[00:00:00] Okay, we're alive.

[00:00:25] We're on the air guys.

[00:00:26] Yeah, I'm town.

[00:00:28] I'm town.

[00:00:29] Eight.

[00:00:30] Is it eight?

[00:00:31] Eight?

[00:00:32] Eight?

[00:00:33] Eight.

[00:00:34] Eight.

[00:00:35] Eight.

[00:00:36] This is the...

[00:00:37] Oh, these are now paid episodes.

[00:00:39] Did you see we have donations?

[00:00:40] Hell yeah, bitch.

[00:00:41] How much did we get?

[00:00:42] Sounds like $70 a month.

[00:00:45] Hey, people have pledged.

[00:00:47] That's great.

[00:00:48] Which is not bad.

[00:00:49] Really good.

[00:00:50] Yeah.

[00:00:51] It's more than zero.

[00:00:52] Thank you.

[00:00:53] To whoever, whatever people and basements out there.

[00:00:56] Hey.

[00:00:57] You know what?

[00:00:58] I was kind of depressed because I was like, yeah, this will be cool.

[00:01:01] We'll set up a thing.

[00:01:02] And then the names started coming in.

[00:01:04] It's like people that I'm friends with.

[00:01:05] I'm like, don't do that.

[00:01:07] Give me your honey.

[00:01:08] That's all right.

[00:01:09] I'll take that.

[00:01:10] Yeah.

[00:01:11] I need...

[00:01:12] It's basically like they're paying for my like social skills surgery.

[00:01:15] And like a...

[00:01:18] Like terminal autism and they're donating to...

[00:01:22] You know, letting us pretend like we have a real radio show.

[00:01:24] We have a real radio show.

[00:01:25] From the top of the Empire State Building at the Anthony Kumi Studios.

[00:01:28] Oh, yeah.

[00:01:29] Come on, man.

[00:01:30] The rattlesnaked in.

[00:01:31] With the ragged in.

[00:01:32] The Puerto Rican rattlesnaked in.

[00:01:34] In the snake pit.

[00:01:36] What's Dan in Spanish?

[00:01:37] Abuela?

[00:01:38] Is it Abuela?

[00:01:39] Oh, I'm...

[00:01:40] Alombre.

[00:01:41] Every word in Spanish is Abuela, guys.

[00:01:45] You know what's funny is like sometimes I'll try to be racist and I'll add Ode to the end

[00:01:48] of a word to like make it Spanish.

[00:01:50] Yeah.

[00:01:51] It turns out to just be the word.

[00:01:53] Like you got Ressoronto.

[00:01:56] That's it.

[00:01:57] I don't think that's the name of Ressoronto.

[00:01:59] Yes, Ressoronto.

[00:02:00] Librario.

[00:02:01] That's Biblio-Teca.

[00:02:02] Yeah.

[00:02:03] That's a famous one.

[00:02:04] I feel like everyone goes to Biblio-Teca.

[00:02:05] Yeah.

[00:02:06] When I was in Spanish class in middle school, me and my friends thought we were really

[00:02:11] clever so we made up a gang.

[00:02:13] We're like Los Mariposa's, the butterflies.

[00:02:16] We thought that was hilarious.

[00:02:18] And like all...

[00:02:19] Like we kept making jokes like, oh, Las Mariposa's.

[00:02:21] I started going to get you and then like my teacher couldn't take it like midway through

[00:02:25] the semester and she just like slammed a book down.

[00:02:28] She's like, that means the homosexual.

[00:02:33] What are you doing?

[00:02:36] You had no idea it was slang for a gay man.

[00:02:38] Yeah, we didn't know that.

[00:02:39] So your gang was there.

[00:02:40] I mean, it was pretty good.

[00:02:41] It was butterflies.

[00:02:42] We didn't think it sounded too hard.

[00:02:44] That's pretty awful.

[00:02:45] Do you know the rule with like, uh, Marycon and Cabran?

[00:02:47] It was like the two of them.

[00:02:49] It's a proving guy told me like 10 years ago, but he's like, you know, like if your friends

[00:02:53] with Mexican guys, you can call him Cabran.

[00:02:56] Like that's like a term of endearment or whatever.

[00:02:58] Mm-hmm.

[00:02:59] Along them, he's like, but don't call other South America or like other Spanish speaking

[00:03:02] people Cabran.

[00:03:03] Because like Cabran apparently just means like top faggot.

[00:03:07] Yo, I want to be a Cabran.

[00:03:10] Right, right.

[00:03:11] And then Marycon is like the bottom one.

[00:03:14] But that's only like...

[00:03:15] Oh, you mean top, like top and bottom.

[00:03:16] He's like top and bottom.

[00:03:17] So it's like you're like a pimp.

[00:03:18] If you say it to a Mexican.

[00:03:19] No, I didn't check any of this.

[00:03:22] It was a Peruvian guy told me.

[00:03:24] Peruvian guy whose name had a bus station?

[00:03:26] No, I worked with him.

[00:03:27] I mean, we took the bus together, but I worked with him.

[00:03:30] So maybe he did tell me at the bus station.

[00:03:32] It was on a bus.

[00:03:33] It was on a bus.

[00:03:34] It was a Peruvian.

[00:03:35] It was a fat Peruvian kid.

[00:03:36] I love it.

[00:03:37] And I swear to God, his name was Nick Nolte.

[00:03:38] He told me he wrote that down as his name on a thing.

[00:03:42] And I was like, no way.

[00:03:43] That's hilarious.

[00:03:44] You put that down.

[00:03:45] That's a good reference dude.

[00:03:46] That was a cool one.

[00:03:47] You did a solid reference.

[00:03:48] It's a cute thing.

[00:03:49] He's been a lot of it.

[00:03:50] And then he was like, what?

[00:03:51] And I was like, that's not your name.

[00:03:54] And he was like, get his.

[00:03:55] And he was also a pathological liar.

[00:03:58] And I think we were talking about that the other day.

[00:04:00] It's like pathological liars.

[00:04:02] They have all these bullshit stories.

[00:04:03] And then one of their stories, they'll be like real.

[00:04:06] Oh, yeah.

[00:04:07] You're like, you fucking actually beat up a chimp.

[00:04:09] Yeah.

[00:04:10] That actually happened for real?

[00:04:11] He's got like pictures of him in the chimp.

[00:04:14] He's got blood all over his face.

[00:04:15] But yeah.

[00:04:16] No.

[00:04:17] It says Nick Nolte spelled the same way.

[00:04:19] Spelled exactly the same way.

[00:04:21] That's awesome.

[00:04:22] Yeah.

[00:04:23] And I was like, that's insane.

[00:04:24] He's like, yeah, it's a family name.

[00:04:25] I'm like, well, every name is a family.

[00:04:26] I don't know what the fuck.

[00:04:27] Right.

[00:04:28] Right.

[00:04:29] Yeah.

[00:04:30] What does that mean when someone says it's a family name?

[00:04:32] Oh, well, it's a family name.

[00:04:34] It means they don't know how to read.

[00:04:35] Yes.

[00:04:36] I mean, I've never encountered another human being in the world.

[00:04:39] Unless their whole family is all just like, you know, share and Madonna.

[00:04:43] This is my aunt Madonna.

[00:04:45] Did you know that Marcus do do Brown was a family name?

[00:04:50] Did you know that?

[00:04:52] I don't want to shit on Marcus.

[00:04:53] He's a little.

[00:04:54] I don't want to do do on Marcus.

[00:04:55] There we go.

[00:04:56] Marcus is a good comic.

[00:04:57] He's very funny.

[00:04:58] We're still drinking coffee, guys.

[00:05:01] We got the Rift Juice game is Starbucks.

[00:05:02] Let me get our Grande Rift Juice.

[00:05:07] But yeah.

[00:05:08] So Maricone is the bottom one.

[00:05:11] Caparone is the top one.

[00:05:13] Yeah.

[00:05:14] That's such an awesome term with deer.

[00:05:15] It's like you fucking man in the house.

[00:05:17] You're my boy, dude.

[00:05:19] You're my bottom.

[00:05:20] But we're the coolest.

[00:05:21] You're the coolest.

[00:05:22] They're cool.

[00:05:23] What else did you got?

[00:05:24] You don't understand.

[00:05:25] What's the proper term?

[00:05:27] Is it Mexicans fine?

[00:05:28] You can say that.

[00:05:29] Yeah.

[00:05:30] It feels a little weird.

[00:05:31] It felt weird.

[00:05:32] Yeah.

[00:05:33] Because it's like growing up, most of the people I knew that were like Hispanic were like

[00:05:36] you had to call them Hispanic because they could be from Venezuela.

[00:05:38] Right, right.

[00:05:39] Right.

[00:05:40] Yeah, yeah.

[00:05:41] Yeah.

[00:05:42] They're in the South West.

[00:05:45] Yeah.

[00:05:46] And they're all Mexicans so you can call them that.

[00:05:55] Really?

[00:05:56] You didn't have anyone fucking your Gwen's any Spanish person.

[00:05:57] But what is the fucking Mexican over there?

[00:05:59] What is it like Puerto Rican people are like, oh, I'm Mexican, man.

[00:06:02] Well, I don't know what to do.

[00:06:03] Yeah, I see, I see.

[00:06:04] Yeah, yeah.

[00:06:05] It's just, what is Chicano?

[00:06:07] Is that if you're like for your from Chicago?

[00:06:09] Is that like Chai Rach?

[00:06:10] Yeah, if you're in Chai Rach, but you're Mexican.

[00:06:12] Chicano, I feel like it means you're wearing like a velvet shirt.

[00:06:16] Yeah.

[00:06:17] It's like a clothing thing.

[00:06:18] Like a Vato?

[00:06:19] I feel like no silk.

[00:06:20] Vato just means dude.

[00:06:22] Chicano is like they like I identify as Chicano.

[00:06:25] Oh, really?

[00:06:26] Yeah.

[00:06:27] Chicano is Chicano is on par with Hispanic or Mexican or Wow.

[00:06:30] He knows how stupid I am.

[00:06:31] I think Chicano, I just think the guy, the Jesus, the Jesus character from a fucking

[00:06:39] book, helped me out here.

[00:06:41] The bowling, I can't believe I've got the, uh, La Bowski.

[00:06:44] La Bowski, when you say Chicano?

[00:06:46] No, the bowling room.

[00:06:47] Yeah, the famous bowling movie.

[00:06:49] The big La Bowski.

[00:06:50] Oh, yeah.

[00:06:51] You say Chicano.

[00:06:52] You say Chicano.

[00:06:53] That's what I think for some reason.

[00:06:55] And I bet, I can't wait to Google it later and find out how long I am.

[00:06:58] I think, uh, I think Michael Chickless.

[00:07:01] You think Chicano?

