Cum Town | Regular | 01/04/2018
[00:00:01] Yeah, it is. Shout out to Blackass Africa.
[00:00:10] Adam has died in his flight to the Trans Val.
[00:00:13] He's getting his his Val trans stuff by which doctor.
[00:00:20] What they do is they take a picture of your dick and it falls.
[00:00:32] you're seeing a movie all dicks go to heaven.
[00:00:35] Dom dole Wies and it's about that dick that can talk to little girls.
[00:00:39] And so it uses a little girl's power to talk to other dicks to win the dick races.
[00:00:45] But then there's an old business partner car face who's a pit bull.
[00:00:52] Is that what happens in all dogs go to heaven?
[00:01:00] I was just making that that's not a real movie.
[00:01:02] I was making up a movie called all dicks go to heaven.
[00:01:08] You just that sounds a lot like all dogs go to heaven.
[00:01:12] It's another movie I think stops making up.
[00:01:14] It's just movie about it's like a guy gets a bunch of dogs in a circle and he fucks
[00:01:23] No, I had actually had a tweet a couple years ago.
[00:01:25] I was like, yeah, you could say all dogs good heaven when I'm in the mood to eat pussy.
[00:01:41] Back when Twitter was good in 2012 and it was just for jokes.
[00:01:44] It really was just imagine one of these media faggot.
[00:01:54] Well, trying to like, you know, compete because none of them are funny.
[00:01:58] Say things that other people said were funny and just, you know, move the format around
[00:02:08] My uncle's a model, by the way, you know, which is a drill.
[00:02:13] Yeah, it really is this weird thing where it's like someone writes a joke.
[00:02:16] And then you just get to keep doing it with different punch lines.
[00:02:22] That's like half of the half of the work is done for you.
[00:02:25] Well, that's like the one joke that happens.
[00:02:26] So there's like one format and then everyone takes a crack at it.
[00:02:29] It started with memes and then it just became how everyone tweets now.
[00:02:48] That's me doing what we were just criticizing.
[00:02:54] This motherfucker getting his goddamn sushi at the seven or
[00:03:08] He was just trying to charge his motherfucking
[00:03:10] seeing a sound with his half Indian ass.
[00:03:34] Ain't a goddamn man out there that ain't half pussy half penis.
[00:03:38] Not only the over intellectual lives on that ass, but that's
[00:03:55] He oh running a whole east side of the bellway.
[00:04:19] No, because they used to have these steps shows like deep down
[00:04:26] The parts of PG County that are like fucked up.
[00:04:33] Well, it's not I take a little further north.
[00:04:35] Maybe it's not going to be like a new park.
[00:04:36] And then Erwin would fucking partner up with them too.
[00:04:39] And just go to like Calvert County for some reason.
[00:04:44] And you just take these fucking hood motherfucking hood.
[00:04:48] And they would love it because they were just they were just
[00:04:50] Like for them, it was like watching blackface.
[00:04:56] They're like, that's what they're all like.
[00:05:01] Now, I used to love I used to really fuck with Lawrence Owens
[00:05:06] Oh, we've talked about Lawrence on a nice amount.
[00:05:08] I remember one time he was like, everybody got
[00:05:12] It sounds like he's going to make some point.
[00:05:14] He's like, you know, fans were tired of people.
[00:05:26] He's not going to do it on a cross-eyed.
[00:05:34] It's like, you can't be no thug with glasses on.
[00:05:37] You know, coming up like he's like cross-eyed,
[00:05:40] putting the glasses on, he's like, this is more fucking right
[00:05:43] I'm not supposed to kill this motherfucker.
[00:05:52] It's just being able to use the N word.
[00:05:59] There was someone had someone had a joke about it.
[00:06:02] What if like retarded guy was a barber?
[00:06:10] It's so funny that there's all this like diversity shit in comedy
[00:06:12] that like we need more Indian women or whatever in shows.
[00:06:16] And it's like, first of all, black men are like hands down the funniest people in the world.
[00:06:23] Here's like the average black guy is probably just an average just black man living his
[00:06:28] life is a better comedian than 90% of like, oh, yeah, white men trying to do stand.
