Cum Town | Regular | 03/08/2018
[00:00:12] Did you, is it made from the meat of an executed retarded man?
[00:00:15] No, I used ground beef and, uh, and then like beef around cubes as well.
[00:00:23] Well, you need some, you need other, you can't just go all cube.
[00:00:29] I don't like when it breaks down too much and it just gets like, you know what I mean?
[00:00:33] Like the pieces of the ground beef get too small.
[00:00:36] If they, you can get them, keep them together in a nice chunk of ground beef.
[00:00:39] That's why sometimes sausage instead of ground beef for that purpose.
[00:00:45] You take the casing off the sausage and then break it up and put it in the chili.
[00:00:50] And, and it looks, she's got a nice sheen to it.
[00:00:53] You got a nice meaty sheen to your cock if it's encased in sausage.
[00:01:03] Did you put, would you put corn in your chili?
[00:01:14] Yeah, you fry up the, the beef with some onions and garlic.
[00:01:22] And then you, you know, get the, I use, I use half a pint of some kind of Mexican
[00:01:34] Tomato sauce, little stout in the coffee.
[00:01:38] And then you, yeah, a little bit of liquid smoke in there.
[00:01:41] Oh, that garlic is on your powder, cumin.
[00:01:52] Yeah, I mean, you can only make way too much.
[00:01:54] There's no way you can never, you have to throw chili away at the end of it or you didn't
[00:01:59] Yeah, a little bit of oregano in there and then you use broth?
[00:02:08] I like to throw a little broth in there.
[00:02:16] Last, last snow when I made a fucking, I roasted a whole damn pork shoulder back in my
[00:02:20] pork shoulder days, which are over now by the way.
[00:02:22] Officially my pork shoulder days are behind me.
[00:02:26] And, but I made a pork shoulder chili and it was good as fuck.
[00:02:31] It was so goddamn good, but I was sickish.
[00:02:33] I came to realize I get sick every time I eat pork shoulder every single time.
[00:02:38] And I think it's not, it's not good for me.
[00:02:42] Like I ate too much of the skin and I would get my stomach would, I need too much meat.
[00:02:47] When I got a whole shoulder, what am I going to stop?
[00:02:51] I would get the meat sweats and then my stomach would hurt from too much.
[00:02:53] Now anytime I get a fucking ham, I just, I think I hit him like a ham that's like three
[00:03:19] Like finally we're finally out of blizzard season, but here we are again.
[00:03:23] It wasn't even the cool one where it's like you wake up and it's your snowed in and it
[00:03:27] You're like, well, fucking I can't do anything.
[00:03:30] Like if it was bad, we just wouldn't have done an episode.
[00:03:33] We just would have been like, ah, fuck it.
[00:03:37] I don't think that would have been chill.
[00:03:41] Ah, you forgot to upload it for like a day or two.
[00:03:56] You wait, do you mean you're on trial for sucking a police vehicle?
[00:04:00] Yeah, tell them we have to do a podcast.
[00:04:09] Let's see if that if I actually have to go.
[00:04:12] Yeah, because if it's if it's civil and not criminal, is it really easy to get out of?
[00:04:19] Well, it's because nobody wants to I mean, I'm wide to go and it's like it was all just
[00:04:22] that's where you saw that PlayStation guy.
[00:04:26] Well, I mean, it's like, okay, well, this is going to be a an eight week trial.
[00:04:32] And it's about like a company that installs ventilation.
[00:04:36] They're truck backed into like the front of a retail store and clip the sign.
[00:04:41] So it's like, I don't care about any of the people involved.
[00:04:47] It's just like a bullshit, you know, dispute between like companies that own way too much
[00:04:55] Nobody they don't find like, first of all, like fuck the attorneys for not just getting
[00:05:01] I don't know why there's need to be decided by juries who don't know about.
[00:05:06] That's why it has to be like a flex business.
[00:05:08] It has to be such a long trial is because they have to spend like three weeks being like,
[00:05:11] well, the thing about events is explaining it to retar.
[00:05:15] I could never my dick got caught in a fan one.
[00:05:20] That's why I'm just too sad to be on a jury fan of the show.
[00:05:26] DME, by the way, it's still true what the doctor said about pussy tooth.
[00:05:33] I've been in a little funk, not only because of the tooth, but I've just kind of gotten
[00:05:41] So I have not, but I'm looking forward to eating pussy toothless.
[00:05:45] I mean, I'm sure everyone's telling you this, but this is the first time I've seen.
[00:05:54] I should be have it in, but I'm amongst friends.
[00:06:06] Oh, oh, for the spring, you're switching it up.
