Cum Town | Regular | 02/07/2018
[00:00:04] people are complaining they wanted a loud type of episode
[00:00:07] oh yeah i gave him something smooth and
[00:00:13] mmm-hmm like my dick and everybody filled their
[00:00:16] filled their pants about not the episode not being too loud which is usually a
[00:00:21] yes i've always felt that the show is way too fucking loud mmm
[00:00:26] and i wanted a nice something smooth yeah dulce it like a
[00:00:40] yeah we've been talking about that yeah that's my man a s m r
[00:00:44] that boy quiet as hell y'all know a s m r
[00:00:47] yo my head be tingling with a s m r be talking
[00:00:51] yeah that girl y'all y'all have a listen to a s m r
[00:01:01] i didn't pay attention for a damn week i don't even know who this damn a girl is
[00:01:16] in in three cousins the female group three cousins
[00:01:22] and it was three women that were unrelated but they last name was cousin
[00:01:25] uh i thought her last name was some more it is oh okay
[00:01:36] what's that a s s that's not bad like ass when you fuck so many
[00:01:44] a s m r is supposed to make your head tingle right that's what people say
[00:01:47] spine i think too oh you're spine i get it when i get shampooed at the
[00:01:52] at the really well that's just a great feeling
[00:01:55] feels incredible i know because i get shampooed all the time yeah
[00:01:59] um if i don't get i don't i i insist that they don't touch my head when i go
[00:02:05] to the barbershop interesting just scissors just the metal no yeah i
[00:02:08] don't say you yeah you fucking this is a scalp contact the scissors have
[00:02:11] handles on them first of all stop interrupting
[00:02:17] second of all i will describe the process it takes place at the barbershop
[00:02:21] in ten year number one first of all barbershop quartet is mandatory in the
[00:02:26] barbershop absolutely i don't know why the fuck you think you can get away with
[00:02:29] having a hair cutting business if there aren't men singing
[00:02:32] i want some harmonizing males absolutely one better have a deep ass voice
[00:02:36] one better sound very like a child back when we knew what to do with gay men
[00:02:40] exactly you got a job pouring soda pop that's right down at the pop stand and
[00:02:47] you you sang songs and you fucking hung out with my bored ass wife while i'm
[00:02:51] at the that's right i'm at the missile making
[00:02:54] factory mm-hmm yeah get my get my hair cut by a guy
[00:02:59] uh-huh we're both in middle management making the modern day equivalent of
[00:03:02] 82 million dollars a year a modest christian living
[00:03:08] in nineteen fifties america that's right so cryptocurrencies and the regular stock
[00:03:13] marketer crash yep that's right i want to talk about old gay guys i hope
[00:03:16] adam did actually by quote-unquote by the dip like he thought he was doing
[00:03:21] oh i'm buying the dip on the market and on the crew i bought dip i bought stock
[00:03:25] in dip school school yeah that's right i did my
[00:03:28] day in his mouth yes sleep that's crazy i did that's what i call investing
[00:03:32] yeah that's what i call buying the dip because i was i was wearing a vest when i
[00:03:37] did it my tactical weight vest i put because by
[00:03:41] yourself you can get pretty deep but when you have the vest really weighing you
[00:03:44] down you you dip your dick as foreign you get your dick all the way in there
[00:03:49] baby you put your head that way that weighted vest pushes my pelvic
[00:03:52] bond all the way down your fucking throat that's right he can feel he can feel
[00:03:57] a little stomach acid on the tip of his cock you're fant you're fantasizing
[00:04:00] about wearing no this is something that actually is called investing you
[00:04:05] fucking get you moron i've invested i've never been having an i'm not
[00:04:08] capable of fantasizing you're having an erotic anyone that sits around
[00:04:12] reading books like your secret i don't read the secret you do magical
[00:04:16] thinking at home not me though i'm i accomplish
[00:04:20] mm-hmm i don't ever visualize when nick dreams is nothing
[00:04:23] it's static you do do it static from an old tv
[00:04:27] you know it's just yeah it's the national anthem and then static
[00:04:31] i remember in school they farmed this video that explained us with like
[00:04:35] dyslexia was or something and uh it was like it's like a tv but all the wires
[00:04:40] are crossed i'm like so that's what it's like in a retarded kid's brain
[00:04:43] you're like no please don't use this to bully the retarded kids
[00:04:50] yeah that's what they told you not you weren't the only one getting that
[00:04:53] speech alone in a fucking room yeah i love i love bullying
[00:04:59] disabled disabled i was just saying earlier today
[00:05:03] you know i remember ten years ago i thought intellectually disabled wouldn't
[00:05:06] catch on but now it's kind of it's it works
[00:05:10] you know it works better than mentally retarded
[00:05:12] yeah you're saying that you didn't think people would start using that term
[00:05:16] it'll actually disabled yeah i mean it sounds like sounds too serious
[00:05:19] that just a diss you made up that caught on as the pc term
[00:05:24] no no that's not a good diss it's too serious mentally retarded is a much
[00:05:27] better diss um it's a lecture you're famous it is of all time
[00:05:31] it's actually disabled just sounds like you're stupid which
[00:05:35] i guess sort of is what we're talking about here yeah maybe you are
[00:05:39] um yeah no i just didn't think that uh the people would actually say
[00:05:44] intellectually disabled that's going to start being well i would sound like
[00:05:48] after time it would sound like it was bad you know like special became it will
[00:05:52] though eventually no it hasn't i don't think it will
[00:05:55] no it's going to suck it's going to it's going to do something else maybe
[00:05:58] maybe we finally found the word you know because it's not fun
[00:06:02] actually disabled well wait isn't disabled but i don't know handicap
[00:06:06] does that i was watching videos of this down syndrome guy that enters power
[00:06:08] lifting competitions yeah and he wins all them
[00:06:11] it like places you know he gets in like third or whatever
[00:06:13] is that fair that's kind of like taking steroids yeah it's not fair
[00:06:16] imagine how much that no they're not actually stronger
[00:06:19] it's like down syndrome people have like horrific core strength
[00:06:22] oh really yeah i think their limbs work the same but yeah they don't have
[00:06:26] very good core strength why is that i don't it's part of the disease
[00:06:30] whoa really what if they did some billy blanks tie bow
[00:06:34] um maybe the dad was shooting billy blanks
[00:06:43] uh tie tie bow is uh oh man i'm trying to think you got it
[00:06:48] okay i believe in you man i'm spotting you're pushing me up the mountain
[00:06:53] visual high bow come on baby we got it tie are we doing age
[00:06:57] tie bow is when the down syndrome guy misspell something on the computer
[00:07:00] there it is we always believed in you know he's adding in you man
[00:07:04] well done i did it time i did it tie ball
[00:07:09] that's really good listen man when you look down there was two sets of footprints
[00:07:13] yeah because i was lifting your feet while i was fucking you in the
[00:07:16] yeah on the beach but it wouldn't there be one set of
[00:07:20] footprints you get it man i get it yeah that makes sense
[00:07:25] so he did good in the weightlifting competition oh yeah
[00:07:34] yeah no he comes in in like a third or whatever he places every time
[00:07:39] which can you imagine you're like a you take powerlifting pretty seriously
[00:07:43] yeah show up and you're like you got your dumb little
[00:07:46] rubber suit on a little belt your your belt smelling salts and you know
[00:07:51] you're listening to a tre you and you're fucking your srt raptor out in the
[00:07:56] parking lot you're like duh duh i'm gonna go in there
[00:07:59] and i'm gonna prove that my dad black i just fucking my wife now isn't
[00:08:04] better than me i'm gonna do it once and for all
[00:08:08] then you get in there and then it's like oh looks like down syndrome mike he's
[00:08:12] making an appearance like god damn it every time that down syndrome man
[00:08:25] is squatting weights that mentally retarded character
[00:08:30] that id yeah he's about my dick dastardly is that down syndrome god
[00:08:38] who's dick dastardly i don't know dastardly said cartoon character that
