Cum Town | Premium | 12/04/2016
[00:00:00] All right, come town premium. We are back. Hey everyone. That's stavros and
[00:00:06] We did it. We held good on our promise Adam has been kicked off the pod. See you later Adam Adam Adam
[00:00:14] Please second Adam Adam still here Adam Adam Adam
[00:00:19] replacing the Adam podcast replacing Adam is our good friend Ian finance well
[00:00:24] We're trying Ian Ian's this Ian's try out
[00:00:26] I'm actually podcast with them before we're
[00:00:32] Unfortunately my apartment's being used by the Chappo trap house boys right now to record their pot
[00:00:37] They're much more successful podcast. So we have to use Adam's apartment. So
[00:00:44] So sorry about that. Yeah, he doesn't have a mic. Don't worry
[00:00:51] But we're gonna if hopefully he can just stop being a bitch about it
[00:00:55] You know play Candy Crush on his phone or something and just let us
[00:00:58] Let's have his ugly ass dog with the long ass nipples. Let us have a good podcast for a change
[00:01:04] Yeah, finally get some of that energy out of here. Um, Ian was on the podcast a couple weeks ago
[00:01:11] Months ago, and he did a really shitty impression of
[00:01:14] Sean Connery. Oh, yeah, that was awful. That was really his only contribution
[00:01:18] Well, we did what the best part is I told the end
[00:01:21] We wanted to have him on the podcast to tell a bunch of hilarious stories about him fucking hookers and shit and
[00:01:26] He that he had so he sat down and told his girlfriend all these horrific stories of him like eating ass for money and shit
[00:01:41] He had to fucking sit his girlfriend down and be like I've done all this terrible shit
[00:01:45] And she had to tell her as a look her in the eyes and we didn't it didn't come up at all
[00:01:50] Which actually is funnier than him telling it but
[00:01:52] Now we're probably gonna burn through some of those since we'll have a you know
[00:01:56] It'd be nice to have someone on the third mic that has an interesting thing to say for a change
[00:02:03] Well the problem with Adam is that you know Adam will tell these stories and he sets them up
[00:02:08] You know with this like tone of grandeur or whatever and it's like and then you won't even believe it
[00:02:13] I like met this girl on Tinder and then like we had sex
[00:02:17] Yeah, he always pretends like he doesn't fuck well. Yeah, I'm so glad he's off the point. You're 29 years old
[00:02:22] Is that supposed to be impressive that you had so glad he's off the fucking podcast Adam for fuck sake man?
[00:02:35] Sorry, I'm still doing the levels I got impatient and I wanted to make sure that
[00:02:39] We got this started because it's getting late in the day and
[00:02:42] And you know I'm trying to go see arrival again. I'm gonna go give a second chance
[00:02:49] Didn't see that shit. I saw fucking what I see a doctor strange. I saw my family over fucking Thanksgiving
[00:02:55] It sucked. It looked like it sucked. It's my dad tried to show me the trailer
[00:02:59] He's like you gotta see this and I watch it and I have no idea what's going on. He was fucking horrible
[00:03:04] Yeah, it's Benedict Cumberbatch and a fucking gay outfit. Yeah, and they're gay and doctors today
[00:03:09] We have to save the city and it's like how is this gonna be any different from any every single Marvel?
[00:03:16] Yeah, it's all the same. I checked out on those after I think you know like really it was
[00:03:21] One of the Iron Man's when I was done with them
[00:03:23] Yeah, the Iron Man's the first one was good. Maybe in the second one
[00:03:26] I don't know his first one was good, but but now ever since then every movie's just been the first Iron Man
[00:03:31] But with a different fucking they're just trying to set up a franchise and shit also. I was fucked up
[00:03:35] It shit. I was on like a big assetable. Yeah, the first two spider-man's were pretty good
[00:03:39] I saw the first spider-man like three times in theaters, right? I thought that shit was great. Never seen like it
[00:03:46] Haven't seen any comic Adam is dude is your water turned back on his water was shut off
[00:03:54] Shut the fuck up. We asked you a question. Yeah, it's back on
[00:03:58] Yes, could you make some new and you give me a cup of water, please?
[00:04:02] I'll take a call. Come on man. Adam, please. We have a guest. We're guests in your apartment. You're being pretty rude
[00:04:07] To us considering that you were a guest on the podcast for months on end
[00:04:12] Yeah, we put you on the podcast even last week. Look. He's already fucking up the show by show look look who's on his fucking phone
[00:04:23] Maybe this is why you're not on the podcast bitch because you're always on your fucking phone I
[00:04:27] Through my phone out before I came in here see Ian very good
[00:04:31] Ian's in professional Ian does a lot of commercial work nowadays which
[00:04:35] And noise me personally because my agency dropped me. Yeah. Well Ian does look stupid as shit
[00:04:41] He's perfect for commercials. Yep. I bombed every single one of those commercial auditions
[00:04:45] Oh, yeah, you go into them in the casting director look this scripts garbage
[00:04:49] It's supposed to be funny, you know, and it's written by some dickhead that's ever been funny in his life
[00:04:54] He'd like you know was in a frat and then his uncle got him a job
[00:04:58] Advertising agency they're like okay, so it's like you know a bunch of people are like what are we gonna do for dinner and someone's like
[00:05:08] But you know it has sort of like we want kind of like a like a Seth Roganese sort of feel right
[00:05:13] I'll play it straight. We want it. We want this we don't want this to be like a commercial
[00:05:17] You know we want this to be like what to be real we want it to be real and by that I mean like every other commercial
[00:05:23] You just don't want it to sound like a commercial from 15 years ago
[00:05:26] Everyone does like that old everyone's ripped off old spice now to where it's like everything's like let's be weird
[00:05:31] Yeah, no, it's terrible and it's like the kind of humor
[00:05:37] I don't even think it's funny. There is one commercial. I had fun in the audition and I was like
[00:05:48] Fun with the script that I'm like for real
[00:05:54] I've bombed so many I did I I went into one and the director stopped me and he goes listen
[00:06:02] I really like your look and I want to book you but you're a fucking mess
[00:06:09] That I was like he'd like gave me a talk and I was like, oh thanks
[00:06:12] I'm Ian. What's your name? And he goes you don't even know my name
[00:06:16] Get out. I was like, okay. Wow really? Yeah. Yeah. He got the top
[00:06:20] The director the casting director. Oh the casting director. Yeah, cuz this thing like directors on commercials are fucking jokes
[00:06:27] Yeah, because they don't they're not really directors. You know, yeah client client agency directs the commercial essentially the director
[00:06:35] Just shows up in harasses PAs and makes them find kombucha for that
[00:06:38] I did I did one in June and the assistant the the assistant director was the biggest asshole
[00:06:45] He was yelling at everyone and like everything you did was wrong and then he was like, all right
[00:06:50] Just just have fun with and I was bowling dead
[00:06:55] And he's like just have fun with this really have fun with it and the whole crew
[00:06:59] And I like kind of were seeing out I about this guy was a dick and I was like this is the greatest day of my life Claire
[00:07:06] You're doing wonderful. He goes. Okay. Don't ever do that again. I was like, all right
[00:07:10] Hey, wow you said that yeah, yeah, he's a shitty ad. Yeah, but that's like the ad's job is to be a dick and boss everybody around
[00:07:17] Oh, he hit it out of the park. Yeah, but no, he shouldn't make the talent uncomfortable. I
[00:07:23] Think Ian's doing great. Actually shut the fuck up Adam. See Adam would make a great ad. He's a pushover. Nobody likes him
[00:07:30] He's the kind of guy everyone on the crew can sort of rally rally against
[00:07:35] He's a perfect scapegoat. I think I have natural leadership qualities. Yeah, right bitch
[00:07:41] I brought you know, I brought Adam on a couple of the commercial jobs. I've worked as a truck boy and
[00:07:47] He didn't do well. Yeah, what's a truck boy do you just fucking I'd like drive trucks for commercials. Yeah
[00:07:54] Yeah, so I go pick up the cameras and you can't even do that. No
[00:07:58] Yeah, no, we had we had we did we did one commercial and they had a craft services table that we were eating at and then they
[00:08:07] Had another table that was clearly marked and labeled for like people from client agency and he went over and started
[00:08:20] No way that's what the guy with the scarves said I could do
[00:08:24] Yeah, I remember whatever it's not about you. It's about Ian that guy fuck that guy by the way
[00:08:31] He didn't pay me for like six. Yeah six weeks. Let's find him and fuck his ass up
[00:08:35] I got the money eventually nice. Yeah, just find him and fuck his a and do you have any fun?
