Cum Town | Regular | 09/14/2017
[00:00:00] I'm being gay and I'm back back in business, baby back in the booth the flu something something wicked
[00:00:11] Flue knock me out. Yeah, you were fucked up. I lost I
[00:00:16] Think seven or eight pounds, so it's no longer fat Nick
[00:00:20] Yeah, you look good. No, I'm still fat. No, you look better. I lost my god
[00:00:24] You know what I did. I got an expensive scale did
[00:00:27] Shoots electrodes to your body to tell you exactly what what can I get on it?
[00:00:40] I can sick I can supply with a little bone pal actually, you know
[00:00:44] You say that as a joke, but a lot of people don't know that stops dick actually has a bone in it. Yep
[00:00:50] Really so hard I'm stiffed up 24 7 25 8 the Greeks evolved from birds
[00:00:58] That's why you go back way. That's right all the people that had history like way back in time
[00:01:02] They evolved from Mm-hmm birds and reptiles and shit and all the newer people like the Irish and
[00:01:14] It's cool. I found this like 250 year old book in the library
[00:01:18] Called it's an old science book. It's old. I mean it's called it's called where those the I why the Irish and the Blacks are so dirty by
[00:01:35] Highly respected medical and science book and it's time
[00:01:39] And it says that if you if you scrub a black person hard enough
[00:01:43] Eventually they'll turn into an Irish thing
[00:01:48] What did they say what did this tome have to say about Jews?
[00:01:51] I don't think they were around yet. Oh, they were around 250
[00:01:55] I feel like professor George Washington had some opinions about Jews. Oh the Jews were the first people everyone
[00:02:04] Absolutely, no Adam the first man the first Jewish
[00:02:08] Wasn't Jewish he wasn't Jewish he he was
[00:02:12] They were Christian she was like the millions came first and then they invented Judaism later when Jesus the first Jews
[00:02:19] Abraham Jesus fucked up and got and up on some bullshit charges
[00:02:23] That's right, and they're like this is really gonna free my man Jesus is gonna be bad PR
[00:02:27] And so all of Jesus's boys were like yes
[00:02:33] Somebody was like what are Jews? They're like
[00:02:42] Those fight those big nose guys with shitty sandals they all have big anybody that likes deals
[00:02:49] Hey, but you know those guys is just have that voice
[00:02:52] What's that there's just like a group of friends. They're all annoying
[00:02:57] And that's the story Wow, that's the story Hanukkah interesting Wow Jesus started Hanukkah
[00:03:03] Yeah, well no Jesus just went to jail Jesus got yeah for trying to promote the subway sandwiches of the time
[00:03:12] Well, Jesus was a Bernie bro. Who's anti banks. Yeah, dude actually was actually no Marxist. No, he wasn't he was he was a libertarian
[00:03:21] Jesus was over there and yep, well, they stole the concept of Jesus from was Zoraster and their guy it was just
[00:03:33] It's like Freddie Mercury basically. Oh
[00:03:37] So their god was Freddie Mercury and that's who Jesus is based on
[00:03:43] Bitcoin Wow, we're learning a lot today. Yeah, well, you know
[00:03:47] I've been doing a lot of reading while I've been sick in bed while you've been having the flu. Yeah, you seem smarter
[00:03:52] Yeah, well the what the flu does I also read this in my book
[00:03:57] The George Washington. Yeah, when you get sick you need to start cutting yourself
[00:04:02] And it gets all the black blood out of your sister. Oh you need that the humors. Yeah, that's what an illness is according to
[00:04:09] Bleed it out the Greeks the Greeks came up with that. Yeah, we thought I remember they thought fluid in your body is like
[00:04:14] If they're maintained like a balance of your humors fluid. Mm-hmm. That's right
[00:04:18] I got I kind of do the same thing now with I have four fluids cold brew a green juice come Cambucha come and come
[00:04:27] Yeah, I fluid so I just have to if I'm running on all those I'm feeling good and at it all
[00:04:32] I'm starting to think it might not have been the flu. I inhaled a bunch of iron dust
[00:04:36] Mm-hmm from what I was grinding the inside of a cast iron to resurface it
[00:04:41] You recently wait, yeah, I got a pretty smooth you can go look at it
[00:04:46] I didn't I didn't reseason it right away. So it immediately just has just started rusted. Yeah, that was so why don't you just reseason it?
[00:04:52] What no no it has now I have to throw it out. Why did you grind how much?
[00:05:00] Oh, but they're the lodge ones and they have like a bumpy surface
[00:05:03] Yeah, but if you just go at it with a with an orbital sand there in like a secret
[00:05:08] You can get it to like a pretty smooth finish work your way up. Yeah, that'll get a mirror finish on that
[00:05:13] Why do you want that then I can see myself on it? No, I'm going mirrors everywhere. You want to fucking look at yourself
[00:05:19] Yeah, now you're slightly less fat. No what I was gonna do is I was gonna resurface or just reseason it
[00:05:25] But then like I was trying to get all the gunk off and I couldn't so I used a wire brush
[00:05:28] And then you fuck that up a little I guess you know what I'll just take this all the way the fuck down
[00:05:33] It's like when you eat a little chocolate bunny. Yeah, and you have the ear you're like
[00:05:37] I'm just gonna stop at the ear and then you keep nibbling and then it's just the bunny's feet and you're like I gotta eat the
[00:05:57] Only Easter candy only in stores in in early April it's September now
[00:06:03] That's not something you've experienced you've eaten too much of a chocolate rabbit that you're going to get a piece of no
[00:06:12] You're learning on that one come on. I'm imagining a young stavras befriending the rabbit and then crying
[00:06:22] With his fucking eating problems too hungry
[00:06:24] That's legitimately that would be huge if pets were edible I would 100% have eaten my pets dude
[00:06:35] Pets are at no, you know what I'm saying if you just took a bite of me dogs were made of chocolate and they were living in shit
[00:06:42] Stop dog. So many chocolate really that's why they're allergic to it. Oh
[00:06:49] I would eat if my if you like Anna if all pets were made large chocolate things that didn't melt cuz of whatever magic
[00:06:55] But you could bite them if life was basically that episode of Simpsons where Homer's thinking about
[00:07:02] We are from the land of chocolate. Yeah, yeah the land of chocolate then I would eat them then I would eat my pet
[00:07:10] Yeah, so anyways, we should probably talk about hot item somebody asked me to comment on the PewDiePie story
[00:07:17] What what he's a youtuber is being persecuted. Yeah, well, you know first of all, I don't know what the fuck
[00:07:23] I don't use you to the end where I'm not a YouTube guy
[00:07:26] I don't know this race YouTube world all I know of PewDiePie is that I was walking past Barnes and Noble two years ago
[00:07:35] What and I assumed it was some more of that like what did that towel in what was the name of that that genre of
[00:07:41] Town yeah, mumble core. No, not mumble core. It all all lit or all lit. Yeah, I
[00:07:49] Guess that's not what PewDiePie is. No, I know but I assume that's how I thought yeah because of this stupid name
[00:07:55] Right, right, you're right. You know, I'm like this has got to be some dip shit that makes like sound cloud wrap and
[00:08:02] Has published a book of like one word per page
[00:08:05] Where's the PewDiePie? I could be the name of like a girl with like those really short bangs. Yeah, he's really like he's from Sweden like a
[00:08:12] centimeter I thought it was the cartoon
[00:08:15] No, it's from Sweden and he's five nine which is basically like being a pedophile in sweet
[00:08:20] He's must be the smallest man in Sweden. You're a complete outcast. Yeah, Sweden at that height
[00:08:25] Which explains his why he became sort of like a YouTube gamer guy now
[00:08:33] Live streaming himself playing some first-person shooter and some guy
[00:08:39] Shot him and he called the guy the N word. Oh
[00:08:43] Can you believe this guy he's being a you know, whatever?
[00:08:46] Mm-hmm and people are outraged like oh, we knew he was racist or whatever and it's like yeah, the language is wrong
[00:08:52] But like I don't know why we can't just admit like he was kind of right about that guy. How was the guy big? I?
