Cum Town | Regular | 12/28/2017
[00:00:13] his gorgeous as fucking sexy as mom did
[00:00:16] oh my god we saw another day are we had sex with her
[00:00:20] he fucks stops mom it was like we had yeah i mean i didn't want to but she
[00:00:25] you know please yes she was like come over here my bitch that's the only
[00:00:28] fucking words she knows in english is that it's just like
[00:00:33] she goes my pussy might not be that good but breakfast
[00:00:46] you know she was like she saw me and she was like
[00:00:55] you know i'm trying to go to a pumpkin patch you know yes sure
[00:01:02] it was pretty cute that like when we we will we're talking about we drop
[00:01:06] stav off on the way back to new york after dc after the show
[00:01:09] shout out to everyone it came to the show we're very sorry that the sound
[00:01:12] person fucked up the board recording yes this is not actually an excuse that
[00:01:17] we're making it's a legitimately this was someone else's fault this time and it
[00:01:21] really sucks because it was a really great show this is a great show
[00:01:25] um and we had a video recording that we were going to sync up with the sound
[00:01:29] and apparently the sound from the video isn't any good to use either but
[00:01:33] maybe we're going to try to cut it into clips and put it on patreon for you
[00:01:41] yeah we'll figure it out also i just put the real last dude podcast i was on this
[00:01:45] week was me and uh tim dylan wow and luis
[00:01:50] gay gomez wow the three queers the comedy the three gays what
[00:01:57] uh w that would be a fun character luis gay gomez
[00:02:02] and he's like what's up dude you want to come back to my place
[00:02:08] yeah no i got fidget spinners you can show them in my ass
[00:02:13] fidget spinner butt plugs yeah uh have you seen those
[00:02:18] well it was real yeah bro fidget spinner butt plugs damn i'm sure
[00:02:22] like the little yeah uh so our filling in for
[00:02:27] style we got pd the boy to bro here yo yo yo yo
[00:02:32] boy what's good yeah it's good to have you back dude great to have you back
[00:02:36] yo you guys your fans are different bro like this
[00:02:40] different range rate it's races are like fucking like
[00:02:44] spectrum it's not a range that's what i mean you got all the words bro
[00:02:48] yeah yeah yeah i've met fucking redneck type of dudes and i met like
[00:02:52] collegiate motherfuckers oh okay next to dudes like yo you come down
[00:02:56] look at the fuck out of here it's a big tank
[00:02:59] tennie yeah um yeah what's good to have you back
[00:03:04] how's stoves mom look does she look she looks sexy shape
[00:03:08] like yeah like stoves you know okay she's uh
[00:03:12] stoves a little bit more hair you know she's got like kind of
[00:03:15] asiatic eyes i'd say yeah she's a little bit of a pair
[00:03:19] uh sounds gonna be mad that we yeah discuss his mom on the show but she
[00:03:23] apologized to him when we got home it's so clear that like
[00:03:27] stoves like her angel beautiful boy she apologized to him because she's like
[00:03:31] stavaros i'm so sorry that i have not been cooking for your
[00:03:35] for your arrival like i've been cleaning all day and i'm very sorry you don't
[00:03:40] have hot food for your arrival and yeah and like literally there was a stack
[00:03:45] and i'm not exaggerating of 500 cookies yeah like mad cookies i guess she was
[00:03:51] making for christ it was like enough it was like it was like
[00:03:54] she makes all the shit for every starbucks in manhattan that's crazy like there was
[00:03:58] a truck that was gonna pull up and load up have any of them
[00:04:01] no no i had a cold so i was like i don't want to take anything that's got
[00:04:05] sugar in it yeah i had i had some of the cookies
[00:04:08] also i just don't fuck with sweets you know i'm not a big sweet
[00:04:11] yeah i'm not you're right amber i do fuck with sweets but i have but that's
[00:04:15] what i'm like off the rails you know what i mean yeah
[00:04:18] i'm trying to if i'm if i'm like you just even it's like any semblance of
[00:04:22] a diet i'm not that's like the one thing i'm not going to do
[00:04:25] i went out to the diner last night with Ian and some other folks
[00:04:31] and everybody got milkshakes and i had sweet i had sweet potato fries
[00:04:36] okay you know not bad healthy a dip them in a hollandaise sauce yeah
[00:04:41] a nice healthy meal yeah nice healthy sweet potato fries
[00:04:44] dip in a bowl yeah yeah milkshakes bro milkshakes dude
[00:04:49] i can't say i really ever indulge in a milkshake yeah i know it's fucking
[00:04:53] it's decadent dude you got to be a real piece of shit during milkshake
[00:04:57] fucking vibe and then they bring in the metal cup next to it with more milkshake
[00:05:02] yeah yeah when i when i started comedy when my first friends in comedy was
[00:05:05] this guy that was 10 years older than me so i was like 16 17 he was like 26 27
[00:05:10] but i already fat and bald and he had to like move back in with his parents
[00:05:14] he's a fucking loser i mean i was friends with him but you know
[00:05:17] objectively the guy's like life sucked and we went out to one diet we like got
[00:05:21] real high either before after a show we went up
[00:05:25] some diner and he like i look over and he got a milkshake and he's like
[00:05:30] man fuck this i'm just like 30 years old and i'm
[00:05:32] fucking drinking on the street you know which is what a milkshake is you just
[00:05:37] drink an ice cream a lot of people don't consider that and that's why i've
[00:05:40] never been able to order a milkshake since then because
[00:05:43] now i always think of it as drinking ice cream it's really impressive to me that
[00:05:47] Starbucks has been able to market like milkshakes for breakfast
[00:05:51] to people like very successfully yeah you see people call it some what do
[00:05:55] they call it Starbucks Starbucks has great
[00:05:57] Starbucks has great breakfast sandwiches yeah the gouda
[00:06:01] bacon one i want to actually pitch a ad campaign to Starbucks they're like
[00:06:06] look we know our coffee's kind of shitty but the breakfast
[00:06:09] what do you get i never had in the Starbucks breakfast
[00:06:14] what's that what do you get there at Starbucks it's just like
[00:06:17] microwave sausage egg and cheese sandwich the sausage egg and cheese is good
[00:06:20] the bacon egg and cheese thing yeah they got that but they make you it's like
[00:06:24] uh the gouda cheddar and fucking yeah it's got a gay yeah they have to have
[00:06:29] to gay up the name so you're like you know what i need more than just a
[00:06:32] breakfast sandwich i'm going to get a john legend cd too
[00:06:36] because of focus group said that people are more likely to buy
[00:06:39] a john legend cd yeah man there's always like a new Vanessa Carlton like
[00:06:43] that just dropped every time i got a star you know Vanessa Carlton is named
[00:06:47] after the siblings from the fresh principal exactly
[00:06:58] yes she was engineered by some record executives
[00:07:08] Tatiana Ali which i don't know sorry that i couldn't really riff that out
[00:07:14] go ahead riff it out i'm here for you stop not here
[00:07:18] so i don't know we had we had such a good trip in
[00:07:22] dc i don't feel the need to be spiteful towards my friends and what the
[00:07:25] bro what's how long you guys there man just one night it was really like the
[00:07:29] Christmas Eve it was so good yeah i'm really bummed we can't like put it on
[00:07:33] patreon because it was like yeah it was so cool i don't know
[00:07:36] you know i to be honest with you i don't know how good the show itself was it's
[00:07:40] there were so many people there it was a good show yeah it was so fun yeah
[00:07:44] it was fun for us i got really drunk and kind of sassy a little bit the thing
[00:07:48] with the live shows is is just feeling sassy a couple of times i've done live
[00:07:53] shows is like it kind of a need to like either repeat
[00:07:56] things that we've said already just because there's dead air we want to get
[00:07:59] a laugh or just straight up do stand up bits
[00:08:02] like during the podcast like you're doing panel on like yeah yeah which is
[00:08:06] like kind of a shitty move i'd say so i mean if you like the podcast the live
[00:08:10] show is like gonna be a little bit different
[00:08:14] but uh and i don't know how it would sound just to upload i mean i'm sure it
[00:08:18] would be fine yeah like overthinking it but um
