Cum Town | Premium | 11/19/2018
[00:00:00] We're off and this is come town premium episode two million nine hundred and 72 the year
[00:00:12] Janelle Mullen I'm your host Janelle Mullen. I have a little penis and as you know
[00:00:17] It's for this is the 50th anniversary of my transition into being a black woman
[00:00:22] That's right, which finally became legal in the year 20. I don't know 30 whatever the fuck is that one of those years
[00:00:29] Stop Rose is not a robot. They put it robot
[00:00:32] They had to put his brain into a robot because he's you got too fat. No, it was I was too cute
[00:00:40] I was too cute for the people kept having sex
[00:00:44] Unfortunately, they left that part of the robot's personality
[00:00:47] They were having sex with my pussy. Yeah
[00:00:51] It was a robot. He's a robot you can have sex with that's right, but a man men have sex
[00:00:57] And now girls do no, it's a man sex robot and my my cock is always hard cause it's made of
[00:01:05] Mad all I would love to have a metal robot dick the more I think about it the more I'm mad
[00:01:10] I became a black woman. Yeah, you fucked up
[00:01:13] You made the wrong choice although it is cool to say the N word. Why don't you show off your new talent?
[00:01:26] It'd be great at the end of Wizard of Oz. They finally meet the wizard
[00:01:30] At the end of the Wizard Oz they meet the wizard mm-hmm and the lines like I want a hard and the tin man's like
[00:01:37] I want oil or whatever and then the scarecrow's like
[00:01:42] Then the whizz is like okay, and then in the scarecrow just saying it no lines like you can ask for that
[00:01:54] Watch this he just goes up some teens playing basketball and then they say is it they're like they start to get mad
[00:02:00] And then they're like man something's happening. They're like what's going on Eric. He's like I'm coming down. I
[00:02:08] It's not working man. So I'm strong. I can't get angry at this guy. I'm trying this
[00:02:23] Fuck dude that he could go around healing African-American men with anger problems. Yeah by calling them the end word every day
[00:02:32] That's what needs to happen. Mm-hmm. I think at least let's start a pilot program. Let's let's rule it out first
[00:02:45] My penis my penis I can't wait to suck my
[00:02:59] What kind of beavers that just a regular ass beaver Nick's playing gethead fuck suction red head redemption
[00:03:06] Did we already do that joke on the show read probably yeah, where that that means that?
[00:03:10] She's redeemed for having a red hair by being really good at sucking
[00:03:16] Like most girls with red that actually is true
[00:03:18] I got course it sure because they're not hot until they're like 17
[00:03:21] I got the wildest top of my damn life a second wildest from a red head
[00:03:27] Who's taller than me who I fucked standing up? I fucked up which was a cool feeling and
[00:03:34] She'd also gotten a couple dew eyes and that kind of thing which I think also makes you better at sucking dick
[00:03:39] But yeah, second best gold silver medal top of my life came from a freckly ass redhead
[00:03:47] Salute to her. I think she's doing a lot better. She lost a lot of weight got a fiancee
[00:03:51] Doing great these days. She's a lesbian though. No said she lost a lot of weight
[00:03:56] Oh, she got it. You know what I hear fiance and I just assume that you did a man being a fiance is oh
[00:04:03] It's too. It's too gay. Yeah, it's too feminine
[00:04:06] Yeah, it seems gay to me because of the French word. Yeah
[00:04:11] Like I the man should be called like a a Danzig or something a dang Len Danzig Glenn Danzig a
[00:04:21] Yeah, it's it's the same gay word, but it has
[00:04:33] I'm a vi ants like that pill you take vivance, but is it by
[00:04:39] Here it is. This is the motherfucker right here. Oh get him, dude
[00:04:42] Nick just fucking fucked up a legendary beaver. He's about to fuck it up
[00:04:46] Let me set this let me set the stage for you this mother this little mother fuckers about to leave
[00:04:50] Nick's got his fucking I gotta get my fucking horse over here to suck his dick. Yeah, the horse
[00:04:57] What is the horse? How is the horse do this beaver? Oh?
[00:04:59] Oh, it's pristine, bro. That's not the one I want just get it. It's pristine. No, I need that varmint rifle here
[00:05:09] You got a varmint rifle. Yeah, it's for varmints
[00:05:13] You have to shoot your dick with that this game is so goddamn you have to shoot my dick with a bigger rifle
[00:05:19] I can't what your penis is too small. So you know largest bullet. No, that doesn't make sense. It does make sense
[00:05:32] Fuck this ass up. I can't see it damn two shots and he fucking sped away from your ass. There he is get him get him
[00:05:45] Is this is this a legendary animal? I don't think it is dude. I think it's just pristine. It's just a piece of speed
[00:05:52] Who pussy I thought this one was different. I thought there's something special about this guy
[00:05:56] Can you wear can you make a hat out of him? You can really yeah, that's why I'm doing this. I'm trying to get a beaver hat. Oh, yeah
[00:06:05] Compendium updated stringy meat animal fat scent glands. Who the fuck is that faggot horse?
[00:06:11] Oh, you got two horses. I got two horses. That's pretty good. Do they fuck each other? They do
[00:06:16] That's pretty tight. Yeah, I suck a dick and then I suck dick again. I'm never not gonna suck dick
[00:06:24] All right, I know I've been playing this non-stop. Yeah, maybe stop it for a second. I know I know and I'd like to ruin the last episode
[00:06:35] A record number of subscription deletions. I can't even like I don't even check anymore
[00:06:40] I don't fucking give a shit. I got I've been waiting for this game to come out for 10 years
[00:06:44] Yeah, my life has sucked dick. Yep for years years. I've been sucking cock
[00:06:50] You've been getting guys head even when they don't ask it not even they didn't even ask no
[00:06:57] I didn't learn them the right way you get you get the you get the fucking prison the first day first thing you do
[00:07:02] And you suck his car you take the biggest shit in jail
[00:07:08] The guy who takes the biggest shit gets to have sex
[00:07:11] With the mayor of the prison's wife really which I think they it's called a war in warden. Yeah, mm-hmm
[00:07:18] Not the man a lot of people don't know that that the mayor it's an elected position
[00:07:22] Yeah, the all the prisoners vote for who they want
[00:07:29] Having been there myself sexually you've been oh, yeah, you just kind of
[00:07:32] I mean the prison myself and a sexual nature
[00:07:39] Against my will because what I mean by that as a sex towards the prison
[00:07:49] If I may if you if I may will mm-hmm. Well perfect be repel
[00:07:54] Yeah, I know a thing or two about a perfect be repel pal. Yeah, I'm done having sex. I'm never gonna have sex again
[00:08:00] Really? Yeah, just kidding. Whoa, you got me bro
[00:08:06] That's my favorite prank to say to be got me brother. Yeah, I've been doing prank calls lately
[00:08:11] I like to call a best buy and they're like thank you for calling best buy this is garlic. I'm like yeah
[00:08:14] I'm never gonna have sex again. You're like, oh hell no, man. Excuse me. I'm like psych
[00:08:21] Like what then I hang on whoa you just got pranked by beef in the morning you got fucked to the ass
[00:08:28] Fake prank calls that they do on the radio. They're like, you know, we got Diane here
[00:08:32] And she wants to see if her boyfriend is ride or die right?
