Cum Town | Premium | 09/24/2018
[00:00:00] And we are recording we're off blast off
[00:00:14] There's a gay guy's a gay alien on the spaceship one giant leap for a gay guy and they're holding us down and sucking our
[00:00:25] Eat he suck dick. Hmm. Yeah, that's good
[00:00:29] But that but ET doesn't make it to earth he stops at the space station. It sucks
[00:00:33] Adam's ET but his nose glows and it points at money
[00:00:36] Yeah, I was gonna say he puts his finger, you know something in the guy's ass and his balls
[00:00:43] What if as like a bit for the show I just came back one week and I just got an insane rhinoplasty
[00:00:49] Just that small that would be really funny kind of like a Jackson those
[00:00:53] Yeah, just like it's like falling off of my face
[00:00:56] I went to Venice wayla to get it. Yeah, there's a lot
[00:01:00] You don't you just have like two holes in your foot like shady nip tuck style like black market
[00:01:05] What are the one of the guys to go down you go to the guy who killed Don De West? Yeah, yeah, exactly
[00:01:11] All right, what was she getting breast implants?
[00:01:17] Alright, alright, he don't say your mom did that's what gold diggers about right his mom. Yeah
[00:01:23] Gold digger mom getting big is fuck rich guys
[00:01:26] And then he wrote that song she killed herself. Yep, that's exactly it. That's why he went crazy
[00:01:31] Yeah, I mean I would too if I wrote a song if I wrote a mean ass song about my mom like that. Yep
[00:01:36] What were you thinking Kanye? That's fucked up
[00:01:38] Yay, easy easy. He does really seem to be going fully insane. I mean he's been going insane. All right now
[00:01:47] He's been steady insane. I know since probably Hurricane Katrina
[00:01:52] You think that was the moment there's a big he was still like insane with clarity. It was that like it's true
[00:01:58] He was always insane with clarity. That's even at his best. He was in there
[00:02:02] No, I mean he lost the clarity at a certain point the leather jogging pants all that weird shit
[00:02:06] No, no, I mean the shutter jays best. Yeah, I'm saying is even at his best
[00:02:10] He was an insane person who was focused on something. Yeah, there's a video of him being interviewed before college dropout comes out
[00:02:17] And he's just a completely entitled prick like he is like he's you know a comp like before he'd accomplished
[00:02:24] Dave shrill has that like yeah, that's a story about how he's just like acting like a
[00:02:30] I'm still a big fan because I do dope things and I want the shoes because my life is dope
[00:02:34] And I do dope things. I believe is the quote. That's sick, but I love Kanye. I love him too
[00:02:39] We both do yeah, and I like that new song about
[00:02:43] Loving hoes. Yeah, we're there wearing the
[00:02:46] Giant suits. I love and he's like I'm a sick fuck. I like my dick sucked and I'm like damn me too
[00:02:53] That's my kink to Kanye. Yeah, I'm a sick fuck dude. I love getting my penis sucked. Mm-hmm
[00:03:08] I don't think we've done enough with sexual villains
[00:03:14] Explore that territory is he man. Yeah, open your ass dick to ask your lady. You don't even need to change his name
[00:03:21] Yeah, it's like the end of Scooby-Doo and they pull like
[00:03:34] Like a black penis off and it's like a white guy's dick like it was old man Wilson the whole time
[00:03:40] He was like I'm gonna frame those black boys for this rape
[00:03:51] Yeah, you'd think Adam putting themselves in so many fucked up situations to be due and it's dark that gets a stick
[00:04:05] That pops on to read my rest rest in peace about
[00:04:09] You guys the best I've come back. I want to come back as a dog and a white family
[00:04:13] Yeah, that's the best you just get to eat human food and fuck the wife nothing better than that
[00:04:22] Alright, P pop. I hope he's back as a dog. Yeah
[00:04:26] Designing I hope he's licking peanut butter off a clit right as we speak fluke. Do you ever see that movie fluke? No, it's about a husband that
[00:04:42] Hell yeah, and then the guy that killed him starts fucking his wife
[00:04:45] What yeah, and then the dog has to watch that happen
[00:04:49] And he's powerless as a dog or does he like get revenge?
[00:04:53] I think it turns out at the end of the movie that you realize he's like misremembering and that he was a dick
[00:04:57] And then his friend was like innocent or whatever
[00:05:00] Yeah, that's a wild twin he's been sleeping the whole time
[00:05:05] It's like his punishment for being an asshole is he's got to watch his friend
[00:05:08] Oh, I'll suck fuck his wife and he's just a dog that shits and pisses and that's pretty fun
[00:05:13] Has it clean his own asshole with the mouth Ebenezer scrooge style
[00:05:17] Does he get dog pussy or do they chop his nuts off because that's big that matters? I don't remember if they chop hold on
[00:05:27] Siri Siri no, you'll need to suck my dick first. That's right brother. I hate Siri dude
[00:05:35] I thought you changed it to a man's voice Nick. I thought you changed your voice to a man's voice to a man's to a man's dick
[00:05:50] Nice that's teamwork we're like the guys that built the subways throwing hot rivets at each other
[00:05:56] Die at any moment hot riffs, but we love it, dude
[00:06:00] But we love the game arts and entertainment fluke film in 1995 film
[00:06:05] Is that that's not the one with Tim Allen when he becomes a dog is it no that'd be funny. Yeah, if that like
[00:06:12] Well, it's got Matthew Modine in it. Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't read. He's the voice of the dog Eric Stoltz plays the friend
[00:06:25] Okay, plot fluke is a mutt puppy a wrong colored golden retriever. So black golden retriever
[00:06:34] Played by dog actor buddy now this now this is the oh
[00:06:39] Airbutt so oh, it's the same dog. It's the same dog
[00:06:43] Presti that's Presti airbutt you make one for them one for you the air but air but air but it's our house air
[00:06:53] His own Wikipedia page. This is great respect. Yeah species breed in the info box born May 30th 1988
[00:07:00] Sierra Nevada died February 10th 1999 age nine and I know it's a dog, but it's just so funny
[00:07:16] Yeah, wait hold on this guy's name listen to this buddy was found by and this is this guy's name Kevin Kevin DiCicio
[00:07:28] So this is like the world's dumbest Italian
[00:07:31] It's like ma ma what is it Kevin Kevin? I found the dog. I'm gonna be fucking famous
[00:07:47] This is did she show adopted the disheveled golden retriever in brought him home to San Diego where he trained them in the sports of
[00:07:53] Basketball baseball football and soccer
[00:07:56] Absolutely respect. Yeah, buddy's most eagerly awaited sport was basketball. He was touted as the Michael Jordan of dogs
[00:08:01] I think we you could tell that if he's even movie
[00:08:04] How do you just fucking this fucking dog is the Michael Jordan dogs?
[00:08:19] Best friend not a rank at her each show
[00:08:21] Hey, it's me Kevin Kevin with the fucking dog. That's gonna kick all the fucking moolies out the NBA
[00:08:34] We're gonna take sports back with the fucking dogs
[00:08:49] That's Kevin Kev is clearly glad I looked at the air bud. We're gonna be
[00:08:53] He's clearly witness protection mafia guy who moved to San Diego
[00:08:58] Yeah, the teacher are training dogs. Wait, wait, the teacher revealed that bud
[00:09:03] This is unreal the teacher revealed that the buddy buddy tried to bite the ball
[00:09:07] But it's slippery in enhanced by saliva are more efficiently by olive oil
[00:09:12] Well, this fucking grease ball. Why you gotta lube up the ball?