[00:08:21] you got dahards man they want to hear shit bro special shout out to the guy
[00:08:25] that uh the entire show was just shouting african guy yeah that was
[00:08:30] really he wanted us to do the african guy but real bad yeah
[00:08:35] it was like a free bird you know the last time you were here we we talked about
[00:08:39] Monte Carlo is briefly you had a 1980 or 79 78 78
[00:08:44] oh okay but that's that that is that's the first year of the smaller
[00:08:49] platform right yeah it's like a three something i don't remember
[00:08:53] yeah three something this is 77 down the block
[00:08:56] i don't know if you saw it on those are longer i think yeah the 70 the 73
[00:09:00] this we talked about this i'm sure the 73 to 77 Monte Carlos are
[00:09:05] they're like boats they're fucking great those are badass cars dude yeah
[00:09:09] they got a caprisa around my way like a probably like the same year 78 to 80
[00:09:13] yeah those are great old caprisas fucking with uh uh
[00:09:18] the headlights kind of have like a they loop around
[00:09:22] a bit you know they kind of got like you can see where
[00:09:25] how the bubble the bubble caprisas i copied that styling
[00:09:29] and then it's kind of got like that chrome well some of them have like that
[00:09:32] fucking big-ass chrome cover yeah yeah yeah
[00:09:35] no i like caprisas too too they got the two doors you know what i like for that
[00:09:39] era the most is uh there's like bowtail
[00:09:42] Riviera's like the 70 like 73 Riviera's with the
[00:09:47] fucking nice glass the back yeah yeah yeah bowtail bowtail
[00:09:51] bowtail yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah those are
[00:09:55] those cars those cars like were made out of steel they like weighed like
[00:09:59] 4,000 pounds yeah i'm really heavy they're like really big you ever
[00:10:03] love the fucking way that the engine sits in there and then the front like the
[00:10:06] front of the actual car yeah there's so much room in a fucking engine
[00:10:10] and it's just like you know yeah so you could put like an 18 cylinder block in
[00:10:13] there yeah yeah that's cool dude yeah let's get into cars
[00:10:18] me and pd are already in the car you guys are no i mean like uh
[00:10:21] acquiring historic cars like a Seinfeld or
[00:10:26] i always wanted one of those fucking uh the shits from cobra remember the
[00:10:30] shit was sliced on yeah yeah what do you have like a
[00:10:33] 53 mercury yeah mercury yeah yeah those are cool you know if it has one of uh
[00:10:38] i think Jesse James has like a custom mercury if it's like
[00:10:41] yeah probably have one those shits are nuts with the fucking chopped
[00:10:43] chopped the roof yeah yeah uh huh who's i dare imagine who the
[00:10:47] fuck's idea was like coming up with four inches yeah yeah my windows are too big
[00:10:51] yeah god i'm gonna have cobra's a great movie dude yeah i fucking love that
[00:10:56] shit i try to say my man was a rapist you seen that
[00:11:00] yeah why she broke rock man i thought his brother on
[00:11:05] i believe it and it wasn't that he was a rapist is that he he made the girl
[00:11:08] fuck his body he ran he ran we call out a gangster in the
[00:11:11] Bronx yeah a rapist that's what they got i thought i thought they were gangsters
[00:11:17] no no no no no no no no no like so he was like his man was in the
[00:11:20] closet he was like yeah yeah you ever let me would you ever let me
[00:11:23] fuck and then he was like yeah yeah then he came out
[00:11:27] and then he comes up and fucks her yeah that's pretty cool that's what uh me
[00:11:31] and nick and stop do yeah we all share each other's
[00:11:34] women yeah yeah yeah you want to be a girl that listens to the show you better
[00:11:40] be ready to get sexed in by the crew that's true
[00:11:45] yo the bloods do that shit did you know yeah yeah every gang does that every
[00:11:48] every day in sex is women in you think there was some lonely dudes i was like
[00:11:52] yo dude we need to start a gang bro and if we can get enough of us yeah
[00:11:55] well i like the idea of a guy that's like he wants to join a gang
[00:11:58] but he doesn't want to get jumped in because he's a pussy so he's like how
[00:12:05] like and then it's like it's like those movies
[00:12:08] it's like those movies where it's like where uh we're like a chimp wants to play
[00:12:13] baseball and you're like chimp can't play baseball and the
[00:12:15] umpire looks in the rule book and he's like
[00:12:17] actually there's nothing in the rules so the chimp can't play baseball
[00:12:21] and then they do that with like a guy getting sexed into the blood like actually
[00:12:25] according to the the crip bylaws a man can be sexed into the crips
[00:12:30] and then they all have to fuck him and then put cigarettes out in the shoulder
[00:12:34] uh-huh yeah man that sounds that sounds uh
[00:12:40] pretty pretty cool like that's a prank that you know those stupid pranks that
[00:12:45] they do and like that somebody'll punch them in the face and like something
[00:12:47] crazy will happen but like they'll walk next to somebody and hold a
[00:12:51] stranger's hand or some shit yeah i'd like to see that like i'd like to see a
[00:12:55] dude just be like yo i'm ready yo yeah like you need to get jumped in he's like
[00:12:58] no wait don't you guys can fuck me in that shit would be
[00:13:02] fucking great bro just to see how they react
[00:13:05] yeah that would be you can they kill him that should be the the next season of
[00:13:08] impractical joker's bro is they got to join a gang but
[00:13:12] Saul has to suck off of a fucking og yo yes yes yes
[00:13:18] he has to spell the crip alphabet on the guy's asshole is tongue
[00:13:22] yeah have you ever heard of uh superhead this chick that was like in the rap scene
[00:13:26] back in the 90s no i gave her the best blood yeah she had the best
[00:13:29] DJ so there was a dude erm karun nah did she she
[00:13:34] never yeah yeah apparently she was the blowjob queen of
[00:13:37] holidays she didn't have teeth yeah oh you mean back in the day day
[00:13:40] yeah back in the day nancy ragan it's true nancy ragan sucked off like she
[00:13:45] gave the best don't she gave the best fucking head
[00:13:47] get the fuck she was like known for sucking dick really well she's such a
[00:13:51] ronald white yeah yeah wow he wiped that because he's a bitch that's a finesse right there
[00:13:57] had no head like that yeah yeah damn wow ronald yeah he was the second
[00:14:01] marriage i think right he probably got mopped off and left her for nance
[00:14:06] how big was he in like as a as a movie star or was he just in a movie yeah but
[00:14:10] he was in a movie where he was friends with a monkey right yeah
[00:14:14] he was he was in a movie where he slept yeah his moon called dusted sucks off he
[00:14:19] has to suck off a chimp yeah nancy was actually consultant on the movie
[00:14:24] was that i said sounds like planter than a piece to me yeah that's like
[00:14:27] kind of a bitch move though like marrying the woman that sucked off the rest of
[00:14:32] hollywood you know that's kind of like i'm i'm not
[00:14:35] not it's progressive but only if you did it now only him it's a bitch move
[00:14:39] that she stinks bro in those days it's kind of a bitch you have a
[00:14:42] date a girl that you know fuck like a bunch of dudes that you like like you
[00:14:46] didn't know that she does it afterwards and you're like
[00:14:50] wow i mean maybe not afterwards but it's like
[00:14:52] you know even before i don't give a shit but you know when i heard a new
[00:14:56] fucking song that wraps on that promoted like i don't care if she was with
[00:15:00] somebody oh yeah i heard that song oh was he vert yeah yeah yeah that
[00:15:03] shit made me feel good about myself go yeah because that's it yeah the only
[00:15:07] reason you would care is because like you're insecure about your own shit
[00:15:10] yeah i mean it's not right and then the comments are funnier than me and more
[00:15:15] successful yeah yeah yeah i'm like fuck yeah the song was like
[00:15:18] he's like proud of she we used to be yeah and he's like i don't care i don't
[00:15:23] care i just want to i want to kiss in the mouth i was a good
[00:15:25] freak in the mouth i think society said it in the right
[00:15:28] direction but i do think that was a bitch move around right it was a
[00:15:31] bitch move around wait what did earth god ease you with
[00:15:33] superhead oh no he was like how she used to always
