Cum Town | Regular | 01/31/2018
[00:00:11] It's perfect. I spent a bunch of time learning how to
[00:00:15] Now you just broke it by screaming. I think oh did I yeah? I tried to make it tell us
[00:00:21] Let's see that was the bit we were doing yeah
[00:00:29] Well as this place some kind of some kind of cave
[00:00:43] This is the game place, but I'm not gay. Oh you are now
[00:01:03] It's not fair I only shop on Jack and it was in the Navy
[00:01:17] Hell yeah, yeah, well I should probably
[00:01:21] Turn the volume down. Hopefully that doesn't destroy the recording. Do you think it did?
[00:01:30] Yeah, we you know what we can do that now that we're using a computer record
[00:01:33] And I guess there's gonna be some overlap, but I did pause and rerecord and it sounds fine
[00:01:42] We're good to go the new professional setup hell yeah, dude, so hopefully
[00:01:48] I'm not the problem with this is now. I have a computer in front of me
[00:01:52] So my impulse is to use get on writer. You know, let's get on chatter bait right right right?
[00:01:57] Let's see who's bejacking off on chatter bait. Yeah, it's funny. You go to chatter bait and they rank it by
[00:02:03] Biggest pussy by biggest pussy. Yeah, no by audience
[00:02:09] Had a lot of time on chatter. Yeah, like I like the ones were not a lot of people are watching
[00:02:15] You hips to your beat off hipster. Yeah, I like just you know an old woman with you know
[00:02:21] Sadie titties will be in a boat. Yeah, like nipples to knees. That's what that's my time. Yeah long ass
[00:02:31] The aerial is the center part. Yeah, I like it when the titties look like tubes, you know I'm saying oh, yeah
[00:02:36] Just to penis I was laughing today about my wife asked me to get my tube tugs
[00:02:46] Time I dicken it not my day of a balloon. Yeah, I got my tube time
[00:02:59] It's the bunch of come come build up. It's a reversible procedure. Yeah, I piss in my own face now
[00:03:07] Anyway, so on chatter bait right they rank it by by a number of views
[00:03:11] The other night there was on the first page like 70 year old woman. No really
[00:03:18] Just like an old just you look good. No, Matthew looking was it a glitch? No, she was just furiously masturbating
[00:03:27] I clicked on it and she's just masturbating in the description, you know
[00:03:30] It's like whatever that you know they have the top. It's like the description of what they're doing and it just said
[00:03:37] So there's a guy beating off and she was looking at him I guess yeah
[00:03:45] Was she getting a lot of tokens most of them are like Russian sex slaves or like a Colombian
[00:03:52] 13 year olds in a warehouse. Yeah, what's ripples eat it? Yeah? Oh
[00:03:56] Titi's so big or bra looks like it's asleep
[00:04:00] Sleep in cartoon and they don't really do much to dress the setup
[00:04:04] My girlfriend titties so big or brusse look like a black man's report card
[00:04:17] I'm being texted another thing having the computer open. Oh my text messages
[00:04:21] Oh, just turn it around turn it no, I got it now. I'm the producer now, so I gotta just by the way
[00:04:42] What are the texts they read them live on air like it's gossip about a friend of ours
[00:04:47] Oh, I want to say who but let's just say
[00:04:57] Fuck see I see Ricky Martin you guys have been you put that back at him with it
[00:05:02] Yeah, put that back in there. Don't ever take that out again. I'm not what I wasn't playing stop
[00:05:07] You got it. You got to stop with the fidgeting. We got to get you a
[00:05:09] It helps me focus. Yeah, I'm playing with something in my hand. Why don't you play with me?
[00:05:14] Yeah, play with the dick. Who's my dick?
[00:05:16] Yeah, play with my own dick. You know, that's all you want. That's all Adam
[00:05:20] That's what it's dying for. How about my force get a little kid's silly buddy get his fucking paws and a nice lip smack and cock
[00:05:29] Adam you just lip your lip lick your lips and look at my cock. No, that was you
[00:05:34] No, don't say that that was just lick his lips and look at my cock anyway
[00:05:39] So it doesn't matter that the show is gonna be bad in terms of like content because it sounds so crazy
[00:05:46] Where this is that's what we're going for in 2018 is being the best sound in podcast. Yeah, no bits
[00:05:52] No, bits just people this is gonna be ASMR, you know, yeah, I might start an ASMR channel
[00:06:08] Yeah, you think there's that kind of molestation, I don't know what ASMR is
[00:06:13] Yeah, that's basically it's that and like people flicking there's some lady that eats a secret molestation recording
[00:06:20] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's some lady who eats vegetables very loud and I don't get the appeal of that
[00:06:25] That's an ASMR money. Yeah, actually what's up?
[00:06:28] It's like a black lady with like very pink lipstick and she's eating like cucumbers loud as far
[00:06:32] Have you ever seen that video the grapefruit video?
[00:06:36] Classic yeah, that that gone gone gone the way she sounds when she's sucking that dildo
[00:06:42] That would have been awesome. That's ASMR to me
[00:06:46] My version a good fucking grapefruit on yeah, the grapefruit lady
[00:06:50] God damn have you ever had a blowjob that furious?
[00:06:53] Yeah, of course everybody has um I have what about you Adam? Yeah, I guess so yeah, that's a no
[00:07:12] Physically unless you like he's like a fucking little league coach. Yeah. Yeah. He was pointers. Absolutely. No
[00:07:19] He was like a sleepover scenario. Yeah, it's like your cock where he's like come on dude
[00:07:25] Yeah, and he's like the father of the boy you're sleeping over
[00:07:33] That case I'm not doing it. I thought it was friends at a sleepover and someone pretending to be my friend sounds enticing enough
[00:07:40] I'll take this friendship for you get your cock sucked by a man all takes his friendship for me to do a whole you need is friendship
[00:07:52] So you guys still on that chatterbait heavy I don't beat off I like it because you don't have to tip
[00:07:58] It's just suggested. That's right. I'll be honest with you guys. I'm a little nervous with this
[00:08:03] This computer thing is making it harder for me to just do the show. I don't trust that it's not gonna fuck up
[00:08:08] Well, I guess I guess we'll just we'll go and if it fucks up it fucks up, but yeah
[00:08:14] What how do you think it's gonna fuck up either stop recording or something once you add like a red light or something right once you
[00:08:21] Add no I can see that it's recording, but like once you add an additional like the the zoom works fine
[00:08:27] The zoom is never fucked up unless I've liked fucked up by not replacing the batteries right or having the wrong input set
[00:08:34] Mm-hmm. I've recorded shit on laptops before not in logic, but in audition where it just crashes
[00:08:43] I used to do all those like prank phone calls and I had one where I kept best buy on the line for 45 minutes
[00:08:50] I it was like the probably the best prank call I've ever done in wow where I had like a squad guy can call them gook squad
[00:08:57] Oh hell yeah, like sure that's not what it's called this fuck. Yes
[00:09:04] Yeah, I was like are you one of the goops?