[00:08:35] So we're calling him up and letting him know that she has b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- breast cancer
[00:08:47] And they're like, I just found out I have breast cancer and they're like
[00:08:50] Oh, oh shit. Hold on a second then he puts the phone down and then it grows like
[00:08:55] Who this who the hell is this? I'm like, oh you got a side chick
[00:09:06] 46 year old man, or where's his hat sideways radio
[00:09:11] What is that thing? It's a turkey. Yeah, dude. That's you those are the best
[00:09:16] Turkeys no no when when they or when they pretend like they're there
[00:09:21] Someone went on a really bad date and she'll be like and he's like, I just don't understand why you weren't fucking
[00:09:26] I think that high 97 does this and she'll be like you you got you pulled your penis out in the restaurant. Yeah. Yeah
[00:09:35] I think like allyson climp was like doing those as a job for a while really yeah
[00:09:39] I remember like talking to her at one point and she was like yeah, I get this shitty day job
[00:09:43] I have to like you write to break. Oh, she wasn't writing them. She's like record them. Oh my because they're all fake
[00:09:49] Yeah, it's illegal to like prank phone call of course. Yeah on the radio
[00:09:53] So all of those are like and then you know
[00:09:57] Just fat middle-aged women from the Bronx are like damn stop playing that is so funny
[00:10:04] Oh my god. You're so stupid. I can't believe the color on the phone while she was getting raped by her boss
[00:10:15] That timing can you believe the timing can you believe how funny that is
[00:10:18] Oh my god. You're so stupid. You're getting raped by your boss
[00:10:24] We get when the breakfast club call you
[00:10:41] Dad, this is uh, this is jay nisha. How may I help you? Yeah, it's uh, my name is uh Marcus and I'm friends with uh, you're your boyfriend, uh, brian
[00:10:57] Oh my god, brian has breast cancer psych bitch
[00:11:08] Damn bitch damn bitch. Are you from like?
[00:11:12] Are you from like the retarded school or something?
[00:11:14] Fucking whore. Did you go to like retarded school? This bitch is retarded damn bitch
[00:11:19] Did you go to a school for like retarded people bitch can't tire shoes damn bitch out? No, but seriously
[00:11:28] Damn this whore is stupid damn no, but seriously though
[00:11:35] What was he we for retarded for the retarded what's in his school for retarded people?
[00:11:46] But seriously for real though, but for real though for real bitch, but for real though tell us that you're a school you went to
[00:11:57] Prank calls prank calls calling a bitch or read the disney phone hour
[00:12:01] I'm calling a bitch or retard every 20 minutes on the eight every 20 seconds
[00:12:09] Every 20 seconds your son gets fucked in his ass
[00:12:22] Why would you legally download child pornography
[00:12:25] Yeah, a better yeah better. Yeah a better psa would be like you wouldn't download child pornography
[00:12:36] Why would you download a movie that you stole?
[00:12:39] It's like that kind of makes sense like yeah, I guess yeah
[00:12:42] Well, um actually it's because no one's a fucking a child in fast in the furious tokyo drift
[00:12:48] But other than that you do make a good point
[00:12:50] I'd be great to be like the like the fucking the fixer. Oh, yes
[00:12:56] He calls in yes, and they're like we don't know what to do about these illegal down loans
[00:13:00] You know, it's like 2007 2008 and they're like this is gonna destroy us
[00:13:04] Obviously no one here has thought maybe we should go into streaming and try and find a way to monetize
[00:13:09] Yeah, answer of course is suing destroy this innovative
[00:13:12] The next thing destroy the next thing destroy everybody out of business destroy the lives of just regular people to make a point
[00:13:18] Yeah, just make an example out of regular people because they need to understand that people with money are judge jury and executions
[00:13:26] Lars old rick can't buy a second boat. Yeah, it's it's that you know, it's we don't want to destroy anybody's life
[00:13:32] But if we have to make an example out of a 97 year old woman that can't afford her medicine because her
[00:13:38] Her fucking living grandson because his mom is a methodic. That's right downloaded the veggie tales movies for his younger sister
[00:13:49] To drown out the sound of their mother being beaten by her friend steve if we have to bankrupt that woman
[00:14:00] Nobody told her to do it. Nobody told your nephew to download because I got high
[00:14:04] Yeah from in yeah, there was some guy from the Bronx that like somehow got a screener copy of like some super advanced print of like
[00:14:12] Wolverine or something when it came out any like went home and uploaded it feel like mega upload from his home computer
[00:14:19] Like not thinking about he's like, oh, this is great. I'm gonna share this. Yeah, yeah
[00:14:22] Yeah, with the with the trap the whole trap needs to see this a true
[00:14:27] Socialist and it got downloaded like that file got downloaded like four million times
[00:14:31] To get like moved all over the internet and like this room for every single one. Oh, he went to like prison
[00:14:38] I mean jesus. Yeah for like yeah because the copyright infringement is illegal. Yeah. He went to prison
[00:14:45] Well, he was facing like criminal charges. I know it was like a big deal. That's insane. Yeah
[00:14:50] Let me see if I can look it up. That sucks fucking dick. Yeah
[00:14:55] America's oldest national park to suck a bears dick
[00:14:58] Did you ever use a kazan or lime or whatever? No, I've never used any kind of dick pull mess. Oh, kazan. Oh, yeah
[00:15:16] No, no, no, I've never I've never sucked a guy. Oh, no. Yeah, I didn't say about gay porn
[00:15:21] Okay, it just goes good. It almost sounds like you just admitted you said
[00:15:27] Nah, right. No, I don't know what you're talking about. So no lime wire, huh? No. Yeah, I've never got fucking it. Oh, the lime wire
[00:15:35] All right, dude. Yeah, I'm just gonna keep it moving man. You're talking about some weird shit right now that I'm not really chucking into it. Okay
[00:15:54] I want people this is show find out that I suck the guys
[00:15:57] All right, hold on. Let me pause the record real quick. I think I'm pausing the recorder. I didn't pause. Okay
[00:16:04] Okay, we don't have to mention that time. You just put my dick a grandma's in my grandma's in the other room
[00:16:09] And she said it explicitly. I'm not allowed to do the podcast at her house anymore
[00:16:35] All right, dude, if that's the case, I guess let's unpause and continue the podcast now
[00:16:39] Let's get back and we're back and we're back
[00:16:42] Sorry, we just had the discuss of business. Yeah entity some yeah big time deals