[00:08:40] Stories about fucking hookers that you want to tell the people cheese?
[00:08:44] Well, I've added a couple with my girlfriend prior to coming
[00:08:46] Did you tell her all the horrific shit you've done with I mean we've been like really open and honest
[00:08:58] Get to that point my relationship my favorite
[00:09:02] I mean, I'm telling what I'm asking you for a kid. I jump in with this one. Do you get do you remember when
[00:09:08] Do you know Tommy you know Tommy right Tommy? Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
[00:09:12] I mean, I'm sure he doesn't give a shit. He has a real career. I don't know this isn't gonna fucking do anything good
[00:09:22] It's like Halloween Halloween like two years ago, and I went up to him and he was sitting there
[00:09:28] Adam you're not on the podcast. Yeah, so I like a guy was like Halloween like two years ago and
[00:09:37] Someone who's no longer on the podcast we're looking for we're looking for like blow and so I go up to Tommy
[00:09:43] And I was like, you know because we didn't have a guy to buy blow off of so I go up to Tommy
[00:09:47] I was like hey, man, you got a blow guy, you know and Tommy sits there for like a half-second
[00:09:52] And he like thinks about it and he goes no, but I fuck the training once
[00:09:58] I was like what I mean like I fuck the trainee and I was like
[00:10:01] What the fuck you asked me if I ever I've ever blown a guy
[00:10:08] Like no, I said do you have a blow guy? Oh?
[00:10:18] Well, the story was great the story he told me. Oh really yeah, he was like
[00:10:23] Just walking around one night and he like went to pick up a
[00:10:26] You know a street walker nice nice and he picked her up and
[00:10:30] Then he she was like blowing him in a bathroom and
[00:10:36] He was like alright like fuck it like I want to fuck you or whatever
[00:10:42] He like starts fucking her in the ass and then he like reaches around and she's got like a dick
[00:10:51] I guess he didn't know and then he's like he's like and I just took a second. I was like alright fuck it
[00:10:55] That's when you know dude that should be the test for if you're home of phone
[00:11:03] What do you do if you fucking you're the best?
[00:11:06] You're good. Yeah, I love that story that guy's great. Yeah, he and I well know the cats out the bag on that
[00:11:12] He and I got her dick sucked by a trans woman on a roof you in him what the fuck
[00:11:30] Was this while was this while you were sober no
[00:11:36] We this girl that I had ended up be like she I went on a date with her and I showed up on acid and
[00:11:49] Talking to me and then invited me to her white coat party because she just graduated
[00:11:55] Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was having like this get together
[00:11:58] At like why are you dating someone with the medical school? We were dating she she saw me do comedy one
[00:12:05] She thought I was gonna be like whatever
[00:12:12] So we go it's barely passed to like eat a dick and so we go there and
[00:12:17] We are I'm there to like be like hey things are great now Melissa and we were just
[00:12:24] Rotating door to a coke with all these like doctors
[00:12:30] Wait you went with with Tommy and a couple of friends of ours. I like
[00:12:38] So then we were standing outside and she's like yeah, you know, it's good to see you and she got in the car
[00:12:44] She was like hey hold on one second. I was like, okay, and she just got the cab it left with another guy
[00:12:59] Cabcuck that's it we're getting out of here
[00:13:11] Adam do you want to laugh at that story let him laugh into the money?
[00:13:16] It was no just laugh at a comment on it. It was a good laugh dude. I don't have a laugh right?
[00:13:24] That's it you blew it you blew it bitch. That was your chance to be on the
[00:13:28] Hold on so so you so you get cab gun and then you just
[00:13:33] Wander the streets and find a trans locker by you know God was looking out for me that night
[00:13:39] Because we found a good one. Yeah, and somehow I don't know how we ended up on a roof. I think she suggested the roof
[00:13:49] Love these people they're like New York used to be so cool, and it's like no you're just boring
[00:13:54] Yeah, yeah, there's still plenty of cool. Yeah, you can still do a bunch of cool. Yeah, shitty sucky person
[00:13:59] You can sneak up on the roof at the lantern you go through you can get into the apartments through this door. They keep up and yeah
[00:14:06] Yeah, yeah, you got your dick side and now this is in these village and then we
[00:14:17] I just you know she's got a dick, but she understands my
[00:14:21] That you know you're joking, but that's literally I would say what 40% of your relationships was she's got a dick
[00:14:41] You paid her in pancakes. I should make a movie about your life called please leave Las Vegas
[00:14:48] What was it you went to a dot you know money I didn't have I thought that I had access to all of my money
[00:14:55] Account but after you use your card so much it locks you out
[00:14:58] So I was like you know I'll up your guy
[00:15:01] You know the fucking spending limit is like three thousand dollars a day
[00:15:04] I had it to a lot lower so I could because of the so I could like you're at the bank of alcohol
[00:15:10] So I could cut off curb my my thing so I wouldn't black out you you bank it well whiskey far
[00:15:19] Yeah, no, I didn't have enough I was like call your guy. We're getting blow. We're getting a room
[00:15:24] We're fucking and I could only get out like a hundred dollars
[00:15:33] Food do you want to eat it a diet or afterwards and she was just so disappointed and really she fuck made fun of my dick
[00:15:53] No, that's like the experience. I'm going through with my bank right now
[00:16:00] I mean my debit card I'm up to half late
[00:16:03] That's so good. She had a much bigger dick than you and I was really trying to like so what's where where are you from?