[00:08:42] ties up women and puts them on a train oh yeah the the curly must dash if you
[00:08:47] use that as a verb that's me when i have sex i dick dastardly
[00:08:50] dastardly yeah downward yeah downward dick that's my favorite
[00:08:55] yoga position oh yeah it's just my cock is down it's hard but down
[00:09:01] i push it down that sex position where it's just like the
[00:09:04] pogo stick type of thing mmm it's very funny like i can't take myself seriously
[00:09:10] you mean you're laying completely horizontal and your dick is just
[00:09:13] straight vertical no you're like you're like up and then
[00:09:16] oh they're bouncing on your cock like a pogo stick no no they're like
[00:09:19] kind of on the mattress and then yeah you're sort of oh wait you're doing
[00:09:23] that pogo stick well yeah why would you do that i was
[00:09:28] watching poor the other day you're doing uh cowboy
[00:09:33] not cowgirl cowboy it's like yeah it's like the girls ass is in the air
[00:09:37] she's grabbing your hips and moving your arms out of the air and then your penis
[00:09:41] is facing downward you do a check in and on adam's weight what are you
[00:09:45] weighing these days i think i'm weighing i think no i think i'm
[00:09:48] weighing more like the most i think i'm weighing the most of
[00:09:51] every way which is probably like 148 oh damn dude
[00:09:55] yes which is around the same as you're fat now i'm 157 now yeah i'm
[00:10:00] seven pounds from that box of teddy grams and yeah there you
[00:10:03] yeah i got pretty fucking lean last week though
[00:10:06] hey man i'm gonna get back so about looking at your abs for yourself
[00:10:09] yeah and not quite beating off but wishing you were aroused i love
[00:10:12] beat off looking at my abs in the mirror only when i have abs yeah
[00:10:17] absolutely same i mean why not you know i'm a business man now
[00:10:21] mm-hmm and that's what business men do they all look at their abs and beat off
[00:10:27] in the mirror and then they get other business men with abs to come over
[00:10:32] about is to get them to stop doing that
[00:10:35] we gotta make these guys stop doing that thing where they jack off to
[00:10:38] themselves destroying the guy who only think who
[00:10:42] think businessmen are just from uh american psycho or whatever
[00:10:47] not american psycho is that the one that part is uh how about american
[00:10:52] tie bone it's about a retarder guy it's about one tie by that change for
[00:10:57] history don't you study eat it music two prostitutes
[00:11:03] and one of them's got a bunch of sweetish fish
[00:11:09] don't just stare at it eating is instead of business cards it's his pokemon
[00:11:13] cards yeah you know he's got a really good pokemon deck
[00:11:17] yeah if you excuse me i have to go return some video
[00:11:29] he's just he's got that guy sitting on his
[00:11:31] couch will he's describing why raffy's great
[00:11:36] well when raffy first released this album it was kind of
[00:11:40] down tempo of many people that understand it
[00:11:43] but if you really listen to raffy's lyrics
[00:11:46] it's not about the wheels on the bus so much as it is about the bus itself
[00:11:52] American tie bone based on the coloring book by breddy sinellis
[00:12:00] based on the chuk pollinate coloring book
[00:12:03] american tie bone oh yeah dude sign me up for that
[00:12:12] damn boys so what you know we talked about dao jones what do you what are your
[00:12:16] financial hot takes nick how about downs jones
[00:12:19] there we go it's like a cool black guy with down
[00:12:23] so yep yep how y'all doing what y'all you're talking about finance
[00:12:37] hell yeah dude yeah oh yeah nice downs jones down six points in mario
[00:12:49] non-baby we're coming back baby you know it
[00:12:55] ain't anything slick so he's also a 70s black
[00:13:00] you return her down syndrome yeah he's an older yeah that's cool yeah
[00:13:04] that's cool got a nice hat what's going on jack
[00:13:09] oh i like that girl she's foxy she's so foxy to me
[00:13:15] uh it would be funny to teach a bunch of
[00:13:19] intellectually disabled people old slang yeah that would be cool
[00:13:23] yeah and then they're to just talking amongst everyone's confused it's like
[00:13:27] is that part of the disease are they behind like 30 years on slang
[00:13:31] you could like convince someone that sure that's what people would think
[00:13:38] or part of the thing you know yeah yeah i hear that
[00:13:43] that makes sense to me you know what i'm saying man uh-huh
[00:13:47] it just got that would be pretty cool kind of sets him back
[00:13:53] um when i started smoking weed again i got high the other night i watched
[00:13:58] another steve harvey special very nice which i'd done before i used to do that
[00:14:02] those my old my old move when i would get high as much steve harvey
[00:14:05] specials are they on nefflex i don't know you're on
[00:14:08] youtube okay um but uh yeah no i i was watching one that was
[00:14:14] shot in 2001 and he's dressed in a yellow zoot suit
[00:14:18] so it's like six years after the mask came out salute
[00:14:21] so there's no way that like nobody stopped him and was like Steve you
[00:14:26] look like the mask well he said somebody stopped somebody stops Steve
[00:14:29] somebody stopped Steve he's like p-a-r-t-y well you shouldn't be
[00:14:35] somebody needs to lock these kids up now he has this fucking hilarious bit on
[00:14:40] on that special where he's like he's like uh men ain't
[00:14:44] shit and women need a man he's he's what you got to do is you got to assemble
[00:14:48] a man he's like you're gonna get four different type of man he's like the
[00:14:51] first type of man you're gonna get is a gay man
[00:14:55] and he's like because he wants to listen to all your stories
[00:14:58] he listens to all your stories and he goes
[00:15:01] because he's he'll sit there and listen to you all day
[00:15:04] because he's just trying to you know pick up a couple of traits so he can go
[00:15:08] downtown and get a man of his own incredible
[00:15:11] that gay man he's gonna hang out with women to copy
[00:15:20] fuck yeah that rules yeah that's a great understanding of gay men
[00:15:24] who are the other three guys that old man
[00:15:26] old man um i forget what the third one was and then the last one is uh
[00:15:31] a mandingo type yes to blow your back out and bright yeah exactly
[00:15:36] interesting you know so he's like you get the mandingo comes and fucks you the
[00:15:40] other guy the other guy takes care of your kids he's like oh you get a nice
[00:15:44] guy you get a nice guy to take care of your kids you get the fucking old guy to
[00:15:48] pay for you know the night out the mandingo fucks you and then the punch
[00:15:52] line the big punch line at the end is and then you call up that sissy and tell
[00:15:56] them all about it which honestly structurally great jump
[00:16:01] it is yeah the whole fucking thing is like perfectly done it's like it's like
[00:16:05] it's like it harkens back to a time where stand up actually took effort and
[00:16:08] it's not like here in sissy though is like that's when they like this he
[00:16:12] catches me off guard yeah because it's that's 1950
[00:16:15] it's like you call up that Nancy boy that's pretty good yeah that's you Adam
[00:16:21] he's talking about you and you are yeah you're this is yeah
[00:16:24] i don't like listening to anyone's anything that's shittling problems yeah
[00:16:29] you don't even listen to other sentences coming out of the mouths of people
[00:16:32] speaking directly to you doing a podcast with
[00:16:36] i listen guys i've listened attentively because i've been playing with this
[00:16:39] bottle opener and something to fidget with help me uh
[00:16:42] man stop by i stop by the victorinox flagship store
[00:16:46] yeah we went there before the one yeah it's so hoe i was with the swiss army
[00:16:50] knife i was with an associate of mine who is in the market for a knife
[00:16:56] so we went to the blue is no we went to the victorinox store
[00:17:00] to purchase a knife and i said these are life got a lifetime warranty on them
[00:17:04] right uh-huh and they were like yes we don't actually service them here but we
[00:17:07] can send it off for you to switzerland and yeah they
[00:17:10] mailed my fucking knife off to the fucking Alps babe to have it
[00:17:14] re-machine beautiful which is like i didn't think i'd be one of those guys
[00:17:22] but now i think i keep panicking and thinking i've lost my keys because i
[00:17:25] don't have the weight of that knife and oh so you keep the knife on deck he's