[00:16:48] Technical difficulties not gay shit for that's for sure. Yeah
[00:16:53] I would love it if like when my dick didn't work. I got one of those like
[00:17:07] Man speaking of something completely unrelated just going through like the Twitter accounts of comics that
[00:17:14] I'm friends with who I don't think are bad at comedy right seeing how bad they are at Twitter. Yeah
[00:17:19] So goddamn it's pretty it's a lot of points are being made
[00:17:27] A lot of tweeting it um, you know customer service things, which does that ever work? Yeah, thank you for calling bustermer service
[00:17:33] I love to help you out. What's your problem? Um
[00:17:40] Um, my debit card stop working. Oh, that's a problem. I will get to around away
[00:17:45] Playing this and imagining like a wild west guy
[00:17:48] Uh-huh who's uh, he took a he took a round shot
[00:17:52] In his lower back during the spanish american war. Yes, maybe the mexican war whichever war that happened around those times
[00:17:59] You know, yeah, yeah, and the same that's the same war and he does nerves in a certain way
[00:18:03] And they couldn't take it out. So he's just always like coming a little bit
[00:18:08] He's like a dog partner. I don't rightly know what are oh god
[00:18:26] You'll have to pardon me in my disposition here. I have a bullet in my spine that makes me ejaculate constantly
[00:18:35] I cannot stop busting. I apologize, man. My dear. I was laughing too about like
[00:18:39] I apologize for busting at your son's baptism. I'm sorry that I busted on on this
[00:18:45] This day is beautiful day in the year of the lord of 1898
[00:18:52] I'm confined to a life of permanent busting
[00:18:58] Just fucking coming at your mother's funeral
[00:19:03] We buried my mother last week and I couldn't stop busting
[00:19:09] Yeah, and then like I was also laughing about
[00:19:12] You know like you see a woman being just like raped at gunpoint. Okay, but we're starting to
[00:19:19] Yeah, I just think you were laughing at me. I'm just like, you know, a woman just in public time
[00:19:23] Somebody helped me to be raped at gunpoint. They go up and you're like, man, are these fellers bothering me?
[00:19:51] In the middle of being assaulted knife to her throat. Yeah, there he is. There he is. This is my shit. Is that the beaver? No god turkey
[00:20:04] Just kill him anyway for wasting your time
[00:20:06] I feel bad for him. Fuck him dude. Damn. That was a cool little house. That was a nice little hop for sure
[00:20:18] Man, man. This fell is bothering you get lost. I'm not talking to you son. Sir. I was asking the lady
[00:20:34] Mr. Could you please take your penis out of that woman's mouth if you can answer my question. Mr
[00:20:57] This may ever these fellers bothering you
[00:21:06] Why this happened to me so soon after my son's death
[00:21:14] Oh fuck that's a good guy. I love this guy. He's busting
[00:21:23] Just busting Justin's a good name just just busting just bust on my nuts
[00:21:29] Hey, you're you're you're welcome to just bust calm just bust calm
[00:21:34] The world's foremost. You know, he's the cool instead of dick pills of coming in your pants
[00:21:38] That instead of getting your dick hard just makes you bust immediately so you don't even have to go out and try and fuck
[00:21:43] Yeah, that's good. I don't even want to beat off. I don't even want to see my dick
[00:21:47] I want to build it makes me come in my pants. Yep
[00:21:53] That would fucking rule so how long after you take it with you busters. I'm usually swallow it you bust
[00:21:58] This is immediate. Yeah, that would be funny to put in people's drinks
[00:22:05] They're calling it raising the roof going around slipping men drugs to make them bust in their pants
[00:22:13] I don't know what was happening man. I'm just over here to fucking Yankee game
[00:22:16] I'm hanging out with my boys. I'm looking my my sons
[00:22:27] We're gonna we're gonna raise the roof on Phil and give him pills to make the bust out of
[00:22:32] Yeah, it fills in a fucking band. What the hell are you doing? You put more than busting building my breakfast
[00:22:41] We're gonna make Phil boss this page and then we're gonna suck the calm out
[00:22:48] I feel so bad for bam. Arjara. Yeah. Have you did you see the epically later on him? No, it was sad bro
[00:22:57] For the most part he's it's enough that he's not like destitute, but he's not doing great
[00:23:02] Yeah, well, I know he's doing like cameo videos. Yeah. Yeah, so exactly he's just like but during that he just completely
[00:23:10] Forgot how to skateboard and he was just like trying to learn how to do it again. It was like so fun
[00:23:16] He like was that's on you you fucking asshole. No professional skateboard
[00:23:22] He literally couldn't do it, bro. He was like relearning basic ass shit. It was so sad, but he had a hot girlfriend
[00:23:35] Um, but yeah, he looked he was looking a lot like Phil
[00:23:37] He was looking like oh, yeah, he's about to morph into Phil everybody turns into their parents
[00:23:43] Not me dude. I'm getting plugs. I'm bleaching my hair blonde
[00:23:47] I'm gonna get blue eye contacts. I'm gonna look like this. You're gonna look like dog
[00:23:59] Can you imagine what kind of transformation would have to take place
[00:24:04] We're gonna have to replace your bones. Yeah pretty much all your bones gotta go
[00:24:16] Yeah, we heard about the size of a big athletic man shins. We're gonna have to replace the rest of your bones. So
[00:24:24] I'm sorry. I hate to break it to you, but
[00:24:27] The bones you have just really aren't gonna cut it
[00:24:29] No problem folks god. I would love to look like dolph Lundgren. Yeah me too. Just be giant
[00:24:36] I would love to be hot. I wish I was hot
[00:24:38] What's up, man? You're fucking self-esteem's not going good dude. I called you handsome earlier and you claimed to never be handsome
[00:24:44] I've never been handsome. Yes, you have been dude. No look. I've never had self-esteem
[00:24:49] Nah, that's not true. You feel yourself sometimes only with certain things just comedy damn this motherfucker. Damn. He's he
[00:24:55] Zooted on your ass. He did zoot suit riot. Oh, he's still alive
[00:25:00] This man after he took one to the fucking gullet and kept it moving that beaver just owned you brother
[00:25:06] I'm gonna let it slide. Yeah, he deserves to live he does
[00:25:12] You're supposed to be looking for clues. Uh, there's a beaver over here
[00:25:17] The thing is is like it told me the beaver was over here and then I fucking that cougar ate me
[00:25:21] Oh, no, I had to load my save file again. You lost to a fucking cougar you bitch
[00:25:28] Yeah cougars is just show up and fuck your shit up in this game. Damn
[00:25:32] Um, have you seen that video that guy almost getting fucked by a donkey?
