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Ep. 98 - Adams birthday

Cum Town | Regular | 04/12/2018

[00:00:00] I used to start with a straight bar because I think it's a great exercise.
[00:00:15] Both of them have been the strength, but also keeping mobility in the biceps.
[00:00:22] You have good flexibility to be able to do it.
[00:00:26] And then also that they usually start in the bottom of the rack, making 5-10 reps in each
[00:00:32] and increasing the weight until I fail to hit 6-7 reps.
[00:00:38] So Mike, this was all with you.
[00:00:40] You're listening to the Realast Dude Podcast.
[00:00:43] I'm Louis J. Gomez joined by Zachamico, the Puerto Rican sniper,
[00:00:50] and my girlfriend Kim something.
[00:00:53] Hi! Shut up, bitch!
[00:00:56] I'm just kidding.
[00:00:57] We were laughing.
[00:00:58] Me and Kim were laughing earlier.
[00:01:00] I was beating her in public.
[00:01:02] That was some good sets higher on our part.
[00:01:10] Taking down some rivals, dude.
[00:01:12] We spoke truth to power.
[00:01:15] A real powerful podcast.
[00:01:17] Big boys, big on, big muscles, easy lift.
[00:01:21] Should we do Confessed at the same weekend as Skankfest?
[00:01:24] Yeah, I think we were supposed to get a Skankfest offer, then we didn't.
[00:01:27] Nice.
[00:01:28] Wow.
[00:01:29] That's fucking, that's war, dude.
[00:01:30] Wow, rescinded.
[00:01:31] How dare they?
[00:01:32] Confessed.
[00:01:33] What weekend is Skankfest?
[00:01:35] You heard of your first vlogs, we're doing Confessed.
[00:01:37] See you, man.
[00:01:38] Monster Energy.
[00:01:39] Whatever weekend Skankfest is.
[00:01:41] And that botulism cold brew coffee company likes.
[00:01:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:01:45] We're going to skip the coffee and just give you botulism straight up.
[00:01:48] The creek is going to catch on fire.
[00:01:50] A bunch of people are going to burn the death.
[00:01:53] And that's how, that's how the, uh, that's the end of, I did, I did the live.
[00:02:00] Oh, yeah.
[00:02:01] We were on that trip.
[00:02:02] Podcasts.
[00:02:03] No, no, no, no, not the sand.
[00:02:04] I know.
[00:02:05] Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:02:06] Yeah, that was abysmal.
[00:02:08] What's that?
[00:02:09] Are you opening my mail?
[00:02:10] I'm opening my mail.
[00:02:11] You fucking cock.
[00:02:12] Adam, here's your chance to open his mail.
[00:02:13] Don't open my mail.
[00:02:14] Thank you.
[00:02:15] Thank you.
[00:02:16] You're going to get stabbed.
[00:02:18] Stop.
[00:02:19] Don't wield knives.
[00:02:20] Oh, fuck.
[00:02:21] I see.
[00:02:22] Look that up.
[00:02:23] How many times do I have to ask you not to wield knives in my house?
[00:02:29] Well, what are you opening, man?
[00:02:32] Check for Mac Weldon.
[00:02:34] Oh, nice.
[00:02:35] Yeah.
[00:02:36] Nice.
[00:02:37] Four million dollars.
[00:02:39] Yeah, we were going to get a cut until you so rudely pulled by mail away from me.
[00:02:44] Now you're going to get cut.
[00:02:46] You know what I mean?
[00:02:47] You get a little slice.
[00:02:49] Do not slice me.
[00:02:51] Are you threatening to circumcise me because I gave Adam your mail?
[00:02:55] Yeah.
[00:02:56] Do not do that.
[00:02:57] Nothing gives me more of a thrill than breaking a federal law.
[00:03:01] I got to change my address.
[00:03:05] Oh, yeah.
[00:03:06] You would trust shit.
[00:03:07] Yeah, my bank.
[00:03:08] Oh, yeah.
[00:03:09] You could just do that online.
[00:03:11] No, not you can't.
[00:03:13] You have to go into the branch and go to the bank.
[00:03:15] I thought you meant like a forwarding.
[00:03:17] No, I already did all that.
[00:03:19] Anyways, so let's get into it.
[00:03:23] Of course.
[00:03:24] Black Panther surpasses Titanic in the box office.
[00:03:27] That's right.
[00:03:28] You know what?
[00:03:29] I'm just going to say it, dude.
[00:03:31] This is bullshit.
[00:03:32] Of course it is.
[00:03:33] This is fucking bullshit.
[00:03:35] I mean, look, the representation is fine.
[00:03:39] Yeah.
[00:03:40] Do not do better than Titanic.
[00:03:42] Not Titanic.
[00:03:43] I suspect.
[00:03:46] That's white greatness right there.
[00:03:49] White excellence.
[00:03:51] White women.
[00:03:52] It's slut excellence.
[00:03:53] Yeah.
[00:03:54] You know, Rose fucked so good she got the...
[00:03:56] Do you have to call Judge Mafis your black excellency?
[00:03:59] We need to import him and Judge Joe Brown.
[00:04:02] Look, I already explained the black excellency that the rent...
[00:04:07] We agreed it was a verb.
[00:04:09] We had a verbal contract.
[00:04:11] I want people to do that.
[00:04:13] They had all those small claims shows.
[00:04:15] We had a verbal contract.
[00:04:16] Yeah.
[00:04:17] They think that...
[00:04:18] Which means someone lied to me in the campaign.
[00:04:22] Judge Mafis is in the black panther.
[00:04:25] Really?
[00:04:26] Yeah, he's the head of the Supreme Court.
[00:04:28] I used to be a black panther.
[00:04:29] Now I'm a judge.
[00:04:31] Was he a black panther actually?
[00:04:33] Judge Mafis?
[00:04:34] No, he was a criminal.
[00:04:35] He was in a gang.
[00:04:36] Yeah, so he was a black panther.
[00:04:38] I'll huddle him.
[00:04:39] Take that.
[00:04:40] Take that guy.
[00:04:41] Yeah.
[00:04:42] That terrorist organization.
[00:04:43] Right?
[00:04:44] So what happens in black panther is the Hutu's and the Tutsis.
[00:04:48] Yup.
[00:04:49] And they're like square and off?
[00:05:04] Fuck what was the guy's name in it?
[00:05:05] Don Rickie?
[00:05:08] Please bring me my swisher swisher swine.
