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Bonus 125 - Queefing Neverland

Cum Town | Premium | 03/04/2019

[00:00:00] Okay, check, check, check.
[00:00:02] Triple double check.
[00:00:03] Cheesy, pussy, pussy.
[00:00:05] Check, check, check.
[00:00:06] Check, check, check.
[00:00:07] All right, so it's Adam.
[00:00:08] And he's answering the door opens, right?
[00:00:11] Listening.
[00:00:12] And then he gets down on one knee and he takes a man's penis like you would a woman's hand
[00:00:17] because he kisses it on the top.
[00:00:20] Yeah.
[00:00:21] And he goes on Chantat.
[00:00:23] And that's how the show starts.
[00:00:26] That's a good open.
[00:00:27] That's a great cold open.
[00:00:28] And the fucking credits.
[00:00:29] The credits.
[00:00:30] And then we win.
[00:00:31] Donahue.
[00:00:32] Tonight.
[00:00:33] We win.
[00:00:34] Gay gentleman.
[00:00:35] Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I can't be a gentleman.
[00:00:40] It's true.
[00:00:41] People, don't you think that's antithetical to being gay?
[00:00:46] I don't know Donahue, is it?
[00:00:48] Woo!
[00:00:49] I never watched Donahue.
[00:00:52] That seemed weird.
[00:00:53] It seemed like a man in a suit was doing Ricky Lake's job to me.
[00:00:55] Do you know what I mean?
[00:00:57] Like that kind of show should be.
[00:00:59] Uh huh.
[00:01:00] I think he used to yell at people kind of and he was maybe.
[00:01:04] Yeah, but I'd rather see like.
[00:01:06] He wasn't as yelling.
[00:01:08] Geraldo used to yell more.
[00:01:09] Geraldo didn't have a show like that.
[00:01:10] Geraldo didn't have a show.
[00:01:11] A talk show.
[00:01:12] No.
[00:01:13] No, you're thinking of what's his name?
[00:01:16] Montanigro.
[00:01:17] Montel.
[00:01:18] Montel.
[00:01:19] No.
[00:01:20] Montel.
[00:01:21] He ate his Montel but that wasn't unique.
[00:01:25] I'm talking about it.
[00:01:27] I thought Montel's name was Montanigro.
[00:01:30] Montel Williams.
[00:01:31] No, no.
[00:01:32] Geraldo definitely had a talk show.
[00:01:33] No, he didn't, bitch.
[00:01:34] No.
[00:01:35] Check it.
[00:01:36] Go ahead.
[00:01:37] Go ahead.
[00:01:38] Google it and be wrong.
[00:01:39] We had a show called Geraldo.
[00:01:40] Yeah.
[00:01:41] He like would do like investigative shit.
[00:01:42] Look, I'm looking at it.
[00:01:43] It wasn't like a studio.
[00:01:44] It was like an audience.
[00:01:45] Yeah, there was.
[00:01:46] No.
[00:01:47] Yeah, there were.
[00:01:48] Chanté.
[00:01:49] Dude, what does this look like?
[00:01:51] What does that look like?
[00:01:52] Two guys kissing.
[00:01:53] Whoa.
[00:01:54] He's gay porn.
[00:01:55] No, it's him.
[00:01:56] He's giving a smooch to a fella.
[00:01:58] Yeah.
[00:01:59] Who's cock smooched up by some fellas?
[00:02:01] What's called, what shade is that Fenty lip gloss that you're wearing in that picture?
[00:02:05] No, it's like, you know, I'm, you know, I'm no makeup.
[00:02:08] Oh yeah.
[00:02:09] You know, I'm, hashtag, I just woke up like this.
[00:02:12] Wow.
[00:02:13] Damn.
[00:02:14] Yeah, that does look like gay porn that you showed us through.
[00:02:16] Yeah, you were looking at gay porn.
[00:02:18] Be honest with everyone in the audience.
[00:02:20] Be honest.
[00:02:21] I was looking at it.
[00:02:23] What is gay porn?
[00:02:24] Be honest.
[00:02:25] Define it.
[00:02:26] You were just showing it, man.
[00:02:28] I just showed you a picture from Geraldo's talk show.
[00:02:30] No.
[00:02:31] Oh my, can you believe he's wearing a Harambe Rivera, right?
[00:02:33] Yeah, that's good.
[00:02:34] And he's like, good evening.
[00:02:36] I'm a gorilla.
[00:02:37] Yeah.
[00:02:38] Tonight we're looking into Donald Trump's tax returns, but what does Geraldo even give
[00:02:42] a shit about?
[00:02:43] He's a Fox News country.
[00:02:45] Yeah, what's his, he's a never Trump guy, right?
[00:02:48] No, I think that he's Republican.
[00:02:51] Yeah, Geraldo just for years didn't say what he was, right?
[00:02:54] And then he was like, yeah, he was kind of more of a straight news.
[00:02:57] And then he was like, bitch, I'm repel.
[00:02:59] I remember feeling betrayed.
[00:03:00] The dog goes to the horse.
[00:03:01] The horse.
[00:03:02] Yeah.
[00:03:03] There's a horse.
[00:03:04] Yeah, my dad told me a funny story about going into a Starbucks one time and there's
[00:03:06] a huge line and at the front of the line is a mentally retarded man talking to one of
[00:03:11] the baristas holding up the line and he's going, did you see a dog?
[00:03:19] And then he proceeds to just explain the entire movie to the barista holding up the line.
[00:03:24] No one has the heart to make this make this a retarded guy.
[00:03:27] And my dad really enjoyed telling me that story.
[00:03:30] Is there a story that he's that you can recall him telling with more fervor?
[00:03:37] No, my dad liked that story because he just, he goes and stands in that line to pretend
[00:03:41] like he's on his way to work.
[00:03:43] So the longer it takes the better for him, he felt even more productive.
[00:03:47] He's like the simulator commute.
[00:03:50] He's unemployed.
[00:03:53] Just on the way to the public library.
[00:03:55] Just like, oh, tapping his fucking watch.
[00:03:58] We're tapping.
[00:03:59] We're tapping.
[00:04:00] We're tapping.
[00:04:01] We're tapping.
[00:04:02] We're tapping.
[00:04:03] We're tapping.
[00:04:04] We're tapping.
[00:04:05] We're tapping.
[00:04:06] We're tapping.
[00:04:07] We're the watch he pwned used to be.
[00:04:08] Yeah.
[00:04:09] I'm late for her.
[00:04:10] Anyways, thank God for this retarded guy.
[00:04:14] Damn.
[00:04:15] So there's a horse.
[00:04:16] So what happened to the movie?
[00:04:17] I don't know.
[00:04:18] It's kind of a black beauty kind of thing.
[00:04:21] So how many horse movies are there?
[00:04:22] There's apparently Hidalgo, which I have not heard of.
[00:04:24] There's war horse.
[00:04:25] Seabiscuit.
[00:04:26] She biscuit, war horse.
[00:04:27] Black beauty.
[00:04:28] Black beauty.
[00:04:29] Mr. Ed.
[00:04:30] That's a show.
[00:04:31] And none of those horses were nominated for any award, like Best Actor.
[00:04:37] While they are technically horse actors, is there a Best animal Oscar?
[00:04:44] There should be.
[00:04:45] There should be.
[00:04:46] Let's give it the posthumously to Marcel from Friends.
[00:04:49] Who's that?
[00:04:50] Who's that monkey?
[00:04:51] Who's that monkey?
[00:04:52] Yeah.
[00:04:53] I remember Ross had a monkey.
[00:04:54] Rachel, I got a monkey.
[00:04:57] Yeah.
[00:04:58] Rachel, I got you in a Rangutan prostitute.
[00:05:02] Oh, yeah.
[00:05:03] And they've got a new favorite news story.
[00:05:05] Yeah.
[00:05:06] That's really good.
[00:05:07] What was it?
[00:05:08] Yeah, I give it to the people.
[00:05:09] In Indonesia, they rescued an ape that was forced into sex slavery.
[00:05:15] It's kind of a brothel.
[00:05:18] To get this, they had regular prosthesis.
[00:05:21] No, I didn't know that.
[00:05:23] Oh, yeah.
[00:05:24] You could choose.
[00:05:25] Well, for right, it is the price of life.
[00:05:26] That's unbelievable.
[00:05:27] That's nice.
[00:05:28] There was a menu and human pussy was on it.
[00:05:33] And they're like, I'm going to go monkey pussy.
[00:05:37] Yeah.
[00:05:38] Did you say they shaved it and put makeup on it?
[00:05:41] They shaved it and they put makeup on it?
[00:05:43] Yeah.
[00:05:44] Damn.
[00:05:45] That's probably.
[00:05:46] What does an Rangutan pussy feel like?
[00:05:48] I mean, they're...
[00:05:50] That's what happens, dude.
[00:05:52] Yes.
[00:05:53] You go to the brothel every day, you've tried all the other ones.
[00:05:55] That's right.
[00:05:56] You're like, I guess I'll fuck the baboon.
[00:05:57] Just out of curiosity.
[00:05:58] I guess this will be the day I fucked the baboon.
[00:06:02] I don't want to be the day I fucked the baboon.
[00:06:07] I guess I don't want to fuck the baboon, but I do want a friend of mine to fuck it and
[00:06:11] tell me what it feels like.
[00:06:12] Yeah.
[00:06:13] Yeah.
[00:06:14] I'm curious.
[00:06:15] Do baboon's pussies get wet?
[00:06:16] How big are they?
[00:06:17] I'm going to make another coffee real quick.
[00:06:18] Go ahead.
[00:06:19] Well, people always talk about how apes have smaller penises than humans.
[00:06:25] So maybe their pussies are really small.
[00:06:26] So maybe they got small pussies.
[00:06:27] Like, do they say that gorillas have like two inch dicks and they're one pump, guys?
[00:06:33] Yes.
[00:06:34] So they got normal size dicks, I guess.
[00:06:36] Yes, they got huge dicks.
[00:06:38] They got huge dicks.
[00:06:39] So, okay.
[00:06:40] Do they have clits?
[00:06:43] Do monkeys have clits?
[00:06:46] Probably.
[00:06:47] I don't know.
[00:06:49] I would guess.
[00:06:50] They're pretty close to us.
[00:06:51] They're cousins of ours, right?
[00:06:52] So I guess they're going to have comparable genitizing.
[00:06:54] Do dogs have clits?
[00:06:55] They probably knows this, but he's making a problem.
[00:06:57] Do you know?
[00:06:58] No, I don't.
[00:06:59] Do monkeys have clits?
[00:07:00] I mean, probably.
[00:07:01] Okay.
[00:07:02] They have everything else we have.
[00:07:03] That's your nipples.
[00:07:05] Yeah.
[00:07:06] Dicks, people.
[00:07:07] I don't know about monkeys.
[00:07:08] Yeah.
[00:07:09] A rangutan is an ape, right?
[00:07:10] Yes.
[00:07:11] Good apes are chimpanzees, orangutans, gorillas, bonobos.
[00:07:16] Gorillas and humans.
[00:07:18] Not bonobo?
[00:07:19] Bonobos is a type of chimp.
[00:07:20] Oh, it is.
[00:07:22] Yeah.
[00:07:23] Oh, yeah.
[00:07:24] Okay.
[00:07:25] Now, does it get wet?
[00:07:26] I assume it would.
[00:07:28] Do the animals pussies get wet?
[00:07:32] RIP Steve Irwin.
[00:07:35] That's right.
[00:07:36] That's all the man was trying to figure out.
