Cum Town | Regular | 03/22/2018
[00:00:00] It's as you know is not allowed in chorus. No
[00:00:06] Yeah, we're good we're already recording. Oh, I do this thing right sheet a couple of minutes out of the podcast by starting it early
[00:00:13] And then include all the you know, it sounded shit levels and shit
[00:00:17] Yeah, I only have to do 40 minutes of content. Yeah, it's a bull. That's what the premium is for us people get to hear the sound check
[00:00:24] Check right check. I'm gay. That's right. This is uh, this is not a premium though
[00:00:29] Oh, we blew off the premium this week. We tried to record it bestow was too fucked up on Percusset
[00:00:34] Yeah, I came over here and I was fucked up. Yeah, I was on an edible. I was on like
[00:00:40] Three Perkies and I was just fucking do you still have that recording anywhere?
[00:00:44] That'd be a funny that'd be a funny recording. Oh, you just sound like your mid stroke, bro
[00:00:49] It was yeah, I don't even remember what I said. Yeah, I was so fucking you didn't really say anything. I was a problem
[00:00:56] I'd say something and you would just go damn
[00:01:01] It's like 15 minutes and be doing like riffs about Wario again
[00:01:10] That's where I come alive thirty thousand dollars a month
[00:01:14] Maybe in like yo, what's the Wario's deal?
[00:01:18] Damn, that's just crazy dude just scratching yourself in a Percusset frenzy
[00:01:23] Do they do that happen? Yeah, I used to take a mugid itch. That's what I was getting itchy as fuck
[00:01:30] Yeah, I thought the infection was spreading the rest of my bond. No, it's opious
[00:01:33] I know these two junkies that dated each other. It's got Brian and girl Val. Yeah, and Brian one time
[00:01:39] He was like great junkie and Val Valza Valza
[00:01:45] Crystal's a great one. Crystal's a great trashy. Yeah, she had
[00:01:49] Brian one time was like dude, there's nothing better than
[00:01:54] When you're like just getting really fucked up
[00:02:05] Bullshit fucking heroin relations. Yeah, yeah, which is great because it's like that a heroin is the only thing keeping you together
[00:02:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, people are completely in
[00:02:15] You match it. Just a cold the cold sober morning where you're just fucking yeah
[00:02:21] Trying to kick hair when you wake up. You see the pock mark face. You just fucked. Yeah, I before it
[00:02:26] No, there's no blood in your fucking finger. There's no reality
[00:02:29] Which two people who detox from heroin are also like we just figured out we have so much in common
[00:02:35] Sober like we thought we was just good Robin our families together
[00:02:39] But we love what's Anderson? We had no idea right? I thought it was just because Valium the settlers of
[00:02:47] Kick the heroin addiction. I did a combination once and that game has some hold on people because I was doing a combination
[00:02:53] I'm like I'm a fat guy screaming. Yeah, I'm not one of them looked up
[00:02:57] Like from that game like in the bay with some hipster bar and like the back of it
[00:03:01] They were playing that game and it had like a cult like yeah people who just they were in it
[00:03:06] You know it's funny. I was going over to Adam's house and playing it and we were doing blow every time we played
[00:03:10] Gattan it got me back into cattan. Yeah, and then a couple weeks ago get you back into most things
[00:03:14] Yeah, yeah, we we went over there and tried to play cattan sober and I'm like all right this game sucks
[00:03:20] Right. Yeah, yeah, and then I was just frustrated that I wasn't you know good in cattan fucked up or not on coke
[00:03:26] Right. I was I was staying with somebody in LA and they were like doing a role-playing game
[00:03:30] It was kind of weird. These are people that are like comedy writers that make like
[00:03:35] Thousands of dollars and like hey, can you not come home tonight? I'm like oh yeah, we some orgies
[00:03:41] Like no, we have like a roll call of Cthulhu role playing game. I'm like you're like in your mid 30s
[00:03:47] I'm like what do you what do you watch? Yeah, like we just tried to offer that the chapbo guy
[00:03:51] He was like yeah, yeah, we thought it would be cool to do like a call a Cthulhu episode of come town
[00:03:55] I was like yeah, no, we're not it would be funny. Do you like he's like we did it with chapbo and it's great
[00:04:00] I'm like yeah, we're not doing that it would be funny for how interested in doing a role
[00:04:04] But you know they would spend so much time trying to get it together and we would just be like this shit is fucking gay
[00:04:11] I roll to pull my cock out and have an orc suck it
[00:04:14] And how many times me asking the guy that do you think it would take from all the lame gay bullshit?
[00:04:20] I'm glad that I never went down the dark paths of anime or role-playing
[00:04:25] It was funny, but the role-playing games. He's like listen
[00:04:27] He's like if you do come home just don't like call it out
[00:04:31] What he's like we're just we're really into it
[00:04:34] So like if you happen to come home just like you know like don't ask what it is
[00:04:38] I'm like I know what it is like I'm not gonna
[00:04:41] So brutal yeah, it's interesting. It's weird man. That's that's tough, but that's weird because you're like this is
[00:04:51] But it there's an element of it like I I've thought like oh, maybe this shit isn't
[00:04:55] fucking normal, but it is it's like it's just before they had video games
[00:05:00] Yeah, it's like if you create it's basically you write a whole video game and then you pick out some fucking characters
[00:05:06] Yeah, and then you like rolled dice. Yeah, they're the same thing. Yeah, this should be I mean it's like this
[00:05:12] It's art you know the story of all that should be able to enjoy it on some level
[00:05:17] On anime and you could just never get over the fact that you're watching in a mikosan
[00:05:22] Right, thank you. Sorry. Yeah, how much of anime is just poor like how much of what percentage of people
[00:05:42] Bomb bomb the suck them is my real test
[00:05:51] That's what I like anyways welcome to come town. Yeah, that's the opening. Oh, thank you
[00:05:56] I got Tim Dillon in the fucking trap. I'm back
[00:06:00] Really sad Adams not here. Sorry, buddy. Yes, sir. I like Adam too. I'm very sad more say than you are that he's sorry
[00:06:05] We're yeah, I know sorry. We're not now. He's the eye candy
[00:06:08] I know you know what about this don't do a nice little stretch right now. You're trying you're working it
[00:06:13] You're working it. Yeah, Adam's got that tones, you know small kind of compact nature
[00:06:19] But stretching out those I look lean you're selling it, you know
[00:06:23] You use car salesman selling it hard over there. I'm just giving you a little cut slightly
[00:06:31] You know, there's a good dig up under your
[00:06:34] There's some good dig up under here boy
[00:06:51] I'm gonna get those burn ends. There's some cop is like we gotta go
[00:06:54] Tell that Cajun guy who keeps advertising his dick to shut his mouth
[00:06:59] We got one of the parades today. This could be a real issue
[00:07:05] That has slinging dick boy, how'd it gonna know if I don't tell I get your little taste for free office
[00:07:22] Trash bro my body's fucked. I'm dying. Yeah, man. You are fucking garbage now
[00:07:27] I know dude. I mean what else rid of any of the stuff those we have the bodies that we fit in anywhere in America
[00:07:32] Exactly, no matter what class I really can't leave Brooklyn. You really know you look you're a suspect
[00:07:40] You put us in the middle of a Walmart in Kentucky. We're good beautiful. We're part of the community
[00:07:47] 100% yeah, yeah, it's it's nice. That's the thing of like my whole life
[00:07:52] My body just completely completely disintegrating is like fitting because
[00:07:56] This I've been preparing for you know, right? I've never gotten into Vantage because of my body right or how good I look
[00:08:03] No, I'm gonna be just a fucking fat head on like a tank one of those future. I'm a tanks
[00:08:08] I'm preparing for that what sucked as I was a hot kid and I was like an actor
[00:08:12] And I remembered what being a hot kid felt like oh fuck then around 11 you stuck it in fat and you're like oh
[00:08:18] I'll never get back to that ever. No man
[00:08:22] It's a car off because you can't take advantage of it when you're fucking kid. You're not fucking you're not you're just sitting in a audition
[00:08:27] With well other kids as a child actor doing right if there's any my parents were smarter
[00:08:35] But yeah, but yeah when you're cuz you see there are people that are good looking as kids and
[00:08:39] Pre puberty they hit 11 or 12. It starts to go down. I wasn't a hard until I was like 23. That's better
[00:08:45] I was yeah for sure. I was actually probably I was a pretty cute kid
[00:08:49] But I had a lot of self-esteem and then when I started getting fat normal, right?