[00:05:09] me my swisher sweets yeah we haven't had that spirit here since 1975 young when
[00:05:19] when that app came out where you can change people's races and then they took
[00:05:24] that option away after three days because they were like this is just a blackface
[00:05:27] app yeah yeah someone did me and I looked a lot like Don Cheetel I saw that
[00:05:31] because the black guy I thought I thought I look I look like Don Cheetel
[00:05:35] look an ugly black guy look like Don Cheetel is a movie star you look like an
[00:05:40] ugly black guy with a fucked up Juno's but Don Cheetel has no idea yes he does if
[00:05:46] you look closer now you kind of look like Morgan Freeman playing a sharecropper
[00:05:52] yeah the one is riding out the other sharecroppers trying to free themselves
[00:05:57] from that fucked up economic situation yeah that's true that's the look in your
[00:06:03] eyes Morgan Freeman has like stuff on his face right yeah didn't he fuck his
[00:06:08] daughter or step the granddaughter for his daughter and his stuff done he's
[00:06:11] the greatest actor and seriously though because we what he Allen's getting a big
[00:06:16] time for his Jewish crimes or Morgan Freeman had sex with his whole family
[00:06:21] seriously didn't do something like something weird I thought he did for real
[00:06:26] this isn't ring the bell to either you motherfucker no I don't remember that
[00:06:30] I think he fucked yeah he fucked someone bad he fucked someone bad someone that
[00:06:35] he should not have fucked whoa yeah you're right you're not wrong thank you
[00:06:39] there's something there's a weird thing he did where he slid it in to a she's
[00:06:45] like somehow related and much younger yeah and we just let him get a pass because
[00:06:51] he's got that good voice incredible voice if there's one thing I can't stand
[00:06:55] it's fucking people I'm not related to the first time I saw my stepdaughter I
[00:07:01] knew I was going to fuck her well now miss do frame why don't you come over
[00:07:11] here and take a seat right on my car
[00:07:17] why do they call you read well take a look at it oh that is red it's pretty
[00:07:23] red a black ass dick in the red is dick yeah you're right
[00:07:29] right as this Santa Claus finds his way into Mrs. Claus is supposed to my car
[00:07:41] he has to do that because the women he fights the believe in Santa Claus
[00:07:45] the way he can relate to them mmm the first time I had sex with my daughter
[00:07:51] I knew it's just it's like a different Shawshank it's just for sex offenders
[00:07:59] that morning we clean the roof and because we did such a good job the warden
[00:08:04] brought us all a bunch of frosty child pornography nothing like a nice nice
[00:08:10] cool glass of suds while masturbating to child pornography on the roof with the
[00:08:16] home for the criminally pedophilic Shawshank Alabama
[00:08:27] yeah not me I'm not a criminal I'm not criminally pedaphilic I dabble but
[00:08:33] the hobbyist I'm a hobbyist pedophilic yeah so you know what Adam why aren't
[00:08:43] the Jews sort of like hey you guys are taking our guy down we should take
[00:08:48] out what about you yeah cuz we're in we're natural criminal defense attorneys
[00:08:53] you're not trying to you're making too much money keeping them out of course
[00:08:56] the home for the home for the take the money out of our pocket how about a movie
[00:09:00] your little defense racket how about a movie where Sean Penn's character from
[00:09:03] Carlito's way Kleinfeld is roommates with Sean Penn's character from I am Sam
[00:09:08] yeah yeah that's good that's the one where he has like an afro right yeah
[00:09:12] he plays yeah he plays he looks like Phil he looks like Phil he's playing Phil
[00:09:17] basically it's Sean Penn being like oh boy Carlito I'm on a real jam here it's
[00:09:24] like why didn't they just hire a Jewish actor doesn't make any sense I thought
[00:09:29] he nailed it yeah very anti-Semitic which is I'm guess what they were going
[00:09:34] for yeah I mean they say that movies in Italian playing a Puerto Rican yeah and
[00:09:38] then like an Irish guy playing at you right and he already had Pichino play a
[00:09:44] Cuban and another in the far face yeah I love that line in Carlito's way when
[00:09:48] he's like he's like I just know that if they catch my Puerto Rican ass I think
[00:10:00] that's right around the time I think that's right around the time where he got
[00:10:06] bad like we're just screamed I remember seeing Carlito's way when I was a
[00:10:10] teenager and I was like awesome it's boobs gun Carlito's way was in there
[00:10:15] my boy John Leguizamo yeah it was on HBO a lot I sure you'd up love John Leguizamo
[00:10:20] me too me too when he shows up in John Wick the first time I saw it oh hell yeah
[00:10:25] hell yeah I love John Leguizamo that little ass mustache yeah I met him on a
[00:10:29] plane was that punk look I work with your father all right I don't know you
[00:10:33] when the guy calls him a bit movies the best movie my favorite movie is Kill
[00:10:37] Bill and my second favorite movies John Wick yeah really I thought your favorite
[00:10:41] movie was ice cream it's not got it sounds their movie is the let's all go to
[00:10:46] the lobby to get ourselves the snack video yeah this is a video you know
[00:10:54] laughing loudly did you fall did you cry when you were a little kid watching
[00:10:59] Willy Wonka when the kid fell in the chocolate river yeah I wore I wore a
[00:11:03] blue you know how cops have that blue armband yeah yeah I wore one of those
[00:11:08] for that guy for my for Augustus for your fallen brother yep yeah Paul and
[00:11:13] German brother also you know it was a big moment for me when fat bastard was on
[00:11:19] the screen I cried you felt that I was representation did you think that that
[00:11:23] was like fat face though because he was wearing a suit no it was just not you
[00:11:26] know it was a start it was a start it wasn't perfect yeah yeah kind of like
[00:11:29] a poo how Indians feel about how poo yeah yeah they're like how one specific
[00:11:33] Indian feels about a poo is that something happened with a poo they
[00:11:40] addressed it I think oh what did they say I didn't watch apparently was like
[00:11:45] what's it was like fuck fuck Hindus and then she fucked off a cow yeah
[00:11:49] ever Marge as you know a poo is a black man now oh homie that's great yeah he's
[00:11:58] a black man and he's president welcome to season 30 everybody he was born a
[00:12:05] woman though that is that he's trans black man yeah were they gonna kill
[00:12:09] a character cuz they didn't him Dylan texted me he said he showed me
[00:12:13] something that Hari had said about like you know they shouldn't kill off a poo
[00:12:17] that he should be competing with Mr. Burns what oh as like a billionaire is a
[00:12:22] billionaire oh cool that's awesome that's a good solution but keep the white guy
[00:12:26] voicing him isn't that the central problem that's the only problem is that
[00:12:30] the problem is the problem is that the show isn't called the appu show and it's
[00:12:33] about a poo's life is a stand-up comedian that's also a millionaire but it's also
[00:12:37] kind of loud to say the end words and like he's a brown guy so Kanye on the
[00:12:44] table saying the n-word casually on the table exactly the same right parents make
[00:12:49] both easy you know 200,000 dollars doctors uh-huh fucking okay yeah oh that
[00:12:58] was the problem I thought it was because it was Hank's area was doing the voice
[00:13:00] no the Hank's area is not even in the documentary really no nice yeah I think
[00:13:06] you refuse to be in it good you know what Hank was greating is that worth
[00:13:11] is like is that worth is gotta be like 60 million dollars who hangers
[00:13:18] Hank is there Hank is there every way in the Simpsons is rich as hell he's so