[00:07:02] I think Chicano is like the Mexican term for Michael Chickless.

[00:07:07] I think about that movie, Bloodie in Bloodout.

[00:07:10] So if you look like Michael, if you're Hispanic, but you look like Michael Chickless, you're

[00:07:13] Chicano.

[00:07:14] You're like bald, like you're like a bald, portly Latino guy.

[00:07:18] That's what Chicano is.

[00:07:20] How short do you think?

[00:07:21] He seems very short.

[00:07:23] Four foot eleven.

[00:07:24] Imagine if he was at four eleven.

[00:07:26] And then when he goes on talk shows he goes, or as I like to call it, five foot negative

[00:07:32] one.

[00:07:33] Like winks.

[00:07:34] That's good.

[00:07:35] Yeah.

[00:07:36] And then we'll have a lot of Chicano.

[00:07:37] Chickless, great talk show guest.

[00:07:38] We'll have him on.

[00:07:39] We'll have him on.

[00:07:40] Yeah, we got Chicless Chicano.

[00:07:41] Is Chicless short?

[00:07:42] I make fun of him.

[00:07:43] He's like the same height as us.

[00:07:44] Nah, nah, I think he's short.

[00:07:45] Yeah.

[00:07:46] He looks like a testicle.

[00:07:47] He does.

[00:07:48] Somebody described Bob Hoskins that way one time.

[00:07:50] But he looks like a testicle.

[00:07:51] Yeah.

[00:07:52] Angry testicle.

[00:07:53] That's pretty good.

[00:07:54] You're just funny.

[00:07:55] He like died loathing the Super Mario Brothers.

[00:07:58] That movie was so bad.

[00:08:00] It was really bad.

[00:08:02] Everything about it was awful.

[00:08:03] I might have been the most underwhelming celebrity death of all time.

[00:08:07] Bob Hoskins.

[00:08:08] Yeah.

[00:08:09] He was a lot of really good movies.

[00:08:10] He was an amazing actor.

[00:08:11] Yeah, he was.

[00:08:12] He was really talented.

[00:08:13] And he died and nobody gave a shit.

[00:08:14] When did he die?

[00:08:15] He died like two years ago.

[00:08:16] And on the anniversary of his death last year, articles about his death started coming up.

[00:08:21] And people were like, oh my God, Bob Hoskins died.

[00:08:23] Well, that's what happened, dude.

[00:08:24] I feel like literally in like a year, this past year, everyone claims they loved every

[00:08:31] celebrity.

[00:08:32] Like it used to be there'd be like a status here there.

[00:08:35] But everyone's writing an essay now.

[00:08:36] I don't fucking like, were people that important to you?

[00:08:39] It doesn't feel like it just gave a thing.

[00:08:41] I mean, some of them were like, you know, Muhammad Ali's big.

[00:08:44] Sure.

[00:08:45] Prince's big.

[00:08:46] Prince's big.

[00:08:47] The fucking bad guy from Harry Potter.

[00:08:48] That one was stupid.

[00:08:49] Yeah.

[00:08:50] Snape.

[00:08:51] Yeah.

[00:08:52] He wasn't the bad guy.

[00:08:53] I don't know.

[00:08:54] He ended up being the good guy.

[00:08:56] You fucking illiterate piece of shit.

[00:08:58] He's a little bit illiterate to see a movie.

[00:09:02] He's starting to book.

[00:09:03] Dude, there's a new Harry.

[00:09:05] He's starting to book, dude.

[00:09:07] He was also they have pictures on.

[00:09:10] There's a there's a new Harry Potter coming out.

[00:09:12] So it looks like your boy's about to read a book.

[00:09:15] There's a boy.

[00:09:16] Is her back.

[00:09:17] Is there a new one coming out?

[00:09:18] I think.

[00:09:19] Yeah, she's making mad Harry.

[00:09:21] Hell yeah, dude.

[00:09:22] That bitch ain't rich enough.

[00:09:23] JK, get yours, girl.

[00:09:25] You never read any Harry Potter bitch, dude.

[00:09:27] Me?

[00:09:28] Little Mullen.

[00:09:29] Nope.

[00:09:30] What were you doing, dude?

[00:09:31] Maybe fine for Tardish.

[00:09:32] No, I think I read.

[00:09:33] I read 11.

[00:09:34] What were you doing?

[00:09:35] Harrowin.

[00:09:36] I read books.

[00:09:37] Well, I'm not even really reading that many books.

[00:09:41] I guess the books I read as a kid were like, I guess Goosebumps was like elementary school.

[00:09:46] Hell yeah.

[00:09:47] What was it?

[00:09:48] Fear Street?

[00:09:49] That was, I read maybe one of those.

[00:09:50] Those were like the more hardcore ones, right?

[00:09:52] Yeah.

[00:09:53] And then I would read the shit we were assigned in school.

[00:09:54] The only shit I really remember reading outside of school was like, see us a little bit.

[00:09:57] The Lewis stuff, Ender's game.

[00:10:00] I read all those Ender's game books.

[00:10:03] But he came out with like nine other books after a resurgence in the popularity of those

[00:10:07] books.

[00:10:08] Yeah.

[00:10:09] When I was in...

[00:10:10] Cash grab?

[00:10:11] Middle school.

[00:10:12] Yeah.

[00:10:13] Because I remember Ender's game was that I came out in the 80s.

[00:10:14] And I remember reading that when I was in like third grade, and then again when I was

[00:10:16] in fifth grade, and then they released like a whole, you know what it was?

[00:10:20] It was an additional series based on one of the characters from Ender's game.

[00:10:24] A little spinoff, the Frasier.

[00:10:26] Yeah.

[00:10:27] And the movie was Frasier.

[00:10:28] It was an announcement.

[00:10:29] Frasier.

[00:10:30] Niles.

[00:10:31] Niles.

[00:10:32] There's aliens.

[00:10:34] We have to fuck these aliens.

[00:10:36] My favorite book's growing up were that book, Fudge, do you remember?

[00:10:40] Hell yeah.

[00:10:41] It's Fudge with Meion.

[00:10:42] And Judy Blaine Count.

[00:10:43] That was my count.

[00:10:44] Yeah, yeah.

[00:10:45] It had to be Fudge or mine count.

[00:10:48] Well they're both like coming of age stories.

[00:10:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:10:51] Yeah, yeah.

[00:10:52] It's him who gets his period.

[00:10:53] That's a big chapter.

[00:10:54] They're both written in prison.

[00:10:55] You never understood.

[00:10:56] Judy Blaine was in prison.

[00:10:57] Judy Blaine was doing time for a fucking manslaughter.

[00:11:00] Not to get into conspiracy theories here, but like how was it that Anne Frank was the

[00:11:04] only person with a diary?

[00:11:06] That was the only one off the hardest.

[00:11:10] There was not a better.

[00:11:11] She got her period in it.

[00:11:13] Yeah.

[00:11:14] She's never read it.

[00:11:15] It's never read it.

[00:11:16] It's never read it.

[00:11:17] It's getting a Judy Blaine and getting your period.

[00:11:18] I was like really into those Fudge books and then I got, are you there God?

[00:11:21] It's me Margaret?

[00:11:22] One summer like my parents make me do the fucking summer reading club or whatever?

[00:11:25] Of course.

[00:11:26] I take my reading.

[00:11:27] I read it and it's about getting your period for the first time.

[00:11:29] So like I had a bunch of questions for my parents and my mom literally took me to the

[00:11:34] library and yelled at the librarian in front of me.

[00:11:38] It was so humiliating.

[00:11:40] Don't you even tell my boy about girls.

[00:11:44] Damn.

[00:11:45] This is a young adult novel.

[00:11:48] This should not be an easy reader.

[00:11:51] My mom like it like struggled to quit smoking for years and she finally did and then she

[00:11:55] was like all about anti smoking and she chewed out the ice.

[00:12:00] She's like screaming at the Nigerian ice cream truck man for like bringing candy cigarettes

[00:12:05] to the neighborhood.

[00:12:06] She's like, how fucking dare you sell these you piece of shit.

[00:12:10] And like I'm like mortified.

[00:12:12] Of course.

[00:12:13] I got even one dose.

[00:12:14] I wanted the fucking Ninja Turtle with bumblegum eyes.

[00:12:16] The best one.

[00:12:17] Yeah.

[00:12:18] Yeah.

[00:12:19] Yeah.

[00:12:20] I didn't want the candy cigarettes.

[00:12:21] It tastes like shit.

[00:12:22] They were awful.

[00:12:23] Pretend to smoke.

[00:12:26] I remember when I was we lived in LA and like after baseball games we get like you know

[00:12:33] pieces of apple slices and like rindole and stuff and then we moved to Vegas and like

[00:12:38] we get like fucking cheeseburgers.

[00:12:40] People like bring McDonald's and like the kids we go fucking nuts for McDonald's.

[00:12:46] Hell yeah, dude.

[00:12:47] Mickey D's after a soccer game.

[00:12:49] That was my shit dog.

[00:12:50] Yeah.

[00:12:51] That was good.

[00:12:52] No, it was funny.

[00:12:53] I was like baseball and then my dad would like take me to 711 and I get like the largest

[00:12:57] slurping size.

[00:12:58] I feel like baseball practice.

[00:13:00] Baseball is the lowest impact sport.

[00:13:04] I know you barely fucking run.

[00:13:06] It's just stand there.

[00:13:08] Yeah.

[00:13:09] Horrible.

[00:13:10] Even fucking Gatorade is just sugar.

[00:13:11] Yeah.

[00:13:12] Well you needed it.

[00:13:13] It's got the electrolytes.

[00:13:14] It's got the electrolytes.

[00:13:15] Get the right you need if you get the flu or something.

[00:13:18] Yeah.

[00:13:19] I just had a pretty wicked stomach virus.

[00:13:21] You did.

[00:13:22] I was just running around guys.

[00:13:23] Listen fans if you're out there.

[00:13:26] Don't get the stomach flu.

[00:13:27] It's the come down health minute.

[00:13:28] Yeah.

[00:13:29] Did you say that thing the Red Cross did?

[00:13:30] They released that like Red Cross got in trouble this week because they put like a like

[00:13:35] a pool safety just some fucking pool safety poster that they like tweeted out.

[00:13:39] It's a picture of a pool with like things you should do in the pool versus things you

[00:13:43] shouldn't do in the pool.

[00:13:44] So it's like someone running and it's pointing at the kid running and it says not cool.

[00:13:48] And then it's like a guy holding his baby and it says cool.

[00:13:51] But every one of the not cool ones is a black person.

[00:13:54] Oh my God.

[00:13:56] Is it a real picture?

[00:13:57] Is it like a cartoon cartoon?

[00:13:59] Yeah.