[00:09:01] If you know what he said wait, I don't know that's pretty
[00:09:09] I just did you know what I just don't get about the whole thing
[00:09:12] I don't know who the fuck me by is but he's streaming a game and he said the N word
[00:09:16] It's like how is this the first time that's happened right? That's pretty good in my mind like
[00:09:22] Twitch the world of twitch. Yeah getting popular on twitch is just a game of who cannot say the N word along
[00:09:30] Yeah, and this the headline here is that PewDiePie just ended his high score
[00:09:41] Word while playing video games. I thought that he's a repeat offender like he lost like a Disney contract
[00:09:48] Yeah, we did stuff that was like irony, you know or whatever. Yeah, yeah, which again is like that all defend and even even this is like
[00:10:01] He's just that's like an outburst you have online if you're a fucking idiot that just spends all their time playing first person shooters
[00:10:15] It is racist, but it's not like that's like oh, this is something hidden
[00:10:19] This isn't like an outburst where he lost his temper at some black eye on the street
[00:10:24] There's a video of him screaming, you know the N word. It's not like a Mel Gibson sort of thing
[00:10:29] He just doesn't know what else to say which is why you have to use faggot
[00:10:37] 2018 when I think we still have retired
[00:10:39] I think I still feel bad when I say yeah, but you say it constantly and I feel bad about it
[00:10:44] And I'm trying to stop I am going oh that was
[00:10:50] Damn, dude. Anyway, so is he like particularly good at video games like why is he so popular?
[00:10:56] I don't know is he cute. I don't I really don't understand. I mean like we joke around we joke around not cute. No about
[00:11:03] He's better looking than you are absolutely so
[00:11:05] He uh it's pretty cute. Yeah, he's better. He's better looking all right. He's weird looking. He's got a fuck up
[00:11:12] He's not does he have a bull cut? I think you're confusing Dylan roof and PewDiePie. I literally might be actually
[00:11:21] Can you imagine if Dylan roof's name was PewDiePie?
[00:11:24] I think I got to a PewDiePie shot up a church. He will do that's the next race is trial. That's gonna do PewDiePie
[00:11:31] I'm just met no what happened was gonna happen is PewDiePie is gonna go into a black church
[00:11:36] And they're all gonna be camping behind the pews and they're gonna snipe him as soon as he walks in
[00:11:40] And then he'll have his racist outburst
[00:11:43] Because they were there a sniping and camping camping. They weren't playing the game. They were playing the game. It was honor
[00:11:53] Discipline and honor fuck PewDiePie. That's my dare. You can't
[00:12:00] Uh for any fuck youtubers number one. Yeah, fuck anyone strike one. You're a youtuber. Yeah, it's all about having a podcast on patreon
[00:12:09] Yeah, that's cool. First of all other people made that's how you do so she was in honor
[00:12:14] For other people made that fucking we were the we're on the vanguard dude. We're we're the patreon fucking
[00:12:23] Absolutely. It was first. It was a someone selling at their nudes. Yeah, who's that lady with no eyebrows?
[00:12:29] What's her name selling her nudes who oh, it was like fucked up eyebrows. Yeah, she's like magic marker on on her shit
[00:12:37] Neil gamean wait. She's married to you that lady man man and
[00:12:51] She just got some fucked up. I know her fucking name god damn it and people give her money for it
[00:13:01] There's so much in there so much when it's when it's not yeah, it's such a big file cabinet. You gotta go through it
[00:13:10] I don't think there's someone else is fucked up. I what does she do? She's a singer. She does nothing
[00:13:15] Oh, yeah, she's the one that oh, I was thinking of someone else. You're thinking of the lady who's like ripping off her band
[00:13:19] She's got like the number one or maybe chop us number one, but she has she has like the biggest
[00:13:24] Yeah, I made the palmer. Yeah, that's right. She was she she didn't pay her band or some shit or I don't fucking know
[00:13:29] She didn't pay her band now. She's fucking people over a while ago. I think all right. Whatever. So that's that that's that high
[00:13:44] Yes, I get I get I literally would for songs just sent directly to my fucking inbox dude
[00:13:52] I want to fucking I want to fucking no song song every time
[00:13:55] That's fine remix once a month. I'll take a remix of the thong song a monthly
[00:14:00] I want to be in that subscription service dude. That bong hit transplant song. That's good
[00:14:17] Oh, yeah, I miss him so much. What's not
[00:14:22] I said. Yeah, right. Would you have a bong hit transplant and then everyone at the 711 turned to me and began applauding
[00:14:30] Brian created the greatest joke of all time. I mean, Tom me Tom
[00:14:34] People are doing that dude. I ever tell the story about
[00:14:37] Uh, the show at the Hamilton arts collective with Tom Myers believe the one with the the tv
[00:14:42] Yeah with the tv that you wield up great stuff. I don't know what happened. The story or not
[00:14:52] He pulled together well he goes I told Andy Klein. I'm like yeah, Tom's got his own
[00:14:57] Uh tour now with comics. It's him Brett the Irish comic cap Malone and uh
[00:15:03] I think I can't remember who else was on it and fucking uh
[00:15:07] Andy Klein goes what's it called the shitty comics
[00:15:12] It was even better though. It was called the heathens
[00:15:15] Oh, they're bad the fucking heathens dude. The logo was a burning cross
[00:15:21] No, it was it was oh you got ice cream. That's like a KKK. I know it. I just didn't know
[00:15:26] You thought it he thought it meant like set Jesus on fire. Oh, yes
[00:15:37] The Hamilton arts collective had had the heathens the comedy there was hosted by lucy fur
[00:15:43] Which was just a videotape of breathy Irish comic wearing sunglasses in front of fire place
[00:15:53] During Tom's job that's only about energy and getting the fucking audience involved
[00:15:59] Tom did a fucking like hour and during his set after every setup tony gracic starts going uh
[00:16:07] Tom my yours. So before he uses the punchline everyone's chanting his name and he says it
[00:16:23] Oh god, no, that show was bizarre like I mean he de-aided and he ran off stage crying and
[00:16:29] Oh, no cat miller. Don't pretend like you give a shit dude
[00:16:34] Performative empathy you have do you have people that you signal do for for people that you mock
[00:16:42] Of course I met Tom. You've had the least
[00:16:44] Relation Tom. I've had the least definitely the least. Yeah. Yeah, I mean when I met him. I was already a fan
[00:16:49] Yeah, he was reputation preceded. Well, so he was he was crying, but then you watch him like
[00:16:56] In his second in his head as the tears are drying on his face go no
[00:17:07] Tom is Hillary Clinton. Yeah immediately basically. Yeah, it's the same personality
[00:17:20] It's weird the more I think about the top
[00:17:27] Pussy which he ate. Oh, that's how you become an overcome. It's like a werewolf
[00:17:41] The best part of that joke is the adjusting the belt
[00:17:45] He says she's probably gonna hire some interns. They adjust the bill. Yeah, I'm here
[00:17:50] Yeah, like a like a 50 year old plumber showing up to eat some pussy
[00:17:55] So you gotta adjust the bill postman appasal
[00:18:08] Dylan told that story about how his brother
[00:18:11] Dilmaier's brothers. Yeah, uh, Tom was his waiter at a Mexican restaurant
[00:18:16] Oh, yeah, that's right. No, there's a youtube of him like touring that Mexican restaurant as if it's like gonna be the new hot comedy venue
[00:18:23] Yeah, but I think it was pretty much just a place that he was working
[00:18:27] Yeah, props to him for getting a waiting job
[00:18:30] He was he was he worked. He worked at 7-11. Yeah, that's a
[00:18:34] Story about the bong he had transplanted about being in line behind someone is a lie. He was working at 7-11
[00:18:42] Which you know everybody's got everybody's got a working job. I would take a 7-11 job if I had to
[00:18:48] You know when the bottom falls out, I'll be working there
[00:18:50] You think 7-11? Yeah, they add her chevron or valero or valero
[00:18:55] That's the coolest sounding gas station. Yeah, it sounds like a Spanish valero sounds like a sword
[00:19:01] Zorro sword could be the boss is a very slick looking Spanish man with a pencil-thin mustaches
[00:19:08] A spy verse spy outfit. Yeah, where is the money from the gasoline?