[00:06:35] So many stand-ups who like, if anything goes wrong, they're just telling a script of like
[00:06:43] Like there's a guy just on the corner here that off the top of the dome piece.
[00:06:48] It's so much like I was on the bus one time when I was a teenager and these three black
[00:06:54] She's wearing like sandals, just fat middle aged lady.
[00:06:58] And she's just quietly sitting there with tears streaming down her face and they're like,
[00:07:03] We're gonna rotten, rotten grape toes and just roasting her for no reason.
[00:07:15] That's I think like compared her to when you take a shit and the water splash up and kiss
[00:07:19] That was a big trope actually, dukey water splashing.
[00:07:31] No, there's not there's no real advantage of being a black guy and stand up in terms of
[00:07:41] It was never like never because there was always because black men are actually funny.
[00:07:43] So there was always enough of them right.
[00:07:49] You know, it wasn't like an Indian guy whose parents were millionaire doctors who you know,
[00:08:17] It's like the worst kind of person to be.
[00:08:28] You know, I've been watching just, you know, there are the arm bend at the elbow.
[00:08:41] I want to see your fucking fingers articulate.
[00:08:45] You know, let me see what your forearm does when you pick up a pencil.
[00:09:01] Um, I'm leaving tomorrow morning for New Year's resolution.
[00:09:03] No offense, but it would be funny if you died.
[00:09:11] Nick and Soph have both been leaving notes in my locker.
[00:09:19] That's funny that you're calling Dasha's pussy your locker.
[00:09:32] I hope you guys take care of my, you know, my girls while I'm away.
[00:09:39] Hey, your wife and your Isis will take care of your wife and your girlfriend.
[00:09:50] Oh, we'll take that dog that lives in your house and then also the pit bull.
[00:09:57] He said that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that
[00:10:01] why she schedule her trip so that she's going to be here while you're not here.
[00:10:06] Like the flights like to have such other men in turn, and Adams home.
[00:10:13] Adams King, the cheapest ones on Friday.
[00:10:14] They're going to Skype while she fucks.
[00:10:15] He's going to make a lot of his clothes.
[00:10:29] Of course, it's just fucking foot dunk.
[00:10:30] Doing the Jason Statham impression that you stole from him.
[00:10:51] He's going to do a pretty good Cosby to your girlfriend.
[00:11:05] I mean, it's all terrible, but the wet hair detail is very, very.
[00:11:11] I think the worst detail is the one where he's black.
[00:11:21] I'm going to get back into my heritage, stop and I were talking about.
[00:11:35] I'm like, I'm what they call the sniper of the show.
[00:11:57] I don't think fans of Lewis like the rap.
[00:12:10] No, he's not even he's not even a wallet chain man.
[00:12:14] It's just it's literally the board the worst thing.
[00:12:16] It's literally fidget spinners and tech debt.
[00:12:20] I still let the register at the wallet chain store.
[00:12:23] He's like, one day I'll be able to afford a wallet chain.
[00:12:25] Until then, a fucking ring with a skull on it.
[00:12:28] And wasn't he in like a fucking emo band in like high school too?
[00:12:35] He was like a drummer and they were he was like where where eyeliner and shit like that.
[00:12:40] I want to have it's crazy that we haven't had them on.
[00:12:44] I think that's what people say that that's what it's called when guys have eyeliner.
[00:12:47] It'd be pretty cool to get your dick head tattooed so it's in blackface.
[00:12:56] Yeah, it's all black with a little smile and some.
[00:12:57] Would you want it completely black or like a dark shoe polish dark baby shoe polish dark?
[00:13:02] Would you like a with now what's the lips the head little opening?
[00:13:09] No, no, it's just on the it's on the top it faces you.
[00:13:12] But wouldn't you want to make the open re throw?
[00:13:15] Why not make that the lips and put a couple big red, you know what I'm saying?
[00:13:24] I've already lost interest in this idea.
[00:13:25] Anyway, I think that there's like a pretty dick.
[00:13:49] Most people have a dick that's a little darker than the rest.
[00:13:56] I mean, his nose got if your nose is pink.