[00:16:09] She's like brettio she just was not into the conversation at all
[00:16:28] You're the bestie in holy shit man, this is such a fun story
[00:16:32] That's probably the funnest story. It makes me feel like a piece of shit about even like considering calling myself an alcoholic
[00:16:41] Some hilarious stuff some halfway some fun halfway home stories
[00:16:44] Yeah, it was funny when I met Ian what I met Ian
[00:16:48] I was like exactly at like two and a half years sober or something and we met at like standard New York or something
[00:16:54] And like we started talking about sobriety and he's like yeah
[00:16:57] I've got like a week and a half I was like oh good for you and he was like yeah I had time before that
[00:17:00] And I was like how long he's like two and a half years and then I was like oh fuck like it happened to me or whatever
[00:17:04] And I was like well like what happened, you know, I was like
[00:17:07] Like what happened you fell off the wagon. He's like, you know, I was just an airport and I was bored
[00:17:20] Tell him tell him what happened after that. Yeah, well, I I was actually working at a halfway house
[00:17:26] So like the airport not only was I like losing my sobriety, but I was losing my job
[00:17:31] I was just like don't care wait. You're at the airport going where what's the I was going on
[00:17:40] Ended up getting whacked and I almost missed my flight because I went to another airport bar to fill up my
[00:17:47] Drake thing with beer because you can bring it out of the flight
[00:17:51] And yeah, I like pissed myself a little bit on the flight and just like it was like I think it's just water and then you think you just pissed water
[00:18:08] You know for for two weeks it was real real touching go and then on the way back
[00:18:13] You know you drink you just having the room for two weeks
[00:18:16] You're just drinking you're drinking and then oh so you were going on the road and you're like I want to get fucked up on the road
[00:18:20] Yeah, that was going on. Yeah, and and uh and I
[00:18:24] On the way back I didn't meet up with Mike. My ex-girlfriend was picking me up and I couldn't why the
[00:18:31] Because she loved me and she was your ex at the time. No, no, no, she did she also have a bigger deck than you
[00:18:41] That's why you keep falling off the wagon is you keep fucking women bigger dancing. Yeah, yeah
[00:18:47] Little dick princess little little dick Cinderella
[00:19:00] And then at midnight you turn back into a heterosexual
[00:19:03] Midnight get out of here. You disgust me
[00:19:10] No, dude, it just it fucking sucks no matter how much you drink it's like not enough and then you you like
[00:19:17] Don't even think you just like I don't care
[00:19:19] I just want to get fucked up and on the bus on the way to her place. I tried to get to a their poor bar is closed
[00:19:25] So I went on a bus to go to the airport bar after you landed. Yes
[00:19:31] And I also stole a bottle wine on the plane and in my mind
[00:19:36] I was like I'm better than all these people and I took the wine and I was drinking it by the bathroom
[00:19:40] I looked out at everyone like being normal and I was like fuck you
[00:19:47] Foul I I knew I was gonna see her and I was like but she's like it at booze at her place
[00:19:54] Start drinking hand sanitizer in the fucking what boss. Yeah, dude. That's not the plan
[00:19:59] I know that's why it's alcohol. It's like not that is great. That is insane and I didn't plan on it
[00:20:07] Yes, so that's why it's like the next time that I'm shooting heroin in my dick
[00:20:11] Like it's not gonna be like a good thing. You're drinking hand sanitizer
[00:20:15] Just give Adam a second to explain why doesn't have stories like that. I miss being on the podcast so much shot up
[00:20:21] Yes, I would he asked you why why don't you have stories like this? Why don't I have stories like cool?
[00:20:26] You know what by the way, you're doing great. This is really fun. I don't have a substance abuse issues
[00:20:33] But if it'll get me back on if it'll get me back on the podcast, okay, well, that's great
[00:20:38] That's the Adam segment and we're gonna go back to Ian now
[00:20:41] Ian tell them fun sort of gay in stories not even over yet. Yeah
[00:20:47] So you end up you end up at a nightclub and like you're trying to buy crack. Oh
[00:20:52] That was that was in the when I was away. Yeah. Oh, yeah
[00:20:56] Well, this this I I went to this place and called the gay 90s
[00:21:13] Rocco sucking off the cow everyone of Ian's girlfriends look like Patty mayonnaise with a dick
[00:21:23] Yeah, that's how he got that name coming on Ian's face
[00:21:27] Port job hold on. Where were you? What city was this?
[00:21:33] Minnesota Minnesota and there's a bar called the gay night. It's not gay. It's like an ironic name
[00:21:39] And so I went and I know when you're like the guys with turquoise rings
[00:21:42] Just kind of like going around and you're like Coke Coke, you know, and no actually
[00:21:48] Usually ask somebody if they have somebody's phone number. Yeah, that's so sketchy. Yeah fucking as for go. Yeah, well whatever
[00:21:55] And fucking although that's how you do that's what you do with trans hookers, too
[00:21:59] You're like penis. You just troll the streets now. You just know you just know you got a six cents. Yeah, pheromones
[00:22:05] Yeah, anyway, so you're looking back your neck go up
[00:22:14] I guess like this guy felt bad for me needs like yeah
[00:22:17] I can get you some but you're gonna have to get out of here the brothers on I'm liking this because it was like mostly a black
[00:22:21] Nation Islam guys. Yeah. Yeah, it's mostly a black club. Uh-huh is it and it's not a gay bar. No, okay?
[00:22:27] So just black people are mad and it wait, so yeah club that black people go to called the gay 90s
[00:22:33] I dude, I do sure yes, cuz yeah black people black people don't do irony are very homophobic
[00:22:39] Especially Minnesota the one the one place I went to the first place is called the gay 90s and I stumbled into another place
[00:22:45] That's right. I'm looking at the gay 90s. Oh, yeah
[00:22:47] No, no, no, no, no, yes, yes, yes, and and the place I stumbled into was like kind of like a strip top
[00:22:56] So the guy ends up giving me coke and I'm like alright, man. I'm gonna call you tomorrow for heroin. He's like okay
[00:23:02] You are yeah, by the way, she's number by the way
[00:23:05] I never got it. Thank God something outside of me was like looking out for me to like make sure I know it
[00:23:09] Let me stop you right there. No one is looking out
[00:23:16] One second gay 90s gay bars karaoke dance clubs that is 100%
[00:23:23] The fun was and they told me gay 90s and they're mustache gay bar
[00:23:30] Fucking retard the reason you don't think it's gay up gay bar is because you asked someone and they didn't
[00:23:37] Specifically tell you a bar called the gay 90s was a gay bar. Yes
[00:23:44] Open it without intention that becomes a gay
[00:23:49] Look there was a McDonald's and DuPont circle. That's the gay McDonald's
[00:23:54] And it's just because it happened to be there somebody's to have a terrible bit about that
[00:24:02] You know what the best part about that bit it was a story that happened to me really well
[00:24:07] You are not that's real that's real Wardell of him anyway
[00:24:10] Hey, whoa, what are you doing Ian take that fucking this one time at no no no
[00:24:15] Why don't you know I'm tell the story. I'm tell the story tell the story
[00:24:19] I don't like this tell the story this one time I was in San Francisco and I was trying to find drugs wait
[00:24:27] Go ahead tell the story. I thought Ian was still in the middle of his story
[00:24:30] I just tell tell the story you guys are gonna be mean to me. Do you want a chance to tell the story or not bitch?
