Cum Town | Premium | 03/18/2019
[00:00:00] I don't know. So I guess we're gonna really get into Apex Legends today. You're listening to the video gaming podcast. The gaming channel. My name is Eric Schmidt.
[00:00:12] It was a good name for some gaming fag. A guy who would have a gaming pod. Yo, I'm Brian Frince.
[00:00:21] Hey, this is Brian Frince and Eric Schultz. And this is the gaming dudes podcast hour. Yeah. Where we just talk. Yeah. Talking with that.
[00:00:36] That like insecure cadence that you guys have on podcast. Right. So what are we doing today? Tell me about it, man. We got some.
[00:00:46] Come on. What are we going to talk about? What's on the agenda? Stay tuned. We got some really cool stuff. That's good. Right after our theme song. We got we got some really cool things coming up. We're going to be talking about some really sick games.
[00:01:06] A cool guy gaming podcast. Just some really cool stuff. Check it out. Yeah. They spent like they hired like an animator like for $5,000 doing animation with their Mega Man. And no one gives a fuck. It's like a minute and a half long.
[00:01:24] Yeah. My head to borrow. I had to borrow $70,000 from my mom for podcast studio. Really cool stuff. So check it out. God damn that shit sucks. Yeah.
[00:01:41] Now they all do that voice too. Because they're just worried about, you know, they probably have confidence in person, but the idea that someone they know they don't have someone they can't see is listening to them and destroys them.
[00:01:53] Yeah. It's like the fact that the tape is running. It freaks them out. Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know, I get it. Unlike, you know, we that's why we have the golden tape recorder for whenever to always.
[00:02:08] We don't give a fuck if it's running or if it's not. We always check out that. Chiznet. Guys. Yes. Yes. Dude. I love on by Epic. Yeah.
[00:02:21] When they even approach a joke, they laugh so fucking hard. When it's just not even. We know. I've never. I've never left here.
[00:02:30] I know. Every basketball podcast I listen to is just like, they'll just be like, what do we call it? Is it for? Oh, free. Oh, I called it a foul throw. And then it just gets such a laugh. They're like, I like that. I like that.
[00:02:47] Dude, remember when Scotty said foul throw? Oh, man. Crazy, crazy games. Really cool prizes. We got really cool stuff.
[00:03:00] Oh, and we've got a new sponsor. And it's just like his stepfathers drywall business. Right.
[00:03:07] This is like, if you're in the greater Fort Wayne area, again, every episode of the show is brought to you by our friends at Marine Corps coffee.com. Marine Corps coffee.
[00:03:17] It's kind of coffee that says who I, you know, it's for veterans first responders. Look, if you've got flags all over your fucking dumb house, you got one of those flags with a blue line going through in the middle.
[00:03:30] Yeah, a punisher sticker. Punisher with blue stripes. Yeah, with the blues. Right. Mm hmm.
[00:03:37] As you know, 90% of the profits go directly to Chris Kyle's wife. She's getting some breast implants. She's running karaoke at the Texas barn grill.
[00:03:49] Did you hear how she got married to after he died? Yeah, Jess. Oh, well.
[00:03:56] After the day she married, yeah, she started having sex with Jesse Ventura. Yep. The second best sniper army.
[00:04:03] This is what he gets. He criticizes me. I fuck his wife. If you criticize me, I will find your wife and I will fuck her.
[00:04:17] He's got a video of him and Jim Norton going at it. No. No. Yeah. What was it about? I don't know. It's just some, like, he's like, unlike you, sure, I defended this country.
[00:04:26] God is like, well, I mean, to Jim's credit, can you imagine trying to put it in the army? Yeah.
[00:04:38] Quick of witty, assertive comeback should kill these insurgents. Talk about how they look gay somehow. But fast.
[00:04:48] He could do sort of the, you know, the army radio show. Yeah. He could be a river. I think if Jim put a backpack on, his spine would come out of Davis.
[00:04:58] It would just slowly press out of his anus, like, like a Mongoloid trying to extract toothpaste. He's trying to brush his teeth.
[00:05:08] Waying down his shoulders. Yeah. He's just flattening out.
[00:05:12] Well, the spine comes out of his ass. No, honey. That's not how you do the toothpaste.
[00:05:18] Okay. Yeah. He goes through one tube a day. He could seduce, which he probably needs considering he lives off candy.
[00:05:27] That's true. I would be probably like, I would shoot the grenade launchers. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be like,
[00:05:34] What's your name? Is there a guy who that's his only job? That would be my only job.
[00:05:39] Because I have a sturdy base. Uh huh. Your frame couldn't handle the recoil, I don't know.
[00:05:46] You'd be like a blast toy. Exactly. I would be blast toys. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:05:55] Shell full of calm. He's just got his dick out
[00:05:58] Squirtle of balls in a turtle with his dick out. What's the middle one called? There's squirtle in all the sword no
[00:06:07] That's the turtle no what are they call yeah, they were bustoises the top one like the the Charmander version
[00:06:14] What is the middle part cuz it's bulbous war turtle war turtle?
[00:06:18] What's the middle I don't even remember any of the grass ones is Bulbasaur bulb the sore and I miss or I be sore Venus or
[00:06:26] HIV sore HIV sore and water penis sores and they're all turtles
[00:06:37] Charmander's obviously like a lizard type thing a lizard dragon bustoises bustoises really good
[00:06:49] Yeah, it's his dick that goes around his back and up through a shoalder like a gutter over his head
[00:06:56] Just the long ass dick bustoises bustoises at one of your best creations. Thanks, man. Damn
[00:07:05] Char is oh, I guess there's 150 of them we can go. Yeah, let's yeah
[00:07:09] I'll pull up the pokey decks. Let's get going. You know they got one now. That's just a set of keys
[00:07:16] Yeah, it's crazy. I've never heard that. Yeah, it's just a ring with keys on it and that's it
[00:07:21] They're like let's check out of the office today. That's that's fucked. That's a well. Let's all leave the Pokemon
[00:07:27] All right, let's see what all the pocket monsters are
[00:07:39] Yeah fucking suck and dickie blue shoe blue at you. Yeah, oh they that's how blue chew takes to the next level
[00:08:39] Dickshogs it can't get hard. It's only three inches long
[00:08:59] I have never left home at all. I took one class or community
[00:09:10] My yeah, thank God they keep making Pokemon
[00:09:30] I was just trying to look up like what kind of both of my parents are in the 70s
[00:09:36] But they still have jobs to support me to support me
[00:09:45] Oh, yes, jinx is so good. It's blackface tranny. Yeah, we talked about jinx
[00:09:55] So, okay, you know, there's Nick weren't you telling me there's a different Pokemon? There was there's one that's a set of keys
[00:10:02] What are those open probably the door to your parents house you still live in
[00:10:07] That is actually good wrinkle. It's so funny like I was like my bowl. I just googled Pokemon
[00:10:16] Monsters ranked because I'm like what kind of loser is gonna rank the best one is like 500 Vox.com
[00:10:23] Vox Vox your former employer my former employer
[00:10:27] They paid someone to think about how many how many
[00:10:30] Like Nintendo switch accessories and DS accessories are permanently lost in the crease between
[00:10:48] Deflated rugby ball that sits over his penis
[00:10:54] And there's just that's a carrying case for the Nintendo switch
[00:11:02] We're gonna rank all the Pokemon the original the original Pokemon was mu
[00:11:08] Of course everyone knows that that was the first one. I didn't know that. It's like the first one's uh Pikachu, right?