[00:14:00] You know, if like an Irish guy gets red around his cheeks, he's got a pink dick.
[00:14:05] But I'm like, definitely I have a green tint to me.
[00:14:14] Yeah, like I made out of like your said copper or your dye.
[00:14:26] That's what I was saying the other day.
[00:14:36] The Ninja Turtles, you're fucking out on the streets to fucking do Ninja Turtle bullshit
[00:14:42] And then for like New York City featuring the turtles and it's like, oh, the cool things
[00:14:46] Tell them Mikey and then fucking Michael and just like, yeah, you can whatever, you know,
[00:14:51] And then the commercial ends and it's like, you might even meet that special lady.
[00:14:55] And then there's a picture of like the statue of Liberty.
[00:14:59] And then it goes like, it says, I love you Libby with like hearts on it.
[00:15:04] And it's like, and there's an implication that the Ninja Turtles fuck the statue of Liberty.
[00:15:12] If you live out of the sewer, if you know, no, no, the sewer is a metaphor for her pussy.
[00:15:28] You know, a lot of people don't know that the Statue of Liberty, the her pussy is the
[00:15:33] Because she's from France where they have very stinky pussy.
[00:15:44] How they're doing another like conservative meetup and Dan Nynan's back in the booth?
[00:15:51] When we were on the way down to DC, yeah, Sir Novitch and so funny that that's Gavin,
[00:15:55] the son of the Koch brothers is going to be there.
[00:16:04] Apparently Gavin McGinnis came to our show in DC.
[00:16:09] I said, I said he popped his head and looked around and then left.
[00:16:15] Maybe, you know, maybe one to suck us off.
[00:16:29] They're not going to be great, but I got a hypothetical for you.
[00:16:43] He's also a no-fap guy, isn't Jack off?
[00:16:59] I only fuck her like two times a month.
[00:17:08] I retract my opinion, my earlier opinion.
[00:17:10] I do think if you beat off less, you have more sexual force.
[00:17:14] I wish I could retract my dick all the way to my body.
[00:17:18] What's that like to be able to retract your dick?
[00:17:28] I mean, the only person that we know definitely has a retractable dick is Ernest and he's sleeping.
[00:17:37] What's it like having a retractable opinion?
[00:17:46] If you're an escalator and you fall, you don't have to worry about your dick getting caught
[00:17:51] I wish I would have to go to my choice.
[00:17:53] I wish I could have my dick went back in my body.
[00:17:57] They made the Hannibal Lecter teeth sucky noise.
[00:18:17] If you had a retractable dick, you could definitely dress like Winnie the Pooh.
[00:18:28] It would look pretty bad if it was just balls.
[00:18:35] What do you say, Nick, would your balls retract as well?
[00:18:37] Yeah, but didn't they make a slide whistle noise?
[00:18:53] That was like, I fucked this clown last night.
[00:18:58] She squeezes your ass so a little water comes out.
[00:19:02] He puts his dick in and then he goes to pull out and he can't and she's screaming and
[00:19:07] then he like rips his dick out and it completely destroys his vagina but his dick has been
[00:19:16] I was thinking he pulls his dick on the eight little clowns come out of him pussy too.
[00:19:22] That was like the first year mama joke.
[00:19:34] You know, a little kid saying your mom is so fat when she sits around the house, she
[00:19:45] I thought you were just saying the same thing twice.
[00:19:47] Well, what would happen is that's so on delivery.
[00:19:49] That joke is all delivery and it's like the first kid would get it and then some would
[00:19:52] just steal it and then because of like, you know, just fucking societal pressure, everyone
[00:19:59] would laugh even though it was repeated.
[00:20:06] That's why people laugh at Adam Standup.
[00:20:10] He says things in a way that signals that you're supposed to laugh at it.
[00:20:37] Remember, you were just basically just doing Joe-Coi.
[00:20:39] Remember, you were just basically just doing Joe-Coi.
[00:20:58] That had only one rule and that was shut the fuck up.
[00:21:01] And the reason was because after 9 p.m. that room would get so drunk.
