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Ep. 81 - Marquis of Queensbury

Cum Town | Regular | 12/14/2017

[00:00:00] Well we had a great bit planned for the beginning of the show but Adam wrote it.
[00:00:05] What?
[00:00:08] We actually got that little boy with the messed up head fucked up.
[00:00:13] Yeah, it's here right now. We might as well just have a kid that looks like, you know.
[00:00:18] Yeah, we said we should.
[00:00:19] His mom's birth canal was a pile of cinder blocks.
[00:00:25] That should have is people get fucked up faces if their mom's pussies are too tight.
[00:00:30] Yeah, interesting.
[00:00:31] His parents named him after the worst Batman and look what happened.
[00:00:35] No! What? How dare you? You're trolling.
[00:00:37] No, he's the worst Batman.
[00:00:39] No, that was a cool Batman.
[00:00:41] Christian Bale.
[00:00:42] Okay.
[00:00:43] Second best Batman, the cartoon one. The one from the comic book.
[00:00:45] That's fair. Okay.
[00:00:46] The original Batman.
[00:00:47] Okay.
[00:00:48] That's the second one.
[00:00:49] Adam West?
[00:00:50] No, the actual comic Batman.
[00:00:52] Oh, oh, oh. What about animated series?
[00:00:54] That one's third.
[00:00:55] Damn, I put that over.
[00:00:56] Animated series was dope.
[00:00:58] Number four is Bat Kid, who turns out also racist.
[00:01:02] Really?
[00:01:03] People found that out recently.
[00:01:04] He beat cancer and then he beat leukemia and now he's beating white genocide.
[00:01:08] It's the greatest gorgeous.
[00:01:11] Wow. We should have let him die.
[00:01:14] Interesting.
[00:01:15] What if that was the take? Is that like Bat Kid happens now and like the whole town comes together?
[00:01:21] And they're like, wow, we found out that Bat Kid's dad, you know, said Beener in 1993.
[00:01:29] He had a fucking drive through in Tallahassee.
[00:01:32] And they're like, it's time for Bat Kid to die.
[00:01:36] And then we execute him.
[00:01:37] We shoot him in the head.
[00:01:38] We don't even wait for cancer.
[00:01:40] Chris Brown is like, you know, I just wanted to wish death on this child, but the fucking,
[00:01:46] did you see Chris Brown was like, he like rescinded his support of Keaton?
[00:01:50] Or whatever.
[00:01:51] Good.
[00:01:52] Which is like, you're like beat, you're like, I know.
[00:01:56] You're like one of the most reprehensible black women.
[00:02:00] I know, they're asking.
[00:02:01] It stays within his race, you know?
[00:02:03] Yeah.
[00:02:04] So he sort of has a respect, I guess, in some ways for them for what they do.
[00:02:08] I guess.
[00:02:09] Which then maybe you should have kept the support.
[00:02:11] Yeah.
[00:02:12] You know?
[00:02:13] Yeah.
[00:02:14] You ever think of that?
[00:02:15] Well, he doesn't like Keaton because he knows no matter how hard he punches, he wouldn't
[00:02:18] be able to fuck his face up anymore than he already does.
[00:02:22] That's what Chris Brown resents about Keaton.
[00:02:26] He reminds him of all of his girlfriends towards the end of a relationship.
[00:02:30] He's like, damn.
[00:02:34] You know, fuck.
[00:02:35] Yeah.
[00:02:36] It's like when you get like a really nice deserted restaurant and then you take a couple bites
[00:02:38] and it fucks the whole thing up.
[00:02:40] You don't even want to eat it anymore because it's a presentation.
[00:02:43] Well, I've never experienced that in my life.
[00:02:45] Yeah, you have them.
[00:02:46] Chris Brown has.
[00:02:48] When you take a beautiful woman, you know?
[00:02:50] Oh, you're calling eating a couple spouples of dessert.
[00:02:53] You're saying that's like hitting a woman a couple times.
[00:02:55] Well, it's a dessert.
[00:02:56] It's what you do after sex.
[00:02:58] Oh, God.
[00:02:59] You bust, right?
[00:03:01] Yep.
[00:03:02] The stages of sex.
[00:03:03] We all took health class.
[00:03:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:03:05] Step one, pull down your pants in the middle of the bus.
[00:03:08] That's right.
[00:03:09] Step two, insert yourself into a woman's face.
[00:03:12] Okay.
[00:03:13] Step three, bust.
[00:03:14] Step four, a little bit of ice cream sundae.
[00:03:16] You know what I'm saying?
[00:03:18] You fucking just give her a click.
[00:03:20] I'm trying to do the click with my tongue.
[00:03:23] There you go.
[00:03:24] There you go.
[00:03:25] Okay.
[00:03:26] Yeah.
[00:03:27] Just a couple.
[00:03:28] So every time you have sex, that's what happens.
[00:03:29] Yeah.
[00:03:30] There's a man like beating the shit out of a woman on the bus after fucking her face and then
[00:03:34] some boys crying and the mom's like, son, that's just sex.
[00:03:38] That's with two people.
[00:03:40] I love each other very much.
[00:03:43] And that young boy was Keaton and then he grew up to explain that situation.
[00:03:47] That's just how they fucking their culture.
[00:03:50] Everyone in schools like that is the most racist shit out of the world.
[00:03:54] He's like, why would you only make her band different?
[00:03:57] We're having a misunderstanding as to how people fucking those communities.
[00:04:02] And not the communities.
[00:04:05] I like the idea of Keaton as like the second generation racist where it's like benevolent.
[00:04:09] It's like, they don't know any better.
[00:04:11] Yeah, he was raised that way.
[00:04:12] No, I mean, that's his take on black people.
[00:04:15] Oh, yeah.
[00:04:16] Yeah.
[00:04:17] Yeah.
[00:04:18] Well, a lot of people were defending it like Pat and Oswald was like, Keaton didn't choose
[00:04:21] the parents he had.
[00:04:23] Yeah.
[00:04:24] It's like, yes, he did.
[00:04:26] He was an angel in heaven.
[00:04:28] That's right.
[00:04:29] Right.
[00:04:30] And him and Colton Burpo were deciding which boy was going to be the racist one with the
[00:04:34] fucked up face and which one was going to come back to me and they chose.
[00:04:39] Wow.
[00:04:40] That's true.
[00:04:41] Yeah.
[00:04:42] If you say he didn't choose, then well, guess what?
[00:04:43] You're not a very good Christian, Pat and Oswald.
[00:04:46] And that would devastate him if you had that.
[00:04:47] That would ruin his career.
[00:04:48] People found out if he wasn't a Christian.
[00:04:51] People found out that Pat and Oswald was a non believing Christian.
[00:04:55] Wow.
[00:04:56] Gah.
[00:04:57] That was the last time you guys went to a place of worship.
[00:05:00] We need like checkers.
[00:05:02] Yeah, exactly.
[00:05:03] Checkers rallies.
[00:05:04] Yeah.
[00:05:05] Hardys.
[00:05:06] About a year and a half ago.
[00:05:07] You got a big Beaufort.
[00:05:10] Big Beaufort sounds like when you get a blowjob while taking a dump.
[00:05:13] That's what it should be instead of a.
[00:05:14] Blumkin.
[00:05:15] Yeah.
[00:05:16] It's got to be called a big, big, big.
[00:05:17] Big, big, big, big that is true, dude.
[00:05:20] Yeah.
[00:05:21] That's the way a fucking trucker named you for.
[00:05:22] I just got a big Beaufort on the bus, aka having sex.
[00:05:25] Oh, you also shit.
[00:05:28] Every time.
[00:05:29] Nice.
[00:05:30] Nice cream sundae.
[00:05:31] That's part of it too.
[00:05:33] Yeah.
[00:05:34] Oh my god.
[00:05:35] Vanilla glazes.
[00:05:36] I get that.
[00:05:37] Chocolate.
[00:05:38] I don't understand fucking.
[00:05:39] Why would you bully somebody just for taking a dump in the middle of the bus while fucking
[00:05:45] a girl's face and then being a shit out.
[00:05:49] Just because somebody has sex different than you doesn't give you the rot to make their
[00:05:54] life worse.
[00:05:56] Damn.
[00:05:58] Yeah, that is honestly.
[00:06:00] Yeah, I don't support Keaton, but I would support a little kid named Beaten, you know,
[00:06:05] you know, about stuff.
[00:06:06] Yeah.
[00:06:07] Skeaton.
[00:06:08] You're a kid, brothers.
[00:06:09] Yeah.
[00:06:10] They both beat off.
[00:06:11] Dude, that's a wholesome family.
[00:06:12] Skeaton, get in here.
[00:06:14] Skeaton, tell him what happened.
[00:06:16] Are you not beating off?
[00:06:17] Skeaton, tell him what happened in the cafeteria.
[00:06:19] I poured a bunch of cum on my head.
[00:06:23] What they say about your nose?
[00:06:24] They said it looks like a dick.
[00:06:27] Oh, yeah.
[00:06:29] Skeaton and Beaten both have like gonzo noses.
[00:06:31] Yeah.
[00:06:32] Yeah.
[00:06:33] It's not my fault that I had my dick surgically removed in place in where my nose is.
[00:06:38] Should have been when I was born.
[00:06:41] And then I had a second dick grafted onto my original dick area instead of the more reasonable
[00:06:48] surgery of just adding the second dick directly to my face and leaving my normal dick as
[00:06:53] it was because people have different lifestyles and you shouldn't bully them for getting the
[00:07:00] wrong kind of dick face surgery.
[00:07:03] Oh, man.
[00:07:05] Yeah.
[00:07:06] I hate when that happens to me.
[00:07:07] I have the wrong kind of dick surgery.
[00:07:09] Yeah.
[00:07:10] What it made fun of.
[00:07:11] You got a dick and small ending?
[00:07:12] Yeah, it was too fucking fat and big as hell.
[00:07:15] Oh, I hate when that happens.
[00:07:16] And they went down a couple notches.
[00:07:18] I don't understand like the point of this anti-bullying thing because it's like, you
[00:07:22] know, the complaint was he's like, she was like, what did they say about you?
[00:07:24] And he said, I just have my nose looks stupid.
[00:07:27] And he's like, well, they're just right.
[00:07:28] Well, it does.
[00:07:29] I don't know what the fucking tell you.
[00:07:33] You know, I mean, like it does.
[00:07:34] Right.
[00:07:35] You're going to have to get used to that, Keaton.
[00:07:36] You're going to have to fucking over.
[00:07:38] You're a particularly ugly person.
[00:07:40] Yeah.
[00:07:41] You know, he looks ridiculous.
[00:07:42] All of us have fucking problems.
[00:07:43] Sure.
[00:07:44] Right.
[00:07:45] It's not like I've never understood that impulse of being like people shouldn't be able to
[00:07:48] say this thing.
[00:07:49] Well, that's what's also weird about the movement.
[00:07:51] Just become very rich and secretly find ways to prevent those people from having a career.
[00:07:57] Absolutely.
[00:07:58] Yes.
[00:07:59] 100% have an end to them.
[00:08:00] Destroy their lives.
[00:08:01] Yeah.
[00:08:02] He'll never have to fight.
[00:08:03] He'll never have to fight.
[00:08:04] Exactly. He'll never have spite as a motivator.