[00:06:29] John Waters, the most famous pencil fit mustache guy.
[00:06:36] It's all in front being gay as hell because he just...
[00:06:39] I used to hook up with a girl that really wanted to fuck us.
[00:06:44] That was like one of her celebrity crushes.
[00:07:10] I watched like three episodes when I was a child, but it had a real effect on me.
[00:07:17] That's like some small town airport or some shit.
[00:07:20] I think Emilio Esteves was in it or some guy that looks like him.
[00:07:24] Yeah, I did Nick E. Glazers show yesterday.
[00:07:31] I'm just going to make you feel like a man.
[00:07:36] I think I got that like $20,000 coffee maker.
[00:07:44] It's like a vending machine that just makes Starbucks drinks.
[00:07:55] I thought I was hoping something more fancy.
[00:08:01] Anyways, I'm at Nicky's show and I guess they do like sway in the morning right next
[00:08:09] So, Forrest Whitaker and Adam, get your phone away from the cord for the mic.
[00:08:23] Yeah, Forrest Whitaker and Omar from the wire were both there.
[00:08:30] I was wearing that Andre Steakhouse shirt.
[00:08:38] That would be legendary if you got to explain to them why I'm wearing what the shirt is.
[00:08:45] You know how guys like you, tell them friends of yours from the old neighborhood.
[00:08:51] Tell them you were supporting a black owned business.
[00:08:55] Or I'm in the black history month Legion of Skanks shirt.
[00:09:02] Don't they have a slave for black history month?
[00:09:05] Well, they have a series of interns that they do not pay.
[00:09:09] I think they literally made a black, they got black guys wearing a chain.
[00:09:12] Oh, they didn't let necklace or something.
[00:09:25] The middle school teacher in like Mississippi, they got fired.
[00:09:35] The people that legitimately are doing satire get a bad rap because the people that aren't
[00:09:40] It's like, come on, man, just be racist.
[00:09:46] All of your contemporaries are just like, no, this isn't satire racist.
[00:09:50] Those are people you're friends with that you talk to all the time, just go ahead and
[00:09:56] Stuff fucking over the simple folk like me.
[00:10:02] She was definitely racist, though, right?
[00:10:07] But I almost clicked on the link and then underneath it, there was another story about
[00:10:18] She was really, she was particularly hot.
[00:10:21] Mary Kay Litturna was a piece of ass, dude.
[00:10:26] And then this particular picture, she was wearing a very small bikini bottom.
[00:10:32] And you could see not pussy, but like a part of the surrounding pussy area that you normally
[00:10:40] No, not lips, but just like regular skin.
[00:10:43] It is just skin, but it's like very close to the lips.
[00:10:48] I don't think she should have been teaching a class dress like that.
[00:10:57] No, it's like a 25 year old, like just recent big old titties.
[00:11:05] It probably is, but the kids too embarrassed to admit he fucked her.
[00:11:09] Because they're like, yeah, I fucked her dog.
[00:11:14] You're not fucking bragging about that shit.
[00:11:17] Yeah, I guess that is how they get caught.
[00:11:22] Lose lips, little boy's dicks enter them.
[00:11:25] You know, they were slut shaming women into, you know, fucking children.
[00:11:29] Yeah, they're saying if you're a whore or you're helping the Nazis, that's what that poster
[00:11:46] We had a sex scandal at my high school, my senior year.
[00:11:50] One of the gym coaches, he fucked his teaching assistant.
[00:12:25] You got a regular child molesting jail?
[00:12:33] They are regular prison, but all the rooms are connected by those, like, tubes from Chuck
[00:12:40] I'm doing a solitary confinement in the ball pit.
[00:12:53] You know that rapper, 6'9", Tchaikashi?
[00:13:02] I think, well, from what I heard, shut told me, basically.
[00:13:08] That his friend was fucking a child, and he slapped her ass.
[00:13:20] But there's, like, all these videos of, like, gangbangers in different cities.
[00:13:23] Like, someone from, like, these gangbangers in San Antonio, that's, like, yeah, like,
[00:13:31] Like, we're a fucking kill you if you come over here in San Antonio.
[00:13:38] A little, like, rape, if it can kill them, I guess.
[00:13:42] I mean, with that rainbow hair, it's in prison.
[00:13:47] They probably can make them get a haircut.
[00:13:52] Do they make you get a haircut in prison?
[00:14:06] You can have a swastika tattooed on the middle of your head in prison.
[00:14:11] You can basically do whatever you want in prison.
[00:14:35] That was just complaining, is that they didn't give him newer video games.
