Cum Town | Regular | 04/05/2018
[00:00:41] I love to do this a lot of each section.
[00:00:57] Wow, I'm glad you're doing better after she sucks your thing
[00:01:06] My ass, but now I have a marriage marriage the same say
[00:01:14] My rape day labor you did a lot better things are going for me because I got fired from the parking lot
[00:01:25] Well, not my husband he take care of me. That's awesome. I got fired for complaining about the lady
[00:01:35] Home Depot parking lot they said I violated the show
[00:01:39] Mm-hmm. There's a shoulder silence the show of silence
[00:01:58] It would be cool if your dick made like a little just a small little noise when you come just a little it does like a
[00:02:04] Like I sing like the weekend every time I come
[00:02:13] About combined be chode black entertainment sure like code black what's code about Mountain Dew
[00:02:29] Yeah, yeah great grandfather world war two. Yeah, it's like chode breaker. Yeah, the neo goes into the control room when
[00:02:40] He's like do you always look at it and showed?
[00:02:44] Like yeah, that's the only way to look at the matrix, you know works for the construct
[00:02:48] Well, I see is blonde showed redhead chose brunette showed
[00:02:51] I like they do just a little chodes on the screen. They're all wearing little business suits and shit
[00:03:01] That's right. I do a chode switching whenever I'm talking to black
[00:03:13] It makes a lot of sense man. That's awesome. Oh
[00:03:16] Oh fuck boys, so I guess we I should address this what there's a controversy
[00:03:24] Question as to whether or not I'm posting shirtless pictures. I'm not posting them
[00:03:28] I am sexting with women and gay men. Yes, and which I will not stop doing
[00:03:43] Well, they said feedback there's nothing wrong with sexting with gay guys look
[00:03:48] I'm in a committed relationship. It's dangerous to sex women. I won't do that
[00:03:52] But I'll I'll text other guys about how I don't want to fuck them or whatever
[00:03:57] How I would do it if I had to hear my lats because that's that's called being a good boyfriend
[00:04:02] Yeah, if someone had your family poisoned in the antidote was in the gay man's dick
[00:04:07] How would you get it out right doing those kind of hypotheticals with other guys with the same problem?
[00:04:12] I have wait, so you said a dick pic to a dick pic. No, what is it?
[00:04:17] Yeah, it was mad about that you're strong. Yeah, people like I honestly
[00:04:21] I'm humiliated because it was a progress photo. I'm not done yet
[00:04:25] If you if you're mad now wait till I get under 10% you fucking it is it's like showing the painting half painted exactly
[00:04:32] Yeah, yeah people like their clowns to look to look like shit. Yeah, yeah
[00:04:37] They don't like me dude sucks. It sucks that we're all beautiful as fuck. Yeah, that's yeah
[00:04:41] Everyone gets on our asses for looking except Adam looking good and having proportional nose sizes to the rest of their face
[00:04:49] And yeah, yeah, dude. That was a gay ass pick. I think I saw it. I thought you did post it
[00:04:53] Well, you posted what I wouldn't put I wouldn't post a full-on shirtless picture. Is it on Twitter?
[00:04:58] Yeah, I want to see I feel like someone tango of us in it. Yeah
[00:05:02] Well, that was funny that text exchange with you at Evan's he's like that's a wee exchange
[00:05:12] Why why work out if you're not gonna send nude pictures to your friends to compare body
[00:05:21] Women I don't care. I don't give a shit, but women think what the fuck the women know
[00:05:27] They're like what's a dumbbell and a barbell
[00:05:29] Yeah, can you just get out of the way not Julia though Julia?
[00:05:36] So hot dude, it would be like fucking an animal
[00:05:42] Yeah, like if there was like a like a pig or something, you know, you're on a farm for months or whatever
[00:05:49] Yeah, the first couple of days. It's just a pig and then after you know weeks go by you forget your wife
[00:05:54] And then you're like what's that pig up to yeah, I just want to hang out with a first
[00:05:59] Yeah, that kind of happened to me except instead of a farm. It's my room instead of a pig. It's my Instagram feed
[00:06:04] Yeah, it's just filled with Russian people with weird bodies
[00:06:09] I'm trying to think if I've been beating off to anyone strange lately. I don't beat off to Julia. Yeah, you do
[00:06:15] No, I don't yeah, you just first of all I need no I need massive amounts of pornography nine screens the Mortal Kombat team plan. Yeah
[00:06:29] You know I gotta be upside down. Yes. Yeah on ketamine. That's hot. Yeah
[00:06:35] You can't jack off on ketamine, right? I can do whatever I want
[00:06:39] But like you most people can you can't tell me what I'm allowed to do with my body
[00:06:43] I'm not my body my choice. I'm glad my body my choice. My body my choice. I'm right about that
[00:06:49] Yeah, dude, you know what I figure I'm gonna be dead in probably two years consider
[00:06:55] I don't know man. I gotta do something about this heart
[00:06:57] I'm sorry wake up in the middle of my night and I have like chest pains of my heart's pounding and I'm sweating and it's like
[00:07:02] Oh, yeah, this has just been happening and it's I haven't really thought about it. Yeah
[00:07:07] So I've been needing a lot of dark track
[00:07:09] Someone dms needs to say that that we should tell you to stop doing cocaine and I said that you're not doing
[00:07:17] Okay, yeah, they're like yeah Nick Nick's doing everything to lower his blood pressure except for doing stopping doing massive amounts of cocaine
[00:07:27] People think we do cocaine all the time people think that we're on thing is and you can't yet
[00:07:30] You can't really deny it because as soon as you deny doing cocaine then you become a cocaine act right exactly
[00:07:36] So you kind of say yes, you have to just let people think that you're doing blow constantly when really you're only doing it
[00:07:47] Yeah, I for real. That's the one thing I have I think I'm not gonna do anymore because I am it does fuck your heart up
[00:07:52] And I don't know that I could be rolling the dice. Yeah, you got you got it's either fucking cheesesteaks or cocaine
[00:07:58] And I was surprised the restraint you showed with that birthday cake it
[00:08:02] Uh Kaylee's birthday party the other night. Oh, yeah, how was that I was sick?
[00:08:06] It was fun. It was not wasn't it was fun. No, it was no one was there
[00:08:14] Fuck god damn it Chinese right before you sneeze. Yeah, that's like a thing about yeah
[00:08:19] Why did you do it with your own? You know, I was like the highest thing
[00:08:26] Yeah, that rating yeah, dude. I've watched Mortal Kombat again the other day
[00:08:30] Oh, can they introduce a great in and they're like we didn't and he looks up and it's just the least Chinese person in the world
[00:08:38] That it might as well just be a man in blackface. It's that like offensive
[00:08:47] Like a hi-hat symbol looks up and it's just fucking you have to understand the power you have
[00:08:54] It's high Lambert with this weird down syndrome list. Oh, yes
[00:08:59] He's like Belgian or some shit. He's Belgian who and he's also still the reason I got banned from baseball
[00:09:08] Wait, he's highlander, right? I feel like it's like French people are constantly trying to prove they have genitals
[00:09:14] Mm-hmm. You know because they true most of them don't that's true. That's why them are smooth. Yeah, JCVD is always doing the splits
[00:09:21] Well, the way they sell so bad if they don't have not to but Elton's are just French. Nope half of them aren't they're Flemish
[00:09:27] The half of them speak like Dutch right this blemish. Yeah, they're full of me
[00:09:32] Flu Flemish duches the waffles and and clogs and shit. Yeah wind bills
[00:09:39] Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah French fries. I got two books right here. Oh, they got good-ass fucking mail and you know, of course you're forgetting
[00:09:48] Blazer we've every institution. Yeah, I think I'm gonna answer him and just smoke weed cuz I'm gay
[00:09:53] I told you last time you went. Why don't you do it? I didn't know why I didn't but it didn't grab me at that point
[00:09:59] You're gonna pay for the best pay for the best. Yeah, you know not like
[00:10:04] The United States legal someone who knows this should be this should be like a whole escape room thing
[00:10:09] Like in addition to prostitute. Why do I keep hearing that?