[00:21:06] That like the audience they would be getting in fights with the comics.
[00:21:11] It would just be a little chatty which what happens at comedy shows.
[00:21:14] And the host would just, they would start every show yelling shut the fuck up for seven
[00:21:22] It's really a momentum killer, I gotta say.
[00:21:23] And then they do like 30 minutes in the straight college.
[00:21:48] Sometimes I've been known to eat a booger because it reminds you of come and like yeah,
[00:21:51] yeah, I like the no, no, I kind of like you said yeah.
[00:21:57] What do you mean you kind of like like a dryer like a kind of a crispy.
[00:22:06] That's straight up the first time I've been this disgusting while.
[00:22:40] Not all the time, but I'm a little bit icy boogers a lot.
[00:22:43] You pick your nose and you wipe it on the bottom of your shoe and then you walk into
[00:22:50] I pick my nose and I wipe it on a sock.
[00:22:52] Okay, look, I'm fine with all my on my on my leg.
[00:23:00] You don't understand what it's like having the schnaz.
[00:23:07] See, for some reason, I mean, though, that's gross too.
[00:23:12] But because it's so fucking out like I know he's not lying.
[00:23:38] It's really nice to do like lounging back, you know, big and back.
[00:23:45] We deserve to relax while doing the only job we do.
[00:23:50] Although, I got to say, I was working all day today, getting my reel together.
[00:23:55] You know, I'm trying to get on televisio.
[00:24:06] Dude, apparently if you fuck him, you have a girl.
[00:24:11] I don't know if it was him or just a different old guy that I saw, but just to be safe.
[00:24:18] Did he look like he was a third degree burns at a certain point?
[00:24:26] He was kind of screaming, telling me to stop the whole time.
[00:24:32] I think I'm going to be hosting New Year's Rock and Eve next year.
[00:24:45] And then I'm going to kill Seacrest and Carson Daly.
[00:24:52] What about Ryan Dunkleman or whatever the fuck is named?
[00:24:56] That guy is definitely killing himself.
[00:25:00] I love that he was like this shit's gay.
[00:25:02] And then it's like yeah, I guess you're not very good at comedy.
[00:25:13] He ended up again because Seacrest was like a radio guy.
[00:25:16] Seacrest, all he's ever wanted to do is beat this guy.
[00:25:19] He wants to be a host, which is hilarious.
[00:25:23] That's a job that shouldn't exist anyway.
[00:25:24] That's like a job from like the twenties.
[00:25:26] It's like a guy who presented a presenter.
[00:25:31] Sensei has been a job for thousands of years though.
[00:25:38] DJ has been a job for about in feudal Japan.
[00:25:41] Since during the ado period DJs were some of the most respected members of the Japanese.
[00:25:53] But back then they just used to, you know, they would just sort of like tap on rice paper.
[00:26:27] Of course I know they play in restaurants.
[00:26:28] And it's like, wow, this makes the food taste good.
[00:26:32] You're going to play any Chinese ass song in the world.
[00:26:36] You go to a piano and only play the black keys.
[00:26:41] Just hit the black keys, any black keys in succession.
[00:26:46] Because there's that song you could play with your knuckles.
[00:26:50] I got a song I could play with my knuckles on your mom's fucking face.
[00:27:12] It looked like he was just kicking somebody.
[00:27:34] There's New Year's is starting now, guys.
[00:27:37] Lewis did not leave the skanks this week.
[00:27:41] He timed out the podcast so that he could tell his fans tonight while they're pre-gaming.
[00:27:50] That they could time the beginning of this week's episode of LOS.
[00:27:54] And then at the end, there would be a countdown that would correspond to the real countdown.
[00:27:58] Someone's getting the Legion of Skanks sicked up to have New Year's alone in their fucking
[00:28:10] The funniest part about Legion of Skanks this week is when Lewis is going off about
[00:28:14] It's about 40 minutes on the podcast for Nick and I didn't open our mouths because he's
[00:28:18] just shouting about a woman he wants to fight.
[00:28:22] Some fucking woman from the Bronx, some Puerto Rican bitch.