[00:19:13] I think it's on the I'm from Ibiza. Yeah, okay. Uh, Kate the innocent
[00:19:35] My mom used to get high off battery acid washes brag battery acid deal I have battery
[00:19:51] As a seizure when I was born and they cut off the blood to brain I am from Illinois
[00:20:01] I will grow up. I had to wear rubber pants
[00:20:09] And anyway, please, uh, one of the money gasoline you get that convertible dozenberg you drive around
[00:20:17] It's the only car that let the retarded people
[00:20:26] At the DMV they say you can drive in the car. It's loop all day in
[00:20:49] Whoa, no, he's the owner dude. He's the owner. Excuse me. Which way to the urinal so I'm a cleaner
[00:20:57] That is my job here people think I am the owner because of the big feather in my head
[00:21:02] But that is actually growing out of my head through the hat
[00:21:09] It's a deformity. I don't want to have a feather in my head, but I'm part of the bird because my mom fucked the green
[00:21:24] Ah, that's a good character. I was doing a character with shut
[00:21:36] Can I suck your cock? Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, right? Yeah, I gotta get in the rhythm of it
[00:21:41] You know is this the uh, is this a dick sucking workshop?
[00:21:45] I'm looking for the this is less like an elderly guy that's oh, that's mcconah. Oh, it's an elderly guy that's gone to the community
[00:21:58] The dick sucking workshop. Yeah right through here. It's still goku
[00:22:03] I'll suck your dick sir. What does the scanner say about his power level? He's gay
[00:22:14] My gee is not bad. That's an old that's an old. I never watched dragon balls. Oh, I didn't lie there
[00:22:19] I just had it was on cable. I think yeah, you broke bitch
[00:22:23] Uh, is it about black people? Why do they love it? Yeah, what is it about black people? Let's get into that. Yeah, uh, the new it
[00:22:33] But but like every black person I'm friends with is a dbz head. That's not true
[00:22:39] Yeah, it's pretty much generalizing and we don't do that on this podcast. Well, the problem is that you only know two black
[00:22:44] Yeah, you're talking about jamelle. Yeah, jamelle
[00:22:48] There are black people that are comfortable walking around with a man that wears flood pants
[00:22:52] I'm not wearing flood pants. You're wearing like yeah, that's true. You got you do suck your cool guy clothes on
[00:22:58] I'm just wearing I've decided we're not gonna we gotta find a way to not be so mean to add them on the show anymore
[00:23:04] That's fair. I'm tired of that gimmick dear allowed to
[00:23:19] Get in I'll get it. That's okay. Is that is that gay? Is that homosexual Goku?
[00:23:26] No one by oh fuck a woman too. Ha ha is that what Goku sounds? I don't even know
[00:23:33] It just sounds like Goku's the boy right?
[00:23:37] No, no, no the boy is the boy is Goku in and that's dragon ball go Han is go Han is his son
[00:23:44] Is the son I'll have time to explain which one has the fucking tail mr. Piccolo
[00:23:48] No, no, no mr. Piccolo this life his name is Piccolo motherfucker
[00:23:53] Okay, that's that green dude the green dude is Piccolo
[00:24:02] China because he fucks wait Piccolo is a green guy, but he's really a black guy, right? I don't know is he?
[00:24:08] I think he's one of those no trunks is black
[00:24:11] Trunks's trunks isn't black trunks has pink hair
[00:24:14] Yeah trunks is Vegeta's son trunks is one of those black guys that dies his hair
[00:24:19] Like little yachty trunks is a little yachty ocean
[00:24:23] Um anyway, yeah, that's our recommendation of the week is dragon ball because it's a good summation
[00:24:29] Dragon ball dude. You gotta check it out
[00:24:32] Don't let the name fool you not a lot of dragons or balls
[00:24:36] Most of the Chinese guys that fly around and shoot lasers at the Chinese they're Chinese they're pretty much Chinese
[00:24:42] Japanese of course they're Chinese dude
[00:24:46] New there's a really racist one. There's mr. Popo and he just looks like a guy that does bla- it's blind black. Yeah, but they love blackface in Japan
[00:24:54] That was weird. I mean Pokemon's got a black culture. Yeah, mr. Maimer. No. No, there's a trans blackface
[00:25:04] Well, it's funny you mentioned the new it the new
[00:25:11] And I didn't see the original either. Well, it wasn't the original mini series
[00:25:16] Yeah with Tim Curry. Yeah, what's wrong with my man Tim Curry? Is he have some kind of disease?
[00:25:20] He's in a wheelchair and she's just gay. He's not gay and even if he was that'd be cool. He's gay
[00:25:25] He's one of those British guys. It's just extremely gay and he's like, I'm not telling
[00:25:33] He's gay he embraces the destroying stereotypes
[00:25:39] I bet you he fucking knows like that too is he's not British but Kevin Spacey is like Kevin Spacey's gay
[00:25:44] She'll never know no Kevin Spacey was British. He's not out of the closet gay though. Come on that guy's gay
[00:25:50] It doesn't matter. He's been seen slapping guys asses. Yeah. Well, we do that all the time. Yeah, but it's a British guys are either gay or they buy prostitutes
[00:26:09] I didn't see the original but you know what I've noticed in the Trump era people
[00:26:13] I feel like they would have called this movie transphobic
[00:26:16] Years ago. Mmm for the clown. Yeah, and it's called it
[00:26:20] Mmm. Oh, you know, I mean and I feel like the reason that they're not there aren't these bullshit think pieces about movies anymore
[00:26:28] Is because of us no because it's wrong because it's wrong
[00:26:33] They have said something real to complain about mmm
[00:26:36] Exactly I could play about bullshit anymore, which means that the world's kind of gotten better at least for me a rich man
[00:26:49] I just think if Hillary won every single movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it is in my own
[00:26:54] Not a single damn one is a black woman. That's that possible. They're all dogs
[00:27:04] Was skeptical first, but you've now swayed me what you know, it's the motto of the show. I'm always right
[00:27:19] I love that that's really in your own farts. It's only affected you
[00:27:25] Made I made a poor shoulder. There's a wind guard on the microphone that your fart is getting trapped in well
[00:27:31] And then you're you're farting into the wind garden that you're bringing it back to your face
[00:27:35] I think if I walk away for five seconds to rail the show. I gotta blow my nose. No, you'll be alright
[00:27:41] I made a pork show the reason my farts are so powerful
[00:27:44] It's because I made a pork shoulder and I made beans and rice and also a corn salsa an entire shoulder of a pork
[00:27:52] The whole well it was a half because I throw too much of it away
[00:27:56] What do you mean you don't put in the fridge for later?
[00:27:59] This is interesting. It's just not as good
[00:28:03] This is a good opportunity to say thank you because Nick wasn't there on Monday and stop and I hosted oh, yeah
[00:28:09] Our 9-11 spectacular reviews the biggest one we've ever had yep
[00:28:13] Every comic was a former jihadist every comic we tried to get an all
[00:28:20] Line up for the 9-11 the Arabs are coming comedy tour. Yeah, that's right, but it turned out. We only booked seek comics
[00:28:29] That's right. I didn't know is it different things. Yeah, it's I want to do
[00:28:33] I want to do one of those big comedy tours, but it's like the Bangladeshi comedy tour any sus and
[00:28:39] Yeah, well, no, it's just guys. I find in both eggs
[00:28:44] All the buddagas in Brooklyn are Yemeni most no the two that you go to or Yemeni
[00:28:50] That's not true. Definitely Bangladesh the old one by me the one next to here the the two by my new place
[00:28:56] You just listed two different points for dude. That's for now. Listen. It's two you said the number two
[00:29:05] Why don't you learn how numbers work? All right, let's go through it then one no no say it again
[00:29:12] One is if you have one of something yeah, two is one more than that. Okay, so you just said two
[00:29:21] One more than say that they can say one dumbass
[00:29:24] I was starting with one. I was telling you how numbers now. You said three is one of something
[00:29:31] Mmm. No dude three is three three is three three is not one more than two one
[00:29:39] No, you know it can be three and one more than two
[00:29:46] I'm my idiot. I'm my attorney guys. I'm buying a weight vest to wear around
[00:29:51] What is that for like pull up the size no?