[00:14:38] That he has to play like Twisted Metal Black.
[00:14:52] No, I'm not doing that good, but I'm fine.
[00:15:02] I'm just a little bit more in here for that 77-degree day.
[00:15:04] No, that was the day we were cruising around a story, I remember.
[00:15:14] We had that day out, hang where we were looking at ladies, titties and shit.
[00:15:20] And then I biked to, I guess the lower east side and got a massage.
[00:15:35] I just get massages under 14th Street, but I haven't.
[00:15:47] We don't want you coming through to San Antonio.
[00:15:51] That's what that song is about originally.
[00:16:13] You pull your dick out and they start us sucking.
[00:16:24] I think I'm going to go back to Baltimore for my mommy's B-day.
[00:16:42] The first show is about to sell out and if it does, we will add a third show.
[00:16:49] Right now the eight o'clock's almost sold out.
[00:16:51] We're at 8.30, then a 10 o'clock, then maybe an 11.30.
[00:16:56] But yeah, this weekend I think I'm going to go.
[00:17:05] I've still been at the House of Blues show.
[00:17:10] And I was like, you know, hoping maybe I'd write a new at least 15 beforehand.
[00:17:18] I really don't want to have to go in and do a bunch of old shit, but...
[00:17:21] You also should catalog your old shit, though, dude.
[00:17:26] Should release a fucking special, dude.
[00:17:30] All those bits about things like the blind side, very top of stuff.
[00:17:38] You should do a CD of topical jokes you can't do anymore.
[00:17:46] My classic will never elect a black man, but...
[00:18:04] If I say we never elect a black man or a woman for president and we elect a half black
[00:18:18] I was the only one who knew the difference between meaning and the math genius with the
[00:18:22] It's something that we're all ready to get to centimeters.
[00:18:26] I do mention my cock and centimeters, that's well documented.
[00:18:29] No, yeah, because you get one more numbers that way.
[00:18:33] You do bigger numbers when you go centimeters.
[00:18:34] Yeah, you get one of those rulers with pikas on it.
[00:18:42] Yeah, what's the smallest kind of inch?
[00:18:55] I think it's a unit of measurement for...
[00:18:56] No, because millimeter, that's all the metric system.
[00:18:58] But imperial numbers have numbers smaller than...
[00:19:27] After every time you fuck, you see the analytic...
[00:19:34] It happens when you're fucking 13-year-old boys online, you're calling you the N-word.
[00:19:50] I've got people tweeting me, they're receiving their T-shirts.
[00:19:54] Someone told me they bought a couple Italian chromosome shirts.
[00:20:01] They're going to be strolling around town in them.
[00:20:03] I saw a guy in a come-town pin yesterday.
[00:20:14] He hit me up a couple months ago about making them.
[00:20:16] Yeah, I think he DM me that he was going to do it.
[00:20:25] You should have like a little come-town in the middle of it, too.
[00:20:29] My mom called me and she was like, because my mom works at a dental lab.
[00:20:32] She found out I was toothless and she was like...
[00:20:36] You'll never believe one time what one guy asked to have on his tooth.
[00:20:45] She's like, don't do anything like that.
[00:20:49] My mom had to call me to tell me not to get a dick on my tooth.
[00:20:56] It's also, I feel like she's opening up.
[00:20:59] Having a cum podcast has made my mom feel like she could say whatever to me.
[00:21:05] Yeah, my parents, my dad was telling doctors and nurses about cum...
[00:21:13] For guys, everybody doesn't know Adam had to go home to get penis...
[00:21:23] There's no way to make it bigger but they thought maybe they could straighten it out.
[00:21:26] At least maybe it looked less curly and scrunched up.
[00:21:29] Most little scrunched up cock-a-ball time.
[00:21:32] It looks like somebody like neurotically unfolded a paperclip.
[00:21:43] Well, I'm glad you guys liked my new dick.
[00:22:04] You're taking small enough that you're technically a girl.
[00:22:18] Gary Oldman won for a movie that I've never heard of.
[00:22:25] Well, I didn't know what the movie was.
[00:22:27] His picture is a him and a fat suit acting upset.
[00:22:34] It looked like if they did a British Eddie Murphy movie where he plays all the fucking
[00:22:44] Yeah, it was like, remember that movie where he played the midget?
[00:22:47] Little feeder, whatever the fuck it's called?
[00:22:49] Yeah, I don't know, but fuck the Oscars.
[00:22:51] The funniest part was when the makeup guy for that movie won because he made him look
[00:22:55] like Churchill and it was a Japanese guy and he's like, I want to thank gay old man.