[00:09:17] Hey, well, you was some extra virgin. What do you tell me you shoot hoops dry?
[00:09:24] When you ain't through your head get some of that
[00:09:27] And some of that partu cheese all over your fingertips
[00:09:32] That's how the ball slides around so the dog can't get a good purchase on it
[00:09:37] Because I'm telling you when he's playing those fucking moolies, they're gonna be greased up
[00:09:44] Coconut oil we got our own. Yeah. Yeah, they covered in that cocoa butter. Yeah, I guess he was on America's funny
[00:09:51] His own videos and then they love it sex with the dog illness and death
[00:09:56] Bob's agate throwing to clip it's a guy coming up from work his wife's fucking good talk
[00:10:09] Back to the studio audience. They're like up for the ten thousand dollar prize. We got to buy the talk
[00:10:22] It first game prominence it starts it starts off the dog. He's already a dog
[00:10:34] After being taken to a pound and eventually escaping is raised by an elderly homeless woman named Bella who gives him the name
[00:10:40] Fluke stating that he's a fluke by nature fluke by name
[00:10:44] Fluke supports Bella by helping her earn money from passing strangers and plus press with
[00:10:48] Fluke's ability to beat shell is Bella's shell game
[00:10:53] After Bella dies of an illness due to poor conditions fluke needs a streetwise dog named rumbo voiced by Samuel L. Jack's
[00:10:59] Hell yes. Yeah, mm-hmm a black-ass dog. Yeah, I used to play basketball and then I had to come back as a dog
[00:11:07] Yeah, I killed myself after I lost a free throw shooting competition to some guy named Kevin Kevin's dog
[00:11:15] To some some fucking wap would have owned the tree
[00:11:20] Hey, we got one one down a couple mill ago
[00:11:25] Yeah, so yeah, now he's okay. So this is the first act
[00:11:29] This is wildly convoluted over there the first act is just him finding out that he was a guy named Thomas P
[00:11:38] Then he's abducted by Ron in this world
[00:11:40] Ron yeah, act who he's abducted by Ron Perlman using makeup experiments
[00:11:51] So he's being turned gay by Ron Perlman
[00:11:59] This is great during his captivity rumbo comes to the rescue and rumbo is shot by solvesters
[00:12:03] He and fluke escape. I like it even in movies where the black man is a dog
[00:12:17] That's enough screen time for you Sam dying rumbo tells fluke that the black and white snapshot of a man in a sailor suit on
[00:12:26] Him and Bert was his brother and then he wishes to smell the sea again suggesting that he died in the line of duty
[00:12:32] So I guess Samuel Jackson was in the Navy and he came back as a dog
[00:12:38] Wait, but the one guy's punishment was he's a dog Samuel Jackson is a good guy who served this country faithfully like Michael
[00:12:44] I don't think I implied the punishment part. Oh
[00:12:48] Like Michael cool. Yeah, so he goes and he finds his family and
[00:12:54] Yeah, he realizes doesn't remember he's a man he knows he remembers. He's a man. He realizes his family
[00:13:01] That he was a distant workaholic to his family. So this point he's found this family
[00:13:06] He knows who he is his identity went and found his wife and got adopted by him
[00:13:10] There's more memories return fluke suspects that his human death is caused by his form his former business partner
[00:13:19] Then now is Jeff is Eric stolzes fucking his wife
[00:13:24] And then yeah, so he bites him and ends up getting put outside
[00:13:27] Then animal control comes and then fluke is forced to run away
[00:13:33] And the Sun goes missing looking for the dog
[00:13:36] This is a fuck. This is a lot. Yeah, this is being like a children's move
[00:13:45] The fluke barks for passing driver to help Jeff
[00:13:53] Imagine the fluke hiding the backseat of Jeff's car while later as there comes close to killing Jeff by causing him to get in a car
[00:14:01] Dog tries to kill his former business pardon
[00:14:06] Fluke then has another flasher's life realizes that Jeff wasn't responsible for his death and said fluke had caused his own death
[00:14:12] When he recklessly drove on the wrong side of the road
[00:14:15] Just to argue with Jeff one day and swerved off to avoid a hitting an oncoming truck
[00:14:20] What Jeff later tried to save him but failed an injured Jeff implied to have realized Fluke's true identity by bearing on ill will
[00:14:27] Tell us fluke to go find Brian before the ladder catches hypothermia from the falling snow
[00:14:33] Is Brian the Sun Brian's the Sun so you almost he's almost killed his son now
[00:14:38] He's almost killed his business partner after he killed himself. And the business partner somehow realizes it's him is
[00:14:52] Carol tries to coax flukes in the coming home of them and said fluke digs away to snow in front of his tombstone the show
[00:14:57] Carol who he is by uncovering the word forever at the bottom a phrase you often said there were as a human
[00:15:03] Oh, Carol is shocked, but now fully understands
[00:15:09] I love how these really is real with a heavy heart
[00:15:13] He's trusting his family to Jeff for their happiness
[00:15:16] He tells the audience that life is simply meant to be cherished in any form
[00:15:22] Far and away and sometime later fluke is resting under a tree on a farm by himself to his surprise and happy
[00:15:27] And so he's reunited with rumbo now reincarnated a squirrel
[00:15:39] Rumba who is now a talking piece of shit is a literal turn going down the food
[00:15:46] Proving once and for all the black people are destined to a life of moving down the
[00:15:55] Ultimately always in servitude of white other white animals. Yeah
[00:15:59] Yeah, damn what a fucking dumbass movie. Yeah. Yeah, I don't remember it being good. Yeah
[00:16:05] Come let's come town cinema for you folks. Yeah
[00:16:09] Damn, yeah, let me ask you something. How come this fucking dog?
[00:16:14] If he's gonna come back at some why don't you come back and something cool like a bulldozer or gun?
[00:16:19] That's what I would do personally. Yeah, yeah, I would never come back. It's no fucking dog
[00:16:24] It was all come back as a fucking dildo. Yeah, I would come back as my own dick
[00:16:35] Now that might what I want to be reincarnated as is me with a bigger dick
[00:16:41] Just me with three inches more dick. Mm-hmm. That's beautiful reincarnation if you ask me
[00:16:47] That's I would come back the Brahma's cast I would come back as a command she helicopter
[00:16:52] And then circle around the Levant killing killing people trying to wed their terrorist relatives
[00:17:02] In front of God both fucking your cousin of the marriage and being a terrorist and me the beautiful hellfire missiles
[00:17:09] Launching off my command she body destroying those 16 year olds
[00:17:18] What's the Indian cast system the untouchables at the bottom
[00:17:20] I suppose at the bottom and then I think underneath the untouchables the first animal is the cow right?
[00:17:27] That's why you can't eat a cow is because they're holy but like the cows seem to enjoy a better position than
[00:17:33] The untouchables. Uh-huh so it's like you can eat the untouchable. You know what?
[00:17:37] It's kind of like being it's kind of like being an idiot versus being somebody that has an IQ just under 70
[00:17:43] Where you're like a retard and people are like all that poor retard
[00:17:47] Right where's if you're a little bit over there like you fucking idiot
[00:17:54] Speed it up motherfucker she's being a very dumb guy versus being a mental retard the smartest retard
[00:18:01] Yeah, yeah, that's sort of that's America's cast system interesting. This is a retard hierarchy
[00:18:07] That's true the same great guy or arcie the order of guys
[00:18:15] Brahma is one right that's a that's one of the top ones. Yeah, I think so Brahma is the bull no
[00:18:21] No, I only know that from wrestling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the um number one if the I think Brahmins
[00:18:27] Okay, Boston Brahmins Boston Brahmins. Well, no, I mean I think that's where it derives does it I think so
[00:18:35] Yeah, where else would you get that fucking term? I have no idea some Boston shit
[00:18:39] Do you get guys up number two if you have big titties are you right after the Brahmins?