[00:10:12] Because you interrupt people when they I didn't explain what the concept is and then you don't ever hear what in a
[00:10:19] Scaper I was just adding to where you yeah continue. Yeah, somebody over here loves adding
[00:10:31] So what's going on what's going on with the escape room here Nick? It's a good thing you pay for what is he what was he getting at?
[00:10:38] So hold on my account just got back to me with the penalty
[00:10:43] Mm-hmm. Anyway, yeah, so the joke the shitty joke is gonna make it there's
[00:10:49] What do you read the email you're getting about your finances? Yeah, okay, so the
[00:10:55] Nick was very worried about it the health care penalty was getting for shared responsibility multiply line 4x695
[00:11:06] Enter 2085 of course so line 4x695 for each month. Cool. Yeah, the maximum penalty is 2085. So I don't know how he got to
[00:11:27] Well, you should email him back on the podcast. I
[00:11:35] Anyways, yeah escape room plus what did you get hired the prostitute?
[00:11:39] But do you also get to you know, it's Liam Neeson's daughter's you have to like figure out how to kidnap
[00:11:48] Yeah, I would yeah, I would just like the fucker and then and then just leave yeah leave or maybe we can hang out
[00:11:55] Watch a movie. Oh, that's the girlfriend GFE. I'd like to see if he yeah, how do you feel about on like
[00:12:04] Prostitute list postings on the internet. They call
[00:12:07] Assex Greek when they say no freak. I love you like that. That's cool
[00:12:11] That's fucking ethnic prize far as I'm concerned
[00:12:13] Did you think at first that it just meant no Greeks like they know I knew also a Greek pregnancy
[00:12:18] It is when so you fuck someone in the ass and then it trickles and the jizzam
[00:12:24] Trickles from their asshole to their pussy speaking of the YouTube shooter lady
[00:12:28] Which is how all me and my brothers and every Greek person ever was conceived. Oh really? Yeah, oh where I come from
[00:12:34] That's called the New Jersey turnpike. Oh really? Yeah, that's where you do all different types of sex stuff. Mm-hmm
[00:12:43] It's in that analogy the turnpike is sort of the avenue between the asshole and the pussy interest. Yeah
[00:12:50] Mm-hmm. You give her, you know a nice Tennessee pile driver
[00:12:54] You give her you know kind of the the smoking dragon. What's the smoking dragon?
[00:12:58] It's where you are getting head and right before you bust you jam it right in her throat. So she
[00:13:10] Having smoke come out of it sounds awesome. Yeah, that sounds pretty cool
[00:13:14] I I thought it was when you kill a Komodo dragon
[00:13:17] And she puts the skin on and you fuck her. Yeah, you know and then you set her on fire
[00:13:23] I it smokes. I'd love to fuck a lizard bitch. Anyway, Nick. How's your emails going? It's good
[00:13:30] I just got emailing back cuz I mean I'm not gonna pay an extra $400 for penalty. That would be egregious
[00:13:38] I mean it is egregious. Sorry. This just came up, but I mean it's like this is blatantly fucking incorrect
[00:13:43] Yeah, it probably can't wait 45. I don't know. I mean no it really can't
[00:13:48] I mean it's like this shit needs to be filed
[00:13:52] You pay somebody a bunch of money to do something and something is basic is filling out a fucking worksheet. Hey, man
[00:13:57] Yeah, I'm not the customer service person. Yeah, well you said read the email and get mad about it on the show
[00:14:05] You're right we know that your anger is good for your heart. It's the fuel. There's nothing I can do about
[00:14:10] I was I've been drinking like I've been drinking tea to try and like but then I get pissed off and how long it takes to see
[00:14:19] And I'm like burning my lips on hot water. I'm just fucking mad. I just
[00:14:24] I just wanted to paint us this apprentice at where that where Janice goes to anger management. Uh-huh and
[00:14:31] That's awesome. She's only true therapy and she's like anger management. Sorry Jack Nicholson and Adam
[00:14:36] Great flick man. Why are you so bad? I'm not man. You're mad
[00:14:45] You're a trailer you're I am it's me mad Jack here for anger management starring me and
[00:14:53] And Ben Goldfarb whatever is that I love seeing him in his civilians these days where he's just wearing like
[00:15:11] Like loose fitting workout clothes. Best find of all time
[00:15:15] Not the best but a top vine is him and Justin Bieber just meeting on the street. Oh, yeah
[00:15:22] I was trying to work on a character for stand-up gay Jack Nicholson
[00:15:41] You did it you did card put it in an asshole
[00:15:47] There's that great Norm McDonald's schedule is like the first two gay guys
[00:15:51] And it's Norman Will Ferrell and Norma. Oh, yeah
[00:15:55] He's like hey, why don't we try and I'm like hey, why don't we try this and we'll throw just like
[00:16:19] I'm gay opportunity who are the sent of a man
[00:16:30] Yeah, you know this is a really open-ended bit
[00:16:36] That's the beauty of it dude honestly let's just stop recording and put that in like a packet
[00:16:41] That's right. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?
[00:16:45] How about and then at the end they say gay from New York. It's Saturday night. Yes. Wow. It's a play on the classic
[00:16:56] I would love to turn it in SNL back at this like that's like hey everybody
[00:17:01] Thanks for coming to my press conference first. I just wanted to say I'm gay and a baby
[00:17:06] I'm gay and I love to go to the bathroom in my pants
[00:17:09] That's the president drove. Well, how could you say that? Oh because I'm stupid and I'm bad at being president
[00:17:18] I'm a gay idiot and I'm bad and I'm really stupid and I love being skewered by
[00:17:31] Damn dude, should we go to Harvard? We should we should go to Harvard the lampoon, you know and like yep the
[00:17:37] Show them the slamp the slamp the slam. We've made that joke for
[00:17:47] Take that everyone went to the Harvard Lampoon school of the come town slampoons. Yeah, yeah
[00:17:53] That's we should start a competing magazine. Mm-hmm. The come town slam people would actually read that shit, you know
[00:17:59] It would just be picket the pictures. Yeah, it would just be picture to oh, yeah
[00:18:02] Yeah, but they read those pictures of titties, but it would be like captures were like nice
[00:18:08] The guy that gets mad magazine he thinks it's for guys that are pissed off. He's like what is this? This is just all fucking jokes
[00:18:16] Tares it up on the subway. Wow. He has a heart attack
[00:18:27] Oh fuck yeah, I'm gonna start a gym called pissed Jim. Mm-hmm. Just got for guys that are pissed off
[00:18:36] Oh, yeah, you coming here. You better be fucking pissed. That's gold's Jim, isn't it?
