:19:34] I keep forgetting. You know, I'm just I'm just the architect. I've been playing in the matrix in the matrix
[00:19:44] Air go fuck yourself. I believe that was the first time I'd ever heard that word. Yeah. Oh me too
[00:19:52] I look it up against there for and I'm like, why don't you just say therefore? Yeah, it's a member Dar for
[00:19:59] Absolutely what happened there. I guess everybody died damn. Yeah
[00:20:06] I you know I've been playing one of those app games where you just convert different types of crystals to other types of currency
[00:20:12] And never actually play the game you've been losing money in Bitcoin
[00:20:16] Yeah, that's not an app game. You just lost your entire life savings of the $27 in tips
[00:20:23] You got at the Chinese restaurant that delivers pizza also that you work at yeah, so I guess oh speaking of food
[00:20:31] There's been a nasty trend lately of people criticizing my food on Instagram
[00:20:36] A nasty trend off limits folks. Don't do that. Okay, if I post food on Instagram. I expect positive encouragement
[00:20:43] I'm a lifestyle icon. All right. Mm-hmm. I'm teaching people how to live their best lives
[00:20:51] Yep, you got a post pictures of food views. You got a post pictures of vacations. Yeah
[00:20:58] Yeah, I just posted up close shot of a woman's pussy. You're about to
[00:21:07] Choose your own adventure. Oh, it's like dinner. I'm gonna write a choose your own adventure book. That's all you know
[00:21:13] But you stick one finger in turn to page nine
[00:21:17] She's five years old turn to page 27 if she's
[00:21:22] 28, you know like an erotic choose your adventure. Yeah, and a lot if you don't
[00:21:28] That before child pornography and then it calls the guys
[00:21:34] Why are you talking to the iPad like it's a real person? I'm not I am acting because I'm a professional
[00:21:41] That's what I was doing. I was acting you've never acted in your life. Yes, I have no, I've done theater
[00:21:49] You don't know what you're talking about. He does he does know what he's not. Stop controlling the stuff. I suck
[00:21:58] Okay, yeah, so don't criticize my food on him at Instagram. That's not that's not happening
[00:22:03] You know my sister saw me the other day if a girl, you know a girl and she's on vacation all the time
[00:22:10] Chances are she's probably a sugar baby
[00:22:14] Somebody else is taking the picture. It's well. Yeah, and then the guy also kind of one wants to remain anonymous
[00:22:19] Yeah, what is a sugar baby? You mean an attractive woman without I mean a prostitute. Yeah
[00:22:26] Yeah, no, it's a girl that dates a rich guy
[00:22:30] I'm in a counterpart to a sugar daddy. Yeah, we're gonna just yeah
[00:22:34] Oh, what's the implication that rich men don't have emotions?
[00:22:37] Is this your rich now? Yeah, you're defensive rich
[00:22:42] Now that I think about it. Yes, it is about that. Yeah, so we're done. He has three years ago
[00:22:46] I'm gonna sing in that tune. I'm gonna celebrate right I'm gonna celebrate Labor Day as a rich man and enjoy my
[00:23:00] You know, we got plenty of news coming up with the B block which we'll get to in a minute, but
[00:23:05] Daca nobody knows what it stands for. Yeah, but people are talking about
[00:23:11] The whole bunch of white women with signs that say Daca please I guarantee you that was made
[00:23:17] And somebody went to a fucking March with it some big fat white lady with a Daca please sign
[00:23:25] Navy is okay to appropriate if you're a fat white lady doing it for the right reasons, right, you know
[00:23:31] If you didn't listen to rap until you were 25 years old and then you discovered the magic of you know
[00:23:37] Beyonce common whatever the fuck got you safely into black people that you think it's okay to use AV both
[00:23:44] Those are barbecue one time this one this white woman was like talking about she got her nails did and I was like
[00:23:49] You know, that's funny that we say shit like that cuz like it's really you know
[00:23:52] It comes from like black culture and everyone just adopts it and she just got really offended
[00:23:57] I asked that I claimed that or whatever and she just swore up and down like no, it's actually I say that like it's my own thing
[00:24:06] What it like T rock from trailer park boys walked into that party and how all those fucking woke retards would shit themselves
[00:24:13] Well, what it is like damn Julian like one of those
[00:24:17] Fucking dudes showed up to be like you can't act like that only we can because we tried for years to be Betty Page and that didn't work
[00:24:27] I'm now I'm baby two step on Twitter and I fucking you know, I have cornrows and I talk like that
[00:24:33] Yeah, all right the races to it's just like you know, just just own it right exactly be like I've got a
[00:24:40] Problem is that it's fucking corny and transparent anybody with like
[00:24:43] Behavior where you can see the motivations and like they don't realize it's that transparent. It's fucking grating
