Cum Town | Regular | 01/18/2018
[00:00:00] hard check check check check check check check check check
[00:00:14] me considering a little bit of a pussy check getting good levels now
[00:00:21] about the professionalism of our podcast i guess i'm like that
[00:00:24] we should get a fucking producer dude no we shouldn't yeah some guy we make
[00:00:30] also the producer scott's orch of course yeah we got the money now we should
[00:00:36] no no he's doing a comeback now i follow him on instagram yet of course he'd
[00:00:40] say that on his instagram no he's like working with like big rappers
[00:00:46] i guess i'm such a cocaine no he's like not a coke or yachts anymore
[00:00:52] but he does like smoke weed in the mall now that's like his new thing like those
[00:00:56] guys that i can't like i'm at sex yeah i love those guys that i can't really
[00:01:01] and his like five fifteen year olds and hangs out with and wears the same t-shirt
[00:01:08] uh... the podcast or each second no you started
[00:01:24] i'm back from africa coming in with a more global perspective more worldly
[00:01:28] perspective yeah it's really great to get out of this country
[00:01:32] what do you think about that nick nick doesn't like vacation
[00:01:40] uh... she's stressed out about going to the gym
[00:01:43] nah i think that's just a bunch of shit and i get a spot after
[00:01:47] yeah i'm jammed up today we're at the stand tonight
[00:01:50] there at no one will no one will hear this plug because
[00:01:54] we're going right after the show won't post it but yeah
[00:02:00] uh... probably like a couple weeks yeah probably tomorrow afternoon
[00:02:07] when people are freaking out i was getting messages in africa about where the
[00:02:11] focus the podcast you fucking bug pieces should be a dude
[00:02:14] and i was focused on that dinner with my parents right now was at his fault
[00:02:19] he stopped he tried to uh... hack nicks computer
[00:02:29] what happened your card i grew up center had for a thousand dollars on
[00:02:33] so even if you bought it you could sell it immediately make like five hundred
[00:02:38] uh... no i called and they said because the problem is my card i can't spend more
[00:02:42] thirty five hundred dollars that's hilarious yeah
[00:02:45] and i can't get a credit card if my credit is shit really yeah i think you
[00:02:48] could probably get a credit card this point i tried today
[00:02:51] you tried today yeah i'd like my credit for i don't know what the fuck it is but
[00:02:56] now you need me to come through and i see
[00:02:59] now i just client nicolas would like a credit card please i can't i can't i
[00:03:02] have a secure credit card with a five hundred dollar limit
[00:03:05] like a fucking teenager yeah you have to be a rich twelve year old yeah
[00:03:09] like pay them the money first and then that's your credit limit is not a money
[00:03:15] we want to bank account basically it's a bank account with a deposit
[00:03:20] and then this you still get charged interest you like pay them to it's a
[00:03:26] how's it the only that's like you right that's how you and like
[00:03:29] ex-cons get their credit back i don't know what the fuck happened in my
[00:03:32] credit that it's such shit i mean i have some electric bills from texas
[00:03:36] they didn't i didn't i'd fucking paid them there was like some uh... some shady
[00:03:40] like collections agency that said i owed but as soon as i disputed it they
[00:03:46] there's gotta be a car credit czar they can help you with this uh... i'm not
[00:03:50] really worried about it but anyways they said i could be with the check and i
[00:03:53] want to go pay with the check and then i get there and i like all you can't
[00:03:58] i'm sorry dude hey listen you ever need to buy computer call your boy
[00:04:04] fucking sapphire fire rewards no no let me come to with your credit limit
[00:04:09] spig yeah it's good yeah it's good what is it what do you got
[00:04:15] the mind's more than that because i've had it longer than you
[00:04:21] they were they up to you yeah how often they up it
[00:04:25] i don't know i just got it for a south africa because if you buy flights and i
[00:04:29] the triple points might be absolutely quite a triple points
[00:04:33] some like double points for restaurants
[00:04:38] person guys we're talking about rich people problems right now
[00:04:40] well i had the i had this i got i got that car when i was broke a shit
[00:04:44] i lied about how much money i was making i lied to i got it when i was
[00:04:47] broke a shit so that i could get those rewards and go to grease i've been
[00:04:50] declined for every fucking card i've ever applied for as a post i don't know
[00:04:56] no i'm not going to do it now it's because i have a good job history of
[00:05:07] i guess my credit's okay from student loans because i pay those every month
[00:05:11] i have good i have really good credit i don't know how the fuck it happened
[00:05:14] probably because the the banks all fear and respect me don't they know they
[00:05:24] and i'm like ever since my family came here from allis island yeah you're
[00:05:27] wearing a the news boy can i a little news boy can you look like five whole
[00:05:38] what's wrong but you seem down not exhausted
[00:05:43] on his own and i was on the road is not an award is but i can't get more than
[00:05:46] like three four hours of sleep really same here but that's just because i'm
[00:05:49] just like this for right now chip my tooth yesterday
[00:05:54] this in the front is barely noticeable we get insurance any of us for this year
[00:06:01] and insurance what are we gonna do i'm going to a dentist in jersey my friends
[00:06:06] my friends uncles a dentist and i'm hoping he'll hook it up and i can give
[00:06:10] fix up this fucked up to i think there's a whole of the top of it now
[00:06:13] i think my forty dollar root canal starting to get out of the filling your
[00:06:18] and that's a good solution to the account today and will pay it up
[00:06:22] on taxes well i i did i did all the like estimated payments so
[00:06:26] it should be alright and then i'll find those do
[00:06:29] i need to i should get you make any payments at all the same i've been making
[00:06:31] payments to the state in the you know that you're fine yeah i did not
[00:06:36] i'm about to get fucked in the ass and that the big time but it's not i'm not
[00:06:40] gonna there's no penalty i thought there would be a little bit of a penalty
[00:06:46] they recommend you make quarterly payments but there's no penalty whatever
[00:06:50] alright so it's no there's absolutely no there's no i talked to the i talked to
[00:06:56] if you just don't pay anything and you you if you if you if you make quarterly
[00:07:01] yeah you're the business you by definition have a business if you're getting paid
[00:07:07] sure so yeah you have you get them ten ninety nine's my bitch yeah yeah yeah
[00:07:12] so if you like if you made a bunch of money last year and you owed estimated
[00:07:16] quarter was last year and then the next year you're projected to make the same
[00:07:19] amount you don't know those payments and like
[00:07:21] there will be a penalty you you can avoid it if you like
[00:07:25] make some kind of payment i mean it's not like that big of a deal but
[00:07:29] well i don't understand but i'm just figure it out on it well let's put it
[00:07:34] this way you made you made fifty thousand dollars off just the podcast last year
[00:07:44] so if you didn't pay anything on that you're gonna get all my god golf
[00:07:48] golf ball that's uncle sam's red white and blue cock yeah off the off the
[00:07:53] break off the break you all like you know fifty fifteen percent on that
[00:08:00] yeah yeah i can i think i can cover it cuz he dipped his cock in raspberry
[00:08:06] yeah whatever and white is the regular color of his day so let's talk about
[00:08:10] all the blue because you he hasn't fucked you yet but he will fall i'm
[00:08:13] getting scared i don't know fifteen are they gonna throw me to jail
[00:08:16] yeah you go into the jude you jail that would be so sick if i went to jail
[00:08:21] and then had to do with pods we snipe through the through the phone go to jail
[00:08:25] so i don't have to do crossfit anymore you know the favorite crossfit jail is
[00:08:28] just one big crossfit i love those gems that are like
[00:08:31] uh... boot camp for fucking accountants or whatever and it's like someone will
[00:08:35] scream at you because you're too much of a piece of shit to push-ups on your own
[00:08:43] yes they never change anything about me specifically i'll spend money until
[00:08:48] i would love to spend money until my problems are solved yeah i have no
[00:08:52] well when i was at home with my little brother he would put me through like
[00:08:56] but i can't do myself does this look like a shit yeah the cat shit on the floor
[00:09:04] right under the christmas tree which is still up
[00:09:06] yeah well we got the christmas tree late so
[00:09:09] it's well that's so that's a nice little present
[00:09:12] you know christmas tree will be fine until
[00:09:15] probably leave it up till like april may
[00:09:18] on four twenty we'll come out we'll smoke the whole christmas tree
[00:09:21] yeah dude uh i believe it was phyllis um you should
[00:09:28] uh so uh adam what do you think we're thinking about replacing you with
[00:09:32] Ian what do you think i think i'm more done with Ian