[00:28:26] She was a Puerto Rican porn star that was on a podcast on Bobby's podcast.
[00:28:30] Oh, she does a bunch of I saw he was tweeting about her and she threatened to fight.
[00:28:35] Well, Lewis was saying he's going to fight this woman and as he's going off defending his
[00:28:38] own honor against the Puerto Rican porn star from the Bronx, big J.
[00:28:47] Well, big J looks over and he goes, Lewis, is that come on your pants?
[00:28:50] And Lewis has got a big cum stain on his sweatpants and he just ignores it and moves on.
[00:29:00] And fucking public white comes from the front of his mail.
[00:29:14] This is the best used fucking con I've ever seen in my entire life.
[00:29:21] I mean, clearly it's going to get married to my dad.
[00:29:22] I think in their culture, that's courtship ritual.
[00:29:30] This is definitely not distracting at all.
[00:29:35] Let me fuck fuck fuck our listeners, dude.
[00:29:42] Tell us more about your trip to Vape Town.
[00:29:56] Are you guys dressing up for New Year's, guys?
[00:29:59] I'm wearing his tracksuit, but I'm not dressed up at all.
[00:30:04] I guess I could put on the same tracksuit that you have on.
[00:30:15] Shame black or African dressing like that fucking Home Depot.
[00:30:18] Well, now I'm just jealous that you guys have a thing.
[00:30:49] You don't even have the nutrients to come.
[00:31:09] Well yes, 90% of viewers if they felt, you know, the thing Adam said is right or if he's
[00:31:17] And they all said not to play a shot that fucked up guitar.
[00:31:29] Dude, I feel like one of the hardest I've ever laughed on YouTube is a YouTube video.
[00:31:34] It's like the world's oldest instrument.
[00:31:36] World oldest instrument, world oldest song.
[00:31:38] It's some Egyptian like loot or whatever.
[00:31:41] And the song is like, you know, that kind of shit like, bang, bang, bang.
[00:31:45] And the first comment is from some guy that was like, how the fuck did they record this?
[00:32:07] Well, New Year's Resis guys, mine's the same as always.
[00:32:18] And I got to say, this year I actually achieved double the bread.
[00:32:21] By the way, I guess we should have had it again.
[00:32:24] If you don't, don't let us subscribe to the Supremeium episodes of Come Town.
[00:32:27] If you go to patreon.com slash comtown, you get an extra episode every week.
[00:32:32] Yeah, dude, for last week when I just uploaded Real Last Podcast, because it was fucking
[00:32:37] Well, because the sound guy, the sound guy, like that episode for them, we did have an
[00:32:42] episode of got fucked up, but you shouldn't.
[00:32:47] We didn't release a Christmas when I was not with my family.
[00:32:53] I'm sitting at very religious, sitting at home waiting to go do spots at the stand.
[00:32:58] Could have easily recorded something with Adam and another guy.
[00:33:13] So yeah, New Year's Resolution, I think double the bread double the head, baby.
[00:33:21] I think maybe I challenge everyone to double their bread and their head that they give
[00:33:29] I'm going to be a nutmore and you got to make more of a fucking money.
[00:33:40] I'm going to be a motivational speaker.
[00:33:43] You got to put a whole motivational speaker is something that goes on stage and you're
[00:34:09] So this is what I like to call the tube system.
[00:34:30] So if you guys are listening, this is the square in tube challenge.
[00:34:33] I love getting my tube soaked in some square.
[00:34:39] And if you make it through 2018 doing that, we're going to give you a special surprise
[00:34:57] I think that my New Year's resolution is to set more healthy boundaries in my life and
[00:35:16] You know what I was saying today or earlier?
[00:35:18] I think you know when people say border line retarded, what side of the border is?
[00:35:38] I'm going to make the retarded kids pay for it.
[00:35:44] I want the monetary value of your twix.
[00:35:57] In case they got forbid you had a retarded kid, you could send him as close to God as
[00:36:05] Feed him fish heads like the evil Bart.
[00:36:08] That's why people thought that's why the whole idea of ghosts, people were like they believed
[00:36:12] I was like no that's your older brother with Down syndrome.