[00:11:17] Mew is like face of pokemon. Mew is like the the god
[00:11:21] He's like the oh they all come from in the story itself
[00:11:24] I guess so because you know Pokemon was it was an autistic guy that came up with that
[00:11:29] Japanese or Japanese autistic guy that didn't have friends and he just like collecting bugs
[00:11:34] He just made up like he made up really pocket monsters. Honestly pokemon
[00:11:39] Bug friends pokemon rocked and I'll play it again if I ask catch him
[00:12:04] It works with anyone. Yeah, it's really good my dick sucks. My dick is small
[00:12:26] Yeah, it's springtime now. Yeah, dude. It's something's in the air
[00:12:32] I'm getting high off point come I'm feeling the good riffs. I'm ready to get my bicycle out
[00:12:37] Oh, yeah, we should go for a long ride. I would love to let's do it. Let's do the west side
[00:12:41] Yeah, the west side is nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've been walking up
[00:12:46] Yeah, if you yeah, if you ride up there you could take the gw bridge over to jersey and they're like trails and stuff
[00:12:53] That's fucking cool. Yeah, the nice thing about riding bike as long as you got tubes you can keep me ride forever, baby
[00:12:59] Oh, yeah spare tubes. Yeah, so pocket pocket
[00:13:02] I hit like what was like the base of a pylon that had been removed riding and I was in like fucking diker heights or some shit
[00:13:09] Mm-hmm. I was like the very tip of the island and
[00:13:16] Yeah, and blew out my fucking tire after riding like from bedside down over the broklin bridge
[00:13:23] All the way down the bottom of the island up to the top. Oh, yeah, and uh, and it sucked
[00:13:27] I had to like take the train back for like two and a half out of the broken wheel
[00:13:31] Well, the the tire there are the two blue
[00:13:34] Yeah, one time pop on his tell me the story. He used to be
[00:13:37] When you open for Seinfeld they had a phase where they were like really into bikes and shit
[00:13:41] And they would ride up the west side highway and like their tubes popped and they just were like in some fucked up little like
[00:13:47] They they went into jersey through some back trails and they just like flagged down a guy and they were like in full like
[00:13:53] Racing gear. Uh-huh this guy helps them out with the bike and they looks up and he's like, what is it? What the fuck are you Jerry Seinfeld?
[00:14:04] Wow, no, I'm just a homosexual man out there a bike ride
[00:14:18] You're looking to sound a lot like Jerry Seinfeld. What's the deal with sex
[00:14:45] Jerry I shouldn't have pussy Jerry. They fucked my pussy George goes to jail
[00:14:56] Jerry I went to see George the fuck in him in there
[00:15:07] Ben did did a five-year stint. He told me they fuck guys like jory
[00:15:12] Jerry the fuck of me. You gotta go. Yeah, Jerry. They're making me suck dick
[00:15:23] We should just end up in jail in the last episode. That's like we honestly should do a sign felt reboot
[00:15:28] Yeah, well the sign felt final final episode. Yeah, they're in jail. Yeah, Jerry. He's doing stand Kramer
[00:15:38] George just has a swastika carved into the top of his head
[00:15:42] He's just wearing lipstick and he's just got just a bloody swastika
[00:15:47] Aerial invasion. Yeah, just burned into his skull and the day. Yeah, he has paper mache breasts
[00:16:04] Respect salute to all the wild pieces of pussy pie George got they think Kramer's a deity
[00:16:14] Kramer would do great in jail honestly. That'd be amazing. Yeah
[00:16:18] Or that like that plot line about like Susan just like a guy that has like a fiance that sucks. Yeah, he kills me
[00:16:28] It is very funny. I don't know if anyone's observed that before that Seinfeld is a funny show. Yeah, yeah, then it's good
[00:16:33] Oh, yeah, but there's funny stuff that happens on it. Yeah, it's like a hipster take
[00:16:37] I just think Seinfeld would keep trying to fuck Elaine if it was real life of course. She's so cute
[00:16:43] Yeah, they used to fuck she's bad at dancing. Yeah, it's adorable putty's funny too
[00:16:48] In terms of stuff. We like about Seinfeld, you know, dude Pete was watching
[00:17:13] That's great. Yeah, that was that actor's name. Who gives a shit. Yeah, he was also the tick remember that. Yeah, that's right
[00:17:24] A lot of my thing is I have guess sex at the bad guess
[00:17:29] They're coming here and they did bad stuff and I guess
[00:17:34] The dick is good. It's a really bad guy. Yeah, he puts his whole body. I put my entire body
[00:17:41] Do you know what I mean? You know how the tick has yeah, those antenna his helmet would just be a big ass dick. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Crazy crazy dude
[00:17:55] Putty without Seinfeld like he's such a specific guy
[00:17:59] I like even that he got the tick after that is crazy. Mm-hmm. Did Peterman ever do anything after Seinfeld? Yeah
[00:18:08] He hosted some game. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah
[00:18:13] That was yeah, that was Brian Cranston was an Elaine boyfriend dude. Yeah, there's a lot of
[00:18:18] The dentist may oh, yeah, he was I think he was a lot of the women though
[00:18:23] Terry Hatcher Terry you know who's I think you know who's almost gonna be Elaine who?
[00:18:32] Don't don't don't talk my whole end stop solving reps and come stop my death
[00:18:40] Wait, yeah, stop hanging out with ice tea. Yeah, stop stop hanging out with that. Uh, I'm not gonna say stop making everything about your sexual assault
[00:18:50] I'm not gonna say it, but y'all know what I'm thinking
[00:18:56] Racist putty who's also sort of dude. What's this betas this skateboarding bullshit? Beto can suck my dick
[00:19:02] This bad off my pork is better guy sounds like a faggot
[00:19:06] Whoa, buddy. Come on. We don't like him either, but you know look I only come on this podcast to say what I feel
[00:19:14] Well, it kind of seems like you held back on the way you thought about iced tea, but well sometimes nope, nope
[00:19:22] You don't have to look people knew where I was going
[00:19:34] Mm-hmm. We were talking about it off mike, but they really don't want to see my man bernie thrive, dude
[00:19:41] Bullshit challengers to the throne. They just they want to keep a Jewish man down, dude
[00:19:48] I feel that way every day. I hope beto's campaign ends with something funny like a sharding incident. Yeah, how great would that be is that
[00:19:56] The entire campaign we don't hear anything about his policies at all. It's a lot of like like cool, right cool
[00:20:04] Manner is him together. We pull it together
[00:20:07] We do everything then photo ops with tony hawk and then he accidentally he accidentally sharts in a journeys
[00:20:16] And they're like well beto recover from the sharding incident
[00:20:19] And he just never does he can never get over the fact that he sharded Kamala higher strikes at like shit or pants in a max on
[00:20:31] Yeah, beto went on instagram live at the dent we don't need candidates that are shitting themselves
[00:20:39] Well, it's nice that carry quick silver. Yeah
[00:20:44] But what we need is somebody that does not shoot themselves
[00:20:52] Yeah, betas sucks. Yeah, dude. My man couldn't beat Ted Cruz's blobby ass
[00:20:56] Really, it's just a lonomar and bernie and the rest of them can go fuck them. That's true. Alon rocks. She's awesome
[00:21:02] They should they should join forces. I hope she fucking cuts Anthony kumi's head off
[00:21:14] And she goes into his house and fucking cuts his kumi. It does kumi not like her
[00:21:22] I I will take a I will take a while guess and say that he does not
[00:21:32] She can say obama was bad too. So they have something there. She said obama can kick rocks
[00:21:37] We stand I want to get beto to say that he kicks rocks not understanding what look I hang with teens I kick rocks
[00:21:45] Yeah, now we can roast his little fucked up teeth too. He went for a photo. Yeah, he sucks
[00:21:51] He's got a toddler. I hate his clothes. I hate his fucking boot cut jeans
[00:21:55] He's just run for senator. You dumb bitch. He doesn't give a shit. Dude. All he cares about is
[00:22:01] Himself we got young Biden. He's basically young Biden. I don't know. That's the one thing like this
[00:22:06] Legit people throw their criticism around of like many politicians are like they're just a narcissist. It's like well, yeah, of course
[00:22:16] No, he probably is. Yeah to some extent. I think he's like to he's like like artistically principled
[00:22:22] I think he's like yeah, but if he wasn't like an I mean listen
[00:22:27] Literally the only reason I like him is because he's like the only one that seems like a real fucking person with like values and shit
[00:22:32] And isn't bought and paid for I don't know. I don't think you can vote for that
[00:22:35] I think you just need to vote for what people say and do
[00:22:39] Not worry about somebody being real or not
[00:22:41] I know but I'm saying like I don't think it's me. Let's I think it's like yeah like a childish fantasy distinction that people make and it's like that's not
[00:22:48] There are no real people. Yeah, they know how to market these maybe that's like an overly cynical read on the world
[00:22:53] But like yeah, I don't think that certainly but to like any to the extent that like
[00:22:58] Someone doesn't take money from fucking big horrible motherfuckers and he like you know
[00:23:03] He does have a track record going back to when he was literally like fucking 20 years old and shit
[00:23:08] I don't know. It's something like no he doesn't
[00:23:10] What do you mean he wasn't he wasn't in politics until he was like no, but like when he was like he was civil rights stuff
[00:23:16] And that kind of you know what I mean and like that kind of record just like
[00:23:20] I know I know what you mean like it doesn't matter and ultimately you should vote for their policies and how you should hold them accountable
[00:23:25] But it's like he's more inspiring because of that or it's it's the reason I like I'm not trying to be a little bit
[00:23:30] I think inspiration is fucking stupid. I love inspiration
[00:23:35] That's the whole thing is like in the last election like he hates talking about himself. Yeah, and they've clearly like convinced him that this
[00:23:41] Time around he's gonna talk about his family stuff, but you could tell that it's like so unnatural for me
[00:23:47] It's the same thing it was in 2016 which is like we still need fucking health care
[00:23:51] Yeah, health care is more important. You need to need to pay more people much which I don't know
[00:23:56] I think like like it's just people even give a shit about minimum wage anymore
[00:24:00] Or is it just now like universal basic income?