[00:09:36] i've never been in yeah wait why would you replace it i thought we were the
[00:09:42] it's Ian's too tragic of a figure to continue
[00:09:45] are you guys mean to him his life is the
[00:09:47] fun part about being mean to me is that my life has been kind of not that bad
[00:09:51] no there's a lot of no it's fun to make
[00:09:54] Ian's life has actually been hard yeah yeah but you're still just because
[00:10:00] you and Ian look very similar no both of you know it at all
[00:10:02] at a big noses yeah first of all i'm the most attractive person on the podcast
[00:10:06] if he was established if Ian could if you could draw a mustache you would
[00:10:10] look exactly like Ian unfortunately you'd lack the testosterone to be able to
[00:10:14] grow any kind of facial hair i do have a better
[00:10:16] you have a better you have three pubes that grow sparsely
[00:10:21] out of your face he and has like a young girls vagina
[00:10:25] mmm all right you have like an 11 year old's vagina
[00:10:28] nice it's great to be back it's great to be back
[00:10:32] you have some pussy cheeks you do some young pussy cheeks
[00:10:35] um yeah okay it's cock marked and big ass
[00:10:38] i do not look like what you try to cover up your acting
[00:10:40] scars or the beard but you'll never be able to do it because
[00:10:43] no actually i can get my acne scars fixed it's called
[00:10:47] process called microdermabrasion really yeah if i go to a dermatologist
[00:10:53] okay get your tiny skin microdermabrasion that's how they fix your
[00:10:56] dick skin that's how they fix the my at went my
[00:10:59] scarring my small amount of scarring from acne do you have dicks
[00:11:04] acne what you think anyone about micro asperm abrasion where we make fun of your
[00:11:08] small dick that's good are we back to being me is making a
[00:11:11] that you're in a great place before i left and now you're like man runs three
[00:11:16] errands and it's all you asked us to make you just you just said it's better to
[00:11:20] make fun of me than Ian's i didn't say please make fun of me i said
[00:11:24] it's meaner to make fun of Ian no you want you were worried that you might
[00:11:27] lose your spot on the show so you directed us to make funny i'm not
[00:11:31] worried that i'll lose my spot also this is in response to your
[00:11:38] oh fuck off you brought this on yourself yeah your fucking life is good you're
[00:11:42] a black hole of air i'm a i'm a fucking i'm a god among men i never said it
[00:11:47] won't be as hilarious because in reality i have it all
[00:11:51] i don't have it all that's what you're doing lavish trips africa with my
[00:11:55] family it wasn't really paying for everyone yeah
[00:11:58] you paid for your whole family's flight i did not i was staying in a palatial
[00:12:02] estate built by slaves by the way i was at my grandmare's
[00:12:05] slaves it wasn't built by slaves there's no slavery there yes there's something
[00:12:09] called apartheid yep get it right which your grandfather did the books for
[00:12:16] my grandfather was not an accountant to the books for apartheid no he didn't
[00:12:23] yeah a company that was not owned by jews finally yes it was
[00:12:29] jews did the holocaust that's how fucking bad that's why we need to kill
[00:12:33] them that's right they do shed the holocaust save the other jews
[00:12:37] yeah right exactly well the good ones that they killed they replaced the
[00:12:41] jews that live now aren't the jews that existed before the holocaust
[00:12:45] the jews that died in the holocaust were the good jews
[00:12:47] interesting and these new people are interlopers oh this is good
[00:12:51] they're imposters yeah you actually are pro-jew here
[00:12:55] you're just anti the new jew imposters right exactly that
[00:12:59] perpetrate the holocaust he's all the people that died in the holocaust
[00:13:05] niggas no no he loves to always shut the fuck up your people
[00:13:07] your pressure is your anti-surprise all the people that died in the holocaust
[00:13:12] were black there were those black the black history lights
[00:13:17] yeah wow i don't know that so are all the holocaust you know that you fucking
[00:13:21] idiot are all the holocaust pictures like photo negatives
[00:13:24] fuck are they photo negatives what are the pictures from the holocaust
[00:13:29] the photo negatives then well that's why those guys all look so
[00:13:35] they have that fast twitch muscle yeah they were feeling really thin they're
[00:13:40] not those are all just jacked children Jesus Christ
[00:13:47] this is just very low body good at dunking children
[00:13:50] oh yeah yeah well that's i mean i love learning you
[00:13:54] fucking facts and i was not aware that i was saying them
[00:13:58] i love saying facts to be yeah i gotta say i will say
[00:14:02] i'm chatting you know i will admit when i was wrong
[00:14:04] i've been saying jews were the victims of the holocaust this whole time but
[00:14:08] now i know they they did it yeah this guy on the bus explained the whole thing
[00:14:14] who is he a professor i'm just getting bus advice that's probably the best part
[00:14:18] about being a teenager is getting advice from people on the bus we're trying to
[00:14:21] molest you secretly yeah now i just remember
[00:14:25] uh there was like this fucking old black guy one time it was like
[00:14:29] just tell me somebody's like thing is man is a pussy comes and goes you know
[00:14:33] but money same thing and it's like what's left it's like is that i don't
[00:14:39] understand what the point you're making yeah there's no third thing yeah
[00:14:42] there was no but this thing yeah it's always god
[00:14:45] it's always there yeah i love the guys that are vulgar and
[00:14:49] trying like turn you to god at the end yeah like those guys yeah they said
[00:14:54] words that roommate i had when i was living in that sro at the black guy that
[00:14:57] would come over and they would do bible study together at night
[00:15:00] yes that's right the black i would use the n-word while discussing the bible
[00:15:04] i love it yeah that's great stuff man mhm have you seen the
[00:15:08] pastor that curses that's good he's like a fat black guy is that like
[00:15:12] christian rock it's so much better than christian rock he's just like some
[00:15:16] fat black guy and he's like uh and he like does a response video to people
[00:15:19] like why is the pastor talking that way is there christian anime
[00:15:23] ooh that's gotta exist that's good is the hero
[00:15:27] jesus every time uh no it's allegorical i would
[00:15:32] watch christian anime with like saint john the baptist he's got big eyes and
[00:15:35] how long do you think it takes before brandon word else talking about christian
[00:15:38] anime uh now that we said in minutes yeah what did he do honey i blew the kids
[00:15:42] the other day yeah no but he he texted me because someone
[00:15:45] someone was like come down did this he was like did you guys do this i was like
[00:15:48] yeah and he took it down mhm oh cool interesting
[00:15:52] yeah very interesting i mean it to you know it is a very hard nuanced ass
[00:15:58] joke to come up with like my dick which is hard
[00:16:03] and nuance is that another word for small new ass no new ass no hard and new
[00:16:09] my dick is really nuanced my dick is nuanced it's really
[00:16:12] dick is subtle it's not for listen if you're one of those
[00:16:23] fucking you know low culture big dick loving horse
[00:16:27] you're not gonna go for my dick yeah yeah but if you're smart and you
[00:16:31] understand art yeah exactly no you want you you've
[00:16:34] you know you've read you know a lot of books of uh
[00:16:38] you know a good author yeah you can't think of one doctor
[00:16:44] dr. shoes whole story yeah yeah we're at the giver
[00:16:48] oh yeah that guy's our friend's favorite book that guy's good bro
[00:16:52] no no no uh yeah you've read the giver ralph uh
[00:16:57] elison oh yeah yeah ralph all of the no no we know
[00:17:01] yeah i just want to tell the story you tell the story
[00:17:06] now i don't know who's what walta strowsky
[00:17:09] comedians yeah his his favorite books on facebook
[00:17:13] are like one fish two fish redfish bluefish and the giver
[00:17:18] the giver was like we're topped out yeah and i got to say
[00:17:22] the giver is like sixth grade reading what i was like i signed reading up until
[00:17:27] like the age you can have sex like and he hit like 12 and he's like
[00:17:33] yeah i'm done yeah he i'm not reading the reading the jolly
[00:17:37] oh no yo i'm about to fuck these whores
[00:17:42] i'm about to get i'm about to be responsible for somebody's first abortion
[00:17:46] yo um but uh yeah if you're one of those
[00:17:51] ladies check out my subtle ass dick that's like i like that euphemism for
[00:17:57] small things to give her about it's like some old
[00:18:00] man that you know it's what colors are right
[00:18:04] yeah the big thing is that she sees colors so that it's about it's about
[00:18:08] it's like the same thing as pleasantville right so it's like i think they kill
[00:18:11] old people or something it's the same thing as pleasantville so like
[00:18:14] it's an old man molasses the young boy right that's how you see his color
[00:18:18] yeah every time every time someone comes in your ass you
[00:18:21] right the mom in pleasantville comes she like jacks off and then she can see
