Cum Town | Premium | 11/21/2016
[00:00:00] So everyone's been complaining about stops cackling on the show numerous
[00:00:06] Numerous complaints Adam we already started recording shut up. Please don't speak if you're not speaking into a microphone
[00:00:20] That's number one if you like number one, please text FAGGOT to FAGGOT6
[00:00:26] That's the classic one right there. That's number two. That's not one of the voting options
[00:00:32] You can't vote if you see you can't vote for that one
[00:00:40] That's Japanese school girl if you like that one type text FAGGOT to
[00:00:55] That's black guy that's middle-aged black guy. It's a black guy. Oh, that's black guy old enough to still have a white guy name
[00:01:03] So that's like a black guy a black guy named Richard or something
[00:01:07] So nice nice middle-class black man worked hard his whole life
[00:01:12] Yes, absolutely. He's got a job at a credit union
[00:01:16] He's been been called the n-word a couple times in his life
[00:01:19] But you know what he just forgets about it. Absolutely. There's more important things in life exactly
[00:01:23] And he doesn't do reverse racism. He doesn't know he's the best better. Yeah
[00:01:36] That one's real good that one's got a good up
[00:01:44] It's like old old jazz man. Yeah, yeah, well, no, we already did old black guy
[00:01:49] Oh fuck. I thought we didn't do in that class middle-aged
[00:01:52] We did there was a ten-year period where black guys had names like William and Richard
[00:01:57] And then been prior to that they were all like, you know, thelonious or that's such a jelly roll
[00:02:04] And then after our their beetle bug. Yeah after William and Richard. That's when they went kind of goofy. Yeah in the 80s
[00:02:12] What was the beginning well it started off with like traditional African names and like Arabic names like Rashad and stuff like that
[00:02:19] I know a lot of black Demetrius's which yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a little crazy
[00:02:23] Yeah, it got a little crazy towards like the 90s and then now it's just it's literally obscene. It's it's vulgarity
[00:02:31] Some of the previous Mingo is my favorite
[00:02:37] I hold on Barquivius Mingo has a brother to hold on. Ahah Clinton dicks fuck part. What's Barquivius's name brothers name?
[00:02:44] Oh, this tea is really bad. It's bad. Yeah, I haven't had any yet
[00:02:48] Yeah, it doesn't have any real flavor to it. It's just like oh
[00:02:52] Gee dude Barquivius Mingo has a brother named Hugh Tavius Mingo
[00:02:57] Is a brother named Hugh Mingo dude, it's okay if we're like doing
[00:03:02] You know a conceptual like racist thing
[00:03:08] Demeting them black men have accomplished a lot by the way. That's true
[00:03:14] Yeah, I agree that they have we can't be racist anymore. It's our fault for being a you think is we've caused Trump
[00:03:20] Yeah, I think irony did it is it put us specifically. Yeah, we did
[00:03:25] You know we actually have a decent amount of listeners
[00:03:28] You think we don't because there's not many people who listen actually have the money to subscribe
[00:03:32] But a lot of people listen to the podcast. Yeah, you sent us the numbers finally five million people. I was very surprised
[00:03:41] We have as much people listen as watch good morning America. That's true. Yeah, it's true
[00:03:47] We should have like the window like good morning America
[00:03:51] With posters we do have a window. We have a window. Yeah, you can see the eye you're wet some self outside the bodega
[00:03:57] In that black lady in the white sweatsuit the one that called me a bitch who called a bitch asked something else
[00:04:04] Do you remember Adam? Do you want to say the word? No?
[00:04:06] Ready to one time is so I get we got to talk about this. I saw a rival the other night. I heard that
[00:04:14] It's I would you know what they should call it removal as in I wish they would remove this film from theater
[00:04:25] Is if I'm leaving halfway through the film
[00:04:28] The arrival at the concession stand was the best part of the movie
[00:04:41] Extremely high-ass and I watch movies man. You're like you're like a mean sandy
[00:04:50] I'm sadly getting my skin is held together by come eight hundred years old
[00:04:56] I'm sandy Kenya night the right of AIDS 15 years ago
[00:05:01] Zombie and the rest of the news anchors come on me to keep me alive
[00:05:07] That guy looks terrible sandy Kenyan what for non New York listeners
[00:05:11] I'm the caps the caps have like like video screens in New York and they have like the ABC film critic
[00:05:19] The ABC News film critic who has never not liked a movie
[00:05:23] Yeah, I'm sandy kid. Well, I also my favorite thing in the cabs is like how they easy
[00:05:29] Jeopardy to trick people into watching jeopardy. Oh my god
[00:05:31] Yeah, like this movie featuring toys is also quite a story
[00:05:45] All right, two out of three ain't bad and then they watch real jeopardy and they're like what the fuck is a state bird?
[00:05:54] The state birds state flowers state dogs body more merdalene Orioles motherfucking black-eyed Susan black-eyed Susan chess
[00:06:01] Speak Bay Retriever, just be white over
[00:06:07] State sport jousting. Yeah, I thought it was a football and you know, you know the Maryland state motto get head get header
[00:06:14] Dye, no, it's actually pretty terrible. It's a manly deeds womanly words. Oh, yeah
[00:06:22] That's me basically. That's my life. Do you know what that's that that's where you talk like a bitch
[00:06:27] But hit like a man. It's like a Steve Harvey
[00:06:34] Yeah, I couldn't think of his name because I spoke too much weed, but it sounds like the guy the she-it guy from
[00:06:39] Yeah, yeah, you gotta stop doing the podcast high man. No, I'm not high right now under the big podcast do that
[00:06:51] What is our listening he's taking alpha brain though, dude
[00:06:55] We got to take an alpha brain dude. What's that a stare? It's fucking makes your fucking sharp, dude. Yeah, what do you smart and sharp?
[00:07:01] It's like a fucking supplement. It's like a fake supplement the Joe Rogan. Hey how arrival was so bad. You would have thought Mike Pence walked in
[00:07:12] Hey, I bet if he did the movie would have booty. Yeah, yeah, wait
[00:07:18] Wait, I don't know if that joke works. We're talking about how bad the movie works. It was fun. Yeah
[00:07:24] And topical. Yeah, yeah, no that movie sucks dick, dude. It's really bad. Well, who's it?
[00:07:30] Rachel McAdams good who's the girl scientist? It's what's her face. No, it's Amy Adams Amy Adams and
[00:07:38] Scars guard. Yeah, okay. Yeah, what happens in it? Do you see your first of all? Let's get some POCs up in the mix folks
[00:07:45] Oh, why is there still have to be a white couple? We got aliens on on planet
[00:07:50] Or the aliens. Why can't it be that that the screaming disabled woman? I saw on Twitter the other day
[00:07:55] She would have been great. Yeah, we talked about a ghost in the shell that was coming out and everyone was like mad that
[00:08:03] Instead of it and they're like oh here. So you could have cast. Oh, yeah, we definitely did talk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:08:08] But no, I mean far as winner is in it and then he's doing this bizarre. I guess he's like the character is
[00:08:16] Like a background character, you know, he's like for his would a good character? Yeah
[00:08:19] He's like a general or whatever, you know, and
[00:08:22] So they have him doing this weird accent like he's like the aliens are gonna be here five
[00:08:27] No, 20 minutes like a supposed boss in or something, but it just sounds like awful
[00:08:35] Shtetl yeah, they know I've heard black people from
[00:08:40] Yeah, yeah, I don't be once in a while. Yeah gang star is from Boston. I don't know why I said that. Okay. Are they yeah, huh?