[00:24:49] It's not yeah, let's see you're embarrassed for them
[00:24:52] Well, it's why it's better to be autistic and be completely incapable of fitting in
[00:24:57] So then you don't have to worry about doing that shit by accident. Yeah, you know, no there's never been an autistic wigger
[00:25:05] That actually you know what Jake that's a good contribution that would be like a good-ass character for the show
[00:25:10] You want to try you want to take it away? Yeah, I steal it from you all right
[00:25:17] Okay, what do wiggers say it'd be like yo, what's up, man? You all like
[00:25:22] Not making it's boy. Thank you. I see where you're going
[00:25:27] Well, they're well you was it's shit or get off the pot. Yeah
[00:25:29] I feel like the reason you offended those white women though is because they genuinely think that they stole that not from black people
[00:25:40] But from gay guys who that who in turn stole it from black people. Yeah
[00:25:45] It's all white it's all black women then gay men and then white women. That's like the human centipede
[00:25:52] Absolutely. Thank you. Wow. It's what yeah, I realized the levels are wrong on stuff. So I had to fix it
[00:25:58] Oh, because he was a little quiet before absolutely. Thank God. It's not quiet now
[00:26:10] You're ready to go from black man to gay men to white women black women
[00:26:16] Oh, yeah, they're like the slay queen who they started it. Yeah
[00:26:21] So the real guys to race it's the race. Yeah, yeah
[00:26:26] On a bash at least saying it whoo what if Richard Spencer started saying like slay
[00:26:32] Yes, dude. That'd be so fucking good. Yeah, that's the right level of there nice dude. Me too nice nice nice nice
[00:26:40] All right. All right. All right. I saw me too. I saw me too. Absolutely damn
[00:26:44] Okay, cool. I just need to make sure he was losing his life there
[00:26:48] I don't know how the volume changed this is gonna sound terrible when I fucking try to edit and upload it
[00:26:54] Well, whatever, you know, this is you know what this is this is called you guys right now
[00:26:59] Everybody listening out there. You're uh, you're beta testers. Oh, yeah, that's what they say in the tech type is
[00:27:07] So yeah, so Jake they're getting rid of Daka and you're you're you're a real authentic
[00:27:15] Despacito we got on this. Yeah. Yeah, nobody in my immediate family is affected by it
[00:27:19] So you know, you how do you how do you feel though? I mean, obviously it's bad
[00:27:24] But like for someone who's probably got like one cousin that is affected by this it would be very like lame to be like
[00:27:31] You know as a deeply POC queer I have a weird haircut man
[00:27:37] I'm black now too. I'm gonna recently got they nails did
[00:27:51] D. Apostrophe acca was actually what I was planning on naming my mixed-race daughter that I have in my head when I go around
[00:28:00] It's okay for me to say I get my nails did I have a fictional mixed-race daughter that
[00:28:05] Exists in my head when I go when I show up to labor day parties
[00:28:23] You heard it here first folks from a real Mexican he doesn't care
[00:28:28] No, it's bad still bad. You don't have to be personally I fucking tied to
[00:28:32] Because it doesn't affect his shitty family about a daka, but it's a Mexican guy going I have to daka shit
[00:28:42] No, no, it's a bathroom. I have to daka shit. So that is why I had the tiger she's so bad
[00:28:57] So Jake you don't care about this no, I do care
[00:28:59] I just don't care because it's not the dreamers. That's you know what?
[00:29:03] I don't like I'm against it just because of that gay ass. Yeah, why that the dreamers
[00:29:08] Came over that yeah, no fuck that dude those people deserve not only be
[00:29:13] They're fucking underwear pulled up through their ass cheeks and have their lunch money taken away
[00:29:18] I don't you know what I don't want any dreamers in this country. Why don't you wake the fuck up and get the work?
[00:29:24] That's because they like sleeping so much
[00:29:34] Taking that siesta and dreaming so yeah, I stopped you lazy Mexican. Oh, no, they're not just dreamers
[00:29:42] You know what they eat lentils and fucking rice. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, that shit sucks. Oh, yeah, dude
[00:29:51] I mean it's bad, but does you don't have to does everything doesn't have to be personally about you posting and going
[00:29:57] It's actually you know once I met a Mexican person and that's why I feel this way
[00:30:01] You just read the paper and just like oh, this is bad news because it's bad bad thing is happening to other
[00:30:06] Absolutely. Well just from personal experience as someone that was almost beat up in high school by two Mexican girls
[00:30:21] He's laughing you for for almost being beat up by one
[00:30:27] They were seniors and I was a whoo whoo whoo was a freshman nice dude. Yeah, and they did that whole
[00:30:35] Why are you looking at me thing hell? Yeah, and I was like, I wasn't looking at anything
[00:30:42] Did you dream your way into this country?