[00:18:25] color jacking off is the secret to colors that's why if you're colorblind
[00:18:30] if you get molested fixes it right up that's yeah
[00:18:34] that's a good point yep it's pleasantville men anything
[00:18:38] if you yeah um it's people you know people think you put on those weird
[00:18:43] little glasses and that fixes it nope more glasses there's
[00:18:47] glasses that make you not colorblind oh yeah yeah or at least there's a viral
[00:18:51] video that i saw that did that was it square the aspect range like was it
[00:18:56] like one of those facebook yeah it was one of those
[00:18:59] and like up top it said like you won't believe yeah like there's like the bottom
[00:19:02] is like a bunch of fire emojis yeah 100 yeah they so what happens if we see
[00:19:07] though to put those on do we get extra color
[00:19:09] hmm because you know there's probably more colors that our brain can't even
[00:19:13] fuck with yeah there's like fucking starfish and other kind of animals that
[00:19:17] see wild do starfish see anything they don't
[00:19:20] have eyes well there's like an aquatic thing or something
[00:19:23] there's something that would catch you off guard
[00:19:26] a shrimp says amber a shrimp so they can see other colors see some
[00:19:30] fucked up like animals slash green slash pinks you same thing as
[00:19:34] noises you can't hear it's just right it's a spectrum of
[00:19:37] which fucks me up how does that happen dude
[00:19:40] and also there's people say x-rays are technically
[00:19:43] i know so someone can see x-rays ultraviolet light
[00:19:46] fuck yeah infrared light this whole just snake see infrared right yeah
[00:19:51] that's tight vipers they're sick they're like that's better
[00:19:54] i'm not a rattlesnake anymore you're a viper you're a viper you're a viper
[00:19:58] yeah cool dude that's good it's the same thing but more
[00:20:01] tracksuits mhm where we can viper yeah so i'm
[00:20:04] and i accidentally bought the same tracksuit with
[00:20:07] without telling each other it's pretty i want to get that night there's a
[00:20:09] Nike one that i like i'm thinking i like you taped on the side
[00:20:13] taped yeah that's what these are called oh really
[00:20:16] yeah that's called tape tape i like it you got the same one but i got i got
[00:20:21] too many i got too many adidas tracksuits
[00:20:24] yeah i just bought the pants for these but oh you're gonna see me just drip in
[00:20:29] sauce in that hunter green shit soon be i i really like the green one what you
[00:20:36] falling off my lips when you see me the way you christen the tracksuit is by
[00:20:40] having a big Italian dinner and then hitting your wife i have to get married
[00:20:44] i saw a chinese guy beating his wife outside of best side this morning
[00:20:48] this morning this morning yeah wow at first i thought it was too
[00:20:52] yeah i did i'd stopped i stopped next i thought it was too
[00:20:54] chinese men so i stopped and then i thought it was too
[00:20:56] let the fellas figure it out well as soon as like people realized it was a
[00:21:00] woman they were like what are you doing because he didn't he wasn't swinging at
[00:21:03] her he was just sort of shaking her around people like stop and then she like
[00:21:06] took off um through a smoke bomb down well it was funny there was
[00:21:10] gone yeah disappeared there was a moment of like
[00:21:14] you know this is just how they settled disputes yeah it's called
[00:21:18] you're like karate i don't want yeah they love fighting they love
[00:21:23] they love combat this right you have before you break out of a hunter and
[00:21:27] come as long as they're the same belt in china you could do domestic disputes
[00:21:31] but if she's a yellow belt he's a blue belt yeah it's unfair well i don't know
[00:21:34] what she did maybe she's like fucked up and had a daughter or something
[00:21:39] i read today though be pissed they described why chinese wife had a daughter
[00:21:42] i saw i think what you talked a million i think what you're talking about is a
[00:21:45] viral video that russ green reposted i think it was russ green
[00:21:50] you didn't read shit sixty million damn china
[00:21:53] no i was i was killing your daughters i read it
[00:21:55] place you can send them adam's house that's a charity where he adopts
[00:22:00] every little chinese girl he raises them for good
[00:22:03] for honorable reasons oh don't worry there's sixty million more men than women
[00:22:08] which is like what's the way they do not start just put them in the army dude
[00:22:11] make them super soldiers we're fucked yes they don't know me
[00:22:14] just be regular soldiers no dude no but they're horny dude you know
[00:22:18] they don't come from no fap yeah those those guys are gonna be
[00:22:21] fucking so warned up because they've never fucked they're gonna
[00:22:25] become super soldiers and then china's gonna really fucking run or
[00:22:28] they do make him do the fusion dance from dragon balsi
[00:22:31] what is that where two guys become one even more powerful guy
[00:22:35] oh it's called a fusion dance called gay sex
[00:22:39] oh yeah gay sex is that one guy's dick is in it
[00:22:43] he's just on his back with his dick inside of him and he's shooting a gun
[00:22:46] it's just like it's just not ruined the end of call me by your name for people
[00:22:50] you haven't seen it they fucking go super serious
[00:22:53] did you see it guys i saw it i thought it was good
[00:22:56] i'm not as good as you know it cares what you thought i'm not as you think it was
[00:22:59] good homosexual you loved it big loved it well actually i know that because
[00:23:02] dosh there's something he's like yeah nixman texted me about call me by
[00:23:06] her name because he doesn't want to admit he would stop
[00:23:08] the people i said it on the podcast did you oh i of course you don't pay
[00:23:12] attention to anybody i have a been here for three weeks no
[00:23:15] you didn't see it when i was going i did i think you didn't see it when i was
[00:23:18] here you definitely saw it after new years yeah
[00:23:21] um yeah i thought it was pretty good but um so wait wait wait for real though
[00:23:27] what are they gonna start busting in different kind of asians
[00:23:30] i don't know what they're gonna start busting in taiwanese
[00:23:32] are they gonna invade other countries so they love bosses
[00:23:35] it's true yeah they'll just use the get they'll use the elanic city buses
[00:23:39] they're the uh fuck maybe they'll do a program where they
[00:23:42] trade the thong was yeah you get an old american wife
[00:23:46] if they lose enough money remember that elanic city bust it crashed in queens
[00:23:49] last year you watch that video i do not remember i remember that
[00:23:52] elanic city it was it was like going like 60 miles per hour like a 30
[00:23:56] i think we're doing the podcast at that point and it was like uh
[00:23:59] it like hit on a bridge and underpass something right no it
[00:24:02] was in flushing right? oh right right yeah
[00:24:06] the driver died but no one else i can't imagine that no a couple of people
[00:24:09] died i can't imagine like six people died i can't imagine like
[00:24:12] taking a bus to elanic city and that's how you die yeah that's gotta be a bad way
[00:24:16] those people are better off than the life they were living
[00:24:19] one of the guys that died was like uh some like Ukrainian guy it was like
[00:24:24] it's like a couple weeks after it's like 60th birthday or something
[00:24:27] and it was his first day he was like i'm gonna go on morning walks
[00:24:31] for exercise and it was like his first day going out for exercise and
[00:24:35] again blammo the dangers of exercise the dangers of exercise brother god damn it
[00:24:45] uh visuals yeah you get fucking little early death
[00:24:50] you get your child's an orphan meet the same fate as
[00:24:52] zian's father come on you're so sad i know it is pretty sad
[00:25:00] yeah it's smashed smash like pianos like a fucking
[00:25:03] lunatic yeah yeah i think i made that a court piano
[00:25:07] accordion joke um piano accordion you know accordion
[00:25:11] i used to think piano because they got the keys
[00:25:14] you know it's like a foldable piano is what an accordion is did they used to
[00:25:18] drop anvils like was that a thing that people did in real life no i just
[00:25:22] think it was the heaviest thing yeah they're just heavy as shit they
[00:25:25] didn't drop them out of planes or something like
[00:25:28] before bomb i were invented yeah what they did they was
[00:25:31] dropping heavy heavy yeah they definitely invented planes before
[00:25:35] bombs did they yeah no they did yeah you're
[00:25:39] you're for sure right then sorry i didn't know i don't know somehow
[00:25:42] somehow they they skipped explosives and went right to internal combustion
[00:25:46] engines and the ability to fly it makes sense to me i love flight dude
[00:25:50] if i could fly i would be like nice what about you guys i smoked uh
[00:25:55] i smoked loud on the plane did you back from south african on the plane
[00:25:59] yeah you had that little little pipe i had the pen what would you do if they
[00:26:02] pulled you over take me back to africa take you back to africa whatever dude
[00:26:08] i'll stay i yeah political prisoner how come you didn't get me a mask