[00:17:29] always got it i always i always carry a blade on me
[00:17:40] i uh i was very will Keith okay you know that did that big fat guy
[00:17:44] there's a sword videos but yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:17:50] that guy rules yeah yeah the most important part of the
[00:17:59] hell yeah dude yeah that rock wait who needed who needed a knife
[00:18:05] uh an associate of mine what do you do what do you mean i'm not do it with the
[00:18:11] associates i got a lot of i got a lot of people that i talk to
[00:18:14] spend time with do favors for me that's not true dude you got me in stock
[00:18:18] no i got i got a hookups yeah i got all hookups
[00:18:21] i got all kinds of deals oh yeah so you got you got got the apple store
[00:18:25] right now he he quit the apple store where's he working now he sells the
[00:18:29] knives he's actually he's the one guy actually
[00:18:32] send me his resume to be a producer on the show so obviously
[00:18:36] he's not doing too well is he like i said he's got to either be a gay guy which we
[00:18:40] have or some with big tits right that the two kinds of producers
[00:18:43] gay guy you make fun of a guy i seem like a nice guy
[00:18:46] i don't know we'll see how much people hate that i think i think i got it
[00:18:49] figured out this time okay nice i listen back to it
[00:18:52] it sounds fine we all listen to it sounds i didn't listen to it
[00:18:56] well it sounds fine and maybe a little bit quieter than the other ones but
[00:19:01] everything oh quieter than the one last week
[00:19:03] uh yes perfect i want to go a little bit quieter
[00:19:07] yes yes you know i think that might help a little bit softer now
[00:19:12] smooth like we mentioned in the beginning smooth
[00:19:15] so very dulce it what does dulce it mean i'm not that
[00:19:18] brain it's just a dulce it tones yeah it's just a word people use it no one
[00:19:22] knows but doesn't mean like quiet i think it means quiet or smooth
[00:19:26] please think or something i know it's good yeah like a lullaby is dulce it
[00:19:30] maybe i mean i'm not gonna look that shit up
[00:19:33] yeah i don't i don't mean either fuck it
[00:19:36] fuck it baby but i do want to know actually now that i say it but i'm
[00:19:39] good morning you want i don't just like you all yeah
[00:19:42] adam get to work for what i'm horny type of
[00:19:49] do they they've gave people in their community yes of course
[00:19:54] we've been over this yeah you're one of them
[00:19:57] you're gay and retarded that's fine uh i had a friend who
[00:20:04] used to teach at a school for the end intellectually disabled
[00:20:08] i re-watch that video that pia glen made of the what pia glen's black weekend
[00:20:13] update where she goes in on me i don't remember no
[00:20:16] oh yeah she's like uh she's like there's a writer on thought catalog named
[00:20:20] the kohlmallen which is really nick mallen awesome
[00:20:23] oh post this goofy ass picture i mean it's a really funny segment
[00:20:26] oh really yeah yeah yeah she doesn't really it's not it's not
[00:20:30] i mean it's like it's like this is just a fucking white man doing like
[00:20:34] base level comedy it's like yep yeah you got his baby
[00:20:38] and she's like she's like it's not and it's not funny it's like makes me laugh
[00:20:42] i don't know i don't know what is that yeah pia pia pia in my mouth
[00:20:49] glen she's salman rusti's ex-girlfriend oh nice
[00:20:52] salman gets lays the pipe yeah yeah yeah funny and
[00:20:57] salman rusti that's my that might be my sex i know
[00:21:01] because it's salman rusti i want to be the number one fat bold guy yeah just
[00:21:05] the ugliest shit ball guy is like yeah girl you know but
[00:21:08] you know man these muslims is trying to kill my ass
[00:21:11] they're like he's so dangerous oh my god oh do i need to get a fatwa
[00:21:16] oh my god i need a fatwa i need a fatwa he's so dangerous muslims want to kill
[00:21:19] him yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know i drew mu
[00:21:24] i'm about to draw muhamma i was just going to say that i'm about to draw muhamma
[00:21:26] right now if they'll get me pussy mmm oh i get an etch a sketch how you
[00:21:30] but you need to get the the whole country of iran to what i killed yeah
[00:21:34] oh really yeah you got to write some satanic verses yeah well i get the
[00:21:37] fucker hodderon the satanic hook mmm and satanic chorus i would love to
[00:21:42] yeah um that sounds great is that what he did did some satanic shit you wrote a
[00:21:47] book called the satanic verses oh nice and it's about
[00:21:51] the devil yeah no it's not how muslims are the devil
[00:21:56] oh damn something like that okay yep damn i really like about how they use
[00:22:00] their hand to wipe their ass one hand and one to eat which i think is a good
[00:22:04] system actually well i mean you know i mean is that
[00:22:08] is that's not as bad as the french you just don't wipe it all yep that's right
[00:22:12] that's where you have hair in your ass because the hair wipes your ass
[00:22:17] why would that why would that take their poop out
[00:22:22] it's to me it is better to leave it in because
[00:22:26] you know it's style it looks good when you have your ass cheeks
[00:22:32] completely covered in diarrhea yeah yeah i went to uh metrograph the other
[00:22:36] night to see what lola what is that like an old movie yeah
[00:22:41] well it sounds like a movie in the 50s about a slot it is really
[00:22:46] yeah it's not not lola no it's not lola
[00:22:50] i didn't your favorite i didn't say the name of the movie wrong yeah
[00:22:54] you might have forgot lolita the part that i see you watch every time i come
[00:22:58] you're only you always watch a couple specific scenes from that movie at
[00:23:01] every time i come into your home it's kind of weird scene with uh
[00:23:05] dusting off in spina yeah you just slow motion putting the part where you see
[00:23:09] his cock you've actually edited so that you don't see a woman anywhere
[00:23:13] whatever man you're watching that you're watching it maybe it's not lola but
[00:23:18] and actually sometimes it's just you just google dusting hoffman's penis
[00:23:22] yeah sometimes that's what i do that's what i don't remember man his penises
[00:23:26] in that movie yeah his penises the point is you
[00:23:29] you you look at dusting hoffman's penis a lot when i come into your apartment
[00:23:32] yeah he's a good actor dusting dust dusting dust him off
[00:23:40] atom fills his bug mouth with a bunch of dust it is old does the gray through
[00:23:44] trick yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:23:52] type of type of oh oh all right tonight on rose battle when everyone's been
[00:23:58] fucking waiting for it luis jake omas will battle a man with
[00:24:02] darlin's syndrome who will win honestly we all
[00:24:07] pretty much know the answer immediately
[00:24:11] but who's gonna win in the fucking boxing match slash spelling bee afterwards
[00:24:21] that'd be cool if tybo is an insult con right
[00:24:25] i mean how far away are we from that i'm having a return i got
[00:24:28] ready awesome it rose battles yeah oh he crushed
[00:24:33] i was outside the boy that we can wear our snake because
[00:24:38] he lives under a walk with his career and he makes a bunch of noise
[00:24:49] um what else boys what else is going on in them current events you know the
[00:24:54] Super Bowl yeah oh yeah hell of a game if you watch it
[00:24:58] i watched uh yeah actually i was shooting pool but it was on oh nice
[00:25:01] was an entertaining game it was a good ass yeah really good yeah yeah i was an
[00:25:05] answered amp yeah yeah i watched it yeah i loved it
[00:25:09] yeah um they ate dog they ate horseshit filly
[00:25:13] filly fans ate horseshit to celebrate i guess yeah that rules
[00:25:17] what i don't know this video like on raw street
[00:25:21] they're like flipping over cars and there's pandemonium and then some dude
[00:25:25] in a donovan mcnapp jersey they're like do it do it
[00:25:30] the space is just in the horseshit that he's just he sits like very delicate
[00:25:34] way that everyone's so i stick i mean that's better than people were
[00:25:39] expecting hate crimes yeah yeah yeah so if all we got was somebody eating
[00:25:44] horseshit that's uh yeah it's great no the racist team
[00:25:48] lost you know yeah i guess yeah that's i mean that's was the narrative
[00:25:53] everyone put in and you know yeah fuck fuck that tom brady lost in the
[00:25:58] and and uh it was a win for all pocs mm-hmm well they already said they're not