[00:18:41] Jim pissed. No, they're happy. Is that the Dundalk one?
[00:18:45] The Dundalk gold's Jim is gold shims a little aggressive. Yeah, it could be kind of
[00:18:49] Intimidating a lot of lungs. No, thank you. I like one of Jim where they got a lung alarm. Yeah rear
[00:19:00] Only just do get the elliptical dude. I went to fucking plane of fitness and I was like I want to go to plan fitness and like
[00:19:06] Loudly and very visibly and smell all these shit myself in the Smith machine
[00:19:11] That'd be cool. And then when they come over to clean up the mess and get mad at me, you know
[00:19:15] Well, what happened to the no judgment zone?
[00:19:24] You fucking bring you have sex with a child in a planet
[00:19:31] Yeah, sir, can you please stop jagging off the child porn on the both legs
[00:19:35] Well, I guess you could just call me the Aaron Brockovich who planted fitness. I've discovered a flaw in the system
[00:19:50] What's that movie Aaron Brock which about some dumb bitch that figures out water's bad. Yeah, but she's got big
[00:19:57] Yeah, nice cans. Yeah, that's gotta be the funniest Hollywood pairing
[00:20:04] Truly a Robert's yeah one of them is black and the other one's yeah
[00:20:10] Uh, no, or she's married to like Lyle. Love it. Isn't she she was. I don't know if she still is. Yeah, he's cool, dude
[00:20:16] I like I love it. He looks like there was like a fire at the wax museum. He's gonna fucked up Adam's apple
[00:20:22] Yeah, I like that. He's an ugly guy with a hot girlfriend ugly guy big ampele big nose. Yeah
[00:20:27] He liked those kind of guys Adam. Yeah. Yeah a lot a lot
[00:20:31] Yeah, cuz I don't respect straight up and stop being gay
[00:20:36] Straight up and I've never heard his being gay. That's like what he has. Straight never started being gay. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good
[00:20:44] I guess I support the message certainly behind it. Yeah, I confuse him and uh that guy Chris Isaac. Yeah. Yeah, we're very similar
[00:20:52] Uh, he acts and stuff. What is Lyle loving in he's in like a bunch of David Lynch movies. He's kind of creepy. Yeah, yeah, he acts
[00:20:59] He's like straight fucks good. You think he fucked Julia Roberts good. Uh, no she's that she actually has
[00:21:12] You know what the runaway bride was doing she was running away to suck dick. Yeah to this ocean is five and a half
[00:21:24] Oh, yeah, dude, that's me skinny dipping
[00:21:26] It's just you like winking at George Clooney and smiling at matt daman nude
[00:21:40] What was the last one did 13 to they have a 13 now they're doing lady oceans. Yeah oceans eight
[00:21:45] I felt like that's they don't get as many. I feel like they've been fucking saying that for a while
[00:21:50] Yeah, I think Rihanna's one of the hey oceans hate what are they gonna get three quarters of the fucking
[00:21:59] Yeah, three fifths. Yeah, they're all black
[00:22:03] Yeah, now oceans eight is uh four women walk into a casino and they cry until somebody
[00:22:11] Is they just they they pull their fucking tits out and stand next to some high roller until he just gives them money
[00:22:17] That's pretty good. Yeah, the perfect crime. Yeah, that's Sharon stone's character in uh
[00:22:22] Casino. Yeah, which I just watched the first two thirds of recent fatal attraction. It's such a good movie
[00:22:29] Yeah, we're talking about fatal attraction. No casino
[00:22:32] Michael because you get slopped off a lot in that Michael Douglas
[00:22:35] Yeah, he grabs women's heads and he shoves them on his dick
[00:22:39] And that is how I learned how to get Michael tugless and he's incapable of jacket
[00:22:48] Michael Douglas stars as himself and Michael Douglas
[00:22:54] Damn it if there's one thing I want to do is just to make love to my own
[00:23:04] He's never Michael Douglas has never referred to his dick. He's anything other than his penis
[00:23:09] Yeah, I can't wait to put my penis in the china
[00:23:20] Insert my penis my man. Do you into your your love making vagina?
[00:23:31] She's by the way and by the way after she got sword fucked by zoro. No, thanks, baby
[00:23:35] Yep, you know our pussies just all cut up from that blade big Z
[00:23:42] Right above her pussy. Yeah, the plane is chopped off
[00:23:53] She got bladed at real Keith. Yeah, I used to fuck a captain's a judge
[00:23:57] A lot of people wonder what my voice sounds like this is because I went down on Kevin's a to Jones. I got mouth cancer
[00:24:05] I got pussy eating cancer from Kevin's a to Jones. Yeah, that's what I fucked up with my blade
[00:24:09] She's sweet Michael Douglas by the way. Just sweet will Keith. Did he also get pussy eating cancer? Um, probably that's why he looks like that
[00:24:17] He has a speech impediment. Mm-hmm. That guy rules
[00:24:21] Yeah, imagine being that unfuckable and being like, well time to live my life publicly on the internet
[00:24:29] So the time to make videos of my sword collection
[00:24:34] Do you think how many times in his life do you think that guy's fucked? Uh zero you think absolutely zero
[00:24:43] I really don't just buy some rent fair. This is probably way more virgins than you think they're on
[00:24:48] No, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's probably way more people than having fucked
[00:24:52] I don't know you think yeah, I don't know how many people in the world
[00:24:55] There's probably more people than having fucked and there's more people that have murdered than you think
[00:24:59] Ooh, I like this take well you think more definitely more people haven't fucked than murdered. I think one and every 20 people is murdered
[00:25:08] How many people have fucked I was talking about getting a gun the other day. Well, I guess I should keep that
[00:25:12] I know this is what I want to say. You get plexico'd. Yeah, what's plexico plexico burris this uh
[00:25:19] He fell wider sea ruse shot himself in the leg at a club and then went to jail
[00:25:24] I got a ton like what four years for shooting himself. Yeah shooting himself. Yeah, what a cell phone. Yeah epic
[00:25:30] Um, yeah, the uh the gun laws really suck here, but apparently we can go up to vermont and get guns really easy
[00:25:37] Oh nice. Yeah, bernie style. Yeah, bernie's a big
[00:25:41] Bernie's a big fan of guns, right? Well, they try to say that bernie fucks with a
[00:25:45] I saw him with his shirt off fucking shooting two hours one on each hand sucking a gun off
[00:25:50] About a gay r15. Yes, what have they heard that you say that and then
[00:25:55] That's an air horn goes off in the south
[00:25:58] And they all have to kill themselves. Okay, that should be the gun reform legislation is that you just changed the name to the gay r15
[00:26:05] I wish I could write for will and grace. Willing grace is basically this show
[00:26:11] Jack is like the same as us. You're jack. No, Adam's jack. Adam's also will
[00:26:16] Your Adam's grace. Yep. So will and grace is just me. I'm a guy with fucks mega malalaise big-ass titties
[00:26:23] Yeah, dude. I would titty fuck her Ron's swan. I'm Ron's swan if you want my personal opinion
[00:26:28] Dude, can I be honest with you? I would also titty fucker if I'm being completely honest
[00:26:32] Mm-hmm. She would get titty fucked absolutely
[00:26:36] Five and three quarters. Yeah, inner T's a big old whoopee cushion tits. Yeah, oh yeah making noise farting and she
[00:26:51] I did a really good visual good joke guys. You missed it. I'm sorry
[00:26:54] She her voice in real life isn't like on Willing grace, right?