[00:30:45] It was slept walked across the border. You know, it's a good term anchor babies. Yeah, it's like a little pop-eye baby
[00:30:54] Absolutely, that sounds cool. That sounds like a good baby
[00:30:56] I fell asleep in class one time in ninth grade and when I woke up
[00:30:59] They were just like he like looking just like 12 big-ass like bounce girls just like working on my like around my desk in Houston
[00:31:07] Yeah, it was fucking awesome. Oh, sick. Hell yeah, dude. Oh fuck. Yeah, dude
[00:31:11] I mean they're fucking with me because I fell asleep. It was pretty fun. Nice. That's a good idea for a movie though
[00:31:16] Going back anchor man three anchor baby. How about a movie called? I've never been torqued on and it's like I've never been kissed
[00:31:24] Oh, yeah, but it's about a guy that delivers pizza for a Chinese food restaurant
[00:31:30] Goes back to high school so black women can
[00:31:34] Run his face up and down their ass cheeks
[00:31:37] To Drake. Yeah, he's 30 and their teenagers and it's great
[00:31:42] Everything you ever dreamed of yeah, that was kind of the premise of that movie as she goes back to school and to rape kid
[00:31:50] It's kind of a fucked up movie. Yeah, that movie she is against the roots
[00:31:55] Yeah, I'd like to see a mashup of that and what women want what 12 year old girls want during Mel Gibson
[00:32:04] All right, what about a reboot replaced you Barrymore Jared Fogle never been kissed to
[00:32:29] I'm just gonna do it for the first half of the show
[00:32:32] Reference tier is a block on the notes if you look at really yeah, we made a half hour that that is 32 minutes
[00:32:39] We're gonna take a quick commercial break
[00:32:41] word from these sponsors more like 5 a.m
[00:32:44] Absolutely, and then we will be back with more stavro soundboard folks
[00:32:51] We got a big tech heavy episode today. Stay tuned
[00:32:55] Well folks, you know what time it is. It's the fashion corner where I go over my best
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[00:34:30] They're they're good for working out you take them to the gym you go out on dates sit around listening to the podcast
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[00:35:22] Well, we were kind of light on notes for the second half damn
[00:35:27] So I don't know we got four doozy is I'm looking at the list we skipped fitness corner. Oh, we did we did skip
[00:35:33] Fitness corner. I do want to talk about fitness for yeah hurricane predictions. We got more shit. Yeah
[00:35:45] Jake do you exercise all I write a bike for a living ride a bike for
[00:35:52] That's the one thing I do interesting now. Would you recommend writing that you have to understand?
[00:35:58] This is a lifestyle podcast. Yeah people listen to this because they they see our lifestyle
[00:36:03] And they want they want to one day achieve that through I don't know positive thinking or treating girls like shit at the bar
[00:36:11] There's a lot of different ways to become obsessively dementedly listening to just this podcast
[00:36:18] Dmming everyone all the time. There's a lot as many ways to become
[00:36:22] You what you do is you go on social media and you find someone to idolize and it's it's got to be somebody
[00:36:28] That's a real piece of shit, you know a real sociopath you got to find somebody that
[00:36:33] You know probably went to jail for assault at some point and has a lawyer whose job it is to
[00:36:39] Specifically erase every trace of that from the internet, you know you post pictures of yourself on boats
[00:36:45] You know with guns and shit. Yeah, you know what's the guy's name?
[00:36:55] It's probably that's what it was the Armenian I would assume so dude Armenians always have the dumbest fucking names
[00:37:03] Absolutely. Yeah, they're the dumb and you know who saw doesn't like Albanians, right?
[00:37:08] Right, right. He hates him. He hates him dirty. Absolutely damn
[00:37:32] There we go, let me get some energy back in the show that's what we've been missing
[00:37:36] Yeah, so fitness corner Jake you ever doing any like pull-ups or anything like that not a long time. I used to
[00:37:43] Probably been about five years since I've done a pull-up to be honest. Yeah. Yeah now
[00:37:48] I when I worked at the Grackle and there's that cage like around the outside of the bar of the patio
[00:37:53] I just do pull-ups all day not check people's IDs. I just walk past this is this is seriously so fucking funny
[00:37:59] So I like posted a picture on Instagram of those BC aa's and a can of corn in the PlayStation controller
[00:38:07] Yeah, which like there's no reason to buy BC aa's the only reason I have those what is it?
[00:38:13] It's branch shade amino acids. Oh cool and
[00:38:16] Like you're supposed to drink them like pre and post workout if you're like training fasted because it's supposed to help you like
[00:38:24] Retain muscle mass if you're not eating while you're lifting weights
[00:38:29] I don't know you're supposed to do it if you're doing lean games mainly why I get them is because like
[00:38:34] You know you're supposed to drink a shit ton of water throughout the day if you're exercising and like I don't like the taste of water
[00:38:41] Oh, you're one of those people I basically use this shit as crystal light
[00:38:45] I fucking I mean I drink a gallon of bottled water a day
[00:38:48] But then that I like the way it tastes so it helps me get in extra water from the tap
[00:38:52] It was a drink like you know for five shaker cups of of the BC aa's or whatever, but I posted that picture and
[00:39:03] Yo dog do those BC aa's help for real been thinking about picking some up
[00:39:12] I'm not joking when you posted your meal yesterday. He post he had a really good comment. What do Blake say I?