[00:25:36] A donkey? Not exactly a cougar, but oh, yeah, don't get chasing him around. Yeah, he's got a hard-ass dick and he's it's a
[00:25:43] Fat white guy. I think he was shitting so his ass is out
[00:25:45] So it's in the like realm of possibilities that he would get fucked in the ass by this donkey. Yeah
[00:25:51] That's hilarious just in terms of animal imagine getting raped by a donkey
[00:25:59] You have to just like laugh it off and talk about it on podcast even though you were like sodomized by an animal
[00:26:08] Oh, yeah, dude. It was pretty fucking crazy. Yeah, no, I mean, I kind of liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:26:15] Yeah, no, I mean, I thought it was funny. You know, why don't we all just be trans?
[00:26:19] Why don't we all just get raped by donkey? There's boomshark a lot
[00:26:23] Yeah, yeah, man. Yeah, man rape by donkeys is the is the beast. It's funny
[00:26:35] Seriously, you don't need to be a fucking asshole about it man. The first time he tried. Yeah, his molestation bid finally
[00:26:41] And it bombs what you're the ones not laughing. Yeah, it doesn't change anything for me. I already dealt with it. So
[00:27:05] Yeah, I can't even talk about your uncle fucking you the back of an ice cream truck. This is why Donald Trump won
[00:27:16] Because the republicans are fucking they did something
[00:27:21] Yes, because the republicans man. They wouldn't do this republicans are like yeah, we just uh, we don't want women to be raped
[00:27:30] Uh-huh. Get it up. Jolt Jolt cola. Oh, Ian. Ian are you okay?
[00:27:38] Ian that are there the sensors have detected you're attempting to make a point
[00:27:46] Idiot attempting to do something you're entering dangerous territory. He is pretending he's smart alert
[00:27:52] For the love of god, please do not make a point
[00:27:56] Do not try and make a point you will hurt yourself in
[00:28:03] Please two more attempts at making a point you will end up drinking alcohol rubbing alcohol
[00:28:10] Ian if you attempt one more point you will have gay sex
[00:28:19] Full gay sex again. We promise yourself
[00:28:24] And it won't even be just a trans woman
[00:28:27] You guys sort of convince yourself it's not gay
[00:28:39] You better hope there's no hand sanitizer late around after that one Ian. Yeah, if you attempt one more point
[00:28:46] You will be melting down desell batteries
[00:29:01] Had Ian on today. Yeah, they're gonna funny Adam. Are you done able to bathroom yet?
[00:29:09] What the fuck was that? I would be there as he the legendary one beave cleave. I don't think so
[00:29:24] Oh shit, are you how are you killing them now?
[00:29:27] I'm still shooting a special style. Yeah, I'm doing it special style the way the chinese taught me nice
[00:29:33] Well, something I picked up from the chai I was laughing about that
[00:29:36] You like hit on a girl or whatever you're out at a bar where there's something you just start spitting
[00:29:43] Then you know, she's like what the fuck you're like. Yeah, just a little something I picked up from a chime
[00:29:49] You pull your dick out pissing one of the cops
[00:29:58] Oh, you never saw outside of jersey you dumb bitch fucking dumb racist
[00:30:18] Like in pants pulled all the way down dad holding your taken nuts while you piss into a beer mug
[00:30:29] Yeah, just a little something from the orion that I brought back after my time in Shanghai
[00:30:47] A real dumb bitch dumb whore dumb fucking bitch
[00:30:50] The Chinese don't have enough women. How cuz they killed all their women. Um, is that real? Yeah, something like that. Yeah
[00:30:59] Yeah, they don't have enough girls. They're gonna like import Chinese looking women. Mm-hmm. Even their people are fake now
[00:31:08] Chinese people anymore. They're eating fake eggs
[00:31:11] They're eating fake eggs. Yeah, that's like a big problem
[00:31:14] It's people may they don't have eggs some people are like making fake eggs out of like resin really? Yeah, and fake yoke out of like
[00:31:24] epoxy and shit is it because they eat they love chicken feet so much that they kill all the chickens
[00:31:29] Um, maybe or is it just way too many people? Do you like chicken feet? I don't but the Chinese go fucking nuts for it and
[00:31:36] Really? They do it for me. No, I can't fuck with them
[00:31:40] The closest I get is the eating the little tip part of the wing
[00:31:46] Damn. Oh shit. What's going on here? I don't know this guy killed this guy or something
[00:31:51] See some some Nick stumbled upon some bad cowboys
[00:31:56] And it looks like they killed a guy in there. He could kill at least one guy and was about to hold another one down and suck his dick
[00:32:03] Uh-oh, he's threatening Nick with a gun
[00:32:05] And now the cowboys pulling his nuts out and Nick's character is sucking them
[00:32:11] Nick's character is putting on a dress. Yeah, and sucking the other characters cock
[00:32:24] He's putting on lipstick and kissing a picture of Brad Pitt from the future somehow
[00:32:30] That's crazy kissing a picture of Brad Pitt from the future because he's a cowboy man
[00:32:35] Oh, right. You fucking idiot. All right
[00:32:42] So this is a breaking news story a sandal factory in india exploded
[00:32:46] No, 80 million people are dead. Fuck, but everyone can't stop talking about the california wildfires
[00:32:55] Interesting fucking american pigs only give a shit about wait. Did that really happen? Yeah the the new deli sandal?