[00:24:35] Not really. Yeah, okay. I'll tell it. All right this one time. I was in San Francisco and we were trying to
[00:24:45] All the bars closed at 2 a.m. And so some guys like go to a tooth emission behind the bus station
[00:24:54] Bang on the gate a couple times and me and my friends would finish
[00:24:59] And then me and my friends went there and
[00:25:01] And we banged on the gate. No one answered and we're like fuck we can't oh man
[00:25:05] We can't find we can't find coke we're screwed and then we banged again
[00:25:09] This little Mexican guy poked his head out and he's like coming coming coming and like me
[00:25:14] it was me my friend and his girlfriend and
[00:25:16] We got in there and it was straight up like a party for Mexican parents
[00:25:20] It was like everyone was like 55 years old and dancing like so fucking hard to like bonda and like music
[00:25:28] So we're like walking around and it was all you know it's all couples dancing
[00:25:31] So like me and my friend Matt like everyone like all these 10 guys swarmed on his girlfriend
[00:25:36] She was like dancing with all of them me and my friend Matt like we're like asking women to dance
[00:25:40] And they were like no like get the fuck away from me
[00:25:42] And so we just like kept going around like a cook a cook a kakai
[00:25:45] Kakai na kakai na what Nick why are you looking at this way just finish the story and
[00:25:51] so then they knock on the bathroom door and this guy this MS 13 guy comes out of the bathroom and
[00:25:57] He he like walks me around the bar and he like made me stand it like different places in the bar and
[00:26:03] Finally he has me wait like next to the kitchen and he takes like $80 for me
[00:26:08] And I'm waiting there for like 15 minutes. I was like well. I just got screwed. Let's just go
[00:26:12] I don't want to this guy's gonna kill us like I don't want to I don't want to like push our luck or anything
[00:26:20] Guys I don't like that everyone just tell the story dude we're invested come on and then
[00:26:25] Anyway, he comes out of the kitchen. He gives us like a tiny bag of
[00:26:30] Okay, and I say thank you so much sir. Thank you so much
[00:26:33] And we do it in the corner of the room and then just me and my friend Matt just stand there with our hands in our pockets
[00:26:40] No one wanted to dance with us. It was such a waste of money and okay. Why are you guys looking at me this way?
[00:26:46] No, is it done? Is that it? That's it. I'm sorry. I didn't fucking eat trainees
[00:26:50] I thought I got a story. It was a pretty good story. Can you give it to me? Yeah?
[00:26:54] I don't I'm we're not gonna rip you over that because sure you bought cocaine. There is a Mexican guy involved
[00:27:00] This is a pretty cool story. That's fun, man. Yeah, they're mission district. There's a lot of tech stuff going on there
[00:27:06] Kind of more of a Mexican cool. So what's up with like the coffee maker?
[00:27:12] Or if you could make some coffee for us I
[00:27:16] Can make you guys coffee. Yeah, you can make us a couple coffee coffee. So be great
[00:27:20] Is that what I am now? Can you actually give them like this?
[00:27:22] Get back to my thing. What was going on the gay 90s? Yeah, so gay 90s. So anyway, I'm so excited
[00:27:30] Just get the coffee. Thanks. And so I mean there were Cox and balls of bands
[00:27:36] You're gay 90s stop doing it right I left I left gay 90s
[00:27:40] I went into this strip place and then I found this guy and so he gave me a little bag of great of coke
[00:27:46] Okay, and then I went outside and there was a homeless guy. He was like Coke and I was like I'll take more
[00:27:51] So I bought and it was just dog shit. It was literally dog shit
[00:27:57] Yes, I know I like little business I was trying to help
[00:28:02] How good it's selling coke could he be well, you know, I've you know, he probably got so excited to see your dumbass
[00:28:10] So I went I got this it's a miracle you have not been murdered by that's what I'm saying
[00:28:15] There's something helping me out. I'm alive for a reason. I should be dead
[00:28:19] And I say unto you and so I went back to the hotel
[00:28:24] I got this back page woman to come over and I could not get it up at all
[00:28:30] So we just laid in bed and ate trail mix and then I told her I was like give me a couple hours
[00:28:36] You come back. I'll eat your ass. What do you think?
[00:28:38] She's like absolutely and we spoke new ports in her car
[00:28:40] She left and then she wouldn't answer my phone calls
[00:28:43] So that you attempted to eat her ass because you did that before again, didn't you the next day?
[00:28:52] The next thing you called her back and took Tom ate her ass and beat off
[00:28:55] No, no the next day I finally got up enough courage to call trans woman
[00:28:58] Oh nice, and then it was the first time no and then you eat you
[00:29:04] Have my accent or you knew your attracted to these I know people
[00:29:08] The first time I went to I went to a tranny karaoke bar. Yeah, it's called 90s target
[00:29:18] It was lucky Chang's a run-up like first and second. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Let's take a future after this lucky
[00:29:24] It's it's it's like a long locky Chang that that's what his bar turned into
[00:29:29] Was a story you're telling back at beating up by by
[00:29:42] He did not like it and neither did his friend. Well, that's what I'm saying way to prove
[00:29:46] They're not Jackie Chan by beating somebody
[00:29:52] If I was a Chinese somebody called me Jackie Chan, I'd be like checkmate
[00:29:56] Yeah, you fucking got me you can't be by speaking to Jackie Chan
[00:30:01] How great was that fucking rush hour scene where you pick the girls for massages?
[00:30:05] That's so clearly you getting fucked you're fucking these women again. That is something I did beat off to I
[00:30:11] Legitimately beat off to that scene where I never get to pick your own woman
[00:30:15] I wanted the woman the big only Jackie Chan movies. I've seen as the tuxedo
[00:30:21] Fucking great that one rush hour is one and two and three I didn't see three
[00:30:28] So you're beating up you got beaten up by Jackie Chan. Yeah, this his friend came up and just smashed a rock's glass
[00:30:35] My face just my orbital. No, it's just kind of where were you?
[00:30:40] This place on like 13th and third. I think I've had a good you not get arrested
[00:30:46] I've been arrested. Yes, but not for long periods of time. I'm telling I'm very fortunate. What did you get arrested for?
[00:30:55] DUI and then oh yeah public I had a warrant for not
[00:31:04] Some cops stopped you and then you're like sorry officers
[00:31:09] I was drinking a 40 and they're like we're throwing in jail right now
[00:31:12] It's like I'll throw it out. I promise so they watch me throw it in the trash and then I watched them getting the car and drive away
[00:31:18] And then I went back into the trash and grabbed it and drank it and again
[00:31:23] They're the I was on the train there are these heroin addicts and I was like
[00:31:34] On my trap bottle and I threw it at him and a cop saw me and he you know threw me against a wall
[00:31:41] I was like hey look. I'm just gonna run your ID. You don't have anything
[00:31:44] I'll let you go, you know whatever. I was like, okay
[00:31:46] And then they like served what do you mean handcuffs? I was like what are you doing?
