Cum Town | Regular | 02/22/2018
[00:00:00] little stupid us oh yeah so I was at the the I was telling Stavros earlier but
[00:00:12] this now it's for the fans uh-huh hit him with a baby I was at this they got
[00:00:17] this bodega that's Korean that's sort of like Korean grocery store and it's
[00:00:21] like a nice place you know it's well lit it's not like it's not filled with
[00:00:24] flies and dust like a normal bodega that's right they got like you know cool like
[00:00:31] oh if you go no bodega and all the raps have like clever names yes you know
[00:00:35] always throws me off when you go no bodega and like the any thought has been
[00:00:39] good right the raps are named like the the the Maravigian yeah it's like
[00:00:46] this matrix inspired right right or the Billy Joel and then the guys working
[00:00:51] they're like what's on the street who named these I know it wasn't Muhammad
[00:00:58] right right he's barely wearing a shirt oh yes you know I mean it's got a dirty
[00:01:02] ass beat my my Muslim friend over here you know what I'm talking about Muslims
[00:01:06] don't know how to name Sam my muzzle yeah do they we were hanging out with
[00:01:12] the call someone a muzzle Brandon somebody called somebody a muzzle yeah
[00:01:16] yeah oh yeah that brand British guy British guy what's the brand burns
[00:01:20] right in birds yeah he called someone a muzzle and you heard that I was like
[00:01:23] no he said he's got a muzzle beard muzzle beard that's it sounded raised
[00:01:27] but maybe it's just a fun thing they say over there yeah well they have those
[00:01:32] beards I don't know what's wrong doesn't muzzle sound like a slur sure because
[00:01:35] it's shorter it has oh at the end mm-hmm are there any slurs that ended oh
[00:01:39] there you go that's true that's what it was yeah they go sounds so good you
[00:01:45] feel nice Negro I think you can say that no NIGRO that's like how the clan
[00:01:51] says Negro oh really yeah it's like a southern racist way to pronounce they
[00:01:55] put a little they put a little sting on it little yeah yeah yeah yeah they'll say
[00:01:59] Negro but then in front of a camera that's how they say the N word basically
[00:02:03] even in the 60s hmm anyways I'm in this bodega this is nice Korean bodega
[00:02:09] they're just blasting that little stupid ass bitch I don't fuck with
[00:02:14] you I don't fuck with you and it's just on way too loud you know and it's like
[00:02:20] there could be families right right right we're in New York City this
[00:02:24] families absolutely everyone knows that about you make your
[00:02:28] fresh family values type of guy you know you're always worried about yeah I
[00:02:32] said what if a child heard this fucking shit yes yes what if some dumb fucking
[00:02:37] conch child heard this black bull again yeah then the kids gonna want to fuck
[00:02:46] black guys I'm tired of the I dealt with that in the adult world enough that's
[00:02:51] why I started fucking children in the first place so I don't have to worry
[00:02:54] about getting cocked just being a pedophile is a white issue so good a guy
[00:03:01] becomes a pedophile he's not even a tragic I just got tired of my girlfriend's
[00:03:04] fucking black guys you know children there's no black pedophiles I don't have
[00:03:09] to worry about anyways yeah they're blast that I put a few kicks in around age
[00:03:15] 13 I get I get up to the register and the Korean guy behind the counter is like
[00:03:21] this stupid ass bitch I don't fuck with you singing along that's nice man
[00:03:29] little melting pot yeah that's that's the kind of anecdote you guys gonna get
[00:03:33] on this one this is some might say officially the start of come town
[00:03:36] season two because we're back to basics baby yeah dude Adam is Adam's gone we
[00:03:40] didn't replace him yeah we just said fuck it and we're doing a story like the
[00:03:44] first one ever yeah yeah it was a nice nice 68 degrees in beautiful New York
[00:03:49] ass city today oh and I rode my bicycle all the way up here my bicycle which
[00:03:54] somebody stole the pump off my bike what a fucking prick I know it's a $15
[00:03:59] bicycle pump maybe he needed first cock well which you I mean I don't need that
[00:04:04] I don't have that issue anymore because I have a beautiful Hercules cock pump
[00:04:07] yeah which I honestly have yet to try unfortunately but we'll get there yeah
[00:04:11] to try it out you know let the fans know I certainly spent a lot of money on
[00:04:15] it so I would hope you would appreciate it man yeah it's not gonna go to waste
[00:04:17] at least take it out of the box it's out it's already been out of the box you
[00:04:20] know I've already kind of looked at it but yeah we did that at the live show I
[00:04:24] fucked I fucked a couple times since and I have not used it but I have not I'm
[00:04:31] all followed also even the weird or like gas station dick pills I'm off
[00:04:35] everything and I got to say my dick is back to being like gas station dick
[00:04:39] pills would be a great name for like a really shitty punk band yeah your friends
[00:04:43] band yeah yeah yeah like oh I gotta go see I gotta see the pills mm-hmm the
[00:04:48] pills you're playing oh yeah the pills are playing Jonathan's next week I gotta
[00:04:54] go all their songs are named after brands yeah Rhino X and fucking samurai
[00:04:59] hentai there's one where it's Ryu and it's like Street Fighter characters just
[00:05:05] having sex with you yeah no no it's Ryu and the bitch with the fans I was
[00:05:10] either I started off I wanted to get a shirt I'm gonna be the next shirt ideas
[00:05:14] is a tailspin blue fucking coconut broad drag blue from the King Louis scene in
[00:05:22] Jungle Book now explain to me sort of the backstory there is that it is that
[00:05:27] all happening in balloons head no easy beating off I wanted to get I wanted
[00:05:31] to get initially what I wanted was either on either bicep or either ass cheek
[00:05:35] tailspin blue and then coconut broad drag blue from that's really seen that's
[00:05:40] what me also me yeah you know I mean tweet that yeah I'm saying to the two
[00:05:44] two genders two worlds yeah that's the two genders is tailspin blue and coconut
[00:05:57] anyways yeah you should I and I vote for ass cheek by the way it would be a good
[00:06:02] look yeah oh yeah I would love to see that you know that porn angle where it's
[00:06:06] just the guys that has in his balls for some reason and you can just sort of see
[00:06:10] the woman's thighs and feet and you don't really see any of her yeah it feels
[00:06:14] like a hack thing to bring up like I feel like I've heard other people talk
[00:06:18] about this but it took a while for them to stop doing male face close-ups in
[00:06:23] porno it really did these just do like like and just cutting the guy be like oh
[00:06:28] yeah a shot of the guy enjoying himself nobody wants to see that and never
[00:06:35] who's that for yes closeted gay men who probably I mean I don't think you're
[00:06:40] closeted if you're but then why you watching straight porn oh yeah imagine
[00:06:45] being that far in the closet oh yeah you know maybe it's for those Kinsey fellas
[00:06:49] although if you wanted to fuck a man's ass and he's plowing the world maybe
[00:06:53] that's who that ball angles for to yeah you're seeing a bass kind of open
[00:06:57] sneaky Sammy you know guys like to come in well you're fucking a girl and you're
[00:07:03] like this feel this pussy feels great wait a minute
[00:07:08] he's like hello hello boys he's fucking your ass whoa dude that's what's that
[00:07:16] what's that one not the Houdini is already something what should it be
[00:07:19] called well the Houdini is is what is that yeah it's like you and your friend
[00:07:25] switch real quick and then you're fucking outside of a window all right
[00:07:30] it's rape with a Houdini's rape yeah the woman is a woman has to Schumer Joe
[00:07:34] the woman has to be joke yeah the woman has to be facing a window yes which is
[00:07:38] there's a lot of logistics in those yeah you know I think that's that's a
[00:07:43] privileged thing that you would assume people have access to a window window
[00:07:46] window large enough a bay window some of us some of us don't have windows and
