Cum Town | Regular | 03/15/2018
[00:00:00] that should do it are we good to go yeah maybe I don't know how to get that
[00:00:06] clicking noise to stop that's gonna be a problem for forever probably oh yeah
[00:00:12] okay are you sure it's not Adam rolling a pair of dice in his ass yeah there's
[00:00:19] a constant game of C low occurring in my ass it's what cool cool low C low
[00:00:24] yeah it's a bunch of cool videos name was right is asshole asshole yeah my name's
[00:00:33] little asshole like that name's already taken fine for the story that little
[00:00:39] bow well got raped by his bodyguard mm-hmm yeah I thought that was real until
[00:00:44] like two years it's not real think it's real no apparently that was like just
[00:00:47] it was like a river moved suck his dick story urban I do think someone got raped
[00:00:55] in a boy band oh all of them by Lou Pearlman little Wayne urban legend it's
[00:01:01] not that little bow well was an urban legend it's not that herb it's not that
[00:01:06] an urban legend that little bow well got raped it's an urban legend that like
[00:01:10] that's a story right I mean they all got raped right yeah he just didn't get
[00:01:15] raped in that way I think I think it's his name shad something someone from
[00:01:19] Chad I believe Shane Moss Mariam median Shane Moss yeah Shane Moss
[00:01:25] Shane Moss right you don't put it on your car that's a good
[00:01:31] shame loss but you know I don't think a lot of people would know it yeah good
[00:01:37] guy I'm making a bumper sticker that says pedophilia is not a crime sorry I
[00:01:45] used to be able to Shane but I haven't spoken to Shane or heard his voice and
[00:01:48] probably like I guess I saw him a year ago where in LA yeah yeah he can
[00:01:54] consult it on Moshe show for uh-huh like they did something about psychedelics
[00:01:59] and had Shane come in and they're like Shane you've destroyed your brain with
[00:02:02] he's a tripper yeah word like all that he's like yeah I'm doing like I know
[00:02:09] those drugs that are just like you know like barcodes essentially it's like to
[00:02:13] uxf you know they're like yeah obscure codex yeah the name of the the drugs
[00:02:19] design chemicals yeah that you squirting into your fucking why don't you wait
[00:02:23] until they name the shit first before you start smoking it's a good idea yeah
[00:02:28] I'm doing 2 hf cbl yeah I thought you were gonna go the other way where it was
[00:02:33] like just like a kind of like it's a larva that fucking you have to eat a
[00:02:37] spider and then it lays eggs in your bloodstream and then like a day later
[00:02:41] you trip balls you know what I mean no I don't know shit like that we're
[00:02:45] like looking toads or whatever yeah like natural like that's like a
[00:02:48] summer almost looking toads that was like when I got really bad was that a newer
[00:02:54] one it would ball newer in the sense that like after it was good I do remember
[00:02:58] that they and like their eyes got all big and shit no you're thinking of the
[00:03:02] one where he eats the chili pepper and goes insane that's still a good episode
[00:03:06] oh maybe I am all right no there's one where he goes he's like doing mission
[00:03:09] work or something what yeah he's like in the in like the jungle or something he's
[00:03:14] doing work and he starts like licking toads mmm just wasn't there a family guy
[00:03:19] episode about licking toads maybe I think yeah like someone goes undercover and
[00:03:25] then somebody made Peter goes undercover to stop them but then he's like he's
[00:03:29] trying to fuck the young girl or whatever something like that you guys get it
[00:03:35] yeah that's trying to funny he's trying to fuck Meg yeah he accidentally fucks his
[00:03:40] daughter Nash I'm eggs ugly me exactly and then you can't tell because they all
[00:03:46] look like the same they'll look the same right I know but in it's clear that
[00:03:51] whatever whatever remember that always confusing me when I was a kid now
[00:03:54] watch family yeah they're like Meg's ugly or whatever we ask I can tell
[00:03:59] especially because it's Mila Kunis's voice right you know that's a sex yeah
[00:04:03] she's hot yeah bad bitch yeah voicing her she's so fun and Miss Swan is Lois
[00:04:08] that's true Mo what's her name no no no that's a different no that's the other
[00:04:13] I'm gonna store one night and I said hang out with Bobby Lee nice fucking some
[00:04:19] drunk kid is like but oh Bobby Lee I can't believe it's you you know he's like
[00:04:25] just being really funny this is actually sorry about me
[00:04:30] yeah can I crash with you or one night where I wasn't drunk and this is kids
[00:04:36] gonna and then Bobby's like you're being annoying get out of here and then the
[00:04:39] kid would eventually like no man I'm just I'm fucking young a huge fan I love
[00:04:42] Miss Swan it looks a lot like him to that kid's credit he does look like Miss
[00:04:53] Swan yeah that's Bobby Lee's fault for being co-read on our new they would have
[00:04:58] been less problematic probably if they had Bobby Lee do it I guess yeah I guess
[00:05:02] play Connie Chung did he yeah that's right
[00:05:08] I didn't show us the best of all time I saw like a black Twitter meme a couple
[00:05:13] months ago that was a picture of Maury and it's like when when you got the
[00:05:18] baddest Asian bitch the whole hood fuck with you and you an old Jewish man
[00:05:24] that was it there's no joke no he carved out yeah carved out a great that was it
[00:05:30] since we're talking about memes that we enjoy now yeah and there was one at OJ's
[00:05:35] trial that was like that was Chris Jenner mm-hmm that was like she was at her
[00:05:43] side you know what's trial with her new man while her husband defended her side
[00:05:49] you know what whole level 1000 yeah did you know what I meant by side you know
[00:05:56] what Nick yeah and we're yeah cool is that what she called a J yeah he probably
[00:06:03] was pretty pissed off here and here in her say that he liked it I want to go
[00:06:07] about like that that word but it's side show Bob
[00:06:12] a voice by Kelsey Graham bitch yeah I want to go yeah let me bust this not for
[00:06:20] your man gets here there's a bar not too far from my parents house in Vegas where
[00:06:24] OJ goes and hangs out every single day every day yeah it's called Grape Street
[00:06:29] lounge for my parents house I just want to go there so guys if you want to just
[00:06:33] start looking up addresses on Grape Street off grape Street yeah yeah for
[00:06:37] Friedland Google Friedland grape Street no they don't like be able to find their
[00:06:41] number house number I'm sure that oh shit he did that it was like if I did it
[00:06:47] the but it was an old interview still dude it was why I didn't watch it no it
[00:06:51] was was it yeah I mean he straight up just admits to how he killed and it's
[00:06:56] like and he made up some hypothetical guy he was like yeah my friend Jimmy was
[00:07:01] there I'm not even kidding I don't know if it was Jimmy or some dumbass name like
[00:07:05] that or Charlie or some shit and it was just fucking it was insane and then he
[00:07:10] kept she kept being like where did you park he was like in the hypothetical I
[00:07:14] parked down the road and then she's like well what happened who stabbed me like
[00:07:19] and then at one point he just laughs he's like sorry to say this in the hypothetical
[00:07:24] and then he talked about how he stabbed them it was fucking wild
[00:07:27] allegedly laughing so shout out to OJ for beating that kid you can't try him
[00:07:33] again dude it's double-jap double-jap yeah I love that the only way the only way
[00:07:37] the time you leave fuck her Alex Trebek no twice that's how you get your name
[00:07:42] that's double-jap ready the only way to get OJ back in jail he has to fuck out
[00:07:46] yeah double-jap is a movie about two guys fucking
[00:07:48] oh it's actually judges the girl in there this famous hole feels like a
[00:07:57] person what is the answer oh try again what is your mouth that's correct Derek
[00:08:07] the choice is yours I'll take a hijab for 200 the daily double they both put their
[00:08:15] Cox and his ass it's the daily double let me go to Alexa live from Peru this
[00:08:25] small favela is where Alex purchases his child pornography what is Machu Picchu
[00:08:33] that's correct what is your wager 69 dollars yeah I was I who got much of
[00:08:45] people a mountain it is that's the only thing I can name yeah it's the only I
[00:08:49] don't know a town in Peru it's a fort la la there's hella llamas out there yeah
[00:08:56] Lima you mean no I think Lima there we go yeah yeah yeah I used to never mind yeah go
[00:09:03] ahead to go ahead say it please say whatever all the capitals memorized from
[00:09:08] South America okay which sir enough I don't know I don't remember now I think