[00:15:36] want to be in the video and he was like you'll get the fuck out of here get
[00:15:39] the fuck out of here and then one of his homies had told
[00:15:42] him that she stole some money from him they hooked up and she stole some money
[00:15:45] from yeah and then he's like you i thought she
[00:15:47] kept coming around after he found that out and he was like get the fuck out of
[00:15:50] here bitch she stole money from my dude and she's like yo earth i'll do whatever
[00:15:54] and she was like yo you got sucked he was like you got sucked everybody's
[00:15:57] dick here and then she goes well you want me to start
[00:16:01] he's like i tried to think of the most outrageous fucking thing because it
[00:16:04] was like mad dudes there so i just he was like i tried to think of something that
[00:16:08] would make up be like get the fuck out of here i'm done
[00:16:11] and like yo she's like yo she he's like yo she went over there and just started
[00:16:14] sucking mad dudes yeah you know what's funny is like
[00:16:17] there was a was a porn star trying to set the record for like getting
[00:16:20] fucked in her ass by more people than anyone else
[00:16:23] and so they're like set up like a like a kissing booth but an
[00:16:26] ass fucking booth essentially and it was a couple years ago
[00:16:30] and like you know they make you just do like a quick aids test or whatever and
[00:16:33] then you're only allowed to fuck her for like 30 seconds or maybe like 10
[00:16:37] seconds in the next that's what the Guinness people demand it
[00:16:40] well there's like there's that point there with a stopwatch
[00:16:44] about to make it's like there's so much shit the Guinness book of world records
[00:16:48] will reject yeah you know yeah you're like i'm gonna
[00:16:50] i'm gonna be the guy that fucking eats the most pennies and they're like that's
[00:16:54] not a real record and then this woman's like i'm gonna
[00:16:57] fucking set up a toll booth in front of my pussy ass
[00:17:02] and just run a fucking easy pass right through
[00:17:05] right through my body and then you know the maximum number of customers will be
[00:17:18] uh videotape it for proof yeah what may Guinness get into that game
[00:17:23] the beer company i want to like call them up just be like
[00:17:26] i think my son is the most retarded boy in war
[00:17:29] you got to see this fucking retard i got in my garage
[00:17:41] oh god he's got a set the world's most retarded
[00:17:45] person he drools all day yeah he's got a garden hose in his
[00:17:51] ass and mouth and he's fucking shitting through it
[00:17:55] that was you know what's Guinness book was that
[00:17:57] fucking uh Guinness beer though i think so no
[00:18:01] no is it i don't think so no i think it's sary alli Guinness
[00:18:04] Obi-Wan Kenobi yeah it was alli Guinness
[00:18:07] um i feel like Guinness beer all that shit came about like in the ring them
[00:18:12] brother days right yeah yeah like freak shows
[00:18:15] and stuff but ppt barnam had a fucking store in
[00:18:18] new york i think like his oddity store yeah
[00:18:21] and uh you know you had like all these different exhibits and shit and one of
[00:18:26] the biggest pussy the one of them was uh one of them was uh what is it
[00:18:30] which was literally a retarded black guy that they put
[00:18:34] they put in a gorilla costume yeah yeah yeah and he looked like a fucking like
[00:18:39] a yeah yeah like uh micro sapphily or whatever he was a
[00:18:42] fucking pinhead but uh they just put him in a gorilla costume
[00:18:46] Jesus christ what these are the current terms for
[00:18:50] i'm not yeah no i'm not reacting to you i'm just reacting to the
[00:18:54] oh good times he's he born and came yeah yeah yeah the what is the what is it
[00:18:59] you know like they didn't even bother coming up with the story they're like
[00:19:02] this is fucked up isn't it that what were they thinking
[00:19:07] yeah amusement is for you to just come here and fit try to figure it out yeah
[00:19:11] right and so like you think like man people used to be fucked up that they
[00:19:14] thought that was like an animal but there's an account from this guy uh
[00:19:18] at George Templeton Strong it was like a journalist and oh yeah this was in that
[00:19:22] he was in the Ken Burns documentary about
[00:19:24] New York and fucking uh they have in that documentary they have an excerpt from
[00:19:29] him or he's like then exhibit called the what is it you know which they
[00:19:33] claim is some sort of inbred chimpanzee or something
[00:19:36] but it's clearly just an idiotic negro dwarf from the other line is
[00:19:40] you know like it's like oh yeah nobody fell for that they all knew
[00:19:45] it's like this is just a retarded person
[00:19:51] all new yeah idiotic and negro dwarf from one of the carolina's
[00:20:02] god that's like the pizza face dude on the train he would have told he made a
[00:20:07] living back then yeah he wouldn't have been begging for money
[00:20:10] there's like a dude you see the dude his whole fucking face is melted off
[00:20:14] no there's a lot of the areas I feel like when I used to come to New York when I
[00:20:16] was a kid my acid or some shit like you would see you'd see yeah guys that
[00:20:20] blew themselves up in meth accidents that's the coolest that I think is being in
[00:20:24] New York as a kid you just see fucking holy smell shit
[00:20:28] see shit that sounds cool yeah that sounds like good for children because
[00:20:31] then you go back to life like I don't fucking care
[00:20:34] yeah see the fucking dude with no face I told the story before but
[00:20:38] the most New York shit I saw was on canal street
[00:20:42] it was a chinese woman with her like four-year-old chinese son
[00:20:46] broad daylight 11 a.m. like a wednesday and his pants were pulled down
[00:20:51] and she was holding his dick and helping him piss all over the sidewalk
[00:20:56] she was holding his dick for him and he was using his hands to lift his
[00:20:59] shirt up and it was like what was she like bent
[00:21:04] bent down yeah she was like crouching and holding his penis
[00:21:07] she was riding his head how big was a baby chinese kid's dick like
[00:21:11] I mean huge that's it a hog chinese people they got Benjamin
[00:21:17] buttoned dicks naked eye yesterday that's why it doesn't yeah
[00:21:21] you guys said see grown chinese man's penis is very small that's because
[00:21:24] they age and reverse the final stage they got the final stage penis we got
[00:21:29] dinner last night and we saw some shit that was just like we couldn't even laugh
[00:21:32] at because it was just like it was like all right this is too much
[00:21:39] like with a ponytail wearing a yamaka and seat
[00:21:43] he's like and seatsy like the the strings you know like the
[00:21:47] that orthodox jewish people oh yeah yeah yeah the fucking two-hand
[00:21:51] like football yeah yeah exactly yeah so it's a japanese guy dressing like a
[00:21:55] his seat he's not his cedic or whatever and it was like no no
[00:21:58] it was too in a knot what if his mother what if his mother
[00:22:02] well he was with like another japanese guy who's like my vibe is like the
[00:22:06] 70s yeah okay they all have like widows yeah they all had like
[00:22:11] you know this is this is my this is like my way that i'm gonna like yeah
[00:22:14] i mean japanese like people are the trendiest you know they're most like
[00:22:18] fashion for like all the women there look like women that you could win in a
[00:22:21] drag race you know yeah yeah they all have that look
[00:22:24] that was it and and but this guy was the thing he was doing was so funny
[00:22:29] that you know it couldn't be funny it was just like we were just looking at
[00:22:34] it we're like yeah and then he goes to leave and he puts a fedora on
[00:22:38] yeah he's chasing yarmul golf and he puts on like a fedora with a feather
[00:22:41] it brought multiple looks to the super-astron yeah man he said i got i got
[00:22:46] to have different styles throughout my that's some milkshit though you can't
[00:22:50] do that in japan the fucking what it was i mean i think you can't use it
[00:22:54] in japan was it yukaku what is it you got a fucks
[00:23:00] very very no i was saying i was saying to adam there's one time i was in
[00:23:04] montreal and i was in the french quarter and i saw a woman
[00:23:09] walking a pig you know like a like you would have seen
[00:23:12] like you would a dog and i was like oh shit i want to go see what's going on so i