[00:08:53] I was like oh this sucks. No one's looking at the way I think I deserved to be true. Yeah being fat as shit
[00:08:58] In in ages like I don't know maybe 10 to 14 should be mandatory
[00:09:04] For I think anybody that wants to pursue any kind of creative. Yeah, it makes you it makes you probably a better person
[00:09:10] You're more you've humbled you know you're you're you have empathy. I know it may be yeah, no it turned me into a monster
[00:09:19] Yeah, oh yeah, I just I don't like Nick was keeping score means of like a fucking cynical the world still owes him from that
[00:09:28] There's something about being fat and knowing why you're fat like I was fat
[00:09:32] But then eating and you're sort of that being fat and not feeling like just being not knowing yet
[00:09:37] No, but being fat and being like oh, yeah, I'm the problem like I just I'd love I fucking eat
[00:09:45] See I remember those I'm with you now for sure, but I was beautiful days when you know I didn't put it together
[00:09:50] Yeah, maybe dousing this grilled cheese and extra butter
[00:09:55] Right and I was like going downstairs and melting another thing of butter in the microwave and dipping my girl doesn't everyone
[00:10:00] Twisty bread from dominoes and dunk it in the industrial oil in the bot doesn't everyone do that
[00:10:08] Why would right why would people not do that those beautiful days when you don't know that's the issue
[00:10:13] That was the best fat because you didn't know you're like oh, you're like, oh, you're like I'll just grow out of this
[00:10:17] Yeah, yeah, I'm actually yeah, I called it baby fat until I was 17
[00:10:22] Just gotta shed my baby fat. I'll just be able to handle this general towels chicken
[00:10:28] Yeah, but also I mean, it's hard to make smart food choices. Yeah, you know, it's like you just don't know shit
[00:10:33] You know yeah, it's tough. Yeah, my dad my dad
[00:10:35] You're like oh, I have one salad and I'll just like I'll go I'll go run nine miles today
[00:10:41] Right, right, right and make myself hate running so much with all of this exercise
[00:10:46] I did one day that I just never never exercise again. Yeah. Oh, exercising sucks
[00:10:50] There's always a panic that when you order food you there won't be enough if you're a fat person. Yes, you're on grub
[00:10:57] I'm seeing less you're like if you're fucking if you I still have
[00:11:04] Just to be safe. Yeah, I only just this year started not finishing everything on my plate
[00:11:09] Right because it's like, you know like well this cost money. I spent the money on it
[00:11:12] I got all this fucking food. Yeah, it's like there's no way I can't eat the garnish is being eaten
[00:11:19] I'm eating this plastic flower from me. Yeah, the silverware is coming home with
[00:11:24] Yeah, yeah, salt and pepper shake I'm holding it down. Yeah, I've I've zipped up the tablecloth
[00:11:32] As I catch a packet in my pockets. They're just bursting
[00:11:38] No, I know that feeling I still feel that that's how I feel about sex also
[00:11:41] Yeah, because it's like you got to eat all the pussy that eat all the pussy. That's a good pussy on there boy
[00:11:46] I got some good pussy up on it stomach boy
[00:11:49] Woman sitting next to me doing the same thing
[00:11:59] Wrong with this odd you never go in there Saint Pierre
[00:12:08] Want some bar pusser ain't nothing like a crowd ad I'm not allowed a streetboard anymore
[00:12:14] Put it on the now to the trainer they're trying to like reason with you all those women need to play to live up on them
[00:12:22] You like Pierre don't you care about tourism?
[00:12:32] My papa had this a golf shop he was singing they got half a generation bar. I'll tell you ain't moving me just code of stone
[00:12:50] This is what that's an L would be if they knew what they were doing if they would fucking hire us
[00:13:02] Rooting the tourism industry of those Katrina
[00:13:14] Come on down here play that pussy like a trumpet
[00:13:22] Durgs all the way up your ass. Holy pussy crack
[00:13:26] Watch the whole funeral from the tipio ass crack the top of that pussy
[00:13:31] David Sott do you have any interest in writing this?
[00:13:36] Tremaine to baby sure here Saint Pierre
[00:13:39] I never knew what Tremaine was about I couldn't get into it was just it should just be called not the wire right
[00:13:44] It's just the wire with trumpets instead of gun right right right yeah, thanks. I didn't get it
[00:13:51] No, I parades. No, it's got it's got to be drug dealing involved
[00:13:55] My line was going off on the wire the other day lesbians about what?
[00:14:01] Fucking people dislike or like it like white people like she can't meet in a writer. No, she's an insane person
[00:14:07] Think a piece writer great. Yeah, no, not even a thing
[00:14:11] Oh, right or just someone that sits on Twitter and really does yeah doesn't even make it to the piece media criticism
[00:14:19] Yeah, yeah, she's insane. She has like skits of friend here. Yeah, I would imagine it
[00:14:24] Yeah, probably not great. She hates amber
[00:14:26] I like her because she goes to insult people and she's like
[00:14:30] She's like, you know one of those nerds you'd make fun of as a kid
[00:14:33] Yeah, and then they'd finally lose her temper and then be like oh, yeah
[00:14:36] Well, you're this and the thing they said was like self-pathetic
[00:14:41] Yeah, what do you say to embers? You call the amber ass ass frost? Oh, yeah, oh god
[00:14:47] What'd you say something like that? I said, oh, you should be beat. Yeah, you should be allowed to be club repeatedly
[00:14:54] guys, she's going off on the wire saying that it's like
[00:14:58] White people like the show because there's not a single 12 year old black kid on the show that isn't shown as a gun toting
[00:15:07] Yeah, which is completely false. Yeah, first of all
[00:15:13] You didn't watch the what sure you watch right?
[00:15:17] Yeah, that's the whole those are the people you feel the only sympathy for
[00:15:21] You get you realize how hopeless the situation is to show about how the police are bad now the people like running drugs
[00:15:28] Are kind of normal right right right? Yeah, well, it's a show about how how
[00:15:32] The problem is the scope of the problem is so huge and that it's really every element to society
[00:15:38] Kind of like my penis right and all of these different interests. It is like PR same PR
[00:15:44] Yeah, there's so many different interlocking systems
[00:15:49] Them new young young black boy had no chance to celebrate
[00:15:52] So you have to have the tourism industry
[00:15:56] Now it's incredibly hamstrung by the occasion pig
[00:16:03] The gold coast yeah, when you watch the wire you
[00:16:10] You're like we're fucked you know you watch the wire you're like oh, there's no easy fix to anything
[00:16:16] Which is you know you're like this is a fucked system
[00:16:19] Mm-hmm, but then everyone so I'll put a couple kids with gang bangs get out of me
[00:16:22] I mean the the answer is young people paying lip service to leftist politics and accruing your own wealth and forgetting about it when they turn 35
[00:16:33] becoming liberals and you know moving out of Brooklyn getting a house in the suburbs
[00:16:37] Yeah, you forget all about the podcast. I think a good
[00:16:42] People are gonna be so ashamed of themselves that they used to listen
[00:16:48] I feel like they'll take it out every now and then like you know how like like suburb and yuppies will take out like a joint
[00:16:53] Sometimes they're gonna bring out an episode of come down they're like listen to this one and it's just Nick
[00:17:00] You know, it's just like five so yuppies in the suburbs like all right come on. Let's go
[00:17:05] What do you got we got come down? Oh wow?