[00:26:04] going to the white house all of them all of them as a team like
[00:26:07] fuck i like that because they got chris long
[00:26:10] shouts out to chris long he he fucked up as his name for retarded people it's
[00:26:18] people of coloring books well as a person of coloring books
[00:26:28] that's where we go after intellectually disabled
[00:26:37] oh fuck dude uh yeah it was that was really cool
[00:26:42] and um the one come town related aspect to the game that was really just the
[00:26:47] background was of course the fact that tom brady
[00:26:50] was outed as a son kisser yeah the lips are gay with his
[00:26:53] so it was kind of torn because on one hand i don't want you going with the
[00:26:58] win right but on the other hand we got a support he was gay with his son
[00:27:01] someone being gay with their dad yeah it was yeah yeah so
[00:27:04] and he's been gay with his dad he's kissed his dad on the lips he
[00:27:07] and bellichic his his daughter on the list but that doesn't count that's not
[00:27:10] being gay with your dad well that was just hot you know just some sexy
[00:27:13] shit that was too just that was too normative for oh yeah
[00:27:17] uh also i watched two bills it's a documentary about bill bell check
[00:27:21] when he was younger and bill parsley bill parsells yeah the theory for the
[00:27:24] bill parsells has just an awesome like he's so fat and like a fucking
[00:27:29] like lunch lady way yep uh and and uh bill
[00:27:34] or bill parsells and bill bell check just no personality he looks awesome though
[00:27:37] he's wearing like short shorts in the 70s it kind of rules yeah it's nice to see
[00:27:41] you know fat old guys how they used to be sexy um heads up motherfuckers i just
[00:27:45] uh i just said okay to this guy to print this order off so i got t-shirts
[00:27:51] coming at least one design so i guess i'll be up up front i uh i bought a
[00:27:56] domain name and the plan is to just put a
[00:28:00] storefront on there because i don't think there's no reason to have a fucking
[00:28:03] website there's been some sort of like dispute going on between the
[00:28:06] reddit people about like a discord server which i don't know what's that
[00:28:10] man i don't know what it is it's like a way for people who to get
[00:28:13] china like the show to chat with each other
[00:28:16] so i was like somebody told me to set one up through patreon because patreon
[00:28:19] has some kind of integration but i guess like what that would mean is that people
[00:28:23] would have to pay money to just talk to the chat
[00:28:25] yeah talked to other people who like likes the show yeah what if they don't
[00:28:28] subscribe yeah yeah that's so that's a waste
[00:28:31] so just for the url what it's going to be is like
[00:28:34] if you subscribe to the patreon you'll be able to log in and you get like free
[00:28:38] shipping and like five dollars off like merch orders cool that's cool
[00:28:41] yeah uh very generous and then at some point no it's just business you fucking
[00:28:45] idiot i think it's very generous i would make back the
[00:28:48] i would make back the fucking percentage point as soon as the second month
[00:28:52] rolls it's not sorry it's not personal it's business man sorry
[00:28:55] nich i'm gonna i think you're a good guy and you can't change my mind of it
[00:28:58] about that okay shut up adam's home address is
[00:29:04] to be disclosed uh just subscribe to the patreon if you're not a subscriber
[00:29:09] you can't adam's home address is my premium subscribers figure out where i lay
[00:29:13] my head every night uh yeah i'm excited about this
[00:29:16] boys vouch for me tell everyone how nice it's a good ass shirt this shirt looks
[00:29:20] really good we're very proud yeah it's just one right now but i'm
[00:29:23] so what i'm gonna do is and i'll say this if you hit me up on instagram for
[00:29:28] now once i get the shirts in until i can set up the storefront because
[00:29:31] it's gonna cost i guess a decent amount of money to just have that sore front
[00:29:35] setup from the guy i talked to um if you want a shirt i'll put the
[00:29:42] design on instagram and then we'll just do pay power for now
[00:29:45] but if you are a premium subscriber hold off and so i can set up the storefront
[00:29:50] so you can get the discount okay yeah that sounds fair
[00:29:54] that's and also while we're doing this uh right now
[00:29:58] we have a show at carolines on the 15th which i'm not sure how well
[00:30:02] we've gotten the word out about it oh yeah we really need to promote that
[00:30:06] because we we've only sold like four tickets
[00:30:10] i don't know i haven't checked uh yeah so next week on Thursday we're doing a
[00:30:16] live come town at carolines on broadway and we're going to be doing the full
[00:30:21] hour 15 or whatever just the three of us on stage so it won't be like funny
[00:30:25] moms where it's us fucking around at the beginning for 20 minutes and then
[00:30:29] stand up it's just going to be us doing a live podcast um
[00:30:33] based on the one in dc it went really well so yeah please come out please come
[00:30:37] out and it's if you haven't been at carolines before it's pretty cool to see
[00:30:40] a show there yeah i'm going to email them now and figure out where our ticket
[00:30:43] sales are at uh we're going to take a quick break
[00:30:46] and we'll be back in a second to have sex
[00:30:49] hey everybody uh guess what take off your underwear throw it away because we
[00:30:54] got some brand new underwear for you mac weldon it's better than whatever
[00:30:58] you're wearing right now mac weldon is a brand new underwear company that
[00:31:02] believes in smart design premium fabrics and simple shopping
[00:31:06] go online it's the easiest online shopping experience you'll ever have i've done
[00:31:10] it myself it was great i got some great underwear i got
[00:31:13] some very comfortable socks shirts undershirts hoodies and sweatpants most
[00:31:18] comfortable hoodies and sweatpants i've ever had
[00:31:20] uh they got a line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally anti-microbial
[00:31:25] which is a nylda grass tyson term for uh they eliminate odor
[00:31:31] uh they want you to be comfortable so if you don't like your first pair of
[00:31:34] underwear uh you can keep it and mac weldon will refund you no
[00:31:38] questions asked so it's a nice little scam to get a free pair of underwear
[00:31:41] and not only do they uh make underwear socks and shirts that look good
[00:31:45] they also perform well too so you can wear them to crossfit wear them to the
[00:31:48] gym wear them to your second crossfit session for the day
[00:31:52] go out on a date leave the date early to go back to crossfit
[00:31:55] keep the underwear on you know shower with the underwear on
[00:31:58] immediately go right back to crossfit four crossfit sessions a day
[00:32:04] and i still i don't fuck anymore but i go to crossfit a lot and i've been wearing
[00:32:08] mac weldon underwear the whole time keeps me tight
[00:32:10] in the hole and what hole is that squatting though
[00:32:14] k-hole i'm fucked up on katamine every time i go to the gym
[00:32:17] so go to macweldon.com get 20% off using promo code COMTOWN everybody
[00:32:22] the greatest promo code you've ever heard in your life c u m t o w n 20
[00:32:28] percent off macweldon.com check them out and we're back let's roll a baby
[00:32:32] right into the episode and uh not to toot our horns and we won't
[00:32:36] mention the company unless you motherfucking pay us but uh
[00:32:38] art super bowl picks were correct yes they were
[00:32:41] made some money on the eagles i also made that pick
[00:32:44] to people in dms oh really people come to me with gambling questions because
[00:32:48] you just said because of my crypto calls really
[00:32:51] yeah um and then yeah we were right about the
[00:32:54] amount of trump tweets we were right about the the concussion all the
[00:32:58] propets we were right make sure you actually talking to the microphone
[00:33:00] and do your job talking to the microphone now you were just looking at stop and
[00:33:03] holding the microphone to your cheek but my mouth was
[00:33:06] speaking into the mic i got something about to hold up to your cheek at
[00:33:09] him um do you want to know what it is i'm not
[00:33:12] going to tell you but it's my penis you just told you told them but
[00:33:16] no i just missed some misdirect detection my balls
[00:33:19] um oh my god anyway so freya's dad died guys oh shit all right i got it