[00:14:00] It would be great if it was just because then you couldn't complain if it was just a photograph

[00:14:03] someone happened to take of a pool and all the black people had to happen to be doing

[00:14:07] breaking all the rules.

[00:14:08] You can't help that.

[00:14:09] That's not the Red Cross as well.

[00:14:12] The cartoons were all brown.

[00:14:14] It's the white guys were in more breaking in the rules.

[00:14:18] And you know it's funny is like.

[00:14:19] Shackleford man.

[00:14:20] So all these people are mad at the Red Cross.

[00:14:22] There is absolutely no way in hell that was on purpose.

[00:14:26] Right.

[00:14:27] No way.

[00:14:28] There's no way at all.

[00:14:29] Yeah.

[00:14:30] But what's so funny is they were like they probably did one draft and like put more black

[00:14:34] people in there so people don't get mad at about us for like not being diverse enough

[00:14:38] and then and then that backfire.

[00:14:41] Imagine if it was some guy who's like this is how I get him.

[00:14:45] That we said him back.

[00:14:47] Finally.

[00:14:48] They're favorite place the pool.

[00:14:51] It's like when that guy that guy tweeted that picture that the United Airlines account

[00:14:56] tweeted that picture of the woman with the boy playing with the other player.

[00:15:02] You remember that shit.

[00:15:03] That was awesome.

[00:15:04] That's the best way to quit your job.

[00:15:06] I love the auto fucking when someone has their shit set up for auto retweets and it's just

[00:15:11] like the Beatles fucking suck dick.

[00:15:14] And then the Beatles thing will just retweet it.

[00:15:18] It's the best shit on earth.

[00:15:20] Yeah.

[00:15:21] I love seeing that corporate Twitter accounts are still figuring it out.

[00:15:24] Remember that was the makeup account.

[00:15:25] There's some makeup company when the Aurora shooting happened in Colorado and they were

[00:15:31] like Aurora's trending.

[00:15:32] That must be our new Aurora makeup.

[00:15:35] Oh, yeah.

[00:15:37] Yeah.

[00:15:38] Yeah.

[00:15:39] And then the makeup they tweeted.

[00:15:41] Guess what guys.

[00:15:42] It was the Joker makeup.

[00:15:44] They tweeted the Joker makeup.

[00:15:45] They tweeted out a tutorial about a do your own Joker makeup.

[00:15:50] Oh, it's incredible.

[00:15:54] Oh fuck.

[00:15:56] So we had a bunch of plans today, but we wiped it clean because there's a big news event

[00:16:03] on Friday dropped.

[00:16:05] Oh, right.

[00:16:06] Of course.

[00:16:07] Yeah.

[00:16:08] Brexit.

[00:16:09] Is that how you pronounce it?

[00:16:10] What do you say?

[00:16:11] I thought it was brashy.

[00:16:12] Brashy.

[00:16:13] Brashy.

[00:16:14] I'm going to check the first book of the Torah.

[00:16:16] All right.

[00:16:17] You don't have to do all these Jew jokes.

[00:16:20] We don't get either of us.

[00:16:22] You read the Torah.

[00:16:23] Sorry.

[00:16:24] Sorry.

[00:16:25] Sorry.

[00:16:26] There are an age.

[00:16:27] Was there a Jew version of C.S. Lewis books?

[00:16:28] I was so pissed off when I found out that those were all like Christian.

[00:16:31] I know.

[00:16:32] Yeah.

[00:16:33] Yeah.

[00:16:34] Allegory.

[00:16:35] It's like what?

[00:16:36] I thought you made up all this cool shit.

[00:16:37] You tricked me into liking the shit.

[00:16:38] A big mouse that does sword fighting and it's like that's Paul or something.

[00:16:40] Yeah.

[00:16:41] Jesus was the lion.

[00:16:42] Clearly the lion.

[00:16:43] Yeah.

[00:16:44] Yeah.

[00:16:45] That shit is so fucking gay dude.

[00:16:46] I hate when I get tricked into liking Christian shit.

[00:16:47] Oh man.

[00:16:48] Oh man.

[00:16:49] Sorry.

[00:16:50] I just remember I did extra work on Jermaine Fowler's sketch comedy show like a year ago.

[00:16:56] Friends of the people.

[00:16:57] Yeah.

[00:16:58] And so I don't know if have either of you been extras in anything?

[00:17:01] No.

[00:17:02] It's the funniest.

[00:17:03] I'm always the fucking star on the star to show.

[00:17:07] It's the funniest shit in the world.

[00:17:09] So like all the people that most of the people doing extra work is like it's actually it's

[00:17:13] an easy job.

[00:17:14] Yeah.

[00:17:15] And if you're union you get like 150 bucks a day and you mostly just sit around.

[00:17:20] If you like freelance or something it's great.

[00:17:22] You bring your laptop you can like just write.

[00:17:24] That's awesome.

[00:17:25] Yeah.

[00:17:26] You don't really have to do shit.

[00:17:27] You're in like a scene for maybe like five seconds.

[00:17:28] That's cool.

[00:17:29] Do they feed you?

[00:17:30] Yeah.

[00:17:31] You get free food.

[00:17:32] You know.

[00:17:33] You get to get sucked.

[00:17:34] And then 10% of the people there.

[00:17:35] Okay.

[00:17:36] So yeah like 89% of the people are you know just like just they know what's up.

[00:17:41] 10% are you know trying to be serious actors.

[00:17:45] And then 1% are like bat shit insane.

[00:17:48] Of course.

[00:17:49] Just like there was this one time I was in in holding for a show and there's this woman

[00:17:53] with like aviator sunglasses on.

[00:17:55] Rail thin like anorex is like very tall, lanky.

[00:17:58] You know just veins everywhere.

[00:18:00] Just very vascular, creepy woman.

[00:18:03] She's like hunched over like a fucking gargoyle on her chair.

[00:18:07] And some guy was like oh well my friend David Richards.

[00:18:10] He's a writer.

[00:18:11] He's like talking to somebody quietly and from across from she goes oh yeah I know him.

[00:18:15] He raped me.

[00:18:16] Oh Jesus fucking yeah I know him.

[00:18:19] He raped me back in the 80s.

[00:18:21] I don't know what are we supposed to do with that.

[00:18:27] And then they start talking.

[00:18:28] She's like oh never mind this must be a different guy.

[00:18:30] It was like somebody with the same name or she was gonna be a manager at a chilis in New

[00:18:34] Oregon.

[00:18:35] The only set job I've had is the one you got me when we're truck boys.

[00:18:39] Truck boys dude.

[00:18:40] Well didn't you have a good extra.

[00:18:43] Well I was about to tell I was about to tell an extra story.

[00:18:45] I forget what the fucking lead into it was.

[00:18:48] I think we're talking about that.

[00:18:49] Oh yeah the Jesus allegory thing.

[00:18:51] But there is this one guy that friends of the people thing who just had like 90s asshole

[00:18:55] hair you know like both like both of his parents were named Zach.

[00:18:59] Like a fucking like always wearing eyes odd like like penis had 90s penis.

[00:19:06] It was just a very like like a very nicely shaped glands helmet of hair.

[00:19:13] And like anytime they would call cut he would immediately turn and face the camera and you

[00:19:17] could see him on all the monitors and no one's paying attention.

[00:19:19] Oh my goodness.

[00:19:20] Just trying to fucking ignore him.

[00:19:22] And then I had to fucking listen to oh yeah with so I went into.

[00:19:28] I forgot what okay yeah we're sitting and holding and one of the producers comes in

[00:19:33] and like they tell us like okay guys so basically the sketch idea is like I don't want to shit

[00:19:39] on the show or whatever.

[00:19:40] I mean but like they're just telling you the pitch of the sketch.

[00:19:43] So it's like even even if the funniest show in the world they just tell you like here's

[00:19:46] the idea you're like okay you're not going to laugh at it.

[00:19:49] Whatever.

[00:19:50] You know they're just telling you.

[00:19:51] So he's just going on.

[00:19:52] Yeah yeah so she's like okay so basically the setup is like you know they're throwing

[00:19:57] a house party and the president shows up.

[00:19:59] Barack Obama shows up and he eats all the food and again I don't want to shit on the

[00:20:06] show.

[00:20:07] But you know that's why you're prefacing.

[00:20:09] And then this guy he like leans in.

[00:20:11] He physically leans in and he's like oh wow that's so great.

[00:20:15] And I had to like you know step out of the room for a second to like you know call him

[00:20:19] a slur under my breath.

[00:20:21] I don't want to laugh at him.

[00:20:23] And I come back in and the producers talking to him and she goes no President Obama won't

[00:20:28] actually be here.

[00:20:30] He thought the president of the United States.

[00:20:38] He's going to pop in.

[00:20:39] He's going to do a quick drop in.

[00:20:41] He's going to spend a day shooting a sketch where he eats too many Cheetos.

[00:20:44] Right for true TV.

[00:20:45] But yeah no we were leaving.

[00:20:48] We were in like a van back to the city or whatever at the end of the day and like somebody

[00:20:53] was talking about something and you know he's like well what is your favorite film.

[00:20:57] And they were like the Matrix or something.

[00:21:00] And that guy goes you know that whole story is actually an allegory for Jesus Christ.

[00:21:06] Hell yes.

[00:21:08] And he starts describing the Matrix parallels.

[00:21:12] I mean it's sort of this.

[00:21:14] He's not wrong.

[00:21:15] Yeah.

[00:21:16] Two and three are chosen.

[00:21:17] Oh of course.

[00:21:18] I mean isn't the license plate like a yeah it's like a biblical reference.

[00:21:23] We can't criticize it because they're both trans though.

[00:21:26] Oh are they oh yeah the other one's trans now too.

[00:21:30] So is it the Wachowski sisters?

[00:21:32] Yes this is well no just the Wachowski's you just say the Wachowski's.

[00:21:36] Is that their chosen pronoun?

[00:21:38] Yeah yeah.

[00:21:39] Just what are the odds?

[00:21:40] Yeah.

[00:21:41] This is a pronouns.

[00:21:42] What are the odds?

[00:21:43] It's really true.

[00:21:44] Let me ask you this though.

[00:21:45] Do you think they would have transitioned if the second two movies have been better?

[00:21:50] If they had been better movies as good as the first one.

[00:21:54] They're sitting with their PR guy and they're like look we need to get a little traction

[00:21:58] right now.

[00:21:59] Be racer bombed.

[00:22:00] Yeah yeah.

[00:22:01] You said we would have to.

[00:22:03] If they never got funding for the animatrix would they have transitioned?

[00:22:09] I watched a speed racer their speed racer on mushrooms once and it was intense.

[00:22:15] So I mean I had to turn it off.

[00:22:16] I tried watching super jail on mushrooms.

[00:22:20] I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea.