[00:23:05] I mean, in Hollywood, always does this.
[00:23:21] Well, yeah, I mean, I guess that's what it is.
[00:23:24] Everybody knows this, but it's like this industry just harbors pedophiles and makers.
[00:23:31] It's all been, it's in a business built on literally raping people.
[00:23:35] And then because they got caught, now they take turns going on stage handing each other
[00:23:39] tiny little statues going like we're at the forefront of stopping sexual assault.
[00:23:44] It's like, I'm sorry, but the people that work at Best Buy aren't raping each other.
[00:23:55] You want to be the weekend manager here at Best Buy.
[00:23:57] We're setting this sample for the world by finally, you know, pretending like everyone
[00:24:12] Well, congratulations to Kobe Bryant from going from the one industry.
[00:24:15] You could be a rapist to the other industry.
[00:24:21] Kobe laughed the hell out of that poor woman.
[00:24:23] I liked that he essentially won an Oscar for like, he basically won a letter writing contest.
[00:24:28] He wrote it, gave him a fucking Oscar for writing the best letter to the editor about
[00:24:37] He filled out one of those comment cards about how she kneeled about the NBA.
[00:24:58] And there were some problems in Colorado, Dear Basketball.
[00:25:01] I was, I was a whore accused me of something I did not do.
[00:25:06] I felt to some asshole, even though she told me I could not.
[00:25:19] Why Kobe got to put it in the ass or in why.
[00:25:28] So anyway, congrats to him for being a double rapist.
[00:25:29] And Francis McDormand seemed like she was like completely unhinged.
[00:25:37] She thought she was going to really close it with like her like closing line and it
[00:25:43] When the close it was like last last thing.
[00:25:47] And then it was just like is the speech over and then she walked us.
[00:25:55] You think that that's in any way legal is that a man that if you want to work on something
[00:26:13] That movie wasn't three billboards is completely overrated.
[00:26:17] I mean it was an entertaining movie but the way people were sucking its dick it's like
[00:26:21] Well because I think it was like rape adjacent.
[00:26:24] Call me by your name is the best movie that came out.
[00:26:28] And I did not get hard a little bit in the slightest.
[00:26:34] Did you get any money because they made your life story into a movie at them?
[00:26:45] It's like you don't deserve that kind of shit dude.
[00:26:48] I haven't seen it yet but I feel like you don't deserve those kind of sweet dickings
[00:27:03] It sounds like he's pronouncing it wrong.
[00:27:11] What do they beat off in a peach in that movie or something?
[00:27:16] And then they gave it to a woman that jacks off in a fish.
[00:27:31] There's a girl that listens to the show, walked in and she looked familiar right?
[00:27:37] She came and sat down and she was reading the book and she had like the call me by your
[00:27:42] And I was like, let's go to the part where the peach part and I opened the book and found
[00:27:53] A guy eating his own come, they can spot it.
[00:28:00] And somebody you can find come in a book.
[00:28:03] You know, is the dog smelling cancer or peanut butter?
[00:28:07] It's like you want to know how I found out I had dick cancer is my dog.
[00:28:11] I found out I had a particular cancer because my whatever reason my job kept licking my
[00:28:31] And it turns out my wife also had pussy and asshole cancer.
[00:28:33] It's a little boy down in the well that needs to get fucked.
[00:28:36] Just a guy running up to the well with Lassie and his dick covered in peanut butter.
[00:28:45] He's shimming because his fucking pants around his ankles.
[00:28:49] Have you ever had a dog, uh, leaker balls while you're having sex with a woman?
[00:29:10] Like a, like a man in a Garfield costume.
[00:29:33] You just forget about I see being there.
[00:29:35] The dogs do that and they're like, this is revenge for Westminster.
[00:29:39] There's a portion where an English guy eats a dog's ass and tastes the better tasting
[00:29:43] dog that's part of the, that's part of the scoring system.
[00:29:45] I'm starting to write a bit for stand up today about like, you know, we're doing all this
[00:29:50] We're going to call out the fucking, that guy from the Westminster dog show that just
[00:29:57] Probably the most horrific sex criminal in all of entertainment.
[00:30:06] There's too many people's jobs are on the line.
[00:30:11] Do they actually like see how good their balls are?
[00:30:16] He takes a big asshole and puts, puts you away.
[00:30:22] Yeah, that's a, that's a different kind of dog show.
[00:30:26] How much do you think your balls weigh if you put them on a scale?
[00:30:34] The adult weight of the balls is the same weight you were as a baby.
[00:30:44] I did have big ass balls as a baby, but they're even bigger now, baby.