[00:08:06] Yeah.
[00:08:07] Take it out on the whole level.
[00:08:08] He'll never kill a homeless person.
[00:08:09] That's right.
[00:08:10] No one's ever going to miss him.
[00:08:11] No one's going to find out.
[00:08:12] I think the cops give a shit.
[00:08:13] No, you're helping.
[00:08:14] You did them a favor.
[00:08:15] You're helping.
[00:08:16] That's one less call in a couple weeks about someone shitting in a Panera bread that you
[00:08:19] know what I mean?
[00:08:21] It's one less call about someone going to checkers.
[00:08:24] That's right.
[00:08:25] Get in a view for it.
[00:08:29] Also, you're supposed to tell me that someone's mom can videotape them crying.
[00:08:35] Yeah, that's the biggest thing.
[00:08:36] And put it on the internet.
[00:08:37] And we're not supposed to make fun of them for that.
[00:08:40] Right.
[00:08:41] Also, that is the most embarrassing thing.
[00:08:42] Shut up Adam, you bitch.
[00:08:43] I don't want to hire you.
[00:08:44] I'm actually gay or the most.
[00:08:47] No.
[00:08:48] He's getting his lower than me.
[00:08:50] No, I reject this.
[00:08:52] All the black kids at school make fun of me.
[00:08:55] There's just one faggot named Adam that I have.
[00:08:58] All I have is he's the only person I can bully.
[00:09:01] I was there more people like Adam, so I wouldn't have to be the biggest faggot at my school.
[00:09:08] Can't stop it.
[00:09:10] Please.
[00:09:11] And we just had maybe two Adams that I could call bug faggots.
[00:09:16] How many Adams do you need, Keaton?
[00:09:18] I don't know.
[00:09:19] Maybe Ellen could help.
[00:09:20] Why would we go on Ellen and check it?
[00:09:23] The man that they clone Adam so I can say faggot to two people.
[00:09:28] Yeah.
[00:09:29] Yeah.
[00:09:30] I didn't actually watch the video at all.
[00:09:32] Yeah.
[00:09:33] Of him crying.
[00:09:34] Yeah, I didn't.
[00:09:35] It's stupid.
[00:09:36] I mean, the best thing to come out of that is that guy that's like, I'm Delaney Walcom,
[00:09:39] a tight end for the Tennessee State.
[00:09:43] First of all, I wanted to read you this poem by Buddha.
[00:09:46] Always, always stay positive.
[00:09:48] And if you remember that and it's like, that's not a poem.
[00:09:50] It's a statement.
[00:09:51] By Buddha.
[00:09:52] And then he goes, yeah, right.
[00:09:55] By a poem by Buddha.
[00:09:57] Noted poets.
[00:09:58] Right.
[00:09:59] Because I'm sorry that bullying has been took in place at your school.
[00:10:05] Which I think that's the answer to bullying is just become much bigger than other people.
[00:10:14] Become a big ass athlete.
[00:10:15] Yeah.
[00:10:16] Beat the shit out of people.
[00:10:17] That's what animals do.
[00:10:18] You know, I mean, look at all the, look at all the other apes.
[00:10:20] They'll look like they have Down syndrome and they got tired of being made fun of for
[00:10:23] it.
[00:10:24] So they became very strong.
[00:10:25] Mm.
[00:10:26] You know, interesting.
[00:10:27] That's what the new war, the planet of the apes is about.
[00:10:30] It's about retarded apes.
[00:10:31] I gave him like that.
[00:10:33] It's about Mark Wahlberg teaching bullies to understand up to other bullies.
[00:10:36] Yeah.
[00:10:37] Yeah.
[00:10:38] We should have a bully Olympics.
[00:10:39] I want to figure out who the bully was.
[00:10:41] Who's the best bully?
[00:10:42] Right.
[00:10:43] The best bully Dylan Klebold.
[00:10:44] Who's that?
[00:10:46] The Columbine kid.
[00:10:47] Oh, no, that wasn't a good bully.
[00:10:48] He wasn't like, he was kind of a bitch.
[00:10:50] No, neither of them were.
[00:10:51] They were like popular kids that were just.
[00:10:53] Were they popular?
[00:10:54] Yeah, they were like the trench coat.
[00:10:55] They were alternative, but they weren't like.
[00:10:57] I mean, they weren't like, they're like, that's the kind of guy that's cool.
[00:11:00] Everyone's those guys.
[00:11:01] I mean, they were like this.
[00:11:03] The idea that they were like social outcasts, people didn't like is just bullshit cooked
[00:11:07] up after the shooting.
[00:11:08] They were listening to Marilyn Manson.
[00:11:10] How people deal with the fact that relatively normal kids can sometimes shoot up a fucking
[00:11:15] school.
[00:11:16] Right, right, right.
[00:11:17] Or have an impulse to do it their whole life.
[00:11:18] You know what it was, you know, without the dangerous influences of Islam.
[00:11:23] You know what it was?
[00:11:24] Accutane.
[00:11:25] Oh, yeah.
[00:11:26] Go crazy.
[00:11:27] Yeah, they were on the same acne medication I was on in high school.
[00:11:32] Did you ever, what's the most violent thing?
[00:11:33] I didn't shoot up a school, which makes me a hero.
[00:11:35] What's the most violent thing you ever did in high school?
[00:11:37] The most violent thing?
[00:11:39] Yeah.
[00:11:40] I don't know.
[00:11:41] Nothing really.
[00:11:42] Do you ever be to shoot out of anyone?
[00:11:43] No, I could, I mean, I wasn't, I didn't puberty really settled in around 18 for me.
[00:11:47] Yeah, Adams for trying to fight on the sea old age.
[00:11:50] My pussy drops when I was, Adam finally got some big ass lips on that pussy.
[00:11:55] I don't know how the pussy changes.
[00:12:00] It does it get like wet?
[00:12:01] I don't think we're, I don't think we're allowed to.
[00:12:04] Get some ass.
[00:12:06] Just raising my head to health class.
[00:12:09] Mr Mullen, again, there's no such thing as an 11th year senior.
[00:12:12] Second of all, please stop asking that question.
[00:12:16] Yeah, this is geometry.
[00:12:18] Yeah.
[00:12:19] Yeah, I redshirted my first 11 years.
[00:12:22] Yeah.
[00:12:23] Fully grown adult here, I've had sex probably about like 12 times.
[00:12:28] I was supposed to graduate high school, but one question I've, I've, I've been wondering
[00:12:32] from an intellectual standpoint is what kind of changes do the pussy do?
[00:12:37] You're not puberty.
[00:12:38] Many girls would like to demonstrate if any of you maybe have not hit puberty yet.
[00:12:42] You would like to show off your pussy in front of the class for us.
[00:12:46] What do you mean I'm not the teacher and I'm not allowed to say things like that?
[00:12:51] Well, a dick just goes from being like little in hairless to fucking bigger and hairy.
[00:12:55] So I figure that's, well, I actually had the opposite.
[00:12:58] My dick went from, from being hair.
[00:13:00] I had pubes when I was born and then they all fell out.
[00:13:03] Oh, wow.
[00:13:04] Yeah.
[00:13:05] Wow.
[00:13:06] That's the prophecy.
[00:13:07] That's the next king of them.
[00:13:08] Yeah.
[00:13:09] Yeah.
[00:13:10] You're the chosen one.
[00:13:11] That's the next king of America.
[00:13:12] If he has fucking pubes like George Washington's wig when he's born and they fall out.
[00:13:16] Oh my God.
[00:13:17] Wow.
[00:13:18] And they fall out.
[00:13:19] George Washington, all those guys, they had ivory pubes.
[00:13:22] Whoa.
[00:13:23] Yeah.
[00:13:24] Because they're pubes that fall out because they didn't clean them.
[00:13:26] So they would get elephant pubes shipped in from beautiful, from dark Africa, the dark
[00:13:31] con.
[00:13:32] Black Africa.
[00:13:33] Dark ass Africa.
[00:13:34] That's what they used to call it back.
[00:13:35] Yeah.
[00:13:36] The heart of darkness.
[00:13:37] Oh, is that a book Adam?
[00:13:39] A book that I never read.
[00:13:41] Yeah.
[00:13:42] Let's hear more about books.
[00:13:43] It was pretty good.
[00:13:44] Everybody's read it.
[00:13:45] Yeah.
[00:13:46] I didn't read it.
[00:13:47] I noticed it.
[00:13:48] Good book.
[00:13:49] I do.
[00:13:50] It's about apocalypse now.
[00:13:51] Yeah.
[00:13:52] It's about one brand.
[00:13:53] Well, I see that.
[00:13:54] One brand of autobiography.
[00:13:55] That's pretty much the extent of what I know about that book is the movie.
[00:13:57] Yeah.
[00:13:58] I mean, I read it.
[00:13:59] I don't fucking remember.
[00:14:00] I remember it was like, how about a movie where like a like an army guy goes crazy trying
[00:14:04] to get his dick sucked and it's called the Paralyps now.
[00:14:07] A pair of lips now.
[00:14:08] Yeah.
[00:14:09] That's good.
[00:14:10] You know, yeah, he goes native.
[00:14:11] Yeah.
[00:14:12] He keeps getting his dick sucked by the natives.
[00:14:15] Yeah.
[00:14:16] He makes a fucking whole tribe about him getting his dick sucked.
[00:14:19] I know we were here when we could just be getting a dick sucked by him.
[00:14:23] He basically did that.
[00:14:24] He went to the TV and he was like, I'm going to rape all of these people.
[00:14:27] Right, right, right.
[00:14:28] But I'm going to say I care about Indians.
[00:14:30] So it's cool.
[00:14:31] Yeah.
[00:14:32] Oh, Brenda.
[00:14:33] Yeah.
[00:14:34] Yeah.
[00:14:35] I remember in sociology in college, there was like a or maybe I'm making this up, but
[00:14:41] there was like a tribe where it was like customary for little boys to suck grown men's dicks.
[00:14:46] Yeah.
[00:14:47] Yeah.
[00:14:48] And that's like how you showed that your friends and like these little kids kept trying to
[00:14:52] suck the like the sociologist cock.
[00:14:56] It was been an awkward situation.
[00:14:58] My dad told me there was a tribe in South Africa that little boys used to walk around
[00:15:03] like hold instead of holding hands.
[00:15:05] They'd hold penises.
[00:15:06] Oh, wow.
[00:15:07] Your dad's favorite tribes is really cute.
[00:15:08] Yeah.
[00:15:09] It is really.
[00:15:10] He was working on a documentary.
[00:15:12] Oh, yeah.
[00:15:13] He was definitely shooting.
[00:15:14] Watching a documentary.
[00:15:15] Yeah.
[00:15:16] Yeah.
[00:15:17] He was in college during the summer as he'd working on documentary shoots.
[00:15:20] Yeah.
[00:15:21] Yeah.
[00:15:22] Thank you.
[00:15:23] See, documentaries, you know, the kind of legally if you call them documentaries, it
[00:15:27] was just two African boys getting fucked.
[00:15:30] You can say that it's part of their tribal heritage.
[00:15:32] Isn't that what they used to do with porn?
[00:15:34] They used to like, yeah, I would look at National Geographic as a kid and be like, fuck.
[00:15:37] Oh, yeah, dude.