[00:29:55] For pull-up ankle weight guys yes, but for all when I go around so that I'm 50 pounds heavier
[00:30:01] Hmm just to be so you'll burn more weight or something. No, it's actually intimidating
[00:30:07] It's actually something I learned from Dragon Ball Z
[00:30:09] You know you know you should get Nick if you're really trying to cut weight you should get one of those
[00:30:15] Box it like those Missy Elliot suits that boxers like where when they try to wait the Martin Lorde
[00:30:22] I was died in that's the super duper fly music video. She's yes, so sick beep beep
[00:30:31] It's a good ass song I can't stand the rain. Are you know what? I love the rain
[00:30:37] You love the rain. I love my window. It appeals to my yeah the rain against my window is actually kind of a pleasant thing
[00:30:44] Yeah, you're inside sure I'm not you know I'm gonna be I'm anti-rain
[00:30:51] My shoes are wet against your window if you gotta put the windshield wipers on
[00:30:57] I just have like a distressed elephant caught in the light rain
[00:31:02] Waving his tail back. I hate rain dude. You hate all dangerous. Yes. Do you know we might get this we might get this next hurricane
[00:31:11] Maybe it's probably not gonna hurricane Jose. We should we fuck we should fucking hey
[00:31:16] Hurricane we don't sleep in together. It's gonna be a noise me there
[00:31:20] We're getting a real Brooklyn hurricane here. So Brooklyn skies come over to my house with a hurricane party
[00:31:26] Sandy or a cane will make chili you guys the hurricanes gonna get no spots
[00:31:30] Why are we talking about the hurricane? We're gonna make chili we're gonna turn events. No, we already talked about the hurricane
[00:31:36] We're in today on the last one happened
[00:31:43] What no there was no bonus this weekend. Oh, there was not no yeah, there was none
[00:31:49] I was sick. I was sick this week. Wait what?
[00:31:55] Folks it's Nick here once again for Mac Weldon calm. I know what you're thinking who is Mac Weldon?
[00:32:04] Truth is I didn't act I didn't look it up. You know, I don't know if it's a guy or just the name of the company like Bob Evans
[00:32:11] You know actually I think Bob Evans might be a person
[00:32:14] but whatever Mac Weldon it's a company they make underwear and
[00:32:18] You know I if you're like me you probably don't spend a lot of time thinking about underwear
[00:32:23] Which you know is fine because they do Mac Weldon thinks about underwear all the time
[00:32:28] In fact they think about underwear so much that they've produced the best underwear that money can buy
[00:32:32] With smart designs premium fabrics and a very simple online shopping experience
[00:32:38] Mac Weldon is changing the way that you and me don't have to think about underwear at all really
[00:32:45] One of the ways of doing that is they have a line of silver underwear, which is just the name
[00:32:50] It's not actual they're not metal, but it's the name silver underwear and
[00:32:54] And the shirts that are naturally antimicrobial and what's that what's that mean? You ask microbial who cares again?
[00:33:02] You don't have to think about it from what I understand it
[00:33:04] It means they have bugs in them that eat smells out of the clothes so you don't have to bathe
[00:33:09] Mac Weldon doesn't want you have to think about all that they just want you to be comfortable and they want you to look good
[00:33:14] And that's why they produce underwear that performs well for any occasion
[00:33:17] Going to the gym, you know working out going to the gym pretending to work out leaving immediately because you hurt your back
[00:33:25] You know going out on a date maybe you know
[00:33:28] Wear a nice pair of Mac Weldon underwear
[00:33:30] And they're so sure that you'll like your first pair that if you don't tell you what they'll refund the cost and they'll let you keep the pair
[00:33:37] Underwear because that's how much they stand by their product
[00:33:40] So log on to Mac Weldon calm and use promo code come town CUM T O WN to receive
[00:33:50] Mac Weldon calm. Thanks guys Adam's having a housewarming party
[00:33:55] But I can't attend because I already took a dump in his new girlfriend's pussy
[00:34:01] Yeah, Adam what kind of party is it actually?
[00:34:05] It's a it's a like everyone to for everyone to be respectful to me
[00:34:09] I'm gonna take a shit in your Monday really a girlfriend's pussy. Oh
[00:34:13] No, not is that what the party is for that's what the parties for I'm not gonna say that on the pod
[00:34:18] So every Tom dick and Harry is that what it's for if we can talk they're not invited. It's just for your friends
[00:34:26] I'm just saying I'm not saying anyone can shit in your girlfriend's pussy to this
[00:34:31] I'm just saying if we make an arrangement
[00:34:38] During the break that he's done a little bit of a little bit of craftsmanship
[00:34:43] He builds around the house. Is that true?
[00:34:52] Max Max built that thing because wait just a second ago. You said you built it. No, I said I
[00:34:59] But you know max you know max listen to the show. Yeah, I'm you know, that's why I put you in this position
[00:35:04] I don't actually give a shit about your shelf and Nick's coming back to to do some more work tomorrow. Oh wait hold on
[00:35:12] Sorry about that. I next boyfriend just called my my
[00:35:16] Not my boyfriend. It's the president of the United States of America. Whoa dt. I'm sorry
[00:35:23] President D and in I mean, he's gone. He's my president. Oh
[00:35:30] You know I call Hillary president Cheeto face. No, yeah, that's Donald Trump. That's Donald Trump. Yeah
[00:35:37] Yeah, and I call I call President Barack Obama president
[00:35:51] I was so funny when Bush was president for like eight years and everyone's like he looks like a champ doesn't
[00:35:56] fucking Obama became president and all the people that like
[00:36:02] Like I hope they don't find the website
[00:36:10] No, yeah, no, sorry the only reason I threw you under the bus errors because I knew I knew you were trying to steal valor
[00:36:16] Which I was stealing construction valor. I need some I want to hang a shelf. You don't do you don't do that
[00:36:22] I want to I'm gonna hang in TV. I would you notice I put the pictures of your new bookshelf that I made on
[00:36:28] On Instagram I saw that and I made it clear that you were doing the painting because you bull you said that because it's for women
[00:36:37] To paint yes, I said that but I also did not take credit away from you
[00:36:41] Well, I painted your bookshelf you painted your bookshelf. That was my gift to you. It's not my bookshelf
[00:36:47] It's the second I made that for you for you
[00:36:50] I mean I make things for people as everyone thinks I'm a bad guy because I say mean things and I steal from people
[00:36:55] You don't steal I well, you're not aware of it. That's what makes it stealing. Oh, yeah, I guess well
[00:37:01] No, you can be aware of being stolen from doesn't have to be secret. Oh, that's true. Yeah
[00:37:09] Well, let's put it this way. I've been taking Laquaz out of your fridge while you've been napping
[00:37:14] I've been just walking into your apartment taking them. Are you kidding? Yeah, that's fine
[00:37:17] I used to live with a guy that would steal change out of my room. What it's like you can just borrow change
[00:37:22] Yeah, you don't have to 42 cents and I knew I just didn't like that he was going in my fucking room
[00:37:28] And so I I went out of town one time and I left all this change on my desk like a trap
[00:37:36] This was before I mean, you know, I don't have like a cell phone with a camera on it until like
[00:37:41] Probably 2014 or 50. That's right. You're a late adopter. Yeah, so there was no way to take a picture of it
[00:37:47] So I like meticulously lined up this cardboard box with the inside of my door
[00:37:53] Right and then shut the door so that if it opened in any way, it would move the box out of the way
[00:38:00] Smart and I got back into town after week and I was like, oh, hey, man
[00:38:05] How's it going and you know we talked for a second and then I started heading towards my room
[00:38:08] And he's like oh by the way, I had to take all that change off your desk
[00:38:12] like what just told me and I was like what do you
[00:38:16] What do you mean? He's like I had to borrow some money and he took like 20 dollars worth of change off my dad every single
[00:38:23] Call I give it back. No because he had he ordered pizza and he forgot he didn't have money
[00:38:35] Did you ever like encounter real clip like real?