[00:26:13] okay i asked did you i have an extra mask if you want it it's on
[00:26:17] record i asked for okay i got you a mask that turns you green i thought that
[00:26:22] i thought you guys i'm from the accountants office today
[00:26:25] what'd you get uh stole a bunch of snickers minis from thank you
[00:26:31] thanks bro yeah i got you on a mask what the fuck what about me
[00:26:36] i got you on like a uh uh textile men's uh what do you call it sarong
[00:26:42] oh i love zulu men sarong oh my god yeah yeah 100 i forgot to bring it i was
[00:26:47] gonna bring it actually for you fuck yeah that'd be awesome
[00:26:50] um i missed you guys dude that that trip was too long i was with my family for
[00:26:55] too long yeah it was like your family is going on family
[00:26:59] vacation at 30 is like not you shouldn't do it of course not
[00:27:03] why the fuck would you do that was a while it was fun i mean it was a really
[00:27:07] cool place to go but i saw you fucked some penguins
[00:27:10] dude i hung out penguins it was those are penguins from the cereal box
[00:27:14] um puffins they're african penguins though i don't i don't know if they were
[00:27:18] from yes puffins the fruit loops they're yeah they had a whole club
[00:27:23] club penguin um yeah no that was amazing i wonder if you put like a two can around
[00:27:28] a bunch of penguins if the penguins would assume the two can is gay
[00:27:32] a game yeah because he's like he's too flashy
[00:27:36] it's so incredible to see how like don't let the two can around the children
[00:27:43] we get like two kids be teachers christ sake
[00:27:47] they shouldn't be allowed to have their own eggs
[00:27:52] it's incredible um to see how retarded they are at walking and how incredible
[00:27:57] they are at swimming penguins yeah they like walk like so slow and
[00:28:02] stupid and then when they get kind of like you with watching you
[00:28:05] bullet try to podcast and then also after that watching you try to be gay
[00:28:13] i'm not comfortable being gay yet i know i'm a you dive into a man's
[00:28:17] ass like a big podcast i mean no no he met the other way
[00:28:21] he met the other way clearly no he did not um but yeah we should i mean
[00:28:27] it would have been tight if we went on the trip after that's after
[00:28:30] but here's what we should do we should why do why is a fucking african here we
[00:28:34] should do we should book a fucking trip we should do show a show in london
[00:28:38] and maybe even Amsterdam and then we go to greece
[00:28:40] mm-hmm that's a fucking big dick maneuver i don't want to go to this
[00:28:44] put a lot of thought into this i just thought of this today
[00:28:46] i was talking to george he's like let's go you were like people want us to go
[00:28:49] why is george involved i'm just talking to george i'm thinking out loud
[00:28:53] he wants to go to greece and i'm like hey you know we'll be fucking tight
[00:28:56] yeah get the boys and listen come over to greece meet the fuck i'm taking
[00:29:00] we go easton pennsylvania yeah york pencil vietney
[00:29:06] yeah tranny jayz yeah that's the capital york
[00:29:11] heresburg oh i want to know who's sparrow scranton
[00:29:15] scranton oh yeah get my dick sucked we do we
[00:29:18] we tore the entire united states yeah she's still there
[00:29:22] the whole united states pittsburgh state college
[00:29:27] the suburbs of phil del vie where's the little
[00:29:35] prince stent before he's new jerry z where's this
[00:29:39] where's the little league world uh world series in kuberstown
[00:29:43] in your bedroom i thought yeah in front of the camera and tripod
[00:29:47] and so that i deserve that i deserve that
[00:29:50] you gotta be more careful yeah i'm sorry with your pedaphilic tendencies
[00:29:54] mmm i don't there's now everyone knows you fuck the whole little e-world series
[00:29:58] both teams it's in pennsylvania i'm pretty sure
[00:30:00] isn't it in kuberstown no i think it's somewhere in
[00:30:04] pennsylvania bro all i'm saying is let's go get some
[00:30:07] bangers in mash okay in lundress in lund in
[00:30:11] london downtown town townie let's fucking put on one of those big hats
[00:30:17] yeah yeah let's pants those guys just have to fucking that outfit right
[00:30:21] for sure the buckingham palace guards they get to take that hat home
[00:30:24] don't they or do they have to check in at the palace the march simpson heads
[00:30:27] you're not allowed to keep it after you you're you're done with your service
[00:30:31] why not you know it's like an m16 you have to give it back
[00:30:34] but you think i thought the longest time i thought that if you were in the army
[00:30:37] you got to keep all your guns after you have to
[00:30:40] yo honestly you seem to adulthood i thought can i be honest it's like well
[00:30:44] what's the fucking point of joining the army then if you don't get to keep the
[00:30:47] machine gun at the end that's funny because i i never thought about it
[00:30:50] enough to realize you don't get to do this
[00:30:53] but you get to keep the uniform right yeah yeah you do yeah you do the uniform
[00:30:57] then they probably keep the hat the fucking buckingham house hats seem
[00:31:01] expensive yeah yeah they're like eight of those
[00:31:04] jiu hats stacked up i know and those are expensive
[00:31:08] i wonder how much one of those big fucking hats caught what do you think
[00:31:10] they're made of fur oh fuck really i think i mean i guess it's the
[00:31:15] feathers the fucking it's the queen's guards they got to be
[00:31:18] fucking decked out i guess uh i i have no respect for the royals
[00:31:26] shut up bitch i don't that's my political position
[00:31:30] shut up with your fucking dsa political opinions
[00:31:34] no i'm not in the dsa anymore yeah i quit i got it i got it i got it give a
[00:31:39] fuck about royals i got a girlfriend i don't need i'm in the
[00:31:42] burr king kids club do you remember that there was like a a black kid
[00:31:49] with the head the visor like uh the guy from star trekking about this eight
[00:31:52] hundred times never mind dj kid or was it the white kid that had the
[00:31:56] rules like from the future that was this yeah we've talked about the
[00:32:01] fuck oh yeah okay we're halfway through so we're
[00:32:03] gonna take a break here and move back in a minute
[00:32:05] stay tuned for some advertisements everybody's
[00:32:09] whoa well everyone it's break time and i'd like to take this opportunity to
[00:32:14] tell you about one of my favorite pastimes making wild predictions and putting
[00:32:18] other people's money on it how do i do that well
[00:32:21] aside from having a successful podcast for people blindly listen to my
[00:32:24] financial advice i'm also a patron of a website called
[00:32:27] bet dsi dot com what's bet dsi well they're not like
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[00:33:25] it's free money we'll be back with i don't know some shit about
[00:33:29] today's games uh sundays games with uh adam and stav in a second thanks
[00:33:35] everybody and we're back yep that's right take blake
[00:33:39] boardles and the jags and take any day the vikings
[00:33:43] oh these are your picks mm-hmm okay see that sure i think those are the fashion
[00:33:48] picks i take patreon's i take no fuck out who's playing the
[00:33:52] you can't go against blake you can't go against boardles mania dude he's
[00:33:55] he like what he threw like a hundred and fucking yards
[00:33:58] hate or all things you should bet on on the website that's right that we just
[00:34:03] talked about that maybe maybe just me just talked about i don't know yet
[00:34:07] yeah probably yeah this here's a little secret about radio
[00:34:11] is which is not what we're doing by the way yes
[00:34:14] sometimes things are said in different orders
[00:34:18] yeah the magic that has slight of hand we haven't even the first episode you
[00:34:22] guys have already of those podcast ever mm-hmm we haven't even recorded yet
[00:34:26] you're you've listened to it already but it's pretty cool dude yeah this
[00:34:28] was recorded in 2014 record this podcast it's sewn they use that
[00:34:35] fucking time machine that they go to every episode costs 86 billion
[00:34:39] dollars hell yeah dude that's why we're not really making any money
[00:34:42] it sounds it seems like the patreon's doing well but we're barely covering
[00:34:45] our expenses yeah between the the particle accelerator
[00:34:49] yeah in the throne grandterismo racing wheel
[00:34:51] and constantly getting reconstructive surgery on adam's asshole yeah
[00:34:55] after he gets fucked every weekend by huge ass dicks that's true i can't be
[00:34:58] shooting my pants constantly the podcast i don't have any get it tightened i
[00:35:02] don't have any betting advice because uh i guess not crypto bottom is falling
[00:35:05] out on crypto yeah yeah nipi are you gonna issue an
[00:35:08] official apology i didn't i know i cuz i never told people i said
[00:35:13] anybody who asked me at anybody who asked me after rippa went past a dollar i
[00:35:16] said don't buy because no no one ever said it was supposed to be
[00:35:19] worth more than a dollar but yeah because we're uh
[00:35:23] tim dylan asked me and i told him that exactly that and the same thing with
[00:35:25] rasine but it seems like he put his whole life when it hit three dollars when it
[00:35:30] hit three dollars i said on instagram you should get out