[00:24:03] I don't I think with I mean that just you be I like that has to be the answer if like automation is gonna be
[00:24:09] Like killing the only job in most of America, right?
[00:24:16] They got robots doing that now. Yeah, yeah Boston dynamics
[00:24:21] Sucking me all one of those fucked up headless robots. Yeah, it was like deer
[00:24:27] But if they're gonna be de-platforming people too you need you be I so you can say racist stuff on the internet
[00:24:33] For your gap, that's the reason I support it. Yeah, let's get my yeah
[00:24:36] We don't want to go the way of Milo. Yeah, everybody should get be paid at least
[00:24:45] And then you can just put people on blast online and it's illegal to ban people that would be awesome
[00:24:53] My platform is posting. Yes 100% that's how you earn your paycheck. Yeah, but who's gonna pay for it? My mom
[00:25:02] Yeah, that's what we all want we want trying to figure out this man
[00:25:07] Men it's only men have run the world for millions of years and look at this fucking disgusting bullshit
[00:25:13] Look at this awful world. We live in where we barely have to work
[00:25:17] And most of my needs and wants are taken care
[00:25:21] And we're in a state of perpetual war that will never affect me personally
[00:25:25] Yeah, other than like occasionally I need to pretend like I care about children dying or something
[00:25:31] Yeah, this is the world men have given us
[00:25:34] It's time for women to show how much better they can do how much with them the mommy government give this and give give those gals a shot
[00:25:42] Where we can all there's a giant government titty that we all drink out now. We're speaking
[00:25:51] When when Bernie when Bernie nominated Hillary at the dnc last time
[00:26:01] Got furious that in the like announcement of the nomination
[00:26:13] He's like listen. I'm gonna I'll do the speech all dominate her. I'm not gonna say I'm with her. That's hilarious
[00:26:19] But it yeah, so I didn't say I'm with her because he didn't want to say
[00:26:23] Well, look if fucking they got the nomination. Do you think Hillary would have said feel the burn? No?
[00:26:29] She wouldn't have well she wouldn't have nominated of course would have like sat out and pounded like yeah
[00:26:33] Yeah, like she literally did when she lost. Yeah, like she like she literally fucking did when she was like when she was like
[00:26:39] Yeah, listen, I'm sticking around the race because they might assassinate Obama. Yeah
[00:26:48] Yeah, I'm not saying that yeah, that's no miss me with that gay shit. That's uh, that's pretty gay
[00:26:59] This skateboarding thing though is so fucking embarrassing. I want there to be a candidate who just does butterfly knife tricks
[00:27:05] I mean just on stage and it's a base fucking just doing butterfly knife tricks and no fight
[00:27:10] That's what the libertarian parties you actually
[00:27:12] Yeah, you know it would be funny though. It fucking like if beta or work was just good at tech decks
[00:27:19] That would be awesome. Skateboarding during the debate. He's just walking around like a toddler. Sorry. I wasn't listening
[00:27:25] Yeah, I actually grew up in the tech vaccine
[00:27:31] Any politician who tries to be cool. They're not cool. Yeah, there's no change
[00:27:34] I mean, it's just more saxophone bullshit. It's like that doesn't work anymore. Yeah, it literally doesn't fucking work anymore
[00:27:40] Who who even thinks dude kids even fucking skateboard? We just saw the last skateboarding hero last week. That's who's right
[00:27:49] Now there's like there's like an influx. Yeah odd future like that. Yeah. Yeah, but nobody cares
[00:27:57] That's not true. They're the coolest kids. Yeah, you have to copy what they know black
[00:28:00] That's how you say clap forever. Now the mainstream black kids have been too integrated into white
[00:27:50] No, that's not true. There's a there's a there's been taken away. There's such a fusion where the
[00:28:09] They're skateboarding the cool black skater kids are also anime now. There's a fusion between cool black
[00:28:15] No, it's not a fusion what it is there NBA players
[00:28:21] It's things trickling down from black nerd culture real black nerd culture not fucking that donald glove or bullshit
[00:28:28] Right, right, you know, the like the kids the kid who like gets angry in his eyes. We trust the power up
[00:28:36] Yeah, those kids have to be restrained while their eyes roll back and they you know because somebody removed the batteries from their game gear
[00:28:47] I love watching video game meltdown video videos have you ever seen the one where that that guy goes out for smokes and his girlfriend
[00:28:54] Delese's world of warcraft account. No, that's all he comes home. He just
[00:28:59] He literally throws his computer at the most of those are staged
[00:29:02] Probably most of them are safe. Some of them are the real ones are amazing
[00:29:06] The one where the kid sticks the thing up his ass is fake. Yeah sticks. What up is a
[00:29:12] Mode up his ass. That one's fake. He was so mad at the bed the way wait the the conceit is he was so mad
[00:29:25] All of the freak out videos that I've ever seen there's one with some kid on the lawn no
[00:29:30] He's sitting at his computer and he's streaming. He's on cam and he's crying because like the San Jose sharks have like
[00:29:41] Together or whatever and like behind him the door opens and it's dad his dad and his dad's like Scott
[00:29:48] You know and the kid like immediately like his composure. He's like what are you doing?
[00:29:55] He's like are you crying? What the hell is wrong with you son?
[00:30:01] And you're putting that on there for people to mock you forever
[00:30:09] He's like that's just owning him for being
[00:30:12] Just from a place of like just that's in here. Yeah, he's like get a whole division
[00:30:18] Those are the most like just deep burns dude. It's not even like he's not trying to make you feel bad
[00:30:23] Yeah, man is like that's good parenting. Yeah, oh 100%
[00:30:28] Um, yeah, let me see what are what what kind of shit? I mean every kid is just online forever now, right?
[00:30:34] Yeah, are they hit do they hit kids anymore? No, were you hit? Yeah, I got a little I got a little hit and got a couple quacks
[00:30:41] Here we go. I found it. Nick you get hit
[00:30:44] Um, yeah, I mean yeah spanked. Yeah, I got my mom did it too hard one time and like fuck me up and then stopped doing it after that
[00:30:51] Oh shit. Yeah, I got a little bit when I was a kid and then literally when I was in a teen I would
[00:30:58] Be fighting my it would they were more like
[00:31:00] Is I hate this shit if you're one of these fucking assholes on the internet?