[00:18:46] Under them big titty bitches. Jai Ho type dudes. Jai Ho. Yeah, the guy that came up with a Jai Ho
[00:18:52] That's good. And number three is the guy that did that Jay Z song
[00:19:07] And then it's Hassan Minhah, yes Brahmins Brahmins are priests
[00:19:13] Brahmins are priests and teachers and shit. They're the highest ranking the four social quests. No
[00:19:20] Damn, so why was the rock into that because she's the warrior dude. He's the Brahmin bull. Yeah, but he's like a
[00:19:26] Pacific Islander guy. He was a new baby. Same color beige. It's true. It's confusing even for them. Yeah, they forget. Yeah
[00:19:36] Do you guys hear that news about the 3d printed gun guy? Yeah, he fucked a kid. He fucked. I don't know about that though
[00:19:44] You think it's an inside job? No, I think it's like
[00:19:49] Like from what I briefly read in the New York Times
[00:19:51] It was like a 16 year old that was on some like sex for money website, so he solicited a prostitute from this like website
[00:19:58] Yeah, and then he didn't ask for well. What's that? Yeah, he didn't ask for ID, but
[00:20:04] The police department just said like oh if you if you assumed anything about her age
[00:20:08] You would assume she was younger rather than older. It's like okay. Well the law is not about like assumption
[00:20:14] Right, you know, I think what we should do is tattoo well the law is also says you can't fuck 16 year old
[00:20:20] You can't well, yeah, I guess if the age of consent is if you're isn't there like a buffer zone
[00:20:26] So if you're 18 you can fuck a 16 year old in some states. I used to do a joke that if
[00:20:31] It's like some some places age you can set is 18 and 16
[00:20:35] But then some places they have like a buffer zone
[00:20:37] Yeah, and how that works is that like if you're 16
[00:20:41] Uh-huh and you fucking 18 year old that's fine
[00:20:44] But if you're 20 and you know that law then you should just go to jail
[00:20:50] Confusing if you bothered memorizing yeah, yeah, yeah, anyone who knows that long by heart
[00:20:56] Automatically fucking spend a weekend in jail a month at least
[00:21:00] Sorry guys. We're back. We're back. I unplugged the recorder cuz I have a little penis. I gotta get a longer
[00:21:08] Extend that one's almost long enough that surge protected. I know it's fucking it's just a it's just a
[00:21:14] USB to micro USB right no, I mean I need a longer extension forward for under the couch
[00:21:19] It's a USB to your penis size micro. Yeah, you suck boys. That's what it stands for
[00:21:31] Everybody's got a hungry whole just weed all over me constantly you've been smoking weed, but I don't smoke weed
[00:21:37] But I'm oh I feel like I'm always covered in weed
[00:21:41] Haven't smoked weed in four to five days now
[00:21:46] Need to sleep. What do you guys do to go to sleep? Can you just sleep right away? Have you tried melatonin?
[00:21:52] Doesn't do shit. Yeah, it works for me sometimes
[00:21:56] Do you do shit? Do you just don't sleep? Are you still like just waking up in the middle of the night shit?
[00:22:02] No, I've been sleeping pretty consistently, but I gotta start because I haven't really been doing spots and to stand closed
[00:22:08] So I'm not going out at night. I should wake up at like seven and get stuff done
[00:22:12] Yeah, that's what I used to do. I used to get up like five a.m. Yeah, you would Texas like six
[00:22:16] I'm why we get writing done. No, this is back when I lived in Chinatown
[00:22:19] I'm gonna get used to get you should get up early like a year ago. Yeah, maybe yeah, you get work done into like
[00:22:27] You're one of those you don't need eight hours people. I don't know about that
[00:22:31] I'm just not get eight hours, but I don't need it. We're one of those you eat like I need eight inches
[00:22:44] And suck I with eight inches to fuck you for all eight of those out for eight hours as long as there's three hours of
[00:22:50] Recovery sleep. I thought we were on a roll there with that fluke stuff, but now
[00:22:54] No, I'm pissed. Yeah, Nick got a business email. There's Luke. Huh? Fluke was the dog
[00:23:13] I knew it was a dog movie man. I knew that yeah, all right everyone relax
[00:23:25] With patreon to yeah, they're doing the fuck out of me. There's just no way to communicate with them
[00:23:32] We give them like 25 thousand dollars a year in business and there's just no all we have access to some bullshit support email
[00:23:39] That never gets answered. They don't have a phone number. There's no phone. I think a patreon
[00:23:45] I think I'm not some fucking anime faggot drawing pictures of Donald Duck, you know
[00:23:50] Like a sailor moon. Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. I'm a legitimate sailors fucking businessman Donald Duck and
[00:23:57] Sailor Moon or both sailors. What does that have to do with anything?
[00:24:00] That is a good point. I actually I didn't say that in that one. I didn't say that I'm gonna give it the sub on that one
[00:24:05] I said that's not who I am. He's just drawing connections
[00:24:09] You know, yeah from Cal made a comedy that's that is true both shadow the hedgehog and shadow from homered bounder both named shadow
[00:24:17] So it makes sense if they were fucking each other. Yeah. Oh, you're right. I stay corrected. Maybe patreon shouldn't be answering my notes
[00:24:32] No, I bet that's the thing about this show works on different levels man a lot of free association
[00:24:37] Listen, you got the through line. I'm coming through with little Easter eggs. Yeah from what else? Yeah
[00:24:45] You're not one of those guys. It's making
[00:24:48] Sensical ass cartoons if you ask me. Yeah, well, he's mom saying where are their headquarters? Let's go. Yeah, their headquarters are in flat iron
[00:24:59] Are they really yeah, I thought they were in San Francisco. I would assume San Francisco
[00:25:03] They have offices in flat iron. I keep getting emails and invite invitations to patra con
[00:25:09] They have conventions hilarious everything about the culture of that company is like absolutely
[00:25:16] Like he's kind of like a life is good. Do you remember that brand? Yeah, kind of hippie guy? Yeah, yeah
[00:25:22] Tees and you cool ailies. Yeah, yeah, yeah the Jason Maraz collection of kmart hats
[00:25:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if there's one thing we care about it's creators
[00:25:34] That's why we make these unilateral decisions that completely fuck over people
[00:25:40] Month at quarter after quarter. We'll just do something wildly irresponsible that really fucks people over
[00:25:48] Yeah, that sucks my hard dick. Yeah, it really sucks
[00:25:52] And you know, I mean I probably wouldn't mind it as much as there was like
[00:25:55] If they would just invest some fucking money in an ability to actually communicate with people or recognize that like
[00:26:03] We do a lot of business with them. We should have a fucking account manager the big that's how every company
[00:26:08] We're there is I may I either push back on that is like, oh what you should get special treatment because you make more money
[00:26:13] Yes, absolutely. It's fucking business. You guys madmen. We should we're lucky string. They should be taking us out for lunch
[00:26:21] We should get to fuck their gay their clons. Yeah employees. Oh, you know what? They don't want to we send them to be a hobo
[00:26:27] They would be we would get free lunches and be able to go to Rangers games and shit if they had any kind of like viable
[00:26:34] Do you like hockey? No, but that's a thing that
[00:26:39] They're in flat iron. Yeah, we could be going to Rangers games for free. All right, go to fucking rangers
[00:26:43] You hear this patreon somebody hard to man
[00:26:46] Somebody needs to make a competitor to patreon and try and woo our business with free Rangers games
[00:26:52] We don't like hockey at all none of us don't like hockey