[00:08:46] Gurus from Boston. Yeah, I didn't know they're like the only successful Boston rappers besides like House of Pain
[00:08:52] I was paying baby. Yeah, jump around and and Patriso Neil and Patris. Yeah, anything black people do is wrapping
[00:09:00] And jazz jazz. I think one time I grandma someone says something about Snoop Dogg and she's like is he a jazz?
[00:09:13] No, yeah, so he's in it and he doesn't really do anything
[00:09:16] But I'm just gonna ruin the movie because I have no don't see it, you know
[00:09:21] Isn't that didn't people say it was good. Yeah, I don't anticipate it. Yeah, I try yeah
[00:09:35] Sandwich that I've like just purchased and I'm unwrapping it say Sandy Kenyan woulda better fucking
[00:09:40] He just anticipates death. It's a minute away
[00:09:50] Want to see fucking I want to see that boxing movie because I saw a creed last year and that shit was my own stellar move
[00:09:55] I don't give a fuck was it is it a Boston movie? I don't know. I'm not shitting a miles teller
[00:10:00] He seems like a bit of a dick at an interview. Yeah, I don't fuck. He's not a bad actor
[00:10:04] I don't like his face whiplash was nobody likes his face. He looks like you got mauled by a dog as an infant
[00:10:09] You know this incredibly hideous that made his fucking nose out of his elbow. Yeah, it looks like that
[00:10:15] But it's been so long that the scars moved over kind of you know, you know, he looks
[00:10:20] Who looks real bad? I don't understand how he keeps getting work Jeremy Renner
[00:10:27] He looks like a putt like a spug straight up. Yeah, well Renner and scars guard. I confuse all the time really that's you know
[00:10:33] What that's who's in arrival is Jeremy Renner. It's not scars guards. It's Renner
[00:10:37] It's Renner scars guard sexier than Renner. I got his way better
[00:10:40] I think he does but I can't I forget the difference between them
[00:10:43] It's like one of those weird like Gary Busey Nick Nolte sort of right right right well
[00:10:48] To have a nice fat hog on him does he I think that's what I heard. What's his name does
[00:10:55] Fucking oh, yeah, you know, I'm talking Jeremy Renner. They have the same penis
[00:10:59] That's why you can share that dick Busey Nick Nolte same dick
[00:11:07] Yeah, I bet you Busey has like a big goofy dick. Yeah with teeth
[00:11:20] But yeah, no the movie sucks. Yeah, I guess don't see it. I haven't seen it
[00:11:24] But don't wait what happens with the aliens?
[00:11:27] Well the plot of the movie aliens nicer mean is that it is the movie opens and there's this woman who's like daughter has died of like
[00:11:33] Cancer some shit. Oh, she has a past. She has a past or does she or does she or does she?
[00:11:39] And then so the aliens come and she's like the best in linguistics or whatever so the aliens
[00:11:45] Arriving the army needs her to talk to the aliens, you know
[00:11:49] Because it's you know one of those movies where it's like look I just know how to shoot a gun
[00:11:53] I'm a general dependant gun and I'm dumb so I need you to explain talking to me
[00:11:59] Bring the scientists in and the scientists it's her and this other
[00:12:03] No, she's like the linguist and then she meets Renner who's the scientist. Mm-hmm. It's just you know
[00:12:09] I forget this here. They're like oh, he's a theoretical physicist. They never tell you what he does exactly
[00:12:13] Yeah, she's just a science. Yeah, you know what yeah graphs what she does is science
[00:12:19] So you know and so then they have this dumb ass scene where they meet in the helicopter and he's reading her book
[00:12:26] And she's he's like oh language is the cornerstone to all the civilization. He's like that's very good even though it's incorrect
[00:12:34] Incorrect and he's like yes the cornerstone to all civilization is science
[00:12:40] Yeah, I love that it's like one sentence boils down everything she's ever fucking read
[00:12:45] It's like the first page of her book like imagine if someone actually did that is
[00:12:50] Isn't that the same as contact with Jody Foster where they were like they sent the aliens math because that's the
[00:12:57] Universal language is prime numbers. They also have a prime numbers seen in this movie. Oh really?
[00:13:01] They're like yeah, we gave the prime numbers to the aliens
[00:13:04] So basically they meet the aliens and it's like an hour and a half of her trying to figure out how to communicate with the aliens
[00:13:12] circa circle language or some bullshit. Oh, yeah, and uh, and then they find out that
[00:13:22] The aliens have like a weapon or whatever that they want to give humanity
[00:13:26] It was like you know all the other countries particularly China by the way
[00:13:30] They're they place a lot of blame on China for most really I thought you can't do that anymore because they're such a big film market
[00:13:36] Well in this movie they're they're accusing China of you know being well, that's good trigger happy
[00:13:42] I appreciate like the new red dog that dude China probably likes that shit
[00:13:46] They remade red dawn and they made China the bad guys. I even bother watching it the original race
[00:13:51] It's perfect. I know why you would fuck. Why would well. That's all they do is remakes it
[00:13:55] Yeah, but like in post they changed it to North Korea because they don't want to alienate the film audience, right?
[00:14:00] Yeah, yeah, cuz that's how shitty movies make all their money back international. Yeah
[00:14:04] Well, anyhow, so it turns out that the with the aliens do is they teach Amy Adams
[00:14:10] How does she can just see time is like a nonlinear thing so she can see into the future in the past or whatever
[00:14:16] It's like, you know the daughter that died of cancer is actually that's in the future
[00:14:21] Whoa, so she's been seeing like the kid
[00:14:24] It's like some kind of dumb, but then it's like, you know, she's like ass the aliens like why are you helping us?
[00:14:29] Or why you like what's your purpose here? And they're like, yeah, we need your we help you now with this so that you can help us in
[00:14:39] Then the movie ends it's like well help them how or like why why are you even helping them?
