Cum Town | Regular | 11/16/2017
[00:00:03] I haven't really discussed on this show yet
[00:00:08] but hot item everyone's talking about who is fucking which boy
[00:00:14] yes what boy is getting turned out everybody wants to know what do you think
[00:00:18] Drake and Josh got fucked yeah I'm sure damn one of them has a good career don't
[00:00:23] both Drake's are you think Drake was on the grass oh fuck who's Josh no it's a
[00:00:31] Nickelodeon called Drake and Joe no I know you're a bells do it well yeah yeah
[00:00:35] Josh Peck Josh Peck Defigot fucked by a really funny by the funny monster now
[00:00:44] he's hilarious yeah you're not on Mike so there's no reason there's no reason
[00:00:50] contribute to the conversation brands in the brands in the room we already
[00:00:55] covered all that shit so yeah so we're taught we act we this one's gonna be a
[00:00:59] like a more personal we brought in our friend Evan to interview him about how
[00:01:04] he's mostly fucked yes what technically that's true technically Evan
[00:01:10] is the only the only person I had fucked it isn't wasn't a kid when I
[00:01:16] fucked him is my wife yeah because Evan got married youngest shit oh yeah so all
[00:01:20] the women he fucked were children I was a child as well I was a what was the
[00:01:24] lowest age seven fifteen okay that's I was 14 oh yeah get that all getting
[00:01:32] that ninth grade pussy and I was shit hell yeah what was that like busting your
[00:01:38] first night it was nervous and quick yeah it was New Year's Eve and Tom
[00:01:44] Green was like commented Tom Green was on the TV doing New Year's oh so you were
[00:01:49] looking at you're listening Tom Green's voice the first time you fucked no I
[00:01:52] couldn't hear his voice because Marilyn Manson was on so it looked like Tom
[00:01:57] Green was singing Marilyn Manson hell yeah yeah that fucking rocks beautiful
[00:02:02] people it was pretty sick that was the song I actually don't remember the song
[00:02:06] I know it was Marilyn Manson nice when did you bust your first night and I
[00:02:11] when I was like 17 like right before it's our nathan nice and we've already
[00:02:15] been yeah we've all talked about it well just well well trot show there's I
[00:02:20] mean really there's nothing there's nothing to talk about other than sexual
[00:02:24] sex ring is that's kind of that's the news now it's funny it's like all
[00:02:30] news it's it's like you know I see a lot of female comics being like now it's
[00:02:35] now it's our time now that we're getting rid of the red rain in the swamp now
[00:02:38] it's our turn but it's like well not if you write topical jokes because yeah
[00:02:43] those are awful limits for you you can't do rape jokes it's true after all that
[00:02:48] yeah yeah good luck finding something in the news to talk about do you think one
[00:02:55] whimmer and power they will rape part of it yes I mean look at Hillary Clinton
[00:03:00] she does yep she kills children and yep you know Foxham
[00:03:03] pizza shops yeah right Evan gets it again we already covered all that yeah
[00:03:10] I'm sure you had I just see it I was letting you know that I know I don't
[00:03:15] know I guess we'll have you not covered is there a new one in the past week there
[00:03:19] really isn't yeah like we kind of went into all of them on this week's okay
[00:03:23] prior previous episode why don't we do some fun voices no I think that's a we
[00:03:29] should find something to discuss rather than bail in the first two seconds into
[00:03:34] voices to a fun voice what Evan does good voices buddy all right you know all
[00:03:39] right let's find some discuss and then we'll do fun voices okay funny we'll earn
[00:03:43] the funny voices all right be true to ourselves all right well I guess Adam
[00:03:49] pointed out in the New York Times reviewed Louis C K's movie and it's not
[00:03:53] coming out so there's really no reason to review Louis C K's no they they reviewed
[00:03:58] it to say that the jokes felt terrible in light of the allegation yeah that was
[00:04:05] kind of a like Lou like trying to do a movie about a guy who fucks much younger
[00:04:12] women or whatever I think it's about a dad whose daughter folks the guy that's
[00:04:16] a lot of right right right so it's sort of about the dad that's sort of
[00:04:20] Malcolm the main victim I think the man is probably yeah yeah yeah Louie is the
[00:04:25] victim yeah okay yeah makes sense I don't know I think it's probably interesting
[00:04:30] and probably pretty good is it ever coming out can we watch maybe but probably
[00:04:34] not if you went back and look at Hitler's paintings and it's just like him
[00:04:38] fucking some Jewish person's face you know it's putting a knife to their eyes
[00:04:43] socket they're like the paintings good but as this isn't really art school
[00:04:49] technically you're very skilled Mr. Hitler but no of course not I'm not a
[00:04:57] self-hating Jew that has weird sexual fantasies look at Hitler's paintings
[00:05:03] you were never interested in what his pain not in the way you were to jack
[00:05:08] off to jack off to them no they're like I don't know they're kind of nice
[00:05:11] landscapes really average paintings yeah like a Bob Ross like it's an empty
[00:05:16] field but the implication is that there used to be a town there filled with
[00:05:21] Jews they killed every man shipped off the women and then burned the city to
[00:05:26] the ground and paved over it with with nice with copies planted trees right
[00:05:30] nice hell yeah Bob Ross was in the military he was like a like a vessel
[00:05:35] forces he was like good mom yeah he was like a hardcore dude and then he got
[00:05:38] into all those soft TV voices were like snipers and stuff yeah mr. Rogers oh
[00:05:46] yeah yeah like he was like yeah mr. Rogers is like American sniper he was
[00:05:50] caught what's his name something Kyle Chris Kyle he was Chris Kyle yeah mr.
[00:05:55] Rogers invented napalm actually and he was the first one he used to put it he
[00:05:59] used to make Vietnamese children swallow it and then he watched them burn from
[00:06:04] the inside no mr. Rogers was in a nom no Korea yeah yeah the original nom yep
[00:06:10] the same country how the fuck did Kim Jong just end up with how did his dad or
[00:06:19] granddad or whatever end up with half a career should we have fucked them up
[00:06:22] because they wouldn't let MacArthur go north I learned that from Roger
[00:06:28] eight parallel I learned that from Roger Rodney Danger fields back to school oh
[00:06:33] yeah my most of my most of my tidbits come from his back to school I love
[00:06:42] getting my dick saw like that that's Sam Kinis got to the
[00:06:46] noises man that's good somebody eat my ass that's my character Sam Kinis and
[00:06:54] yeah who likes to get a fancy it's also just stop set
[00:06:58] no nobody has sex with me but I'm cute thank you but the breakfast these are
[00:07:07] great jokes thank you for quoting them come see me guys I'll be in Cleveland at
[00:07:13] hilarities December 3rd I'll be checking a job but the breakfast that
[00:07:20] wouldn't be that wouldn't be the name of the it's he's selling t-shirts guys but
[00:07:26] the breakfast I will not be so like some see Nick do his Harambe joke for 12
[00:07:32] months in a row you do it I want you to a joke last night about I'm going through
[00:07:36] a breakup and I know that was 60 with five years ago yeah there's only I just
[00:07:43] stopped doing comedy because it sucks now and there's nothing else to talk about
[00:07:47] I'm not still doing a Harambe bit because I'm not doing this yeah now I'm a
[00:07:51] professional broadcaster anyway that was Sam Kinis and asking get his ass
[00:07:58] eating everyone so you know what I'm gonna stop doing the heavy lifting then
[00:08:03] guys if that's it I had Sam Kinis and you know you guys do a good character
[00:08:08] Adam oh god we were back here how about you know it said please miss
[00:08:19] down Lucy gang finally do not hack off in front of me
[00:08:26] be small to a small day labor that would have been the world's most famous
[00:08:33] comedian yeah man all the shows that they labor would have done yeah right
[00:08:45] Miguel if you want to have a career shut the fuck up and just where to put the
[00:08:52] dry one I just want to play my ukulele talk about Hawaii peace I'm bad I just
[00:09:01] want to be adorable and do a darkable comedy where I don't really observe
[00:09:06] anything or have a punchline I just talk about how hard it is to be an adult
[00:09:11] because I don't know which part of the check is the routing number or the
[00:09:15] account number is that like what like adulthood is good it's a dorking