[00:09:10] Dude it was perfect it was like the bed
[00:09:15] No, you don't even need the fucking hit it that hard
[00:09:20] It's a bit is that it's a confused old man
[00:09:23] Not that he's like outwardly racist. He just didn't he doesn't know his mind. It would be reasonable that it would be called
[00:09:31] He doesn't get it, but he's like I guess
[00:09:34] I mean things used to be called things like that. I guess it's not out of the realm of possibilities
[00:09:42] I had this guy on fucking on the phone and I was like I
[00:09:46] Was like I my family got me this computer to help me listen to pod. There's a Nazi podcast
[00:09:55] And I was like which button the press to listen to the podcast
[00:10:00] Like they're like well, I don't know sir
[00:10:03] You know yeah describing how to get on internet explore and I was like well
[00:10:07] There's a button here that says esc what is that like?
[00:10:12] Well like on the keyboard. I'm like yeah, they're like that's the escape key and I'm like okay
[00:10:24] The podcast and I'm like no I'm like okay. Well, there's a button here that says f1
[00:10:32] What is that dude and then I got to like f4 before the guys like sir, I'm not gonna explain
[00:10:37] Every key on the he's like losing his fucking mind course I got off the phone. I was like perfect. I ruined that guy's day
[00:10:51] Make pretty good money geeks why they get like eleven twelve dollars
[00:10:57] They get the to ride around those VW that's what I made it sure when I made a fat eleven dollars
[00:11:02] Yeah, cuz I put on the form eleven dollars an hour. Oh, you just tell me ten dollars and I just put eleven
[00:11:10] Your plumbers and bullshit job though like how much money do you want to make an hour and it's like
[00:11:15] Well a million dollars. Yeah, I put fifteen dollars an hour and they're like no
[00:11:19] Yeah, but then don't even give me that option. Yeah fucking insult
[00:11:23] But then the lady just asked me so what are we starting you at and the guy told me ten and I just said eleven
[00:11:29] And no one check instead of me instead of yeah instead of name it should just be what would you like to be called?
[00:11:34] Yeah, and then you're like all right well, we only have Richard name tag. So yeah, I guess you're dick now
[00:11:41] You already got a dickie. I'd like to be King hardcock, please. Yeah refer to me as King hardcock
[00:11:49] Yeah, dude, and then I went I played the back that fucking recording and
[00:11:55] Vatican shit, so I'm pissed so on your old
[00:12:00] You know I call up Toshiba tech support and I'm like whoop
[00:12:04] You know why is this recording fucked up and they're like I don't know something happening the thing
[00:12:09] I'm like well. I'm trying to make my Nazi podcast
[00:12:14] You know this recording was for the Nazi podcast and it's fucked up
[00:12:18] They're like well, I don't know what to do. I'm like is there a button I can press to fix it
[00:12:21] And I probably not I'm like well, there's this ESC
[00:12:27] Damn dude for the love of the game. Yeah
[00:12:30] Fuck yeah, I haven't done a prank call in quite some time
[00:12:34] Yeah, but I don't know maybe I'll get back in there
[00:12:38] Really everyone like Paul Hooper was saying that he went to jail for prank calling 9-1
[00:12:43] He's like he's a guy like I'd be talking about sobriety or whatever. I love Hooper. He's great and he's been sober for a while
[00:12:49] He's like yeah, I went to jail pretty bad a couple years ago
[00:12:55] Just really drunk I called in a bomb threat to nine one more
[00:13:01] He's gonna blow up 9-1-1. Oh, yeah, something like that. Yeah, it's funny
[00:13:08] People are hilarious because it's like, you know, they're like
[00:13:10] They already did all this yeah, so they're super reasonable then you hear the shit. They did you're like what? Yeah, you shit
[00:13:21] Yeah, the lady was asleep on the train and you just put a little bit of shit in on her nose
[00:13:25] The evidence story about the snake is the funniest still the funniest what story about the snake about how him and his friend
[00:13:33] I was told about on the podcast. No, I don't think he did on the podcast. I think he told me once
[00:13:37] Oh, what's the story is a bit about it. Is it a bit? Yeah, so it's from his act
[00:13:42] What's this something like I was to our friends jokes and no no, he like bought a snake with coke money
[00:13:48] That's a good way to have a for-profit show
[00:13:53] Bit so yeah, we shouldn't do underpaid comedian friends as our own content
[00:13:59] Evan Jack though. Yeah, that's not only Jack thing too right. Evan's not only Jack these lean now, too
[00:14:05] Oh, you lost because Evan was fat before and there was a fat he was fat
[00:14:09] And you can't say that body gets more people who don't go to the gym don't understand
[00:14:14] You know what it means to be fat they see somebody with big arms and I'm like oh that guy's in shape
[00:14:23] Make his fuck it making is about to get on a straight eating disorder
[00:14:27] Yeah, it's like on those website look there's only problem with eating disorders is if they affect you
[00:14:36] If you employ them to hurt other people next about to go to those pro anorexia websites where he convinces other 12
[00:14:42] Yeah, keep don't eat just don't do it. You'll look hot dude now that we got pro audio editing
[00:14:47] I can just throw I can put in some silver chair in the background. Oh, yeah, yeah over chair
[00:14:52] The Australian band pro anorexia band. Yeah, they had a quit because the lead singer had anorexia
[00:15:01] Oh, it's just a confused silver chair and Jane's addiction. I don't know why really I said
[00:15:24] Perry como is like a singer like a yeah, that's he was a silver chair
[00:15:30] Perry I don't know, but I think he was Greek from Jane's addiction. No, this is him. Yeah, pericoma
[00:15:37] Also known as mr. C was American singer in television personality during a career spanning more than half a century
[00:15:42] You recorded exclusively for RCA Victor for 44 years after signing with the label 1943
[00:15:54] It was like a Frank Sinatra kind of he was an anorexia
[00:16:06] It was on in the 60s. It's why it really you know morbid obesity became a problem in the 70s
[00:16:11] Mmm. We had some more more fat style singers, but
[00:16:18] You can fit you with my dick if you need to fit you with a side I want to fit you with your dick
[00:16:21] It's got it's gonna ruin the dynamic of the pod no, yes, it will
[00:16:26] You've never you've never touched a foreskin you know man as I get closer to 30 quick reminder that Adam is almost 31 years
[00:16:32] Oh, yeah, I know the bitch. That's so old. I'm still playing on to my youth. I'm the youngest one. I'm 28
[00:16:38] That's why you're the idealistic one. Yeah, the world hasn't beat this
[00:16:43] When this podcast started I was 17 years old