[00:15:38] Yeah.
[00:15:39] You have a lot to long as a long tribal duties I've beat off to.
[00:15:43] Right.
[00:15:44] Yeah, dude.
[00:15:45] I've jacked off to bed.
[00:15:46] I've got balls.
[00:15:47] This is hot.
[00:15:50] Yeah.
[00:15:51] There was some good.
[00:15:52] There was a hand over like the part where she has a disc going through her lip.
[00:15:56] No, I don't because I appreciate all cultures.
[00:15:58] Yeah, we're all good races.
[00:15:59] I like buying a motion.
[00:16:00] Oh, you can't.
[00:16:01] You can't jag off to the tent.
[00:16:02] She said a disc clip.
[00:16:03] We're both into the Matrix.
[00:16:04] Yeah.
[00:16:05] I just pretend they're industrial.
[00:16:06] That's my thing.
[00:16:08] If you're an industrial girl, get me a ramstein.
[00:16:11] You're a woman in her early 40s who still listens to guitar style tech.
[00:16:18] The real music.
[00:16:20] Right.
[00:16:21] No, no, no, no, that sounds like a train and someone being right.
[00:16:27] Yeah.
[00:16:28] Right.
[00:16:29] Some shit like that.
[00:16:31] No, Ramstein was a you host.
[00:16:34] It was a ticket to intent and then ticket to intent and then.
[00:16:40] Yeah, that's basically what I was just doing.
[00:16:42] No, it's different.
[00:16:43] It's almost exactly what I was doing.
[00:16:45] Like a jungle kind of thing.
[00:16:47] No, I wasn't.
[00:16:48] About instead of doing that was in dust.
[00:16:50] Pooh ass.
[00:16:51] Wow.
[00:16:52] Pooh ass dick.
[00:16:54] I think we got a number one gold record right there.
[00:16:57] Thanks.
[00:16:58] Another thing I used to beat off to was there was a Greek magazine called The Mailman is
[00:17:03] what it translated to.
[00:17:04] Yeah, you used to juggle.
[00:17:05] No, me.
[00:17:06] But that's it.
[00:17:07] No, no, no, no.
[00:17:08] I never made one.
[00:17:10] Exactly what you're going to do.
[00:17:12] Never meant for whatever reason.
[00:17:13] That's just what it was called.
[00:17:15] Next.
[00:17:16] Greek magazines let you show titties.
[00:17:18] Oh, yeah.
[00:17:19] Yeah, like glamour models.
[00:17:20] Yeah.
[00:17:21] And it would be like advertisers for like toast or some.
[00:17:24] Yeah.
[00:17:25] And it would just be titties for some reason.
[00:17:26] In England, like on like the second page of like the regular newspaper, like girls tits
[00:17:31] out.
[00:17:32] Yeah, it was awesome.
[00:17:33] So shout out to the daki that I'm off for.
[00:17:34] It came with it was like the magazine of the Greek newspaper that my dad used to get before
[00:17:40] it just stopped reading.
[00:17:42] And so shout out to them for helping me beat off.
[00:17:46] I still jack off to my first blowjob.
[00:17:49] From time to time.
[00:17:51] To just remembering.
[00:17:52] Wow, having sex with a child, huh?
[00:17:54] No, I was a child.
[00:17:56] Well, you still think about a little girl's mouth sucking a dick.
[00:18:00] I'm a new boy.
[00:18:01] She was actually older, dude.
[00:18:03] She was 18.
[00:18:04] She was 16.
[00:18:05] Yeah.
[00:18:06] So check and mate.
[00:18:07] So you see, let's go to the documents.
[00:18:09] You think about a 16 year old boy.
[00:18:12] Here it is.
[00:18:13] Here's the record.
[00:18:14] Oh, yeah.
[00:18:15] It was a little boy.
[00:18:16] Sorry, Adam.
[00:18:17] But the documents don't lie.
[00:18:19] Either way, you're thinking of it.
[00:18:20] I'm so glad we got this file.
[00:18:21] You go through the microfiche.
[00:18:22] Yeah.
[00:18:23] I went through the microfiche.
[00:18:24] Look at your dick.
[00:18:26] Is this what it smells like?
[00:18:28] Yeah.
[00:18:29] Yeah.
[00:18:30] Yes.
[00:18:31] Whoo.
[00:18:32] It's all the pussy.
[00:18:34] No.
[00:18:35] That's what a pussy.
[00:18:36] No, because it's rotting.
[00:18:37] Because it's rotting in your small infection.
[00:18:39] So you've been sucking your own dick is what you mean to say.
[00:18:42] Yeah.
[00:18:43] Because your mouth, which is also a vagina.
[00:18:45] That's right.
[00:18:46] If your mouth was a vagina, would you not try to suck your own dick?
[00:18:49] I mean, my mouth isn't a vagina and I still suck my own dick.
[00:18:53] Well, okay.
[00:18:54] I've been, I've told you, I've been off the hand beating off system for like a year.
[00:19:00] Oh, yeah.
[00:19:01] I've been, yeah.
[00:19:02] I've been living off my own come.
[00:19:04] Oh.
[00:19:05] It's not as gross if it comes fresh from the tap.
[00:19:07] That's for.
[00:19:08] That's for sure.
[00:19:09] So I've been, a lot of, a lot of the reason why people don't like the taste of come is
[00:19:13] because it's on your hand first, which is kind of gross.
[00:19:15] It would not eat anything out of your mouth.
[00:19:17] Although, yeah.
[00:19:18] Just like how milk tastes better if you're sucking it from the other.
[00:19:21] It really doesn't taste really well.
[00:19:23] Well, actually, I got a little funnel that I put in my dick hole and I pour a gallon of milk
[00:19:27] in there.
[00:19:28] It's, Mark Rippetto came up with this.
[00:19:30] Oh, yeah.
[00:19:31] Yeah, yeah.
[00:19:32] Yeah.
[00:19:33] Yeah.
[00:19:34] Yeah.
[00:19:35] Yeah.
[00:19:36] Yeah.
[00:19:37] Yeah.
[00:19:38] Yeah.
[00:19:39] Yeah, yeah.
[00:19:40] That's why you use squat is to increase your hip mobility.
[00:19:41] And when your hip mobility is good, you can stick your own dick in your mouth and suck milk
[00:19:47] out of you.
[00:19:48] And this is what we refer to as the fundamentals of strength.
[00:19:51] David, imagine having just balls full of milk.
[00:19:52] Just fucking big ass like volleyball sized nuts full of, full of milk, dude.
[00:19:58] That would be hilarious.
[00:19:59] That would be really funny.
[00:20:01] He's just like a clown's flower that shoots Celts or whatever.
[00:20:05] Yeah.
[00:20:06] You can kill your dick in people.
[00:20:07] At your friends.
[00:20:08] Yeah.
[00:20:09] Yeah, much.
[00:20:10] I would love to be able to pull my guy down.
[00:20:12] Press a little button and just spray you with milk.
[00:20:14] No, you just squeeze one of the nuts and then it's spray out of the bag.
[00:20:17] I would love to just be able to piss on people and get away with it.
[00:20:19] Yeah.
[00:20:20] I guess that's what we're talking about basically.
[00:20:21] Don't people that get sex changes have a nut that is a pump?
[00:20:25] Yeah, they do.
[00:20:26] Yeah.
[00:20:27] Well, that sounds awesome.
[00:20:28] With foul plastic, it's not like one uniform surgery.
[00:20:32] You know, there's like different doctors that are like, if I had to make a fake dick, how
[00:20:36] would I do it?
[00:20:37] They all have different methods.
[00:20:38] Oh, that's different styles.
[00:20:39] Yeah.
[00:20:40] That's what medicine is missing.
[00:20:41] It's weird, like people forget that like any kind of surgery, like it's not like, you
[00:20:45] know, it's like human beings weren't engineered.
[00:20:47] It's an abomination against God in a surgery.
[00:20:50] Well, human beings weren't engineered.
[00:20:52] So it's not like a car where if a parts broke and there's one way to fix that part.
[00:20:56] Right.
[00:20:57] So there's like different methods that people try.
[00:20:59] There's one that seems to be like the best.
[00:21:01] Yeah.
[00:21:02] So for something, you know, as an ass and as like making a penis out of a vagina, it's
[00:21:06] like one guy's like, all right, well, we're going to cut the foot off and you know, roll
[00:21:11] it up like a blind.
[00:21:12] You're making necklace out of toes.
[00:21:13] Yeah.
[00:21:14] Yeah.
[00:21:15] Exactly.
[00:21:16] Just got to get some.
[00:21:17] It's all kinds of different ways.
[00:21:18] Yeah.
[00:21:19] You know, he's a horse hair, you know, yeah.
[00:21:20] Ooh, what about a horse dick?
[00:21:21] That would be cool.
[00:21:22] Yo, a big ass horse.
[00:21:23] You know, a brown and a fucking spot.
[00:21:27] Like a nice white with chocolate spots.
[00:21:31] I would love a horse dick.
[00:21:32] A small horse's dick.
[00:21:33] Yeah.
[00:21:34] You can't have a big ass horse.
[00:21:35] Horses, dicks are so scary.
[00:21:37] I know that's why you got to find a little ass horse.
[00:21:39] Like a toy pony.
[00:21:40] Yeah.
[00:21:41] You got to get an ass.
[00:21:42] Right.
[00:21:43] The horse.
[00:21:44] Yeah.
[00:21:45] The horse goes in his ass and then the horse goes like all the way in his ass and the guy's
[00:21:47] like, ooh, you know, oh no.
[00:21:50] It's basically like tore all of his organs.
[00:21:53] You imagine your kids watching that video.
[00:21:55] Yeah.
[00:21:56] It wasn't like they played it because they're a
[00:21:56] closeted girl.
[00:21:57] A closeted girl.
[00:21:58] And they're like, ladies and gentlemen, tonight's musical guest, Ramstein.
[00:22:01] Ooh.
[00:22:02] Ooh.
[00:22:03] Poo ass.
[00:22:04] Poo ass dick.
[00:22:05] That's true.
[00:22:06] It's just you getting fucked at death by a horse.
[00:22:09] They're like, ooh.
[00:22:10] He wasn't a good father in life, but in death he's been so much worse.
[00:22:14] Why did he, why did he put this in his will that we have to watch him get fucked at death?
[00:22:19] And his funeral.
[00:22:20] Here are checkers.
[00:22:21] Can you imagine that your dad dies and then like millions of people watch the video of
[00:22:26] how he died and he was getting just absolutely railed by a horse?
[00:22:30] That would be pretty funny.
[00:22:31] You're right, I guess.
[00:22:32] Yeah.
[00:22:33] I don't think that guy was a father.
[00:22:34] I think he was.
[00:22:35] No, he wasn't.
[00:22:36] I'm pretty sure he was, man.
[00:22:37] And that's because I said it just to 30 seconds ago.
[00:22:40] Was he?
[00:22:41] Wait, no.
[00:22:42] He was.
[00:22:43] He was.
[00:22:44] He was.
[00:22:45] He was.
[00:22:46] He was.
[00:22:47] Where was it?
[00:22:49] Like Oregon or Washington, right?
[00:22:51] Yeah, it was in Las Vegas somewhere.
[00:22:53] I'm trying to remember the guy's name.