[00:09:25] day like you got discovered in the parking lot at Home Depot mm-hmm by some
[00:09:30] coke that producer it's like if you suck my dick you can be in the parent
[00:09:37] trap the waiter and that's how they cast everyone in movies like every
[00:09:44] extra sucked some guys dick right be standing in the back if you look at the
[00:09:48] guy watching the dishes he's like staring off into the distance the crack
[00:09:52] and I went through the crack epidemic and like you know the 1980s and like what
[00:09:57] that did to inner cities and like the amount of violence and gang violence and
[00:10:01] shit it's not like rich people didn't do cocaine but the problems they created
[00:10:05] in those communities is like you know making them rape everyone they work
[00:10:09] with yeah yeah well again the child pedophilia rings in it forced them to in
[00:10:17] many ways the fact that the government diluted cocaine through crack when they
[00:10:22] gave it to inner city communities was yeah like was charity yeah you know
[00:10:27] because full-blown cocaine in those neighborhoods whoo because we saw what
[00:10:31] happened in real Hollywood exactly he wanted to protect me tested Hollywood
[00:10:35] they started fucking all the kids and then when Reagan invented crack cocaine
[00:10:38] yes he's like he's like let them go I care about black people too much no it's
[00:10:43] true let's step on this a little bit we can't give them a little baking soda
[00:10:47] yeah get to acetone man yeah that's cool have you ever done crack Evan yeah
[00:10:58] yeah yeah yeah yeah it was that cool it was pretty tight yeah it was really tight
[00:11:04] dude that's like one thing I'll say about crack it was actually pretty it's
[00:11:11] worth it you like can't just be a guy that smokes crack yeah just chilling out
[00:11:16] with a nice little rock yeah you can't like a rag about crack either I'm doing
[00:11:21] it right now man I'm doing it right now always set the scene for us um
[00:11:24] everything's going great in your life everything's going real bad yeah everybody's
[00:11:29] dead that I've ever loved and my buddy was like do you want to feel this
[00:11:35] stronger and I was like yeah so he cooked up some coke and oh he cooked it up
[00:11:41] yeah I freebased coke which is like this is saying thing oh no that's different
[00:11:45] it's different that's completely different okay well then I did not
[00:11:48] there's like a depravity to smoking crack that yeah it doesn't exist with
[00:11:51] free-basing cocaine yeah I mean but it's free-based cocaine it felt way
[00:11:55] different than snoring it though man free-basing what did it feel like I mean
[00:11:59] just like more worrisome and scary so how does you cook it and then you like
[00:12:08] snoring just you draw in the smoke with a spoon yeah yeah you heat it up and then
[00:12:14] you suck you know oh shit oh like that's homemade glazed blunts with it and
[00:12:18] stuff but that's not this that's a weird high man yeah crack you like mixed
[00:12:23] because some weren't you're right yeah soda and then you you like cooked out on
[00:12:28] the stove and water and then the shit that rises to the top is like a yellow
[00:12:33] fucking sediment or something and you take that and then dried out the bubbly
[00:12:37] stuff yeah maybe I smoked crack I don't know like I have to make crack on like
[00:12:43] a stovetop okay I mean there's different ways to do it I
[00:12:47] was I was free-based crack there's a lot of songs you could listen to where they
[00:12:51] tell you how to do it true man true stirring a pot with de Uzi
[00:12:56] that's how you do it right yeah that's the only I've ever made crack yeah I
[00:13:01] snorted math nice I never smoked math I snorted math and I did a bunch of like
[00:13:06] heroin and math within the ecstasy I was doing you know it was all like very
[00:13:11] cut with either heroin or meth I like the meth more because like you know you
[00:13:16] drink up you know like you want to get your money for a city yeah yeah you
[00:13:20] fucking stuff and yes I didn't fuck ever but I'm a girlfriend one time yeah but
[00:13:27] not I didn't like yeah you know get some strange down yeah how had your cockwork
[00:13:33] on that on those drugs like not at all and then once it did it worked forever
[00:13:38] yeah I was one of those things took forever and I got an old lawn mower that won't you got the report going a bunch of
[00:13:45] tights yeah once it's going on neighborhood yeah fuck everyone in your
[00:13:50] neighborhood yeah man break into their homes fuck them while they're sleeping
[00:13:54] yeah we want to have fun in on the show because he had a funny experience with
[00:13:59] we could just tell the insta yeah that's still absolutely that Ian was just in LA
[00:14:03] and had an unfortunate experience with our friends prostitute yeah but I think he
[00:14:09] got it yeah he's like he gets like that you know when you get like to do an
[00:14:13] airport and then there's all the rental car places and it's like Alamo
[00:14:16] Enterprise you know budget yes whatever and then there's one of them that's like
[00:14:21] Lorenzo's cars yeah he's like a cardboard sign yeah right yeah he even gets like
[00:14:27] that version of prostitutes and there's also exist in the rear of the airport
[00:14:34] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah just fucking you know motel six in Inglewood yeah yeah
[00:14:40] yeah yeah no he asked you your ass and you said he said do you mind if I eat
[00:14:48] your ass madam you mind you said no you got you got out outfit hilarious person
[00:14:58] he is he is asking him I was like how did you like know that that was what you
[00:15:04] were into yeah you know yeah because I can't imagine even if I thought maybe
[00:15:08] that might be my thing and it ends up not being you right then you're right
[00:15:14] yeah well he's crazy like the kind of people you hooked up with he will well
[00:15:20] he got shine a flashlight in their asshole before you like like he literally
[00:15:23] like he's homies like yeah flash a light in their asshole see if it's safe for me
[00:15:29] to dive in there and then he just dives in got a little fucking miners helmet on
[00:15:38] got a little sick all and stuff he's like taking off a chunk and putting it on
[00:15:42] a microscope me my friend we used to play with each other's dicks and then one
[00:15:46] time I showed him a picture I drew of a lady okay we're seen this and whatever
[00:15:51] what's that and now go ahead yeah no this is what he told me yeah yeah we used to
[00:15:56] play with each other's dicks and I drew a picture of a lady you know with a
[00:15:59] penis and he got mad at me his friend got mad at him yeah well yeah can you go
[00:16:05] back to sucking me off with these lovely looking arts and crafts I haven't come
[00:16:11] yet Ian wait so is Ian a did he go off the wagon or he just did not know yeah
[00:16:17] that's what he does he's like you know with me it's either like drugs or sex or
[00:16:22] whatever you know yeah I mean there's a lot of wagons of life that he lives on
[00:16:28] the sobering trail of depraved yeah yeah yeah yeah he's not drinking right now
[00:16:33] but boy he's gonna ask for a friend he asked for dysentery and yeah it's it's
[00:16:39] real rough man oh yeah we're good for you know good for him no sludge shaming
[00:16:44] though no whatever you're into guys trans having yes you can do whatever you
[00:16:49] want as long as it's not being watched while jacking off yeah that's the one
[00:16:54] thing the one type of behavior that's completely unacceptable even if you ask
[00:16:59] for permission to do it or jacking off on him on the phone well to be fair he
[00:17:07] didn't ask permission that he did not but like oh come on you're gonna what
[00:17:14] if you pick one example really where it's like this is that part is in defense
[00:17:18] you don't just play with your dick when you're at home and then sometimes there's
[00:17:22] a big difference between I do it all the time in that case I've raped every
[00:17:26] customer service member you don't think my hands in my pants on oh that's how we
[00:17:32] get back a day of a lot of phone calls but here's the other thing don't
[00:17:35] they don't know that I'm like touching I'm not like jacking off and you're not
[00:17:39] like keeping them on the phone longer and like breathing heavily and that's
[00:17:44] what I'm gonna do start doing creepy yeah to Verizon to get back customer
[00:17:49] service reps and start being off yeah they get back to customer service
[00:17:54] they're really they're done to you they narrowly escaped having their eyes