[00:26:58] No, but I think it puts that on for a little grace
[00:27:00] Kind of like that. It's kind of like she we do video content because I'm really feel like that whole the tit
[00:27:06] Yeah, that'd be good. What do you been doing? So I've eating soy
[00:27:10] The food no is that why you have breasts? No, I have you do have breasts now
[00:27:15] Because they're beautiful in luxury because I heard you lost weight, but it's not coming off your breasts
[00:27:20] I don't think I lost weight. I think I'm exactly the same. You're just growing bigger breasts. I'm yeah
[00:27:24] I'm doing I've been in the bench. Thanks for noticing guys. Yeah, I've been just fucking
[00:27:28] That did like seven pushups the other day. Yeah, that's not the bench on a bench
[00:27:33] I was sitting on a park bench. You were just pushing up air
[00:27:37] You're flat on your back pushing up. Yeah, yeah sitting on the bench wear outside of the uh, don't say it
[00:27:46] I told you not to say that's not a big gay ice cream. Just in real place. It's pretty good. Take it back
[00:27:51] It is actually really good big great big guy. They got this one. That's salty. Oh my god
[00:27:56] No, man that dolce to let you solve the salty pimp salty pimp
[00:27:59] I don't like that one as much like american glob. I believe which is there which is you know, which is their pretzel
[00:28:08] Pretzel chocolate peanut butter, which is my shit
[00:28:11] Yeah, and some you should that out. Huh you shit that out your shit
[00:28:16] Dude if that happened I would I would eat my own ass. I would figure out how to do it
[00:28:19] Would you eat your own shit if you shit out like hamburgers and fucking yes curly fries?
[00:28:36] You could say from your ass you could currently save money by eating out of the garbage. Yeah, yeah, that's true
[00:28:41] Okay, but do they taste like regular hamburgers? Like what are we talking? Are they shit covered? No, they come out but they came out of your ass
[00:28:50] I do love cheeseburger wrappers unwrapping a cheeseburger. That's such a good feeling. It's so
[00:28:57] It's so much better than every other feeling in life
[00:29:00] I agree. I can't wait to get fat again. I'm not gonna get at some point you will
[00:29:04] I'm too goth to get fat. You will at some point get very fat. No, you have one more at least than you
[00:29:08] No, I'm done. Maybe you're old or something. I'm not gonna make it the old no tick tock your next big breakup
[00:29:14] You're gonna get fat as shit, dude. Yeah, I'm not gonna get fat. Yeah, you are and he's never gonna break up the next big
[00:29:21] I also don't I'm not one of those guys who gets fat when they break up. I get fat when I'm in a relationship. Yeah me too
[00:29:30] I get I get jacked when I'm ramping up to break up with somebody
[00:29:36] When you're about to go back on that mark
[00:29:38] All I know is you will get my thing now is now
[00:29:40] You know what it is is because I'm old enough now to have the patience to go to the gym because I was impatient when I was younger
[00:29:45] But now I'm like I mean I could do bonsai and stuff and assure you're yeah your bonds. Oh, yeah
[00:29:51] By the day I've learned patience and gardens. I've learned patience doing
[00:29:59] Do you fuck your bonds? I tree up how most of them are dead?
[00:30:11] Well, I signed the lease on a new apartment today. Oh you signed me. Oh, yeah, everything's done, dude
[00:30:16] It's really everything is fucking out of it and changing the locks tonight and moving tomorrow. What no way
[00:30:20] Yeah, dude, because I just wanted to get it over with I thought you needed you were moving 5-1
[00:30:25] Uh, no, what that sofa downstairs is really not a room for it. Are you sure you should measure it?
[00:30:30] No, I'm gonna get the smaller version of ones we already have
[00:30:32] Come on get something nice talk to me. I already got the fucking ottoman. I want the couch that matches it because of him ottoman
[00:30:42] Smaller 270 dollar ottoman that I know you did not I did to match the fucking because I didn't think it
[00:30:48] This is right literally days before I thought I was gonna have to fucking move we can make it nice
[00:30:52] Nick we can make your you can fucking make yourself quiet. What do you make myself quiet and let me handle right about that?
[00:30:58] No, no, Nick, please when it comes to aesthetics interior decor. I've got the right amount of energy to help you out friends
[00:31:06] Yeah, of course. Yeah, no the couches the couch is the only thing that I just want that to because that I think I measured everything based on
[00:31:16] The couch with the one that I have so that aspect doesn't change. Okay, everything else is fine
[00:31:20] Which ottoman wait it matches the black leather couch you have right now that yeah the chocolate ottoman I have
[00:31:26] I haven't been over here that Turkish man. I haven't been there for a long time. Actually. Yeah, that's true an ottoman turk
[00:31:31] Yeah, well, that's offensive to stock him. No. No, I'm happy fuck those fucking people. Oh, you put your feet on them
[00:31:40] Cyrus Oz turk mm-hmm. Yeah, he's bent over on all fours of my
[00:31:45] My feet tone his ass every day is disrespect. Yeah, I remember one time in college
[00:31:49] I heard these like four kids talking this language
[00:31:52] There was a day to this girl who told me about her ex boyfriend putting his foot in her pussy
[00:32:02] I just can't I don't want a toenail in your pit. Yeah, yes disgusting. She sucked. Yeah, that's just I mean
[00:32:09] Yeah, you get athlete foot in your pussy
[00:32:14] I don't know if you ever had your toes licked in like a
[00:32:16] A woman wanting to get degraded manner my dog. That's my feet every day and yes, it is actually
[00:32:25] Cuz I don't really give a shit. I'm not very I'm not a very sexual person. I'm more about power. Yes. That's why you're a rapist
[00:32:35] It's about molestation in sex. That's why you're an active rapist. Yeah
[00:32:39] That's why I fuck kids. It's not really about the sex really so much
[00:32:48] I'm having sex with children. It's honestly more power over their little asses when it comes down to it kids very bad at having sex
[00:32:55] Not not the best it's not about sex is about power. That's why I hook women up to a car battery
[00:33:01] That's why you have sex at AC Delco. Yeah with a girl at AC Delco is that the battery place?