[00:39:22] Forget no. Yeah, great job. Thanks. Do well. Maybe he said even your food is autistic or something like that
[00:39:28] Yeah, that sounds like a great-owned stop. What do you think about it? Yeah?
[00:39:35] The iPad is in diabetic shock right now. Let's stop
[00:39:38] Nice dude nice dude nice dude. Yeah, I don't know the thing about Blake is that he is not
[00:39:46] He's clean from crack, but every time he quits something then you know that shit
[00:39:51] You're sober for like a week and then you're like I'm writing a book and I'm into lifting weights
[00:39:56] And it all just like you know sort of culminates in like a huge bender just break down and you start doing a drug
[00:40:03] Even worse than crack. Yeah, yeah, I rock a deal or some shit
[00:40:08] Crocodile play back three on at air conditioners and shit
[00:40:11] I just game because it's it's so funny because it's like BCA's are probably useless
[00:40:16] There's probably no reason for him like away protein supplement is pretty good
[00:40:20] Like if you need to get enough protein, but you're like trying to limit your caloric, you know intake
[00:40:25] Mm-hmm, you know if you want it like if you're trying to like you know only eat a certain amount
[00:40:30] But you still need a shit ton of protein way is like a good way to do that
[00:40:33] But for the rest like everything else in GNC is bullshit like none of that shit works
[00:40:38] They just make it look like it that there might be steroids in it
[00:40:42] Yeah, and then they get people who are literally on steroids to be like I take this shit before working out
[00:40:51] And it gets me fucking pumped and like the syringe is hanging out of the fucking lower eyelid
[00:40:57] You know this is the only thing I take is an explode 2x
[00:41:04] 9-11 it's the 9-11 BCAA supplement made from the jet fuel that literally melted
[00:41:12] Fuck now this thing is fucking up because you didn't watch that cord Adam
[00:41:16] What what I didn't do anything you fucking piece of shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah
[00:41:23] Need stop. Yeah, I don't say hell yeah. Yeah, you can't say hell. Yeah, but I just it's so funny that that's what Blake message
[00:41:30] I first of all like if you I look back at my text with Blake is just me saying hey, I'm in Williamsburg
[00:41:37] Let's get a coffee no response. We're yet. I've been Williamsburg like once every four months
[00:41:46] Hats off to him. You know what? I don't know why he's asking me for advice
[00:41:49] Life style advice if you can manage to be addicted to crack cocaine and continue to live in Williamsburg
[00:41:57] I was all doing lifestyle two blocks away from the bed from the train. Yeah, right not even shitty south
[00:42:03] I had to move into some dump in Central Park West fucking shoot heroin into my asshole
[00:42:08] I have to shoot out of my dick now because my assholes just for heroin. Yeah, but Central Park West
[00:42:14] I mean how fuck how'd you do it? Yeah, I don't know
[00:42:17] Absolutely, you guys don't know this because you don't know Blake midget. I gotta make a Blake sound
[00:42:22] He isn't that is a really good impression you do. Yeah, it's like crusty the clown
[00:42:33] Kind of used to be a man. I fucking ran into him on the street the other day
[00:42:36] He was wearing like one of those sleeveless Japanese porn shirts. It's the gay Japanese porn and I was like yeah
[00:42:42] I heard this is the thing you're doing now. He's like I've always done this. It's like no you haven't
[00:42:47] I've known you I would have seen that before
[00:42:51] Somebody told me you're going around. We're in a Japanese gay porn shirt
[00:42:59] Yeah, it's just he thinks it's funny or of course. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean Jimmy Dean
[00:43:06] Sandwich burger or breakfast and really funny when you're smoking crack like I have always been whatever the fuck you're doing for that
[00:43:14] That week your memory goes back to very very like just a wall and then somewhere way back before you fucking smoked crack and shit
[00:43:22] You know, he's just always been this human that is
[00:43:27] bartending in Williamsburg and the cutting the sleeves off his shirts and shit right now
[00:43:31] I guess he told me he's getting but he's getting into fitness cuz his bands getting back together or some shit. All right
[00:43:38] Last time is ban got back together. He ended up living with like insane Chinese. I think that's where the coke started
[00:43:45] Yeah, yeah, he's like I'm a band. We're going on tour again for the first time in 15 years
[00:43:51] Then he came back and he's like this Chinese girls moving in to be my wife
[00:43:55] I live with this Chinese girl now. Who's a nightmare?