[00:16:53] Was 30 years old still hadn't hit puberty yet though
[00:16:57] Man stavros were more advanced than Adam in terms of pubes and coming and low
[00:17:02] Lowness of nuts. I don't know. I'm just gonna not entirely girlfriend. I think are you gonna have a baby
[00:17:10] Yeah, I have to have kids right is that the rule if you get a kid if you have a kid
[00:17:15] We're gonna fire you damn the second half of my life is gonna be a fucking disaster, dude
[00:17:20] You think so? Oh, yeah, I do not have the personality for I'm like an insane narcissist. There's no way I can deal with
[00:17:26] Kid and stuff or for myself first of all, it would be I remember when you finally do not let Nick have a kid
[00:17:32] Highly irresponsible of me to have a job will be wild
[00:17:34] But yeah, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be getting like fake teeth and shit and tanning
[00:17:39] Fucking hairplugs and start halfway down my forehead
[00:17:43] What's that guy's name George? I'm gonna be one of those guys. It's in his like 70s dating like I don't know like a 31 year old
[00:17:50] Filipino woman. Yeah, you're gonna be like Liberace dude. You're gonna get women that look like you
[00:17:54] You know make them get plastic surgery to look like you with abs look like you right now
[00:18:02] Like Paulie wings, you know like them. Oh
[00:18:07] Well, I'm hoping I just sort of age gracefully into one of those sort of like disgusting cursed jockey Irishman
[00:18:14] You know, yeah, you get old you start wearing newsy caps
[00:18:19] Spading all the time. Yeah, you always have a new
[00:18:21] You always have a newspaper under your arm
[00:18:33] Soon I think I'm really gonna get back in gambling. Yeah, yeah
[00:18:37] I need a couple of ways to pick like basketball picks on our podcast and we got everyone
[00:18:45] Yeah, we got some we got some we got it unlocked. Yeah, we'll do that in a fucking minute
[00:18:50] I actually inside info actually on the you have some tips. I got some insider true
[00:18:55] Yeah, insider trading something you fucked Gronk
[00:18:59] Ruined your asshole like to Gronk for the fans
[00:19:01] So you guys want to if you guys want to do your pics now
[00:19:04] And then we can just do the read at 30 minutes because it's technically still mid-roll if we're
[00:19:09] That what do we have to pick? I haven't even looked at it. No, we'll do the promo. We'll do it. All right
[00:19:14] We'll stop recording start recording again. Yeah, we're addicted to pausing now that we
[00:19:23] Check this shit out and we're back. We're back. I just we watched every single episode of who's the boss. Yep
[00:19:32] I got some thoughts the audience at home. It sounds like, you know, we were gone for a
[00:19:39] With me saying check this out and then immediately cuts to me and we're back and we're back and we watched every episode of
[00:19:46] Yeah, perfect strangers or whatever I said, it was the boss
[00:19:58] Obviously the bitch. Yep. We've done this before Diane bitch
[00:20:01] We've talked about this and then I think I brought up Elisa Milano's titties and then we talked about the vampire
[00:20:06] She was a child. Yeah in the vampire movie. We could see your titties. We're gonna beat us to is a kiss of vampire
[00:20:11] I think it's kiss. Yeah, no kiss of them. Which is the one with Nicholas Cage
[00:20:17] Maybe kiss the vampire. Maybe that's cute
[00:20:20] But all I know is I have videos.com you can see that. Yeah white
[00:20:25] That was like a very early. She was also in the Joey but a FUCO. Yeah. Yeah, this is literally conversation
[00:20:38] That would be horrible dude. Oh my god, I feel awful
[00:20:54] I repeat you know young is he dead he will be by the time this
[00:20:57] Oh, we're gonna kill him predictions. Those are my you can bet on that. I'm pet
[00:21:03] You have a bit dicks like international. All right. Well, don't
[00:21:07] Talk shit about the sponsor. I mean wait until we do the read
[00:21:21] Yeah, fuck that's happening tonight, right damn
[00:21:24] We should have the stars are out. Oh, did you watch the Grammys? I watched like five minutes. Yeah
[00:21:33] Bruno Mars like everything. Oh shit. We were talking about Bruno Jadenna Mars or whatever the fuck. Yep
[00:21:39] That's right. We talking about it. I think I was all right. I'm sorry
[00:21:43] I was doing Bruno Jada know and appreciate
[00:21:45] You were doing genius of that day and also Miguel. Yeah, hey, this is Bruno Jada
[00:22:17] Yeah, Bruno well that was officially the come town bump so that set him over the you think you think we did it
[00:22:23] He got all the trophies. Yeah, we were that on Saturday. He won a very bouncy man
[00:22:28] Bruno mm-hmm. Yeah, I think he's like five two also. He's a short guy. So Adam's height
[00:22:34] It's not true. He's your height. Nice your height. We've already made this clear. He's you're doing you I'm stronger than you
[00:22:40] You're not taller than me. You're debateably stronger than me. I could literally fucking crush your head into a million
[00:22:49] You could crush it how but my fucking hands dude. That's not true
[00:22:53] I put it between I will crush your fuck. We should do a thigh crush me. I would lie my way out of you
[00:22:58] Know we're gonna do we're gonna do the final episode of this show is we're gonna do it Legion of Skanks style
[00:23:06] You know towns in New Jersey the Bruce Springsteen would be embarrassed of
[00:23:13] All way to fucking drunk and high video taping me putting your fucking head between my hands and squeezing it as hard as I
[00:23:20] Can't do that style until until your fucking until blood comes out of your eye sockets and nose
[00:23:30] Cool if you can't crush my school. Yeah with your bear and I can if you can I fucking can dude
[00:23:36] I hate to be this guy brush. I fucking the bone in my skull, which is hard. It's a hard boat
[00:23:42] Yeah, I'll crush it. I got him. I got a hard bone. You can crush and there's a plate in there, too
[00:23:47] So you can't crush your plate in your skull. I gotta play right here a collectible plate
[00:23:51] Yeah, a commemorative place to salvation or an Israel commemorative plate installed in his brain
[00:24:00] Do you really have a plate in your head? No, that'd be cool people do that some people do
[00:24:04] Of course people do that we thought there was something cool and interesting about you, but no there is cool
[00:24:12] I had a lot of stress in my house growing
[00:24:18] Sometimes his dad would have a couple glasses of wine and raised his voice
[00:24:24] I've heard about Adam's terrible childhood his father who says things loudly
[00:24:33] Oh, he said some things you got to stop making background noise on the table especially sorry sorry sorry
[00:24:39] Sorry, sorry, I mean you can fidget just do it off the table
[00:24:42] I'm gonna fidget here. Do you use a way to fidget without making noise?