[00:38:38] Kleptomaniac like no, I knew a guy in college that one of my best friends is like is like that
[00:38:49] Like just loves stealing and he spent the majority of the last like decade in prison in yeah in jail and shit
[00:38:55] Just because he loves the I remember I was talking to him on the phone after he had like gotten out one time
[00:39:02] We got to hang out, you know, and he's like out and about or whatever
[00:39:04] He's like I just hear him go like while he's on the phone this no I came in with this
[00:39:09] No, I was wearing this when I came in you can look at my bag of one. No here go ahead look at my bag
[00:39:16] He's like walks away. He's like dumb Chinese bitch
[00:39:23] Yeah, I just loved stealing and you know what props to him because he would get away with it 95% of the time
[00:39:29] Yeah, but that's all it sounds like and then he would get in years
[00:39:35] Again gone for burglarizing a house and spend his youth behind bars. I
[00:39:41] Stole the other day actually what did you steal you seem like a steve I stole from Whole Foods Wow
[00:39:47] I stole one of those you know those pesos you news you lose the shop lifter is
[00:39:55] The guy whose name I can't say anymore in the show. Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:40:03] You know it's just always I was like it's all just from a biggest store one of those people like if it's from a corporation
[00:40:13] No, I mean because because then the idea there is what that small business owners aren't shitty
[00:40:18] Well, you're doing more damage enough of a difference to their bottom line where it doesn't
[00:40:23] It hurts your your stealing. I mean it's there's no there's no difference
[00:40:27] But I feel I feel less bad things are moral difference between ceiling from like a family-owned thing then ceiling from
[00:40:34] Like fucking target or something not really why because the effect on the bottom line between the two of them is so fucking
[00:40:42] Negligible that it really doesn't matter the effect on your hurting your hurting your hurting Walmart your hurting Walmart like maybe
[00:40:53] At all and you know your point zero zero zero one percent and yeah enough people steal little raise their insurance rates
[00:41:01] So it'll be zero zero zero zero one percent versus the mom and pop store zero zero zero one percent
[00:41:08] Yeah, I mean, it's it's negligible. You're not really hurt. I'm not going to go out of business because you stole a single
[00:41:17] Yeah, it is a bigger number no, it's a bigger number
[00:41:19] They're both negligible. So what's the amount you would have to steal before it's I mean?
[00:41:24] I wouldn't steal like I don't know I used to steal a lot when I was a kid by the way go ahead and steal if you want
[00:41:29] What was the first thing you stole I I used to feel porn a lot nice. Yeah when I was like from Hudson News in airports
[00:41:38] It used to like I had like a weird face. How is that how is that possible?
[00:41:41] So I'd be on the way to camp I'd be on the way to camp you buy airplane day whenever I was the important whenever I was going to camp
[00:41:48] Like when I was like 13 14 years old I'd go to Hudson News and steal porn and then it just it
[00:41:56] It carried on until I was like maybe 20 you were getting homeless guys to buy you liquor
[00:42:02] I never did that I used to do that all the time when I was like 17 as the older brothers fake ideas
[00:42:08] I would get homeless guys to buy me liquor all the time Greek people would buy by you boo
[00:42:12] No, yeah, I mean I never would be older, you know guys like guys any there there there you're also an alcoholic
[00:42:18] So you need when you needed it you needed a baby
[00:42:20] I remember doing that having some homeless guy buy me a handle of Tito's and then driving around go bad
[00:42:25] What did the homeless? No never money? No, I've never had a problem with that. Did they ever molest you?
[00:42:30] I'm no comment. Did you tip them? No, you just let them drink some of the liquor
[00:42:36] Shared it with their horse their homeless mouths. Yes, I saw one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen
[00:42:42] I was in Santa Cruz, California. I saw two homeless dudes one had an ice cream cone and the other one had a joint and
[00:42:58] The happiest I've ever seen any person in my life was it was Christmas and I was back home in Baltimore and I was
[00:43:07] Asked me for a beer and I went in but I got I upped him to a 40 and the look in this guy's eyes when he's like
[00:43:18] The most happiness I have ever seen in my fucking life, dude
[00:43:22] And you know what from now on I'm gonna start doing that every Christmas
[00:43:25] Buying homeless people liquor 40s, but saying I'm gonna get them less liquor and then getting them more. Yeah, I would just buy them heroin
[00:43:32] Yeah, he was doing coke also. Yeah, he's doing crack. He literally was
[00:43:41] Get a little old English. What is your 40 of choice? St. I's
[00:43:45] Why is crack worse? What why cuz it's got fucked up shit and I'd say I'd say I'd as the most alcohol in it
[00:43:50] I thought no, I still reserved us. No, I say I just hire really yeah, I mean it might there might be the same in terms of 40s
[00:43:57] You're talking about yeah, yeah, yeah, I also fucked with mikies. We should do a good
[00:44:02] Road road when I worked in the mall and then in the cell phone place yes, I used to have the
[00:44:10] There's a guy I would hire these other people that were over 21 and then I would make them go buy me
[00:44:17] Beer shit, and I remember getting like a 40s and mikies and drinking in the bathroom
[00:44:21] And like 8 a.m. Right as I opened the store and then like coming back to work very nicely just helping people drunk
[00:44:32] Drunk child yeah, oh hell yeah a drunk ski-osque cell phone sales man. They going back to
[00:44:39] Kleptomaniacs I knew this guy in college. It was kleptomaniac who got caught by his roommates for stealing money out of their wallets
[00:44:45] Damn and what they did is they like set up all their like computers and they covered like the little green light on and like turned the screens off
[00:44:53] They had like three different angles and I watched the video and it was like one of the most insane things I've ever seen
[00:44:58] He like is sitting at his desk doing work. He gets up goes to his roommates
[00:45:03] Like roommates desk opens the drawer looks in his wallet like goes takes the money out puts the money back in the wallet
[00:45:11] Close the door like gets up three or four more times
[00:45:13] Damn like he had this like whole routine and stuff. It was one of the craziest things ever
[00:45:17] That's like when you're kind of iron up ex-videos and you're like nah, I'm not gonna beat off
[00:45:26] Sometimes I'll just look at porn and I'm like yeah, not today
[00:45:30] Not today penis I got I got better stuff to do like look at Civil War articles on Wikipedia with my pants down
[00:45:41] I can't remember that the last the last Wikipedia article I read all the way through was the great dismal swamp
[00:45:46] We can be a little it's a big swamp in Virginia. It's dismal. It's bad. That's really that's a great name
[00:45:53] It's called the great. Yeah, that's why I read the article. That's cool. It's a great dismal. So like the biggest swamp ever
[00:45:58] I don't know. I mean it's really fucked up. It's pretty fucking big
[00:46:01] They named it that because at the time they didn't know the value of wetlands. Oh
[00:46:06] They thought they'd like swamps were good. Are they good? I thought they're bad. I guess everything mosquitoes and shit
[00:46:13] Yeah, it's human you can't grow shit. You can't grow that kind by that
[00:46:19] You know I'm saying you could grow that hydroponics take a little boat ride through a mangrove where you get I
[00:46:26] Don't know. It's cool. It's like a tunnel. That's fun
[00:46:28] I would like having said that I would like to do a fan boat through a swamp like a gate or we could do that
[00:46:33] Yeah, that would be awesome. We could do that just as boys
[00:46:36] I'm mad. I didn't do that when I was in New Orleans
[00:46:38] I want to go paintballing in the woods now that it's fall
[00:46:41] Oh, although this bit of Indian summer we've had this week has been I
[00:46:49] It was cold. I like it. Do you know? I'm already wearing fucking jeans and hoodies and shit
[00:46:55] I got caught outside today in a hoodie and 80 degree weather. It was hot. It's fucking bullshit. Yeah, it was hot
[00:46:59] You know straight to I um by the way shout out to rad milk
[00:47:03] The boy has done it again. What happened you he's only does is he like fucking just like push bullshit on like the same
[00:47:12] Shit everyone was doing in like 2012. I guess not everybody but funny people like yeah
[00:47:16] They just comment on like brands pages. Oh, yeah, so you wrote an Arby's page like my wife left me
[00:47:22] Can I get a beefy double coupon or whatever?