[00:43:59] Dude, no one liked hanging out with us. She's sorry
[00:44:01] We were all hanging out on the patio one night
[00:44:04] Just drinking hanging out on the patio like seven people and she comes downstairs with a dinner plate
[00:44:10] With a bunch of blow on it like a whole fucking like eight ball on the dinner plate
[00:44:16] Who wants to do blow and everyone takes a look at the plate and then they look at her and
[00:44:21] And individually everyone's like, you know, we're all right, I guess
[00:44:35] Okay, and then just just goes back up the stairs, you know back to the apartment by herself
[00:44:40] But like said he found that plate of cocaine just in the cupboard she put it back in the cupboard
[00:44:46] Yeah, she got shot down hang out with people that fucking hard. Yeah, imagine that
[00:44:56] I also missed that fucking show because I was on a truck full of crusties to try to get from New York to Richmond to see their
[00:45:03] Band play and they I would told them like the name of the bar is like
[00:45:06] It's like flamingo bar or something like that and they fucking showed up to some place called like flaming jos or something
[00:45:12] And they were like it's great. There's fuck you literate idiot crusties
[00:45:16] They also had like guns and shit were telling about people they robbed their fucking morons
[00:45:20] The hobo lifestyle yep, you know on the freight trains with your bindle. That's something
[00:45:26] That's that's what you aspire to be as a 20 year old comic is some guy that has to ride trains the gigs
[00:45:33] Trunk hang out with fucking with with crusties armed crusties
[00:45:38] Legitimately in a in a in your comp comedy career when you upgrade from mega bus to Amtrak
[00:45:45] That is like that is that's bigger. That's bigger than flying because when you fly to a gig
[00:45:52] Yeah, you know when I first started like featuring and you would fly and then you would like almost break
[00:45:57] You know you make $200 for the weekend after that you take the cost of the flight out of the pay from the club
[00:46:02] Right, but it was like felt pretty cool to be in the airport on like business and business being you know to work
[00:46:10] I'm a comedian and then you jam into like a fucking spirit, you know economy
[00:46:14] See they charge you for wearing clothes, right? Yeah, you just have to wear one pair. You have to ride spirit naked
[00:46:32] Absolutely. Thank you. I suck me too. There's two stops now
[00:46:47] Whoo, so I know a guy who took these fucking supplements
[00:46:51] But I can't remember what the one was called it was big like ten years ago
[00:46:54] But it was like no it just turned your like your muscles into they would just retain water see we just looked jack
[00:47:03] Yeah, it's creatine or something routine work, so yeah, but what happens you stop taking it doesn't just deflate you
[00:47:08] Yeah, you deflate but what what creatine helps with is it like it gives you like it helps you recover faster
[00:47:13] And then it gives you like more energy in the gym
[00:47:16] Yeah, yeah, there's some study that says it helps your muscles like
[00:47:20] synthesize ATP faster or something or whatever. Can you take it just for your dick is that possible? No
[00:47:27] No interest that's a stop question. Hell yeah, dude. No, that's good. That's good. He was that's what we need. Yeah
[00:47:33] Yeah, um because stop's dick doesn't work Nick also today
[00:47:39] Presented me with a gift the first gift. I think you've ever given me that's true. Interesting. I now have a weight
[00:47:52] Will be too embarrassed to wear in the gym
[00:47:55] Yeah, I give I give Adam a weightlifting belt because he heard his back doing dead lifts so
[00:48:07] Well, he dead lifts that little pink five pound dumbbell
[00:48:18] Sorry, I mean other up stuff he's laughing it out. Oh, he's laughing at your you making fun of it
[00:48:35] Wish I had him I should have gotten him saying Adam's gay, you know, that would be better
[00:48:39] Don't keep your fucking hands off stop space
[00:48:46] I love that that one was short laugh and that was about four second long. Well, this is yours. Here's long laugh
[00:49:11] That the last one you played the one cackles six is an add-on
[00:49:14] So the rest of these that one's in a kutraman. So here's cackle 4
[00:49:22] After you said something racist no no cack you do cackle 3 and then you punch it with cackle 6 so it's
[00:49:31] Really cross the line. Yeah, you know, yeah, dude. Yeah, see and then there's different. Oh, yeah, dude
[00:49:44] Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, and that's as he gets tired throughout the show. So hell. Yeah, dude. Yes, dude
[00:49:50] Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. Hell. Yeah, dude. Oh fuck. Yeah, dude
[00:49:56] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
[00:50:02] You know whoo so great. Yeah, so that's gonna be on the Android and no
[00:50:09] I don't know how to make Android apps. Yeah, if you you really should be listening to come down
[00:50:14] I don't see why it would be that difficult
[00:50:17] And I really wrote this for the iPad. I guess it would be pretty easy to make it universal
[00:50:24] Yeah, what I need is an Apple watch app
[00:50:28] Stop on the Apple watch. Yeah, maybe I'll do that next. Mm-hmm. Can you make him into Siri?