[00:07:50] we don't have friends either that's right the first floor apartment that's true
[00:07:54] or that or one of those one of those a window washer things you know I at first
[00:08:01] I was gonna say the clamps but that's not a real guy the spider you know the
[00:08:06] guys will try and climb hundred story buildings every once in a while yeah
[00:08:10] yeah yeah I also like the premise of that is you and your friend have to have
[00:08:14] the same dick same exact size dick and you also have to kind of like the rhythm
[00:08:18] you have to really catch it just right right I don't think put is any like
[00:08:23] how what woman is that out of it you know that she doesn't know no she's
[00:08:28] drugged in which case like it's already right yeah right different layers of
[00:08:32] rape involved here yeah that's another good punk band eight layers of rape
[00:08:38] eight layers of rape also good dips eight layers of rape is another yeah a
[00:08:45] nice casserole I feel we're talking about something before that were we porn the
[00:08:52] guys ass why are we talking about porn did I bring it up yeah no yeah you did
[00:08:59] goddamn it do you want to move the recorder close there's no we don't have
[00:09:02] a table oh we should address to that Adam is Adam is in LA yeah he had to go to
[00:09:08] Los Angeles and cancel doing the podcast so you could hang out with Brandon
[00:09:12] Wardell who who cucked him who hang out cucked yeah yeah he told him he was
[00:09:18] in a fight with his girlfriend what a fucking asshole that was a real dick
[00:09:21] move for sure yeah I don't mind I don't mind even saying that publicly because
[00:09:26] if you're gonna do something you know that rude to a friend it's been even a
[00:09:30] fucking piece of shit friend like like Adam like a gay guy like a gay bitch like
[00:09:34] Adam Adam got some bad news recently too I don't I mean we put his business out
[00:09:38] there it turns out all those jokes you're making about his dick being really
[00:09:44] small his him being gay was true the test came back yeah and he's medically
[00:09:49] homosexual so we're gonna start a no he did get some he did get some bad news
[00:09:54] I guess I talk about that I mean well no I mean just you know take it easy on
[00:09:59] Adam I guess you're not going to his business but yeah no he got some pretty
[00:10:02] bad news he's been banned from Israel it sucks man he was just trying to go to
[00:10:10] the Hooters and Tel Aviv yeah that was his safety country was Israel in case
[00:10:16] he's no longer welcome in the United States should things go according to plan
[00:10:23] so yeah we're doing the podcast in Elders' room yeah we're in Elsroom he's in
[00:10:27] Paris right now he did not give me permission to use his room he's in Paris
[00:10:31] huh by himself no he's with his girlfriend oh yeah it would be funny if
[00:10:35] he went by himself yeah that seems like a thing he would do yeah he went on a
[00:10:38] crepe tasting tour I love the April Tower I can't wait to meet the Eiffel Tower
[00:10:47] have you been the gay pali yeah he just got he rents a bicycle and his his pants
[00:10:53] gets sucked into the spokes like Homer I mean it's a clown my home rest would be
[00:10:58] Krusty fuck yeah so yeah it was very nice and I thought we've already fucked
[00:11:04] it up pretty good with stuff but he can suck my nuts as far as I'm concerned
[00:11:09] amen to that mm-hmm so yes we are in Elders' room I just took a fat shit in
[00:11:17] his bathroom he's got a private amen why the fuck is why is that the thing they
[00:11:21] say in the Bible oh interesting I never thought of that yeah I mean I think that's
[00:11:24] pretty good evidence that Jesus is black mm-hmm because only black people say
[00:11:29] amen well you know I mean that's true done and done although wouldn't he be
[00:11:39] like Egyptian looking or some shit would he really be black he was black dude
[00:11:44] Jesus was black panther oh shit I haven't seen that have you seen the movie yet
[00:11:48] no I'm gonna I'm gonna tour I buy most movies now but I'm gonna steal that one I
[00:11:53] was making myself laugh the other day is like that one huh that one specifically
[00:11:58] I was making myself laugh the other day because it's like I was gonna go see
[00:12:03] black panther but I hate all that Marvel bullshit yeah and I was gonna go by
[00:12:09] myself and it's like I should probably be high for this sure and it's like well
[00:12:13] it's black panther so she probably smoked crack in the
[00:12:18] she can't smoking crack it's like a crack in the heater walk on down god damn
[00:12:30] dude hell yeah yeah yeah we should go we should hit up Harlem you know yeah
[00:12:35] smoke crack in the she's good imagine yeah yeah just like one of those one of
[00:12:40] those white guys it goes way too hard in the trying to like you know patronize
[00:12:44] black people right but what is up my brother's yeah yeah blessings my brother
[00:12:50] I cannot wait to see black panther I'm on crack right now as a gesture to you
[00:12:56] and your people I started smoking the beautiful rock Africa's beautiful rock
[00:13:01] like the like the mother diamond the gay birth to us all beautiful crack we are
[00:13:07] all brothers and sisters and children of crack mother crack rock the first man
[00:13:16] smoked crack that's the circle life baby amen the earliest man was from Africa
[00:13:22] and he smoked crack yeah it's fucked up what they do in those crack minds in
[00:13:26] Zimbabwe yeah forcing young African that's the real that's the real blood
[00:13:33] diamond oh yeah mmm crack mmm the blood diamond a guy's asshole gay guys asshole
[00:13:40] yeah I was gonna see that's where we're really missing Adam because I was
[00:13:44] gonna say the blood out of out of habit the blood diamond I was gonna say
[00:13:48] Adam's asshole but he's not here well I it's important that I stay focused
[00:13:51] because I can't have this be a shit episode and then people think that Adam
[00:13:55] is necessary the problem is it we just went and got all that shitty we had a
[00:14:00] beautiful day we had a nice day it's a nice day but that barbecue is fucking
[00:14:04] terrible we really loaded up on brisket shitty brisket and burnt ends I don't
[00:14:10] want to say the name of the place because you know what I gave I gave like a
[00:14:13] glowing review to the smoke joint and then they followed me on Instagram so I
[00:14:17] forget the people actually listen to right yeah we shouldn't trash it but
[00:14:20] it's not it wasn't great yeah not this this is not I didn't go to the smoke
[00:14:23] joint no no no let that on the record the smoke joints good although I will say
[00:14:27] if you were in Queens and you want barbecue you should go to John Brown's
[00:14:32] smoke house rather than the place we went yes so there's only two barbecue
[00:14:37] places that I know yes yes one of them is god awful if you wind up there you
[00:14:42] should make sure you let your waitress know that Nick Mullen a guy she will know
[00:14:48] that yeah we had a beautiful day though and it was nice dude it was that it was
[00:14:52] that weather where I realized fuck it's not gonna be cold I'm gonna be have to
[00:14:57] be fat and less layers soon yeah you know yeah gel it now all that all the
[00:15:01] working out that you do them that I was calling you gay for yeah it's about the
[00:15:05] coming hand he's gonna pay off dude yeah sun's out guns out right around the
[00:15:09] corner fuck I gotta get big guns dude yeah how do I get my arms big and
[00:15:13] nothing else big Nick I mean you just do curls curls yeah curls and like
[00:15:18] rowing I guess okay rose help heavy rose and then switch move over to curls
[00:15:23] just gonna fucking curl dude nice pump I'm gonna be you gonna catch me in a fucking
[00:15:27] beater everywhere I go I just stick your arms in that to the dick sucking
[00:15:31] machine I got you you think that would help yeah for sure just cock pump my
[00:15:37] arms yeah oh there's a work for muscle biceps as well it should okay
[00:15:43] theoretically man it is a it's I am fucking sleepy that that fucking barbecue
[00:15:50] really hit your ass huh it did I just checked the time to see how far we are