[00:31:51] I was like what oh man fucking hell for what I had an unpaid public drinking ticket
[00:32:01] Jail for how long it was just like a overnight thing and
[00:32:05] They I felt pretty cool. They let me smoke a cigarette handcuffed walking from the one place to the other
[00:32:12] And then I got in the in like the van and this
[00:32:15] Fucking dude is in there. He's like man. They fuck people like us. I was like, yeah, you're right
[00:32:24] I was handcuffed and in the backseat there were two cops next to me to in the front and
[00:32:29] Fucking they were like what do you do? I had a Delaware ID and like what are you doing in New York City?
[00:32:33] And I was like I'm trying to be a comedian. Oh you are YouTube. I was like, yes
[00:32:39] They watched one of my videos and like two of them liked it one of them did not and I had a job interview the next day
[00:32:46] He's like yeah, I really hope you get that job tomorrow
[00:32:55] Copies a guy doesn't like your stand-up. Yeah, yeah, that's how they got me to roll over. Oh
[00:33:00] That's yeah, well, those are good stories. Thank you. Those are all good stories
[00:33:04] Now what I'm what I'm worried about is I don't want this to turn into even story time. I'm already shut up
[00:33:13] Yeah, well, I do you I do you know this way
[00:33:19] You paid a hooker to eat her ass and beat off is that right? Yes now we here's what we need to really get into
[00:33:25] What the premium subscribers want okay, how do you feel about neoliberalism?
[00:33:33] And that's JW is okay, who's this Steve Bannon guy? Oh
[00:33:37] Let's get into it. What's come on, man. You're gonna fuck up the you're gonna smell that is still tangled. I know
[00:33:46] It's fine you fuck up the recording equipment. That's my signature move, bro. Is it fucking up the show farting into the mic?
[00:33:56] Don't I literally you know where does this a premium episode? Yeah
[00:34:02] So actually don't worry not that many only like I don't know it'll be about 1500 people six six thousand people
[00:34:10] So hopefully that gets back to this police officers
[00:34:25] They kept lying to me. I kept being like I have a job interview tomorrow. We'll get you out of here real soon
[00:34:36] I left the jail went home did coke to stay awake because I didn't sleep at night
[00:34:41] They were like so how was your morning? I was like it was good. I'm just like
[00:34:45] picturing me like this. Oh dude this job Jesus. I was administrative assistant
[00:34:50] You're like the guy in that movie flight, but instead of a trial. It's just like Tuesday
[00:34:58] Fucking another day you may just stay alive. Yeah, yeah, man that that fucking job. I got the job from my
[00:35:07] The guy who got me in touch with my coke dealer
[00:35:09] Really, that's good. But now I don't even know if he's alive probably like a life coach. No
[00:35:17] God, I just have to be doing a lot for you. He's getting a job
[00:35:21] He's like I believe in you. He's like Carl in that Simpsons episode where Homer gets an assistant. Oh, yeah
[00:35:26] That's a hair treatment. Yeah, yes. Hell yeah Harvey fire scene Simpson in Delilah. That's the name of the episode
[00:35:32] I used to have to hang out with this guy to do free coke with him because he'd just give me a bunch of coke for hanging out with
[00:35:38] Them. Yeah, but he'd be like, you know, I've been writing a lot and I really want to do comedy. I'd be like, oh, okay
[00:35:42] So I'd have to like listen to his bits and be like let me get more of that
[00:35:47] Coaked up want to be open mikers. Yeah, yeah, fucking horrible. That sounds. Yeah, it was awful
[00:35:53] Two of the worst things just a guy talking at you. Yeah, he's talking in bits in bits and when when was this again?
[00:36:04] Oh, so he's like, yeah, can you get me up at the lantern? Yeah, two a.m. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll bark for you
[00:36:16] Cocos are the worst drug addicts for sure. Yeah, the absolute worst people in the fucking world and what makes them so shitty is that like that
[00:36:23] There's more defensive attitudes about cocaine addiction than any other fucking drug every like coke ad I've known if you're like mentioned
[00:36:29] Like you're a coke I don't know what he's talking about. I'm fucking not a coke. I at all
[00:36:36] Did not I mean I like never do it, but it'd be cool if we got something
[00:36:40] You know it's like well, it's 11 o'clock in the morning
[00:36:47] No, Steven. Yeah, the the fucking also weird guys are shrooms guys who just like those aren't that's not a guy
[00:36:54] That's not a guy that was just modding somebody say something. Yeah, Adam said something Adam brought up the guy that you don't like
[00:37:01] Jeez really trying to sabotage the fuck way to go Adam
[00:37:07] It's not a bit. Why would it be a bit? Why would be a bit?
[00:37:10] Do you go sit on the couch? No, dude, honestly look you're two hundred and fifty dollars away from being back on the podcast
[00:37:15] If you this is look I'll the only reason I'm doing this. I don't have any personal problem against you
[00:37:20] This is a lesson in customer service the last episode was bad to both of the two of you both said fuck those people
[00:37:27] You know who cares what they think and I'm saying I dare you these are paying customers
[00:37:33] You think Steve Jobs when he invented the fucking iPhone was saying oh fuck with these people think no you saying
[00:37:39] Let's hear from them. Let's actually did say no he didn't
[00:37:44] He didn't excuse me. Excuse me. I'm giving you a lesson right now on customer service
[00:37:48] So when these people leave comments and they say you guys are faggots your fucking retards. I say okay
[00:37:55] I hear that. Yeah, let's make let's take us baby steps towards not being faggot retards
[00:38:00] Right, right and what they what they said was is they said here's the money kick Adam off the show
[00:38:05] And I'm keeping good to that promise as a matter of principle to let these people know
[00:38:11] so if we get the fifty five hundred you can come back on the show and as it stands right now you're off the show and
[00:38:17] And and and that's just we might have to raise it though. I don't know Ian's doing great here. Thank you. Ian's doing okay
[00:38:25] Those are great story. We work for more
[00:38:27] I know those are great stories, but how many more times can you hear about first of all the only reason this is shocking to us is because
[00:38:36] You put this guy on NPR and they would be like yeah, that's normal. We all do that
[00:38:41] What part of I voted for Hillary Clinton don't you understand of course?
[00:38:44] I've had a trans penis in my mouth and of course my dick was smaller
[00:38:51] Yeah, first of all I measure my penis in metric because I love Europe and it's it's four and a half centimeters two minus the four skin
[00:38:59] I had surgically reattached average. Whoa Ian. What are you doing here?