[00:50:34] Holy shit, that would be pretty fucking sweet. You're like hey Siri. What's the weather today a cupcake and a candy bar?
[00:50:44] Hey Siri, what movies are playing fried spam peanut oil 40 Jimmy Dean
[00:50:49] Sandwich burger or breakfast sandwiches quadruple deck fucking burger lentils and fucking rice cupcake and a candy bar
[00:51:03] Yeah, I wish I had one that I pulled from from from the episode that I took all these from where he just goes
[00:51:13] Oh man, I wish I was on the app. Yeah, I don't I just I ran out of time
[00:51:18] I did fucking go do a bunch of shit. I was walking fast like some Puerto Rican do that
[00:51:23] He said the most fucking Puerto Rican shit ever some angry guy was just bring that pussy over here
[00:51:33] I mean pretty much this is wearing a wife here looking all anger and he just stood up to no one
[00:51:38] It just went my cousin just like a part of a sentence that had nothing like what about your cousin
[00:51:47] Or something happened to him or something. Yeah
[00:51:51] Staring into the wind like a fucking pit bull. Yes my Puerto Rican neighbor Victor
[00:51:56] Has been using our garbage can guys. Hell yeah
[00:52:02] Throwing out his his food dude his point interesting. What kind of food?
[00:52:09] Whatever man this shit's boring. Who cares?
[00:52:13] There's a new uncharted game coming out uncharted interesting are uncharted is like the Indiana Jones one
[00:52:21] Yeah, but this one has a girl in it. Oh
[00:52:28] I think more yeah actually stop wouldn't agree with me on that. He doesn't he doesn't get on board with the alright stuff
[00:52:34] He's all about you know, he would say a girl. Maybe I could eat her pussy. Oh, yeah, dude
[00:52:38] That's more his speed that's absolute. Yeah, that's all about eating pussy
[00:52:44] And then somehow pretending it's the type of feminism who
[00:52:52] Fuck Hillary has a new book out where she blames Bernie Sanders for being unfuckable
[00:52:58] How many fucking books is this bitch gonna write absolutely?
[00:53:01] She's got like one every fucking two weeks. Yeah, damn that one book is just like I own slaves chapter seven and then to like put it out
[00:53:09] Yes, it's funny. I like nobody caught that for like a year. They didn't catch that during the election
[00:53:17] It takes a village that was a different book. No, it was I own a village
[00:53:21] It takes a village for me. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:53:33] Yeah, Jake have you read any of the Hillary fun books you seem like you hate Hillary enough to read her books
[00:53:38] Yeah, yeah, I mean I would hate reader books the new one that everyone's pissed off about isn't out yet
[00:53:43] So it's just that a screenshot of a page came out where she cited a Facebook post that was like
[00:53:54] Hillary's like well guys maybe like no, and then it's very like very it's retarded fucking Facebook post
[00:54:00] I'm apparently remember those those posts. It was like the blue background with the thing on the bottom
[00:54:07] Bernie version yeah, and then somebody I forget who they wrote that fucking like medium post
[00:54:11] It was in all capital letters and it was like that's your fucking point is that she's not cool
[00:54:16] Seriously, yeah, I'm fucking using all caps because I don't give a shit anymore
[00:54:21] No, it's like girl power time. We need a gloves are off right caps locks on yeah
[00:54:28] Exactly word and it's so funny that those people didn't get it. It's like no the point isn't that she's not cool
[00:54:34] It's that her whole campaign is centered around being cool. Yeah, it doesn't work
[00:54:40] Oh, that was the whole fucking point is that she's the cool mom and so trust us
[00:54:46] She's cool. That's why that fucking onion article was so good the one that was like I'm fun
[00:54:53] Like I am fun. I both enjoy having fun and producing fun
[00:54:59] Yeah, well, that's what she was all about was like trying to brand herself like
[00:55:04] To not talk about you know our actual policies because there's shit that people don't fucking like it
[00:55:09] Everman this is boy who cares North Korea has a hydrogen bomb. They've tested an underground cave
[00:55:17] No, I that's pretty cool. They never man. They're on cares. Are you fielding phone calls right now?
[00:55:22] I just silenced a phone call. Thanks on the podcast
[00:55:26] You show phones away while we do the show phones are okay. Absolutely. Yeah, no chewing gum
[00:55:32] Adam likes to look at gay porn on his phone while we're doing the show. No, I don't interesting. Whoo. Yeah, I look at straight porn
[00:55:44] That's not straightforward. So that's food. No, it's not it's straightforward
[00:55:49] Whatever man this shit's boring. Who cares. Yeah, so North Korea's got a bomb. They've got a bomb and
[00:55:59] They just did a hydrogen bomb test and Trump is now saying that he might put sanctions against any country that has any
[00:56:05] Relations with them and that that would include China
[00:56:10] And South Korea, I guess that bomb can only reach LA. What is he have such South Korea is their enemy North Korea
[00:56:17] Does have any bigger enemies in South Korea?