[00:07:38] He definitely fucks a couple animals in his day, for sure.
[00:07:41] That's why that's why Bindi's so hot.
[00:07:43] Shuts out Bindi.
[00:07:44] Bindi, if you're listening, girl.
[00:07:46] His genes knew that he was trying to leave the species.
[00:07:49] They were like, we've got to produce an extremely fuckable human to keep people on track.
[00:07:55] Yeah.
[00:07:56] Interesting.
[00:07:57] So if I want a hot daughter, I have to fuck monkeys and shit.
[00:07:59] Yeah.
[00:08:00] I wonder who's fucking Bindi Irwin.
[00:08:02] I'd love it for it to be my mother.
[00:08:04] What man is pretending like they didn't know who she was?
[00:08:09] You know what I mean?
[00:08:10] Well, if someone's young enough, maybe.
[00:08:12] Because how old is she?
[00:08:15] I don't know.
[00:08:16] It's like, you know, it's like, who doesn't know that that's Steve Irwin's daughter?
[00:08:18] Well, I guess you don't have to pretend.
[00:08:20] Yeah.
[00:08:21] Yeah.
[00:08:22] Yeah.
[00:08:23] Why do you have to pretend?
[00:08:24] She's probably fucking her brother.
[00:08:25] Not her.
[00:08:26] She's a lot like...
[00:08:27] Nah.
[00:08:28] Bindi's hotter than her brother, dude.
[00:08:29] Because she's not a celebrity, but it's like, you know...
[00:08:31] You know who she is.
[00:08:32] Yeah, you know who she is.
[00:08:33] Yeah.
[00:08:34] She's probably a big celebrity in Australia.
[00:08:35] She's probably one of the five most famous people.
[00:08:38] I don't know.
[00:08:39] It seemed like we were the biggest celebrities.
[00:08:41] Yeah.
[00:08:42] Yeah.
[00:08:43] That had nothing to do with the fact that all we did was go to the hotels in our shows.
[00:08:45] Yeah.
[00:08:46] Yeah.
[00:08:47] I feel like...
[00:08:48] I feel like...
[00:08:49] Well, you know, but there's all the security and stuff.
[00:08:51] Yeah.
[00:08:52] There's people hounding us.
[00:08:53] That is so true.
[00:08:54] Yeah, and they adore us as a show.
[00:08:55] It was...
[00:08:56] It was...
[00:08:57] It was...
[00:08:58] It was...
[00:08:59] It was a big thing.
[00:09:00] We should all fucking show up to England and shit.
[00:09:02] And we're trying to come to the UK.
[00:09:03] We'd love to be there in the summer where we're trying to work it out.
[00:09:06] I would love it if I could figure out a way where I could just...
[00:09:08] Just for like three months be in one direction.
[00:09:11] Okay.
[00:09:12] Isn't it over?
[00:09:13] Be in the band.
[00:09:14] Or like one of those bands.
[00:09:15] Yeah.
[00:09:16] You know, one of the ones is just all teenage fans.
[00:09:17] Just...
[00:09:18] And then come back to the show.
[00:09:19] I love it.
[00:09:20] But just to have three months where I just really establish us as a brand.
[00:09:24] Yeah.
[00:09:25] That'd be hilarious.
[00:09:26] That would be hilarious.
[00:09:27] That would be awesome.
[00:09:28] Like, you know...
[00:09:29] So you want to get a bunch of teenage girls into come town?
[00:09:32] Well, what I want to get into come town is millions and millions of people.
[00:09:36] Yeah.
[00:09:37] Most people will have like Twitter accounts that only are dedicated to like the third
[00:09:43] most prominent guy in BTS or something.
[00:09:46] Right.
[00:09:47] And they'll just tweet all day long.
[00:09:48] That's BTS.
[00:09:49] It's like the Korean one direction.
[00:09:51] Is there?
[00:09:52] I don't know that.
[00:09:53] Yeah.
[00:09:54] There was a bunch of BTS stuff all over Japan over there.
[00:09:55] I didn't know who they were.
[00:09:56] How would I know who they...
[00:09:58] The only way you know that is if you know to look for it.
[00:10:00] I barely know who one direction is.
[00:10:01] Yeah.
[00:10:02] You know the Korean version?
[00:10:03] Yeah.
[00:10:04] Why do you know they're pretty big?
[00:10:05] They're pretty big.
[00:10:06] They're pretty big.
[00:10:07] But, okay.
[00:10:08] I don't know that.
[00:10:10] How did you find out about that?
[00:10:12] I read the newspaper dude.
[00:10:13] Tiger B, J14.
[00:10:14] This is motherfuckers looking up.
[00:10:18] Hot young Korean boys.
[00:10:19] I don't know who the sexy Korean boy bands are.
[00:10:25] Name other ones.
[00:10:26] I know you know some more.
[00:10:27] I only know BTS.
[00:10:28] Shut up.
[00:10:29] Shut up.
[00:10:30] I promise.
[00:10:31] Name some other K-pop bands.
[00:10:35] There's...
[00:10:38] Why sun food?
[00:10:41] Yeah, okay.
[00:10:42] Why so serious?
[00:10:43] You know some man.
[00:10:44] I know you know them dude.
[00:10:45] We should have gone to Korea instead of Tokyo.
[00:10:49] I would love to go to Seoul.
[00:10:51] Yeah, really cool.
[00:10:52] I went to a part of Korea.
[00:10:53] I went to...
[00:10:54] Oh, you did?
[00:10:55] You also?
[00:10:56] Back in the day with my boy Ben Washburn.
[00:10:58] Shuts out very funny comments.
[00:11:00] Ben quote unquote dick Washburn.
[00:11:02] Just like the most wholesome guy of all time.
[00:11:06] Right's great smart clean jokes.
[00:11:08] You don't have to qualify.
[00:11:09] Ben Dick Washburn.
[00:11:10] Ben Dick Washburn.
[00:11:11] Gives a shit how clean he is.
[00:11:12] That's not nice he is.
[00:11:14] That's his name.
[00:11:15] Why do you think he's that clean?
[00:11:17] Because the dick sideways.
[00:11:19] Exactly.
[00:11:20] Boomerang style.
[00:11:22] We went to Korea.
[00:11:23] We went to some random part.
[00:11:24] There was like a bass.
[00:11:25] I don't remember where the fuck we were.
[00:11:28] And this is going to sound racist.
[00:11:31] But there literally was...
[00:11:34] According to the Marines anyway, maybe they are just racist.
[00:11:36] And I took them with their word.
[00:11:39] The army base was literally backed up against a dog farm.
[00:11:43] Like...
[00:11:44] Yeah, no.
[00:11:45] Yeah, because I remember North Korea just announced that they're going to shut down
[00:11:47] the dog farms.
[00:11:48] That's crazy.
[00:11:49] They got them in South Korea still.
[00:11:51] Yeah, well I mean South Korea announcer shut down the dog farms.
[00:11:54] I mean if you think about it, it's like if you've been eating dogs for hundreds of years
[00:11:59] and then there's like on the other part of the world they're pet.
[00:12:01] You know like what if we like discovered pain pests?
[00:12:03] In India they donate cows.
[00:12:05] Yeah, they worship cows and yeah they worship cows.
[00:12:08] They must be like, you know I heard the funniest thing.
[00:12:11] They're eating cows in America.
[00:12:15] What backwards people?
[00:12:16] Well I have to go outside to dig a toilet.
[00:12:19] But when I come back you will continue laughing about the cow.
[00:12:24] Yeah but you think that...
[00:12:25] You know if a dog is delicious as a fucking cow, maybe I would eat dog.
[00:12:31] Yeah, I mean I love dogs.
[00:12:32] Have you ever tasted a dog?
[00:12:34] My favorite one of my favorite Adam moments was I had to watch IC for like a week and Adam
[00:12:39] came to pick her up and he's like coming into the apartment he's doing they're like,
[00:12:43] oh what's that?
[00:12:44] What's that like trying to get the dog excited and the dog could not care.
[00:12:47] No that's not true.
[00:12:48] That's not true.
[00:12:49] That's not true.
[00:12:50] He was trying to make it out like this was going to be like a soldier coming back from
[00:12:55] fucking a pain.
[00:12:56] That's how it is every time.
[00:12:57] And the dog is not reacting that way.
[00:13:00] That's what it's like.
[00:13:02] That would happen Adam be honest.
[00:13:05] The dog freaks out every time I come home.
[00:13:06] This time it didn't sound like...
[00:13:07] It did not freak out.
[00:13:08] Is Nick's retelling of the events accurate?
[00:13:13] Maybe he saw it differently.
[00:13:15] What are we going to go back into one of these rasha mods?
[00:13:18] Oh my god, I see it's me Adam.
[00:13:25] Fuck off.
[00:13:26] Hello it's me.
[00:13:27] I see the dog.
[00:13:28] I recall Adam being a faggot.
[00:13:29] I mean I don't recall he is.
[00:13:30] But this is present tense.
[00:13:32] Hence the golden tape recorder.
[00:13:41] I love you my little baby sweet baby girl.
[00:13:44] I see it's fucking perfect.
[00:13:46] She's got fucked up.
[00:13:49] Well dude you heard I see.
[00:13:51] You heard.
[00:13:52] You sounded really hot that day though.
[00:13:53] You sounded like really masculine for what you usually sound like.
[00:13:56] Listen everyone knows if that wasn't a real tape recorder.
[00:14:00] What is you making the noises and the voices?
[00:14:02] Wow shut up.
[00:14:03] I don't know about that.
[00:14:04] Let's check the truth machine.
[00:14:05] I don't know.
[00:14:06] It is a tape recorder.
[00:14:09] Adam is wrong.
[00:14:10] The truth machine is determined.
[00:14:11] Why did you have to rewind the truth machine?
[00:14:13] That's not a sound tape player.
[00:14:15] That's me it's starting up.
[00:14:18] The truth machine.
[00:14:19] The truth machine also uses a magnetic drum.
[00:14:22] The system to store all the truths.
[00:14:24] So any more questions you gave bitch fucking piece of shit.
[00:14:28] I didn't think so.
[00:14:30] Well that settles it.
[00:14:34] I don't know if I was having a whole bunch of machines.
[00:14:39] Just being in the war room.
[00:14:42] Yeah.
[00:14:43] You guys can't see us.
[00:14:44] We got 42 screens up right now.
[00:14:46] We're monitoring every different country CNN.
[00:14:50] We're tapped into we have a drone surveillance.
[00:14:54] We have drones surveillance outside of the White House.
[00:14:56] We're watching Trump bathe in the Lincoln room right now.
[00:15:00] He's got his flappy old titties out.
[00:15:02] Did you watch the CPAC speech?
[00:15:04] I did not.
[00:15:05] What CPAC is like?
[00:15:07] I didn't see the whole thing.
[00:15:08] I read the transcript of the interview with him and Sean Hannity after the Cohen testimony.
[00:15:12] And it's like the way he talks is so funny.
[00:15:15] It's hilarious.
[00:15:16] And it'll never stop being funny.
[00:15:17] I know dude.
[00:15:18] He's like and you know it's just a really bad thing with the Democrats.
[00:15:22] It's just really bad.
[00:15:24] I don't like it.
[00:15:26] It's bad.
[00:15:27] It's really just not good to do to a president.
[00:15:32] I mean he talks like when you're like you have to reach your word limit.
[00:15:37] And fucking for a speed for like a assignment.
[00:15:40] It's like a thousand words.
[00:15:41] His qualifications of literally everything in the entire world is good or bad.
[00:15:46] He's a bad man.