[00:39:07] Yeah, maybe we should get a girl. That's not bad. We had we had a
[00:39:11] We had a girl on one time and I screamed that are about Ray. Oh, yes. Yes. That's pretty good
[00:39:19] Yeah, that was the air in glazer episode that episode did suck now that episode was great people loved it
[00:39:28] Hey, don't bring me in this I'm on the podcast dude. Yeah, all right
[00:39:31] This feels like fifth grade again this feels terrible dude what happened in fifth grade you had sex a billion times and you pretended like
[00:39:38] Oh, I don't know why this is happening. I lost my Virginia like a year and a half
[00:39:46] Why would I talk about it if I was getting laid when I was 13 years old
[00:39:50] I lost my virginity in fucking kindergarten dude in the janitor's closet
[00:39:54] What happens in your where you grew up? Yeah in the janitor's closet. Yeah, it was a moles station joke. Oh
[00:40:02] Steamroll on somebody's joke talking over a joke. Maybe now you should just say a molestation joke guys
[00:40:08] You know be cool. You'll be cool. Let's wait shut up
[00:40:11] You'll be cool if we all got walkie talkies and we could communicate like while while we were away from each other
[00:40:16] That would be by all of us. I mean me stavani
[00:40:19] It's fine if you want Adam can get his own walkie-talkie, but he has to use his own money
[00:40:27] And we're not gonna tell him what channel. Yeah, if you're lucky you'll find our channel. Yeah
[00:40:34] Then he's like he's like what's up guys. It's me and we're like, oh, we're actually done with the walkie talk
[00:40:41] We don't really like walkie talk is anymore heavy woke talk is gay now actually actually we're into ham radios now
[00:40:47] So you get I guess you can you know you can probably have our walkie talk
[00:40:53] You're gonna have to borrow money from your mom to get them because our mom's paid for ours
[00:40:57] So we don't care unless your mom gave us money
[00:41:00] We're gonna keep the money and then we're gonna get ham radios
[00:41:09] What's going on who's still using ham radio? I don't know I feel like there's got to be a way to get child porn through ham radio
[00:41:16] And that's the only reason I'm still using it. Could you fax child porn is it how you can you buy fax?
[00:41:21] You absolutely can and there's got to be somebody who's have been arrested for doing
[00:41:29] Little kids getting their little ass dick sucked
[00:41:36] Mom don't come in the basement and don't touch my fax machine
[00:41:38] You know there must have been a time in history when the most technologically advanced fucking child prayers were faxing
[00:41:48] still some guys some guys at the hobby store in his beeper goes off and he's like I have to go home
[00:41:56] Have some business I have to attend to it my personal fax machine at home
[00:42:00] Oh fuck that is probably the stupidest way to get poured is there anything dumber
[00:42:14] She was fall fall years old. Hey, you're looking great happy birthday. He took off a pants
[00:42:22] What if they fuck a child as part of their singing telegraph now now we're talking hell yeah, dude now
[00:42:27] We're getting that's a bolt. That's a good startup idea when I was when I was in community college
[00:42:32] I took this bullshit like marketing class like this business and marketing class and the semester project was like
[00:42:39] We have to design like a like a business mission like a business plan for our business or whatever everyone had stupid ideas
[00:42:47] Like a website that advertises like local businesses like you know, right?
[00:42:51] This is 10 years ago, so you know it was like a like a souped-up version of Craig's list or whatever the fuck right
[00:42:57] You know whatever you want call it and then there was these two guys in the class these giant dudes
[00:43:01] They're both like seven feet tall. It was like a black dude in this like
[00:43:05] Enormous like white got like white wigger that looked like an owl
[00:43:11] Very owling nose. Yeah pointy like pointy owl like features like you know arched eyebrows and shit
[00:43:18] Very sort of like you know sinister looking face real fat fuck. I know yeah
[00:43:23] But like nine XL tall tees fucking you know big
[00:43:29] Air force ones and then he would like you had this like sort of shitty shoulder length like longer hair held with like one of those
[00:43:36] Just like real thin hair bands. Yeah, yeah, the soccer players. Yeah. Yeah, that kind of shit. Oh, that's classic
[00:43:43] Yeah, that's classic one the two of those guys
[00:43:45] They're real cool to me because I remember like you know one time I was like hey you guys over 21
[00:43:49] They're like yeah, and I was like can you buy me liquor?
[00:43:51] You know cuz I was like 17 or something they were like yeah sure and like they gave me a ride to the liquor store
[00:43:56] They're cool and but the the way the wigger guy got in his car
[00:44:00] And you just couldn't sit behind him because he put his chair all the way back
[00:44:06] Like it was used to be cool to like have your chair back
[00:44:09] So you have this case so you basically laying down while driving
[00:44:12] But yeah, so I like oh yeah another time in that class
[00:44:17] I remember the the fucking the professor was like asking questions about something and there was some kid named like Umar
[00:44:24] Something in the class and the professor is like doing roll call and he is like Umar
[00:44:38] And he like so he says the kids name the teacher and then he looks at him and he goes he's like Pakistan
[00:44:45] And he like does this like back and forth and trying to guess where the kids from and before the kid doesn't know what the teachers
[00:44:50] Doing and before he can answer that big weird kids like oh he said Osama your daddy, huh?
[00:45:03] And yes, but no so they're like they at the end of the year, you know
[00:45:08] We had to like deliver our like business plan right it's like a presentation and they those two guys just decided they were gonna work together
[00:45:22] This community college teacher is oh, yeah sure I guess yeah, and they're like all right check it out. It's a 24 seven hour
[00:45:40] They're busy my business plan is we just break the law
[00:45:54] That is so fucking good, yeah, that was fucking
[00:45:59] God community college. I worked the front desk at a community college like which testing center CCBC
[00:46:05] Okay, it was just fucking it was awesome dude
[00:46:07] It was nothing but like guys like that who just didn't give a fuck or just like the hardest working moms that have like six jobs
[00:46:14] Like are getting their nursing degree and shit. Yeah now when I took my GED test it was nothing, but
[00:46:20] Just trash people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there was like three girls that were pregnant
[00:46:24] And there's a set they were like the instructor was like giving everyone instructions
[00:46:28] She's like make sure yourself is off not on vibrate not on silent make sure it's off
[00:46:32] She's like if your phone goes off and I hear it go off while you're in class not only been taking your phone away
[00:46:39] Right, right? Don't get your money back
[00:46:41] Right, you know you have to come redo it again, and this like girl is pregnant next to me
[00:46:45] She's like damn I will be so pissed and whoever call me
[00:46:49] And then she like thinks people are gonna laugh and like no one laughed and she's like yeah
[00:46:54] That's why I'm telling you to turn your phone off
[00:47:00] Try to get a laugh out of this room of strangers
[00:47:06] Just miss that element of high school so much you don't realize that this is the last chance you're ever gonna get
[00:47:17] That is so fucking good that girl sucked
[00:47:20] Man there was it that community college. I remember there's just like a table of fucking
[00:47:24] Black nerds versus like Hawaiian shirt white nerds. It was so fucking just the black Naruto nerds
[00:47:32] What is it with black nerds they love anime we got into that on that we talked about that on a podcast did we yeah
[00:47:38] Yeah, no they were the best they just had like they had Hawaiian shirt
[00:47:42] They had black beaters yeah open with Hawaiian shirts, but not like like dragon
[00:47:47] Hwan like they were like graphic and then just like pukashell necklaces and shit
[00:47:51] They were fucking that was the best look used to make like a line of like urban
[00:47:55] Anime yeah echo is huge in the black nerd community
[00:48:00] Because it was cool for like in just straight up it was cool for like you know it had its run
[00:48:04] Yeah, and then it immediately became like shit
[00:48:07] You could only get it like Marshall's shit so like the so like uncool black kids moms who you know
[00:48:12] We're just like you're wearing this. I don't give a fuck what you say
[00:48:18] Damn it mom like they don't try to go super saying that was my favorite the black bears that tried to go
[00:48:23] No, I had a black nerd friend that was like into mark echo not just the clothes, but the guy
[00:48:28] I even know that was a real name. I didn't think that was a great businessman
[00:48:33] I see you want the Elon Musk of shitty clothes with
[00:48:38] Denim with too many pockets the logo school to it's a rhino
[00:48:45] That's it feels like that's the clothes Banksy would make
[00:48:50] It's like mark echo sort of shit. Yeah, right like mark echo is closed for people who find legal walls
[00:48:57] You know we find what legal walls like places. They've set aside where you're allowed to do graffiti
[00:49:04] Which is like the most like I only smoke a legal marijuana
[00:49:11] Right, right do remember when spice came out and you're like, oh, this is awesome. It's just a legal weed smoke spice. Yeah, really?