[00:31:04] It has to take a video that's already funny. That's been seen 10 million times because people that's what they want to see
[00:31:09] You're like, I'm I'm gonna add cold pray to it to make it funnier
[00:31:14] Then gas these be the reaction or the worst one. Yeah, I hate these people who have made careers
[00:31:19] I'd be like damn that's what the fuck young turks is
[00:31:24] Watch young turks videos where it's like that fat turkish piece of shit
[00:31:29] He's like, okay. What we got here is a woman thinks she's gonna drink the milkshake, but it explodes creates a big mess
[00:31:36] Karen you saw the video also. I did see it. Yeah, it's uh, it's it's really just interesting how there's a big mess that's made
[00:31:43] Because she didn't expect her dog to spook her like they do that. Yeah. No, I mean they do
[00:31:47] I thought it's like a politics it is when they do it with the news, but I mean, it's like that's it's annoying
[00:31:52] Just let me see the fucking clip. They treat
[00:31:54] Well, I hate when the thumbnail is like a picture from the video you're trying to find and then it's just a guy talking about the video
[00:32:12] Yeah, it's the original video, but somebody put music all of that sucks. This guy. I really I hope this guy's fucking entire family gets hit by a trinity
[00:32:22] Goddamn it. I hate this guy. I mean I wouldn't be this mad for doing the podcast and I was trying to just find this fucking video
[00:32:28] Right, but this is time is money. Do you got to comment the n-word now on the
[00:32:56] You know what I don't even think this is the
[00:33:00] This is a this is a this is a somebody copied the video
[00:33:13] Then I can't find this video anywhere on the internet
[00:33:19] Now why why are we all on phone? I'm looking at it. I'm in a specific there's a specific thing. I'm trying to
[00:33:26] Oh, I'm not I'm doing this for the show. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're what?
[00:33:41] I was responding to a text message from who?
[00:33:45] From my girlfriend. What'd she say? I don't want it. I'm just on it. You have to tell us. No, what is it?
[00:33:51] You have to tell us. Oh shit. It's related to what I told you guys before the show. Oh, how I forgot it. You still hook up with guys
[00:34:00] Adam went on Adam started dasha dasha's on
[00:34:04] Dasha's on ambiance. I'm on ambiance and adam raped her. No, that's not sure. She woke up and she's like
[00:34:12] Am I pregnant? What happened? That's not what happened. Adam got an ad and I was like, I didn't I didn't have enough
[00:34:19] I went to I went to the psychiatrist. I let our landlord have sex with you while you were
[00:34:24] What do you mean? You don't have money for the rent is like well, I wanted to save the money
[00:34:27] Come on. I wanted to save the money. That is for rent. It is funny. It's not true that it is true. I wish I could not
[00:34:40] It's not because it's true. It is funny. Everyone knows. I don't do comedy. Yeah, I'm sorry
[00:34:45] I'm sorry. I'm a journalist. I'm a journalist every I do
[00:34:49] It's as soon as the election cycle starts up. I'm all politics. Oh, yes. Mm-hmm. That's why we had that intense
[00:34:55] Bato. The only kind of jokes I do are checks notes, Twitter style jokes. All right. All right. Don't require any
[00:35:06] Nothing everybody else. No talent whatsoever
[00:35:10] Are any woke people mad at Bato for calling himself that
[00:35:14] For like he's not even Mexican. Yeah, he's his name like Bob or Robert. It is Robert or Roar
[00:35:19] Really? When do you pick up Bato because he's from Texas? He's from Texas because there's Mexican people in Texas. What really? Yeah
[00:35:27] There's Mexico. It was like an uncle's name or some shit. No, and he just calls himself Bato. Yeah, it's fucking weird
[00:35:33] That is weird, dude. It's it's kind of demented a little Marco Rubio's real name is Mark rubbish
[00:35:41] Actually British British British trash man. My name is Marcus rubbish
[00:35:47] British boy here, but because he's in Florida. Yeah, as the presidente or Florida
[00:35:53] Isn't it the Florida the presidente de Florida my man got some big ass ears who Marco?
[00:35:59] Yeah, if you look at a picture you can't once you realize I'm a Marco Rubio. He's got big fucking tits. Oh, yes
[00:36:06] It's a juicy parrot head. I call him little Marco not titty Marco. I don't care. I have better touch than him
[00:36:14] Everybody's saying oh Marco, you know everybody come to me in private and they say you know you have the best tips we've ever seen
[00:36:22] Everybody says Marcos got good tits, but you have the best tips
[00:36:29] I'm not it's you know, I believe the things they said
[00:36:32] Dude, the things he says transcribed are so funny. I know dude
[00:36:36] Just when they like quote the president in an article. Yeah, I'm like look. This is hey. Let me tell you
[00:36:44] I love when they leave that shit in they can't clean it up
[00:36:50] His attack is always that someone is mentally ill. He's always like he's crazy. No one's gonna primary him, right?
[00:36:57] People are trying to say mid rom nation. Larry Hogan say he was gonna try it or made something Larry Hogan from from
[00:37:08] Getting cancer and getting sympathy fucking bitch
[00:37:12] He was a badass. He was a shitty governor. They got cancer. I was like oh poor Larry Hogan. Is he still the governor? Yes?
[00:37:19] I thought he was still the governor. He might it's a republican though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's usually republicans. No, it's usually no
[00:37:26] No, Jordan's early. I know but they have republic and uh it was early before that
[00:37:31] We had you know spear good old spiro agnew that was what 200 years ago
[00:37:36] Yeah, that was in the 60s, but I know because you know he's a greek man
[00:37:39] Her luck was her luck was president for a long time or governor for a long time
[00:37:43] Spiro agnew was tight dude. He was a straight-up like just taking payouts like yeah fully corrupt Greek style, baby
[00:37:49] Yeah, like like from as the vice president. Oh, manly. Oh, manly's democrat, but then who else I know there's another
[00:37:55] Yeah, there's glenn dannings. She liked that. I think he's sick. Yeah glenn dannings. It was
[00:38:02] I thought he's from Jersey. Nah. Nah. He's from hell. Yeah, that's true. Welcome to my book. Hell, New Jersey
[00:38:09] Welcome to my book collection. Yeah, there was what was named paris glenn denning. He had a fucking bitch ass name
[00:38:15] Yeah, and then early one and then oh mally and now shafer was early the one with that shafer was
[00:38:22] Yes, he was a democrat though shaver was republican. No, it wasn't
[00:38:26] No, early had like he was also mayor of Baltimore for a long ass time. He had like dumb hair, right?
[00:38:31] It looked like a boy's hair shafer comptroller. He was later
[00:38:35] Huh? Yeah, I like a little boy's hair a little little choir boys haircut. Yeah, do you remember that guy from Illinois?
[00:38:42] Rod Blagoevich that went to jail with the piece his hair is there rock. Yeah, he had a fucking thing right? Yeah
[00:38:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was taking our payout talk about someone corrupt just like in the 2000s. That's tight salute
[00:38:56] Salute to ron bla ron blagoevich spear agnew blamed the jews for his
[00:39:06] That rocks wait is he like Baltimore greek town legend
[00:39:10] Spirit no, not really no. He's not because they're almost too stupid to even know he was governor. Yeah, he doesn't even heard of him because they're
[00:39:18] Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, they don't vote at all, dude. They're so fucking stupid. There's a bam say I'm not too good with voting
[00:39:27] I can't stop thinking about that today. Yeah, it was beautiful. I guess jeans club has gone out of business
[00:39:35] All right, that's what we were a central stage. Yeah, as soon as we stopped recording he was like fellas
[00:39:42] I'm not a quarter million dollars to my brother. Yeah, fuck me on this place
[00:39:48] The us marshals showed up and shut down the show. We had big pussies band playing here
[00:39:52] It's like that's not what the us marshals do
[00:39:54] No, he said the fire marshals. Oh the fire. Yeah, but that would be hilarious to me said us
[00:40:02] Said the us mario maybe misspoke one time. I think you said fire marshals the other time. Yeah, the national guard came in to shut down
[00:40:10] Uh fucking joey pantheonos jazz band. Yeah, uh, yeah, we had fed a Rico castolucci on here
[00:40:23] Yeah, we had an aljose and cover band here. Yeah, the Federico castolucci was doing his blackface routine
[00:40:31] But hey, we got a black comedy show jeans like moonshot to save the club that he like presented to us
[00:40:39] Oh, yeah, amazing. Yeah, andrew dice clay. It's like I got a call the other day
[00:40:43] Is I get my phone rings and I get a call on my is this gene and I say yeah
[00:40:47] I think the other guy on the phone says this is andrew dice fucking
[00:40:55] Wow no joke. I would pay a hundred dollars
[00:41:00] Clay does like comedy clubs now and doesn't sell out really yeah, because I mean I think uh he does
[00:41:06] I told you that that tom road's told that story about like seeing him in like miami or something
[00:41:10] This I mean he's had a comeback this was already a decade ago. Yeah, he had a little bit of a resurgence there for a second
[00:41:16] Resurgences do to the fact that he's like an
[00:41:20] Really talented actor. He's a great actor. He should have just been doing that the entire fucking he was good in blue jasmine
[00:41:26] He's amazing. Really? Yeah, he's great. He's a really good actor. Yeah, because his show was so bad. It was like I know
[00:41:35] In entourage as johnnie pina. That's right. Yeah entourage should start of the the that's where it all came from. Yeah, thanks to uh
[00:41:42] You know that our boys I forget the name like who's the creator of entourage
[00:41:48] Whatever doesn't matter. Do I don't get how about andrew chive clay? Oh, there you go website the chive. Yep. Yes, sir
[00:41:56] Oh keep calm and chive the fuck on the most obnoxious character of all time
[00:42:17] I forget for guys that are like yeah, yeah, I've uh, I've heard a jokes. They're pretty tight
[00:42:28] It's like that's the bro version of that hillary clinton. I am fun article. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah
[00:42:34] Wait, wait, what is the chive still an active website?