[00:17:59] boiled out of their skulls so they could be better at singing some morbidly
[00:18:05] obese man is gonna stroke regular obese thank you not morbid just very no it's
[00:18:13] morbid dude it's a more bit like the doctors very brutal medical term just
[00:18:21] obese thank you like just obese you know my favorite one is is they don't use it
[00:18:30] which just sounds like an insult I can't imagine a context when that was ever
[00:18:36] like a nice term to you somebody congratulations your son is not just
[00:18:41] retarded yeah pro valve you're a little metal he's the winner of the retarded
[00:18:49] Olympics at his school yeah we're gonna make a fucked up statue of him big
[00:18:55] smooth head popsicles the almond shaped eyes Chinese eyelids
[00:19:07] yeah yeah you can't be mean to him anymore not even if you're a doctor
[00:19:11] mmm no you can you how much how much would it have sucked to be like you know
[00:19:16] it's like maybe 1987 you're just finishing up medical school and you're
[00:19:20] like I did all this work so I could make fun of retarded people and they change
[00:19:25] Wow they change it's pull the rug right up a lot of these to come up with new
[00:19:29] insults for retarded people just for a hundred years they got away with it
[00:19:33] like a long to call them idiots we're gonna call them long all odds we're gonna
[00:19:36] call them you know freaks yep yeah and geeks yeah
[00:19:40] yeah chowder heads right and then now they finally settled on the one true thing
[00:19:45] that'll never be ruined by association intellectually disabled yep I feel like
[00:19:51] it was nice when they called them like the village idiot like they're part of
[00:19:54] the community you know right yep inclusive now we just made now we just
[00:19:59] they just live out on the street and we don't like look at they don't
[00:20:02] necessarily live on the street that'd be fun I mean I think that's sort of what
[00:20:07] we do with mentally ill people in this country is not meant we're talking
[00:20:10] about the the disabled yeah we're talking about mentally harded um handicap yes
[00:20:15] yeah yeah yeah yeah crazy yeah whoa whoa whoa anybody that were anymore man that's
[00:20:23] an ableist term yeah that's my favorite shit online it's saying crazy I'm an
[00:20:27] insane person that's incapable of rational thought here's how society
[00:20:31] should know who's how people should interact with each other fuck dude so
[00:20:40] we're all exhausted right from baby did some this rapes yeah yeah oh yeah what
[00:20:47] you guys do no it's just we all we can't we it's just a fucking nauseating you
[00:20:53] know news cycle yeah sex sex trauma is like you know it's been three weeks of
[00:20:59] everywhere you look it's just sex trauma it's brutal man yeah well it's like you
[00:21:04] know what it feels like is I remember this like distinctively sick feeling
[00:21:08] that I would get when I was exposed to like celebrity gossip or entertainment
[00:21:13] news because I don't care I don't give a shit yeah yeah and like when you know
[00:21:18] access Hollywood or whatever would be on or something it just but bothered me
[00:21:22] yes loud yeah Mario Lopez smiling don't know who the Kardashians are I don't
[00:21:28] fucking know yeah no I don't I know who Kim Kardashian is because she's like
[00:21:32] what did you know that the dad was centipede I know yeah yeah yeah he's the
[00:21:36] lawyer for OJ but again this is like it's a whole world that always just sort of
[00:21:41] bothered I don't care for it right now right and now it feels like I mean
[00:21:47] because the sex assault thing kind of just exists in that realm yeah it's a
[00:21:52] celebrity it is it's a celebrity gossip and it's not like whatever I mean
[00:21:58] problems about you know systemic sexism aside it's like this it is still just
[00:22:03] fucking gossip about you know who did what to who in the entertainment world
[00:22:08] yeah yeah and we'll feel like people will feel like they did they accomplish
[00:22:13] something by certain people's careers being destroyed but the systems are
[00:22:18] gonna stay exactly the same you think it'll stay exactly the same I think I
[00:22:22] think a lot yes I think that it'll find the next so there's gonna be like a
[00:22:26] they're gonna purge this group of rapers yeah that's how it all then the next
[00:22:29] group of Jewish rapers will just be exactly there's a whole new class of us
[00:22:33] it's like the X-Men X-Men for his class also was a
[00:22:38] right what was up with Brian Singer how is he not
[00:22:41] like I know scrub we've been talking about it okay do you see what's been
[00:22:47] making Nick loose as much did you see did Gary Goddard was like accused
[00:22:51] publicly by a juice from Top Gun and like Goddard was part of that lawsuit
[00:22:56] against singer like three years ago huh have you seen an open secret of course
[00:23:00] we talked about yeah yeah yeah kind of missed the juice man yeah it's all I
[00:23:04] miss the meat and potatoes yeah it's a it's crazy man yeah it's fucked up
[00:23:10] dude yeah it's also in other it's fucked up yeah it's also like kind of
[00:23:15] everywhere you know I mean it's in politics and stuff like that yeah it's
[00:23:19] just like the Hollywood portions means what about right now like do you think
[00:23:22] the politicians will start are also raping children well I know that they are
[00:23:25] I mean like more pizza gate pizza game is probably the best thing to happen to
[00:23:29] them because now it gets to be like an insane all great conspiracy rather than
[00:23:33] like you know a thing that's actually happening you're like oh you're as a
[00:23:37] fucking pizza shop well they really it's the same with shop and really no really
[00:23:42] it's a private island that they died I know I to you know the guy that ran
[00:23:47] charter services to child rape island did what 12 months yeah you know yeah
[00:23:52] well and and it was for not registering the plane yeah I was not
[00:23:55] registering with the Jeepers creepers director man yeah yeah just making
[00:23:59] keepers creepers through right now all on every movie he made happened after the
[00:24:03] conviction I know and one was a Disney movie like right after the conviction
[00:24:07] with Disney movie just powder powder was yeah yeah Victor Sylvie like right
[00:24:13] right we talked about rape to chime yeah not only a but child he taped it it
[00:24:17] was on it was on the set of a killer clown movie and so he raped him in a
[00:24:22] horror set whoa like in like a haunted circus
[00:24:26] hands right to kids yeah that kid is just to add to the horror be one on a whole
[00:24:32] I got this and then today in response to the Roy Moore thing all these girls are
[00:24:41] getting behind this hashtag me at 14 meet 14 yeah which is basically oh no it's
[00:24:49] just some guy with like a 14 inch dick posting
[00:24:53] I'm just sad he's like what I don't wish I thought it was for me I'm not a rapist
[00:25:00] I've been using this big penis hashtag for year you stole it you beat 14
[00:25:08] get that nice fat hog out there is the oiled up fucking man with the world's
[00:25:14] largest penis is just like water again today there's a butcher on 14th street
[00:25:19] just like posting his butcher shop yeah Jonah Falcon show that's that's the
[00:25:24] funniest kind of person to be was when your dick is so medically big to be gay
[00:25:28] yeah yeah that's yeah that's the reason I was like well it doesn't
[00:25:36] why so you can suck the world's biggest biggest I just want to be the best at
[00:25:48] it's sucking big fat cocks yeah but then like yeah the response is that girls
[00:26:00] are just putting up like the sexiest pictures of them at 14 so says Adam
[00:26:05] me not I'm not a objective statement yeah this is Adam's opinion yeah yeah he's
[00:26:16] like but I don't get it because every picture I see makes me hard yeah so I
[00:26:20] don't think this really getting it's really accomplishing what they wanted to
[00:26:23] know what now I've started talking to your alright you try to lure them into
[00:26:27] my one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn and I'm like hey do you guys need a tutor I
[00:26:32] actually went to law school I have a dog to okay so yeah and she gets angry if
[00:26:42] so that right you put the little mask on Isis you gonna make the dog man again
[00:26:47] that's your threat you want to make this dog man
[00:26:54] it's a least threatening bark I'll do whatever you say mr. Friedland all right
[00:26:59] that's not what I was trying to say but no they're like sexualizing themselves
[00:27:06] at 14 for basically I mean but I earn this trauma how are they sexualizing