[00:33:24] dude that's john mohoney i didn't know he was british did you know he was
[00:33:28] british yeah of course i didn't know that yeah it's crazy and his sons
[00:33:31] weren't british yeah he that's wow that's a hint of
[00:33:34] twist acting you fucking idiot that's wild though bro yeah
[00:33:37] he didn't seem british at all because like even the dog yeah
[00:33:41] mcmelty he seems brit you know i kind of know he's not from baltimore
[00:33:44] but his accent on the wire is terrible yeah but even in that episode where he
[00:33:48] has to do and like he does the baltimore accent he does but it sounds
[00:33:51] ridiculous he has to do british accent on a sting he does that too
[00:33:55] okay that's not what we're talking about we're talking about a different
[00:33:57] when he does the murder when he's faking the murderer he has like
[00:34:00] down at him yeah sorry i know you thought you knew something and you could have
[00:34:04] correct somebody i've seen your actual wire
[00:34:06] i've seen him guys he yeah actually you've seen a show called the liar and it's
[00:34:10] the self-facing camera on your phone when you were you actually were looking at
[00:34:15] yourself in your phone yeah watching a different tv and if anyone's interested
[00:34:18] in watching that show it's going to be on the show time
[00:34:21] when you walk to the garden you will encounter a bug
[00:34:30] um yeah he does a horrible like glen bernish over the top baltimore yeah
[00:34:35] accents he definitely works with a dialect and then he does but he does do the
[00:34:38] british that's what i am saying my name is dialect
[00:34:44] yeah i work in the major motion bickshakes
[00:34:47] do you hear about this fucking this fema contractor fema like a water like
[00:34:51] a 150 million dollar contract to some lady that's like
[00:34:55] divine inspirations just see i'm sure she's spent
[00:35:00] buzzed the money on scented candles yeah they ordered like 3.5 million
[00:35:06] meals yeah 30 million meals and she made 30 million meals yeah 30 million meals
[00:35:10] and she she delivered like 20 000 oh my god yeah that's
[00:35:15] disaster yeah and like probably nothing's gonna happen
[00:35:19] like Puerto Rico's just gonna keep getting fucked yeah and she's just gonna
[00:35:22] like not have to pay the money back or so i don't
[00:35:24] it's still fucked there i think yeah oh yeah the real fucked well the
[00:35:28] meal the problem is that they're so fucking picky with the meals
[00:35:31] oh it's true they would only eat like mofongo
[00:35:45] dinner man you gotta kill these delicious foodie
[00:35:49] birds the hurricane she making so i can
[00:35:54] order my pretty bars i want to eat the expensive pretty
[00:35:59] bars but i can well i had no idea that was the biggest
[00:36:04] problem right now yeah i got my finger on the pulse
[00:36:08] i know what's going on down there and where did she go
[00:36:11] where i had my summer vacation this year that's right last year
[00:36:14] i was you know i was wearing that pan of my hat while nude in my bedroom the
[00:36:17] other day of course and i thought what a nice little trip that was
[00:36:21] yeah Puerto Rico smoke and some cigars yeah you enjoy every time i
[00:36:25] asked you how it was you said you did not enjoy it yeah but it's now i've
[00:36:29] spent some time away you know what i like you're like oh it's great
[00:36:32] yeah i like i like looking back on things when you can't remember the pain
[00:36:36] yeah being dark it is funny because it's like
[00:36:39] understanding your dark past oh yeah absolutely the heart the struggle i
[00:36:44] went through it and being forced to go to Puerto Rico for
[00:36:48] a birthday it is funny because if we think about like when we met and
[00:36:54] became friends it's like funny stories we've told
[00:36:57] both of us were probably at the one of the worst parts of our lives that's
[00:37:00] true we were so depressed you were like 650
[00:37:03] pounds yeah i was ordering wine at sidebar to prevent myself from
[00:37:08] drinking the wine has dust in it yeah it was horrible they were like not
[00:37:12] even sure they had it yeah they were like oh yeah i mean i guess
[00:37:16] if you want to drink this right but now we look back fondly
[00:37:23] yeah life is good if you think my dick doesn't work now who
[00:37:27] should have seen when i was fed it even oh it was worse then yeah oh i thought
[00:37:30] it just got worse as you got really your dick the fatter i get the
[00:37:34] fatter i get the worst my dick is are you sure that's how it works for sure
[00:37:38] for sure no it's circulation yeah it's a circulation problem yeah
[00:37:42] that's when i hit the when i hit the stationer that's why i'm going to get
[00:37:44] stationary bike in my in your apartment that's why my
[00:37:47] new thing now is smirkulation you know i'm saying i like this smile at my
[00:37:56] uh i want to give my my dick a little grimace oh a grimace just get it back
[00:38:00] soft that's right okay yeah i'm going to get a little bike for my
[00:38:05] balls my balls are the feet oh and my dick is the head okay
[00:38:08] you know what i mean i would like it if my dick and balls could walk like
[00:38:12] the yeah to keep on trucking guy yeah yeah yeah for sure man that'd be a
[00:38:16] cool look that would be an awesome look just put your balls on a table and just
[00:38:20] fucking start wandering that would be fucking cool i also watched a
[00:38:23] bunch of movies this week i watched this sopranos episode last night where
[00:38:27] tony takes meadow to college that's a good one episode it's i don't know if
[00:38:30] it's the best but it's the best considered the best episode by
[00:38:34] by yeah adam adam adam is opinion source dot com
[00:38:38] he pays $15 a month to get opinions told to him by other people
[00:38:42] huh yeah wait is that the one where he stays at the hotel and has like
[00:38:46] dreams and shit what happens in that one that that those episodes are great
[00:38:49] though he sees a snitch oh yeah that's really good that is a really fucking
[00:38:54] meadow asked him if he's in the mob yeah but meadow knows what's up
[00:38:58] no but she like meadows known what's up yeah i know you're in the mob and he's
[00:39:02] like what the fuck are you talking about and he's like
[00:39:05] yeah yeah but i yeah whatever i love that speech meadow
[00:39:11] gives uh when uh it's somebody's funeral how about meadow sicrano
[00:39:16] right like s s o c r a y o n o okay and she has down
[00:39:24] same thing what about meadow sic how about tony's
[00:39:28] tony sicrano okay you know it's the same premise
[00:39:39] town i don't have any more jelly beans what the fuck is the matter with you tony
[00:39:45] don't stop eating all my twizzles i've been going to therapy
[00:39:54] tony sicranos tony you want me to drive you to the bouncy house
[00:39:57] you want me to drive you to discover his own tony
[00:40:08] um i watched heat which i'd never seen what
[00:40:12] and like how do you never see it rules you haven't seen anything it was crazy
[00:40:16] last night i was like i i just typed in like uh best
[00:40:19] thrillers of all time yeah and then i look at the list and it's like i've seen
[00:40:23] every single one of these what are some movies what are some movies
[00:40:25] what like the hitchcock movies yeah there's hitchcock movies on there but
[00:40:29] then it's like other it's just you know i mean that's like is heat considered a
[00:40:36] ooh caper i like capers yeah well caper berry i love caper i don't know what
[00:40:40] caper is but i want to be a little bit it was good as well
[00:40:43] charlie's is in there right she's so hot in that
[00:40:46] charlie's there no she's no no who's plays the fucking wife
[00:40:49] valcomers wife alsley judd ashley judd yeah she is
[00:40:52] she's a fucking yo valcomers looking good as hell
[00:40:55] in that movie i forget because he's fat as hell and looks
[00:40:58] terrible now yeah but he like i think he's sick
[00:41:01] he's sick oh damn sorry man he's one of my faves uh he
[00:41:05] currently he's a real asshole of course is he
[00:41:08] yeah he's he tweets some funny shit every once in a while
[00:41:11] but uh that's a good at deniro's and patino just like
[00:41:15] goes between like being awesome and then being hilarious it didn't movie a
[00:41:18] couple years ago they were like we're back together again
[00:41:21] and then it was like one of the worst yeah yeah i remember that i was i
[00:41:24] believe i was working at blockbuster at the time yeah