[00:17:08] Can you imagine what a fucking train wreck? I'm gonna be at that point. Oh, that would be a man
[00:17:12] It's gonna be a nice all it just covered in plastic surgery. Yeah, you like sandy Kenyan
[00:17:28] Stay young forever you keep going to the hospital they like there's nothing wrong with you like I need another operation
[00:17:37] There's not a definition in my fucking bows god damn I can I am not looking forward to anything happening
[00:17:47] Nothing good's coming nothing good's coming. Oh dude. No, there's no there's nothing good coming. Yeah for anyone
[00:17:54] Yeah, I don't get to I don't get the vibe that anyone we know is
[00:18:02] Even sick wildly successful people. I'm just like oh, it's gonna end bad
[00:18:07] It's just what kind of bad right just for being if you were a positive influence of my life
[00:18:13] Yeah, nothing good will come if there's ten sober comedians. I know right now where I
[00:18:18] Work out what the relapse is gonna be in my head. I'm like, what will it be?
[00:18:24] How will it happen? Will they get more than one or will they just OD in a fucking red roof in?
[00:18:29] How does it work? Oh, yeah, it's gonna be bad. Yeah, yeah, cuz that's things like I've been pretty good at staying sober
[00:18:35] But it's also like things have just been getting progressively better for me
[00:18:38] Yeah, last five years and it's like if I was if I had spent the last five years walking dogs in Brooklyn
[00:18:44] Yeah, absolutely. No way I wouldn't start a drink again. Well, yeah
[00:18:48] I've been hanging out with Jake Flores every day and like getting drunk and playing fucking bored drinking is tough man because it's like
[00:18:54] Everywhere it's all over the place and you just it feels still so much like the right move
[00:19:01] Absolutely in our society just grab a drink quick drink doing a line of blow is still like well. Maybe I should yeah
[00:19:07] This is a little right right right you feel like an asshole you take a fucking drink you're like yeah
[00:19:11] This is great. This is great. It's why I should be there and there's something beautiful about a nice white sofa
[00:19:15] That's why it's a beautiful. I love that. That's why it's so easy to fall off the wagon
[00:19:20] Oh, yeah, it's because it's like you have that first drink you get a little bit of a buzz and you're like oh
[00:19:26] Yeah, this is what being a human being feels yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is how I should feel all the time
[00:19:31] Yeah, I mean, that's how I feel about food. Yeah, that's how I feel about that is a feeling you get when you eat
[00:19:36] It's like I don't know what it is, but it's just this feeling of like
[00:19:40] All right, I'm gonna make my heart. I'm gonna. I'm gonna survive
[00:19:44] I feel like my heart's getting a boner when that's happening. Yeah in some ways. It's hardening
[00:19:47] Yeah, it is in some ways the cholesterol is something going on there where you like the best comedy writing ever did was while I was
[00:19:54] Second best comedy writing did while I was drunk as shit and you know also high
[00:20:02] Is after a murder I hit someone with my car. Yeah, I watched them die. I went right to the writers room
[00:20:09] All amazing. Yeah, that's where I came up
[00:20:16] During Katrina I said what if there is a character who had a dick that he would offer from underneath his gun
[00:20:24] And they were like oh, yeah, oh Pierre Saint Pierre
[00:20:31] I need to do a Pierre Saint Pierre photo series immediately dude. That's amazing
[00:20:38] It's because he's just gone. Oh, yeah, there's nothing to be added to it. Yeah, you're not even really a change of venue
[00:20:46] This is close to New Orleans. Just you need to be
[00:20:50] Just maybe a king cake next to you. Yeah, like one of those tri-colored cakes right some some crawdad shells
[00:20:57] Oh, yeah, you suck dry. Yep. No one has got some of the best and worst food in the world
[00:21:01] You know, it's like something you eat will be amazing and then they're like we got spider. It's like
[00:21:12] This can't be yeah, we got bread pudding
[00:21:18] Do you remember just like a big old spaghetti those menus are real confusing you ordered the wrong thing
[00:21:31] It's not shit. No, it's not a human shit. No, okay. That came straight off a tugboat
[00:21:38] Man, the tugboat boys out there. They take a big old dump on the deck
[00:21:42] And come in they put it by on table and we heat it up a little bit
[00:21:49] Everybody's been a business 95 years. Yeah, you go to every place
[00:21:53] Excuse me black people weren't allowed to look at the turd
[00:21:56] Black man came in here looking turd. Oh, they put his ass in town
[00:22:07] That led you high yellow boys coming here look at the turd if they were if they was good a peony and
[00:22:20] I'm like yeah, the turd boy. You better look like a banana
[00:22:25] So lights yeah, I'm not to peel you and suck you all
[00:22:34] It's always fun when you took a travel video just like a hot blonde chick get kind of uncomfortable in one of these like
[00:22:43] Type of situations. Yeah, it's always the same chick was really thin hot like it's so exciting to be here
[00:22:50] And then it's like chef who's just standing a little too close. Yeah sneering at her
[00:22:54] The moment the cameras are off she's in danger
[00:22:58] Yeah, I look like a bunch of scars all over his yeah in pop eye tattoo. Yeah, he learned everything at Angola
[00:23:07] Oh fuck great city though. I love your room. Yeah, that's a good place to be
[00:23:13] Yeah, guys. Don't worry. I have plenty of topics for us to discuss for example
[00:23:17] I was watching an old episode of family feud
[00:23:19] Uh, uh, and very old Richard Dawson. Whoa. What is that? What year is that? It's like
[00:23:26] Late 70s gotcha. This motherfucker is straight up vietnam feud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:23:32] What did we not have any hand in the golf of talking bay?
[00:23:39] This motherfucker just straight up kissing women on the mouth dude. Yeah, like that's the way run in front of their husbands
[00:23:46] Dad has got to watch some fucking old alcoholic
[00:23:50] Literally feel these bitches up and kissed like tongue mouth kisses. Yeah, shit is wild, dude
[00:23:56] That's that's so that's my take on family feud. Yeah, so what do you guys think about that kind of situation?
[00:24:01] Steve harvey. Yeah, I was instantly imagining Steve harvey doing that and what
[00:24:06] Well, they have also had some hilarious guests in the past. They had louie Anderson. That's actually pure safe here
[00:24:13] Steve harvey's big break. We understand like a sex scandal that just went away
[00:24:17] Yeah, what was like one of those things guy? No, some guy was like he would just keep grabbing my dick
[00:24:29] And he keep his like gay identity under wraps because he worked with children back in the 90s and that terrible animated series life with louie
[00:24:37] That's right. I used to I used to like it buzz little kid
[00:24:40] Is that different the bobby's world of those fat men you're supposed to like as a funny child right?