[00:33:07] What a battery place a store that's all batteries
[00:33:14] AC Delco is a good aftermarket parts company for like spark plugs
[00:33:28] Do not put that in the outcome you meant you meant nappa nappa that's why nappa auto parts
[00:33:34] Yeah, that's what I mean fuck them. Yeah nappa auto parts. It's where like white people drink wine and
[00:33:46] Yeah, I'm about to take a nap after listening to Adam's great
[00:33:52] Dude a couple people I got to say also we're pretty offended by my
[00:33:57] Muhammad the profit impression in the last episode
[00:34:00] I just want to apologize to a dude once you get a fat. Wow. That's it. What did you do? I'm trying to yeah, shout out to Muslims for
[00:34:08] Inventing the public pile on you know, that's true
[00:34:15] Came up with that shit and you know it seemed like a bad idea when Muslims were blowing people up for doing things like drawing a cartoon
[00:34:21] But now that that seems to be the best way to handle anything, you know, you don't like something you get people fired
[00:34:27] Yeah, I guess pro shout out. That's Muslims get the shout out of the week
[00:34:37] Nazariah Agarab I don't know if I'm remembering her name correctly
[00:34:45] Yes, we gotta talk about it. Yeah, I don't know
[00:34:47] Yes, we are representing more female mashy the one joke I got take a look at her. She looks like a guess who character
[00:34:54] That's good. That bitch's face is fucked up. It's long long as it's pinched
[00:35:02] It's like is your character a mass shooter folks. I'm gonna just wait until these hot riffs hit the stand
[00:35:10] Actually not on the show right row running these bits by patreon at the
[00:35:20] It's just hats. Yeah, it's just a collection of peri-quo-mo style hats. Yeah
[00:35:27] Yeah, the the shooter apparently what she was mad about was she posted like a workout video and then YouTube
[00:35:34] Age protected it as 18 plus and she got real pissed. Honestly
[00:35:38] I can almost be off to some of those workout vids some of those are just pornography
[00:35:43] Oh, maybe you know, I mean, I've just seen like girls with big-ass butts and titties just squatting and shit
[00:35:48] Yeah, but you can get that on Instagram. I don't have to go on YouTube. How about jerk outfits. Yes
[00:35:54] I agree Suzanne powders fine smooth body and her male skull. Mm-hmm
[00:35:59] There's nothing better than that stuff to fuck a woman to jack off to a fully clothed woman. It looks like Bart Simpson
[00:36:06] Yeah, that's what I want. That's my shit. Yeah a woman wearing a remember in the beginning of the episode
[00:36:13] Your shirtless pics. Yeah, it's a nice case being made. I can't believe that gay guy
[00:36:19] Docs do you like that after sending him such a doxing? Well?
[00:36:22] I mean, that's that's personal if I'm sitting if I'm sending my chest to a gay guy
[00:36:28] Put it all all over the web. Hey, there's some sort of innate understanding part of the game. No, no, no
[00:36:37] This is how he post these pictures. He's created a gay man who
[00:36:42] He's looking at himself. He's a little drama queen. How do you like my progress?
[00:36:51] I was like this is why I like people are like oh Donald Trump knows what he's doing. Yeah, you're the Donald Trump of sex
[00:36:56] I have no idea. I'm a man that stumbled ass backwards into a Gran Turismo racing wheel and I don't outside of that
[00:37:04] I don't really have a plan. He's playing. He's playing it down. Yep. Yeah, what he's doing. We're gonna see more leaks
[00:37:20] Everybody I want to thank you for coming through my community fetal production of rent
[00:37:28] My name is scooter scooter shamwalk. I'm the first
[00:37:51] I had a friend that was did like theater. It's like it's like okay. I did some edits so instead of
[00:37:58] 5,000 21 the minute song without doing that we're gonna go six minutes
[00:38:10] Number I think more people can comprehend
[00:38:20] Howard Kaitlyn no, oh my god, it was like one of my favorite videos on the internet like 10 years ago. So I'm like 1993
[00:38:30] Palatine Illinois for like mentally disabled adults where like a little town they could live in and they learn like life skills or whatever
[00:38:39] I guess where they would like tape shows and then they would put the shows on public access which huge mistake
[00:38:52] Some guy who I would aspire to be yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah early 90s had the insight to
[00:39:03] Broadcast of the meryl howard kaitlyn show which is this obese mentally disabled man
[00:39:09] Who has his own cooking show fuck yeah, and he like in like this completely unsanitary fashion
[00:39:16] Repairs like a salad while handling raw chicken. Yeah, you know, it makes like the most disgusting. It's like a chicken with jello
[00:39:27] But the whole time he's like because he wants to be like a tv chef, you know, of course
[00:39:31] So he's like doing impressions, but then it's extremely dated because it's like from 1992
[00:39:45] Imagining that a retarded guy now would know who rachel welch is
[00:39:49] Yeah, it's fun and then do an impression of her. It's just so funny
[00:39:52] You know, he's like doing french gourmet and and julia child, you know, it's it's really funny. I was
[00:39:59] I was just gonna say I was trying to die actually no yeah, yeah people like lift up this fan
[00:40:09] Oh, yes, the internet rocks. I was uh in college
[00:40:13] I I knew this girl who went to Georgetown who was in the theater department
[00:40:18] She was directing a play and I was trying to fuck her. So I was like, yeah, I'll go to your play
[00:40:21] Yeah, and it was about homelessness and insanity mr
[00:40:23] Flee-win what if I told you about 25 my actors
[00:40:31] They got uh they got like I had to bust my ass off to become a teacher at this school
[00:40:42] They got a real not to have some faggot like you
[00:40:47] Come in here and try to sell you the drama department
[00:40:53] Little much. Yeah, anyway, but they sorry for being dramatic
[00:41:03] So what happened at him they did a like play
[00:41:05] But they were like we don't want to have like someone play like a crazy homeless
[00:41:09] Person so they got a real street person to be in the play
[00:41:12] And they they had to cancel at the first night because like the guy had a meltdown on stage
[00:41:17] He just started yelling about he's like fuck fuck. You know like punching himself in the face
[00:41:29] Really explored a character here and it was so funny because before the play like her and her don't stop to play
[00:41:43] Her and like the co-director like gave this like fucking self-righteous like oh, this is about representation
[00:41:48] Like we're just trying to tell stories that aren't being told. It was like an acting
[00:41:53] Play like opening and acting coach who like played a retarded guy back in the 70s
[00:41:59] And he was so committed to method acting that he became retarded and couldn't fix himself after
[00:42:04] So now he just has to teach acting because he's yep, well a little bit about myself
[00:42:12] I went to Julia the Julia Conservatory and then in 1973
[00:42:16] I was in a commercial production of a mice man
[00:42:20] And since then I've never been the same
[00:42:25] Unfortunately, sometimes you give so much of yourself to your art
[00:42:32] Sometimes you say so much ironic ways to stuff that
[00:42:37] You cross that threshold and your soul can never be saved and you might as well just become full ways
[00:42:46] Really anyone that's a wall turn of that character. It's just an example of something that maybe could happen to somebody
[00:42:57] Oh fuck I like the idea that maybe gets like a like a lobotomized for the role
[00:43:01] Yeah, take some of his brain. Fuck that dog. I only get le top of my
[00:43:05] Oh, yeah, nobody ain't nobody's sticking to dick in my brain
[00:43:28] You can you cut my brain out any way you want but you are not sticking your dick in there so true
[00:43:42] They there was like no they used to like try and fix people from being retarded right like these
[00:43:47] Fix by storing them in an attic, you know and like yeah yelling at them
[00:43:54] Yeah, now we make them that's what jails were originally before they invented crimes
[00:43:58] It was just like what do we do with all these retarded people? They're like lock them up
[00:44:02] Yeah, I mean that's still sort of yeah in Texas
[00:44:07] Spartan just foreign. You should just kill anyone that was deformity. They put them in the woods
[00:44:12] Yeah, a retarded baby. They just drop them in the middle of the fucking woods. Yeah
[00:44:17] Yeah, that's bad ass. I wish that had happened to me. That's how
[00:44:22] Yeah, dude. I would love to be like a mowgli kind of little boy. You'd get eaten so quick
[00:44:28] No way did I make friends with the bears?