[00:14:44] You're just telling this one woman how to see into the future
[00:14:48] You know, let's destroy the entire fucking world just to help one woman learn how to see in the future
[00:14:52] And then she doesn't even stop her kid from dying of cancer
[00:14:55] That just has to happen cuz then I guess it's predetermined or something you don't explain that the space
[00:15:03] Shitty movie for I guess you liked inception and the not much
[00:15:12] Interstellar what a piece interstellar at least had you know, first of all, I don't think mcconnah. Hey has ever
[00:15:19] Not like delivered at the least a decent performance. I love yeah, and so I think he can take he can take a shitty
[00:15:28] Like a time to kill is a shitty fucking movie. Oh, yeah, sure and he's great in it. That's good socks
[00:15:33] Well, he just is very charismatic. Yeah, he's got a lot of charisma. Yeah fucking carrier shitty ass
[00:15:38] There's one thing I love about elementary school
[00:15:41] Is that I get older they stay the same age
[00:15:45] What elementary school he fucks children in this
[00:15:53] Speaking of we got to talk about pizza gate which I'm starting to believe is real
[00:15:59] Oh the pedestrian. Yeah, so there is one pedestrian mail that they that all the ping pong follows me on Instagram
[00:16:08] Holy shit. I think we're gonna stop you baby account. Yeah, holy shit
[00:16:12] They might follow me on Twitter cuz I knew the girl that was the booker there when we were in DC
[00:16:16] Ask her if they rape. Chole. If that's a satanic
[00:16:21] Call up, let's call Sasha now on the podcast. We'll plug her into the fourth mic and ask her if
[00:16:27] If they just call them just call their regular number. Yeah, I'd be like hi. They'll probably fuck. Yeah
[00:16:35] Yeah, that's how it works. No. Yeah, so anyhow, there was like one email that said something like oh
[00:16:45] Yeah, they unfollowed you probably because they have you know spies listening to the podcast
[00:16:53] Well, you know, so it's mostly just all right all right like bullshit
[00:16:57] Right like conspiracy theory bullshit, but then there's like one or two things that are like
[00:17:01] We'll hold on yeah, like the guy who owns the restaurant. It just likes nothing
[00:17:06] But pictures of like almost naked infants on Instagram
[00:17:12] Yeah, the guy that owns the place always name always like I
[00:17:15] Alafiente or something. Oh, yeah, but yeah, I forget his name. Where's the in Cleveland Park? It's like upper
[00:17:25] Yeah, so in Connecticut, so there's like, you know a couple of things that are like okay
[00:17:30] This does raise like an eyebrow and I'm so hoping it turns out to be real
[00:17:34] We should just call them be like hi. I'd like to order a sausage pizza. Yeah, we're trying to have a tight asshole
[00:17:45] Wink wink. Yeah. I mean I've if those all right guys were really good at deciphering codes
[00:17:52] I mean that would be like a huge asset for president
[00:17:55] They they they can't be like the way it's like they're like oh he posted like what looks like child pornography on its Instagram
[00:18:02] And then they're like I we can't even repost it here
[00:18:05] That's how bad it is and then I finally found what they were talking about it. It's just some Jeff Koon's shit
[00:18:12] You know so it's like not just cuz does suck dick. Yeah, he sucks, but it's not a child porn
[00:18:17] Yeah, it's not a child porn. Yeah, but it's like it's like if Lisa Frank, but I want to believe dude
[00:18:21] That should be a lot of money on it. Yeah, yeah dog funny dog flower bullshit
[00:18:26] It should be like a show like the X files, but they just like investigate
[00:18:34] Great Mulder was my last and scully just doesn't believe victims
[00:18:45] I was very upset about true there wasn't even a party at that frat that night
[00:19:02] She's this skeptic and he's the guy that was molested I
[00:19:11] What were you saying Adam? No, it wasn't funny or that good but
[00:19:15] But but but but but oh yeah, that tea is yeah, it's yeah
[00:19:19] I don't know how it's it's tea if there's no leaves, right? It's just like Chris crystals. It's like hot crystal
[00:19:28] What's the crystal the champ your head crystal one time I did nothing but crystal. I drank crystal
[00:19:47] I used to drink a lot of hypnotic in high school. Yeah, Malibu. I was off that Malibu. Yes
[00:19:55] Southern comfort is so disgusting. It's just
[00:19:59] One night I one night I got drunk off de Sirono and I like I drank an entire bottle of de Sirono
[00:20:04] And I was having a chase it with Jack Daniels the fucking Jesus Christ
[00:20:08] I was having a like you drink cup of Jack Daniels after the de Sirono. That's is what's de Sirono like some bullshit
[00:20:14] Let's see it so like our armor red will occur. I
[00:20:17] Could fuck that shit up though. So go Amaretto long bitch. Do you ever go to that that bar in?
[00:20:25] Brass monkey in DC and Adams Morgan where they just put shit in like squirt bottles madam's Oregon
[00:20:31] No, no, no, no, they just serve you it just some shit hole shit hole bar
[00:20:36] Oh, yeah, it's like at the top of that hill of that area of the hill. Yeah. Yeah, I think they closed that place down
[00:20:41] Probably it was illegal as fuck it was all cash and they just like served you liquor in a fucking ketchup bottle
[00:20:47] You just squirt it in your mouth. It was awesome
[00:20:50] First place I ever bought like a glass bowl was right there on 18th. Oh, yeah at that newsstand place. I know that place
[00:20:57] Adams Morgan used to be cool. I think now it's kind of this suck. What's cool now pet worth in DC
[00:21:03] I think pet worth is fancy now. Yeah, he sucks, dude. Yeah, DC does see see sucks
[00:21:08] Yeah, but basically everything that is in New York sucks. That's true. That's true
[00:21:12] I mean like you go to any other fucking city. This is okay
[00:21:17] More fun, dude. No, it's not it's shitty and nice and the fucking everything is stupid
[00:21:23] Like everything's cheap as fuck you fucked up it like the crowd is funny. It's an old Korean mall
[00:21:28] How easy it was to like just drive drunk everywhere fucking go out and spend like $20 on drinks and I somehow like made or you know
[00:21:38] Only spent like or go I got trashed. It was very easy to get
[00:21:44] Oh my god, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, people being like are you okay to drive and be like not at all
[00:21:50] Do you see it's expensive and it sucks dick. It's yeah, and there's no cheap quick food
[00:21:55] You said show the article that was like, you know, it is I think it's in the Washington Post. It was like
[00:22:01] You know, oh people are worried that Obama made DC cool and like the real estate market might suffer under Trump
[00:22:25] Uncool that's why they call mothers. Yeah, that's why they kick
[00:22:32] People were moving to DC to be close to Obama
[00:22:38] We'll still be around isn't he staying so this youngest daughter can finish school. Yeah, he's moving back to Kenya
[00:22:44] No, he's he said I'm going back to my birthplace in hometown
[00:22:51] Gonna get a job of my dad's spear shop at his at his gay prostitution job my dad who was born there and was there
[00:22:59] I'm gonna work in his spear shop. Shut down. Maliko, Bama though
[00:23:03] I hope he's the fucking ambassador to Kenya
[00:23:14] His dad's other son. Yeah, yeah, just hates
[00:23:18] Clearly just mad that his brother's so much more successful. He loves Trump. Just loves him. Oh, that's great
[00:23:26] Yeah, he's like we did that make America great again. We've made America great
[00:23:32] We we will become the best Obama's dad was like a deadbeat like piece of shit. Yeah, he was raised by his grandparents. Yeah. Yeah
[00:23:45] Rodeedian his Rhodesian grandparents what can you wait?
[00:23:49] Um, yeah, Malik's tight though. I wonder what he's up to. That's a better name than Barack, too
[00:23:55] Malik is a good-ass name. Yeah, rocks tight
[00:23:57] Barack's now a name that he's like Baraka Josh Malik's middle name is Reagan, too
[00:24:02] Which is a weird twist wild. Yeah, so they got one who's saying one right?
[00:24:07] Yeah, this kid. I know that we call chopper is naming his son Barack
[00:24:12] Like some fucking kid in Baltimore everything about that retarded Greek kid. I went to elementary school with
[00:24:18] There was a retarded kid who was Greek. Oh, and his last name was like
[00:24:22] Economities or some shit. Yeah, and his parents named him Reagan
[00:24:31] I swear to god dude and I remember always trying to figure out like okay, so either his parents were like, you know
[00:24:37] Damn, it was there were liberals that that like you're either
[00:24:41] There were Republicans that like liked Reagan, so they named their son after you know Reagan economics, right?
[00:24:48] And and then the kid turned out to be retarded in a cruel twist of fate
[00:24:53] Yeah, or the doctor was like look he's gonna be born retarded and they were like let's name him after Reagan
[00:25:01] Just liberals with a retarded son and the best sense of humor
[00:25:05] I remember putting that together. I remember putting that together in like sixth grade and I was like holy
[00:25:14] That is so fun, it was just his dumb kid I threw rocks at his head
[00:25:19] And then it turned out is he keeps pissing his
[00:25:27] What was he like what was Reagan like? I don't know I'd actually never interacted with him
[00:25:30] I just knew he was in like the special education class and I saw his name in the yearbook and I was like what the fuck?
[00:25:35] Do you have like a real retarded face or did he could he pass in a still picture?