[00:41:27] it was a one-year blockbuster guy and you haven't seen any movies yeah yeah
[00:41:31] that was like the best part about blockbusters you can talk to the block
[00:41:34] buster guy about movies yeah seen fucking everything i
[00:41:36] watched a lot of i hadn't seen anything going in like if you're like yeah see
[00:41:44] um uh no i saw i saw a bunch of scorsese movies that i hadn't seen like
[00:41:50] what uh king of comedy king of comedy oh my god
[00:41:54] i love that you watch bringing out the day not not this time you watch bringing
[00:41:57] out the dead no you fucking innocent i watched i watched history of violence
[00:42:01] just doesn't hold up it doesn't i loved it when i was a teenager it wasn't as
[00:42:04] good as i remembered yeah i watched history of violence it is nice to get
[00:42:08] a club movie an old type of new york that doesn't really exist
[00:42:11] yeah like the fucking where was it like health
[00:42:14] kitchen yeah yeah it's like midtown man hadn't yeah
[00:42:17] 95 just a shot crackheads and trainees even in 95 it was that bad yeah yeah it
[00:42:23] was up until like the late 90s like early not my
[00:42:26] aunt slipped in health kitchen my whole life i remember like going to visit
[00:42:29] i was just there it's pretty cool now it's like yeah do you remember my cool
[00:42:32] prostitutes one yeah what's that mark anthony's character in that movie
[00:42:36] he was like the local drug addict yeah yeah just getting paled on the
[00:42:40] thing at the end or i forget what happens to him but he's just constantly
[00:42:44] covered in in shit like oh yeah the entire movie and then
[00:42:48] you watch and you realize oh my god that's that's mark anthony but um
[00:42:53] how about let's talk about history of violence i saw that too
[00:42:55] that's good i got to say vigo they're just seen in there where he
[00:42:59] really eats pussy big time yeah and salute to any movie that shows that
[00:43:03] kind of gravity i love when i love when the gay
[00:43:05] yeah the gay uh son of the mob boss in eastern promises like
[00:43:10] you're fucking you're fucking right me he's like watching vigo's
[00:43:15] no eastern promises spoilers guys i haven't seen it yet i could rewatch both of
[00:43:20] those movies let's watch eastern promises sometime yeah
[00:43:23] bro i got the projector going to history violence yeah yeah
[00:43:26] history violence in eastern promises there's kind of like a little uh
[00:43:30] they're like companion films almost yeah yeah
[00:43:32] prodenberg vigo double-fiche yeah vigo was good as hell in that
[00:43:37] shit dude yeah he's great and then i watched john wick
[00:43:41] also the first john wick is like a hard dick ass version of uh
[00:43:45] history of violence if you think about it how about john wick and it says
[00:43:48] john and he's got a big lollipop he's always looking on and he's like
[00:43:59] no it's just well doesn't kiana like in real life he's like
[00:44:04] stole my twice a call he's like fancies himself in intellectual
[00:44:09] no he's a cool dude oh so the adam frieland
[00:44:12] does yeah because like the joke about him was that he was retarded yeah he
[00:44:16] fancies himself an intellectual no i think kiana rocks yeah he does rock
[00:44:20] but like the joke about him was like whoa you know his life is also tragic
[00:44:25] everyone he's ever loved has been like fucking dies it was john wick same
[00:44:28] with kelsey gryver yeah but kelsey gryver seems like a dick yeah
[00:44:32] he's a horrible person including mohoney the phrase your curse
[00:44:36] the phrase your curse dude that lady with big tits that blonde lady
[00:44:40] his wife yeah his ex-wife she called that they're gone with the wind curse
[00:44:45] everyone who was in the movie gone with the wind is dead
[00:44:48] crazy and we're on the whole whole fucking insane dude everyone in third man is
[00:44:54] now dead what the fuck everyone in birth of a nation
[00:44:57] is now dead the first movie that wasn't the first
[00:45:01] movie wasn't that like one of the first ones
[00:45:03] people say it's like one of the first you know great
[00:45:07] movies but which is wild to like put that on the i feel like you should get
[00:45:10] disqualified because it's race how about a movie called burp of
[00:45:13] a nation right and it's a documentary about micro breweries okay for people
[00:45:18] who like bullshit like that but then it's also racist
[00:45:22] i mean yeah that makes sense yeah a lot of microbrew guys look like
[00:45:26] racists yeah there's a sequel to making a murderer
[00:45:30] called blaming a black guy uh oh steven avry finally figures out the
[00:45:37] that would be good there's a painting in the
[00:45:42] met some of the semi recently people want to take down because the
[00:45:47] artist i guess from like the 1800s or whatever is a pedophile
[00:45:51] oh come on is a baby well then we can't even have geometry
[00:45:56] right we can't they were all bad to to measure little boys
[00:46:00] cops to figure out how to fuck it right
[00:46:02] the newcomers of which little boys asshole matches your penis exactly that's
[00:46:06] why they learned not to put the gory and theorem the other way you got to
[00:46:10] respect the art you know what's the circle one which what they want is it
[00:46:14] ball Whitman yeah it's another guy who fuck kids
[00:46:17] then you can't read any wall women no it's not a wall leaves leaves are his
[00:46:21] dick and wind is a boy's ass yeah if you go back and read all the leaves of
[00:46:25] grass was about smoking you see this thing with the
[00:46:27] but uh uh fleebood mac some people were mad that like
[00:46:32] fleebood mac that apparently all the band members got paid the same which is
[00:46:35] like initially people were like oh that's gender equality but then it was
[00:46:39] like well Stevie nix was the star of the band right right should have gotten
[00:46:42] way more yeah the bassist got as much as Stevie nix
[00:46:45] i'm wrong it was a painting of a young woman
[00:46:48] with her legs sort of exposed uh and her panties like the crotch of her
[00:46:53] of her panties just by the artist balthus every medieval well first of all
[00:46:58] what does pedophile even mean back then yeah because you got the just
[00:47:01] it means uh it means someone who fucks kids it had the same it had the same
[00:47:06] meaning back then but you know what i mean didn't everyone fuck kids like
[00:47:11] weren't you getting them married at 11 anyway the med has refused i'm about a
[00:47:14] show instead of married with children it's married two children
[00:47:18] you're really on today man yeah yeah yeah and then what happens oh
[00:47:24] we have sex it's a kid that's trying to get fucked
[00:47:28] it's it's the pedophile that molested blanket
[00:47:35] all right i forgot that there's someone else
[00:47:42] it's a great story by my friend being assaulted yeah it was really
[00:47:47] married to children about a lazy pedophile just grown complacent now that his
[00:47:53] wife is 14 yep well i wanted to talk more about that fema contractor
[00:47:59] the story is so funny uh what's more about it man well i don't know i mean i
[00:48:03] just mentioned it and then we kind of moved on you can go back now you saw
[00:48:07] movies and i wanted to talk about him i also i killed bill against my favorite
[00:48:11] movie i think yeah i love kill bill your favorite movie i think so yeah
[00:48:16] why not although now tarantinos he said that what do you say that right mam
[00:48:20] plansky they go one didn't rape her but he had sex with her
[00:48:25] that's tough i don't i didn't read the thing but that's just not a good
[00:48:30] why even make a comment even if you believe that i don't
[00:48:34] yeah you're gonna you're coming through on his on
[00:48:37] i just don't think it changes whether like
[00:48:40] kill bill was good or not it it doesn't make you feel a little weird
[00:48:45] no listen to this dug shifter a new york livery driver said he killed himself
[00:48:49] to illuminate how ride-hailing services have devastated taxi workers financially
[00:48:55] oh nice yeah it's like that he killed himself can you have just written a
[00:49:04] i mean it would like that sucks yeah i like that he that guy killed himself i'll
[00:49:08] be honest guys this kind of fucked up because a lift lift made him kill himself
[00:49:15] uh yes i'm last spring by ravi desai a middle-aged woman without a driver's
[00:49:21] license and thus an unlikely leader for what if the podcast is just me
[00:49:25] reading the new york times is that illegal i don't think i feel like it would be