[00:35:33] before nice before the whole thing collapses i like you pretending like
[00:35:37] you know anything about cryptocurrency yeah you gotta buy anything that happens
[00:35:40] in the market you gotta buy the dip that's what's going on right now it's
[00:35:44] dipping you got fuck crypto i don't give a fuck i never gave a fuck i never
[00:35:48] gave a fuck um but i seem is getting into investments right now and it's
[00:35:52] really funny like it is we're at we're at cusco
[00:35:55] him and me and uh he was talking about how he really likes fila
[00:35:59] track suits and he's like yeah you know like we should probably
[00:36:02] invest in fila i mean like i think that that was just about to go up because
[00:36:05] they're coming back yeah i was like i like how people who
[00:36:08] confuse like shopping with investing yeah
[00:36:11] they tell like yeah yo that's one of me i have no fucking idea what investing is
[00:36:16] yeah and i'm keeping it that way all my money is in a brown paper bag under my
[00:36:19] fucking mattress the way it should be yeah way to tell the federal government
[00:36:23] that's yeah dude maybe it's coming i'm telling the red hair
[00:36:26] and tomorrow with both of you made last year that's my job can you tell them
[00:36:29] left no cuz then i owe that fuck whatever man should be a pal about it
[00:36:33] just be a pal to us no be a pal to us never
[00:36:35] where would you be without us be your best friends
[00:36:38] be a pal about it bitch learn how to deduct things i deduct all the time
[00:36:43] i deduct my pride constantly you don't have any pride he's talking about
[00:36:47] he's talking about uh going to this korean jack off salons in china town
[00:36:53] and having his ego struck this deducting his pride yeah he doesn't first of all
[00:36:58] you know when he said he got a happy ending it was just so it wouldn't be
[00:37:00] like you're good at podcasting yeah you're not the worst one on
[00:37:04] common you know what you know what i had a small
[00:37:07] tear go down my cheek with that beautiful angel tone that
[00:37:11] finish on your face yeah that wasn't tears
[00:37:15] like a man was squirting on you you guys yeah
[00:37:19] and squirts just be so nose diarrhea it was
[00:37:23] it was clear diarrhea yeah he's an anal squirt he puts a little crystal pepsy
[00:37:28] if he puts a little karo syrup in his ass and then he just squirts it out
[00:37:33] um fuck yeah i mean i want to invest i want to be i want to take down the
[00:37:38] anglose you know what are those that's non-ethnic
[00:37:42] the british no no that's that's people like nick
[00:37:45] oh yeah that's the man yeah yeah i'm i'm gonna i'm a mediterranean american
[00:37:50] yeah and i'm in the eastern european no we don't want we don't we're not
[00:37:54] interested in having you in the coalition what do you mean i'm not anglo
[00:37:58] yeah but you know where you are i'm technically not anglo
[00:38:01] no but you are irish yeah what is that it's everyone
[00:38:04] i'm british i'm bernie and no man everyone it's not european
[00:38:11] you know anglo's white guys why don't you just
[00:38:14] identify with bald people yeah why why does it well it's just because i have
[00:38:18] i'm just i'm bald i just glasses and bad teeth and over you mean
[00:38:21] you mean people who what was the last one
[00:38:24] overweight well bad teeth and uh yeah well first number one
[00:38:28] i choose to cut my hair short uh number two sure this is some unfortunate
[00:38:32] that's like a like a truth dot com at about candy
[00:38:37] and is that the secret here's the truth yeah it's delicious that's the truth you
[00:38:41] need to know about candy yeah truth dot com always tried to make it sound
[00:38:44] cool not to smoke cigarettes they get like wrap kind of people
[00:38:47] it is cool not smoke cigarettes that swung back around i think
[00:38:51] yeah i guess they're a bitch if you smoke it's cool to smoke now
[00:38:55] it's not cool to smoke in the 90s no i don't think it's cool again
[00:39:00] a lot of people in new york smoke cigarettes how about this i think
[00:39:03] it's cool because they're poser it's your position
[00:39:05] out of the year that i'm smoking yeah yeah it's cool when i'm on cocaine and
[00:39:09] drunk as shit that time it's cool um but other than that
[00:39:14] it's not you taste bad you know your mouth tastes bad when you smoke
[00:39:17] sigis oh yeah that's true you know yeah fuck sorry
[00:39:22] what should have drank some bca a's during the break
[00:39:26] she's for my creatine during the break big cock ass ass ass ass
[00:39:37] debate that's never been settled do people have two asses or one
[00:39:42] you have one ass one ass no two ass chicks you have two cheeks one but those
[00:39:46] each one is an ass the whole cheeks comprise of all ass if you have two
[00:39:50] holes then you have two asses i never understood that expression i'm
[00:39:53] going to do it half-assed because that applies to so few things
[00:39:58] half-assed means one cheek or half of two cheeks how would the dog wear pants
[00:40:05] uh how do you do it okay no i mean what are you doing half
[00:40:10] how do you use your ass for that you could only use half you sitting in a
[00:40:13] chair is that like that seems harder than just
[00:40:15] regular is that like plumbers you're going to do like a plumber because half
[00:40:18] is ass is hanging they work very hard yeah they're not really
[00:40:21] gentlemen no i don't think so you try a day in there
[00:40:25] in there they actually don't if you watch a plumber work they don't work
[00:40:29] they don't work hard they know it's a very easy job they'll come out they'll
[00:40:32] be like oh this is a fucking for you know this is a diagnostic it's going to
[00:40:35] cost you 90 dollars yeah like imagine you go into the world of like
[00:40:39] home repair you can do h vac you can be a carpenter
[00:40:43] uh-huh you got it hangs drywall and then you choose like well i'm going to fix
[00:40:48] shit i mean that sucks shit tube i love getting some shit
[00:40:53] i love getting some shit square i love getting my shitty ass to get my
[00:40:57] shit tube sucked off my new on sta's tube i'm gonna do on
[00:41:01] sta's tube baby you know it's fun uh calling not pussy not only maybe
[00:41:06] maybe it's really good pussy not only is it square it's cube
[00:41:09] yeah getting some cube wow that's three dimensional
[00:41:12] dimensional pussy too i love getting cube that tesser act
[00:41:16] whole okay what's a tesser act i don't know some kind of
[00:41:19] theoretical shape okay is it yeah i thought that was from marvel
[00:41:24] tesser act so what are you talking about no it's it's a shape that has like
[00:41:28] four dimensions four yeah tessera means four oh well i
[00:41:32] watched thawer on the plane and that's what low key was trying to steal that's
[00:41:35] what taresa means in greek tessera four yeah so it's like that's the fourth
[00:41:40] the fourth dimension and of the other tariya tessera my beautiful daughter will
[00:41:45] be four for beautiful that's what you name your
[00:41:48] daughter if she's ugly she's four you let everyone know she's a four oh okay
[00:41:51] yeah tessera no tariya that's a different the
[00:41:55] r is in place of the s i think that as i is a greek
[00:41:59] you're right name i don't know what it means
[00:42:04] tariya yeah i don't know what the this is a green name
[00:42:08] i've met green woman yeah a lot are i guess i have a greek name
[00:42:11] i guess yeah nico yeah nico nico laos ayos nico laos
[00:42:17] which in greek st nik is not sanichlos it's st basil
[00:42:23] st vesilios well they're both just turks
[00:42:27] st basil is a turk that gives you presence so st nik they're all fucking turks
[00:42:31] a lot of saints are like oh that's why sanichlos is a turban
[00:42:34] that's right yeah whoa that's right yeah
[00:42:39] um any any other words you guys want to know in greek
[00:42:54] all right man this sucks i hate chipping my teeth
[00:42:57] how'd you chip it when a guy's dick that was really hard
[00:43:03] it's a gay ransingay yeah and you chipped your dick that a barbell and
[00:43:09] crossfit oh yeah did you say to the audience that
[00:43:14] you're a crossfit guy i just been talking about it before you left
[00:43:16] sorry i know these things that you want to like
[00:43:18] get a little laugh at like a fucking faggot i'm not laughing
[00:43:22] and you don't have to so we already did all that you missed it
[00:43:24] you don't have to gay bash me once again you're using a word to
[00:43:27] joe i've been gone i've been in half for
[00:43:30] greek it's a stay sharp man i've been an ex-star been a political refugee from
[00:43:35] this country and this government you should have been in africa
[00:43:38] shadow podcasting how do you feel about trump says saying he weighs less than
[00:43:42] you yeah how do you feel about that it's not true
[00:43:45] it's not true right does that piss you off how much is he way
[00:43:48] he said he weighs he said he weighs like uh two
[00:43:51] thirty eight and he's six three no shot which is like tim tebow no
[00:43:56] chance he's in tebow it's like two thirty eight how about him
[00:43:59] fucking the poi star from 40 year old virgin
[00:44:01] yeah he looks like he might just be mostly loose skin
[00:44:05] uh no he's he's a nice fatter he's open he eats