[00:47:25] I get a coupon for the beefy big double or whatever and somehow somebody screenshot it and it ended up on the Steve Harvey show
[00:47:33] Steve Harvey personally commenting on it. Yes. He's like I'm a fan of these
[00:47:44] That's really well done. It's like angry. That's awesome. That's wow
[00:47:48] That's a good that it's gonna be like a heartwarming thing where Steve gets the guy a sandwich, but no no Steve had to yell it
[00:47:56] Yeah, dirty online. That's hilarious. Oh, he is funny shit. Also shout out to online boys getting dirty Ted Cruz beating off
[00:48:04] All right, dude. Well, we got a list of things here
[00:48:14] We got this we got this new system when Jake was here the system fucking works
[00:48:20] But you can't do we go to the free wheel and free
[00:48:28] Never be tamed by a list dude, I will I will we will talk about the list and if it comes right
[00:48:34] How about this stop don't think of it as a list think of it as a menu
[00:48:39] What I want from menu when I want I thought you're gonna say buffet no
[00:48:44] Get an ice cream a menu has a specific no it says no
[00:48:47] Subsitations, okay, how many things on that menu guess what bitch? I want to eat the Ted Cruz beating off
[00:48:53] You can't all I'm saying is the point is if you have a notes list if I say one thing
[00:48:58] You don't go hey, how about that and then say the next thing on the list?
[00:49:02] That's what that's exactly how it's not how a list works because you blow through everything on the fucking list
[00:49:07] And we run out of time let the no let the Steve Harvey thing marinate for
[00:49:12] Fucking second I thought it was a seamless transition Adam
[00:49:18] Well, you know, oh what are you a list guy?
[00:49:20] I'm not saying I'm a little chance to break free from the shot saying this and I seamless transition stop meant seamless
[00:49:29] Okay, it was you you had a transition sent I'm from a stand-up set point of view speaking of beautiful
[00:49:37] You brought it to it alright. We're Rogers bacon cheeseburger. That's down there. How about this boy Rogers
[00:49:55] Fuck you know, I was gonna make a I was gonna say fuck Ted Cruz
[00:49:59] But I won't cuz that's I now I want to talk about another part of the list
[00:50:03] I feel like Ted Cruz beating off thing false flag for sure Cruz Ted more like Ted surf
[00:50:09] Ted surf surf the world wide web for pornography hardcore
[00:50:13] You know, you know what I'm like, you know what I'm you know what I'm saying more like Ted Cruzing
[00:50:21] Nice for actually not more like that because it was heterosexual
[00:50:24] I think it was a worldwide web looking for you know what what do you think it was just randomly him liking porn that looked
[00:50:33] That's I mean come on. He's not into that you think it was a hack you actually believe you know
[00:50:38] I think that he I think that he did it to seem normal. I think he's you think he did it
[00:50:44] Yeah, I think that he was like well Donald beat me because he has you know
[00:50:48] He's everyone saw his wife's boobs and they think that's cool
[00:50:51] So I'm like he's running you think there's no way that this is a roose doesn't have ED
[00:50:56] Yeah, I mean he looks like a guy that can't get an erection
[00:51:00] Yeah, the cum probably gurgles out of his dick like slowly and bubbly. I think there's nothing wrong with
[00:51:10] It's just seeping out of your cock slowly like a like you poured a bunch of vinegar and baking soda
[00:51:16] That would be cool to do you know an experiment Cruz is like one of those
[00:51:20] Cat like it's fair one of those like ethnic eyes that like really wants to be white. So he probably just has white
[00:51:27] No, he's oh, I guess he's Cuban right he's a bit. He's a white man. Look at him. He's a white guy
[00:51:32] Yeah, but he's he's what he knows you know, he's part of you know, there's white Latinos
[00:51:37] That's true. I guess so he's white Latino, but anyway, I think I feel like who knows that what if I don't reinforce that idea
[00:51:44] There's not white Latinos something I hate more than than somebody who's
[00:51:50] Guaranteedly conquistators. Yeah, those were escaped Nazis
[00:52:00] Choo-choo-choo-channa I like to be spoken to to
[00:52:06] It's like you have a fucking I just feel like he
[00:52:10] He doesn't have a swastika necklace on right now that is from my abuelita
[00:52:18] Middle from my abuelita with eagle and force was to
[00:52:24] That my abuelita got from when she climbed onto a mountain and met the butterfly that says his sunset
[00:52:35] Whoa shit next come from Gabriel Garcia mark as dude I came from I gave her the week he died that magical realism
[00:52:42] Dude Nick has no time for that. I don't dude. I do know your character
[00:52:47] Just has angel wings in one scene get the fuck out of here. Yeah, it's all to yeah
[00:52:52] Yeah, pretty good 69. No, it's not I like overrated. I like to win. I was one of the first books. I hated really
[00:52:59] Yeah, wow I must be a big time for you, dude a long book to hate
[00:53:03] Yeah, I hate about I've finished things Nick loves things. I love hating. Yeah, that's what he lives for yeah
[00:53:10] But it's not like watching a bad movie reading a bad book is like way more of a slob
[00:53:14] I was I think I was working a temp job at the time. Yeah, yeah, so I was sitting at a desk
[00:53:19] I had nothing to do it was you that you know it's so funny
[00:53:22] There was so little to do at that temp job that they realized they hired a temp and didn't need a temp so they fucking
[00:53:29] Like one day they just wheeled in this old filing cabinet and it looked like an antique filing cabin
[00:53:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they were like we need you to alphabetize these employee records. I was like
[00:53:42] Don't aren't these already on the computer and they have been for like since 1992
[00:53:48] They're like yeah, but you know we just have all these old cards that we have a paper record of them
[00:53:52] We need you to alphabetize them and I look in and I open it up and one of them is like
[00:54:07] Youth yeah, and it's like fucking a thousand of these like index cards
[00:54:12] You know punch cards that they wanted me to and I'm like this all smells like mold
[00:54:17] No one's access. Where did you find these?
[00:54:20] To fucking make me alphabetize this bit just wanted you to do something you do it bitch
[00:54:25] Of course I did because that book sucked if it had been a better book. I'm like fuck you. I'm reading
[00:54:34] Bigger and blacker I can't remember the name of the Garfield books one time at my my job at college
[00:54:43] I worked for the I worked at the grad school at UMBC and
[00:54:47] I just found a box of folders that people were in the recycling
[00:54:51] Mm-hmm, and I just color coded them all day to look busy. I had a folder is
[00:54:56] That's a bit just the reason they did that to me is because I was sitting there doing nothing
[00:55:01] I didn't try to look big your ass got caught bitch. You say did something you had to get you had to go in the garbage
[00:55:16] Show me garbage in my mouth to look busy. I
[00:55:19] Color coding folders in college. I was working at the Peace Corps like their headquarters in DC
[00:55:24] Mm-hmm, and I was working in the like office of medical services
[00:55:27] So anytime someone got fucked up on the Peace Corps
[00:55:30] Oh, they'd like file for workers comp and I had to like go through the files and file and like organize it
[00:55:35] I just spent hours reading these like harrowing stories Adam actually worked for the drinking piss core
[00:55:46] Insider Intel though. No, there are no no it happens a lot on the Peace Corps because they put you out there
[00:55:59] And you're in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, you know and they don't like you're not around other races thing to say about Africa
[00:56:05] You're not around other volunteers quote quote of today folks Adam Friedland says Africa is nothing to me
[00:56:12] Africa is meaningless instead of the most beautiful country in the world, which is the way I feel
[00:56:19] The most beautiful it's like a beautiful diamond. I just want to kiss it every time I think about Africa
[00:56:29] Why is that todo? Yes, of course the most famous African you know that todo wrote human nature the mic
[00:56:35] You know what's you know a todo stands for for us bias. Yeah, exactly
[00:56:39] I was laughing about Andre which Andre steakhouse thinking that Fela stands for fellas individuals ladies associates
[00:56:51] You know Andre's got a field of fucking tracksuit, dude
[00:56:54] Oh, yeah, his casual where everyone he gets home from work and he takes off his vest
[00:56:58] And his doctors his doctors covered in Scotch guard so he can pour wine on them show everyone how fucking cool
[00:57:10] We got to get him on the show sometime Andre. Yeah, he'd love it
[00:57:16] Speaking of stakes. I would love a steak was I supposed to bring him on the show just there where you said that no maybe but
[00:57:22] I got a sign another episode. Yeah, you're sick. I can't your voice is extra husky today. Is it husky?