[00:49:18] Yeah, I never did that it was that all right relaxed
[00:49:24] I didn't smoke it out of a hookers pussy dude
[00:49:40] Prohibition they at least had the decency to find robbing alcohol
[00:49:45] Sanitizer during prohibition. Yeah, I know they're busy figuring out ways to get
[00:49:54] You smoke spice, what was that like I spoke spice? I don't know man
[00:49:57] I just got me I was getting drug tested at the time because I got kicked out of
[00:50:01] My housing at UMBC when I went to school
[00:50:04] Mm-hmm, so I was getting drug tested and I was a fucking pothead
[00:50:07] It's I was like, oh, this is awesome dude. I'm gonna beat the fucking system and it just was weird
[00:50:11] I felt very weird after I did it. It was not good
[00:50:16] It's gonna be fucking and there's a kid this kid fucking yells are was named hilarious name
[00:50:21] It sounds like a retarded Pokemon. Yeah, I can artistic Pokemon have dinosaur have screaming from autism
[00:50:41] Yell czar is evolved into board of the states are
[00:50:48] He would he was he was getting drug tested, but he he loved spice
[00:50:53] No, I would smoke it out of a ball name. I'm a bong. Why the fuck was that his name?
[00:50:59] Some kind of weird Russian Jew name. All right Adam. Do you want to comment on that?
[00:51:03] I don't think that's a Russian Jew name. Well, it was okay. What kind of name is it then?
[00:51:07] I think maybe like you're like the your old mounds. That's Russia. He was a Russian Jew
[00:51:11] Okay, okay, you're around mountains. Those are definitely Russians. Oh, he was Jewish. I didn't know that yeah
[00:51:19] We're winding down here and we're gonna we're gonna talk with the in for a little bit longer
[00:51:24] If you're just joining us let us know if you liked it or who you you want to call in now
[00:51:32] You're listening to the Anthony Kumea show. Yeah, we're the top of it on NPR
[00:51:38] Now the Trump is president Kumea gets NPR
[00:52:06] That would be great if they just come in we're bringing car just a retarded guy hosts fucking all things considered now
[00:52:14] He's I they've beat off. Yeah, yeah, they just keep all of all of their shows, but they just make them stupid. Yeah
[00:52:22] Okay, that would be awesome. I would love it. Wait wait no fuck you
[00:52:29] Yeah, wait wait fuck you wait wait up yours chink
[00:52:33] Asking Chinese immigrants that don't speak English trivia and if they get it wrong you punch them
[00:52:47] Fox News sent that guy out to Chinatown. They're like, how do you feel about Trump? I was like, I don't know the question
[00:52:56] This guy survived the cultural revolution got here somehow
[00:53:11] I hope Stephen Crowder gets kicked in the balls was that the guy who did it no there's a different guy
[00:53:16] But Stephen Crowder's as much of a piece of shit who's Stephen Crowder Stephen Crowder's actually yeah worse
[00:53:21] Stephen Crowder tried to make this video with a still like proof how little people know about like gun laws
[00:53:26] So they had this table set up with like different rifles different long rifles and they like an AR 15
[00:53:32] They had a 30 odd six that you know like a SKS or something. I don't even really know that much about yeah
[00:53:37] Yeah, but then he's like asking people he's like, you know
[00:53:41] Which one of these do you think should be illegal?
[00:53:43] You know and like half the people are he asks were like well
[00:53:47] You know probably the ones that could be classified as a salt rifle
[00:53:51] Why and he's like well just because of the way they're branded and marketed. They're like there's clearly you know
[00:53:56] You know not an intention of using them for hunting. He's like, okay
[00:54:04] Yeah, and then he like left him like he's like I want to show how much liberals don't know about guns
[00:54:09] But then it was just edited so poorly that you know
[00:54:12] He gets like a you know the gamut of people that know shit about guns passing on the street and he just doesn't have a point
[00:54:18] There's just no point to the fucking yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean there's maybe one or two people
[00:54:22] They're like the AR 15 because it looks scary even right like chamber
[00:54:26] You know smaller than the 30 odd or whatever right right right the best videos the guy in Michigan the Union guy that punches him in the face
[00:54:33] Well, what's even better than that video is
[00:54:36] Stephen Crowder going on like MSNBC or something after that and the Union boss representing I don't know was that you a w or
[00:54:43] Yeah, yeah, there was like some Union boss and and they have him like in there and he's like you're a punk
[00:54:49] And you're a coward and and you should be ashamed of yourself and Stephen Crowder's just like looks humiliated
[00:55:00] To be fair to be fair that Union guy to punch him is like a foot shorter than and Stephen Crowder tried to punch him back
[00:55:05] So it's like he got soccer punch, you know if they I'm sure Stephen Crowder would have actually fought that dude
[00:55:10] I don't like him so it's funny that he got punched in the face by that guy
[00:55:13] Right, but he looked like a real piece of shit when he was on it on like MSNBC or whatever later and they had that union
[00:55:20] Doesn't that he wasn't prepared for that. What did he think the Union guy was gonna be like yeah? Oh cool
[00:55:27] Take you know what a little piece of shit cuz you know he's he got his money
[00:55:30] He's famous for being the voice of like he was on Arthur
[00:55:34] Really? Yeah, he was a voice of Arthur? No, he was one of the friends
[00:55:38] Yeah, either like his buddy with the game on the bunny or I think the kids. It's just a potato
[00:55:44] Which never made sense one of them is just a oh, yeah, yeah, the bully yeah with the fucking tooth the weird tooth
[00:55:49] Yeah, what is that? That's not an animal. I don't know a Bob fucking bison or something. Yeah, that's another thing black Twitter loves Arthur
[00:55:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah with that close fist Arthur's funny. Yeah spongebob. I get I get spongebob
[00:56:02] Those are good those are both good for memes as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Well, okay
[00:56:06] So Ian do you have any closing remarks? I'm just really grateful. I got to replace Adam for the day
[00:56:18] Just want to thank all the cum fans out there for this opportunity. Yeah, you have anything you want to plug for your job
[00:56:24] Just my website e in finance I am FID a and C
[00:56:29] Dot com that's the o m that's the o m dot c o m dot c o m dot c o m so if you guys have personal computers and
[00:56:37] Access to the world wide web you can check out his website by typing in
[00:56:42] Http calling forward slash forward slash
[00:56:45] WW that stands for a hypertext transfer protocol worldwide web
[00:56:49] Dot Ian Fydance dot com that stands for commercial. It's a top-level domain. These are these are brand new things here
[00:56:55] I mean if you don't have dial up at home, you can go to the local library and check it out there
[00:57:06] There was a story a couple years ago about this guy they got arrested for not just downloading but beating off the child pornography
[00:57:14] The library in the middle of the whole like yeah
[00:57:17] I just like you know one of those tables and then there's a pic
[00:57:20] There's a guy's mugshot in the paper and he looks insane. He's got these like fucked up teeth
[00:57:40] Yeah, well Ian thanks for coming you're gonna jump over to Adam Friedland are
[00:57:48] former forsaken guest and now third goes Adam
[00:57:52] What do you think about Ian's performance on the podcast today? I thought it no I like Ian a lot
[00:57:56] And I thought he did great. Would you say this is gentlemen? Would you say this is one of our best?