[00:36:15] He's been trapped under that sheet for three years.
[00:36:22] I'm hearing chains coming from the basement.
[00:36:26] Your father's like Winston you stay away from the basement.
[00:36:37] Is it fortunately born on the Mexican side?
[00:36:45] That was the Mexican side of the retarded border.
[00:36:59] Yeah, it's going to be tough when you leave.
[00:37:13] White ass Dutch people moved to Africa and they're like we got it.
[00:37:22] But we're going to throw an extra A in that motherfucking.
[00:37:28] Yeah, we're going to throw a fucking apostrophe in there.
[00:37:39] Dutch people are the ones that moved there.
[00:37:45] There was a war between the Dutch and the English.
[00:37:53] And actually the first concentration camps in the world were the British throwing the
[00:38:07] You were like these aren't good enough for us.
[00:38:09] We weren't inside Africa at that time for the Boer Wars.
[00:38:11] But anyway, and then the British once you're overseas financing them.
[00:38:19] Once they left then the off-reconners took over and then they established the apartheid
[00:38:27] Because it was like a colony and they like gave, they like they're like fuck this.
[00:38:33] Like when my grandfather fought in World War II, he lived in South Africa, but he was
[00:38:37] fighting for the British for the British.
[00:38:43] That's a little history for all the come town.
[00:38:48] That's a pretty cool history that doesn't mention black people once.
[00:38:51] Well, no, that's the history of the white people there.
[00:38:55] I bet the black people in South Africa were getting treated very chilly.
[00:39:01] Those guys that were in the concentration camps then left the concentration camps and
[00:39:08] I'm pretty stoked about it's wild that that just stayed in the country.
[00:39:16] Like, isn't that the only one that's like mostly white now or whatever?
[00:39:30] I mean, that's why I was in apartheid because a minority controlled.
[00:39:33] Yeah, this is what I mean by a white country.
[00:39:41] I mean, like other parts of Africa, there's like, do you ever think about wouldn't it be
[00:39:45] cool to go back in time and have a bunch of fucking guns and get to just like, just
[00:39:55] No, not, you know, like you'd be like a freedom fighter and shit.
[00:40:01] Let's fuck these Rhodesian motherfuckers up.
[00:40:07] That's a very like young wigger fantasy to have.
[00:40:18] I mean, that's why we had to go eventually was because when he was in high school, he
[00:40:22] thought that he was like a hippie and he went to go do like a humanitarian relief project
[00:40:28] And then the secret police found out about it.
[00:40:30] He was like put on like a potential like political enemies list.
[00:40:35] That's crazy because like since you got to America, it became really racist.
[00:40:42] No, my dad was like, as like we I don't know, he like thought OJ was innocent.
[00:40:46] He was like the only white guy who thought OJ was innocent.
[00:40:53] He was like so stoked when OJ was just as South African man living in Las Vegas.
[00:41:00] Being stoked about OJ getting off or killing his wife and her boyfriend.
[00:41:11] But yeah, it's going to be weird, but I'm going to get you guys presents.
[00:41:22] Give me like a shit ton of mass and put them up on my wall.
[00:41:33] If you come back with nine masks or less, I'm sort of bringing an extra suitcase to like
[00:41:39] I want every fucking one that they make.
[00:41:42] I'm not look, I'm a complete completionist.
[00:41:45] Well, there's one every mass has ever been made in South Africa.
[00:41:51] I'm trying to keep an eye out for this one mass that I want to bring back that makes
[00:41:59] I'm just being a pussy with Cameron Diaz.
[00:42:08] Yo, they never like they never addressed that.
[00:42:10] But if his dick behaves like the rest of the mask body physics, the physics of his dick,
[00:42:16] he could stretch out his dick as big as he wants.
[00:42:19] It's sort of like the end of the Michael Jordan space.
[00:42:31] Well, the monster is trying to stop him.
[00:42:32] It's too big and you have to fuck guys.
[00:42:47] Yeah, I used to watch that movie like every single day.
[00:42:52] I had the first like 15 minutes memorized.
[00:42:58] You're getting a rental car and getting into an accident.