[00:22:56] Yeah.
[00:22:57] I think it was.
[00:22:58] Moshe.
[00:22:59] Crocodile.
[00:23:00] Freehood.
[00:23:01] Freehood.
[00:23:02] Damn it.
[00:23:03] Ooh.
[00:23:04] Kangaroo.
[00:23:05] Kangaroo.
[00:23:06] Yeah, this video of Azad getting fucked by Kangaroo.
[00:23:13] It's starting to be.
[00:23:15] It's like a cheap bar.
[00:23:17] It's not.
[00:23:18] It's too far.
[00:23:19] It starts as one of those fighting at Kangaroo videos.
[00:23:21] But the Kangaroo beats him up so bad.
[00:23:23] Yeah, yeah.
[00:23:24] He starts raping him.
[00:23:25] Your mom's like it.
[00:23:26] Richard, please don't do this.
[00:23:28] He's like, he won parent's square.
[00:23:33] There's a code.
[00:23:34] I'll leave my code.
[00:23:36] He's sucking off the Kangaroo to get him hard.
[00:23:41] Oh, damn dude.
[00:23:46] It's going to be funny when your parents finally like discover this show.
[00:23:52] They could have understood.
[00:23:53] They tried listening.
[00:23:54] They couldn't understand it.
[00:23:55] Oh, my God.
[00:23:58] Yeah, this clip in particular makes no sense.
[00:24:03] Kangaroo.
[00:24:04] Wrong country.
[00:24:07] He fought and lost to a Kangaroo.
[00:24:09] And then he sucked him off and fucked him.
[00:24:11] Yeah, the marquee of Queensbury rules.
[00:24:14] You lose to the Kangaroo.
[00:24:16] You got to fuck it.
[00:24:21] Fuck you, dude.
[00:24:22] That's what combat.
[00:24:23] That's the circle line.
[00:24:24] That's the gentleman's.
[00:24:25] That's gentleman's combat.
[00:24:26] That's circle line.
[00:24:27] That's going to see you in the new upcoming live action line, King.
[00:24:30] Is it live action?
[00:24:31] It is.
[00:24:32] We've talked about this.
[00:24:33] I don't think it is.
[00:24:34] How would they do that?
[00:24:36] I think it's going to be C.I.
[00:24:37] With puppets?
[00:24:39] Like on Broadway?
[00:24:40] Yeah, but then why not just fucking watch Broadway?
[00:24:42] You know what I mean?
[00:24:43] Well, it's a movie.
[00:24:44] So everyone can watch it.
[00:24:45] You know in Broadway the genie is not even fucking blue.
[00:24:48] It allowed it.
[00:24:49] Just some regular guy.
[00:24:50] There's some piece of shit black guy.
[00:24:52] Why did he say that?
[00:24:53] He's running around pretending to be blue.
[00:24:54] I didn't say all that.
[00:24:56] Stop.
[00:24:57] Stop.
[00:24:58] Stop complaining about the race of the genie.
[00:25:01] It should be blue.
[00:25:02] Put him in blue man fucking group makeup.
[00:25:04] Is he a wise cracker?
[00:25:05] So what?
[00:25:07] You want them to cast a dead Indian?
[00:25:09] Yes.
[00:25:10] I guess.
[00:25:11] Is that what a genie is?
[00:25:13] No.
[00:25:14] No, stop once.
[00:25:15] I'm trying to think of who's a real genie.
[00:25:16] No, blue man group makeup.
[00:25:18] Or you know, dip him in that.
[00:25:20] Actually, it should just be Robin Williams's corpse.
[00:25:23] Mm-hmm.
[00:25:24] He hung himself, so you know he's actually blue.
[00:25:27] Blue.
[00:25:28] What if he's like, oh, what if I could look like the genie?
[00:25:31] Like a marionette.
[00:25:32] He just had his corpse.
[00:25:33] He's already got strings on him.
[00:25:34] That's true.
[00:25:35] You got one string.
[00:25:36] He turned himself.
[00:25:37] The main string is there.
[00:25:39] He had to have blue puppet so that he could play the genie in the live action Broadway.
[00:25:46] Did you guys see that movie he made before he died, World's Greatest Dad?
[00:25:52] Is that the one where he shoots people?
[00:25:54] No, it's where he plays an Australian guy that sucks off.
[00:25:57] It sucks off man.
[00:25:58] No, he plays a dad whose son dies from autorotic asphyxiation.
[00:26:03] So he plays an Australian guy.
[00:26:05] He sucks off man.
[00:26:07] Do they say what the son was thinking about?
[00:26:13] Yeah.
[00:26:14] He was like trying to jack off to porn and then he accidentally died.
[00:26:17] Wait, is this real?
[00:26:18] It's a real movie.
[00:26:19] So you think this is like a Joker situation where the movie the role killed him?
[00:26:23] Yeah, maybe.
[00:26:24] For sure.
[00:26:25] And it was like he was trying to beat off?
[00:26:27] No, he got diagnosed with Parkinson's and he was like, fuck this.
[00:26:30] I don't want to live live with that show.
[00:26:32] Really?
[00:26:33] So you don't think...
[00:26:34] And he had depression.
[00:26:35] So just to be clear, you don't think what Nick said was real?
[00:26:37] I want to have Parkinson's disease, like Mark Wahlberg.
[00:26:40] Yeah, you get uncontrollably jacked and pissed.
[00:26:43] You know, but in like a 9-11, how would it go in different?
[00:26:46] Yeah.
[00:26:47] I got the rock now.
[00:26:49] Do you think Mark Wahlberg could have prevented 9-11 for real?
[00:26:52] Of course.
[00:26:53] 100%.
[00:26:54] Yeah.
[00:26:55] People are just mad at him for saying that because they know it's true.
[00:26:57] Right.
[00:26:58] Would have been a good-ass movie, too.
[00:27:00] Damn.
[00:27:01] He would have become the president of the United States.
[00:27:03] If I go back in time, what I would do is give him a strap of GoPro to his head, give him
[00:27:08] a couple of box cutters.
[00:27:09] I don't know if that had even been scored.
[00:27:10] He even took no one.
[00:27:11] 2001.
[00:27:12] We'd bring it back with us.
[00:27:13] We'd find it.
[00:27:14] Yeah.
[00:27:15] Give him a couple of box cutters to even score.
[00:27:16] God damn, can you imagine having to like go back to 2000 and you just don't have access
[00:27:19] to a GoPro?
[00:27:20] You know how the smart fans that would suck a little in a world where we can't just carry
[00:27:26] around a camera on our head all the time?
[00:27:28] From what shitty weird like shaky ass videos and all that.
[00:27:32] Watch someone else ride a bicycle.
[00:27:34] Watch some 40 year old banker that's destroyed people's lives right around Denver on his
[00:27:39] fucking bicycle.
[00:27:40] Imagine having to live in that world without that technology.
[00:27:44] They send us back to fucking stop 9-11 and we just get so sad that we don't have gopros
[00:27:49] with forget.
[00:27:50] Thank God I have my GoPro.
[00:27:51] That's right.
[00:27:52] My invaluable GoPro that I could never live with.
[00:27:54] I tape every day.
[00:27:57] Yeah.
[00:27:58] GoPro.
[00:27:59] Being off.
[00:28:00] Making breakfast just to have a record.
[00:28:01] Kind of like police have body cams.
[00:28:03] Uh huh.
[00:28:04] That's what I do.
[00:28:05] Did you watch that shooting?
[00:28:06] No.
[00:28:07] That shooting in Mesa, Arizona.
[00:28:08] No, which one?
[00:28:09] Oh my God.
[00:28:10] Dude, they're just like straight up executed.
[00:28:11] Oh my God.
[00:28:12] That was horrible.
[00:28:13] I didn't watch the one that Felix called a pussy.
[00:28:16] That cop.
[00:28:17] Yeah, I guess.
[00:28:18] He had a gun that said you're fucked.
[00:28:21] On the gun?
[00:28:22] Yeah, it was like inscribed.
[00:28:23] Oh my God.
[00:28:24] He probably he's probably has some chill views towards black people I would guess also.
[00:28:27] Yeah, but he killed a white guy.
[00:28:28] So I know.
[00:28:29] I mean, he's a murderer.
[00:28:31] I don't care if he's racist or not, you know, that's the thing.
[00:28:34] But I'm saying is what I'm saying is this is the kind of guy that yeah, if poison murder,
[00:28:38] who knows?
[00:28:39] He's probably fuck.
[00:28:40] I mean, would you be surprised if he's killed other people?
[00:28:42] Probably not.
[00:28:43] I mean, like cops fucking they can cover that shit all the time.
[00:28:47] Yeah, but he didn't like secretly murder.
[00:28:49] There would be a record of it.
[00:28:50] There's always a record of like a police involved shooting.
[00:28:53] Yeah, I guess.
[00:28:54] It's not like he's going around shooting people all day long and they're like, ah, damn
[00:28:57] they found out about it.
[00:28:59] Right, right, right.
[00:29:00] It's like a guy taking people's lunches.
[00:29:02] It's like, yeah, there keeps being shootings around this precinct.
[00:29:06] Yeah.
[00:29:07] Yeah, he's a fucking horrible person and I'll probably get away with it.
[00:29:10] Right.
[00:29:11] You think?
[00:29:12] The Walter Scott guy just got in trouble.
[00:29:14] Yeah.
[00:29:15] I feel like the first cop that killed the guy.
[00:29:17] That guy shot a guy in the back and lied about it.
[00:29:19] Yeah, he did.
[00:29:20] He lied about it.
[00:29:21] There's a question about like, you know, the racial aspect of it that people are asking
[00:29:25] and it's like, I don't really know.
[00:29:27] You know, it doesn't matter.
[00:29:28] He killed some man.
[00:29:29] It does.
[00:29:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:29:31] But, I mean, a part of me was like, thank God it wasn't a black guy, you know, because
[00:29:38] that would have been that would have, how horrific that would be.
[00:29:40] Because that one's like so much worse than the Philandoer Castile one.
[00:29:43] Yeah, it is.
[00:29:44] But that one's murder that.
[00:29:46] Yeah.
[00:29:47] I mean, they did the same thing with Philando.
[00:29:48] The guy wasn't a big dickhead about it.
[00:29:50] Yeah, they did.
[00:29:51] But you did.
[00:29:52] But you're the difference.
[00:29:53] No, the Philando one, you don't, it starts off.
[00:29:54] He's already shot.
[00:29:55] Right.
[00:29:56] That's true.
[00:29:57] That's true.
[00:29:58] You don't know what happened.
[00:29:59] I mean, I agree that they murdered him and like that.
[00:30:01] Absolutely murdered.
[00:30:02] That event, like it tells you everything you need to know about the fucking NRA because
[00:30:05] they were right.
[00:30:06] Right, right, right.
[00:30:07] Everybody's there's two sides to every story.
[00:30:09] Yeah, why wouldn't they go to bat for like a licensed concealed carry guy?
[00:30:13] Because he's black.
[00:30:14] Yeah.
[00:30:15] Again, that's like all you all you fucking need to know about that organization.
[00:30:18] That and Gerald and does not stand for what I thought it did.
[00:30:24] I made that mistake and it's like, well, is it really that racist of me considering
[00:30:28] their track record?
[00:30:29] That's right.