[00:42:37] Uh, I don't sure. I mean I only went into it once like nine gag for like, you know people that
[00:42:44] You know I have like real estate licenses with damn it
[00:42:47] They have a they have a website named after the amount of times you've gagged on my dick Adam. Yeah chive times no
[00:42:56] It's like knees right this way. That's what the chive is like. It's like it's like yeah. Yeah
[00:43:01] Yeah, yeah, it's like kind of they're aggregators. It's just stealing shit. Yeah, it's like reddit-ish. Yeah, basically
[00:43:06] I've been getting into the like the rest of reddit like the regular
[00:43:16] I do not fall with that shit. My favorite cat my favorite thing is when people go. Okay. This is epic
[00:43:23] I think that's a I think that sometimes is people doing that ironically because ben Shapiro did that once
[00:43:30] Of what they were like said. Okay, this is up. Yeah, no, it's not ironic
[00:43:33] I mean, it's ironic sure, but it's like whatever but a lot of the time people are like that's legitimate
[00:43:38] reaction I straight up like Christina used to fucking read read it. I don't understand how like yeah
[00:43:44] The well I've stumbled into that weird part of reddit again
[00:43:48] Yeah, how does so much stumble into something it doesn't well they give each other prizes
[00:43:53] Yeah, you have to pay money to give people like gold medals
[00:43:57] Same thing. Yeah, you pay my that is fucking like real money
[00:44:04] I mean the vast majority of it is like Wikipedia links where you go to a different reddit if there's there's one that's just like cat loafs
[00:44:14] Psychotic and it's not like this isn't that's just what cats look like when they sit down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah does not yeah
[00:44:21] That's doing anything special, but there's you know their legs hide and then there's somebody posting in there and the cats not even doing that
[00:44:27] And they're like any love for a kitty croissant?
[00:44:33] And it's like this doesn't cause cancer that's people should be chemically cast whatever
[00:44:39] What are the other thing they all get something if you get up votes or some no
[00:44:42] I don't know. I mean and then you get what is the most uproaded shit?
[00:44:46] It's like then there's a Russian dash cam footage that people love that shit
[00:44:50] Which is kind of cool. Yeah, it's and then it's like this is my best friend Mike
[00:44:54] We met seven years ago when he shit himself in the ball pit of McDonald's and then I was the only one not laughing at him
[00:45:01] Now every Tuesday we meet up so I can take a picture with him and post it on the internet
[00:45:05] And it's just you know like a guy with a retarded guy
[00:45:08] And then a million people being like faith in humanity equals restore
[00:45:22] I'll be listen if I'm on the internet. I'm looking at pornography
[00:45:25] I'm watching video or watching basketball
[00:45:29] Yep, I don't have I don't have an enemy to do it
[00:45:31] But there's a subreddit called roast me where people just post pictures of themselves
[00:45:35] Oh geez and I want to just write the n-word on everyone
[00:45:37] Everyone and then you like find people to upvote it or whatever because if you could just it would take a lot of people
[00:45:44] But if you could have an operation to just make the n-word the top comment on every one of them
[00:45:49] You would destroy reddit. Yeah of the roast me pictures from the inside out. And the cat loved too. Yeah
[00:45:57] That's a noble that's I guess that's a noble use of slurs any love for a kitty croissant
[00:46:01] These people shouldn't be giving drivers licenses. They shouldn't be lots of vote
[00:46:05] Yeah, like they should they should be ready. It's fucking they should be a shame
[00:46:09] They should be certain clothes and then two strong men should hold their legs apart
[00:46:14] At the bottom of an escalator so their genitals get sucked into the grooves. Yes
[00:46:18] That's what should happen to those people fuck
[00:46:21] Do you like that's not mine. I was ready to make money. I really
[00:46:25] Yeah, just in case you were wondering who the dark one I'm sure I meant I met my I met my cousin for the first time like 10 years and he's like
[00:46:31] Uh, when I was back home last time he's like he's like yeah, like uh, I just started listening to you all like you guys are you guys are real fucked up
[00:46:42] He's like it's real funny. Do you guys are fucked up
[00:46:48] Yeah, we're fucked up. He loves Rogan. He's like, I came from Rogan, but yeah respect. He's like I love it, dude
[00:47:00] We are fucked up guys. I don't think I've ever listened to a full thing of Rogan. It's five hours long
[00:47:06] I listened to uh that guy Andrew Yang that's running for president on Rogan. That's been his big like uh
[00:47:16] It's huge. It's like it's like how Rogan can make a career for a stand-up like yeah
[00:47:24] Orbit is like did Yang do Rogan. Yeah, I only know of Yang from the taxi cabs
[00:47:31] He's on taxi. Yeah, it's like so well. I'm trying to think of how I know who Yang is
[00:47:36] Well, I guess like kind of like four-chan guys like him. No. Yeah, why?
[00:47:40] Because they think I don't know. I don't know. I don't really get it from for what? I don't know
[00:47:49] He's like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:47:52] Isn't there another UBI Chinese guy that was maybe he's already in his position is like
[00:48:00] Maybe I know there's something like some local position. Yeah in like isn't and there's another guy isn't there like a gay guy who's like a
[00:48:06] Little liberal mayor Pete. Yeah. Yeah salute. I don't really know anything about it. Me neither from Pete and Pete
[00:48:15] That guy though got the fat red head guys around from Pete Pete. It doesn't mean any time really. Yeah
[00:48:21] Feel like he's around. I feel like he does comedy shows and shit. We should get him on the show. Yeah, no, we shouldn't
[00:48:27] Yeah, that show was fucked up, dude. Yeah, we shouldn't have like only that we got to save the funny celebrity guests
[00:48:33] It's got to be a few and far between bam was like something we
[00:48:37] Said it would be hilarious. Yeah, bam. Our general and then it literally within two weeks. Yeah, it was we did speak into existence
[00:48:44] Well then who's next who should we get next Judy Dench?