[00:25:39] I don't remember what he looked like you actually that doesn't sound right like handsome and charming
[00:25:44] Like very masculine like a dumb ass like a cool guy that everyone respects mentally disabled
[00:25:50] We would have sex with bald at age five
[00:25:54] Plenty of hair keeps his hair short like as a choice that could grow it out like if you wanted to
[00:26:01] Is that's pretty good? I didn't know I didn't know what started guys were that handsome?
[00:26:06] Actually, there was there wasn't there was my mom my mom worked it. What are you laughing at Adam?
[00:26:11] My mom worked at the state care center and they had they had like like you know
[00:26:15] Retardive kids there like mentally disabled kids and there was this one kid Paul that looked exactly like Val Kilmer
[00:26:23] But like young like Batman Val Kilmer. That's a handsome like he looked beautiful and there was you know
[00:26:29] I remember seeing that like like the special needs bust stop one time and they all you know sort of lumber off
[00:26:34] And then like Paul just gets off looking like a male model
[00:26:43] It just get funny because it's like you know the male inverse of like the dumb blonde stereo, right?
[00:26:48] Mm-hmm. She's hot, but she's retarded. You know what it might have been it might have been the real Val Kilmer just doing
[00:26:55] Yeah, for his next role Batman for Batman. Yeah, he's already had to be retarded
[00:27:00] He's like he's like he's going into like development meetings or whatever and he was like have you considered this the man is
[00:27:08] Half-man half-bat, but what if he developed the mind of a bat?
[00:27:11] And so he thought like a bat but with the same cognitive ability
[00:27:17] And they're like, okay, did you read any materials we sent you?
[00:27:21] No, I didn't I was too busy with my shit actually I've been pretending to be retarded to get free lunch
[00:27:29] That would make a great sex slave a beautiful retarded man like you just have them for like
[00:27:40] I'm just saying dude if you're gonna enslave someone sexually you fucking rewarded with like a fucking twigs every time he sucks your dick
[00:27:47] Or you suck his dick look whoever maybe he's not gay. I don't know. I don't want him for me
[00:28:00] I'm tired of talking about this not you know
[00:28:02] That's the only reason I want to change the subject because I'm tired of talking about it that you're weird
[00:28:11] I don't want to fuck him. I'm saying if someone was to fuck a beautiful retarder man. That's a pretty good sex slave
[00:28:25] You always love about silence of the lambs like so they they show you like Hannibal Lecters sell
[00:28:31] And he's supposed to be like the most evil genius
[00:28:35] Yeah, very scary like in there and he's got all these books and he's listening to classical music and stuff and
[00:28:41] He's supposed to be scary because he's such like an intellectual and he eats people and you know
[00:28:45] She has to consult with him and then she's leaving and she's I could buy a doctor left her and then the guy who's literally the next sellover
[00:28:51] Just throws commoner face. Yeah, it's just some come throwing
[00:28:55] I can't think of a regular cell and it's like what wing of the prison is that
[00:29:04] Who is it who I was calm it was calm and it was like it's probably the most realistic
[00:29:09] Calm in a major motion picture. I've ever seen it was probably real come. Yeah, how many cum scenes are there like what do you remember?
[00:29:15] Many there's something about Mary. Yeah, the MPAA gets pretty mad about that shit about cum. Yeah
[00:29:21] Yeah, actually I was just watching something about Mary shit looks ridiculous
[00:29:26] This is a big this is a big fucking like hot glue
[00:29:29] This is a big trope in 90s comedies like being like oh, I just milked the cow and then the and then they're like we don't have a cow
[00:29:39] What was that there's that that Tim Allen movie where he's Amish kingpin. No, it was I was watching it today. Yeah
[00:29:45] Yeah, it was a male and sounding woody. No, there's a different one. No, but woody
[00:29:51] Yeah, I got an early start today. We'll get the cow he drinks out of the bucket
[00:29:58] That movie is so fucking funny, but we don't have a cow and it's like well, you wouldn't have just a bull
[00:30:06] Kind of farmer you right yeah. Oh, I just finished milking the horse
[00:30:11] What are you talking about? He's like I sucked its dick
[00:30:20] I don't think it picked up. Yeah, well now. I just look like a asshole. You look like a fucking idiot
[00:30:24] I have nipples Greg. Can you milk me? Oh, yeah?
[00:30:27] Can you milk me Greg very famous very famous?
[00:30:33] Yeah, 90s 90s comedy had all these like
[00:30:36] Troops that really needs to make a comeback the laxative gag laxative. That was huge someone accidentally having a laxative and then
[00:30:50] I just want to see what that look like on the shooting script. Yeah, he did mention that
[00:30:55] Maybe I'm not sure like how many pages are like still diarrhea
[00:30:59] I really now I really do want to know how many cum scenes there are in movies, dude
[00:31:03] How many movies there are with the actual cum we got to figure this out if you know of any movie scenes with cum
[00:31:11] Tweet tweeted at him specifically. Yeah. Yeah, I'll collect them
[00:31:15] I'll bring it back for the for the next premium and also if you get us play stations
[00:31:20] Yeah, what's Phil? We haven't told people to tweet it Phil for some time well someone wrote on his band's Facebook wall
[00:31:26] And he was I'm at okay. He was like keep doing that
[00:31:29] I'm going to sing hair that was annoying. You look like the Coney Island guy this haircut
[00:31:34] Yeah, I don't know what it looks like parting it in the middle. Oh, that's not I'm trying to go like a tool time kids
[00:31:40] You know the kids. That's a good way all had the center parts mark. You look like a penis
[00:31:45] Yeah, everyone in school looks mom or fucking what's his name? Mr. Matthew not Mr. Matthew
[00:31:51] Boy meets real strong. She's funny. Yeah. Yeah. Oh
[00:31:55] Right, right, they're strong. Yeah, which is like such a porn. Yeah, they're like we want our son to get fucked
[00:32:03] He's gonna be the most famous I saw Peter North video and I said that's gonna be my boy one day
[00:32:10] Peter North gonna get my boy. I'm dude who goes to I follow some I I follow some literally retarded people from the Anthony
[00:32:21] Yeah, and that's that's that's like the final level of talk radios when you have a mentally disabled man
[00:32:32] Crackett was a crackhead Bob. What a beetle juice is he retarded?
[00:32:37] Of course, but Bobo you saw Instagram the account. They used to live. I don't know great. Yeah
[00:32:44] Yeah, it's weird. He should have died years ago crackhead Bob died of
[00:32:50] Crackhead as an epithet is not a good sign for your life expectancy. Yeah, if that's your fucking
[00:32:56] But this guy Bobo they would do this thing where it was like they would have like they would show him porn and he would get hard
[00:33:03] And then we just like start talking about the Mets and he would like immediately lose his boner
[00:33:12] They literally beat him off. Oh my god anyway, they go to he goes
[00:33:17] That's what we need we need like a fucking zany. Oh, dude. This is more highbrow than that come on man
[00:33:22] Oh, yeah, we're intellectuals. I forgot we already did our social
[00:33:27] Now is pretending you're a public intellectual
[00:33:31] Mar yeah, why did when did when he comes have pretended they're smart you read that you read that quote from Norm where he was like
[00:33:37] Yeah, saying comics are modern day philosophers is so offensive to modern day
[00:33:46] Real modern day philosophy when he was like if you can give me if you can tell me one funny socially conscious
[00:33:55] Yeah, normal is hard as shit. He's the best comic man. I just finished his book. It's I want to be a shit come
[00:34:03] Come children are we're not sponsored by them. So please don't yeah, all right
[00:34:07] But we are recommend anything it's no they blew me off
[00:34:10] I was talking with them for a little bit really if I talked to them
[00:34:13] I mean I emailed them and they were like yeah, well read your email. I'll read your email later this tonight
[00:34:19] And then they read it and then they never got back
[00:34:23] Whatever man, we'll go with the fucking competing look like there's is there like a off-brand flashlight company because fleshlights like Kleenex right?