[00:43:07] And then I remember asking my mom if we get a loaner.
[00:43:12] And she's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
[00:43:16] I thought it was, and we just went to some bootleg Greek people.
[00:43:19] Well, if I can find that mask in Africa, I will definitely bring it back.
[00:43:29] This is not wearing a zoot suit on the tracksuit guy.
[00:43:34] Well, I guess if you guys are going to be tracksuit coordinated guys, I might just get
[00:43:48] Well, you're going to need someone in my way.
[00:44:04] So I'm going to start going to CrossFit.
[00:44:11] I mean, you're going to take the tank off.
[00:44:13] You just slide the top of the top of the top.
[00:44:17] You just slide your fucking shoulders through the top of the...
[00:44:28] It's a little bit more complicated than pulling your dick out of sweatpants.
[00:44:34] What sports exist where you could pee and poop while you're doing the sport?
[00:45:00] They CGI'd it out, but he shit every fucking race.
[00:45:01] Dude, that's Baltimore legend right there.
[00:45:10] I think that's how he sucked off that trans woman.
[00:45:15] You gotta get 10,000 calories from where the other.
[00:45:17] You can't keep eating pop tarts every morning.
[00:45:19] He has to eat like a whole Denny's menu.
[00:45:22] And none of that diet shit like you, the what, what you are.
[00:45:30] That's why not a lot of swimmers are...
[00:45:38] I'm tired of being on the wrong side of the borderline.
[00:45:42] There was a movie about that like producer?
[00:45:44] That's what happens if your mom eats too many tacos.
[00:45:48] Who's dream was for Michael Phelps to play Tarzan.
[00:45:53] Because of his proportions, he has a really short lower torso and broad chest and really long arms.
[00:45:59] And he set up this meeting with him, like a general meeting.
[00:46:03] And he said within five minutes he's like, yeah, I realized this guy is like a total fucking good.
[00:46:11] And there's absolutely no way I could ever have him like a movie.
[00:46:14] What happened is the guy tried to suck Phelps off clearly.
[00:46:17] And he was like, please come into my limousine.
[00:46:27] My favorite character in the Larry Sanders show is Hank's agent.
[00:46:38] I've been watching the fuck out of it right now.
[00:46:56] You have to save some pussy for everybody else.
[00:47:16] That would have killed during the primaries.
[00:47:18] That's a kind of smart political thing.
[00:47:23] Trevor if you're listening and I know you are.
[00:47:26] Someone sent me the fucking Trevor Noah fucking idiot.
[00:47:29] I saw someone tweet out like a bit of that Trevor Noah did.
[00:47:33] Like a couple of years ago about South African minors.
[00:47:36] You did like a bit on stage about he's like.
[00:47:40] He's like, yeah, people are like, why don't we use T.A.S.
[00:47:43] or rubber bullets like when does that ever work?
[00:47:46] He's like, we need to read you like basically the whole thing was about how he thought that
[00:47:50] they should kill those people protesting.
[00:47:58] Like people are like uncomfortably like, yeah.
[00:48:03] Are you sure he's not being a comedian?
[00:48:06] No, he wasn't, no, he wasn't saying it with any like like shred of like, oh, like I'm just
[00:48:16] You kind of listen to an alien concept to you.
[00:48:21] I understand what sometimes people say what they what they're saying is actually the
[00:48:27] No, you should I'll play it for you guys afterwards.
[00:48:41] That'd be tight if we got it with your best friends.
[00:48:45] Don't give don't give yourself a nickname.
[00:48:52] I got I was in one of those Facebook groups, those anti Obama Facebook.
[00:48:57] And there was some of your finest work there.
[00:48:59] There was some guy from like Louisiana or something like something bled.
[00:49:02] So and I was like, your family is actually French clowns that came over to Louisiana.
[00:49:06] And he was like, how dare you say that to me?
[00:49:09] You know, I was like, everyone in in your town has a Ford F one 50, except you who drives
[00:49:15] around a little tiny car with this family.
[00:49:21] My favorite thing you used to do with those Facebook groups was just like, after a couple
[00:49:25] exchanges, you would just tell the guy you fucked his wife.