[00:26:55] I like to shut the fuck up. I want to be brought to a room. That's got an ice sculpture made out of slice
[00:27:01] It's us. You know and you can suck on it. Michael Angelo's David, but it's hard. You can suck
[00:27:14] They're like, what is this or like I think it's a Rangers game
[00:27:23] This is how we expect you to eat it. Wasn't there something called there was a guy
[00:27:26] There's this drunk guy in Austin. He used to call Seth cocksfield Seth field ranger and Seth hated it
[00:27:32] I don't even know it doesn't make any sense
[00:27:35] He was this guy that was like so fucking like wet brain from from drinking
[00:27:38] He was a guy that like kept drinking like he was a 19 year old
[00:27:42] Yes, and he would do open mics and sometimes he would get up and be like I was you
[00:27:47] You're right. It's just guys. Bye, but then you go to his house
[00:27:54] Yeah, I guess bunk is the same thing Sean Mooney. Yeah, that guy was so drunk. Hell yeah. Yeah respect
[00:28:01] Respect to the drunk ones out there. Yeah
[00:28:05] Well, there's a lot of drunk motherfuckers out here in New York, man
[00:28:08] Out on the streets. Everyone that moves to New York from Chicago is an alcoholic
[00:28:15] Yeah, well, that's how my boy Tommy Maccabera. Yeah, he's drunk. We've talked about how Chicago loves to
[00:28:20] Talk about beers. Well, it's cold and all they got to do is drink beers. Yeah, he said shit
[00:28:27] Yeah, I feel like people wear a lot of news boy caps in Chicago. That's like it kind of a specific fat
[00:28:35] Baldi iris guy Chicago guy. Yeah. Yeah, and they're like I will never do by the way
[00:28:46] Will they brew them with your dick? Yeah
[00:28:51] Retire about beer guys. Yeah, yeah, but I feel like Chicago's yeah
[00:28:54] I mean if you get into that after age 22 you're a fucking loser. Yeah, for sure. Yeah sure you hear that
[00:29:05] And you still give a shit about like fucking microbros and like
[00:29:09] beer culture after like probably 25 at the upper limit
[00:29:13] Yeah, you're fucking with the exception of one and then his name is David David who oh the beer and her beer
[00:29:18] Is he even really no, I think that's just his handle. Yeah, yeah, no, because even that into beer
[00:29:24] No, I don't think he really likes beer. No, he's just a nerd. He's just a nerd
[00:29:29] Dude, he was in the front row at funny moms a couple months ago
[00:29:31] Just playing a game on his phone while they're at comics like performing like it looked like just candy crush
[00:29:40] Yeah, he absolutely rules. Yeah. Yeah, you just do whatever you want. Yeah, you fucked that the David
[00:29:46] Fucks that he fucks. Yeah. Yeah, cuz you know
[00:29:50] Autism or whatever aside. Yeah, we talked about this before about how we autistic guys aren't afraid of rejection
[00:29:56] Yeah, he processes so they I wish I was like it's just like boom hower. It's just like they're like, okay. Nope. All right. Yeah
[00:30:06] Man, I'll tell you what man. I'll tell you what man. You fucking get a man's dick heart boom for
[00:30:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah, can I suck some dick go to your room, Bobby
[00:31:09] Yo kiero dick yo tns dick in my pantelones
[00:31:15] I suck dick. I suck dick and dick accessories
[00:31:28] Yeah, that one's almost as good for me as suck me suck me very
[00:31:33] Suck me very dear. That one got me good. I was laughing about that yesterday
[00:31:37] Is Elvis is a lip raised. Oh, suck me suck me very dear. Oh, yeah, what a great show we do
[00:32:00] Please me like me like you get sex is still banger by the way speaking of things we still laugh at
[00:32:05] Yeah, I still like it's so funny how like money makes like so these dumb comedians
[00:32:10] They're like wow man like you're really crushing it and it's like if you if I know like you can't really make this argument
[00:32:16] But like take the money away. I would be laughing stuff
[00:32:22] Imagine we did this show as regularly as we do now make no money
[00:32:30] Like nobody listens to it. Maybe when we feature for people like three people
[00:32:38] Not a single person listens to this job
[00:32:41] That's most positive people are like yeah, how many episodes you do we're like eight a month
[00:32:48] Damn, have you taken like a break at all never? No, literally never taking a break
[00:32:52] Every once in a while. We've had to you know, we got a pre record for like christmas vacation
[00:32:57] Yeah, thanksgiving vacation career opportunities, but I'm zero people that are listening need those episodes
[00:33:04] I mean most podcasts are just into the void. Yeah, you know there into your ass. Yeah my ass
[00:33:10] What I call the boy. Yeah, it's tom sword got lost in there right with that girl. Yeah. Yeah, I read a little mark twain
[00:33:19] Yeah, my time. I didn't I tried to read it, but my mom got me the unabridged version
[00:33:24] So it was like fucked up language. I think yeah, what on a bridge means that's like not edited for
[00:33:30] It's like shalden days language. What is a bridge to mean a bridge means
[00:33:35] Just when you build a bridge between two books. Yeah, you got one book bridge spies. That's in a bridge novel. Yeah, the unabridged is
[00:33:44] Directors cut bridge of jones is diary. That's an abridged novel. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you get renezel wiggers pussy bridges the madison county
[00:33:53] That's a bridge. That's sure bridge over a quai bridge over a quai
[00:34:02] Yeah, yeah people hated that right. Yeah, the people added me a lot saying they hated and guess what suck my fucking hot penis
[00:34:10] Yeah, I want to say this for real though. If you have any
[00:34:15] Criticisms about the show, please feel free to suck my dick and never tell yeah if you don't like the show
[00:34:20] You can here's how you can express your disdain by sending me liquid sea Alice
[00:34:30] Will not accept I want to micro dose the Alice
[00:34:43] Like yeah, she's like man. I'm peeking right now
[00:34:51] Dude, I'm ready to break on through to the other side
[00:34:56] Um, oh fuck yeah, I was thinking speaking of Elvis. I was I for some reason that I thought of that song in the ghetto the other day
[00:35:04] That song is so fucking funny. We're just singing about poor black babies and stuff
[00:35:11] Oh, yeah, well, there's two men he black babies. You look good too
[00:35:21] Legalize abortions for blacks. We gotta make sure these black babies are getting aborted
[00:35:36] Mmm. Dude. I love that guy man. You love Elvis. Yeah
[00:35:42] I'm I get a lot of pussy or did he only like married? I think I think he
[00:36:00] You don't let that come drop on my blue suede shoes
[00:36:04] Well, when the comb leaks out of your friends I have seen the bathroom
[00:36:15] Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome the stage my close personal friend comedian Joe bliss
[00:36:25] coming at a performance my good friend Elvis especially
[00:36:27] I've known each other for a couple of years. Interestingly enough me and Elvis met in the bathroom at Conan
[00:36:35] I was doing a sad he was coming out to explain his latest movie some like it gay hot
[00:36:44] Some like some like a raw bear back and I was up
[00:36:57] Anyway, I was having gay sex with Andy Richter in the bathroom
[00:37:03] Yeah, Andy Richter controls the universe more like Andy Richter controls my bono
[00:37:18] Man just imagine how how easily you could just wedge your ass in between those fat cheeks is
[00:37:35] Well, you go into the bathroom after Jim two
[00:37:46] Yeah, Jim has no idea that he's about to get his dick sucked
[00:38:02] Jailhouse jailhouse bulldog. Yeah, I like I like
[00:38:07] Something a dog that lives in the garbage heartbreak hotel heartbreak hotel. Yeah, I don't like those kind of songs cock
[00:38:13] I like the I like it when it was way over the top and he was on a ton of pills when he was like
[00:38:19] What the 70s 70s Elvis when it was like huge like
