Cum Town | Premium | 01/28/2019
[00:00:22] I love those movies where it was like, it came out like 1987 and then...
[00:00:30] They're like, as you know, no one's gay anymore.
[00:00:35] When's Blade Runner supposed to include?
[00:00:50] But they did get like advertising and shit, right?
[00:01:01] If you look at a picture of the 80s when it happened or the 70s or whatever, no one had
[00:01:07] No one had ever even heard it Chinese people before that.
[00:01:14] Blade Runner didn't get anything right other than like how much people would like Blade Runner.
[00:01:20] Because if you like, there's all this shit that's just...
[00:01:22] That show altered carbon that's just supposed to look like Blade Runner.
[00:01:27] What about people wanting to fuck robots?
[00:01:34] You know, people fucking robots are like, you know, otaku's.
[00:01:41] There's not a party that wants just, you know, fuck robots.
[00:01:50] But you don't see those videos where they're dying.
[00:01:52] I'm a robot that has to fuck people and I hate it.
[00:02:15] I've seen some on Facebook videos where they got the robots that are sort of talking and,
[00:02:24] We're getting to a point where I will fuck a robot in my lifetime.
[00:02:32] I mean, it's not like it's at the top of my list, but if it's lying around and I want
[00:02:38] The thing with those, until they create a self-cleaning...
[00:02:40] How about a real doll and it's a lamb chop.
[00:03:01] But it's breaded and it basically tastes like chicken.
[00:03:08] I mean, eating so much like fish that it's like...
[00:03:12] I'm moving in some French cuisine recently.
[00:03:26] I've read somewhere that the French, their food was just shit until like...
[00:03:31] I think it was like the German star man.
[00:03:43] It was actually the Germans that came up with cocoa of on.
[00:03:46] Damn, there must be some Nazis that are great chefs.
[00:03:54] Well, they're really good at like proportions.
[00:04:09] Mengele was a tremendous chef, but you never hear about it.
[00:04:11] You hear about Goebbels, who was their movie guy?
[00:04:18] Well Lenny Riefen saw was their movie guy.
[00:04:27] Do you know what her post-Nazi career was?
[00:04:31] And became a photographer and just took pictures of Black.
[00:04:37] A list of eight off Hitler's perspective.
[00:04:56] They had a girl movie maker and yeah, but you know, everyone knows the best chefs are
[00:05:03] Well women weren't really allowed to cook until like until appliances.
[00:05:07] I watched King of the Hill and there was a joke.
[00:05:10] There was a joke where it was like a...
[00:05:15] Soccer is something Europeans invented for their wives to do while the men did the cooking.
[00:05:29] I think that's just what German women are.
[00:05:42] I was gifted my first bottle of cologne recently.
[00:05:56] You're not the guy that smelled particularly good.
[00:06:01] Me and Stav have been dressing like we've been married with.
[00:06:08] Because I'm dressing like a sloppy ass fat husband.
[00:06:20] I'm going to get my little prickadoro sucked a little more.
[00:06:25] After I get my prickadoro just serviced a couple, I don't know, 20 to 50 more times.
[00:06:38] Just back in the napkin math real quick.
[00:06:45] Well, there's not really much information about anadoring.
[00:06:54] Although, I will say in terms of lesbian chefs, I guess you just...
[00:06:59] And she's just living with Hitler, accounts of Hitler's household staff, Amazon, UK.
[00:07:09] What's the last thing you really took a deep dive on?
[00:07:21] It looks like men kissing and massaging each other's faces.
[00:07:32] Why is it impossible for me to become aroused?
[00:07:42] There's some dust at the end of the search.
[00:07:46] It looks like in very small print it said...
[00:07:51] No, but even after the double psych, hold on here.
[00:08:08] I'm doing assisted text to speech and it's reading even the absolute smallest thing smaller
[00:08:31] I am actually more pragmatic and saying, well, we're just trying to read little text.
[00:08:35] I'm going to go assisted text to speech.
[00:08:51] Because no, what this is is it detects particle spin and each type corresponds to a different
[00:09:00] And then I've used my particle accelerator.
[00:09:06] We've put the search history through the particle accelerator at CERN.
[00:09:10] And what it looks like is two bosons have a sequence spin that spells out just kidding
[00:09:23] Well, I just fucking looked at some other shit.
[00:09:29] You know, you can't play this game if you're not going to put any thought in.
[00:09:39] I looked at the truthometer and it says whoever has a boson, whatever the fuck you just said,
[00:09:45] is actually even gayer than the search thing.
[00:09:58] From space just collapsing down the limit.
[00:10:00] Our last defense against space coming down here and fucking killing all of them.
[00:10:05] That was science that they're holding it up.
[00:10:15] Until the beautiful white sun comes out.
[00:10:19] It comes out in the morning and saves the moon.
[00:10:32] Dude, I hope I survive the climate change Ice Age and I get to start a new group of
[00:10:37] Like, all right, here's our origin story.
[00:10:41] We were let down by the black people in the sky.
[00:10:49] So black people were supposed to control the sun.
[00:10:59] Because the sky black people were lazy.
[00:11:04] You were saying earlier you'd be happy if global warming happens and fucks us up.
[00:11:12] Yeah, some kind of a sense of peace knowing that there'd be some sort of catastrophic
[00:11:15] global event that wipes out like 93% of the population.
[00:11:23] The privilege of being able to like experience something like that and die with so many people
[00:11:27] and be part of like a huge, you know, I guess.
[00:11:33] Anthropological moment for people in general is like, that's kind of cool.
[00:11:38] It's like everyone's like, I remember where I was when fucking Kennedy died.
[00:11:42] And it's like, I remember where I was when...
[00:11:48] Damn dude, that would be fucking horrible.
[00:11:53] If the black death was going on and everyone's just like, this isn't normal.
[00:12:00] Speaking of black death, I saw Mr. Glass.
[00:12:05] But that would have been a better name for him.