[00:15:49] He's bad.
[00:15:50] Look for them to have this hearing while I'm doing something very important for the country.
[00:15:56] Good.
[00:15:57] Very big and good.
[00:15:58] Something very big in the world.
[00:16:00] I feel bad for him though.
[00:16:01] He doesn't have any friends.
[00:16:03] Yeah he does.
[00:16:04] The only people he knows are his family.
[00:16:06] He doesn't even like them.
[00:16:07] Dude he's happy.
[00:16:08] He's happy.
[00:16:09] His life is chill.
[00:16:10] He's cool.
[00:16:11] He's got all this old good porn star pussy to him.
[00:16:15] Look here's the thing.
[00:16:16] Yeah that's back in the day.
[00:16:17] I don't think he likes being gay.
[00:16:18] He's not being a good president.
[00:16:19] And he gives a shit about he's kicking me.
[00:16:21] Him saying like I could be the president if I want to.
[00:16:24] And people are like you could never be the president.
[00:16:26] He's like watch this.
[00:16:27] He won.
[00:16:28] Yeah.
[00:16:29] He's good for him.
[00:16:30] Like he really fucking showed everyone.
[00:16:32] Yeah.
[00:16:33] And he showed nerds.
[00:16:34] He showed a lot like nerds.
[00:16:35] And by chance like there's just not going to be a recession the entire time he's in awe.
[00:16:40] Yeah what's good.
[00:16:41] Here's what's going to happen.
[00:16:42] Some shitty Democrats from what he sent us is going to win.
[00:16:44] Then the recession is going to hit.
[00:16:46] And then the next fucking president is going to be like an evil ass Trump.
[00:16:50] Yeah.
[00:16:51] Donald Trump is going to be president forever.
[00:16:53] I think he's going to win.
[00:16:54] He's not only is he going to win he'll find a way to have three terms.
[00:16:58] Yeah he'll just change the constitution.
[00:17:01] Who died before that probably.
[00:17:03] Why would he die?
[00:17:04] I don't know.
[00:17:05] He's old and fat.
[00:17:06] So.
[00:17:07] Yeah you could die from that.
[00:17:08] You're telling me I'm going to die but he's not going to die?
[00:17:11] You're much fatter than Donald Trump.
[00:17:14] Yeah not really.
[00:17:15] Donald Trump was also in shape most of his life.
[00:17:17] No he wasn't.
[00:17:18] Well he wasn't.
[00:17:19] He didn't look like you.
[00:17:20] No he doesn't.
[00:17:21] He actually was never in shape.
[00:17:22] He does not believe in exercise.
[00:17:23] Sure but I mean he's never looked like stars.
[00:17:25] He's never been as powerful.
[00:17:26] He's never been as powerful in a lower body.
[00:17:29] That's true.
[00:17:30] He says that he does not exercise because you only have a certain amount of energy.
[00:17:33] And he doesn't want to waste it on exercise.
[00:17:35] Look the point is what is bad for you is being morbidly obese.
[00:17:40] Which is regular OB.
[00:17:42] I'm inching back down to regular.
[00:17:44] I think.
[00:17:45] Thank you very much.
[00:17:47] You crossed the threshold like when you were 265 pounds.
[00:17:51] Well I'm getting back baby.
[00:17:53] I'm so used to 84 now.
[00:17:55] I was 298 when I came back from LA.
[00:17:59] But for your height over like 240 something.
[00:18:02] 62.
[00:18:03] Over 240 pounds is more of a class 3 more.
[00:18:06] No no no no.
[00:18:07] That's some old outdated shit.
[00:18:10] I'm regular.
[00:18:11] I mean it's outdated.
[00:18:13] It's outdated.
[00:18:14] When is it from?
[00:18:15] It's some old shit bro.
[00:18:16] Old and days.
[00:18:17] Back in the day before they understood different types of powerful bodies.
[00:18:21] Some King Arthur kind of.
[00:18:22] Before they could.
[00:18:23] Before they could.
[00:18:24] Yes.
[00:18:25] Before they could accurately quantify how powerful someone's haunches were.
[00:18:29] Because that's they're thinking my legs are fat.
[00:18:32] Beautiful muscle.
[00:18:34] In the lower body.
[00:18:35] I'll give you up top morbid.
[00:18:38] Bottom.
[00:18:39] Beautiful ass.
[00:18:41] Beautiful ass.
[00:18:42] But you have your ass.
[00:18:44] And then it actually excuse me.
[00:18:45] Your ass is at your feet.
[00:18:47] Only because of how fat I am around it it looks bad.
[00:18:51] But we're going to get back to it.
[00:18:53] Because of how fat my love handles are.
[00:18:55] You have you somehow have hand kill ass.
[00:18:57] No no no.
[00:18:58] It's only because of how fat this I'm trying to finish my scientific thesis here.
[00:19:02] Up top morbid.
[00:19:03] I'm not fighting that.
[00:19:04] Lower body beautiful athlete it averages out to regular obese.
[00:19:09] Thank you.
[00:19:10] The floor is for questions.
[00:19:12] The floor is open.
[00:19:13] None you understand and I'm correct.
[00:19:15] Great.
[00:19:16] Well I guess the only way to know would be if we could weigh both halves of your body.
[00:19:21] Okay.
[00:19:22] And then do figure out the BMI.
[00:19:24] That's true.
[00:19:25] Do it in half.
[00:19:26] I still think you'd be wrong.
[00:19:27] No.
[00:19:28] I'm correct.
[00:19:29] I'm correct.
[00:19:30] How can you weigh a half of someone's body?
[00:19:32] We'd have to cut you in half.
[00:19:35] I'll do it.
[00:19:36] No you can't bitch.
[00:19:37] Unfortunately for you.
[00:19:38] We'll put you back.
[00:19:39] Really?
[00:19:40] Yeah.
[00:19:41] Why don't we get a magician?
[00:19:42] He'll saw me in half.
[00:19:44] He will weigh whatever the box is weigh.
[00:19:46] And then we'll subtract the box.
[00:19:48] Has magic been like me too?
[00:19:51] I guess David Copperfield.
[00:19:52] Yeah Copperfield got me too.
[00:19:53] Copperfield definitely.
[00:19:54] But like you know how the assistants are all like.
[00:19:56] Yes.
[00:19:57] And now I'm going to look at her pussy.
[00:19:59] Like that's certainly wrong.
[00:20:03] And the lovely Glenda.
[00:20:04] Yeah.
[00:20:05] Yeah.
[00:20:06] It seems like a world that's ripe for just taking advantage of.
[00:20:09] I was watching women in ball.
[00:20:11] Well you could secretly put your penis.
[00:20:13] You could magically put your penis in her pussy without another saying.
[00:20:16] You know with these magic pills.
[00:20:18] Yeah you have all this misdirection.
[00:20:20] You're doing shit with your hands.
[00:20:22] You fucking taking out.
[00:20:23] You're taking out your chiefs and shit.
[00:20:25] And by the time she knows that you're dicks in her pussy.
[00:20:27] Yeah.
[00:20:29] And you take it out and she never notices.
[00:20:31] If you're good enough at magic.
[00:20:33] Yeah.
[00:20:34] If you're good enough.
[00:20:35] Siegfried and Roy are actually rapists.
[00:20:36] They're just so good at magic we think they're gay.
[00:20:39] But they've been fucking.
[00:20:41] So one of them.
[00:20:42] One of them died from the tiger.
[00:20:44] The tiger killed him.
[00:20:45] Really?
[00:20:46] Yeah you don't remember that.
[00:20:47] I remember he got mauled but I thought he was just like fucked up.
[00:20:49] No I killed him.
[00:20:50] He was crazy.
[00:20:51] That shit was awesome.
[00:20:52] Damn the dog was a little bit.
[00:20:53] Yeah.
[00:20:54] That is fucking awesome.
[00:20:56] The tigers are really cool though.
[00:20:58] They're retarded.
[00:20:59] I remember I used to go to the white tiger sanctuary at the mirage as a kid.
[00:21:03] Siegfried and Roy's tigers.
[00:21:05] Adam I'm going to show you real men.
[00:21:08] This is what you'll be like.
[00:21:11] When a man was still men.
[00:21:12] This is you'll be a magic guy with your best friend.
[00:21:16] Yeah.
[00:21:17] Then you'll just fuck your girls together.
[00:21:19] You'll have your best friend that you live with together.
[00:21:23] An awesome house for the sling.
[00:21:26] It's sort of domestic.
[00:21:27] Yeah.
[00:21:28] In a very close friendship.
[00:21:31] Like the kind I had in the back of a pickup truck.
[00:21:34] Did I ever tell you this story, Addie?
[00:21:37] We had only one reason that on the pie.
[00:21:40] Oh that's right.
[00:21:41] That was a lie.
[00:21:42] No we did it at the lab show.
[00:21:44] Oh yeah.
[00:21:45] It was somewhere else that you told him this story.
[00:21:47] Yeah.
[00:21:48] In a tent.
[00:21:49] It is a very funny story.
[00:21:51] We'll leave the audience since this bed.
[00:21:54] Yeah.
[00:21:55] How about that?
[00:21:56] His dad had gay sex in the car.
[00:21:59] What was in a pickup truck?
[00:22:01] So it's technically a mask.
[00:22:03] You know, you've all heard the books in Dunsong.
[00:22:06] Fucking in a flatbed pickup.
[00:22:08] Fucking your friend in the back of a pickup.
[00:22:11] It's too belted to luxe.
[00:22:14] Ain't nothing like a August afternoon rainy day.
[00:22:19] Getting some poon.
[00:22:21] And you and your friend hanging out in the back of a Nip 150.
[00:22:25] Getting fucked.
[00:22:26] You know, all the hits.
[00:22:28] Yeah.
[00:22:29] All the brooks and Duns hits.
[00:22:31] This is my dad Ronnie Dun.
[00:22:33] Mm hmm.
[00:22:34] Yeah, his dad fucked Ronnie Dun.
[00:22:36] I give him a big up.
[00:22:38] What the hell is going on?
[00:22:40] Your dad just being fucked by brooks and Duns in the back of the pickup.
[00:22:43] Now hold on there partner.
[00:22:44] Oh my God.
[00:22:45] I really am.
[00:22:46] I just graced his name for Ronnie.
[00:22:48] Constellites.
[00:22:49] Hey man.
[00:22:50] You told the story.
[00:22:52] I told it.
[00:22:53] I told it.
[00:22:54] He did the live.
[00:22:55] This isn't a real story.
[00:22:57] If you see me in right.
[00:22:59] My.
[00:23:00] Rigo.
[00:23:01] Rico.
[00:23:02] Rico.
[00:23:03] Rico.
[00:23:04] Rico.
[00:23:05] Rico.
[00:23:06] Rico.
[00:23:07] Rico.
[00:23:08] Rico.
[00:23:09] Milwauky.
[00:23:10] You can hear that story.
[00:23:12] Let's talk about the Usmi Rico.
[00:23:14] Rico.
[00:23:15] Rico.
[00:23:16] Rico.
[00:23:17] V
[00:23:46] Yankee game when it starts up.
[00:23:48] And it was a very fun day.
[00:23:50] We got a really good ticket.
[00:23:51] We shot out the fucking cyclones or SI Yankees.
[00:23:54] I'm down.
[00:23:55] They're $10.
[00:23:56] And that is where the Giro dreams the sushi pit was born.
[00:24:00] Yeah.
[00:24:03] Yeah, they are really fun.
[00:24:03] You can take the ferry over to Staten Island.