[00:49:29] illegal for me to just read to change every fourth word
[00:49:32] oh so try it last the gray lady at the paper record last last
[00:49:36] ass spring by ravi desai a middle-assaged woman without a driver's
[00:49:41] ass license and that's an unlikely leader for thousands of
[00:49:44] mostly male-ass drivers in the world's largest ass market for hired ass
[00:49:49] vehicles dog loophole baby let's make our own
[00:50:18] delivered an emotional testimony in front of new york ass cities taxi and
[00:50:22] the zine commission about the mounting existential difficulty in her field
[00:50:26] the executive-ass director of the new tax
[00:50:32] activist we should do that for real what kill ourselves in front of city hall
[00:50:37] yeah that'd be cool i feel like that's the goal for any any white man is to
[00:50:41] kill yourself in front of city hall they've taken everything from us
[00:50:44] municipal just say they've taken everything from us and let them figure
[00:50:47] out what you mean you know i love that simpson's episode where
[00:50:50] homer becomes a sanitation commissioner i don't remember that one
[00:50:54] that is a great episode what happens in that one
[00:50:57] um he how does he get it uh well he gets into a fight with the trash
[00:51:02] men initially because they put a bunch of like you don't want to take the trash
[00:51:06] out and they take it out and then like they don't they just pass by how many
[00:51:11] yells at them and then he gets into a fight with them
[00:51:13] nice they won't pick up his trash anymore
[00:51:18] and then march forges his signature to write an apology letter to the sanitation
[00:51:23] hell yeah and then he gets into it with the same that might be a later episode
[00:51:27] too because i think steve martin guest stars
[00:51:29] uh as the uh sanitians director as the real sanitation guy
[00:51:34] but it has that musical number uh can't somebody else do it
[00:51:38] oh yeah oh yeah isn't the mob is this the mob
[00:51:41] no a homer starts letting other cities dump their trash in the city and the
[00:51:46] entire city erupts in garbage oh i remember that yeah and there's a
[00:51:49] wall of garbage no it just boils up from under the
[00:51:53] and then they just move the town to move the entire town let's get it like five
[00:52:01] that's cool we should do that with a different planet huh boys huh
[00:52:04] yeah that's what i'm saying that's what elan musk is trying to do
[00:52:06] yeah that guy sucks right he's selling flamethrowers now although that's cool
[00:52:10] i don't really have a problem with elan musk with the people that idolize
[00:52:13] them or fucking weird yeah they're lame did he like fire a secretary or
[00:52:17] something because she asked for a raise or dude he's like a libertarian sort of
[00:52:21] yeah i think he's against unions maybe no she she asked for a raise and then he
[00:52:25] was like how about you just take a week off and let me see what you
[00:52:29] actually do and then like there was no change in his productivity
[00:52:33] he was like oh yeah your ficus you shouldn't even have been working here
[00:52:36] damn whoa that's cold blooded dude yeah obviously
[00:52:41] secretary's not supposed to do anything yeah you just look cute for the for the
[00:52:45] boss pick up the phone that's all that mm-hmm what an asshole you know
[00:52:50] you get pregnant you get an abortion like this like mad men
[00:52:54] that's what secretaries do yeah should we get one of those a mad men style
[00:52:57] secretary um i'm trying to think of a show
[00:53:01] called mad men but it's got don diaper in it down draper down draper down draper
[00:53:09] no can i ask you something why do you smoke
[00:53:15] no hold on can i ask you something why do you eat butter fingers
[00:53:19] no i guess that's what we did during the war
[00:53:26] i just i just like it you just like it that's perfect thank you
[00:53:34] oh fuck dude yeah uh that's good yeah but anyway i don't know
[00:53:39] fuck you on musk i guess shouldn't we have like cooler shit by now
[00:53:43] um it was cool when he got the rocket to land right side up that was pretty
[00:53:49] cool i don't remember that that's the coolest thing i think he's done
[00:53:52] he like got a rocket like instead of like just like you know falling
[00:53:56] oh that that's kind of cool upon reentry to like land like like
[00:54:00] star wars i would just like rich guys to pay to give
[00:54:02] poor people more money that's kind of my stance i think he
[00:54:06] yeah i i don't know enough about it but i i think i'm like jeff bezos and is
[00:54:10] fucked up i fuck that guy about jeff jeff beets off that's good that's
[00:54:15] cool i like that i'd like that guy more than jess how about
[00:54:19] beff jays off jeff bezos jeff jays off jeff jays off yeah
[00:54:25] he's cool cousin the beets off he's always felt inferior to his
[00:54:31] jacket off cousin that's why he became so successful amazon
[00:54:34] you know yeah glamazon he's a gay when i shop so hard i come that's
[00:54:42] um uh what about the winter olympics would be excited about
[00:54:46] though yeah i'm glad to invite you to that
[00:54:49] winter olympics opening ceremony ceremony party that starts at 6 a.m i
[00:54:53] think yeah i think it was a bit on facebook oh was she sent me a
[00:54:57] personal message saying like hey i'm having a i was like what's it
[00:55:01] i don't know i don't really like a fucking jeff i don't really read face
[00:55:03] but you don't have facebook so how else would you sign this
[00:55:06] you message me oh yeah well you don't have a facebook i don't know i mean i'm not
[00:55:09] shouldn't declare but like who the fuck gives a shit about the
[00:55:13] winter i assume it's a bit but maybe she used to ice skate or something
[00:55:17] she seems like she could or went skiing maybe yeah i'm just maybe
[00:55:21] skiing once i'm just excited for pyeong chang to finally have its moment in
[00:55:25] the spotlight pyeong yang pyeong chang is where the
[00:55:31] winter olympics are is it pronounced chang or yang because everyone
[00:55:34] yang is the capital of north greea pyeong chang is where the winter olympics
[00:55:39] is in south greea pyeong chang is one of the south
[00:55:42] south korea speaking of the space x is launching the space the world's most
[00:55:46] powerful rocket the falcon heavy named after jona falcon
[00:55:56] it's carrying a cherry red sports car is its payload that is the gayest that's
[00:56:00] something i've ever heard he said a car into space yeah red sports car
[00:56:04] that's so so yeah so some alien's gonna find it and be like
[00:56:09] this must be a gift so he's a clap from uh
[00:56:12] time alien type uh oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:56:16] no that's just what they oh oh yeah they don't have as much oxygen on other
[00:56:20] planets and so that makes sense they need the chromosomes in their lungs so
[00:56:24] they have extra of them um so elan must is just a nerd who's
[00:56:28] trying to be cool is really what it comes down to i guess he's a
[00:56:31] billionaire that's trying to live in space off like other people's hormones
[00:56:35] and then live for like 400 years yeah yeah
[00:56:38] damn he definitely is getting some weird intentions okay yeah we're at 137
[00:56:43] for carolines ticket sales that's not bad it's not bad but we should do more
[00:56:47] yeah what's it three should we do a flyer yeah yeah yeah we should do a flyer
[00:56:52] put it on i know we are nine days out yeah
[00:56:55] maybe we should um i'll i'll figure that out today okay there you go
[00:57:01] show a little initiative yeah thanks you know yeah start pulling your weight
[00:57:04] around here no i mean i'll just find someone else to do it
[00:57:07] yeah but yeah i'll i'll make the flyer and i'll put it out today
[00:57:11] why because i know how to fucking do that kind of thing i know how to draw
[00:57:15] your fucking idiot are you drawing it i'll draw yeah he's good at drawing i know
[00:57:20] how to draw okay nixon and when he gets in his little
[00:57:22] fucking i didn't send you guys but this guy
[00:57:24] took some pictures in dc that are very nice nice let's see him and
[00:57:29] adam just loves pictures of himself he's a fucking i don't love pictures
[00:57:33] so well these pictures are so nice pictures of him
[00:57:36] it's not of me it's of us then you're eating saltines
[00:57:40] background 15 feet away that's not true it's uh it's adam with a fat guy and a
[00:57:45] different guy with the mustache it's like it's like