[00:57:28] I thought it was nasally sort of nasally
[00:57:31] With some words. Yeah, I don't have a cough. I wouldn't say it's husky
[00:57:37] He doesn't sound like that. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna become one of those old guys sound make one R. I P. Filly a tardo. Oh
[00:57:55] Regentory died so many legends falling in one week. I don't know if we can handle it death comes in threes
[00:58:00] Do you have a new 2017 my truck don't look at my truck. I look at your wife
[00:58:09] Yeah, Nick and I were watching one night. We were watching like a ton of they don't want me in the neighborhood
[00:58:15] Because I keep coroll and all the Mexican folks. Yeah, all their music videos are like it's like they're like trying to say
[00:58:23] Everything's a political statement. Yeah, you just get drunk and pretend they're mad about a bursar devian
[00:58:30] They're all like upper middle class and mad like they don't want like
[00:58:34] Fag Democrats move into their neighborhood. I get it in fact Democrats as other Republicans
[00:58:40] But it's like Republicans that tuck their shirts in yeah
[00:58:44] Don't like money. Yeah, and what did you say pitching machine? Yeah?
[00:58:49] That's just gonna replace it was gonna be a pitching machine that fires baseballs on his neighbor's lawn
[00:59:01] Tire pack of parlman said smoking through oh god, don't you ever look at my truck
[00:59:11] My truck if you look at it, I'll kill you
[00:59:15] Oh fuck every song yeah, no Brooks and Don is the best though
[00:59:25] Nobody could be the Ronnie done in terms of being a fucking just complete insane if you didn't have that velvety voice of gold
[00:59:33] He would just be a guy at a bus stop. We watch an interview with him
[00:59:37] Where it's like describe your cities like describe your song writing process and he's like you know for me
[00:59:42] It's like everything comes down to you know, there's experiences and then there's you know because growing up all the place
[00:59:51] New Mexico Arkansas place I live my my family my grandmother and what but text stands out my mind
[00:59:58] I think more of like a San Antonio vibe something that's I mean cuz that to me that is that is San Antonio
[01:00:04] Yeah, something more more less long those lines. It's like it sounds like that by the tone of his voice like he's answering the question
[01:00:16] But it's just yeah, it's just the ramblings of a of a bus stop bakery. I'm right. Yeah
[01:00:34] Dark dusty road one night and start thinking about the time you spent the wood shop
[01:00:44] Sometimes just get a piece of wood you want and it's a different way you understand than it was the other time. Yes
[01:00:59] The sweets factories. Oh, yes in the malls. I don't I you guys were talking about it before I I remember on TMS
[01:01:07] Auntie and you fucking pants. That's a press place. Nothing even close. Let's play. No, what am I think you're just fucking candy store with big
[01:01:14] Ass plastic tubes. They had ton of fucking delicious shit in there. Yeah, it's no
[01:01:19] What am I thinking of the ladies named etholums
[01:01:21] No, maybe that was the west coast thing. Never mind. No, you're making it up. There's a chocolate store called
[01:01:27] Hey, you're from the west coast. I got two words for you. Get the fuck out your gay
[01:01:51] Ronnie tell us more about your latest song California you can suck my dick
[01:01:56] But well when I was I was living in Texas probably not in
[01:02:04] You know what what would be the experience of somebody to live in a different place and I thought about you know
[01:02:09] Played like California. I thought I probably that sounds pretty gay to me
[01:02:13] That seems like a pretty gay experience
[01:02:19] Yes, I've never heard one of those songs now you should listen to
[01:02:24] God must God is he God must be busy. Well, there's a man alert
[01:02:30] Yeah, no, God must be busy is like it's a list of all these bad things happening and then the hook is God must be busy
[01:02:38] But there's no clear political perspective. Yeah, it's like he goes through like oh the job to ship my jobs
[01:02:48] We're repeating a lot of material here because somebody doesn't respect the note taking fuck. Yeah
[01:02:54] The list that's my stance bitches respect the list. I got some eager spat a pair of two fucking
[01:03:01] God got our own ace. Yeah, who do they belong to because they're not yours. They're mine. They're not you're fat
[01:03:06] There's a Garazone your testicles. Yeah
[01:03:10] Speak Portuguese. Yeah, I've been in Europe guys. Yeah, things are gonna change around here
[01:03:17] Smart one on the show, but the truth is is that the rest of us speak Portuguese
[01:03:24] Portuguese together without me. Yeah, we've learned a lot of languages without you. Yeah, it's fucked up
[01:03:29] Well, you're smoking cigarettes, but you're smoking your death sticks. Yeah, we're doing fucking Rosetta Stone
[01:03:34] We spent years coming up with that Brian character from Valera without you
[01:03:45] It first seemed like owned the Valero, but actually he cleans the toilet
[01:03:50] What is it you only were rubber clothes he used to now he dresses like spy versus spy and he's got a feather
[01:03:57] Growing out of his head poking out of that you think it's part of that what is actually out of his head
[01:04:05] The Greek person who we learned earlier in the show we're descended from this. Thank you for remembering my story
[01:04:13] He's on for me to remember because I am
[01:04:24] Right, maybe we're about that fact of Brian
[01:04:27] It comes from a being berated by my mother it just sounds like trying
[01:04:40] For me to be retarded more of an Italian at first, but we said that it was a Spanish guy
[01:04:46] It doesn't matter dude. Come on. Yeah, you know sounds like a guy would own a place called Valera Valera
[01:04:53] Valera that's right. I was in the mother Island port porto Chico
[01:04:59] That's when I was being desperate to go down. That's what we do without important Chico some guy fucking walk by wearing like four parrots
[01:05:07] I had a square for Chico. Yeah, it's like man. You got just get one
[01:05:13] Four parents stop's grandpa dude. Yeah, dude. Stop us. How kiss the original
[01:05:18] That might be one of the most underrated things you've ever shared on the pot. Hey man
[01:05:23] No, the most underrated thing is that he wipes his ass with hotel towels. I never said that
[01:05:29] Yeah, you did I never said that find the recording. That's a really fucked up thing
[01:05:33] I literally have never said that you know, not only does you do you wipe your ass with them you wet them
[01:05:39] We find where I said that diaper rash you are completely fabricating
[01:05:50] included in some of the soft pulls for the the the
[01:05:53] Stove app that I make it. Oh, yeah, speaking of the stuff at the I've iPhone 10 is out. Oh, yeah
[01:06:00] Fuck we didn't look who the fuck went out of order on the fucking bitch ass list. I didn't skip you went out of order
[01:06:08] I said I'm buying a weight vest this whole fucking podcast is out of order
[01:06:16] Yeah, it's from not Serpico it is Serpico. No, no, yeah, yeah, it's a
[01:06:30] It's absolutely not super good wasn't really a core frame. It's not it's not
[01:06:34] I'm a person criver great movie about to for it. It's actually it's a be more original. It's a
[01:06:40] Injustice for all. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Barry. What's his name?
[01:06:43] Let's listen. It's not a Barry Levinson movie. It's not a Jewish and movie
[01:06:47] Who was not who was not Jew who is not Jewish?
[01:06:51] Norman Jewinson is not Jewish Jewish. Whoa, that you was
[01:07:06] Know a cooping Berg is really good that my name is Joshua gay crance
[01:07:15] What about rosen stans and gill gill cranks or whatever
[01:07:21] Rosie grants a guilders friends. Yeah, yeah, how about it? Yeah, how do you stop saying about them?