[00:24:46] I gotta maybe if there was some soft flesh you could run your fingers. I'm not gonna jack you up now
[00:24:52] Don't jack me off but run play with my foreskin. Yeah, don't you aren't you curious to think what a foreskin feels like?
[00:24:58] No, you've never felt one. I was a gym class. I saw them. Did you I stared at them? Yeah?
[00:25:07] Kid the German kid that Adam was yeah that hated because of his programming his
[00:25:12] Hazbarra programming and then also had us just a forbidden sexual desire
[00:25:23] Sexual awakening was in that shower away
[00:25:25] Him and that German boy compared dick sizes and they argued about whether or not the foreskin counts. Oh it counts
[00:25:31] Oh, no, I was he put he definitely counts first of all and also not you don't do you don't
[00:25:37] Deflicants you think you can measure out your force. Yeah, here's what I do check this out look
[00:25:42] I'm wearing a beanie right now. I'm actually six foot three
[00:25:49] For skin yes, it is no you that's borrowed inches
[00:25:52] That's close it looks as close it gives you an extra optical inch if you shave your pubes and have a foreskin
[00:25:58] Wow, it's it looks like you have a three inch dick. It doesn't look like no
[00:26:05] I don't really you don't trim you let your wild your wild boy. I give up. I keep my shit real clean. Oh
[00:26:11] Yeah, I go I got yeah, I like number two. Well look at my fucking mustache
[00:26:16] Look at the amount of work. Yeah, who knows man? You can have a wild thicket of pubes down there now
[00:26:20] Sometimes I'll let it go, but it's like it just gets sweaty and uncomfortable
[00:26:24] Do you take a razor to it like a no I use
[00:26:28] Clippers with like a number three guard number three on top and then I you know clean up
[00:26:34] Clean up the base and I actually have been using that Phillips Norelko. This is an official one blade
[00:26:50] It's on available on Amazon Prime now so it can beat your house in two hours
[00:26:56] You're gonna have smooth balls just like you know, I'm about to all smooth brain
[00:27:00] I'm about to literally buy it right now. Oh man, but that might go home
[00:27:04] I will get it and I will shave my man's nice if you like getting your fucking nuts sucked. I love it
[00:27:09] I don't really care for you don't know cuz it's like it's nice. They always sort of like bite your ball
[00:27:15] Doesn't really like what they suck to yeah balls not supposed to go in somebody's mouth. Oh, I couldn't disagree more
[00:27:20] You can't yeah, no, no, I don't want a firm suction, but I want a sloppy hand job during a ball
[00:27:26] Suck that's how about a nice broad tongue lick a broad tongue lick on your nuts and then lick them up all the way to your cock
[00:27:38] You should be fucking trimming your shit if you know people are going down sucking your nuts
[00:27:42] Absolutely, absolutely. I mean you should just in general. I keep a pretty hygiene. Mm-hmm. No, that's not true
[00:27:48] It is no we're evolutionarily supposed to have yeah
[00:27:52] Oh, yeah, we're overly share our tea. Yeah, I'm a caveman style, dude. I'm paleo day. Whoa, whoa, whoa all sack
[00:27:59] I'm a no your balls are your nuts a paleo warriors. Yeah, why not so very much in the 21st century
[00:28:07] If you know you have hair and the person you have been sex with has hair. It's less friction
[00:28:13] It's evolutionarily that's how I mean a little hair is more comfortable
[00:28:18] I want to get I want to go to like one of those rock and roll barber shops. Yeah, yeah
[00:28:23] You get a fucking get a hot shave on my nuts. He's gonna Floyd's 99
[00:28:27] Yeah, they're gonna put that get a rapid in the town
[00:28:32] Mario and then use one of those fucking old-fashioned blades and just give my shit get my shit
[00:28:37] So that's so scary hold my day like hold it from the top of the foreskin and then
[00:28:42] Well, there's like a great visual guy. You guys have stray hairs on your shaft too. Yeah, really
[00:28:47] Yeah, well, I get some I guess like around the base and sometimes all the wax that shit off. No, yeah
[00:28:54] Yeah, really your cock. Yeah. Yeah, where you get wax from I get a target
[00:28:59] They got shit that like you just you'd heat up you rub your hands together
[00:29:03] It used to shave that shit and it's painful when it grows back. Yeah, it doesn't come back
[00:29:07] You wax your gooch. No, that would be excruciating. I feel like a good should be hair
[00:29:12] You take maybe like a half inch of hair off the base with like wax strips. It's like, yeah
[00:29:17] Why do you do it to seriously dick looks better? No, it's just you know what it is. I get follicleitis if I like
[00:29:25] Well, whatever follicle my follicles get infected folliculate is yeah
[00:29:32] Yeah, if I like my not maintain that shit like you know cuz what I'll do is I'll fuck and then I won't bathe for like three
[00:29:42] Days, oh, yeah, I love that and then it's like oh well now it looks like my dicks about to fall off
[00:29:47] Yeah, that told you guys how elders got a yeast infection on his dick. Yeah
[00:29:54] Yeah, I think shut also gets folliculate us and his dick just looked really up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:29:59] I've never thank god. That's you know, I have an oil olive oily
[00:30:04] Smoothcock. Yeah, I've never I've never had a venereal disease knock on wood now. I've had so many dick problems really
[00:30:11] Yeah, I've had like I've had I've had like hematomas and shit. Oh, what the fuck is that?