[00:12:53] You know, I mean, he's made so many bad movies.
[00:12:57] But you know what you're getting with him and it's like...
[00:13:04] Like the last Airbender was like a global success.
[00:13:16] Yeah, he doesn't bomb as much as he would think.
[00:13:26] But I liked it when I was like nine or nine.
[00:13:27] Well, don't I'm looking at a sign right now that says Adam is wrong and gay.
[00:13:59] Neon colored and non-colored fucking lights are so high.
[00:14:26] It's Andrew Dice Clay and he's got that shoe chair.
[00:14:28] And he's trying to get his son to sit in.
[00:14:33] Is that a show or a story somebody told?
[00:14:35] Someone was talking about that recently.
[00:14:43] Dice has a show that's like Louis style.
[00:14:52] And I think Natasha Lajero plays his wife.
[00:14:58] How about, I don't think anyone's done this one before, but it's like,
[00:15:09] What does it run a Roman shoe half sex and she wants you to sleep in the part that is wet?
[00:15:15] Every time you sit to her, do not make me do this.
[00:15:28] You know, I found out the other day I thought it was actually a bitch.
[00:15:38] It was actually a woman who is a bitch.
[00:15:45] I didn't know this Kamala Harris that made me think of Dan Nainen is half Indian.
[00:16:07] Yeah, she's, I don't think she's going to.
[00:16:09] Everyone seems to say she's going to win.
[00:16:19] All these Hillary dumbasses are going to go.
[00:16:24] She's ever plenty of black ladies don't like her too.
[00:16:28] Well, she like threw, she would throw, if you were truant from school, she would throw the
[00:16:35] Or she prosecuted parents of truant kids.
[00:16:39] I mean, if like, is like being a prosecutor enough to make black people not vote for?
[00:16:47] I think like black lives matter is like activists kind of people don't like her.
[00:17:04] And that's what they're going to lose to Trump.
[00:17:08] Look, I'm just excited to find out who's going to lose to Trump.
[00:17:22] And I don't want to turn it into like, see, even he couldn't do it.
[00:17:24] Well, I don't think he'd do much as the president.
[00:17:27] I think if he beat Trump two years ago or three years ago, he'd just be investigated for his
[00:17:33] wife's college and it'd just be like Trey Goudy and like all those people just having college.
[00:17:45] I mean, they would just drag that kind of shit out.
[00:17:50] Anti-Semitism through the roof, ladies and gentlemen.
[00:17:57] If there was more of those synagogue shootings, there would be way more synagogue shootings.
[00:18:01] You think if Bernie was president, people would be more racist?
[00:18:05] I know this will seem like a fake take.
[00:18:09] Please, God, not my real opinion, but it's like you take the Jewish shit out of it and all the hate crime shit out of it.
[00:18:24] It's the early bird special shooting in a fucking diner.
[00:18:29] You see the ages of all the people that got killed in Pittsburgh and it's like-
[00:18:32] It's like, well, it's like the only people that wanted to see synagogue in the movie.
[00:18:47] Geometry teacher molested the starting quarter back.
[00:18:51] Hold on, I'm just thinking about that Asian.
[00:19:03] One of my friends that went on to play in the NFL, we were on the football team together.
[00:19:07] He was 17 and fucking like a 36-year-old woman with huge tits and like two kids.
[00:19:17] She'd pick him up from practice sometimes.
[00:19:23] I had a teacher fuck a kid in my school.
[00:19:37] That happened- I think the track coach-
[00:20:05] Boy, it's crazy what these gym teachers are up to these days.
[00:20:12] It would be a real shame if he was a real girl.
[00:20:14] This is when your college application is.
[00:20:18] Well, listen, since you said Brian was a boy that assaulted you, he's so much larger than
[00:20:25] We're going to find something that's smaller than you and you can be him and the thing will
[00:20:29] be you and you can reenact what happened.
[00:20:31] I guess we're just- Oh, why don't we use my penis?
[00:20:40] He's got water to fucking- What's the thing called?
[00:20:43] What's the thing called when you put something in your dick?
[00:20:58] I like that this is the same thing as Seth.
[00:21:06] Turns out it detected with raping a girl the whole time.
[00:21:13] Okay, why don't you act it out on my penis?
[00:21:17] Obviously it's rape, but if a cop made assault victims put little pencils in his dick, is
[00:21:31] We messed up and we're going to have to let him go.
[00:21:39] In terms of rape, that is the like- I don't know.
[00:21:48] Maybe the scenario that it's an assault victim is the problem here.
[00:21:52] But if it's just a random guy made someone put pencils in his dick?
[00:22:04] It's so funny to imagine the writers' room of Law and Order.
[00:22:08] Because it's just like ancient, I'm assuming ancient gay Jewish men that are like, well,
[00:22:14] what if it's a girl with Down syndrome and then he rapesate the candy store?
[00:22:18] And then why wouldn't the mother allowed the girl with Down syndrome to go to the candy store by a cell?
[00:22:24] I saw- there was one recently especially-
[00:22:30] That last time I got a tummy ache from the soup.
[00:22:34] And we'll loop back and discuss this Chinese girl getting raped by the garbage man.
[00:22:42] That's a hilarious show to fucking write for a man.
[00:22:48] They got a website where retarded people are raping Chinese immigrants.
[00:22:59] There's four kids from a Catholic high school raped-
[00:23:08] But then the surprise twist turns out the Native American with rape by the black.
[00:23:12] Wait a minute, Brian, you're telling me you only raped that Native American man because you were raped by a black Israelite?
[00:23:23] I can't wait until they rip this one from the headlines.
[00:23:29] And then when they go to arrest the black Israelite, they're like,
[00:23:33] we got a warrant for Brian Africa's arrest.
[00:23:36] And then they find out that he's already been murdered by the other black Israelites for being gay.
[00:23:54] In that case, will you want to get lots of stuff?
[00:24:08] Yeah, because last week I got a tummy ache from the super sweet green.