[00:15:54] we've done three and a half minutes we've done nine eight minutes and thirty
[00:15:57] seconds yeah I felt like we had a hot first five minutes no we're doing good
[00:16:06] we're fine I had something I wanted to talk about specifically for come town
[00:16:10] but these dumbass books that all this has you want to roast those butterfly
[00:16:14] stories he's got a hundred years of solitude which like not a bad book but
[00:16:19] you should have read that when you were much younger all this you're 37 years
[00:16:22] old fucking idiot but I'm 29 butterfly stories that does sound gay yeah I
[00:16:29] will admit a book that just says Karl Marx on it does it for real yeah that's
[00:16:33] it that's pretty funny and then psycho analysis and psycho pathology whoa damn
[00:16:38] all this elders is trying to be smart yeah he really does he should lean into
[00:16:42] being a fucking idiot because he's one of he's just as stupid as I am and I'm
[00:16:45] very stupid yeah but he likes pretend he's smart I also like that he hides his
[00:16:50] scale under his bed he's not looked at that for a while like it was a gun
[00:16:58] my man is not fucking hit the damn scale at all he's getting fat as hell yeah
[00:17:04] yeah everybody's getting fat except me yeah it's annoying I wish you were fat
[00:17:10] again dude yeah you were humble and sad when you were fat I know now you're
[00:17:14] you're a peacock I am you're peacocking you got your feathers out dude I gotta
[00:17:18] be hot dude I got it that's guided that's my my main mental focus is not on
[00:17:23] writing bits making sure the show goes well it's beat is beat maintaining being
[00:17:29] sexy is being hot and maintaining hot status what was the hottest you've ever
[00:17:33] been in your life do you remember I was like 23 did you fuck a ton at that age
[00:17:37] no not really I've always I'm just kind of always in a relationship I guess so
[00:17:41] but you don't want to let the hog out and run do you I don't like it's it's
[00:17:47] kind of a burden it's like a drag to just fuck all like a bunch of different
[00:17:52] people yeah it does get it's fine yeah it's well it's not emotional it's just
[00:17:56] like it's just fucking annoying there's like all the logistics a lot of texting
[00:18:01] you realize you're fucked if you fuck one person you're fucking a lot more for
[00:18:05] sure and it's better quality fucking to have to like yeah like every time just
[00:18:10] be like so what do you do the first time yeah I'm there I was doing that I was
[00:18:14] like fucking you know whoever and I had to like read some girls sent me like
[00:18:19] some paper she wrote it so read it let me know what you think and I'm like what
[00:18:24] the fuck yeah you've been on Tinder the price to bust this nut is far too high
[00:18:29] right yeah I see dude that's what I'm saying that woman should be in jail oh
[00:18:34] yeah she's gonna she's gonna get what's coming to her if you know I'm saying
[00:18:37] don't you worry pal we sent some goons over to her house yeah some but some of
[00:18:43] our Miramax friends you want to be a movie I saw an article where I wonder I
[00:18:53] wonder how Harvey Weinstein's doing in Sex Rehab yet the well the way they
[00:18:57] cured it's kind of like a fever where it's like you have to feed a fever my
[00:19:00] man looks like he also needs chexery hab no they need too much check
[00:19:05] smits take that Harvey you sexy bitch oh he's so hot dude yeah that's your body
[00:19:11] idol right you want to get to that point you see Dane Cook lately yeah he looks
[00:19:15] identical to Harvey Weinstein it's unbelievable yeah which is so funny
[00:19:19] because he was like the comedian that takes his shirt off yeah and he wasn't
[00:19:23] ever in shape really just wasn't disgusted I think he had like a run of
[00:19:27] being sort of in shape all he did was work out Bobby used to tour with him back
[00:19:32] then back when Bobby was like in shape Bobby said the most hilarious bodies
[00:19:36] of all time he used to actually be ripped now as fat as hell but he said
[00:19:41] there was a run where he hit because Bobby lived in LA with Dane Cook and
[00:19:44] they like run up the canyon or whatever the fuck whatever canyons out
[00:19:49] there but it runs yeah and then he was ripped and shit I mean he probably fucked
[00:19:54] a ton back in those days who Bobby no I mean Bobby yes but Dane Cook he
[00:19:58] was the first guy to fuck off my space maybe the only guy to fuck off my space
[00:20:02] no I fucked up my everyone fuck up my yeah I was late to the my space game I
[00:20:07] didn't trust it I thought it was like a scam that's how I didn't have the
[00:20:11] internet at all yeah like my fan like I was like you put your picture on it yeah
[00:20:15] right how about how about a character named Shane Cook and said a Dane Cook
[00:20:23] yeah yeah that's good yeah what else man what are the day what are the
[00:20:30] Dane Cook characters and Dane Cook Dane Cook he's like yeah you something about
[00:20:36] the dark BK yeah the BK loud you you merely adopted the dark I painted it
[00:20:45] all over my face yeah that's that's pretty good that was the first
[00:20:52] design for Bane mm-hmm this guy he's got a bunch of chocolate all over his
[00:20:57] mouth simple dude yeah it's streamlined yeah it would be great if those the
[00:21:00] scene where they pull off Bane's mask and he's got big big lips big big lips
[00:21:06] just Kylie Jenner that's why talks like that is lip gloss just got huge
[00:21:15] DSL I'm going in my pants you want prepared for this secret weapon
[00:21:28] just gets Batman hard and horny shit but a little bit yeah big angel but the
[00:21:35] best back off I'm afraid I can't do that man
[00:21:39] yeah Jelena Jolie lips just saunters over what we have here
[00:21:57] oh fuck just in the middle of dark night or whatever that movie was called
[00:22:03] you're just a seven-minute scene of my fucking is copy of me when Gotham is
[00:22:12] in ashes then you have my permission to come
[00:22:20] oh yeah oh that's good man I love brain yeah brains my favorite and then instead
[00:22:29] of Joker there's Joker yeah is the Joker and he's obsessed with it he's
[00:22:33] taking longer and bigger you want to see how I got my day my day got this hard
[00:22:39] then his friend is in a two-face it's two inches
[00:22:44] maybe we should listen to Joker no we can't listen to him maybe the Joker's got
[00:22:50] some idea no my dick's fine Rachel she could never come it's my fault I could
[00:23:02] have done more I could have hit the back walls
[00:23:08] fuck how about instead of two faces to race to roll that is a black face yeah
[00:23:14] he's like deciding whether or not to kill Batman he's like it's not up to me
[00:23:21] then he flips a coin it comes back on the scratch side he's like she about the
[00:23:30] bus of cameo Harvey you're better than this
[00:23:36] fuck yeah that's good man that's really good and how about this gay Alfred
[00:23:43] master why I'll just want to suck you know ever since you was a little boy
[00:23:50] don't like I got to think about what's talking you know when your parents got
[00:23:56] all my diplomacy them they're all a sucky wolf on my oh yeah pal mm-hmm
[00:24:05] yeah some other oh this is a Batman now I'm going out of the movies but there's
[00:24:09] a man filling in the clock King oh that one's the cock yeah the cock ring yeah
[00:24:15] what about the guy who has that that puppet you know that guy I think puppet I
[00:24:22] don't remember what the guys call but in the animated series he's like the boss
[00:24:25] is the puppet the mob boss is the puppet that sounds sort of familiar not fuck
[00:24:31] him forget penguin penguin the peg Gwen egg wind then he gets pegged
[00:24:37] ping scat woman scat yeah yeah she's got a bunch of shit in her pussy
[00:24:45] yeah exactly like cat woman what do you make of it Batman there's a bunch of
[00:24:52] feces all over the diamonds looks like it was scat woman she tried to sneak
[00:24:59] them out in her pussy and they fell out because it's too loose
[00:25:04] yeah very good very good was an Ivy what do we got poison HIV there he is
[00:25:11] it's just a cake-eye green in a green shirt