[00:34:31] It's like the place like synonymous with yeah, I'll figure it out. We should get the off-brand
[00:34:36] We should raise the profile of a different well
[00:34:38] Isn't it that they like do like plastic molds of real porn stars pussies and then like yeah
[00:34:43] Well as soon as avatar came out there were like fuck the aliens from
[00:34:50] That is like that seen an avatar where they like fuck with their tails
[00:34:59] Norman and I went to one of those draft house places where he just ordered drinks at the table
[00:35:03] Yeah, and so I was like, oh, let me get a bucket of new castles
[00:35:07] And then just bring you six pack on ice in a bucket
[00:35:10] And then I was like, you know offer one of normies. I got no thanks
[00:35:12] I was like, all right. Well, I guess I'll just drink all these beers
[00:35:15] Yeah, and I drank all of them within like the first seven minutes of the
[00:35:19] Like immediately passed out and like woke up in the lights were on in the theater like a janitor was like shaking me
[00:35:30] And maybe if I saw it in theaters, I wouldn't have hated it. No, it sucked
[00:35:35] I never saw it the action. I just like why like you want to talk about tropes. It's like Giovanni Rabisi's like the evil businessman
[00:35:43] He's like he's literally just playing golf in his space office. You're just doing that little putt putt thing
[00:35:49] Where it's like why is every love that people business man?
[00:35:52] Love little golf that's been gone since the 90s too
[00:35:58] Well, the baseball the baseball bad thing too like the Wall Street guy that just is like in a meeting standing up like shooting off ideas
[00:36:05] And has a baseball badness. Yeah, that's in it's in Halton catch fire. Oh, yeah
[00:36:10] Yeah, he's he even goes to the extent of like throwing the ball up and trashing his apartment by hitting the ball
[00:36:18] Real cool. I always thought it'd be funny to shoot like a commercial for like, you know, prescription medication
[00:36:23] It opens with like an old guy throwing a ball or somebody in a field
[00:36:26] And then he's like, you know, and then I but it's having problems blah blah blah
[00:36:30] And then it cuts like inside a kitchen and then he still has another football and he's like and that's when he just destroys
[00:36:37] China cabinet or something this shatters all over the floor a good physical comedy bit
[00:36:47] This is in zoom in brutal on every medicine is is actually an Italian sir dude. Have you seen the fucking there's a um
[00:36:55] I was watching a Hitler documentary right? I love it and and there's so Frank Thomas is the fucking spokesman the big
[00:37:04] Her product called new genix what it's called new genix and it's like it was probably that dude
[00:37:15] You can't it's like supposed to be it's like this fake vitamin that makes you know
[00:37:18] Yeah, I think it's testosterone does for you. They claim it does like you're an older man
[00:37:23] You know picking your stuff all the kind shit, but it's called new genix
[00:37:26] I mean come on and then to show it during a Hitler fucking documentary that is too fucking good
[00:37:36] What was the folks the Hitler documentary? It was like the rise of Hitler. Oh the point is it sounds like eugenics
[00:37:41] Yeah, yeah, it's really really options the rise of Hitler the fall Hitler. No, then you do the documentary
[00:37:47] That's like, you know, I just hitler or having a you know, then they had the nazis and the occult ones
[00:37:51] Those are those are fun. Then not the drugs ones
[00:37:54] I just love that not find out he was on the whole time the people that almost like took over the entire world
[00:37:59] That you know these like ethnic cleanser literally murdering like people murdering people in death camps
[00:38:05] And they were like but we also have to find Santa
[00:38:10] Well, it's not spooky enough unless they believe in cool. Yeah, it's like. Oh, yeah, we gotta make these guys more evil
[00:38:20] We talked about that on the podcast in like a nightmare before Christmas when he goes out in the forest
[00:38:25] And they have all the doors for the different like holiday. Oh, yeah, yeah, jacks Gallatin's a load screen
[00:38:33] But then there's like one of the trees just has a swastika on it
[00:38:36] And he like goes in there and he learns about like the Holocaust
[00:38:40] He comes back to Halloween town. He's like no guys. It's great. It's called the Holocaust
[00:38:44] Is there candy? He's like but they don't understand
[00:38:54] It's a sex act song about how they don't appreciate the Holocaust
[00:38:58] The Czech skeletons all excited about it because it's make believe like all the other holidays
[00:39:02] Yeah, they should have Kevin Durant do the remake of that play Jack Skellington. Yeah, nice nice kd burn
[00:39:09] Who's in the first one? Yeah, it's Chris Saran people like that the first one
[00:39:18] A Rolling Stone and Phil's Phil sent me a text on Friday night. That was like, I'm not sure who Kevin Durant is
[00:39:24] But I think this is an incredibly unflattering photo of him. He looks terrible. I don't know why I brought that up
[00:39:31] Yeah, yeah, he looks pretty much you mean mug Drake at the game at the that was so cool. Yeah, he did a fuck off me thing
[00:39:37] Yeah, yeah, just fucking I wish I had a magazine
[00:39:39] I would if I had if I had like editorial control of Vanity Fair
[00:39:43] I would have like invite Lindy to be on the cover and then just completely
[00:39:48] Photoshop her into like a hundred and ten pound woman
[00:40:11] You take one of her arms and make the whole person
[00:40:33] I love it like have her head like not even on center for like
[00:40:37] Like ever like sort of tilted. I do get a magazine now. Yeah settles that
[00:40:42] Why I'm gonna hit up in a winter and see if she's yeah, dude my sir
[00:40:46] What's going on there someone just lied. Yeah, I was like a game of telephone where everything got fucked up
[00:40:53] Telling jokes. I never understand is oh, it's like a big game of telephone. It's like I don't fuck up information on the telephone
[00:40:59] No, no problem. We're laying information through the telephone. No the game telephone
[00:41:04] What game telephone the game where you have like a secret thing and all the kids sit in a circle like you have like a
[00:41:10] Secret thing and the kid whispers it and then they all whisper it around and then by the end it they changed it into something people misheard
[00:41:18] Oh, I thought that was just spreading rumors. I didn't realize I was a game. No, it's a game called telephone that we play at our
[00:41:25] Get elementary. Yeah, I thought that was a game called telling everyone that
[00:41:29] Brian Richardson got fingered by the gym teacher
[00:41:32] Well, that's what I used to do is like I used to change it completely and then get in trouble. Yeah, people would be so mad
[00:41:38] They're such bad boys. Yeah. Yeah, that's a bad boy. I'll be like teachers gay
[00:41:48] I've done that. I when I was a kid. I was thinking about that the other day. I'm like mom. You're so fucking gay
[00:41:54] Your mom because you're like that's so disrespectful
[00:41:59] Both women just telling me the other day in bed about how how disrespectful you were growing up
[00:42:04] Yeah, I couldn't make out what you sing. It was like a lot of she's like gargling a lot
[00:42:08] But it did seem like she was mad at you. I don't think that's really nice to say that about my mom
[00:42:15] What she's trying to she's trying to spell it out with the
[00:42:19] with the marker, but you know our hands were
[00:42:22] Pretty slippery or they were tied up. Oh, tight. I would try. Yeah, they were tied and slippery though
[00:42:27] And slippery at the same so that's just a double whammy. Yeah, which actually is also kind of what we were
[00:42:35] She's having sex with her. You're having sex with your mom in her ass and pussy at the same time. It's pretty
[00:42:43] What a way to find out too live on the podcast?