[00:24:05] So Staten Island Class A Yankees.
[00:24:08] That's what I call them, ferry Obama.
[00:24:10] Yeah.
[00:24:12] You said a berry?
[00:24:13] This is gay.
[00:24:14] Fair rock.
[00:24:17] Faruk.
[00:24:19] Faruk was a guy with a wrestler.
[00:24:21] Yeah.
[00:24:22] He was teamed up with Bradshaw.
[00:24:25] Faruk is on fire.
[00:24:27] Faruk.
[00:24:28] Faruk is on fire.
[00:24:31] Remember Bradshaw?
[00:24:33] I just haven't thought of Bradshaw.
[00:24:35] And then Bradshaw rebranded as a cowboy guy.
[00:24:37] Yeah.
[00:24:38] Yeah, it's true.
[00:24:39] But why wasn't he a cowboy to begin with?
[00:24:41] I don't know.
[00:24:42] He was sound like.
[00:24:43] He was with Faruk.
[00:24:43] It was Faruk and Bradshaw.
[00:24:45] Is this a Muslim?
[00:24:46] Yes, a Muslim.
[00:24:47] It's a fucking white guy.
[00:24:48] This first character didn't work out.
[00:24:50] Oh, man.
[00:24:51] I miss attitude era.
[00:24:52] You know what we should do for real?
[00:24:54] I would like to go like a shitty wrestling show.
[00:24:57] Yeah.
[00:24:57] Like a local ass.
[00:24:58] No, no, no.
[00:24:59] No, that's too much of a thing.
[00:25:00] It's not.
[00:25:00] But we're not.
[00:25:01] It's not a thing for us, though.
[00:25:03] It is not a thing for us.
[00:25:04] No, no, no, no, no.
[00:25:05] We're not researching it.
[00:25:07] We're just going.
[00:25:08] Nope.
[00:25:08] Nope.
[00:25:09] I might be able to get Tix Billy Joel at the Garden, though.
[00:25:12] And now we're talking.
[00:25:13] Yeah.
[00:25:14] We should do that.
[00:25:15] Now we're talking.
[00:25:16] I bring a copious amount of cocaine.
[00:25:17] I feel like that is the place to do cocaine amongst drunk 65-year-olds.
[00:25:23] I'm trying to get a fucking man from Long Island.
[00:25:26] Trying to get to see how I hung out with Blake the other day.
[00:25:28] How's he doing?
[00:25:29] He's doing pretty good.
[00:25:30] Oh, good.
[00:25:31] Yeah.
[00:25:32] That's good to hear.
[00:25:33] sober, quit drinking.
[00:25:34] Get out of here.
[00:25:35] Great.
[00:25:36] He's trying to.
[00:25:37] He would get off the blow.
[00:25:38] He looks exactly the same.
[00:25:39] I'm sure.
[00:25:40] He looks fine, though.
[00:25:41] He's actually in the direction between gay British butler and then biker, if you can
[00:25:46] imagine.
[00:25:47] Yeah.
[00:25:48] Yeah.
[00:25:49] That's a great comprehensive description.
[00:25:52] Yeah.
[00:25:53] Yeah.
[00:25:54] Where'd you see him?
[00:25:57] He came over.
[00:25:58] You guys just hang out just you and him?
[00:26:00] Yeah, we hung out just a couple of fellas on the couch.
[00:26:02] Just a little Siegfried and Roy.
[00:26:04] A little Siegfried and Roy's situation.
[00:26:06] Yeah.
[00:26:07] Yeah.
[00:26:08] I remember their house.
[00:26:09] They're a little magic.
[00:26:10] Yeah.
[00:26:11] Their house was by my friend's house and they had marble, like carved marble palm trees
[00:26:19] outside the front.
[00:26:20] And I remember one time we were driving past it.
[00:26:23] My dad said, that's the greatest house I've ever seen.
[00:26:28] Oh, Siegfried and Roy?
[00:26:29] Yeah.
[00:26:30] Yeah.
[00:26:31] Interesting.
[00:26:32] I thought you were talking about Blake for some reason.
[00:26:33] Oh, no.
[00:26:34] Sorry.
[00:26:35] What are you saying out of like admiration?
[00:26:36] Yeah.
[00:26:37] Yeah.
[00:26:38] You're so much.
[00:26:39] One day I live in a house.
[00:26:40] Yeah.
[00:26:41] He made you stop and take Polaroids of it.
[00:26:44] Yeah.
[00:26:45] Yeah.
[00:26:46] You just get you and your friends drive by and you're trying to show, trying to show
[00:26:50] your friends.
[00:26:51] You're like, my dad said the funniest thing about this place, guys.
[00:26:53] But here it is.
[00:26:54] He said it's the gayest house.
[00:26:56] And then there's like a pickup parked in the driveway.
[00:26:59] It's Rodney Bitts.
[00:27:00] And then his dad's head just pops up with the bed and he goes, Adam, what are you doing
[00:27:04] here?
[00:27:05] And your friends are like, what's going on in that truck?
[00:27:09] Just get out of here.
[00:27:10] We got to go.
[00:27:11] We got to get.
[00:27:12] Get out of here.
[00:27:13] Get out of here.
[00:27:14] Go.
[00:27:15] The Brooks and Duns pop up.
[00:27:18] The Cowboy had fully hardened.
[00:27:23] Where's the cowboy looks?
[00:27:26] The cowboy.
[00:27:27] Back up.
[00:27:28] The band pick up getting fucked.
[00:27:30] Oh, man.
[00:27:31] Brooks and Duns in a pickup having gasex.
[00:27:33] With your dad in front of safe reading Royce.
[00:27:41] Well partnered.
[00:27:43] This is just the best place to have gasex.
[00:27:46] Well, do you believe in magic?
[00:27:51] Cowboy magic.
[00:27:52] Every fluent from Nashville might not be able to pull a rabbit out of my hat, sir.
[00:27:58] I can't promise and it took cito.
[00:28:03] Don't know if any flowers will be coming out of my wand, but something will.
[00:28:09] And that's cowboy magic.
[00:28:14] Just simple blue collar magic.
[00:28:18] Don't need any fancy lines or tigers.
[00:28:21] As long as I got my partner with me.
[00:28:24] And my pickup truck.
[00:28:28] A gay cowboy.
[00:28:30] Shitting on the fancy magicians.
[00:28:33] Then these tuxes have gasex.
[00:28:37] You don't need any of that, but do cowboy magic.
[00:28:43] All that is is gasey.
[00:28:46] There's no making shit disappear.
[00:28:50] No rabbits.
[00:28:51] No making shit disappear.
[00:28:55] Yeah.
[00:28:56] Brics and Nuts latest hit is cowboy magic.
[00:28:59] Tells a story of a couple of cowboys that present the popularity of sea freaks.
[00:29:07] The protest.
[00:29:08] You'll find local homosexuals from Las Vegas and have sex in their driveway with them.
[00:29:14] I don't get out of half.
[00:29:19] A middle-aged unemployed South African man.
[00:29:24] Yeah.
[00:29:25] Who's upset about the theft of the 2000 George Bush Al Gore election.
[00:29:31] That's true, man.
[00:29:32] Yeah.
[00:29:33] That was fucked up.
[00:29:34] Just some simple old cowboy magic.
[00:29:37] He got cowboy magic.
[00:29:40] I'm gonna pull out my brain.
[00:29:42] Make it disappear in my man.
[00:29:45] Yeah.
[00:29:50] Well, I'm not too proud to push a broom all the way up my ass.
[00:29:59] The cowboy magic.
[00:30:04] Other forms of cowboy magic.
[00:30:07] I just swing a hammer all damn day then I'll put it in my ass.
[00:30:14] Just making blue collar things disappear in his ass.
[00:30:19] God.
[00:30:22] Work all day in the steel mills.
[00:30:26] Take my cover holes off.
[00:30:29] Put them in my ass.
[00:30:30] This is the worst type of music.
[00:30:32] Pop country from 2005.
[00:30:36] Fuckin' yeah.
[00:30:39] Who's the trace?
[00:30:40] Trace Achman.
[00:30:45] This is steel here, girl.
[00:30:50] Big and rich.
[00:30:53] I'm gonna bring your bitch around Mr. Steel, your girl.
[00:30:58] Excuse me.
[00:30:59] Who you talkin' about?
[00:31:02] Bitch, ain't nobody talkin' about it.
[00:31:09] You know what I'm talking about?
[00:31:11] You talkin' about your fuckin' ass.
[00:31:13] Bitch, man, I will fuck your girl if I ever try.
[00:31:15] Excuse me.
[00:31:18] I did not consent.
[00:31:23] Ha, ha, ha, ha.
[00:31:26] Trace Song's in such a funny career, man.
[00:31:29] He has no like, actually good songs, but they're pretty cuz he's a song writer though.
[00:31:33] He's written a lot of famous songs.
[00:31:35] It's kind of like a Bruno Mars type.
[00:31:37] Bruno Mars is a big book, James.
[00:31:39] But I mean, it's like a Frank Ocean.
[00:31:41] The R&B version of Frank Ocean, like, wrote a bunch of pop hits.
[00:31:45] Yeah, but Frank Ocean's a good musician.
[00:31:47] So it's probably Trace Song.
[00:31:49] What's a good, what's a Frank Ocean?
[00:31:51] That Bruno Mars song makes me feel like I'm locked out of heaven.
[00:31:53] I would hear that song on the radio, and I always picture Bruno Mars holding and peering through, like, jail bars.
[00:32:00] Like, directly into a woman's pussy.
[00:32:03] That was the visual that it created by heaven.
[00:32:06] That's heaven.
[00:32:07] Is it a giant pussy?
[00:32:09] No, but they're just two bars sitting in between a woman's legs and he's down on his, like, all fours.
[00:32:14] Oh, so it's a regular woman?
[00:32:15] It's a regular woman laying on a bed and he's got little jail bars and he's peering through them and he's like,
[00:32:20] You make me feel like I'm locked out of heaven.
[00:32:25] I don't know why that would pop into my head every time.
[00:32:28] If he could talk to the woman into putting her pussy up against the bars, he could fuck her that way.
[00:32:33] Probably, was it a con...
[00:32:36] Conjugal visit?
[00:32:37] Yeah.
[00:32:38] Is that what they are?
[00:32:39] You just have to fuck through the jail bars.
[00:32:41] Through the bars, too.
[00:32:42] And everyone else watches?
[00:32:43] Uh-huh.
[00:32:44] I can't wait.
[00:32:45] You're a big jail.
[00:32:46] You're a big jail.
[00:32:47] You'd be a fun move as you find, like, a gay bar with a, like, a glory hole in the bathroom.
[00:32:53] Mm-hmm.
[00:32:54] And then you just go in there and then, you know, bend over, stick your ass up against it and wait for a guy to fuck you in the house.
[00:33:02] You start shitting through the hole.
[00:33:04] Mm-hmm.
[00:33:05] And then when the gay guy's like, Oh God, what the hell?
[00:33:07] He's got a bunch of shit in his mouth.
[00:33:09] You're like, Ehh, well, boy, one, two, one, what?
[00:33:12] Well, I'm sure it won't go weird though, well, yeah?
[00:33:14] Mm-hmm.
[00:33:15] And you just pretend to be a French person, doesn't know any better.
[00:33:17] Mm-hmm.
[00:33:18] Interesting.
[00:33:19] They don't have, because they don't have toilets in French.
[00:33:20] Right.
[00:33:21] They all shit through little holes, famously.
[00:33:23] They just shit through a...
[00:33:25] A hole in the wall.