[00:30:30] Yeah, yeah.
[00:30:31] You know, I know I do that with every organization that has an end in the name.
[00:30:34] Yeah.
[00:30:35] You don't even want to know what I thought Nintendo stood for.
[00:30:39] Why do you think Nick's not allowed on the NBA podcast guys?
[00:30:42] Yeah.
[00:30:43] Why?
[00:30:44] You know why because of what he thinks the end stands for.
[00:30:47] Yeah, it's NBA stands for Nick's black association.
[00:30:50] He was talking about your name this whole time.
[00:30:55] He's black association.
[00:30:58] Ceiling.
[00:30:59] He's black associations.
[00:31:01] He's just one of the things you associate with black people.
[00:31:08] Oh, fuck man.
[00:31:11] Well, you know, we haven't we haven't discussed.
[00:31:14] It's our baby boy's birthday.
[00:31:15] Yeah.
[00:31:16] For the NAACP, it's the NAACP.
[00:31:20] Yeah.
[00:31:21] And and and.
[00:31:23] Colored people.
[00:31:25] Yeah.
[00:31:26] And I'm not going to I'm not going to tell you what it stands for.
[00:31:31] Some of the smarter audience members.
[00:31:35] Nice.
[00:31:37] Necessary.
[00:31:39] Not bad.
[00:31:41] Good people.
[00:31:46] That's right.
[00:31:49] Cover.
[00:31:50] Yeah.
[00:31:51] Yeah.
[00:31:52] There's some cover here.
[00:31:53] It's Nick's Nick's 29th birthday today, everyone.
[00:31:56] So how does it feel from all the fans to you, Nick?
[00:31:59] A happy many happy returns.
[00:32:02] Is that you speak for all the fans?
[00:32:04] They asked me to say earnest is throwing up underneath the couch.
[00:32:07] It's for your birthday.
[00:32:09] That's a little present for you.
[00:32:13] There he goes.
[00:32:15] Oh, come on, Ernest.
[00:32:16] It sounds weird this time.
[00:32:17] It sounds fucked up.
[00:32:18] He loves throwing up, dude.
[00:32:20] Yeah.
[00:32:21] He's such a good boy.
[00:32:22] We should kill him.
[00:32:23] He's such a good boy.
[00:32:24] He's a good boy.
[00:32:25] We should put him out of his misery.
[00:32:26] I feel good for him doing the things that he likes.
[00:32:29] You think throwing up is what he likes to do?
[00:32:30] I bet you it's it's fucking pain.
[00:32:32] I don't think Ernest does anything he doesn't like doing.
[00:32:35] I think he's just trapped in his fucked up body, dude.
[00:32:38] So you're saying he's trans?
[00:32:40] He's trans, yeah.
[00:32:41] Yeah.
[00:32:42] How do you know if your pet has body in the smorphia?
[00:32:44] Oh, what the fuck was that for you?
[00:32:46] He was like, yeah.
[00:32:48] That sounded like a guy crying, dude.
[00:32:51] Yo, what if Ernest is about to turn back into the man he was?
[00:32:54] Those are the sounds that Ernest makes.
[00:32:56] Yeah.
[00:32:57] A man crying, a girl made crying.
[00:32:59] Yeah.
[00:33:00] What should we do tonight?
[00:33:01] We're going to Dave and Buster's or what?
[00:33:03] Well, I got some Dave and Buster's for you.
[00:33:06] My cock.
[00:33:08] Wow, Selma Heimak.
[00:33:10] Hiak, right?
[00:33:11] Harvey Weinstein, yeah.
[00:33:12] Wait, this is Bother name.
[00:33:14] Salma.
[00:33:15] That's her name.
[00:33:16] It's not Selma?
[00:33:17] No, that's the place where MLK.
[00:33:19] I know.
[00:33:20] Have I just not known her name for like 30 years?
[00:33:22] Yeah, dude.
[00:33:23] How did you beat off to her?
[00:33:25] I don't know.
[00:33:26] I didn't read.
[00:33:27] Yeah, you don't read while I jack off.
[00:33:29] Well, how did you even Google search her name?
[00:33:31] You're a college professor?
[00:33:32] Yeah, I am.
[00:33:33] What do you use?
[00:33:34] Some kind of...
[00:33:35] College guy?
[00:33:36] Yeah.
[00:33:37] I just saw that movie, Cruel Intentions and the Black Guy in the movie.
[00:33:41] It says to Selma Blair's character.
[00:33:43] He's like, I'm writing a musical right now on Martin Luther King.
[00:33:47] And Selma Blair turns to him and she says, he's my favorite.
[00:33:51] Yo, you know what, I just watched behind the candelabra.
[00:33:56] Oh, yeah, yeah, I love it.
[00:33:58] Yeah, with my mom, dude.
[00:34:00] My mom came to be with the same Chris, the lover.
[00:34:04] Yeah, I guess.
[00:34:05] I don't remember.
[00:34:06] What's the limit?
[00:34:07] I don't remember.
[00:34:08] I don't remember.
[00:34:09] I don't remember.
[00:34:10] Shit.
[00:34:11] Oh, I fucking hi, shit.
[00:34:12] Liberace invented libertarianism, right?
[00:34:14] Yeah, he did.
[00:34:15] I was like, stay out of my bedroom.
[00:34:17] He's actually Ron Paul.
[00:34:18] Stay out of my wallet.
[00:34:19] He's Ron Paul's dad.
[00:34:21] It's Ron Paul.
[00:34:22] It's Liberace Paul.
[00:34:23] Ron Paul.
[00:34:24] Rand Paul.
[00:34:25] Yeah, he was stunned.
[00:34:27] Dude, he was coming through with like big ass minks and like, Bentley's and shit.
[00:34:32] He fucking ruled.
[00:34:33] He was getting boys plastic surgery to look like him.
[00:34:37] Imagine.
[00:34:38] Imagine wanting to fuck.
[00:34:39] I wish I was a big fancy gay instead of a self-loathing closeted one.
[00:34:43] That would be so cool.
[00:34:44] Not a lot nicer.
[00:34:45] Well, he was self-loathing and closeted.
[00:34:48] He never admitted he was gay and he died of AIDS and he like, and he, well, I mean, he
[00:34:53] was super gay.
[00:34:54] He was gay as hell, but he was just never publicly said he was gay.
[00:34:57] Right.
[00:34:58] And he would sue newspapers and say he was gay.
[00:35:00] And he like, he, he also hated, he thought all gay people were going to hell except him.
[00:35:05] He said he had a vision that God came down to him and because he was so good at playing
[00:35:09] piano.
[00:35:10] He was getting into heaven.
[00:35:12] Like, like, there's a program.
[00:35:14] You're an exceptional gay guy.
[00:35:16] I guess God needed a guy with AIDS.
[00:35:17] He's really good at piano.
[00:35:19] Yeah.
[00:35:20] That's the thing about having to bring the AIDS with you.
[00:35:23] You know?
[00:35:24] The two, the two gay guys that got passed as were Liberace and Roy Cohn.
[00:35:28] All facts go to heaven.
[00:35:30] Us.
[00:35:31] Start Bert Reynolds and Tom.
[00:35:33] Deo.
[00:35:34] Trey cards.
[00:35:35] I do love you.
[00:35:37] name that because he'd be back.
[00:35:41] I do love to be known.
[00:35:43] But I got in certain guy and he was, I don't listen.
[00:35:43] That's what I'm gonna do.
[00:35:45] So if not, please don't listen.
[00:35:46] Well, If don't listen.
[00:35:54] No, you're not listening.
[00:35:56] PO Carmichael, this is this.
[00:35:58] Right.
[00:35:59] In my old dog's go to heaven, but he wasn't in that.
[00:36:02] It's just like a weirder dog.
[00:36:04] He's in some other shit, dude.
[00:36:06] I was very aware of Dom De Louis as a little kid.
[00:36:08] Amel Brooks movie, more than Chris Farley.
[00:36:11] Chris Farley was later.
[00:36:12] I'm telling you Dom De Louis was the first one.
[00:36:15] Chris Farley was the first fat guy where I was like,
[00:36:17] wow, it's cool to be fat.
[00:36:20] And I have very fat memories attached to Chris Farley
[00:36:24] because my mom was a waitress at a Greek restaurant,
[00:36:26] he caught us, and on Saturday nights, if I waited long enough,
[00:36:30] she would bring trays of leftover fried calamari.
[00:36:33] And you'd watch us.
[00:36:34] And I would watch us and yell and eat fucking fried damn,
[00:36:37] should we get calamari for your birthday, Nick?
[00:36:40] No.
[00:36:41] You want seafood recently?
[00:36:43] You want to get some seafood?
[00:36:43] Yeah, I don't know what we should do.
[00:36:45] Let's get a fat, dicked lunch.
[00:36:47] A big dicked lunch.
[00:36:48] Maybe.
[00:36:48] With our cocks hanging out.
[00:36:50] Yeah, I got some errands to run today.
[00:36:52] I might postpone shit till the weekend.
[00:36:54] Bitch.
[00:36:55] Let's put a tater to lose your sticks, house.
[00:36:57] Yeah, we should get sticks.
[00:36:58] Why should we get sticks?
[00:37:00] To celebrate.
[00:37:00] Come on, for your first place all the time.
[00:37:02] I should have got to do today.
[00:37:04] I'm sorry.
[00:37:04] All right, fuck it.
[00:37:06] We got business moves.
[00:37:07] We got to make it.
[00:37:08] I got to handle all the pieces.
[00:37:09] That's what, at 3.30.
[00:37:10] The two of you were mongoloids.
[00:37:11] I get to do the word.
[00:37:12] First of all, do not use that word.
[00:37:14] Oh, yeah.
[00:37:15] Who got trouble for that?
[00:37:16] We got trouble for that?
[00:37:17] Oh, really?
[00:37:19] And someone else said it recently.
[00:37:21] Mongoloid's funny, dude, what the fuck?
[00:37:23] Who got mad at Felix for saying mongoloid?
[00:37:25] He called the murder cop, mongoloid.
[00:37:28] Oh my fucking god.
[00:37:29] And people are like, excuse me.
[00:37:32] Oh my god.
[00:37:34] Wow, really?
[00:37:35] There's no place on the weft for people who talk like this.
[00:37:40] I am the president of the DSA's being wittarty.
[00:37:46] I want an erection by guessing the correct amount
[00:37:49] of jelly beans.
[00:37:55] And now I demand a few weeks step down
[00:37:59] from chop over web house, from table web house,
[00:38:03] from table web house.
[00:38:05] One of these days I'm going to say, Mark my words.
[00:38:11] Damn, dude, you can't even call a murder
[00:38:13] of mongoloid anymore.
[00:38:14] Yeah, it's offensive to Arthur.
[00:38:16] What are we going to do next?
[00:38:19] Get rid of the Divo show?
[00:38:21] Yeah, exactly.
[00:38:22] Get rid of the annual DSA Divo show, just because of a word.
[00:38:27] That's right.
[00:38:28] He's a, what has that song called?
[00:38:29] Mongoloid.
[00:38:32] Not even close.
[00:38:32] Yeah, that's it.
[00:38:34] He's a mongoloid.
[00:38:36] You all know that Divo song?
[00:38:38] You know that mongoloid song about the web check?