[00:58:00] Oh by saying your gentleman. Would you say this is one of our best episodes? I
[00:58:03] Don't know it was a good one. Did you say it's one of our best? I
[00:58:07] Thought it was a good one. Would you say it's one of our best?
[00:58:09] I'd say it's probably the best and it was because we did this bit where I wasn't where we didn't bring enough microphones
[00:58:16] Oh, is that a bit is that a bit we literally don't have a bit that we decided that we were going to do when you left
[00:58:23] The house today Nick how many microphones did you intend to take with you three?
[00:58:27] Okay, three people well, okay. Well, you know if you guys feel morally comfortable
[00:58:33] Kicking me off the podcast and then recording it you're gonna be in my sense of morality
[00:58:43] You're trying to impress us earlier by knowing the word patho so we told you to shut up
[00:58:47] No, I did the opposite I said I did the absolute opposite of that
[00:58:51] I said that the choppo guys were just saying pop pathos in conversation to each other
[00:58:56] We just talk about fucking each other in the ass
[00:58:59] Well, we're awesome Adam has a severe insecurity complex about the he wants to be on chapel. Yep
[00:59:05] You can barely be on come town. I can't be on chapel either
[00:59:09] I don't come town the world's alt-right premiere podcast
[00:59:14] That's the point that okay, that's the point that I'm getting to
[00:59:19] It's an it's irony if I'm on the podcast, but I'm off if you kick the Jew off
[00:59:24] I'm sorry, you know how many Jews we could find a replacement Ian looks like a Jew. He's not Jewish. I'm
[00:59:29] First of all, I'm Jewish. Wait, I know we'd like don't say that you know, yeah, it makes you funny, but come on man
[00:59:35] I'm Jewish. You're not Jewish. Yes. I am. Yes
[00:59:37] My family changed their name during the Holocaust so they could get a job on that tower they fell off
[00:59:45] Melina which is they change it to an Irish name in Ellis Island. Yep used to be Mullen coin
[00:59:53] Just be Mullen coupon it was coupon hyphen coin it was Jonathan nickel penny
[01:00:02] Names Diana your last name was John and then nickel penny. Hey, it's me. Dimey Dimey Dimey nickel penny
[01:00:14] So in some yeah, I'm off the podcast and you guys are gonna keep recording at my apartment in front of me
[01:00:20] Well only when only when your heroes the Chappo guys are busy. They're not my heroes as guys you look up to and wish you were I
[01:00:27] Don't sorry up. Maybe you should read a couple more books. Yep instead of hanging out with fucking stand up real stand up
[01:00:35] New York's new last dudes real real last quarter. We can rattle snakes barstool philosophers. Yeah
[01:00:47] I'd also like to plug my appearance from I guess it would it's gonna be last week when this goes up on
[01:00:54] The gym and Jim and Sam show Jim Norton and Sam Roberts had me in studio. It's serious exam and I bombed
[01:01:02] Jim got annoyed and started looking at his phone and eventually just left the studio
[01:01:11] I gotta find this app to put text over video and then he like left the studio. It's called snap
[01:01:16] Yeah, and then Sam was like so Nick where you from I'm like, I don't know man
[01:01:26] But yeah, no Adam, you know, thanks for your your feedback
[01:01:30] Thanks for letting us use your apartment and you know what if we get the 5500 you're back on the podcast
[01:01:35] I've been on the podcast since we got the five you're not on it right now
[01:01:39] I'm right now get take the mic from him
[01:01:40] We're only we're only about two hundred and fifty dollars away from adding manning a spot back on the podcast and then I tell you what super fans
[01:01:53] Let's do like seven g's in 75. Well, I think sevens already said it's something
[01:01:58] Okay, I said if we get to ten thousand then we have to learn about politics, okay
[01:02:03] Fuck dude, I don't we never get to ten. Yeah, I don't want to I don't want to fucking read shit
[01:02:08] What about sixty nine hundred dude? I try I've been trying to read a book, you know
[01:02:12] I know we're both on the same book and it's a book about like Indians jumping people's heads off
[01:02:16] It's actually great book, but yes, you can't get
[01:02:22] Yeah, we're gonna get to ten thousand and be like mmm Syria. Oh allow me to do this ruevick's cube
[01:02:29] Oh, I've completed it and then I ten thousand we learn about politics. Yeah, all right. All right
[01:02:34] That's the goal and yeah, tell your friends to subscribe. We now have Nazi tier pricing if
[01:02:39] If you are one of the Nazis that listen to show thanks
[01:02:42] Hey appreciate the support, but if you're gonna buy the premium episodes, please pay $15 a month
[01:02:47] So we can sort of be like, you know, yeah, we're you know, it's irony
[01:02:51] Yeah, we're charging you more we're charging you a premium for being a which is an idea we stole from the cinderblock comedy festival
[01:03:01] Thanks to all the all the comedy gals for taking graduations to the Nazis for getting me off the podcast if you they couldn't have done it without you
[01:03:10] Everyone else take the mic take shut up bitch
[01:03:14] You're not part of it hey take you don't make fun of it. They make fun of you don't make fun of me
[01:03:24] But not you suck this dick bitch. Hey, okay, well, thanks guys. Thanks for listening
[01:03:35] Hopefully if you were bummed about last week's you're you're on board with with our guest Ian this week
[01:03:41] And you got what you want so let us know suggestions for the third mic
[01:03:44] Don't if you want to just leave hate mail for Adam in the comments, please feel free. Thanks. See you next week