[00:24:46] True, you know as a fat. I was pink in the brain. It was like that was like a strong line up. They had good. It was great
[00:24:52] Uh, man, because life with louie wasn't on wb. No, but it was on I'm trying to say it was a fox box
[00:24:57] Fox or abc. I think it was fox, but it was saturday mornings. Yes. Yeah, it was fox's cartoon programming because I remember I didn't
[00:25:06] Have access to it. I wouldn't see it very often. It was um
[00:25:10] It was like I think eke the cat life with louie eke the cat. Yeah, it was a that was a big one
[00:25:16] I don't remember that maybe I was done then cops
[00:25:22] Um, I well that's different than bobby's wb led to harpley's and zina. Yeah, you're right
[00:25:32] Chet yeah zina was such a good show. I always sucked compared to zina
[00:25:36] I mean just because zina had them titties on deck. Oh, yeah. Well gabriella was so hot dude. Was she a lesbian?
[00:25:42] Um one of them was a lesbian zina was she lawless feels like a lesbian. She's not though
[00:25:47] Okay, but she feels you see her tits in uh, she feels like she could beat kevin sorbo and like a demean
[00:25:53] Oh back then for fact that like there's a domestic go to the house kevin sorbo is a lesbian
[00:25:57] Yeah, he's got the haircut. Did you see that movie that came out two years ago with him?
[00:26:01] That does two christian movies. I love how he's rebranded
[00:26:05] No, dude. Nothing's funnier than when somebody goes hard right in christian
[00:26:10] He went he went greek mythology now doing christian mythology. Yeah
[00:26:13] Now he's like it was really old jesus zeus everything led to jesus
[00:26:17] Playing a different fictional character that never existed. Yeah, I had any of those powers
[00:26:23] That's so funny though in gree school. That's literally what they tried to do
[00:26:25] Yeah, if they would teach us about greek mythology and then we're like look at this they were they they talked about jesus coming
[00:26:32] They're like, oh, there's gonna be they just made something. What's the same thing?
[00:26:35] It's like god a three-headed dog that you read the bible. You're like, oh, this is kind of this is pretty similar
[00:26:39] The virgin birth is like yeah, whatever
[00:26:41] But like they literally tried to tell us and actually the 12 gods were like on you gods coming that's gonna be even more powerful
[00:26:49] Gods come and they just wanted like seamless and we were like yeah, I love how they say like a gay guy announces a star box
[00:26:58] Next week. Oh, well he has some fresh meat boy. Yeah, he got some good dick up under that lawn cloth
[00:27:04] We got bad news pierce a beer found in the star box
[00:27:11] These Yelp reviews. I'm gonna read them to you. I'm gonna read them to you right now
[00:27:17] I'm gonna read them to you. He's like yeah, I'm that bad read this man spit in my daughter. Do you see that beer?
[00:27:25] He made oinking noises and while jerking off
[00:27:28] Oh, don't thought not go around him was viscous
[00:27:35] Raised like a fake or if you would have him boy
[00:27:41] Somebody put a pig you walked into a fire
[00:27:43] Like a frog the deep fryer in a bowling alley. That's what it's like around some tears
[00:27:48] They'd be here at all times just smells like canola oil
[00:27:51] He's a real yellow king from truth attack
[00:27:54] I'm gonna let the ass car pit stop if the cars ran on bacon fat. Yeah
[00:28:02] Good boy. Oh, well, we're talking. Oh, yeah, Kevin Sorbo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love his rebrand man
[00:28:08] It fucking rules. He says there's nowhere to go. That's the other thing when you get to that point
[00:28:11] You kind of have to what are you gonna do? Well, Zina to her credit. She she was in uh
[00:28:17] Fuck wedding crashes. She was like the hot milky mom and we get that check
[00:28:21] You're like yes, Sorbo is like you get in that Christian freak arena
[00:28:25] Those people you probably write you you probably make more money than being kind of like a
[00:28:29] being like doing a fucking self-aware right like cameo in a lot of stuff
[00:28:35] No, you gotta be like you're right. No pay. We're doing another Christmas carol where Kevin Sorbo plays
[00:28:40] I would love to have Kevin Sorbo on the show man. Yeah, that's a dream. By the way, I'm sure it's attainable
[00:28:46] You're acting like it's not attainable. Yeah, we debate sorbo
[00:28:50] Literally an email and a southwest flight
[00:28:54] Bro, whatever the cost is you know Kevin Sorbo. I will do whatever it takes to get him on the show
[00:28:59] Yeah, just tell him it's a Christian podcast. Yeah
[00:29:02] You just tell me like we for Christian united ministries
[00:29:16] I mean that the the the the fucking like production value on the shows was basically pornography
[00:29:22] It was basically softcore porn. Yeah, it was it was it
[00:29:26] Every scene was the same would be like a bunch of peasants with jugs
[00:29:30] We get knocked over and then there just be a fight and lollas his tits were like hanging out
[00:29:36] And it was like that was every scene literally every single show. I'm trying to fuck. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:29:42] Wasn't he a famous guy? Yeah, it's uh sam rehmies brother. Oh god. I'm pretty sure
[00:29:47] Wasn't what was the last successful right? Yeah, did I just who's the guy from evil dead?
[00:29:52] Sam rehmie. No, right now. Uh, uh, cambus cambus cambus. Was he ever in zina?
[00:29:56] I feel like he was he was on a show called jack of all trades. It was part of that programming block
[00:30:02] I'm sure he's like this knowledge is amazing. I'm sure he guest started. There was some yes
[00:30:06] Yeah, they get a lot of track. A lot of cross promotion. They really did. Oh, they did honestly
[00:30:11] I loved it. Oh, it's great. I cannot get enough dude. It's great and then wrestling like wrestling was also part of that down
[00:30:16] Yeah, yeah, that was my only exposure. I remember everyone liked wrestling. I didn't have cable growing up. So like
[00:30:21] I was pretending to know yeah, yeah, that was so many conversations. You had as a kid just
[00:30:27] Know what everyone else. Oh, I pretended no idea what AOL and messenger
[00:30:31] I didn't know I had never seen south park until I was like 22 years
[00:30:37] I was like, you know nine years. I didn't have a cable. I had no nickelodeon. That was fucking brutal
[00:30:42] Everybody was talking about nickelodeon. Every fucking thing my go-to would always be like can you believe they killed Kenny again?
[00:30:48] I was like that was what I had to fucking talk about. I knew I was a jerk each other off
[00:30:55] About fucking cartoon. I remember when uh, yeah when south park came out. I didn't know it was a cartoon
[00:31:01] Everyone would talk about it. I had just zero context. Yes, show it right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No idea
[00:31:08] I just you bastard. We talk about the Simpsons. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I had the simps locked the loading of the Simpsons
[00:31:18] That's what piet's dad used to call them
[00:31:21] Which meant the knuckleheads the knuckleheads or I guess I guess typically the translation was
[00:31:31] Interesting dry head was a real I meant you're done. Why didn't he uh, just call them the simpson
[00:31:36] Yeah, what was the need for the because he's a fucking greek encrypted
[00:31:40] Grief fucking villager. He hated him. Yeah. Yeah, he only watched zina to see his hero
[00:31:46] Yeah, he was the one who saved his village bro. This guy hated he was he's so how much of a backwoods villager
[00:31:52] He was I think I talked about on the show so eldest my roommate. He haven't met
[00:31:56] I don't know if you met him tim he's albanian and to to a certain subset of dumb greek villagers
[00:32:01] Yeah, albanians are like to be spit upon okay, you know what I mean?