[00:27:10] themselves though because they're putting up like pictures of themselves as
[00:27:14] children yeah but they're not saying the point sexy I was the point is they're
[00:27:18] putting themselves up as children and you're getting hard to it
[00:27:23] yeah we might have to fire everyone associated with the show because Adam
[00:27:34] you're gonna have to we're all gonna lose our jobs yeah the only thing the only
[00:27:39] fair thing to do when somebody gets caught with sexual misconduct is destroy
[00:27:45] the lives of hundreds of people around them yeah you know Alan Alda needs to
[00:27:50] be taken down anyone who's ever been in a movie with them should be fired anyone
[00:27:55] yeah so with the same hair color yeah yeah
[00:27:58] dangerous man it's Steve if Steve Harvey ever gets exposed probably like 10,000
[00:28:04] people shit he did do kids didn't he do that kids say the darnest thing reboot
[00:28:07] yeah yeah fuck those kids alleged allegedly
[00:28:13] the tarnest thing is always said Bill Cosby with a kid on his lap what do you
[00:28:28] say so fuck that kid and then the kids like you raped me there you go that's what
[00:28:39] we tune in for yeah but you know I was thinking you know how like the army had
[00:29:02] to cover up in Afghanistan how like all those people were fucking boys like
[00:29:06] the trial whatever the Northern Alliance yeah it this just has to be thing
[00:29:11] everywhere you think everyone fucks kids everywhere with power it's not like
[00:29:15] does it's like why why would they be doing that you know that's not really is
[00:29:20] that specific to their culture or like what you mean in Afghanistan yeah like
[00:29:25] what I don't know someone and this is completely non-sourced or educated at
[00:29:30] all but I know someone saying because they treat women bad you can only fuck
[00:29:34] boys or something yeah well they I guess they certainly treat women right in
[00:29:37] Hollywood yeah well you didn't say it I said it first
[00:29:42] so Adams Adam's Adam was a kid in elementary school that after someone
[00:29:48] exactly goes oh it's gonna say that when they when they announced the
[00:29:54] answers to the homework that like yes Adam was a yes
[00:30:01] you know yes and then we get reprimanded for saying yes and then he would just
[00:30:06] do the arm thing no I love saying this honestly no you were nerd I was a nerd
[00:30:13] too we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back with the conclusion
[00:30:17] to how gay Adam was as a child well folks are you tired of being naked good
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[00:32:05] use promo code COMTOWN to get 20% off thanks guys what'd you do to him tell
[00:32:12] it tell the adoring fans of the show his brain is cock yeah okay speak it brand
[00:32:17] brandon's here and he doesn't have a mic because he's doesn't have the courage
[00:32:21] to speak out about all of the men that he's been diddled so many times yeah
[00:32:28] out of a spin sorry his hands are shaking so much right now brain and spin
[00:32:33] sexually the first half brought up boys getting fucking Hollywood
[00:32:41] yeah we did all fuck his mouth yeah use the term sexually raped yeah you
[00:32:47] sexually raped well there's lots of kinds of rape the sexual rape there's
[00:32:52] career rape there's rape of disagreement there's rape by being booked on a show
[00:32:59] that someone else isn't yeah there's micro rapes yeah that's when Adam rapes
[00:33:06] you with his little s dig yeah that's why person accident has curly hair yeah
[00:33:10] go to the beach and you don't get your hair straightened afterwards if you're
[00:33:14] a cracker then I'm sorry yeah why people why people I thought that was I for a
[00:33:22] long time I was like I thought that was like an anagram oh really yeah I was
[00:33:27] like why you put what the fuck does this mean yeah yeah you know I could
[00:33:33] you mean what do you mean what do you why the online people refer to white
[00:33:36] people as W Y P O P IPO I never saw that man yeah I guess then more time well
[00:33:43] that's because that content isn't for you yeah yeah yeah yeah I feel you guys are
[00:33:49] too in the internet dude I'm actually not anymore no like not on anything yeah
[00:33:54] you know I'm more of a video games you spent years though you did you did
[00:33:59] plenty of tours in a rock time yeah you were really online you know a lot of
[00:34:03] ways you know I am like a veteran yeah you're a veteran of the internet so
[00:34:09] yesterday was for me it's weird with all those actual assault talk on veterans
[00:34:14] day we didn't hear anything about like how huge of a problem that is true yeah
[00:34:20] that's one that's completely completely kept people cared about that for like
[00:34:24] 20 minutes yeah what happened that was that whatever yeah and they were like I
[00:34:29] said thing is because like it with widespread systemic abuse you can be like
[00:34:34] holy shit and then it's like well how do we stop this and it's like I guess we're
[00:34:38] kind of powerless I'm gonna go back to playing Gran Turismo yeah I'm like
[00:34:44] calling it Gran Turismo as well instead of what Turismo is it not Turismo
[00:34:50] it's Turismo I think it's Turismo you know I the S. Oh yeah Jesus Christ damn you said
[00:34:55] it with I'm from the south to worse stupid you know Matteo would know yeah
[00:34:59] I guess you have your pronounce like the Italian you know that ain't small
[00:35:05] did Mateo show you that clip of him on that like Mexican talk show and you're
[00:35:10] saying something it looks like he's all at Conan and he's on the chair and he's
[00:35:14] like you know and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
[00:35:18] but you know speaking in fucking Spanish or whatever yeah and then it's just a
[00:35:30] yeah I'm so into fucking Mexican television they have the most hilarious
[00:35:34] shows they got big ladies with big ass titties yeah just throwing pies in the
[00:35:39] midgets face all those girls are married to the executives of that network yeah yeah
[00:35:43] they they ain't got no problems if you know what I'm saying those girls
[00:35:47] understand what the price of doing business is
[00:35:51] yeah my wife watches it all the time that soon needs to take over Hollywood after
[00:35:55] all this is made off okay all right we're gonna be straight up about this
[00:36:00] show if you ain't sucking you ain't getting on screen baby girl we're gonna
[00:36:04] do the same behavior but it ain't a secret that's what people don't like
[00:36:10] this honest I'm on say I'm a fucking liar I'll beat the fuck out of you okay no
[00:36:16] black seaver they don't show up on a kid y'all get black panther twice every
[00:36:22] two years we'll do another black panther and that's it yeah they let
[00:36:26] black house on the movies a big-ass titties that I'm like every cell latina
[00:36:30] needs all these lights we're wasting all these money on lights so the black
[00:36:34] people show up in movies I'm tired of doing that shit I want to shoot something
[00:36:38] late afternoon without having to fucking you know y'all train the entire
[00:36:43] city grid yo go do the halftime show to basketball game yo they got the lice
[00:36:47] figure it out for y'all already okay movies is for the white race oh yeah put
[00:36:57] him in charge baby yeah that's a great guy to run everything I don't think I
[00:37:02] know this game oh you got I gotta take you down to Baltimore dude show you all
[00:37:05] all about these what's based on like a specific guy yeah one guy there is one
[00:37:12] guy who you can't really mention on the show because he probably will like drive
[00:37:17] here to try hundred percent why not hundred percent nobody talks shit
[00:37:23] about me I don't care they fucking said I was running Hollywood that's not true
[00:37:33] I'm working fucking batteries plus yes I steal the batteries fuck dude god I
[00:37:47] missed I miss my hometown I miss the charm speaking of I will be there thanks
[00:37:52] Wednesday I'm so sidebar sidebar yeah before Thanksgiving the Wednesday
[00:37:57] before things human doing a show so come out and maybe I'll do 20 minutes of that
[00:38:01] character I'm so hungry dude we want to eat I don't know I need some I'm like a
[00:38:07] chicken salad okay try to get back on track man I am dude I've been eating
[00:38:13] literal Halloween candy for three weeks you ain't candy corn here candy corn I
[00:38:18] love I'm like the one guy that likes it to keep the business alive yeah holy
[00:38:23] not the one guy that likes it obviously lots of people I didn't really mean one