[00:30:47] So if you don't, no, no, I mean that your entire.
[00:31:09] And I want to take this opportunity to talk to you about a new underwear.
[00:31:24] You can contribute, but don't ask questions.
[00:31:31] You know how to talk to your audience better than anyone else.
[00:31:33] No rules, but there are just don't use the word on these or talk negatively.
[00:31:43] They said, don't say a couple words and you said them.
[00:31:48] No, you know, this is a kind of loose, you know, sort of avant-garde style of marketing
[00:31:53] And yes, it's a reason that Mac Weldon company willing to do business.
[00:32:03] No, they really are comfortable underwear and it's much easier to shop on MacWeldon.com
[00:32:08] than our website where you can buy overpriced T-shirts made with terrible fabrics with atrocious
[00:32:16] Mac Weldon's website is very easy to use.
[00:32:19] It actually is a secured server so you don't have to worry about your information getting
[00:32:25] stolen, which is not the case on come where you can buy a fit in the company.
[00:32:34] Mac Weldon believes in smart design premium fabrics and simple shopping.
[00:32:38] The most comfortable underwear that you can buy right now, I can't guarantee that in the
[00:32:43] future there won't be some sort of underwear that sucks your day.
[00:32:51] I don't want to put their business up there, but they may be working on underwear that sucks
[00:32:57] They got a line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally antimicrobial, which means
[00:33:01] they eliminate odor and they want you to be comfortable.
[00:33:04] So if you don't like your first pair of underwear, you can return it and they will refund you
[00:33:09] Not only does Mac Weldon underwear, socks, shirts and pants look good, they perform well too.
[00:33:14] They're good for working out, going to work, going out on dates, or just everyday life.
[00:33:25] You know, video, podcast, whatever you're doing.
[00:33:29] So go to macweldon.com and get 20% off using promo code COMTOWN.
[00:33:47] Because a lot of people, my policy has always been if you want to fucking make money off
[00:33:55] But there was enough people that asked.
[00:34:00] It's COMTOWN if you want to buy those shirts, which the prices are high, but it's all drop
[00:34:15] The cost of the items is debited from my bank account.
[00:34:21] And then can you move your phone away from the-
[00:34:31] The money comes out of my bank account.
[00:34:32] And then once it finally ships, then the difference is credited to it.
[00:34:45] Because now I have like a million different charges all over my fucking card.
[00:34:52] I have to pay sales tax now in every individual state.
[00:34:58] If you get audited, you're going to get fucked.
[00:35:00] Nah, nah, he does all the sales tax on his end.
[00:35:03] Alright, something's causing this thing to make fuck it worse.
[00:35:12] I mean, it's been fine the entire time, but it just started doing it.
[00:35:20] It wasn't a problem on the episodes you were doing at your place, so.
[00:35:39] That's like what the other vampires know.
[00:35:45] Yeah, it's just to say that the blood has already been sucked dry out of this place.
[00:35:52] It lets criminals know that this is probably a house that's going to put up a fight.
[00:36:11] It's definitely like, you know- I read online that it's just a disgusting white male fantasy.
[00:36:19] So, I will not be supporting that movie.
[00:36:22] I'm not going to pay for it, but I will see it.
[00:36:28] I refuse to see a movie where a white man does anything except apologize.
[00:36:42] Who came up to me and was like, yo, I got to say mad respect for your shirt.
[00:36:54] You're mad at some of that fucking stand up comic dude.
[00:36:59] How do you know he doesn't listen to comics?
[00:37:02] Doc, what do you want me to do about it?
[00:37:06] Like, those guys liked a cop that was a Trump supporter.
[00:37:10] Like, a 30-year-old open mic has lower charisma than that guy.
[00:37:17] And he's probably not getting any cheeks.
[00:37:27] You'd hook up with prior to the podcast.
[00:37:32] I just didn't fuck that much, but it was still quality.
[00:37:33] She's one of those Renaissance fair kind of girls.
[00:37:50] Like a girl that smells like body odor.
[00:37:58] He was dating some like, I think pastry chef that would eat his ass.
[00:38:24] And it's not going to give me a haircut.
[00:38:25] Yeah, they can't make you skinnier in three days.
[00:38:27] Someone sent me a post, I guess, on 4chan Fashion Advice.
[00:38:31] People were asking whether this show is a fashionable one, which is like, I can't.
[00:38:40] They said me and stop dress well, but you're a try hard fan.
[00:38:51] You try hard by wearing Mountain Dew sleeveless shirts.
[00:38:56] Yeah, first of all, this is not a beat.