[00:33:05] That sounds like more for Nigerian problem Nigerian problem because of sandals
[00:33:12] Although I guess I guess indian people love sandals too indian people
[00:33:21] Excuse me. What do you mean by people dude?
[00:33:24] Imagine I don't have a problem with black people. Uh, excuse me. What do you mean by people people animals you mean
[00:33:42] I mean, you know self-loathing black man like myself
[00:33:48] Insulation that I would be anything less than a wild ape
[00:34:05] You heard me say that so nik is off the hook as you i'm also doing i'm playing a game from 1898
[00:34:11] So he's in that mindset. I'm in his own here. It's like I have a pink horse. Yeah. He has a pink horse
[00:34:17] That's pretty cool. How's the gay shit you could do back then?
[00:34:21] I would love to ride a pink horse dude. Would you yeah, that'd be funny
[00:34:25] I remember hearing the story of lady. You could die though when I was a kid and my dick got so hard really
[00:34:31] Getting fucked by a horse. No, just the story of no, that's that's what's her name. Oh, Catherine
[00:34:36] Oh getting your dick sucks. This deer just fucked me up dude. You better get his ass
[00:34:40] I'll let it. You better. Are you kidding? I'll let it slide you're gonna suffer that kind of disrespect
[00:34:45] I'm just trying to find this goddamn beat. That's a one star dude. Fuck him
[00:34:49] Where the fuck is this goddamn rare beaver? Well, there you go. California three stars, bro
[00:34:56] I will i'm gonna win the bow with a bow and arrow my man said on my on my zina shit
[00:35:04] Oh my robin hood shit down between the eyes
[00:35:09] Suck from the rich and fuck to the poor
[00:35:16] You can't skin him because it's well the arrow fucked his ass up too much. Are you serious?
[00:35:20] Nice two star. Oh, you pick up this fish though
[00:35:31] Blackbird sucking on the tip of my dick
[00:35:37] Everyone asked me to stop fucking the birds
[00:35:45] Is that my fault if he sucks my dick making a man suck money
[00:36:02] Then i saw dick again. I'm never knocking out so dick
[00:36:19] We put on your song and we suck each other's course
[00:36:22] I'm never gonna stop sucking. We were having heaps guy six
[00:36:26] We're having heaps guy six chumba brew. I love having guys six brew luv here and guy six brew
[00:36:33] As you can tell this is another classic
[00:36:39] I love when adam's not here because there's just no way people can get in on that bullshit like actually it's a socialist
[00:36:49] Actually if actually if you convince yourself that it's a politics podcast
[00:36:55] Then it allows you to this is raw and uncut yeah the dumb rules
[00:36:59] Gave playing video games right wanting to kill yourself. Yeah, right the three pillars have come down
[00:37:11] Doing something distracting that's bad fundamentally. Oh look at this fucking owl get him get him
[00:37:15] No, fuck. Why you got that fucking bone air. I forgot the bow
[00:37:19] Shit, I could have killed that motherfucker. That owl is gonna be pretty dude. Where the fuck is this goddamn beaver dude?
[00:37:25] Fuck him. Fuck that beaver dude. Just kill every beaver. You see to send a message
[00:37:28] Yeah, so that even if you don't get to me doesn't get any beaver pussy. Oh, no, that would drive him crazy. Dude
[00:37:34] Yeah, that's how you'll get him dude kill every beaver so he can't fuck he's gonna get erratic his movements will become
[00:37:41] Sloppy and unpredictable. You know, that's when you strike, you know, I'm about to find the things in life
[00:37:46] You know, I don't eat beaver. I eat be war
[00:37:49] That's why I love I love when I meet a bitch. Oh damn and I say
[00:37:53] It's a pleasure to make your accomplice may I allow myself to enjoy your beaver
[00:38:02] Nothing fine. Nothing a bitch is this man bothering you man
[00:38:09] Is that and then you can make it more racist? I guess instead of a rape, which isn't really racist at all but
[00:38:16] Middle-aged upper middle-class black couple
[00:38:19] Mm-hmm like just on a date and then going up to me like this man
[00:38:28] Um, this is our anniversary dinner. Thank you anniversary dinner. My name is my name is uh, laureatea
[00:38:37] And we're the new Cosby's they should bring back the Cosby show without bill cause
[00:38:40] Uh, but oh pull little rosanne. Yeah, and it's called the black conners
[00:38:51] Yeah, did you see that article? I guess like ABC said that they regret
[00:38:55] Like fire cuz and or whatever hilarious all these like conservatives are like fuck. Yeah
[00:39:02] It's like who gives who gives a shit about this fucking show?