[00:09:12] it's sir enough is it a capital yeah yeah I remember that believe to two capitals
[00:09:18] La Paz and Sucre La Paz is that just a bunch of gay guys yeah they're all like
[00:09:23] pause for all lepas it's Brazil Sao Paulo
[00:09:27] Brasilia they'd moved it in the 70s but I see yeah yeah it's like a DC it's like
[00:09:33] Sao Paulo or maybe Rio I don't know maybe Sao Paulo yeah damn Brasilia is really
[00:09:41] cool it's like a failed city yeah yeah it's like no but I've like I so it's like
[00:09:46] you if you were a city yeah exactly yeah yeah got oh by the way you never
[00:09:50] showed us that picture that fucking someone actually sent it to me on a DM
[00:09:54] where the fuck I gotta find it yeah find it oh I'll find it there we go now
[00:09:58] another lie another lie fucking saying something to you I'll find I've been
[00:10:04] okay Guatemala though that's not in South America this is but it is a this
[00:10:10] it is what the fuck no it's in Central America that's South America no that's
[00:10:14] North America actually Mexico's the last part of North America that's not sure
[00:10:19] it's like all the way down to Columbia is really
[00:10:23] Central America yeah interesting I think anything that's not in South
[00:10:27] America is Central America sorry all the way down to Columbia South America is
[00:10:31] a pretty like clearly distinct continent Mexico's the last part of North
[00:10:36] America yeah yeah that's not true well yeah cuz there's like was Guatemala and
[00:10:41] Honduras yeah okay so you know Costa Rica those are all technically part of
[00:10:46] North America really yeah interesting Costa Rica's San Jose in Central America
[00:10:50] isn't a continent mmm it just means not white people yeah see I see I see we're
[00:10:56] back to go yeah I want to go to Mexico I saw I saw a Netflix thing about tacos
[00:11:02] mm-hmm and I'm Mexico City looks tight oh you saw that that David Chang thing
[00:11:08] dude I went to a Netflix thing about yeah dude I did that's a message
[00:11:15] scrolling through Netflix and that's the choice you make a talk as a fat to I
[00:11:19] watch I watch it but I want to watch it's in the zeitgeist shape of water oh
[00:11:24] here we go a talk a memory about talk yeah hell yeah dude you watch shit about
[00:11:28] power tools or whatever no I don't that's what we love I fucking I don't want
[00:11:32] shit about power tools whatever man you watch gay shit no I don't actually yeah
[00:11:40] watch the same movies everyone else does like like you know the Oscars yeah
[00:11:47] the Oscars the movie my favorite movie is a rover danger field or whatever I love
[00:11:53] that movie when I was a kid that was my that was my shit I knew about that
[00:11:57] before you about running danger yeah when I was a little kid I wanted to grow up
[00:12:00] to be the abusive boyfriend that threw him in the river I wouldn't be that guy
[00:12:06] the heroin addict boyfriend the Italian heroin addict boyfriend that beats up
[00:12:12] Rodney Dangerfield's owner damn I don't remember that that's how the movie
[00:12:16] starts really yeah he belongs to some bitch in LA and then her boyfriend like
[00:12:20] puts the dog in a suitcase and throws them into the fucking river and he like
[00:12:25] washes up on a farm I remember a lot of him tugging at his dog college that's
[00:12:33] cool great stuff yeah I think I found out about him from back to school though
[00:12:37] because I was on Comedy Central in the afternoons like every day I I watch
[00:12:42] back to school after I knew about Rodney stand up for sure I love that
[00:12:46] so much yeah that's uh what's that I read a blind item that said that Sam
[00:12:56] kennison was murdered by Bill Clinton because Sam kennison and Bill Clinton
[00:13:01] like double team some girl and Bill Clinton accidentally killed the girl
[00:13:05] oh I could see that I can see the little kid in the dumbbells you know big Willie
[00:13:12] was a fucking straight-up rapist dude what what makes you think he wouldn't
[00:13:15] like slick Willie slick Willie what's the woman when he does something we need a
[00:13:20] broader yeah Matthew Broderick's mom Matthew Broderick's a great Matthew
[00:13:25] Broderick as well killed a woman that's the thing that was it was a retaliation
[00:13:29] for killing Bill Clinton's yeah side-bitch he killed uh what's her name oh great
[00:13:33] what's that actress name she didn't kill what's her name oh I don't know who
[00:13:38] who did he kill Matthew Broderick no I killed he killed the whole Brown Simpson
[00:13:44] ah no I don't know Sarah Jessica Parker he killed yeah he killed Alicia Silverstone
[00:13:50] apparently she her pussy doesn't work who's Sarah Jessica Parker she looks like
[00:13:55] George Washington I saw her on Kimmel the other night she's she's frigid and she
[00:14:01] lets Matthew Broderick inspect her gadget any other woman he wants for real
[00:14:07] no how do you know her pussy doesn't work it's a hole she doesn't she can't get
[00:14:12] wet or something yeah but there's solution there dude a little bleach a
[00:14:17] little gasoline and that some fucking aioline just rigid okay and if if anyone
[00:14:23] wants to debate me on it I'll be here what do you mean frigid frigid frigid
[00:14:26] frigid doesn't mean your pussy doesn't work yeah it does that's the medical
[00:14:29] term no way yes it is no chance it's like a cold person her pussy is frigid
[00:14:34] does not mean they're pussy six fuck please Fahrenheit 12 words is your pussy
[00:14:40] dries out all the way I think I think yeah it's a thing called seeing items dick
[00:14:45] itis yeah you got a nice jackson pussy is madadore pussy it looks like a prune
[00:14:54] I'm gonna look up frigid there's no way it means that it means frigid I know
[00:14:59] what it means but I just have to be doing the kids frigid pussy you should yep it's
[00:15:06] metaphoric anyway also isn't Matthew Browner gay he's married to Sarah
[00:15:13] Jessica Parker I know that should be that's that's evidence enough maybe
[00:15:17] that's why her pussy is so dry because he's been fucking her ass for so long
[00:15:23] what's the what is the asshole what is actually what is what is he's been
[00:15:31] fucking her asshole for so long because he's a closeted man okay our judges
[00:15:40] are gonna let you have it dry pussy disease yeah let me know what you find
[00:15:49] yeah it's just a picture of Sarah Jessica vaginal dryness causes and moisturizing
[00:15:54] treatments web MD nice nice normally the walls of the China stay lubricated
[00:16:00] nice with the thin layer of clear fluid the hormone estrogen helps maintain that
[00:16:05] fluid and keeps the lining your vagina healthy thick and elastic oh fuck I love
[00:16:13] yeah the raw THC pussy a drop in estrogen levels reduces when the pussy available
[00:16:20] can happen any age from a number of different causes cause number one it may
[00:16:25] seem like a minor irritation but the lack of vaginal moisture can have a huge
[00:16:29] impact on your sex life yeah fortunately the treatments are available to relieve
[00:16:33] vaginal dryness like getting your pussy ate yeah for a couple for a nice long
[00:16:40] amount of time yeah sitting back getting your pussy ate letting let
[00:16:45] and stop we go to work actually that's my part-time job is doctors call me in to
[00:16:49] eat but sometimes I'm prescribed to eat a pussy yeah and you go into the dryest
[00:16:55] you go to the dryest pussies sometimes yeah and I make a nice 30 dollars an
[00:17:00] hour to eat a pussy I can use an applicator to get the cream in your vagina
[00:17:04] what kind of cream like Twinkie filling this S-strace or Premarin I would say
[00:17:10] why don't you go that brown shit from Cinnabon mm that's a good ass pretty
[00:17:14] sticky and gooey the that's what I like that your pussy yeah but he gets sticky
[00:17:18] remember the grapefruit trick video yeah with a with a cinnabon
[00:17:24] that'd be pretty cool so would you get that would I get sucked off yeah yeah I
[00:17:30] like the cinnabon around my car is it related searches drive vagina home
[00:17:34] remedies but vagina is spelled V I G I N A yeah that sounds like a medical
[00:17:39] website great female dryness cure why am I dry down there all of a sudden how to
[00:17:44] get really wet naturally drive aginode discharge it's nice to know that you
[00:17:50] know sometimes men can't get hard but sometimes women can't get wet yeah for
[00:17:55] medical reasons but it's much easier because there's lube you just throw a
[00:17:59] little lube lube in there there's no there's no equivalent for men I would
[00:18:04] love it you know how there's hard shell like coding for ice cream yeah why don't
[00:18:07] they have that where you pour it over your cock yeah yeah you just have a fake
[00:18:12] penis on top of your regular one no it's a thin layer yeah I remember that was