[00:30:17] It's like blood like the buildup underneath the skin
[00:30:21] From what I'm jacking off to furious. Yeah, just fucking like just going nuts salute
[00:30:34] Cocked like a lot more the work start. Yeah
[00:30:39] And then just like not be like and jacking off fucked up and yeah
[00:30:44] Like fucking fucking wall real drunk and like my dick won't stay hard. So I'll like just squeeze the shit out
[00:30:49] Of course I know about putting the hand at the base
[00:30:54] And then like you wake up the next morning and then there's your dick looks like it just lost a fight
[00:30:59] Yeah, I just taped my dick up like it's a boxer's hands. Yeah
[00:31:15] Yeah, it was weird how there was like only like maybe like 12 or 15 girls at that DC show we did was it weird?
[00:31:22] Yeah, yeah, I don't think I don't think about shit like yeah
[00:31:27] It's like oh well that means it oh no, it's just making a joke about how we're yeah our penises
[00:31:34] No cuz you were doing that the live show you're like oh, there's no girls here
[00:31:37] I'd like more girls in our fan base. That would be nice. I think all the fuck doesn't matter
[00:31:41] I think it would be nice, you know just but that like it's an extension of that like when you pose something on Facebook
[00:31:47] And so you'd be like only three women like
[00:31:52] That's what you're doing by the more girls there wise so you can try to fuck them. That's that's really one
[00:31:59] We valid. That's the only valid reason you're allowed
[00:32:01] That's a reason we should have a show that appeals to everybody fuck you go right for BuzzFeed or something
[00:32:14] But man's issues such as follow kalitis on your fucking dick
[00:32:24] We're gonna take a break and have a message from our sponsor and we'll be back. I love pausing the right
[00:32:34] Well everybody it's break time and you know what I like to do during the break gamble the money that you're sending us tonight
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[00:33:15] So you can make plays throughout the entire game or whatever event you're betting on and I play there myself, you know
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[00:33:55] Well, any player is taking me during the national anthem. You may be maybe three-fifths of the players, you know
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[00:34:25] Um 25 get your free wager start winning today and Adam and staff do you have picks for this?
[00:34:32] We take the damn Eagles fuck the Patriots. That's our picks Eagles plus six
[00:34:38] But take the damn Eagles for everything that's good in the world that they're gonna win the Patriots too hot
[00:34:43] Let's go Eagles. Let's go big dick Nick Foles. That's right. Let's go
[00:34:47] Rachis. I have a rocky Balboa. We'll drink a tall glass of water
[00:34:53] Philadelphia, that's right baby as Gino speak English. Yes speak fucking
[00:34:57] Sounds good, and I guess we can just go right back into the episode
[00:35:07] Sometimes it's edging yeah, now I can't wait till the next time we are getting into edging no
[00:35:14] I love coming. I like to edge with food. Sometimes I put just the tip of a little smoke
[00:35:20] Yeah, you I got a little smoky put the tip in very little smoky
[00:35:34] Have fucked and tried not to come which is sort of de facto edging I feel like when I was a kid
[00:35:40] I found a little can of Gerber's Vienna sausage in the garage and I was eating them. Yeah, I don't know why they're in the garage
[00:35:49] Gerber's like the baby baby food. Yeah, they made Vienna sausages a little
[00:35:53] Vienna sausage those were baby dicks. They're just in the garage for
[00:35:56] I don't know that nice in a jar. Yeah, pickled. Sounds nice motherfucker. I'll eat anything
[00:36:01] I don't get shit. I feel like edging is is like something that's done only by the very wealthy
[00:36:07] I'm an I'm actually an edge fund manager. Yeah, I teach rich people how to not come
[00:36:13] They caught I have the world's biggest showed
[00:36:21] Manager that predicted that nothing really but during 2008. I did a lot of Jack. Yeah, yeah
[00:36:28] Yeah, not coming. Yeah, so stay tuned for a nice period piece from 10 years ago where everybody's got candy bar phones
[00:36:37] Slightly shit your hair comes no kia snake
[00:36:40] Yeah playing snake on the phone do you find that when you beat off and don't come for a while the load is thicker
[00:36:46] It's not thicker. There's more. There's more. Yeah, yeah, when I haven't when I when I for whatever reason when I when I'm busting at home
[00:36:54] Yeah, yeah in the person when I'm doing some personal busting sessions
[00:36:59] My dick never gets hard all the way. Okay fair. I never yeah, I never get hard jacking off all the way
[00:37:05] I don't know how people get hard outside of fucking that yeah, that's I need to be in the pussy to reach final form
[00:37:13] I get my dick 85% of the way there and once we're in yeah
[00:37:17] Yeah, then we're really I'll wake up in the middle of the night with a boner. I sleep hard, you know
[00:37:21] Yeah during the day sometimes in the morning. I'll wake up in the morning. Absolutely only if I fall asleep on my stomach
[00:37:27] Which is a rarity. I'm a stomach sleeper because there's like pressure on the day. Yeah, I'm a stomach sleeper. You are
[00:37:36] No, I mean I wake up at like 7 a.m. Immediately bang out 50 pushups start punching holes in the drywall
[00:37:41] I get my fucking day going. Yeah, I was like a Mark Wahlberg's Instagram today
[00:37:46] And his last post she was like every morning I wake up at 3 a.m. And I work out for two hours
[00:37:57] Night yeah, I'm waking up even four would be semi-acceptable three is the last hour of the night
[00:38:04] Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. Yeah, no, he goes about at 7 p.m. Wakes up the drink of protein shakes
[00:38:12] Isn't it didn't wasn't there like a study that came out like a year ago that's like our ancestors used to wake up in the
[00:38:18] Middle of the night and to fuck to stay awake for an hour is a study
[00:38:25] The bro look the shit up it was out there man. I'm serious
[00:38:28] People would wake up in the middle night and they didn't say it but the clear implication was that's the fucking hour
[00:38:34] You'd wake up in the middle of night you stay up for an hour. What do you think's going on there? It's the fuck sesh hour
[00:38:40] I like that. I like waking up in the middle of night
[00:38:44] You know having sex with all this yeah, I just fuck out this in the aldis is
[00:38:49] He's so he's in such a deep slumber because of all the fucking ice cream
[00:38:53] He's blood is running so thick and viscous. He has no idea what's going on speaking of viscous
[00:38:59] No, I was saying when I busted home. Yes on a personal bus
[00:39:04] I always just it like looks like the the little amount of wood glue you get with an Ikea bread
[00:39:10] You know what I mean? Yeah that little like
[00:39:13] You're probably doing his pace for a for a pig me. Yes, of course. Well, that's because you're very efficient when you're jerking
[00:39:20] What's your jack up ritual, so can I be I can I say something you I have not been jacking off recently?