[00:39:05] Right none of you watched it. It's all just symbolic. Yeah
[00:39:11] Take more than that boy boy. You're having to suck my goddamn dick
[00:39:15] It'll take more than that ass to get me to come i'm gonna have to take this too hard to be small
[00:39:22] My dick is too. I guess my damn that's a danny clover and lethal weapon, but it's like my dick's getting too off of this shit
[00:39:30] Damn a two-part dick. Yeah, my dick's too small for this shit
[00:39:38] My dick's getting too hard to be small. Oh, there we go. What is that? There you go. We need this
[00:39:48] I need the big game rifle. Where'd he go? He's just hiding under that. Oh, maybe he can climb trees
[00:39:54] Yeah, you got fucked up. What was that a muskran? This is squirrel
[00:39:57] We'd better put make a little hat for your dick with a squirrel. Yeah, I'm making a hat for my dick
[00:40:09] Damn suck dude. No, I don't. Yeah, look at all my cool clothes that are
[00:40:14] I've done any of the missions. Where are we close? Yeah, you have three outfits. I got three of the gunslinger
[00:40:21] I got this one. Oh, yeah, so there's this one the Earl. Oh, oh
[00:40:25] Oh, hell. Yeah, just be gay. Well, this one's great because it's like there's if you run in these like strangers that need help
[00:40:33] There's this like black guy who has like
[00:40:35] Snake venom in his leg. You're gonna suck it out
[00:40:38] And then if you suck out the venom you just run into him if you suck the venom out twice
[00:40:42] He just shows up in front of the corner store. Uh-huh and he's like
[00:40:48] You know you just see him in town. He's like yeah, uh, he's like I want to help you help you out, man
[00:40:53] You help me out. He's like anything you want from the general so you go ahead and grab it
[00:40:57] And then so like most of the shit in the general stores like a buck 50, but they also just sell this outfit
[00:41:03] So like it's not our day time. It'd be like $6,000
[00:41:08] Anything from on man. So right. Yeah, I want some crackers
[00:41:12] Most expensive thing in there and then he walks out. He looks at the guy and he's like, uh
[00:41:19] I'm dressed like a fucking gay British guy with a bowler hat and a purple coat if it's in the capture gallery because it was so goddamn funny
[00:41:35] You've cursed that guy to fucking another another 10 years of indentured servitude to the fucking general store
[00:41:42] I didn't save it. I did save this video of me beating up a retard though
[00:41:45] They have rockstar really knows what they're doing man put some on your tab
[00:41:53] They really know how you've you've literally played 5% of the game. Uh-huh. Oh, no, I paid like 20 20% of this. Oh, this was oh hell
[00:42:01] Yeah, what was that rushing guy outfit that was tight?
[00:42:05] Uh, oh, this is me following that woman around
[00:42:08] Stabbing this black guy's last week. Yeah memories, dude. Uh-huh
[00:42:23] It did not feel good. Yeah, this game rules
[00:42:28] I'm gonna just keep keep playing anything for what just throughout the episode. Oh, yeah
[00:42:45] Hey, by the way, this is a good time to mention i'll be on the road soon
[00:42:53] On the seventh and eighth and i'll be at long island strong island 1130
[00:42:58] People were like people were mad last one like just started twitch stream
[00:43:01] And it's like no I already have a podcast. Yeah, fuck you. Why would I start a twitch stream?
[00:43:05] I also I did twitch. It's kind of annoying. Yeah, it's dumb
[00:43:09] I might get back into it a little bit, but yeah, most of my enjoy just looking at the fucking birds and not having to
[00:43:15] Yeah, come up with brilliant riffs. Of course. It's the smartest riffs in the smartest riffs like what if the lady was getting raped
[00:43:29] I'm sorry. I'm sorry partner. I'm not talking to you. Excuse me, sir
[00:43:33] I will let the lady answer that question kindly remove your testicle from her mouth
[00:43:39] Would you please remove that pistol from her?
[00:44:02] It's a fox. Oh, I'm looking for that goddamn beaver three star fox ain't nothing the fucking shake a stick at palley
[00:44:08] Yes, it is. I already got plenty plenty of foxes three star shits
[00:44:13] Yeah, I just I really just need that fucking beaver pelt for what?
[00:44:18] Um, so you can get cool clothes nice. I'm trying to wear cool clothes
[00:44:29] Are you getting your earl outfit dirty? Is there laundry? There's no laundry. Oh, so you're not dirty. Yeah, I'm not worried about I don't give a shit
[00:44:36] I'm trying to be dirty dude, but the earl outfit looks beautiful, dude
[00:44:40] The earl's great. You're supposed to like shave and shit and I haven't been doing that. Yeah, you you got looks bad
[00:44:50] Just like real life. Oh, yeah, Nick's covered in shit right now. He smells horrible. Yeah
[00:44:55] And his little penis is out. Yeah, it looks funny to look at it looks like a little fucked up piece of chewing gum
[00:45:01] That's something put in shit. We're describing your own dick. No, that's your dick
[00:45:06] My dick is I have it out too, and it's a beautiful golden rod
[00:45:27] Yeah, but that's like a child. Did you hear how beautiful it was though?
[00:45:32] Did you hear the first part of the description bitch? My my dick is pristine
[00:45:39] I got some legendary shit for you right here
[00:45:41] Why should why should bitch that legend? Why don't you bring that legendary beaver? Oh, what am I my fucking penis?
[00:45:50] I'm not fucking small ass penis. Why is it so gloomy here, bro? Uh, because it's nighttime. Oh, why shouldn't you go to bed?
[00:45:57] Time tight time. Doesn't you guys have to sleep?
[00:46:01] Yeah, maybe I should do that set up shop sleep, dude. All right. Let's go. He looks tired
[00:46:06] Do you ever get woken up in someone's fucking you set up camp?
[00:46:13] All right, check this shit out. Okay, I'm watching. Yeah, it's a little purse out and then you
[00:46:23] Damn imagine how much that was a sucked. You just have to pick an okay spot outside the sleep
[00:46:29] We're putting rope down to keep snakes away
[00:46:31] Oh, oh, oh, fuck is this this guy? He's not wearing a shirt. He wants to warm his bones on your
[00:46:39] Yeah, this guy's gonna try and fucking rob me
[00:46:49] I'm about to fuck your ass up. You little crow magnum looking guy
[00:46:53] But guys so guys got a gun pointed at next guys
[00:46:55] Uh at nix guys head and he's crying and begging for for mercy
[00:47:01] And the the video game is saying i'm a reflection of the man holding the controller
[00:47:06] I I would do what he would do in his heart in this situation
[00:47:10] And it's really embarrassing and now the character shitting himself and begging to suck the guys dicks
[00:47:14] But he won't let him i'm gonna kill this motherfucker
[00:47:18] How dare he threaten me and they got so they got so they felt so bad for nake that they actually left
[00:47:36] That was incredible how about i fucking
[00:47:56] Oh fuck that's so satisfying that really did feel good. Yeah
[00:48:01] It felt good enough to admit i was joking that part didn't have that i said happened didn't really happen. Yeah
[00:48:12] Psych bitch get a nice seven hours of sleep man get up at noon
[00:48:22] Now the best is going up to those black guys hanging out in front of the electric company and just saying just
[00:48:31] And that seems to be the default like conversation you can have with them it's being racist for these employees
[00:48:44] Fucking rules man. I would love to just have a gun and just waste people
[00:48:52] I would love it in real life. Yeah, we'll commit in real life. No problem. It drop of a hat. I would love it
[00:49:12] So what those guys were warning you were they were just like no they're like dumb hicks at lu in the fucking woods or whatever
[00:49:17] I actually already killed their entire family, but yeah, like I found they're like gang hide out and kill all them
[00:49:25] I can't where I want about I can't where I fucking want to
[00:49:33] Make make some lamb chops dude. I'll make lamb chops in a minute. Where were we at?