[00:18:17] like candy shows I wrote me my firmware in a sex shop and we saw like this
[00:18:21] trap joke yeah I saw a strap on for guys with micro penis well it was a picture
[00:18:25] on the front of the box is a guy wearing the strap on inside the day yeah yeah
[00:18:33] yeah that's a real thing wait is there is like is there also a blue dick in
[00:18:38] there in a black one in a yellow one and they they formed a bigger dick to fight
[00:18:43] whatever read a repulsive to center earth I think I think I remember the
[00:18:49] punch I'm being like no no let's use the bigger now yeah yeah something like
[00:18:53] that let's use the bigger dick yeah yeah yeah okay yeah yeah yeah yeah oh wow this
[00:18:59] is great I'm so happy for you you're just fucking the inside of a deal no I
[00:19:08] feel so close to you yeah that was that was an early hit I like that but did you
[00:19:19] do that 16 years old baby playing the hits hidden my dick yeah dude there is a
[00:19:27] what was I saying along the lines of dildos that you fucker some about a
[00:19:33] hard I said that thing about hard shelves candy coating over your cock mm-hmm
[00:19:37] oh yeah like for ice cream Sunday exactly you know who could have used that
[00:19:42] dick is Stephen Hawking who I made fun of on Instagram and people are getting
[00:19:46] mad I don't understand we're mad at you you didn't make fun of him people like
[00:19:49] this is a bad take I did make fun what you say nothing I just made some joke at
[00:19:54] the expense of Stephen Hawking wish I could get I did too who cares yeah yeah
[00:19:58] it is a present don't come and move your bullshit on Instagram yes that's for
[00:20:02] Twitter get back on Twitter you know mm-hmm say the fuck off insta
[00:20:06] stay off instagram is for hanging out with friends it's just chilling out it's
[00:20:09] like my space now yeah yeah but seriously going titties on DMS so if I am sorry
[00:20:15] that Stephen Hawking died dude I know it's hard for you it's tough dude as a
[00:20:18] man of science is a man who loves the cosmos yeah as someone that's read all
[00:20:22] eight Harry Potter books yeah I'm really sorry yeah my man was yeah so fucked up
[00:20:28] also like that this motherfucker has the audacity write a book called a brief
[00:20:31] history of time and the shit's like a hundred and seventy pages long yeah how
[00:20:36] about why did you give me give me the gist yeah I'm saying I don't got all day
[00:20:41] to listen to your fucking in the cat ass me who put me that's true you know for
[00:20:45] fifteen hours that's so hard to give you details you fucking robot bitch yeah
[00:20:51] every machine fuck yep get him dude fuck yeah fuck your Mario Kart ass body
[00:20:57] he was so fucked up looking yeah no the New York Times that the headline was
[00:21:02] Stephen Hawking dead at 76 which it should have been Stephen Hawking finishes
[00:21:07] dying itself and then the caption under it was like was the author and
[00:21:14] physicist explored the cosmos from a wheelchair you know it's just so funny
[00:21:21] that they had to oh by the way he was in a wheelchair
[00:21:24] right right you know that Stephen Hawking Stephen Hawking author physicist
[00:21:29] wheelchair dad 76 there's like a self-righteous post that people were
[00:21:34] sharing today which was like yeah most Americans can't name a scientist like
[00:21:39] 76% of Americans can't name a scientist but the 24% they can like it was
[00:21:44] something like half of them knew Stephen Hawking and then down the list it was
[00:21:49] like Neil de Grosse Tyson was number two and it was like eight percent of people
[00:21:52] in the number four I think was doctor Oz yeah I don't know anymore scientist I
[00:21:59] guess Carl Sagan right how about Albert Einstein yeah Einstein the guys
[00:22:04] the DNA stole from a woman doctor Oz Joseph mangalie fuck it fuck it's in
[00:22:12] Krick yeah Lawrence and Krick right what about the bitch that got cancer from
[00:22:19] radiology what from Ray about Jane good good all yeah good
[00:22:25] girl did whole the woman that invented having sex with it you know that
[00:22:29] fucks them right no I don't think so they've turned on her and ripped her pussy
[00:22:34] off oh my god yeah maybe it was too dry they got mad I was thinking that argument
[00:22:38] to somebody frigid who's on the show yeah what I might have just said it on
[00:22:43] the line what well then I don't believe in evolution because like if we came
[00:22:47] from chimps like why did we lose the ability to rip people's hands off yeah
[00:22:51] like I said you'd kill everyone kills each other too quick when you get smart
[00:22:55] I don't know I would I would prefer to have the vestigial ability to rip people's
[00:23:00] hands off at what of course you would well wasn't it that we didn't come from
[00:23:04] them but we had a common and imagine imagine you get pulled over by a police
[00:23:07] officer and they're like can I see your ID and you're like oh yeah sure and you
[00:23:10] go to hand to him and you just rip his hands right off he's already ripped your
[00:23:13] hands off no I'm the ape he doesn't know he's also as a police officer he's a
[00:23:18] Christian he doesn't believe in evolution only me with my ape strength
[00:23:22] and ripped that cop's hands right off so you're saying we don't have a strength
[00:23:25] because we don't believe in evolution yeah enough it's evolution is about faith
[00:23:29] it's basically you have to believe it it's like Peter Pan right doesn't
[00:23:36] that fly yeah you have to think nice thoughts mm-hmm I love that that's the
[00:23:41] theme of Peter Pan it's like just don't think about raping children you can do
[00:23:46] anything you can keep raping them having trouble getting hard mm-hmm just think
[00:23:54] nice thoughts like the FBI agents on your case losing your file in a fire that
[00:24:00] must have been really nice for pedophiles like right after 9-11 when
[00:24:04] they were like oh for a second the FBI's gonna go real like gonna go off on
[00:24:08] Muslims time to go to fucking Thailand what if the pet here's my idea I think
[00:24:12] October you think October 2011 was a big Thailand tourist what if it was a
[00:24:17] what if it was inside Halloween in the United States you're out of your mind
[00:24:22] you're right you're right that's a good but you know what they get back just in
[00:24:25] time for Halloween they go last week of September come on you know I mean
[00:24:29] that's a good way that'd be a great house Stella got her group back screenplay
[00:24:41] we should write great dude I would we should do like a what's it called
[00:24:47] Spirit Chains one of the shit boomer you know rediscovering yourself movies yeah
[00:24:52] tire soundtrack is nothing but like fucking Motown yeah that I refuse to
[00:24:59] let you go and show I thought you said this was DSL that song there's 20 little
[00:25:11] but like seven years was lined up and they're like I'll take him up it's a
[00:25:19] trying it's a trying it on montage but it's like different types of bondage
[00:25:22] that they're different like masks and leather and shit or pedophiles into that
[00:25:27] I think the very extreme one's or if you want to be the highest level pedophile
[00:25:31] you got to do it all the highest level you can't you have just some guy on top
[00:25:36] of the mountain sitting in a lotus position yeah it's like a monkey like
[00:25:42] it doesn't seem to be fucking kid at all and then he turns around there's a
[00:25:51] like this like like this like Roar Shark or like fucking like like a like a
[00:25:59] monk guy going to prison for raping kids and he's in there and like he's not
[00:26:04] saying anything anyone all the other prisoners like we're gonna fuck you up
[00:26:07] and he's just walking down the hallway very calm you know and then finally
[00:26:10] somebody corners him in like a cell and they throw him up against the wall and
[00:26:13] they bend him over and they start fucking his ass and like you know the head
[00:26:17] guy's like yeah how's that feel baby rapist and then he's like oh man this
[00:26:21] guy's ass is so tight and he's like he's like I can't pull my dick out and
[00:26:25] like help me god help me and then like that you know the old man is like
[00:26:29] smiling right and then the guy like pulls his dick out and pulls an entire
[00:26:33] baby out of the guy's ass and the baby is stuck to his dick and he's like now
[00:26:38] who's the baby and then the guy he's like I didn't mean to guys and all this
[00:26:48] oh god you want to know how I got these scar yeah oh god oh that's good yeah
[00:27:01] that was a good three minutes maybe it's probably 30 seconds you have 17 seconds
[00:27:06] you have no concept of time well I never read a brief history
[00:27:11] minded mind as a love as a lover of scientists and stars I know exactly how
[00:27:15] much time has passed yeah I said I was pissed because I thought that book was