[00:25:23] yeah all right doctor freeze oh yeah mr. freeze mr. freeze he was a doctor once
[00:25:31] he's not doctor freeze no he's not is he he's mr. freeze but he's got an accent
[00:25:37] so he's mr. G's I can't wait to G's my wife is dead so I have frozen all of my
[00:25:46] G's so I can make a baby when I bring her back he's freezing gallons of his own
[00:25:54] calm and the hopes it'll be able to bring his wife back oh yeah mm-hmm yeah
[00:26:03] think we got all the meat off that bone
[00:26:12] fuck that was fucking good though man yeah no there's still a couple more you
[00:26:17] think we got a couple more yeah I don't think you realize how many stupid Batman
[00:26:21] characters you were right yeah those are just oh did we do the riddler not yet
[00:26:25] the deadler is that too easy child molasses
[00:26:29] oh it's just it and the red word but it ends in New York yeah well that now
[00:26:37] ends in LER oh man that's a really funny word and I do want to do this the most
[00:26:43] I've ever been done on the podcast yeah yeah well I think it's saying as he goes
[00:26:50] into the bank and he says that people are like what the fuck did he just say
[00:26:52] he's like it's not the same one technically I'm okay yeah like I don't know
[00:26:59] what to do it is like well give me the money oh it's a white guy
[00:27:07] if you can't figure out is that I mean technically it's not it I really this
[00:27:11] Batman am I allowed to say this he's like I don't know I don't know but is that a
[00:27:18] bad word or not just dropping a very strategic L
[00:27:48] fuck sex Luther no that's superman but I like sex
[00:27:54] looper that's just a black guy you know how I'm saying Superman is I'm trying to
[00:28:01] I'm trying to bust this the cool bald black I just loves fucking
[00:28:05] this is like he he harms Superman by having a bigger dick than Superman's
[00:28:12] only weakness and still having a white dick this rent being able to fly he
[00:28:18] then flies got x-ray vision but he's still got a cool 5.75 damn that would
[00:28:25] suck being a little dick and listen man 5.75 there's nothing really that wrong
[00:28:31] with that size dick you know just in general I'm just saying well for
[00:28:35] Superman I mean just in general though you know for yeah you're right yeah I do
[00:28:39] like other like yeah the average dick is five inches right that's counting
[00:28:43] children I don't understand yeah that's what's counting women yeah
[00:28:48] I measured all the women's dicks too how little are some people's dicks I mean
[00:28:53] that's wild I know that's insane I can't imagine I mean I feel like I'm right on
[00:28:59] the borderline fine if I missed a fucking centimeter of cock I would feel horrible
[00:29:04] oh do you measure in the metric system yeah of course dude because there's more
[00:29:07] numbers it feels bigger all right yeah yeah of course that's smart I have a
[00:29:14] 40 dick my love women asked me how big my dick is I answer in degrees yeah
[00:29:20] Kelvin yeah it's not very big but it's very hot that's what women like nice
[00:29:26] burning dick I tell them how much potential energy my dick holds it's like
[00:29:31] the Olympic torch oh yeah you're about to get fucked by all of the Zimbabwe
[00:29:35] national Bob sled team that's right they're back what about Commissioner
[00:29:40] Gordon what is he your commissioner Gordon or he's a whore he's a prostitute
[00:29:48] commissioner James Corden come come each and her Gordon
[00:29:55] I'm big ball come into my office you don't mind if I have lunch well we talk to
[00:30:04] you and Batman's gone he was like that's the rudest guy in the world there's
[00:30:09] his come all smelling all of her is I love come bit he's just like opens a
[00:30:14] can it looks beer but it's calm yeah yeah oh yeah that's good that's yeah we're
[00:30:29] oh man it's like I keep thinking like oh we're not gonna top that bit but then
[00:30:34] another one yeah well listen if you think of one at any point just say it
[00:30:39] you know yeah but I really can't well there's what other Batman villains were
[00:30:44] there scarecrow of course mmm hmm this Cheryl crow Cheryl crows just a
[00:30:53] Batman villa stop stop that's that music sucks the fucking music off I
[00:31:00] shit is fucking gay I'd like to I can't think of a single Cheryl Crow song I
[00:31:05] want to suck off the sun oh is that her I think so all all of those women I
[00:31:11] combined into one person Shania Shania I know cuz the I don't feel like a
[00:31:17] woman Shania's got some jams dude and that I think we probably I don't know
[00:31:21] how it's also like a true salt of the earth blue collar toothless
[00:31:25] stabilization woman I want to fuck her that fucking that I don't I don't is it
[00:31:30] respect you much yeah that don't impress that don't impress me that video
[00:31:34] when she's in like I think a like a leopard body suit or maybe I'm
[00:31:38] remembering that but I definitely beat off to a lot of she doesn't have teeth
[00:31:42] really yeah like that dude I might be confusing her with Celine Dion she's
[00:31:48] she's probably a toothless Montreal bitch right yeah Celine yeah but no
[00:31:54] Shania sexy dude I definitely crank the whole hoggy
[00:31:57] hogarino to that yeah who else that when you're saying all those women who
[00:32:01] else you think enough oh you know who else I beat off the fucking the God was
[00:32:04] one of his bitch Meredith oh I don't even know who she is yeah whatever who
[00:32:10] was sexy Natalie and Julia Natalie no I know her because she's hot as she's
[00:32:14] hottest but like a loness and oh yeah I guess a lot of Cheryl Crow and fucking
[00:32:20] Fiona she's hot too Apple if you don't have to get this on each Tony Braxton
[00:32:28] yeah another lady I beat off to yeah big old juicy a teton as yeah who else I
[00:32:39] was thinking of someone else that I beat off I'm thinking about coming
[00:32:44] in or going to come in come in I'm just warm down my cums just mustache is
[00:32:55] a joke well don't let me sometimes I'm too much calm so when you eat too much
[00:33:16] oh it's your little cinnamon in there funny in the microwave sometimes to
[00:33:24] switch it up he's got cum popsicles also
[00:33:37] up there by the bat signals spotlight just drinking a big
[00:33:52] yeah goddamn it Batman it's cold out here sometimes you got it a little flash
[00:33:57] it has to really shake it to get it out of the fucking little hole I'm getting
[00:34:01] too old for this shit yeah just had someone's funeral tricking come out of
[00:34:07] the house come eats in her Gordon baby that's the best character that's the
[00:34:16] comic book character there ever fuck yeah that we got me good I can't tell if
[00:34:22] this is people are gonna enjoy listen man I don't give a fuck this gave us
[00:34:26] come eats in her Gordon that's all dude I mean even brain the very beginning was
[00:34:32] pretty good oh man now I know why we need Adam on the show to derail
[00:34:40] maybe Adam's problems any derails him too quickly just a little bit well I don't
[00:34:49] know who's gonna listen to an hour of two people laughing like retards yeah
[00:34:57] you're right you're right all right let's talk about some else fuck how about that
[00:35:02] guy they caught in Montgomery County about to do a school shooting I didn't
[00:35:05] see that here's what they caught him with so he brought a gun to school right
[00:35:08] and they were like all right we got to check this out and they caught his ass
[00:35:12] they went to his house and found 15 grenades a detonator for C4 land mines
[00:35:20] a tactical vest fucking AR 15 and just like a list of grievances also an
[00:35:26] Asian would have been another Asian school shooter oh damn we're due for one of
[00:35:31] those it's been a while that I guarantee an Asian is gonna set the record it's
[00:35:36] true it's we're gonna have another Asian and they're gonna like make Stephen
[00:35:39] paddock look like oh just a loser absolutely you know they're gonna make
[00:35:43] them look like a really just uncool well this motherfucker had lion mines he had
[00:35:47] a detonator he was gonna set off fucking bombs under the school that's bad that
[00:35:50] would have been honestly cool I mean it would have been fucked up pretty cool I