[00:44:08] uh mcdonald's all the time yeah i mean it's not like a terrible diet
[00:44:11] two thirty eight i wish i was sometimes fact people can be deceptively light
[00:44:16] i'll be up and i have any muscle tone i'm the opposite because i have
[00:44:20] because you've been fad your whole life so you have large legs i'm very strong
[00:44:23] your body's ossified i'm very strong no that's not what's going on but you're
[00:44:26] very weak though my upper body is weak my lower body's very strong
[00:44:30] but even for a week it is weaker than my lower body but i'm still
[00:44:35] a formidable opponent in the ring in the ring that's right in the
[00:44:39] onion ring maybe i'm not gonna ask about eating as many onion rings as
[00:44:44] possible i don't like i am rings that much i fucking love onion rings too
[00:44:47] i don't like when they're too oniony what not enough batter you mean i like
[00:44:51] more batter yeah i like a thin it onions really are a thing that like
[00:44:55] shouldn't be fried 100 they don't work it makes no sense but i do love onions
[00:44:59] and i love breading i love breading you go to long john
[00:45:02] silvers and they give you the extra trash like the extra i've never had that
[00:45:06] shit from the deep fryer they just i've never my life they do a john
[00:45:10] long john silvers oh you got to get the biscuits you got to get the hush puppies
[00:45:14] do they have they have lj john silvers says the best
[00:45:17] no that's red lobster's got the biscuits the cheddar biscuits oh yeah wow you
[00:45:20] fucking idiot sorry i confused both uh long john silvers has the best
[00:45:26] fries really followed closely by rory rogers is
[00:45:30] curly fries i'm not a curly fry guy oh come on i'm a
[00:45:33] fucking traditionalist i love curly fries i like a nice fucking
[00:45:37] hand cut plain ass squamber as a kid i you would have curly fries
[00:45:42] occasionally and i wouldn't remember where they were how i had access to
[00:45:45] the cafeteria but anytime you would see regular fries you'd be like man what
[00:45:48] about those like special fries yeah did that one time i will give you that it
[00:45:52] did feel it did feel special yeah even me not a huge curly fry fan
[00:45:56] uh-huh i'd like to throw it in every once in a while you seven in the
[00:45:59] my school cafeteria and i used to fucking get stoked
[00:46:02] lucky for you man yeah we had fat we had fat wedges in my school cafeteria
[00:46:07] she has to have the poly potato action institute
[00:46:10] yeah yeah they were okay but i to potato away from me same way
[00:46:14] you know i like a thin i wanted crispy on all sides i like it uniform
[00:46:18] i don't like irregularities in my fry well makes a good fry is you cut the
[00:46:22] fries and then freeze them and then deep fry them after they've been frozen
[00:46:26] interesting yeah i don't know i don't know about that
[00:46:29] i like a nice way to do it no you got it you got a freeze in greek style
[00:46:33] greek restaurants have like shit that's like kind of you know i just said i don't
[00:46:36] like an irregularity but sometimes i do like a if it's very fresh i like it
[00:46:40] not a wedge i just like it with a little fucking
[00:46:43] you know it's alive you know it's not a machine a human being you can feel
[00:46:47] you don't like it you can feel the energy transferred to their in and out
[00:46:50] burger they make the fries there they they have a
[00:46:54] a machine that slices the potatoes okay and then they they fry them there they
[00:46:59] don't get them from like a frozen bag okay that's why people
[00:47:02] that's why one of the reasons why people freak out for in and out burgers i see
[00:47:06] yeah yeah i could i like it in and out i could you know it's but it's nothing
[00:47:09] wild it's not amazing yeah it's a regular asperger
[00:47:12] you know what i was saying the other day that you read robin
[00:47:17] gray burgers reasonably blessed never never been to red robin we should go
[00:47:21] i'll go to red robin we should find a red red red
[00:47:23] red robin it's a suburban it's impossible that there's not one in
[00:47:26] a place i feel like there's one near me actually yeah
[00:47:29] yeah queens is the place that has like all those kind of chains bro queens rules
[00:47:32] it's like i'm in a story and then it's like
[00:47:34] ten minutes one way you're like oh i'm just in the motherfucking city and then
[00:47:37] ten minutes the other way it's like you're in the suburbs yeah like i
[00:47:40] the there's a home depot there's a guitar center or a best buy all like a big
[00:47:43] ass parking lot closest shit to me it's weird that
[00:47:45] guitars would warrant their own center you know
[00:47:49] yeah well they do so much more than just guitar but they know that that's the
[00:47:52] flashy name that's going to get people in yeah i love going there and playing
[00:47:55] with that dj equipment because it's like you spend five minutes with it and you're
[00:47:58] like oh yeah anyone could be a dj well so every comic now as soon as
[00:48:03] dj who everyone randon no i'm just saying like a lot of
[00:48:07] comics like dj name name two other than brandon
[00:48:14] oh like shows yeah like friends will like and it's you know
[00:48:18] even a comic anymore though i because i only see him djing stuff i think he
[00:48:21] he's on shows i think he's on shows yeah
[00:48:24] cool um i don't fucking know man they just do there's more there you go
[00:48:29] uh the fucking uh Aziz yes he's on sorry yeah
[00:48:34] he does a nice cool he does a really cool v technique with a turntable scratching
[00:48:38] yeah yeah he does a scratch he's got the claw scratch
[00:48:42] that's how he learned how to finger was djing
[00:48:45] yeah man i didn't understand that party puts his fingers in the mouth and then
[00:48:49] the pussy he puts his fingers in her throat in a
[00:48:52] v ugh he just doesn't know how to fuck is that
[00:48:55] okay is that that's that art mostly that's the take away
[00:48:58] that sucks adam adam does everything in that article except with three fingers
[00:49:04] no that's not true it is actually i'm a good lover i think i'm a good lover
[00:49:08] no we actually did a survey while you were gone yeah dasha told you yes
[00:49:12] dasha why would you be with me then you had joys
[00:49:17] yeah we got no we called them you call we were all getting brunch
[00:49:21] us dasha joys and sammy someone told me after the show in dc they're like
[00:49:26] dude great show by the way your ex-girlfriend sucks
[00:49:31] he's like she spends all day just calling people racist on facebook
[00:49:36] did they know her or something yeah i guess they know her from dc
[00:49:40] but yeah well don't talk about me and next friend joys like that
[00:49:45] i'm still very close with joe yeah we talk a week till fall is there on instagram
[00:49:48] he's like dude you should see this piece of shit post she just did
[00:49:52] come on man don't say that i don't want that to get back to my dear friend joy
[00:49:55] yeah dude you know i was explaining we're gonna have to do with the brunch me
[00:49:58] and nick have with joe's every weekend you go down to dc we sometimes
[00:50:02] she comes here something yeah we fire up sometimes we meet we fire out
[00:50:06] sometimes we meet in philly she's giving us djing lessons
[00:50:10] so we could be like all the other comedians
[00:50:12] damn every other comedian there's a couple more man that i'm fucking
[00:50:16] blanking on but yeah a lot of guys do it courtneal dj sometimes
[00:50:19] corny ting yeah does he the homie fairington i'm imagining him djing
[00:50:24] shirtless bane mask yes you know my man is jad mouse mask with the bane mask
[00:50:29] on top on the little mouse now oh yeah yeah yeah and are you gonna get
[00:50:35] joker micky there's definitely a guy in greece called djjoker
[00:50:51] nigger you're gonna be one of the good girls take that pussy out
[00:50:54] are you gonna get into like bane mask workouts no that's just
[00:50:58] hair restriction no i'd smoke cigarettes dude dude you need to do that
[00:51:02] six-and-dil pub you need to do that just to protect your teeth you need the
[00:51:04] bane mask yeah yeah yeah you know if you're
[00:51:06] gonna start lifting weights with a mouth garden
[00:51:08] nah i'm just gonna chip all my fucking teeth i chip i chip a tooth like every
[00:51:12] six months really yeah yeah yeah what's the last time
[00:51:15] when it goes really hard dick yeah i don't think that's possible stuff
[00:51:19] well maybe we'd have to be really hard that's what i'm saying
[00:51:22] not just eating and shit really yeah yeah i feel like i would have chimped the
[00:51:26] tooth eating if it was possible yeah he eats all the time i do
[00:51:29] and hard stuff yeah well i'll eat things quick
[00:51:32] or maybe just grind your shit down you have short teeth
[00:51:41] i'm powerful teeth it's like the way shorter guys can squat
[00:51:45] more my teeth just come down harder oh you know there's not a lot of you know
[00:51:50] not a lot of potential energy you do have weird short teeth they look like
[00:51:53] little finger nails powerful teeth yes i have
[00:51:57] because it's like there's the transfer from potential to kinetic energy
[00:52:01] less of it is lost with my that sounds like some smart type shit right with
[00:52:05] my fucking condensed my dive density their