[00:24:14] We're using text to speak to get the best technology there is.
[00:24:28] I got a finger sprayed from using the chopsticks and Panda Express last week.
[00:24:33] I sprained my finger using the ramen spoon.
[00:24:45] How is anybody supposed to lift all that?
[00:24:47] You want us to get you some goldfish from the break room?
[00:24:53] Dude, the old Jewish guy who's text to speak is ruining everyone on the screen.
[00:25:05] And I got to go to the doctor next week because my diarrhea was bad out of normal.
[00:25:10] They said I might have to wear diapers.
[00:25:16] And then the thing, I already had my prostate removed.
[00:25:23] I just did that preemptively when I was 20 years old.
[00:25:42] I committed rape against robbing givers.
[00:25:46] Sounds like more like Robin Taker the way.
[00:25:57] I wish we could have just done this show in 1987.
[00:26:08] I know we're on heck like $10 million a year.
[00:26:11] If this was 1987, we'd be making like $80 billion a year.
[00:26:15] You host a weekend at a club back then and they're like,
[00:26:22] Here's the keys to a mansion in the Westchester.
[00:26:27] Please have sex with the entire waitstaff.
[00:26:30] They're all five foot two ages with big tits.
[00:26:51] This guy's got great laughs per minute.
[00:26:54] This guy tell you he's got the best laughs per minute in the fucking game.
[00:26:58] It's so awesome that DICE sold out MSG.
[00:27:22] My spiritual forefather is Nathan Phillips.
[00:27:24] Which I don't know why people trust that guy.
[00:27:29] I'm supposed to believe that's a Native American name.
[00:27:36] You know what sounds like more feather white.
[00:27:37] You know what sounds more Native American?
[00:27:51] My name is, uh, Metallica Lightfeather.
[00:28:01] And that's the real problem is here is gays.
[00:28:05] the Cubcat video is I can't stand these faggots.
[00:28:14] I want to start the Greek Israelites, man.
[00:28:17] We would just be shouting and seeing how much,
[00:28:20] how much you not pay your taxes and shit.
[00:28:24] Well, they just don't have to pay taxes.
[00:28:39] Cause they have, they have, uh, buffalo and nickel.
[00:28:43] It just creates a big hassle for the IRS.
[00:28:49] Like, uh, you have to give me actual money.
[00:28:52] You cannot have this scratch off ticket.
[00:28:55] This is a locket of your daughter's hair.
[00:29:11] Like black, black speaking Indian kids, sons of doctors being like, Native American stole
[00:29:18] Like, it is funny that they go by Indian.
[00:29:22] They, they're white, the white people came here and they're like, you're Indian and
[00:29:30] The Native Americans really, their biggest problem was how chill they.
[00:29:33] We kind of just wanted to cut each other's heads off, walk around naked all the time.
[00:29:38] In most other countries, they do, they call them like first peoples and stuff.
[00:29:46] Sounds like they're like big ass fucking, like made a rock.
[00:29:50] Native American sounds like it was called America when they, like, before we came.
[00:30:27] They didn't see the Spaniards were like, we want to be just started looking for love.
[00:30:36] We are going across the weird different girlfriends.
[00:30:41] That's a bunch of the Spanish themselves.
[00:30:44] Whereas the British were like, let's have gay sex and not having gay sex on the ship.
[00:30:49] You might get off and be so bad because of my ass.
[00:30:52] That's all sing us off before we disembark and murder all these people.
[00:30:55] Oh, I think a chip man should miss Penne if we have gay sex with each other.
[00:31:06] So we took that energy into murder, murder natives.
[00:31:16] But they all wanted to see like, they all wanted to bugger, not get buggered.
[00:31:19] It's so funny to see like what those people are now and then to imagine that they control
[00:31:31] Maybe that's who most of the British people were thinking of are like the like, foppish
[00:31:37] Well, I mean, consider that like, commonwealth countries still exist.
[00:31:43] I mean, it's not like they're like, consider the west an extension of the British Empire.
[00:31:49] Well, Canada is commonwealth, but not the US.
[00:31:52] But commonwealth countries still exist.
[00:31:55] And the United States, which is like, I mean, you got a war for independence, but...
[00:32:01] America is like an extension of the British Empire.
[00:32:05] So you're saying they're successful, right?
[00:32:09] It's not like you look at the British and you're like, how do these people...
[00:32:13] They're speaking their fucking language right now.
[00:32:14] No, but Adam's saying like, they're like, look like bitch ass motherfuckers.
[00:32:21] Yeah, cuz especially it's compared to me.
[00:32:24] You would get your shit split, but I would.
[00:32:27] You think a bunch of me's could conquer the planet?
[00:32:30] Well, not through warfare, but the banking system.
[00:32:39] Second World War to make them so sympathetic to get what they want.
[00:32:45] You have to go back to Europe probably, I'd say 900...
[00:32:54] Oh, yeah, I did remember there was a guy...
[00:32:57] It was his name like Norman the Jew or something.
[00:33:04] There was a Jewish guy that had all of the money in England.
[00:33:17] And he would like, to the extent that the crown would have to borrow money from him.
[00:33:21] And he like, wrote the crown some loan that they couldn't pay back and then they just
[00:33:27] The Jewish guy that's like, I believe I won my money back from the king.
[00:33:41] And for the next 2000 years, we'll tell people that Jews are annoying.
[00:33:45] It was just that one guy who ruined it for everybody.
[00:33:54] The Jew of Lincoln, I think it's interesting.
[00:33:55] Honestly though, that guy's name was...
[00:33:59] No, it was like the year 900 or like...
[00:34:10] How the fuck do you even get that all the money?
[00:34:13] Were they bartering and shit back then too?
[00:34:23] Just banking and shit and writing deals dumbass British people couldn't do.
[00:34:38] It's probably the fucking Rothschilds, bro.
[00:34:45] The Rothschilds are some shit I still...
[00:34:47] So they definitely are the Illuminati, right?