[00:27:19] all gonna be about like rollies you know clocks mmm watches timepiece no
[00:27:24] robin jeans you know what I'm saying yes yes over there but let's talk about
[00:27:28] escalates 22 inch rooms yeah wood grain dashboard mm-hmm what is that about
[00:27:37] just the big bang or some shit yeah yeah it's like like pop sigh in cosmology
[00:27:45] I guess okay yeah whatever dude the guy fucked from the chair did yeah but
[00:27:50] he's being kept alive by pornography for the last like 30 years he cheated on his
[00:27:55] wife right with a nurse with his nurse yeah which is more impressive than knowing
[00:27:59] dumb gay shit about science yeah that's a Dana Gould bit what is like he's like
[00:28:04] I don't know he's a day to go is like the best at like setting things up like
[00:28:08] he's gonna make some real point and then yeah like the fucking black dahlia
[00:28:14] joke yeah he's like I'm amazed by like the like the ability of the human will
[00:28:19] take professor Stephen Hawking for example here's a man who cannot speak
[00:28:25] who cannot walk with his own you know whatever and he still managed to find
[00:28:32] a way to cheat on his wife yeah I mean that is incredible yeah he looked so
[00:28:39] fucked up it's one of the most amazing journey off his weird little limp ass
[00:28:43] dick and looking at it fucked up fucked up can we just can we please get you a
[00:28:47] wheelchair that is next frontier dude lost of my fucking legs to bliss yeah
[00:28:56] yeah you're gonna be a Wally guy by the end of your life no I feel John
[00:29:01] double we have no my my my haunches are too powerful for that I can't lose
[00:29:07] my body I do have it I think Dasha was saying to me the other day how but she
[00:29:13] does not like what do you call your legs I have powerful haunches I can't I
[00:29:17] can't do anything about that if she doesn't like the truth what do you want
[00:29:20] from me haunted they are haunted no it doesn't I mean they are disgusting yeah
[00:29:27] they're disgusting they're muscular they're fucking the basis for a great man
[00:29:31] they're the foundation that a that a titan walks upon I'd like to see you going
[00:29:36] at a tackle dummy like a fucking up combine kind of scenario fuck it up
[00:29:41] dude you talking to Baltimore Polytechnic Institute's starting nose tackle okay in
[00:29:47] 2006 what are those things where it's like you push them and they go are those
[00:29:51] tackle dummies no whatever I don't fucking know dude but listen oh fuck
[00:29:58] anybody up you know try to get me between me and that quarterback you got
[00:30:02] nothing coming pal you know what I mean yeah you know it's tackle I thought was
[00:30:07] oh yeah that's like the you go against the center on defense yep okay that's
[00:30:13] right where do we have thirty minutes should we take a break no no yeah we're
[00:30:17] not taking a break we're just gonna go right into it folks haunches disgusting
[00:30:22] word but something that's very easy to cover up with beautiful set of fucking
[00:30:28] underinos for Mac welding calm home of of underwear for large men small men men
[00:30:37] of any size very many race very few brains of underwear can cover my powerful
[00:30:42] lower body as beautifully as Mac welding yeah and they're they're better than
[00:30:46] whatever you're wearing right now so go ahead and throw away your underwear
[00:30:49] just take a shit in it before you know why not should him up turn them in the
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[00:31:44] promo code com town c u m t o wn that's Mac welding calm promo code com to
[00:31:51] come down and we're back with our guest Pat Buchanan and we're talking about
[00:31:56] you know a day labors getting raps I think it's good yeah that's good that's
[00:32:07] good yeah sure that sounds like someone other than you that's the first step
[00:32:12] to doing impressions it's good to do that I got a couple that I'm about to
[00:32:17] spray pat me a cannon I am Pat Buchanan that's Nixon right yeah it's cool it's
[00:32:25] cool to like Nixon now right no no I think it's it started you know you don't
[00:32:31] realize that other people don't spend all day long worrying about what
[00:32:34] opinions are not cool to have what are you talking about you don't read pitch
[00:32:39] for it yeah I get off that well fuck are we supposed to like Nixon today no people
[00:32:45] don't live in New York like Nixon yeah people who don't live in Brooklyn and
[00:32:49] aren't ironically wearing crocs with socks around the house these are how she
[00:32:53] is no they're crocs and you know all the whole socks and you thought oh Nick and
[00:32:57] stop are gonna love this I wasn't wearing them for you they look at you of
[00:33:02] course you're wearing them for us you're gonna take a nice stroll over to
[00:33:06] Prospect Park in Cool Brooklyn with Nixon shirt on you know eat him fucking
[00:33:12] hot fire funions or whatever snack you don't even what else is cool nowadays
[00:33:16] Adam yeah I'm going for tonight because you heard black kids play yep that's
[00:33:20] true for you fun I just suck at it what I don't even know what for tonight is
[00:33:25] you play like I'm the only member of the gaming community you like arrive in
[00:33:30] this little world and then you have to collect weapons and like shields and
[00:33:35] stuff and then the world gets smaller and smaller until you're the last person
[00:33:39] left that sounds a lot like my regular life yeah yeah yeah you have to kill
[00:33:45] everything becomes a prison yeah but apparently a lot of you know NBA players
[00:33:52] and black teenagers like it's fun I'm just I gotta get a shooting game I've got
[00:33:57] little headset on do you guys like Richard Nixon they did they said yes
[00:34:03] it's pretty cool how he went he was probably the only one that could go to
[00:34:06] China yeah cuz it like you know and then they're like yeah that's true he also
[00:34:10] passed all of our environmental laws yeah yeah who's a Quaker yeah it's
[00:34:16] wild yeah mama and mommy and mommy know me a lup in up in his he was only he was
[00:34:21] the only president from Cali nice dude yeah Reagan Reagan's from Cali Reagan
[00:34:26] was from Illinois no governor of California dad Cali
[00:34:31] that's growing up in California no but not like Nixon do you know I like
[00:34:36] chill chill Cali vah yep just eating a chillin a dry ditch with someone
[00:34:43] tweeted a screencap of it that line from Encino man at the end like was it
[00:34:49] Christian he was like the emotional part of Encino man where he's like yeah
[00:34:54] life is it just about chilling grindage and her nugs chilling and grindage I don't
[00:34:59] know man I can't think about Encino man or bio dome without thinking about that
[00:35:04] story about Polish or nutting on the couch
[00:35:14] he seems like a chill bloke yeah it's definitely you know who's you know what
[00:35:17] has is like the hallmark definitely a telltale sign of someone that's cool
[00:35:22] somebody who's mom owns a comedy club and and contrived their entire comedy
[00:35:28] career by giving them spots yeah he's still trying to fuck real hard off of
[00:35:34] that riot right he's like one of the celebrities are like is always trying to
[00:35:39] hey man she just shot I guess yeah Dustin diamond oh they let that mother fucker
[00:35:48] on I'm not sure yeah you should get on riot even though I have a girlfriend I
[00:35:52] want to get on Ryan you know I'm sure I'm trying to get on Gaia you know I'm
[00:35:57] talking about I am getting back to me guys online yeah no not maybe you said
[00:36:05] it in person not a guy at for like Gaia the oh like I was like some Emma the
[00:36:11] eternal life force I actually have no idea what guy is I just 10 years ago
[00:36:14] used to make jokes about people who were on Gaia what is it was like a free
[00:36:19] mother it was like a free MMO or some shit mmm would would play or something
[00:36:25] massive multi-player like maple story maple story was another thing it was
[00:36:30] like I don't know that it's a free MMORPG that people would play is that like
[00:36:35] world of Warcraft something like that but even Gayer I know you're like you're
[00:36:39] like a damn that's really gay yeah any person that goes around like collecting
[00:36:44] apples that fall off trees or whatever yeah that's good sounds kind of like you
[00:36:50] know calming and soothing can you make can you make ciders with the apples and
[00:36:55] pies you know it's weird as ciders are easier to make than apple juice why do
[00:37:00] you think why is that well you would think the juice would be easier going
[00:37:04] in ciders would be a more complex how do you make a cider I think you just
[00:37:07] fuck up the apples you just boil the apples and mash them up and that to me
[00:37:11] seems easier that's it straining involved yeah it is easier yeah why is cider