[00:23:16] walk up and then she's like kneeing the fucking pig and it's ass and like
[00:23:20] trying to push it and she's like sorry he's having a real hard time right now
[00:23:24] and i look down and the pig's dick is out and i'm having a new pig's head
[00:23:29] they do it and you know it's funny retractable it looks like their tail
[00:23:32] corkscrew it does yeah it looks it looks like a
[00:23:35] somebody made a joke and they're like what's a pig's dick what's not
[00:23:38] dicks are duct dicks are like duct dicks are like that yeah yeah
[00:23:41] and they're like scorpion from uh moral
[00:23:44] conga get over here they like they could like throw them out like catch bitches
[00:23:48] and like smile back in i watched a video of a woman getting
[00:23:51] fucked by a pig when i was when i was younger
[00:23:54] and uh she had to wear a burlap sack on her bag
[00:23:57] because the pig would chew the skin off her back if she didn't have the sack
[00:24:02] on that that's a more valbert shit right there
[00:24:05] they're the most like humans of any animal
[00:24:10] yeah no pigs it's like kind of fucked up we eat them
[00:24:13] but people you saw remember back in the day they'd be like yo son you can't
[00:24:17] fuck with pigs you can all eat pork because they don't sweat son
[00:24:20] yeah yeah well but they like that don't they like don't get diseases or some
[00:24:24] shit they're super intelligent yeah i feel like their immune system's crazy
[00:24:27] isn't it i don't know about that i but all i know is that when you
[00:24:31] let one fuck a woman you got to put a burlap
[00:24:33] and that's that's the extent of my zoology knowledge and a fucking pig
[00:24:37] the tenacity and the best reality you fuck with his son you ever
[00:24:40] watched that just for shits and gigs yeah uh uh
[00:24:44] why use to go to i use to go to e-fucked all the time oh yeah me too
[00:24:47] yeah he fucked was like porn bloopers yeah
[00:24:54] disasters on set anyway so i'm in the french quarter in this pig this woman's
[00:24:58] like pushing this pig trying to get it to leave
[00:25:01] and its dick is out and she's like he's having a real hard time and the pig is
[00:25:04] coming out of its dick and then also shitting
[00:25:07] so it's a shitting and coming pig she's in in like french Canada it's too
[00:25:12] much and it's too much it's like this would be so
[00:25:15] funny to me if it like i mean but it just seems like a fake
[00:25:18] jokes i couldn't even laugh at it i'm like what kind of lady was it
[00:25:21] uh just some like crazy or i don't i don't fucking know any
[00:25:25] because the coming and shitting you can't remember i don't yeah exactly i
[00:25:29] know no knowledge of i was here with my girlfriend at the time and i'm like are
[00:25:32] you seeing this too much yeah she was just kind of like like i know this is
[00:25:36] something you appreciate so what was she was just in the street like what was
[00:25:40] she just like walking down the fucking in the middle of the
[00:25:43] girlfriend no no the fucking shit oh all the woman
[00:25:45] yeah no it's like the french quarters there's a little park area where
[00:25:50] you know like uh french people that don't bathe practice circus tricks
[00:25:54] you know bring their pig in a freak shows which you know anonymous
[00:25:57] that's what so you're saying that's the
[00:25:59] Canadian hipster fucking Williamsburg yeah being french yeah
[00:26:04] cool yeah that's their version of uh you know somebody that used to be punk
[00:26:10] you ever see someone with a cat on a leash yeah
[00:26:13] yeah i hate that i was fucking weird yeah my my dog is uh
[00:26:19] i like i wanted to kill my dog a couple weeks ago because i
[00:26:22] i usually take her out with a muzzle because she could kill like she's a
[00:26:25] pit and she was abused and stuff and whatever
[00:26:29] she's she can snap you know she's not she's very friendly in that you know it's
[00:26:32] funny i was laughing the other day when but people talk about how they rescue
[00:26:35] to pitbull yeah yeah like i guess the implication
[00:26:38] there is like so from like black people yeah yeah
[00:26:42] documentary is about the part is like i just like thinking of how many black
[00:26:46] people i know if any of them have ever had a
[00:26:48] rescue pit they would be pride in like you are paid
[00:26:51] yeah yeah as much for this pit right yeah it was gifted to me well you only
[00:26:55] rescue people black people yeah it's not like you're rescuing them from like
[00:27:00] the Vietnam war you know do you see that documentary iphone factory the
[00:27:04] michael vick dog documentary yeah yeah that that is the funniest thing
[00:27:08] funny it's the funniest thing it's it's like they send them to
[00:27:10] arizona it's like a spa for dogs they're like some organizations like sending
[00:27:15] them to like it's it's a documentary that is legitimately
[00:27:18] only for white people yeah yeah it's like it's about these brave white people that
[00:27:21] save these beautiful creatures from these
[00:27:24] heinous like yeah african monsters you know it's like
[00:27:28] anything you see these like retarded white families like with their like
[00:27:31] dog that's like so clearly fucked up from like whatever the ship michael
[00:27:35] vick was doing like in uh what was it uh virginia beach or whatever
[00:27:40] i think i remember a news story about somebody had
[00:27:42] they got a pit bull and then they had an infant and they're like the pit bull
[00:27:46] is fine around the infant and then they hear this like blood curdling
[00:27:49] fucking scream in the other room now and they go in there
[00:27:53] and the pit bull is running around and the baby is being dragged behind it
[00:27:58] like ass to ass and what it happened was is the pit bull
[00:28:02] fucked the baby in the ass and then it's called the dog knot
[00:28:07] but on a dog's dick at the base there's like a
[00:28:09] thick bulb that locks into the female dog's pussy
[00:28:15] and then dogs dogs don't dogs don't really like nut at the end
[00:28:19] they kind of just are constantly nutting while they're fucking or whatever
[00:28:22] nice so they get stuck in the pussy and then they just
[00:28:25] continue nutting and then that's why dogs get stuck together you know if you
[00:28:28] see dogs finish fucking and they're like stuck together
[00:28:31] so that happened in this couple's baby and the baby's just being dragged behind
[00:28:36] the pit bull by its ass because the dog's coming in
[00:28:39] god damn yeah and it's like yeah i guess you
[00:28:43] you gotta watch it yeah you gotta fucking get it careful with those
[00:28:46] rescue pit bulls yeah i bet you they didn't warn you about that
[00:28:51] that you know yoga and dog rescue cupcake shop that you got your fucking
[00:28:57] you know i don't know i just yeah i basically just got her off of the
[00:29:01] street why how my friend had a pit and he was
[00:29:05] like walking his pit and then some some dude on his block on green like
[00:29:11] not in in bedside like closer to bush wake i guess and uh
[00:29:15] this dude was like yeah i just was breathing this dog at my grandma's house
[00:29:19] and like hand have her she's just at puppies i can't have one in the house
[00:29:23] i think he said i don't know i wasn't there but uh
[00:29:27] but yeah so then he like he was like yeah we got to find out home for this
[00:29:31] dog the next three days otherwise they're gonna take her away
[00:29:33] caldwell's the dog's do it uh look at your year and a half
[00:29:37] yeah she said that's what the fuck would be before they bred her in her first
[00:29:40] heat so like literally she got her first period and they're like all right time
[00:29:43] that time nut in that pose time to get some monster to like
[00:29:48] raper is this child how big is it is it a bigger dog she's like kind of a little
[00:29:52] bit smaller for a pit um she's really cool but uh yeah she's traumatized like out
[00:29:57] on the street she's like traumatized anyway but like there was a street
[00:30:00] condom out like i like took her out late at night i don't
[00:30:05] make her wear a muzzle and then there was a we just came up on a street
[00:30:09] condom who goes special for me that should sound like it's such a
[00:30:13] fucking like i don't understand i guess it's homeless people
[00:30:16] at the time i don't use condoms and i don't understand who these
[00:30:19] responsible bums are never throwing a condom on my