[00:38:22] Like a thousand musicians and like this
[00:38:25] I couldn't work at that point because he was getting fat. He was doing pills. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he didn't fuck for the last like I think you're projecting
[00:38:39] Yeah, but anyway that song that song in the ghetto is like really funny because you just talked about like single black mother's and stuff
[00:38:48] But Elvis in the home again man in the bathroom
[00:38:53] He was in gaitland, Tennessee. That's his home. Yeah
[00:39:06] What was his crew his friends were the Memphis mafia. This is great. That's pretty cool
[00:39:14] 54 recording its son records with producer sam phillips. He wanted to bring the sound of african-american music to a wider audience
[00:39:21] Yeah, don't hire any black people to do that
[00:39:28] Yeah, hard break hotel. I guess this is his first single
[00:39:31] The cock suck motel love me tender as a movie
[00:39:38] Like yeah, a little off a white that was on tv the other day
[00:39:55] Like hot looking rock to fat guy mess transformation is uh
[00:40:00] Vinching morrison because it happened in literally two years
[00:40:06] Oh like when he before he died he was like a fucking what did he do mess
[00:40:17] Vince the model. He got a ton of then he got a ton of plastic surgery, but he he came out with a sex tape
[00:40:24] I guess he was jealous of Tommy. Well, he no joke
[00:40:27] And he came out with a sex tape when he had just he was fat. He had just yeah, holy shit
[00:40:32] It's just for real. That's what Jim Morrison looked like before he died. That looks like dude. That looks like a girl
[00:40:40] Like the doors and when like the doors I guess we're around for like two years three years
[00:40:46] Yeah, like way quicker than you think maybe maybe it's like
[00:40:52] Yeah, this girl's hard whoever he's with
[00:40:55] Yeah, dude. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. He's in my house
[00:41:04] There might be one of the most overrated things of all time. I think the doors are up there for sure
[00:41:13] Ray ray man xeric was a good organ player
[00:41:17] They didn't have uh they didn't have base. That's another thing about them. They just had organ
[00:41:21] No, they had drums organ and guitar. Oh and then the world's dumbest man just mumbling out lyrics
[00:41:30] What's that song about the snake being 10 feet long?
[00:41:34] Um, well the worst or song of all is 20th century fox
[00:41:39] Because it's like oh, yeah, you know that uh the movie
[00:41:42] You know the movie comedy 20th century fox. What if we did a song about that, but fox means woman
[00:41:47] And it's like a holly. Yes, that sucks. It's retarded that sucks. It's like it's like the kind of poetry
[00:41:55] No, it's something that like literally chris chan would come up with yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:42:00] Don't take shots at the king. I'm not taking shots at the king
[00:42:04] Is a quiz queen right who queen chan chan christian. Where are you going at him?
[00:42:11] He had too much jewish milk before he came over here come
[00:42:24] Yeah, come on come on come on. Come on suck me. Oh, who else is overrated?
[00:42:28] Certainly not come town. Absolutely not the most culturally important every podcast that does better than us overrated
[00:42:37] Yeah, the joe rogan experience guys with stories guys
[00:42:41] I've got a story for you muck. I was in the bathroom. Yeah, it wasn't in the guys talking guys
[00:42:51] Oh joe you had a good weekend pretty good. I rented I got Jim twos
[00:43:02] You know, I'd like to do to Jim twos is uh, not suck his cock getting now. I totally had suck him off. Yeah
[00:43:13] Goddamn I can't wait till joe here's the
[00:43:17] Is he aware of me? Is he aware of cruisin?
[00:43:19] No, not at all three months. He's someone's gonna like put a compilation on it at that by that time
[00:43:38] They get back in the same joke it's so different. It's just me raping Jim twos in the bathroom
[00:43:52] I don't even understand why I'm involved
[00:43:55] They don't even make me gay in the joke. I'm just there
[00:44:08] Mark just his friend and like it's like the real interest
[00:44:14] He just he just knows joe. He just takes joe as a gay man that talks people in bathroom
[00:44:19] As you never asked about any of the aspect of his life
[00:44:26] Yeah, joe you have any uh you have any more gay sex this weekend or
[00:44:31] Oh, yeah, what happened with uh you and that Jim twos guy
[00:44:36] Oh, yeah, it was great. I don't know if I finished that story, but yeah, I locked the door to the bathroom
[00:44:40] He couldn't get out he screamed for a little bit, but you know then once he
[00:44:44] Knew how good it felt. He kind of just let me do it
[00:44:49] Shout out to Jim twos truly the most collateral damage
[00:44:53] Yeah, I really just not deserve any of it
[00:44:58] Where we came up with the joke, you know, you know, you do the usual
[00:45:02] You just keep pressing them back in the stall and say pretend I'm a girl pretend I'm a girl
[00:45:05] Just pretend just relax pretend it's a girl's mouth you can't tell the difference
[00:45:10] Well, you did it you did cruising joe for Jim and you're like who have who is this?
[00:45:14] No our friends who is this yeah, and then Jim's like, I don't know. I have yeah, it's joe list
[00:45:28] We got a great we got a great great act coming up next it's uh one of my favorite cocksuckers in the city
[00:45:43] In toronto he came into he came into yuk yuk. You know why they call it that because it's named after a feminist pussy
[00:45:59] Yeah, you know, it's not yuk yuk joe list asshole
[00:46:04] Oh, thanks. I mean, you know, I mean I think it's pretty gross. It's an asshole, but
[00:46:08] Once you start fucking it you can't get enough kind of like Pringles
[00:46:16] You ever start eating Pringles and you get to the last chip and you're like boy. I wish I could uh
[00:46:21] I wish I could suck that Pringle guy's cock
[00:46:32] You know, it's alright you can't get enough of the chips
[00:46:34] But then you start looking at the can and really really want to suck that little mustache
[00:46:47] Fuck yes, suck our cocks suck me tester
[00:46:57] Yeah, but we're other elvis movies. Yeah, I don't know man strange career
[00:47:06] Uh male machek. Yeah, there's yeah, you said jailhouse rock was one of his movies. Yeah, um
[00:47:13] Is he in jail now when I'm gonna sue? Yeah, he's spending a lot of time in the bathroom of the jail
[00:47:22] Ooh, he had a stillborn brother. All this whoa, that's where the pain and his voice came from. Yeah
[00:47:31] What yeah when he went to the army in the middle of his career. He was a slut
[00:47:36] He had to cut his sexy haircut. Really? And everyone found out elvis was blonde. Damn. Yeah, did he have blue eyes?
[00:47:42] Yeah, I think he was a blonde hair blue eyed motherfucker
[00:47:45] Yeah, but he wanted to be more low yakubi and devil more like sultry. Mm-hmm more
[00:48:06] held down other guys and you don't know they
[00:48:16] You heard suspicious mind. What's that? Oh, yeah, we have a song you're talking
[00:48:21] Really that was one of the things and I didn't like listen to the Beatles until I was like probably like 23
[00:48:26] Yeah, I mean either. I never was the beatles. It's like because no people are like, you know, it's great the Beatles
[00:48:30] And I'm like yeah, I'm sure but I don't give a shit
[00:48:32] Yeah, most of them are gonna read a biography of like Thomas Edison now when I was like 16
[00:48:37] I had actually I take that back when I was 16
[00:48:41] Yeah, where I want to just lean in and learn guitar and I grew my hair out beautifully
[00:48:45] Yeah, that was which I can do with any time by the way, I could still do that. Yeah, I went out long. No problem
[00:48:50] Yeah, and I could get into the Beatles at any time
[00:48:54] Yeah, well you heard that funny is a 30 year old man to be like man. Have you heard of the Beatles?