[00:38:59] This is what the fashion police on 4chan said.
[00:39:08] I'm going to be the sausage so this is a spring.
[00:39:15] Don't say what you're describing definitely doesn't fall in.
[00:39:22] I guess their point is that you look like everyone else in Brooklyn.
[00:39:26] I don't know if I'm going for it, but yeah, there are a lot of guys that look like me
[00:39:31] And like you too, you're not like a fucking unique look.
[00:39:42] You know what pants from Amazon that I found because I googled...
[00:39:45] What kind of pants to wear in Antarctica.
[00:39:48] Because I wanted the warmest pants I could get.
[00:39:51] I'm looking like a cute little bitch in my own black sweatsuit.
[00:40:02] I think it's actually starter came back a while ago.
[00:40:05] Yeah, it's sort of had a little comeback.
[00:40:09] I was always a champion boy in my youth.
[00:40:11] I think they were like a cheap brand somewhere.
[00:40:25] I remember beating off to the cheerleader party.
[00:40:32] There was some steamy parts to that shit, dude.
[00:40:34] Put like three seconds on screen before they go back to the Las Vegas outlaws versus the...
[00:40:38] I think you could find LA extreme on the internet.
[00:40:46] The rate of the XFL was like a more extreme version of the NFL.
[00:40:49] So instead of like the Washington Redskins, it's just like the Washington like...
[00:40:58] You're only allowed if you beat your wife.
[00:41:16] The Buccaneers are just like straight up gun in the mouth, rapist.
[00:41:20] Just toothless gun in your pussy and asshole.
[00:41:31] He is a name straight up gun in the pussy.
[00:41:35] The Tampa Mason straight up gun in the pussy and ass, rapist.
[00:41:40] Both swords cut a slit in between your pussy and asshole.
[00:41:45] So I can fuck them both my goddamn arms.
[00:41:49] Miami Japanese guys that killed dolphins.
[00:41:59] What if you fucking rape the dolphins with one gun in their pussy and gun in their ass?
[00:42:02] Well, the Buccaneers are the rapists because the Buccaneers are pirates, right?
[00:42:09] So this would have to be an extreme type of dolphin.
[00:42:15] Which was the team on any given Sunday, the Miami shark.
[00:42:23] The Cleveland Browns are just the same.
[00:42:25] How about the San Diego Chargers are the San Diego charging their Samsung gout.
[00:42:49] I was going to tell you what year did the Civil War start, but wasn't that like also...
[00:42:58] No, the Civil War ended in what, 1960...
[00:43:18] I'm linking the dawning of the age of Aquarius.
[00:43:24] It's the same thing as the Buccaneers, but with those little mining hammers.
[00:43:27] And instead of the Cardinals, it's the Cardinals that were just moved to another sea.
[00:43:49] It's the Rams that had a trailer hitch with a rope attached to the...
[00:44:19] Ravens, Simone's nude pictures from the Fappening.
[00:44:25] Actually, I would definitely look at those who, my God.
[00:44:30] I thought you were against looking at Fappening pictures.
[00:44:47] Honestly, everyone has had the biggest people all the time.
[00:45:05] How about the Seattle Seahawks, Seahawks?
[00:45:13] What about Bengals, Bengali guys on a bus committing rape in India?
[00:45:22] It's the type of person from Bangladesh.
[00:45:30] Yeah, but you know, the same type of flavor of bus rape over there, I would assume.
[00:45:45] How about the Dallas buyers in the Dallas Cowboys?
[00:45:50] Well, yeah, but what's the more extreme version of the Cowboys?
[00:46:03] It's like somebody's phone or something?
[00:46:14] Texans that are being executed for being mentally retarded.
[00:46:37] And honestly, there's looked a lot cooler.
[00:46:40] Just aesthetically, that shit was fucking tight.
[00:46:51] Remember when Trump got elected, Adam, and you were a little bit like, you know, like, you're
[00:46:53] elected, Adam, and you were legitimately afraid there was going to be another Holocaust.
[00:47:02] Honestly, after driving here in the snow through that fucking acidic neighborhood, you can,
[00:47:09] These fucking posse bus drivers tried to cut across two lanes of traffic to make a right.
[00:47:15] Imagine you're trying to use the newly created Audubon.
[00:47:17] I went 130 miles per hour on and it's filled with school buses.
[00:47:27] He really fans cutting people off and blocking the bike lane.
[00:47:31] Well, you can't go first with me if you have bike.
[00:47:33] It's not, I have to, I have to block the bike lane because I have, I'm culturally spiteful.