[00:30:23] way i'm just we gotta play it safe part of me bad
[00:30:26] right dude i've thrown condoms onto the window before
[00:30:30] out of the window oh out of a window oh just put them in the fucking car
[00:30:34] that's a curveball or if you're fucking in your car you throw the condom on the
[00:30:38] window no you just leave it on the floor of your car and start to choose burger
[00:30:41] wrappers in the gun anyway she got her she started chewing on it
[00:30:47] and i literally had to like i had to pry a bums a bums condom out of my
[00:30:54] dogs now i'm like i'm gonna fucking kill this like i really that was like the
[00:30:57] least love i ever had for my dog i'm gonna fucking kill this dog
[00:31:00] that she can't be saving them whole that's like a really yeah
[00:31:04] it's like you don't deserve a nice quiet life that i can probably give a nice
[00:31:08] food i give her nice food from Costco i treat her right yeah i
[00:31:13] should repeat i think that's what the song uptown girl
[00:31:15] yeah exactly yeah i used to date this chick that's not a pickle from hog
[00:31:19] she only gave her dog fucking bottled water dude
[00:31:23] oh really that's fucked up what kind of dog was it it was a
[00:31:27] fucking mutt dude but like she treated this fucking dog like it was like oh my
[00:31:32] god yeah i think it'd be funny to like go broke
[00:31:36] not have any money but i still have like a macaw
[00:31:39] that's your last like that's your last asset left yeah yeah
[00:31:49] i'll never let them take you Benjamin just a
[00:31:52] his emotionless bird staring back at me
[00:31:55] she says no no concept of who i am you're trying to guard
[00:32:00] you stay away from him it's my beautiful blue macaw he's my best friend
[00:32:08] oh i love that yeah that'd be that'd be kind of cool we can get into exotic
[00:32:13] birds this year i'm fucks so you know i fuck with birds right my first girlfriend
[00:32:17] had a had a senegalese parrot named patty
[00:32:20] senegalese and that was actually the origin of african guy boys
[00:32:25] she had a parrot like a yeah senegale parrot and so like he didn't speak
[00:32:29] really but he was very surly because she had gone on vacation at some point
[00:32:33] they're very smart animals so yeah you go on vacation
[00:32:36] then they think you've abandoned it you come back three weeks later the parrot
[00:32:40] is like i'm not fucking friends with you anymore
[00:32:42] and so it would just hate it everyone and uh like you know you go up to its cage
[00:32:47] and scream at you and try and bite your fingers and so i would go up to the cage
[00:32:51] and i'd you know put my finger in it and let you know they'd try to bite me and then i would do
[00:32:54] like a voice of him but he was from africa you know he's from senegale
[00:32:59] so i'd be like get get that away from my cage
[00:33:03] get that away from me do not come to my cage
[00:33:07] and you know she was like laughing like the voices i could just ruin my parrot now
[00:33:18] look at him without hearing the voice do not put your finger in my
[00:33:21] okay what the fuck are you doing well because if you do not bring me a cracker
[00:33:27] because i do not understand is that all i want in this world is a cracker
[00:33:38] yo the birds live man long yeah they should give it away to some mexican family
[00:33:43] oh fuck i was like you know they turned them into like momofungu or something
[00:33:47] they're not keeping that as a player they're fakey as steel yeah either either
[00:33:52] either they hate him or somebody's abolita thinks he's jesus
[00:33:57] she's afraid of just afraid of him and respects him at the same time
[00:33:59] there was that in bushwick like when i i lived in bush at chicken factory
[00:34:04] at chicken live kill factory like in the middle of a neighborhood
[00:34:07] we would say by ritual by uh was it yeah yeah i'm like uh
[00:34:11] murdle and nichor bocker no yeah i know what that is they just have like a
[00:34:14] fucking slaughterhouse in the middle of like a fucking oh yeah it's just like
[00:34:19] you end up like it smells like fucking shit from like all the chickens
[00:34:23] shitting everywhere and getting murdered by mexicans yeah it smells like
[00:34:27] samanella my last day like i lived in bushwick like 10 months and i was like
[00:34:31] i need to get the fuck out i feel like i'm the only person that's not 22 years old
[00:34:34] here and my last day i'm like moving like on the subway i had like did three like
[00:34:40] suit case shifts on the subway to my new spot because i was broke as fuck
[00:34:44] and um i'm like talking on the phone to my mom and i'm like carrying like
[00:34:48] pulling two bags behind me and i just see it was like american beauty i just see
[00:34:52] this like chicken feather like floating in the air i'm like tracking i'm kind of
[00:34:56] like not even like like it's just like i grabbed my attention and then
[00:35:01] all of a sudden it just like whoosh like flies into my mouth
[00:35:04] and i like i like hung up i just started like trying to throw up it was like
[00:35:08] one of the grossest experiences my entire life i'm like i'm never coming back to
[00:35:12] this neighborhood again that shit sucks yeah i was like spitting it out i was like
[00:35:16] this is this is one of the grossest things i ever happened
[00:35:19] you ever eaten alive like not a live show but like a
[00:35:22] chicken that you saw alive and then they fucking killed it and then fresh chicken
[00:35:26] is good right yeah it's the best fresh any kind of animal
[00:35:29] not me fresh kill you know not me that's what i'm talking about
[00:35:33] that's type of pussy is like right when the life slips out of your eyes that's
[00:35:37] true you know it's not like you can feel her neck muscles just go stiff
[00:35:42] in your hands i'm gonna chase it back before when it starts to you know
[00:35:47] just it's just barely getting cold you know it's like a it's like a gazpacho
[00:35:53] exactly like a nice lukewarm summer pussy
[00:35:58] yeah yeah yes i fucked it but only the way in the summer time
[00:36:06] early and last july we oh me and ten went up to chop a quiddick and we fucked
[00:36:11] some dead girls this is just too hard to plug the mortician
[00:36:19] and a live pussy is 98 degrees during the summer time it's simply too hard
[00:36:24] that's which it's perfectly delightful to fuck a dead pussy right in july
[00:36:29] we're gonna be a difficult name what's the name for that shit
[00:36:32] that accent or that no the fucking that act of fucking necrophilia
[00:36:36] necrophilia when they're dead though yeah yeah yeah
[00:36:40] yeah i thought that was the shit where you like want to feel like you're about
[00:36:44] to die no that's when you have sex listening to
[00:36:47] that's called wrapping a professional podcaster
[00:36:51] that's the feeling when you just want to die yeah yeah but then you but then you
[00:36:55] not though or you think what does that thing they say when you're like you're
[00:36:58] fucking about to die you're choking yourself and then you
[00:37:00] oh autoerotic xixia yeah yeah um but no i don't know the name for it when like
[00:37:06] the the name for like a death erection but i don't because like sometimes people
[00:37:10] when they they get uh hanged they'll get hard and not
[00:37:13] while they're being hanged and i don't know if that's like a limbic response
[00:37:18] to death or if it's a thing because you're making that fucking
[00:37:22] it's like yeah i don't know if it's like if it's if it's like you know something
[00:37:26] that just happens because that's where the way the body
[00:37:29] set up or if like that's people they're being hanged and like oh shit i'm
[00:37:32] gonna die and they're like oh this is really hot like they didn't know
[00:37:35] that that was the thing they were into until they're being executed
[00:37:39] and they're like yeah fucking i guess i'll just come in my pants in front of
[00:37:42] all of france everyone in france is going to see my
[00:37:45] you know what about the people that shit when they die what is that everybody
[00:37:49] does yeah because your asshole gets loose so you're saying the guy that
[00:37:53] comes fucking shit also um yes usually there's like a whole south park
[00:37:58] episode with a walmart member to walmart oh yeah i'm taking over the town yeah
[00:38:02] isn't that kind of what the pig was doing but he wasn't dying kind of yeah that's
[00:38:07] maybe what the lady was like he was having a hard time was it