[00:57:47] look how good we love just completely zoomed in on his own face
[00:57:51] i'm not that's not true wow what a great picture of us
[00:57:57] it they are nice pictures of us i'll show them to you
[00:58:02] i want to see them too man you ask but it's fun you guys look cute
[00:58:06] thanks man and i look cute too and yes that was a fun trip i want to go on
[00:58:09] another trip we got it we got it booked chills on the road
[00:58:13] i'm working on it i got Austin coming up yeah we got to talk about
[00:58:16] we got to figure out this caroline sink because if we don't sell our carolines
[00:58:18] we're fucked because i'm looking at that i'm looking at uh
[00:58:21] at uh uh venues in Austin i got mad beards helping me out
[00:58:27] bro we're not we won't be we're not gonna be a 137 a week that's fine
[00:58:31] we'll get it go we'll get it back well what we had when with black hat like
[00:58:34] a week out we're like i can check for you yeah but we we've been promoting it
[00:58:38] for fucking a month in advance yeah guys you got to come out February 15
[00:58:42] there's no funny moms yeah ever again actually unless we sell out
[00:58:46] with uh unless we sell out there's no funny moms next week just uh
[00:58:50] the show carolines and then we'll be back uh at come on everybody on the 27th
[00:58:56] side no we won't be unless we sell it out unless we sell yeah if we don't
[00:58:59] allow we're gonna fucking kill ourselves yeah we're gonna kill Adam yeah we got
[00:59:04] a sell out this is and we're all gonna do it we're all definitely gonna kill
[00:59:07] ourselves gonna go first read to it i'm not gonna go first but we are gonna
[00:59:10] do it because i believe you guys but i just want you guys to know you're going
[00:59:14] first i'm gonna kill myself in front of city hall and then the new york times
[00:59:17] that's the right in article and then we'll sell out the next one for sure
[00:59:20] yeah we like to skate kill themselves because nobody came to a show at carolines
[00:59:24] yeah so please don't do that guys the energy for the new york times you know
[00:59:29] yeah you know how the pot is when nik is clearly reading his phone and me and
[00:59:33] adam are just going back and forth imagine that's what the just the pot is
[00:59:37] if we don't sell carolines and it kills himself so yeah it's just gonna be me
[00:59:41] and stop going back and forth i mean you're lucky that i'm not at
[00:59:45] you know eight percent body fat yet because obviously i can't kill myself
[00:59:48] until this i might get i might spend my last
[00:59:51] patreon check on liposuction oh yeah that's good bring the body fat down
[00:59:57] that would be if you got lemurs like that would be really funny actually
[01:00:00] where would you get a suction from uh lower back and lower stomach
[01:00:04] your lower is that where you possess fat that's where everybody does yeah
[01:00:08] lower back that's the first place that's the first place you gain weight is
[01:00:12] you know like this area the love handle oh yeah the love yeah yeah muffin tops
[01:00:17] yeah yeah yeah um that's the first place you gain weight last place you lose it
[01:00:21] oh interesting oh yeah unless you have uh it's too much
[01:00:25] estrogen in your bloodstream uh-huh and that's case you get breasts and hip
[01:00:29] fat leg fat i've never gained weight on my legs ever
[01:00:32] really never once no never fucking happened to me and
[01:00:35] once then my fucking little chicken leg ass yeah i got i'm a chicken leg too
[01:00:38] no i don't have chicken legs i'm a i'm what they call a chicken head
[01:00:41] action you give you your real chicken head
[01:00:53] chicken and she killed her uh how about this so fema paid five
[01:00:59] dollars each for those meals yeah probably it's it was an enormous
[01:01:03] contract what about this for that's insane just
[01:01:05] send mcdonald's yes cheaper yeah which is fucking contract five to mcdonald's
[01:01:10] five fifty each for those meals i don't know if it was landed or whatever
[01:01:14] it's like this stupid combination of like all right we're gonna have something
[01:01:17] bloated and huge like the government deal with disaster relief which like
[01:01:21] the government should be doing yeah but then we're gonna contract this all
[01:01:24] out to fake tiny companies right yeah and her 11 employees yeah black ladies
[01:01:29] is zero employees like trump do we know she's black she i wanted
[01:01:33] first of all you need to say is government contractor and then you know
[01:01:37] no dude what the fuck i mean a lot of them my dad works for like a
[01:01:41] contractor in the higher offices all just you know who
[01:01:46] i don't know if most of government contractors or black people is true
[01:01:50] i don't know i feel like the federal government the federal government is
[01:01:52] filled with black people well yeah because there are actually
[01:01:54] people who live in dc yeah yeah but like but like government contractors are
[01:01:58] like yeah they're also what i think government contracts consulting it
[01:02:01] like yeah consulting yeah yeah yeah like yeah like in uh what are those other
[01:02:07] companies deloitte yeah just thieves just like yeah they don't do
[01:02:11] shit they do nothing ernstyn young i think is another one i was
[01:02:15] talking my friend that they can suck my fat nuts i was working at deloitte or
[01:02:19] mckin's and like missile companies yeah Boeing that's a
[01:02:22] plane right sure what's the racy on is that racy on yeah that's
[01:02:26] michaels tomahawk cruise missile i thought that was the
[01:02:29] person on twitter those yeah one adult racy on dude i f
[01:02:34] fuck that was the it's it's so funny i thought it was
[01:02:37] how much how much these fucking idiots just
[01:02:40] consume themselves it's really fun it's almost it's like that you feel like i
[01:02:44] feel like you don't really hear much about the alt right anymore because
[01:02:47] it's kind of unnecessary you can just let the left destroy itself
[01:02:51] yeah this is the fucking uh that should add Barnes and Noble with
[01:02:54] rose mcgown yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah rose mcgown screaming at that
[01:02:58] trans woman who's dragged out screaming
[01:03:00] rose mcgown's shut the fuck up screaming cis white fucking race you know race
[01:03:04] or whatever and then it turns out that the trans woman
[01:03:07] raped children yeah yeah we talked about that yeah
[01:03:10] on the last one but yeah that's wild before you get it's kind of like being
[01:03:14] baptized she's also been like so like raped and
[01:03:18] fucking diddled in hollywood for so many years she's like literally just a
[01:03:23] crazy person at this point rose mcgown yeah last time we
[01:03:27] talked about it you said all trans people are bad at him if i recall
[01:03:30] correctly no i didn't you said you're a turf
[01:03:32] you literally said i'm a turd not say that you said turfs are right
[01:03:37] no i would never they were hot i said that's a hot kind of yes yeah
[01:03:40] you said and i said those are yeah they have long necks i think
[01:03:43] turd i think it's a drink water yeah i don't know why yeah yeah that's how
[01:03:47] they evolve you know you can't close your
[01:03:50] department so you start with a little last neck lady
[01:03:54] no i think that it's it's just different but trans women probably have a harder
[01:03:59] life than cis women yeah but you can't say that they have the same experience
[01:04:04] no i agree with that yeah that's all i was saying but any but yeah the left will
[01:04:08] cannibalize itself and we're fucked so that's why this is now
[01:04:11] officially back to being are we all right again
[01:04:14] hell yeah dude dude i those the clown prince oh yeah
[01:04:18] oh nix putting on his makeup yeah friends let me tell you
[01:04:25] that that bit was only on a premium episode oh that's a great bit well if you
[01:04:29] want to subscribe to premium you can hear nix great pastor that hot topic
[01:04:36] yeah that was a really good i'm sure someone will steal and put on youtube
[01:04:43] that drives that drives listeners to the show yeah
[01:04:46] is if people just put the fucking the only parts of the show that are funny on
[01:04:49] youtube yeah it makes the whole show seem funny
[01:04:52] yeah wait but they figured out a way to cut out adam's microphone yeah yeah
[01:04:56] they can do that there is technology for that
[01:05:00] all right well we're going to wrap it up carolines february 15th please come out