[00:13:21] funny in the bird cage to where he plays great like he's funny he's
[00:13:24] boy their house boy yeah yeah hilarious yeah tank is there yeah holy shit I love
[00:13:31] that movie he's amazed that movie the only movie that Dan Castell and Edda is
[00:13:34] in that I can think of yeah is he's just sitting in like a lawyer's office and
[00:13:39] more the roses he's just sitting there like reacting to whatever the lawyers
[00:13:47] the lawyers just yeah boy that's terrible you ever see that movie no what is that
[00:13:52] about a divorce or something yeah I think it's Michael Douglas and was Kathleen
[00:13:56] Turner I think so Kathleen Turner yeah Ben's on yeah when she had her fastball
[00:14:01] yeah she did he's looking right yeah they have a marriage and the marriage is
[00:14:06] nice at first then it gets bad and they destroy their house together you
[00:14:10] they get in there they won't neither of them will he won't sign the divorce
[00:14:13] papers or something or they just hate each other yeah I should watch that I
[00:14:18] like movies about divorce where white people's lives are getting destroyed
[00:14:21] Kramer vs Kramer vs Kramer's Kramer's Kramer's a great movie yeah it is good
[00:14:25] when you want the orange juice what your mom didn't make your mom made
[00:14:28] orange juice different than this I'm sorry that this isn't the orange juice
[00:14:32] the way you wanted it I don't I'm not a good father for you is that what you're
[00:14:37] saying to me a little faggot this is the happens and then he pulls his dick out
[00:14:42] or whatever didn't he get me to to yeah who doesn't Hoffman yeah yeah I tend to
[00:14:47] be rain man yeah duff duff duff duff duffly nice part 30
[00:14:50] definitely nice please start my penis yeah this 30 I got 32 sperm sitting and
[00:14:55] putting your mouth please let me rip you out very good nipples very good
[00:15:00] nipples excuse me ma'am very brown asshole very very brown asshole I want to
[00:15:05] tongue your ass that was like damn that is the best that was what I was gonna do
[00:15:11] that for an hour yeah yeah yeah Tom Cruise Dustin Hoffman can a retarded man
[00:15:18] get head from strangers what the hell is wrong with you Ray brain man
[00:15:24] brand new line since touching story about a retarded man it just wants to get his
[00:15:31] dicks off definitely nice parallips on that the show whatever I definitely
[00:15:36] nice no his name is Ray yeah whatever it doesn't matter Charlie Charlie Charlie
[00:15:40] Charlie Charlie Charlie can I suck that woman's tits damn it Ray I didn't bring
[00:15:47] you to Vegas to fuck horse yes you did alright I did brain man there's no other
[00:15:55] plot definitely some good pussy
[00:16:02] yeah yeah because if you pretend you're retarded you can just plead criminally
[00:16:19] yeah I'm sorry I'm sorry Charlie she's eight I didn't know she was a Charlie
[00:16:28] are you kidding me numbers are the only thing you understand god damn it Ray you
[00:16:33] love counting and fucking how the hell is you fuck this up definitely got my
[00:16:39] take to heart that definitely was too horny
[00:16:47] damn we should fucking we should start our movie studio where we make brain man
[00:16:54] we make brain man happen we just take turns playing Dustin Hoffman
[00:17:00] that's like that Mitchell of web look sketch for the two actors can't decide
[00:17:03] who gets to be Sherlock Holmes and who gets to be Watson and so like at every
[00:17:08] time the camera changes they've switched oh yeah damn that was basically the
[00:17:13] bit I was going for my yeah no that's no funny it's a good show yeah
[00:17:18] they're not funny but it's Mitchell web look is better than peep show I know
[00:17:21] you can't I disagree of course you just well what's a sketch show what's a sitcom
[00:17:26] I was literally just saying you can't really compare the two different genres
[00:17:30] but Mitchell my book is funnier I don't know peep show I think is a masterpiece
[00:17:35] yeah it is good so funny here I got something funny for you right here what's
[00:17:39] that clown ass dick I got a big ass shoes on my your balls you have the patch
[00:17:50] Adams knows it's a big red dick that's definitely a red dick the first time
[00:17:58] I saw why you in here when did you get one brain man came into the prison I knew
[00:18:07] I was going to fuck him what's your name candy do frame
[00:18:15] definitely definitely a good nickname to me
[00:18:21] holy fuck that's why you play the game for candy do frame wow
[00:18:30] and that's what the strawberry short shank prison the strawberry short shank
[00:18:35] redemption come on in here there's some good pussy over here when I've been
[00:18:41] candid do frame first came in the show
[00:18:47] until he was raped by the sisters yeah the sisters the gay villains the gay
[00:18:55] villains perfect metaphor for wasn't Dustin Hoffman kind of set up in me too
[00:18:59] though it wasn't like it happened like 50 years ago and he said like high or
[00:19:03] grabbed a woman yeah I mean he was just like a literal fucking celebrity just
[00:19:08] getting easy pussy and you know you cross the line once you're so I've said
[00:19:12] it before and I said again no man has ever been guilty
[00:19:21] very true I got a piss I should have thought about this before that's fun
[00:19:26] before before the show's okay 11 minutes so break time oh break time yeah we're
[00:19:33] taking a little lunch break on this episode I just like a brought cake I
[00:19:36] brought some sandwiches what kind ham and Swiss pretty standard I like I like
[00:19:42] him and Swiss that's a good that's a good it's a nice hard hard work all
[00:19:46] fucking long take a long take a little bitch ass English t sandwich dude I like
[00:19:51] it you know what I'm getting now that I got a kitchen this clean yeah your own
[00:19:54] kitchen yeah dude I've been having hibiscus tea I can already feel my blood
[00:19:57] pressure dropping I haven't been checking it because my new thing now is
[00:20:00] not checking yeah yeah why check yeah just either live or die right right
[00:20:06] choice is yours guys in front of you is a retarded man's penis inside of his
[00:20:14] penis is the key to the shackles around your ankles
[00:20:21] what part of his penis but there's a video camera taping you and if you suck
[00:20:26] his dick you'll go to jail for sucking a retarded guy's dick the worst crime
[00:20:31] of all that definitely get the key out of my heater in your life you neglected
[00:20:36] your son with Down syndrome go fuck prostitutes you know you have to play
[00:20:42] a game never die the choice is yours saw 17 coming to theaters this summer
[00:20:51] black saw I know you all done want to play a game
[00:21:04] yeah for the all-female reboot of song
[00:21:09] Rihanna on trance in front of you is my dick cut it off or die in place and with
[00:21:17] a pussy doctor Spencer in your life you refuse to cut off my dick but now you
[00:21:24] can either cut off my dick or be snapped to death by rat traps I've never seen
[00:21:30] the saw movie oh the first one was fun I mean the first three year like you know
[00:21:35] okay gang lovers like to like final destiny lovers in song yeah I think so
[00:21:39] I don't know I'm not doing any glauver that's alright what's the voices yeah
[00:21:43] jigsaw no I know I know suck my dick or die so and he's because his name's jigsaw
[00:21:52] we all know what black saw his name would be oh yeah I'm not gonna do it but we
[00:21:57] all you all know of course it's scrimshaw yeah it's true shot
[00:22:08] now the end of the movie when I reveal my true name it's scrimshaw
[00:22:15] what's jigsaw's deal he's just his cancer is a clown he's a guy that had
[00:22:22] cancer and like he wants to get back people that don't appreciate their lives
[00:22:26] oh damn because he's dying of cads damn does one person live at the end of