[00:39:24] Oh to make sex better to make sex better to have more power
[00:39:28] Braggart I think I'm coming towards the end of that. I don't know I feel like
[00:39:37] Yeah, I mean I have a little a nice ritual hit me with it circle of candles
[00:39:42] In the middle of the circle cross-legged put on pure moods
[00:39:46] Okay, the Native American you distinguish every candle by putting it in your ass
[00:40:13] His grandma be tough my grandma did at dinner and mentioned that she knew what I think very funny
[00:40:19] I have like a woman put a yoni egg in her pussy and then you fuck her
[00:40:21] But like somehow you don't realize it's in there and then afterwards she squeezes it out and she's like this is yours
[00:40:30] Like one of those kinder chocolate eggs that has a little prize. Oh, yeah
[00:40:36] I can't hang out tonight guys. They're gonna
[00:40:38] Sit on my egg. Yeah, I'm a this girl I've been seeing you lady nag
[00:40:45] She's actually she's seeing some other guy now. It's important recon guys. I gotta go. I
[00:40:54] Damn is that what happens to birds. Yeah, dude. They're the bird girls go out
[00:41:01] Penguins whoa flightless birds to men take the role of being the caretaker
[00:41:06] Whoa, well the wife's out there getting fucking that's why that's why I call them dickless birds
[00:41:12] Cox yeah, you go stuff to that shit you go sore
[00:41:21] Tier one operator I fucking love bald eagles because they cheat on their wives
[00:41:37] Thanks, man. Yeah, yeah, I'm getting a political comedy. Yeah, they were getting no did bald eagles don't fuck why because I've tried
[00:41:56] Why don't you just say I've smoked pot is that I've tried pot? How do you have to say in the worst way possible?
[00:42:05] How did you fuck up lying about having smoked pot fuck I've called
[00:42:18] Pop how's that set 11 years old and we're still laughing at really 11 years old
[00:42:29] 2007 what yeah, Obama wasn't even present George Bush in high school
[00:42:33] I was in high school George Bush was president with that
[00:42:36] Adam what year of high school are you in that was during the primaries? I was in college. Oh wow. Yeah pretty old
[00:42:44] I knew Tom Myers was I had no I had no idea who Tom
[00:42:50] I was intimately familiar those were the years you had ahead of me dude. That was the jump. Yeah, that's why I'm so much more
[00:42:56] Successful, that's right. That's why I get spots all the time
[00:43:03] I had a fun spot on Claire's show last night. Yes, I've done that show Claire. What's my name Parker? Yes
[00:43:09] Yeah, she was in our video. Yeah, I forget her name because she had too many names. Did she I think
[00:43:15] Yeah, she's full out of W9 and she's got too many names. Oh
[00:43:21] W9 she has a lot of name the one that acted she has like four middle names
[00:43:25] She probably only has two but I remember being like what the fuck is why?
[00:43:29] At least maybe she's like you went to church or something. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, she's like, you know
[00:43:35] I forget where she's from but Claire's cool. Yeah, Claire's great
[00:43:40] Yeah, I do many names. So too many names. So guess what your cancel bitch
[00:43:47] Yeah, my dad's got two middle names, you know, yeah, like a family name and then a mittles Francis fuckly
[00:43:53] I never really even asked him about it. That's cool
[00:43:56] Every Greek person's middle name is their dad's name
[00:43:59] Oh, so my son will be named, you know, like
[00:44:05] Like no regions didn't have last names until like 1910. Well, that's cool. They're just
[00:44:11] Van and shit well they had to make like a law demanding that people have last names because your name would just be like
[00:44:25] Daniel Simon said yeah, that's another funny guy. That's like your Hebrew name is your your name. No, it's on your father
[00:44:31] It's not like your father. I don't think it's like that. So it's Adam son of and then no, I don't think so
[00:44:38] That's what a Hebrew name. That's like what Hebrew names are that's what it is, dude
[00:44:42] I have a Hebrew name and I have an English. He has a he blew name to
[00:44:47] his call sign on the on the ham radio that he has in his little PT cruiser that he goes around
[00:44:56] You had to buy a gay or car than your normal car
[00:45:06] The cops were no they pulled over the truck
[00:45:09] Like nine million episode I was about to say they know the answers no the story talks over for you
[00:45:17] They pull over the truck and the truck driver is just in full full-on drag
[00:45:26] Sounds transfer me. What are you implying the
[00:45:32] I'm gonna ask you to go back in your car and change right which is pretty
[00:45:35] Transpo and then he comes out and he's hammered still and he's wearing like yeah
[00:45:46] Truck and he just comes out wearing like a pair of cut off like gene shorts
[00:45:51] We're literally like the bottom half of his ass to show it and just like a small tiny like
[00:45:57] Tank top of the belly coming out. It's so funny. It's still got the mega was it cops is the one where they there was
[00:46:02] Episode where they pull up and the guys like drunk pass out in the bed of a pickup truck
[00:46:06] And he like wakes up and I guess he'd like shit himself
[00:46:10] And then he just he's like they're shining a light in his face and you just smear shit all over
[00:46:17] I don't know it sounds possible though. Yeah, that was a great show. It was great was it was real right or was it fake?
[00:46:24] Didn't say that it was fake or something. No, I mean it was probably produced a little bit. Yeah
[00:46:30] Yeah, they were definitely real cops. Yeah, those are real cases like what do you think those people are actors?