[00:47:39] I have to prevent people on a bicycle from getting to where they need to be faster than me.
[00:47:49] Yeah, if you had caught me in those 10 minutes, I could have been radicalized.
[00:47:54] Now that I'm in the home of a nice Jewish friend of mine.
[00:48:01] It's kind of light on snacks here to be honest with you.
[00:48:02] I am a little, I could use a dessert if I'm being honest.
[00:48:03] I was pretty upset when I got over here and there was no snacks happening.
[00:48:11] Uh, a couple days ago and eaten an entire bag of lanes.
[00:48:17] You know better than to have that salt and vinegar.
[00:48:25] And then you were like, come over and eat your fucking chips.
[00:48:31] You can't primus snack this me in my own house.
[00:48:34] Well, fat guys get primus snack this time.
[00:48:36] First of all, I've colonized your house.
[00:48:38] And I've fat-raced of primus snack this time.
[00:48:40] The sun never sets on my fucking empire.
[00:48:49] I feel like Bob Evans should have a flag.
[00:48:51] You know, I've never been to Bob Evans in my life.
[00:48:58] But I'm down to have a little breakfast buffet.
[00:49:15] Yeah, we should go to breakfast buffet.
[00:49:16] I would like to go to that kind of buffet.
[00:49:20] Why aren't we talking about doing that?
[00:49:24] That's what we went to in the Johns Hopkins campus.
[00:49:26] They like, I bought some like endless tea and then they like took away the tea and the-
[00:49:33] Then we went back and watched Sam Hyde videos.
[00:49:36] There's a good one by me if you guys want to do the bonus on Sunday in Australia.
[00:49:42] Some good ones in the East Village or in Muriel.
[00:49:49] On the East side, there's like a stretch of Indian restaurants.
[00:49:52] Yeah, but I don't know if any of them are buffets.
[00:49:56] But they're like cafeteria style and they're fucking disgusting.
[00:49:59] Yeah, this one's nice, but see what I miss about the buffets from Baltimore was just the size,
[00:50:07] Here it's like, it is a buffet, but everything's on three.
[00:50:12] It's like crowded and with the places I used to go to with Cubus, I can only imagine.
[00:50:16] You can watch the other patrons of the buffet.
[00:50:20] The fattest people were in the center and everyone else gets to watch them.
[00:50:23] There are a ton of Indians right in Texas.
[00:50:29] You know, I don't pay attention to things like that.
[00:50:42] Asian, like Indian Americans in particular, are their average household income is like 110,000.
[00:50:57] When did they get into the Dunkin' Donuts game?
[00:51:06] How about a restaurant called Drunkin' Donuts and it's Adam's asshole that he parades around
[00:51:14] I don't get the drunk in as far as a drunk whore.
[00:51:37] I think that one is maybe a little stretch.
[00:51:47] Unless you're coming with constructive criticism, I don't want to hear any of this bullshit.
[00:51:52] It had something with the Drunkin thing, but it didn't really make much sense.
[00:51:57] I actually think this is not a much better.
[00:52:03] Yeah, whenever Adam's drunk, then he becomes Drunkin' Donuts.
[00:52:07] My attestical is the only person that doesn't have confidence in my body.
[00:52:12] Should I get drunk and grab some titties?
[00:52:21] It's definitely a cool fall off the wagon.
[00:52:33] I wouldn't, it's not like I quit drinking cum.
[00:52:38] I mean, I could theoretically drink cum, but it wouldn't be a problem.
[00:52:42] It's not like I would have fallen off the wagon if I drank a bunch of cum.
[00:52:44] What if it was a really drunk guy's cum?
[00:52:52] What about, okay, so literally it will be this smart guy if you eat a bunch of pineapples.
[00:53:02] You're saying that black people coming up?
[00:53:05] Who the fuck else is eating those pineapples?
[00:53:06] If it was a terrible legend, it would be about watermelon.
[00:53:18] You said you put pop rocks in sodas and you're going to get hate crimes because people think
[00:53:23] Yeah, I was saying the other day, the Sikh thing is so funny that Sikhs, you could
[00:53:26] try to seek cab driver and they get hate crimes any time.
[00:53:34] They're cooler, but also Sikhs have been at war with Muslims forever.
[00:53:39] But it's like when fucking skateboarders harass mall security because they just sort
[00:53:46] It's just like a poor man with probably learning disability.
[00:53:51] And he's like, I'm trying to save up for a pay station.
[00:53:55] I'm just trying to make sure no one steals from this TJ Marshals.
[00:54:06] I used to go there with my mom all the time.
[00:54:15] Because you know, I was on those beaches of Las Vegas as a kid just fucking...