[00:34:59] English, Jewish, financier, he's believed to have been the wealthiest man in Norman,
[00:35:08] My memory's gotten so bad that I just remember three or four words from a thing and fucked
[00:35:13] Wasn't there like a wildly rich African king who had like a ton of money?
[00:35:18] His first mention in the English pipe roll of 1166 is a creditor of King Henry II.
[00:35:24] For some, he's amounting to 616 pounds, 12 stones.
[00:35:41] I have, that's probably literally a stone.
[00:35:46] Don't they know, they weigh people with quid.
[00:35:51] They've talked about it in a box or is eight stone or something.
[00:36:12] No, I guess yeah, maybe the state, I'm trying to just skim this and not just re-quiet.
[00:36:20] Aaron's death remained indebted to him in no less than a sum of 64 hundred marks.
[00:36:26] I just don't fucking trust the Rothschilds, bro.
[00:36:36] This is a girl that listens to the show that talks to me.
[00:36:39] She's an invited me to a Rothschild, something with one of the Rothschilds.
[00:36:48] It's called Protocalls of the Elders of Zion.
[00:36:56] It's like about the six Jewish banking fam.
[00:37:01] Yeah, it's like an old anti-Semitic publication.
[00:37:07] Adam, you have a golden opportunity here to just answer that question to stop us with
[00:37:17] If we can walk away from the show, we stop thinking that the protocols of the Elders
[00:37:36] I would have loved to read up on that show.
[00:37:39] Yeah, no, it's just the thing the Jews put together.
[00:37:41] The truth is solving to being an anti-Semitic man.
[00:37:44] These fresh and juicy came up with a document that teaches each other how to scam people.
[00:37:55] Obviously, I would tell you it's not true.
[00:38:05] I think he died in natural causes, but Henry II seized his property.
[00:38:28] Henry Ford funded the printing of half a million copies of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion
[00:38:33] for real and distributed them throughout the United States in the 20s.
[00:38:44] Well, all these people were indebted to Aaron after he died, and the king took the debt,
[00:38:47] but he couldn't collect the interest because he was Christian.
[00:38:57] Yeah, because they were the only ones that could collect the issues.
[00:39:08] Mitt Romney made money that way, and he's a devout man.
[00:39:12] That's Nick's biggest beef with Mitt Romney.
[00:39:26] I thought there'd be more going on with this fucker.
[00:39:29] Well, let's get back into the protocols with the elders' design on.
[00:39:34] Okay, for real though, how about the podcast of the elders' design?
[00:39:38] And then, yeah, I guess the Nazis assigned it in the schools once they came to power.
[00:39:41] Okay, so this is really not academic text.
[00:39:46] But Henry Ford, I mean, he came up with the assembly line.
[00:39:50] They were bankers and they just got to stay alive forever.
[00:40:32] Why the fuck couldn't I be in a rich ass Jewish banking family and have a billion dollars
[00:40:39] You would get viral videoed so quickly.
[00:40:44] Are there still dementia that are bawling?
[00:40:56] Room when Racine was like, we should invest in Trac's feet.
[00:41:02] Now I think Fila's going to be the next one.
[00:41:07] Hey, how did your stress test go with the cardiologist?
[00:41:15] They had me on the fucking treadmill, like fucking Wolverine, dude.
[00:41:24] And I got to say, I think my heart's going to be okay.
[00:41:26] I find out Thursday what my results are, guys.
[00:41:33] They put little electrodes all over me on my titties.
[00:41:38] I'm out there jogging shirtless in front of a hot nurse and a hot doctor.
[00:41:41] And they had like clipboards that were studying you?
[00:41:47] It was like your Ivan Droggo or something.
[00:41:49] They were like, yeah, they were looking at me as a fucking...
[00:41:50] Is the lady supposed to be Spanish or...?
[00:42:04] I like that they wrote in like Jerry was writing a show.
[00:42:06] And her friends Elaine and he fucked it at one point.
[00:42:09] And then there's this other girl in show and Jerry fucked it.
[00:42:24] This is a show where Jerry has had sex.
[00:42:30] None of them are 17 year olds with big ass juicy titties.
[00:42:33] Do you fuck Terry Hatcher on that show?
[00:42:44] Did she marry Huey Long or did they were just in those commercials?
[00:42:47] No, they were just in those commercials.
[00:43:02] And then they were like, I love our new phone.
[00:43:13] I mean, you need a fucking phone in your house.
[00:43:18] Howie was on TV for being like a fucking...
[00:44:08] Anyways, it's him and Christian Slater.
[00:44:17] No, they steal a stealth bomber that's got like a nuclear warhead in it.
[00:44:23] Or maybe fucking John Travolta steals it.
[00:44:31] I think Travolta's just gonna go bald now.
[00:44:34] There's a lot of plane movies in the 1990s.
[00:44:59] Harrison Ford is the dick riding president.
[00:45:07] That's a means we get our country back.
[00:45:30] Honestly, it would be so funny to watch the chair.
[00:45:42] I've never written dick before and I'm not going to do it today.
[00:45:50] They'd have to use one of those harnesses because his knees aren't good enough for ride dick.
[00:45:54] People say my ass is too big to ride dick.
[00:45:56] I say, you know, you don't know what you're talking about.
[00:46:04] There's somebody who's never written dick.
[00:46:10] Giving a speech at the border to two people trying to cross it.
[00:46:21] Some people may have said, I believe there's an expression in Mexico.
[00:46:45] Look, they got guys down here that rub, ride dicks.
[00:46:51] Everybody know you ask around, you say, what are these guys over here?
[00:46:56] Oh, those are the guys that ride dicks.
[00:46:59] Look, I'm just telling you what I've heard.
[00:47:08] Just Trump getting smashed by a nice hard cock.
[00:47:27] This is what the lion lady doesn't want you to see.
[00:47:30] I'm probably one of the best people in having gay sex.