[00:38:42] Mongoloid good.
[00:38:47] Mongoloid.
[00:38:49] It's every Divo song.
[00:38:50] Yeah.
[00:38:51] Mongoloid.
[00:38:52] Mongoloid.
[00:38:53] Mongoloid.
[00:38:54] Mongoloid.
[00:38:55] Mongoloid.
[00:38:56] Mongoloid.
[00:38:57] Mongoloid.
[00:38:58] Mongoloid.
[00:38:59] Boom.
[00:39:00] Boom.
[00:39:01] Mongoloid.
[00:39:02] I don't know any other Divos.
[00:39:03] Or you dress like science guys.
[00:39:06] Yeah, they're cool, big.
[00:39:10] Mongoloid is a mongoloid place where?
[00:39:13] Mongoloid.
[00:39:14] Everyone fucking late new wave song.
[00:39:20] Mm-hmm.
[00:39:21] There's the only two I know.
[00:39:22] You know?
[00:39:23] You know what I mean?
[00:39:24] Mongoloid.
[00:39:25] There'll be 52's in the Dead Candidids of the same band.
[00:39:31] Yeah, we've talked, yeah, Jella has the same voices that guy.
[00:39:34] You know he named himself after Bill Cosby because he loves rape.
[00:39:37] Yeah, it's true.
[00:39:39] I
[00:39:41] Calla
[00:39:43] Amber Ellis fuck what was down to Louise and then I remember a child
[00:39:50] I love that you don't know you were just aware of a I was I think my
[00:39:55] Mafia I think my dad was making fun of me for being fat
[00:39:59] De Louise
[00:40:01] Although he was fat he was kind of fat now right he was fat
[00:40:06] He had a heart attack then he lost a bunch of weight and started like getting his dick sucked
[00:40:10] Getting some strange in the woodshop. Oh, no, so that joke you do is a lie that he didn't get his life back together
[00:40:16] No, that's that is the joke. Well, he got in shape
[00:40:19] Right, he did the opposite of getting his life together. He just fucking we started cheating because he got in shape
[00:40:24] Which is like I mean look I can't play mom. I wouldn't want to be married your mom either
[00:40:28] Hey, whoa, brother. My mom's a wonderful caring woman. You know who do would you fuck your mom?
[00:40:35] If I was if I was right now, would you fuck your mom?
[00:40:39] That's interesting. I would not but why can you blame your father?
[00:40:44] Okay, because she's my mother would you fuck? That doesn't make any sense. Would you fuck your mom?
[00:40:48] No, but my mom doesn't fuck anybody Adam. Could you fuck your mom? Absolutely. Okay. I would also then we would all fuck Adam's mom
[00:40:58] And we need to find a cure and that's the first step
[00:41:02] Try just try it. You don't know if it's gonna work with trial. It's Lorenzo's oil. Yeah, the first jury tries his fucking son
[00:41:11] I really remember that movie a lot from as a child to for whatever reason I watched it a bunch
[00:41:19] Isn't that uh who's in that Richard Busey? I mean Richard Gary Busey
[00:41:25] No, no the other guy that looks like a handsome or Gary Busey Nick Nolty Nick Nolty, right? He's in Lorenzo's oil, isn't he?
[00:41:33] How about Dick Salty, you know?
[00:41:35] He's a rapist pirate. R-word
[00:41:45] Dick Salty, baby. Dick Salty, there you go. That's the character for the show. R- be loved to rape.
[00:41:54] Don't say the R word. Don't say it. I'm a retarded pirate
[00:42:00] And then I'm the head of the Caribbean DSA anybody that says the R word isn't allowed any of the rubies
[00:42:11] that we stole from the natives. This is what I was saying earlier. There should be Dick communism
[00:42:16] Where if you have a big ass dick, two inches of it gets sliced off. Yeah, how about this?
[00:42:21] Someone with a small dick. We split up the pussy for everybody. Oh, that's also good. Yes, pussy communism and dick communism. Yeah, you know
[00:42:28] But I'm no not dick. Everybody get it on the everybody didn't stay the same. No. No, hold on. I'm slick
[00:42:44] Yeah, Andre's car and Andre's radical cousin. We just convince all the women to give up the pussy
[00:42:52] Because it's not about wealth inequality. The only reason people care about money
[00:42:57] Is so they can get that pussy. Whoo
[00:43:01] Preach if you look at the underlying, you know tap. I call it tap it all. I call it tap it all
[00:43:08] Because you're trying to tap it all. Oh tap it all. You're trying to tap it all
[00:43:13] Doss tap it all. Mm-hmm
[00:43:15] It's a book. What are you looking for? Put your fucking stuff doing that you're you're distracting me. Sorry communist vagin breasto. You know
[00:43:26] Yeah, the comments virgin breast
[00:43:31] That's my favorite book dude. Yeah, it's just a bunch of pictures of fucking different titties
[00:43:36] Yeah, and pussies. That's gonna be great when this like communism is cool bullshit dries up. Yeah
[00:43:45] Amount of people that are just doing it because it's the cool shit to do right. I mean, that's literally everybody's both of you guys
[00:43:51] No, we got there been a
[00:43:53] Commu joined the DSA. Yeah, because I think that shit's good, but I'm not what shit you're gone to single meaning
[00:43:59] You know, I'll give him some money and support. That's better than not doing shit
[00:44:03] I give my money to places that I like fully understand what they're doing like
[00:44:07] No
[00:44:10] A lot of money to charity. I don't give a lot of money. Yeah, you do no not not comparatively compared to us you do
[00:44:16] Okay, I give I give to I've given to two different people that have stopped me on the streets
[00:44:21] Just cuz I feel that's not cherry. Those are homeless. No, no like we have to sign up
[00:44:25] Yeah, it's tax-detuctible. I'm just writing down guy that smelled like shit
[00:44:33] I feel like a real dummy, but I gave Keaton's mom $10,000
[00:44:39] Yeah, only after I found out she was right. Of course, of course, of course like now you better spend this on swastika
[00:44:47] Of course
[00:44:50] No, they're bad anything with international
[00:44:52] The name is damn it and yeah, you um except the international truck company international house of pancakes international
[00:44:59] I give to the international
[00:45:02] I'm into them for like I'm gonna see you got a tab over there. I'm gonna tab it. I am and see international bad
[00:45:08] I'm nasty international. Yeah, it's like just bunches
[00:45:13] I would just to see if I get audited it would be very funny to put down on my taxes that I gave a million dollars to
[00:45:18] retarded kids I
[00:45:28] Don't know where they went. Yeah, you'll look the same. I don't know which one I don't give you receipts
[00:45:33] They have a drawing. I have a drawing in fucking feces. Is this the way you take this as a receipt I
[00:45:41] Help retarded kids so
[00:45:43] You know no one's allowed to criticize me absolutely look I just think you should be in it to
[00:45:49] Republicans are winning because idiots get to just you know support and not have to think and that's what I am
[00:45:55] I'm a very liberal dumbass motherfucker
[00:45:57] I don't want to I just know what I believe in and you know other people can figure it out. I'll give you a little scratch
[00:46:03] You know, let's get some universal health care
[00:46:06] You know, let's get some sexy ass refugees over here. I'm starting to think universal health care is a bad idea really
[00:46:12] I want to die dude
[00:46:13] Yeah, I don't want it for me. I want to go out quick
[00:46:16] I want to fucking I want my heart to explode it, you know this year preferably
[00:46:20] Let's do a bunch of coke till we have heart attacks be perfect getting married to some French African woman
[00:46:26] Oh fuck. Yeah, dude, you know, that'll be awesome in this ball. It looks super dark ball. Oh, yes
[00:46:32] Then no one can say I'm racist because I had her shipped over here to be my wife
[00:46:35] Well, I don't know that exact terminology
[00:46:42] Like we can center on a plane. I'm like it has to
[00:46:46] No a wooden one and that's you better have a basement
[00:46:54] We're gonna
[00:46:58] Get my bitch over here on the
[00:47:00] I
[00:47:03] Write an article about it on the good man project. I fucking you know that website the good man
[00:47:09] Yeah, it's like how to be a cock bitch and respect your daughter. Oh
[00:47:14] I actually don't even know what it's about. I like glance that it wants or twice, but somebody actually
[00:47:20] Explaining the gay man project. That's awesome. Which is a salute. It's perfect. You know what it is. It's an elegant solution. Absolutely
[00:47:29] I mean, it's exactly it's the same beginning letter
[00:47:34] You know just a line said OOD
[00:47:37] You know that would have been better if instead of the final solution they came up with an elegant solution to the Jewish question
[00:47:42] Right, you know, well, I think al-kite is working on that right now
[00:47:46] They offer whatever whichever one they offer actually coming back a little bit they offer
[00:47:53] $20 any Jew that kills another Jew
[00:47:59] It would cost less than the Holocaust it costs probably a hundred bucks. Yeah, yeah
[00:48:03] Be left with like four Jews. Yeah, yeah
[00:48:06] That's good comedy or you need comedy writers and guys to make bagels exactly so you save like 20
[00:48:12] Yeah, and that's it and that would be an elegant solution
[00:48:17] To our the biggest problem of our world now, I'm saying back then I'm not a problem now
[00:48:23] Wow, that's people don't consider that. I don't know if this is a hack bit
[00:48:26] But like have you ever considered that maybe Hitler killed all the bad Jews?
[00:48:30] That's why people are like how did that happen? It's like you didn't know which ones he was talking about
[00:48:35] They got rid of them. We were left with the good ones. That is true technically. I'm not sure. Yeah, you don't know
[00:48:41] I never met them. I didn't meet them. Yeah, and you know, it's really everyone who went off to those camps could have been the one that's like
[00:48:48] I'm stealing candy from a baby and no one can
[00:48:53] And all the other ones are like can we just write jokes for TV?