[00:44:30] No way, no, I would make it out there on my own. I would never survive. Yeah, blue would fuck you
[00:44:37] You don't have a rite of passage ceremony like I did at my parmesfa. You don't know what happened. What's a Greek bar mitzvah?
[00:44:46] Do Greek churches do confirmation my big fat Greek bar mitzvah. Mm-hmm. That'd be a fun movie. Yeah, we should do it
[00:44:52] Let's shoot it right. I never saw my big fat Greek wedding. It's a modern cinema classic. Maybe I should watch that
[00:45:04] Traveling the traveling pants also has a nice and the joy of our club. I'm gonna watch all the movies that haven't seen it's only those four
[00:45:12] Yeah, I watched sisterhood of the traveling pants with my cousin and we started it was on trying to be holding each other
[00:45:18] And then we're like 20 minutes in we realized it was sisterhood the traveling pants and then we both looked at each other
[00:45:23] We're like I just like movies dude. Let's just see what the see what happens. Yeah, you watched it all
[00:45:27] Yeah, we watched the whole thing. What's the deal with that? It has magical pants everyone pray love
[00:45:31] There's just such type boy. There's such like such a crew like they were magical pants
[00:45:36] No, it's just like it's sort of a none. Yeah. Well, yeah, they fit like the ones got like a huge ass
[00:45:43] Ferrera. I used to say who's this is Jerry Ferrera from entourage
[00:45:48] I was talking about this dumpy girl for a while and uh nice. I really hated her. That's cool and uh
[00:45:53] She she uh one time she was like she like but she like bought tickets to europe on a whim
[00:45:59] She's like I'm doing it. I'm going to europe and i was like, uh, why are they making a movie about you called eat cry eat
[00:46:06] That's good and then she cried. That's a great burning very cruel
[00:46:11] It was mean it's nice. Hey, but what hey, I was drunk
[00:46:17] What am I supposed to be a saint over here? Yeah, you're right everybody has flaws
[00:46:26] Anyways, I you know why I didn't mean to be that mean, but I thought I thought of the burn in my head and it was right when that movie came out
[00:46:31] Yeah, I mean, I don't get wrong. The burn is unbelievable. Yeah, it was not that out of the pond
[00:46:35] It was too good. I apologize immediately after i'm like look you have to understand you can't let something like that beautiful mind
[00:46:41] Right. You're allowed to buy tickets to europe on a whim. I'm gonna i'm gonna have to say things
[00:46:46] Yeah, you were just visualizing all you fat and sad
[00:46:50] You then you're like you uh 90 minutes after that sure
[00:47:01] Dude all the gay men are so turned on right now by that story. Yeah, this will be treated bad by you. Yeah, right? You're big muscles
[00:47:10] I don't have big muscles. I'm just cut. I got like a little otter thing going on
[00:47:14] Mm. Otter. Ot. No, it's a severe bear. Oh definitely. No, you're like a little calm
[00:47:23] Come a kung fu panda. No, I wish that's a fat Asian guy dude. You're a little cunk
[00:47:27] Is that what gay people call fat Asian guys? I would assume so. Yeah, but in their community
[00:47:31] Yeah, I mean, there's why do they get all they get really fun names? I know they get to just
[00:47:36] Do a bit about this but Sean dongling basically has the same bit
[00:47:41] If you're gay and your fat you get to be a bear but it's not even true like a very fat guy
[00:47:46] But it's like everyone else. I like a chum chaser
[00:47:49] Yeah, it gets otter and gets like fucking wolf and shit and then if you're just fat, they're like just is that what I'm a wolf?
[00:47:55] No, no, you're a twink. That's what you're at you're 1000
[00:47:59] Twink your textbook you haven't seen me without my shirt on recently. Yes, we have
[00:48:04] You look terrible and if those you're getting all soft too. That's you look like you belong in diapers. Oh, shut up
[00:48:11] If any of the gay guys that I send those pictures to leak that on the internet
[00:48:15] I'm gonna be really if you balls see I won't do my do what you will dude. I in fact, you know what?
[00:48:20] I appreciate the move. I like exactly see the power move
[00:48:24] It's all about power for Nick now. He's turned on by the gate. I don't really know how to operate unless people are fucking with me
[00:48:31] Yeah, dude. Just things could be nice. I can't deal with with sincerity
[00:48:39] So you're a chub and not a bear. How do you become a club? I would say you don't have enough hair hair
[00:48:46] A cub is a hairless bear not just a smaller bear
[00:48:50] I don't know the exact I just I don't feel like I'm a bear. I'm not hairy enough. Nick. You've been shaving your chest
[00:48:55] No, I've never shaved my chest. Are you gonna get into that when you get to your ideal? No, it's really uncomfortable
[00:49:01] I did it one time and yeah when it grows back. It's like yeah. Yeah, it's worse. It's worse than sunburn
[00:49:06] Are you gonna be doing the like the bronzer kind of thing like mr
[00:49:14] Those weightlifting competitions is that they're all in blackface. Yeah, that's where they do that weightlifting competitions
[00:49:28] Target gas that guy. Oh, not weightlifting. You know what I mean? Like mr. Olympia bodybuilding not weightlifting
[00:49:35] Whatever. Yeah before all the weightlifting competitions. They put on their geared speed us
[00:49:40] That's cool. That would be awesome because those guys are fat as shit, dude
[00:49:43] Yeah, that'd be so funny. Just see this fucking just some fat japanese guy. Yeah
[00:49:49] You should get into bronzer. You should have like no my next move after this is is I become a yoga student
[00:49:55] Use bone somebody sent to do what what was this literally just a video of a guy lifting weights
[00:50:01] A woman lifting. Oh, it's a woman. Okay. Yeah, she's gonna do the tom of finland. Yeah, you're living room
[00:50:06] Yeah, that and I told stop the other edition is taxidermy. I hate that. I hate that I didn't have like heads
[00:50:16] Maxit max permission commission like you get like uh
[00:50:19] Like a zebra or horse or something or lion, but it's the head and then you stretch the skin over like a man's skeleton's body with just a huge penis
[00:50:34] Just you know, he's like scratching. Yeah, like just pause up
[00:50:40] But it's hard but it's hanging. Yeah, but also like breasts like
[00:50:44] Like three pairs of tits three kids three pairs six
[00:50:51] Animal gender or like the three guys hit from uh, or maybe I could get a taxidermated
[00:50:56] Julia Vins from my apartment completely nude you just want someone in Russia
[00:51:00] You I mean, it's not that expensive to have a hit taken out in Russia. Yeah, don't ever do it dude
[00:51:04] I wouldn't kill a result. Yeah, well he wants a killer to be close to literally
[00:51:10] Oh, you murder that vagina. Yeah, right get a little Zoro in that pussy
[00:51:14] You guys could steal a power from one prepare to have your pussy destroyed
[00:51:26] If you could steal someone's essence like space jam style
[00:51:30] You take some talent that someone has yeah, and you put it into your body. What would it be?