[00:56:21] That works. I think I think that it's like a you know, he didn't necessarily serve in Vietnam
[00:56:27] But it's a very Vietnam style logic where he's like, you know back when you're in the shit
[00:56:31] Okay, you couldn't tell the difference between Charlie and who's friendlies
[00:56:34] You got to kill them all you got a mobile down
[00:56:37] They're all they're only Charlie for some reason. Yeah, they're all named Charlie. I don't understand why yeah
[00:56:43] Yeah, the fuck the Leroy's are coming for us, you know, what's that short for Victor Charlie?
[00:56:51] I think yeah, they're oh there's a new Charlie Hebdo this is the story of where that one where gook came from
[00:56:58] So funny boy that cover it's because like like a America the word American and via the knees or something or maybe his Korea
[00:57:06] Was is it me gook? So Korean people would say me gook me gook and then the eyes would be like okay gook
[00:57:18] I hear what languages I asked somebody in high school and they were like it's hot quiet and buck why or like white
[00:57:24] Person in the and worse you say you went to school with like some Korean kid his name is like sucked suck my day
[00:57:30] I a bunch of them. I went to career school with these two
[00:57:33] Chinese guys they were identical twins and they were both named Dong and
[00:57:40] Like they would there one of them was like real
[00:57:43] Like oh, I think I'm gonna butcher this shitty faggot. Yo, that's me
[00:57:49] I shitty faggot. This is my twin brother shitty faggot and they were both got same name
[00:57:56] They're both fun. I say it right are you sure shitty faggot? Yeah, that's shit. That's my name
[00:58:10] Yeah, they were both super jacked and one of them was like real into fashion
[00:58:14] They're also like they would throw each other around like acrobats and shit and one of them was like real shifty and like into
[00:58:20] Gambling and he would just like settle up to you in the hallway and then throw down this mat that had like all these different
[00:58:27] What and then these dice and you throw the dice down under a cup and throw dollars on the thing and if you you would put like
[00:58:33] Dollars down. I'm like I'm thinking I'm gonna get three pigs or three chickens or whatever
[00:58:37] What their role was yeah, but it was this insane
[00:58:40] Like Chinese gambling system that I've been since since never yes celestial gambling
[00:58:48] Jesus roll you roll two ones in a sleigh
[00:59:05] I've never played craps. I used to deal it. I don't really remember how it fucking works
[00:59:11] I told somebody that craps was a fake game. They made up for the movies
[00:59:16] Because all the games in Vegas are copyrighted so you can't shoot them without paying royalties to
[00:59:23] Vegas not sure. Yeah, of course. It's not true. What I told someone that okay God damn it dude
[00:59:30] Oh, that's not this aren't true. You're talking shit about Vegas. That's not fucking true. I'm a red
[00:59:36] I've got a tidbit. I'm the company man. This is boy who cares. No shut up
[00:59:39] Who wants to hear does anyone want to hear Adam tell a tidbit about Vegas? No
[00:59:45] Fuck no, dude. Thank you. I agree second stuff. Whoo
[00:59:53] How many stops are there? Absolutely me too me too nice to nice nice
[00:59:58] Stoves nice nice. They're replicating right right right very quickly
[01:00:14] Look I'm getting into making music a cupcake and a candy bar and you should appreciate it
[01:00:20] Five of these a hot track right there you've been in this do I'm the next I'm I'm starbacks you lived in Vegas I
[01:00:36] They they they bet on not gay they've lost
[01:00:39] The big gamble is figuring out how to make us are not gay
[01:00:50] You make my dad's you make my dad Steve Irwin
[01:00:54] Croggy is me Adam's dead. He didn't have got bad news
[01:00:59] If you turn it go you're a defimly the fumile. I'm sorry dad
[01:01:17] Me your gay son Adam wow, that's really good
[01:01:21] I guarantee you I will stop being gay by the time I turn 30
[01:01:42] She said her name was Monica Lewinsky and I said is there any way you could introduce me to a
[01:01:49] a Jewish boy man, I'm trying to suck a lenny Kravitz style
[01:02:06] Will be straight by the time I turn 32 years old I promise
[01:02:15] Damn that was a really that was a good bit it was me as a
[01:02:19] Like gay 14 year old Bill Clinton. Oh, yeah, dude
[01:02:24] That was that was that was good. That might go in the classic. Yeah. Well, let's wrap this up
[01:02:28] It's back to school coming up. Yeah cool cool. I'd spelled cool with a K here. That's good
[01:02:34] That's good cool things to buy your kids for school
[01:02:37] Why don't you raise some tech kids get them an iPad teach them how to fucking program? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I tell you what we had to get TI
[01:02:46] When I was a kid. Yeah, and I learned how to program the TI 83 and that was the beginning of me
[01:03:00] No, never I would never I wore sweat clothes suits
[01:03:05] Red fucking you never got a quick all the shirts and when I was in eighth grade all of the shirts I had
[01:03:10] The first of all, I mean, I just had shirts from like elementary school on I just collected shirts
[01:03:16] But all of my new clothes for that year was like one of those like tourists
[01:03:22] You know like place it like in the streets in DC
[01:03:26] Where they have like t-shirts to say Washington DC. They're like FBI. They were throwing out those shirts
[01:03:31] They were getting rid of them in your mom
[01:03:33] It was like five dollars for like ten shirts and I had like nine different shirts
[01:03:38] It said you know like ten shirts. They just said Washington DC. Did you did you wear like a female a body inspector shirt?