[00:37:16] bubbly what like why is it a why you carbonated yeah oh yeah it's carbonated
[00:37:21] afterwards I think so yeah what the fuck you motherfucks haven't had ciders that
[00:37:24] aren't bubbly you so but I'm a fucking thing of apple cider from the store it's
[00:37:30] not but marina we should go to a fucking apple orchard they smell really good
[00:37:34] cider it's too late that's not for the season it's yeah that's a girl any season
[00:37:39] that's an end of summer thing right I completely forgot what time of year it
[00:37:43] was yeah it's I was I'm so I'm so I'm about Stephen Hawking that I'm forgetting
[00:37:48] time well time is a circle or whatever he said that's like a cool thing to say
[00:37:53] nowadays is it and I think you know you're spreading your spread sheet of cool
[00:37:57] things that's why I said it I set you up the like did you didn't I'm pulling
[00:38:06] all the strings yes I am you don't realize you're pulling yeah maybe the
[00:38:11] ones at the bank I wish oh yeah yep yep yeah we go we go we know the score you
[00:38:20] guys ever remember when it cartoons would pull the string pull one string and
[00:38:26] then they'd be naked because there's like one string hold on do you guys know
[00:38:30] when cartoons would pull one you know what I'm saying yep I don't yeah yeah I
[00:38:35] can come on it's like it was like a sight gag we know I don't know what you
[00:38:38] said there's a there's a loose thread hanging off a cartoon shirt or something
[00:38:43] mm-hmm and they would pull it and then it'd be like you just see the dick and
[00:38:46] pussy yes but no but it would be you know as a comedic effect was this some
[00:38:52] Greek cartoon oh man I'll be vindicated when this comes out there's a common
[00:38:57] cartoon I just remember cartoons when someone was naked they'd wear a barrel
[00:39:01] that was like a big thing I remember somebody opening a door and then a
[00:39:05] woman would scream yes yeah that was a thing yeah women are just hanging out
[00:39:10] rooms naked oh yeah yeah they are yeah it's up to you to find them well that's
[00:39:16] what the 50s were boy for going in a room find a woman find a naked whatever
[00:39:21] any hate whatever goes man twist and shout we're going to get that guy with
[00:39:32] the jail the twist guy yeah for for the
[00:39:35] Nick with off we have women's nipples who sang love to do I love that story about
[00:39:40] like Ray they would like feel women's wrists to tell how beautiful they were
[00:39:44] but it's like he's just checking to see if they're fat really yeah that
[00:39:51] rocks yeah what's his name again Ray what Charles
[00:39:55] re Charles yeah I thought for a second you met Ray Romano yeah I did all right
[00:40:01] let me feel your wrist we're all some fat
[00:40:05] me what's a terrible ray Romano that's my ray Romano
[00:40:09] yeah damn right right right right right right right right right right right
[00:40:22] everybody loves me I'm right I'm gay but he does have that you know throw a
[00:40:32] thing I saw I saw a computer baby you saw a sturp of a bad man can you do a
[00:40:43] Brad Garrett hey hey that's a great one the stakes impression you're doing right
[00:40:50] now I'm gonna y'all like a papi panel I am papa you can't
[00:40:58] this is a question for the audience mostly
[00:41:04] I feel like it's so far away from my regular
[00:41:17] I'm told god this is the most tempted I've ever better my life do it
[00:41:31] say it was so many people are well hoping you say it say it real it's the real me
[00:41:37] why does that make yeah I'm gonna do it Nick's gone actually yeah it's nickel
[00:41:50] walk through the door and make the microphone you're all well what if you're
[00:41:54] doing is Mark Simpson yeah that she gets the passage she is a yes I love that
[00:42:00] really pissed her off we had episode were Lenny just wrong I mean Carl yeah yeah
[00:42:05] I love that we're a part you'll always be my special little guy I love you but
[00:42:11] right now you're acting like a complete
[00:42:20] oh stop your pulling a shirt down yeah you know do we're back on the cash we've
[00:42:24] been recording at a table in real chairs mmm now that we're back on the couch
[00:42:28] sitting in the lab shirt all stop sure you just look like Ezekiel Elliot yeah
[00:42:33] dude I got the little half shirt about beat wad you know
[00:42:38] I love that and I love this hurts been out of that enough that's right there
[00:42:43] ever die his Felix can do master shake he can yeah I'm done gay yeah no way not
[00:42:51] even not even close off right lock not even close I'm I'm bad I'm pretty close
[00:43:01] it's a good show that suck my yeah I was cool 15 years ago I could be like well
[00:43:09] what's your what's your pitch for the show it's like okay we just smoke way too
[00:43:13] much we and then the animation studio has to make the things that we say fuck
[00:43:21] is that still on TV I'm sure yeah yeah that episode where master shake realizes
[00:43:28] that the happy birthday song is copyrighted so he makes a new birthday
[00:43:32] song oh yeah yeah I remember Jack wild and Getty Lee
[00:43:50] yeah I was borns late in Korea videos that while there is on stage and he's
[00:43:54] like he's like and fuck Fred Dirst and fuck all that wicker bullshit hell yes
[00:44:05] we know what you mean we know what you want to say man ever was that wild dude
[00:44:17] double wild Zach's wilding out they should have Zach's wilding out where
[00:44:22] he's screaming at Nick Cannon for doing all that wicker bullshit yeah no I'm
[00:44:31] saying I don't have any problem of black people when they act like fucking
[00:44:34] wiggers there's two types of black there's black folks and then there's
[00:44:50] some wakers and the wickers are coming through and rooted everything for all
[00:44:54] the normal black fuck dude that's awesome yeah God bless Zach wilding his weird
[00:45:00] that little guitar that was a bullseye you guys remember that I wanted to get
[00:45:07] one of them triangle electric guitar as we're tight but I got an Ibanez I got a
[00:45:12] I got a regular fender I wanted to be in a band for like two years of my life so
[00:45:18] bad well you can't be in my neck of my band yeah we're having tryouts if you
[00:45:23] want to be your gas well you're not in it so sorry maybe my own band guess what
[00:45:27] kind of man it is it's called Mathis and Joe Brown baby judges judges yeah we
[00:45:35] haven't decided which one is yeah but we both do real talk as we like said we
[00:45:40] fucking yell at people that makes sense and people all black ladies in the in
[00:45:45] the gallery nod because we're speaking truths yeah it's nice read your book damn
[00:45:52] what's a jail Joe Brown went to jail judge Mathis math is math if I could if I
[00:45:56] could hop in which judge would I have to be then Judy Judy seems like the
[00:46:01] obvious choice yeah what about this judge Alex yeah hey well look at that
[00:46:06] judge Alex is cool he's like a judge Alex is the only judge that fucks he
[00:46:10] definitely fucks oh yeah for sure he's good looking guy he's picking up moms from
[00:46:14] soccer practice our judge shows still on bigger minivan they drive their
[00:46:19] I don't see a man I watch a lot of like just day time yeah I don't see any of you
[00:46:23] yeah in my room I put my TV on all day long while I get my my writing done when
[00:46:28] I write my my memoirs I remember with my diary when my ex-girlfriend was getting
[00:46:34] an abortion and I was in the waiting room there's judge Mathis was playing on
[00:46:38] the TV it was just me and all the degenerate guys paying for abortions in
[00:46:43] the later of it he was yeah he was yelling at some dude about child
[00:46:47] sports payments there do you feel guilty about murdering an innocent child
[00:46:51] yep I do consider it to be a life and that is why I'm getting a tear drops
[00:46:56] that's you on my face I killed that motherfucker dude that's fucked up man
[00:47:01] I'm very pro-ass life are you oh yeah I want to get um I want to get caprice
[00:47:08] classic tattooed on my right ass cheek mm-hmm and then
[00:47:12] Chevrolet on the other one oh and you know so it looks like the back of the
[00:47:16] yes back of the caprice oh yes that was perfect yeah I got a
[00:47:21] V8 ass and jail they know not to fuck me how many horses
[00:47:28] how many ponies kind of what kind of gas will your asshole
[00:47:35] premium beautiful wow I love stops uh podcasting stance right
[00:47:41] like this is Zen podcasting I'm lying down I'm not making I kind of
[00:47:45] think that if my eyes closed yeah it's definitely good to put as little
[00:47:49] effort as possible yeah I'm gonna give you the Arabian goggles
[00:47:53] what's that nuts across my nuts nuts on the sleeping eye you'll never do that
[00:47:58] sausage if you ever dream of doing that that's what the ice's flag is it's a