[00:47:34] And I said, what's so racist about this?
[00:47:40] Is me riding on the penis of an aeroban.
[00:47:48] This guy and me, we've had sex probably a million times.
[00:47:53] Dude, like what insane shape could he do or be would legit just be off?
[00:47:58] Like if he just came out, I was like, I've been having sex.
[00:48:00] I've been getting sex with a Saudi Arabia.
[00:48:04] Even if the bag of people would be like, he's doing what he has to do.
[00:48:13] Hey, but I wanted to lose this audience.
[00:48:17] The people that think he's like more important than God.
[00:48:18] They say, yeah, the girl in the relationship is wearing a dress.
[00:48:22] I'm like, but you've never had sex where you're on top.
[00:48:26] Look, I'm just telling you what people have said.
[00:48:37] They got guys out here that are saying that gay sex is wrong.
[00:48:46] Trump's doing 2020 every night at this point.
[00:48:50] He's been president for 18 years and he keeps winning no matter what.
[00:48:57] I mean, New York Times, 7,000 were all their article.
[00:49:00] Donald Trump is just having gay sex to trick us into thinking we'd like him.
[00:49:07] I have gay sex because it makes me come.
[00:49:12] We're going to make America great again.
[00:49:14] We're going to have gay well, going to have gay sex with each other.
[00:49:18] At that point, liberals are like, we're bringing slavery back.
[00:49:31] We have a lot completely lost sight of what we're doing.
[00:49:37] We want Mexicans coming over here and playing laser tag in elementary schools with real
[00:49:42] And if it means that Donald Trump will, he dies, we'll do it.
[00:49:49] The Democrats just let them extend the fucking president.
[00:49:54] The president can just be president forever, whatever.
[00:50:09] I mean, there was guys there that have been, these guys have been gay their whole lives.
[00:50:18] And so this, I've never seen gay sex done so well.
[00:50:23] I mean, we talk in real homosexuals here, folks.
[00:50:32] They tell me that's the gayest thing I've ever seen.
[00:50:42] But this is just what people are saying to me, Barbara.
[00:50:46] Barbara Walters is like, are you going to let the children out of the prison?
[00:50:59] We both said we, I was coming out here to talk about how to get back.
[00:51:08] Look, this is why people don't trust the media.
[00:51:13] You're trying to tell me about the prison.
[00:51:20] The prison and the basement of the White House.
[00:51:26] I just, I found out recently this week that it was even called the White House.
[00:51:35] I thought it was called the Oval Office.
[00:51:39] What place in the White House, Mr. Trump?
[00:51:48] You know who you should be asking is Bill Clinton.
[00:51:49] What happened down in the basement with him?
[00:51:57] He just keeps getting the plasma of those children in the basement.
[00:52:04] I got a machine pumping children's blood into my bedroom at night.
[00:52:14] That's why would you even say, you know who it's disrespectful to is veterans?
[00:52:22] They would have been too busy, you know, trying to send people to jail for an hour and enough
[00:52:35] I think women should be able to wear as much makeup as they were.
[00:52:40] Mr. Trump, are you identifying as a woman now?
[00:52:50] Look, Republicans have been, we've been girls so much longer than Democrats.
[00:53:03] I was at a Rangers game and I needed to use the bathroom.
[00:53:11] The problem is that these Democrats want to use them to rape children.
[00:53:18] They want to go in there and rape children.
[00:53:20] You want to be trans person and Republican grade.
[00:53:24] We'll hang out in the bathroom together.
[00:53:26] Yeah, I think that's going to happen probably.
[00:53:31] Remember when Scaramucci said he was popping free throws?
[00:53:40] Yeah, he said he said he was just a square guard.
[00:53:42] He was just shooting free throws at MSG hitting him.
[00:53:48] Scaramucci about to be on Big Brother, dude.
[00:53:57] I've never seen Big Brother before, but that cast has me legitimately my interest peaked.
[00:54:14] I didn't even know it was on TV until I was watching Football this weekend.
[00:54:17] My favorite part about Big Brother is all the international ones where they show tits.
[00:54:24] There's some fucking British dating show where they just show people fucking...
[00:54:29] No, they just show literally people's dicks and pussies and they're like, would you date
[00:54:46] I feel like an old man, and I guess I am now at this point, but it's like, is this just
[00:54:57] The world just gets more and more absurd.
[00:55:00] I mean, I can't imagine what it's like to be fucking 70 years old.
[00:55:07] And your grandson's like, oh, I'm a dog.
[00:55:15] Actually, I've been raped seven times, so I'm actually being raped on a ninth grade
[00:55:24] I think I've seen a clip of that show where you just pussies and dicks.
[00:55:36] But I mean, the way you were saying is that it's just like a...
[00:55:40] You see the window where you only see the... you don't see their face.
[00:55:44] But I think you see their body, because I think you see titties.
[00:56:02] Yeah, they should let you show the rest of your body.
[00:56:05] It's because even just looking at his dick area, you can tell he's morbidly.
[00:56:08] It's not like we're going to look at that.
[00:56:15] Your crotch looks like Mr. Burns' face.
[00:56:35] The Birds left with this single rotted egg.
[00:56:52] Well, I didn't want to have sex with Brian, but he had the gun.
[00:57:01] And last week, it didn't really work out.
[00:57:03] But as you know, Jason got kicked off the show so the gun goes to me.
[00:57:06] So I'll have the gun this evening and I think I'm pretty excited about it.
[00:57:14] Listen, Brian, I like you, but can you please...
[00:57:21] Well, I ended up getting head from Samantha last night.
[00:57:27] I don't know if it was because of the gun, but I'm glad I had it.
[00:57:44] I've been trying to watch more reality television.
[00:57:46] I had a great night that night we watched the world's fattest bitch or whatever.
[00:57:55] My big fat ass fucking life or whatever.
[00:57:59] But she's got this friend that's just this fat cocaine addict.
[00:58:03] It's like a TLC show, but he's always saying shit at least like, fuck it, dude.