[00:48:59] Let's get really into them rock. Yeah, did you hear the big Beatles news from last week Nick? You're not online anymore. Yeah, we never just
[00:49:07] Paul McCartney said that him and John used to jack off in the same room together. So
[00:49:14] That was not big news people were really excited. Yeah, they're British
[00:49:20] Do they just been tea. Why do you think why do you think Beatles is spelled that way? Yeah?
[00:49:28] It's absolutely nice you fucking imbecile. They were called that before they even knew they wanted to be a band
[00:49:35] Hey, there's those four guys beat off together. Oh, they go to Beatles
[00:49:40] They got a little apartment down in Surrey where they all
[00:49:43] They all have a beat with each other. They offer me steps when you build all they all have a wank together
[00:49:49] They all walk across the street at the same time and then they go not in that little flat. Yeah down in Surrey
[00:49:58] Live live or pool. That's a weird name for a place. Yeah, Ringo's like, hey fellas
[00:50:04] What if we were the suckles like that might be too far mate? That's too far. I don't know if we can do that
[00:50:10] Yeah, it's not gay because we're not touched. Well, I want to beat the circles
[00:50:17] Well, then I guess we better learn instruments
[00:50:26] Ringo can you play the drums? No, not really that's fine. Do it anyways
[00:50:33] I'm gonna do I'm gonna drink so much cum that I go crazy and write just really weird shit
[00:50:40] Just stuff about loving everybody, but really it's about having you know gay sex
[00:50:48] Shout shout out to john Lennon a lot of people know this we were the come boys way before this was even a podcast. Oh, yeah
[00:50:52] It's actually I mean we've covered this with the original couple is me Jake flores and Blake mijet
[00:50:58] That's right of page 99, baby. That's right. The band. I'm tech
[00:51:01] That's right. The band I'm technically considered in because I knew like for years without even knowing that he was in
[00:51:09] Yeah, I still have never heard a song of theirs. Yeah
[00:51:13] It's like you have a stepdad, but I don't and so I can't ever love you. You know, it's like a screamo bullshit
[00:51:19] Yeah, yeah, I mean it's more aggressive than that. But I used to like screamo. Yeah when I was in that's cool
[00:51:25] That made this about yourself. I never did
[00:51:28] I never did. I won't bring it up. Yeah. No, we have to hear about how you reluctantly were a type of cool
[00:51:33] That was except it wasn't cool 20 years ago. I'm so embarrassed. I was real
[00:51:38] I was into an insanely popular thing that made people like me
[00:51:43] I was so into the dark night dude. Yeah, that's what I would just go to the movie theater
[00:51:47] God, but at night release like a nerd. It was way bigger than screamo. No and scott was exactly the same
[00:51:53] I thought I thought screamo was like the movie scream but gay
[00:52:01] Where that goes that goes broke his jaw so that he could just suck
[00:52:07] Just fucking each other. Yeah, no screamo. Oh, yeah
[00:52:13] Yeah, I'm gonna scream us scream us actual
[00:52:16] Was the first emo band dashboard confessional they weren't the first I mean you can track it back farther
[00:52:22] Yeah, but a lot of people say the Smiths were the first oh, I was joking. I don't know but a lot of people say that
[00:52:28] You know, yeah, who was the first sad band?
[00:52:31] There will there is black people the blues. Yeah, that's true black people. D waters is the first screamo guy
[00:52:39] You invented emo and the white devil still
[00:52:42] That's true emo is shitty blues. That's yeah
[00:53:19] That's where tight pants came from as they made the slaves wear like super tight pants to prove they weren't smuggling any cotton
[00:53:25] They're smuggling a lot of cock though. They're stealing all the cotton. They're bringing the cotton back into the we got to get these guys some vans slip on
[00:53:36] Dungaree's that way, you know, they're not hiding anything
[00:53:41] I just found out that a woman that fucked the slave master was referred to as a bedwench
[00:53:48] And then now in contemporary discourse when a black woman fucks a white man. They call them
[00:53:54] Bedwen should what yeah, just for having a little pink penis up inside them a tiny little small
[00:54:00] Fucking morsel of cock. Mm. Nice. Cool. Yeah, fleck of cock damn imagine how like relaxed
[00:54:08] Thomas Jefferson was all from busting all the
[00:54:13] He's doing inventions doing like 13 rapes a day and he's like just like what's uh, you don't want to do a
[00:54:22] Yeah, I'm just trying to come over and do a declaration
[00:54:24] Yeah, I'm really into like fucking happen is
[00:54:27] Yeah, whatever man who cares. Yeah, I'm chilling
[00:54:34] I'm chilling man. I don't know about this Hamilton guy
[00:54:38] But you know once I start getting worked up. I just
[00:54:43] I just have my way. Yeah, then I'll just come right. It's about the little he had that he had to like
[00:54:48] Scan those fields and look at those slaves like I go through the Netflix instant queue
[00:54:53] This right in like what do I want to do it dark today? I don't
[00:54:58] Maybe light. I guess I did light last night
[00:55:01] Fuck man. You know how this is like you have too many options. You don't know how to pick one end up fucking salad
[00:55:06] Yeah, just right now. That's the office. You fuck one of them for five minutes killer
[00:55:12] You know go find a different one maybe get two minutes into that and you're like, oh, this is just that amelio estivis shit
[00:55:24] Yeah, yeah, tell me show some probably a bad guy huh?
[00:55:28] Um he came up with the old guys are created equal. Yeah, no man truly experienced brotherly love for his common man. Oh boy
[00:55:38] Um did he do any case shit? I mean yeah, do the bill right?
[00:55:42] I like to imagine to back down and it's like he raped so much
[00:55:45] He can't get his dick hard, but he's just like old timey. So the cock ring just has a little like buckle on
[00:56:00] Yeah, the only good like old president was like john adams, right? He was like well. It wasn't like
[00:56:06] Rape he was good a racist or whatever. Yeah, I don't know did you see that gm
[00:56:10] Washington he was the only good president. Yeah, didn't you ever did you ever fuck his slaves? You probably did probably but apparently
[00:56:17] George Washington was in a lot of other ways. He invented america. Yeah, and he came up with the idea
[00:56:22] He was a good as he was a good general. He was tall as shit for the time red hair
[00:56:27] He was six two as a young as a youth. He was like six four
[00:56:30] Which back then was like huge. No, everyone's always been tall. You're just short. You need to face the facts. Okay, but I'm just short
[00:56:40] We're not all the same height. No, I think it's weird that we found out that you're the one that's like deeply insecure about height
[00:56:46] Oh, yeah, that's I was I was terrible. Well, it's that impureity. I think middle school
[00:56:51] I didn't have cubes and I was sure we're all the same height and we're all doing fine. It's not a big deal. Yeah, yeah
[00:56:56] Yeah, but yeah, George Washington. I'm fine with my height now George Washington. You're not though. You're upset about it
[00:57:02] I'm just saying you can't call me sure if you're shorter than me. Why can't I call you sure? We're all the same height
[00:57:07] We're not all the same. I acknowledge it on the short man. Yeah, we're all short guys
[00:57:12] I acknowledge that I am slightly beneath average. We are all short guys. We are all the same height
[00:57:17] Anyway, are you gonna allow us to move on? You're gonna talk about how this doesn't yeah, you give I don't know why you keep bringing it up
[00:57:23] And talking about you brought it up. I bring it up at all
[00:57:26] I joined my George Washington. You're like and he was tall. He was six two, which is barely tall
[00:57:32] Six two is like the cutoff for not being short not in those days, dude. Yeah, no
[00:57:36] I do agree with Adam though on this one that he probably was taller
[00:57:39] Yeah, yeah, I think people were look the average height is because everyone was like five you died 19
[00:57:45] So the average height got brought down by chill. That's true men do way way way growing well into their 30s
[00:57:50] George Washington was a ginger right. Yes, but he wore a powdered wig. So you know in his youth
[00:57:55] He was okay. Okay, has there been a blonde president before Donald Trump
[00:58:01] Yeah, who Kennedy was kind of strawberry blonde Kennedy was brown strawberry blonde
[00:58:09] The rest of them had white hairs. There's no way to know
[00:58:12] Donald Trump is take how Calhoun probably had blonde hair. He wasn't a president feels like a Cal Cal feels like a
[00:58:22] They don't give me enough credit for being the best what about what about the guy forward wasn't he blonde
[00:58:26] Ford might have been blonde, but he was bald. What do you have on the sides? Was he blonde on the sides?