[00:48:48] Is she dead? Oh well then even better. No, she's not she's probably alive. Yeah, and you have you have to have sex with her
[00:48:56] Ah, damn that pussy's probably in dude. We should get Joe Rogan on our podcast. See that would be funny. There you go
[00:49:02] I would like welcome to our world. Yeah
[00:49:06] It's gonna be a crisp hour motherfucker
[00:49:08] This five hour bullshit. Yeah, we stopped recording at one hour and one minute
[00:49:16] That's crazy because you know, you can't actually say that pedophiles exist
[00:49:20] There's no evidence. I watched some clips of Alex Jones going on. I watch that one. I'm a little retarded
[00:49:32] Yeah, where's our viral clip. Why is where's our viral clip? Yeah, exactly
[00:49:35] I called the post office retarded. I think numerous times. Yep. Yes, sir
[00:49:41] But that shit was also like six hours long too. It's truly six a fat
[00:49:45] But Rogan drops an episode like every day. No. Yeah. Yeah, he does
[00:49:50] Yeah, there's two of them this morning show and the night show
[00:49:53] So he does a day for a total of like seven hours of podcasts a day
[00:50:00] He works so far. I am until noon and then he's he's doing karate
[00:50:06] Yeah, karate a light lunch. Yeah, him and the fella is good to karate at the wrestle center
[00:50:10] Yeah, and then he sees his family in the underground bunker. They live in away from cameras
[00:50:16] In the media. Oh, yeah, no one they're never anywhere. Yeah
[00:50:20] I've never seen the smart move dude. I know actually yeah legit
[00:50:24] I mean because this whole thing is like being like an alpha guy and then despite like
[00:50:28] Doing all this karate stuff. He's still found a way to like protect his family that didn't require any of the yeah
[00:50:34] Yeah, yeah, the karate but just in case I feel like yeah his fans would really be the ones across that line
[00:50:41] Would they just docks is no Rogan people are like normal. No, they definitely are
[00:50:46] You're thinking like crazy. Rogan people are like completely normal. Yeah, there are guys that like to be like, huh?
[00:50:51] Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, that's like the most
[00:50:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's right actually. That's why people like Rogan because it's like just mildly interesting. Yeah
[00:51:02] You know, it's so damn it's six hours of like uh
[00:51:05] Yeah, but what if what if red meant go and green men stop
[00:51:11] Like like what what would be the implication of that?
[00:51:19] A male stripper and then an MMA fighter for six weeks was like, you know, that's the thing
[00:51:26] Because but you know the real question is is are you even allowed to think about
[00:51:31] Because we're so programmed to think that we're not allowed to think about this thing
[00:51:36] That when we do think about him even the act itself is already it's already a form of
[00:51:54] I want to take it all back. Mm-hmm. Jay pull up some gay porn. Yeah, jimmy. Let's let's look at some gay porn
[00:51:59] Can you pull up some gay pornography jimmy? That'd be great a little a little taste of that going on
[00:52:07] Every 15 minutes. I don't know. I pulled up that video that guy sucking his
[00:52:13] Let's take a look at that video. Did you pull up that this is crazy? You got to see have you seen this?
[00:52:17] This is really crazy. Bro, he just starts going losing his mind and like everyone's like, huh?
[00:52:23] The first time one's laughing. Yeah. Yeah, and then no, I mean really to imagine that this guy has trained to the extent
[00:52:29] I mean the the just the things the human body can do
[00:52:38] Trains of the extent that he can contort his body to suck his own penis
[00:52:42] And you have to understand like what is is he sucking his own penis or is he fucking another man?
[00:52:51] And that's you know and then you look at this video. He's just got a video where he's sucking another man's penis. Yeah, it's not even his own
[00:52:58] Can you imagine doing that level that's crazy? That's just yeah
[00:53:02] To allow yourself to suck another man's penis
[00:53:17] The clips I've seen my guest today is the guy that invented soap shoes
[00:53:23] Yeah, who's spent the last 10 years touring Africa and picking up the accents
[00:53:28] He doesn't really talk that yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm our guest today is a
[00:53:36] Expert on international politics and by that I mean he says the name of the country the way the people they are doing
[00:53:44] You know that like that country in africa and niger. Yeah one time I heard this woman
[00:53:50] At my old job and she was like yeah, I spent a couple weeks in
[00:53:59] You're dangerous dangerously close man. He's there
[00:54:03] Dumb bullshit, you know you said video where people were going in on bernie for saying the word niggardly. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that's a word
[00:54:11] I mean that's it's just gonna be that for the next fucking year and a half. It's like
[00:54:16] And the way it's also couched is like you know like I'm not trying to look I know there's a lot of this stuff going around
[00:54:22] And I'm not looking for anything to discredit bernie
[00:54:24] But I did find a video from 1979 where he sneezed and it kind of sounded like he said chink
[00:54:31] So I just want people to see this I'm putting it out there. It's just that's it
[00:54:35] I'm not commenting one way or the other make your own decision here
[00:54:45] Yeah, he he happened to be at a rally for trans rights in the 70s when he did it, but right you know big deal
[00:54:52] Mm-hmm, but it's much more offensive that it maybe would have been a slur trans rights in the 70s trees
[00:54:59] He literally was on top of gay shit at a way to wildly
[00:55:04] Like we were on top of gay shit. Yeah. Yeah, I heard you were on bottom of gay shit. Oh, yeah
[00:55:15] The less gay cut slightly less gay it was about play
[00:55:31] There's always have to be gay shit with you Tom
[00:55:35] What's that movie about asking Tom to marry me?
[00:55:42] But then hey Tom will you marry me? That movie is about some gay shit. Oh true. That's what you find out. It's about the ethics
[00:55:58] Oh, Hugh Grant is gay or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I keep it go off
[00:56:03] Mm-hmm inside a boy. Wait, that's that's it. That's all you had on that. Yeah, this just I think it's coming up one time. Oh, it's coming up
[00:56:19] He's like to really don't have to fuck with the formula to budget you just let those ingredients
[00:56:24] You know, it's kind of like calling shit gay is like how Paula Dean uses butter absolutely just throw another stick. Cool. Just sweet in the pot
[00:56:34] Gay you don't need any type of semolina see you know, I rewatched house of games the other night
[00:56:48] And it's I mean we've talked about it before but any David Mamet movie where he writes and directs it is just like so fun
[00:56:53] I mean, it's just autistic people. Yeah. Yeah, listen. I love you. You know what that means. You means you love me
[00:57:02] But I don't anymore see see what see what I mean
[00:57:06] Shouts out to one scene of girls that I watched where
[00:57:11] Shana almost takes her titties out and they're bigger than you think
[00:57:16] And that and she owes it all to her father David
[00:57:19] Do you ever see them in the series? I never watched
[00:57:27] Yeah, very fuzzy. We talked about it before but like after 9-11 he went like wild right wing, right?
[00:57:32] Did he David Mamet? I think he did. Well, I don't know about that
[00:57:38] I know he made he made that red belt movie and then he made the other one with with Tim Allen
[00:57:42] And I tell you Allen one might be a little bit
[00:57:47] I think it's cool going right wing later in life like that. No, you're gonna do that
[00:57:51] You can be a David Horr which I'm not gonna be like that, but I do think like it's cool
[00:57:59] Someone like David mad that Muslim girls Nazis. Yeah, what yeah, what do you mean? It's cool
[00:58:05] I'm just saying like I don't know. I don't it's not for me
[00:58:08] Like you think it's cool that when it's someone like David Mamet that like made like you know
[00:58:13] Like when Dennis Miller was like riding Air Force one you thought that was cool
[00:58:17] No, I didn't think it was cool of Dennis Miller
[00:58:19] But I never thought Dennis Miller was cool
[00:58:21] And I never really thought David Mamet was cool
[00:58:24] If you're that kind of annoying guy, it's funny if you want to do it as your rebrand
[00:58:29] I think that's I think it's funny cuz it shows that they're yeah
[00:58:31] Funny I think funny is probably better than well, they're clearly fraud because they never actually believe that Dennis Miller is crossing
[00:58:38] Yeah, you know why yeah, what was that?