[00:32:05] They're like treated the way like turks are yet. No because they're like because they're lower than us
[00:32:09] Gotcha. We hate because of the yeah, ottoman empires right they they cut us gotcha
[00:32:14] But albanians are like like you how like people yes
[00:32:20] Yeah, you know undocumented workers and shit like that right they would treat him like second-class citizens
[00:32:25] It's hell in Long Island. We view uh women
[00:32:28] Exactly people that don't own homes people that don't have s uv
[00:32:34] This guy made eldest are we've grown up together. We've been friends since preschool me my it is my friend p and my friend elvis
[00:32:43] Pete's dad the villager he made elvis wait outside. He wouldn't let him in his home
[00:32:49] So he wouldn't let an albanian child in his home
[00:32:58] Dude, but that's why we're expecting that greek people they commit hard. Oh, yeah
[00:33:02] Yeah, like I don't think there's any deathbed
[00:33:05] That's so traction right now being in his home. Yeah, that's right
[00:33:09] That eldest was like friend. I keep being friends with this guy. Yeah
[00:33:12] I was like this guy's different. He's gonna change the whole thing
[00:33:16] I mean obviously we were sad about and we were like dude. Sorry
[00:33:19] Like you can come to my house like my bread's very progressive
[00:33:22] So it's interesting those friendships that are formed like in like I used to work in long island with this guy
[00:33:27] Who's like this disgusting racist and he would like say to me he'd be like he was this guy
[00:33:31] You talk like this Italian guy. He go. My daughter comes to the house with a couple of black kids
[00:33:37] My wife looks at me. I'm like, what are we gonna fucking do? I'm just horrified
[00:33:42] Like what do you mean? What are you gonna do? I'm like
[00:33:45] By the way, 2007 like he said I was horrified in the office. I'm like, what do you mean?
[00:33:50] I thought I didn't hear part of the story. I'm like, oh, was it a rape? Like what are you gonna do?
[00:33:57] And I said to my wife and my wife sat my daughter's down and she was like if you ever do that again
[00:34:03] We throw you out in the street. I'm like, oh, so you'd make your kids homeless
[00:34:08] If they bring home black like I'm like, what is this? Yeah, good
[00:34:13] This is a guy in fairness who went homeless
[00:34:17] When my boss walked in one day with a yellow tie this guy looked at my boss and went you look like a piece of mustard
[00:34:23] So he also could have been slightly retarded, you know
[00:34:35] Pierre's cousin issues outside of the convention center. We got a big weekend. We can't handle this shit like a crowd air, baby
[00:34:44] Yeah, that guy could I mean that's the other thing being stupid is shit and white
[00:34:47] I mean so many of the most racist people are just like probably retarded people and not only that because they've been
[00:34:54] And especially long island, but they have jobs like they have money like their ignorance has been rewarded
[00:35:02] So they're like why challenge this mindset that you know, but it's like when you when you like meet somebody who's like
[00:35:09] That cartoonishly racist you're almost you want to your first instincts to laugh
[00:35:13] I'm like do this a joke right here. What are we gonna do?
[00:35:21] What I'm like wait a minute. What do you like when I grew grew up at black friends? It's bad
[00:35:25] I'm like, what do you mean? Like it was bad. What are we gonna do is the best
[00:35:29] What are we gonna do this emergency you fuck? Yeah, and he's like my wife shot it down and he she told them
[00:35:35] You'll be out of this house if you do this again. I'm like do this again bring kids to the driveway
[00:35:43] I can't I can't recall ever meeting somebody that's just because it's always been couch with like I'm not racist
[00:35:51] Separate and they should be genocide it, you know
[00:35:58] They're worse than us. Yeah, right right. It's like it's worse than us. I don't I'm not apologizing for it
[00:36:04] I like I don't like other than online. I guess right well Greek people like I think I've already talked about
[00:36:10] This fucking piece of shit baht ha la busa la la
[00:36:14] That was at a restaurant just a fucking nose a stroke piece of shit died. I mean just a horrible race
[00:36:26] I think I'm very not about a Constantine his biggest one of the biggest quotes
[00:36:30] I remember this guy saying and it was like what was he a speaker like yeah, this Greek guy this Greek guy
[00:36:34] He was my friends. Oh, okay. My friend's dad. I thought he had a platform. No. No. No. He's a fucking plumber
[00:36:40] Okay, he's a fucking shitty. He's a he's a failing plumber. Yeah, he runs Athens plumbing. Yeah. Yeah
[00:36:45] Um, I think I talked I told this story where this kid george's birthday
[00:36:50] Uh, his dad was like like giving advice and he was like listen to me boys that do worst things a man can be
[00:37:07] Hold on stop rose. Where does he stop making sense?
[00:37:12] Because I gotta be honest. I've gambled and sucked some dick and he's got to be a better road
[00:37:18] You know, this is the kind of guy he loved basketball and his sons were horrible at basketball and it was like
[00:37:23] How did can you even claim that black that black people are inferior when you watch basketball?
[00:37:31] Yeah, these people aren't big on logic. Yeah, I know but it's like he was just
[00:37:35] Such a piece of shit. Yeah, most racist. Well, I mean at least he puts them above fag. It's
[00:37:42] He doesn't have a hierarchy. I mean you're making this guy out of the sound pretty bad
[00:37:47] By the way, that's because you know somehow he got fucked over gambling and someone like grabbed his dick
[00:37:52] It's so weird those two groups of people, you know, he's like there are two things in life
[00:37:57] You should never be yeah a faggot and the short-order
[00:38:03] Work at the time. It's like wait a minute. What are you what personal that they can not talk down to you?
[00:38:09] Big chef. They said Bob. Where are my eggs? Fuck you. That's where you're next
[00:38:14] How about that? Yeah, dude. He was a fucking just a piece of dog shit
[00:38:18] Uh, but these it's these fucking horrible immigrants like nothing goes well for them. Yeah, they come to a new country
[00:38:24] It's bad. Yeah, so all they take it out is their fucking wives. Right say, you know as it should be race
[00:38:36] Yeah, so yeah, if you make enough money, you don't have to get married. It's just they'll keep making new play stations
[00:38:42] That's yeah, you don't need a wife. I want to yeah. I wonder if I want a wife, dude. I want to settle down
[00:38:49] Not I mean do you see yourself as a suburban dude like because I see myself you see yourself a suburban guy
[00:38:54] Eventually getting out of this it not anytime soon
[00:38:56] But like eventually I kind of want the idea like that Bobby life just kind of being
[00:39:01] 40 minutes away. That's kind of nice. I just I pray that I will have the courage to kill myself at some point
[00:39:09] Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no problem. You won't have the courage
[00:39:12] Yeah, you'll want there'll be a point where you want to but you won't do none of that appeals to you have a house porch
[00:39:17] No, it makes me that gives me like anxiety really
[00:39:20] Yeah, there's an element of it gives me anxiety
[00:39:21] But because I think of that as quitting in a way like I can't wait it like what I mean is like it's like I think it's starting
[00:39:28] But that's like that's like that's like oh, I've done it
[00:39:31] I've achieved something and it's like the idea that I can move it kind of semi-retired
[00:39:37] Sounds nice in the same way. It's not happening forever
[00:39:39] The accumulation of like things gives me anxiety because you have more to lose. I like had like a
[00:39:46] Like a breakdown almost when I was like 21 before I moved to LA because I had my own apartment
[00:39:51] You know, I would like temp here and there but I made enough money to like yeah, you know pay for all my shit
[00:39:55] And I like put everything I wanted in my apartment. Yeah, I fucked with me
[00:39:59] I'm like I gotta get and I just yeah sold every I had a when I was 21
[00:40:03] I had a house I bought with a scam mortgage
[00:40:05] $700,000 I had a Chevy suburban. It was 44 down tank for dollar thing to fill up
[00:40:10] Filled it up with credit cards and stuff and I really I always remembered like when I was 21 I go
[00:40:14] I'll just go bankrupt like my friends would be like how you gonna for all this that would just be high and be like
[00:40:22] So it's like to me. I'm like there's no debt is prison cost live
[00:40:26] So out there and live right right right like I know yeah, I'm gonna lose it. That's my attitude
[00:40:31] Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm gonna lose it. Yeah, it's yeah, I mean by quitting. It just feels like I
[00:40:39] It's like when I I don't want that pressure of like oh, I'm gonna lose this thing
[00:40:43] It's gonna be at the point where it's like I have it. It's done
[00:40:46] No, I agree with you listen as I get older. I can't I don't think like that anymore
[00:40:49] Of course, but I'm like, you know, I was fucking I was also fucking on drugs. Oh, drugs
[00:40:54] At the end of the day. It's like that that's kind of like
[00:40:56] The way I think a lot of people think that's when you start meeting like people that are successful in business
[00:41:00] You're kind of like oh you start talking them some of them some of them are insane
[00:41:04] They're like genuinely psychotic. Oh, yeah. Oh you
[00:41:08] Don't give a fuck about anything. You're just like you're a machine that will move in one direction
[00:41:14] No matter what happens without thinking about anything
[00:41:17] These are the people that like sunny well, that's like why do you need two billion?