[00:51:34] Oh, I don't know. No, probably some app guy. So you just make apps. Yeah, it'd be nice to have a billion dollars right now and then check out
[00:51:45] I guess I mean I'm so close to that your time. Yeah, you basically kill myself kill yourself work out
[00:51:51] Get a sailboat learn how to sail and like at least out in the middle of the ocean and blow my brains out
[00:51:55] Okay, that's pretty funny. You could get into like you face timey while you're about to do it. Yeah
[00:52:01] If I had a lot of money, I'd try to get into like before that I wait until next Halloween because I want to do it's my costume
[00:52:09] Uh, but it's transblue, but then also with the Joker makeup. Oh cool
[00:52:17] Trans it's Joker transblue. Oh, yeah, dude. That's a good idea
[00:52:40] What's going on exactly with the Joker just walk around bushwick until I find a door that's unlocked like going to a party
[00:52:47] I'm not too stoked about my Halloween costume. H-ween. Yeah, dash has a couple of this idea. Oh, yeah. Yeah
[00:53:04] Uh, no if she wants to do like a merry and twanette kind of like gay french kind of thing. Yeah, I think that'd be kind of embarrassing
[00:53:11] Yeah, you kind of do look like a marquee already. Yeah. Thank you
[00:53:14] You have like the marquee. Uh, you're like the guy in the french court that they would all fuck his ass when the women were busy
[00:53:20] The jester. Yeah, you want to know how I got these stars?
[00:53:28] I'm getting fucked in the ass by the marquee. Yeah. Um, I had a mole removed
[00:53:36] No, yeah, I don't know if I'm convinced
[00:53:38] But I want to do that, but what are you gonna do something with elders? I don't know maybe maybe we'll just be the m&m
[00:53:44] Dude dad. That's a great costume. You really should yeah
[00:53:46] Oh, you know what? I want to do this year and I didn't do is joell santana and uh, camera
[00:53:51] You know, it's funny is maybe you go to you go to a halloween
[00:53:55] Or a halloween party. There's always like some grown man who's like 32 years old and like an army man costume
[00:54:01] Yeah, and it's like just don't do a costume. Yeah, that's still that's like six years old
[00:54:08] All right. This is a pain. Does he paint his hair green his face green and shit?
[00:54:11] Like to go all the way. No, that's the Hulk. That's not an argument. No, like he means like a
[00:54:17] You be guile army men like figurine stop. You should be guile for halloween
[00:54:21] You should just die flat top. No, hold on. Just die with the little amount of hair you have
[00:54:45] That's actually really fun. It's just jacked
[00:54:49] And make people and then like get offended
[00:54:56] That's so funny. I saw a guy at a bar a couple years ago and he was already kind of jacked
[00:55:01] Um, but then he had just skate bar. Yeah, he was already kind of jacked and he was already had a receding hairline
[00:55:07] Nice like it was already like pretty far back in his head
[00:55:09] But he had fake muscles on on top of his muscles and then he shaved his receding hairline back
[00:55:15] So you could tell that it was like shaved
[00:55:17] To be more receding and I was like are you supposed to be Jason safe him and he's like yeah
[00:55:25] Just barely yeah, you're so yeah, he was already. Yeah, right. He just like added toward he already was
[00:55:30] I just wear like a black suit and be like i'm fucking john wick dude
[00:55:55] Yeah, that's that opens up a whole like every action movie every like yeah, oh fuck
[00:56:30] Yeah, yeah, i'm john wick, john wick bro, maybe i'll grow my hair out for halloween
[00:56:38] Figure something out. Oh man. I was laughing so hard. We were at the bar the other night and the stop is all high
[00:56:43] And I was like fucking like wear wolves of london or something. Yeah, yeah, it stops like
[00:56:50] Singing along and he goes to play air instruments, but I can't decide which instrument he wants to drums
[00:56:56] It's like drums with one hand and then like the neck of the game
[00:57:08] Wow, that's cool. Yeah, i've been getting very high again. Yeah, you were so fucked up the other night
[00:57:13] What do you think you're eating weed again? No, not yet, but we're gonna get there somebody ate all my weed
[00:57:19] Yeah, i'm not eating stems. Yeah, and they're at least edible
[00:57:26] Um now i'm just smoking vape pens a lot. Oh, okay, but i'm back on weed after six months
[00:57:33] To nine months absence. I think i'm gonna stop after this weekend. I spoke headie indicus
[00:57:40] Oh indica after my birthday party perhaps. Oh, yeah guys. I'm having a birthday party on saturday night
[00:57:45] Why are you saying that they don't know where it is? I'm just brag. Yeah, they probably i'm throwing myself a surprise party
[00:57:52] Enough people that we sort of know listen to this show that now you've opened yourself up to some horrible shit now
[00:57:58] Yeah, I was just kidding. I'm not actually
[00:58:02] I know exactly who i'm thinking should we say his address?
[00:58:06] Do you want to get your dress? Don't say my fucking address
[00:58:20] It was a joke about the birthday party and about those two numbers. Yeah, those are both jokes
[00:58:30] Please you really fucked up. That's on you pal. Yeah
[00:58:42] A little fake toy gun in your black suit
[00:58:47] Like a fucking car salesman in a black and white suit
[00:58:55] stringy as fucking crossy to clown here
[00:59:01] No wig grow out my hair grow out my patchy beard. I like that leaf for you though
[00:59:07] You should go long bald pony you've been talking about it for years
[00:59:11] That's that's definitely gonna happen at some point in my life. I'm just not ready yet
[00:59:14] God damn it. That's funny. This year. I think I'm doing enough this spring. It's too
[00:59:19] That would give say that to be like oh, all right or dude with this
[00:59:39] Now bronzing ball dude. Oh, yeah, but ball then must be we need yeah, we need good. We need facial hair hair
[00:59:46] And jacked that's the secret to this costume
[00:59:53] Fuck and like a different race would be nice too. Yeah, really like make it stupid. I might be raiding
[00:59:58] Let's hear that's not bad. Yeah, maybe I should be uh, maybe we should do so many other characters
[01:00:04] Yeah, yeah, if you're so you you already have the seat for it. Yeah, I could do so. Yeah
[01:00:08] Yeah, did you just get a green one piece bikini? You're not just hanging out of it
[01:00:13] Because it's very high weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just stick out one side balls out the other
[01:00:25] That's so funny an adult man going trick or treat
[01:00:33] I would I could get like a sailor moon costume
[01:00:35] And go just go around going around as louisie but with your dick pulled through the zipper
[01:00:55] Oh, fuck. Wow halloween is we're really got a lonely six months away. Yeah, uh, I've never thought about halloween
[01:01:01] Uh in advance before go steve harvey for holy. Yeah, we should be the original king. I'm saedric of course
[01:01:11] I would be uh not bernie mac. I would be bernie mac. You're dio hugley. You're clearly dl hugley
[01:01:18] You know what we do. I'm gonna do like the change
[01:01:21] Down down low. Oh down low. Yeah, do people say he's gay the gay
[01:01:28] I don't know if he was choosing the name dl pretty bold pretty brave
[01:01:36] Or it's a good like bat signal for other guys. How about pea pea smell hugley?