[00:38:27] but yeah most motherfuckers don't like it yeah most my fuckers I think most
[00:38:33] people pretend not to like candy corn because it but it's a seasonal candy it's
[00:38:37] not like it's a round all your long but it does not bug it's like it's not good
[00:38:41] it's just it's whatever I don't mind candy corn I don't remember just takes
[00:38:45] like nice thing guys here's how I feel about candy corn if it's I kind of feel
[00:38:49] like it's cocaine you know like if you know I actually do agree I agree with
[00:38:55] that observation 100% why did why did you do that because it's his
[00:39:02] Ironic anyway I actually do feel that way yeah it hurts like I only like it's not
[00:39:13] good but if there's a bowl of it I'm gonna fucking inhale it right what
[00:39:17] that you're right you had the best candy corn bit
[00:39:23] the best candy court Lewis Black had the best candy corn bit what was it he
[00:39:27] was about how every piece of candy corn has been was produced in 1930
[00:39:32] the same batch is still floating around nobody fucking likes it funny he was
[00:39:40] for like yeah year he was funny he was pointed with his correspondence he loved
[00:39:44] pointing with a dude yeah when he got when he blew up my dad was like oddly
[00:39:50] like way into him my dad was like whoa this guy's great you know adds love to
[00:39:55] me and he had an angry energy that well then like after like two months of that
[00:39:59] my dad was like all right I gotta tell you I used to buy coke off him
[00:40:05] I was like that you have to be mistaken yeah he is from DC though isn't he no
[00:40:11] this was in New York New York he was a playwright for a long time really before
[00:40:14] he got into comedy yeah and he's so coke yeah my man was fucking moving I mean I
[00:40:20] don't know that I mean it's like I don't want to just say that Lewis Black
[00:40:24] was a coke dealer based on my dad's assumption it was the same guy yeah
[00:40:30] yeah I know I don't think he like routinely did it I think it was one time
[00:40:34] oh he buckoaked once yeah and off him specifically that's pretty interesting
[00:40:39] yeah he's gay right my dad yeah it's hereditary yeah big old queer runs in
[00:40:48] the field skips a generation no it doesn't it does not it goes my nose then
[00:40:53] stop who's technically my son because I fuck his mom first of all you guys only
[00:40:59] kiss and she jerks you off she told me you're lying about fucking her I destroyed
[00:41:04] her pussy the first time so it's inoperable yeah there's
[00:41:08] there's caution tape all over it like a badass comedians
[00:41:14] wrap around his mouth yeah around the mouth baby yeah it's not what you look
[00:41:18] guy in Baltimore that you said that as a headshot that's at Tommy's embossing
[00:41:22] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:41:23] the Tommy with the caution tape yeah I do I actually do fuck with Tommy yeah
[00:41:27] Dana's Dana's like Dana's like first page show or first book show or whatever
[00:41:31] we were both on that show yeah was with Tommy's embosso show so at her mom's
[00:41:36] house there's like a Tommy's embosso poster on the fridge that same
[00:41:41] posters on my fridge that was one of my mom my mom kept it and fucking put it
[00:41:44] on the fridge yeah for whatever reason that was my mom did that I I featured
[00:41:48] for Ryan Stout in San Antonio and that was like my first like out of town
[00:41:53] feature or paid gig being put up in a hotel or whatever and my mom just
[00:41:58] printed out the website so it's just like a picture of mine like a listing of
[00:42:02] the show my name's not even on it says also appearing Nick Mullen at the
[00:42:07] bottom that's cute though that she printed it out yeah now she has she has
[00:42:12] that and like my GED in a drawer yeah GED yeah I do well man you drop when
[00:42:19] did you drop out of high school when I like the beginning of my junior year
[00:42:23] Wow yeah because I mean it was like clear that I was not gonna finish yeah
[00:42:28] it was pretty clear I wasn't gonna but I somehow just did I like powered
[00:42:33] through I bullshit my senior projects like I bullshit a lot of stuff when I
[00:42:36] made it oh I never did any work yeah I mean like ever it was never yeah I
[00:42:43] think it was clear when I was in like fifth grade that I was like not gonna
[00:42:46] go you literally never had his homework yeah I just never did because it's like
[00:42:52] yeah there's no consequence just like you fail like okay yeah do I'm I gonna be
[00:42:58] held back a grade they're like no you just get to continue oh yeah yeah they
[00:43:03] did that in Maryland they started doing that they stopped holding people back
[00:43:06] yeah yeah yeah yeah why I would still be in third grade
[00:43:09] if they do you know that guy Dominic Lea Nettie what's his name
[00:43:13] Dominic Lea Nettie yeah some Italian guy you know Dominic yeah he's a
[00:43:18] comedian and I look at his name he fucking learned that like the special
[00:43:24] classes didn't have homework oh and he's a pretend to be special you serious
[00:43:30] you all right Dominic Leo Nellie dude look up look up this guy man he has a
[00:43:36] video on YouTube where he's like talks about it he's like yeah yeah man I just
[00:43:40] fucking noticed that like they weren't doing a lot of work and he like why
[00:43:44] should want your movies so I started retarded and I was in the special class
[00:43:50] like for all high school salute dude salute to have rules so much dedication
[00:43:56] we've ever heard my life dude a lot of it must rule to be mentally retarded
[00:43:59] you know you never you know you never do any work you get the good time 32 a lot
[00:44:05] of them are you get to fuck one girl and they execute you for killing her
[00:44:11] Well some of them get the bad kind we're like they're scared all the time you
[00:44:17] know where it's like you know I wouldn't like that one but like oh you want the
[00:44:21] happy one the happy like my wife works with special people and and they there
[00:44:25] was that this point oh you call them yeah that's not it because that's that's
[00:44:30] that's what I mean like any term you use and this is kind of like doesn't
[00:44:33] mean to leave the same this is like a very disappointed but any term you use
[00:44:37] the problem is that you're using those words to describe somebody that's like
[00:44:41] not equal I'm sorry like you everybody's equal in terms of like you
[00:44:48] shouldn't be an asshole to them but likes they're not they're just like a
[00:44:52] deficiency life is never going to be a normal life I mean yeah yeah yeah I'm
[00:44:58] sure a lot of them can be like pretty functional but like people are gonna
[00:45:03] associate those words with somebody that has a fucking deficiency and it's gonna
[00:45:07] become an insult no eventually eventually like no matter what every single
[00:45:11] has a shelf life yeah like all the words that we think are funny like me
[00:45:15] saying mongo it literally was doctors used to say that shit you know what I
[00:45:19] mean like well Spave and special now it's like what is this guy
[00:45:22] special I mean it was Carlos to see his whole act right yeah that's a good
[00:45:29] ass bit that's a good thing just literally making a rich
[00:45:32] solo noise Joe Rogan yeah yeah what if that was the bit Rogan was mad about I
[00:45:37] did that yeah but it is did that my wife's work that every to every time he
[00:45:49] sees anyone he just says can I get a yay and then you got to say yay he goes
[00:45:54] hell yeah oh like a guy rules he just collects yay he's just a black man
[00:46:01] yeah he's not retarded at all in the staff
[00:46:06] your son is black yeah hell yeah damn very good you sound just you're so
[00:46:19] just found to be black profoundly black would be like a good woke hip-hop you
[00:46:28] know yeah yeah that's gonna be so much special yeah that's gonna be so much
[00:46:31] like an early 90s like Afrocentric hip-hop see profoundly black yeah oh yes
[00:46:38] bitch oh damn well damn they have song titles that are like why come you know
[00:46:44] mmm why come the government got symbols on the money get a job that was like it
[00:46:53] that was a good type of song the just the problem
[00:46:58] the question songs yeah what you're talking about that who's that what's who
[00:47:06] does that song Jada Kia yeah we talked about that already questions right what's
[00:47:13] that 21 questions from 50 cent you guys remember that shit yeah yeah but that was
[00:47:17] more of a fucking song yeah but he was asking questions true it's a different
[00:47:22] genre would you love me if I was down and out would you still have love for