[00:22:32] each one or they are yeah I think bust it
[00:22:36] yeah your dick is stuck inside of a teletubby you can cut it off or continue
[00:22:46] fucking the doll saw 18 I mean I guess I'll just fuck the die I don't really
[00:22:52] want to fuck it but I don't want to come off oh fuck inside of your son's ass
[00:22:59] have inserted a flash he's passed down he wakes up in 12 minutes interesting
[00:23:14] interesting question is that pedophilia pedophilia fucking a flashlight inside
[00:23:22] of jail in front of you is a half Indian half Japanese comedian he's going to do
[00:23:27] an hour and a half of stand-up comedy about the new Samsung galaxy unless you
[00:23:33] cut your dick unless you kill yourself with the gun
[00:23:35] and finish live or die the choice is yours can I just kill Lanean
[00:23:44] oh no you can't well why not the gun is right
[00:23:48] that's cheating don't know don't do that part get out of this room and what you
[00:23:57] can't except using that door next to you I can figure out a way to
[00:24:00] I don't go through that door because look I've got nine of these rooms so
[00:24:07] I'll host in there I don't have yeah there's a I can't tell you what's in
[00:24:14] there but it's bad really bad you think the circular saw attached your anus
[00:24:19] with barbed wire is bad really not gonna like this in that room don't go through
[00:24:24] there to jambajou to be there so Panera Brad
[00:24:34] so sounds awesome I can't wait to watch it yeah dude I can't wait to go to
[00:24:38] Panera Brad I love Panera I haven't been to a Panera that's whenever I hang out
[00:24:42] that's the go to yeah that was a lot of issues he's like you want to go over to
[00:24:46] Panera Brad yeah because the parents think it's nice yeah I lift you dad up
[00:24:51] out of Panera dude yeah Venetia's done with Panera I take her to good
[00:24:54] restaurants my dad doesn't eat my dad comes home from work and goes to sleep
[00:24:58] I know dude but that's that's why you got to be a nice little you know you got
[00:25:02] to get him back in dude start doing coke with your dad yeah you know take him
[00:25:06] to a strip club let him fuck a retarded a blip a blip club a blip club tip
[00:25:11] club yeah strip strip club strip poker big bigger bigger bigger back definitely
[00:25:17] definitely won't want to play strip poker while we're here right no they get
[00:25:21] naked yeah I'm already naked I was like look how big it's dick is he's like he's
[00:25:26] retarded I feel like we're talking about bigger
[00:25:31] dicks man yeah you feel that way feel that way yeah I feel that way too well
[00:25:35] it's because they're always hard true it's true that is true the Dicks are never
[00:25:40] goes to go live never go limp just imagine if you were that easily excited
[00:25:44] that's true yeah yeah just seeing a toothpaste commercial would probably do it
[00:25:49] for a little bit smiling yeah oh yeah those brilliant white teeth sparkly
[00:25:56] just waiting to be destroyed with Reese's
[00:26:01] Norman had used to have some joke about how much harder it is to fuck a retarded
[00:26:06] girl in the mouth because it's filled with candy that wasn't the joke but the
[00:26:10] punchline revolved around you know because her mouth is filled with candy
[00:26:20] all right Pete Norman there was a guy yeah his birthday's coming up how old
[00:26:27] is he going getting someone older than you probably like 90 90 yeah he's like
[00:26:32] he's gotta be like 93 years old he's vaping though he's so old that is like
[00:26:35] birthday is actually on the Georgian calendar not even yeah ten months oh
[00:26:42] cool so he can be younger metric months damn it's fucked up there's
[00:26:46] different calendars yeah it's really fucked up it's so funny that the
[00:26:49] Chinese are at like year 9,000 and they still like oh yeah you spit in door
[00:26:54] like 7,000 yeah they should be in the church you don't have like basic shit
[00:26:59] where's their flying cars and like fucking silver jumpsuits and shit all
[00:27:02] Chinese people who have the same bull cut which I guess kind of they're half
[00:27:06] like that's only when they have done so far yeah food should be pellets yeah
[00:27:12] you know like the jazz you don't have a water bottle you suck off of yeah
[00:27:16] hamster cages you have a sexy robot maid you can use your all day long yeah I
[00:27:20] saw Ernest today oh yeah you went to Amber's department yeah to get my mail it has
[00:27:26] her is looking you know he's like making his way around the place he seems to
[00:27:31] press figure it out he misses yeah he misses his old his old you know yeah
[00:27:35] he had a place yeah it's his place he was happy with Ernest's place that's
[00:27:39] what we thought you're gonna die Tuesday on it yeah it's actually incredible he
[00:27:43] didn't die in that apartment it'd be great if Ernest had a bar yeah it would
[00:27:47] be cool cat bartender yeah a little bow time yeah yeah I'm best that would be
[00:27:53] awesome he's knocking things over all right P. Ernest are you gonna get a you
[00:27:56] should get a fucking cat dude no I'm not gonna now that I have a nice fucking
[00:28:00] place and they're gonna do anything to to you don't have hair all over yeah
[00:28:04] like have friends over yeah I'll have friends over is it mean we should do
[00:28:08] some kind of pay-per-view thing yeah fuck I think they canceled canelo glove they
[00:28:13] did that sucks dude fucking canelo he's taking steroids yeah instead it was
[00:28:17] tainted meat he's a mother fucker well of course he's gonna do steroids you
[00:28:21] guys fucking nuts whipped by triple G well they was a tie wasn't it yeah but yeah
[00:28:26] it was both yeah he got fucked up and he just like wasn't strong enough yeah
[00:28:31] yeah that's the shit of course he did steroids although it'd be nice I mean
[00:28:35] if all the multiple boxes said it's tainted meat in Mexico mm-hmm should
[00:28:39] everybody be jacked in Mexico wait they're tainting the meat with fucking
[00:28:43] they were saying it's steroids they got steroids they got steroid Mexico Mexico
[00:28:47] that's what yeah but like he's like fellas we got to take a trip down there
[00:28:52] yeah to Hwanah mm-hmm yeah I don't know if you want to I think I don't know
[00:28:57] where he's from he's from like Baja Baja I'm worried about doing steroids
[00:29:02] because it's a hard thing you're worried about it because you are doing
[00:29:05] steroids well you're considering it I mean I've done a little bit I did one
[00:29:11] cycle just to wake up no like the last couple months three days you did
[00:29:17] a cycle yeah what do you think I'm sure you get it with the gym some guy gave
[00:29:22] it to you yeah you just go up to the guy and be like what's you can see the most
[00:29:25] time like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no I didn't I didn't do steroids my old
[00:29:29] gym there used to be like some WAP trainer that would fucking offer steroids
[00:29:33] to mm-hmm like I got GHB exactly you personally I would recommend yeah I
[00:29:39] sell two things the day rape drug steroids steroids and crack cocaine
[00:29:47] we should go to Mexico though I heard that you can do GHB like
[00:29:51] recreationally if you don't drink me and Adam we're talking about going to
[00:29:55] Greece yeah yeah we want to go to Greece of course I said me and Adam
[00:30:00] what you gonna go without me you're gonna go to Greece well me our band yeah we're
[00:30:03] a band we have to do band practice let me be the tambourine guy yeah you
[00:30:07] gotta get a little I'm buying a full drum actually you if you got a drum kit
[00:30:11] we should start the worst I mean I would just no idea how to play the
[00:30:15] instrument I mean I I can't play anything you're gonna start your first man let's
[00:30:20] do it I'm gonna go get drums I'm gonna buy something else I'm gonna buy a bassoon