[00:42:47] I don't know to an audience of millions five million people are listening. That's crazy
[00:42:52] I mean that's seriously is a number that we have five million listeners five million
[00:42:55] It would be nice if you guys were my dad
[00:42:58] Yeah, well, we're not look dude. It ain't like it ain't that kind of thing
[00:43:01] It'd be cool to have two dads, but it's just two guys that fuck your mom
[00:43:10] Shout out one of them is definitely named Terry by the way
[00:43:15] I'm going to my own. He's got they're both have their own living rooms. They have separate man cakes
[00:43:21] He does just stick around and don't leave her and and support her
[00:43:26] You already have a dad a very supportive father who pays attention to what you do on the internet
[00:43:30] And hopefully we'll listen to this right now. Yeah, no, it's premium. He won't pay is it? Yeah
[00:43:37] Well, we'll do a clip and send it to him. Yeah, we're gonna do we gotta get some guests on guys
[00:43:41] If you have a guest you would like to request for the podcast
[00:43:44] We can get basically anybody on yeah at this point you chose not to it's you know, it's not because uh
[00:43:51] Basically, uh none of us want to do anywhere. No. Yeah, nobody wants to get on the podcast anymore. It's it's more that uh
[00:43:57] Uh being lazy about it. Yeah, we we just you know, we have you know, we just we kind of go have a cultivating
[00:44:03] Yeah, like a high level everyone started all the comics are starting podcast now
[00:44:07] Yeah, they think they can jump on the specific
[00:44:09] Because who else is starting them? Um the couple of people
[00:44:14] I've seen a couple of posts about it. I've got it
[00:44:16] We weren't the first comics. Why don't want to shoot on specific? We we literally are the first comics to ever have a podcast
[00:44:22] Well, we are really ones that have a breakthrough podcast. Yeah, it's not
[00:44:26] Things you're already famous and you start a podcast. Right. Yeah. Yeah, we're we're we're podcasters
[00:44:31] We got international acclaim solely through podcasting. Yeah, there are people in my
[00:44:35] Hit me up today. Listen to podcast ron Howard
[00:44:44] The yeah, happy days happy days. It was at the Andy Griffith Andy Griffith. Yeah, Andy Griffith show. Yeah, uh, he directed
[00:44:51] Uh saving for an eighter children chill nurse list. Yeah, shinlers list
[00:44:58] I wanted to edit the last scene. Jaws the last scene in shinlers list
[00:45:02] The color one do this. No, not the rocks the final scene in the movie where he's uh going around
[00:45:07] We have only choose outside the factory. Yeah, this could have been a person in this kid. I could have saved
[00:45:12] Yeah, yeah, and uh just change it to a zika, you know
[00:45:18] Like how he could have helped more, you know, and he's like
[00:45:28] When they call the cousins and say we can all help
[00:45:34] Hell yeah, dude. Who is that? You guys found that tweet?
[00:45:38] Yeah, I'd actually seen that woman prior to that on patreon
[00:45:41] She like comes up in the like who to check out on patreon. She would she have a podcast? No, she's an author
[00:45:47] She's rich. She writes like fantasy novels. She's like it's probably autistic
[00:45:51] You know, I felt bad when people started making fun of her because
[00:45:57] Particularly like involved in she's just a dweeb. Yeah, she's like just a fun nice person. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't know
[00:46:02] She's a nice person, but she's like definitely someone that's been bullied her entire life
[00:46:06] Yeah, and then you know so that the original tweet with the like uh huffle door. We need you to
[00:46:13] Dilled didn't defeat trump jill and off
[00:46:18] Yeah, well, yeah, the deal was the trump, but then the follow up to that was the care bears tweet
[00:46:23] And it's like I've never seen the care bears movie. It's it's
[00:46:30] It the oh, it's a cartoon. Yeah, they didn't like do a cgi
[00:46:34] I hope they do i'm trying to get in there
[00:46:36] Make the caribears make care dude. She remake the care bears movie and do the cgi all like the new ninja turtles
[00:46:43] We're all like seven foot two and yeah, we're did like, you know realistic length limbs
[00:46:49] Yeah, dude. I think it should be fat comedians in suits. Yeah, I'll let me get in there
[00:46:54] Let me get Leonard oots in the mix. Yeah, Bobby can be the dad care bear
[00:47:03] Yes, fuck. Yeah, get your melon the mix jamael puts on a couple you can maybe get in there
[00:47:07] He's the care bear that uses the animal right jamael is fat
[00:47:12] Is he gonna pass on being fat because he's black and cool? I thought he's black
[00:47:15] Black guys aren't fat. It's like muscles. It's so great. You have to be so fat to be considered like a Leonard like
[00:47:22] Oh, yeah, what's his name? But he swagged out the dude from uh
[00:47:26] Breaking bad the stand up laval Crawford ville Crawford lost like 400 pounds and he still fed
[00:47:32] Yeah, phase on love. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, all the 12 button guys
[00:47:40] That my man the front of my man jacket looking like the control panel on the elevate
[00:47:51] My man said we slow you trying to go to
[00:47:55] Hold that for me. Can you hold that for me?
[00:47:57] Dings to be like 12 minute act out as to what riding on an elevator
[00:48:04] Excuse me. Oh, which floor am I supposed to go on there?
[00:48:11] Oh, man shan'tio that elevator bit is so good
[00:48:17] When you when you do the doors opening your arms
[00:48:27] There go we going up now and then and then what does it do? It comes back down don't
[00:48:33] Don't it look he laughing my man. No, yeah, he's on an elevator
[00:48:39] Oh, hell yeah, that was good. They would just hang the dick
[00:48:41] The get caught getting caught in the doors for some reason just get the find a way to make the microphone your dick in a joke
[00:48:49] They just put it in their pants because it's concealed
[00:48:52] You know, I'm not exposing myself on the elevator
[00:48:56] What about a stand-up who does a stool humping bit but like has to come?
[00:49:00] Like can't do it until he's coming there
[00:49:05] If someone did a stool fucks you bit now we're talking puts the whole stool in his head. Yeah, I was doing that in Soviet Russia
[00:49:12] You the air sex championship so I always thought that was a stupid idea
[00:49:16] And so I always wanted to go and just do like a really graphic
[00:49:19] Interpretation of being like raped and prison
[00:49:23] Just like really just sell it like screaming
[00:49:28] Yeah, just like a really nose impassion. Yeah, and just horrify everybody
[00:49:38] Just swallow blood packets and throw them up
[00:49:45] That would be one way to completely destroy the whole thing. Yeah
[00:49:48] It's way too successful. That's really the only way I approach any kind of contest is how can you destroy the entire
[00:49:55] The whole thing. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, it's a kind of
[00:49:59] Al-Qaeda type of approach. Yeah, I'm sorry, but someone put a turd in the jelly bean container. So
[00:50:13] Yeah, so uh should I start wearing braised?