[01:03:45] I did I still have an FBI shirt. Oh, you do. Yeah, it didn't say it just had FBI on it
[01:03:49] Okay, but you know that stands for stands for female body inspector
[01:03:53] I said that to somebody one time and this cooler older kid was like have you ever inspected a female body?
[01:04:06] Damn, yeah, it's like you ever have to wear like the polo shirts and the khakis and shit
[01:04:11] No, you ever watch the wire, you know, they were those like weird maroon polo shirt. Yeah, like uniform
[01:04:15] Yeah, we had to wear that shit and it was fucking funny because if you showed up and you weren't wearing like a belt
[01:04:20] They made you wear like a cord like Jim Oh shit
[01:04:23] Like an extension cord. Yeah, yeah, like an extension cord and like if but like it didn't matter because like the idea is like
[01:04:30] Make it to where everyone's equal to like, you know, cuz it's embarrassing and someone's dukey
[01:04:35] But like there was I mean it's just like giant fucking bullies just dressed like like weird, you know
[01:04:41] Preppy fucking like yacht guys just like there was this there was this kid
[01:04:45] There's this giant blackhead in middle school who was like I don't like seven feet tall or something
[01:04:50] And I'm like like eighth grade and he would just run into class and just like flip your desk over and just go chop
[01:04:56] He just had like a catchphrase was just chopped and he and he switched it to slice halfway through the year and like it
[01:05:02] Changed everything just fucking tight man dude
[01:05:05] There is a there are these two twins my sister's year that like, you know, like when you're twins whatever man this shit's boring
[01:05:13] What are some cool things to buy your kids for school going back to school?
[01:05:19] Yeah, that would that is a cool thing to buy your kids
[01:05:23] I think if I had a daughter I would buy her one of those long slippery ass dildos
[01:05:38] This one's just shaking people like a wand so fucking binds office. It's going into a pussy first time
[01:05:52] Don't know back to school. I want your pussy. I feel good
[01:05:55] I didn't really do well in school. I kind of figured things out on my own. Yeah, that's true
[01:05:59] You're gonna have to you know what you're gonna have to figure things out on your own ears to tell them
[01:06:03] Make you were a bet you were you ever like those kids that were like I don't need a backpack
[01:06:07] I'm just gonna carry the books. Do you ever do that? You seem like one of those no you know what I would do is
[01:06:12] I would get assigned my books. I would put them all in my fucking backpack
[01:06:15] I would never do any work. I have no I never used a locker. Uh-huh
[01:06:20] I've no idea where any of my lockers were uh-huh and then I would just walk around with an additional like 50 pounds of
[01:06:26] Unused yeah, why do we do that to kids? I don't know dude. My back's fucked up now still yeah
[01:06:33] The products really tried to sell me on the rolling backpack
[01:06:38] They'll be so much better for your back and I'm like now one's fucking you fix your back and have yeah
[01:06:46] Rapes you with a broomstick cuz you're fucking stupid back that yeah that you used to kick the kids
[01:06:52] 14 year old there's nothing I would love more
[01:06:59] I would love to march directly into the girls locker room which I use
[01:07:04] With my brand-new rolling backpack filled to the brim with those long slippery dildos the ones I like
[01:07:16] Yeah, I think the slippery is so funny and I dare dad yes Adam
[01:07:24] He didn't what are you doing in there nothing certainly not inserting a long slippery dildo directly into my ass
[01:07:47] Tall looking up at you with doing the film
[01:07:53] Can't see I'm doing the thumb thing which where you point through you put your thumb through your index finger
[01:07:59] Which seals the bill Clinton and pro college you think that's how you do it you gotta have it
[01:08:09] Fava be a cupcake and a candy bar 40 Jimmy Dean
[01:08:14] Sandwich burger or breakfast sandwiches more like five a.m. Oh, that's
[01:08:19] And that's the end of the episode folks. Thank you. Absolutely damn