[01:07:34] I'm the best bit is trying to remember things
[01:07:47] In the planes the plane I saw rosen stans and gill
[01:07:55] Gilbert and Sullivan no, no, there's a Samuil Beckett. I am the very model of a modern major general
[01:08:04] Yeah, yeah, Nick is like low key. Oh like showing that he's a big musical theater guy
[01:08:10] I am a big musical theater guy. Do you like?
[01:08:17] Steven Spielberg. No, yeah, no, no the guy did family opera and cats and shit. No, that's not Steven song
[01:08:27] Yeah, it's a Andrew Lloyd. Wow, that's right. That's right
[01:08:32] I'm gonna show because I get a blow my nose, but real quick iPhone new one. Don't buy its piece shit
[01:08:38] But I say buy get the new Apple TV. That's the show, but how much is the Apple TV? It's a four hundred and seventy nine dollars
[01:08:45] That's it. Yeah, it's 4k. It's free iTunes upgrades to the
[01:08:49] To the 4k versions of movies that you've already purchased really yeah in fact if you have iTunes right now
[01:08:59] Well, I guess the price will be the way I have a Roku and I pay for Netflix
[01:09:03] In 4k UHD does that mean it Roku can do that?
[01:09:09] The Roku Roku and Amazon fire have already been 4k. Oh, okay
[01:09:13] So Apple is just not there. Yeah, the Apple TV is shit if you already have any of the other I have
[01:09:19] Apple's been behind the rest of their behind everything
[01:09:22] They just look cooler iPhone X is like shittier than I mean the somebody and George's galaxy S8
[01:09:27] Everything that they were like check out these features
[01:09:33] Glass screen all the way glass. Yeah, it's fucking S8 has that yet. Yeah, literally the only thing I the only reason I have
[01:09:41] Message that's literally yeah, cuz you don't want to be like hollering at a girl
[01:09:45] You don't be flirting and then give her that green bubble
[01:09:48] Oh, yeah, you know cuz that is like ain't nothing get a get a pussy dryer than them green
[01:09:53] You need to get the blue bubble you need them that fucking sop and wet pussy blue bubble. It's a worse OS
[01:10:00] But I need that blue bubble. Is it a worse OS? I don't know. I don't fucking know
[01:10:04] I don't know enough. I just don't want to be elude like everyone who says a fucking Android sucks
[01:10:09] Yeah, of course the pocket pocket protector a take that loser fucking nurse L7 weenies
[01:10:16] Yeah, take that the new Apple watch came out too. Oh shut up
[01:10:21] So now you have the worst Apple I do I have the worst Apple watch, but I knew the new one was coming out anyways
[01:10:26] It's LTE. Yes. I did dude. They always have you did they have a product launch every
[01:10:33] Worst kind of app was actually the worst kind of watch is the series one
[01:10:42] Which is what Adam where a literal answer yeah, you bitch
[01:10:47] You have the second to worst Apple watch yeah, well you have the worst face
[01:10:55] Lot of people think no there's a website who has the shittiest face calm and it's you somebody buy that domain and put it up
[01:11:04] That's fine. That will happen now a direct request from you dude. You know how many fucking weird motherfuckers
[01:11:11] Just Nick I did it. I did it Nick. Yeah, you're getting an Instagram DM right now
[01:11:16] I'm gonna have a compound 10 years and we're all gonna sink the katanas into our stomachs at the same time
[01:11:23] I would be cool. I would love to I would love to commit you that would be great
[01:11:27] Wouldn't it be hilarious if no you're gonna sell me and stop out
[01:11:32] I'm definitely gonna back you're gonna find a way to distance yourself from the show as if it's been secretly
[01:11:37] problematic and bothered you the whole time oh
[01:11:39] Yeah, it has a tell-all yeah Adam biography where he fucking switches right so you can have a regular career
[01:11:47] And you're gonna forget all the career and what all about in chocolate twice being all about your dear friend who gave you everything
[01:12:05] He did it. I can't wait to sell you guys out
[01:12:08] Yeah, I got Harvey 11 TMZ on speed up fuck dude. Yeah, don't tell Harvey how good I fuck
[01:12:15] Yeah, I accidentally befriended a guy named
[01:12:18] Ari Keichelberg and I found out he's not even Jewish. He's not it. What a waste. Yeah, you could do nothing for me
[01:12:28] Just think about it makes me think about how many like production companies gave him money and they're like there of course
[01:12:33] We can't wait to see what kind of movie you make know of course like by the way
[01:12:38] We're having a Satan next week. He's like, oh, I'm not Jewish and they're like what?
[01:12:42] Stop payment on the check get the money back. Get the money back. Yeah
[01:12:49] That's my okay movies that reminds me that Simpson's joke. We're across these like let nothing if my accounts are watching
[01:12:57] Let nothing stop you from paying out this check
[01:13:02] Great Simpson's joke. Yeah, that is a great joke. It's a good show. I like the Simpsons
[01:13:08] That's my take what do we got on the list or is the show over? Oh, we're almost out of things here
[01:13:14] What we have on the list Halloween is coming up
[01:13:17] That's right, which means we're bringing back spooky stories part two. Oh fuck. I forgot
[01:13:25] Wow, it has already been a year since the spooky stories that was a great funny is like
[01:13:30] Last Halloween seems like forever ago, but the election seems like it was like that's so true literally a month
[01:13:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, chose Halloween was it for a week Halloween was a fun. What do we do?
[01:13:42] Oh, it's gonna be it's so funny. This next four years is gonna breeze by
[01:13:48] No, I don't know about that kind of the other way around because it's so much as happened next seven years you get a breeze
[01:13:55] 45 years until Trump dies and Donald Trump Jr. becomes king is gonna breeze. He's gonna fucking throw Hillary in jail already
[01:14:01] I'm fucking I can't stand it. Hey dude. Come on. It was the coolest thing you like that. Do
[01:14:12] Yeah, one of the dragons is John Podesta. It sucks, dude. Yeah, it doesn't suck
[01:14:17] I watched the first episode of my friend's house and I was like this is gay. He's like yeah, I know but I like it
[01:14:24] It's gay, but it's expensive. I mean like that's fun. It's a fun
[01:14:28] Money people get sliced up like probably cost the most money
[01:14:31] It was by far the worst season. It was not a good season, but I think at this point
[01:14:35] It was still fun to watch so it's just the producers. Yeah
[01:14:39] Writing I wish I had the money to buy the London review of books and then I could just personally just say like this
[01:14:46] Shits gay you can say gay or not care. That's it. Oh those that is that's that's already good
[01:14:52] Like you just turn into like rotten tomato style
[01:14:59] It's a hard dick or a soft dick looks fucking stupid
[01:15:03] This shit what if it's you think things are okay, you just think it's
[01:15:08] Sick or gay. No, there's plenty shit. I think is okay like Kingsman secret service
[01:15:13] I thought that was good. That was good weird that you brought that up because I was thinking of like what's something that I think is
[01:15:18] Okay, and then I thought Kingsman and I'm like no, I actually like King. I think we talked about that the other day
[01:15:22] I want to watch it. Isn't there like a it's pretty cool very climactic ass fucking scene
[01:15:30] What do you tell me that was you must be talking about rosinger
[01:15:41] Rosen steaming ros and crass and and Gilden coward Bob James
[01:16:07] That's really good. Oh, yeah, I was you get away liquorice sucks. What black liquorice sucks off. It's good
[01:16:14] You like black liquor is good. Yeah, you're either a black licorice guy or not or you think it's disgusting
[01:16:21] Either no if you like licorice, you're either a pimp or thank you. No
[01:16:28] Next you don't sell next you don't sell women. You're right. I don't I respect women
[01:16:46] He's like stuff feeding candy just thank you
[01:16:50] You guys watch the pimp show with James ranker. No, is he in it twice? He's a plays twins
[01:16:57] What pimp show the new HBO show that so it's like David shit. It's like the movie the parent trap
[01:17:03] Yep. Yeah, it's like the pair trap his parents get divorced. I've seen it next
[01:17:07] Can't sold all right. That's the show folks. Bye. Goodbye