[00:48:01] detailed description of the you're really how to do it step-by-step that's when
[00:48:06] when there's a global caliphate what are you doing with written language
[00:48:11] Arabic Arabic yeah it looks kind of tight it looks cool
[00:48:14] and looks made up right backwards and shit
[00:48:20] that's you's aren't isn't it don't use right backwards use your
[00:48:23] Hebrews backwards to yeah Arabic and Hebrew did anyone ever speak Hebrew
[00:48:28] did anyone like they did way back in the day was like a dead
[00:48:31] it's not yet no one's ever spoken Hebrew ever I know but they brought it back
[00:48:36] right back in like the prettiest thing right
[00:48:39] yeah now it's like a you know spoken yeah it's kind of impressive that they
[00:48:44] did that though yeah but they made like but like because
[00:48:47] there was they used like biblical Hebrew to make a new language like half of
[00:48:51] the words are like just computer Dora or whatever you know they're just like
[00:48:56] the they just had that sounds like a sexy robot you can
[00:48:59] fuck computer Dora a computer I don't even know if that's how you
[00:49:02] say computer yeah that's my name of my autistic wife
[00:49:07] yeah are you home from the podcast yes dear
[00:49:12] did you make dinner yes we're having toast
[00:49:27] I love you computer Dora yeah what I love you it's an emotion oh
[00:49:36] bathroom don't touch my swatches don't touch my velcro
[00:49:42] while I'm in the bathroom playing maple story
[00:49:46] oh fuck um what did what did you use to speak then yiddish
[00:49:51] in Europe yeah mmm this book yiddish that's a funny language
[00:49:56] yeah it's it's really gay so it sounds like someone's like making fun of
[00:50:02] you know yesterday there was like an orthodox guy with this just awful
[00:50:06] posture just like completely looked literally
[00:50:10] spineless and you know he's got like dr egg man's body yeah
[00:50:14] and he's got his phone held all the way up to his fucking face look
[00:50:17] and he's like glaring at the you know and he's fucking like just
[00:50:21] chin pressed in his torso glaring at the phone and I was laughing so hard
[00:50:26] imagining that he was just zooming in on a picture of a penny
[00:50:39] fuck dude you can't judge what it was why you can't yeah
[00:50:44] oh fuck computer Dora I want to have sex with computer Dora your wife
[00:50:48] yeah I've calmed I finished coming please exit me
[00:51:01] so staab are you excited for the apparently according to hair loss talk
[00:51:05] this is supposed to be the biggest year for that Italian cream yeah
[00:51:09] bratsu bratsu hair loss cream is the big and new item
[00:51:12] nix back on the hair loss board when I see it my hair started shedding
[00:51:16] I'll believe when I see it dude yeah I would love to get you some Italian
[00:51:20] thick I'm gonna keep getting you rude gifts
[00:51:23] hey man if you buy me like a 400 a week I wear it
[00:51:26] I've used the pump just out of curiosity just to try what does it do how does it
[00:51:30] does it hurt to make does it make you calm no I mean I use I put it on my
[00:51:34] soft dick for that I felt like I felt guilty that I hadn't used it
[00:51:37] and I was like kind of busy to draw draw a bath
[00:51:40] no I don't just put it over your cock and pump it no it's a water you're
[00:51:44] supposed to use it yeah wait really it's the bath made
[00:51:47] oh wait I'm just waiting got your cock pump that needs to be immersed in
[00:51:52] water yeah you gotta get used in the best for like a
[00:51:55] that's good that would oh my god no I need a travel cock pump do you
[00:51:58] any so I'm gonna read the instructions of course I didn't read the
[00:52:01] there in German why would I mean of course you didn't read the instruction
[00:52:05] you figured it's a cock pump what the fuck I didn't expect there to be like
[00:52:08] steps if you put your cock in and you pump it
[00:52:11] it should be what is the water I read the instructions for everything I've
[00:52:14] never read the instructions for anything in my life Nick likes reading
[00:52:17] instructions I love things except my dinner
[00:52:19] dinners I love reading instructions I hate
[00:52:21] instructions told what to do you know I face consequences
[00:52:26] oh yeah yeah pewdadors gonna fucking spank you if you know what she says well
[00:52:30] anyway it's harder did it make you calm her now no I put I basically just put
[00:52:33] my soft cock in it for and did it like pull it in a very funny way
[00:52:37] sort of it did I don't know I just I didn't know I'm gonna give it another shot
[00:52:41] when I'm hard was it like was your soft cock like pulled up like was it
[00:52:45] like like really you started to get it I think it started to get it hard in a
[00:52:49] weird way I wasn't that aroused it kind of hurt
[00:52:52] it hurt that's that was my question well I would say is it would be much
[00:52:55] easier to get jerked off to get hard than to put
[00:52:59] put in a cock pump yeah but what about the technology there it's true
[00:53:02] what was it now that I know it's a water pump
[00:53:05] I'm gonna draw a nice bubble bath right there on the front of the box I didn't
[00:53:09] read the box dude I took it out of the box at the time I don't read
[00:53:12] I like that you have the ability to not read words but they're in front of you
[00:53:17] that you can turn off your brain's ability to process letters
[00:53:22] I don't think you know that must be difficult dude no it's easy
[00:53:25] to not save a lot of time how will you know when you've arrived at
[00:53:29] Chipotle if you can't read the sign by the smell
[00:53:31] I close my I don't even know I don't even fucking I don't even look I close my
[00:53:34] eyes when I go to Chipotle anytime I go to a restaurant I close my eyes and I
[00:53:38] like well I don't care about the pump I'm more interested in you trying out that
[00:53:42] that way I'll use it I'll use it once I guess
[00:53:47] but like it's literally just a torture device for your cock
[00:53:51] it looks like dinosaur bones yeah I don't want to use it but I will for the
[00:53:56] pod because I'm a team player I wonder if the guy who makes it
[00:54:01] I'm sure he uses them for sure sure it's he he needs to be just the biggest
[00:54:05] strongest cock of all time he needs to sort of spread the gospel
[00:54:09] he should ask that guy for a picture of his cock
[00:54:11] just proof that I mean he was so mad at me when I asked him if they had a book
[00:54:14] that I can in my 20 years yeah yeah I'm out but yes
[00:54:21] I will just going back to your original point
[00:54:24] I would I would definitely use some kind of hair cream to grow my beautiful
[00:54:27] luscious yeah sorry I was trying to google this
[00:54:29] you had curly hair I had a nice curl yeah me too
[00:54:33] what he gets along grow it out man prove it
[00:54:37] I did dude I grew it out a couple years ago stupid
[00:54:40] it looked really bad I got a bob it looked horrible yeah I got
[00:54:45] I looked like the print the the midget prince from Shrek
[00:54:49] the short guy what's his name John Lithgow was he a counter king
[00:54:55] I think he was not a remember France but I don't remember either because my
[00:54:58] dick is too hard yeah here we go the big bad awesome
[00:55:02] bratsu lotion fact hair loss talk forums
[00:55:07] okay since the main thread keeps going what is bratsu lotion it's a lotion
[00:55:11] created by Italian doctors Giovanni Bratsu yeah
[00:55:14] yeah dude I'm already in my fucking cock and get in the werewolf dude it's
[00:55:19] such a funny world I love that balding can't be cured
[00:55:22] like no matter what no matter what they try it just doesn't work yeah
[00:55:26] because it's like it's like such a like it really affects people
[00:55:30] like on a psychological oh yeah like destroys their lives
[00:55:34] but it's so quote dead and then you can't really feel bad for them
[00:55:37] it'd be like if women's if I go quote titty and look at mr big non-subrenade
[00:55:41] ubiquitous it's a thing that happens yeah every day I know ubiquitous
[00:55:45] uh you know anyways it uh yeah it would be like if women got
[00:55:50] breast cancer like every single woman got breast cancer
[00:55:54] like 23 when they had to get a tit cut off
[00:55:58] and then like then all media was filled like with people being like
[00:56:02] ooh fuck that one-titted bitch you know like were you tired of only having
[00:56:06] one titty you bald stupid cancer yeah they're like one like if a
[00:56:11] lane was missing a tit on Seinfeld yeah i said where she got a fake tit
[00:56:15] and everyone was like gross that's what baldness is
[00:56:19] it's like cancer mm-hmm I think it's the stakes are just as high as breast
[00:56:23] cancer and boldness yeah yeah yeah it's from the
[00:56:26] as dangerous yeah yeah yeah i would give millions of women breast cancer if i