[00:49:37] 50 minutes or so nice. Yeah, this has been a good one, dude. Yeah, dude. I play a little video games back to basics
[00:49:45] Basically sucking so there's a fucking blizzard. I guess yeah, this shit sucks
[00:49:49] I drove here took me two hours. Yeah, if you like the snow and you're an adult you're a fucking asshole
[00:49:54] I don't know about that Nikki. Yeah me either. I'm kidding
[00:49:59] I like what everybody else likes. I like the cool choices. It's fun to get snowed in you don't like to get snowed in
[00:50:06] Um make a big pot of chili watch a couple movies the thing is I never leave the house anyways, so I see oh well
[00:50:11] No, I don't even have a choice. Oh, so you feel and you feel trapped as opposed to before it was your choice
[00:50:17] It's a statement. Yeah, damn Ethan these hillbillies in the river. What do you do with their bodies?
[00:50:25] Suck my little dude all that blood in the water damn damn
[00:50:31] Mr. You're gonna have a gay sex and my camp
[00:50:35] Mr. appears to me that somebody's having a gay sex and my camp
[00:50:39] How bad I can't work about how fucking camp where I want to
[00:50:47] That would be awesome to kill some guys like yeah, just some dumb redneck. We're just warning you
[00:51:04] Oh backshot Eddie king of the wild west
[00:51:07] Hey, look, I'm just trying to have a good time here. How about I fucking piss inside any bar I want
[00:51:12] You all never been to China. Yeah, never been to China. Here's a little something I learned from the fellers over on the on the railroads
[00:51:21] Just a little something I picked up from the Orient
[00:51:30] Goddamn it. I'm I'm I gotta fucking go to a spot. It's gonna be brutal
[00:51:34] Why the fuck did I should have canceled no one's gonna go to that show
[00:51:37] Yeah, it's gonna the show is probably gonna be canceled. I hope I have to just call me and tell me it's canceled
[00:51:43] Text him now. I'm about I read text it seems like it's just gonna happen and they're paying me, but I'm already in Brooklyn
[00:51:53] What song is that and the thing that says the river?
[00:51:59] Say if you do the river wash me in the water
[00:52:01] I don't know who is that though? I don't know but now some somebody's gonna email me like
[00:52:08] This fucking Donnie dingbat in the walnuts. Yeah, so everybody knows that song
[00:52:15] My dad used to listen to it before he died. Fuck you my dad. Why my daddy's take me to baseball practice
[00:52:21] You're like your dad is get dead. He died when I was eight and I wish my dad was dead
[00:52:27] Dude, there's nothing I can't stand more than guys with dead dads. Oh my dad's dad
[00:52:38] That's right. I'm my own daddy. I'm my own fucking dad, dude. No bedtime. No bedtime
[00:52:44] Poptarts for every meal drinking to the degree that it hurts the entire family
[00:53:02] I'm glad you're fucking dads that you loved or dead motherfuckers
[00:53:05] Psych I'm not I'm sorry. I just wish my dad. I find fact if I could trade my dad for your dad's I would man
[00:53:17] Is there a legendary turkey down there? There's no legendary turkeys. I don't know what the fuck happened man
[00:53:22] I I saw that mark a pop up sorry man. No legendary beaver for you
[00:53:27] This sucks and i'm out of me this railroad camp because I've made fun of the Chinese people too much
[00:53:34] I didn't feed any of these Chinese people the Gators
[00:53:36] But I pissed off the foreman of the railroad camp and I think there's like a mission here that I can't do now
[00:53:41] Well, you gotta make nice with them. I tried to but look they only give me the option to antagonize
[00:53:49] Well, you might as well antagonize them man. There's only one way around it
[00:54:15] I gotta play this game. Yeah, this game is rules. I gotta play this fucking game
[00:54:26] What happens if we just kill all these guys?
[00:54:29] All these guys yeah, um, I think they're getting out of you
[00:54:34] But the game would just start over maybe
[00:54:38] Maybe new crew, you know, that's how you get the bad blood out you kill everybody
[00:54:42] I would be a ruthless tyrant in the wild west. Yeah, just a skyrant. That's right
[00:54:51] All right, I'm fucking I would love to be a guy rent
[00:54:55] Damn, how about I can't bro? What that rules how bad I can't wear out. I wanna fucking just murder people
[00:55:03] I would love it dude. It would mean so much to me if I could just have that
[00:55:07] Who would you like just literally anyone that inconvenienced you?