[00:22:21] It's not to show that on purpose fucks with you.

[00:22:24] It's like even when you're sober you feel kind of disturbed.

[00:22:28] It's great.

[00:22:29] It's one of the best things I've ever seen.

[00:22:30] I tried watching that on mushrooms and I had to leave the room.

[00:22:34] That was too much.

[00:22:35] You remember Jose extreme parking?

[00:22:36] Oh god.

[00:22:37] That guy was the best.

[00:22:38] We'll talk about Jose real quick.

[00:22:39] All right so Nick gets me a job.

[00:22:42] He's like you just got to sit in the passenger seat of this truck.

[00:22:46] That's basically it and then we got to move things like a couple times but you just hang

[00:22:50] out on this truck in the middle of the day.

[00:22:52] They're like yeah we're going to need you to get your own 16 foot truck and drive it

[00:22:56] around man.

[00:22:57] He's just alone.

[00:22:58] Just in a matter of time.

[00:23:00] Oh you were alone but Nick was with you.

[00:23:02] Yeah they split us up.

[00:23:03] For starters the truck they made us pick up.

[00:23:05] It was like a 20 foot truck and normally the trucks are 14 foot.

[00:23:09] And like a 20 foot truck you don't need a CDL until it reaches like I don't it's a

[00:23:13] weight thing but basically like a 30 foot truck.

[00:23:16] But the difference between 14 and 20 feet.

[00:23:18] It's huge when you're driving a truck and you get in a ride or two.

[00:23:22] Yeah you get in that thing and you're like I shouldn't be driving this fucking truck.

[00:23:25] Especially around Manhattan.

[00:23:27] Yeah I feel weird driving in like the fucking Baltimore suburbs.

[00:23:30] Yeah in the middle of fucking and you guys were right in the mix.

[00:23:33] We had a we're like in Midtown driving these massive trucks.

[00:23:37] I'm just lying my way into this job.

[00:23:40] Nick said I just have to send the pass.

[00:23:42] It's not even a lying thing.

[00:23:43] They don't give a shit.

[00:23:44] They don't give a shit.

[00:23:45] They hire whoever.

[00:23:46] It's like yeah I got a friend brand who'll do it.

[00:23:49] And then it's like okay we'll go pick up two million dollars worth of camera and a lighting

[00:23:53] equipment.

[00:23:54] And I'm like no we already signed for it.

[00:23:56] And then just park the truck wherever.

[00:23:58] They don't even give you instructions on where to go.

[00:24:00] So yeah so like we had a 5 a.m. call.

[00:24:02] They're like yeah it's our responsibility to park the trucks.

[00:24:04] And so like we're supposed to park them in like you know lots or whatever.

[00:24:09] We had a 5 a.m. call there's this dude that's just like wide away.

[00:24:12] We get there to park the trucks and he's just like screaming at people like moving trucks.

[00:24:18] Like air traffic controlling.

[00:24:20] And like I get he like screams at me to move the truck and then I get out and he's like

[00:24:24] anyway man sorry I yelled at you.

[00:24:26] My name is Jose.

[00:24:27] I'm a small business owner.

[00:24:30] I own my own company.

[00:24:31] It's called Extreme Parking.

[00:24:32] He didn't he didn't tell us he showed us his business car.

[00:24:35] So we're gonna because we struck up a conversation with him.

[00:24:37] They like hire somebody and this guy's only job is to just sit outside all night before

[00:24:43] the shoot and put up traffic cones.

[00:24:45] So like nobody will take the parking space.

[00:24:47] Which is like a shooting in New York.

[00:24:50] You need someone to.

[00:24:51] Yeah it's also that's parking so.

[00:24:53] That sounds illegal right.

[00:24:54] No you get perfect in the city streets.

[00:24:57] But the way the permits work is they don't say that you can't park there.

[00:25:00] It just allows you to hold the parking space.

[00:25:02] Gotcha gotcha.

[00:25:03] So if somebody wanted to come and take that parking space they could.

[00:25:06] Gotcha.

[00:25:07] And that's why you have like a cone guy.

[00:25:08] So this guy's business is he owns the cones.

[00:25:11] He's the cones guy.

[00:25:12] He just owns the business.

[00:25:14] He shows us his business card and it says extreme parking on it.

[00:25:18] Jose extreme parking.

[00:25:20] Yeah and it took everything I had not to like.

[00:25:23] That's incredible.

[00:25:24] Excuse me.

[00:25:25] I have to go to the website.

[00:25:26] They have a website I found the website.

[00:25:28] I have to take it over last.

[00:25:29] Anyway so he's like bragging to us.

[00:25:32] We're like yo so like are the parking guys in New York like Union.

[00:25:35] That's what you ask every job on a film show.

[00:25:38] Are you Union or not?

[00:25:39] That's like an easy conversation starter.

[00:25:41] He's like hell no doing never going Union.

[00:25:44] I'm never going Union bro.

[00:25:47] He's like yeah man I raised like six kids.

[00:25:49] I raised like six kids.

[00:25:50] Nine.

[00:25:51] I raised nine kids.

[00:25:52] You exaggerated in the wrong direction.

[00:25:53] Yeah that's crazy.

[00:25:54] He's like I raised nine kids last year.

[00:25:58] Extreme parking made $85,000.

[00:26:00] And like split between me and my five guys.

[00:26:05] He asked him.

[00:26:06] He asked him.

[00:26:07] He was like I made $90,000 last year.

[00:26:08] And I was like that's pretty good.

[00:26:09] Is that before after tax?

[00:26:10] He's like well it's split between me and my like eight guys.

[00:26:13] I'm like that's no money.

[00:26:16] No money.

[00:26:17] He's not going Union man.

[00:26:20] No way I'm going Union bro.

[00:26:25] I raised nine kids on this.

[00:26:27] It's so fucking.

[00:26:28] I'm this parking game.

[00:26:29] Yeah holy shit.

[00:26:30] What is he feeding those fucking kids dude.

[00:26:32] I don't know man but production is the funniest job for meeting.

[00:26:35] Those kinds of people.

[00:26:36] Oh that's the best.

[00:26:37] The other the other extra I did extra work on blue bloods.

[00:26:40] Oh yeah.

[00:26:41] Yeah.

[00:26:42] Tom selling do you see Tom selling.

[00:26:43] No but I saw Donnie.

[00:26:44] Oh hell yeah.

[00:26:45] I saw Don there is this fucking guy there.

[00:26:47] This older black dude who is like in his like probably he's probably in his early 60s.

[00:26:54] Okay and you know he clearly had taken an elocution lessons or at least knew how to approximate

[00:27:00] them.

[00:27:01] You know he's like always had his fucking eyebrows vaulted you know like speaking in

[00:27:05] a you know very like area died way or whatever but then bull bullshit.

[00:27:10] It was always bullshit and like the minute I saw this guy when we're sitting and holding

[00:27:14] I'm like I'm going to listen everywhere this guy has to say.

[00:27:17] Yeah.

[00:27:18] Also a lot of the extras they have their own cop outfits because they do extra work so

[00:27:22] much.

[00:27:23] Oh well.

[00:27:24] They go and buy neither police officer outfits.

[00:27:26] I come with my uniform.

[00:27:27] No that's what they do because it's like you can get a job as like you know the guy that's

[00:27:33] permanently a police officer on the background like CSI or whatever.

[00:27:37] Hell yeah.

[00:27:38] So we're there and he finds this girl.

[00:27:40] I forget her name we'll call her Gabby and she was like younger like kind of attractive

[00:27:45] but not TV attractive you know like she's like yeah I'm trying to become an actress you

[00:27:50] know that's what I want to do is I want to be an actress and it's like you know I mean

[00:27:54] whatever she's 19 so she has time.

[00:27:57] It's got dreams.

[00:27:58] Figure out that you know don't do that.

[00:28:00] I'm going to be an actress.

[00:28:01] And this Lawrence guy immediately hones in on her because it's someone that he can spew

[00:28:06] all of his bullshit to God and you know like I'm trying to remember a couple of the hits

[00:28:11] but you know there was a good one in there where he's like you know I mean I show up on

[00:28:16] these sets and you know I'm ready to go you know and I had the one time they say to me

[00:28:19] Lawrence you know we need you to move up and we need you to speak a couple of lines in

[00:28:24] this one and I say I'm ready I can do that.

[00:28:27] But they give me just my sides and I say well I need the whole script I need to understand

[00:28:32] my characters motivations.

[00:28:33] What is he feeling in this situation you know like and the line is like yeah.

[00:28:40] Has anybody seen the coffee maker?

[00:28:42] She just hopes her head in or whatever.

[00:28:44] Yeah it's never.

[00:28:45] They went that way.

[00:28:47] And he's like I need to know my motivations and then you know it's like everything's like

[00:28:52] just filled with all this like bitterness there's like a subtextures of you know jealousy and

[00:28:58] anger and there's one time he was like I just heard him and he's like and I told her you

[00:29:01] know you know I mean next time you're going to be working for me I'll be producing on

[00:29:05] the next one I'll be directing you know you're going to be working for me so you know no you

[00:29:09] can't talk to me that way.

[00:29:11] I forget who said the line but one of my favorite lines is I'm going to show them who's never

[00:29:17] been boss.

[00:29:18] Yeah.

[00:29:19] That applies I think that applies to Lawrence but so he's going off about you know the whole

[00:29:24] time one time he's saying you know I've been here since season one I've been working here

[00:29:28] on this project together since season one it's like you know you've just been booked

[00:29:31] as an extra.

[00:29:32] Yeah for seven years.

[00:29:34] Yeah.

[00:29:35] Blue Bloods.

[00:29:36] The show with 19 grandads where everyone has a must at the mustache granddad show.

[00:29:44] Yeah you know it's like Tom Selleck is supposed to play the major of the patriarch on that

[00:29:48] show.

[00:29:49] Yeah.

[00:29:50] It's like cop granddad and then his son like has a son so he's like the great he's the

[00:29:55] granddad.

[00:29:56] Right.

[00:29:57] And then Tom Selleck's dad is on the show too so there's another grandpa.

[00:30:00] Jesus Christ.

[00:30:01] Really?

[00:30:02] There's like is that many grandpa nine generations Irish cops but the guy who plays Tom Selleck's

[00:30:07] father on the show is only like three years older than Tom Selleck in real life because

[00:30:12] it doesn't make any fucking sense but so after like a whole day Lawrence going off about

[00:30:17] how much you know everybody loves him or whatever he saw he was like you know me and

[00:30:21] Donnie have been working on this project for years together.

[00:30:24] Donnie Wahlberg shows up you know nobody seen Donnie and I'm like oh that's pretty cool

[00:30:28] it's onnie Wahlberg and he walks by and Lawrence sees him and he goes good morning Donnie.