[00:35:53] mean imagine my lamb and he had a list of grievances against students and
[00:35:57] teachers list of grievances like number two good luck chicken yeah number three
[00:36:03] there was a part of the greek garlic pepper sauce part of the grievances were
[00:36:08] the lunch special it was slightly cheaper than the other grievances we also
[00:36:13] found his manifesto hidden inside of a shitty cookie
[00:36:19] fuck yeah dude I don't know that's just wild damn you think you was doing it for
[00:36:26] Chinese New Year yeah dude yeah that would have been a pretty good
[00:36:29] that was his Chinese New Year resolution work off all that dog he ate over
[00:36:34] Chinese before anyone tries to write a letter to the president of our network
[00:36:42] me to get me fired you should know two things a specifically wrote in a no
[00:36:48] firing myself clause I can never be marked I can never be forced into the
[00:36:52] definite real documents that we have for this for this I guess company I don't
[00:36:59] know it is a copy I'm a corporation now nice dude you and Adam got to get your
[00:37:03] own corporation so yeah that's what the account said I'll make my own corp hell
[00:37:07] yeah dude let's all do let's all have corporations hard dick hard dick
[00:37:11] enterprise I started using QuickBooks this month oh let me tell you
[00:37:15] something not very quick take that into it yeah you fucking pussies yeah eat my
[00:37:24] not they fuck it into it lobbies the federal government to keep taxes
[00:37:28] complicated because they're pieces of shit so they can keep selling software
[00:37:33] how mad they would be if it was just a simplified yeah if the government just
[00:37:37] did your taxes for you right they're like we're just gonna take 10% yeah
[00:37:40] whatever whatever the fuck it is oh it's way more yeah some much so much more
[00:37:44] yeah that's why it's it is like I do believe that you know we need wealth
[00:37:49] redistribution or whatever yeah people should pay more in taxes but this idea
[00:37:53] that like rich people just don't pay anything and it's like they pay more to
[00:37:57] your than you will in your it's wild the amount yeah the amount that goes out
[00:38:01] also why self-employment tax so high you get fucked in the ashes by not being
[00:38:07] a part of your fucking system and yeah well that's why you need to do an S
[00:38:11] Corp and then you don't pay that shit mmm suck the Corp yeah I do have to do
[00:38:16] that shit man fuck I don't want to do that taxes are gay dude no anyways Asian
[00:38:21] shooter is yeah yeah that's gonna be the next one you think so has there has
[00:38:25] there been what are we missing is there been a black school shooter yeah but
[00:38:29] that happens like all the time that's just regular business that's no
[00:38:32] school shooters have to be at least oh they have to be more than one he's got
[00:38:36] if for a black school shooter to count as a school shooter he's got to be in a
[00:38:39] Dragon Ball Z he's got to like go around the school trying to go super say and
[00:38:45] as he kills the kids otherwise it's just that's just yeah should regular day in
[00:38:50] Chicago or Baltimore or wherever the fuck yeah although they don't know there was
[00:38:54] a school shooting in Philly a couple years ago is like a and I remember
[00:38:59] doing a bit about it because it's like you know school shooting or like so
[00:39:03] tragic but then it's Philly so you're like well these are in school you know
[00:39:08] yeah sure the fucking what's that word the not relinquant the way not the
[00:39:16] link went truancy truancy yeah yeah yeah you were probably a truant no not really
[00:39:23] you didn't skip school not often I mean not like an excessive amount really I
[00:39:28] saw it I would see you was a skip school kid no I just went and didn't do
[00:39:31] shit yeah I just didn't do shit then eventually I just dropped out right right
[00:39:34] but the ultimate truancy yeah it's like I didn't mind being in school I kind of
[00:39:39] liked the social aspect I just I just didn't want to do work yeah yeah yeah
[00:39:43] and I got to a point where it was like I'm like failing everything right what
[00:39:48] am I doing here right exactly yeah yeah no I like hanging out with people I like
[00:39:52] I enjoyed being I mean a bully no not a bully but no I mean I was I'm like I
[00:39:57] still am like a faggot myself sure if you know I like I mean like it was like I
[00:40:02] enjoyed like I got into coming you know you start doing comedy because you're
[00:40:06] like funny in school right that's like I used to go to school especially in
[00:40:10] middle school the mentality of like I gotta just I gotta try and be I gotta
[00:40:13] crush yeah yeah yeah I know I know yeah oh I definitely had biz I was working on
[00:40:18] yeah middle school shit yeah oh whenever you could make fun of a teacher you get
[00:40:22] him I remember one of my first you make a teacher laugh though that's like damn
[00:40:26] that's big leagues oh yes there's a big titty teacher miss Warner who I made
[00:40:31] laugh all I think maybe a told story where I had to do a presentation on the
[00:40:35] way rain worked and I just I forgot about it and I just got up to the front of the
[00:40:40] class and you just pissed yourself yeah like oh no yeah I literally not that
[00:40:45] much different dude I put I forgot about it until that morning and I think I was
[00:40:49] the Pillsbury Doughboy for Halloween yeah so I had a chef's hat and I wrote
[00:40:54] God on it and then I took a bit I took pieces of paper and I ripped them up and
[00:40:58] I took a bag and I wrote rain on it and then I just like went to the front of the
[00:41:02] class put a God chef hat on took the paper out and sprinkled rain and I was
[00:41:08] like and that's how condensation works and she just laughed and I passed that's
[00:41:14] great yeah it was fucking I never had some big old titties I was in seventh
[00:41:17] grade and I can't remember the name of the teacher but like we had to learn
[00:41:20] this Warner was mine the Holocaust and and I said so I forget how we got to it
[00:41:27] but I said something about like man it's like fucked up did they killed like a
[00:41:30] gajillion Jews or whatever and I used like a fake number yeah yeah like or like I
[00:41:36] said like six kajillion or something yeah yeah and I forget how I did it or what
[00:41:40] I read specific setup was but the teacher just started laughing and she had to
[00:41:44] like apologize yeah yeah yeah I mean that is a hilarious thing to just kind of
[00:41:48] be a fucking shit shit had teenager but I was like sorry six kajillion Jews died
[00:41:53] bro yeah a way to disrespect the Holocaust which is something that's very
[00:41:59] important sure man you got have values in your life yeah and that's one of mine
[00:42:04] is disrespecting the Holocaust whenever possible how about a Batman villain
[00:42:07] it's just the Holocaust and I are that's good yeah they're a visionist six
[00:42:15] million is too many Batman I don't give a shit I literally don't care
[00:42:22] maybe a hundred thousand perhaps fine okay just give me back Rachel yeah not
[00:42:34] until she changes her name to something a little less Semitic like Julie perhaps
[00:42:43] that's a nice name that's a good name I don't mean name a Julie Julie or
[00:42:47] ethnoethal I will continue to deny the Holocaust until all of the Gentile girls
[00:42:53] have Gentile names I don't want any more Christian Sarah's walking around oh
[00:42:59] Sarah's a Jew name yeah you're right now yep damn what language did they speak
[00:43:05] back then dude Hebrew I guess that's true what a bright sounded fucked up yeah
[00:43:10] but how did the how do we keep the names you know you know I'm saying you get you
[00:43:16] get what I'm getting them I got explained it further I definitely know what I'm
[00:43:20] talking about yeah also they were probably like cave people right that was like
[00:43:24] six thousand years ago what do you mean like the Jews of the of the Bible they
[00:43:30] were better probably three feet tall like basically gorillas yeah I guess they
[00:43:35] probably look like Aborigines or something yeah they're probably like a