[00:58:12] I just want to fucking kill myself, dude.
[00:58:20] What are you trying to fucking kiss her?
[00:58:23] They're friends and he's like, just he's like, well, I mean, you know, you're in town.
[00:58:32] I mean, I'm doing pretty good, but then three weeks ago, just fucking blow all night.
[00:58:35] He's just cambers in his face, you know, and it's all being like document.
[00:58:41] We do the same thing, but we're comedian.
[00:58:49] That has to go to his like regular job after the show.
[00:58:52] He's like moved to DC and he's like, what are you doing?
[00:58:55] And he's like living in like, living on like, like north 16th street.
[00:59:02] He was either living on like, way north 16th or like fucking independence or something.
[00:59:11] Is like either like an embassy or like down on the fucking monuments.
[00:59:16] And that could just be because of the way they shot.
[00:59:18] They probably shot it so it looks decent.
[00:59:28] You know that you live somewhere horrible.
[00:59:31] And then you live in the deep north east.
[00:59:37] Is that what used to be called Trinidad?
[00:59:46] Trinidad used to be like, you, you die.
[00:59:50] Well, Trinidad was like the worst part of...
[00:59:53] Of DC during like the crime wave or something.
[01:00:18] Oh, yeah, like 38 getting out of rehab delivering like I'm moving to DC for what?
[01:00:23] That's like that that people who moved to DC without like any kind of job, they don't
[01:00:27] have a reason to be there are the most like just aimless people.
[01:00:32] It's the most expensive like boring fucking city in New York.
[01:00:40] When I was gonna move, I was like, oh, maybe I'll just move, when I was gonna move out of
[01:00:42] Baltimore, I was like, oh, maybe I'll just move to DC for a while.
[01:00:47] Just like, you know, here and then I looked at prices.
[01:00:50] You're saying money taking the fucking mark train every night.
[01:00:56] Yeah, 30 days and then what, $8 a ride?
[01:01:06] I mean, driving, I definitely saved money.
[01:01:10] Yeah, but if you gotta be going somewhere right off right by there, because otherwise the
[01:01:24] I yield my time to Mr. I yield my time to the central.
[01:01:29] I yield my time to the gentle woman from Israel.
[01:01:34] Anyways, the protocols of the elders of Zion.
[01:01:39] Yeah, there's that show that love after lock up show I'm watching.
[01:01:48] So there's this anti-Semitic thing called the protocols of elders.
[01:01:51] And then they start Israel and call their thing Zionism.
[01:01:54] It's like, shouldn't you call it a Jewanism or something?
[01:02:09] Where's your grand explanation for this one?
[01:02:16] Well, why was like Bob Marley and stuff talking about Zion?
[01:02:24] I didn't realize it was some African guy's fault.
[01:02:39] The Jews, the Jews, airdrop to marijuana on the Jamaica.
[01:02:47] You know, he was half Jamaican, half Irish, which means he gets his...
[01:03:03] You going to bring something to the table?
[01:03:06] No, what I was going to say before, let me read your phone.
[01:03:07] Mr. Freeland, the results are negative.
[01:03:15] You did not test positive for having a penis.
[01:03:34] The Kramer Ross Child Center for the Weather Guy at Heather Dick.
[01:03:40] The opening of this school will help researchers for the rest of time figure out whether or
[01:03:49] The giant pair of scissors cutting a ribbon.
[01:03:52] 1938, the opening of the Kramer Ross Child.
[01:03:57] I mean, we'd like to thank Mr. Kramer Ross Child and his very beautiful wife, Annalise,
[01:04:02] for providing the funding for this institution that will help countless Jewish youth.
[01:04:09] For example, perhaps a man named Adam Freeland in the distant future who's on a wireless
[01:04:20] You guys don't know about yet, but we know about the radio technology.
[01:04:27] Oh, and you like a girl, she doesn't like you back.
[01:04:34] You can always dance in front of her house.
[01:04:54] When the pretty girl comes, the strange lady boy and the boys in the middle.
[01:05:22] Oh, I was saying with that show you're describing reminded me that that showed love after lockup.
[01:05:27] There's this guy who's clearly like an 80 IQ, maybe lower than that, who's like falls in
[01:06:02] It was a it was an ambitious prosecutor.
[01:06:05] That she while I said that wasn't against the law.
[01:06:09] And I said I didn't want to press charges.
[01:06:17] This retard gets married to this woman two days after she gets out of jail.
[01:06:22] And his mom like before he leaves to go to pick her up from jail, she gives him a credit
[01:06:29] And she's like, just keep within your budget, sweetie.
[01:06:32] She's like just getting her hair done or nails done.
[01:06:36] It's like, and then it shows him get married and it cuts to the next morning.
[01:06:41] He's in the hotel room crying, like talking to the producers.
[01:06:45] And he's like, I can't, I can't describe.
[01:06:49] He's like, Bob, I just want to let you know.
[01:07:31] She's the sexiest girl I have ever seen about our life.
[01:07:45] There's good pussy on that show though, right?
[01:07:47] Yeah, there's this one like Russian girl that got went to jail for heroin trafficking.
[01:07:56] But she's like, kind of doesn't look as good anymore.
[01:08:04] Do they fuck women who are hot as mercilessly as they fuck men who are hot?
[01:08:14] I don't know if they're getting raped, but like they're all in relationships.
[01:08:22] It's actually more all with all chicks.
[01:08:27] Well, I mean, there's one guy who's like this like Puerto Rican guy who's like waiting
[01:08:36] And then she's like still, she's like clearly maintaining a relationship with her ex-girlfriend
[01:08:42] And he's like, but like he meets her friend and she's like, yeah, why you go to jail?
[01:08:49] And she was like, she's like, I got involved with the wrong guy and he goes, oh, you like
[01:08:57] Yeah, he's incredible, but he's clearly like going to get cuckolded by a woman.
[01:09:03] But now is it always women that are in jail or is it men?