[00:46:35] Like methy people beating the shit out of each other
[00:46:39] No, man. No, yeah, I guess I make sense you dumb motherfucker anyway, but that clip of cops is very funny. That's pretty good
[00:46:45] Yeah, yeah, would you have fucked him of course? Was he hot? Was he hot? No
[00:46:55] That sucks it's cool that he was that that she was you know
[00:46:59] There's a shit that they were driving the truck. Why is it 18 wheels?
[00:47:04] You know in other countries what they call that a
[00:47:10] You know that called what a truck a pan Technica. Yeah
[00:47:13] That's a cool-ass name, but I don't believe you. Yeah, that's what they call like 18
[00:47:17] We're like England and shit just England. Well, that's what they called it. They told me inside Africa
[00:47:25] Making up dumb shit to say to you so you come back here and repeat it
[00:47:32] Probably a pan Technicon. Yeah, it's called a fucking lorry
[00:47:37] A hula worry is like a pick up after the guy was in house
[00:47:53] It's a named Lori after Hugh Laurie from house very good, dude
[00:47:57] I just wanted to make sure that was on the record. He was actually English. He was British you guys you guys didn't know that because he
[00:48:05] I remember when I found out I saw minority important. I found out Colin Farrell was on a large van for transporting
[00:48:12] Van van yeah, what the fuck which is a lorry basically now Lori is a truck now Lori's Hugh Laurie
[00:48:26] I wasn't wrong. Yeah, you know what I want craft macaroni and cheese with some tuna fish and hot sauce
[00:48:33] Fish it is kind of a nice man. I've had it before what yeah, it is you throw a little it's like college gross bro
[00:48:40] That's jail shit. I am really hungry right you won't fucking ramen you got ramen with fucking crust up cheetos in it
[00:48:46] I do want wrong cigarettes. It's been out of it's been in someone's ass. Oh, I love cigarettes. Yeah, that sounds like France to me
[00:48:58] France they call that milos suck dick macaron they call that pan breakfast
[00:49:05] Anyways, what else have we got going on boys? We got our big oh, yeah, we also have a show
[00:49:12] Oh, yeah, we got our big show carolines coming up guys, which is the 50 50
[00:49:18] February my birthday's coming up stops birthdays right before it and for the fans and attendance
[00:49:24] You will get to see Nick and I give stop his birthday
[00:49:27] And let me tell you we've been a part of these man
[00:49:34] I don't know if maybe it deserves a hype. I think it probably does. I think they're good presents
[00:49:40] I think they're both funny gifts and it's two gifts. You're not we're not even like splitting a gift
[00:49:45] We're being we're being real good. I don't think you're being good friends on it. We are this we are and the audience and you
[00:49:50] We're gonna like it. I don't think I am going to be good for us. I don't think I'm showing it
[00:49:55] I'm one of the I'm gonna fucking Dennis tomorrow. I'm nervous, dude
[00:50:00] I'm scared of the dentist. I don't fuck with the dentist. They're gonna fix your shit up, dude
[00:50:03] I hope so but I have insurance with the fuck. It's gonna be expensive dent hits, you know what I'm saying dent hits
[00:50:09] Yeah, they put titties in your mouth to clean your teeth
[00:50:14] Dude that sounds great, dude. I remember I had a period where I was like 21
[00:50:18] And I was like going to sleep I would drink a bunch of chocolate milk before going to sleep
[00:50:22] I would brush my teeth. Oh, I was like what's got milk in there
[00:50:29] Six cavities I was doing that like every night for like six months. Does milk have a high sugar content? Oh, yeah
[00:50:35] Yeah, chocolate milk does regular regular milk. It does right a shit ton of sugar in it lack
[00:50:41] It's got lactose in it, but which is like only in milk. So it's a different type of sugar
[00:50:46] I don't really know any that shit works. Yeah, I
[00:50:48] Just know that to be jacked you need to drink a gallon
[00:50:55] Have you guys ever had any yes coach? Yes coach rip the guys on the starting strength for him are so funny
[00:51:02] So these guys it's like got into exercising at 47 years old. It's been like a fucking like
[00:51:14] Mm-hmm last one to a woman who did not speak any English at all
[00:51:29] I am an athlete their fat issue, but they just have big traps for some reason my fingers have rolls
[00:51:38] I'm an athlete I'm a 52 year old athlete
[00:51:42] Mm-hmm mark coach Rip coach rip taught me and you go on there and somebody asked like a completely reasonable question
[00:51:48] They'll be like oh kind of squat like high bar instead of doing low bar. They're like you're not doing the fucking program
[00:51:54] You can fucking shit do what you fuck want like that's
[00:52:00] Focus group that said that people trust people who curse more and then like a month later like Tom Perez was like he's full of shit
[00:52:11] Yeah, like that's kind of how rip it though comes off with all that like he's always just cut he like he's the guy that cusses
[00:52:17] Yeah, you know, there's no bullshit. It's so authentic. You can't help cusses. Yeah, right?