[00:58:33] I think so. I can't think of a single blonde president
[00:58:47] Amazing pull if you know who might have been I'm gonna google this right now. You know might have been blonde Calvin Coolidge
[00:58:54] Calvin Coolidge was a fictional character
[00:59:00] Look up if Calvin Cool just blond blond
[00:59:04] Let me get girl Grover. I'm gonna just while you guys look I'm gonna say the presence
[00:59:08] I know and I will determine if they're blonde or not Abraham Lincoln. No
[00:59:12] Garfield no FDR. No was Garfield red like the cat
[00:59:20] My friends it is not a lie when I tell you that I love lasagna
[00:59:27] Okay, Benjamin Harrison Gerald Ford boom Ford what a pool. Okay, you're right. He's looking at a list. No, I said for
[00:59:38] Harrison was blonde Thomas Jefferson was sometimes described Benjamin Harrison or William Henry Harris Benjamin Harrison
[00:59:47] Thomas Jefferson was sometimes described as blonde, but was gray and he assumed when he assumed office
[00:59:51] I mean described as a young man like he's like he's dumb. Yeah, he's random
[00:59:59] I'm so random. I'm a I'm a fucking blonde. So Trump is holding it down for the blondes. That's true
[01:00:07] Well listen credit where credit credit credit where credits do
[01:00:12] Eisenhower was blonde as he as a child dude. He was gray hair. I got one. Yeah, nice. Yeah
[01:00:18] Um, but everybody's a lot of people are blonde his children. That's true. My little brother was blonde as a child and that was brown
[01:00:24] So Trump isn't retarded. He's just a stupid blonde. That's true. Yeah, do you remember dumb blonde Joe?
[01:00:32] Look man. I got to know if Calvin Colch is blonde. That's not I don't see it here on this website Quora
[01:00:39] Have you ever used this website? No, it's just these fucking boobs
[01:00:43] That you ask it's like Yahoo question Yahoo answers but for like guys with like that like
[01:00:51] Are far more impressed with themselves. I've never I've never been on Quora in my damn life, dude
[01:00:56] Yeah, yeah, I was most website. She was a Quora
[01:01:00] It was a Quora dumb bitch wouldn't stop first of all. Yeah, first of all. She was a Quora
[01:01:06] Why do people think my angelou is a good poet and you got a horror
[01:01:10] And it's fucking joey pants and like she wasn't she was a fucking horror
[01:01:19] What's the why is the speed of light and absolute it's not it's for fucking ora
[01:01:25] Yeah, there you go. That's um bad. There you go. Quora. No, what time do you have to be back in a story?
[01:01:36] I'm fun. Um, man. I I tell you I love this fall weather creeping in. Yeah seeing the leaves die
[01:01:45] It's more fall to go up state. Maybe you get a little air B&B. I love that idea
[01:01:51] The fall best season sounds great. Let's hit a cabin. It's not like
[01:01:55] The brutality of summer, you know sucks my falls about acceptance
[01:01:59] You mean nuts are just fucking you quickly diminishing expectations
[01:02:06] Everything started to flayed and evaporate and you feel okay. I like I like the clothes and winter is death
[01:02:12] Winter you're dead. Yeah, then spring is reborn rebirth. I hate rebirth
[01:02:17] All you like is fall. I love fall in winter. Nice. I love death. You love slow. It's goth. Yeah. I'm going to
[01:02:24] My new thing now is like I'm not I hate fucking I love death and I love money. I'm I'm finance goth
[01:02:31] That's that's just every every like rich guy. I think I know but no rich guys love fuck now rich
[01:02:38] Now being rich now being rich is called finance goth
[01:02:48] And if you ever hear the term Finn goth that is me. I came up with it. I minted that
[01:02:54] Don't don't let any of these dumb women that try and tell you that they came up with Finn goth
[01:02:58] Get away. There are gonna be Finn goths. Of course there's gonna be Finn goths
[01:03:02] I'm a yeah. I'm a mister. I make him call me mister. I guess that's basically Finn. Um, but you were black
[01:03:08] I want to die. I want a bunch of money so I can kill myself and not give any of that
[01:03:13] All of my riches burned or buried with me and my sarcophagus
[01:03:16] Dude the joke you want to start you know who has yeah? No, not the Joker because the Joker is about chaos
[01:03:23] Parasitic degree that it you know, it kills me and the host. I'm king-tut king-tut was Finn goth
[01:03:30] Yeah, you know the pharaohs were Finn goth
[01:03:33] You accumulate riches and you're buried with them right nobody even
[01:03:37] a Harrison before I probably did but something about
[01:03:44] Interrupting your stories for eternity. I can't wait for having guys. I can't wait until we're all there with
[01:03:54] He's got the head of a bug. He's like a demi god named a new bits
[01:04:07] Little arms coming out of it then a regular woman's body. Yes
[01:04:14] Damn, I wonder what the hottest woman in ancient Egypt looked like
[01:04:17] Uh Cleopatra and effort. He could imagine a fucked up. Yeah, those are two Egyptian woman. Good job. Do you think Cleopatra?
[01:04:23] So they were supposed I mean like good job naming them mark Anthony mark Anthony got
[01:04:30] That was definitely the prompt is name name. Would you know about ancient Egypt like how hot do you think someone could have been?
[01:04:37] 4000 years ago, I mean there was anyone with just like probably different insta model. They're probably different beauties
[01:04:43] Fat ass titties fat ass. Yeah, no, they're tits look like pyramids
[01:04:48] Polygon those those PlayStation those Sega Saturn tits
[01:04:54] Um, do you think aliens made the pyramids guys? Yes
[01:05:03] Jews didn't make the pyramids. I think that's a lie. Yeah propagated by the six banking families in George Soros
[01:05:09] Child. Yeah, is the Rothschilds a real thing? Do you have course?
[01:05:13] Do those guys really control everything and have they since like oh, they have a lot of money. I don't think control everything. They're French
[01:05:19] They are Jews, right? Yeah. Yeah, they're like a French Jewish family. I think
[01:05:27] Another family the um dryfuses the dryfuses. Yeah, I should know more about my cousin lanes. Yeah dad. Yeah, actually
[01:05:35] Yeah, a billionaire, right? She's a she is. Yeah, she's the only I'm going on record. She's the only good rich person
[01:05:49] Jerry why can't why won't a brain suck me off?