[01:09:07] Yeah, there was like one guy who was a crip who was who like met this Mormon woman on
[01:09:15] Nick is shining a very high light in Adam's face.
[01:09:19] I just remember there was this kid in like real young elementary school age.
[01:09:26] He taped a laser pointer to the side of his glasses and then was like shining it in retarded
[01:09:34] That is so that is such elegant bullying.
[01:10:01] That's the other thing also that was going to fry their brains.
[01:10:05] He just paid to the side of his glasses like Terminator.
[01:10:10] But the thing specifically doing it to retarded to it doing like a percentage.
[01:10:19] That should happen to be at a pro life rally and he's shining a laser and retarded people's
[01:10:29] But that's normal high school behavior.
[01:10:33] You're calling pro pro choice people retards out of it.
[01:10:38] That's what because killing a kid that's that's dumb.
[01:10:44] I guess retarded people are pro choice, right?
[01:10:51] Or like yeah, because of like down syndrome rates are like plummeting because you can
[01:11:06] That's like that would be like voting against your interests.
[01:11:16] If you find out your baby is retarded in the womb, we should do an entire episode.
[01:11:23] I have been such a burden to my entire family.
[01:11:29] We should do an episode this entire week making fun people with down syndrome.
[01:11:35] Just then see what happens with like whoever still listens to the show in Chappo.
[01:11:42] Recently, I've been conflicted about one of my last eight hours.
[01:11:48] They've been they've been they've been they've been released an eight hour episode.
[01:11:51] What you guys don't get is that the come town guys are socialists.
[01:12:00] The hardest I've laughed on this show in months is remembering that laser pointer attached
[01:12:17] So I love that because like he taped them.
[01:12:26] He put the whole process as if he's going to get away with it.
[01:12:28] It's still looks like there's a laser pointer.
[01:12:33] Do you have a friend that got one of those watches with their universal remote on it?
[01:12:37] Like Cassio watch that had a universal remote and like they could just turn the TV on that
[01:12:42] was like in the classroom turned off like while the teacher was teacher.
[01:12:46] We used to drive teachers nuts with that.
[01:12:48] Did enough of you motherfuckers have that?
[01:12:57] There's a hilarious story about making extremely malicious boy doing arts and crafts to literally
[01:13:07] name the to blind to mentally disable children.
[01:13:12] The most innocent people in the entire world.
[01:13:20] We had a universal remote and we would drive the teachers.
[01:13:32] Yeah, my friend had a watch that was remote.
[01:13:40] I want to shine a fucking laser in my eye.
[01:13:47] When I compare, when I compare, having a laser point of shining into my eye to listening
[01:13:55] And now the victim from the first story is teaming up with me against you even though
[01:14:09] I tried wearing a belt and I'm too fat and it's digging into my fat.
[01:14:12] I never kept contact with that guy, but he probably deeply regrets that now.
[01:14:15] Probably wakes him up in the middle and I thinking about how cruel he was.
[01:14:25] If you told him about it, he would probably like, oh, yeah, he'd be like, ah, fuck.
[01:14:32] Meanwhile, I didn't do it, but I still think it's hilarious.
[01:14:39] No, I would not take credit for something that good.
[01:14:43] I would not take credit for something that's reasonable.
[01:14:50] I'm trying to remember the biggest bullying that I've seen or been a part of.
[01:14:55] My friend had a remote control on his watch.
[01:15:00] We bullied the freak out of the teachers.
[01:15:07] I've already told the story about the baseball team that almost got that kid to suck their
[01:15:33] They're also a black person, but every time they trick me, they put just a little bit of
[01:15:40] chocolate that they kept up, but this time it's different.
[01:15:43] This time it will taste like chocolate.
[01:15:49] I'm waiting for it to taste like chocolate.
[01:15:54] You come by here and we say we have chocolate for you.
[01:16:03] Yes, sir. I got a P. You got a P. Can you imagine a grown man doing that laser pointer thing? That would be like getting arrested for that. Yeah.
[01:16:19] That would honestly fucking rule. Yeah.
[01:16:24] Haven't explained that that guy's press conference.
[01:16:28] Well, I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny.
[01:16:36] There are additional tomorrow. Oh, yeah? Who are you playing?
[01:16:41] It's all just Vio stuff. I don't know. I auditioned for Vio stuff anymore.
[01:16:45] You don't want to be on camera, dude? They do not call me.
[01:16:49] They do not like you. They are not interested in the face.
[01:16:55] They have zero interest to me anymore. I am dead to them.
[01:17:01] Damn. I want to fucking audition. What the fuck, man? Let me be a fact I ain't a commercial.
[01:17:06] Yeah. I would be great at doing that. Yeah. You know? You could do it. Thanks, man.
[01:17:13] Yeah, we should all just be in movies. Why don't we make our own movie?
[01:17:17] Why don't we all just become movie stars? Okay. What's the first movie we make?
[01:17:22] What about pineapple Express to? That means I do. We just do it.
[01:17:33] Sorry. Louis Rogan. Oh, I just don't know.
[01:17:45] Why is that movie? He's dating a high school. He's literally dating a high school.
[01:17:49] Oh, yeah, that's right. That's fucking weird. I totally forgot about that joke.
[01:17:53] I mean, that's it's fucked up, dude. Dude, it's said.
[01:17:59] Hey, what's up? That's me. The guy that forgot who he was prior to a year ago.
[01:18:06] Yeah, I've never said anything messed up ever.
[01:18:10] I've always had these opinions that I have now.
[01:18:13] There's been never any. I don't know if every time someone gets like called out on bullshit.
[01:18:18] I'm just so happy that I've been able to grow. I've learned to grow.
[01:18:22] I've learned. Yeah, I was so different four months ago.
[01:18:26] Now that, not that like I have anything to lose
[01:18:30] by making those jokes where I thought I was saying the things no one else would say,
[01:18:36] whatever dude, I'm still out here saying being fat is bad.