[00:30:35] And Donnie Wahlberg takes one look at this man and goes and seeing too much year round

[00:30:41] here Lawrence.

[00:30:42] He just walks by and then he goes he like turns to that girl and he's like we play games

[00:30:53] with each other.

[00:30:54] We like to joke around with each other.

[00:30:57] Oh boy.

[00:30:58] Oh man.

[00:30:59] Okay so if we're talking about like career extras I feel I mean Tommy Myers is coming

[00:31:05] up again.

[00:31:06] Have you guys seen his acting real?

[00:31:08] Exactly.

[00:31:09] He's like investigation.

[00:31:10] Yeah it's like he's a priest and like an investigation.

[00:31:13] He looks surprised.

[00:31:15] He looks like he learned the motions from like emojis.

[00:31:18] Yeah.

[00:31:19] He learned how to react to things.

[00:31:20] Oh okay well I'm supposed to have dollar signs in my eyes right now.

[00:31:25] What is the dollar sign tongue emoji all about?

[00:31:27] I can't put your money where your mouth is dude.

[00:31:29] Oh yeah.

[00:31:30] Yeah.

[00:31:31] That took me years to figure that out.

[00:31:32] Yeah that's incredible.

[00:31:33] Good for you man.

[00:31:35] So Tom your motivation in this scene is I want you to imagine that your character is

[00:31:40] confused.

[00:31:41] He's just been hit with all this information about this missing girl.

[00:31:45] It's almost like I want you to imagine that you've just had like a bong hit transplant.

[00:31:52] That's what you're doing.

[00:31:53] Is it just okay.

[00:31:56] So Tom your care that so you're in the hospital.

[00:31:59] Yeah.

[00:32:00] You're in the hospital.

[00:32:01] You just had a bong hit transplant.

[00:32:03] And the EKG is beeping next to you.

[00:32:06] Okay so there were complications during your bong hit transplant.

[00:32:10] Tom first of all thank you for being a part of the reboot of West Wing.

[00:32:15] I'm so happy you're here.

[00:32:16] So basically in this scene you know it's a walk-and-talk scene and you are there next

[00:32:20] to Madam President and you're walking down the hallway of the West Wing and then you

[00:32:26] know you have to eat her pussy.

[00:32:29] If you can do that for us.

[00:32:31] She wants to get revenge on Bill.

[00:32:34] Tom I want you to imagine.

[00:32:35] Okay so pretend like you smoked pot before.

[00:32:40] Imagine your Paul Revere and you're on pot.

[00:32:42] I think the British are coming dude.

[00:32:46] You're coming me in.

[00:32:49] So the Brexit what do you guys.

[00:32:52] Oh of course.

[00:32:53] Oh bray she.

[00:32:54] Zabray she.

[00:32:55] Well man it's just you know.

[00:32:57] I don't know.

[00:32:58] This one of those things I didn't fucking pay attention to.

[00:33:01] They said they were going to do it and they did it.

[00:33:05] I look at my friends reacting to it on Twitter I'm like I guess I'm supposed to be mad about

[00:33:09] this.

[00:33:10] I don't even know what the EU is really I just thought it meant you don't have to get a work

[00:33:14] visa if you want to like work.

[00:33:16] Yeah it's easy to get a friend.

[00:33:18] That doesn't apply to me.

[00:33:20] Doesn't mean shit to me.

[00:33:21] I think it does feel like too much shit that's like a little weird is happening recently.

[00:33:27] Like I could this could be just something this happens and then some fucking there's a skirmish.

[00:33:33] You think like a Trump like some some fucked up I feel like I don't know.

[00:33:37] It is the first time I've been like that's weird.

[00:33:39] That's a fucked up.

[00:33:40] I'll just say the worst part of the Brexit for me is my dad called me four times on Saturday

[00:33:44] night calls you about everything with Brexit puns and it was like I was I was living in

[00:33:50] an absolute eternal hell damn dude terrible.

[00:33:53] That must suck.

[00:33:54] You're a loving father bitch.

[00:33:57] This bitch has a good relationship with his parents.

[00:33:59] What do you mean?

[00:34:00] What do you mean?

[00:34:01] That's the first time you think like oh fuck now I'm calling you my dad's birthday yesterday.

[00:34:08] That's hilarious.

[00:34:09] I gotta call my fucking father shit.

[00:34:14] How's it?

[00:34:15] I dude I could not tell you.

[00:34:17] I think Jesus Christ man.

[00:34:19] Come on.

[00:34:20] You can't even eyeball it or he's sixty three.

[00:34:24] That makes sense.

[00:34:25] This is like my dad's age.

[00:34:26] My dad's turning sixty five this month.

[00:34:28] My dad's like sixty three sixty.

[00:34:29] All right let's see I'm twenty seven he was thirty five when he had me.

[00:34:34] Sixty four right.

[00:34:35] No that doesn't make sense.

[00:34:36] Sixty two because my dad was like thirty six when I was born and he's like sixty three.

[00:34:42] Sixty two.

[00:34:43] Yeah that's what I'll say.

[00:34:44] Your dad's gotta be a year younger than my dad.

[00:34:46] Okay.

[00:34:47] Cause I'm older than you.

[00:34:48] Yeah but my dad could fuck your dad's bitch ass up dude.

[00:34:50] What if what if me my dad and your dad like kissed back in elementary school.

[00:34:54] What if they practice kissing on each other and that's how they met our moms.

[00:34:57] Dude that's probably what if we parent trap all three of our dads to be gay.

[00:35:03] So we'd be real brothers.

[00:35:05] Your dad would I feel like your dad would be a bottom.

[00:35:07] Check this out.

[00:35:08] What if our dad's no yeah yeah yeah yeah.

[00:35:11] Your dad's a maricon.

[00:35:12] My dad was a mighty gong.

[00:35:14] My dad isn't mighty gong.

[00:35:16] Your dads are fucking compound.

[00:35:17] My dad's a Wachowski.

[00:35:20] The worst joke.

[00:35:21] The little wig on him throw a dreadlock wig on him.

[00:35:24] The worst joke pitch I ever got from him.

[00:35:27] I was like he called like four times.

[00:35:29] I called him back and he's like comedy is over.

[00:35:34] Comedy is over.

[00:35:35] And I'm like what are you talking about.

[00:35:37] He's like his name is Wiener and he showed his Wiener.

[00:35:44] And I was like I gotta go.

[00:35:45] I have to go.

[00:35:46] That is a pretty good thing.

[00:35:48] Leave me alone.

[00:35:49] Please.

[00:35:50] What happens to dads that they just become horribly fucking unfunny.

[00:35:54] Even like professional comedian dads.

[00:35:57] Like at like 65.

[00:35:58] I don't know what happens.

[00:35:59] As soon as you become a father the two things happen you stop being funny and you start having

[00:36:05] to scream when you yawn.

[00:36:08] Yeah.

[00:36:09] I don't understand what that is.

[00:36:10] You can't just fucking yawn like a normal person.

[00:36:13] You just start screaming.

[00:36:18] Like a deaf person having an orgasm.

[00:36:21] Take that.

[00:36:22] You guys are lucky though that sorry to make this Jew again.

[00:36:26] Your dads don't go through one of those like make like just getting obsessed with Israel

[00:36:30] things.

[00:36:31] Like just getting angry and shouting at you.

[00:36:34] Yeah but everybody's dads racist about something.

[00:36:36] Well your guys dads get into cool stuff like trains and stuff.

[00:36:39] Yeah my dad's into trains.

[00:36:41] That's like really like developed autism at like 61.

[00:36:45] His wife took him to like a train museum for his birthday a couple years ago and he's

[00:36:49] like trying to show me a train video on his like phone and I almost had to go cry.

[00:36:53] Oh my god.

[00:36:54] I feel so bad for you.

[00:36:55] Dude what's happening.

[00:36:57] You my father became a crazy cat man.

[00:37:00] This one I'm not even kidding dude this fucking so he's got he's a carpenter he's got his

[00:37:03] own like fucking yeah place and I went in there to visit him dude.

[00:37:06] There was at least 15 cats just had fucking is all Greek dudes huh is all Greek dudes working

[00:37:15] in the spot.

[00:37:16] It's just his fucking spot.

[00:37:17] It's just like it's just that Hemingway your dad's like Hemingway.

[00:37:20] Yeah maybe we'll fucking shoot himself shoot himself in the face and I'd open yeah and get

[00:37:25] all that cat money didn't yeah I could get I could fucking hear it all those cats.

[00:37:29] Hemingway was so dumb why do people like how take I don't know how take a I've never

[00:37:34] enjoyed his right.

[00:37:35] Oh I'm incredible I went to Africa and I murdered an animal right a fucking whole story about

[00:37:41] people.

[00:37:42] Oh this is incredible.

[00:37:43] Have you read that went to Africa and he murdered an animal.

[00:37:46] You know that short story that what is it the short symbolizes Frances McComer.

[00:37:50] Is that Hemingway?

[00:37:51] It's a Hemingway short story that's like the most like like Pua MRA.

[00:37:56] Yeah so the story is like this guy goes to Africa with his hot wife to like hunt the

[00:38:03] lion but then there's this just fucking big dick swinging like hunter that's already

[00:38:08] there that like has to take them out into the field and this guy's like a stuck up like

[00:38:12] you know he cuts him.

[00:38:14] No well yeah he does so they go out to you know to hunt and he like takes his like you

[00:38:18] know disaffected you know like disillusioned wife out into the field with him so she can

[00:38:24] watch him do a safari or two to like want to fuck him again.

[00:38:28] Yeah and they go out well not at this point in the story they're just sort of like in

[00:38:31] a you know a malaise they're like upper middle class people or whatever he's like we're going

[00:38:36] on safari and they go out into the you know the field or whatever and there's like a rhino

[00:38:42] or something and the guy tenses up and he can't shoot the rhino he's like a coward about

[00:38:46] it or whatever and the hunter has to save him and the hunter saves him and then there's

[00:38:51] like the next scene is like the guy's in his tent at night and he hears his wife go like

[00:38:56] fuck the other guy.

[00:38:57] What?

[00:38:58] Yeah he just sits there like old mad while the wife's like fucking the other guy and

[00:39:02] then she comes back and he's like all pissed off he's like I can't believe he fucking did

[00:39:06] that or whatever so the next day they go out and there's a fucking lion dude and he's like

[00:39:12] I'm going to kill that lion and he goes out and even the hunter's like don't do it man

[00:39:16] you know like don't kill the lion he like goes out in the field and then he like shoots

[00:39:19] once and shoots twice and he's missing or whatever and then finally there's like one last shot

[00:39:26] and he like the lion drops but he drops too and the wife had like stood up and she shot

[00:39:31] like him in the back of the head so he became a man but then his fucking bitch wife killed

[00:39:37] him and he just sucked off my guy.