[00:47:27] me I remember that thank you video I remember that he fucks megging
[00:47:33] but would you love me if you found out I was part of a pedophile ring
[00:47:40] would you steal that music video is about spreading a boy's ass cheeks open
[00:47:45] would you still have love the video is about a conjugal visit he was in jail
[00:47:54] and then he goes to a trailer and making good comes to visit him and then they
[00:47:58] fuck in the trailer and then I guess he goes back to jail
[00:48:01] I'm sure it was a very held it down though she's just still coming down she's
[00:48:06] very hot she's coming to get that jail dick yeah I guess that pent up jail
[00:48:10] dick that's the that's playing nice type of dick isn't there like aren't
[00:48:14] there don't people say he's gay 50 50 this is a lot of people are gaming
[00:48:18] and dr. Dre oh really yeah there's rumors that like Tupac like wouldn't like
[00:48:24] record in a room with them he's like I want being here this game on the fuck
[00:48:27] like give him out it is funny to think about how like all the people we think
[00:48:31] of like is like woke guys it's like Tupac like Tupac now is like everyone's
[00:48:35] like he was a poet and shit like he was homophobic is like really offensive and
[00:48:40] homophobic yeah he had some really dumb ass ideas I was watching a documentary
[00:48:44] about him I don't remember any but I just remember being like damn Tupac was
[00:48:48] can you make one up yeah he thought that everyone from Guatemala was actually
[00:48:55] part art vark nice to that's improv thank you thank you
[00:49:03] we're gonna hit last night out of the pit yeah and the next on the wall oh I saw
[00:49:09] that picture you said on the wall they have it's just like enormous on the
[00:49:13] fucking wall next to the stage a clown's prayer let me remember to make people
[00:49:21] laugh that my my duty in this life it was made I make make more laughter than
[00:49:26] is to shine a light on the dark moments of others live well how much of a
[00:49:32] fucking narcissist you have to be to think that's what a comedian is yeah yeah
[00:49:36] yeah that is not like literally someone that did not want to do homework right
[00:49:41] yeah I don't want a real job I don't I decided I could have helped the world
[00:49:45] yeah and I was like no that's gay I'm gonna get fucked up and just talk about
[00:49:50] having a little penis I'm going to be an alcoholic that says hang out so much
[00:49:53] yeah eventually it's funny yeah USA USA it's also like that's not even like the
[00:50:05] definition of a of a comedian anymore for like the sanctimonious fucking
[00:50:10] pious comics is now your job is to speak truth to power yeah yeah I watch
[00:50:15] Brandon I watch stupid I don't know shit I just want to be funny we watch
[00:50:20] buddy like somebody was on stage recently and my buddy was like me he's not
[00:50:23] even saying anything dude I'm like we yeah you're saying words you know you're
[00:50:27] talking about forts and stuff you know I know but he's not like fucking saying
[00:50:30] anything shut I'm like when does that when did I become the job like I thought
[00:50:33] we you know we're supposed to make people laugh who was it name names I don't
[00:50:37] want to I don't why do it I love him it was a really funny guy who's the guy on
[00:50:41] stage the crew I know that's what I'm saying I think he's a good he's a he
[00:50:45] doesn't funny he's really funny yeah all right really funny who was it so it
[00:50:49] wasn't at us was this was a year ago to maybe he's grown was a tailor no
[00:50:53] definitely hasn't grown Taylor you peace comedy yeah yeah yeah it wasn't
[00:51:01] Taylor Taylor wouldn't say that stop stop trying to get him to say who was
[00:51:04] why he's uncomfortable us I mean look this is a Hollywood gossip podcast that's
[00:51:08] true it's a blind item yeah a certain comedian thought it would be have a
[00:51:13] mustache and Fox transsexuals yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah said this yeah there mm-hmm
[00:51:20] that's good well who was the comic on stage I'm not gonna do that I'll say who
[00:51:25] who said it it was Mateo yeah yeah Mateo says says things he says things yeah
[00:51:32] no well you know Taylor's a friend of the show yeah yeah I love it he does a I
[00:51:36] also was like it just sounds like a dumb thing you'd say in the back of the
[00:51:40] room because you hate the person on stage or you just be impulse is to
[00:51:46] shit talk whoever's on stage because it's funny it is right right that's the
[00:51:50] best part yeah and I'm actually like some hero who wasn't in the back of the
[00:51:54] room like you know he's not saying shit yeah I'm acting like I was like above
[00:51:58] what he said I would not above what he said but it's stupid I think it's stupid
[00:52:02] for us both to think that way I do nothing even my friends they're on stage
[00:52:06] I'll sit in the back of the room and tear apart their entire act yeah while
[00:52:11] they're on stage to anyone who will listen yeah yeah that's nice it doesn't
[00:52:15] matter what the who it is if like a booker the thing is his comedy is always
[00:52:19] just garbage yeah yeah and it's very easy to tear apart and it's also like when
[00:52:24] you're saying some up there to the crowd you're saying it for the first time but
[00:52:27] your buddies heard you say it 60 times yeah and so when you just like say a line
[00:52:31] but the breakfast out of any of our set like out of contact you say a really
[00:52:35] good joke out of context like yeah really good yeah if I go into each other's
[00:52:40] acts there Adam let's do it fucking dude you get it ten minutes of Brandon's
[00:52:44] fucking show first the clues you say any line for mine I don't know why you're
[00:52:51] going after me I admitted that I couldn't write anymore and I left doing it
[00:52:55] no you're still good comic you just don't know it's okay speak on what
[00:53:00] oh go out and act again no it's fine go at them do you know go there's some
[00:53:05] things that are said that are sacred now that Adam and his father are both
[00:53:09] rapists no that is not but the act I won't do it thank that's part of the clown's
[00:53:14] prayer yeah you never you never if I had to do it I don't want to but if I had
[00:53:19] to shit on Adam's act he'll tell a story you and Flores do the same fucking
[00:53:26] goddamn thing where it's like you have a new story bit and the first time you do
[00:53:30] it it's fine and then and then as soon as you touch it completely destroy it
[00:53:35] no it's not true you guys and florist does this dumb shit no no no florist
[00:53:41] will have like a perfect 30 second joke and it'll crush and then the next
[00:53:44] time you know all the thing is is because but actually if you think about it and
[00:53:51] it's like just say the joke right oh well yeah that's true but it's that with the
[00:53:55] story that's a normal thing is that when you do a new joke that you're excited
[00:53:59] about the first time you do it you're like this feels great and then the
[00:54:02] second time you do it does it's like oh it doesn't work yeah I mean I feel like a
[00:54:05] joke for after a life where it's not fresh after certain right and then you
[00:54:09] have to sort of rebuild it after a while with a joke on it can eat more easily
[00:54:13] like jump into whatever the hell I meant the first time I said it then with a
[00:54:18] story because when I do a story if it's like a five-minute story it just
[00:54:22] happened to me yeah I'm like still kind of going through it emotionally so like
[00:54:25] I'm like talking and that's why it's funny though cuz that that's that but the
[00:54:29] breakfast thing does work on like every comic if you just repeat someone's
[00:54:33] punchline it's so mean they get defensive yeah if you're like I wish
[00:54:37] you over tickle fights I'd be like do fuck you make one we're all trying
[00:54:40] to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if I'm like it is completely easy to wreck
[00:54:44] every yeah every comic you think it's not even my hands like a little doll hand
[00:54:47] hey whoa I would have to keep doing my back I'm saying that's a great joke
[00:54:52] but you say out of context with a certain tone of voice made what's that
[00:54:56] your custom all right this you know what guys I don't we're not airing this one
[00:55:01] I'm exercising the thing Adam does usually don't part of the joke I had a
[00:55:06] custom remote made I mean it's obviously stupid a little dick I think it's a
[00:55:11] smaller version of a thing already you triple a batteries I could put my