[00:56:38] yeah whatever dude i would wear maybe you know
[00:56:41] damn just a life where i have beautiful thick luscious yeah dude i'm telling
[00:56:45] you that italian hair cream i mean i could just grow my hair out
[00:56:50] well bratzu is supposed to have a conference next month i was
[00:56:53] because you know we do it on a week go i look at i look at i look at
[00:56:56] pharmaceuticals to see who's got like you know research pipelines for like
[00:56:59] hair loss stuff and anything that seems like it's effective i look monitor
[00:57:03] just the stock price or whatever because i i'm going to have to start
[00:57:08] investing at some point and you invest in what i know about investing is you
[00:57:13] want to pick one stock mmm put every right it dollar you
[00:57:17] yes yep yep yeah based on wild speculation and then
[00:57:21] if the hair loss time dips even a little bit sell everything yeah sell
[00:57:27] everything as soon as you incur any kind of loss immediately
[00:57:30] immediately solidify that loss by selling every single fucking chair you
[00:57:35] have uh fuck yeah damn i'm excited dude i hope
[00:57:42] because you know what i like i don't even think i'm going to go bald but
[00:57:45] it would be nice to that would be like a fun thing for them to cure you know i
[00:57:49] think men deserve a win yeah this year yeah baldness yeah
[00:57:54] yeah we're gonna kick baldness's ass yeah fuck baldness
[00:58:04] i've been doing like a five k for baldness we should do that dude we should
[00:58:10] literally start a fucking charity yeah really
[00:58:14] i did a marathon for and we're going bald
[00:58:22] there's no like the money's not going to anything there's no
[00:58:25] treatment we just kind of raise a bunch of knock out baldness by them all
[00:58:30] hats yeah we get them visors where it looks like
[00:58:36] there's hair oh yeah there's little silly visors yeah like it looks like
[00:58:40] you have wacky hair wacky i think i think uh you want to hear something that's
[00:58:45] gonna be cool again yeah not cool yeah yeah go ahead
[00:58:48] visors i think visors are gonna come back i guess
[00:58:52] no i think visors suck next two next well for you maybe not for me visor
[00:58:57] dumb actually you would look like a retarded McDonald's employee
[00:59:01] i mean i never heard what the fuck you said
[00:59:04] not like i was like i can't wait to wear a fucking visor i'm just saying now
[00:59:08] like that's why you hate visors because you know maybe i'm not dumb i'm gonna
[00:59:12] get i'm gonna get in visors this summer summer look that's fine
[00:59:15] 2018 with now that i'm toothless i'm thinking what i'm gonna get into is
[00:59:19] overalls no shirt one undone two things yeah yeah one overalls
[00:59:24] wrapped in the drop dead gorgeous exactly that's what i call my penis
[00:59:28] like uh retard from drop dead gorgeous retard
[00:59:35] that's my cock parker posy looks so good in that movie
[00:59:39] yeah i would smash i look so good in that movie
[00:59:42] we're not in one way i uh green screen myself into drop the
[00:59:45] gorgeous and i have asked her to two hour movie i made with i added my stuff
[00:59:50] just you standing on the side yeah just waving i added myself masturbating in
[00:59:59] that would be awesome i thought it'd be so funny if you could and it was not even
[01:00:02] really that funny but like you take that scene from titanic and you edit it so
[01:00:06] you see like you know jack drawing rose and then it
[01:00:09] pans out and then you see rose on the couch but you
[01:00:12] like photoshop a dress on to her so that it's just she's there where he's drawing
[01:00:17] titties drawing her makeup that's solid
[01:00:35] yo i was just listening to the fuck about chitanic you know and it's about like
[01:00:38] abash Chicago was tight handed yep that's a good idea
[01:00:41] finally yeah yeah chicago shit is hot yeah you got a
[01:00:45] shi rack you got uh you got shi rack that was like
[01:00:49] fat movie from four years ago yeah chicago you got i won an
[01:00:53] oscar you got chicago mirror max pictures
[01:00:56] richard gear uh richard your museum yeah chief chief keef one of the best
[01:01:01] one of the hottest rappers everyone's talking about the richard gear
[01:01:04] museum is that a real museum yeah there's a
[01:01:07] durable wing at the museum at your gear museum and you know
[01:01:11] nice it's in the willest tower the top floor is all like the rich there's like
[01:01:15] a whole it's like the durable experience wing where you go and you're on a
[01:01:19] wheel for a while and then you're like in wood chips taking a
[01:01:23] shit why then the last room is you go into his asshole
[01:01:27] yeah it's it's what's funny is you could have gotten
[01:01:30] stopped to believe that there was a richard gear museum at the
[01:01:33] willest tower if you didn't say that durable shit yeah yeah
[01:01:36] um maybe like seriously oh is there not a museum no i didn't think it was in the
[01:01:42] fucking willest tower but who knows man you thought there was a richard gear
[01:01:45] museum you know fucking the liberal arts museum shut up
[01:01:49] bitch librocci was your obvious ass fucking gerbil joke
[01:01:53] librocci was a fucking actual day goal not
[01:01:58] not a gay guy according to fifth grade okay that's that's kind of just sort of a
[01:02:04] shitty actor that got way too much work every gay guy uh-huh get some
[01:02:07] museum yeah we just couldn't be there because
[01:02:11] i guess you're right what the fuck would be in the richard gear
[01:02:14] yeah i don't know stuff from every movie even
[01:02:16] officer and just somebody walked around with a mothman prophecies mug
[01:02:20] i don't think it was like a big museum but like i'm in a little museum
[01:02:25] you know it's like a room yeah yeah what just shit all right i took out my days of
[01:02:29] heaven snow globe i got them at the richard gear museum
[01:02:37] i don't know man the fuck i would be the whole part about him not
[01:02:41] not jizzing right or something that's sting no it's richard gear too
[01:02:46] i don't think so he hasn't just it 30 years i think
[01:02:51] i would see his bald sack is like a suitcase he's a Buddhist right
[01:02:56] yeah yeah it's a Buddhist they would be some Buddhist shit in there
[01:03:00] yeah you could learn about that i'm just saying man there's little fucking shrines
[01:03:04] to of guys that's great dude i should get back into just meditative
[01:03:08] Buddhism i'm not dealing with any of your Buddhist in high school right
[01:03:12] no not in high school and i was never really a Buddhist i would just
[01:03:15] i got into like Zen meditation yeah because it really is good for like
[01:03:19] if you don't have much control over your own fucking head
[01:03:23] you know and you got a lot of mental problems yeah if you got voices
[01:03:27] to have like just at least like one part of the week or the day or
[01:03:33] whenever where you have like some actual ability to like not be in a
[01:03:39] fucking like destructive downward spiral
[01:03:42] at will you know you can choose to just ignore things for
[01:03:46] 45 minutes or whatever like it just demonstrates an ability to
[01:03:49] rein in you know your anxiety or whatever that's why i
[01:03:53] pussy yeah yeah forget who i am well now that i'm into bah
[01:03:58] i got i got some i got trees now i should sprout how they going
[01:04:02] okay we'll see you know bonds i drink yeah yeah yeah you can
[01:04:05] smoke it well they they two of them sprouted
[01:04:08] and i guess it was like legalized it like the
[01:04:12] like the i thought they did it wrong because the seed sprouted above the
[01:04:16] soil so i like repotted it upside down but then just had to
[01:04:19] root sticking up really and then i looked online it was
[01:04:22] supposed to be that way so i then dug it up again and put it back
[01:04:25] so i probably killed that you got a real dream phone
[01:04:29] yeah yeah um i have a bunch of plants that i that have been
[01:04:33] growing in my window sill yeah they're getting big i got to
[01:04:37] repot them bitches and bigger pots yeah well i looked i so
[01:04:40] like i you know everyone's like oh well bonds they takes like
[01:04:44] patience or whatever uh it's going to take like six years
[01:04:48] till those are ever looking like trees oh well that sucks and they're like
[01:04:53] six inch trees they're tiny little tiny trees but they just look like
[01:04:56] plants for years and years and years until until it looks like
[01:04:59] trees yeah i guess well it's all about that
[01:05:03] it's a it's a true thing that's what the Japanese are all about baby
[01:05:05] yeah i'm going to be like a six-year-old man with like a bunch of cool trees
[01:05:09] from when i was like 28 years old and you'll be remembering the times
[01:05:12] dude the world's kind of good maybe i'll get some yeah