[00:48:56] Yeah, the ones that they were like you won't give these guys a pass for a little well
[00:49:00] We know one of them who died we had a diary of one of them who died Eli Wiesel
[00:49:06] No, who was a right? He was a red grab
[00:49:09] He grabs a girl's ass. Can we trust anything you ever wrote? I don't think so. No, he's well
[00:49:15] You got to consider this and Frank seems like she was like pretty normal or whatever, but she lived in
[00:49:20] Amsterdam not a single mention of like fucking
[00:49:25] Loud big dog so she was probably like the least chill person
[00:49:30] Yeah, I bet you love taddling on people for smoking weed and for hiding from the Nazis. Yeah, she tattled on herself
[00:49:37] She got caught right. Yeah, that sucks. She's dead
[00:49:41] Poor and poor and yeah, so we on the live show on Monday
[00:49:45] We were talking about the diary of and Frank about the part where she feels her own titties and then stop got really
[00:49:51] That's really like fuck. I sure read that. Yeah, yeah, I didn't know there was so much beating off in the diary of and Frank
[00:49:56] That's literally the only part of her member. There's that and then the period when she got her period
[00:50:00] Yeah, which I also thought was hot dude. I thought that was sick
[00:50:02] So how much space did they have to like maneuver around so funny when you're like
[00:50:06] It was like an ad mention of like sexuality and any context you're like I have to jack
[00:50:13] Right now. Yeah. Oh damn. My cousin's reading. Are you there? God is me Margaret? I'm about to beat
[00:50:18] Oh, I got that from the library and I like then had a bunch of questions for my parents and then my mom
[00:50:24] Brought me back to the library and like yelled at them. Yeah
[00:50:30] My son fuck. I'm sorry. I lost the voice
[00:50:32] My son will never learn about women women's pussies
[00:50:40] He will only use them
[00:50:43] as a sexual object
[00:50:45] Yeah, she taught me well, she taught you just take the pussy
[00:50:49] She said when we come up on a bitch
[00:50:54] You just need to take what's yours. Mm-hmm. That's what your dad said. That's what my mom said
[00:50:58] Oh, oh and your mom. No, my dad actually told me to respect my mom told me to respect women my dad did not
[00:51:05] I don't remember my parents ever giving me like a gendered talk about anything actually
[00:51:09] I never got a sex talk. I never got any kind of like my parents would yeah my parents were always like just like
[00:51:14] Please stop being a piece of shit
[00:51:19] Summer like treat women with respect it was like
[00:51:22] Stop fucking you know throwing rocks
[00:51:24] Another show
[00:51:27] Start there
[00:51:31] Well, yeah if he can ever have an intimate relationship with another human being that's a win
[00:51:36] It's not getting into women yet
[00:51:40] Yeah, it's bad. I'm still bad guys
[00:51:44] Yeah, but come on some things never change sometimes you meet other bad guys. Yeah, start a podcast with them
[00:51:50] You know
[00:51:53] Become the world's preeminent
[00:51:56] You know a star a voice of authority on being a bad guy. Oh, yeah, that's us man
[00:52:01] Yeah, we're all wearing leather fucking jackets on motorcycles right now. It's the best type of noodle
[00:52:06] That type of noodle
[00:52:08] I'm gonna ask that and stops me like I like uh, yeah, no, I can really get in this
[00:52:14] Personally, I'm really getting into fucking chow fun. Yeah, that's good call
[00:52:19] I was gonna say asian to begin with asian for sure. I think they
[00:52:23] As much as I love a nice fucking
[00:52:26] Italian is a little too heavy, but I like a lot. Yeah, I will say a chow fun a rice noodle
[00:52:32] I like a I like like a silvery rice noodle thin rice noodle. I like that like verma chely
[00:52:38] No, no, that's too thin. I'm talking flat
[00:52:41] That wide but thin like chow fun. Mm-hmm a good low main noodle good ramen noodle executed correctly
[00:52:48] The list uh, I will take that over pasta. I don't know. I've gotten less I've gotten away from
[00:52:54] Italian pasta and Italian noodles in my old age and I've you know, I've migrated towards asianic noodles
[00:53:04] Jeez, let's see where the kind of noodles are there
[00:53:06] Do do indians have noodles? It's mostly rice. No, they don't really have a new they never I'm back as a noodle if you fuck up
[00:53:12] Oh shit. That's the lowest level
[00:53:15] I gotta look at a chart of the whole cast system because I forget
[00:53:19] Mm-hmm. You know, yeah, it's like the do-do people. Yep bottom, but then underneath them is like cow
[00:53:25] And then it cows number monkey and then butterfly. Oh shit really
[00:53:30] Yeah, so if you're the lowest cast can you fuck a cow? No
[00:53:33] No, no, that's why cows are sacred because it's like I think cow is like directly under untouchable or maybe they're better than untouchables
[00:53:41] Because you can fuck untouchables. Yeah, but you can't eat them
[00:53:45] You just can't touch them. I don't think they can eat cows
[00:53:48] They don't eat cows. No
[00:53:51] What's at the top the Brahma? Yeah, the Brahma bull that's what the rock is Boston. So Boston guys
[00:53:57] Yeah, Mr. Fini is that what Brahman? Yeah, what is that Boston Brahma? That's a type of guy
[00:54:03] It's like an old accent. It's an accent. It's like the old New York
[00:54:06] It's a fieney like that. Yeah, it's like Mr. Fini. Yeah, Mr. Matthews come suck me off
[00:54:12] Yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah, we did that on the show the old New York accent guy. It's like I'm trons now
[00:54:19] I've become trons
[00:54:21] Yeah, everyone says Teddy Roosevelt was like bad. You know bad ass. I guess he was but he talked pretty pretty talk like that
[00:54:28] Yeah, yeah, no he didn't. Yeah, no, you know, like our voice like this. That's what you imagine confusing FDR and Teddy
[00:54:35] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I know exactly I'm fact when I listen to Teddy Roosevelt
[00:54:40] I thought wow this sounds way more like FDR. Are there recordings of him speaking? Yeah
[00:54:44] That's what that's what did it because everyone assumes who talks like this because he has that mustache and shit
[00:54:48] Yeah, and he looks like the guy from Mythbusters, but he doesn't do he was a genius to who Teddy. Yeah
[00:54:56] Yeah, he's three. Yeah, he's three like two books a day. That doesn't make you a genius
[00:55:00] I think that's your guys all books back then. We're like fucking pulp books about like fucking
[00:55:05] He's probably reading like shit about like going to Africa and shit and like yeah, you know shooting elephants for ivory
[00:55:11] He was actually doing that shit. Yeah, and he was doing it too. It's like opinion was that every man should go to war to build
[00:55:17] Character well, that's what people used to think why Churchill thought that Churchill was a fucking war monger
[00:55:23] Yeah, of course you'll ever go to war he seems too fun
[00:55:25] Like it was like it but up until the 20th century every generation of men who did go to war at least a little skirmish
[00:55:33] My dad said absolutely like pacifist prior to my dad said something to me like that like oh
[00:55:39] You'll never go to war so you'll never understand like being a man
[00:55:43] I was like you never went to war you fucking pussy
[00:55:46] Like my dad certainly Greek army. Yeah, my dad served in the army too, but you all you had to you had to start
[00:55:52] You like two years training and they went to college. Yeah
[00:55:55] My dad did the basic train and then went back on the streets, baby
[00:55:59] Yeah, maybe we should go participate in an armed conflict so we can get maybe that should be the next step for us
[00:56:05] You want to yeah, we'll see if vice
[00:56:07] We'll shoot a documentary series but instead of journalists. They just straight up give us guns and cocaine
[00:56:12] Okay, and let us go to Africa to make it better. Yeah, let's go to Liberia
[00:56:19] Because everyone's sort of speaks English. Uh, Liberia was founded by Liberace, right?
[00:56:23] Yeah, that's right. The country with her disaster. Yeah
[00:56:27] Yeah, that's the first that's the first libertarian republic is Liberia
[00:56:31] the Liberacean republic of Liberia
[00:56:34] Do you see Mario Batali got accused? Oh, yeah
[00:56:37] He's a sexual flu under the radar. I know it's like there's so many now
[00:56:41] You know, there's also there is a david copperfield's a pedophile damn what yeah, he'll make your hymen disappeared basically
[00:56:49] Anybody who has a private island
[00:56:51] Yeah, if you have any kind of compound even doesn't he fuck Claudia?
[00:56:56] No
[00:56:57] Compounds are for racist islands for pedophiles. That's true. I want a compound. That's right on an island
[00:57:05] The rare double is branson you think of pedophile?
[00:57:08] Uh, yeah, why would you name your company virgin unless you're like trying to hide
[00:57:14] Well, he said I've never had sex incorporated especially not with children
[00:57:20] Not pedophile here lines Richard. I don't know if we can go with I don't fuck kids LLC
[00:57:27] Is there something shorter maybe that we could use
[00:57:32] Um, he he said he started that because he was 16 when he started his record company
[00:57:37] Yeah, yeah, that was his first company. Yeah, but he definitely fucks kids with obama when they that's what they parisay
[00:57:43] Obama that was his first thing after into was the president a little boy's boy pussy. Yeah
[00:57:48] Yeah, you didn't see that whole picture. Obama's first two things he did was go on vacation
[00:57:53] I know that was brutal and then come back and then give a speech to wall street
[00:57:57] So funny is like everybody's like, you know, donald trump drinks 12 diet cokes a day and it's like
[00:58:03] Who cares? Nobody gives a shit. That's such a non-issue
[00:58:05] And then like also at the beginning of the obama administration were like, isn't it cool that obama smokes
[00:58:11] Everyone's like thought it was great that obama was like smoking cigarettes on like the the patio
[00:58:17] Also, well, dude. Yeah, young young cool youngish cool black guy smoking sigs over old-ass grandpa drink
[00:58:24] Soda pops it is very funny. It is cool kids drink soda
[00:58:28] Funny your kid out there listening to this show, you know, you're 10 years old. Exactly. Don't drink water
[00:58:33] They drink soda first of all you say thank thank your mom and dad for buying you come town premium. That's right
[00:58:41] Number one. You're on a great start. Oh, yeah, emotionally now now we're trying to match you physically with what you're doing yourself psychologically
[00:58:49] Yeah, if you live a child listen to this show you might as well just feed them fucking soda and do shit
[00:58:55] Yeah, straight up
[00:58:56] And we know christmas is around the corner. So stalking suffers if you are a parent
[00:59:00] You could get your kids. Oh, you know, you should you know, you should get them some stavey baby merch
[00:59:06] I got two t-shirts out there boys girls and stavey shot. I got a real socking stuff right here talking about my dick ladies
[00:59:12] Let me put my let me fuck your shoes
[00:59:18] Yeah, I'm trying to fuck some songs. Yeah, but by my merch. Yeah, he's a nice guy, but he fucked all my socks
[00:59:24] Did you guys ever beat off into a sock that was like a goat?
[00:59:29] You use socks is like fucking right?
[00:59:33] Are you cleaning tools?