[00:58:41] None of the references make any sense Leo. It's a bad play
[00:58:52] Okay, play boy. I would love it if he just started using like cholo terms
[00:58:58] I'll tell you what the deal is play boy. Okay, puppy
[00:59:06] Damn, I'm concerned. I'm not gonna walk all the way home, but I'm considering a long I'm I'm a walking poppy now, dude
[00:59:13] That's a long walk. It is nice out though. It's really nice. I feel very not refreshed from
[00:59:19] From ambient from ambient. Yeah, I mean I needed like a good night's rest, but yeah, you should do that walk uh
[00:59:28] Walk as far as you can and just grab a lift. Yeah
[00:59:30] Yeah, elders elders made a good-ass point where I was like
[00:59:34] Cuz I was like hitting the elliptical and shit and he was like when we went to LA
[00:59:37] It was like we're so fat like just walks
[00:59:40] Were annoying and we were like getting tired on walks and he was like I'm just gonna take walks so that
[00:59:45] Functionally in life when I have to walk. Yeah, I can actually do it first year
[00:59:50] I was in the York I stayed in shape because I just like there's a train like was not worth it as an investment
[00:59:55] Yeah, because I we used to walk to your place from Chinatown
[00:59:58] Yeah, well, Chai-Dong is a really nice place for comedy, especially to walk because like Brooklyn's not bad to walk to yeah
[01:00:04] And then like everything a man has your clothes like 30 blocks basically. Yeah
[01:00:10] But queens is kind of a little dicky. Although when I go to therapy
[01:00:14] It's nice. I just take the I just walk up the bridge through the park
[01:00:18] It's like an hour and a half. Oh, yeah, that the story a park is no no no the park through central park
[01:00:28] I'm trying to just fucking my games is on fire though. I want to get massaged by a little little Chinese woman
[01:00:34] Yeah, I got to go to the gym after this and I'm gonna go to the gym. It's my back my back spasms
[01:00:40] Yesterday when I said the gym. Oh, yeah, I hate that shit
[01:00:45] Fuck when you're back spasms. Yeah, it never hurts when it's bad
[01:00:50] It'll spasm and then I'm like no. Yeah, it does hurt when it fucking spasms. Yeah, dude
[01:00:54] Like I've had muscle spasm before no you're talking about your muscle like twitching. Yeah, what's that?
[01:00:58] Spasm is where it like contracts real like ah, that's not a spasm
[01:01:05] No, it's like a charlie horse. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I get like charlie horses in my fucking blood mid and lower back
[01:01:14] Yeah, so I guess you can't really take pills to sleep if you can't sleep I told you pills were bad
[01:01:18] It's just you gotta stop giving me your girlfriend and then raping or I'm not I didn't rape my girlfriend
[01:01:23] Well, that's not what she said. That's not what she said. I
[01:01:28] Believe women. I believe amber heard still ambient. I still do believe amber heard. Yeah, she's hot
[01:01:34] She's fine and johnnie dep look at how many rings he's wearing. I mean, wait, was she lying? She was lying. She was lying
[01:01:41] She cut his finger off and she had his finger. Yeah. What? Yeah, he was like she he's got 87 87. He's like beating his ass
[01:01:48] Yeah, and he like took he took the rap for all the no. Yeah, she like
[01:01:53] She capitalized on like the me too moment to like wow
[01:01:57] To like get away with all this is such a piece of shit. She's a piece of shit
[01:02:03] Just because she lied doesn't mean any women lie ever and that's the lesson here. Yeah, it's like all right
[01:02:11] Whatever it sucks that like obviously it does describe victims were both also like johnnie dep man
[01:02:17] Doesn't describe discredit this career was still a story about abuse happening
[01:02:21] It's just that you don't care about right who's the actual this is not a story about like oh well
[01:02:26] She happened to lie. It's like no you should say like
[01:02:29] No, this is still a case of abuse abuse is still real
[01:02:31] This is how bad abuse is is that like an abuser can just say that right that oh I was abused and then they get away with it
[01:02:37] Right, so maybe you should analyze that and then I'll sit over here and analyze this
[01:02:52] That's that's that's the premise of that movie
[01:02:55] That robert deniro goes into therapy and makes billy jol look at his penis
[01:03:00] Billy chrissele. Sure. They're the same guy
[01:03:05] What about the jasmine character is billy jolly blanks. Yeah, that's really
[01:03:23] I didn't realize this because I didn't watch a sopranos, but analyze this is just basically the supreme
[01:03:29] Yeah, and they came out like two months apart
[01:03:32] Like the first season sopranos and then two months later analyze this came out, but of course, you know
[01:03:38] Analyze this ties it up with a you know with a nice bow
[01:03:42] You know our 45 minutes. Yeah sopranos makes you
[01:03:46] You gotta listen to this guy in fucking therapy talking about his dad and she what cares
[01:03:51] So analyze this is anyone. Do you guys remember how it ends like you don't be the income maybe the worst show because they're crashing sucks
[01:03:57] And so does that mike burbiggly movie comedians that try to make shows and movies about being a comedian
[01:04:05] Uh, but like a comedian like a comedian that writes a show where they're like tony soprano where they're in therapy
[01:04:10] That would be awesome. That would be the most obnoxious show you could possibly be so good
[01:04:15] Because it's like I listen therapy's not a lot for me
[01:04:17] It's been great, but boy is it fucking boring and gay to listen to like a comedian talking about their problems. Yeah
[01:04:27] Like at least tony kill analyze yes and
[01:04:36] The end of it is that there's yeah, yes androgyn replacement therapy and it's ucb but the actors change genders
[01:04:43] Oh, oh big big big actually. Yeah, so there's a big mafia meat
[01:04:48] The first time there's been a meet with all the bosses. Do you hear about that guy getting whacked and statinize?
[01:04:53] Yes, I want to talk about that the mafia seems back, baby. I'm glad dude
[01:04:58] Is a real new yorker? That's what I want
[01:05:01] Apparently some other that looked at pictures of graffiti online before moving to brokleen
[01:05:05] I'm ready for the old new york to come back the one aoc has told me about in her tweets about
[01:05:13] Lokala bodega with the cha cheese and the papa chukos
[01:05:19] And just feeling like I'm in a big happy pepsi commercial with all of my mixed race friends
[01:05:24] And that's the beauty of new york city is cracking open a fire hydrant doing double Dutch with my computer programmer neighbors beast
[01:05:35] Open New York City of all these black people in his panics do fun ethnic stuff behind me
[01:05:41] When we get on the double Dutch bus together and fucking roll through
[01:05:47] When I put a lift kid on my elderado and go up and down
[01:05:53] Listening the oye como vah the sweet sounds of
[01:06:00] Yeah, I want to be the rob Thomas to brooklyn's Carlos. I
[01:06:08] That's why I voted for alexanderia ochazio
[01:06:14] Damn, I love it. I just love saying her name in a way that makes me imagine complimentary chips and salsa being brought to my table
[01:06:21] You know what? I would just love to see her make the guacamole table side
[01:06:26] Just the bed she handles up more and pestle like you wouldn't believe closing my eyes and thinking about voting for those big tits is a
[01:06:33] Nice steaming plate of fresh tortillas is brought to me
[01:06:37] They unfold the napkin and I assemble my fajitas myself
[01:06:41] In front of the mexican workers in the back and they know they know that I understand la contoria
[01:06:49] And that's why I'm a I'm a real brooklyn guy. You should start wearing rosary beads. Yeah like necklaces
[01:06:55] Yeah, rosary anal beads. Yeah, somebody got a big big big mexican rosary beads and each one of them says like stussy and supreme
[01:07:04] D.J. Hat. Oh would be awesome. Yeah, then I'm like dude, beta is no good at skateboarding
[01:07:10] That's my problem is he's not good. I like his policies. Yeah
[01:07:14] I like the mean-testing welfare people. I like that he voted for a blue lives matter bill
[01:07:19] But uh, yeah, he can't not nolly frontside. Fuck him
[01:07:39] You were shitting on him because he was sponsored. Yeah, Nick was jealous. Nick wanted to get sponsored
[01:07:45] Yo, this this episode of come town is brought to you by thrasher magazine
[01:07:49] Uh-huh. Is it even a magazine anymore or just a t-shirt company? I think it's a magazine. What happened?