[00:39:39] Yeah that sounds like some pretty relatable version but that sounds a lot like that old

[00:39:43] joke where like yeah just like imagine Hemingway sitting at his like fucking typewriter and

[00:39:48] then that fucking cunt and then she was what she did and not me I got fucking hard six

[00:39:55] and a half that's average dude that's fucking average no one can tell you it's not average

[00:39:59] average means good.

[00:40:01] Yo you know that old joke though about the guy that goes to Africa to kill the lion.

[00:40:07] No is it poor old he thinks it's a Cadillac is that one?

[00:40:11] No no he goes out and kill the lion and he sits back and he unloads he unloads on like

[00:40:17] bang bang bang bang bang the dust settles the lions the lion's still staying there and

[00:40:22] the lion goes up to me he's like you know you miss me so I'm gonna give you a choice

[00:40:27] like either you I'm gonna eat you or you can suck my dick so he's like alright I'm gonna

[00:40:34] suck your dick right and then the next you know season whatever he goes out he sees the

[00:40:38] same lion bang bang bang bang bang tus settles so you miss me you're gonna have to I'm gonna

[00:40:43] eat you or you're gonna have to suck my dick and then like the third season obviously yeah

[00:40:47] he's like out there and he's like yeah the lion like comes up to him and he's like he's

[00:40:54] seeing his life flash before his eyes and he looks at him square in the eyes and he's

[00:40:57] like he must really like sucking my dick.

[00:41:04] My grandfather told me that.

[00:41:06] That doesn't make any fucking sense.

[00:41:08] I thought the punch I was gonna be something like you want to just skip it.

[00:41:11] I don't know I don't know what.

[00:41:12] I thought that was like a very well-known old joke.

[00:41:15] I've never heard that my grandfather's won't be that joke.

[00:41:18] It doesn't make any sense.

[00:41:20] It makes no sense.

[00:41:21] There was like there used to be a joke about it for something like a genie when I was like

[00:41:24] in no school.

[00:41:25] It was like what was it?

[00:41:26] You get two wishes the first was like I'm gonna suck another guy's dick that's what

[00:41:29] Mike asked for.

[00:41:30] That's like the punch line is like somebody being gay being gay that there's a genie involved.

[00:41:36] Oh yeah I remember there was there was a fucking yeah I there was another one where it

[00:41:41] was like a gorilla it's like we'll give you they told this poor zookeeper we'll give you

[00:41:45] $80,000 to get fucked in the ass by this gorilla.

[00:41:51] He's like there's like for $80,000 get fucked in the ass and he's like all right I'll do

[00:41:56] it but you're gonna have to give me some time to come up with $80,000.

[00:42:00] I used to tell on buses.

[00:42:05] On that one.

[00:42:06] RIP.

[00:42:07] You got it.

[00:42:09] I plugged that.

[00:42:10] I'm sorry man.

[00:42:11] I'm fucking mad.

[00:42:12] God damn it every day.

[00:42:13] It's getting a little better but.

[00:42:15] It's been a long day.

[00:42:17] We fouled you my friend.

[00:42:21] Well I think we got this is a good first chunk.

[00:42:25] We gotta do it.

[00:42:26] I mean we can just go through we don't need to have.

[00:42:29] Yeah we have I got a pee.

[00:42:31] Oh you got a pee.

[00:42:32] Okay then we'll take a break and then we'll come back.

[00:42:34] Is there anything else we wanted to riff on before you guys got any zingers in there over

[00:42:39] the last.

[00:42:40] I the Brexit dude.

[00:42:42] I can't get over it.

[00:42:43] How about this Boris Johnson looks like fucking Trump.

[00:42:47] Yeah.

[00:42:48] Yeah they got the same hair.

[00:42:50] He looks like Boris Becker dude.

[00:42:53] Oh Becker good show.

[00:42:55] Ted dancing.

[00:42:56] That blind guy.

[00:42:57] Breggs like dancing Becker Johnson we made it.

[00:43:01] We brought it all full suck.

[00:43:04] And you know who else was on cheers with Ted dancing was Frazier.

[00:43:09] He's from earlier which we also mentioned.

[00:43:11] I'm kidding.

[00:43:12] Niles we fuck aliens.

[00:43:15] It's funny how callbacks work.

[00:43:17] I know how this fuck a comic will be on stage in 45 minutes in their act.

[00:43:20] I'll be like a sandwich.

[00:43:22] I want to be like.

[00:43:25] He said that 25 minutes ago.

[00:43:28] Why do you think I think legitimately it's because like it's the same reason that roasts

[00:43:32] work right because everyone lasts when you're making fun of a celebrity because it's like

[00:43:35] a common experience.

[00:43:37] Yeah hating Justin Bieber is something that we all feel or something supposedly I don't

[00:43:41] give a fuck about Justin Bieber.

[00:43:43] So yeah it's like oh yeah we shared that joke 20 minutes ago.

[00:43:47] That's why I think I honestly is just like the first time that happens it's fucking weird

[00:43:54] and funny so you laugh and then if you have two jokes that have the same punchline it's

[00:43:59] a funny coincidence so it's like oh this is fun but now people just like I think he's

[00:44:03] right.

[00:44:04] I think it has to do with like the communal aspect or whatever.

[00:44:07] You know what I think that's why a lot of like why Newer comedy or stuff online that's

[00:44:11] like you can't really understand the structure.

[00:44:13] I would like what makes Sam Hyde so funny.

[00:44:16] Why that can't appeal.

[00:44:17] Why you could never do that on stage just because it's like necessarily individual.

[00:44:23] There's no like community there.

[00:44:25] It's just like one guy's fucking weird personality.

[00:44:27] All comedy like on the internet like memes is like do be comedy.

[00:44:32] Like not like joy but like yeah people do be like that.

[00:44:35] You know like a teacher's do be like you just plug in whatever you want.

[00:44:39] Yeah yeah because like oh that time when the teacher looking at you and you like you know

[00:44:42] it's all like oh yeah that's just.

[00:44:44] I hate when the teacher be looking at it.

[00:44:45] When I was like 17 you my friend Brendan used to hang out with like these kids that we just

[00:44:50] hated.

[00:44:51] We like didn't like any of course and like I was in there for it but Brendan was telling

[00:44:55] me about it like one of them was like showing everyone on his laptop this picture of uh

[00:45:00] it's like Spongebob Squarepants but his eyes are all red and he's got a bong and like

[00:45:06] pot leave behind them and it's you know it's like Spongebong hemp pants.

[00:45:10] Spongebong weed pants and they're dying and this one kid goes uh oh man I gotta show my

[00:45:19] dad this.

[00:45:20] My dad loved this dude.

[00:45:23] That sucks man.

[00:45:26] It's like worse than if he was just like yeah my dad molested me.

[00:45:30] It's on par with that.

[00:45:31] Is that so much of a slip up that was.

[00:45:33] My dad loves proto memes.

[00:45:35] My dad loves Spongebong weed pants.

[00:45:38] Dude I can't believe David Cameron fucked up so bad guys that breaks it.

[00:45:43] Yeah that was crazy.

[00:45:45] How did he.

[00:45:46] How did he.

[00:45:47] How did he.

[00:45:48] How did he.

[00:45:49] Did he.

[00:45:50] Did he.

[00:45:51] Fuck a pig in the mouth.

[00:45:52] Didn't that come out a couple years ago that he fucked a pig's mouth.

[00:45:53] Is that what the black mirror was about?

[00:45:54] I think black mirror might have like made some illusion.

[00:45:58] Or maybe that even came out after black mirror that when he was at Cambridge or Oxford or

[00:46:03] whatever he was in some like secret society where you're right.

[00:46:06] Fuck a pig in the mouth.

[00:46:07] He didn't.

[00:46:08] That just went away and he was allowed to continue being the prime.

[00:46:11] Do you see the speech where he said sorry then quick.

[00:46:14] Yeah.

[00:46:15] It's pretty funny though to be like alright well that's pretty good.

[00:46:19] That's on par with Nixon's just like.

[00:46:20] Yeah.

[00:46:21] See ya.

[00:46:22] See ya.

[00:46:23] He literally peed out his face.

[00:46:24] He was like.

[00:46:25] He literally peed out his face.

[00:46:26] He rolled on his way out.

[00:46:28] That was the best thing he's ever done.

[00:46:30] Yeah.

[00:46:31] It's fucking jowl shaking.

[00:46:32] That was awesome.

[00:46:33] Ah.

[00:46:34] Alrighty.

[00:46:35] Jewels gonna be at the party.

[00:46:36] I don't want Jewels at the party.

[00:46:37] Did you read that the book with all the transcripts in it?

[00:46:40] Well we were gonna do that as well.

[00:46:42] Yeah.

[00:46:43] We were gonna do that podcast.

[00:46:44] Yeah.

[00:46:45] We were gonna do a Nixon secret tape podcast.

[00:46:46] That's fun.

[00:46:47] Where we'd get like people to like play Kissinger and like whatever.

[00:46:50] Yeah.

[00:46:51] Hey that's not bad.

[00:46:52] You just do excerpts from the tapes.

[00:46:53] We do little something.

[00:46:54] And it's like how that goes from being like you know it would be a funny idea to actually

[00:46:57] being something.

[00:46:58] It's hard.

[00:46:59] Yeah.

[00:47:00] We try to come up with bits and we do them and it's like alright that was a minute and

[00:47:04] 22 seconds long and I used three racial slurs.

[00:47:08] So I guess the we're gonna have to do that.

[00:47:12] We'll get back to it.

[00:47:13] Dude we got some great character work in the past.

[00:47:14] I mean this will be the rest of this there will be no character work.

[00:47:18] Yeah.

[00:47:19] For sure.

[00:47:20] No one will be doing any characters but we've done in the past some pretty good character

[00:47:23] stuff.

[00:47:24] I think so.

[00:47:25] There are a couple characters that I think we've done on this podcast.

[00:47:28] I think I hope Lauren Michaels isn't listening.

[00:47:32] Lauren is listening.

[00:47:34] Yeah we came up with Dr. Evil.

[00:47:36] That's one.

[00:47:37] We wrote we wrote Doc Evil.

[00:47:39] Hey it's me the family guy.

[00:47:41] Hey that's our other character is the family guy.

[00:47:46] Aw.

[00:47:47] Lowers.

[00:47:48] Hey I'm trying to eat a sandwich.

[00:47:50] I'm freaking a fat guy.

[00:47:51] I'm a freaking fat family guy.

[00:47:53] I want a sandwich over here.

[00:47:55] A freaking sandwich.

[00:47:56] That's good.

[00:47:57] His family guy guy gay.

[00:47:59] I'm gay.

[00:48:00] Totally.

[00:48:01] I'm a Farland.