[01:01:42] Smells like he smell hugley. Yeah, that's that idea. That sounds a little bit like I like that a lot actually personal
[01:01:49] I don't know about smell. It sounds like what like dl. It sounds like a yeah, pea smell hugley. Yeah
[01:01:55] Yeah, there's one thing I hate is how bad I smell
[01:01:58] I don't even remember his stand up. Yeah, it's not good. No. He's definitely the worst one. Yeah
[01:02:05] Although saedric no the order goes bernie mac one saedric to marlin lard's
[01:02:14] Oh, we're just we're I thought we were ranking but rock the rock of ababa
[01:02:28] Orange is the new black Darth Vader's voice
[01:02:32] Uncle ben from the uncle ben. Yeah rice grimace from mcdonald
[01:02:41] True you've never heard grimace talk i used to do a joke about how how like mcdonald's
[01:02:47] Gets way too excited about black history mods. Yeah, you know, it's like
[01:02:50] I'm not to do the bit, but you know, it's like suddenly the hamburger or it's just been shot by the police
[01:02:58] Which I thought that was such a good line grimace has lips all the sudden because you imagine grimace with like lip
[01:03:03] Just big lip and it's like what let's too much. That's just blackface
[01:03:07] Yeah, you give grimace. Well, I guess the joke would never work even though. I don't know
[01:03:11] I did I still don't understand comedy. Yeah, I might my understanding of it as you go on stage
[01:03:15] I say the most racist things you can think of and then people laugh at it
[01:03:22] It's interesting, you know makes you understand the nuances of art
[01:03:28] Dude that's so true. Art is back to the drama teacher that has downs in her
[01:03:34] Because he went too deep meth is my snare. Yeah
[01:03:38] Adam you should be do a my snare method. How about the crystal method acting? Oh, that's cool like a like that trip hop kind of thing. Yeah
[01:03:45] Yeah, get busy child. I guess you didn't know did they do smack my bitch up. No, that's the prodigy
[01:03:55] Sorry, I don't know about you are so not cool. Is that I don't listen to cool music. Oh, you know about his idea me and my my Romanian friends
[01:04:03] Listen to my bitch. Yeah, really cool tunes man
[01:04:10] This one thing I love is to listen to really cool tunes. We're too much cologne and beaches
[01:04:16] You got to love beaches. I've never had sex
[01:04:20] Yeah, I like that. I like the new new my new my song
[01:04:36] Time to wrap this up boy about that time. Oh, we're gonna moozy on one thing. I like about toddlers
[01:04:44] Preschoolers. Yeah, that's the thing I love about these old-ass women. Oh, you know, I'm younger than them and I fuck them
[01:04:52] I'm outside the nursing home. The older they get the harder my dick gets
[01:05:02] Who's he talking to in that scene two other guys?
[01:05:06] I think it was just people walking by on the street. Yeah, Ben Affleck's a bully in that
[01:05:09] He tries to paddle some why are people talking so much about Ben Affleck and like
[01:05:13] Nana, the back. He has a bad back. What's going on with Ben Affleck and escape rooms? What is this people keep talking about?
[01:05:24] Don't go into my act. What are you doing? What the hell is this people are talking about?
[01:05:29] I don't know Adam Friedland here. You're listening to the Adam Friedland radio show now, but the folks let me ask you this
[01:05:39] Hold on a second. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not me talking that's like the majority of talk radio
[01:05:50] He's posing a question 19 different ways with 45 seconds and dead air in between Obama care
[01:05:59] That's not what I'm calling it. That's what they chose
[01:06:05] It rules now really is that tell me is that
[01:06:11] No, really. I want you to tell them. Sorry. I'm getting work. I'm getting a little worked up here
[01:06:13] I'm a little upset. I'll be honest with you. Yeah, I mean I'm honest. Honestly, it's always something I've ever because like most people I've worked hard
[01:06:31] I'm addicted to it. I had knee surgery in 1987
[01:06:35] And I've been doing the equivalent of seven bags of heroin and back pain pills since then
[01:06:41] So what I'm saying is I'm a patriot and I deserve to get the military discount at the movie theater
[01:06:47] So when you pass a piece of legislation that says that I have to pay for some retarded kids, you know anti-choking medicine
[01:06:57] And if you're pissed off I want you to call in in the next 45 minutes. We've got two tickets to go see rush
[01:07:07] We're gonna we're gonna go see rush together and we're gonna scream at them for their bullshit Canadian ideas
[01:07:20] Is it true that all those kids are not only crisis actors, but they're gay. I'll take my call off the air. Thank you
[01:07:24] You know, I don't really like the term crisis actor. You know why because
[01:07:34] You know, I like crisis. I'm having a midlife crisis right now. I bought a Porsche and I ran up 30,000 dollars
[01:07:41] Uh in credit card debt for n-site pills basically every email I got about
[01:07:46] Regaining the erections. I thought I had back in high school. Hi Adam. Are you ever going to uh
[01:07:50] Uh offer refunds on all the insights that you personally sponsored for the last six months
[01:07:57] Uh you gave us your guarantee this show doesn't sell anything any endorsements that I've done
[01:08:01] I'm not responsible for and I think that the 35 minute disclaimer at the end of the episode
[01:08:06] Make it clear that that's not my responsibility
[01:08:10] You're listening to the faggot in the morning
[01:08:18] Dude I want to be a m one oh seven zero long islands fucking radio station the only radio station in long island
[01:08:30] Fuck did we did we talk about that shooter enough? What did she do? Yeah, it was a lady and uh she uh
[01:08:37] She also said that eight percent of anal sex cases resultant pregnancy
[01:08:41] It's true. Yeah, which I agree with if you're Jesus strong enough it'll swim through your ass up into your mouth jump out
[01:08:48] Jump into the place. So that's right gay man
[01:08:51] Get look again. Yeah double check. You know, we should we should let scientists try to tell you it can't happen
[01:09:01] Okay, that's like that's like a there's like a pregnant gay guy with like a little tattoo of a bumble bee on his lower back
[01:09:07] He's like the scientist said he shouldn't be able to fly
[01:09:11] Jesus would have to messiah. Oh, yes, baby that comes out of a gay man. Yep
[01:09:17] Immaculate fucking conception babies everybody else was saying mary probably just got fucked right right but now there's no way
[01:09:23] Yeah, no way out of it guys. That's what God should do. Mm-hmm. This is a listen to bill of a tommyer spit
[01:09:31] Not dude tom tommy. Go ahead and take that one
[01:09:34] She was on the show. Yeah, we should I was trying to get a book for scanks fast
[01:09:39] But Lewis is like I don't know who that is and it's like well look into it Lewis come on
[01:09:44] Yeah, you're missing a beautiful golden opportunity. Yeah. Yeah, I mean scanks fast
[01:09:50] Headlining tommyers would be the funniest thing unbelievable incredible
[01:09:54] He tagged me in like a memories thing. I guess that that that thing happened five years ago. Yeah
[01:09:59] Like it's so funny. I'll be blocked on it. We're gonna be like dying before we know it'll be the end of our lives
[01:10:05] And be like remember a couple weeks ago. We went to that tom
[01:10:11] Where was that like six months ago like shit. I'm 62
[01:10:17] Tom's been dead for 12 years. Tom's been dead for 30 years
[01:10:21] Tom remember he died in that bong hit transplant and that's the show folks right