[00:55:16] thumb over the way I'm not shopping my my act I am I'm doing it you know I don't
[00:55:21] think that's funny you know you can't spoke cash you you can't put take a
[00:55:25] shit without cash yeah yeah it's a great job yeah it is a great joke yeah we're
[00:55:31] all taking turn saying great you're not you're not you're not highly you're
[00:55:33] doing it wrong because you're not highlighting like just a punchline out of
[00:55:37] context that in and of itself is yeah that's you right that one is like you
[00:55:43] can't spell take a shit without caution stands that does yeah which if you
[00:55:47] examine my material every aspect of my somebody is infinite line at a context
[00:55:53] I do what I like to call fractal comment where no matter how far you zoom in it's
[00:55:58] still perfect man I'm trying to remember the rest of the bit now is I can get it
[00:56:04] no fun that isn't perfect I completely forgot that I think it's all perfect do
[00:56:08] you think you're right no it's not oh no it's gay and bad
[00:56:14] well she's happened there is the ps4 fell asleep and I think this thing is
[00:56:19] yeah diping out do you miss God you miss stand up I'm gonna go do spots tonight
[00:56:25] yeah you should you should I'm trying to like for us yeah are you going back
[00:56:29] because you missed it or yeah well I need to socialize and like it does keep
[00:56:33] you sharp and I'm like it's not when I stopped doing stand up is like I have
[00:56:36] all these other things I'm working on it I'm not working on anything now I'm
[00:56:39] gonna stop like diluting myself into thinking I'm gonna finish it and we have
[00:56:43] funny months yeah and it's just you know I like I miss going out yeah man I
[00:56:48] missed seen out there dude you funny guy thanks man no that's good I think
[00:56:53] that's very good news Nick I'm bad fuck I'm hungry dude you're always on me
[00:57:00] that's not true yeah it is sometimes I'm so happy when we just got dinner the
[00:57:04] other I was happy the only time I'm happy so fucking so fun last night go me and
[00:57:09] stop went to the cellar and eight wings you know it's funny like those are the
[00:57:12] best wings you read Guy Branham's like fucking yeah yeah yeah the seller a place
[00:57:17] where gay people are banned well that's not allowed in the cellar if they
[00:57:22] enter they will be raped the fuck is this he's like it's a metaphor yeah it's
[00:57:27] like you described a literal table right right it's exact location yeah people
[00:57:33] at the table yes and they did declare it a statement about who's allowed to
[00:57:37] go dick about yeah and so the seller did tell me that gay people weren't allowed
[00:57:42] yeah yeah you you're not allowed well we so we go there is your gay people make
[00:57:47] out kinds of excuses we don't want a person and a table over there's some guy
[00:57:51] berating a woman about men's rights it was pretty hilarious I've never seen
[00:57:55] that in public I guess guys right literally it was some I didn't know
[00:57:59] that's like we are 90% more likely to go to jail we are 90% more likely to be a
[00:58:08] it was like what is happening yeah that guy came over and introduced himself
[00:58:13] and then tried to like burn us yeah he was what guy Branham was talking about
[00:58:18] like some dumb ass but he was a comedian right I think he probably was some shitty
[00:58:22] comic who thinks that's how you make it you go to the cellar and then like
[00:58:26] start to shitting on people just until you know well I respect how that guy
[00:58:31] shit's on the earth's a bit tree so not a white man by the way yeah who went that
[00:58:35] out whoever I couldn't deduce what race he was yeah you look like one of those
[00:58:39] like Polynesian as people you know you know where they're like a
[00:58:43] not a sausage a black but they don't have a black face oh yeah like Polynesian
[00:58:49] now like a real dark ass Indian dude yes that was good he kept saying the
[00:58:54] N word yeah so he did it was weird I thought I thought it was everybody's saying
[00:58:58] the N word like Puerto Ricans and Puerto Ricans get a yes it's a New York thing
[00:59:02] it's a New York city is that it yeah like we're in New York right now we say
[00:59:06] all people of color right that the Chinese family I lived with the son who
[00:59:12] was like 14 or whatever and like he's a nice kid but like he was I mean he just
[00:59:17] sat and played like MMORPGs all day long he would sit at his laptop and I would
[00:59:22] hear him on like you know voice chat with like other Chinese kids or whatever
[00:59:26] and he was always dropping in bombs but he didn't like do any part of the voice
[00:59:31] he had like a thick Chinese accent and then he would just also say the N word
[00:59:35] whoa nice yeah it was bizarre I but isn't that how you say didn't you have that
[00:59:40] bit where it's like that's also how you say it is they use it as a filler material
[00:59:45] yeah yeah so Chinese like in Mandarin Chinese every black comic that goes to
[00:59:49] China comes back with that bit by the way and that's that's 100 how it's like
[00:59:53] they're like what is it say yeah they use it as I was at Starbucks and Shanghai
[00:59:57] yeah and all of a sudden the Starbucks guy keep saying and then your black guy
[01:00:02] voice is just fucking deaf fox yeah you might be a black man was I supposed
[01:00:16] what kind of accent was I supposed to use you know you know it you know how to do
[01:00:21] you know I was in China that's your black
[01:00:24] yeah you're still not committing to audio black face because it's like it's
[01:00:30] racist to do black guy voice but it's way more racist to not be able to do
[01:00:35] but yes that's what was Chinese you like I went in China yeah like a black man I
[01:00:42] am a freakin Americano man who that's Japanese yeah yeah that's not Chinese
[01:00:48] not me black guy I know I was just real no accents okay you can be black with
[01:00:53] the Australian accent I'm a bleak mean unbleek and a deep mean me beep me beep me
[01:01:00] South Africa's you have to make your mouth as small as possible yeah me because
[01:01:05] they love sucking yeah yeah yeah and you might accidentally signal another man
[01:01:11] if you open your mouth to why that's so true string me book today they were
[01:01:16] a little bit like a little bit more than I want to try to make it to make it to me
[01:01:22] with my mouth don't fuck me mouth please please stop booking my mouth that's
[01:01:29] where Adam comes from yeah to proud culture of guys what was I gonna say oh
[01:01:37] Brandon and I watched SNL last night and they did a I don't know in my
[01:01:42] estimation kind of a problematic episode because they had a black female host
[01:01:46] and so then they tried to like Tiffany Hennish yeah they tried to like respond
[01:01:51] to like all of the controversy by doing like by celebrating that and it was it
[01:01:58] just what do you mean completely failed what video game sketch I hadn't watched
[01:02:03] a full episode of SNL and forever they did a video game sketch was like Mortal
[01:02:07] Combat you're like it was the player select screen and it was like scorpion
[01:02:11] like you know sub zero sub zero and then it was like boo boo Jenkins oh it was
[01:02:17] just it was just a missed what the entire boo boo Jenkins entire episode
[01:02:23] wasn't minstrelcy and it was like so yeah yeah yeah her power yeah her one of
[01:02:30] her powers was saying the word Beyonce yeah so new comedy is about to be really
[01:02:38] good what was like I mean that sounds pretty funny to me I completely missed
[01:02:44] the setup I heard minstrel and I tried yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I did another
[01:02:49] one where she was like they were there were just kids in a there were kids in a
[01:02:54] forest and then they're like walking around and then she like walks up to them
[01:02:59] she's like I'm the last black unicorn and it makes no sense what any of it's
[01:03:04] about it makes absolutely no sense and then they and then what's her name
[01:03:09] Leslie Jones comes out and she's like I'm also a black you'd have unicorn and
[01:03:13] it's just there isn't a laugh it's just like really uncomfortable and then I
[01:03:17] found out this more brand found out this morning that she's about to publish a
[01:03:20] book called the last black unicorn what so it was fucking had ish so it was
[01:03:25] fucking like product placement so flimmerly trying to get you to buy a
[01:03:30] book in the future in the future but it made absolutely no set it was like it
[01:03:34] was really it was so I hear I can kind of read between the lines what you're