[00:33:26] Mm-hmm.
[00:33:27] And then it turns his...
[00:33:28] Smearing shit all over the wall.
[00:33:29] Not getting it right the first time.
[00:33:31] Got a clipping half the turn.
[00:33:33] It's different.
[00:33:35] It's the...
[00:33:36] It's just a shirt of...
[00:33:37] It's just a whole other wall.
[00:33:39] And then the turn is shared by a mouse family.
[00:33:41] Oh, of course.
[00:33:42] You know, they're like, Oh, Papa, they're turned into a...
[00:33:44] Let's put a fair jockies about.
[00:33:46] Yeah.
[00:33:47] They turned fist of...
[00:33:49] ...cause of knights, it's here, Papa.
[00:33:51] Mm-hmm.
[00:33:52] We are michailed.
[00:33:54] Are you learning how to read against my wishes?
[00:33:57] Mm-hmm.
[00:33:58] You cannot trust the human.
[00:34:00] The human.
[00:34:01] But not come here and eat your shit.
[00:34:04] But Papa, we are just trying to be...
[00:34:07] ...live our lives.
[00:34:09] Ah, yeah, that is beautiful culture.
[00:34:14] Yeah.
[00:34:15] But if you shit into man's mouth, that is sort of having gay sex with him.
[00:34:19] Yeah, that's...
[00:34:20] ...is not a style of gay sex.
[00:34:21] Yeah, that counts for sure.
[00:34:23] Yeah, so dude, jokes on you, Nick.
[00:34:25] Mm-hmm.
[00:34:26] You're gay for thinking about that, dude.
[00:34:28] Damn.
[00:34:29] Well, Papa, sorry, dude.
[00:34:32] Guess that's what they call cowboy magic.
[00:34:34] Yeah.
[00:34:35] You just fell into some cowboy magic without even meaning to.
[00:34:39] I was laughing too about a...
[00:34:41] ...like the movie Crank.
[00:34:42] Mm-hmm.
[00:34:43] But it's Jason Statham, right?
[00:34:45] Mm-hmm.
[00:34:46] And he's poisoned with the thing that makes him turn into a girl.
[00:34:49] Mm-hmm.
[00:34:50] So he has to continue taking testosterone the entire movie.
[00:34:53] Unless...
[00:34:54] ...M&L's start with Grank Tits.
[00:34:55] Well, I'll tone into a girl, so I'll get my testosterone.
[00:34:58] Oh, dude, if you see no chuko, he's the guy that did this to me.
[00:35:02] Mm-hmm.
[00:35:03] Now I'm gonna find this bitch ass.
[00:35:05] Mm-hmm.
[00:35:06] There was a Crank too, right?
[00:35:08] Yeah.
[00:35:09] So what's the plot?
[00:35:10] The plot.
[00:35:11] The first one he's poisoned, then he's gonna die.
[00:35:14] The second one is his heart.
[00:35:16] He needs to electrocute himself to have it...
[00:35:19] That seems like cheating.
[00:35:20] That seems like what Crank 1 should've been.
[00:35:22] No, high voltage.
[00:35:23] I see.
[00:35:24] They're both...
[00:35:25] They're both good movies.
[00:35:26] They're both great movies.
[00:35:27] I'm gonna watch Bulldool Crank watching for you tonight.
[00:35:30] Crank-a-dool.
[00:35:31] It's gonna be a snowy night.
[00:35:33] You wanna crank?
[00:35:34] Is it really gonna snow?
[00:35:35] It looks like it's...
[00:35:37] Fuck.
[00:35:38] Yeah.
[00:35:39] A little bit.
[00:35:40] Silent night.
[00:35:41] God damn it, I didn't even drive to this.
[00:35:43] I bet you the Uber home is gonna be so expensive.
[00:35:46] I am kidding.
[00:35:49] And I fucked your ass...
[00:35:53] Mm-hmm.
[00:35:54] Until you came in my mouth.
[00:35:58] Chicago is fun.
[00:36:00] Yeah, dude.
[00:36:01] The shows, I mean, the city itself is trash.
[00:36:03] Really?
[00:36:04] You don't fuck with Chicago?
[00:36:05] I don't really like Chicago.
[00:36:06] What did you eat?
[00:36:07] What did you do?
[00:36:08] I didn't eat anything.
[00:36:09] I went down to the Justice Molar Crime Center.
[00:36:11] You did a little citizen investigation?
[00:36:16] Yeah, I did.
[00:36:17] A little citizen journalism.
[00:36:18] I'm trying to pitch the story to Mother Jones.
[00:36:20] What did you uncover?
[00:36:23] I was like, this guy's fucking gay, dude.
[00:36:26] Really?
[00:36:27] Whoa, Justin Smolens gay?
[00:36:28] Only a gay guy would do something like this.
[00:36:31] For real?
[00:36:32] Trying to frame us.
[00:36:33] Uh-huh.
[00:36:34] Wait, us.
[00:36:35] Yeah, us.
[00:36:36] Us, Nigeria.
[00:36:37] Us, Nigeria.
[00:36:38] White men.
[00:36:39] You know?
[00:36:40] But we fought the fuck back.
[00:36:42] Did you go...
[00:36:43] You actually did go to the scene, though, right?
[00:36:45] For real?
[00:36:46] Yeah, I went there.
[00:36:47] It's like underneath the bridge or something, right?
[00:36:49] Or like...
[00:36:50] It's like a lower part of a street.
[00:36:52] Oh, right.
[00:36:53] Where they shot the dark night, those like tunnels.
[00:36:54] I went to the subway and then I looked down the street where he walked.
[00:36:57] I ended up, it was cold, so I ended up just going to the Apple Store to buy a phone charger.
[00:37:02] And a noose?
[00:37:03] And a noose.
[00:37:04] And a noose.
[00:37:05] And some acid.
[00:37:06] Mm-hmm.
[00:37:07] But it is, that area is so funny to imagine that, like, that could ever happen there.
[00:37:14] Yeah, yeah.
[00:37:15] Because not only is it...
[00:37:16] It's like interloop Chicago.
[00:37:17] I mean, but it's beyond that even.
[00:37:19] It would be like if you said that that happened to you in like the financial district.
[00:37:25] It's like, it's beyond that.
[00:37:26] It's like, it's all like fucking hotels and like Panera Brahm.
[00:37:29] No one lives here.
[00:37:30] Right, exactly.
[00:37:31] It's not a residential...
[00:37:32] Yeah, yeah.
[00:37:33] It's like the Inner Harbor in Baltimore or like...
[00:37:35] Beyond that even.
[00:37:36] Really?
[00:37:37] But yeah, similar.
[00:37:38] If you said it happened to you in front of the like, Philip seafood.
[00:37:40] Right.
[00:37:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:37:42] The Science Center.
[00:37:44] Yeah.
[00:37:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:37:46] Right.
[00:37:47] I got fucking assaulted in Port Discovery.
[00:37:50] Right, yeah, it was like, yeah, somebody hate crime me in the Javits Center.
[00:37:54] Yeah, no one hangs out there.
[00:37:57] Yeah, yeah.
[00:37:58] What kind of conventions they got over there, man?
[00:38:00] At the Javits Center?
[00:38:01] They have the Hillary Clinton victory.
[00:38:02] Well, shut up.
[00:38:03] The New York International Auto Show.
[00:38:04] Yeah, that's right.
[00:38:05] Is it coming up?
[00:38:06] It is coming up.
[00:38:07] You got passes?
[00:38:08] I do not have passes.
[00:38:09] They denied me a press pass last year.
[00:38:11] At a spite.
[00:38:13] I refuse to buy 20-dollar pass.
[00:38:16] You're lying.
[00:38:17] You're going to go.
[00:38:18] I went, yeah.
[00:38:19] You already went and happened?
[00:38:21] I went last year.
[00:38:22] Oh, last year.
[00:38:23] Yeah.
[00:38:24] I would go this year.
[00:38:25] It's probably at the end of March.
[00:38:26] Did you take pigs?
[00:38:27] Yeah.
[00:38:28] Are we going to Michigan or are we going to be in D.C.?
[00:38:31] No, I mean, it goes for like a week.
[00:38:33] Look it up.
[00:38:34] Hey, Siri, when's the New York International Auto Show?
[00:38:38] I don't know, Gay Nick.
[00:38:40] You asked me to only look up gay pornography.
[00:38:43] Yeah.
[00:38:44] That's what Siri sounds like.
[00:38:45] You'll be programmed.
[00:38:46] You'll only be able to look up gay pornography.
[00:38:49] You know I'm only programmed.
[00:38:52] So, come on.
[00:38:55] April 19th, or April 20th.
[00:39:02] Oh, 420, brother.
[00:39:03] We got to toot that thing and then go to the front and then steal a Lamborghini.
[00:39:07] Oh, I'm going to be, I think I'm going to be out of town.
[00:39:10] What?
[00:39:11] Why?
[00:39:12] I'm going to take it to go see Jordan Peterson debate, Gee, that's so funny.
[00:39:16] Yeah, I'm Toronto.
[00:39:17] I'm sorry, but what part were you invited to the New York International?
[00:39:20] I thought it was a general invite to the board.
[00:39:22] It wasn't.
[00:39:23] It absolutely wasn't.
[00:39:25] You guys see gearheads like me and me.
[00:39:27] Do you see a queer heads?
[00:39:29] Do you see JP's daughter sent, we go to the New York International Auto Show, and there's
[00:39:35] like a new pickup truck with like a...
[00:39:38] The Roddy done.
[00:39:39] He's a bad in the back.
[00:39:41] The picture of that is bad.
[00:39:42] Like smiling with his hands on his hips.
[00:39:45] Oh my God.
[00:39:46] He needs like my late test invention.
[00:39:50] Hopefully he'll never hear this.
[00:39:51] But if he does, I'm sorry.
[00:39:52] The Brooks and Dunn special edition Ford F-150 cowboy magic.
[00:39:58] This is cowboy magic on this side.
[00:40:03] You know how Eddie Bauer had like a special edition
[00:40:05] Explorer back in the day.
[00:40:09] That was the nice Explorer.
[00:40:10] Why did Eddie Bauer cross promotion?
[00:40:15] Like a co-branding.
[00:40:16] Can we have our own car?
[00:40:17] What does Eddie Bauer actually make?
[00:40:19] As a kid, I thought it was only...
[00:40:20] Like fleeces.
[00:40:21] I thought it was like trim packages for cars.
[00:40:24] No, it's like Columbia Sport Wear.
[00:40:26] The only reason I knew it was closed is because of the line
[00:40:29] and hit them up.
[00:40:30] Or is it hit them up?
[00:40:31] Or is it tucking my vest under my Eddie Bauer?
[00:40:34] Yeah.
[00:40:35] And I was like Eddie Bauer.
[00:40:36] I thought that was just cars.
[00:40:37] The Ford X.
[00:40:38] I thought it was just a little more.
[00:40:39] But apparently it is just like a shitty or Patagonia.
[00:40:41] Or like it's like camping.
[00:40:42] Yeah, yeah.
[00:40:43] It's like lower ends.
[00:40:44] So take that Eddie Bauer and you fucking bitch.
[00:40:47] How do I work here?
[00:40:49] Damn.
[00:40:50] Suck this fucking hard dick, Eddie.
[00:40:52] Fuck you Eddie.
[00:40:53] Ed Wardo Bauer.
[00:40:56] You know there's been a problem with my blue chew shipment,
[00:40:59] but my cock's been getting hard on at your own.
[00:41:01] You guys keep talking about how you guys are waiting on a shipment
[00:41:06] or do you just eat through them real fast?