[00:30:25] get drums no get a sack what does a bassoon got a read you can't play a
[00:30:29] read it instrument why not get a trumpet did you do band in high school dude I
[00:30:34] have no musical ability whatsoever you need drums dude there's got to be some
[00:30:37] kind of some sort of art selective okay here's what I'll do I'll get one of
[00:30:40] those really simple drums are easy dude I'll get the drum kit will keep it at
[00:30:44] your apartment I'll come over play the drums we will keep it at your apartment
[00:30:47] I don't know I don't know if the biggest place I could do it in my second room
[00:30:52] here that's a little bit we do a little studio my apartment is probably bigger
[00:30:57] than this but this living room is much bigger than mine yeah you're living
[00:31:00] small but your bedroom spent my favorite I will play jumps in your bedroom all
[00:31:04] right well we're gonna take a break and then we'll be back in a minute wait no
[00:31:09] we don't have to take a break I'll just hey guys we're gonna wear you
[00:31:12] yeah I'll play it to pick oh right I do but fuck it I'll let me just see your pants
[00:31:17] just guys whatever underwear you're wearing right now shit them off your
[00:31:23] body to go to them off just fucking shit so hard they explode and go to
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[00:32:15] they have a silver line of shirts and underwear that are naturally antimicrobial
[00:32:20] which means they suck the stink off of your mmm-fitted body you little yeah
[00:32:25] yeah you're disgusting think of the bacteria is little dicks the silver
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[00:33:09] promo code CUM TOWN check them out alright thanks and we're back
[00:33:15] I have to piss that's like I do I do have to piss you know what fuck it let's
[00:33:20] just go no we're going I have to I everybody has to piss hit me the cake no
[00:33:25] I want the cake I'm okay I have like a little piece you're just trying to do
[00:33:28] all the things that I'm doing no for this cake is mine I had the cake first yeah
[00:33:33] he's copying me oh no I have to piss now I see the cake. I'm just see now I go to
[00:33:39] take a drink and he copies me god damn it's like it's like that I need another
[00:33:45] Laquat hold on okay I have to piss so I'm alone right now on the show all right
[00:33:54] so this is what everyone wanted this is what the fans have been writing it for
[00:33:59] finally the Adam Friedland moment on the show this is where I can tell my true
[00:34:04] feelings you just kicked my fucking dog food over anyway why did you leave my
[00:34:10] fridge open and you brought the whole cake out this is the quads this I don't
[00:34:15] know don't dent it up that's not mine this one stop this one was mine was that
[00:34:20] one mine that was yours anyway we're back sorry about the dog food I'm sure the
[00:34:27] dog will eat it off the floor yeah but don't leave the fridge open no sorry
[00:34:32] and you brought the whole cake I was worried that the show was gonna go bad
[00:34:34] without me so I had to rush back over here well bitch look who's back and look
[00:34:39] who has to Laquat and no it's not this one this is the denta what it felt how
[00:34:45] did I get over here well give me the new one why did you get this who has to
[00:34:48] Laquat's in the rest of the cake I don't care you are you were in the bathroom
[00:34:53] trying to find your tiny pieces all the cake I want a whole cake yeah well I
[00:34:56] want the whole fucking cake and I'm gonna eat it because it's my birthday it's
[00:35:01] actually was Adam's my birthday it's the cake his girlfriend well it's when it's
[00:35:04] my friends birthday it's my birthday it's the same goes the old expression we
[00:35:12] all know what yours is my that's so true Su Casa as me Casa I want to start
[00:35:20] becoming one of those birthday month girls you are one of those birthday month
[00:35:24] girls I dated a month girl and choose a fucking nightmare yeah yeah they're the
[00:35:28] words you do girls huh would you do for the birthday month mostly got yelled at
[00:35:32] you're my fucking birthday it's like now it's it's actually three and a half
[00:35:37] weeks one time I dumped a girl like three weeks before Valentine's day and
[00:35:43] she's like Valentine's day is just around the corner you're gonna do this to me
[00:35:46] maybe it's like fuck him when you get to an adult time you're so fast there's
[00:35:50] literally no time you can break there's like three days out of the year you can
[00:35:53] break up with it yeah it's true I was like more than a day is sooner than
[00:35:57] Valentine's day technically it's fucking Bastille day asshole you're gonna break
[00:36:04] over on Arbor day you know I love trees you really love trees Afro man
[00:36:16] he's gonna do all those things and then he got I'm from that love trees brother I
[00:36:21] was gonna suck a dick but then I got high I was gonna be a live life as
[00:36:27] a homosexual man but then I got I was gonna be happy for the first I was in
[00:36:36] eighth grade I was like the coolest song that was definitely in the in the most
[00:36:44] of me we were talking about Carlito's way zone you listen to Afro man you know
[00:36:49] I'm saying damn crazy taxi crazy taxi was this is
[00:36:54] delectable I know it's a good cake I had plenty of it you're not making me jealous
[00:36:58] and really I love having the entire cake to myself you're just eating Adam's
[00:37:04] cream cheese frosting and you're putting your fingers all over the fucking
[00:37:08] plate like an asshole makes better is that there's more of it I don't give a
[00:37:12] funny a clip hmm goddamn she don't have to dodge you for making a good
[00:37:17] it's good in a way that you couldn't tell if you only had a tiny piece that's
[00:37:20] absolutely untrue yes and I had a big ass piece by the way motherfucker you
[00:37:24] thought I had a little piece yeah right bitch this has got carrots in it it's a
[00:37:29] carrot cake but it has coconut and it's a tropical yeah I tasted the pine I think
[00:37:33] I just ate some pineapp yeah it's very nice it's very tropical refreshing kind
[00:37:37] of a tropical care god damn I love basically like eating I love sweets I've
[00:37:41] been watching you know I've been watching a lot that's good for you is
[00:37:43] beyond belief factor fiction with Jonathan freaks was that like one of
[00:37:48] those Ripley's Blues or not yeah yeah but it's like you know he comes out and
[00:37:51] then whole like set up like one of these vignettes you have to guess whether or
[00:37:55] not the story happens that show is great the first season was hosted by James
[00:38:01] brollen and then they replaced him with Jonathan freaks yeah what yeah yeah
[00:38:07] that's wild yeah but it's like everyone every type like you know he's his room
[00:38:14] that he's in yes and they set up all like the like short movies or whatever
[00:38:18] with like him describing the thing but there's like something related to the
[00:38:21] story in the room you know an object it's one that was like a dessert case from
[00:38:26] a diner and then Jonathan breaks comes out into camera he's like dessert the
[00:38:30] final meal Josh something you know like found out the hard way that eating
[00:38:38] dessert might not be so sweet after all yeah and then they play the you know
[00:38:47] the movie or whatever it's and it's like is that possible two men engaged in a
[00:38:52] homosexual
[00:38:54] or Jonathan freaks this is fact yeah that was a fucking good ass that was a good
[00:39:05] ass TV show that was in yeah I think that was in the WB late night rotation
[00:39:09] right yeah sort of after Star Trek Voyager after Steve Harvey show Steve
[00:39:15] Harvey show Jonathan freaks rules I don't know who he is he's commander Riker from