[00:43:38] little is shit Harry is fuck yeah you know the pussy hair was a wall you know
[00:43:43] yeah man that's some wild ass pussy here I love that shit when that shit looks
[00:43:48] like a goddamn fucking like a like a retarded boy went to town on a piece of
[00:43:53] Velcro you know I'm saying he's got his fucking saliva in there pieces of
[00:43:59] candy mm-hmm a big old retarded up piece of fucking I mean they probably
[00:44:04] smelled horrible to yeah no bathing well people smelled horrible until like the
[00:44:08] 1970s that's pro that's true yeah I mean a lot of great people still smell
[00:44:12] horrible yeah how about that homeless guy we saw that guy was so crazy ass eyes
[00:44:17] yeah he looked like Adam Durbits oh yeah but like with Rasputin actually he
[00:44:23] looked like a homeless person yeah Adam Durbits looks like that's true yeah
[00:44:29] did you get you see that message that Adam Durbits sent us yeah we've talked
[00:44:33] about it yeah it was wild on what imagine being famous and still being a
[00:44:37] bitch that's got to suck do you mean like a famous woman no no no no like being
[00:44:43] a pussy I guess oh oh like I was having to say there's plenty of women that are
[00:44:47] in like movies and stuff yeah I'm like imagine women famous no no no no no
[00:44:55] like bitches like Michelle Obama yeah yeah Queen LaDue just no this is
[00:45:02] different people what yeah well how did I feel like Michelle Obama was married
[00:45:06] to Barack Obama who is Queen Latifah oh I thought Queen Latifah was the
[00:45:11] honorary you give the black first lady no they become Queen Latifah the Queen
[00:45:17] Latifah yeah does Queen Latifah outrank Michelle Obama like it's close yeah
[00:45:24] does anyone use the name King Latifah that's that's a good she's a she's a
[00:45:28] lesbian though right yeah I know but that doesn't mean there can't be that's
[00:45:32] true oh that's sure brothers King Latifah yeah probably would be King Latifah
[00:45:37] King Latifah how about I'm Queen Latif X yes I want to I want to get
[00:45:45] Quiffle a T-fects in there somehow I came up with the best drag name the other
[00:45:48] day I don't know if it's somebody uses already but I want to start doing
[00:45:51] Dragus Carmen San Francisco yeah that's good I'm happy with that rice
[00:45:58] or you just get rice or any comes out of your ass yeah dude the San Francisco
[00:46:02] treat yeah why is rice or any I've already joke like my first year in
[00:46:06] comedy about rice or any the San Francisco treat I'm pretty sure that's
[00:46:10] HIV I was at the tree yeah penis I think I ever did that on on stage but that's
[00:46:21] the idea yeah the idea of a you know like a commercial for HIV and it's just
[00:46:26] some guy riding a trolley around I have AIDS the San Francisco treat
[00:46:35] fuck it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood a beautiful day in the
[00:46:40] neighborhood was that a sad day what's that was that in San Francisco yeah
[00:46:45] downtown Detroit it was for real I don't know mr. Roger where is mr. Rogers
[00:46:51] dude yeah it was a beautiful day here in Shreveport Louisiana it's a beautiful
[00:46:59] day here in Vider Texas home of the Ku Klux Klan as we leave our doors unlocked
[00:47:08] and walk down the streets and racial harmony me and mr. Trolley know that the
[00:47:13] white race will never be threatened again that is unless King Friday has
[00:47:18] anything to say about folks we're starting off mr. Rogers's neighborhood
[00:47:30] but let's try to get to mr. Rogers is America and then eventually mr. Rogers
[00:47:35] is world some folks will say this is genocide children we're just doing
[00:47:43] math it's just subtraction if 12.5% but it's the perfect number of people in
[00:47:55] America it's not even racist I mean Thomas Malthus tell you himself we just
[00:48:00] can't feed all of these people whatever you're supposed to do kill every
[00:48:04] chicken in the world they don't work that hard it's beautiful day in the neighborhood
[00:48:12] I want some fucking it they've got to have already started all right or like
[00:48:18] racist ass children's programming right I don't think so that it seems like a
[00:48:24] no-brainer there wasn't there like to you me like Rick and Morty yeah I guess
[00:48:27] you're right I just watch yeah I feel like there was two like little blonde
[00:48:32] girls that had like cutesy songs about Hitler and shit yeah Prussian blue oh
[00:48:36] really yeah and they were that was like pop right like like racist pop yeah
[00:48:41] those girls eventually like like their family was making them do it it was
[00:48:45] like they were like the Phelps daughters Michael Phelps's daughters yeah they
[00:48:50] made him swim no oh oh the school there's a Westboro Baptist church yeah yeah
[00:48:55] wait that was I thought it was Jerry Falwell no that's a different church
[00:49:00] Westboro Baptist church is the Phelps family yeah Fred Phelps yeah Shirley
[00:49:06] Roper surely Phelps Roper well whoa whoa so they she had a hyphenated name but
[00:49:11] yeah still thought that yay people weren't yeah well this is because she was
[00:49:16] proud of her she's from the Roper family who invented lynching
[00:49:21] she didn't want to so she was more racist than she was subservient to men yeah
[00:49:25] that makes sense no that makes sense I do like it is funny to see like women in
[00:49:32] like that those communities want to be respected yeah it's like you're against
[00:49:36] like every other what do you think these dudes are gonna be chill with like
[00:49:40] women like getting having careers yeah in the in the racist workplace you know
[00:49:46] I'm saying I think they want women to have the job with in the ideal you know
[00:49:52] Nazi Reddit Nazi world the women go and work and then they come home men game
[00:49:56] the game yes yes you're right you're right how can I forget yeah when the
[00:50:06] reality is neither gender should work you know that's true you should just
[00:50:09] move in with her parents her dad pay for everything that would be fucking chill
[00:50:18] yeah I want a sugar mama dude I've said this before but I would like to be
[00:50:23] taken care of like the pretty bitch that I am yeah fuck who's that thing about
[00:50:28] Nazis what thing about Nazi oh we're talking about the homeless guy going to
[00:50:33] jail although it's just a conversation we had it yeah side oh a homeless Ted
[00:50:39] talk yeah yeah that guy cuz it looked like he had the intensity of a guy bad to
[00:50:44] give a Ted talk right yeah why are we just shitting in the Starbucks bathrooms
[00:50:50] when we should just be shitting in Starbucks why don't you share homeless
[00:50:56] people just shitting Starbucks you know I'm saying that I wonder you know because
[00:50:59] it's like because of all the injustices in this world how many of these homeless
[00:51:03] guys could be you know the next Elon Musk so true you know mm-hmm it's it's
[00:51:08] like these these guys could be heroes one of them could be the next I Tonya
[00:51:14] but because of of economic injustice they have to live outside we're missing
[00:51:20] out on our next Peter Teal our next Mark Zuckerberg could just be some bomb
[00:51:25] well yeah and if you just shit what if God was whatever
[00:51:31] do do do do do do do what if that bomb was Elon Musk
[00:51:38] trying to launch a shopping cart in this space
[00:51:43] that man you homeless Elon Musk launched a key foods bag full of human shit into
[00:51:51] space his most prized possession a Mountain Dew 2 liter filled with blood
[00:51:55] and piss on the moon yeah I don't I don't get why people were mad about that
[00:52:04] about the car in space yeah they're like whoo this is creating space pollution
[00:52:09] it's I who gives a fuck I don't fucking care I mean it's just kind of lame yeah
[00:52:14] I mean like oh well you know he did it because of his own ego or whatever
[00:52:19] it's like yeah that's pretty good everything does everything yeah yeah
[00:52:24] you don't have a socialism blog because of your own right right here you know
[00:52:29] those Twitter followers and right right right hey in socialism do people get to