[00:49:28] He's fucking retard would never stop engaging you.
[00:50:02] I told you can't get cucked if you tell your friends they can fuck your girls.
[00:50:04] No, it was before you told us we could know.
[00:50:06] I told you guys immediately once we decided we were BFG.
[00:50:08] No, just in case I have a girlfriend just in case you fuck her.
[00:50:21] In fact, as soon as you gave permission, I had to call her and let her down easy that the
[00:50:23] fucking would no longer continue because now it wasn't against the law.
[00:50:34] I fucking it disgusts me the idea of having sex with a child.
[00:50:37] It really makes me want to throw up, but the law, you want to fuck and make something illegal
[00:50:47] How are you going to make a plant illegal?
[00:50:54] I mean, it's I certainly covered a dirt when I'm done with it.
[00:50:58] Honestly, if you band a little boy's body, it comes out.
[00:51:23] I was saying earlier, I was laughing earlier about the idea about is somebody doesn't know
[00:51:31] Tell them it's a pet of father that's fucked over a hundred kids.
[00:51:44] People getting caught for rape is over now.
[00:51:50] John ended it by just quitting over racism by not being a part of a record.
[00:51:57] But definitely people are still fucking children in Hollywood, right?
[00:52:01] Oh, by the way, if you start your legions of skanks episode at 9.56 and 55 seconds PM,
[00:52:07] you can count down to 2018 with the skanks.
[00:52:12] Imagine the guy doing that just stumbling out of his rubber covered room and really
[00:52:29] I don't know the clock, but I won't want Lewis.
[00:52:45] Only good boys get to have breakfast with Lewis.
[00:52:48] But you said if I don't go bathroom in my press, I'll die.
[00:53:00] A legion of fucking retardation of cards.
[00:53:25] Do you want your legion of skanks bottle opener for Christmas or not?
[00:53:32] That giant bottle opener that like attached to a wall and even in the demo that they had
[00:53:37] on their website, it fucked up the wall.
[00:53:40] Like they were fucking four fucking holes then clearly.
[00:53:45] Fuck it, cause we want to give a shout out to our sponsor this week, glocking mittens.
[00:53:51] They're mittens that locks so you don't scratch your eyes out while trying to use the bathroom.
[00:54:06] When your mom's helping you go to the bathroom, you're accidentally falling your own eyeballs
[00:54:16] Oh, Lewis, I said, get the mittens for me.
[00:54:29] Real ass dudes don't eat the cat shit scooter.
[00:54:32] Stop putting your penis in the pencil sharpener scooter if you're a real ass dude.
[00:54:52] Okay, so like if a woman challenges Lewis to a fight, he'll accept.
[00:54:56] If a mentally challenged person challenges him to a fight, he'll fight like a.
[00:55:02] That's the only challenge that Lewis respects.
[00:55:05] Yeah, to a game of connect for yeah, Lewis, Lewis getting 23 and me done to prove he has
[00:55:20] Yeah, it's like there's no way that retard has more chromosomes to me.
[00:55:24] I'll kick his fucking ass and take those chromosomes away from him.
[00:55:27] I love getting square with my fucking two.
[00:55:37] I love smoking my two bits of fucking square.
[00:55:48] Damn dude, I love the bitch with a sharp ass pussy.
[00:55:59] Just make fun of Lewis and chauffeur being having a retarded audience.
[00:56:23] You can hear all about different names for your two different places.
[00:56:28] You can stick that tube and soak it up in a nice edgy pussy.
[00:56:39] 90 degrees, 90 degrees, 90 degrees, 90 degrees, 90 degrees.
[00:56:47] We're going to cut it a little short tonight.
[00:56:51] We got to go to a New Year's party at Big Dick Willie's house.
[00:56:57] So if you want to hit the Chappo Trap House subreddit and call out Will for culturally
[00:57:02] appropriating fove for his white ass friends.
[00:57:06] Or just hit the Chappo subreddit and call People Gay.
[00:57:34] Bob, look, I got come on my pants just like Lewis.
[00:57:49] That, thanks for listening to our smart ass show.