[00:52:23] You don't squat the right way. I don't agree
[00:52:25] Dude makes me like I give people straight up the advice they need to hear
[00:52:31] You know, it's good advice number two. I'll never ever let people know your true intentions. Mm-hmm. I'm saying
[00:52:40] cruel intention to sept this the Decepta Cality of
[00:52:47] You could be like that in articulate and get a show on info worse 100%
[00:52:53] The thing is is that a lot of these so-called liberal groups per se
[00:52:58] Don't understand the the intellectual a Cality of
[00:53:12] I was into the fucking 24-hour Best Buy the other night buying an external hard drive nice
[00:53:16] And that is square is the best place in New York. Yeah
[00:53:19] I'm telling you dude for fucking people watching you get some fucking weirdos in the middle of the night
[00:53:24] I'm middle and I'm where you there is some kind of midnight release for like a dragon balls Ethan
[00:53:28] Oh, yeah, yeah, all these people in line people who I'm going to call dorks even though they're like maybe
[00:53:34] One notch above myself on the dork scale. It's fine. You call anyone beneath you. Yeah, I've gone to plenty of midnight releases myself
[00:53:43] Like just other games that have come out. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah, not grand theft auto. Maybe one of the call of duties
[00:53:48] Mmm, Bioshock 2. I think it was okay. It's for you. Okay. What's that? It's not an event. You just go buy you pre-order it
[00:53:54] It's like, you know, I'm get it. Yeah, yeah, but I'm a game-a-gater like like you. Yeah, it's 24 hours
[00:54:04] Yes, 24 hours anyway, so I'm aligned buying the external hard driving next to me who
[00:54:11] She's looking my dick with her like camo shorts, son
[00:54:14] I'm just like stop like you know, I stopped didn't shave his face and tried to grow out whatever
[00:54:20] He was fun. Yeah, he committed our spell like a woman's like yeah, my daughter has this this
[00:54:26] Horrible habit of breaking the space bar so they're buying like a new keyboard at two o'clock in the morning or whatever and then fucking
[00:54:34] This like the the best buy employee who's like he's got like some kind of a Hispanic accent
[00:54:40] He's like he's like well. Yeah, it's actually the most used key
[00:54:44] So it did make sense that they would like break
[00:54:47] You know that would happen and then this fucking doofus like my guy with like forearm tattoos who also works there
[00:54:53] He's like I should I think the return key would be the most used key
[00:54:56] Oh hell yeah, and then the other guy goes the other guy goes well
[00:54:59] No, he's like when you write a sentence think about how many times you hit space in between every word
[00:55:03] He's like yeah, but to start the sentence you got a fucking awesome hit enter
[00:55:08] Awesome, so you can't even begin the sentence unless you're
[00:55:22] But he's like that's how fucked up his head is to start the sentence
[00:55:32] Anyways, he goes yo, he's like but you know and then the Hispanic I was just trying to be nice to him
[00:55:37] So he's like oh, yeah, that's interesting
[00:55:38] I guess we will have to look it up at some point
[00:55:41] You know and then the fucking the white trash moron looks at the family and he goes yeah
[00:55:46] We always get into these uh, you know these little brain wars
[00:55:59] Brain wars that fucking rocks fuck yeah, dude. Shout out you square best buy fuck. Yeah, dude
[00:56:12] Brain Wars god damn dude. Yeah, well fuck what do you got? What do you got coming up boys?
[00:56:24] Please come out to that February 15th at carolines and then we're back and come on everybody on the 20 whatever the fourth Monday
[00:56:34] I'll be in Philadelphia in March the 17th. That's a little bit of a ways away, but uh
[00:56:40] You know and it's my birthday February 11th, so we're gonna be getting buck wild
[00:56:44] I'm gonna have I'm gonna get Korean barbecue and get a massage
[00:56:48] Mm-hmm. Maybe take my room. I might go get Korean barbecue tonight damn for real. Yeah
[00:56:52] Yeah, yeah after this I'm gonna go to K-town
[00:56:56] Why you just feeling it? Yeah, I haven't had in a while been talking about it
[00:57:01] I figure we got enough time left for me to get Macy's and buying on the tracksuit and some gloves very nice
[00:57:06] You're going for another tracksuit. I'm gonna be a track suited out and come spring. I got a fucking problem
[00:57:13] I love it. I'm a problem bitch. What which one you got a solution to me?
[00:57:18] You got a trachete the tree foil I just I can't stop purchasing shit. Oh, yeah, just don't don't buy some
[00:57:26] I mean, I wish I find something else to do like but that's the things people are like oh you go to therapy or whatever
[00:57:31] That's just like a hundred dollars a session. Yeah, that's been a hundred dollars. I could have half of a tracksuit
[00:57:39] Yeah, you can't go to just one therapy session you gotta go at least two
[00:57:42] Yeah, I think I'm way more by the time I've figured out whatever my problems are I could have purchased 600 literally hundreds of tracks
[00:57:50] Well, most people actually you know what you kind of you kind of making me rethink going to there
[00:57:54] Of course, it's a fucking purchase dude. You're buying shit. Damn retail therapy works
[00:57:59] Dude, you could have you guys so many skips skip fucking therapy this week and just go buy a PlayStation game
[00:58:06] This is shit called monster hunter that I think people are into I have no idea what it is
[00:58:10] Other game that everyone's addicted to right now
[00:58:13] Great that thought of style with that's what we kind of fucking question
[00:58:19] Work night. Yeah, that's the game. Everyone's gonna know that I don't know what it is
[00:58:24] You don't see the memes and kids talking about it. No punching each other and stuff. No, I'm not on the internet like that
[00:58:31] Like you are big you got it. You got a you got a talking in the microphone. Sorry my I would love to delete your memory card Adam
[00:58:38] My cousin deleted my memory card for Tony Hawk's pro skater to win
[00:58:42] It was an Activision game and they were about to drop the new spider-man vision game
[00:58:46] So if you beat the whole game you got to see it back to be
[00:58:49] You beat it a couple of Indian guys make it
[00:59:18] Good riff so they could rip so I don't know what riffing is I
[00:59:26] I sound like this because I have autism
[00:59:35] Yeah, well, that sounds scary it does sound scary damn I'm glad we have that as an option to do that
[00:59:41] Dude, I can't wait to get a fucking just a fucking some different shit, dude
[00:59:45] Voice modulators. Yeah, I was actually going to get a board. There's like a
[00:59:51] Who is your dad? What does it do? I don't want it
[00:59:56] Well, I can make I can make sound was pretty easily I
[01:00:00] Have the ability to make sound was just plug the iPad in and fucking we got a cell stobby bot, dude
[01:00:05] Yeah, I got a once once that new computer comes all fucking take a look at it and figure out why it's not running anymore
[01:00:11] And then put that on the app store for people
[01:00:15] I emailed a shirt guy today. So we should have t-shirts. Fuck. Yes
[01:00:19] Yeah, I get a quote on that and then I got a trick I live site going
[01:00:24] We could we compare the shirts you got her nice, dude. Yeah. Yeah, we should talk. He's a good. He's a good. Yeah
[01:00:32] We've done enough for this episode wasn't as bad as I thought it would be with a computer
[01:00:36] You mean yeah, it was definitely fucking distracting. Yeah like this was hard. Should we hire?
[01:00:42] No a lady with big kids correct to be the producer. We don't need to hire anybody to do anything
[01:00:47] We'll probably just go back to using the zoom
[01:00:52] This doesn't really I mean it saves me a little bit of time, but yeah, but not even that much. Yeah, not really worth it
[01:00:58] But thanks for listening everybody and have a good night