[00:48:02] Absolutely.

[00:48:03] And I feel like he's one of those gay guys that like feels like he missed the opportunity

[00:48:08] to come out of the closet.

[00:48:09] He just really likes musicals.

[00:48:10] Well he's just like you know I feel like that's probably a problem that gay guys have now

[00:48:14] where it's like you had a window to come out of the closet.

[00:48:17] Now you're just old and you're like I already already assumed I'm gay.

[00:48:20] I don't know if I should say anything or what.

[00:48:24] That was right after right when the Orlando shooting happened the Matilda girl.

[00:48:29] Oh yeah.

[00:48:30] Yeah.

[00:48:31] Mara Wilson was like posting on Facebook.

[00:48:32] She's like by the way guys I'm queer.

[00:48:35] I don't know if you know that.

[00:48:36] She like to use that day to be like I'm I'm queer.

[00:48:40] Not gay.

[00:48:41] Queer.

[00:48:42] Which just means that like you know I got my hair cut short one time.

[00:48:45] Exactly.

[00:48:46] Oh man I was at pride the other day.

[00:48:49] And I saw you know what I love.

[00:48:51] Suck it off guys.

[00:48:52] Well yeah it's pride dude.

[00:48:54] Not crude.

[00:48:55] It's pride.

[00:48:56] You got to have fun.

[00:48:57] Yeah.

[00:48:58] Fleet Week.

[00:48:59] Fleet Week is a real pride.

[00:49:00] That's the real pride.

[00:49:01] That's the real pride.

[00:49:02] That is those are the most prideful men.

[00:49:05] Seaman outfits.

[00:49:06] They're called seaman.

[00:49:08] They're literally called.

[00:49:09] There has to have been a hat comic that made a joke about like people thinking that it's

[00:49:12] like white pride or whatever.

[00:49:14] No.

[00:49:15] I'm not.

[00:49:16] I call that one.

[00:49:17] All right that's yours.

[00:49:18] That's all you heard.

[00:49:19] I see these Donald Duck races out here.

[00:49:21] They're all dressed like Donald Duck and their white supremacists.

[00:49:27] So yeah no as a pride and as you know like it's all like people that are naked or whatever

[00:49:33] and they're like you see each other it's like like expressing sexuality.

[00:49:38] And I swear to God I was walking down the street and in the middle of like the parade

[00:49:42] and like one of those like east or west 10th there's a fucking like probably homeless

[00:49:47] older black lady like in her like you know early 70s.

[00:49:51] Rail thin you know like kind of like an emaciated crack body.

[00:49:54] Correct.

[00:49:55] And she's in a wheelchair and she's got her like jaggings pulled down over her like you

[00:49:59] know the diameter of her legs was probably like four inches each.

[00:50:03] She's like beating Paul and she got her her the jaggings pulled down.

[00:50:07] She's masturbating with both hands and she's like oh my God.

[00:50:12] Oh my.

[00:50:13] Oh fucking God.

[00:50:16] And she's fucking just rubbing her posty and everyone's just trying to ignore it like

[00:50:20] shielding their eyes and trying to learn like why does she have her own float.

[00:50:26] This is what this is what should be in the parade.

[00:50:28] Can we get her?

[00:50:29] Could she be the grand marshal?

[00:50:31] This is the most powerful display of sexuality of anything here.

[00:50:35] What we're supposed to be proud of some fucking hot 20 year old girl with pasties on her perfect

[00:50:40] tits.

[00:50:41] Yeah.

[00:50:42] To give this woman a fucking TV show.

[00:50:43] I'm gonna rip to jar head guy with like ultimate warrior like like rubber tassels around tassels

[00:50:49] whatever.

[00:50:50] Yeah.

[00:50:51] Yeah.

[00:50:52] So she that love that too because she's probably just beating off to all the gay dudes.

[00:50:53] Oh yeah.

[00:50:54] That's what she was doing.

[00:50:55] She was just staring at all these men and master just looking incredible.

[00:50:58] I got a piece of it.

[00:50:59] All right.

[00:51:00] We're gonna take a break and then we got a real sweet treat for you after break.

[00:51:03] Oh, thank you.

[00:51:04] All right.

[00:51:05] See you guys.

[00:51:06] We're gonna take from the

[00:51:20] Stop them. Needs a driver.

[00:51:22] A man with a memory can be supplied with.

[00:51:25] A grand-old cosmetic for him to name and be our driver.

[00:51:29] It's initiated.

[00:51:30] Three, two, one, activate.

[00:51:35] The most wanted man on wheels is about to change sides.

[00:51:41] Now, against a corrupt system, a lone fight for justice,

[00:51:47] Viper is taken back the streets.

[00:51:51] Folks, the boys are back in town.

[00:52:01] Brockman Turner overdrive, live in studio.

[00:52:05] But some sad news.

[00:52:08] Alright, I guess I'm just going to abandon.

[00:52:10] Oh, you guys got nothing for that? I wasn't going anywhere with that.

[00:52:13] It was Ben Lizzie that sang that song.

[00:52:16] Well, boys are back in town? Yeah, yeah.

[00:52:18] No, it's not. Yes, it is.

[00:52:20] Oh, it is. You're right.

[00:52:22] Yeah, you're right.

[00:52:24] In Ireland's own. Yeah. Look, dude, we're all a little frazzled.

[00:52:27] We just had some. Yeah, no, we got terrible news.

[00:52:30] Total news.

[00:52:31] Guys, we found out, you know, and I know this is going to, you know,

[00:52:36] be weird, you know, like tonally considering.

[00:52:39] Before you say it, can you just like be responsible?

[00:52:42] Like, honor what we're about to say.

[00:52:46] Like do it with honor and not no jokes.

[00:52:49] Yeah, I won't make any jokes, I guess.

[00:52:51] And I do feel partially responsible.

[00:52:53] I guess I was kind of mean to him, but it was like a freak accident.

[00:52:56] But Seth Dickfield, who you guys may or may not know,

[00:53:00] he's come on the podcast sometimes.

[00:53:02] Have you met him?

[00:53:04] No, actually I haven't.

[00:53:07] But we've had like sort of like a, I guess, you know, like a,

[00:53:11] an intense, you know, back and forth, I guess, a little bit.

[00:53:15] I mean, I was a little annoyed that he came on my show and he caused,

[00:53:19] you know, some grief with another guy.

[00:53:21] I know a good friend of yours.

[00:53:22] Yeah, a guy that I'm, you know, I'm pretty good friends with.

[00:53:24] I've known for years, just a guy.

[00:53:26] I mean, we've known each other for 10 years, you know, since he was like about 30.

[00:53:30] He's, he's near 40 now.

[00:53:32] So that's how long I've known him.

[00:53:34] Is it? He's almost 40 years old now.

[00:53:36] But yeah, Seth Dickfield, unfortunately was.

[00:53:40] He was on vacation in Europe last week and he, he was visiting Auschwitz,

[00:53:46] just to see the sights and take it in.

[00:53:49] And he slipped on a banana peel and cracked his head open on one of those

[00:53:53] novelty penny smashing machines.

[00:53:55] Oh no.

[00:53:56] And he died.

[00:53:57] I can't, I can't deal with this man.

[00:54:00] And I know it sounds like that's a very funny way to die.

[00:54:03] Yeah, especially considering he's not even Jewish.

[00:54:06] He's not it, but it's the actual way he died.

[00:54:09] I know that like, like that guy, the, from Star Trek that died, you know,

[00:54:13] like everyone was pretty chill about not making jokes about the ridiculous way.

[00:54:18] Don't laugh at it.

[00:54:20] Dude, sorry.

[00:54:21] There's nothing funny about Anton Yelchin being crushed by his Jeep while trying to

[00:54:26] check his mail by driving over himself.

[00:54:30] There's nothing funny about it.

[00:54:32] It's not funny.

[00:54:33] I can't do this, man.

[00:54:34] And it's not funny to that there is a steakhouse themed.

[00:54:39] There's a, there's a Holocaust themed steakhouse.

[00:54:43] That's not funny.

[00:54:44] It's not funny that Seth was there.

[00:54:46] Guys, I can't, this tone is too light.

[00:54:48] I can't do this man.

[00:54:49] I don't want disrespect to dead.

[00:54:51] I got to go man.

[00:54:52] I'm sorry.

[00:54:53] All right.

[00:54:54] Well, luckily, luckily we have, we have someone here to, you know, send Seth off.

[00:54:59] Oh no.

[00:55:00] Oh, what's up?

[00:55:02] Everybody, please welcome Ralph Rousky.

[00:55:05] Seth Dickfield's cousin.

[00:55:07] My beautiful cousin, Saf.

[00:55:09] Yeah.

[00:55:10] Yeah.

[00:55:11] This is the saddest day of my fucking life since the age lost to the fucking case of city rules

[00:55:17] and the fucking A.L.

[00:55:18] Yeah.

[00:55:19] The fucking gun was always go early.

[00:55:22] You know, um, that's true.

[00:55:25] The gun is always go early.

[00:55:27] The gun was always go early.

[00:55:29] The go was.

[00:55:30] The go was you.

[00:55:32] Please do the fucking antagonize me right now.

[00:55:34] You just lost his fucking baby cousin.

[00:55:36] You will not have this right now.

[00:55:38] It's grieving.

[00:55:39] I'm grieving you.

[00:55:40] What are the fucking seven stages of grief fucking sadness?

[00:55:44] The gnaw beating up a fucking Judah talks to you funny.

[00:55:48] You know what I mean, buddy?

[00:55:49] And right now I'm getting close to number three right now.

[00:55:52] Okay.

[00:55:53] I'm sorry.

[00:55:54] I'm sorry.

[00:55:55] I'm sorry, Ralph.

[00:55:56] We're here for you.

[00:55:57] Yeah.

[00:55:58] I don't know, dude.

[00:55:59] This is tough now.

[00:56:00] My family.

[00:56:01] Now we got to find a new gay cousin to make fun of you.

[00:56:04] Yo, I think it's going to be my cousin Mark who cried during non-eleven.

[00:56:08] You know, you know, that's not the kind of family we are.

[00:56:12] Yo, we are vengeance family.

[00:56:13] Yo, we found some Sikhs and we beat them up afterwards.

[00:56:16] We don't fucking cry about that shit.

[00:56:18] So Mark is, but it could be, you know, it could be who knows, man.

[00:56:22] Is there, is there going to be a funeral for Seth?

[00:56:24] Yeah, there's going to be a funeral.

[00:56:26] We're going to stuff his body up into a crab cake.

[00:56:32] Are you getting him taxidermied?

[00:56:34] Yeah, we're going to get him taxidermied and we're going to actually, we're going to put

[00:56:39] him just in the den in Uncle Mark's den where it was his favorite place to visit.