[01:03:38] saying Adam no more black women should be hosting
[01:03:40] no no no what I think you know the story okay I mean I don't I don't agree but
[01:03:44] if that's how you Steven Seagal on SNL where you know like he had his own
[01:03:49] his own sketches that he wanted to pitch so you can't one of them is he said
[01:03:53] therapists that you know like there's a rape victim and Steven Seagal like is
[01:03:59] the therapist who starts molesting her while she's is Christ and the whole staff
[01:04:04] had to like explain to him why it wasn't funny like that's his idea of comedy
[01:04:11] you just got exposed the last two no everyone's known that about Steven Seagal
[01:04:15] of course of course but his name is you can't expose Steven Seagal yeah he's
[01:04:19] a detestable what do about Cosby everyone knew about like you know but
[01:04:23] that's why it's like the Charlie Sheen thing is like Charlie Sheen raped the
[01:04:26] 13 year old boy and nobody gives shit because it's Charlie Sheen right that
[01:04:32] makes sense the Charlie Sheen would have done that yeah yeah yeah what is what is
[01:04:38] wise Brandon having a seizure because it's a pretty funny sketch the what was
[01:04:42] Steven Seagal oh it is funny yeah that's the thing it's like they had the wrong
[01:04:47] take which is Steven it's very funny especially considering who you are
[01:04:51] right right right right right right right right right right right right right
[01:04:53] this won't be good for your career nor will it be good for SNL didn't that
[01:04:56] isn't it like really hard to get the Seagal like the monologue and the
[01:05:00] sketches from that episode like they tried to like erase it from the internet
[01:05:04] but I think there's some daily motion clips of the Steven Seagal SNL but
[01:05:08] they're all like amazing they're all really it's the best of Steven Seagal
[01:05:14] on Saturday night live come here Sherry let me rape you yeah please stop
[01:05:20] please please stop my other family live from New York it's Saturday night what
[01:05:29] if it's the Spartans but I raped the Spartans it's 300 but it's the number
[01:05:34] of women of assault when did he hosted what era was that probably out for
[01:05:41] justice yeah yeah early 90s mid-90s pretty ruthless aggression area yeah yeah they
[01:05:47] just had him on the episode before Trump yeah Trump the Trump Seagal double
[01:05:52] special fucking up god does the monologue in a chair yeah with those yellow sunglasses
[01:05:59] you know SNL made Trump do hotline bling that's so miserable what yeah when
[01:06:05] he was that he did a hotline bling parody thank you and the point of what I was
[01:06:10] trying to say it was like they were trying to say you don't know they're
[01:06:12] trying to have like an inclusive like at like episode but they just ended up
[01:06:18] using the black people on the show in the most racist props yeah it was like
[01:06:22] really difficult to watch but I watched I ended up watching a little bit well what
[01:06:26] a hero do you yeah you're fucking hero man I mean sometimes you're just so bad
[01:06:31] it's good I guess you know yeah I don't know I don't I haven't watched it like I
[01:06:35] feel like I hadn't watched it all season until last night I don't think I've
[01:06:39] sat down and watched SNL since 2002 yeah like Will Ferrell yeah was the last
[01:06:46] time I really fucking yeah I was really into it when the Bush versus Gore
[01:06:50] yeah yeah she's a subsidiary remember I was like in sixth grade lock box they
[01:06:56] did that one with like that senator that were he's like blind people think
[01:07:03] they're so cool I understand the Chinese was Fred Thompson I can't remember who
[01:07:09] was supposed to be but well those two those two that's lines out of context
[01:07:14] that's back when people would take risks yes yeah it's just us now the real
[01:07:21] truth tellers and yeah they like you know they made fun of my own horn but I
[01:07:26] got a different clown sprayer and it's all the N word
[01:07:29] Penny Pennywise the ass and wise is a dollar sign
[01:07:47] no it's a damn it Damon what he's like I don't understand why that was
[01:07:52] Pennywise yeah right pay wise is a great picnic hey bitch and he's emispidity is
[01:07:58] straight I'm a wise I'm gonna turn your ass all into a penny loafer all my
[01:08:05] bitches got pennies and they ask the wise part is because of knowledge
[01:08:11] what does the wise part come from it is because I know that female genital
[01:08:17] mutilation is good his balloons are just harem balloons in their assholes
[01:08:26] that's what we're done actually hold on let me uh let me plug some dates guys I
[01:08:31] I'm doing fucking I'm coming to Baltimore the Wednesday before Thanksgiving the
[01:08:36] 22nd don't fucking unplug it you fuck I mean this show isn't you know your
[01:08:41] personal if you guys want to do if you guys were to do fucking shows you should
[01:08:45] plug them to the 16th I'm in fucking Boston well you said the thing about
[01:08:49] breakfast and he'd still I'm still heard by it you can't use the show to plug
[01:08:55] your show anyway so yeah 22nd I'm a thanks thanks before they see him in
[01:09:03] fucking buffet Baltimore sidebar in 2030 set the hospital for blowing out his
[01:09:10] appendix with crab legs December 3rd I'm in Cleveland at hilarities and
[01:09:15] on the 16th I'm in Boston at the house of blue so come get sucked off
[01:09:19] everyone and December 18th custard that's all it says on his
[01:09:22] work that's the whole week of the 18 I'll be doing backstrokes for God's
[01:09:28] McDuck style right in a pool of custard intravenous custard I got to taste
[01:09:34] that man the man versus food comedy tour I would love that wasn't that guy stand
[01:09:38] up actually no no you wasn't okay and then again guys because this we said
[01:09:43] on the premium but we didn't say it on the main one on the 22nd of December
[01:09:46] at black cat we're make this is announcement official big big announcement
[01:09:50] we're doing a live come town holiday spectacular extravaganza our trial for
[01:09:55] return to Washington DC from whence we came all three boys will be at the
[01:09:59] fucking black cat the black cat the 20th Friday the 22nd of December please
[01:10:05] come to a love event don't let the name fool you it will be a racially
[01:10:09] segregated fuck and uh oh no funny mom's is yesterday yeah funny mom's was two
[01:10:17] days ago but yeah we'll be back after Thanksgiving and uh heaven you for my
[01:10:24] dates at evan williams comedy dot com you can follow me on twitter Instagram at
[01:10:28] it's Evan Williams and his boss he's cute you shit Brandon you got anything
[01:10:33] you want to plug oh yeah oh yeah Brandon's a podcast can we shit on
[01:10:40] the road minute oh yeah actually no we should just listen to it I haven't
[01:10:46] listened to it up what's the podcast man we do it's good yeah it's like socialist
[01:10:53] bad boy podcast you know yeah there was no real space for that you know nobody's
[01:10:59] doing that podcast he does it with this guy jock Wagner who's the grandson of
[01:11:05] Versace Tomoguchi he's the grandson of the Wagner the German guy the Joe's
[01:11:12] composer yeah yeah yeah yeah I will say that somebody from the
[01:11:17] comptown subreddit already made a subreddit for my podcast and it's it's
[01:11:22] just what there's just one post and it just says Brandon Ward L is racist
[01:11:28] well he's not wrong well he did just plug it on the show so I hope damn no
[01:11:35] everyone listen to it and don't and don't be rude yeah go listen to it subscribe
[01:11:38] even if I start rating if he launches a patreon don't subscribe to that
[01:11:43] money double down on us if he launched a patreon and you will give us a
[01:11:48] yeah maybe in a couple years when MTV gets tired of trying to turn Brandon
[01:11:53] into a household name donate to his page right as long as he's riding that
[01:11:59] you know sneaker crap no he's out I mean they're not you know I'm not do I'm
[01:12:06] not working with MTV at the current at this current junction vice or would you
[01:12:10] know I don't know logo or whoever the fuck we are gonna go we all go yeah yeah
[01:12:15] yeah it's logo is that supposed to be like a deaf person saying homo
[01:12:24] sexual yoga yeah you look for a no yeah you know go a fun voice to take us out
[01:12:33] I'm doing it I still have but one his dad was the best look you're the best you
[01:12:39] like you're like something mikalancho look at you Louie Louie
[01:12:44] well a classic app everyone I'm a seven Williams are really good but what
[01:12:51] check them out alright good night bitch