[01:18:41] Saying you should be, you should be ashamed. Yeah.
[01:18:44] Well, that's because you were a fat child. Yeah.
[01:18:47] You get as much love as you needed. I'm getting a little fat now.
[01:18:50] But I tell you though, every time I start to get a little fat again, it's like
[01:18:55] it's almost like there's this music that's starting to get louder and louder.
[01:19:00] Yeah, they're like, just come back to the light.
[01:19:04] Yeah. I'm waiting with just hors d'oeuvres in my hand.
[01:19:12] You're a tired psychologist built for this.
[01:19:16] It's what you want to be an unfuckable fat.
[01:19:21] We miss you, Nick. You can handle that.
[01:19:29] A bunch of fat girls you have sex with cheekbones with the worst thing to ever happen to you.
[01:19:50] Hide some of that dick. Look at his chocolate though.
[01:19:53] Hey, I don't think about that right now.
[01:19:55] You don't need to think about your dick.
[01:20:02] Think about the plus side, you'll be sweating.
[01:20:10] Yeah. Being fat's kind of like being extremely poor.
[01:20:13] Why don't you lay yourself in fat then?
[01:20:16] I don't know. I like working out a lot still.
[01:20:19] No, no, I've been back in the gym a little bit.
[01:20:25] Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it feels good to be in shape.
[01:20:30] No, be in fat's. It's physically uncomfortable.
[01:20:35] Being in shape is not physically uncomfortable.
[01:20:39] Feel your clothes touching you all the fucking time.
[01:20:51] I literally had to undo my belt during the recording of the spot.
[01:20:54] You look like a man-tant-dissable person.
[01:21:08] And you probably don't feel good either.
[01:21:15] But I'm telling you, I got a taste of it two years ago when I blew up over the sun.
[01:21:28] You're like, I need to starve myself three days a week.
[01:21:37] Well, you were weighing your foods and stuff.
[01:21:44] Tracking things on spreadsheets and stuff.
[01:21:48] Because your bitch ass has always been a ladies...
[01:22:01] You say you were chubby in middle school, you lie.
[01:22:08] I think I was like 175 pounds of 5 feet.
[01:22:12] I don't remember when I weighed less than 200 pounds.
[01:22:15] I have no memory of being under 200 pounds.
[01:22:26] You should have been 200 pounds in sixth grade.
[01:22:31] I'm the same height as I've been since eighth grade, bro.
[01:22:36] I mean, I'm the same height as I was since probably freshman year of high school.
[01:22:41] I remember hitting 100 and being like, I'm a man.
[01:22:49] I was probably in fifth grade or something.
[01:22:54] Yeah, I hit 100 pounds probably in like third or fourth grade.
[01:23:01] And then I was, yeah, I was like 170, maybe 180 by like six or seventh grade.
[01:23:09] But then I like lost the weight in like a year and a half, but you have it for those couple
[01:23:14] of years and it's like, oh, that's just you forever.
[01:23:18] You got out of it though before like you, I'm sure it fucked you up a little bit, but once
[01:23:25] you, if you get out before fucking age, yeah, you're, you're, well, a lot of the damage
[01:23:31] No, it's funny because it's like, it took until I was like 25, 26.
[01:23:34] I would have dreams at night and my dreams I was still fat and it wasn't like, oh, I'm
[01:23:39] It's just, that's what I like looked like.
[01:23:41] Like someone dreaming about being naked.
[01:23:43] You're a weird combination, honestly, because usually to have all that.
[01:23:48] First of the fat, you fucked after you lost the weight.
[01:23:53] Then it got fat again and just like, yeah, had trouble like it went away.
[01:24:01] Or, or you have to hit, you have to get to your late twenties and you just be fat as
[01:24:06] Because they're like, oh my God, he's like a dad.
[01:24:10] Yeah, I don't have a fucking addiction to burritos.
[01:24:13] I don't have the same gene that fucking heroin addicts do, but for fucking tasty ass morsels.
[01:24:26] I'm going to make you guys a big old bowl of rice.
[01:24:31] I tell you though, you've cooked the sushi rice and then you throw the rice vinegar and
[01:24:49] Well, we're saying a specific great suggestion.
[01:25:02] Gailie to Adam's credit, I must say he is suggesting us.
[01:25:17] It's like how carbonara, like you put back in there.
[01:25:20] No, actually I do that because we got that Japanese breakfast in Tokyo.
[01:25:26] You know, I threw that egg in there and it just cooks in the rice.
[01:25:30] I spent a bunch of time making poke the other night and I like didn't cook the rice hours
[01:25:35] So when I put it all in the fucking rice cooked the tuna and it like it was so okay.
[01:25:41] Yeah, it fucking really ruined my night.
[01:25:43] Yeah, it should be like green temperature.
[01:25:49] No, just room temperature with cold fish.
[01:26:01] It's going to fucking lose its moisture, but you have a cold.
[01:26:05] But in the freezer, you freeze, you cook the rice all the way.
[01:26:09] You just throw it in the freezer after it's done.
[01:26:15] No, there's a, there's a, it crosses a point where it starts to fucking dehydrate in the
[01:26:21] I'm not saying it needs to be like ice cream.
[01:26:25] Maybe a little bit colder than room temperature.
[01:26:32] You don't want hot rice cooking your fucking tuna.
[01:27:00] I don't want to be rude, but this black woman won't listen to me.
[01:27:05] This black woman who I assume is the cashier, but it's just the lady in front of me.
[01:27:14] I'm not trying to be rude, but bitch, you need to get the fuck out of my face.
[01:27:46] What if you just hold out of yourself as Susan?
[01:27:53] How about a superhero name, suddenly Susan, and it was a racist guy.
[01:27:59] And then people were like, you can't say that.
[01:28:14] We added a second show on Saturday in Big Boob March at Lincoln Lodge.
[01:28:20] Come see me in LA next week, the second in San Diego, the 27th.