[00:52:34] see how many followers you get how many retweets you're fucking side by shot
[00:52:38] side screenshots got yeah yeah anyways what was I gonna say though about oh oh
[00:52:46] the homeless guy going to yes if you just shit in a Starbucks you just end up
[00:52:51] in jail which like you pointed out outside it's basically a home yeah you
[00:52:55] know yeah it's fucking perfect I did point that out I made the extremely
[00:53:01] insightful point it's a good point there's no problems in jail it's a
[00:53:06] utopia yeah not but that you were saying like every little kid thinks that
[00:53:10] there's just like why don't you just commit a crime yeah go to jail get your
[00:53:15] fucking whole stretch down for fucking stealing some bread to eat yeah oh boy
[00:53:22] now I'm getting congested to hope I'm not getting sick from what dude I don't
[00:53:27] know barbecue I don't feel sick but my nose is kind of jammed up here maybe I
[00:53:35] should clear my nose out a little something yeah little drain a little
[00:53:41] those drain a little weed and they tap his nose yeah and snorted yeah I gotta
[00:53:47] do some weed I got a snor they gotta chop up something if you pardon me I got
[00:53:52] to go look at child pornography in the bathroom like yeah you know that's worse
[00:53:58] than cocaine oh is it I thought cocaine was one down from looking
[00:54:05] a child porn damn yeah take it you fix what if just looking at child porn
[00:54:12] and you didn't like it right oh but you looked at it and it did the same thing
[00:54:15] as cocaine would you look at child porn but it was free wait you mean it
[00:54:20] what if I looked at child porn and it made me look at child porn no no no no
[00:54:23] you go to the bathroom and you open up a picture of I can't make a joke about
[00:54:29] what cocaine oh sorry sorry yeah and you looked at a peak a picture of a kid
[00:54:33] getting fucked real quick and it made you feel like you just did some good-ass
[00:54:36] coke would you look at child porn no that's just being a pedophile no no no
[00:54:42] because you're not getting horny yeah yeah you're not in the you're not in the
[00:54:46] child porn but you look at it and you get this incredible rush yeah yeah yeah
[00:54:50] of blood rushes to a certain part of your body what kind of hyper medical
[00:54:55] items right man you really are bad at high-no-oh dude I'm saying it makes you
[00:55:00] feel like you did coke dude come on man look whatever you spend money on coke
[00:55:04] I'm gonna be doing it for free don't like a child you you fucking you don't
[00:55:10] like looking at child porn but you look at it because you you have to because
[00:55:14] you're addicted to what you do you get into a bad mood if you don't live it's
[00:55:22] been too long your energy level dips right you do it because you can't forget
[00:55:31] back where you on Rodney Dangerfield's young comedian special and now you just
[00:55:39] moves from city to city trying to get younger comics impressionable younger
[00:55:45] comics to watch YouTube videos of your act from 30 years yeah Johnny Carson
[00:55:51] smiling at you in the green room but not because you like it but because you're
[00:55:58] getting to it because it feels like drugs here's something else I saw a
[00:56:03] thought there's a photo of a guy on Valentine's Day at a restaurant sitting
[00:56:09] across from his wife's ashes he was just crying in this restaurant that's great
[00:56:15] that's like yeah what a better for everyone else that's the funniest thing
[00:56:20] I've ever heard about crying it's like imagine you just try to have a Valentine's
[00:56:24] day and there's like a glass of wine for it and shit it's like come on man I'm
[00:56:30] just trying to have a fucking Valentine's Day do that to yourself brutal and then
[00:56:33] where's it stopped you fuck the ashes I tell you what I'm doing with my wife
[00:56:37] dies going straight to GameStop it would be funny to I would just like to
[00:56:47] dress up like real autistic like you know but like a Zelda shirt tucked into
[00:56:51] your sweatpants and then walk in the GameStop with an urn and just start
[00:56:56] emptying it all just bumping into shit and then like flies out on you mean on
[00:57:01] purpose this is where she wanted to be buried that's like this is what Eric
[00:57:10] oh my god like what they can't stop you
[00:57:21] sir please do that is funny as shit we should literally do that we should do
[00:57:29] that that would be good that would be good I mean they try and stop you I
[00:57:37] get arrested oh man I'd be worth getting arrested for I think yeah but let's
[00:57:45] pass the idea on to Christian Western Chandler maybe Chris chain could do that
[00:57:49] that's true it looks getting arrested at GameStop yeah oh yeah what do you get
[00:57:53] arrested for for macing an employee he made he ran into the store in drag by
[00:58:00] the way because he's trans now oh cuz she has trans yeah because he was furious
[00:58:05] that they changed the color of Sonic's arms and the new are you fucking kidding
[00:58:09] yeah cuz his arms used to be tan but now I guess Sonic's arms are blue and
[00:58:13] also blue the whole way instead of having different arms and so he went in
[00:58:18] first with a blue marker and tried to correct incredible and they tried to
[00:58:22] stop him so he maced the employee that fucking rules actually yeah I give him
[00:58:30] a lot of credit like we talk about having like ideals and a code that
[00:58:35] means lives by his code wait a lot we talk about having ideals we all talk about
[00:58:41] it we sit around yeah yeah well in my mind I'm a samurai the royal we know
[00:58:48] like us in general yeah but Christian really yeah to be able to go to jail
[00:58:56] because you maced the game's loud employee yeah I don't think he was willing to go
[00:58:59] to jail so much as he didn't consider the consequences of the action yeah you're
[00:59:04] right I mean he's got to be like almost 40 years old at this point brutal dude
[00:59:09] I remember rude cuz I've been following Chris Jansus I was like probably 15
[00:59:13] years old yeah and I'm like 29 yeah and he was 20 yeah he's 40 this year he's
[00:59:19] gotta be 40 because he's like he was 26 I think that's when I like found out
[00:59:23] maybe it's 24 that's either way anyway you slice it that's horrible yeah oh man
[00:59:29] that man's been being trolled for almost 20 years what a life yeah this was
[00:59:37] parents probably yeah well his dad died boff lumberjack Bob chan yeah Bob chan
[00:59:44] there's an audio recording of him like cyber like having phone sex with some
[00:59:50] girl but not a girl it's a 13 year old boy pretending right of course I don't
[00:59:56] know how this recording happened either they were doing it over Skype and then
[00:59:59] Bob comes in he's like what are you doing on there get to get off the
[01:00:03] internet I'm cutting it down yeah yeah he's like dad no
[01:00:08] unbeknownst to him he's having sight phone sex with a 13 year old boy pretending
[01:00:15] to be a woman a 13 year old boy pretending to be a woman to troll yeah at
[01:00:20] that point you are having sex you are sort of having gay sex yeah as a troll
[01:00:26] but you know respect what a funny world I'm so glad I'm so glad that that the
[01:00:31] internet used to be like that instead of like let's all pretend this journalist
[01:00:37] is good at standup right let's all tweet like can you believe what this guy
[01:00:44] does now you moron you absolute fucking idiot yeah Donald Trump tweets like
[01:00:49] that's gonna matter yeah yeah you just get verified on Twitter now if you're
[01:00:54] blocked by Donald Trump no seriously these people that are verified they've
[01:00:59] done nothing else and have a tweet to Donald Trump that's like you sir are
[01:01:03] in great yeah I'm about to get verified you know what Twitter and I know you're
[01:01:13] listening Jack verify me please you know Jack is what he's like the Tom of Twitter
[01:01:20] yeah mmm-hmm oh yeah hard to believe that guy turned out to be a pedophile also
[01:01:25] Dini well basically and I don't know this but basically anybody whose name is a
[01:01:34] company and then their first name is pedophile interesting interesting subway