[00:38:10] was it cheating on its own balls like that picture
[00:38:13] um or did that pig in the picture it's just crazy that you go out of this
[00:38:17] world the way you came in you know shit just can just
[00:38:21] completely submerge in your mom's pussy i was about to say i'm with the pussy
[00:38:24] yeah just fucking the shit out of your mom that's how we all die
[00:38:29] that would be nice if that's the way out is just you just go up and
[00:38:33] yeah you have to go you have to sorry mom fetal position i got
[00:38:36] mom come come yeah i die it's my time open up bitch it's time for me to go home
[00:38:45] would you go shoulder first or would you go head first foot first
[00:38:48] might go back and around the world would you go
[00:38:51] tongue first i think i would yeah head first head first
[00:38:57] head first yeah you put her on like a turtle neck
[00:39:00] i think five going timberlands first bro
[00:39:03] tim's you got to hang around and just jump in the wrong way
[00:39:07] yeah i hang her upside down jump in yeah that uptown rebirth
[00:39:15] fuck Tim's first i go yankee fitted last yeah that's gonna be a good uh
[00:39:23] good slow burn for me what is that like ice cream bull
[00:39:27] no it's a little it's orange with some clothes in it
[00:39:30] she wants some voodoo winter winter time favorite
[00:39:33] what is that you ever seen that could put clothes in orange fuck dude
[00:39:39] yeah people love me like smell like making shit smell good
[00:39:43] and i never grew up in a family where it's like we were like
[00:39:46] candles and do you know that you know that uh that little gay boy that does the
[00:39:51] yankee candle yeah yeah i was watching a couple like
[00:39:56] like uh like 30 minutes of it with my friend Ari and my girlfriend the other
[00:40:00] day and this kid loves every smell like he loves like he's got like 10
[00:40:06] different pumpkin ones and he's like this is just incredible
[00:40:09] this got notes of spice and it's got and then there's one which was
[00:40:14] i have more shit than taste in that yeah yeah well i got i got my girl a um
[00:40:20] dip-teak candle for christmas yeah um but no no so uh
[00:40:27] then he had uh he had a candle that was like whoopi pie that was like the
[00:40:31] flavor it was like a chocolate whoopi pie and he's like and it just smells it
[00:40:36] just smells like chocolate cake he's like i came home the other day and i asked
[00:40:40] my mom i said mama are you making chocolate cake and she's like no you
[00:40:44] just left her whoopi pie candle burning it is so like oh my god
[00:40:49] i can't imagine what that guy's like father's like he's like probably just
[00:40:53] busting so many sigs and just be like are you talking about your guy guys
[00:40:57] candles are good and he's like i don't know line him up
[00:41:02] yeah he's probably a nice guy like i don't know he's probably from south
[00:41:05] africa and and dealing with his gay son the best he can
[00:41:09] yeah that's probably true uh but i had a roommate that like i guess
[00:41:15] she passively thought that i smell i was like
[00:41:18] making the apartment smell or my room smell or something
[00:41:21] and she started burning uh just cinnamon water just like boiling cinnamon water
[00:41:27] to just make the apartment smell like that's what's your opinion that's some
[00:41:30] weird old fucking shit that's some like i think that's some like waspy kind of
[00:41:34] christmas type of shit it was some fucking dude at me and my
[00:41:37] me and my ex we had a roommate and this fucking guy was like from some
[00:41:41] fucking where europe and first of all he would walk around like
[00:41:44] such a fucking little creepy ninja like he would just oh you'd never
[00:41:48] know he was there yeah and he just wanted to slap him every time he saw me he
[00:41:52] would just fucking make some fucking weird he would eat just peppers bro
[00:41:57] you know why itself either fucking pepper yes that's a vegan bell pepper
[00:42:01] that's like yeah like a fucking orange pepper like vegans vegans do that they
[00:42:05] like they're like ooh at great dinner tonight i had an
[00:42:08] individual mushroom by itself bro yeah yeah yeah like animals don't even
[00:42:13] fucking you know it's like a rabbit that's like yeah i'm just
[00:42:19] gonna have this one blade of grass for dinner
[00:42:23] yeah anyways yeah bell pepper by itself but your funky pussy is all right
[00:42:28] i trust it i don't mind not too funky but like a little
[00:42:32] twang is like i yeah like a southern bell yeah
[00:42:36] no personality like it's like like the taste of her pussy is saying y'all
[00:42:45] uh-huh can you be like a pussy smallet eh yeah dude
[00:42:48] yeah that's all frenchmen yeah they start up like
[00:42:53] they smell it oh great you do not use that spoon on the
[00:42:57] s o oh this is a very young you have to use the
[00:43:01] smaller spoon on the s o and then you use your lips
[00:43:06] do you have to pump the pussy around your mouth to get the
[00:43:11] test into your nasal cavity and that just swelled it around in your mouth yes
[00:43:16] we have lost every word but we know how to eat pussy
[00:43:20] um yeah apparently paris is just covered in dog
[00:43:24] shit yeah apparently it smells bad just fucking disgusting
[00:43:28] yeah um we speaking of nothing that i just said but we saw the new
[00:43:33] p t anderson movie yeah me and nix i guess uh unanimous review it's
[00:43:37] shit what's smooby i just didn't care the phantom thread
[00:43:42] i called it the dress bitch dude it was the guy just being bitchy
[00:43:45] yeah that was adam's big bit is calling it the dress bitch and he tried it on
[00:43:49] everyone and turns out adam's the bit bitch
[00:43:52] no i thought it was like you know it's got a pretty good response
[00:43:56] hey you know i'm not being spiteful that's my new year's resolution no more
[00:44:00] i said it i said it in the middle of the movie and the whole theater
[00:44:04] gave me an applause actually yeah that did that did happen they were like i read
[00:44:07] on npr that it is the dress bitch yeah adam said uh dress bitch and then some
[00:44:12] guy started yelling african guy african guy african guy
[00:44:18] yeah that was great um yeah i just didn't care about that movie at all i
[00:44:23] yeah couldn't really connect although the ending they sort of tied up and it's
[00:44:27] kind of funny the ending was that line at the end was so fun it was and we were
[00:44:32] literally the only people in the theater laughing it burst out laughing at that
[00:44:35] shit it was so weird that's another weird thing
[00:44:38] is like maybe we should call that doctor like what you don't trust me
[00:44:40] he's like no i trust you i just there is a
[00:44:45] you know like when you're in a theater and then there are laugh lines and it's
[00:44:48] like no that that wasn't a joke you know there's like so there are a ton of like
[00:44:53] yeah i saw it happened in this movie and people the whole like like
[00:44:56] fucking fresh air mpr crowd was like oh yeah i saw i saw i thought i thought
[00:45:00] fucking it in theaters and they uh they uh there's that line where
[00:45:06] fin wollfarad says to that girl you know he's like okay who invited molly ringwald
[00:45:12] and it was an empty theater so luckily no one laughed but i knew people that was
[00:45:15] that was supposed to be a huge laugh in the movie and i'm like i'll tell you who
[00:45:19] invited molly ringwald is the casting director who said we need the next molly
[00:45:23] ringwald so that we can fucking then write a joke about clearly looking for
[00:45:29] someone who looks like molly ringwald so we can sell this
[00:45:32] you know 80s i hate all that shit dude i hate nostalgia
[00:45:37] i'm just it fucking do that take place you know i i yeah it takes place in the
[00:45:41] 80s but like stranger things and all this shit i mean there's some things that it
[00:45:44] works for because it's a stylistic choice like it follows where you're
[00:45:47] paying a you know homage to uh uh uh like older shit but it's yeah but
[00:45:53] yeah but it stands on its own merit and then there's like stuff that just
[00:45:58] sucks like that reminds you yeah and it's like i mean nostalgia is like kind of
[00:46:03] a form of sentimentality and you couldn't get it like it's white like
[00:46:06] if you made a movie like radio you know they're like he's black and he's retarded