[00:41:21] You know, I mean why yeah your next billion? It's like those are people that I met that they're so good
[00:41:25] I won't say what network was like every minute of his days like accounted for in every question
[00:41:29] I asked him. I got like this like like very direct very short answer that was very like he didn't he was
[00:41:36] He could have been wrong. He didn't care. Yeah. He didn't care about being right or wrong. It was just like boom
[00:41:41] That's why that's why it is. Yeah. Yeah, tell me it's not. I'm like, all right, right, right?
[00:41:45] Yeah, I mean I can't fucking I can't relate to that shit. I don't know though. I don't know what the what the
[00:41:51] Dream like and like a retirement thing is I'd like to get the next thing I want to get to is an apartment
[00:41:56] That's like all mine whatever. We're just set up the way I want that it's like that's my home for the next like
[00:42:02] 10 years you have want that next stage, but the thing is I keep I worry about what I what what's next because it's like fuck
[00:42:09] My whole life of like all I want to do is be a working comedian
[00:42:16] Yeah, I'm gonna say who it is, but you know, we know a guy he's got a like very fucking nice apartment
[00:42:21] You know has that career that you want and like internally tortured. Yeah, that's everyone
[00:42:26] We know back up. We know a guy. We know all of the guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's most
[00:42:32] I tried to keep it as vague as possible. Of course like yeah, I mean that's still talking about himself. Oh
[00:42:38] Okay, you know, I'll close on that but that's the thing is is like yeah, everybody's fucked
[00:42:43] But I mean I'm also trying to we want to work on that but that's what I mean
[00:42:46] I want to get to the point where I'm happy in that thing because I feel like I'm almost happy here
[00:42:51] I mean if I didn't think I was gonna die I'd be pretty happy
[00:42:53] I just always like it was good shit and that's put like so me. I'm like things that I haven't been successful at
[00:42:58] I want to like try to learn how to do them heterosexuality is that heterosexuality?
[00:43:02] I know I could I could get a fatty playing the me. I could get a curvy Greek bitch. Yeah, nice looking dark hair
[00:43:09] Go out to fucking to verna. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man. I would see those literally
[00:43:15] Kids they're like a food. I don't care. You know, I yeah
[00:43:18] There's nothing for you. Nothing. No children. I would now if I could fuck dudes on the side
[00:43:24] And I had to marry a woman for money or a house
[00:43:27] I mean I would do it like if a chick I'd be like straight up like listen
[00:43:31] I'm gonna fuck dudes. Yeah. Yeah, there's a suburban life for you. Yeah, that's a suburban life
[00:43:36] I would have been happy in the 40s of your sons. Yeah soccer. Yeah
[00:43:41] You know listen. Well, I mean come on the guy
[00:43:43] That's nothing better. I've been in the closet and hooked up with people. I've been out of the closet. Nothing's better than being in the closet hooking up with people
[00:43:50] I mean, I know that that's probably gonna not make people happy, but I will say that's hotter
[00:43:55] This is hot. It is lying is hot. Yeah, anybody who's like this is so hot. My parents are so supportive. I'm like
[00:44:02] I get soft. I'm like I want a guy who shows up with a black eye and he's like my father
[00:44:07] Fucking punched me because he caught me jacking it to fucking with it and I'm like in here bug off some good dick
[00:44:33] Closet and dick boy. I think we the king cake boy. I'll tell you that much put them beignets up in my mouth. I put a crawfish on
[00:44:43] You're like the son's trying to sneak up the stairs. Yeah, that's like come here a second. It's like is this
[00:44:48] powdered sugar held onto your face with cum?
[00:44:58] But you say dishonesty is hot. Sorry. I mean it's just hot. It is really hot. It's hot
[00:45:03] It's it's it's only hot to that's the thing that kind of sucks about fucking as an adult versus a teenager as a teenager
[00:45:08] You're not supposed to be fucking all the fucking you're doing is happening in places where like you would be arrested if you got caught doing it
[00:45:15] Yes, I know from all the sex I had well, you know, it's like I don't know. It's an adult
[00:45:20] It's like what are we gonna fuck in my apartment that I pay for?
[00:45:24] Consentually sounds like bullshit to me
[00:45:26] But isn't it also possible that all three of us and a lot of the people we fuck have horrible problems with intimacy that we find things that are weird hot
[00:45:36] I mean, I find a lot of the prostitutes that I'm with
[00:45:51] You know, I will go back to Russia to meet my
[00:45:58] I was on a website once where kid goes what about like a kid goes like he goes
[00:46:05] He goes he's like I'm in Russia. He's like all I experience is violence and I want to get out of Russia and I'm okay
[00:46:15] I don't know what you think yeah, yeah, this is are you gonna beat off on camera? Not yeah
[00:46:19] Yeah, when you say I was on a website it was because this is I've seen a lot of websites
[00:46:25] Yeah, no, whatever you're describing doesn't know it was it's seeking arrangements. Oh, it's like it's like a it's like a sugar date daddy
[00:46:31] Baby website you and I go on it and I'm like hey you want to have a nice dinner and they're like yeah
[00:46:36] What about a monthly allowance? I'm like hey, how about a fucking shellfish tower, right?