[00:39:19] Star Trek oh yes oh it's all coming together now I did love that shit he's
[00:39:25] the Barack Obama the star star trek unit that's true it is true dude now
[00:39:29] you're not wrong by saying that it's a smart statement
[00:39:32] everybody likes him even though he's a warmonger yeah
[00:39:38] he's really drone to fucking cling on wedding that episode where he has to go
[00:39:44] on the Klingon ship they have to like trade officers and then he mutinies the
[00:39:51] the Klingon ship but to save everybody and it's like damn Riker's cool as shit
[00:39:55] yeah I'm smarter than ever yeah he's named after the prison Rikers Island yeah
[00:40:03] imagine you'd be funny like a Star Trek nerd is like getting charged with the
[00:40:07] child pornography crime you're like we're sent to you at 12 months on Rikers
[00:40:11] Island he's like oh boy he's gonna be great and then he gets there and there's
[00:40:16] a black eyes like you know like this is more of a mother than a baby baby
[00:40:22] and his eye looking like a man prospered the death grip on him and it's raped me
[00:40:35] fuck I wish I that wasn't so funny that I couldn't do the bit
[00:40:38] it's so doy-bishly funny
[00:40:42] oh boy Rikers Island
[00:40:46] oh man I love that is being raped this is one I'm all about thing yeah I
[00:40:58] don't be really getting raped you can call me data shut up your name's Claire
[00:41:09] very logical yeah I was gonna say I just I just I just I woke up I had that
[00:41:20] birthday party on Friday that we tell us about your birthday sounds sounded fun
[00:41:24] no it's my my friend ruined it yeah tell us it's been cool to have all your
[00:41:29] friends that you love no I was killed one because stop to be there couldn't be
[00:41:34] there and you you know had to leave early and then yeah my worst friend showed up
[00:41:40] and then just started hitting my girlfriend and my dog nice and yeah we
[00:41:46] had to ask him to leave it was it was really depressing anyway but next day I
[00:41:52] woke up really hung over and then we watched this the I guess it's the newest
[00:41:56] episode of lon order SVU but it was a dramatic turn for Mr. Will Sasso from
[00:42:04] that yes I love what they do that yeah they just have comedians be in the
[00:42:09] yeah I saw one more Jim Gaffigan like killed his wife or something really yeah
[00:42:13] yeah there was two comedians and that was Jim Gaffigan and some I can't
[00:42:16] remember who else it was really fucking weird I was pretty stoned and it seemed
[00:42:19] like Will Sasso was playing for comedy yeah like he was like doing the dramatic
[00:42:26] parts a little too dramatic and it seemed like maybe he was just not taking it
[00:42:29] completely seriously but it was a wild app wild what it will show show about
[00:42:33] this will fat so well fat so yeah has anyone's thought of that stuff as probably
[00:42:38] you stop as a list of fat bald guys on his enemies why do I have that that's
[00:42:43] not what I'm like at all you're like I'm gonna not competing with the same for
[00:42:47] the yes you are you wish you had the cake and you're competing with a little
[00:42:50] sass up cake is right here I can have you could not have it I have plenty of cake
[00:42:53] you got your hands are too fat to grip the cake if anything my hands have
[00:42:59] adapted to be specifically for cake and cake they're too robust to a little
[00:43:06] bus though that's right I have robust oh ass hands my hands are fucking
[00:43:14] formulated for snacking my friend yeah damn wings now you should have like a
[00:43:19] tube that protrudes from your mouth to suck up crumbs I don't really want like
[00:43:23] an eater I should have my nose you turn into a fucking trunks
[00:43:30] and for eating pussy oh yeah you get that long ass
[00:43:34] so we're supposed to believe evolution is real yet look at me four hundred and
[00:43:39] seventy two pounds why come I don't have a trunk is a clear I would never be
[00:43:46] able to climb a tree in my life I don't eat bananas or any type of fruit I
[00:43:50] eat nothing but and cinnabon I don't I believe personally that I identify more
[00:43:55] with the elephant big old pussy lip ears oh yeah fuck those sexy ass ears they're
[00:44:01] the coolest animals man they eat the girl often see each other's pussy you
[00:44:05] know I think the cool is animal are that's women that's right ladies I respect
[00:44:11] you thank you and consider you animal that's fucked up that people criticize
[00:44:16] us for you know props making problematic jokes misogyny and do people on
[00:44:22] criticizes for that I don't think they really do either it criticizes for a
[00:44:26] ironic racism is that it I get I so good to being a
[00:44:33] that's right all the time oh stress right yeah cuz you're like a trash what
[00:44:37] he's like racist but he believes in universal health care it means racist but
[00:44:41] chill like he still blazes yeah yeah so basically just that guy's between us
[00:44:50] and libertarians is a strawster guy right yeah I guess elephants are also
[00:44:56] cool because they jack off by slamming their dicks against their stomachs
[00:45:00] really hell yes really like they just whipped their cock yeah look on YouTube
[00:45:05] it's pretty good I think it has a shower that's how I dry off really I used to
[00:45:10] love doing that when I was like a teenager just whipping my yeah sure my
[00:45:14] junk back and forth in a funny way who doesn't like fucking do the old
[00:45:17] helicopter yeah yeah no no we know hands use your hips to just smack it between
[00:45:23] your ass and your stomach sometimes it would hit my nuts though and that yeah
[00:45:26] you do that you let your nuts fly around I don't like my name that awful noise I
[00:45:30] do that we're basketball shorts and then smack my nuts that is a horrible noise
[00:45:35] it's like a fucking it's a good way to intimidate people yeah I like going
[00:45:41] side-to-side just having to hit your thigh front back side to side yeah yeah
[00:45:48] it's beautiful it's a good way to to attract women yep you pull your dick out
[00:45:52] you pull your cock out you start slapping it around these are Brooklyn
[00:45:59] dating to this how you date that's how I get here in here in the cool
[00:46:06] city in America definitely come over here definitely definitely take a look at
[00:46:10] this you see this definitely definitely definitely whip it my dick around
[00:46:16] the nice thing about being on circumcised is that if I whip my dick
[00:46:18] around there's a nice breeze mm-hmm my my dick will just inflate like a balloon
[00:46:22] you should have that like you're right incident like those chairs you know
[00:46:26] those chairs a jack Nicholson it's Jack Nicholson and Fox retarded guys
[00:46:30] yeah what would you be like ray why don't you come over here and add up all
[00:46:36] these inches with your ass definitely definitely that still is a type of
[00:46:42] gay jack oh by the way I forgot to add the part I like is the part where
[00:46:49] you're mentally retarded he's gave her research if you could do me a favor and
[00:46:58] struggle to get halfway through the alphabet definitely can do that definitely
[00:47:07] can do that definitely can't do one okay
[00:47:24] oh yeah brother
[00:47:29] there's no that's that's what we call a refillable Jack Nicholson type of yeah
[00:47:33] yeah that's a plug and play like your ass yeah real plug and play plug and
[00:47:40] play I wouldn't mind plugging and playing down there at the home for disabled
[00:47:46] adults if you know what I mean it'll have any locks on the outside of the doors
[00:47:53] because they can't figure out the knobs there's no reason for you just waltz
[00:47:58] right in the take your pick of the litter
[00:48:07] that's how it used to be dude back in the 60s milling around there's a big
[00:48:11] kid in a row they just put him in a room and they'd be like alright shit