[00:46:10] and people call him the n-word and retard and it's like this is just a dumb trick
[00:46:14] everyone recognizes it as such and then therefore it's a bad movie
[00:46:18] but when you do it with like everything looks like the 80s which is also a trick
[00:46:22] people are like no it's good i don't get it because it's like a fashion thing
[00:46:26] right it's like people love like well it's just that's not how storytelling
[00:46:30] works you can't just you can't just be like remember this
[00:46:34] you know that's not like you're not doing any original work to convey an
[00:46:39] emotion no i didn't p did you see it no i saw it
[00:46:46] it sucks do you think it was really the last jedi
[00:46:49] no i think there's gonna be more jedi's dude that's the twist
[00:46:54] that's the twist um no it's uh i don't know i just i didn't care
[00:47:00] what was this what was this about when yoda was born
[00:47:03] no it's yoda but yoda does come out as a ghost
[00:47:06] yoda's dead because yoda's yoda died in the original movies which took place
[00:47:09] before all of these oh shit basically she goes to this island where
[00:47:13] Luke Skywalker has been massing me no he's me yoda
[00:47:18] master yoda where are you talking like that i don't know
[00:47:22] they said they went i become a ghost so i have to talk like these
[00:47:26] mossary joda yeah yeah he's um yeah well yeah and then
[00:47:33] Luke Skywalker's living there and she's like you need to come back and he's like
[00:47:36] i'll never come back it was basically like one of those movies where they got to
[00:47:39] get like the retired guy back and he's like i'm out of the game
[00:47:43] and then they show his life on the island he's like
[00:47:46] sucking or he's like milking these like duck uh
[00:47:50] penguins like titties and stuff and like fishing and
[00:47:54] so it's god i don't fucking care it just i didn't care and then
[00:47:57] there was one cool shit where they blew up a ship by going warp speed into it or
[00:48:02] whatever it's called in star wars is it warp speed and star trek
[00:48:05] no it's warp speed is star trek hyperdrive is star wars
[00:48:09] hyperdrive whatever which i i wonder why they don't do that before
[00:48:13] just go hyperdrive into other ships yeah japanese style
[00:48:18] uh whatever i saw and whatever it's not it's i'm sure people liked it
[00:48:25] i'm sure some smarter people than me like that shit is
[00:48:29] no man because force force awakens sucked everybody thought it was good but
[00:48:33] it's like it wasn't as bad as the like original trilogy you know or not the
[00:48:37] original trilogy but the fucking episode one two and three
[00:48:40] because those were like just stupid as shit yeah yeah and then these ones are
[00:48:45] like back to basics we're gonna follow the format that everybody knows and
[00:48:48] loves but then they just make like a fucking
[00:48:51] unnecessary movie that again is just like
[00:48:56] references i mean but you know they know there's dummies out there yeah i know
[00:49:00] i mean it's more than what it was dummies you can't make your money
[00:49:03] it's more than dummies it's that star wars doesn't actually need to be good
[00:49:07] right well it's not even dummies it's just
[00:49:09] it's just impugious right yeah people it's different not even yet in the
[00:49:12] thusias it's like you know people at large it's like
[00:49:14] you know how they got away with just fucking putting bacon on everything
[00:49:20] bacon's okay but i mean like you know what i'm talking about like what like two
[00:49:24] four years ago and everything was like but have you had it with bacon
[00:49:28] oh yeah and it's like i don't think i need to you know it's like mac and cheese
[00:49:32] when people like but have you had it with chicken and waffles have you had it
[00:49:36] with shit in there with human shit have you had it with
[00:49:40] cum one flight cum um anyways any fucking ways
[00:49:47] anyways um uh yeah so but no but you know what's good is that
[00:49:52] rogue one movie i thought rogue one was cool i liked
[00:49:55] that guy it man was in it oh the different it yeah
[00:49:58] fox with it i love it i don't i'm watch the last one was a good
[00:50:02] no i saw the first one i haven't seen the second one's good
[00:50:04] was it rogue one's good because everyone dies at the end
[00:50:08] yeah yeah you don't really have to have an attachment right i don't like that
[00:50:12] message of hope that the rest of the shit has
[00:50:15] over you know because it's a conflict i'm sure the empire is right about many
[00:50:19] things the empire creates a lot of fucking job they built the fucking
[00:50:23] like a really enormous beautiful orb planet spaceship yeah right and then
[00:50:28] the whole thing started they tell you in this the original they're really into
[00:50:31] infrastructure yeah the whole thing started with like a trade federation
[00:50:35] so it's like there's it was just all economic incentive
[00:50:38] yeah like benefits all these you know the shit i don't get is that at the end
[00:50:43] of return of the jedi they have that party and then they won and they get
[00:50:47] like medals and the ewoks are dancing uh and then they just
[00:50:51] start another movie and then the fucking stormtroopers are back the bad guys
[00:50:55] are back nothing has changed yeah it's the same shit they just give them
[00:50:59] different names and they're instead of like the
[00:51:02] the they're called the resistance instead of the
[00:51:06] the i like to imagine rebels or something you know it's it's september
[00:51:09] 11th 2001 and it's fucking you know nine o'clock at night
[00:51:17] and somewhere in a mountainous region in an f-forest
[00:51:20] forested region in afghanistan yeah it's osama bin laden
[00:51:25] and uh the rest of the al-qaeda higher-ups partying with a bunch of
[00:51:33] they're like you know the teddy bears are on their laps and they're all singing
[00:51:41] cheku cheku cheku cheku cheku and then osama bin laden's like
[00:51:48] they're like osama you speak teddy bear he's like i guess so yes
[00:51:52] Guess so I learned Teddy bear language at some point. Yo is Osama still alive, bro
[00:51:57] That's not been long for sure still live dude. Yeah, he's still jacking off and he's still be sick and move the deer
[00:52:10] He owns a Ford Lincoln Mercury. That's a real car dealership. Oh, okay
[00:52:22] That's a good point Nick. What if Osama bin Laden is the rebels and we are
[00:52:29] Yeah, well everybody recognizes that I know you're you're trying to rip on me for making a trite point
[00:52:37] but the only reason I was saying that is to create the visual of
[00:52:41] The Taliban hanging out with ewoks, which is still a funny. That is very funny. No, I'm not shitting on the bed
[00:53:02] That means so funny. Yeah, yeah, and then Lando Calrissian is there too for some reason. Yeah, just the Billy D. William. Oh
[00:53:09] Oh, some old buddy. I'm mad. I lost my third wife to you in a poker
[00:53:18] There's gonna be a they're making a Han Solo movie now young Han Solo. I hope they show
[00:53:24] We're gonna make so many goddamn fucking star wars Disney is just cashing out, dude. Yeah, and they just bought 20th century Fox
[00:53:32] Yeah, so that means that they're gonna be able to mash up all the universes. Yeah
[00:53:37] They're gonna see just more Fox. Yeah, 20th century Fox. Yeah, so they're gonna put all the they're gonna put I don't I don't what is 20th century Fox on
[00:53:47] Movies X-men. Yeah, they're gonna put X-men in
[00:53:52] Marvel and Star Wars and that's gonna just be a real fucking
[00:54:02] How's your Christmas PD I should was shitty, bro
[00:54:09] Hung out with some friends fucking got drunk
[00:54:15] Yeah regular shit. Sorry to hear that. That's cool. It's life. Yeah, I'm glad you did well, you know
[00:54:21] These bitches be getting too fat out here. Yeah, it's true. We got to get the wolf
[00:54:26] Girls out there you want to keep it man. Maybe take it easy on Thanksgiving
[00:54:30] Yeah, I'm fucked with the big girls. I fuck with all the girls
[00:54:40] It's a favor and it's not even really you know, I mean obviously the sex is gonna be bad, but the breakfast
[00:54:49] Fucking waffle house whoo the breakfast crepes she makes great throw a little Nutella on that bitch
[00:55:07] I went to Chinese with my girl I had spots at the stand. Oh, yeah, so I did shit
[00:55:13] And I'm Christmas. Yeah, why do you go to Chinese food is shot feel like they eat pork on Christmas on the low?