[00:46:40] And you enjoy you suck off, you know, so I could stop taking ray come out
[00:46:44] I'm out some fucking NYU student who just wants a ribeye right and one kid message me
[00:46:50] He's like and one kid message me's like I want to leave Russia. I'm like well. This is oh, yeah
[00:46:55] This is a very different this seems odd. I'm trying to I'm trying to trade fucking blowjob supporter houses
[00:47:00] Yeah, but essentially that website is a form of prostitution
[00:47:05] Yeah, I had a girl that does it on my podcast where she was talking about like
[00:47:09] You know, oh, I got I'm on an allowance all these guys they do this that and the other thing for me
[00:47:13] And then you're like you're like, oh no, this is just you're just fine. You're a whore. Yes. It's nice
[00:47:19] Um should we should I go and seeking arrangement? I tried to post one of
[00:47:23] Myself when I was you know what it is. Here's the thing with that website
[00:47:26] I don't really use it a lot, but it's like it's just fun like here's the thing you're on seeking arrangement
[00:47:30] You become you're a nine. I'm a nine because like all these 75 year olds. Oh, absolutely
[00:47:36] Yeah, you're like a nine not seeking right my friend my friend just a good looking dude
[00:47:40] He goes on it doesn't give anyone anything and just fox whoa interesting. Yeah, he just fox, you know
[00:47:45] Oh, I like this idea. Yeah, I'm gonna get on I just want to hear him or boys that I can be like a harem of girl
[00:47:51] I mean I refuse to believe there's any website where stav is a nine. Come on. Well, it is. He's a set listen
[00:47:57] You know, it's it's a fucking you know first of all I'm cute as hell. Okay. One day make a toothless dating website
[00:48:04] The only difference between you and pure saint p. Air is the accent
[00:48:07] Yes, just very charming guy. He's a pillar of this community
[00:48:13] I love the idea of like local P L L E R local
[00:48:17] Local town meetings discussing like they have like a blackboard with issues and they're like post-Katrina cleanup
[00:48:25] Education PR saying he's a third thing that has to be addressed what that though thing so y'all not I can't read
[00:48:34] Yo, gosh about bs a beer now, you know the rules keep my name out
[00:48:40] You want to put my dick inside is there any way we can all like crowdfund the coal intent to place over him
[00:48:50] He'll just shout out the tent. We've tried
[00:48:54] Nothing will stop it. We had two weeks. We were constantly feeding him cotton candy
[00:48:59] Yes, mousheye. We made the poison a little bit stronger
[00:49:04] We made a poisonous cotton candy. Yeah, p. Air Saint Pierre. Let me show him he was eating blood of a turtle shell
[00:49:11] Was his love of mice in the area dead after feeding on his droppings
[00:49:15] That class occasion meal. Yeah, bloody turtle
[00:49:24] Turtles you just eat it and your stomachs burning you're like
[00:49:27] What some of the food down there so high? Yeah, what is the point of this? Like where does this?
[00:49:32] Mm-hmm. We daffa quit my boy. Oh, this turd isn't spicy enough
[00:49:46] Only black I have a third or two with magic y'all
[00:49:48] I was anyone was a couple years ago with uh aerial lius and uh
[00:49:59] I think scotland green. We went to some restaurant that had just opened up
[00:50:03] Literally they'd opened up like an hour prior right wait was either
[00:50:07] Maybe was that hell we lied to get uh aerial's dog in the restaurant. We said she had like a disability or something
[00:50:14] So we could bring the dog. I think I was it went to brunch
[00:50:16] We had to brunch and that waiter who would like just gotten out of prison who like told us
[00:50:21] I was there. I was there. Yeah. It was an old for the top brunch
[00:50:24] It was like a cheesy over the top jazz themed place. Yes. It was what it was called like jazz
[00:50:29] Right, right, right. It was horrible. It was like it was worse food. Yeah, but I just remember that waiter that was like
[00:50:35] You know one of those guys who's so happy to not be in jail anymore
[00:50:38] But you're just worried about not pissing them off right right right right?
[00:50:49] The idea of that is crazy because that's the worst job so to get out of jail service industry and become and then you're like
[00:50:57] Dealing with people. There's just complaining about fucking everything. Yeah, you survived
[00:51:01] That's how you quickly get sent back to prison right. I mean that's interacting with the public
[00:51:05] Yeah, is there anyone worse and more drunk with power than a restaurant manager?
[00:51:09] Uh, the number one job for like a cheesecake fact. Yes, you get out of prison should immediately get a job at the firewood place
[00:51:17] Hell yeah, no, there's nothing worse like a manager like an apple bees on a busy saturday night when they're like they're acting like it's a rocket launch
[00:51:26] Everybody's got those buzzing beeping things
[00:51:32] You're in this section and it's like you want to just stop them. Be like your life is horrible
[00:51:36] Yeah, this is so bad. Yeah, he just has a fucking double whiskey. Yeah afterwards. He's like
[00:51:42] Did it again after the day he's sitting at the bar like a nom fat right now exactly he's like man friday night half price apps
[00:51:50] We did it again. That's the big loser thing that they say
[00:51:54] That's something like did it again boys. Yeah, see you next I worked in a I worked in a game stop
[00:52:00] It was a seasonal employee to GameStop and I was outside in the back having a cigarette with uh the manager and the assistant manager
[00:52:07] And then like maybe two other guys that worked there were all just smoking and the manager was like, uh,
[00:52:14] We did 1.1 million in sales every the last two months and the fucking assistant manager is exhaling a cigarette and like shaking his fists in the air like
[00:52:21] We fucking did it. Oh, yeah, you don't see any of that money. Yeah, he cares. First of all, we're not sales many. Yeah
[00:52:32] There's no bear nobody's like yeah, you know what I think I will get the new grand theft auto because I like the way that autistic guy wiped the cheese
[00:52:39] Off his shirt long enough for me to hand them $60. Yeah, I feel comfortable doing business here in this game
[00:52:46] Right head work make me in a good home. I'm really good with the 37 year old man wearing a legend dude
[00:52:52] I watched it cap dude. I watched a cell phone. I had a cell phone salesman
[00:52:56] It's sprint in a long island strip mall sprint store. Yeah, just the store was just closing
[00:53:01] I come in and I'm like dude. I need a phone. I'm just I need a new phone
[00:53:07] This is like he gets like 70 dollars if he takes this whole transaction right from beginning to end
[00:53:11] He gets to a point where he has to call up sprint to like get some like agreement wave or some bullshit
[00:53:19] You know, it's not going through like they keep hanging up on him
[00:53:22] And he's like he's got his head in his hands
[00:53:25] I could feel it. He's so angry and he's like he's like I'm really sorry man
[00:53:28] I'm sitting there like an hour now. I gotta make a train. I'm like I gotta get on a train and like he's just like uh
[00:53:34] So he's the last time and then the person just he like picks up
[00:53:37] You can see him pick up real angry and he's like and then the person we're gonna put your hold
[00:53:44] And he gets disconnected. He's like heading his hands. He just looks at me
[00:53:47] He's like he's like up and he just starts writing on this piece like paper. What are you doing?
[00:53:57] We'll try to make this happen. I'm very sorry and he just hands me his name
[00:54:02] Written on a piece of paper. Like if I come back to that like oh
[00:54:06] I'm stupid. It was just like and it was just such a sad shit because listen
[00:54:10] But at least like in real estate you think like if I sell something I'm gonna turn it around
[00:54:14] This guy's literally because sales is all equally hard like yeah
[00:54:18] I can walk out of that cell phone store
[00:54:19] Just like you could walk out of a $600,000 house
[00:54:21] The thing is if you buy that house I make 30 grand if I buy that that guy gets pizza for two days
[00:54:28] That's how I share your cell phone guys. Oh my god. It's a terrible fucking job
[00:54:36] And you like helping people like I like buying a phone and I buy the fucking shitty expensive charger
[00:54:40] Because I'm like fuck it. Why not right right but then if you can't even sell it to me. It's like oh god
[00:54:45] Yeah, that's brutal. It's rough. What a fucking horrible existence that guy lives. It's tough
[00:54:54] Yeah, because the retail managers delude themselves into thinking they're those guys while they make $23,000 a year
[00:55:01] Right, right, you know and it's like that's a much where there's no bonuses more than that right no
[00:55:06] You like the fucking manager to like a shoe store or some shit
[00:55:10] Yeah, probably like 25 grand a year really yeah, no you make 35k a year
[00:55:15] Nope, well you make 35k selling oxies in the parking lot
[00:55:18] Right, right, right. You ain't living off you
[00:55:22] You're managing like a suncoast video. You're probably getting like
[00:55:25] My mother I was when I was an actress little kid one of the god clearly a pedophile director of these shows
[00:55:31] I was in this guy named Scott who came up to me once he's got saying Scott
[00:55:35] He came up to me once I was like tan. He's like hello young girls
[00:55:43] So every I always thought like the manager of every suncoast was just a pedophile
[00:55:48] No, I'm like every time I was in the mall. I would walk by suncoast big and that's where the pedophiles work
[00:55:54] So it's a very pedophilic store. Yes, it's like yeah, we're gonna go black leather and not a poster
[00:56:01] Yeah, and then there's like a poster of like a child rape den. Yes. Yes
[00:56:04] Yes, it's a poster of like fucking some 10-year-old kid from some pirate movie
[00:56:08] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then just a fat greasy manager who's like do you want any help?