[01:05:54] I don't know what to tell you George. She only sucks my dick George. I'm gay
[01:06:05] Met this guy Joe list in the bathroom. He's not coming comic
[01:06:09] Yeah, sign fell has been helping me out a lot. I didn't know the bathroom at the cello
[01:06:34] How'd you get into this what in the bathroom? I was just open I just bought you
[01:06:39] No, you know this this whole lifestyle. Oh, yeah, I mean, uh, well, I've always been gay. I guess
[01:06:46] Uh, well, I'm not sure it's a nature versus nurture thing
[01:06:49] I'm gonna add proclivities, but I was raped by a stranger at sea as when I was four
[01:06:52] Uh somebody pulled me into a dressing room and fucked my mouth
[01:07:00] I think a girl told me a story like that
[01:07:02] She was like, it was like when I first met she was working at a grocery store
[01:07:05] She had like a gay friend and she was like 20. So it was like this is my first like gay friend
[01:07:10] She's like, yeah, he's so cool when he was like six. He was kidnapped in a mall and raped
[01:07:18] And then she was like, yeah, now he's gay and I'm like
[01:07:20] And he just told you that story what the fuck yeah, why are you telling me?
[01:07:25] That's her intro. Yeah, now I gotta like go shake this guy's hand. I don't know how many times he's washed it
[01:07:32] Wait, that's your concern is the germs from his
[01:07:35] I don't know if I'm going to see the year. Yeah, right
[01:07:46] Anyway, Jerry, do you think maybe you know when the bathroom
[01:07:49] I mean comedians in bathrooms getting HIV
[01:07:54] Maybe we just close the stall stall door here. Yeah, yeah, you know what I like to do is uh
[01:08:00] Feel the tell use the hotel bathroom you go down to the public you get a bunch of bed sheets
[01:08:05] And then you kick down all the interior walls of the stalls
[01:08:09] You can create a little circus tent in there
[01:08:11] They really just spread out use nine different stalls. I get like six guys going at the same time
[01:08:21] Yeah, that's what I call a comedy festival just for laughs
[01:08:30] All right, well, you got a cruise to this story. Yeah, do I I mean let's just do the
[01:08:35] Maybe I can start the call. Let's just because the recorder fucked up. Let's just do another we have yeah
[01:08:40] I mean just do another five to be yeah. Yeah, let's do that
[01:08:47] We're recording a nix apartment. Yeah beautiful by the way. I like I like not recording in my apartment anymore
[01:08:56] Waking up and then do recording and then you guys leave and I'm still in my apartment
[01:09:00] I'm really just leave your apartment. Yeah, I do you could find the motivation and not be a fucking reckless layabout
[01:09:06] Is it wasting your fucking life? All right. Let's not get personally
[01:09:09] I'd rather nix stand his apartment all day than me stay my I won't stay my apartment
[01:09:14] That's the thing. It's what are you talking about even when we did also when I stay in my apartment?
[01:09:18] I get things done. I get writing done. I get things done too. I just don't tell you guys about it
[01:09:22] Yeah, you just like you're going out. You're bottle clothes for dasha for her to wear to our auditions later. Of course
[01:09:30] He was as he out looks on a smaller frame. What was that storyline where I was wearing all of dasha's clothes? Yeah, yeah
[01:09:35] We put them that bit. Yeah, we fucked each other. They're so fucking out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're like this is
[01:09:45] Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, that was a really fun bit
[01:09:48] That was a good one about raping my girlfriend make
[01:09:52] Here to be no it was consensual in the fantasy was not consensual
[01:09:56] She comes home and she literally doesn't have anything to wear because you're wearing all of her clothes
[01:10:01] Checkmate, yeah forcing. I'm a sexual genius. Yes sexual villain. That's right. That's how it comes full circle
[01:10:09] That's stop. That's your my sexual villain sidekick name is full circle
[01:10:16] Full circle bring me that ladies clothes I
[01:10:24] And that's how I pose I can shrink into smaller circles and I pose next to titties
[01:10:37] Some dumb-ass woman being like what's this? Oh, that must be my third tip
[01:10:47] Stacked me who who forget. Oh, yeah, oh, that's right. I do have a tit. That's a small Greek man
[01:11:03] I'm not even touching the other titty. I'm just in a different cup. I love the logic and physics of your mind. Oh
[01:11:12] Beautiful mind it just doesn't make any sense you're you think in cartoons
[01:11:19] It's like very reasons cartoon world. It's pure reason and it's beyond our comprehension
[01:11:24] Yeah, we can't really we don't understand what's happening, but it makes sense
[01:11:30] To be like well, I don't know if it would be cool if you rate my girlfriend
[01:11:33] He's like look Donald Duck and Sailor Moon are both sailors
[01:11:37] I guess I guess that makes sense. Mm-hmm. I guess those two add up in a way if you think about it
[01:11:49] Well, let's see here folks tomorrow if you are in New York City
[01:11:54] Please come to funny moms on the 24th. We've got Wilfrid Padua
[01:11:58] I forget how I say his last name, but he's a good boy
[01:12:01] And we've got Conner O'Malley and we've got a couple other people a woman at least one woman because that's you know
[01:12:08] We do that's with quote strict quotas. How about we have a corner of allie. It's Connor does Molly
[01:12:14] That's good. And he shows up on ecstasy to the show
[01:12:17] But Connor if you're listening try that it's bit
[01:12:21] And then if you are in Australia in October
[01:12:25] Mm-hmm. He are in Sydney on the 20th ad Melbourne and the 26th
[01:12:35] Please buy tickets to see that tickets are going well. We'd like to sell everything the fuck out if possible
[01:12:42] So yeah, and if you're you know in Australia you want to
[01:12:46] Yes, give us some shrimp on the Barbie throw a boomerang show us your big Australian blonde titties
[01:12:52] Specifically do boomerangs work. Yeah, if you've got a big enough
[01:12:56] Like can you get like where you can like throw it and it comes back to you perfect?
[01:13:01] I feel like I just comes back to the general area. No, if you're really I feel like can someone get that good at boomerang
[01:13:08] No, they're meant to like hit and I think yeah, I thought they were like for hunting there for a hunting
[01:13:13] Yeah, so I come back generally to your area in case you miss in fact if you're good at boomerang
[01:13:18] You actually suck at boomerang because the only time it comes back as if you don't hit the fucking animal. Uh-huh
[01:13:23] Yeah, who came up with those the aborigines? Yeah, dude. You can't say that I can't say
[01:13:30] The shorten it the short one. Oh, yeah, we got it. We got a little bit of a
[01:13:34] Aborigines still sounds bad. Yeah, no, yeah, we should look up all the all this slurs so we can't you know
[01:13:41] It's funny is inward horrific, but the shortened N word is I kind of okay, I think not okay
[01:13:46] But you can say the three-letter version. Yeah, no, that's not okay. You could like say it to students
[01:13:52] You could say like while you're teaching your college course
[01:14:03] Well, I was like you want to express your the n-word, but you don't want to say it all the way
[01:14:07] You don't want to say the n-word sure right no that makes sense. You're right
[01:14:11] All right, I have to piss and I have to go anyway. All right, let's let's put a bow like Thomas Jefferson's
[01:14:35] Like this Thomas Jefferson. Yeah, probably all those guys
[01:14:41] He's death yeah, I kind of they're all down like that people because they didn't have teeth
[01:14:45] Oh, please Thomas Jefferson is to the dog. Oh, it's the mocha scene rape. All right. Bye guys. We'll see you. We'll see you next time