[00:55:20] They got pork on the pork three sixty five sour pork. I love that shit, but Jewish people
[00:55:26] Sweet as our pork I can't order every time but I like it every once in a while when I'm in the mood for like
[00:55:30] You know a ball of dough covered in syrup. Yeah, children's cough syrup. Yeah, that's all Chinese food is a syrup
[00:55:37] What's up with that though? I can be guys we like it because historically it was the only place to open on Christmas
[00:55:42] This was Chinese food restaurants fucking loyal sometimes would be nice to be Jewish
[00:55:46] Yeah, I think like I'm jealous of Jews on Christmas because I would love to just not give a fuck to not have to be a part of that
[00:55:54] Yeah, I love that. I'm like this fucking sucks dick Christmas sucks. Yeah every every aspect of it
[00:55:59] It's like when you want eight. Yeah, it was cool. But like five I was always jealous of like the waking up on in the morning
[00:56:06] As early as possible and then go to the tree and they're being presents
[00:56:10] I always thought that was really sick. I was really sad. I couldn't do that. But now as an adult
[00:56:16] You know, I got a homie that did fucking Hanukkah and he fucking opened up gifts like a fucking two-timer on Christmas. Yeah
[00:56:27] That sounds pretty that's fucking you're gonna hell for that shit. Yeah
[00:56:33] Both of the big which hell though which one rikers
[00:56:40] You get fucked by 72 virgin men they fuck you
[00:56:57] I'm gonna join join join gysus gysus. I'm transitioning to woman and Muslim and I'm gonna dress up like a scary ghost
[00:57:05] I'm transitioning into a guy that owns a blue macaw named Benjamin. Oh, yeah, it doesn't have any money
[00:57:11] I actually don't really just me and you Benjamin
[00:57:21] You probably get so much money though like with the fucking bird on your shoulder and like people are just like
[00:57:26] You'll just burn these yeah ride the train around like ladies and gentlemen
[00:57:31] I've recently lost all of my podcasting money. I'm trying to support my blue macaw Benjamin here
[00:57:41] I'm not gonna lie Benjamin uses a lot of cocaine Benjamin is
[00:57:48] So to support his addiction that we need $20 for everyone on this train
[00:57:53] I do have a solo cup filled with my own feces and urine
[00:57:57] I do not mean to throw it at you if you cannot provide me with any kind of change, but I
[00:58:03] Slip it's very my slip and fall. I can't fucking promise
[00:58:07] You know folks a look in his eyes. This is an eight-year-old parrot
[00:58:12] You know be a good option is if everything goes wrong in life
[00:58:15] And I just don't have any options to move to Florida and be one of those slip-and-fall
[00:58:20] Insurance people insurance scam people. Yeah, I think that'd be cool. Well, you know, I just feel like I should be supported forever
[00:58:27] With Viggs by all the people I've personally made rich off my ripple fucking advice
[00:58:32] Yeah, those people should this people listen to show made like tens of thousands of dollars off my investing advice
[00:58:38] Yeah, I could see I didn't know that I didn't know like I seen a guy the other night
[00:58:42] He was like I love you like he said he looked like he didn't want to say it, but he couldn't hold it in any longer
[00:58:47] I'm telling you listen to the grown-ass dude in the street. Oh, yeah, you listen to the show you'll get rich, baby
[00:58:53] He fucking scurry the way like a fucking embarrassing life
[00:58:56] You know kids are all pretty sweet when you meet them in in real life. No, my dude there fucking gay dude
[00:59:03] I was chilling with him at the bar the last show. Oh, yeah funny mom's yeah. Yeah, I don't know
[00:59:11] But he was super chill cuz like he dropped you know
[00:59:14] You're just talking like who will be like yeah, I'm gay cuz it comes at moment where it's like you start talking about
[00:59:19] Pussy and shit like yeah, you know how these bitches. I like yeah, I'm like, oh word. That's what's up. Yeah
[00:59:25] So how was it with you when you're man, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, same shit exactly
[00:59:31] I mean we have to be tripping a big tent the
[00:59:35] Nick we never talked about this but speaking of homeless Nick about the that character we were doing on the train one day about a
[00:59:45] Entertainer who's a who's a former lounge act from Vegas who lost it all. He's wearing like a tattered
[00:59:53] It's just you know, it's just like a little amp and a little micro fly me to the moon
[01:00:00] Hey doing folks you got a beautiful family there. So it's beautiful dotting very beautiful down to my friend
[01:00:05] Yeah, gorgeous gorgeous daughter. We were also doing like like Christian Bale, you know, he's like he's like
[01:00:13] He's gonna have like sex with a girl and he's like Dick's real small and she's like oh like really he's like
[01:00:18] Yeah, so I'm like I got a character. There's a character. I'm doing coming up. So
[01:00:24] It's a guy that is you guys really small dick and I'm doing it for the I'm doing it for the character
[01:00:30] The player's got a small dick. So it's not that's not me. I'm Christian Bale. Yeah, all right
[01:00:38] Well, that's gonna do it for tonight. That's Petey. Yep. That's the hour. Thanks, Petey. You got anything you want to plug?
[01:00:45] Blunk Club check it out check that out and we got nothing so so yeah
[01:00:53] I gotta like eight spots in the stand of January right. Yeah, I'm in Africa hard over there
[01:00:59] Yeah, well, they know they know that thing is I plugged the shit on the show and then people will come out
[01:01:05] Yeah, that's also called getting smaller with it. Yeah
[01:01:09] Come boy in Cape Town, South Africa. You want to get me some spots on there
[01:01:13] Yeah, you're gonna fucking down that for real though hit the yeah
[01:01:17] Please please come out come out to the stand and then I guess let them know you came out because of the show
[01:01:21] Because the more that happens and more they book me
[01:01:23] And tell them you heard me on the show too cuz I'm yeah, yeah, right right right tell Petey sent you
[01:01:29] You know that kind of shit then we're back on funny moms that 23rd 24. I don't know the name alright good night everybody