[00:56:15] Let's talk about that's rough. That's your favorite movie your people just the idea like working in a store in a mall
[00:56:21] Brood is a rough thing. Yeah, that's a rough one. I mean, it's rough dude
[00:56:25] That's every day. It's funny if it's like something you do for six months or something
[00:56:30] Like I kind of want to get a stupid job as a bit
[00:56:32] But then I'm like damn that's someone's life. No, you can't do that dude. I wanted to go to the Florida project hotel
[00:56:40] Instagram video my friends like what my friend calls me goes because I was like down here in Orlando
[00:56:44] He's like people live like that's a real thing people and I'm like oh, you're right
[00:56:48] Then I realized I'm like what a piece of shit. Yeah, like I would be yeah to go to that and be like hey look at me
[00:56:55] Ironically doing this year. Yeah, I was like, oh you're you're so right. I don't even know why I thought that would have been okay
[00:57:01] Yeah, because we our lives are so taken away from reality. We're just always what's acceptable
[00:57:08] Right. We're trying to be funny all the time. You realize it like oh, this is inhumane
[00:57:14] My bad I'm doing an Instagram live video where I urinate on a homeless person
[00:57:22] Drink to soda and what they don't know about hell who would have problem the deal? Sorry
[00:57:26] I'm a comedian somebody pithin on me. I don't have any empathy and I'll do anything after a joke
[00:57:32] Meeting they're like are you he's a youtube star now?
[00:57:49] Five down a month. I say you bottom up with it
[00:57:55] I'll get over the pussy dripping out of my tongue and I'll bottle it. This is a show the all the angel with red
[00:58:13] They don't know what to do with them to keep trying to throw them out
[00:58:15] Yeah, we needed somebody to suck the swamp water out every woman's
[00:58:19] This man, this man, the older man brave enough to suck that BP tainted swamp water out of every cootin'
[00:58:32] Ain't no problem with a little crude oil in a putha.
[00:58:35] That's actually my favorite type of lube.
[00:58:37] My favorite thing to do is scrub the clit off a little toothbrush.
[00:58:46] You gotta suck all that swamp water out there and then brush down that clit like a hurt seagull.
[00:58:58] I load a clean up of the phtha of the putha.
[00:59:08] Yeah, I've read a coverage of it and was like, they haven't released any more information
[00:59:12] other than his age and that he was white.
[00:59:16] Well it's like of course we knew he was white.
[00:59:20] He's a neo-Nazi white supremacist guy, right?
[00:59:24] He's blowing up prominent black families.
[00:59:25] You're you know and that is terrorism he's trying to like can't call a straight up
[00:59:29] terrorist because they're not trying to affect political change but like that guy like this.
[00:59:34] And New York Times like don't write a fucking article about like well the plant closed down
[00:59:42] Did the New York Times, did they do that?
[00:59:44] They've done that with a few white supremacists.
[00:59:48] They keep doing this where it's like pieces about white supremacists.
[00:59:51] Yeah they keep doing it where it's kind of annoying and I'm not even one of these dudes
[00:59:54] who's like I'm not always like the war footing but it's like stop writing about like well
[01:00:01] What was this guy going to do except get into Nazism?
[01:00:07] You know jobs fleeed from to the city and you know there was anxiety so you know mine
[01:00:18] He decided yeah got to go bald completely right right what matches with this yeah.
[01:00:23] There was a sale on Doc Martin's that same day right too many fucking factors came together.
[01:00:33] Yeah wait a minute we have to this guy died.
[01:00:40] What if he was a fucking plant dude stay woke on that shit.
[01:00:42] Oh I don't know you know they blew him up.
[01:00:49] Alex Jones would be on tonight be like this is clearly a pattern.
[01:00:52] This guy is has nothing to do with this.
[01:01:00] God forbid an actual actor ever commits it.
[01:01:09] You can see him in the background of this scene in France.
[01:01:17] Yeah you know Matt LeBlanc's got his own fucking sitcom again.
[01:01:22] He's on CBS just gray haired with some ugly lady according to Joe.
[01:01:26] That's gotta be you gotta be going into work every day just going well you know this is
[01:01:33] When you go to LA and you have meetings on those like the big studios you see all these
[01:01:35] people doing these shitty shows and nobody watches.
[01:01:37] You're all walking around in the death knell.
[01:01:49] They're just like to LeBlanc for getting another check.
[01:01:53] The entertainment industry can be sort of a trap because they pay you so much money to not
[01:01:59] Because it's so close to doing the thing you want to do.
[01:02:03] Which is to have some sort of like creative recognition from your peers you know or to like make something that's
[01:02:07] like you get paid $11,000 a week to produce.
[01:02:11] And it's like you know who's going to the bathroom a reality show.
[01:02:16] We put cameras in people's bathrooms after they get an appointment with Geek Squad.
[01:02:22] No it's like it's like sort of a cross-between drama and reality.
[01:02:26] It's always funny when people use me with a production company.
[01:02:28] They tell you the other things they produce and they're embarrassed.
[01:02:32] Um, why was that a meeting and guy goes like this.
[01:02:35] He goes, uh, we do, uh, you know, you do a lot of things.
[01:02:47] You know, you know, Barbara Cedric's funny.
[01:02:58] No, we do a show called Steve Harvey's giant suit off.
[01:03:01] We're two middle-aged black guys come in and see who has the dumber suit.
[01:03:07] We're real proud of what we've been up to.
[01:03:09] We're real proud of our current line of shows.
[01:03:15] I feel like we're just getting rolling.
[01:03:26] I got to plug a, uh, tomorrow Boston, uh, second show added, right?
[01:03:29] I forgot to promote it really too hard.
[01:03:30] So I think we only sold like 60 tickets or so.
[01:03:32] That's not bad for the second show though.
[01:03:34] What's, uh, what's the total capacity there?
[01:03:36] I don't know because they told me it was a hundred.
[01:03:42] So you guys want to come to that second show?
[01:03:46] Uh, and then also we have funny moms on the, uh, 26th.
[01:03:52] Uh, Tim will be on a future where he's not on that one.
[01:03:55] He's on, I think the, who knows the 16th anyway.
[01:04:02] No, every time it's something coming up.
[01:04:07] So please come to Funny Moms on the 26th guys and Go see Nick in Boston.
[01:04:11] That was a fucking great, uh, great fucking show.
[01:04:14] You guys are going to have a ton of fun.
[01:04:15] So, and again, sorry I couldn't make the Philly guys.
[01:04:17] I was really fucked up, uh, but I'm going to reschedule soon and I want to come out there.