[00:56:45] And we're just going to, we're going to put a stealers jersey on him and we're going to

[00:56:51] give him the finger, just like for people's sake.

[00:56:54] That's how we want to remember him as a guy we fuck with.

[00:56:59] Was he a big stealers fan?

[00:57:01] No, no, he wasn't.

[00:57:03] We would actually hold him down and we would toss dealers memorabilia onto him and then

[00:57:08] we would send him out into, we would send him out into the streets of Baltimore and we

[00:57:13] would tell people he loved the Steelers and then people would come to acts of hate against

[00:57:17] him and also he would tell them he was gay.

[00:57:20] I mean, I know it's tough in a tragedy like this that you didn't, you obviously feel like

[00:57:26] you were robbed of the opportunity to say goodbye and to say, if you could say something

[00:57:32] to Seth right now, what would you say?

[00:57:35] I would say, Seth, don't be doing no gay shit in heaven, yo.

[00:57:39] Because I'm about to be up there and I'm about to be finger pop and some bitches and

[00:57:43] if they hear, if Marilyn Monroe hears that I got a gay fake Jew cousin, that might fuck

[00:57:48] my shit up.

[00:57:49] Yeah, I'm saying that's who you're going for in heaven, Marilyn.

[00:57:52] Marilyn Monroe, yeah, well, yeah, Marilyn Monroe, this, yeah, this fucking cross-eyed

[00:57:57] black girl from Dundalk High School that was killed in junior year.

[00:58:01] Her name was, is there a different Marilyn?

[00:58:04] Yeah, yeah.

[00:58:05] She sucked my dick back behind the Mars once while I was eating fucking burger cookies.

[00:58:08] Oh, you're, you know, you go back for doubles.

[00:58:11] Yeah.

[00:58:12] So I'm going back.

[00:58:13] So don't be fucking my shit up with Marilyn.

[00:58:15] I know she got that good heaven body up here now, Seth.

[00:58:18] What do you think Seth would do if he had one more day on this earth?

[00:58:21] Honestly, you know, I think he would probably get on Grindr and then there's such a guy

[00:58:26] and then be about to meet up and then delete his account real quick because he realizes

[00:58:31] he's still in the closet and then he didn't know what he would do if anybody ever found

[00:58:36] that he was gay.

[00:58:37] I think if he had one last time on this earth, do you think, do you think Seth would get

[00:58:40] bullied off of Grindr perhaps?

[00:58:42] Yeah, I could see that definitely go in some of my, some of my make fun of Seth on Grindr

[00:58:47] and he has to delete his account.

[00:58:48] Yeah, I can see that because he got PTSD.

[00:58:51] Yeah.

[00:58:52] Yeah, he's gotten PTSD before you.

[00:58:55] But you gave it to him.

[00:58:57] You gave him PTSD by teasing him.

[00:59:00] Well, well, that's how that's how Westwell family does you.

[00:59:03] That's not a family we was.

[00:59:05] So I, I actually, when I heard the news about Seth, I reached out to my friend who lives

[00:59:11] in Silicon Valley.

[00:59:13] He's an app developer.

[00:59:14] Oh my God.

[00:59:15] Yeah, so he developed this love gay shit like that.

[00:59:19] Yeah.

[00:59:20] Yeah.

[00:59:21] He developed, he developed an app.

[00:59:25] Oh, yeah.

[00:59:26] That it's basically they can create a facsimile of your loved one after they die.

[00:59:33] Oh, God.

[00:59:34] So you can just click on the Seth app.

[00:59:35] Oh my God.

[00:59:36] I got him to make a Seth one.

[00:59:38] Are you serious?

[00:59:39] So we're gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hook Seth up to the soundboard right now.

[00:59:44] Yeah.

[00:59:45] I'm gonna give you the opportunity to say goodbye.

[00:59:47] Oh my God.

[00:59:48] To your cousin.

[00:59:49] Yeah.

[00:59:50] Okay.

[00:59:51] Is that all right with you?

[00:59:52] If you're not, if that's weird to you, I don't, I don't know if I'm ready for this right

[00:59:56] now, but um, okay.

[00:59:58] So I'm gonna just click him in.

[01:00:00] I'm just gonna.

[01:00:02] Okay.

[01:00:03] Uh, hello everybody.

[01:00:04] It's me.

[01:00:06] Yes.

[01:00:07] Hello.

[01:00:08] I'm not dead anymore.

[01:00:09] Seth is so good to fall.

[01:00:11] He's inside the phone now.

[01:00:13] He's in a phone.

[01:00:14] Yeah.

[01:00:15] He's inside the phone now.

[01:00:16] Everybody.

[01:00:17] Oh my God.

[01:00:18] I can always have him in my pocket.

[01:00:19] Yo.

[01:00:20] Seth.

[01:00:21] Yo.

[01:00:22] Hi.

[01:00:23] It's me.

[01:00:24] Seth.

[01:00:25] Seth.

[01:00:26] Do you know how you died?

[01:00:27] I'm not dead anymore.

[01:00:28] Everybody.

[01:00:29] Seth.

[01:00:30] Yo.

[01:00:31] One big ass question.

[01:00:32] Yo.

[01:00:33] Are these coins in the lost and found for anyone?

[01:00:34] Seth.

[01:00:35] Listen to me.

[01:00:36] Yo.

[01:00:37] I'm trying to ask you a serious fucking question.

[01:00:38] Yo.

[01:00:39] Hello.

[01:00:40] It's me.

[01:00:41] Seth.

[01:00:42] Seth.

[01:00:43] I'm not dead anymore.

[01:00:44] Yo.

[01:00:45] Have you seen my coupon for half off stacoms or what?

[01:00:48] Yo.

[01:00:49] Can I bring my own coupons?

[01:00:51] Yo.

[01:00:52] This fucking app sucks.

[01:00:53] Yo.

[01:00:54] Some more you can show.

[01:00:55] Hi.

[01:00:56] It's me.

[01:00:57] Seth.

[01:00:58] I'm not dead anymore.

[01:00:59] This is you.

[01:01:00] Honestly.

[01:01:01] I'm part of this shit.

[01:01:02] Yo.

[01:01:03] Fuck.

[01:01:04] You're ruining the fucking tone.

[01:01:05] Well, I think you're making a mockery.

[01:01:06] I'm not making a mockery.

[01:01:07] I just thought it might be nice.

[01:01:08] I think you're fucking my shit off.

[01:01:09] I thought it might be nice.

[01:01:10] Yeah, dude.

[01:01:11] Adam, don't use that app anymore.

[01:01:12] Okay.

[01:01:13] It might be nice if you can see your cousin.

[01:01:14] No, that's disrespectful.

[01:01:15] I mean, even I wouldn't do that.

[01:01:17] Dude, don't you ever do that.

[01:01:19] I got half a mind to slap your ass over this fuck.

[01:01:21] You're lucky I respect Anthony Kumia and the studio too much to do that to you right now.

[01:01:26] But I feel like...

[01:01:27] Well, you better calm down because I'll tell you right now, everybody here in the Anthony

[01:01:32] Kumia studio has a concealed carry permit.

[01:01:34] Yeah.

[01:01:35] And I'm all...

[01:01:36] All the way 100% up there with carrying your own fucking arms.

[01:01:40] I think honestly, I think my own gun to paintball, yeah.

[01:01:43] We only got three amendments we care about here in the Anthony Kumia studio.

[01:01:47] Number one, free speech.

[01:01:48] Number two, guns.

[01:01:49] Number 27, podcasting.

[01:01:53] Write the podcast.

[01:01:54] Yeah, man.

[01:01:55] Listen, I think we need to send Seth off, yo.

[01:01:59] I think we need...

[01:02:00] Say goodbye.

[01:02:01] I think we need to...

[01:02:02] Well, locally...

[01:02:03] Beautiful.

[01:02:04] Seth left us a song that he wanted us to play and we're gonna end it on that note and let

[01:02:12] Seth himself take us out.

[01:02:14] I'll miss you, Seth, yo.

[01:02:16] RIP Dickfield.

[01:02:17] RIP, yo.

[01:02:18] We'll never forget you.

[01:02:19] I'll miss you, Dickfield.

[01:02:20] The downtown episode eight, the...

[01:02:23] I don't know.

[01:02:24] The eighth episode.

[01:02:25] That's what this one's gonna be called.

[01:02:27] Good boss, Seth.

[01:02:28] I love you, yo.

[01:02:29] I fucking love you, yo.

[01:02:31] I'm sorry, yo.

[01:02:32] Goodbye, everybody.

[01:02:34] Hey, everybody.

[01:02:39] It's me, Seth Dickfield.

[01:02:48] Hi, it's me, Seth.

[01:02:55] And now I am dead.

[01:02:57] And I'll complain all about it when I see you again.

[01:03:04] It's been a long day fighting Republicans.

[01:03:10] And I'll complain all about it, too.

[01:03:13] None of my friends.

[01:03:16] I don't have any friends.

[01:03:21] Goodbye, everybody.

[01:03:22] I've had a great time here on the podcast telling everyone about all my various, uh,

[01:03:29] circumcisions and political opinions.

[01:03:33] And, uh, it's been so much fun being woke.

[01:03:36] But I'm in heaven now.

[01:03:39] Uh, where you go if you're perfect like me beyond criticism.

[01:03:43] You know, I know I've complained a lot about, uh, the Bernie blows and that.

[01:03:52] And the MRAs, but, you know, we're all people.

[01:04:01] I don't remember exactly how this song goes.

[01:04:04] And I'm not looking at the lyrics.

[01:04:07] So, um, I just want to reiterate, uh, that I'm dead now.

[01:04:12] I slipped on a, on a banana peel at Auschwitz.

[01:04:16] Uh, uh, and my head hit, uh, oh, oh geez.

[01:04:20] I hit one of these, uh, penny machines.

[01:04:22] Oh boy, here comes the loud part of the song again.

[01:04:26] You know what I can't stand?

[01:04:28] Loud noises.

[01:04:29] Some of us have PTSD folks.

[01:04:32] Some of us got PTSD from being teased as children.

[01:04:35] I was bullied relentlessly by my 32 older brothers who, uh, all hit puberty before me.

[01:04:43] I've actually never hit puberty.

[01:04:45] I still don't have puberty.

[01:04:47] Now I'm up here in heaven with Harambe de Gorilla.

[01:04:52] And he's been having sex with me.

[01:04:54] He's been demanding sex and I have to give it to him because, first of all, his rape

[01:04:58] to refuse sex, uh, if you're a man.

[01:05:02] And, uh, also because he's stronger.

[01:05:05] And with that folks, I'm gonna have to say goodbye once and for all.

[01:05:11] And I don't know what, I don't remember this part of the song either.

[01:05:15] Goodbye everybody.