[00:41:08] No, there was a problem.
[00:41:09] They just didn't re-up with us.
[00:41:11] I had some.
[00:41:12] Oh shit, that is a good one.
[00:41:14] The 91 Bronco Eddie Bauer looks awesome actually.
[00:41:17] It does look awesome.
[00:41:19] This is a tight truck.
[00:41:21] We should buy one of those and go on a cross country.
[00:41:23] The Bronco's two door?
[00:41:24] A road trip.
[00:41:25] We honestly are going to go on a cross country.
[00:41:27] We should.
[00:41:33] I almost shut my pants on that one.
[00:41:35] You don't see a Bronco lotting.
[00:41:36] Oh, damn.
[00:41:37] Oh my God.
[00:41:38] I had Habachy for Evan Williams' birthday and it smells bad.
[00:41:39] Oh my God.
[00:41:40] Get it towards Adam.
[00:41:43] Don't flick it to me.
[00:41:46] Oh, damn.
[00:41:47] That's tough.
[00:41:48] It's literally-
[00:41:51] It smells like earnest.
[00:41:52] Well, then it's touching actually
[00:41:56] Yeah, excuse me for yeah, well excuse me for paying a tribute to our friend. Thank you
[00:42:09] Yeah, I love that I can just do this at Adam. Yeah, it actually is kind of working. I don't even smell it. Yeah
[00:42:14] I don't smell any more you'd be nice. You know this like this like it's got a gun handle and it's a drum with the rubber thing
[00:42:22] Oh, yeah, you could just get one of those and put bad smell put a piece of little piece of dog shit in it
[00:42:30] Fan just blasted it out of yeah
[00:42:33] You can get dr. James Dyson on that
[00:42:37] My latest invention
[00:42:39] Is you put a little piece of dog shit in front of a little fan
[00:42:49] I thought making smells go away is one thing, but what if you wanted to make something smell bad to bother your friend
[00:43:01] Damn is that is that the guy who invented them the in the commercials. Yeah James Dyson. Yeah, yeah
[00:43:08] Yeah, he's his own pit that was a turtle neck. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[00:43:11] Seems like a fucking diva move to me honestly well, that's a Steve Jobs thing
[00:43:15] Steve Jobs kind of like created this idea of the cool CEO. Yeah, but that's not possible
[00:43:20] But he was more of an inventor than Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs just was a boss now Steve Jobs invented shit
[00:43:26] What are you talking about? He did invented the palm pilot came up with computers. He didn't come up
[00:43:30] He did I know your gentleman because you've never invented anything in your life
[00:43:34] Fucking jowls of Steve Jobs
[00:43:37] games what games
[00:43:39] Games I play if you played the new spider-man. No, I'm playing red dead right now, but I want to download spider
[00:43:45] Oh Adam got PlayStation by the way. Copy here
[00:43:52] I've got a TV copy
[00:43:56] Let's job copying Adam
[00:43:58] Have you played I played the spider-man in my friends. I have fun. Yeah, I might I might get that
[00:44:05] Maybe I'll just go only for once and for all finish red dead. It's just so fucking boring man
[00:44:09] The story mode the cutscenes are way too long. They're too long and it's like no one cares this story's fucking gay dude
[00:44:15] It's like yeah, Dutch the Dutch guys sucks. Uh-huh the whole story sucks dude
[00:44:20] It's like we're trying to be frontier. Gabbel like no gives a fuck. Yeah. Yeah
[00:44:26] I'm playing the game because I want to see killers
[00:44:29] You know and now because I've I've misinterpreted the role of my character in the game and did my own shit now
[00:44:35] My honor is completely destroyed because I thought I was supposed to be murdering and raping
[00:44:41] And then you go play the story and Arthur's like a nice guy. Yeah, I was like oh, yeah
[00:44:45] But you have like a fucking
[00:44:47] El fucking moose hat. Yeah, you have a beautiful fur body suit
[00:44:52] And you and you've raped a thousand people not just women
[00:44:57] I tell you though. There's nothing more satisfying than throwing that fucking Viking hatchet directly into somebody's face
[00:45:04] And they're like good more
[00:45:08] Well good morning to you sir. Can you rate can you rape men too?
[00:45:12] You can't rape anyone. Oh you get raped though. Yeah, you get raped. You can get raped. Yeah, and we won't tell you how yeah
[00:45:19] Yeah, it's a secret. There's a guy in a guy in a shack in the like New Orleans area
[00:45:24] That's like hey why don't you come over here and if you talk to him
[00:45:27] I'll invite you inside his house and then rape you just wait. Yeah, you're Arthur like screaming
[00:45:36] Yeah, it's fucked up. It legit made me feel bad when I saw it. Oh my god. I gotta get to that point in the story
[00:45:42] Yeah, it's fucked up. I don't like it. Yeah
[00:45:44] And then you can't even you can't even kill him right he like hides you can kill him
[00:45:50] Yeah, cuz if he'll just respawn eventually
[00:45:53] Yeah, cuz I went I went by there
[00:45:56] Because they'll be like hey why don't you come here and I threw a Molotov cocktail at his face and he burned
[00:46:00] Yeah, that's which is the way they should be yeah
[00:46:06] Light him on fire
[00:46:08] Light him up
[00:46:10] Yeah, I really like I having not had a system since ps1. I really like gaming
[00:46:17] It's also not having a penis
[00:46:20] Peace penis one penis one inch. That's Adam's dick. Yeah, I'm a penis for now
[00:46:25] That's no, what do you mean not having a penis you haven't had a penis? It's not true. I don't know man
[00:46:31] I I heard from somebody told me you don't have a dick right now
[00:46:35] You have kids if you don't have penis and just balls
[00:46:38] You have common your balls. Why not you can they just come out somehow like a syringe
[00:46:43] You cut a bon the bottom of your balls open what I would like is to have
[00:46:48] Yeah, yeah, my genitals look like the remember the brain bug at the end of
[00:46:52] Starship troopers. I don't so I just have balls, but they're very small and there's too many of them
[00:46:58] Like just eight very small balls. Okay, are they translucent like us? Yeah, like a spider's eyes
[00:47:03] Okay, I'm a whole above the balls, okay
[00:47:07] and a long just sort of stabbing utility comes out and
[00:47:13] Stabs into the woman's abdomen like a retractable
[00:47:17] It's called directly into her uterus. Yeah, and it's cleaner. It's catastrophic for the woman. It'll probably kill her but
[00:47:26] You know then my seed
[00:47:28] Vesters inside of her rotting body and produces more
[00:47:32] I see yeah, so she doesn't have to be alive. Oh, no it kills her your body's like a fucking
[00:47:42] What's the word I'm looking for parasite? Yes, your calm is parasitic and it kills women
[00:47:48] But exact replicas of you right kick out of her pussy what is left of her rotting
[00:47:53] True troopers. Yeah, I've never seen you. You have you should see it as you watch it. I saw I think there's a shower scene where yeah
[00:48:01] I've seen that but I haven't seen the movie. It's a society. It's a nice Richard's tits. I
[00:48:07] Think yeah, you see your tears. I'm pretty sure yeah, no, I've seen that part, but not the movie
[00:48:11] She used to be like one of my dream girls back in the day. Yeah
[00:48:15] She was a bond girl. What is your dream your dream girls, huh? Yeah?
[00:48:19] Adam's dream you'd all wear gowns together and do each other's hair
[00:48:25] Yeah, like a kind of like have our Adam can't have our fairy tale waiting that we've been dreaming of he can't
[00:48:31] Can't wait is it can't wait or can't wait can't hardly wait can't wait to hold hands
[00:48:38] With his dream girls
[00:48:40] Yeah, Denise Richards one of them. She never really made it to my I was not really well
[00:48:45] My list Carmen Electra and her kind of like the same
[00:48:50] Thing no, I'm an election was way less classy
[00:48:54] The fuck I mean not saying I didn't want to fuck Carmen, but Denise was I knew about Carmen
[00:48:59] I didn't really know about Denise. She was a piece of ass in my she was more of a niche pick
[00:49:05] Yeah
[00:49:08] Wait, she's in wild things too, right? Nev Campbell and Denise Richards. Nev Campbell and also sex with her
[00:49:13] For the record. She would you say she had like she has MS or something and no one believed her?
[00:49:20] That's pretty fucking I don't believe as a rule any woman when they tell me they have any type of disease interesting
[00:49:26] Yeah, and that's because because they lie they lie about that cuz women are liars interesting
[00:49:32] No, just about just about medical disorders. Oh, so believe women, but not when it comes to the medical stuff. Yeah, where are you sure?
[00:49:40] Yeah, yeah, I am I
[00:49:45] Don't know man. I think it she was walking around with a little cane that was pretty cool
[00:49:50] Well, that makes it believable like us. But yeah, that shit's fucked up man. We're we talking about
[00:49:56] I'm never Campbell. I believe has a MS or something
[00:50:00] Nev, huh? She nev
[00:50:02] Just suck my dick. She never suck your knees your knees mom. Nev needs to suck my dick
[00:50:11] But she never sucked your doll
[00:50:15] First of all, I was the one who well to
[00:50:19] Start I introduced you guys
[00:50:21] But the story of her name
[00:50:27] She needs to suck my dick and she's never suck the or
[00:50:38] Well she can't bail Campbell and over and get fucked
[00:50:44] Actually she can't call her Nev Campbell cuz she's pussy's made out of soup. Yeah
[00:50:55] It's got that good pussy
[00:50:59] Cuz I would love to Andy war her whole boy. All right. Yeah
[00:51:05] Yep, I'd like to slurp her lips like a fucking chicken noodle. Yeah, what's that short for?
[00:51:12] Um
[00:51:14] Navandria never never Bernie
[00:51:17] Is that your political stance Adam never Bernie politics Adam coming through
[00:51:22] The fuck still with her never Bernie. No, I can't wait to write in a seat span himself, dude
[00:51:27] I can't wait to write in Hillary Clinton. I can't wait to write in Lincoln. J. V
[00:51:32] the metric system, baby
[00:51:34] Shouts out Lincoln and you should want you should want that shit Adam which is or stop with your small dick and of course
[00:51:42] I would love that make it he loves metric system make my way and make my dick four times bigger
[00:51:48] Yeah, you should be a link to you guys. That's so true. Mm-hmm. We gotta get on the metric system
[00:51:57] My dick would get so long I would have a ten dick or something. Yeah
[00:52:02] My dick is ten dick a ten
[00:52:05] My dick is never supply the unit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I could say that now. My thing is probably ten in something
[00:52:13] Yeah, what is this? I think it's pretty much only the imperial or the metric system, but what about jewels?
[00:52:20] My dick
[00:52:23] Ten jewels
[00:52:25] Yeah, that's possible. Yeah, you don't know that it isn't bitch. No, I think it is possible
[00:52:32] My dick is ten
[00:52:34] Milliliters, and then they just use those the highest jewel dicks to have gay sex in the back of the
[00:52:41] Tesla
[00:52:44] Elon Musk. Yeah, no longer are cowboys the only ones allowed to do magic. Elon bust
[00:52:50] Neil on his knees and suck dick must
[00:52:52] Yes, he must musk suck my dick
[00:52:59] That is correct. Yeah, yes, sir
[00:53:05] I feel like a real rhinestone cowboy over here rhinestone cowboy is the real cowboy magic
[00:53:10] Oh, yeah, I think you could get away with that song who song is that? You know rhinestone cowboy. Yeah, but who's saying it? I don't know
[00:53:18] fucking was it a real
[00:53:20] Real carol
[00:53:23] Pretty sure it was birt laurel
[00:53:27] That's such a gas name
[00:53:29] Fuck birt laurel. Yeah, is there out of there's probably a guy named birt laurel
[00:53:35] He's listening your name's birt laurel. Yeah, suck me off tom. Ira style that guy's in here right now, isn't he?