[00:50:18] Dude I was in fucking Bethesda and I just saw some obese fat fucking rich man wearing all black
[00:50:26] Eternal man and a fucking berry. It was so awesome
[00:50:31] And he just kept looking around and wanting to be noticed dude. It was so good. Oh fuck. We should talk about the John no
[00:50:39] That we saw that we saw oh, dude. I found more details about him. We spent the night at a George's place
[00:50:44] Yeah, my roommate shout out to George in Bethesda in Bethesda. Yeah, yeah, shout out George and
[00:50:50] We spent the night at his house and we're just fucking stoned and eating dominoes at Bethesda 3am
[00:50:55] You know and some guy just fucking barges in at 3am and is just like
[00:51:01] uh fucking nervously reading his fucking divorce papers
[00:51:06] So George's dad runs like a essentially a halfway home for divorced Greek men
[00:51:10] Like any divorced Greek guy now that he's survived he runs like an it gets better camp
[00:51:16] She's other divorced middle-aged men. Oh my god
[00:51:21] This guy fucking I found out later dude. So this guy so he's reading his divorce papers
[00:51:25] Literally, it's five of a stone as hell watching lethal weapon at 3am
[00:51:29] And this guy's just sitting there like looming over us reading his divorce papers
[00:51:35] Uh, we wake up the next day and he's on a phone with a lawyer just reading them aloud
[00:51:38] And it's like the shit his wife was saying like it says here that she no longer feels any love for him
[00:51:45] And then she will be leaving and demands he does not come back into the house
[00:51:51] It's like we cannot tell the media about this. That's what he was saying like what the media yeah, yeah
[00:51:58] This guy fucking went crazy and started stalking his wife
[00:52:05] Thousands of dollars worth of jewelry from her like he just like he fucking broke into the house stole jewelry that he bought for her
[00:52:13] Yeah, I mean, whatever. That's probably how I justified it
[00:52:15] And then and so because he was being so fucking weird his wife
[00:52:20] uh his wife like sued him or whatever like he's taking the court and now she's like
[00:52:29] Kids asked they asked those their children if he ever like hit them or anything and he like
[00:52:46] That he's gonna get deported and the whole time we're sitting there and like I have to just be quiet the whole time because like
[00:52:54] You know it was it was literally some fucking guy from the greek national basketball team
[00:52:59] He just retired to a village and started fishing and he just his wife was there like two months on vacation with their children
[00:53:06] And he just started fucking her and that was it. Yeah. Well, that is very that's a very romantic country
[00:53:12] I know that from sister here the traveling pants. Oh, yeah, you do a lot of cooking in greece
[00:53:17] Dude, could you imagine getting cucked so hard?
[00:53:19] You can kick out of the land of land of being cocked
[00:53:23] I just don't think there's a real oposs that's where it's always like a housewife cooking and she's like imagining fun
[00:53:28] Oh, yeah, the hot Italian 17-year-old Italian boy riding around on a vest
[00:53:32] If he was retarded would be it would be easier emotionally. That's all I'm saying. Why back to my retarded slave slave thing
[00:53:38] Yeah, you got it. Well, it's like I looked at every burula
[00:53:41] Every burula pasta. It isn't really an ad for pasta. It's an ad for like a disappointed housewife
[00:53:50] It's like uh you cook burula and you think about leaving your husband
[00:53:56] Is it provide you some some nice escape from your horrific home life
[00:54:01] Doey piece of shit husband. He thought we promoted by now
[00:54:09] It's been a massive disappointment, but this make believe yeah, there's also that um
[00:54:14] Shampoo that made women cum. Yeah, I mean garnier garnier feast baby. No, it was herbal essence. Oh, yeah, right
[00:54:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm remembering as I saw there was a video like 10 years ago
[00:54:25] I remember watching multiple times a girl shoving a bottle of garnier fruit tea center pussy
[00:54:31] Wasn't herbal essence, but yeah herbal essence. They had dr. Ruth in the commercials. Yeah, yeah to further in case you didn't understand
[00:54:39] Reference doctor Ruth had to be there to be like they're coming by their way
[00:54:46] I just like the husband side of it was like a sweetheart. Yeah. Yeah, sweetheart
[00:54:51] You've been using water water because I got a used my axe body spray to be raped in the grocery store about words of women
[00:54:58] Sweetheart, you've been in there for three hours. I don't know what the noise is
[00:55:03] I might knock this this this door down. Are you in there?
[00:55:08] Are you the bottle just cheating on me? 100 looks like a cock some dude Oscar
[00:55:12] Pistorius's his wife because she she thinks she's in a in there with a man
[00:55:21] Oscar Pistorius's dick is also a scoop. Yeah, it is
[00:55:25] Yeah, it's one of those speculum got all those weird shaped dildos. It has like a clit thing. Oh, rabbit rabbit
[00:55:32] It's a rabbit Adam uses those on his ass. Well
[00:55:37] You know his funny clip part of my grundle
[00:55:42] Tachi magic wand was a back massager. Yeah, well now it's a pussy massager
[00:55:47] But like Hitachi didn't release it under another brand name. So you know, that's like they still make toasters
[00:55:55] Like power tools and shit, but if you type in Hitachi in the google, it's just like this
[00:56:06] I think it's crooning the the proud name of Hitachi. I just want to Japanese
[00:56:10] I'm gonna be Japanese. I just want to take a minute to say that I think that it men
[00:56:15] Mastermate and I think women also do it and I think it's cool if they if they decide to do it
[00:56:22] And I don't think what Nick just said is true. I don't think it's just a fuck off of my show
[00:56:29] Okay, I'm all for anyone coming honestly don't ever challenge my masturbation beliefs
[00:56:37] I love when people come. Yeah, I want everyone to come right now. Let's all come. Let's all beat off till we come
[00:56:45] I look at people laughing like people for like coming in their pants and it's like I would love it if I was able to do that
[00:56:52] I fucking come in my pants for that if I just saw someone attractive and I came in my pants
[00:56:57] It's like that's kind of like having bad sex with them. Yeah in a way
[00:57:03] I just saw someone attractive I would be
[00:57:19] And then I would be thinking about it. Yeah, no don't get me wrong
[00:57:22] It would be cool because then you get like seven minutes sex of like free your mind is clear
[00:57:28] Chill you would be if you came in your pants and like it was just visible
[00:57:31] Like if you were talking to somebody you thought was attractive and you just immediately came in your pants
[00:57:35] And then you're like, oh well now I can just be chill then you have the upper hand
[00:57:40] Nervous right yeah, and then you finally hook up with them and they're like well you're gonna come and you're like
[00:57:50] No, but when we first started hooking up. Yeah during the conversation portion of you know we had some bad sex seven hours ago
[00:57:56] You know you had no idea that I was coming when there's pre-com just all over my cock
[00:58:03] We were talking about plays and I just had fucking saw he asked box of briefs on
[00:58:11] Yeah, dude, I would love to come in my case if you can just do it like on command too
[00:58:16] You know be amazed to like get out of work like imagine if you had some shitty like retail job
[00:58:21] Sorry, I gotta leave I came in my pants
[00:58:44] Yeah, you know what wipes you just a fucking you just wear a nominee the learner underwear's please
[00:58:52] Like god damn it Craig. We're gonna need you to start wearing diapers. Yeah
[00:58:57] Pants too much. I'm gonna be the enterprise
[00:59:05] Ma'am I understand you're upset about this, but it is a medical
[00:59:09] This is something please put your breasts away ma'am. I'm warning you
[00:59:17] I like if you did when you're nervous like you have to give a presentation in class and you're like um
[00:59:26] I'm sorry, and then you just give the best presentation
[00:59:28] Yeah, and then you're then you're fucking dondry per
[00:59:44] Oh, fuck there's only one thing that matters in this life always be coming
[00:59:55] Damn getting them to sign on the stain on your pants
[01:00:03] What else happened this week we do shump got mad at the play. No, yeah Hamilton real fucking gas Hamilton
[01:00:10] Yeah, yeah, you got mad. Well the theater is supposed to be a safe space for
[01:00:14] It's a safe space for some people that hate gay people. I thought I was so hoping this election be over
[01:00:19] We wouldn't have to talk about this shit ever again. No, he's gonna be the president for four years
[01:00:23] We don't have to no you just brought it up. I want to talk about movies that I didn't like
[01:00:28] I'm sorry. Do you actually on brand for once? Yeah, we're trying to get back on track here
[01:00:34] Yeah, we haven't talked about come enough. Honestly. That's true
[01:00:37] That was a fun little aside there. When's the last time you came?