[00:48:14] yourselves figure it out go ahead and play with your shit you know all you need
[00:48:21] is a fence really now we know the answer is to just put them in minimum wage
[00:48:26] positions where you don't actually have to pay them any money and then you put
[00:48:29] water to in the commercials and that's more humane it's true use them for
[00:48:33] slave labor that's right well my groceries aren't gonna be poorly bagged
[00:48:37] themselves yeah I'm saying what are their industries I feel like I see a lot of
[00:48:42] mentally challenged but grossers like baggers how about president of the United
[00:48:48] States oh shit that's okay now we're not that that that now we're really getting
[00:48:55] trouble finally let's get into it now we're really gonna get so now oh and how
[00:48:59] about fucking yeah how about downsold Trump
[00:49:04] is anyone called a guy hashtag resist it's fucking great yeah oh yeah what about
[00:49:11] fucking Ellen DeGeneres releases her nude slur for Donald downsold Trump
[00:49:17] yeah because he's a fucking retard huh great
[00:49:22] doorknob Trump yeah what about oh since we're in the politics corner
[00:49:29] uh-huh what our boy our favorite politician
[00:49:32] Mark Zuckerberg speaker of the house Paul Ryan Paul Ryan he's retiring cuz my
[00:49:38] man with a stash pussy eating iron stash got him scared dude is that why I don't
[00:49:43] know but I thought I thought he's retiring he he doesn't want to get blamed for
[00:49:49] who cares anyway it would be great if if Trump does like a night-a-long knives
[00:49:54] on the FBI he's just like murders yeah 100 yeah yeah yeah yeah I would not
[00:50:01] chill man it would be cool it would be funny if that happened to the FBI yeah
[00:50:06] that's true that is true I do it is so funny the democrats are like how dare
[00:50:11] they talk shit about the FBI yeah they're like pro FBI yeah try to get
[00:50:16] ML gated kill himself yeah they tried to entrap like pedophiles they in fact
[00:50:22] female bodies yeah that's true that part now but now I'm gonna piss all right yeah
[00:50:29] oh fuck dude whoa watch it man whoa my dog move move my dog yeah so politics
[00:50:38] corner because now we have politics now just smart boys Mark Zuckerberg spoke
[00:50:43] before Congress yesterday talk to him Adam how do I feel about it yeah I feel
[00:50:49] like it's anti-Semitism god mad yeah okay that's right go off queen all types
[00:50:56] of discrimination are illegal now especially post me to except for one
[00:51:01] anti-Semitism is the last technically legal yet written into the law where
[00:51:07] the where the fuck are the vinkle was twins yeah the vinkle was twins exactly
[00:51:12] who are clearly their grand German didn't do anything wrong yeah between the
[00:51:18] years 1931 in 1945 perfect blonde twins oh just on a rowboat together
[00:51:25] stuck each other off yeah fuck killing gypsies did you see someone Dennis Miller
[00:51:31] someone salute to Dennis Miller Dennis Miller tweeted he said the the winkle
[00:51:40] of us twins haven't been this happy since they went on a double date with the
[00:51:44] Barbie twins got them which were I think I believe they were like two girls that
[00:51:52] were twins with fake tits and like 1993 they were kind of oh those real I thought
[00:51:57] that would you just talk about the doll Barbie no I think that they were like
[00:52:00] kind of like porny looking nice they were famous for about six months in the
[00:52:05] early 90s do you ever have a face where you beat off to like real fake looking
[00:52:09] bitches of course like that's the first kind of girl that you think is hot yeah
[00:52:14] but yeah like Janet Jameson and Pamela Anderson later in life did you ever
[00:52:17] we're to return like for old school say for old times sometimes yeah sometimes
[00:52:22] yeah pass that now yeah but I did Nick what about you about what do you ever
[00:52:27] beat off like big fake plastic titty looking Barbie doll bit I tried to have to
[00:52:32] store me Daniels a couple weeks ago out of a civic pride yeah I'm sure her
[00:52:37] numbers on Pornhub oh skyrocket for sure I did the same thing yeah I just
[00:52:41] store me dance that can't be her real name yeah that's gotta be no just like
[00:52:47] Tom Cruise that's her real name man mm-hmm more I think about because you say
[00:52:52] enough time in on downs old Trump you want to you want to hit that for a
[00:52:56] couple minutes yeah let's go let's play that let's just talk that okay you okay
[00:53:01] let's see here yeah yeah um huge family big boy big boy big boy we're gonna walk
[00:53:14] her up all right it's gonna be where let me figure out a device because when I
[00:53:21] tell you everyone's gonna love it it's gonna be oh it's gonna be beautiful
[00:53:26] Nick's doing a great the impression the matter is with the Trump with the
[00:53:29] retarded boy he's got a little yeah it's better yeah we get it
[00:53:35] very close yeah okay very close let me tell you it's gonna be the best type of
[00:53:43] combination between two questions that a was ever done what about what are the
[00:53:49] Mexicans what what are they bringing over a Hispanic retarded Donald Trump
[00:53:55] no no I'm asking you he's prom I'm asking me to get Baroque is no no no no be a
[00:54:00] fucking artist that would be wild okay K T but no too much too much too far you're
[00:54:08] barely yeah we're Icarus right now yeah no too close to the motherfucking son
[00:54:13] dude yeah it's to the orange mmm big cheeto in the sky yeah yeah yeah I tell you I
[00:54:20] tell you here we go we gotta get these goddamn Mexicans out of country brand
[00:54:25] of city candy is the worst fucking candy I tried to say that's right
[00:54:38] the bad candy the Chickalay I like it the beans they make you go you fought
[00:54:44] that's pretty funny yeah that's cool build that wall way go
[00:54:55] way go tell us tell us about what how girls treat you when you're famous what's
[00:55:01] that like oh you could do anything you do whatever you want yeah grab my
[00:55:06] pussy all the way up here grab my pussy and then he's grabbing the tit
[00:55:10] yeah Donald you great what do they let them shit your position I guess I don't
[00:55:20] know I don't even want to be doing this I didn't mean it when I said we didn't
[00:55:23] spend enough time I think it's good that we let him run yeah that's really gonna
[00:55:28] take him down yeah he's come town calls him a retard
[00:55:34] not funny it would be if he does he's like he hears it somehow and he kills
[00:55:38] himself and then all that everybody has to apologize to me
[00:55:44] I know the one it's like the scene at the end of Star Wars where they're giving us
[00:55:48] like sashes he walks their day
[00:55:53] we beat Trump who like calling him retarded
[00:56:00] I can't wait yeah this hell bent girls have to like you know I don't know
[00:56:06] what's up or all their podcasting equipment because they call them a literal
[00:56:11] fuck shit but they can't say it's hard it is actually not on Twitter anymore but
[00:56:17] someone did like a list they're like alright here's a list of non problematic
[00:56:20] insults and it was all it was like shit baby yeah it was horrible yeah it's
[00:56:29] funny because of all that like piss baby and shit baby literal human garbage it
[00:56:32] all became like tried immediately and it's like just being used by people that
[00:56:36] are dorks yeah nine years later yeah right I mean it's like on par with like
[00:56:41] ass clown you know like going around saying that's
[00:56:44] ass clown I feel like a space was homophobic kind of thing yeah like you
[00:56:49] get real funny in your ass it's a real circus in the one of the Greek words
[00:56:56] for gay guy like a derisive is be so handy which means but pirate with no
[00:57:01] which means behind party behind party from behind party in his ass yeah which