[01:01:38] Jared make sense you know my space Tom my space Tom Twitter Jack TJ Maxx TJ
[01:01:46] Maxx should teach I was TJ Miller's birth name yeah that's why he did rape
[01:01:50] yeah yeah Chipotle Eric Chipotle Eric does sound like a rape
[01:02:01] Chipotle Eric was smuggling children in his ass across the border which is a
[01:02:05] type of fucking them technically yes their dicks were inside your ass yeah
[01:02:09] technically speaking so a child fucked you in the ass mmm Tom cashed out though
[01:02:16] dude he sold the fucking he sold my space to Fox for like 500 mill when no one was
[01:02:23] fucking using it yeah and no one is still using it respect I know what the
[01:02:27] fuck what I don't understand that purchase I think they thought they were
[01:02:31] gonna rebrand it remember they try to rebrand it was like Justin Timberlake
[01:02:34] yeah it was gonna be like a music place and it's like now this fucking sucks dick
[01:02:39] yeah I think it's still up right you can still go to your old my space page
[01:02:42] probably yeah damn I wonder what mine's looking like about my race okay you know
[01:02:48] is that is that having to do with all or white supremacists or Mr. Rogers
[01:02:54] yeah that's is that's his online presence it's a beautiful day on the
[01:02:59] internet now children this is someone we call Pepe yeah he whenever you're
[01:03:08] feeling sad post this picture teaching them all the Pepe means yeah damn that
[01:03:16] sucks for the Pepe guy I don't know what his name is and I didn't read the
[01:03:21] fucking comic sure so it seems like it sucks dick well the the imagine if your
[01:03:27] art was taken over it's not bad boys clothes it's okay I remember because I
[01:03:32] was a fan of it like no I know I mean it's I've heard before the alt-right shit
[01:03:37] that like it was a good thing it's not the funniest shit in the world the where
[01:03:41] Pepe got popular that specific comic is pretty funny like the dog or
[01:03:46] something the dog you know it's just like roommates but they're like they
[01:03:49] look like animals right and one of them walks into the bathroom and like the
[01:03:53] guy there's Pepe is like at the toilet and his ass cheeks out right yeah yeah
[01:03:57] I've seen that it says it feels good man feels good man yeah yeah I remember
[01:04:03] that yeah that became a meme mm-hmm yeah do you remember I mean I mean that was a
[01:04:10] way to listen to music was that like a deaf girl named Irene yeah yes it was
[01:04:16] yeah do you remember her we always have sex with her you're just like yeah
[01:04:19] you're you're just showing her your dick and she points yourself and goes I mean
[01:04:24] like she like yes meme keep it down I don't want anyone at the deaf school
[01:04:31] to hear you I'm very bad at taking advantage of the deaf children but
[01:04:41] you're wearing brightly colored clothes that everyone can see
[01:04:44] walk you're in a school completely new telling you repel down from the ceiling
[01:05:08] fuck dude damn bro that barbecue's actually starting to hit your boy my to yeah as
[01:05:18] well well I think we're good probably can you see what that says I cannot one oh
[01:05:23] five let me see right here we're good let me get the fun I'm having fun dude oh
[01:05:27] one oh five do we have any reads or anything no oh fuck I should plug Philly
[01:05:31] hold on oh yeah guys a couple you were DMing me the ticket links are up for the
[01:05:37] show in Philly at the good good comedy theater March 17th Saturday there's an
[01:05:43] 830 at 10 o'clock show two shows let's sell those motherfuckers out hey all I'm
[01:05:47] saying is Wardell did three shows so come on we can let Wardell do more shows
[01:05:50] than me or we gonna buy tickets yeah we're talking suck a dick he's a fucking
[01:05:54] asshole also I think we're doing funny moms the 26th and then March 22nd
[01:06:00] comment house of blues oh yes so if you enjoyed all of those Batman
[01:06:07] come eat some you enjoyed come each inner Gordon be prepared for a
[01:06:12] comedian or Gordon's one man show is one man play come into the Gordon rules
[01:06:20] dude yeah called the dark not the dark and don't forget about the Batman
[01:06:26] beepler the people the people was good we had some stuff yeah this is a good one
[01:06:34] guys we had a lot of fun on this show but if you or someone you know is
[01:06:37] suffering from a needing disorder please don't hesitate to call the eating
[01:06:41] disorder hotline and you someone will talk to you and take your take down your
[01:06:47] name and send you a nice big old hot pocket or something oh yeah really a
[01:06:52] really tasty one I remember there was an episode of Doug where Patty Manates
[01:06:56] has an eating disorder really the episode ends and then they have her like
[01:06:59] you know eating disorders are a serious issue but it's like the cartoon
[01:07:05] that's bizarre yeah also she's skinny as shit she never like yeah they all are
[01:07:09] yeah just draw our fatter yeah give her little titties yeah give Patty Manates
[01:07:14] a couple titties yeah you know I'm saying yeah dude why are you making that
[01:07:17] bitch look like disgusting ass lesbian pepper and let's hang on don't say that
[01:07:22] nobody wants to fuck pepper and pepper and has a big old fucking bush yeah
[01:07:27] pepper and has a hair is pussy pepper and pepper and she's got red hair so she
[01:07:32] gives people head she's not cool but people hang out with her pepper and
[01:07:38] this is what happens to you when you're girl with red hair
[01:07:41] pippy long stocking I feel like I wanted to fuck her when I had a crush on the
[01:07:45] fictional character yeah pippy long stocking yeah and I still like braids a
[01:07:50] lot of people hog sucking yeah oh yeah dude yeah well what was what was
[01:08:02] pippy long stocking steel she was real strong yeah she was like a fictional
[01:08:06] character she was a fiction because I remember my grandma used to make me
[01:08:09] watch pippy long stocking videos I also wanted to fuck her because she was
[01:08:12] strong me too there was some about it wanted to get beat up by a girl
[01:08:15] sexually dominate you hold you down and suck your little dick fucking like
[01:08:19] tell me I can't say any of the stuff I said yes yeah I would like that for a
[01:08:24] nice change like I've talked about this before but I feel like there's got to be
[01:08:27] strong women who are jacked who hate fat people so much but that's sexually
[01:08:32] they want to just dominate a fact yeah I just want a nice girl that'll stick a
[01:08:36] gun to my head you know rich your preel style yeah yeah yeah Janice sticking that
[01:08:40] gun to his head that'd be good I don't want the gun but I do want I don't know
[01:08:44] what I want I used to work with an old woman named Janice and I would have
[01:08:48] raised the BSO yes yes and I would I would just see the ball sucking
[01:08:53] organization yeah yeah I would you're the number one ball sucker employee of
[01:08:57] the month every month at the ball sucking work it's not true in fact I was fired
[01:09:03] for insubordination no I would I would sometimes I would see if I could sneak
[01:09:09] it in if I like so if I need to ask you I'd be like of Janice and most of the
[01:09:15] time I just had no idea I was calling her vagina that rules what about the
[01:09:19] times that she figured it out I don't think because it's such a bizarre thing
[01:09:23] that yeah way that I could be calling her right right she just like looks at
[01:09:26] you we're like yes yeah a classic move my friend Gina the Gina but yeah we they
[01:09:33] literally took down the name tags in our dorm freshman year because every time
[01:09:38] they gave Gina a new one we just wrote vagina on everything on time yeah the
[01:09:43] point they just had to stop giving her one yeah so take that you fucking bitch
[01:09:48] take that college yeah yeah you are a's I did get busted smoking weed the
[01:09:56] RAs did take your boy down but anyway listen pippy hog sucking that's the note
[01:10:02] to go and titty hog sucking yeah just a couple of titties with red hair I
[01:10:11] got your dick the nipples are mouse nipples your mouse I gotta go to sleep
[01:10:17] dude I'll feel alright buddy good night