[00:52:09] denser i got the compact except for the one the gray one
[00:52:13] it's not gray it's kind of a huge yeah it's a little tombstone
[00:52:18] look man i'm gonna get in replaced with a gold tooth relax that would be
[00:52:21] that's gonna be really sick i am gonna do that i want to get a gold tooth on the
[00:52:24] bottom one of my one of my gums is like receded all the way to the bottom
[00:52:28] one mouth and one of my teeth and it's probably gonna have to come out i
[00:52:30] think yeah i'm going gold tooth that's a good idea
[00:52:33] yeah yeah that i had first no i've been having a
[00:52:36] fetch really i've been keeping an eye on this tooth no chance
[00:52:39] yeah i've been a gold tooth boy my mom had gold teeth when i was growing up
[00:52:43] because like that's just what they like in Bulgaria they just replaced them
[00:52:46] with what everybody's everybody's parents has like
[00:52:49] fucking unless your parents like good teeth like weird feelings and shit
[00:52:52] yeah that well whatever yeah the silver shit is
[00:52:55] well we had a full gold ass fucking when our
[00:52:57] parents were kids and when i saw that i was like nice
[00:53:01] i need those last longer the metal ones last longer hell yeah
[00:53:04] because the resin ones they don't like they don't tell you that but they
[00:53:06] you need to get them replaced in like fucking eight years yeah you get you
[00:53:09] get ten years and i think max yeah yeah man i gotta get a fucking so anyway i'm
[00:53:14] i got high hopes for my friends for my friend's
[00:53:17] uncle who is a dentist in jersey city i will be going there in a couple weeks
[00:53:21] he's very busy he's packed i think that's a good sign
[00:53:24] that means he's highly highly touted yeah and uh hopefully i'm i'm be out here
[00:53:30] looking beautiful yeah leeming i'm gonna get a gold ball
[00:53:34] that's not bad we have one of my balls removed and replaced with gold
[00:53:37] hmm would it wait well then man that's pretty heavy though
[00:53:41] yeah well i guess uh yeah but you mean the inside the test score wouldn't you
[00:53:45] wouldn't be able to see it you see yeah i'm gonna get my sack replaced with a
[00:53:49] clear one oh that's good they saw the backpacks
[00:53:52] they saw them at the uh at the one of those like indian cell phone accessory
[00:53:56] place my friend come here please give me you i will give you clear balls
[00:54:02] so everyone can see the electronics inside your balls
[00:54:07] look at my penis and balls they are clear
[00:54:11] the cock too is clear it's like one of those little rspires and stuff
[00:54:15] i don't i don't want to come off racist here yeah
[00:54:18] every indian guy's got a clear deck i read these these article very true yeah
[00:54:23] he's had a move called yeah the playstation controller where it's
[00:54:28] dick was clear you could see the circuit boards and what it was kind of like a
[00:54:31] purple tint yeah that shit was cool his weird fucking that was the n64 you're
[00:54:35] thinking of capacitor filled dick you know yep
[00:54:39] the fuck is fucking his iMac dick that's what i call my dick his generation
[00:54:43] one i'm she did everything short damn girl you want to see my wires
[00:54:50] how do you want me to fuck you with these wires she did everything short of saying
[00:54:54] he has a tiny penis in that article that would have been awesome if she did
[00:54:57] it was really embarrassing yeah and it wasn't sexual assault he got
[00:55:02] flamed yeah no it was not sexual but i think people are now saying that
[00:55:06] it we already covered this in the last thing i said
[00:55:09] oh sorry it just wasn't chill but it wasn't sexual yeah i know you want to
[00:55:12] come in here thinking that these takes haven't been expressed
[00:55:16] but oh but we all right well we are very what happened today in the news
[00:55:20] see i'm not i'm stable i'm slacking genius i'm slapping today there's
[00:55:25] they're i'm slacking i didn't read the news i did nothing i went to an
[00:55:28] accountant i feel like shit yeah why are you sick no i just i've
[00:55:32] have something's wrong like i just can't sleep i don't know what the fuck it is
[00:55:37] but i can't get the bed till like four o'clock in the morning and then i wake
[00:55:41] up at like seven you got a chief a little ganja
[00:55:45] i guess i don't know what it is but i just or do melatonin or something i just
[00:55:49] wake up and i'm fucking up are you anxious about something
[00:55:52] no i've been good lately actually yeah yeah things i'm just something on the
[00:55:56] horizon that you're worried about no everything's actually there's a lot
[00:55:59] of things i'm excited about right maybe it maybe i'm just allergic to being
[00:56:04] happy i dude no joke yeah i probably don't know how to
[00:56:07] be like i'm like i'm like i'm kind of happy and i'm just creating
[00:56:10] problems that don't exist well it might be that might be that
[00:56:13] like i use depression to go to sleep for so long yeah it is a good sleep aid
[00:56:18] yeah i was in bed the first year i was here i would sleep for 12 hours
[00:56:22] no i did nighttime i'm like still in a good mood which is usually reserved for
[00:56:25] the morning so it's like you know i'm like well maybe got some writing done
[00:56:30] or you know read or work on stuff or clean my room like there's just more
[00:56:33] shit i want to do but i don't feel manic either
[00:56:36] like in fact i like i kind of came off that i was like man a couple weeks ago
[00:56:41] i feel we'd come up to go yeah to wipe down maybe
[00:56:44] and then i kind of crashed after that by the way you should just go to a
[00:56:49] therapist also no it sounds like you should just probably just get
[00:56:52] feels wronged instinctively why are you so proud i'm not proud
[00:56:57] it's just yeah it's it has nothing to do with fucking pro
[00:57:00] he's dumb he's a fucking idiot who doesn't think it's like good to go to
[00:57:04] therapy you sound like a like a chinese parent
[00:57:07] that they don't trust like western medicine or something
[00:57:12] i mean yeah i guess it's not medicine it's talk therapy it is medicine it's
[00:57:17] their doctors they went to medical school yeah not all of them
[00:57:21] is yeah but it's not like there's no guarantee i've
[00:57:24] no i don't want to sit there and just talk to somebody it's like this is why you
[00:57:27] do that and go huh well i guess now i have a thing to be insecure about about
[00:57:31] having like a personality flaw that's not the point no
[00:57:34] well the point of it yet the point is is i don't think it'll do anything
[00:57:37] and also like my problems are fucking manageable it's not like i'm
[00:57:41] like things are fine you're very you're we're not saying you're not like
[00:57:44] you know very now you should go to there be so i mean everyone would be
[00:57:48] would do better off i think i think yeah yeah you're probably right i don't like
[00:57:51] the idea that you know everyone should do it well like
[00:57:55] what is that everyone should just go to therapy i think it's pretty fucking true
[00:57:59] like everyone has fucked up shit about them no everybody should have
[00:58:02] values that they embrace and derive some sort of mental stability from that
[00:58:07] like religion yeah yeah but has that worked for you yes
[00:58:11] but you were just telling us how you don't feel like stable and you don't
[00:58:14] understand why and you were just saying how you don't i said i can't sleep
[00:58:17] and you remain two weeks yeah well that's like an example of that right
[00:58:21] you can't process happiness you can't it really is probably just like
[00:58:25] exercising too much and then fucking not eating enough
[00:58:28] i hope something you can eat yeah because i've been doing those
[00:58:31] crossfit classes which i'm not used to to the hot dogs to like justify
[00:58:35] you know the money i spent on fucking crossfit
[00:58:39] and i'd never do any cardio so just even like that oh yeah you're not eating
[00:58:44] enough food no i'm eating enough i'd say i was something you can eat
[00:58:48] he's talking about his penis do you actually want Nick to eat your penis off
[00:58:51] of your body i didn't say that yeah you did it's kind of like a
[00:58:55] popsicle yeah it's got like a warm popsicle
[00:58:58] old and shriveled with a tiny little joke inside
[00:59:04] and very funny his penis is a humor it's a good humor you know
[00:59:10] yeah don't ever try to beat me to the punch you'll lose every fucking time
[00:59:14] i could beat you i've beaten you you've never beaten you know first of all
[00:59:18] you've never had a joke in your life i've written you don't know how to write
[00:59:21] jokes all you can do is tell stories on stage you have to be me
[00:59:26] because you're going after me for what i didn't say it's not
[00:59:29] he said it's not meant to be a retarded person i need to go to a doctor
[00:59:33] you do you are you do i'm not insecure here you are who's attacking me now again
[00:59:39] you you're insecure that we told you that that it might be you
[00:59:42] you wouldn't want to take me you're doing it
[00:59:47] dude i rewatch big lebowski again last night's the best man
[00:59:50] Walter is such a funny character this is like shit every time i i probably the
[00:59:54] first 15 times i watched that movie there was new shit i would notice that i