[01:00:42] I just mastered it. You beat off before you came not before I came but when there's a moment this morning. Would you beat off too?
[01:00:50] Uh, I beat off to some internet port off before it come on dish
[01:00:57] Hamster or hamster X hamster. I've been going ex vids for the longest. Is that like a is that why the hamster gear reference?
[01:01:05] I think it's a Richard year. Was that a chair wouldn't be ex-jurable. It depends on where you live, dude
[01:01:11] No, it is like like either it's either Prince or Marilyn Manson. They got a river move to suck there
[01:01:17] You know, I'm growing up. I remember being Marilyn Manson. Yeah browbeaten by people
[01:01:22] I think it was our generation actually well in my adult life. It's been people telling me over and over again
[01:01:28] It's fucking you know, it's crazy. Yeah, not Marilyn Manson man. Prince fucked. Yeah. Yeah in the mid-Atlantic
[01:01:37] South like the deep south it's hamster. Well, I was I've heard mice of her rats of her gerbils rats
[01:01:43] Yeah, I heard a peeple. Rats could live up there for years. Guinea pig.
[01:01:48] Guinea pig. Yeah, well, you know what that means is it means that it's true
[01:01:53] Yeah, because he's worked his way through all and it was one thing everywhere. You know, be like, all right
[01:01:57] That's insane. Yeah, but the fact that it's every different type of rodent is
[01:02:04] Look if all I need is the word pizza one time
[01:02:07] To assume that everyone in the democratic
[01:02:11] Raping children that I know for a fact that the Richard your thing is true. Well
[01:02:16] Actually pizza party is just code for they go to see a show where Richard years of rats
[01:02:22] That is well. It's not that Richard gear
[01:02:25] Does that it's that he got it stuck there. That's that's something that all gay guys
[01:02:29] Do is they put rodents in their asses, right? That's how you check if your friend explained to me how he did it one time
[01:02:36] He becomes out of the shadow you actually gave you
[01:02:39] Put it in a toilet paper roll and then puts the toilet paper roll in his ass and then pulls the toilet paper roll out
[01:02:47] Like a temp on and the physics of the thing is great
[01:02:50] And then you know it starts suffocating so it starts scratching and that's what makes him come. Oh, yeah
[01:02:55] Yeah, do you say he like damages his rank to do they decline?
[01:02:59] That's the why he does it is because the animal freaks out and it dies in his ass and the feeling of an animal dying in his ass
[01:03:05] Struggling to get our clawing and biting it gives him power and it's painful and it makes him come
[01:03:11] Do you know the first gay guy to put a rodent in his ass was it was hold on you little Richard?
[01:03:17] Was it you it's much older was it you? I didn't wasn't I sure wasn't little Richard was it you?
[01:03:22] It's William Shakespeare as you was you know all of his plays were actually written by Richard Year. Yeah
[01:03:31] They're all plagiarisms by Sir Francis Bacon who's been in a movie with literally everybody
[01:03:36] Yeah, it's true. It's all seven degrees six to nine degrees or Francis Bacon Bacon, right? Yeah
[01:03:43] That's the game, right? Sir Francis Bacon. She's probably cool. Huh?
[01:03:46] You probably had a lot of bacon. Yeah, dude. You know who I like better. Sir Francis Pizza, dude. Yeah
[01:03:54] They're just high mad mad kind of files back then it wouldn't let everyone feed her so the boys were the women
[01:04:01] That was a that's a way when the balcony that no the actual
[01:04:06] Play the place. Oh, yeah, like in a mid-summer night stream. Oh, yeah. Yeah Shakespeare's all boys
[01:04:11] Yeah, and you had to suck their dicks on the stage. Yeah
[01:04:14] Uh, boy. Yeah, we're forced to no throughout history. It's been like this thing where it's like, you know, maybe you shouldn't do that
[01:04:21] Yeah about fucking kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, man
[01:04:25] It's like the same way it was like like not replacing the toilet paper roll. Yeah, it's that level of like nuisance. It's like
[01:04:32] Yeah, do you have to like in that show Rome?
[01:04:36] Octavius or whatever he like disappears for a minute and his mom's were
[01:04:40] Is like you know, she asked him in like weird latin at, you know, Roman talk or whatever
[01:04:45] But she was like, were you sucking off your uncle julies?
[01:04:50] And he's like, oh, I wasn't shut up mama wasn't sucking
[01:04:55] Um, but he was doing actually something much worse hiding the fact that he suffers from seizures. Mm-hmm
[01:05:01] Which no one could find out much for is the second. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[01:05:04] Yeah, that's really what happens. That's a show
[01:05:06] Don't they still fuck children like big time in the middle east in greeks greeks absolutely do it
[01:05:11] Yeah, no, that was a problem in afghanistan
[01:05:13] It was like the fucking tribal leaders were like fucking boys and like armpit like army like
[01:05:19] The pentagon was like saying like yeah, don't report that or you know, yeah, or getting well
[01:05:23] That's how they defeated the Soviet Union in the 80s. Yeah, they fucked all the so-you boys
[01:05:28] It fucked all the boys. You know, that is so awesome that you could be
[01:05:31] Misogynistic and so gay and then just like but if you're just like you are mutually exclusive
[01:05:38] I know but it's like yeah a lot of you guys hate women. Yeah, like absolutely absolutely
[01:05:42] I think we've even talked about how there's a certain kind of gay guy who is the most misogynistic person on earth
[01:05:47] Yeah, like me was no, yeah, you two women. So it is um, no, I'm very straight and I have sex with with lots of women
[01:05:58] Um anyway, what I was talking about was it's hilarious that they could just like
[01:06:06] Yeah, that's my favorite kind of what makes sense to me like yeah, but all that shit based on much other
[01:06:11] It's a performance didn't africa bum by the fuck kids
[01:06:14] Yeah, it just turned out that he was he was a monster the entire time. Yeah, but he's my uh, what's his song? Uh, uh
[01:06:30] It was a sailing by christopher christopher
[01:06:36] Yeah, that's true christopher cross is never christopher cross comes in his pants to the idea of getting a chubby
[01:06:44] He imagines becoming semi-arach and then without becoming arach at all he comes in his pants
[01:06:49] Just a perfect just droplet board that is like a an extremely comfortable pair of italian pants
[01:07:07] Makes me could be the funniest person to have a pedophile scandal
[01:07:11] I thought jimmy buffet that'd be pretty funny. That'd be good. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it's always funny
[01:07:27] Hmm that is a good question. That's a fun thought experiment. I feel like a female pedophile is funnier. That's never funny
[01:07:34] No, it's never funny. The female one's never funny. Do they say paula pound soon?
[01:07:39] We talked exactly this. Maybe we had this exact
[01:07:42] Theoretical because I think this is not a familiar. Yeah, we definitely talked both paul pound stone
[01:07:54] Society we get he finally gets to space and he's on the moon and he's like raping a three-year-old
[01:08:03] I've got that's why did you think I was going to the moon?
[01:08:05] I wanted to help you man. You kidding? I'm a billionaire
[01:08:11] What would I help people? No, so I could rape this child on the moon
[01:08:18] Yeah, man if any penetration ain't a legal dog
[01:08:21] All right, well, that's gonna do it. You're great. You're great. Thanks