[01:05:15] well it is it is like that's why bonds i is cool is because you know you get
[01:05:19] to just waste your life looking at tiny trees but then it's like you
[01:05:24] know what else are you gonna do um or tie food
[01:05:28] yeah i did that yesterday take a bunch of Adderall
[01:05:31] yes bonds i i helped pull you out of the rap race you know what i mean
[01:05:35] it's true you feel like this this pains and existence we all live we
[01:05:38] do especially in money yeah what's that should they do with like
[01:05:43] sand and then they like like rain garden that's a zen garden
[01:05:48] yeah like you have bonds i see you get one of those is the Richard
[01:05:51] gear museum yeah dude i'm saying i would i would
[01:05:55] pop into the Richard gear museum for a little bit yeah if they actually had
[01:05:58] one i would see why there was a Richard gear museum yeah i would get
[01:06:02] plane tickets for the three of us in two chicago of course i mean of course
[01:06:05] it would be interesting if it actually existed but if i was like
[01:06:09] let's say there was no such thing as the oscar mire wiener mobile right
[01:06:12] and i was like yeah there's a car a shape like a hot dog that goes around
[01:06:16] promoting the world's shittiest hot dogs yeah you'd be like seriously like no
[01:06:20] you fucking idiot what would be the point of that
[01:06:22] and then they actually made one and no that's no that you just prove yourself
[01:06:26] wrong no i didn't yes you did no i did what was what how am i wrong
[01:06:31] because you didn't you don't dream to imagine i don't dream to imagine what
[01:06:35] you don't yes you don't you don't dare i'm sorry you don't dare to imagine
[01:06:41] you know if you told me that thing with the oscar mire
[01:06:44] wiener mobile and it didn't exist i'd be like great
[01:06:47] can't wait to fucking see it you tell me the thing about Richard gear museum i'm
[01:06:50] like oh that's pretty stupid but that's cool
[01:06:53] stranger things have happened you know i'd love to go in and see
[01:06:58] you know the deleted scene where he actually penetrates Julia Roberts and
[01:07:02] pretty woman i'd like to see that did you do that
[01:07:05] oh yeah well that's because i dreamed to believe if you dream to imagine where
[01:07:09] you penetrate too he fucks Julia Roberts in the deleted scenes and that's part
[01:07:14] of what's in the Richard gear museum does that actually is there a video of him
[01:07:18] penetrating Julia Roberts yes well i don't know i mean you can see
[01:07:21] fucking Christopher Lambert's balls in fortress yeah
[01:07:25] well in the world where the Richard gear museum exists yeah there is video of
[01:07:28] that that's the world i live in Nick okay yeah
[01:07:32] a beautiful world where you can see his dick going to how about this
[01:07:36] because they're worried about doing numbers at the Richard gear museum they
[01:07:39] have the gear in space museum oh the air in space museum featuring Richard
[01:07:43] gear yep that's like that's a fucking that's a
[01:07:46] tofer that's perfect that's exactly that's a gary and gary and space it just
[01:07:51] becomes a dumbass idea for a museum if it's just Richard gear to a very good
[01:07:56] deal yeah right because then you got you got Richard gear and you got
[01:08:00] space and you go see the general yeah dude you can see the
[01:08:06] the like i believe by 19 by the end of the decade we will put a man on the
[01:08:11] phone yeah you just go into the next room and it's like
[01:08:21] you know and then what's the one where his wife cheats on him
[01:08:24] unfaithful yeah yeah we talked about that the other day i used to jack off
[01:08:29] to every episode that's a hot movie she really gets pounded out by that guy
[01:08:33] by that spanish guy and then he kills her at the end he does yeah
[01:08:37] and he got that he kills him he kills the the other man oh Richard gear kills
[01:08:42] the guy yeah oh that's cool the other guy
[01:08:45] Diane Lane gets railed the fuck out in like a staircase
[01:08:49] ooh i used to jack off to that sounds pretty good all the time
[01:08:53] Diane Lane's married to uh Josh Josh Roland yeah
[01:08:57] yeah no country for old men yeah no pussy for
[01:09:03] gay Nick no he got you honestly he got it yeah no honestly
[01:09:10] that's not a movie you got it that's not a movie
[01:09:15] yep that's what i like to call fate fatality
[01:09:21] fucktality fucktality thank you i'm mad now sorry dude no pussy for
[01:09:27] getting you know pussy for gay Nick i'm sorry that i like
[01:09:33] and use it against me in a very i know starring my close personal friend
[01:09:38] Josh Roland was that good set to you yeah he said great job man
[01:09:42] wow that must have felt cool yeah i did that was a highlight of my comedy
[01:09:45] career and trust me i've had a lot of peaks
[01:09:49] Montreal seven years ago yes seven years ago are you serious
[01:09:54] that's how fucking long ago i did Montreal that's hilarious who is your
[01:09:57] year wait what is it's 2018 davito jolis you yeah uh yeah me
[01:10:03] jolis davito ray Romano Jim Carrey uh-huh
[01:10:07] cheque green shaky green yeah um Don Rickles Carl Marx
[01:10:13] whoa he was one of the Marx brothers yeah wow
[01:10:20] i fucked with harpo which one was the one that looks like you
[01:10:23] bro he's the one that had like the curls and he was a clown who
[01:10:27] took her name from she's her name's supposed to be harpo
[01:10:32] that's sure love the Marx brothers yeah i don't want to get
[01:10:36] problematic but the she's those people are always stealing
[01:10:41] yeah people from Chicago yeah yeah yeah from chiran i want everyone to look
[01:10:47] under your seat it's two tickets to the Richard
[01:10:50] gear museum you're going to the Richard gear museum you're going to the Richard
[01:11:01] sounds fucking great man i don't know the fuck you guys are on the Richard
[01:11:04] gear museum i would love to go there uh we should probably in the episode
[01:11:10] yeah no what's the what is the weekend yeah from episode oh yeah this is a
[01:11:15] regular today episode it's going up in a couple hours we're trying to add
[01:11:19] an extra show in boston but you know the first one's probably going to be
[01:11:23] pretty bad to be honest with you i'm not feeling it i'm kind of getting out
[01:11:27] of sand up again that's funny dude i kind of feel that way too
[01:11:33] okay you'll never know what that feels like adam
[01:11:35] i've i've sold out multiple times i've never sold out yes i have
[01:11:39] my my late show is not sold out yet guys at the good good comedy theater
[01:11:43] on the 17th this Saturday mother fucking same patrick's day yeah do bring him some
[01:11:46] ice cream sandwiches that's what he wants please don't
[01:11:49] be some nice good news um if you have everybody out there if you
[01:11:53] want you all flood stops inbox with pictures of ice cream
[01:11:58] no i didn't DM him that make him have to search through
[01:12:02] pages and pages of ice cream that will certainly set him off on a relapse
[01:12:06] before he can find literally yesterday was the first day in like three weeks i
[01:12:09] have not had ice cream so please don't do that
[01:12:13] um so the 17th yeah this saturday please come out to that still takes to the
[01:12:17] 11th or again maybe one or two to the 10 o'clock
[01:12:19] um so please get those and um you know come say what's up to your boy and
[01:12:23] fill in the illa delf uh and i'm getting my fucking i'd also like to plug my
[01:12:28] biopsy which is tomorrow uh so if you're in the north oh yeah i'm
[01:12:31] excited to see how that turns out yeah hashtag stop strong so if you're in
[01:12:35] the north bergin area yeah gan county mhm north bergin that's like by uh
[01:12:41] upstate new york is it i think i think it's in jursi i don't fucking know
[01:12:45] yeah but it's an hour from here uh and if you want to buy me a sous country
[01:12:49] i hope my mouth's not too fucked up but they're slicing into that shit
[01:12:53] so you and then you have a show two nights later and it'll be fine
[01:12:57] when they play that yeah they do ask yeah you can talk the day of but it's kind
[01:13:01] of hurts and then the next day you're fine okay um how about this a guy
[01:13:05] opsy you know where they cut your dick off that you're a dude
[01:13:09] yeah you dig up to make sure you're here they have to test it to make sure it's
[01:13:12] not a fake day yeah test it yeah test that positive
[01:13:17] test the positive i don't know the dick anymore though
[01:13:22] but i'm definitely a guy guys only and then uh i guess we might as well start
[01:13:27] plug in the next funny moms thanks for coming out everyone but on the 26 it
[01:13:31] was a fun one this week's one and we have a couple we've already booked a
[01:13:35] couple great comics mark normanoporno will be there