[00:59:57] didn't see before but like there's a part i didn't even like
[01:00:00] when they go to see the kid who's still the iron lung dad the iron lung dad and
[01:00:05] they're just at the door and the look on on john goodman's face when he's like
[01:00:09] smiling at the housekeeper and he's like is he and he just has like
[01:00:14] the most saccharin bullshit smile on his face like his level of like
[01:00:18] comedic acting is so good un-fucking john goodman
[01:00:21] that's he's like the funniest fucking guy and it's crazy that he's just like a
[01:00:25] guy that wouldn't be a serious actor and he's capable of being that fucking funny
[01:00:28] yeah so i mean he could have been the funniest guy of his generation
[01:00:32] uh i'm sorry ma'am but the supreme court has ruled numerous times against prior
[01:00:38] walter this isn't a fucking first amendment issue man
[01:00:42] uh fuck dude that's uh man what a great character
[01:00:46] shout out john milleus who's john milleus these are the guy that walter
[01:00:50] subjects based on oh really yeah you didn't know that
[01:00:53] no i didn't know that look at john milleus yeah they look exactly the same
[01:00:57] john milleus was he in vietnam uh i you know i think but john milleus is
[01:01:02] probably one of those guys that wanted to go to vietnam and he was like fat
[01:01:06] he's like educate his life to stealing valor getting as close as he can
[01:01:10] what you know who's worse than the guys that's just straight up steal valor is
[01:01:13] a guy that's like using the military alphabet or whatever and i of course
[01:01:18] myself never served i bet i have the utmost respect for right you know i'm
[01:01:21] getting as close as they can to at least steal valor at least be like a fucking
[01:01:25] weird sociopath yeah not like a loser yeah
[01:01:29] like me um john milleus is uh he's a writer and a director who's like
[01:01:34] probably the only conservative that was left in hollywood after like
[01:01:38] i don't know the 70s what did he make uh Conan the barbarian he
[01:01:43] wrote apocalypse now he wrote the uh speech in
[01:01:48] jaws about the ussndnapolis uh red dawn regressive hell yeah dude uh yeah
[01:01:56] john milleus is the fucking man that's good conservative art right there
[01:01:59] baby who who are the conservatives i guess him and
[01:02:02] james woods yeah james woods uh broose john brool is used to be a lot more
[01:02:08] john brool isn't a conservative so much as he is a zionist who's like but i
[01:02:11] mean i think he's pretty progressive yeah because i think hibad got him off of
[01:02:15] uh drugs yeah you know he's not jewish yeah
[01:02:18] the syringe wonder if he wants to fuck his daughter i would
[01:02:22] yeah well she got them dsl yeah yeah she got them big
[01:02:26] she's got a baboon's ass right on her face she doesn't look
[01:02:29] good like as good anymore yeah after the mastectomy yeah you're right
[01:02:34] yeah i don't know that kind of did she get ruined her in a way
[01:02:37] no didn't she get new tips you mean fake tits
[01:02:41] i well i don't think they're fake and fire you're going to jail
[01:02:46] throw that bitch in jail we're getting big
[01:02:51] that you're watching tmz yeah we spotted this
[01:02:57] bitch who had breast cancer coming out and they're not even doing celebrities
[01:03:00] they're just bitch had breast cancer if you had to get fake tits
[01:03:07] harvey leveen or whatever the fuck his name is like ooh that guy's like 75
[01:03:12] years old yeah he looks good him and send he can go to the
[01:03:15] same he's getting yeah that's why he's like
[01:03:17] where's that injection into the brain that's good he's one of the ten-year-old
[01:03:24] Dominican boys who had puberty at nine shipped in to collect their young
[01:03:28] cum directly in the harvey every anyone named harvey's probably a
[01:03:33] sex radio that's true yeah well he was the he was like the the
[01:03:38] kite tell probably no he did like the interviews after
[01:03:41] the people's court that's what harvey leveen oh remember i don't like after
[01:03:45] the trolley be like i don't feel like the settlement oh yeah they just done
[01:03:49] done yeah harvey leveen was the i didn't know that i guess the
[01:03:52] report i just got a coffee table book about every jewish person ever
[01:03:57] so it knows all these things it's a very high stack that's so funny to be in
[01:04:01] that kind of entertainment where it's like you don't even have any skills or
[01:04:04] talents oh he's gonna hell want to make drink or like want to make art you just
[01:04:07] like want to be a radio guy no i know i'm a lawyer anytime there's a piece of
[01:04:12] shit in entertainment it's oh the story is they were a radio guy right
[01:04:16] right now he's a lawyer they're like a morning radio guy that would do like
[01:04:20] whoa i guess some dumb bitch got breast cancer it's still not it hasn't been
[01:04:23] 30 minutes so it's so it hasn't been why you're
[01:04:26] freaking out about time i got a host the eight o'clock well maybe you shouldn't
[01:04:29] have been fucking late to the show there pal you rassals are supposed to start
[01:04:33] without me oh i know we said five 30 yeah i said we should do it the three of us
[01:04:39] yeah so love you thanks man um well okay that's what i'm
[01:04:46] you anyway so yeah he was a lawyer i want a rice cake with some peanut butter
[01:04:51] and honey on top see that's not enough calories i know that's just a snack
[01:04:55] that i want right now it's a nice snack that is a very nice yeah
[01:04:59] i went to uh right i went to smoke joint again the other night oh nice
[01:05:03] shout out smoke joint we're in a story for green
[01:05:06] oh yeah yeah bar that barbecue place that place is good you know i was ordering
[01:05:10] from there and i forgot that i had actually been there because it was just a
[01:05:13] barbecue place i had been to but they're so fucking reasonably priced for like
[01:05:17] good barbecue it's not bad it's insane because it's like cheaper than it would
[01:05:20] be in texas even really i'm like yeah there's a premium on barbecue here
[01:05:24] beef prices are like fucking through the roof
[01:05:27] it's across the street from that big e mural you know it is a touristic
[01:05:31] instagrams of their brisket is like kind of like too fatty the cuts of like
[01:05:36] way too much fat in them so maybe you like i love that
[01:05:38] shit well i don't like eating just fatty brisket i love fatty brisket but i don't
[01:05:43] like just eating fat with no fucking meat that is where you and me
[01:05:47] differ my friend i love a nice fat globule of fat
[01:05:51] just them them fucking eat that shit up yeah i i like
[01:05:55] you know sexual men yeah i like to have sex
[01:05:59] well i'm sorry for being uh tired on this one folks but
[01:06:02] what are you gonna do sometimes you trip your teeth you can't sleep
[01:06:06] and uh i've had a full day therapy work here
[01:06:10] stand i gotta go do comedy now i actually worked
[01:06:14] for a real day yeah i had a i had a uh i had a
[01:06:17] fucking real day and that you know what it was i was up late last night doing
[01:06:21] going through all those expenses for the last quarter
[01:06:24] so that kept me up and then once i've been doing math for hours i'm like
[01:06:27] your brain hurts yeah yeah it won't go away yeah every time i do a single math
[01:06:31] problem i get my i might i have that i was i remember as a kid like
[01:06:35] math and like gym felt the same it was like exhausting you just tuck it out
[01:06:42] math yeah yeah bro every time i tried to read as a little kid i would fall
[01:06:46] asleep i loved reading i used to read a lot as a kid
[01:06:49] i loved reading him right now but i i hated doing math i hate math too
[01:06:54] yeah i hate math because there's it there's a like a
[01:06:57] specific answer and you can be wrong where's everything else yes that's true
[01:07:01] you can be like how do you know that's not the answer yeah
[01:07:04] fucking bitch teacher yeah liberal arts are all about your feelings on things
[01:07:09] mm-hmm math is all about like if you get one step wrong
[01:07:12] the whole thing is wrong i actually feel like you should
[01:07:15] jerk me off is that your feeling those are my feelings
[01:07:18] well i just agree yeah well that's going to do it for this episode
[01:07:22] and uh you know if you guys want start a petition to have Ian brought back i
[01:07:26] think we all know what the variable is why
[01:07:30] are you doing this what why are you doing all things considered
[01:07:37] if you want to talk about doing the math are we still this is like a joke from
[01:07:41] like this is two x february of last year i think
[01:07:44] it's a year old it's not a joke i was getting kicked off the podcast that
[01:07:48] wasn't a joke you were kicked off the podcast no this is it wasn't Ian came
[01:07:51] on hmm then Ian came on remember we did that
[01:07:55] he auditioned yeah okay well now it's been 30 minutes so
[01:07:58] great we can go uh stay tuned you guys if you hated this
[01:08:02] you know we're saving all the jokes for the premium
[01:08:07] if you want a better show make sure to pay us money that's right to hear the same
[01:08:12] kind of bullshit but there's double it there's more of it there's more
[01:08:18] twice as much bullshit yeah 100 percent more bull