[01:07:55] I'm going to magazine years ago. I'm going to magazine. Sorry wearing thrasher. Yeah, I'm about a magazine called thrasher
[01:08:00] Transworld bathrooms, and it's just like fish eye lens shots of public bathrooms
[01:08:06] And it's just fucking like trans people quietly trying damn. I would love to take a shoot in there
[01:08:11] Oh, it's just the bathroom. It's just pictures of bathroom and trans people are like sick dude
[01:08:15] Imagine taking a twisted number two off this 14 rail
[01:08:25] Uh, I love it. I love it as a concept. Yeah me too
[01:08:40] Time for you to suck my dick brolax excuse me. Excuse me, man
[01:08:44] Do you have the time times up pepsi the voice of a generation
[01:08:50] That'd be a fun one, right? Yeah, I would yeah
[01:08:54] Fuck dude. I need a little lunch at duchelio
[01:08:58] The little salad and that'd be a good pepsi commercial is I mean
[01:09:01] I was making fun of it being like a pepsi commercial but pepsi should do a tone deaf commercial with
[01:09:07] Like an aoc look alike going into a bodega and then like a little hispanic girl dressed as captain marvel
[01:09:12] Yeah, like reaches for a pepsi and there's only one left and aoc takes it
[01:09:17] And then she gives it to the little girl and then the father's like that's your president
[01:09:21] Then she like smiles at her and then like I don't know signs the pepsi or something. Yeah, pepsi
[01:09:27] fucking spanish females are the future lady stuff the future is
[01:09:34] Yeah, I would buy pepsi more often than I'm surprised there hasn't been at least one company that's like let's just try going for
[01:09:44] It'll happen and just see what happened because it is the pep boys. I think yeah
[01:09:58] Two to skinhead. Yeah. Oh fuck. I gotta get my oil changed. Huh, cork
[01:10:08] Yeah, they're not taking their doses correctly. All the cars you need from guys who have a
[01:10:19] And double a age from women does it happen?
[01:10:21] Somebody did a joke about saying they're trying to like
[01:10:33] I'm thinking of billy joe songs. Milly joe. Yeah, I'm thinking that one was like moving out
[01:10:39] Yeah, of course classic classic bro the classic one that's like moving out
[01:10:50] Have you ever done karaoke before I'm not a big karaoke. The karaoke sucks. Why it's fun
[01:10:56] I don't find it to be that fun. I don't have fun. You can be free on stage and sincere
[01:11:00] I get fucking like us where we have this layer of irony to protect our hearts
[01:11:07] You just learned irony this year. I didn't learn iron. You just learned it. I've known it my whole life now
[01:11:14] You know, it's like rain on your wedding day. That's true. It's like sucking off
[01:11:21] So I got I'm got one hand on my pocket and the other one doing a piece on
[01:11:25] That is yeah, she's the first irony bro. No one no one really gives her credit
[01:11:33] The n word now. We already did this. There's no way we didn't do this joke already
[01:11:37] I don't know man. No, alonist morrisette doing yeah, the like isn't an ironic and she's just man
[01:11:43] We probably yeah, like doing a chinese voice. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember
[01:11:48] But I don't remember anything we see on the show neither
[01:11:50] But I mean, that's not like this I do literally the only thing in my head is like what jokes have been done already
[01:12:00] That was the only thing I was ever able to remember pictures of guys without their shirts on also
[01:12:07] But I have to get updates on it. Yeah, that's true
[01:12:17] Hello, this is jackass. I am vakram Knoxville and this is talk to a girl
[01:12:26] I am we jam or jere and this is say hello to
[01:12:47] Like the idea of it still spike jones involved in it also. Yeah, he's just following them around
[01:12:55] This is a spike drinks. That's the Indian spike jobs
[01:13:03] Sorry, yeah, so I'm a mabias low. I am I am spike drinks and this is touch a girl's dot
[01:13:13] This is do some very nut chill stuff on a bus with your boys. This is take a look at her vagina
[01:13:21] This is look at her into her vagina where she sleep
[01:13:25] This is seeing trap her vagina. This is commit murder against the person of a lower caste
[01:13:39] That would be fucked up back down there damn so those motherfuckers have never had like a juicy ribeye
[01:13:48] There are a lot of people are vegetarian in India actually like I think it's like 30 or 40 percent. Yeah, that's chill
[01:13:57] Yeah, I watched the luie to rue documentary the other day about plastic surgery
[01:14:01] And like one of the doctors he went to visit was like I got blast bustic surgery
[01:14:18] Just two dicks. Yeah, honey shoulders. Oh, I ain't I got a new job
[01:14:29] Anyway, but there's this russian like a guy like plastic surgeon in LA and his whole thing was like he's like sculpting men
[01:14:38] He like wasn't doing fake so basically he was doing like breast implants like the red and stinky episode where like ran gets pecs
[01:14:46] Implants for pecs whoa and you saw like and then like uh, you know like big muscle like implants and stuff like under like between the bone
[01:15:02] Should I start flexing my pecs? There's a guy that looks like popeye. You see that guy. Yeah that russian guy
[01:15:08] But he like so he had like some of his like former patients. He's like yeah, this guy's my masterpiece
[01:15:14] And then they take off their shirts and they just have
[01:15:20] Like thanks at all. It just like looks like bed with breasts
[01:15:29] It's so funny. They're like they're like yeah, I need to have it touched up a little bit
[01:15:33] The breasts are separating so they're like their breasts are like facing either direction
[01:15:38] It's really fucked up. But it's hilarious. God damn. Yeah, you think that helps them get pussy
[01:15:43] No, they're all older than I don't understand that are trying to like reclaim their youth. Yeah. Yeah interesting
[01:15:49] That was like the vibe of all that's even worse
[01:15:51] I mean having all your bones shattered and extended so you can be too inches taller. Yeah, get that
[01:15:57] That's you totally see that but if you want like big pecs just do a bunch of steroids and work out for eight hours a day
[01:16:05] Yeah, why would you go get saline injections when you can have hj shot directly into your liver?
[01:16:11] Mm-hmm. That'd be tight. Yeah, the big but one of those big like rabies needles now human growth hormone
[01:16:17] It can't make your cock bigger. I guess where we would have figured that out by now. I don't think it does though
[01:16:23] What's even the point man now makes it all it makes your organs bigger. My cock is an organ. Yeah
[01:16:28] Well, I guess it make your skin bigger maybe
[01:16:31] No, I don't need more for skin. Actually, I do need more is the penis an organ. Yeah, isn't it?
[01:16:37] Well, there's skin skin at least skin isn't it wouldn't say it's an organ your cock
[01:16:44] Sexual organs to say I would make determines an organ
[01:16:48] Fucking care who gives a shit. Yeah, that's a good point
[01:16:56] Oh, all right boys. What do you say? That's that that's the show. I'm trying to think about what I what I want to eat for lunch if I'm
[01:17:03] So yeah, I'm sorry. I've been sleeping on this guys. I'm gonna stop my pill addiction next time. Oh, that's all right guys
[01:17:12] 323 Milwaukee 324 I'm there with micro that's right
[01:17:15] But more importantly March 30th. We're all three of us will be and then we have a lot more tickets to sell
[01:17:21] Do I I think well, I would assume so it's just a bigger venue. Right the black hat DC
[01:17:30] By tickets March 30th. Oh, we're doing two separate shows at the black hat. Yeah, oh, yeah, we're not selling that at all
[01:17:38] It's big what we might what is it 600 seats? No like 400 seated or something like that. Yeah, we can maybe we do two seated
[01:17:46] Joe who care we'll figure it out. We almost sold it out the first time we did
[01:17:53] Yeah, that's stupid those like two years ago. We'll see it was anyway one year ago
[01:17:58] Was it yeah, no it's more than that it was like two
[01:18:03] Last December so 1.5. Yeah 1.5 not even 0.5 1.3 and 16 months ago
[01:18:11] Okay, whatever that sounds good to me. It was the weekend before Christmas
[01:18:15] Well, that's the other thing DC is also empty that we can remember. I had you buy that bag of candles
[01:18:23] And you didn't even wrap it or anything you just handed them
[01:18:26] The best buy bag is of Christmas present
[01:18:31] You don't need to give money to be a little bow man on that shit
[01:18:35] Anyway march 30th come see us. There's an 8 p.m. Stand up show and a 10 p.m
[01:18:41] Podcast so pick whichever one come to both come to one come to both it'll be really a good time
[01:18:48] And as part of the DC underground comedy festival
[01:18:52] We'll see you there hopefully and uh, we'll suck you off later. Thanks a lot. Bye