[00:54:22] I watched the first half of leaving Las Vegas last night.
[00:54:28] That was one of my favorite movies when I was a teenager.
[00:54:34] I used to love watching it because if you watch leaving Las Vegas drunk, you think it's a
[00:54:37] movie about the world's most charming man.
[00:54:43] I am back and I'm ready to sign the check, baby.
[00:54:51] I'm going to add it to my list of movies to see it leaving Las Vegas.
[00:54:58] What's great is it's based on a novel by this guy, John O'Brien.
[00:55:00] John O'Brien was just some, like, I guess, screenwriter in Hollywood.
[00:55:10] But he wrote that book leaving Las Vegas and then they optioned it and made...
[00:55:14] We're making it into a movie in like two weeks after they optioned it.
[00:55:21] It's like a screenwriter in Los Angeles.
[00:55:24] The movie starts off and he's already just like a complete fucking like drunk.
[00:55:28] It's like, you know, ruining business relationships and he's getting fired.
[00:55:31] And so he decides that he's going to just burn all of his shit and take the rest of
[00:55:35] his money and go out to Las Vegas and drink himself to death in a hotel.
[00:55:50] Yeah, he starts dating Elizabeth Shoe who's a prostitute.
[00:56:09] So then Andy gets a new toy that's an astronaut, man.
[00:56:34] Is that Woody's fault that Buzz gets like fucked over?
[00:56:38] And then he realizes what he fucked up.
[00:56:40] And then they go back and save him from the pizza restaurant.
[00:56:56] He takes toys and makes them into new toys.
[00:57:01] Yeah, that movie's really about how we need to humanize products and consumerism.
[00:57:08] And abandon empathy for people that might be eccentric.
[00:57:21] Not the kid who wants to damage those beautiful products with a brand identity.
[00:57:28] Because you know Sid's parents were definitely going out and buying him expensive toys and
[00:57:32] he didn't have like a sort of divorce kind of fucked up situation.
[00:57:44] Mailman, mailman who molested children.
[00:57:51] Yeah, I'm hearing the speech from everything.
[00:57:59] I'm so glad I got the iPhone 10 because taking pictures of Stav and portrait modes.
[00:58:04] Yeah, I saw the one you took the other day.
[00:58:21] I would love to make use of this fucking $1,200 cellphone.
[00:58:29] I want to get a fit pick to show all the bitches how cute I look.
[00:58:35] I was taking pictures of my dick with a portrait.
[00:58:45] Did I tell you about the time I saw him?
[00:58:47] I was just cocked full hard because he was showing me some girls sending him nudes and
[00:58:53] he was showing me her titties and then he just kept scrolling by accident and he didn't
[00:58:59] He was like, oh, and it was his hard ass for presentation.
[00:59:11] He curved it so it looked like he had an extra inch.
[00:59:25] I used to, I took a picture one time where I was grabbing it at the base and you were like,
[00:59:35] It makes my dick look like 13 inches long.
[00:59:39] And yeah, it's like, man, I hope we never actually fuck.
[00:59:51] Oh, if you take a picture from underneath, it looks pretty big too.
[00:59:59] I've always pulled back my fat to get it actually.
[01:00:01] If I did lose weight, my dick would be nice.
[01:00:03] Anyways, so House of Blues, March 22nd.
[01:00:05] The show is already sold at com.town merchandise stuff.
[01:00:23] My guys stop shirts at stovesfriend.virus.ru.
[01:00:31] We didn't announce the last one and we stranded and I got it.
[01:00:41] Because we had Damien on the show and I literally for months I was like, Damien, you got a,
[01:00:44] and he's like, technically my boss sort of.
[01:00:53] But even not being my boss, I like Damien.
[01:00:56] Yeah, he doesn't need to fucking waste his time from there.
[01:01:00] Yeah, there was a handful of people there.
[01:01:03] So I mean, we're going to announce it on the show.
[01:01:04] Yeah, it was like by regular standards was fine, but we have a bang.
[01:01:12] Yeah, because it's $150 that rent the space.
[01:01:23] I wrote them an email and I was like, I'm out of town.
[01:01:26] So yeah, we should be a pain that many ways a different story.
[01:01:34] Chris, the stuff in on Andy Haines and we're going to book a couple more.
[01:01:38] And like I said, March 17th at the Good Good Comedy Theatre.
[01:01:44] Please buy tickets for that Philadelphia.
[01:01:47] And then, yeah, baby, that's pretty much it for now.
[01:01:53] Oh, and I'll be an Umar Khan show, I think on.