[00:53:44] I
[00:53:46] Right now
[00:53:49] Sucking they got nine two guys probably in here right now
[00:53:54] No, he is
[00:53:56] Real ass guy
[00:53:58] That guy who definitely exists
[00:54:00] How dare you say what I got
[00:54:06] Everybody's gonna know I got a big old bag of Doritos
[00:54:10] Mm-hmm. What is it a rotten banana and a moldy banana?
[00:54:17] Two liter of what'd he get a fucker? Dude when I'm high there's nothing I like more than a moldy banana
[00:54:23] Yeah, I'm like I gotta go home and bake a very small banana bread loaf
[00:54:28] I gotta eat it's better when it's two bags of Doritos. Yeah, my girlfriend's just had an operation. She can only eat certain things
[00:54:40] Salute to the god of me the genius the joke writing god
[00:54:45] Sucking nine two five I saw them when I was in Chicago. They should they should book Tom at Lincoln law
[00:54:50] They literally should they should look you could probably do one show we would book his dates
[00:54:54] Listen if you book Tom Myers. Yeah, let us know we will fucking the show look the show will without questions sell out
[00:55:01] Yeah, it was like will sell out. Yes. Oh he'll sell out many
[00:55:05] We will promote all of Tom Myers live dates
[00:55:09] Just email us if you did he ever come up to New York to do the sand. No, no
[00:55:13] He bailed
[00:55:15] Well the same went out of business prior to him that he had a spot and then they went out of business
[00:55:19] Oh, didn't he ask for like a hotel or something? Yeah, he did. He has to be put up in the plaza like Kevin from home alone
[00:55:28] Going up to the front desk asking if you got any messages
[00:55:35] So where does a fella go to meet a dame around here to the concierge I
[00:55:40] Do I did realize the other day how much just Tom is San Frangelico guy that is big
[00:55:46] Yeah, you're right. Take away Tom's like insane
[00:55:50] Narcissism, huh? You're actually correct that he is they are very similar. It's like if you replace yeah
[00:55:55] My mom and dad actually they have a grave for me
[00:56:03] Holy shit he is man that is the most San Frangelico
[00:56:08] Trichutes and ladders
[00:56:10] Yeah, if you replace be like trying to be Italian with trying to be Bill Hicks, it's basically the same thing
[00:56:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah, but separate show good every tries to be funny though
[00:56:20] Sucking off a guy. I wish I could just know what he was thinking
[00:56:26] Hmm, you know I think you know to be his therapist. There should be a show like the sopranos, but it's Tom
[00:56:34] No, I've always said it would be like an incredible documentary so bit like what keeps him going
[00:56:39] Yeah, but specifically the sopranos, but it's Tom going to see mouthy. Yeah, how does this make you feel Tom? Oh
[00:56:46] Gee, I don't know
[00:56:49] pretty
[00:56:51] pretty crazy
[00:56:53] Tom it seems that you have paranoid schizophrenia
[00:56:57] These delusions have led you to think that you're a professional comedian
[00:57:01] You know the first fucking thing about me
[00:57:10] Damn dude
[00:57:11] You know, I know we're talking about Tom Myers, but I just want to say
[00:57:15] Melty was really fucking hot dude. Yeah Tony should have smashed it. He's your fucked. Yeah, what's so hot
[00:57:21] She looks good to her energy dude her energy
[00:57:25] Good fellas, what's the end stand for
[00:57:27] It's not it's just a letter and a word man
[00:57:33] I was imagining like a scene from
[00:57:36] The Miami vice TV show where a guy introduces himself is Enrique and
[00:57:41] Don Johnson goes yeah, what's the end stand for?
[00:57:44] This is a cool line. Yeah
[00:57:48] Calling probably dark skin
[00:57:51] You know, Mac is panic man the end word sort of yeah, there's Enrique. Yeah, what's the end stand?
[00:58:00] Fuck man
[00:58:02] You're watching your watch the show I watch like
[00:58:05] There was a time me and elders had a time where we would wake up early for breakfast and watch Miami vice
[00:58:13] I never really watched the show. I didn't even know that it was I mistakenly said that it
[00:58:17] I didn't know that it was Michael Mann who made it the movie
[00:58:21] I know he made the movie, but I didn't know he was actually the creator of the show as well. Whoa really? Yeah
[00:58:26] That's crazy some I said on come down
[00:58:28] I think that I that oh the movie was Michael Mann's take that it was there were both Michael
[00:58:34] Well, I didn't fucking know that that's insane. Yeah, it's a good show people some people say it's a good movie too
[00:58:40] The movies sick you ever watch a movie is fucking sick. You should watch it tonight. You watch Hill Street, Blue
[00:58:46] No, they're classic. It's a cop show. No, they're classic cop show. Yeah real early. Hmm. You know way back in the day
[00:58:54] Mm-hmm. Never seen it. Yep. Yeah, I've seen I've seen some TV shows
[00:59:01] What about drag net, huh? Yeah, real you want to talk about old drag net was great because it's like that
[00:59:07] Don't don't don't have
[00:59:11] Yeah
[00:59:13] There was like a there was a political bent to be right now where they were like like trying to
[00:59:19] like Dopers and like, you know, like black people. Yeah, it was like very conservative and
[00:59:27] Yeah, I watched the first one Lincoln chafe my nazi. I watched the first episode of the wire
[00:59:32] You want him to chafe your nuts not pleasant of the wire. Yeah. Yeah, it was a good. I don't know
[00:59:38] I mean you compare it with the sopranos and the sopranos is so much
[00:59:41] It's not into but I mean I've only watched the wire once I think I've seen it like twice through but I really don't
[00:59:47] Feel like I need to see it again. It's not I mean, it's okay
[00:59:51] It's it's just a much different thing and it does move too slow even I love it
[00:59:55] And even I know it fucking moves too fucking slow. Yeah, but when stuff happens it happens a lot
[01:00:01] But that happens once a season. Well, it's just like I don't know. It's weird watching it again
[01:00:04] It's like it's such a depressing show and like there's not really
[01:00:08] Because the characters are all supposed to be like accurate portrayals of the people that live these lives none of them are really particularly redeeming
[01:00:16] Yeah, the exception of like maybe bubbles. Yeah, right maybe yeah, but for the most part
[01:00:21] It's like hard to really give a shit about any of the characters on that show. Yeah, you know
[01:00:26] You like McNulty because he's like the main
[01:00:32] Looking no you like him at first, but then you're like damn this guy fucking sucks. He's bad at his job
[01:00:37] He's like there's no he's a narcissist and yeah
[01:00:40] And then it is funny that they just make the one like
[01:00:44] He's like shitty boss just gave like see
[01:00:48] Yeah, well that first scene with Rawls is like I mean like as my I remember loving the wire when I first saw it
[01:00:55] But like that first scene with Rawls is like childish writing. It's like really bad
[01:01:00] Where like what Rawls is looking out the window and McNulty comes in and he turns around
[01:01:05] He's got both of his middle fingers up
[01:01:08] This McNulty this one's for you. This one is also for you
[01:01:15] Yeah, dude
[01:01:17] So far at my ass because I got some judge breathing down my neck because you decided to get cute
[01:01:24] You know, it's like you're gutting your badge, you know like that level, but like double middle finger, you know
[01:01:30] It's like hey, man. I don't know it resonates with me personally
[01:01:34] I feel like if I was working in an office and my boss was doing a double middle finger speech
[01:01:39] I'd be like what the fuck are you doing?
[01:01:41] Right is this supposed to be like cool? Well, it's the cops right so the cops have this
[01:01:46] culture. Yeah, where they flick each other off at work, you know
[01:01:52] And give people rough rides my problem is there wasn't enough Baltimore accents
[01:01:57] Oh really, it's just Jay Lanceman. Well the the actual Jay Lanceman. Yeah, the real guy because fat Jay Lanceman
[01:02:04] Fat Jay Lanceman. No, no real Jay Lance is name is like fucking Lazlo or something
[01:02:11] Yeah, yeah, he's like bunny Colvin's like his accent is hilarious. Well the only one it really is
[01:02:18] the
[01:02:20] Principle or whatever when Presby Luski becomes a teacher. Yeah, that woman is the principal
[01:02:25] It's just some woman that is
[01:02:27] For you. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. She's like you're gonna be teaching science class and make sure you don't come in late
[01:02:33] Because these kids are already pretty fucking stupid
[01:02:38] Yeah, most of your most of your students will be pregnant
[01:02:42] But it's not a big deal. We're handing out calculators, but to curb violence the numbers only go up to two
[01:02:49] Their brains start to hurt and they start getting mad and punching each other
[01:02:56] The man we found out the students are more violent if they're challenged in any way
[01:03:03] Numbers over to
[01:03:09] Most three if you got to make a point but don't you know real dream tell them it's not important for them to understand the concept of three
[01:03:15] That's not something they're really gonna be having exposure to in her lives
[01:03:24] Go lock go lock go lock to you go lock have fun out there being a teacher
[01:03:35] Man I did love all the fucking completely
[01:03:39] Overmatched teachers that like the world against Baltimore City public school that wouldn't Presby Luski get you got fire because he shot a cop
[01:03:45] Yeah, you kill the cop I think that just happened in Queens you see that story
[01:03:48] No, I was like robbing like a T-Mobile with a fake gun and then oh my god
[01:03:54] And then the cops all showed up at the scene and then the cops like posted up on either side of the door and then they just started shooting at each other
[01:04:04] Not even the guy not even a guy. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah and the detective died and like Jesus Christ
[01:04:11] The guy they ended up shooting the guy like nine times, but he didn't have a gun and then you know
[01:04:16] It's like he's charged with like first-degree murder. Yeah, yeah, which is like I guess that's just how the law works
[01:04:21] But the guy robbing the T-Mobile got murder because two cops killed each other. It's called like felonious murder or something
[01:04:28] Yeah, good great fucking pianist felonious murder
[01:04:32] He played yeah, he played stride piano with his dick
[01:04:48] Damn yeah, they that well that cop that killed the other cop he should be celebrated by you know the black lives matters
[01:04:57] How do we know that cop wasn't anti-fault?