[00:57:07] is actually pretty it also means maulin also means maulin
[00:57:11] be so glad this yeah yeah yeah you increase the only guys who are allowed
[00:57:14] to get a gay guy or just a straight guy gets fucked in the ass once
[00:57:17] uh-huh business upfront party in the back there'll be also be like an assless
[00:57:21] business suit that's right
[00:57:25] yeah
[00:57:31] just a fucking arm on e power to turn around the cheeks
[00:57:36] just mesh mesh in the eye just cut out completely this is the commercial for
[00:57:43] that the guy in the office just that's really his card that walking away
[00:57:47] you should put that in like an SNL package these four years
[00:57:51] but this is in front party in the back we do things a little different around
[00:57:58] here oh yeah we're a fun office cowboy boots power suit assless
[00:58:05] asshole just fucking right feel not greased top hat
[00:58:09] yeah
[00:58:13] a top hat with a glory hole in it so you just squat in between your two
[00:58:16] friends then one of them sixes cocks through the hat and the other guy sucks
[00:58:20] it off so the hole is in the top of that top hat
[00:58:24] yeah something like that okay we'll figure out the we'll figure out okay
[00:58:28] that i don't have fucking time i've been i've been podcasting 25 years i don't
[00:58:32] have time to do every single fucking bit we'll get we'll get auto cat apple
[00:58:35] draw some fucking we'll draw some prototypes he's gonna hurt your
[00:58:39] payment in rock he's gonna suck you off point in at rock
[00:58:45] he's got this Apollo guy he's got HIV you getting the ring with him it's a
[00:58:51] death sentence but i was gonna see those a mixed
[00:58:55] blood but maybe no it's in his sweat too rock
[00:58:58] i'm telling you don't use the toilet he's at the queers rock i don't know how you
[00:59:04] even know about this mick it's 1977
[00:59:08] i got a bad feeling i got a bad feeling about these fairies rock i'm in one of
[00:59:13] them by his clubs rock look at me i'm 34 years old
[00:59:23] oh yeah salute to that guy he's got a great name and he fucked a lot we just
[00:59:27] got some yeah Burgess Maris Burgess Maris
[00:59:29] i don't even know where you got that information it's out there apparently
[00:59:32] he fucked a lot that's all you know about Burgess Maris
[00:59:36] then you have access to that i bet you if you look it up
[00:59:39] just like the morgan Freeman thing it's true yeah
[00:59:43] morgan fuck first time i met Burgess Maris
[00:59:45] i can't tell he fucked a lot
[00:59:48] this guy fucks this man has a lot of sex
[00:59:56] fuck dude i hate this kick it's kind of slowing me down yeah yeah i've been
[01:00:00] slow all day because i can't have caffeine anymore but you're
[01:00:03] getting fucking hibiscus tea like i think it's like flowers
[01:00:07] yeah yeah you drinking flour yeah yeah yeah
[01:00:10] flour how does that feel i'm becoming so pissed right now
[01:00:17] good for my blood pressure drink a cup of hot flour drink a cup of hot daisies
[01:00:22] p.i.s.e did you hey hey Nick piece did your boyfriend get you
[01:00:26] that oh yeah i wish he did sick he's sick he
[01:00:31] yeah you got him dude boyfriend didn't give me anything what about this song
[01:00:36] my penis i just fucked a man with my penis like maria
[01:00:44] you know yeah that's pretty good yeah you know
[01:00:53] i like that one there has been a good song in a while i don't feel
[01:00:56] from us yeah no i didn't know that's not true last
[01:00:59] uh achy breaking heart oh yeah oh yeah but you know what i
[01:01:04] my sucky fucking no i have a higher standard i think
[01:01:08] and it's no i'm serious there's only one or two a year that really get me
[01:01:13] and i feel like dude i thought the sucky fucking dick or whatever we
[01:01:15] said was really good i thought stops um
[01:01:20] the werewolves in london what happened what happened in donka ruse
[01:01:24] donka ruse they're they're they're not there bring them back we're the fucker
[01:01:28] donka ruse they still are you're just in the fucking gym
[01:01:30] drinking fucking flowers uh you're like you're not in the donka
[01:01:34] ruse universe i'm i'm very much in there yeah he's there's the donka
[01:01:37] universe i'm in the donka ruse that's kevin smith's production company
[01:01:41] the donka ruse what should my company be called guys view donka ruse uh baby
[01:01:46] enterprises it's so funny that kevin smith had a
[01:01:49] huge heart attack did he yeah he almost died was it from ponings
[01:01:52] place yeah yeah last two weeks uh he's fucking hard like just
[01:01:56] almost completely blew up he's like it's funny i mean that makes so much
[01:01:59] boy lost weight yeah and it looks better i mean he looks like somebody lost
[01:02:05] weight but it's fat that's true stop it's dangerous to lose the way
[01:02:08] they lose the way when stop is promised stop loss used to be like a hundred
[01:02:11] pounds bigger and you kind of like cinched up
[01:02:13] yeah you were like 340 right i was close to 100 pounds fatter than this yeah
[01:02:17] wow well nay uh yeah three forty yeah probably my
[01:02:21] absolute highest yes wow i sort of remember that i was
[01:02:25] fatish dude i was looking for some old like picture through facebook and i was
[01:02:29] just good scrolling it was horrific yes
[01:02:32] terrible like i was wearing i was wearing like all my
[01:02:35] dress pants were just sweatpants that like those fake fat guy all they all
[01:02:39] have elastic waist elastic yeah it's khakis oh man and i was just like
[01:02:44] i was wearing some of the same shirt size for now but
[01:02:47] just packed to the brim dude yeah it was horrible yeah it was funny how fat
[01:02:52] you were i know it was my friend Brendan used to laugh at you yeah yeah
[01:02:56] yeah you had a waddle yeah you were walking we were all hanging out and you were
[01:02:59] walking back to your car and like Brendan was driving me somewhere and he
[01:03:03] looked pointed he was like holy shit yeah fuck Brendan dude he was bald yeah
[01:03:09] i'm fucking ugly fuck that piece of shit yeah well yeah but you were waddling
[01:03:13] yeah whatever man he can suck my nuts you're also bald
[01:03:16] no i'm not playing here i could grow it out any fucking day now pal
[01:03:22] yeah it would look good well we've reached the end of our
[01:03:26] allotted time uh the time allotment yeah so i'll leave you guys with this remember
[01:03:30] that show seven days on upn no what was that about it was about a time machine
[01:03:35] that's going to go back in time seven days and oh was that yes yeah it was not
[01:03:42] Anthony LaPaglia it was like John LaPaglia that was one of his
[01:03:46] LaPaglia brothers or whatever the fuck played him that was late in the upn
[01:03:50] game yeah i tried going back to find that show because i remember enjoying it
[01:03:53] that and sentinel and i couldn't find either of them
[01:03:57] but uh that'll that'll have to be how this one
[01:04:00] uh when's the next show oh and so thank you thanks everyone
[01:04:04] to come to funny moms uh we're gonna start doing eight o'clock
[01:04:07] we're actually starting at eight not doors at eight we'll probably get i guess
[01:04:11] eight doors i think i guess people have jobs and stuff and it's better for the
[01:04:14] show to end at till the 23rd uh so far we booked
[01:04:19] um Mateo Lane and Tim Dillon we say people are gonna come and then our
[01:04:22] friends cancel on us sorry but it'll be a good show to me people cancel a lot
[01:04:25] it happens all but we think they're coming um and uh i don't know do you
[01:04:30] anything else i head to can tell that's like a Chinese person i see you sir
[01:04:33] Tim Dillon Mateo Lane i'm trying to see if anyone else is booked whatever
[01:04:37] yeah what what day is that the 23rd 23rd 22 all right
[01:04:42] 23rd okay all right bye