[00:59:34] I used to work with this guy
[00:59:36] heroin addict junkie told the story cut a hole in his pocket so he could jazz yes
[00:59:40] Yes, yes
[00:59:40] But he told me this story one time that when you're human his friend were like 13
[00:59:44] They would put socks on each other's dicks and jack each other off
[00:59:48] Because it wasn't gay because we weren't actually touching
[00:59:51] Yeah, sometimes we put on condoms you fuck each other in the ass
[01:00:00] You know we save
[01:00:02] Hasmat suit, but you cut a slit out and pull your dick out in a condom. It's totally straight. You cover it in latex
[01:00:08] You think there's like bio shock fetishist that fuck
[01:00:11] Outside of that little hazmat suit. We get so hot inside of one of those. Yeah, you're fucking
[01:00:16] It would create a little habitat and you're not touching skin to skin. It's just getting like so yeah
[01:00:21] It gets so steamy in there. Oh boys good news
[01:00:24] What? Patreon has doubled back on their decision to raise prices without asking really I knew it
[01:00:31] Damn swag. I knew it damn the dick is big well. Congratulations to we did it us for our
[01:00:40] brave
[01:00:41] stance that we took and nix
[01:00:43] It's a really good email he wrote you guys yeah, we messed up
[01:00:48] We're sorry and we're not rolling out the fees change by the way
[01:00:50] Somebody came to the show the other night and they they didn't know that there's a premium feed if you listen
[01:00:55] A lot of people don't know that you don't know this we do two episodes a week
[01:01:00] There's another episode. There's twice as much com town
[01:01:03] Yeah, that's on that's on you go to patreon.com slash comtown and you can subscribe for five dollars a month and get the additional four episodes
[01:01:11] Plus like video content well you can get the whole archive that's true of premium episodes. Yeah, so please
[01:01:18] Do that for a Sunday night. There's a new premium that comes out. Yeah
[01:01:23] Um also as an aside we had our last show in New York of the year. We're back to 20 second of January
[01:01:29] Thank you
[01:01:31] Great. Oh, yeah. Awesome
[01:01:33] Amazing. Sorry. Yeah, if you didn't
[01:01:36] Get there early enough because I think yeah, we sold out a lot of people were turned away
[01:01:40] And uh, we were very touched by the amount of love and support even that guy that
[01:01:46] Um that that was you know and also like me. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let me read this. Okay creators and patrons
[01:01:53] First of all, I don't want to hear it the word creator anymore. Yeah, that's awful
[01:01:57] Uh, I I prefer
[01:02:00] Entrepreneur. Mm-hmm. I'm only a creator art art
[01:02:04] Entrepreneur and dash
[01:02:06] dash
[01:02:09] Is what you shall refer to me as
[01:02:11] We heard you loud and clear. We're not going to roll out the changes to our payment system that we announced last week
[01:02:17] We still have to fix the problems that those changes addressed
[01:02:20] But we're going to fix them in a different way and we're going to work with you to come up with the specifics
[01:02:25] As we should have done the first time around
[01:02:27] Many of you lost patrons and you lost income. No apology will make up for that
[01:02:32] But nevertheless, I'm sorry. It is our core belief that you should own the relationships with your fans
[01:02:37] These are your businesses. Okay, you're a fan. They understand the right shit. This is all right. Yeah
[01:02:42] Um, I'm gonna have to I'm gonna just add lib some extra stuff in here. I'm gay and I'm an idiot
[01:02:48] Can't believe you admit that
[01:02:53] I spent hours and hours on the phone with creators and so is the patreon team your feedback has been crystal clear
[01:02:58] The new payment system are disproportionately impacted one to two dollar patrons
[01:03:02] We have to build a better system for them aggregation is highly valued and we underestimated that
[01:03:07] Fundamentally creators should own the business decisions with their fans not patreon. We overstepped their bounds and injected ourselves into that relationship
[01:03:14] Is a business. Yeah, I mean they're owning up to it. Yeah, that's great and they're saying exactly what the fucking problems were
[01:03:21] Trayvon Martin was a thief
[01:03:23] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't steal anything. It was just where you hoodie. I'm just gonna scroll past that
[01:03:29] Um
[01:03:31] This may be controversial, but babe two was better than the first no
[01:03:35] What's wrong with these people? Yeah, they don't understand. Yeah, tell them to show this is f that wait while you're ahead
[01:03:42] Okay, this is f'd out. This is f'd out. Yep
[01:03:45] This is freaking F'd out dude.
[01:03:49] This is freaking F'd man.
[01:03:53] I'm freaking having sex dude.
[01:03:55] Oh also.
[01:03:56] Also.
[01:03:57] Yeah guys probably the only podcast better than ours.
[01:04:01] But I still plug.
[01:04:03] Let's plug.
[01:04:04] Yeah we should plug.
[01:04:05] Faking it radio there are two guys that I guess are just fans of Baltimore.
[01:04:11] Come on don't like tell them these people the actual name of their show.
[01:04:15] Is it too late now?
[01:04:16] Yeah it is too late.
[01:04:17] But like nobody watches that show.
[01:04:19] It's like a flood of.
[01:04:21] The one fucking people.
[01:04:23] I mean I don't even know these guys.
[01:04:24] I don't know.
[01:04:25] I do this shit with Tom Myers I've known Tom Myers like 15 fucking.
[01:04:28] What a plug is bad for getting a little traffic.
[01:04:31] I can't do them.
[01:04:32] No goddamn well.
[01:04:34] You're just fucking laughing at these guys.
[01:04:36] Yeah because it's funny.
[01:04:37] It's funny.
[01:04:38] That's like borderline like.
[01:04:39] All right.
[01:04:40] It's called something else.
[01:04:41] No.
[01:04:42] There's other people that we do that shit that yeah it's called guys we fucked.
[01:04:46] Go listen to that.
[01:04:48] Well it's called two dope queens and Tom Myers I excuse because again I've known Tom a
[01:04:53] long time Tom has been doing comedy has like a public persona like it's very easy to find
[01:04:58] Tom.
[01:04:59] Other people have mentioned Tom before in the context we have right right right not
[01:05:03] like discovering right like you know two people that well you're going to edit it out
[01:05:07] or no.
[01:05:08] No I'm not going to edit it out because I'm fucking lazy.
[01:05:10] But in the future like.
[01:05:11] Yeah right.
[01:05:12] Just be mindful of like the fact that a lot of people listen to the show and it's not
[01:05:16] cool to like I guess because there's a ways around if you want you can make fun of somebody
[01:05:21] just be vague about it and then like the real psychopaths will figure out who the fuck
[01:05:24] you're talking right right right.
[01:05:26] You know don't just like push it's a good yeah don't let it's a bad podcast.
[01:05:30] It's good.
[01:05:31] It's really good and I love it but I guess I it's I don't love things for real anymore.
[01:05:38] I just I can only like yeah I can't like good thing it sucks.
[01:05:43] The only good thing I like anymore is the National Basketball Association.
[01:05:47] Stop and I went to a basketball game.
[01:05:50] Wait that's what it stands for.
[01:05:53] Yeah.
[01:05:54] I thought it said.
[01:05:55] Ooh and apes.
[01:05:56] Well gang.
[01:06:06] We also have a show at fucking DC on the 22nd big big show at the black cat.
[01:06:12] All three boys will be there.
[01:06:15] We'll be having a nice fat show for you.
[01:06:17] So please come out to that and if it sells well and even if it doesn't probably we'll
[01:06:22] probably hit the road.
[01:06:23] Yeah dude I'm excited to go on the road.
[01:06:26] We got to do.
[01:06:27] I'm loving doing spots.
[01:06:28] We got a book at baby.
[01:06:29] 2018 is going to be the year of us going out to the beautiful country.
[01:06:33] I'm back in spothead.
[01:06:34] Oh yeah.
[01:06:36] I love not talking about my posty sarcoma this time.
[01:06:41] A lot of people just call me spothead when I let my aides get to.
[01:06:44] I let my aides flare up.
[01:06:46] Sometimes I get off prep for a while just to see I like to I call it riding the razor's
[01:06:49] edge.
[01:06:50] I get my T cell down count to now like 15.
[01:06:54] Yeah oh yeah.
[01:06:55] I've never felt more love.
[01:06:56] Oh yeah.
[01:06:57] I love just getting high off having AIDS.
[01:07:00] When there was a the prep they do it.
[01:07:01] That is a prep that we were doing.
[01:07:04] Remember we were saying how what were you saying naked's a guy who take what does he
[01:07:07] takes prep so that he just in case he does some gay shit.
[01:07:13] Yeah that was that was the thing I was saying.
[01:07:19] You know I'll take that shit just in case I'm not.
[01:07:21] Do not do not say this to me.
[01:07:25] Also I'm in Boston this Saturday the 16th still some tickets left.
[01:07:28] Please come out your laugh ball house of blues.
[01:07:31] No I'm doing the small room at the house of blues.
[01:07:33] You're headlining?
[01:07:34] Yeah.
[01:07:35] Damn I got to start doing more headline spots.
[01:07:37] Yeah I got to I got to build a new hour though.
[01:07:39] So I don't I thought that's why we should go on tour.
[01:07:41] We'll do like a half hour.
[01:07:42] Yeah I'm gonna see if I'm gonna see if somebody will.
[01:07:46] Feature me for sure.
[01:07:48] Thing is I never I never went on the road with anybody I was just in with clubs and
[01:07:51] I don't have a relationship with clubs anymore.
[01:07:54] Dog let's just go on the road email.
[01:07:56] Well instead of featuring for someone let's just go to the three of us we have enough
[01:07:59] people that we all do have we do feature time.
[01:08:02] Yeah I was like dear club owners and bookers very few of you are familiar with this man
[01:08:07] Richard Spencer but I think he is.
[01:08:10] 2014 and we don't know what's going on.
[01:08:14] Wow you were on him that early.
[01:08:19] Nick's got a whole like white supremacy prospects like.
[01:08:24] Colton actually was one of them.
[01:08:25] Colton burpo or was they Keaton Keaton burpo.
[01:08:28] Buster and Skeeter yeah what would the guys we had a lot of we had a lot of half hearted
[01:08:33] jokes on this episode.
[01:08:34] I thought yeah again if you guys were like.
[01:08:37] I thought Bien and Skeaton was the best joke in the episode.
[01:08:41] How about Buster Skeaton.
[01:08:42] Buster Scary had a pretty nutted on the nut on the nut index.
[01:08:47] Buster Skeaton Buster Skeaton.
[01:08:50] Buster Skeaton.
[01:08:51] They got they got.
[01:08:54] Wow remember that thing where the building falls on him.
[01:08:58] And then he comes.
[01:09:01] You should host a show on turn a classic movies.
[01:09:04] Remember when Charlie Chaplin he's like.
[01:09:08] Trying to the Murphy bed won't close.
[01:09:11] Oh yeah that's pretty good.
[01:09:13] Remember.
[01:09:14] Fuck yeah.
[01:09:15] There you go.
[01:09:16] Thank for listening everybody.
[01:09:17] The mirror thing.
[01:09:18] Mirror with.
[01:09:19] And he's like.
[01:09:20] It's a guy.
[01:09:21] It's another guy.
[01:09:22] Roger's tricking him to make him think it's a mirror instead of him.
[01:09:32] Is there a memory of like being like a little kid and white men can't jump came on like
[01:09:37] Fox.
[01:09:38] I used to love that movie.
[01:09:39] Primetime Fox.
[01:09:40] And I was watching in my uncle's house.
[01:09:41] My uncle lived in like Jersey outside of Philly.
[01:09:45] And the movie started and my parents are like we got to go home and I'm like but I'm like
[01:09:49] I just started watching this and like it'll still be home and you get home because of
[01:09:52] the time zone change.
[01:09:53] And I was like really?
[01:09:55] And they're like yeah of course.
[01:09:57] It'll be two hours earlier when we get home.
[01:10:00] To Maryland.
[01:10:01] Yeah.
[01:10:02] And then we got there and of course it was like later and I was like what the fuck you
[01:10:06] just lied to me.
[01:10:07] They were like yeah we're not going to stay there so you can watch white men.
[01:10:11] Some fucking seven year olds whim.
[01:10:15] My dad did that to me with the Simpsons.
[01:10:20] It was like on like 8 30 on Sundays and like I guess my bedtime was 8 30 or something.
[01:10:24] And so he's like yeah I'll get them to change it.
[01:10:27] Dad just comes up from the basement and his like shirts off and he's got a boxing gloves
[01:10:30] on and his.
[01:10:31] It was just like a bunch of calm all over his mouth.
[01:10:35] He's like it's bedtime.
[01:10:37] Turn the telly off.
[01:10:39] Don't come down in the basement.
[01:10:42] He's fighting kangaroos.
[01:10:46] Oh no I lost again.
[01:10:52] Zero zero and a hundred.
[01:10:56] My dad has gotten beat up by a lot of kangaroos.
[01:11:00] Alright folks.