[01:04:59] Yeah, that cop exactly he could have been a mole. He's a mole. We got to kill him too
[01:05:05] Where did that come from that a mole is untrustworthy
[01:05:09] Because they go into the ground they go underneath a mole from you. Yeah, I didn't start that nobody dazed named after you
[01:05:17] I'm not my name everyone calls you a mole. Yeah, but everyone says that about you that you're calling me the mole
[01:05:22] Yeah, they said this guy's too faced
[01:05:25] You know like a mold like a mold would be
[01:05:28] Moles are blind right
[01:05:31] They dig underneath as you wear glasses you're the only one of us to wear his glasses all three of us wear glasses
[01:05:37] No, not true. You're just not wearing your glasses. I'm not wearing his glasses because I've become no
[01:05:44] I'm not I trained my eyes by squinting and I no longer need glasses. Yeah
[01:05:49] Glasses are a fucking lie dude. It's just you your eyes are a muscle like anything else. It's so true
[01:05:54] That's true and then you need to look at shit. It's far away. Yeah, I farther shit
[01:05:59] You can see the stronger your eyes skin. Yeah, that's so that's why I get up every morning
[01:06:03] I stand on the roof and I try and look at Jersey. That's what I do dude
[01:06:06] I have pictures of everyone near and dear to you Adam naked and I set them
[01:06:11] I printed them out on all the pictures on one inch by one inch car
[01:06:16] And I place them at the other end of my apartment and every day I beat off to them
[01:06:20] across the apartment and through that your eyes get better. I now have Chris Kyle level whoa
[01:06:28] Eagle eye vision. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and he can he can also account for like wind and
[01:06:34] Temperature and the way the way the curvature of the curvature of the beat. Oh of his cock
[01:06:42] This coffee's not working. Yeah, I didn't get any sleep really and shy by an early for you say no tall
[01:06:48] Yeah, no tell Versey
[01:06:53] You know I knew I said to burr if we had our own hotels
[01:07:02] Think about how much more time we would have to work on material
[01:07:07] Was our hotel there was no housekeeping. I would love a hotel. I actually I live in Madison Square Garden now
[01:07:14] I got the apartment in Madison Square Garden
[01:07:20] Getting up to 10 inches of snow. Oh fuck. I gotta go home. Yeah, I gotta go to the gym
[01:07:27] Happy with you be he got snowed in at the gym. That would be fucking rolled in
[01:07:31] I come out in it. I don't know how to speak Russia
[01:07:35] Is that work you just you walk back home through the storm to get to your cat 10 inches fuck 10 inches is it started yet?
[01:07:42] I mean, I just got a times update that says New York City Public Schools will be closed up to 10 inches or expected
[01:07:48] What am I gonna eat? New York City Public Schools are gay
[01:07:54] Just kidding kids are closed
[01:07:57] For a snow day. I gotta say
[01:08:00] It was fun snow day watching the ticker
[01:08:04] These fucking kids man. Mm-hmm. They get a listen. I listen to the radio. Oh you would I would watch WBA
[01:08:11] We never had snow day warning. No, I would listen to the radio and they would do like school like closures on the radio
[01:08:17] No, I would wait for the ticker to go and and then Baltimore County those bitch-ass motherfuckers would always get off
[01:08:23] And the city never did for some reason Montgomery County usually got off. Mm-hmm
[01:08:28] They wanted to keep us there dude
[01:08:31] You know me it was fucked up. You never had a snow day Adam. That's right Vegas
[01:08:36] Heat day you get heat days that
[01:08:39] Magic day
[01:08:42] All your fathers are too busy doing cowboy magic taking school
[01:08:51] I've got your magic kit. I
[01:08:55] Love magic do you believe in magic in the old man's ass?
[01:09:01] It's like this it all comes together
[01:09:03] You don't even need man. I'm just looking at Broncos on the internet
[01:09:09] Big forward trucks. We're thinking about getting the truck. Okay. Here's my plan. I would love it. Listen
[01:09:14] Listen, what do you guys think about this? You can't drive the UK, right?
[01:09:18] Until the summer on tour. Let's go it August. I think August I have like a wedding we should oh damn dude
[01:09:24] My cousins getting married well, well whatever we'll figure that we'll figure that and here's the thing we go to the UK
[01:09:29] We come maybe maybe I'm gonna stop in to greasy boys are welcome to come visit my motherland
[01:09:34] We should do is show in Athens. There are a lot of English speaking people in Athens
[01:09:37] I would do that especially during the summers
[01:09:39] And then we come back September we buy a fucking Bronco
[01:09:44] We tour this great nation together in a fucking truck. Yeah, OJ style
[01:09:49] Yeah, actually I this sounded gay in the beginning, but then you said get a Bronco
[01:09:53] I was like that would be fucking sick. Yeah Bronco and what do they call air flights?
[01:10:00] Yeah, a Shasta that would be awesome because I use an air flight it would be awesome because it's there's gonna be three of us
[01:10:07] One driving obviously one
[01:10:09] One day roomy. Yeah one driving one second one fucking this is an air flight
[01:10:18] Like oh like an air stream, but no an air flight not an air street. What's the difference?
[01:10:22] There are two completely different things that you dig a small trailers sure
[01:10:26] But if I said a Ford Bronco, and you're like oh you mean like a Jeep Grand Cherokee, right?
[01:10:30] No, I mean a Ford Bronco. Okay. I mean they both had air in the name. So it's like oh they're probably similar things
[01:10:36] Well, it sounds like you've got air on your brain. Oh
[01:10:40] Man take it easy Nick Nick
[01:10:44] I can't I'm sorry you fucking bro. He's just hurling venom listen when you were calling my dad is homosexual sexual
[01:10:52] Country man just repeating things you told me I never told you that Adam's true story corner
[01:10:58] I never told you that Adam never said it wink wink wink. I'm not saying I'm going to get it sounds so much
[01:11:16] I'm going to wait you wink
[01:11:19] Do you have a Brian Cranston's autobiography in your book show? It's not mine. Do you believe in pussy?
[01:11:25] I wonder what happened
[01:11:32] Then I got cancer
[01:11:38] A former student a former trash piece of Jesse
[01:11:43] So
[01:11:45] Mr. White
[01:11:46] Mr. White mr. White. I don't know if we can have gay sex in the back of my pickup truck
[01:11:52] Mr. White bitch is that yours? Yeah, I think my Jesse's okay
[01:12:00] Mr. White batch. Oh, no, that was too bad
[01:12:05] I'll take a sip of water and I could do it. Why don't you take a sip of my cum. What do you mean a sip?
[01:12:10] I want a teaspoon
[01:12:13] The teaspoon that he takes his medicine
[01:12:15] He's tucked into bed that is his teaspoon of nothing no, no, it's like dog medication
[01:12:20] Little droplet you put in my ear
[01:12:24] There there
[01:12:30] A spoonful of sugar helps a mess and go down
[01:12:33] So good on my dick and a spoonful of semen suck my dick. I'm a fag
[01:12:39] I'm very gay suck me off. Yeah, suck me off. I'm very gay. That's very very fucking
[01:12:46] Pop pop pop in like pop your dick in cherry pop ins cherry pop in here more of your Jesse impression. Yeah
[01:12:55] No, you no, no, I'll put your wife bitch
[01:13:00] He says bitch lie. I've never seen the show. I've seen like six episodes. We're selling math bitch
[01:13:07] Jesse bitch not for me
[01:13:09] The show breaking bad that's all the first six episodes and I see like a later season
[01:13:16] Episode and some she got spoiled for me and I was like honestly you're right
[01:13:21] Thanks, man. That was all mr. White. You want to make child pornography
[01:13:27] He's not Italian. Yeah, he sounds like an old Jewish man your thing your impression my thing
[01:13:33] years so I'm gonna make we're gonna make child boy mr. White
[01:13:41] So
[01:13:43] I gotta I gotta see it on the tip of my nose right now. It's giving me a lot of
[01:13:48] Do you like anxiety having a little extra you sure you know, it's just growing no
[01:13:54] Would you guys be still friends with me is it coming off no stop it with the bug
[01:13:58] Stuff would you still be friends with me if I if I got a ride a plasti that would be
[01:14:13] Don't watch a fucking propaganda lies don't watch that. It's bullshit
[01:14:20] You see how much talent yet
[01:14:22] I'm gonna play a little finger. I was gonna play next is Orthodox Jewish couple
[01:14:27] Yeah, and they got like you know, they come by they like drink strings
[01:14:31] You know the guys like diet coke please and then get the diet coke
[01:14:34] And then when they're coming by to collect the trash or whatever. It's like miss miss. She's like yes
[01:14:39] He's like do you know if the diet coke was was that actually coke?
[01:14:44] You know and she's like no, it was die coke. He's like yes
[01:14:48] No, what I mean is it is is the diet coke like you're sure that it is coke a cola diet coke
[01:14:54] She's like as opposed to what he's like, you know, like a different like perhaps like a different branch
[01:15:00] It's like oh no, it is coke. You know, it might be like coke white or something if it came from like a European
[01:15:05] You know, yeah, you're stocking something cool. He's like okay, cuz I have to ask for kosher reasons, you know
[01:15:12] And I was like are the other ones not kosher. He's like no most of them are
[01:15:15] I was like so you're just being Jewish
[01:15:18] Like at that point he's already drank it. Yeah, he already drank it like he's just being like no most of them are
[01:15:27] Yeah, he just had to just had to annoy the lady
[01:15:31] Have you ever seen this since it goes back to reading his book backwards or
[01:15:36] You see the latest walk at their schools
[01:15:40] Like if you walk through south south
[01:15:42] They don't even give them a ball. Yeah, they're just running around
[01:15:46] It's just running. Yeah, you know there and they have some sort of like strange games. Well some of the rabbits like they're in prison two balls
[01:15:54] You don't even let them find out that they're bad at passing. You know what I'm saying two balls
[01:15:59] What are the rabbis who let them have with me? He's nuts. They won't let him have them
[01:16:04] You know I'm playing with experience. Yeah
[01:16:07] Have some recess. Oh
[01:16:09] Fucking so tired. Yeah, I'm really tired
[01:16:13] I should have looked at the Sky Mall magazine
[01:16:16] What happened I don't think they have them in planes anymore. What then where do they have them?
[01:16:21] I think Sky Mall is kind of maybe out of business. I haven't seen him in a plane in a while. Maybe I've been looking but
[01:16:28] Hmm maybe you should look for my cock. I watched that movie down sizing on a plane with Matt Damon that movie
[01:16:37] No one saw about your dick
[01:16:40] I thought that it was downsizing. It's about his brain
[01:16:45] He's got a downs sized brain. That's bigger
[01:16:49] And then they're water. No, they're not bigger. I think I'm bigger. I think I'm big head
[01:16:54] I know for a fact that everybody with Down syndrome has a wall not brain like a dinosaur
[01:17:03] Wow, is that why they love dinosaurs so much yeah, because they have the dinosaur brand
[01:17:09] Well, just just imagine that your son's brain is a wall
[01:17:18] Fuck well
[01:17:20] You know I got to get back to the story before we get snowed. Yeah, okay
[01:17:26] Well, I'm sorry. This one's gonna just be cowboy magic
[01:17:32] That's why hopefully not too much of a hit
[01:17:38] Why am I getting magazines called cowboy magic monthly
[01:17:43] Why is everybody signed me up for cowboy
[01:17:45] And cowboy hats to the home all right
[01:17:50] Chicago the 22nd of March Milwaukee the 23rd and
[01:17:55] Oh Claire the 24 is that we got cut it off
[01:17:59] With microcedent and then on the 30th where in Chicago. We're doing it at not at Lincoln a different venue at up
[01:18:08] Something alive
[01:18:10] Maryland life is
[01:18:11] North bar live at at North bar Maryland live casino
[01:18:17] Tom Myers
[01:18:18] Two shows in Chicago one and the other two places
[01:18:23] And then come see us in DC all three boys March 30th the DC the black cat DC two shows stand up show it eight
[01:18:32] Live pot at 10. I'm also looking to book something for April iPhone in Chicago. So if anybody wants to
[01:18:39] book me for like maybe you know a weekend will do
[01:18:44] Four shows two nights
[01:18:46] Like any place that's got like 150 to 250 capacity would be tight doesn't matter the city
[01:18:53] You can got that hit me up. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's not even that's not even a date and I know that's just not a day
[01:19:00] Hey, same goes from me
[01:19:02] We're seeing and I do have other dates coming up. So near up that yeah the Kike and WAP
[01:19:09] That's where sounds fun of American cities. Okay. Well, bye everybody you fucking bitches