[00:55:09] Yeah, I don't have enemies on the street someone bumps in yeah, yeah
[00:55:13] It would be exactly like that like that his seed ambulance that got oh, yeah
[00:55:18] I was driving over here and I was so mad. I was stuck like a half mile from Nick's place
[00:55:23] And and then I was mad and then I saw a bunch of acidic juice get out and push one of their fake ambulances to the corner
[00:55:31] It was pretty funny. Yeah, that would have been pretty good for me. Yeah, just you would just kill them all. Yeah
[00:55:46] And then fucking god having a heart attack
[00:55:50] And god's like turning up the snow lever
[00:56:02] Yeah, I said Jews are kind of like god's tweets from 2009
[00:56:07] And he's not gonna go back and delete them, but he's just hoping people don't look
[00:56:15] Come on we've all done things were ashamed of I was young
[00:56:21] I was like I had that a different sense of humor
[00:56:25] I thought it would be funny. Yeah, I know it's not that subtle
[00:56:30] They're pretty ridiculous. Yeah, they're bad people. I understand. I understand I made a mistake
[00:56:39] I should have thought more about what I was doing
[00:56:43] Damn you got fucked up. Yeah, the horse does that sometimes
[00:56:48] I can't I need the horse. Mm. I say yeah
[00:56:54] Whoa, what the fuck is this guy just ran you over dude? You better fuck him up. How bad I can't wear I fucking want to
[00:57:17] Uh-oh now more of these guys fuck them up dude. Damn damn
[00:57:33] Good give us faggot ass out here. Do you get good bad points for killing these guys? Uh, it's neutral
[00:57:39] Oh, really? Yeah, if you loot the people they were like robbing
[00:57:44] You that's that's bad points. Yeah, but at this but that point they're already dead. I love capping these guys
[00:57:49] You damn my man just ate one to the face
[00:57:53] Okay, we got to shoot out on our hands folks
[00:57:56] And next character he's bending over he's pulling his pants down
[00:58:00] And he's holding his ass open and his character is screaming
[00:58:15] You're what they get fucked in the ass to put yeah to ask for the bullets to feel like cocks
[00:58:21] Damn, there's a lot of these motherfuckers. I think it's because I
[00:58:24] Accidentally like fired the gun near this like small town. Mm-hmm. So now everybody in the town is gonna try and kill my gun
[00:58:36] Shoo you got that motherfucker. Yeah, this is fucked up
[00:58:40] So my little penis fuck me because I'm gay
[00:58:47] So good. Yeah, we've done that joke four times
[00:58:54] Folks look not all of them are gonna be episodes. Yeah
[00:58:58] These are more just two guys literally hanging out one guy watching his friend play video games while he's stoned look
[00:59:04] We're snowed in dude snowing we're snowed in
[00:59:07] Snowed at the fucking like Edward Snowden. Yeah, it's good. Has anyone done that one?
[00:59:14] Yeah, this bloop has got me feeling Edward Snowden. Yeah
[00:59:19] Goddamn somebody should I'm gonna call up the hallmark company
[00:59:23] Yeah, I wonder if hallmark has a customer service number I can just harass all day long with bad ideas. Yep, probably yeah
[00:59:32] All right, well, it's two pan chimpanzees on the front with earth. There's bonobo kinds that go down on each other
[00:59:47] Uh-huh, so no real bonobo angle. Don't be a pussy have a happy birthday. That's good. Yeah
[00:59:55] But that's still the bonobos eating each other's pussy. Yeah. Yeah, okay, so it's two lesbian
[01:00:00] It's lesbian bonobos eating each other's pussy. So it says it don't be a pussy have a happy birthday
[01:00:09] Honestly, I would love to receive that card
[01:00:13] Who we should get the dial tone immediately. Oh, yeah
[01:00:18] They would block your numb they would literally learn your number the whole mark corporation would be aware of who you are
[01:00:23] I'm gonna bring back that old man character that calls out businesses. You should bro. Yeah, I'm I'm gearing up for that
[01:00:29] I the one I the one I want to do I maybe I'll do it after Thanksgiving
[01:00:33] It's you call a blue-blue lemon. Mm-hmm, and you're like my grandson went to your store and bought your clothes
[01:00:43] He came home for Thanksgiving and he's a fucking woman
[01:00:50] He turned into a damn woman. He's a goddamn. He's asking us to call him anabelle
[01:01:03] My daughter told me I have to call him anabelle
[01:01:09] I went out in the garage. I got my hatchet and I smashed all the pictures of him on the fireplace
[01:01:14] And this is your fault. How about our camper our fucking one
[01:01:26] Yeah, hey, you gotta leave. Yeah, I gotta go pretty soon. All right. Well, hey, that was it. How's the fun one guys?
[01:01:32] We had a lot of fun together. We had a nice time together
[01:01:35] You know it's a shame. I gotta go. We should just get snowed in make a big pot of chili, you know I'm saying
[01:01:40] Yeah, we should do like 17 episodes of the show in a row. We should do that would be funny
[01:01:45] Uh, we should do like a four-hour episode sometime. Yeah, honestly just to see yeah like an all-day hang
[01:01:50] Yeah, to see what when we talk about getting headsets. Yeah, because yeah, exactly headsets every time we have a stupid idea
[01:01:57] We turn them on maybe I'll get yeah, no, maybe I'll get some lav mics and we could just do an eight-hour episode
[01:02:02] I would love to do that. Yeah, we should also just record it with like, I don't know some shotgun mics or some shit to have the backups
[01:02:09] I want people to be able to listen to eight hours of us just sitting down
[01:02:15] Yes, but we'll have the blue highlights too, right?
[01:02:19] So a lot of people they don't they don't get to hear some of the more like when the show is off and we get to be ourselves some of the more
[01:02:25] Conversations we have you you you a lot of people think we're dumbed some much. I dumb myself
[01:02:30] Yeah, we dumb ourselves down look guys. This is just entertainment. Yeah in real life. We're both public intellectual
[01:02:36] characters that we play. These are characters. Obviously. This is a socialist podcast
[01:02:44] Obviously come on you fucking idiot. This is the this is the way to reach
[01:02:50] Right or whatever the fuck you think you're doing. We're doing we're doing that. Yeah
[01:02:58] Youth big juicy titties and cocks damn dude. Can't wait to see those youth titties
[01:03:09] There's fucking like 13 year old girls out there right now. It just growing some monster
[01:03:24] You know what you think about it if you do think about that that is happening
[01:03:34] Somewhere a child is developing breasts. You're right about that one Nick
[01:03:45] Stobby dot biz. I'm coming to fucking la. I'm coming to dc by those tickets dc 12 7 and 8
[01:03:51] And if you're a child who's growing tits
[01:03:55] Good luck have a stop show no no I did not say that
[01:03:59] I've taken the one who said the thing about 13 year old girls stop is that enjoy middle school
[01:04:04] Please don't talk to me kind of guy you can please do not he's the kind of guy
[01:04:07] He's do not shame on social me do not do that. We will fall for it
[01:04:11] I don't I probably won't he will step right in but I probably won't but unfortunately I have to admit there is a chance
[01:04:20] We both know I don't think I would he's the kind of guy
[01:04:23] I think I would sniff it out, but unfortunately there is a more than non-s
[01:04:21] I don't think I would he's the kind of guy
[01:04:24] But unfortunately there is a more than non-sick
[01:04:27] My thing is I get caught saying extremely racist shit
[01:04:34] That it is not very hard to get me to say some wildly racist
[01:04:39] It stops that is not what it's no it is not it's not my thing